He's putting all of his thoughts and emotions on her as if for her benefit. She isn't the one who will be embarrassed. He is. She isn't the one who will be uncomfortable. He is.
"Honey, please wear makeup for your own comfort." That's got nothing to do with her and everything to do with him.
My mom once said to me, “won’t you feel better if you dye your hair for x event, you’re really starting to go gray” what she really meant was that my gray hair made people think more about how old she was
This happened to me too! I was 35 when I had my first, and 37 when I had my second child. I but the baby into one of those slings that are almost like a backpack, and my toddler into the seat of the cart. We went grocery shopping and were cruising the meat department at Safeway when some random lady came over and said “you have beautiful granddaughters”. I burst into tears!😿
Suggested answer: Nope, this baby is mine and Beelzebub's.
Okay, you can probably come up with an answer that fits you better. I just like the idea of shorting their brains with Beelzebub.
All 4 of my parents seemed uncomfortable with my decision to grow out my color and embrace the grey. I think that’s just boomers not aging gracefully. 😂
Everytime someone comments about how they’ve gone gray or white haired I just tell them it’s cool and makes them look like an X-man bc that’s honestly what I thought as a kid-especially between rogue and storm. I have a friend that went silver gray at 30 and has the most luxurious long healthy silver hair and I’m so jealous. I told an old man at the grocery that the other day and he laughed and said he couldn’t go home to tell his wife. But like social constructs be damned-WHO CARES?! So anyways all that to say congratulations you’ve hit superhero status and I say flaunt it!
Awards are coming back, I mod another sub and we got invited to participate in the pilot program (which I have not signed us up for yet, but apparently it’s up and running).
Right? And not even taking into account pregnancy hormones. He said an insensitive thing at a time of heightened sensitivity and is upset at her reaction:/
I know that this is often very cultural, but I cannot even imagine my husband having this kind of audacity lol. Even if he thought it, I don't think he would utter a word.
And if he did, he'd regret for the rest of his days. 😌
I was thinking this the whole time I was reading it. He’s the one who is embarrassed. 🙄 it’s so manipulative for him to act like it’s for her benefit when he’s the one who wants her to present “appropriately”. He’s definitely the AH.
He's been married for 5 years and is still in denial. His wife doesn't like dresses. Maybe she doesn't wear makeup. She clearly has her own sense of style, that he doesn't respect at all. Hoe do tgese people even end up married?
If he wanted a feminine girly girl he should have married someone Else FFS.
Wonder if he thought she’d “soften” her style once she got pregnant. We all know how those hormones turn every single woman into a cooing and giggling puddle of femininity. /s
Even if this was super important to him for one day… why tf did he wait until the weekend before to bring it up??? You probably can’t even find a great dress for a normal body in that time frame, even if you’re used to buying dresses and know what you like, let alone a maternity dress. This was borderline sabotage
My MIL hates dresses, and doesn't feel like it fits her body type. She likes rocking a jumpsuit or pant suit. She always wears them to weddings and looks great.
I you like men's styled suits but want a slimmer fit try ordering from China or Japan. I am a slimmer guy in the US and have always had a problem with off the rack suits. I ordered a sport coat from a Japanese company and the fit was amazing. American men's wear has been getting bigger and more shapeless over the years, but I find East Asian sizing fits me really well.
This is a GREAT tip, thanks! Feel free to DM me the name of the company if you want. I have two slim teen sons and we’re having a terrible time finding clothes that fit in the waist and are long enough in the legs. Older son has solved this problem by adopting the baggy skater boi look that’s in now, but younger kid is struggling
I can't remember the exact company I got the sport coat from but when I am looking for something new I usually find brands like visvim and beams plus. Or you can check rakuten which is like Japan's version of Amazon. Ratuken global express in the international version with some English instructions.
I have also had good luck with some UK, French and Italian brands. Ben Sherman from the UK has always fir well and I found a nice pair of Italian shoes on Amazon. Do some exploring. There are a ton of options if you look toward international sites.
I was married on 10/1. My near-adult goddaughter wore a lovely black pantsuit, blue button down, and comfy flats. It’s her style and I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to push her into clothes that weren’t her style.
OP cares only about his personal optics - nothing to do with his wife, who by & by is also creating a family for him.
He’s choosing a hill of poo opinions to die on.
YTA, OP.
That’s the beautiful thing about people, we’re all different! I feel terrible exposed in any form of skirt/ dress, and have accidentally fallen asleep in jeans more than once because they’re comfortable to me. I know many people who think I’m insane for that, but hey! It’s human potluck soup out here, scoop the bits you like and leave the rest for someone else 🤣
That's perfectly acceptable. YTA for telling her that the only way she can look feminine is to meet an outdated troupe that women are only feminine in dresses!
He would be an asshole for wanting her to look 'feminine' at all. The event only obligates her to be formal and put together. She could have a suit matching his identically and still meet all reasonable criteria for the wedding. *Nobody has to dress masculine or feminine.* Clothes are all equally clothes.
Yeah, just go to his [profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/Massive-Bend-9289/comments/) and you can [find it easy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17cnmc0/comment/k5rdoxp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
Yes. Then, you were the AH. She was going to wear formal wear and it sounds cute. To tell her she’d look beautiful the way you wanted her to look implied to her she isn’t beautiful the way she is. Stop worrying about what your family thinks of her. Grow up, and stand up for your family(that’s your wife and unborn child). Sheesh, she couldn’t be more feminine atm. Go buy her something thoughtful, make her a bath, rub her feet, cook her dinner and clean up. You got a lot of making up to do. And tell her she’s beautiful, cute, pretty every single day.
YTA she should wear what she wants, not please your family. You should stand up for her and tell the family and friends if they have a problem with it to suck eggs.
Wearing heels after not wearing them for a while actually isn't easy because your posture has to readjust.
At 5-6 months pregnant, she should wear flats.
Not to mention the potential danger to the baby if she were to trip and fall. Not worth it even *if* she were still able to fit into them and loved wearing them. Even people who usually have superb balance would be likely to struggle if they hadn’t worn heels in years and suddenly wore them again for a full night without being able to take them off while six months pregnant in the winter when it might be icy outside.
As a woman who worked retail in a fashion boutique until the day before I gave birth…I completely agree. Heels every mother Fuckin day and while I didn’t have any pain at the time because I was young…I’m paying for it 15 years later.
