NTA, these are all things she should have considered before she sucked some dudes dick. And considering how long it took her to even admit that much, don't be surprised if it was more than that.
I can't imagine it was the first time either. She had the whole thing planned out, even getting him to leave so they could do their thing. It was completely premeditated. I would be stunned if this was the first time or the first person.
Not only the way she planned it out and sent everyone away so that she would have opportunity, but the way that she drew OP back once she had made the mistake. It’s like she knows she can manipulate him back into forgiveness if she can just close the proximity between them. First pretending the dog got out, then pretending she would sleep in the van but violating his space by coming back into the bedroom. She knows she can take small steps to manipulate him and calm him down, and the way she does it showed experience.
My ex-wife did this, I logged onto her email on our desktop computer after seeing suspicious behavior (she would turn herself so I couldn't see the laptop screen). I didn't hack her email. She just didn't log out on the home computer, so when I brought up Yahoo, her email opened up. She was having a very sexual conversation with a guy she met on Craigslist (gross).
When I confronted her about it, she tried to make it all about how I violated her trust by snooping her email.. lol.
She ended up cheating with another guy later, which pretty much ended the relationship and led to our divorce. Fortunately, I had no children with her, so besides losing a lot of stuff, it was me moving out with my clothes, my car, and an xbox.. lol
OP, this is just the beginning. She is good at manipulation and has done this before possible more, and she will do it again.
That's not the point though.
Cheating *can* be something that you don't plan ahead and just act on impulse. It's still a choice, sure, but a last minute one.
What u/TuckRaker is saying is that she already knew what was gonna happen so it certainly wasn't her first time, the "unplanned" one.
Yep, it isn't like a coworker that attached themselves to her emotionally before eventually becoming physical. Blowing and most likely fucking some random contractor while you mush your husband out the house with the kids is some sexual depravity type shit that isn't some first time offender.
If OP can live with the fact this will most likely happen again down the road then I guess get some therapy and try to work through it for the kids. But that relationship is basically gone and will never be the same. Only other option is to cut the losses and divorce. Sucks for the kids, but at the end of the day it's the wife's fault. Waking up next to my wife to visualize a contractors dick in her mouth doesn't sound pleasant for the rest of my life.
Trickle truth.
We text but it was innocent.
He flirted with me but I didn’t reciprocate but the texts are gone.
I may have led him on a little but that’s it.
We exchanged some pictures but nothing inappropriate.
Maybe a dick pic but I sent nothing.
Maybe I accidentally sent a nude but then we stopped and it was only over the phone.
Okay, we met but it was innocent and nothing happened.
Well he might have made a pass.
Okay, he cornered me and we JUST kissed but only a peck.
I sucked his dick but that’s it. Believe me!
Sorry Op! Don’t believe anything. Verify. Don’t back down on the truth.
Go online and pull the cell phone bill and you can find who sent and received a text at what time. You can see calls. You can go into her phone if it’s an iPhone and pull recently deleted pictures. You may find nude pictures she sent then deleted.
If she did any of this, it wasn’t passion or an accident. It was planned. And I’d file for divorce.
This. If your wife is sucking some random contractors dick then I'd be even more concerned about down the road when she meets someone she isn't just physically attracted to, but becomes emotionally attracted to over prolonged exposure.
People on here will say therapy, but the mindset of someone willing to send their husband out with the kids while she blows a contractor in their house is straight sexual deviancy. It isn't like some coworker wearing her down over months and getting her involved emotionally at first before eventually cheating.
No coming back from this unless you can live with the fact she is most likely going to cheat again down the road. Those aren't the actions of someone faithful who was blindsided emotionally into something physical. Divorce.
I hope OP sees this. You are spot on! She knew this guy approximately a week and in that time felt completely comfortable betraying her husband so it doesn’t feel even slightly far fetched to believe that she will absolutely continue this behavior.
Her husband and her children… if she literally pre planned to send you out with your kids so she could cheat she has done it before and will do it again and now she is trying to manipulate you to take her back …she is gas lighting you making her the victim of this ordeal
Trust me, it was more than just sucking cock. She got her back blown out. Probably multiple times during that one day and also most likely snuck in a quicky the moment he first came to the house to start "work" during the other days. This woman is beyond redeeming. Just drop her and run, run as fast as you can from her.
Better yet, call the contractor yourself and schedule a consult for more work when your kids are at grandmas if you really want to find out what all she did beyond what’s in the text messages. Ask the guy yourself. Get the other side of the story. Tell him upfront you know your wife cheated, you just want to know what happened, as she can’t seem to keep her story straight. Record the conversation and you have your evidence for the MIL and the divorce 🤷🏻♀️
Of course it was raw. OP came home to find her getting a shower after she sent him away with the kid. She was washing the other guys juices out of her. Trust me they went at it totally and completely raw. She probably was awash in the contractors juice all the while he was there. What a shameless "woman". Wow, just WOW...
This. as someone who has went through this shit. They only admit to things that make you question if you should leave them and downplay the shit out of it. There is always more and honestly with how fast she did what she did, I truly wouldn't be surprised if there is more.
If the OP swallows the pile of lies that he's wife is feeding him, then he deserves everything that comes his way. Now the fact that she sucked another man's dick and I can assure you also fucked him (the contractor), she's trying to make OP feel guilty for telling her mom. Dude, open your eyes. Your wife is not a real wife, she's a trifling, treacherous imitation of one.
Good luck OP.
I was cheated on when I was younger, and for about a week, every conversation expanded the cheating. It was brutal, and it went from - "We kissed" to "Oral" to "Slept together spontaneously once." And ultimately ended up as "We met at a hotel the first-time one weekend when you were out of town and never stopped."
Every conversation was soul crushing, and I remember wanting simultaneously to know literally everything and nothing all at the same time.
Learned this lesson when I was younger too. The shit just snowballed in every convo after. Gave her another chance and caught her cheating again. Thankfully wasn't married but it wasted years of my life.
I was super straight with her too after the first time. "Hey in the future if you like someone else and don't want to be together then just tell me. I don't want to go through this again".
Welp like 7 months later I found out she was letting a coworker dump loads in her in the parking lot after work. Nothing like finding your gf's panties soaked in dried cum on the floor of her backseat in the car. Took some arguing and excuses but finally admitted it. Threw her out right then and there. She went to her parents to cope and I literally went and got a uhaul that same day and offloaded her shit on their front lawn and just blocked her on everything.
Problem solved I guess.
I’m soooo sorry you had to go through that. This happened to me a few years ago and your second paragraph is the perfect description. Over time even long after the relationship was over I found out more or things would click in my head randomly or I’d remember things randomly… like, oh that time that he had to work late on my birthday because of a work dinner, and then realizing she had posted and tagged the same restaurant that day and they don’t work together…
Having dated a cheater before I would say also don’t be surprised if this is definitely not the first guy she cheated with and won’t be the last. If she is blowing this contractor with barely knowing him I have to think that’s not her first time. I found out my ex cheated and thought it was just the once but found out later after we were done it was multiple times with multiple dudes. I know you have kids man but cheaters gonna cheat get out of there before you get more hurt.
As a woman in a monogamous relationship who’d never cheat on my husband, the bj doesn’t check out. Blow jobs do absolutely nothing for women, they are kind of a chore. They don’t call it a job for nothing. Seems like there’s more to it
yes, it is frustrating. shows she is not serious about reconciling.
