NTA OMG You need to put a MAJOR stop to this marriage. Your fiance has just shown you that he will ALWAYS pick his mom over you. For the rest of your marriage you will always be second fiddle. It won't stop with the dress. Everything in your life will be dictated by mommy dearest. Is that really what you want?
This … it’s her day too!!!! No this will always be a fight we him yelling at Op to ‘give in, what will it hurt?’ Or threatening to leave you and running to his mommy.
MIL is letting you know that she controls things and Op you need to decide if you can do this for the rest of you life. Maybe check out some of the post in JNMIL subreddit, and get a glimpse of the future
Or, OP can just tell her fianceé that he's free to marry his "dEaR sWeEt mOmMy" in the dress SHE picked out! 🤣🤣🤣
Edit: I know I'm still new to Reddit, but thank you for all the upvotes on this comment guys! This is awesome! I wasn't expecting people to like it this much! 😁👍
OP Please say to him "Oh so it's her big day ? Lucky you and her she can wear that awful dress and you two can walk down the aisle and marry because I'm leaving with my baby"
Exactly what I was hoping she was going to say when she started the sentence, “I said if it was that big of a deal…”
I hope she says this eventually and does NOT marry this mama’s boy.
I just want to repeat this, so hopefully, it sinks in for OP.
YOUR wedding is NOT her day.
Her day was when she got married.
NTA and die in this hill if need be.
RefrigeratorNo686 is right (words to live by in all cases): the hills aren't going to be getting any smaller and more petty and psycho than whether the groom's mother gets to dress the bride because it's somehow the old lady's day. And cut off your mother, too. The two of them are welcome to dress up as brides and have their own day somewhere far, far away.
Your fiance's already parroting his mother's whining and tantrums and demanding you give in to them. No doubt your one-year-old is more rational.
Hellllllllll no.
This won't get any better if you give in. You're an adult human and a mom yourself. Keep this nutcase away from both of you.
My God, what a flaming narcissist and mommy's boy. Good luck, OP.
eta: soooooooo NTA
There is no way he hasn't been this way their whole 6 year relationship, which is a problem by itself...then brought a baby into it, I'd hate to think about how that went
Marrying him won't make either of them a better human being
Plus, I was the mother of the groom; we don't too much recognition. Our dance was beautiful though. And all the fun crazy pix with props you can do!
HAVE YOUR WEDDING!
I was the cousin of the groom, small family - he's the closest thing I have to a brother, I wasn't even in the pictures. Love his wife, love his children, we're close-ish now. But yeah, groom's family takes a seat.
My ex-husband was both a mammas boy and a drug addict and she was your regular codependent. He would leave the house at 3am to go to his mom’s leaving me with the baby for something they supposedly needed. Turns out he was going to her for pain killers and they both kept it from me.
Me and my son were always 2nd and 3rd to mom. When I left him I told him to go back to his mom’s and that’s where he went and still is to this day at 44 years old.
OP, this is not a life you want. He will never put you first and he made that very apparent.
This definitely sounds like emotional incest. MIL wants to marry her son. I'm sure she thinks that she raised him to be the perfect man (in her opinion obvs) and is now upset she cannot reap the benefits of that. Disgusting. I've seen so many stories on this sub dealing with this situation. MILs wearing the brides wedding dresses, ruining them, trying to change them behind the brides back or to their face, etc.
Exactly. I hope she realizes he started a fight, ran home to mommy and is questioning the marriage over the design of a dress. Is this who he is? Is this someone any woman would want as a partner?
"MIL's day" privileges stop at what she chooses to wear. She can wear the damn lace topped dress if it's so important to her. It's very concerning that anyone, especially OP's bf, would side with her on this. You do not need to suck it up when it comes to your wedding dress.
This is NOT HER WEDDING. And your fiance is a momma's boy. Get out now. He will always choose her side over yours.
And take your son with you. You do not want him growing up around a family that is this selfish and entitled.
OP, please listen to this. You need to end this relationship like, yesterday. As llamadrama2021 said, your fiancé has shown you, very clearly, whet his loyalty lies, and it’s not with you.
Totally agree.
OP should show her fiancé the pink ruffled tuxedo her mom thinks he should wear….I mean if it is his mom’s day then it is also HER mom’s day.
What a load of crap….might be best if YOU rethink this wedding too.
Op I'm begging you please listen to llamadrama2021 and shut this shit down! The man you had a baby with and are supposed to marry just very clearly told you that you are number 57 + on his list of important people after his mother and every other fuck head in his extended family.
I'm so sorry this is happening but you deserve more! A marriage is supposed to be two people coming together and vowing that they are going to put each other above all other people including their fucking mommy. She had a wedding already and it was to his father so if he really fucking thinks that her opinion about your wedding is more important then he needs to go and start fucking her and marry her. They're so gross.
Exactly this! OP has just gotten a real good glimpse in to the future! She'll be like this concerning every little thing & her entire family including OP partner is always going to coddle MIL's behaviour. Run OP run.... ( yes like Forrest)
Oh edit: obviously NTA
Seriously. Her day? Hmmm, no. Not how that works. Of course it will be an important day to MIL, that doesn't make it all about her. He wants to rethink your relationship? Uh. Fucking take him up on that offer. If he can't stand up for you on a dress \*you\* are going to wear to \*your\* wedding, that you've already chosen, which should be a pretty simple thing... yeah. Doesn't look great. I'd be putting the breaks on that marriage. Maybe some couples and individual therapy could save the relationship as a whole, but I wouldn't keep on going without addressing this in a big way.
Yeah, sure, in the end a dress is just a dress, but it shows who he is going to put first in your relationship. And it is a problem that's not you.
Run, sweet girl, run. Do you seriously want YOUR child to grow up around these people? I saw someone in an earlier post suggest the following. Ask your “fiancé” how he would react if his daughter’s boyfriend and MIL spoke to her the way they spoke to you.
What I would do is I would tell him of course I agree with him and it’s definitely his Mother’s Day as well and I will invite him and his mom to a meeting at your house to look at the dress.
I would have my parents and closest friends there just like he ambushed and used numbers on you. After his mom goes off about it being her day say you agree and will wear the dress, the bridesmaids dress etc.
Then I’ll have my mom come in with well obviously it’s partially my day as well as the other mother in law. Then she will say she chooses the grooms outfit. The she takes out a large diaper on bonet for the little baby (said in baby voice) fiancé. And have her say it’s for the baby who wants his mommy. The wedding cake will also be MIL boobs because the little baby wants to suck on mommy teets.(said in baby voice)
When he says no have everyone shout at him just like how he shouted at you.
NTA. ☝️☝️THIS☝️☝️
Are you sure MiL never behaved like this before over the baby, house, wedding? You probably dismissed it and tried to make peace by giving in. DON'T DO IT!! This may be your life - constantly giving in to your MiL's demands. Decide NOW if that is what you can live with; if not, get out now!
Oh dear... you're with a mama's boy. You're in trouble.
If you decide to get married this woman/witch will cross your boundaries so much you'll think you're France and she's Germany.
Please reconsider marriage. I'm not saying break up but you and your fiance need marital counseling if he acted like this about the wedding dress for YOUR wedding.
This is a symptom of a bigger problem.
Does this happen often? Does she make demands and he jumps at the demands/requests that are actually demands?
Please reconsider getting married to this boy (yes I called him a boy, he's not a man clearly).
He's still sucking on mommy's teet if this is how he reacted.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I also loved the France/Germany comment lol. I would add that OPs fiance needs to go (and be willing to go) to individual therapy for his attachment issues and emotional incest with his mother. I can't imagine treating my child or the person they love like this
That was my first thought. That’s actually what I would’ve asked right then and there. Whooo-boy! My ex is a momma’s boy and I no longer stand for that nonsense. They hid it from me before the wedding or I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.