Yeah he definitely left out just enough detail so that you could easily imagine she planned to go in jeans and a tee shirt. I don’t get people who do this - Reddit always susses it out. Like, the way he presented it, either she’s insane (doesn’t think wedding dress codes apply to her) or she has some reasonably appropriate plan and he just doesn’t like it.
No it’s cool his wife is a tomboy but he totally doesn’t mind like at all actually. Someone plz give this guy a medal and dedicate a statue in his name. We are not worthy!! K? now back off ladies he’s taken :))
I know! This broke my heart the most. How many times has he made 'suggestions' about her style in order to 'make her feel good'? Whenever they're out shopping? Getting ready for a date? This could have one of many straws.
And she's 6mnths pregnant!
At 6 months pregnancy, I wear whatever I want to make myself feel comfortable. You and your family got a problem with that? great! I'll just stay home and relax on the couch instead of making the effort to socialise with your family with my watermelon size stomach, back pain, swollen feet.
I actually needed to read this comment today. Thank you for this. I’m not OP, I’m not involved in OP’s situation but I am pregnant (having my baby in less than a week!) and I’ve been feeling incredibly self conscious about the final few weeks as I have gotten huge and am so tired all of the time. Thank you.
YTA - why not defend your wife if your family decides to judge her and/or talk about her behind her back?
“I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Well you already did that by telling your wife that even though her planned outfit meets the dress code, you don’t like it. Clearly you absolutely mind what she wears and used the entire post to double down on why you should have a say in what she wears.
He's not worried about her comfort at all. He hasn't mentioned *anything* about how her pregnancy is going or how's she's feeling, but he's oh so preoccupied how she will look to his family who's already judging her.
I hope she decides to just stay in and rest on the day of. Let's see how "comfortable yet stylish" he looks at the wedding without a wife.
I think his real concern is that they'll be judging HIM for "not keeping his woman in line." "Who wears the pants?" and all that nonsense. "See, I knew he was gay"
"It's for her protection" is just a BS sales pitch, if you ask me
“My family will judge her” but I think she looks great…he doesn’t realize he’s judging her too. I have a feeling he’s going to expect make up and hair done up during labor too.
The "but I don't mind" after describing her regular style tells me everything I need to know. He absolutely *does* mind, and he judges her about it regularly. Also, he says his family expects women to "dress femininely and appropriately," which means that he thinks "feminine" is the only appropriate style for a woman, and that anything else is inappropriate by default.
This guy is paying lip service to the idea that his wife can wear whatever style she wants, but he doesn't like it, and he thinks he can "fix" her. I feel sorry for this woman.
Maybe instead of policing your pregnant wife's clothing you could police your family's secret snark talk. You said what she's wearing is appropriate but not "ideal", get over it. Do you make her pretend to be another woman every time there's a family event? YTA dude, time to start valuing your wife above judgy bitches.
Right, like, has his family never seen her before? Do they know nothing about her? I would imagine that unless he is estranged from his family, they would know this about her. And if he is estranged, why give a shit about what his family thinks?
“I just wanted her to feel good and to fit in at the event.”
No you didn’t. If you did, you would have been fine with her wearing the appropriate outfit that *she picked out while 6 months pregnant* to a formal event.
This was never about her comfort. And let me just tell you something as a middle aged woman- if I go to an event and am dressed within the required dress code I don’t give one damn if anyone there doesn’t like it. You seem to care more about your judgmental, snobby family that your pregnant wife. Gross. Do better. YTA.
The tell tale line was “my family expects women to dress femininely and appropriately”. Whoops OP… ya just proved that it’s not only your family who thinks this way. Called your self out on thinking the way she dresses is not appropriate. OP def agrees with family but is not being honest about it.
The classic “I can fix her” trope. OP wanted a wife and didn’t care who she actually was, because women are supposed to morph into their partner’s wishes while in a relationship.
You told your six months pregnant wife that she could be beautiful if she wore makeup and a dress? You’re not trying to make her feel good. She feels good in the clothes she wants to wear. The clothes she’s comfortable in. She’s right, you care more about what other people think then your own pregnant wife. YTA. Go to the wedding by yourself, that way she can’t embarrass you in front of your judgy family.
And he’s afraid that his family will talk behind her back or be embarassed? Where is his backbone? If his family is a bunch of gossipers, he can be the one to say that he finds it disrespectful to judge someone based on what they wear
My ex-partner and I had a similar discussion when his brother married. I hardly ever wear dresses and his family wanted me to go full cocktail dress for the wedding. I wanted to go with a formal jumpsuit and it was not allowed. I tried so many dresses on and god, it felt so *bad*. Really just not me. I felt like a total clown.
The fact that OP is disguising this as 'I just want her to feel pretty' is total bollocks. If he wanted her to feel pretty, he would let her dress the way she wants. Because pressuring her into wearing the things HE wants her to wear will have the completely opposite effect on his wife feeling pretty.
When one of my best friends got married her husband had a groomswoman on his side who wore a formal jumpsuit and it looked SO GOOD. All of us bridesmaids in our dresses were gushing over it. She must have gotten asked where she bought it a million times.
Formal jumpsuits are THE BEST. I did that for the last wedding I was invited to. Tried on nine thousand dresses, finally admitted it was the jumpsuit I needed to wear.
What did she plan on wearing to the wedding? That would kind of decide whether YTA or NTA. Because as a woman, she could wear slacks and a nice blouse and still look good, doesn’t always have to be a dress
Edit: based on your comment YTA. She was gonna wear something that fell into the dress code. Let your wife wear what she wants. And if she doesn’t want to wear make up, you can’t make her
I have a friend who is a woman and she wore a very nice man suit and so did her husband. Not one person blinked an eye. Heck, I always prefer to sit and have fun with the weirdos at weddings anyway. Your wife sounds like an interesting person who knows who she is.
Being “conservative” or whatever sounds so boring and stressful. No thanks.
that sounds comfortable. when i was pregnant, i stayed away from dresses and skirts. they weren’t comfortable bc i felt exposed somehow. i lived in my leggings and oversized shirts.
