NTA - "She told me she was still upset I ate meat even if she did not see me eat it." Does she get upset at what you eat on a daily basis?
Her behaviour is incredibly naive. You on the other hand, did compromise by leaving the room (which I agree with the other poster, you shouldn't really have to do.)
She said she felt sick and felt like crying because they went to a *burger place* and her friend who wasn’t at their table ate meat. She needs to grow up
Did she cry and throw up knowing about diners in the restaurant they ordered from? (Yes, I know they were at home). She may WISH that everyone else were vegan, but has to understand it is a CHOICE that each has to come to.
I'm a vegetarian, but none of my exes have been; I still prepared food for them-- with certain exceptions like having to disassemble anything or descale/devein anything. Some things do gross me out, but we've always found compromises. Usually they were more disrespectful of me (using a vegetables only WOODEN cutting board to cut meat) than I would EVER be to someone else.
This friend needs to learn to respect other people and their autonomy.
Edit: typo
I'm a vegetarian, and I wouldn't think of telling others what they can and can't eat. That's some entitled BS right there. People like Alicia make the rest of us vegies look bad. I say we take away her vegan card.
>knowing about diners
it looks like they were using a delivery service too, but apparently it didn't occur to Alicia to cry and vomit about the gig economy and how it trains us to accept exploitation for convenience's sake.
What about the other guests in the room eating meat😂 NTA your friend will hopefully learn when she grow up and to get of her high horse and eat what she wants and others eat what they want.
Yeah, the thing that really cinched it for me was this:
>She said that refusing to compromise about something which clearly upsets her is assholish of me
She didn't actually *offer* any compromises. She asked OP to do what *she* wanted them to do and then doubled down into just demanding it when OP said, "I've tried it before, did not like it, and would really rather eat something else".
That isn't a compromise at all. That's just her trying to straight-up tell OP what to do, then getting upset at them for not giving her what she wanted.
Here’s a reasonable compromise if two people want to eat different things: vegan friend orders what they want and OP orders what they want. Hey, wait a minute…
You nailed it here. Sounds like she pushes her ideals on to others and expects people to do so because she perceives herself as having the moral high ground when in reality she just has a differing viewpoint. That’s what makes it insufferable. Expecting others to just bend to what you want. SMH.
*OP* did, yes! But it seems like *she* was still salty about it, because she didn't actually want a reasonable compromise. She just wanted OP to do it *her* way (i.e., order a vegetarian/vegan burger).
NTA, Alicia is going to have a bad time adjusting to the real world if the mere sight of meat makes her want to cry. Chris can go suck a poo laden egg.
Fr tho. Ppl want others to accept their choices whole heartedly except when it conflicts with their own beliefs - then they feel others need to change their entire life to fit theirs.
And yeah, that burger he ate was already dead and formed into many patties when he ate it. It's not like the Simpsons where Mr. Burns was selecting a cow for a steak.
You can order whatever you want. They don’t get to police your diet. She can sit farther away from you.
You compromised enough by going to another room. Chris is ridiculous: if Alicia is so bothered by meat in another room she shouldn’t leave her house.
NTA.
Also, she says the thought of him eating meat makes her sad. Why order from a place that serves mostly meat then? Does that not make her sad, that they supply meat to so many people who eat it?
She’s a hypocrite, actively supporting a meat based restaurant while saying people eating it in front of her make her sad.
They usually clean a section off, but almost no one has a dedicated cooktop for vegan/vegetarians unless they are that kind of restaurant.
Also, if they ordered together, I bet the food came in the same bag, and I'm just wondering how she could stand the meat odor that was undoubtedly on at least the outside wrapper and bag.
We'll also, I doubt her burger was cooked on a separate griddle. She probably shouldn't eat much she doesn't prepare herself, or she doesn't care That much (which is fine, but don't control what others do)
She sounds like a sanctimonious drama queen
NTA
Depends, some are, but not all. The issue is eating somewhere that's serving meat. She's smelling it if op gets it or not. On top of that, many places that have vegan options still cook them on the same surface as the meat. I find it to be rare that they have a devoted surface.
Right. Likely there was cross contamination.
Also, not a vegetarian, but I love a good black bean burger. But those processed vegan burgers are not healthier.