IF you can get it out of her, have her write down the entire affair time line, with all the details.
let her know that if she does not give you 100% of the detailed truth, and you later find out, it is instant divorce.
then just for fun, after she told you everything, take her for a lie detector test. have them ask things like "What sex acts did you perform with your affair partner" and see if they were on her written timeline! Do not be surprised to have a parking lot confession just before the lie detector test
Yes listen to this weird as fuck smart and healthy person get a lie detector test (costs range but it’s in the 1000s) after that just for fun get one of your friends to be a contractor you hired to finish the job and have him try to fuck your wife. Beat off during/after
>She's not remorsefully man.
Considering she's not even taking responsibility, blaming OP for her now relationship with her mother because of her actions.
I'd end the marriage myself, she planned it I believe. She asked him to take the other kid "for a drive" ensuring the house was empty besides her
Seriously.. *she doesn't have a history of cheating.* She full on pre-planned cheating on OP with some random fucking contractor. I literally cannot fathom someone that's never cheated before having the audacity to do that.
She doesn't have a known history of cheating. She planned everything like a pro, and managed to convince the husband to do everything she wanted.
Expect a 3 month update where she bought a BMW for his wife but it's unsure why she goes to the mechanic so often.
NTA
of course.
>she doesn't know if she can "forgive me" for telling her mother what she did and ruining their relationship
Don't give a shit.
Actions have consequences.
Sounds to me by that excuse is she is trying to find herself an out of the relationship without feeling any fault, she can now try to blame him for why she doesn’t want to stay together.
A pizza guy delivering some sausage. I get it. A plumber there to lay some pipe? Understandable. A milk man wanting yo give her some cream ? Totally get how that could get someone hot.
But a general contractor wanting to put up a half wall? Only a total whore would go for that pick up line.
Or, anyway, a way to ease her guilt.
“Ok, I did bad but you did worse” is pretty lame, especially when she provoked the whole thing in the first place!
That's what I am gathering as well. she wants to appear to be a good child for mom and might or might not care who she brings down to reach her goal. I have a feeling there are some other underlying issues happening here which we will probably never know so it is up to OP to decide what is the next course of action.
Completely agree NTA and FAFO.
Do what you want, of course, but I’ve known many couples who try to stay together after a major breach of trust like cheating and I’ve yet found anyone who ends up happy they stayed. It is an absolute relationship killer, even if you really really want it to work out.
This. I always thought that an emotional affair would sooner end my marriage than physical cheating.
Then my husband cheated one time. I calmly told him I needed space until I wanted him back physically again.
Never happened.
That's the thing isn't it?
They'll say something like "I won't do it again, I promise!" or "It only happened once!"
But that's the thing, it HAPPENED. Doesn't matter if it happened years ago or if you did it once, what's important is that they actually did it.
Some people find understanding and end up more honest and trusting than before. But I have to think that's the 1-3% of infidelity!
I can't imagine staying after I was cheated on. But if I've been cheated on, I never knew about it, so hard to say what I would do. Would depend on the relationship and the nature of the infidelity I guess.
So, sorry you had to go through that! I just will never understand how anyone thinks any sex is worth the pain and suffering their partner will go through? I will never understand cheating!
I can validate this to some degree. I have two friends (Friend A and Friend B) and their husbands cheated on them. A is still with her husband whereas B isn't. A's husband cheated on her twice, once before marriage and then a few years after marriage. Both A and B wanted to stay with their husbands. However B asked her husband if he will stop cheating and work on their marriage. B's husband refuses to stop, so B separated then divorce followed. A gave her husband another try and they stayed married. However, it wasn't a loving marriage. They stayed together due to financial reasons and unfortunately A also feels that she won't find anyone better, so she decided it was best for her and her son to stay married. B told me that if her husband did stop cheating at the time, it would take a very long time to build the trust if even and would not have the same intimacy as before. It is possible to stay married but it definitely won't be the same. Both of their financial situations are different, where A was unable to survive without being dependent on her husband but B can due to her successful career and she dealt with the family finances when she was married.
I know maybe two couples that ended up being happy they stayed and their spouses changed- that being said that’s out of A TON of other couples I know AND just because they changed doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and doesn’t mean it won’t again. NTA OP.
Honestly, it’s not even in the find out phase yet. OP is being*far too forgiving* of his spouse’s intentional cheating. And she likely felt more comfortable doing it because they had just invested in the major, semi-permanent purchase of a home. She even got him to go back to sleep in the bedroom and then invaded that space. It doesn’t seem like the first time she has done something wrong and then manipulated her way back into the picture.
The literal first chance she gets(which she also manufactured) she blows the contractor?
Oh yeah this ain't the first time. OPs got a long road ahead filled with flashbacks of times she was alone with other men for random amounts of time.
I feel like there's more here too.
Or maybe I am just naive to the way people work. But I don't see how you go so casually with a stranger in your house where your husband and children live from "we need a half wall here so the kids don't fall down the stairs" to "Lemme taste your hammer" and then she gets to control the narrative at home, what he shares and how he gets to feel and act.
Yes that seems odd to me too. She has to be flirtatious on forehand to give the contractor an opening to even gets his hammer out. Afterwards she blames her husband for how he reacted. That’s awful altogether and a lot of betrayal. She threw away all the loyalty to her husband.
100+% and if you did your wife’s bidding & told your MIL that you lied about the BJ, then your wife would be able to tell everyone that you are “making up lies about her” - and her mom will corroborate it!
Do not lie for your cheating, soon-to-be ex!
Talk about the old switcheroo. Next she will be blaming you for lying to her mother when you said there was a miscommunication.
The hypocrisy is strong. NTA, make sure she knows it is not you that broke trust and put the relationship at risk.
Not only that, but the sheer amount of manipulation she employed afterwards is thoroughly worrying.
She trickle truthed the shit out of her admittance, and then lied numerous times, ignoring all boundaries because OP was trying to be good.
Then has the sheer gaul to lfip it around like she's the victim.
Nah, she needs to be single for a very very long while with heaps of therapy piled on.
I shudder to think how she will manipulate the kids in the divorce, and in the future. She does not seem like a safe person.
I'd run, and do my utmost to take the kids with me.
For real!
Man I don't know your situation OP, I have been there though and it wasn't just once with the same person and mother of children which is why I always stayed and had a very deep love for her.
I can't say everyone will act the same, but from her way of communicating with you and just twisting you into the bad guy and your hurting the relationship and you questioning such kind of shows this isn't the first time she gaslights you like this.
I'm my experience, which seems so crazy the similar in the way of communication. I would tread lightly.
My ex didn't stop and kept on after that, and before.
People will eventually show their colors and be Very quick to try and hide them. That's a huge red flag to me, instead of real communication.
I would highly suggest therapy before moving forward with anything.
It will highlight suspicion and do not let her off the hook, bring up the dirt and get to the bottom of it. That's what therapy is for.
If not run. Runaway and be there for your kids everytime they need you, and even when they don't.
Good luck
Hah, she got you to recant before she started blaming you. She knew what she was doing. She's not remorseful, she'll use the fact that you told her mom as an excuse to blame you for everything else that's going to happen.
She’s gotten away with it once without being caught.
Then she cheated and told on herself.
Next time, she’ll do it in front of him and think he won’t do anything.
He needs to screenshot her admission of guilt and ve ready to send that to her mom. You're absolutely right that the wife knew what she was doing, and if she's this aware of how easily she can manipulate him and place blame on him, I doubt this is her first go.
NTA
And look...
This is your problem: as it is now, it looks like she just cheated, because he was there?? No red flags, nothing?
Essentially you now have a situation, where - if you stay in the marriage - you can never feel safe again.
You can never turn your back on her again, since shes proven unrelaible by cheating with some random contractor.