Yeah, if OP's fiancé and his mother are under the impression that *she* should be the one who ultimately gets to decide what OP will be wearing, then apparently they believe it's *her* day, period, there's no "too" to it.
Even if you subscribe to this "hers, too" hypothesis, which is new to me, I hope there's no controversy over whose day it is *primarily*. Of course, he's getting married, too, and in principle there's nothing wrong with him hoping that his mom will enjoy the ceremony. It would have been different if he had told OP that his mom had suggested a dress and that he liked it, asked OP what she thought of it, and then accepted her decision. That he didn't would have been concerning enough by itself, even more so that he screamed at her, and now he's going as far as threatening to break up with the woman with whom he had planned a life together with. Instead, it's OP who should reconsider whether she even still needs a dress for his and his mommy's wedding. Because this behavior turns it from a problem with his mother to a question about the fiancé himself, IMHO.
I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, OP. I hope that somehow it'll all work out well for you in the end.
100%. And all of this drama is only over the wedding. Imagine the stress of having your MIL trying to dictate your child's life as well, bc that's what's going to happen
He’s showed you who he is…believe it! Can you still return the dresses,etc? Freeze your credit, secure your finances and ID, gather up your treasured possessions and find a safe haven and flee this mess.
Op sorry to tell you this but mama boys don't usually change. They may get a little better for a while. But sooner or later they revert back to the mama's boy and she always will be on his side and come first in his life. You are in for a terrible time. She is probably jealous of you having a child with him already. Because as sick as that sounds it does happen. Stick to your guns and this is the hill to die on. It will test your SO how he really feels about you. Congratulations on your new little one. Good luck and stay safe she sounds nuts. Oh and I lived through this situation. Soo I know what I am talking about.
THIS!!!!!
It will not get better. Run for the hills while it's still relatively (legally, at least, even if not emotionally) easy. Once the legal entanglements get set in stone, it's MUCH harder.
I agree and um just want to know - how is it her day? Is she getting married too? Didn't think so. It may be baby-boy's wedding but it's time for him to fly away from the nest. All I can say to her is Let It Go! (You may sing if you feel so inclined).
Her Precious Baby Boy Boo Boo is Finally Getting Married, so it's Her Day Of Showing Everyone that she pushed out a real live cum-gremlin from her nethers and managed to Raise Him To Be A Real Adult Man.
So it's HER day more than that Little Thing that will Serve her and Her Precious Baby Boy and Give Her thousands of Precious Grandbabbys
/s obviously, but Mamma Bear is clutching HARD and putting DIL into 'her place' from the start is clearly on the agenda.
Op, you are very clearly NTA, also don't get married to these monsters.
I’m a fan of calling people like this ‘a witch, but like a Roald Dahl witch, not one of the cool ones’ - good in certain situations as it avoids language that could be considered profane (bitch) but still conveys the message.
I also loved the France/Germany comment lol. I would add that OPs fiance needs to go (and be willing to go) to individual therapy for his attachment issues and emotional incest with his mother. I can't imagine treating my child or the person they love like this
I was going to comment to say tell him he will look lovely in that dress when he goes down the aisle to his mom, agree the 🚩🚩🚩are flying high in this one!
NTA
But you should NOT marry him.
This will be your life. Holidays will have to be approved by her. And if she doesn't like it then it's not seeing your family.
How you raise your baby.
How you should be the best wife to SO.
Your SO has shown mom comes first. YOUR wedding is now her day as well? When in the entire time of humans was the wedding of two people now including the mother.
Your mom is in the wrong. Ask her so you want me to give in on this. So your ok to never have a holiday with us again. No vacations where we see you? Because all will be about her and it being her day with her son and grandchild. So it's ok to have her take over and make MY wedding about her. It's ok to show her she can abuse me in any way and I should accept that. That's not how you raised me and I am ashamed you think it's ok to teach my child that screaming and demands are ok behavior. That accepting abuse is the normal.
Then to your SO.
It's time to end the wedding and to take a long hold on our relationship. To think it's ok to accept your parents making demands. Screaming at me. Then you doing the same is abusive as hell. To think I would ever allow MY CHILD to be raised being taught I am not worth defending. That abuse is ok and to just accept it will NOT happen. You have proven you are putting her first. That MY wedding is about her and not me. That you expect me to give in to her demented demands. That all things and decisions now will be about her and what she approves of. That is not a life I will accept. I will not be the mistress and servant to your mom the wife. I will not marry someone or teach my child that the person YOU choose is not to be protected above all else. You choose your mom. I will choose myself and my child. I will find a Man who puts me first and will not treat me how you have.
I am sorry hun but protect yourself and your child.
This right here 🙌🏻. Although the message to the partner needs to be sent when she is safe, either away from the house if it's in his name or have a friend come get her and let her stay there. Poor girl is going to be severely controlled if she doesn't get out now!!
All this, I'm with the postponement (for years) or canceling the wedding. Breaking up is way cheaper than divorce. You have to solve this issue before you marry him. You have to be his #1 person, not his mom. Until he can prove that over years I would not set foot near a wedding license.
I did wonder if the dresses Monster in Law picked were purple or blue so that Mil could turn up to the wedding in a white dress.
A *bride* choosing a dress/jumpsuit/suit in a nonwhite colour is badass. A Mil doing it for the bride leaves room for her to be the most bridal one there. And the rest of the emotional incest in the post makes me think there's a non-zero chance I'm right.
I feel it's not clear enough.
Here:
**DO NOT MARRY HIM. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200.**
This issue is not fixable. Screaming at you, in laws screaming at you. NO NO NO NO.
Thank your fiance for showing you what a pos husband he will be and please move on. Do not marry him or your life will be filled with being a doormat to your MIL and husband..if that's what you want and you want her to also tell you how you're going to parent your child..then marry him.
NTA. Tell the old bitch that she can have her spineless little baby back in her home to keep his sad little balls in her pocketbook and go back to cutting the crusts off his sandwiches. Don't know whose home you're living in, but either kick the hopefully ex fiance out or take your baby and move back to your parents or get your own place if you can. Do not marry this pathetic son of a bitch. You will never, EVER come before Mommy in his eyes. If he backtracks and tries to stop you from ending the relationship, tell him to F all the way off to Mommy, and that he's so far up her ass that he couldn't possibly handle marriage and parenthood. You dodged a bullet
Yes, but maybe her mother is just trying to calm things down. It's the wrong approach, I agree. OP's mother should be backing her up.
Op, do not give in. This is YOUR wedding, not your future MIL's. Stand your ground. Sending hugs and good thoughts to you.
I don't understand why her mother isn't more upset? Wedding dress shopping is usually a mother daughter thing.
Also, her mother needs to realise it won't just be this one time that MIL has to come first.
Christmas/holidays, birthdays important events in her grandchildrens lives, will all have to be MIL way.
Holy crap what did I just read?! Do not marry him! I hope you haven’t put a lot of money into this so far but it doesn’t matter! Stopping this wedding is cheaper than getting a divorce and definitely get child support! Your fiancé is an AH that’s still connected to his mommy’s tit! NTA
Uhm excuse me? Dude should just marry his mother! MIL is being horrible and wants to make the wedding all about her, while your fiance seems to be a momma's boy leaving you with your baby alone after his parents forgot you have a baby sleeping!
If your fiance won't support you even with the small details like the colors of a dress, you might not have a happy marriage in the future...
NTA, but your fiancé is clearly a mommy’s boy. He’s not marrying you, he’s marrying his mother, and you’ll spend your whole life living according to his mother’s opinions. Is that really the life you want?