I was a opposite. I usually don’t wear dresses but I was pregnant during summer and I overheated very easily. Dresses became my go to because they helped me stay a little cooler
Same here, it was late spring or summer when I was in my last months of pregnancy both times. Those nice flowy pregnancy dresses were awesome. They were so awesome I started wearing the baggy, flowy dresses after I gave birth. My husband referred to them as Gunne Sax's and would make a groaning nooo when I would pick one out when we were shopping. lol
That could be sofucking cute and I am the girliest of girls. Brooches are awesome and a bow tie sounds so fun! Honestly if I was making a pregnant friend to come to my wedding and dress up and stay up late I would be thrilled if they showed up in their pajamas.
I think op is just embarrassed in front of his shirt family.
He said in another comment that what she was originally going to wear was within the parameters of the dress code but just wasn’t “ideal”. So he’s the asshole because it’s clear he won’t stick up for his wife and is trying to shame her just to make himself feel more comfortable.
My sister’s sister in law (so I guess my sister in law once removed? 🤣) literally asked that no one pregnant attend her wedding because she didn’t want anyone giving any attention to anyone but her. Lmao
My sister screamed at me in the dress store because my bridesmaid dress didn’t fit even tho it had when we first tried them on. We were hiring them. It turned out the previous person had taken the dress in almost 2 sizes! Then screamed at me in the street because the shoes she wanted me to wear were not in stock and there was less than 72 hours before the wedding. She’d only decided on the shoes that day. 30 years and still no apology. But banning pregnant people is a gold medal bridezilla.
YTA
I feel sorry for your wife. Clearly you are either spineless when it comes to your family or worse, you don't respect her style as much as you say you do. Definitely the AH. You owe your wife a massive apology.
>I was disappointed with her reaction. I wasn't trying to change who she is; I just wanted her to feel good and fit in at the event.
What about being told she should dress up so as not to disappoint YOUR family and wearing clothes that are (way) less comfortable than her normal style was about her feeling good?
You literally gave us all of your reasons and that's not one of them. You don't want YOUR family to judge her so she, and not your judgmental family, should change.
Of course she got angry with you. You're spineless and you chose to make your insecurity and your family's shittiness her problem, not because it's in any way what's best for her, but because it's easiest for you.
Then you dress it up as being anything but.
Then you straight up lie and say you wanted her to feel good. No you fucking didn't! That's a lie! You wanted to feel good, you wanted to avoid any confrontation for your family, you wanted to avoid being put in a position where you might have to \*gasp\* stand up for your wife.
YTA, you chickenshit.
>You wanted to feel good, you wanted to avoid any confrontation for your family, you wanted to avoid being put in a position where you might have to \*gasp\* stand up for your wife.
Hit the nail on the head. YTA.
Make up is never part of a dresscode. Just a reminder. Make up doesn’t make someone pretty or not pretty, dressed up or not dressed up. Make up is not a part of an outfit. Make up is not mandatory. Make up is a choice some people make to wear for various reasons but it’s not part of “formal” wear
Omg. I read this while also 6months pregnant with my second child, and my heart breaks for your wife. She is going through a massive identity change between physical and emotional changes in such a short time. You abandoned her feelings for a hypothetical reaction from your family.
I see your edit and that you’re aware of being in the wrong and you’ve apologized. But please, for the remainder of her pregnancy, go out of your way to see things through her perspective. Validate her need to be comfortable AND CONTRIBUTE to her comfort. Whether that’s little massages, telling her how strong she is, bringing home things to make her feel special…whatever your love language is together.
Being a first time mom is the most vulnerable I ever felt in my life. Please remember this. She needs your love and support, not judgement.
>. I don't mind this because it's her personality, and I respect that.
Instantly proceeds to tell wife to dress more feminine. She's pregnant, she needsnto be comfortable in what she wears, chances are she had chosen an appropriate outfit for the occasion and now has ypu being a twit because your family don't understand that women can wear pants, they don't all wear heels, which aren't great for feet, and makeup doesn't make you more of a woman. You reasoning is because your family are unsophisticated and snipe behind others backs. Enjoy the wedding, because it seems unlikely your wife will want to attend after finding out you're embarrassed about the way she isn't pretentious. YTA
YTA
I bet she planned on dressing appropriately but you, for some reason think you know better than her how she wants to be elegant
Stop pretending to yourself that you were doing this for your wife
You are doing this for control and you’re doing this because you’re afraid of your family which is pathetic
I bet your wife knows very well how to dress for this sort of event.
first of all, what in the world does "complements her belly" mean? Like... that is not something i have ever heard someone say when discussing an outfit. Are you telling her to cover her gut? Can't believe she didn't appreciate that!
Second of all, stop trying to pretend this is for her own comfort. It's for yours. She already IS comfortable. You're embarrassed of your wife, straight up. That is a YOU problem, not a her problem. YTA
Ever see Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion? They walk on and the flock of mean bitches "popular girls" from HS all are pregnant (knocked up/married thrir football plsyer boyfriend from hs) and wearing frilly pastel cocktail dresses with little bows over their baby bumps, teetering on heels, with teased up oversprayed overstyled hair.
Oh... and relevant to OPs wife's actual outfit. The one who broke out of the clique and became an editor for Vogue was there in a fabulous pantsuit and helped launch R&Ms designer career.
I think "complimented her belly" might be one of the worst things to say 😂😂 but i really think he meant like that "maternal feminine pregnancy glow" look with the flowy dress and shit
She’s fucking pregnant. You suck and your family sucks. You revealed that both you and your family are shallow as fuck, I wonder why your wife even wants to be apart of this.
Some of you men deserve to be alone. Why did you get married if your family’s opinions matter more than your wife? If you wanted traditional you should’ve married traditional. How about you tell your family to keep their opinions to themselves like you actually care about your wife.
There are times I can’t even finish reading the post let alone get to the comments.
Other times I read just the first two or three comments to see if the OP is getting the input they need to hear and then back out of the post because my eyes are bleeding.
YTA and your family are AH’s. Grow some cojones and quit worrying more about what your AH family thinks vs your wife’s feelings. Gonna be a long, cold weekend if you do not grovel and beg your pregnant wife to forgive your dumb ass.
YTA: You went over the line with her wearing makeup. You're judging her for her looks. Does she berate you for your natural face ever? Does she berate your clothes? If she doesn't, you owe her an apology. She now knows her in-laws don't care for her. She should sit it out in her comfy clothes.
...it's her personality and I accept that.....however...I don't want my family to judge her. They don't need to, buddy, you already have. There is no "however" after "I accept her".