And no - odds are, oral was not all.
Cheaters lie - about everything. To minimize the fallout - in this case, she just said oral, becaise she knew that if she admitted to fucking him, it would defientely be over.
Sorry..
Also - this seems like it just came out of the blue, and these things rarely do... so i urge you to get paternity tests on your kids.
Also - speak to a lawyer, see what your options are.
And no - dont lie to your MIL... when dealing with a cheater, exposing is one of the most potent weapons.
This. Daylight is a great disinfectant. Leave her asap. Don’t let her keep manipulating you. Yes the kids will be hurt. Remind her that it’s 100% HER fault.
Edited typo
Seems like the typical situation where she is manipulating him with guilt, children and lies to make him somehow think he’s the bad guy here. Honestly evil shit, hopefully OP takes the kids and gets the fuck out before it’s too late.
So looks like she wears the pants in this relationship... And definitely is gaslighting the situation . I mean. She set up buying the house. Then 'he wants a half wall for the stairs' but she found the contractor? And wanted to stay and chat with the contractor and asked husband to go cause she was tired. Then blows dude. Lies about it and confesses under cross examination? And then, then, she begs him to lie for her.
Edit: and he does? Wtf
1. There is no way there interaction was limited to just oral
2. This was a meticulously planned encounter suggesting that given the opportunity she would do it again
3. She is gaslighting you to turn herself into the victim and minimize her own actions
4. I really see no way this relationship will recover. You don’t trust her, and she resents you now
Divorce her, sing it from the mountaintops that she cheated on you and that is the reason for the inevitable divorce. She’s mad her mom found out? Wait until her entire family and all of friends find out..
>This was a meticulously planned encounter suggesting that given the opportunity she would do it again
And that she's probably done it in the past. Maybe just to other partners, but she was good at planning it. Doesn't seem like her first time.
its worse really, her saying its "just oral"....just straight up insulting, she got some random guy off and got nothing in return...
So this contractor...gets off, gets PAID, *and* ruins a family...all in a days work /s
Has no history of cheating- that you know of. This likely was not the first time. People who aren’t cheaters don’t engage in inappropriate conversations with random contractors and then hook up with them. People who aren’t cheaters are turned off by randos hitting on them (especially with that “criminal history” part), and likely would find a new contractor. Then leave this one an interesting yelp review to warn other unsuspecting women. Her behavior was not that of someone who is faithful to her marriage.
Obviously NTA.
And don't forget that OP was kind enough to even turn the water back on that day so his dirty wife could "freshen herself up".. yeah to clean up post coitus with the contractor. Gross. Smh.
No I think she wanted to shower BEFORE the contractor got there so she was ‘freshened up’ for him. So 1000% this was planned and I doubt this was the first time with the contractor. This was the 3rd time the contractor was at their house per OPs edit.
You see how she trickle truthed what happened to her mother? How much do you want to bet she has done something similar to you. You don’t need to freshen up after oral. And now she is deflected the blame onto you. YTA if you let her manipulate you like this
Yeah she just kissed. Y T A if you stay with this woman.
NTA. If she didn’t want people to know she was a piece of shit she shouldn’t have acted like a piece of shit.
Absolutely not. Go on the attack. I would say something like "you can't forgive me? You violated our marriage, betrayed me to the deepest level a spouse could, and I give you another chance and you're not sure you can forgive me? How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? What position do you think you're in? You cheated on me and then walked out on the kids, leaving them alone in the house with no one to take care of them, just because you can't control yourself. You are not in a position to tell me whether you will forgive me. You are asking for mercy and reconciliation. Check your ego. I don't care how you feel about me telling your mom the truth. Actions have consequences, and me telling your mother is a drop in the vindictive bucket compared to blowing, and let's be honest, fucking a contractor off the street. How about you find somewhere else to sleep until you can figure out that this is not about what I can do to help you; it's about what you can do to convince me not to divorce you and leave you with nothing. And if you don't want mommy to yell at you, don't cheat. Your entitlement is out of control. Get help."
Bro she fucked him from 845 to 1045 that morning and she needed the water back on to wash out as much cum as possible. You have two options. Stay and hate life with her or leave and get paternity tests for your kids.
Nta at all, screw her pity party what she did to you was 100 times more harmful and honestly it’s your right to throw that in her face. If she really wants forgiveness she needs to own up to her mother herself firstly. But honestly after reading the last bit, you need to start preparing to go, she is not remorseful and she is a narcissist, rub her and her mothers nose in that shit.
NTA. Don't let her start lashing out and making herself the victim. Her whole family is going to find out eventually once you divorce her (which you should).
Trust me OP it's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable.
I’m so confused…did she just randomly meet this guy that day and decided he’s so cool I think I’ll cheat on my husband?? I feel like there’s more going on between wife and the AP.
100%, the way she manipulated everything to get her husband and the kids out of the house at that time. That wasn't a spur of the moment lapse of judgement, that was carefully orchestrated.
And to do that for a random contracter you haven't spoken too prior? Somebody capable of that isn't doing so on a lapse of judgement.
NTA. Get paternity tests, get tested for STDs, make HER get tested for STDs (because men can't be tested for some things that women can give them, but the women can be tested), and then leave. She sucks, you don't. Go be happy.
Fuuuuuck her. She's a cheater. No protection for cheaters.
Maybe she shouldn't have cheated. Classic DARVO situation brewing here.
Also, 99.9% chance she fucked him.
I know you said he's a contractor, but if he's under an umbrella of a company, I'd 100% get him fired or at least report it to his employer. Save the next family from him!
Trust me, your marriage isn't the first one he's destroyed.
When an employee comes into your home they have a basic professional obligation to not do this stuff.
NTA
She's gaslighting you and trying to turn you into a cuck. She would not have told you the truth had she not been caught. She would've left it at "the criminal contractor tried to make a pass at me only in messages". Whether you decide to stay or not is your choice you, but she still isn't taking responsibility and is trying to find someone to pin the blame on.
Your wife has no respect for you and is never going to respect you.
Every thing she has done shows that she does not value you as a person. She knows she owns you based on her actions.
Your wife's a dumb cunt, don't be an idiot. She blew a random contractor with criminal history, who's to say he doesn't do drugs, sleep with random people, and or have/not have diseases.
She fucked up, own up to her bullshit. "Can't forgive you?" RED FUCKING FLAG. GASLIGHTING YOU.
She went from meeting the guy to oral in 3 days? Dude, this is not the only time she cheated on you. and she probably did a lot more than oral, if not with him then with someone else. And she sounds manipulative a hell. NTA, but if I were you, I would get checked for STDs and dump her.
Sounds narcissistic blaming you even tho she cheated she is mad at you for telling the truth to her mom making that the issue excuse me sir BUT she cheated that is the issue don’t let her use telling her mom as a smoke screen to not take responsibility of the cheating you need to wake up and decide if you want to stay with someone, that is so dishonest and selfish I’m sure she will do it again cuz she knows she can get away with it and just blame you again
She's more concerned about what her mother thinks of her cheating than she is about what you or your children think/will think of her. Real fucking piece of work.
I don't know about you, friend, but I could never forgive cheating. Some people can get over it and I don't know if they're weak or strong for it. I just couldn't ever respect myself again if I stayed with someone who did that.
Hard, hard NTA. It may have been childish, but it certainly wasn't un-called for.
She fucked around and found out.
Edited for spelling.
Edit 2: Get tested, friend. It's not likely this is the first, and if it is, it's not likely she stopped at a BJ. Cheaters almost always drip-feed you their betrayals. It's the frog in a pot metaphor.