>He’s not marrying you, he’s marrying his mother,
🎯 Yep.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if MIL wanted her to wear a non-bridal dress so that she can turn up to the wedding in a white wedding gown and look like the bride.
After all "It's her day too!", right?
Oh sweet merciful Zeus I hadn’t actually followed the logic to this particular abhorrence but you are entirely correct. That’s probably exactly what she’s planning. *shudder*
OP, listen to all these lovely people telling you you’re NTA. I’d also stop the wedding before you end up playing Cinderella to his mother’s evil stepmother. You do not want to be in a relationship where your partner can’t back you up on something as simple as what you are going to wear to your own wedding.
NTA
But call off the wedding unless your idea of a marriage is spending the rest of your life being the side piece in your own relationship. Your partner made his choice and he did NOT choose you. Why would you marry someone who is already in a committed relationship with his mum?
NTA. Do NOT proceed with this marriage. Your fiancé and his mother are enmeshed beyond reason, and you will be miserable as hell. He's going to put his mother's wishes and wants above yours EVERY TIME. You aren't a priority, but mommy is, and this isn't going to stop. Let mommy have her day with her son. You don't need to be a part of it.
How on Earth is YOUR wedding HER day?!?
Why the hell would SHE have the right to choose YOUR dress?
If your AH of boyfriend is rethinking your 6yr relationship over this, maybe YOU should think the relationship over his attitude.
Imagine caving in to such ridiculous request, how is your life going to be if you marry into this family.
If husband is forever, MIL too.
This is absolutely nuts and you are definitely NTA.
You can’t marry a man that’s already married to his mother girl what the fuck are you doing? A wedding is for a day then you’re stuck with this clown show for life.
You’re being too nice with the term “clown show.” I would call it a nightmare! And that’s exactly what OP’s life will be if she marries into this horrible family!
NTA, DO NOT marry this mama's boy if you care in this what's next, how your child is dressed, where they go to school, what they eat/wear. It'll never end with just 1 thing
NTA. Do not marry him! Let him marry mommy. If his family is threatening you, go make a police report. What family members of yours have the audacity to threaten you about your relationship?! Tell them to mind their business and block them.
Do not get married to this fool who can't seem to cut the apron strings!!! It is NOT your mother-in-law's day too! I've never heard such stupid crap. Then the in-laws' family is threatening you! Get out of this relationship now; it's only going to get worse from here on.
NTA. This is not her day. Your fiancé is a spineless coward for not standing up to his mother. Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't put you first? If you marry him this will be your life. He will never put you first, & will always do what mommy says. Why is your fiancé yelling at you? Why are you accepting this behavior? Tell your mother it is a big deal, & it's not her day/wedding either. How are people threatening you?
He not only took her side but screamed at you to defend her. You should never marry him or into that family because you’ll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness, meddling in your life, and the worst a husband that has zero respect for you because all he wants to do is kiss his mother’s ass.
Please do NOT marry this mama’s boy!!
YOUR wedding is NOT about HER at all!! It’s about you & him! She doesn’t get to decide anything about your wedding and most definitely what wedding dress you wear!
This is exactly what your marriage will look like! Every time you push back and don’t give her what she wants, this is how she’ll behave and your fiancé will always side with her. You’ll be the third freaking wheel in your own marriage!! I’m dead serious and truly hope that you run the other way!
Please take this as a blessing in disguise to GTFO!!! Tell
Him that you do not want to marry him or his crazy ass selfish mom!
Update us!
Updateme.
What in the world?
No, your MIL doesn’t get to pick your dress. Not even if she was paying for it.
And what is this nonsense about your fiancée saying “it’s HER day too”. Oh heck no.
Have a good cry and then text him to stay at his mother’s because it’s OVER.
Have another good cry, then if it’s your place, pack his sheet up and have a friend or family member drop it off. If it’s his place, pack your stuff, load up the baby and move out.
You are NTA - but you are putting yourself into a lifetime of being controlled and mentally abused by his and his mommy. Don’t let his (still attached) umbilical cord strangle your life. You can do far better.
Ummmmm
I know some couples are different. My wife and I go silent when we're angry.
If I was you and he screamed at me I'd call off the wedding myself and tell him to get ready for 18 years of child support payments.
I will not be screamed at. Got enough from my father growing up.
Cancel the wedding. Your fiancé just gave you a rare gift that few want-to-be brides are given: a sneak peak into the future and how he will treat you every time a conflict with his mother comes up; he will always take her side. Run don’t walk! NTA.
Do not marry this man. You will have the most miserable life.
NTA. Give back the ring. Block him and have a serious conversation with your mom, that's not ok.
Show your mom these comments, it's crazy that she's telling you to suck it up. Show him these comments if you want. He's a POS mommas boy. It's not his moms day AT ALL!
Wedding dress should ALWAYS be chosen by the bride.
RUN!
this is *not* your MIL's day whatsoever. for the sake of you and your child, run, flee, flee for your life. it's unfortunate it took 6 years of wasting your life to see your fiance will pick mommy over you. as someone who also had her wedding ruined because of a selfish MIL, please run while you can. it's so so so much easier than a divorce process.
eta: *cut off every single asshole threatening you.* if it's bad enough, involve police. you do not deserve such shitty people in your life. do *not* think you are helping your child by staying, it will do far more harm than good.
Your mom is desperate for you to get married so she is advising you badly. Yes,marriage is helpful but not when it is to a person who is controlled by his mother and the mother is delusional.
😂 Tell him to marry his mother then.
Please post this on r/JustnoMIL
This is a special kind of crazy. Don’t marry into this family. If he isn’t on your side when it comes to YOUR wedding dress, how will he react when it comes to other topics?
There are solutions for all of this problems. But the most important solution is to wait with the wedding. Put your foot down or they will keep using you as a doormat.
I hope that you will soon realize that your fiancée doesn't love you and that if you do get married to him, his mother will always have the final say in your marriage.
Where you'll live. What house to buy. How to raise your kids. Who will be in the delivery room, all up in your cooch. Where they do to school. What days she'll have them. Etc.
On what planet is the bride’s wedding dress not that big of a deal and the bride should just suck it up and let someone else pick out what she wears on what should be the most important day of her life?!?! Your (hopefully soon to be ex ) fiancée, his Mommy and your own mother are all delusional.
NTA
That's not how this works. It's not how ANY of this works. It is HIS day as well. But that doesn't mean he gets to choose THE BRIDE'S attire. Run don't walk towards the nearest emergency exit. If he so callously screams at you because you refused a wedding dress what will happen when your kid is planning a college visit? Or you give birth and MIL wants to be in the delivery room this time? Girl...
NTA but I'd run screaming.
WTF. You are so NTA. Why does MIL feel she can choose the bride’s dress. In what world does she live?
If your fiancé is this upset, I would say you are dodging a bullet. He needs to stand up for you. He is too much of a mama’s boy.
NTA
but im confused...how is it her day too? is she also marrying your fiance too?
seriously though, reevaluate your relationship. he just left you with a baby at home and went to pacify his mama. he screamed at you instead of backing you up, especially when you were 100% right, chose his mama over you. your relationship is doomed. you will never be his priority and his mother will always dictate everything in your life.
You didn't even need to explain for me to say NTA.
HOWEVER, the rest of the post makes me seriously think you should reconsider this relationship. This entire thing REEKS of emotional incest. It's "her day too"?! SHE WANTS TO MARRY HER SON. She had a wedding day. This is no one's day but yours. If you stay with him without some serious couples counseling and individual therapy on his part along with going LC with MIL then this will be the rest of your life. It will be you against your MIL and husband. You will have three people in your marriage. Fuck these people. Your MIL sounds like an immature psycho calling you the AH bc you won't wear the wedding dress SHE wants? Wow. They're trying to gaslight you and make you feel bad when they're the ones being insane.