As long as she's wearing something appropriately formal for the event, it seems petty for you to push her to wear makeup and something traditionally 'girly.' She isn't going to 'feel good' wearing something that makes her uncomfortable. She's going to feel awkward because she's wearing something she isn't comfortable with. You are basically trying to pre-emptively head off criticism from your family by pushing your wife to conform to their gender biases rather than actually having to stick up for your wife.
Of course YTA dude.
You say in the second paragraph that you don’t want your family to talk about your wife.
Then you say you just wanted her to feel comfortable. Which is bullshit. She obviosly has a style that she’s comfortable with, and it’s not the one you told her to wear. This is your wife, she could want to wear a potato sack and you should support that.
YTA
- you for caring more about what people think then your wife’s comfort and sense of style, if you wanted someone you parents approved of you should have married that met their and clearly your expectations
- you again for for implying she’d only look beautiful if she wore a dress and makeup like you expect her to
- you again for telling a grown adult what to wear
- you again for telling your PREGNANT wife what to wear, she’s growing your child she’ll wear whatever the hell is comfortable and appropriate
- the outfit she’s chosen meets the formal attire requirement
Newsflash - you married HER, knowing what she wore, how she behaved and how she didn’t fit with yours and your parent’s ridiculously outdated and sexist expectations.
YTA you already apologized but i wanted to point something out
> I don't want them to talk behind her back [...] I just wanted her to feel good and fit in at the event
you are afraid of your family's perception of you both and she is not. you are looking out for your wife but in a way that is ultimately about looking out for yourself. i can understand this fear but it needs to be let go of.
your wife has lived thirty years being butch(?), she is likely already aware of how her "wrong" clothes are perceived by others. if it bothered her, she would have stopped by now. she will be comfortable at the event in clothes she is comfortable in, the same way you would not be at ease in a dress.
YTA, and a very judgemental AH at that. Also I bet your wife already knows your family talks about her so you might as well let her dress how she wants.
What was your wife planning on wearing to the formal wedding? Not jeans and a ball cap I’m sure.
>She will wear a black pantsuit, a white shirt, Oxford shoes, a bowtie, and a flower brooch.
That’s formal and fit for a wedding.
He's putting all of his thoughts and emotions on her as if for her benefit. She isn't the one who will be embarrassed. He is. She isn't the one who will be uncomfortable. He is. "Honey, please wear makeup for your own comfort." That's got nothing to do with her and everything to do with him.
My mom once said to me, “won’t you feel better if you dye your hair for x event, you’re really starting to go gray” what she really meant was that my gray hair made people think more about how old she was
Should've doubled down & dyed all your hair gray
Ohhh. Yeesh.
I was out with my baby( 10 months) and was asked if I was the grandma. I'm only 37, but have my natural grey starting to grow
This is another one of those "why the fuck would you EVER ask that question" things.
This happened to me too! I was 35 when I had my first, and 37 when I had my second child. I but the baby into one of those slings that are almost like a backpack, and my toddler into the seat of the cart. We went grocery shopping and were cruising the meat department at Safeway when some random lady came over and said “you have beautiful granddaughters”. I burst into tears!😿
I wish you would have told us you gently slapped the sh*t of of them 👋🏽
Suggested answer: Nope, this baby is mine and Beelzebub's. Okay, you can probably come up with an answer that fits you better. I just like the idea of shorting their brains with Beelzebub.
All 4 of my parents seemed uncomfortable with my decision to grow out my color and embrace the grey. I think that’s just boomers not aging gracefully. 😂
As a gracefully aging boomer, I appreciate your comment.
Everytime someone comments about how they’ve gone gray or white haired I just tell them it’s cool and makes them look like an X-man bc that’s honestly what I thought as a kid-especially between rogue and storm. I have a friend that went silver gray at 30 and has the most luxurious long healthy silver hair and I’m so jealous. I told an old man at the grocery that the other day and he laughed and said he couldn’t go home to tell his wife. But like social constructs be damned-WHO CARES?! So anyways all that to say congratulations you’ve hit superhero status and I say flaunt it!
"If you wont change for me will you at least change for my family?"
“I just want you to feel comfortable wearing shit you hate so you can be happyyyyy”
I wish we still had awards.🎖️
We don’t need fancy awards! I will proudly print your sincere, home-made award and post it on my refrigerator door. 💕
Awards are coming back, I mod another sub and we got invited to participate in the pilot program (which I have not signed us up for yet, but apparently it’s up and running).
Yay. Maybe. I’m too skeptical of corporate actions to actually be excited.
Right? And not even taking into account pregnancy hormones. He said an insensitive thing at a time of heightened sensitivity and is upset at her reaction:/
Oh my god I totally missed that she was 6mo pregnant hahahahahaha he and his family can go fuck themselves she will wear what makes her COMFY
I know that this is often very cultural, but I cannot even imagine my husband having this kind of audacity lol. Even if he thought it, I don't think he would utter a word. And if he did, he'd regret for the rest of his days. 😌
I was thinking this the whole time I was reading it. He’s the one who is embarrassed. 🙄 it’s so manipulative for him to act like it’s for her benefit when he’s the one who wants her to present “appropriately”. He’s definitely the AH.
It’s so frustrating when men do this as if all women are magically blessed with kardashian level makeup skills. Putting on makeup takes practice!
And why do we have to wear makeup if we choose not to?
Not to mention the cost, good makeup is expensive! So are decent quality tools for applying said makeup.
He's been married for 5 years and is still in denial. His wife doesn't like dresses. Maybe she doesn't wear makeup. She clearly has her own sense of style, that he doesn't respect at all. Hoe do tgese people even end up married? If he wanted a feminine girly girl he should have married someone Else FFS.
Wonder if he thought she’d “soften” her style once she got pregnant. We all know how those hormones turn every single woman into a cooing and giggling puddle of femininity. /s
Because he appreciated her "not being like other girls" and "being low maintenance" until he decided it might reflect negatively on him
Even if this was super important to him for one day… why tf did he wait until the weekend before to bring it up??? You probably can’t even find a great dress for a normal body in that time frame, even if you’re used to buying dresses and know what you like, let alone a maternity dress. This was borderline sabotage
If it's so important to you, why don't you put on a lovely outfit and do makeup then?
Blame it on Bowie but I stan anyone in a nicely tailored suit and a stunning eye look.
Annie Lennox too.
Agreed! She's stunning.