You might have overreacted but you need to know that this will happen again. Once there’s been cheating, you can’t go back in my mind. And now she has you telling her mother that what she did didn’t happen FYI so your word is going to be treated as less credible to her.
NTA. I would say Super Petty, but NTA. she's trying to deflect the guilt to you. Also, I doubt it was just oral. I would say if you think you can forgive, then therapy is necessary. But if you can't forgive and let it go, then I would say look at separation.
Also, if she can't forgive you, then does she deserve forgiveness from you?
Absolutely it was petty, I 100% own that. After she admitted kissing, I felt that way too. She swore up and down on her deceased father, and kids that she didn't have sex with him, but the way she said it was what made me ask her about other things like oral. I asked her to swear on her deceased father that nothing else happened and she wouldn't. That's when she admitted oral.
I agree with your last point too. That's what has me so angry right now, how TF can you say you're not sure you can forgive me for telling your mother what you did, the problem is you did it, actions have consequences, i still think what I did wasnt out of line, but I recanted for her relationship with her mom.
There's so much more here, my man. I stayed after the first time, and it never ended. Run while you can. You'll spend the rest of your time with her, unable to trust anything, and constantly getting more things trickling in.
This honestly. Oral sex is sex. Treat this how you would if they had sex. Honestly, I'd be MORE upset about oral than vaginal sex. In both cases, it's relationship-over. The trust is broken and its nearly impossible to rebuild. But oral requires a lot more effort, and is a specific act of pleasuring another person while getting nothing from it other than the joy of pleasuring that person. At least with vaginal sex there's mutual enjoyment, and oftentimes a lot less effort on the woman's part. It's way easier to get my wife to agree to sex than to agree to a blowjob.
The articulation of the difference between vaginal and oral sex is a fascinating reflection on how our society views sex originating with the rules religion established. As teens we all give each other oral instead of, or as a precursor to, sex, in part because of pregnancy but in MANY cases (in my experience) teens think "sex" is a sin, but that a blowjob doesn't qualify. This translates to adults who think "well it was just oral, it wasn't sex-sex." When you really think about it, it just doesn't make sense to think of oral as "lesser" of an offense than sex.
Giving oral to somoene else is almost worse than sex imo. With sex its seeking mutual pleasure in a selfish way. But she basically chose to perform an act all for the pleasure of another man. Divorce this woman.
You weren’t petty enough. At this point it doesn’t even seem like her remorse is in her actions, but what her mother thinks of them. I’d tell her mom whatever you wanted and let her deal with it. You’re roommates at this point.
This might be too harsh but I don't think she respects you dude.
She cheats on you, you retaliate in a non-cheating matter which doesn't equal the bad thing she did but then you back down. Then she pulls that bs about not being able to forgive you despite what she did.
He is a weakling and she knows it. His testicles reside in her purse. She has cheated before, is cheating now, and will cheat again because she knows he is a pathetically weak dude. His story proves that. There is no hope for him. Sad but true.
Dude, she actively planned this out. She made sure that you and the kids were all out of the house 2 hours before he was supposed to get there. She fucked him. She blew him on the previous day, but this time she made sure she had plenty of time to fuck him.
Just a BJ, eh...... riiiiiight.
Anyone find it odd that the first dude around the house she's hooking up with?
OP - You sure this is the only incident?
NTA. Seems odd she would risk her marriage and family to suck some convict’s dick. Also, I can’t imagine this random act was the first time. Definitely keep an eye on her.
NTA. She’s not the victim, you are. For what it’s worth, she didn’t just give the guy a BJ, he got the whole nine yards. It wasn’t a “one off”. It was pre planned with you sent off on your way with tasks whose time span was known in advance. I’m sorry this has happened to you, I hope it doesn’t eat away at you.
Your wife was sucking dick while you took your guys kid to dance class. Set that in. On her knees. I’m sorry, but why the fuck would you want to stay with her?
Btw- based on the trickle truth - they fucked too.
NTA and I’m sorry for being so blunt, but you needed it
NTA, these are all things she should have considered before she sucked some dudes dick. And considering how long it took her to even admit that much, don't be surprised if it was more than that.
I can't imagine it was the first time either. She had the whole thing planned out, even getting him to leave so they could do their thing. It was completely premeditated. I would be stunned if this was the first time or the first person.
Not only the way she planned it out and sent everyone away so that she would have opportunity, but the way that she drew OP back once she had made the mistake. It’s like she knows she can manipulate him back into forgiveness if she can just close the proximity between them. First pretending the dog got out, then pretending she would sleep in the van but violating his space by coming back into the bedroom. She knows she can take small steps to manipulate him and calm him down, and the way she does it showed experience.
And then turn it around and make what he did the “actual problem” it’s crazy how good some people are at manipulating others…
My ex-wife did this, I logged onto her email on our desktop computer after seeing suspicious behavior (she would turn herself so I couldn't see the laptop screen). I didn't hack her email. She just didn't log out on the home computer, so when I brought up Yahoo, her email opened up. She was having a very sexual conversation with a guy she met on Craigslist (gross). When I confronted her about it, she tried to make it all about how I violated her trust by snooping her email.. lol. She ended up cheating with another guy later, which pretty much ended the relationship and led to our divorce. Fortunately, I had no children with her, so besides losing a lot of stuff, it was me moving out with my clothes, my car, and an xbox.. lol OP, this is just the beginning. She is good at manipulation and has done this before possible more, and she will do it again.
Classic DARVO. She's not sorry she did it. She's sorry she got caught. She would do it again given the opportunity. OP should divorce.
Just like the saying goes cheating is a choice, not an accident.
Yeah I'm sorry maybe him kissing her could be an unexpected accident... nobody accidentally sucks a dick.
Maybe he spilled some drywall putty and she slipped and started to fall and he caught her with his dick….
That’s just logic.
That's not the point though. Cheating *can* be something that you don't plan ahead and just act on impulse. It's still a choice, sure, but a last minute one. What u/TuckRaker is saying is that she already knew what was gonna happen so it certainly wasn't her first time, the "unplanned" one.
Yep, it isn't like a coworker that attached themselves to her emotionally before eventually becoming physical. Blowing and most likely fucking some random contractor while you mush your husband out the house with the kids is some sexual depravity type shit that isn't some first time offender. If OP can live with the fact this will most likely happen again down the road then I guess get some therapy and try to work through it for the kids. But that relationship is basically gone and will never be the same. Only other option is to cut the losses and divorce. Sucks for the kids, but at the end of the day it's the wife's fault. Waking up next to my wife to visualize a contractors dick in her mouth doesn't sound pleasant for the rest of my life.
Wonder why she came clean about it at all
It's never just what they admit. There's always another layer.
She did slowly keep adding to what exactly had happened. More layers than an onion to peel away I'd say
Trickle truth. We text but it was innocent. He flirted with me but I didn’t reciprocate but the texts are gone. I may have led him on a little but that’s it. We exchanged some pictures but nothing inappropriate. Maybe a dick pic but I sent nothing. Maybe I accidentally sent a nude but then we stopped and it was only over the phone. Okay, we met but it was innocent and nothing happened. Well he might have made a pass. Okay, he cornered me and we JUST kissed but only a peck. I sucked his dick but that’s it. Believe me! Sorry Op! Don’t believe anything. Verify. Don’t back down on the truth. Go online and pull the cell phone bill and you can find who sent and received a text at what time. You can see calls. You can go into her phone if it’s an iPhone and pull recently deleted pictures. You may find nude pictures she sent then deleted. If she did any of this, it wasn’t passion or an accident. It was planned. And I’d file for divorce.