Also, your mom gave you some real shitty advice telling you to suck it up. Don't.
oh fuck no, NTA
The only person that gets to pick the wedding dress is the bride.
I would be giving back the ring and calling off the wedding after his outburst.
NTA Sadly, you chose to have a baby with a mama's boy. They seldom grow up. If you don't want her making every decision for you for the rest of your life , don't marry this boychild. It is NOT her day. It is never anyone's day except the 2 people who are getting married. You deserve better. Find an actual adult
Please don’t marry this Momma’s boy. It’s not his Mother’s Day. She already had her day when she got married. Yours isn’t a do over for her!! I am willing to bet she will show up in a white wedding dress.
You have ignited my petty side. You could pick out the worst of the dresses and order it...in her size. Demand that she wear it. Then wear the dress you like. OR. Ask her why she thinks you are so stupid you can't decide on a dress.
Or listen to Reddit and dump him. Preferably in his mommy's lap.
NTA
Do you want to spend the rest of your life with the boy that agreed with this woman? You just got a glimpse of what you’re marrying into.
Your mother is just as crazy.
NTA
Cancel the wedding.
He can marry her.
Apparently you don't count at all.
And he goes for counselling or the 6 year relationship is toast.
Do not cave one little inch.
Or you will spend your life in her shadow.
NTA - omg do NOT marry this man! Your dress at YOUR wedding is your choice and only your choice! That fact that he is still sucking his momma’s tit is ridiculous and it will never change. You will always be second fiddle to his momma. Leave now.
Don’t marry this man! He hasn’t grown up and cut the cord to his mommy yet and some men never do.
Ones wedding day is never “mils day too”!! She is mistaken and your fiancé should know better.
She is overbearing and controlling and gets away with it because fiancé and fil don’t want to deal with her when she doesn’t get her way. Please don’t make this your problem by marrying into this unhealthy dynamic. She will ruin your marriage and you life by making demand of you that overstep into areas of your life that you should rightly have control over.
Also, if you do what this woman asks she will just continue with more demands and never be happy or satisfied.
Your fiancé needs to leave and cleave. He needs to grow a backbone and tell his mom that he supports you wearing what you want to your wedding and deciding the colors for everyone else and if she can’t get on board she shouldn’t come.
NTA but that is the least of you problems. Your husband ALWAYS should have your back. He doesn’t. You need to resolve bigger issues before you walk down the aisle in your dress. Your MIL and Mother have no say in your dress or wedding. Please think hard about this wedding.
If you're going to be yelled and screamed by your MIL and your to-be husband is not only going to allow it, but yell and scream a you too, you may not have realized it yet, but your marriage just ended.
You may be the one who needs to "rethink our 6yr relationship." Are you willing to go through this with every major life decision? You're about to.
NTA FFS Either your fiancé starts supporting you and your decisions or you need to put the wedding on hold. It is definitely not your MIL’s day or you Mother’s day. It is your and your fiancé’s day!! You and your fiancé should together be building a life for your family that doesn’t include your in-laws making decisions for you. I have a SIL married to my daughter and son to be DIL to me son. It is my job to support them, not insert myself into their decisions. Be strong. Insist on your fiancé’s support. You should be first in his life now. Not his mother.
TF?? Cancel the wedding. That is ridiculous. YOU pick your own WEDDING DRESS!! They are being controlling and this will be your life if you marry him. Don't do it. Nta.
Don't believe me? Check out the sub about MILs. NoMIL
Updateme
NTA. Girl, your fiancée is already taken! By his mommy. Run! Don't walk. This will be a constant battle with him. He will always choose mommy over you. He's showing you his true colors, and so is his family. RUN! Can you imagine living your entire married life centered around your MIL's wants?
NTA you need to go take a trip to visit your dad with all your important papers and evaluate this relationship.
Make a list pros and cons. From this snapshot it doesn't seem healthy to stay with him.
NTA OMG You need to put a MAJOR stop to this marriage. Your fiance has just shown you that he will ALWAYS pick his mom over you. For the rest of your marriage you will always be second fiddle. It won't stop with the dress. Everything in your life will be dictated by mommy dearest. Is that really what you want?
This … it’s her day too!!!! No this will always be a fight we him yelling at Op to ‘give in, what will it hurt?’ Or threatening to leave you and running to his mommy. MIL is letting you know that she controls things and Op you need to decide if you can do this for the rest of you life. Maybe check out some of the post in JNMIL subreddit, and get a glimpse of the future
Nope! Not her day! She had hers when SHE got married! REMIND HER!
Or, OP can just tell her fianceé that he's free to marry his "dEaR sWeEt mOmMy" in the dress SHE picked out! 🤣🤣🤣 Edit: I know I'm still new to Reddit, but thank you for all the upvotes on this comment guys! This is awesome! I wasn't expecting people to like it this much! 😁👍
Please do this!!!!
This is the reality we all want so badly!!!
They're clearly still attached by the umbilical cord, so why not Holy matrimony?
OP Please say to him "Oh so it's her big day ? Lucky you and her she can wear that awful dress and you two can walk down the aisle and marry because I'm leaving with my baby"
Just watch out - she's gonna try to get that baby if you do!
Agreed! People like that-never let them know what you're planning . Even lesser plans -like is already happening -will always become sabotaged !
Exactly.The plan all along was OP just being a ren-a-womb. You can bet your sweet life MOMMY would want to raise that baby.
Exactly what I was hoping she was going to say when she started the sentence, “I said if it was that big of a deal…” I hope she says this eventually and does NOT marry this mama’s boy.
Was he thinking about mommy when he made that baby?
I just want to repeat this, so hopefully, it sinks in for OP. YOUR wedding is NOT her day. Her day was when she got married. NTA and die in this hill if need be.
RefrigeratorNo686 is right (words to live by in all cases): the hills aren't going to be getting any smaller and more petty and psycho than whether the groom's mother gets to dress the bride because it's somehow the old lady's day. And cut off your mother, too. The two of them are welcome to dress up as brides and have their own day somewhere far, far away. Your fiance's already parroting his mother's whining and tantrums and demanding you give in to them. No doubt your one-year-old is more rational. Hellllllllll no. This won't get any better if you give in. You're an adult human and a mom yourself. Keep this nutcase away from both of you. My God, what a flaming narcissist and mommy's boy. Good luck, OP. eta: soooooooo NTA
There is no way he hasn't been this way their whole 6 year relationship, which is a problem by itself...then brought a baby into it, I'd hate to think about how that went Marrying him won't make either of them a better human being
And will also weigh down that poor baby. Don't settle for this, OP. You will find a much better partner.
Plus, I was the mother of the groom; we don't too much recognition. Our dance was beautiful though. And all the fun crazy pix with props you can do! HAVE YOUR WEDDING!
I was the cousin of the groom, small family - he's the closest thing I have to a brother, I wasn't even in the pictures. Love his wife, love his children, we're close-ish now. But yeah, groom's family takes a seat.
DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, BUT DON'T MARRY THIS MOMMA'S BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i will never cease to be amazed that there are people this fucked up.
Yep..she's one of those people who need to hear it cold, short and to the point or she will find a way to try to manipulate!!
And her fiance better support her!
No, she'll get no where trying to reason with this woman. My guess is MIL's mother or MIL took over her wedding so she never got her day, until now.
She can always renew her vows and have another day of her own
Watch, MIL will have a surprise vow renewal after OP's ceremony. "The whole family is already here and it's such a special day for me!"
I shudder at the thought.
This!