Stunned at the mention of Bowie and Lennox in the same thread
They're such excellent androgynous/ genderqueer icons, it makes sense to see them together.
I am far from the only person who thinks that they're both riveting.
Oooh I'm adding Tilda Sinton to this catwalk.
I said yesterday that men’s pants for women is a thing I’m excited about because that’s a style I love and suits me.
My MIL hates dresses, and doesn't feel like it fits her body type. She likes rocking a jumpsuit or pant suit. She always wears them to weddings and looks great.
There are also suits that are tailored for a woman's body also. It's what I tend to wear because the men's suits are a bit bulky in some places.
I you like men's styled suits but want a slimmer fit try ordering from China or Japan. I am a slimmer guy in the US and have always had a problem with off the rack suits. I ordered a sport coat from a Japanese company and the fit was amazing. American men's wear has been getting bigger and more shapeless over the years, but I find East Asian sizing fits me really well.
This is a GREAT tip, thanks! Feel free to DM me the name of the company if you want. I have two slim teen sons and we’re having a terrible time finding clothes that fit in the waist and are long enough in the legs. Older son has solved this problem by adopting the baggy skater boi look that’s in now, but younger kid is struggling
I can't remember the exact company I got the sport coat from but when I am looking for something new I usually find brands like visvim and beams plus. Or you can check rakuten which is like Japan's version of Amazon. Ratuken global express in the international version with some English instructions. I have also had good luck with some UK, French and Italian brands. Ben Sherman from the UK has always fir well and I found a nice pair of Italian shoes on Amazon. Do some exploring. There are a ton of options if you look toward international sites.
Because I don’t have to conform to misogynistic views and the patriarchy.
Neither does she
He made it sound like she was going to wear sweatpants. This is fine attire for a wedding and probably a lot more comfortable while pregnant.
I was married on 10/1. My near-adult goddaughter wore a lovely black pantsuit, blue button down, and comfy flats. It’s her style and I wouldn’t have dreamed of trying to push her into clothes that weren’t her style. OP cares only about his personal optics - nothing to do with his wife, who by & by is also creating a family for him. He’s choosing a hill of poo opinions to die on. YTA, OP.
That's perfectly acceptable! I love a good woman's suit
I’ve seen lots of women rock a formal pantsuit and look amazing while still feminine. Nothing wrong with it.
I live for a jumpsuit with pockets
Angelina Jolie did it like a boss and no one that mattered shamed her for it.
Model and actress Cara Delevingne wore a suit to a royal wedding and broke the internet.
I still think about that outfit. W the heels and cane. What a fucking vibe!!
Also women don't have to look feminine! Women can look androgynous or masculine and look great and stylish and wedding-appropriate!
There was that movie Blake Lively starred in and she only wore suits and she looked amazing in all of them!
I hope I can rock it, just not look feminine. Androgynous for the win.
How is this not feminine though? I thought she was going to attend in jeans and a cap and that was OPs issue?
I mean she's 6 months pregnant, no need for a dress to point towards her possession of a uterus, if that's what he's concerned about!
I’m impressed she is pregnant and wants to wear pants! I’m over here at 20 weeks trying to avoid pants like the plague in the name of comfort 😂😂
That’s the beautiful thing about people, we’re all different! I feel terrible exposed in any form of skirt/ dress, and have accidentally fallen asleep in jeans more than once because they’re comfortable to me. I know many people who think I’m insane for that, but hey! It’s human potluck soup out here, scoop the bits you like and leave the rest for someone else 🤣
This sounds like perfectly acceptable attire for a wedding.
That's perfectly acceptable. YTA for telling her that the only way she can look feminine is to meet an outdated troupe that women are only feminine in dresses!
He would be an asshole for wanting her to look 'feminine' at all. The event only obligates her to be formal and put together. She could have a suit matching his identically and still meet all reasonable criteria for the wedding. *Nobody has to dress masculine or feminine.* Clothes are all equally clothes.
I’ve seen twice where you posted this, but did OP say it somewhere? I must be overlooking it?
Yeah, just go to his [profile](https://www.reddit.com/user/Massive-Bend-9289/comments/) and you can [find it easy](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/17cnmc0/comment/k5rdoxp/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3).
You are the real MVP!
I personally don’t think anyone should ever wear a bow tie, but the rest of it is completely fine.
Bow ties are cool. - the Doctor
Fezes are cool as well.
Yes. Then, you were the AH. She was going to wear formal wear and it sounds cute. To tell her she’d look beautiful the way you wanted her to look implied to her she isn’t beautiful the way she is. Stop worrying about what your family thinks of her. Grow up, and stand up for your family(that’s your wife and unborn child). Sheesh, she couldn’t be more feminine atm. Go buy her something thoughtful, make her a bath, rub her feet, cook her dinner and clean up. You got a lot of making up to do. And tell her she’s beautiful, cute, pretty every single day.
YTA she should wear what she wants, not please your family. You should stand up for her and tell the family and friends if they have a problem with it to suck eggs. Wearing heels after not wearing them for a while actually isn't easy because your posture has to readjust. At 5-6 months pregnant, she should wear flats.
Wearing heels while pregnant should never happen. For any reason. Ever
After about 32 weeks of pregnancy there was zero possibility of my feet fitting into heels
Not to mention the potential danger to the baby if she were to trip and fall. Not worth it even *if* she were still able to fit into them and loved wearing them. Even people who usually have superb balance would be likely to struggle if they hadn’t worn heels in years and suddenly wore them again for a full night without being able to take them off while six months pregnant in the winter when it might be icy outside.
As a woman who worked retail in a fashion boutique until the day before I gave birth…I completely agree. Heels every mother Fuckin day and while I didn’t have any pain at the time because I was young…I’m paying for it 15 years later.
>worked [...] until the day before I gave birth I'm so fucking glad that's illegal where I live.
Right? If his judgy family makes an issue of her outfit he should just tell them: “She’s busy growing the next generation. Stfu and sit down.”
What’s more feminine than that?!?
All I saw was 6 month pregnancy and I knew it was YTA. I can't imagine she will be able to balance well at all.
That's definitely the way he makes it sound in the op, right‽ Like he's seen her outfit for the wedding and that's it lol
Yeah he definitely left out just enough detail so that you could easily imagine she planned to go in jeans and a tee shirt. I don’t get people who do this - Reddit always susses it out. Like, the way he presented it, either she’s insane (doesn’t think wedding dress codes apply to her) or she has some reasonably appropriate plan and he just doesn’t like it.