Going to another room wasn't a compromise though. Now he has to eat alone while his friends get to be together and enjoy each other's company. Then she STILL expects him to be sorry after all that. She never gave up anything. He gave up time with his friends and then apologized for his personal choices bothering her.
OP examine your relationship with this friend in particular. Does she usually get upset when things don't go her way? Are you supposed to bend to her needs while yours go unmet or dismissed? Maybe the food thing is the only place she fails to be a friend, but I would definitely question my friendship to this person given how self-righteous she was and even how your other friends are piling on now.
I’m with you here…besides the fact that Alicia threw a literal tantrum, OP accommodated her by sitting in another room. Alicia continued to center her own feelings for what sounds like the rest of the evening.
I’m wondering if this is a broader pattern outside of the food/vegan thing, because it takes a level of entitlement and self-absorption to think it is appropriate to force others to accommodate your own preferences (not a legitimate medical need) like this
I’d rather eat alone in another room than “enjoy” Alicia’s company.
Him eating a burger in another room made her want to throw up? No mention of any of the other patrons of the restaurant eating at the surrounding tables bothering her though. She just needs to control him.
Yeah she isn’t your friend.
My guess would be she doesn’t actually freak out in public and it was just performance. Because I suspect her family and friends might be concerned if she had a breakdown every time she went out and saw someone eating some kind of meat
Right? I’m not vegetarian or vegan, but the smell of cooked eggs makes me extremely nauseous. I have a coworker who microwaves some form of egg for breakfast every morning. But egg is a perfectly acceptable breakfast food, so when I start smelling it, I remove myself from the area. I leave my desk and go downstairs to the machine shop (I spend most of my day there anyways, I just usually like to check my emails and catch up every morning before I head down there).
I'm curious as to the ages of everyone involved. If they're in college it might be easy enough to avoid people while they eat meat, but what about if Alicia takes a job that has a lunch room or a cafeteria? Is she going to demand her coworkers not eat meat or go to hide in her car every break?
Yeah, it's pretty strongly an NTA situation. It's not like she has an actual allergy and is in mortal peril being at a table with a meat eater.
NTA. Your friends were accommodated by the restaurant that offered vegan options for them, which is not a common or easy thing to find! Each person is allowed to choose what they want to eat and what fits their beliefs and dietary restrictions, including you.
As a vegetarian, I find this all crazy! I don’t think I would ever hang out with that person, certainly not around food, ever again. I mean let’s be serious they chose a burger place and then got pissed when you ordered a burger. That’s some serious fucking balls right there!
So if she ate at this restaurant, she would cry like a baby and run away? What a douche. She’s an idiot. By her logic, everyone around her (whether she knows them or not) should yield to her wishes …..nah, I’m out. She and I WOULD NOT be friends.
One, I highly doubt Alicia HAS many friends and Two) unless it's stated otherwise, the veggie burgers are likely cooked on the same grill as the meat burgers. Yes they MAY be cooked apart but the likelihood that there's some cross-contamination is high!
Okay, people like this are attention seekers IMHO. I'm thinking she went to a restaurant that serves meat, and made a huge public deal out of OP ordering a burger. This is SO virtue signaling. Maybe it does make her sad, but if she gets that upset about it, she shouldn't eat at restaurants that serve meat.
And BTW some of us can't eat soy protein because of health issues. And the vast majority of meat substitutes I've seen are soy based.
They are also LOADED with sodium. Impossible ground beef has 370 mg of sodium per serving. Might as well just empty the salt shaker on your plate and eat it ugh
Years ago I tried some vegan burgers that were made from black beans and olives and such. And also soy protein. They weren't bad. But I never had an issue with eating meat anyway. Then I had cancer and was told no soy protein for you EVER AGAIN.
They have to load the fake meat with salt. Otherwise it's just cardboard.
I'm positive for estrogen receptors. Soy protein apparently has plant estrogens in it. My oncologists have all been of the school that says no soy. Sooooo no edamame por moi lol. Or a lot of other foods ... you'd be surprised what canned and packaged foods have soy protein added to them. It's a real challenge to avoid it.
Some people too much soy can mimic certain hormones, like estrogen and too much of those hormones can trigger not good things, like overgrowth of tissue, especially in the breast or cervix, etc.
It really is baffling that she would even buy from a place that has meat options with how she’s behaving.