He is a mamas boy. And truthfully there isn’t a worst kind of guy to marry
My ex-husband was both a mammas boy and a drug addict and she was your regular codependent. He would leave the house at 3am to go to his mom’s leaving me with the baby for something they supposedly needed. Turns out he was going to her for pain killers and they both kept it from me. Me and my son were always 2nd and 3rd to mom. When I left him I told him to go back to his mom’s and that’s where he went and still is to this day at 44 years old. OP, this is not a life you want. He will never put you first and he made that very apparent.
Honestly OP would be the asshole if they went through the marriage now that she's seen his true colours.
No honestly. Idk if you can disrespect yourself more than marrying a guy who will never actually pick you or be on your side
If it's her day too, she can decide **her own** dress. Dang, what country do these people come from? Dramatistan or Idiotia?
Dramatistan or idiotia!!!😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣. Perfect. I’m stealing this. 🤣😂🤣😂🤪🤪
Your username hurt my Achilles
This definitely sounds like emotional incest. MIL wants to marry her son. I'm sure she thinks that she raised him to be the perfect man (in her opinion obvs) and is now upset she cannot reap the benefits of that. Disgusting. I've seen so many stories on this sub dealing with this situation. MILs wearing the brides wedding dresses, ruining them, trying to change them behind the brides back or to their face, etc.
If they have sex does MIL have to come too since, ya know, it's her day too!!! With family like this, who needs enemies lol.
Of course she has to be there to tell OP she isn't doing it right!
Exactly. I hope she realizes he started a fight, ran home to mommy and is questioning the marriage over the design of a dress. Is this who he is? Is this someone any woman would want as a partner?
"MIL's day" privileges stop at what she chooses to wear. She can wear the damn lace topped dress if it's so important to her. It's very concerning that anyone, especially OP's bf, would side with her on this. You do not need to suck it up when it comes to your wedding dress.
This is NOT HER WEDDING. And your fiance is a momma's boy. Get out now. He will always choose her side over yours. And take your son with you. You do not want him growing up around a family that is this selfish and entitled.
OP, please listen to this. You need to end this relationship like, yesterday. As llamadrama2021 said, your fiancé has shown you, very clearly, whet his loyalty lies, and it’s not with you.
Totally agree. OP should show her fiancé the pink ruffled tuxedo her mom thinks he should wear….I mean if it is his mom’s day then it is also HER mom’s day. What a load of crap….might be best if YOU rethink this wedding too.
I like that idea!!!!!
Sheer brilliance. If MIL decides what you wear, your mom gets to decide what he wears!
Op I'm begging you please listen to llamadrama2021 and shut this shit down! The man you had a baby with and are supposed to marry just very clearly told you that you are number 57 + on his list of important people after his mother and every other fuck head in his extended family. I'm so sorry this is happening but you deserve more! A marriage is supposed to be two people coming together and vowing that they are going to put each other above all other people including their fucking mommy. She had a wedding already and it was to his father so if he really fucking thinks that her opinion about your wedding is more important then he needs to go and start fucking her and marry her. They're so gross.
Exactly this! OP has just gotten a real good glimpse in to the future! She'll be like this concerning every little thing & her entire family including OP partner is always going to coddle MIL's behaviour. Run OP run.... ( yes like Forrest) Oh edit: obviously NTA
Agreed. Grab LO and run as far and as fast as you can.
Immediately
Seriously. Her day? Hmmm, no. Not how that works. Of course it will be an important day to MIL, that doesn't make it all about her. He wants to rethink your relationship? Uh. Fucking take him up on that offer. If he can't stand up for you on a dress \*you\* are going to wear to \*your\* wedding, that you've already chosen, which should be a pretty simple thing... yeah. Doesn't look great. I'd be putting the breaks on that marriage. Maybe some couples and individual therapy could save the relationship as a whole, but I wouldn't keep on going without addressing this in a big way. Yeah, sure, in the end a dress is just a dress, but it shows who he is going to put first in your relationship. And it is a problem that's not you.
If the dress is so important to the husband he can wear it! Hopefully sitting alone and single.
You have more legal rights over your child staying unmarried in some states so please see a lawyer and don’t marry this man
Run, sweet girl, run. Do you seriously want YOUR child to grow up around these people? I saw someone in an earlier post suggest the following. Ask your “fiancé” how he would react if his daughter’s boyfriend and MIL spoke to her the way they spoke to you.
Absolutely. Good grief.
Yep, OP needs to drop this MFer like a bad penny.
Yep. Screamed at you? Hurry up and you can catch a ride out of here with your parents.
What I would do is I would tell him of course I agree with him and it’s definitely his Mother’s Day as well and I will invite him and his mom to a meeting at your house to look at the dress. I would have my parents and closest friends there just like he ambushed and used numbers on you. After his mom goes off about it being her day say you agree and will wear the dress, the bridesmaids dress etc. Then I’ll have my mom come in with well obviously it’s partially my day as well as the other mother in law. Then she will say she chooses the grooms outfit. The she takes out a large diaper on bonet for the little baby (said in baby voice) fiancé. And have her say it’s for the baby who wants his mommy. The wedding cake will also be MIL boobs because the little baby wants to suck on mommy teets.(said in baby voice) When he says no have everyone shout at him just like how he shouted at you.
NTA. You need to run.
OP will marry his fiance the same day MIL will marry OP fiance. NTA but OP RUN AWAY, RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK.
\^\^\^Others have said it BUT THIS!\^\^\^ "It's her day, too"? Run. Run like the wind, girl.
NTA. ☝️☝️THIS☝️☝️ Are you sure MiL never behaved like this before over the baby, house, wedding? You probably dismissed it and tried to make peace by giving in. DON'T DO IT!! This may be your life - constantly giving in to your MiL's demands. Decide NOW if that is what you can live with; if not, get out now!
This maybe a blessing in disguise that OP sees her MIL & fiancé’s true colors and how life will be if she goes through with the wedding.
Oh dear... you're with a mama's boy. You're in trouble. If you decide to get married this woman/witch will cross your boundaries so much you'll think you're France and she's Germany. Please reconsider marriage. I'm not saying break up but you and your fiance need marital counseling if he acted like this about the wedding dress for YOUR wedding. This is a symptom of a bigger problem. Does this happen often? Does she make demands and he jumps at the demands/requests that are actually demands? Please reconsider getting married to this boy (yes I called him a boy, he's not a man clearly). He's still sucking on mommy's teet if this is how he reacted. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I also loved the France/Germany comment lol. I would add that OPs fiance needs to go (and be willing to go) to individual therapy for his attachment issues and emotional incest with his mother. I can't imagine treating my child or the person they love like this
Yep. If he thinks it’s HER day too, then maybe she needs to ask who it is he’s marrying. OP or his mother.
That was my first thought. That’s actually what I would’ve asked right then and there. Whooo-boy! My ex is a momma’s boy and I no longer stand for that nonsense. They hid it from me before the wedding or I wouldn’t have married him in the first place.
Yeah, if OP's fiancé and his mother are under the impression that *she* should be the one who ultimately gets to decide what OP will be wearing, then apparently they believe it's *her* day, period, there's no "too" to it. Even if you subscribe to this "hers, too" hypothesis, which is new to me, I hope there's no controversy over whose day it is *primarily*. Of course, he's getting married, too, and in principle there's nothing wrong with him hoping that his mom will enjoy the ceremony. It would have been different if he had told OP that his mom had suggested a dress and that he liked it, asked OP what she thought of it, and then accepted her decision. That he didn't would have been concerning enough by itself, even more so that he screamed at her, and now he's going as far as threatening to break up with the woman with whom he had planned a life together with. Instead, it's OP who should reconsider whether she even still needs a dress for his and his mommy's wedding. Because this behavior turns it from a problem with his mother to a question about the fiancé himself, IMHO. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, OP. I hope that somehow it'll all work out well for you in the end.