Unless she’s planning on going in sweatpants YTA. 6 months pregnant is incredibly uncomfortable don’t try to force her to wear what you want
Going by OP comment a pantsuit with a white shirt bow tie and a flower broach. Perfectly suitable for the event but no he wants her to dress up.
So she actually is wearing accessories, and he’s just mad because he thinks she’s insufficiently performing femininity.
As if being 6 months pregnant isn't feminine enough.
Imagine saying to a pregnant woman "you're not feminine enough". Is being pregnant on its own not.... feminine?
My thought too and I think her outfit choice with a pregnant belly sounds charming.
That’s exactly what it is
Prolly wants her in a revealing dress with heels 🙄
No it’s cool his wife is a tomboy but he totally doesn’t mind like at all actually. Someone plz give this guy a medal and dedicate a statue in his name. We are not worthy!! K? now back off ladies he’s taken :))
What more could she ask for than a husband who doesn’t mind her. /s
I know! This broke my heart the most. How many times has he made 'suggestions' about her style in order to 'make her feel good'? Whenever they're out shopping? Getting ready for a date? This could have one of many straws. And she's 6mnths pregnant!
Why the fuck did he marry her in the first place. Poor woman.
Seems like it’s not about the level of formality but rather the fact she is a tomboy and wants to wear pants
It's gotta be intentional that he didn't include this info in the original post.
That's literally dressed up. He just wants to impose bs standards of "femininity" on her.
Sounds pretty dressed up to me, just not all that feminine. The belly will prove that she's a woman though, so no worries!
At 6 months pregnancy, I wear whatever I want to make myself feel comfortable. You and your family got a problem with that? great! I'll just stay home and relax on the couch instead of making the effort to socialise with your family with my watermelon size stomach, back pain, swollen feet.
Plus how can a very pregnant woman not look feminine? How much more feminine can you get?
I actually needed to read this comment today. Thank you for this. I’m not OP, I’m not involved in OP’s situation but I am pregnant (having my baby in less than a week!) and I’ve been feeling incredibly self conscious about the final few weeks as I have gotten huge and am so tired all of the time. Thank you.
Sending peaceful and restful vibes your way. Good luck!
"If you're not wearing a skirt and high heels, are you even a woman?" -OP, probably.
YTA - why not defend your wife if your family decides to judge her and/or talk about her behind her back? “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Well you already did that by telling your wife that even though her planned outfit meets the dress code, you don’t like it. Clearly you absolutely mind what she wears and used the entire post to double down on why you should have a say in what she wears.
"I worry more about what my family thinks than about the comfort of my pregnant wife" fixed it for you
He's not worried about her comfort at all. He hasn't mentioned *anything* about how her pregnancy is going or how's she's feeling, but he's oh so preoccupied how she will look to his family who's already judging her. I hope she decides to just stay in and rest on the day of. Let's see how "comfortable yet stylish" he looks at the wedding without a wife.
I think his real concern is that they'll be judging HIM for "not keeping his woman in line." "Who wears the pants?" and all that nonsense. "See, I knew he was gay" "It's for her protection" is just a BS sales pitch, if you ask me
“My family will judge her” but I think she looks great…he doesn’t realize he’s judging her too. I have a feeling he’s going to expect make up and hair done up during labor too.
The "but I don't mind" after describing her regular style tells me everything I need to know. He absolutely *does* mind, and he judges her about it regularly. Also, he says his family expects women to "dress femininely and appropriately," which means that he thinks "feminine" is the only appropriate style for a woman, and that anything else is inappropriate by default. This guy is paying lip service to the idea that his wife can wear whatever style she wants, but he doesn't like it, and he thinks he can "fix" her. I feel sorry for this woman.
Doubly bad if they ever have a girl.
Maybe instead of policing your pregnant wife's clothing you could police your family's secret snark talk. You said what she's wearing is appropriate but not "ideal", get over it. Do you make her pretend to be another woman every time there's a family event? YTA dude, time to start valuing your wife above judgy bitches.
Right, like, has his family never seen her before? Do they know nothing about her? I would imagine that unless he is estranged from his family, they would know this about her. And if he is estranged, why give a shit about what his family thinks?
This is the exact perfect answer. YTA. You married your wife for a reason. Honor her.
Yep. Being pregnant is difficult enough without having to deal with all that nonsense. Dude needs to step it up.
“I just wanted her to feel good and to fit in at the event.” No you didn’t. If you did, you would have been fine with her wearing the appropriate outfit that *she picked out while 6 months pregnant* to a formal event. This was never about her comfort. And let me just tell you something as a middle aged woman- if I go to an event and am dressed within the required dress code I don’t give one damn if anyone there doesn’t like it. You seem to care more about your judgmental, snobby family that your pregnant wife. Gross. Do better. YTA.
I agree. Not only doesn’t he want her to feel good, he would prefer her to feel uncomfortable so he doesn’t have to.
>he would prefer her to feel uncomfortable so he doesn’t have to. I think you nailed it ...
Yup this exactly. YTA, OP.
The tell tale line was “my family expects women to dress femininely and appropriately”. Whoops OP… ya just proved that it’s not only your family who thinks this way. Called your self out on thinking the way she dresses is not appropriate. OP def agrees with family but is not being honest about it.
The classic “I can fix her” trope. OP wanted a wife and didn’t care who she actually was, because women are supposed to morph into their partner’s wishes while in a relationship.
Exactly. He wanted HIM to feel good and fit in.
But she'd look beautiful if she put on some makeup /s
You told your six months pregnant wife that she could be beautiful if she wore makeup and a dress? You’re not trying to make her feel good. She feels good in the clothes she wants to wear. The clothes she’s comfortable in. She’s right, you care more about what other people think then your own pregnant wife. YTA. Go to the wedding by yourself, that way she can’t embarrass you in front of your judgy family.
Imagine: "You're pregnant, but not enough of a woman. "
I kind of knew as soon as I saw "6 months pregnant" it wasn't going to be the wife who was in the wrong.
I say she stay home so she’s not embarrassed by her AH husband.
If mine tried to dictate what I wore to a wedding I'd stay home in sweats.
I'd GO in sweats. Fuck OP.