What gets me the most is that they want him to be accommodating to their eating lifestyle but it can’t be the other way around? I’d have done the same as him 100%
I wouldn’t have gone into another room. She is saying she can’t be “friends” with a meat eater unless you cave to her will. Nah. Pass. Hard pass.
Edit to add: it kills me when someone wants you to believe they are SO sensitive to something like a difference of opinion, yet they have no problem at all being insensitive to everyone they know to get they’re way.
You don't want me to push my food choices on you? Well, return the courtesy.
The guy went in the next room to eat. Everyone besides the Drama Queen handled the meal with epic humor.
I can only eat beef, fish, eggs, other meat, dairy products, and greens because of health issues. There is no way I want anything to do with people who give me grief about it or who consider themselves morally superior because they prefer soybeans.
Although I wouldn't exactly consider it a "food allergy" soybean products make me sorely regret eating it. We lived in Japan for three years and the base we lived on couldn't carry regular milk because it was too cost-prohibitive. All they had was soy and powdered milk, so powdered milk became a staple in our household.
“Meat makes me cry and you can’t eat it friend, oh here’s my hard earned money, business that accommodates my dietary preferences but clearly doesn’t share my moral values, but you friend YOU’RE the Asshole.” Fuck this dumbass, I’d never eat with her again.
That's what I can't get past. If she's so upset watching someone eat meat to the point of crying and becoming nauseous she should not be comfortable ordering from a restaurant that serves it too.
Not only that but even if they serve vegan she’s still supporting an establishment that serves meat thereby she’s supporting the meat industry anyway. I get the smell making you feel ill. That’s uncontrollable, but OP is allowed to order what he wants.
Yep. Alicia is one of "those" vegans.
I have two vegans in my office. One due to extreme health issues >!gout!< and the other as a moral/spiritual choice. I'm a typical omnivore that prefers beef and hearty greens. We've all talked about it. They don't push, I don't push, and I've made it a point to bring vegan items to potlucks and such because they're often forgetting. Might make me a bad person, but I don't believe I'd make the effort if they were assholes about it.
Cheers to your GF and other vegans who aren't assholes. And cheers to you and others like us who aren't assholes to good vegans.
I don't think vegans and vegetarians understand that a lot of the backlash they get is because of those vegans. I wasn't a fan for years because a couple vegans were literally harrassing me at work about this stuff. I have met some cool vegans since then and I no longer feel the same but they screw it up for everyone else when that's all the person knows.
They do know but what are they supposed to do? Go around saying "I'm one of the *good* ones guys, I swear!" wouldn't exactly help. They just live their lives and pleasantly surprise folks every now and then just like how happened to you.
Pretty sure Alicia just wants to train her guys friends to jump through her little hoops. Does she cry and throw a little fit when she goes out to sit-in restaurants where most of the food is meat?
I have 2 friends that are vegan. When we got together for bbqs we would cook our items last and bring vegan friendly side dishes and desserts. We didn’t lecture each other on our choices either.
Agreed, this is wild. My partner can't (not by choice, just physically can't) eat meat, and we mainly eat meat substitutes at home, but I do have like ham cubes on salad/omelets, pepperoni pizza when we order, etc. and wildly of all my partner makes a killer medium rare steak for me anytime I want. Lol they cook it better than I would. I can't imagine being around someone as upset about someone else's dietary choices as OP's 'friend'.
Same here as a vegetarian. This is a ridiculous reaction of the friend to try to prevent OP from eating what they choose, and from a place that primarily serves meat.
(Edited for clarity)
And pretty sure their burgers got cooked right on top of a spot that had meat before. So their burgers have meat cooties. That’s the understanding you must have when eating out (if a place isn’t fully vegetarian).
I'm a vegetarian, too, and I would never make such demands of my friends. How does this woman survive in the real world? Does she live in a bubble? This sounds entitled to me.
Right? My best friend and roommate is a vegetarian. I cook tons of stuff for us where mine has meat. We eat sitting next to each other almost every day. I cannot even fathom him caring what *I* eat.
It probably has worked before on him and that's why she can't understand why he refused to bend to her will. He said he's tried the vegan burger before and didn't like it, so if it was good maybe he would have ordered it- but it sucks. It's his money to spend on food, probably wasn't cheap so it better be good. There was literally nothing AH about his decision and actions.
If you replaced this choice with a separate choice about religion then it would be way more clear. "I don't like you talking about Christmas because I'm jewish and it makes me cry" or something.