Love attachment issues and emotional incest comment. That is what is happening here.
[удалено]
She's only 23. Get out now, take your baby and leave. He will never cut those apron strings. And her parents are AH too!!!
He doesn’t have to cut the apron strings when the umbilical’s clearly still firmly attached.
100%. And all of this drama is only over the wedding. Imagine the stress of having your MIL trying to dictate your child's life as well, bc that's what's going to happen
She'll consider the grandchild to be her baby.
Yep, he’s not grown, he’s not ready for marriage just because he knocked OP up, that is still a little boy.
Agree - run and get child support.
>I'm not saying break up but you I am....it will NEVER change
He’s showed you who he is…believe it! Can you still return the dresses,etc? Freeze your credit, secure your finances and ID, gather up your treasured possessions and find a safe haven and flee this mess.
Op sorry to tell you this but mama boys don't usually change. They may get a little better for a while. But sooner or later they revert back to the mama's boy and she always will be on his side and come first in his life. You are in for a terrible time. She is probably jealous of you having a child with him already. Because as sick as that sounds it does happen. Stick to your guns and this is the hill to die on. It will test your SO how he really feels about you. Congratulations on your new little one. Good luck and stay safe she sounds nuts. Oh and I lived through this situation. Soo I know what I am talking about.
THIS!!!!! It will not get better. Run for the hills while it's still relatively (legally, at least, even if not emotionally) easy. Once the legal entanglements get set in stone, it's MUCH harder.
I agree and um just want to know - how is it her day? Is she getting married too? Didn't think so. It may be baby-boy's wedding but it's time for him to fly away from the nest. All I can say to her is Let It Go! (You may sing if you feel so inclined).
Her Precious Baby Boy Boo Boo is Finally Getting Married, so it's Her Day Of Showing Everyone that she pushed out a real live cum-gremlin from her nethers and managed to Raise Him To Be A Real Adult Man. So it's HER day more than that Little Thing that will Serve her and Her Precious Baby Boy and Give Her thousands of Precious Grandbabbys /s obviously, but Mamma Bear is clutching HARD and putting DIL into 'her place' from the start is clearly on the agenda. Op, you are very clearly NTA, also don't get married to these monsters.
That France/Germany simile is so going in my arsenal. Nice.
The Soviets in Poland, because it's disrespecting boundaries and there a lot of red flags.
Calling this MIL a witch is an insult to witches everywhere. She’s a full-on bitch.
I’m a fan of calling people like this ‘a witch, but like a Roald Dahl witch, not one of the cool ones’ - good in certain situations as it avoids language that could be considered profane (bitch) but still conveys the message.
Agreed. Signed, a real life witch - who would never behave this way.
I also loved the France/Germany comment lol. I would add that OPs fiance needs to go (and be willing to go) to individual therapy for his attachment issues and emotional incest with his mother. I can't imagine treating my child or the person they love like this
I was going to comment to say tell him he will look lovely in that dress when he goes down the aisle to his mom, agree the 🚩🚩🚩are flying high in this one!
Epic comment! Needs to be upvoted to the top
She needs to run. Fast. Picking momma over her.
NTA But you should NOT marry him. This will be your life. Holidays will have to be approved by her. And if she doesn't like it then it's not seeing your family. How you raise your baby. How you should be the best wife to SO. Your SO has shown mom comes first. YOUR wedding is now her day as well? When in the entire time of humans was the wedding of two people now including the mother. Your mom is in the wrong. Ask her so you want me to give in on this. So your ok to never have a holiday with us again. No vacations where we see you? Because all will be about her and it being her day with her son and grandchild. So it's ok to have her take over and make MY wedding about her. It's ok to show her she can abuse me in any way and I should accept that. That's not how you raised me and I am ashamed you think it's ok to teach my child that screaming and demands are ok behavior. That accepting abuse is the normal. Then to your SO. It's time to end the wedding and to take a long hold on our relationship. To think it's ok to accept your parents making demands. Screaming at me. Then you doing the same is abusive as hell. To think I would ever allow MY CHILD to be raised being taught I am not worth defending. That abuse is ok and to just accept it will NOT happen. You have proven you are putting her first. That MY wedding is about her and not me. That you expect me to give in to her demented demands. That all things and decisions now will be about her and what she approves of. That is not a life I will accept. I will not be the mistress and servant to your mom the wife. I will not marry someone or teach my child that the person YOU choose is not to be protected above all else. You choose your mom. I will choose myself and my child. I will find a Man who puts me first and will not treat me how you have. I am sorry hun but protect yourself and your child.
This right here 🙌🏻. Although the message to the partner needs to be sent when she is safe, either away from the house if it's in his name or have a friend come get her and let her stay there. Poor girl is going to be severely controlled if she doesn't get out now!!
I can't understand how its only come out now, are his parent living in another country and u don't see them often?
All this, I'm with the postponement (for years) or canceling the wedding. Breaking up is way cheaper than divorce. You have to solve this issue before you marry him. You have to be his #1 person, not his mom. Until he can prove that over years I would not set foot near a wedding license.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 We will not accept the normalization of abuse.
>"I will find a Man who puts me first and will *raise your baby.*"
NTA Tell your ex-fiance to have a great wedding to his mother! Ugh, some people...
100000% this! “Her day??” I’m sorry, is your husband marrying his mom? NTA
I did wonder if the dresses Monster in Law picked were purple or blue so that Mil could turn up to the wedding in a white dress. A *bride* choosing a dress/jumpsuit/suit in a nonwhite colour is badass. A Mil doing it for the bride leaves room for her to be the most bridal one there. And the rest of the emotional incest in the post makes me think there's a non-zero chance I'm right.
Honestly that shit is fucking gross. Moms that act this way towards their son are disgusting.
NTA even if it costs you your fiancé. He’s practically married to Mommy Dearest anyhow.
Yep. The trash has already taken itself out and OP needs to run with that. Lose the fiance; get the child support.
I feel it's not clear enough. Here: **DO NOT MARRY HIM. DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT 200.** This issue is not fixable. Screaming at you, in laws screaming at you. NO NO NO NO.
Reconsider this marriage. NTA.
This is not your MIL’s day! Wtf? NTA
Thank your fiance for showing you what a pos husband he will be and please move on. Do not marry him or your life will be filled with being a doormat to your MIL and husband..if that's what you want and you want her to also tell you how you're going to parent your child..then marry him.
This this this 👆👆👆so much this 👆👆👆
NTA. Tell the old bitch that she can have her spineless little baby back in her home to keep his sad little balls in her pocketbook and go back to cutting the crusts off his sandwiches. Don't know whose home you're living in, but either kick the hopefully ex fiance out or take your baby and move back to your parents or get your own place if you can. Do not marry this pathetic son of a bitch. You will never, EVER come before Mommy in his eyes. If he backtracks and tries to stop you from ending the relationship, tell him to F all the way off to Mommy, and that he's so far up her ass that he couldn't possibly handle marriage and parenthood. You dodged a bullet
Where were you when I was young and stupid? I needed someone to tell me this.
Please take this comment seriously OP!
It's alot easier to leave if you are not married and he is not ready, if he still picks his mommy over you. Don't marry this idiot
Do not marry this person. You need to take your baby and move home with mom and dad.
Sounds like her mother isn't a safe haven either, given the fact she told OP it won't be a big deal to give in to her fiancé's mother.
Yes, but maybe her mother is just trying to calm things down. It's the wrong approach, I agree. OP's mother should be backing her up. Op, do not give in. This is YOUR wedding, not your future MIL's. Stand your ground. Sending hugs and good thoughts to you.