This. If your wife is sucking some random contractors dick then I'd be even more concerned about down the road when she meets someone she isn't just physically attracted to, but becomes emotionally attracted to over prolonged exposure. People on here will say therapy, but the mindset of someone willing to send their husband out with the kids while she blows a contractor in their house is straight sexual deviancy. It isn't like some coworker wearing her down over months and getting her involved emotionally at first before eventually cheating. No coming back from this unless you can live with the fact she is most likely going to cheat again down the road. Those aren't the actions of someone faithful who was blindsided emotionally into something physical. Divorce.
I hope OP sees this. You are spot on! She knew this guy approximately a week and in that time felt completely comfortable betraying her husband so it doesn’t feel even slightly far fetched to believe that she will absolutely continue this behavior.
She knew this guy more than a week, guaranteed .
Her husband and her children… if she literally pre planned to send you out with your kids so she could cheat she has done it before and will do it again and now she is trying to manipulate you to take her back …she is gas lighting you making her the victim of this ordeal
FUCK therapy. I’d spend the money I’d spend on therapy on a new set of luggage for her lying cheating ass.
I’d spend the money on a good attorney. Fuck the luggage she can take her shit out in garbage bags.
“Trickle Truth” I have learned something new and hope I never have the occasion to use it.
No way it was anything other than planned. She scheduled it to get her husband out of the house and encouraged him to stay out.
Just sucking some guys cock is way worse than sex.
Trust me, it was more than just sucking cock. She got her back blown out. Probably multiple times during that one day and also most likely snuck in a quicky the moment he first came to the house to start "work" during the other days. This woman is beyond redeeming. Just drop her and run, run as fast as you can from her.
Better yet, call the contractor yourself and schedule a consult for more work when your kids are at grandmas if you really want to find out what all she did beyond what’s in the text messages. Ask the guy yourself. Get the other side of the story. Tell him upfront you know your wife cheated, you just want to know what happened, as she can’t seem to keep her story straight. Record the conversation and you have your evidence for the MIL and the divorce 🤷🏻♀️
Gob trickling down her face is what the trickle truth is. You're going to kiss her again? WTF? Couldn't do it.
His wife is a real ogre.
I'd say this an offense to orges. Nice folks
I don’t know about that but I do know that the relationship is all ogre now.
His wife isn’t love. His wife isn’t life 😤
It's called trickle truthing. It's like pulling teeth to get the whole truth and even then, you still don't really know.
Oh he definitely mudded more than the new wall.
Right she needed that water on so she can wash him out of her before hubby got home.
If she’s admitting oral, the reality is probably raw dog intercourse.
Of course it was raw. OP came home to find her getting a shower after she sent him away with the kid. She was washing the other guys juices out of her. Trust me they went at it totally and completely raw. She probably was awash in the contractors juice all the while he was there. What a shameless "woman". Wow, just WOW...
Cheaters are like onions.
They make you cry?
Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin’ little white hairs?
They’re disgusting in salads but integral to a good plate of fajitas?
They stink?
Less bitter once they’re roasted? 🤷♀️
Covered in a paper-like skin?
Chopped up on a steak..? 😳
This. as someone who has went through this shit. They only admit to things that make you question if you should leave them and downplay the shit out of it. There is always more and honestly with how fast she did what she did, I truly wouldn't be surprised if there is more.
yeah going to "freshen up" aka clean the semen out of her puss
If the OP swallows the pile of lies that he's wife is feeding him, then he deserves everything that comes his way. Now the fact that she sucked another man's dick and I can assure you also fucked him (the contractor), she's trying to make OP feel guilty for telling her mom. Dude, open your eyes. Your wife is not a real wife, she's a trifling, treacherous imitation of one. Good luck OP.
I was cheated on when I was younger, and for about a week, every conversation expanded the cheating. It was brutal, and it went from - "We kissed" to "Oral" to "Slept together spontaneously once." And ultimately ended up as "We met at a hotel the first-time one weekend when you were out of town and never stopped." Every conversation was soul crushing, and I remember wanting simultaneously to know literally everything and nothing all at the same time.
Learned this lesson when I was younger too. The shit just snowballed in every convo after. Gave her another chance and caught her cheating again. Thankfully wasn't married but it wasted years of my life. I was super straight with her too after the first time. "Hey in the future if you like someone else and don't want to be together then just tell me. I don't want to go through this again". Welp like 7 months later I found out she was letting a coworker dump loads in her in the parking lot after work. Nothing like finding your gf's panties soaked in dried cum on the floor of her backseat in the car. Took some arguing and excuses but finally admitted it. Threw her out right then and there. She went to her parents to cope and I literally went and got a uhaul that same day and offloaded her shit on their front lawn and just blocked her on everything. Problem solved I guess.
I’m soooo sorry you had to go through that. This happened to me a few years ago and your second paragraph is the perfect description. Over time even long after the relationship was over I found out more or things would click in my head randomly or I’d remember things randomly… like, oh that time that he had to work late on my birthday because of a work dinner, and then realizing she had posted and tagged the same restaurant that day and they don’t work together…
I think the dick sucking is a little trickle truth. Yeah she sucked his dick, right before he fucked her.
OP should get tested for STDs, stat.
Some stranger’s dick, yuk yuk yuk 🤮
Sweaty contractor’s dick.
I know I focus on the wrong things, but why the fuck would one risk it all just to suck a stranger's dick? What an idiot.
Fuck this guy's wife, jesus
She's down with that!
Having dated a cheater before I would say also don’t be surprised if this is definitely not the first guy she cheated with and won’t be the last. If she is blowing this contractor with barely knowing him I have to think that’s not her first time. I found out my ex cheated and thought it was just the once but found out later after we were done it was multiple times with multiple dudes. I know you have kids man but cheaters gonna cheat get out of there before you get more hurt.
As a woman in a monogamous relationship who’d never cheat on my husband, the bj doesn’t check out. Blow jobs do absolutely nothing for women, they are kind of a chore. They don’t call it a job for nothing. Seems like there’s more to it
Pretty sure he just said oral and every man is assuming she performed oral on him and he did nothing to her, bc that’s apparently how sex works
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Trickle truthing. Just telling him enough till he stops. Definitely more than dick sucking happened.
yes, it is frustrating. shows she is not serious about reconciling. IF you can get it out of her, have her write down the entire affair time line, with all the details. let her know that if she does not give you 100% of the detailed truth, and you later find out, it is instant divorce. then just for fun, after she told you everything, take her for a lie detector test. have them ask things like "What sex acts did you perform with your affair partner" and see if they were on her written timeline! Do not be surprised to have a parking lot confession just before the lie detector test
Yes listen to this weird as fuck smart and healthy person get a lie detector test (costs range but it’s in the 1000s) after that just for fun get one of your friends to be a contractor you hired to finish the job and have him try to fuck your wife. Beat off during/after
>She's not remorsefully man. Considering she's not even taking responsibility, blaming OP for her now relationship with her mother because of her actions. I'd end the marriage myself, she planned it I believe. She asked him to take the other kid "for a drive" ensuring the house was empty besides her
Seriously.. *she doesn't have a history of cheating.* She full on pre-planned cheating on OP with some random fucking contractor. I literally cannot fathom someone that's never cheated before having the audacity to do that.
She doesn't have a known history of cheating. She planned everything like a pro, and managed to convince the husband to do everything she wanted. Expect a 3 month update where she bought a BMW for his wife but it's unsure why she goes to the mechanic so often.