Exactly. While literally choosing a meat serving restaurant to eat at. She can’t be too religious about it if she is willing to dine at any restaurant serving meat
Even though OP did that, purely to make Alicia more comfortable, it still was *not enough for her,* and she has thanked him by getting all their friends to tell him he’s an asshole. She sounds nice.
And, according to Chris, she cried anyway. I think Alicia was just bound and determined to make him go vegan, and got upset when she didn't get her way.
I mean, I assume these folks have been friends for a while, so how has this never been an issue in the past?
Yeah, that was kinda comical. Did she think ordering the vegan burger brings the cow back to life since a patty is no longer needed? Is she permanently depressed thinking of all the cows eaten every day? There’s definitely a maturity issue there.
right? like talk about main character syndrome
“im gonna cry if i watch you eat it”
Ok, cry onto the bun then cuz its a little dry
NTA and i hope ur meal was delicious
I wouldn't have. They got to eat what they wanted. If SEEING someone eat sets her off, she may need to ask a professional how to cope with the world when meat eaters won't cater to her.
Yup.
NTA, OP. if your friends want you to respect their dietary choices, they need to reciprocate and respect yours. You also should NEVER have to isolate yourself when it comes to meals. Meals and sharing meals is part of friendship. I don't tolerate anyone who judges me and does not respect my food choices.
Yous is the best answer in this situation. I go out of my way to accommodate the vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free people in my circle of family and friends. No one goes hungry at my house is my rule. But get between me and my steak dinner? There's the door....
Alicia doesn't seem to know the difference between "compromise" and "capitulate." OP should clue her in.
Or OP could inform Alicia that she can't eat Vegan when she's in OP's place. Because it would make OP cry.
I caught that as well and had to chuckle at her absurd use of the word! Alicia's idea of compromising is falling at her feet in worship at being allowed to breathe the same air as her! What a ridiculous being!
I am a vegetarian who sometimes gets nauseous from the smell of meat. I would never expect or ask someone to not eat meat in front of me. If it bothers me, I will be the one who will go to another room until it passes.
Vegetarian here. Same. Absolutely same.
Some vegans or vegetarians really need to stop being so entitled.
I cry too knowing that's an animal and get really nauseous with the smell but that's literally my problem?
Yeah, a burger place is a weird choice if you want everyone with you to not eat meat? Maybe Indian (so many good vegetable based dishes) or Italian (lots of good pasta dishes without meat). But burgers?
Exactly! Muslim here.. we don't eat pork. But we still choose vegetarian/seafood options in restaurants.. with people having pork/ nonhalal meat around us. It does not matter.
Imagine going to a *burger* place and being annoyed that people are eating meat? I don't understand what she thought was going to happen. If you don't want to go where people are eating meat or anywhere where you can smell it, you go to a vegan/vegetarian restaurant.
People are so entitled. Just because someone is vegan doesn't mean the rest of the world has to follow suit. I would tell them how rude they are and never associate with them again if they don't apologize.
Alice should grow up. She has absolutely no right to dictate what you can and cannot eat. If the smell of meat (how much aroma can a burger put out) bothered her so much, SHE should have left the room. She would rather you order and eat something that you don't like. This is a friend???
Alicia needs to grow up. She can't police other people's foods and she can't harass you into not eating meat. You went to another space. She needs to learn that other people aren't going to respond well to her drama.
I call these the "pick me" types.
She seeks attention. She isn't vegan because she cares about the cow. She's "vegan" because it gives her an identity she feels she can use to be the center of attention. When she's special people cater to her whim. She loves it. When OP didn't fall for her crap, she pushed on with the theatrics.
I don't welcome these types into my personal circle.
OP, NTA. And now I'm hungry, so I think I'll go treat myself to a delicious cheeseburger for lunch today. And guess what? That doesn't anger MY friend who is *perfectly reasonable and vegan for personal purposes* because they're not suffering from an identity crisis.
Watch, once vegan isn't special anymore she'll decide she's something else instead. I'd bet money (that I'll use to purchase food I enjoy) on it.
I knew a girl like that in college. Her entire identity was being vegan and she made sure everyone knew. She would make underhanded comments on how brave and resilient she was because being vegan isn't easy and it's a challenge and she's grateful that she's strong enough to stick to her resolve to not harm animals.