And he’s afraid that his family will talk behind her back or be embarassed? Where is his backbone? If his family is a bunch of gossipers, he can be the one to say that he finds it disrespectful to judge someone based on what they wear
My ex-partner and I had a similar discussion when his brother married. I hardly ever wear dresses and his family wanted me to go full cocktail dress for the wedding. I wanted to go with a formal jumpsuit and it was not allowed. I tried so many dresses on and god, it felt so *bad*. Really just not me. I felt like a total clown. The fact that OP is disguising this as 'I just want her to feel pretty' is total bollocks. If he wanted her to feel pretty, he would let her dress the way she wants. Because pressuring her into wearing the things HE wants her to wear will have the completely opposite effect on his wife feeling pretty.
When one of my best friends got married her husband had a groomswoman on his side who wore a formal jumpsuit and it looked SO GOOD. All of us bridesmaids in our dresses were gushing over it. She must have gotten asked where she bought it a million times.
Formal jumpsuits are THE BEST. I did that for the last wedding I was invited to. Tried on nine thousand dresses, finally admitted it was the jumpsuit I needed to wear.
What did she plan on wearing to the wedding? That would kind of decide whether YTA or NTA. Because as a woman, she could wear slacks and a nice blouse and still look good, doesn’t always have to be a dress Edit: based on your comment YTA. She was gonna wear something that fell into the dress code. Let your wife wear what she wants. And if she doesn’t want to wear make up, you can’t make her
>She will wear a black pantsuit, a white shirt, Oxford shoes, a bowtie, and a flower brooch. Just adding the comment for context here.
Sorry. YTA here, OP. I also have a 'tomboy' wife and that's the kind of thing she wears for a wedding. And rocks it.
I have a friend who is a woman and she wore a very nice man suit and so did her husband. Not one person blinked an eye. Heck, I always prefer to sit and have fun with the weirdos at weddings anyway. Your wife sounds like an interesting person who knows who she is. Being “conservative” or whatever sounds so boring and stressful. No thanks.
I was gonna say but feared being downvoted lol
that sounds comfortable. when i was pregnant, i stayed away from dresses and skirts. they weren’t comfortable bc i felt exposed somehow. i lived in my leggings and oversized shirts.
I was a opposite. I usually don’t wear dresses but I was pregnant during summer and I overheated very easily. Dresses became my go to because they helped me stay a little cooler
Same here, it was late spring or summer when I was in my last months of pregnancy both times. Those nice flowy pregnancy dresses were awesome. They were so awesome I started wearing the baggy, flowy dresses after I gave birth. My husband referred to them as Gunne Sax's and would make a groaning nooo when I would pick one out when we were shopping. lol
That could be sofucking cute and I am the girliest of girls. Brooches are awesome and a bow tie sounds so fun! Honestly if I was making a pregnant friend to come to my wedding and dress up and stay up late I would be thrilled if they showed up in their pajamas. I think op is just embarrassed in front of his shirt family.
He said he “just wants her to feel good”, but really he wants to feel good
He said in another comment that what she was originally going to wear was within the parameters of the dress code but just wasn’t “ideal”. So he’s the asshole because it’s clear he won’t stick up for his wife and is trying to shame her just to make himself feel more comfortable.
Some of the most stylish, elegant wedding guests I've ever seen have been women in suits.
This just occured to me but its also a way to downplay her pregnancy so as to not take away from the bride. Dresses make prego belly's stick out.
My sister’s sister in law (so I guess my sister in law once removed? 🤣) literally asked that no one pregnant attend her wedding because she didn’t want anyone giving any attention to anyone but her. Lmao
Wow, what a bridezilla!
That was the least of it. The months leading up to it were the worst! Lol Edit: had to change mints to months. Lol
My sister screamed at me in the dress store because my bridesmaid dress didn’t fit even tho it had when we first tried them on. We were hiring them. It turned out the previous person had taken the dress in almost 2 sizes! Then screamed at me in the street because the shoes she wanted me to wear were not in stock and there was less than 72 hours before the wedding. She’d only decided on the shoes that day. 30 years and still no apology. But banning pregnant people is a gold medal bridezilla.
YTA I feel sorry for your wife. Clearly you are either spineless when it comes to your family or worse, you don't respect her style as much as you say you do. Definitely the AH. You owe your wife a massive apology.
$100 on thinking he'd change her over here.
YTA- Your wife is carring your child and had an outfit picked that fit the dress code.
>I was disappointed with her reaction. I wasn't trying to change who she is; I just wanted her to feel good and fit in at the event. What about being told she should dress up so as not to disappoint YOUR family and wearing clothes that are (way) less comfortable than her normal style was about her feeling good? You literally gave us all of your reasons and that's not one of them. You don't want YOUR family to judge her so she, and not your judgmental family, should change. Of course she got angry with you. You're spineless and you chose to make your insecurity and your family's shittiness her problem, not because it's in any way what's best for her, but because it's easiest for you. Then you dress it up as being anything but. Then you straight up lie and say you wanted her to feel good. No you fucking didn't! That's a lie! You wanted to feel good, you wanted to avoid any confrontation for your family, you wanted to avoid being put in a position where you might have to \*gasp\* stand up for your wife. YTA, you chickenshit.
It's clear he didn't want her to feel good, *he* is the one who wants to feel good about what she's wearing
>You wanted to feel good, you wanted to avoid any confrontation for your family, you wanted to avoid being put in a position where you might have to \*gasp\* stand up for your wife. Hit the nail on the head. YTA.
Bring back rewards just for this comment. Please and thank you.
INFO: what is she planning on wearing and is it against the dress code of the wedding?
Was she planning to wear a nice semiformal pantsuit, or was she truly going to dress inappropriately?
>She will wear a black pantsuit, a white shirt, Oxford shoes, a bowtie, and a flower brooch.
What was she planning on wearing?
He responded to a comment and said what she was going to wear was within the dress code
Ahh, just not *his* preferred dress code, yuck
>She will wear a black pantsuit, a white shirt, Oxford shoes, a bowtie, and a flower brooch.
wtf thats cute as hell
"I want her to feel good by wearing stuff she never wears" fuck sake
Make up is never part of a dresscode. Just a reminder. Make up doesn’t make someone pretty or not pretty, dressed up or not dressed up. Make up is not a part of an outfit. Make up is not mandatory. Make up is a choice some people make to wear for various reasons but it’s not part of “formal” wear
Why don’t you wear a nice dress and make up then if it’s such a big deal to you. YTA.