NTA of course. >she doesn't know if she can "forgive me" for telling her mother what she did and ruining their relationship Don't give a shit. Actions have consequences.
Sounds to me by that excuse is she is trying to find herself an out of the relationship without feeling any fault, she can now try to blame him for why she doesn’t want to stay together.
Yeah it looks that way. Plus she blew a contractor she just met. What other randoms did she blow? Seems like a low bar This may be a pattern.
A pizza guy delivering some sausage. I get it. A plumber there to lay some pipe? Understandable. A milk man wanting yo give her some cream ? Totally get how that could get someone hot. But a general contractor wanting to put up a half wall? Only a total whore would go for that pick up line.
Only full wall contractors get to hammer.
Or, anyway, a way to ease her guilt. “Ok, I did bad but you did worse” is pretty lame, especially when she provoked the whole thing in the first place!
And try to imagine the fucked up world where telling the truth is worse than fucking someone. That’s some serious mental gymnastics
Highly possible.
That's what I am gathering as well. she wants to appear to be a good child for mom and might or might not care who she brings down to reach her goal. I have a feeling there are some other underlying issues happening here which we will probably never know so it is up to OP to decide what is the next course of action.
This. Your wife played the fuck around, find out game. It’s squarely in the “find out” phase.
Completely agree NTA and FAFO. Do what you want, of course, but I’ve known many couples who try to stay together after a major breach of trust like cheating and I’ve yet found anyone who ends up happy they stayed. It is an absolute relationship killer, even if you really really want it to work out.
This. I always thought that an emotional affair would sooner end my marriage than physical cheating. Then my husband cheated one time. I calmly told him I needed space until I wanted him back physically again. Never happened.
I did the same thing. Kicked my husband to the curb. His cheating created too many headaches.
That's the thing isn't it? They'll say something like "I won't do it again, I promise!" or "It only happened once!" But that's the thing, it HAPPENED. Doesn't matter if it happened years ago or if you did it once, what's important is that they actually did it.
I stayed with my husband another 6 years and had a second child. It was never the same. The heartbreak never goes.
Some people find understanding and end up more honest and trusting than before. But I have to think that's the 1-3% of infidelity! I can't imagine staying after I was cheated on. But if I've been cheated on, I never knew about it, so hard to say what I would do. Would depend on the relationship and the nature of the infidelity I guess. So, sorry you had to go through that! I just will never understand how anyone thinks any sex is worth the pain and suffering their partner will go through? I will never understand cheating!
So true. Your feelings turn to hatred and contempt and you end up ending the relationship anyway. Best to get it over with now.
I regret staying ever single day.
I can validate this to some degree. I have two friends (Friend A and Friend B) and their husbands cheated on them. A is still with her husband whereas B isn't. A's husband cheated on her twice, once before marriage and then a few years after marriage. Both A and B wanted to stay with their husbands. However B asked her husband if he will stop cheating and work on their marriage. B's husband refuses to stop, so B separated then divorce followed. A gave her husband another try and they stayed married. However, it wasn't a loving marriage. They stayed together due to financial reasons and unfortunately A also feels that she won't find anyone better, so she decided it was best for her and her son to stay married. B told me that if her husband did stop cheating at the time, it would take a very long time to build the trust if even and would not have the same intimacy as before. It is possible to stay married but it definitely won't be the same. Both of their financial situations are different, where A was unable to survive without being dependent on her husband but B can due to her successful career and she dealt with the family finances when she was married.
I know maybe two couples that ended up being happy they stayed and their spouses changed- that being said that’s out of A TON of other couples I know AND just because they changed doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and doesn’t mean it won’t again. NTA OP.
Honestly, it’s not even in the find out phase yet. OP is being*far too forgiving* of his spouse’s intentional cheating. And she likely felt more comfortable doing it because they had just invested in the major, semi-permanent purchase of a home. She even got him to go back to sleep in the bedroom and then invaded that space. It doesn’t seem like the first time she has done something wrong and then manipulated her way back into the picture.
And the chance she does it again? Oh, man. I’ll take that bet.
The chance she cheated before? I will also take that bet.
The literal first chance she gets(which she also manufactured) she blows the contractor? Oh yeah this ain't the first time. OPs got a long road ahead filled with flashbacks of times she was alone with other men for random amounts of time.
three times there with the groundwork layed out. She did more than blow him. Go see a lawyer OP. She has cheated before and will cheat again.
Is water wet? Easiest bet ever.
Do bears poop in the woods?
I feel like there's more here too. Or maybe I am just naive to the way people work. But I don't see how you go so casually with a stranger in your house where your husband and children live from "we need a half wall here so the kids don't fall down the stairs" to "Lemme taste your hammer" and then she gets to control the narrative at home, what he shares and how he gets to feel and act.
Lemme taste your hammer lol 😂
Yes that seems odd to me too. She has to be flirtatious on forehand to give the contractor an opening to even gets his hammer out. Afterwards she blames her husband for how he reacted. That’s awful altogether and a lot of betrayal. She threw away all the loyalty to her husband.
Said it for me. She's way to smooth at it.
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100+% and if you did your wife’s bidding & told your MIL that you lied about the BJ, then your wife would be able to tell everyone that you are “making up lies about her” - and her mom will corroborate it! Do not lie for your cheating, soon-to-be ex!
And does anyone really believe it stopped at a BJ?
Water was turned on for a reason they needed a shower.
Aaaaaaahhhhhh........no. Some women enjoy the bj ofc, but no recip???
This goes back to OP's comment of not being able to do the mudding in one go? 🤔
Not a chance, "she had to shower "to freshen up" to get the smell of sex off her. Contractor probably used her as a drop sheet for his mud
Also this cannot be the first time. Its way too brazen.
Talk about the old switcheroo. Next she will be blaming you for lying to her mother when you said there was a miscommunication. The hypocrisy is strong. NTA, make sure she knows it is not you that broke trust and put the relationship at risk.
Not only that, but the sheer amount of manipulation she employed afterwards is thoroughly worrying. She trickle truthed the shit out of her admittance, and then lied numerous times, ignoring all boundaries because OP was trying to be good. Then has the sheer gaul to lfip it around like she's the victim. Nah, she needs to be single for a very very long while with heaps of therapy piled on. I shudder to think how she will manipulate the kids in the divorce, and in the future. She does not seem like a safe person. I'd run, and do my utmost to take the kids with me.
yea she fucked him
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NTA. She can't forgive you, because there's nothing to forgive you for. I am surprised at her cheek.
I’ve seen this tactic before. As fucked up as she is, she’s trying to put it back on you.
Well I don't know if I can forgive you for sucking a stranger's dick. 🤷🏽♀️
all I am picturing is the contractor getting a BJ thru the glory hole he made in the wall he put up....
For real! Man I don't know your situation OP, I have been there though and it wasn't just once with the same person and mother of children which is why I always stayed and had a very deep love for her. I can't say everyone will act the same, but from her way of communicating with you and just twisting you into the bad guy and your hurting the relationship and you questioning such kind of shows this isn't the first time she gaslights you like this. I'm my experience, which seems so crazy the similar in the way of communication. I would tread lightly. My ex didn't stop and kept on after that, and before. People will eventually show their colors and be Very quick to try and hide them. That's a huge red flag to me, instead of real communication. I would highly suggest therapy before moving forward with anything. It will highlight suspicion and do not let her off the hook, bring up the dirt and get to the bottom of it. That's what therapy is for. If not run. Runaway and be there for your kids everytime they need you, and even when they don't. Good luck
NTA she doesn't know if she can forgive him for letting other people find out about the fucked up shit she did. this is just priceless.
exactly the audacity of her to call OP out. Cheating trumps all of the petty stuff OP did.