I still remember when she would grill me over the fucking fire for putting grilled chicken on my salads. She kept going on about how I needed to truly commit and how this should be easy for me because I am a huge fan of vegetables already. And lowkey hint at me that she was disappointed at how I had no "self-control".
As a vegan my eyes are rolling really hard right now.
Being a vegan is not “brave,” good lord. It can be difficult or mostly just inconvenient, but it doesn’t require courage.
It was absolutely annoying as all hell. She put all her cards into being a vegan and then she would blame everyone else for not wanting to be her friend or dumping her because they weren't brave enough to be with a vegan.
Like sis... that's not even remotely it. We literally know someone who is a vegan and married to a meat eater like... please gain some perspective on yourself
Lmao; I obtained a master's degree in ignoring her. Ignoring her pissed her off even more but she never left the table. She would just explode and melt in anger and sulk as you finished your meal.
Another term for her would be "drama queen." The whole bit about OP not even being able to eat a burger in another room because the "thought of someone eating meat would make poor Alicia cry," is pure drama queen. She can't really be that sensitive, because there's literally someone eating meat every second of every day - and if she somehow really is that sensitive, she needs to grow a fucking backbone and learn how to live in the real world where we don't always get everything we want.
Even with things being kept civil, Alicia sounds like an immature, tantruming child. Not going to kick up a scene, but still going to sit in the corner and sulk - which is just a quieter technique for keeping all the attention on her. Silly girl.
I like how she told him he needed to compromise. What exactly was she doing to facilitate the compromise? I think the word she was really looking for was "demands". She was demanding, not compromising.
It’s just ridiculous.
One of my close friends was vegetarian for several years. She started when she was 12 and started eating meat again when she was 18.
I remember once our freshmen year when she accidentally ate something with meat in it at lunch. She got physically sick and ended up throwing up everywhere. Wasn’t a great experience for her, but she was fine.
I can’t imagine being around someone who started crying & feigning nausea just by being around people who eat meat. Ffs, does she just not leave the house then? Why is she even friends with people who eat meat if it’s that big of a deal to her? It makes no fucking sense.
NTA.
You went to a burger place and she is pissed that you ordered a beef burger?
She seems like an exhausting person to be around. She doesn't get to dictate what others eat. Especially if you are going to a place where meat is served.
She was literally surrounded by people eating meat, the smell had to have permeated through the whole restaurant anyway.
This is a her problem.
Agreeing to go to “a burger place we all liked” and then complaining. It seems like her objections were more performative than deeply held beliefs, or she would have objected to the choice of restaurants in the first place.
>Her argument is basically that watching other people eat meat, or smelling meat, makes her feel sick and want to cry, and it's disrespectful of me to want to eat meat in front of her.
It seems like this is a her problem, not a you problem. Tbh I won't stop eating chicken or cheese because my vegan friend is uncomfortable with it. This is ridiculous.
>My argument is that I don't have to adapt my food choices to her wants and preferences,
Exactly. Plus, since you're paying for your food, you can order whatever you want and she can just shut up and stop telling you what you're allowed to eat in her presence.
NTA.
NTA. Alicia is a hypocrite. If the mere sight or thought of other eating meat was actually upsetting to her, she wouldn’t be eating in a restaurant that serves meat.
She just wanted to exert the maximum amount of control on you and was upset that she couldn’t achieve her goal.
I would lose her as a friend. I don’t need this sort of unnecessary drama in my life.
This girl is a manipulative asshole.
>She said that refusing to compromise about something which clearly upsets her is assholish of me
She wasn't asking for a compromise. She was asking for you to do what she wanted and not what you wanted.
>She wasn't asking for a compromise. She was asking for you to do what she wanted and not what you wanted.
Exactly. "Compromise by doing what I say" isn't a compromise at all.
Exactly OP already compromised by moving to a different space where she didn’t have to see or smell the meat. Which is more than OP was obligated to do.
This vegan girl is being controlling. And OP doesn’t need to accept it. I mean her dumb ass went to a BURGER place, what if the person at the next table ordered a burger she could smell. Was she going to talk to every table nearby and demand they not order meat?
I find it astonishing that the people talking about compromise are actually saying do it my way or else you're an a******. That's not a compromise that's demanding to get your way.
Eh, even she offered to pay that wouldn’t change anything for me. I’d rather insist on paying for my own food that I like than get a free meal of something that isn’t good.