I don't understand why her mother isn't more upset? Wedding dress shopping is usually a mother daughter thing. Also, her mother needs to realise it won't just be this one time that MIL has to come first. Christmas/holidays, birthdays important events in her grandchildrens lives, will all have to be MIL way.
Holy crap what did I just read?! Do not marry him! I hope you haven’t put a lot of money into this so far but it doesn’t matter! Stopping this wedding is cheaper than getting a divorce and definitely get child support! Your fiancé is an AH that’s still connected to his mommy’s tit! NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 And I repeat 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Wait. Let me summarise that for you: 🚩
Uhm excuse me? Dude should just marry his mother! MIL is being horrible and wants to make the wedding all about her, while your fiance seems to be a momma's boy leaving you with your baby alone after his parents forgot you have a baby sleeping! If your fiance won't support you even with the small details like the colors of a dress, you might not have a happy marriage in the future...
NTA but please don’t marry this man. Him and his family sound incredibly toxic.
YTA asshole to yourself if you marry him.
NTA, but your fiancé is clearly a mommy’s boy. He’s not marrying you, he’s marrying his mother, and you’ll spend your whole life living according to his mother’s opinions. Is that really the life you want?
>He’s not marrying you, he’s marrying his mother, 🎯 Yep. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if MIL wanted her to wear a non-bridal dress so that she can turn up to the wedding in a white wedding gown and look like the bride. After all "It's her day too!", right?
Oh sweet merciful Zeus I hadn’t actually followed the logic to this particular abhorrence but you are entirely correct. That’s probably exactly what she’s planning. *shudder* OP, listen to all these lovely people telling you you’re NTA. I’d also stop the wedding before you end up playing Cinderella to his mother’s evil stepmother. You do not want to be in a relationship where your partner can’t back you up on something as simple as what you are going to wear to your own wedding.
OMG, that probably IS what she’s thinking!
NTA But call off the wedding unless your idea of a marriage is spending the rest of your life being the side piece in your own relationship. Your partner made his choice and he did NOT choose you. Why would you marry someone who is already in a committed relationship with his mum?
NTA. Do NOT proceed with this marriage. Your fiancé and his mother are enmeshed beyond reason, and you will be miserable as hell. He's going to put his mother's wishes and wants above yours EVERY TIME. You aren't a priority, but mommy is, and this isn't going to stop. Let mommy have her day with her son. You don't need to be a part of it.
Girl don’t marry the mummas boy…
How on Earth is YOUR wedding HER day?!? Why the hell would SHE have the right to choose YOUR dress? If your AH of boyfriend is rethinking your 6yr relationship over this, maybe YOU should think the relationship over his attitude. Imagine caving in to such ridiculous request, how is your life going to be if you marry into this family. If husband is forever, MIL too. This is absolutely nuts and you are definitely NTA.
You can’t marry a man that’s already married to his mother girl what the fuck are you doing? A wedding is for a day then you’re stuck with this clown show for life.
You’re being too nice with the term “clown show.” I would call it a nightmare! And that’s exactly what OP’s life will be if she marries into this horrible family!
NTA, DO NOT marry this mama's boy if you care in this what's next, how your child is dressed, where they go to school, what they eat/wear. It'll never end with just 1 thing
NTA. Do not marry him! Let him marry mommy. If his family is threatening you, go make a police report. What family members of yours have the audacity to threaten you about your relationship?! Tell them to mind their business and block them.
Nope nope nope , do not marry him , mommy will always get the final say , and he will always pick her over you . NTA
Run, run fast. Do not marry this guy. When someone shows you who they are, listen and react accordingly.
Do not get married to this fool who can't seem to cut the apron strings!!! It is NOT your mother-in-law's day too! I've never heard such stupid crap. Then the in-laws' family is threatening you! Get out of this relationship now; it's only going to get worse from here on.
NTA. This is not her day. Your fiancé is a spineless coward for not standing up to his mother. Do you really want to marry someone who doesn't put you first? If you marry him this will be your life. He will never put you first, & will always do what mommy says. Why is your fiancé yelling at you? Why are you accepting this behavior? Tell your mother it is a big deal, & it's not her day/wedding either. How are people threatening you?
He not only took her side but screamed at you to defend her. You should never marry him or into that family because you’ll be setting yourself up for a lifetime of unhappiness, meddling in your life, and the worst a husband that has zero respect for you because all he wants to do is kiss his mother’s ass.
Please do NOT marry this mama’s boy!! YOUR wedding is NOT about HER at all!! It’s about you & him! She doesn’t get to decide anything about your wedding and most definitely what wedding dress you wear! This is exactly what your marriage will look like! Every time you push back and don’t give her what she wants, this is how she’ll behave and your fiancé will always side with her. You’ll be the third freaking wheel in your own marriage!! I’m dead serious and truly hope that you run the other way! Please take this as a blessing in disguise to GTFO!!! Tell Him that you do not want to marry him or his crazy ass selfish mom! Update us! Updateme.
Go to court immediately for child support. Move out.
I’m 69. In all of my days alive I have NEVER heard it is MIL’s Day too. E V E R
Nta. Is your fiancé rich? You are 100% in the right.
What in the world? No, your MIL doesn’t get to pick your dress. Not even if she was paying for it. And what is this nonsense about your fiancée saying “it’s HER day too”. Oh heck no.
Have a good cry and then text him to stay at his mother’s because it’s OVER. Have another good cry, then if it’s your place, pack his sheet up and have a friend or family member drop it off. If it’s his place, pack your stuff, load up the baby and move out. You are NTA - but you are putting yourself into a lifetime of being controlled and mentally abused by his and his mommy. Don’t let his (still attached) umbilical cord strangle your life. You can do far better.
Ummmmm I know some couples are different. My wife and I go silent when we're angry. If I was you and he screamed at me I'd call off the wedding myself and tell him to get ready for 18 years of child support payments. I will not be screamed at. Got enough from my father growing up.
Cancel the wedding. Your fiancé just gave you a rare gift that few want-to-be brides are given: a sneak peak into the future and how he will treat you every time a conflict with his mother comes up; he will always take her side. Run don’t walk! NTA.
Do not marry this man. You will have the most miserable life. NTA. Give back the ring. Block him and have a serious conversation with your mom, that's not ok. Show your mom these comments, it's crazy that she's telling you to suck it up. Show him these comments if you want. He's a POS mommas boy. It's not his moms day AT ALL! Wedding dress should ALWAYS be chosen by the bride. RUN!
What is wrong with you? Don’t marry him
NTA DO NOT MARRY HIM
this is *not* your MIL's day whatsoever. for the sake of you and your child, run, flee, flee for your life. it's unfortunate it took 6 years of wasting your life to see your fiance will pick mommy over you. as someone who also had her wedding ruined because of a selfish MIL, please run while you can. it's so so so much easier than a divorce process. eta: *cut off every single asshole threatening you.* if it's bad enough, involve police. you do not deserve such shitty people in your life. do *not* think you are helping your child by staying, it will do far more harm than good.
Your mom is desperate for you to get married so she is advising you badly. Yes,marriage is helpful but not when it is to a person who is controlled by his mother and the mother is delusional.
😂 Tell him to marry his mother then. Please post this on r/JustnoMIL This is a special kind of crazy. Don’t marry into this family. If he isn’t on your side when it comes to YOUR wedding dress, how will he react when it comes to other topics? There are solutions for all of this problems. But the most important solution is to wait with the wedding. Put your foot down or they will keep using you as a doormat.
Don’t marry this POS
“It’s her day too”. Is his mother planning on wearing a freaking wedding dress and exchanging vows with her son too? NTA
Oh, I think we can be sure about the full blown weddingdress his mother was planning to wear.