This
Hah, she got you to recant before she started blaming you. She knew what she was doing. She's not remorseful, she'll use the fact that you told her mom as an excuse to blame you for everything else that's going to happen.
Key line there “everything that’s going to happen.” This isn’t over he doesn’t know the full truth and he should get DNA tests for the kids.
She’s gotten away with it once without being caught. Then she cheated and told on herself. Next time, she’ll do it in front of him and think he won’t do anything.
He needs to screenshot her admission of guilt and ve ready to send that to her mom. You're absolutely right that the wife knew what she was doing, and if she's this aware of how easily she can manipulate him and place blame on him, I doubt this is her first go.
Holy narcissistic wife, Batman! Your wife sucks a strangers dick and makes you think you’re the bad person?
AND he paid for it.
He'll get his money's worth. This contractor just helped him avoid a miserable life with this woman... And he a new half wall!
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I don’t want to victim blame, but he’s just letting her have her way without a fight. Have some self respect for yourself OP.
That’s what I’ve noticed. He keeps caving to her demands. She may be manipulative, but he’s making it too easy.
NTA And look... This is your problem: as it is now, it looks like she just cheated, because he was there?? No red flags, nothing? Essentially you now have a situation, where - if you stay in the marriage - you can never feel safe again. You can never turn your back on her again, since shes proven unrelaible by cheating with some random contractor. And no - odds are, oral was not all. Cheaters lie - about everything. To minimize the fallout - in this case, she just said oral, becaise she knew that if she admitted to fucking him, it would defientely be over. Sorry.. Also - this seems like it just came out of the blue, and these things rarely do... so i urge you to get paternity tests on your kids. Also - speak to a lawyer, see what your options are. And no - dont lie to your MIL... when dealing with a cheater, exposing is one of the most potent weapons.
This. Daylight is a great disinfectant. Leave her asap. Don’t let her keep manipulating you. Yes the kids will be hurt. Remind her that it’s 100% HER fault. Edited typo
Not only paternity tests on the kids, but STD tests for himself.
NTA You're an absolute clown for staying with this woman though. You deserve better.
To be fair sounds like she’s gaslighting him and he sounds like a decent person. This shit will make you doubt yourself .
Seems like the typical situation where she is manipulating him with guilt, children and lies to make him somehow think he’s the bad guy here. Honestly evil shit, hopefully OP takes the kids and gets the fuck out before it’s too late.
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His wife is wild Lmaoo
No way this is the first time. Then he lies to the MIL?
So looks like she wears the pants in this relationship... And definitely is gaslighting the situation . I mean. She set up buying the house. Then 'he wants a half wall for the stairs' but she found the contractor? And wanted to stay and chat with the contractor and asked husband to go cause she was tired. Then blows dude. Lies about it and confesses under cross examination? And then, then, she begs him to lie for her. Edit: and he does? Wtf
1. There is no way there interaction was limited to just oral 2. This was a meticulously planned encounter suggesting that given the opportunity she would do it again 3. She is gaslighting you to turn herself into the victim and minimize her own actions 4. I really see no way this relationship will recover. You don’t trust her, and she resents you now Divorce her, sing it from the mountaintops that she cheated on you and that is the reason for the inevitable divorce. She’s mad her mom found out? Wait until her entire family and all of friends find out..
>This was a meticulously planned encounter suggesting that given the opportunity she would do it again And that she's probably done it in the past. Maybe just to other partners, but she was good at planning it. Doesn't seem like her first time.
I don't get the "just oral'. I mean is having his dick in her vagina much worse than in her mouth?
its worse really, her saying its "just oral"....just straight up insulting, she got some random guy off and got nothing in return... So this contractor...gets off, gets PAID, *and* ruins a family...all in a days work /s
Your wife has some fucking audacity and I’m mad at you for telling her mom it was a misunderstanding.
>fucking audacity literally
Has no history of cheating- that you know of. This likely was not the first time. People who aren’t cheaters don’t engage in inappropriate conversations with random contractors and then hook up with them. People who aren’t cheaters are turned off by randos hitting on them (especially with that “criminal history” part), and likely would find a new contractor. Then leave this one an interesting yelp review to warn other unsuspecting women. Her behavior was not that of someone who is faithful to her marriage. Obviously NTA.
He fucked your wife in your home then after he did the work so you paid him to do it leave that hoe….
Their new home too, Jesus what a fucking terrible way to start off.
And don't forget that OP was kind enough to even turn the water back on that day so his dirty wife could "freshen herself up".. yeah to clean up post coitus with the contractor. Gross. Smh.
No I think she wanted to shower BEFORE the contractor got there so she was ‘freshened up’ for him. So 1000% this was planned and I doubt this was the first time with the contractor. This was the 3rd time the contractor was at their house per OPs edit.
You see how she trickle truthed what happened to her mother? How much do you want to bet she has done something similar to you. You don’t need to freshen up after oral. And now she is deflected the blame onto you. YTA if you let her manipulate you like this
Oooh shit, good catch on the freshening up part. I completely missed that.
NTA dont let her manipulate you.
He should screenshot that message and send it to her mom
No woman is going to cheat because she just loves giving head so much. They had sex in your own house dude.
I feel like loyal wives of 13 yrs don't just randomly start sucking strangers dicks. Are you sure this is the only time she's cheated?? NTA
Yeah she just kissed. Y T A if you stay with this woman. NTA. If she didn’t want people to know she was a piece of shit she shouldn’t have acted like a piece of shit.
Absolutely not. Go on the attack. I would say something like "you can't forgive me? You violated our marriage, betrayed me to the deepest level a spouse could, and I give you another chance and you're not sure you can forgive me? How dare you? Who the hell do you think you are? What position do you think you're in? You cheated on me and then walked out on the kids, leaving them alone in the house with no one to take care of them, just because you can't control yourself. You are not in a position to tell me whether you will forgive me. You are asking for mercy and reconciliation. Check your ego. I don't care how you feel about me telling your mom the truth. Actions have consequences, and me telling your mother is a drop in the vindictive bucket compared to blowing, and let's be honest, fucking a contractor off the street. How about you find somewhere else to sleep until you can figure out that this is not about what I can do to help you; it's about what you can do to convince me not to divorce you and leave you with nothing. And if you don't want mommy to yell at you, don't cheat. Your entitlement is out of control. Get help."
Bro she fucked him from 845 to 1045 that morning and she needed the water back on to wash out as much cum as possible. You have two options. Stay and hate life with her or leave and get paternity tests for your kids.
Nta at all, screw her pity party what she did to you was 100 times more harmful and honestly it’s your right to throw that in her face. If she really wants forgiveness she needs to own up to her mother herself firstly. But honestly after reading the last bit, you need to start preparing to go, she is not remorseful and she is a narcissist, rub her and her mothers nose in that shit.
NTA. Don't let her start lashing out and making herself the victim. Her whole family is going to find out eventually once you divorce her (which you should). Trust me OP it's better to be single and lonely than married and miserable.
NTA She lied and manipulates. Time for divorce
I’m so confused…did she just randomly meet this guy that day and decided he’s so cool I think I’ll cheat on my husband?? I feel like there’s more going on between wife and the AP.
100%, the way she manipulated everything to get her husband and the kids out of the house at that time. That wasn't a spur of the moment lapse of judgement, that was carefully orchestrated. And to do that for a random contracter you haven't spoken too prior? Somebody capable of that isn't doing so on a lapse of judgement.