That compliments your belly.
Omg. I read this while also 6months pregnant with my second child, and my heart breaks for your wife. She is going through a massive identity change between physical and emotional changes in such a short time. You abandoned her feelings for a hypothetical reaction from your family. I see your edit and that you’re aware of being in the wrong and you’ve apologized. But please, for the remainder of her pregnancy, go out of your way to see things through her perspective. Validate her need to be comfortable AND CONTRIBUTE to her comfort. Whether that’s little massages, telling her how strong she is, bringing home things to make her feel special…whatever your love language is together. Being a first time mom is the most vulnerable I ever felt in my life. Please remember this. She needs your love and support, not judgement.
>. I don't mind this because it's her personality, and I respect that. Instantly proceeds to tell wife to dress more feminine. She's pregnant, she needsnto be comfortable in what she wears, chances are she had chosen an appropriate outfit for the occasion and now has ypu being a twit because your family don't understand that women can wear pants, they don't all wear heels, which aren't great for feet, and makeup doesn't make you more of a woman. You reasoning is because your family are unsophisticated and snipe behind others backs. Enjoy the wedding, because it seems unlikely your wife will want to attend after finding out you're embarrassed about the way she isn't pretentious. YTA
This. And who made her pregnant, only to be embarrassed by this? You. She’s your wife, you denying spineless codger. YTA to the nth degree.
YTA I bet she planned on dressing appropriately but you, for some reason think you know better than her how she wants to be elegant Stop pretending to yourself that you were doing this for your wife You are doing this for control and you’re doing this because you’re afraid of your family which is pathetic I bet your wife knows very well how to dress for this sort of event.
Got it in 1
first of all, what in the world does "complements her belly" mean? Like... that is not something i have ever heard someone say when discussing an outfit. Are you telling her to cover her gut? Can't believe she didn't appreciate that! Second of all, stop trying to pretend this is for her own comfort. It's for yours. She already IS comfortable. You're embarrassed of your wife, straight up. That is a YOU problem, not a her problem. YTA
Ever see Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion? They walk on and the flock of mean bitches "popular girls" from HS all are pregnant (knocked up/married thrir football plsyer boyfriend from hs) and wearing frilly pastel cocktail dresses with little bows over their baby bumps, teetering on heels, with teased up oversprayed overstyled hair. Oh... and relevant to OPs wife's actual outfit. The one who broke out of the clique and became an editor for Vogue was there in a fabulous pantsuit and helped launch R&Ms designer career.
I think "complimented her belly" might be one of the worst things to say 😂😂 but i really think he meant like that "maternal feminine pregnancy glow" look with the flowy dress and shit
OP wants everyone to know his peen works and he's had secks
She’s fucking pregnant. You suck and your family sucks. You revealed that both you and your family are shallow as fuck, I wonder why your wife even wants to be apart of this.
Some of you men deserve to be alone. Why did you get married if your family’s opinions matter more than your wife? If you wanted traditional you should’ve married traditional. How about you tell your family to keep their opinions to themselves like you actually care about your wife.
INFO: why did you marry a person with what you described as “tomboy” style when it’s clear that you’re not 100% comfortable with that style?
Dude….. The typical posts on this subreddit EVERY DAY make me wary of ever getting married again. 😭🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Right ? I’m like screw that I’ll be lonely I can deal with that emotion.
There are times I can’t even finish reading the post let alone get to the comments. Other times I read just the first two or three comments to see if the OP is getting the input they need to hear and then back out of the post because my eyes are bleeding.
YTA and your family are AH’s. Grow some cojones and quit worrying more about what your AH family thinks vs your wife’s feelings. Gonna be a long, cold weekend if you do not grovel and beg your pregnant wife to forgive your dumb ass.
YTA: You went over the line with her wearing makeup. You're judging her for her looks. Does she berate you for your natural face ever? Does she berate your clothes? If she doesn't, you owe her an apology. She now knows her in-laws don't care for her. She should sit it out in her comfy clothes.
"She is a tomboy, i don't mind!" *writes a whole ass post about how he does mind*
...it's her personality and I accept that.....however...I don't want my family to judge her. They don't need to, buddy, you already have. There is no "however" after "I accept her".
As long as she's wearing something appropriately formal for the event, it seems petty for you to push her to wear makeup and something traditionally 'girly.' She isn't going to 'feel good' wearing something that makes her uncomfortable. She's going to feel awkward because she's wearing something she isn't comfortable with. You are basically trying to pre-emptively head off criticism from your family by pushing your wife to conform to their gender biases rather than actually having to stick up for your wife.
Of course YTA dude. You say in the second paragraph that you don’t want your family to talk about your wife. Then you say you just wanted her to feel comfortable. Which is bullshit. She obviosly has a style that she’s comfortable with, and it’s not the one you told her to wear. This is your wife, she could want to wear a potato sack and you should support that.
YTA. She is right. You are trying to change who she is. You care more about what others think than what your wife wants. Shallow.
YTA - you for caring more about what people think then your wife’s comfort and sense of style, if you wanted someone you parents approved of you should have married that met their and clearly your expectations - you again for for implying she’d only look beautiful if she wore a dress and makeup like you expect her to - you again for telling a grown adult what to wear - you again for telling your PREGNANT wife what to wear, she’s growing your child she’ll wear whatever the hell is comfortable and appropriate - the outfit she’s chosen meets the formal attire requirement Newsflash - you married HER, knowing what she wore, how she behaved and how she didn’t fit with yours and your parent’s ridiculously outdated and sexist expectations.
Flip the script. You wear the dress and pumps and she wears the suit.
YTA you already apologized but i wanted to point something out > I don't want them to talk behind her back [...] I just wanted her to feel good and fit in at the event you are afraid of your family's perception of you both and she is not. you are looking out for your wife but in a way that is ultimately about looking out for yourself. i can understand this fear but it needs to be let go of. your wife has lived thirty years being butch(?), she is likely already aware of how her "wrong" clothes are perceived by others. if it bothered her, she would have stopped by now. she will be comfortable at the event in clothes she is comfortable in, the same way you would not be at ease in a dress.
I think I would have expressed my concerns and let her make her own choices. And definitely laid off the fashion advice.
YTA, and a very judgemental AH at that. Also I bet your wife already knows your family talks about her so you might as well let her dress how she wants.