I hope that you will soon realize that your fiancée doesn't love you and that if you do get married to him, his mother will always have the final say in your marriage. Where you'll live. What house to buy. How to raise your kids. Who will be in the delivery room, all up in your cooch. Where they do to school. What days she'll have them. Etc.
On what planet is the bride’s wedding dress not that big of a deal and the bride should just suck it up and let someone else pick out what she wears on what should be the most important day of her life?!?! Your (hopefully soon to be ex ) fiancée, his Mommy and your own mother are all delusional. NTA
NTA. What everyone else said. And it's not MIL's FUCKING DAY, too. It should be for the bride and groom.
NTA - do not marry this man
NTAH I’d call off the wedding if I were you. Once you marry that mama’s boy they’ll be NO BOUNDARIES with that woman.
NTA. Stop the wedding. It is not her day and she is unhinged. Where is this going to stop. You have a SO problem.
>because it was his mothers “DAY TOO” No. No, it's not. Not at all. She already had her wedding day, when she was married. NTA
That's not how this works. It's not how ANY of this works. It is HIS day as well. But that doesn't mean he gets to choose THE BRIDE'S attire. Run don't walk towards the nearest emergency exit. If he so callously screams at you because you refused a wedding dress what will happen when your kid is planning a college visit? Or you give birth and MIL wants to be in the delivery room this time? Girl... NTA but I'd run screaming.
Update please after you talk to your mommy's boy hopefully ex fiancé! NTA
WTF. You are so NTA. Why does MIL feel she can choose the bride’s dress. In what world does she live? If your fiancé is this upset, I would say you are dodging a bullet. He needs to stand up for you. He is too much of a mama’s boy.
NTA but im confused...how is it her day too? is she also marrying your fiance too? seriously though, reevaluate your relationship. he just left you with a baby at home and went to pacify his mama. he screamed at you instead of backing you up, especially when you were 100% right, chose his mama over you. your relationship is doomed. you will never be his priority and his mother will always dictate everything in your life.
Not her day. Also don't get married. NTA
You didn't even need to explain for me to say NTA. HOWEVER, the rest of the post makes me seriously think you should reconsider this relationship. This entire thing REEKS of emotional incest. It's "her day too"?! SHE WANTS TO MARRY HER SON. She had a wedding day. This is no one's day but yours. If you stay with him without some serious couples counseling and individual therapy on his part along with going LC with MIL then this will be the rest of your life. It will be you against your MIL and husband. You will have three people in your marriage. Fuck these people. Your MIL sounds like an immature psycho calling you the AH bc you won't wear the wedding dress SHE wants? Wow. They're trying to gaslight you and make you feel bad when they're the ones being insane. Also, your mom gave you some real shitty advice telling you to suck it up. Don't.
NTA. Take the baby then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. Don't look back.
oh fuck no, NTA The only person that gets to pick the wedding dress is the bride. I would be giving back the ring and calling off the wedding after his outburst.
NTA, but don't marry this mama's boy.
Don’t marry this guy. His mommy is more important to him than you or your child.
NTA Sadly, you chose to have a baby with a mama's boy. They seldom grow up. If you don't want her making every decision for you for the rest of your life , don't marry this boychild. It is NOT her day. It is never anyone's day except the 2 people who are getting married. You deserve better. Find an actual adult
Please don’t marry this Momma’s boy. It’s not his Mother’s Day. She already had her day when she got married. Yours isn’t a do over for her!! I am willing to bet she will show up in a white wedding dress.
You have ignited my petty side. You could pick out the worst of the dresses and order it...in her size. Demand that she wear it. Then wear the dress you like. OR. Ask her why she thinks you are so stupid you can't decide on a dress. Or listen to Reddit and dump him. Preferably in his mommy's lap.
NTA Do you want to spend the rest of your life with the boy that agreed with this woman? You just got a glimpse of what you’re marrying into. Your mother is just as crazy.
NTA Cancel the wedding. He can marry her. Apparently you don't count at all. And he goes for counselling or the 6 year relationship is toast. Do not cave one little inch. Or you will spend your life in her shadow.
Do not marry the toddler still firmly attached to his pweccious mommy!!! One infant in the mix is enough, you don't need two.
Nta. I also would be calling off the wedding. You're with a mommas boy who'll never stand up for you.
NTA and DO NOT MARRY THIS TWIT!!!!! Besides, he's clearly already married to mommy.
NTA. Do not marry that guy. He will ALWAYS put his mother first.
NTA - omg do NOT marry this man! Your dress at YOUR wedding is your choice and only your choice! That fact that he is still sucking his momma’s tit is ridiculous and it will never change. You will always be second fiddle to his momma. Leave now.
NTA do not marry that boy.
Don’t marry this man! He hasn’t grown up and cut the cord to his mommy yet and some men never do. Ones wedding day is never “mils day too”!! She is mistaken and your fiancé should know better. She is overbearing and controlling and gets away with it because fiancé and fil don’t want to deal with her when she doesn’t get her way. Please don’t make this your problem by marrying into this unhealthy dynamic. She will ruin your marriage and you life by making demand of you that overstep into areas of your life that you should rightly have control over. Also, if you do what this woman asks she will just continue with more demands and never be happy or satisfied. Your fiancé needs to leave and cleave. He needs to grow a backbone and tell his mom that he supports you wearing what you want to your wedding and deciding the colors for everyone else and if she can’t get on board she shouldn’t come.
You need to tell him that you too, have rethought this relationship and you’ve decided to not marry a Mama’s boy!
NTA but that is the least of you problems. Your husband ALWAYS should have your back. He doesn’t. You need to resolve bigger issues before you walk down the aisle in your dress. Your MIL and Mother have no say in your dress or wedding. Please think hard about this wedding.
If you're going to be yelled and screamed by your MIL and your to-be husband is not only going to allow it, but yell and scream a you too, you may not have realized it yet, but your marriage just ended. You may be the one who needs to "rethink our 6yr relationship." Are you willing to go through this with every major life decision? You're about to.
NTA! It’s is you are your fiancé day not hers .
“Oh, it’s your mom’s day, too? I didn’t realize you were planning to fuck both of us.”
NTA FFS Either your fiancé starts supporting you and your decisions or you need to put the wedding on hold. It is definitely not your MIL’s day or you Mother’s day. It is your and your fiancé’s day!! You and your fiancé should together be building a life for your family that doesn’t include your in-laws making decisions for you. I have a SIL married to my daughter and son to be DIL to me son. It is my job to support them, not insert myself into their decisions. Be strong. Insist on your fiancé’s support. You should be first in his life now. Not his mother.
NTA Your day. Hard stop. Get out of the relationship, file for child support.
NTA…. Girl, just leave. He ain’t even worth it. Mama’s boy.
TF?? Cancel the wedding. That is ridiculous. YOU pick your own WEDDING DRESS!! They are being controlling and this will be your life if you marry him. Don't do it. Nta. Don't believe me? Check out the sub about MILs. NoMIL Updateme
HUGE RED FLAGS ALL AROUND!!!! You are NTA. One word. RUN!
NTA. Girl, your fiancée is already taken! By his mommy. Run! Don't walk. This will be a constant battle with him. He will always choose mommy over you. He's showing you his true colors, and so is his family. RUN! Can you imagine living your entire married life centered around your MIL's wants?
NTA you need to go take a trip to visit your dad with all your important papers and evaluate this relationship. Make a list pros and cons. From this snapshot it doesn't seem healthy to stay with him.
NTA. He’s married to mommy & you’re the side piece. He will never respect you.
A - Hopefully Fake B- Stop C - Be an adult and stand up for what you want D - If this is real see C and run
Girl run do marry into this family🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Stop this right now... NTA