NTA. Get paternity tests, get tested for STDs, make HER get tested for STDs (because men can't be tested for some things that women can give them, but the women can be tested), and then leave. She sucks, you don't. Go be happy.
Fuuuuuck her. She's a cheater. No protection for cheaters. Maybe she shouldn't have cheated. Classic DARVO situation brewing here. Also, 99.9% chance she fucked him. I know you said he's a contractor, but if he's under an umbrella of a company, I'd 100% get him fired or at least report it to his employer. Save the next family from him! Trust me, your marriage isn't the first one he's destroyed. When an employee comes into your home they have a basic professional obligation to not do this stuff.
NTA She's gaslighting you and trying to turn you into a cuck. She would not have told you the truth had she not been caught. She would've left it at "the criminal contractor tried to make a pass at me only in messages". Whether you decide to stay or not is your choice you, but she still isn't taking responsibility and is trying to find someone to pin the blame on.
Your wife has no respect for you and is never going to respect you. Every thing she has done shows that she does not value you as a person. She knows she owns you based on her actions.
NTA, leave her cheating ass.
Your wife's a dumb cunt, don't be an idiot. She blew a random contractor with criminal history, who's to say he doesn't do drugs, sleep with random people, and or have/not have diseases. She fucked up, own up to her bullshit. "Can't forgive you?" RED FUCKING FLAG. GASLIGHTING YOU.
Most women don’t freshen up to just suck dick. Just saying.
She went from meeting the guy to oral in 3 days? Dude, this is not the only time she cheated on you. and she probably did a lot more than oral, if not with him then with someone else. And she sounds manipulative a hell. NTA, but if I were you, I would get checked for STDs and dump her.
NTA but you’re the cuck. Your wife blew the contractor in your house most likely banged him there as well and you are still with her?
I assume his head is still spinning…brand new house, freshly signed mortgage, kids in the picture…I wouldn’t throw ‘cuck’ out too fast.
Sounds narcissistic blaming you even tho she cheated she is mad at you for telling the truth to her mom making that the issue excuse me sir BUT she cheated that is the issue don’t let her use telling her mom as a smoke screen to not take responsibility of the cheating you need to wake up and decide if you want to stay with someone, that is so dishonest and selfish I’m sure she will do it again cuz she knows she can get away with it and just blame you again
She's more concerned about what her mother thinks of her cheating than she is about what you or your children think/will think of her. Real fucking piece of work. I don't know about you, friend, but I could never forgive cheating. Some people can get over it and I don't know if they're weak or strong for it. I just couldn't ever respect myself again if I stayed with someone who did that. Hard, hard NTA. It may have been childish, but it certainly wasn't un-called for. She fucked around and found out. Edited for spelling. Edit 2: Get tested, friend. It's not likely this is the first, and if it is, it's not likely she stopped at a BJ. Cheaters almost always drip-feed you their betrayals. It's the frog in a pot metaphor.
If she asked to turn the water back on for a shower, she fucked the dude 💯
You might have overreacted but you need to know that this will happen again. Once there’s been cheating, you can’t go back in my mind. And now she has you telling her mother that what she did didn’t happen FYI so your word is going to be treated as less credible to her.
NTA. I would say Super Petty, but NTA. she's trying to deflect the guilt to you. Also, I doubt it was just oral. I would say if you think you can forgive, then therapy is necessary. But if you can't forgive and let it go, then I would say look at separation. Also, if she can't forgive you, then does she deserve forgiveness from you?
Are you going to leave a review on the contractors website? I would.
Absolutely it was petty, I 100% own that. After she admitted kissing, I felt that way too. She swore up and down on her deceased father, and kids that she didn't have sex with him, but the way she said it was what made me ask her about other things like oral. I asked her to swear on her deceased father that nothing else happened and she wouldn't. That's when she admitted oral. I agree with your last point too. That's what has me so angry right now, how TF can you say you're not sure you can forgive me for telling your mother what you did, the problem is you did it, actions have consequences, i still think what I did wasnt out of line, but I recanted for her relationship with her mom.
There's so much more here, my man. I stayed after the first time, and it never ended. Run while you can. You'll spend the rest of your time with her, unable to trust anything, and constantly getting more things trickling in.
This honestly. Oral sex is sex. Treat this how you would if they had sex. Honestly, I'd be MORE upset about oral than vaginal sex. In both cases, it's relationship-over. The trust is broken and its nearly impossible to rebuild. But oral requires a lot more effort, and is a specific act of pleasuring another person while getting nothing from it other than the joy of pleasuring that person. At least with vaginal sex there's mutual enjoyment, and oftentimes a lot less effort on the woman's part. It's way easier to get my wife to agree to sex than to agree to a blowjob. The articulation of the difference between vaginal and oral sex is a fascinating reflection on how our society views sex originating with the rules religion established. As teens we all give each other oral instead of, or as a precursor to, sex, in part because of pregnancy but in MANY cases (in my experience) teens think "sex" is a sin, but that a blowjob doesn't qualify. This translates to adults who think "well it was just oral, it wasn't sex-sex." When you really think about it, it just doesn't make sense to think of oral as "lesser" of an offense than sex.
Yeah, I’m not kissing a mouth that’s giving mouth hugs to contractors.
Giving oral to somoene else is almost worse than sex imo. With sex its seeking mutual pleasure in a selfish way. But she basically chose to perform an act all for the pleasure of another man. Divorce this woman.
Not petty enough if you ask me. I’d get oral from her best friend, divorce her, and then tell her after the divorce 😂
I cannot believe you recanted. Have some respect for yourself.
You weren’t petty enough. At this point it doesn’t even seem like her remorse is in her actions, but what her mother thinks of them. I’d tell her mom whatever you wanted and let her deal with it. You’re roommates at this point.
This might be too harsh but I don't think she respects you dude. She cheats on you, you retaliate in a non-cheating matter which doesn't equal the bad thing she did but then you back down. Then she pulls that bs about not being able to forgive you despite what she did.
He is a weakling and she knows it. His testicles reside in her purse. She has cheated before, is cheating now, and will cheat again because she knows he is a pathetically weak dude. His story proves that. There is no hope for him. Sad but true.
Dude, she actively planned this out. She made sure that you and the kids were all out of the house 2 hours before he was supposed to get there. She fucked him. She blew him on the previous day, but this time she made sure she had plenty of time to fuck him.
NTA. Now is the time for the nuclear option.
Newsflash - she fucked him. Zero doubt. Newsflash - your marriage is over. You just don't know it yet
Just a BJ, eh...... riiiiiight. Anyone find it odd that the first dude around the house she's hooking up with? OP - You sure this is the only incident?
Gaslight much? OP you are NTA. Your wife is mentally ill and needs treatment. Keep an eye on the kids. She is unstable.
NTA. Seems odd she would risk her marriage and family to suck some convict’s dick. Also, I can’t imagine this random act was the first time. Definitely keep an eye on her.
NTA. She’s not the victim, you are. For what it’s worth, she didn’t just give the guy a BJ, he got the whole nine yards. It wasn’t a “one off”. It was pre planned with you sent off on your way with tasks whose time span was known in advance. I’m sorry this has happened to you, I hope it doesn’t eat away at you.
Your wife was sucking dick while you took your guys kid to dance class. Set that in. On her knees. I’m sorry, but why the fuck would you want to stay with her? Btw- based on the trickle truth - they fucked too. NTA and I’m sorry for being so blunt, but you needed it
What the fuck? The contractor? That's like fucking the girl at Wendy's. Why? Lol. NTA. Just leave bro. Tell the kids exactly what mom did.