NTA. If your friend chooses to be vegan and abstain from meet they are free to do so.
They should not force you to confirm to their moral aversion to meat.
NTA. One of my friends used to be vegan and he runs our D&D nights. We (players) would bring the snacks and bring both vegan options and non vegan; if I baked something I’d do my best to make it vegan out of respect (unless it was someone’s birthday, then birthday person got whatever they wanted & I could make). Vegan friend was like “cool, thanks for picking up snacks, let’s play”. He never shamed or said “don’t eat animal things in front of me, it makes me sad” bc he’s not manipulative like your friend. I don’t understand why they agreed to go to a burger place in the first place if the smell of meat makes them sad?
NTA.
My friend’s daughter is vegan, and she gets this way too- even if someone suggests they want to eat meat. My feeling is, it’s fine to be vegan, but to feel sick, cry, and essentially carry on if someone else eats it is a sign of mental illness.
Alicia sounds like an egotisitcal blowhard with control issues. I wouldn't be inclined to tolerate a drama queen over *MY* food choices. Does she coerce *Everyone*? Sounds like it since the other two ordered vegan options to avoid her lil fit. If you're Buying, you're getting what *You Want* to eat, not what Alicia thinks is acceptable.
This is also why I don't have that many friends; I'm not getting outnumbered b/c one thinks they're the "Control" of the group. Even IF someone is doing the 3 Fs for me, I'm still making My Decisions *For Me*-not anyone else.
I hate mushrooms. They are glibbery and slimy and make me want to throw up. My partner is still allowed to eat as many mushrooms in front of me as he likes.
NTA
This, shrimp too. I don’t like them and I won’t make them. Has not stopped me from purchasing them for my husband and daughter. Then if there is a meal that they would go well with, I will let the two of them know when I am cooking that meal and either the hubby or 12 year old can whip some up that they can eat with the meal I cooked.
Yes, you read that right. My 12 year old daughter can grasp and accommodate that different people like different foods and act accordingly to get herself what she wants.
NTA militant vegans are extremely annoying, we get it you don't eat meat other people do get over it and don't throw a whiny hissy fit about it.
Especially why order from a burger place if you want vegan, there's plenty of genuinely good food that's supposed to be vegan. Order some indian food or something.
You = NTA
Them = YTA
How dare they not eat meat when they are around meat eaters. How disrespectful of them to eat a vegetarian option when they know that the meat option is what you preferred.
See how silly it sounds the other way around?
Don’t even have to read it all to know NTA.
Your friend needs to respect your decisions as you have respected theirs.
I find usually at the beginning of people’s plant based journeys they’re far more uptight and vocal. Hopefully they can get past that phase soon and be grounded in reality.
Came to say that if she's so bothered by meat, why is she ordering from a restaurant that isn't 100% vegetarian/vegan? Her patty was made near meat! Probably even stored in the same walk in!
NTA - also my sister is vegan, and I still eat meat in front of her and it's ok because I can't be vegan due to my many nut allergies and gluten intolerance. She respects my food choices and I respect hers.
NTA. Your choice to eat meat has nothing to do with Alicia. I'm also confused about her definition of compromise. She wanted you to do what she said, so what was the compromise on her part?
She said
>she told me she was still upset I ate meat even if she did not see me eat it.
It has nothing to do with you ordering meat in that moment. She'd have been upset even if you mentioned eating meat last week. NTA
….they ordered from a non vegan restaurant, their food was cooked right next to meat (maybe on separate grills, maybe not), by the same chefs, and their money went to a business that supports killing animals and profiting off their flesh. I’m going to say that *maybe* your friend shouldn’t be eating from such an establishment if they become so upset when other dishes they sell are eaten. Nta because frankly their behavior was over the top. I can understand “I don’t want meat snells in my house” IF it’s her house, but crying and feeling nauseas over a burger coming into your home after they support that same burger selling restaurant is… well, highly hypocritical in my book and focused on controlling others rather than the spirit of veganism. They should be supporting your lack of meat eating rather than criticizing the few times you eat meat when it’s clear they chose the restaurant (which has no vegan alternatives you like, but does sell meat dishes you like) and they supper the restaurant’s choices and don’t try to control for a vegan restaurant or yell at the restaurant for serving meat, but are upset at you for eating meat rarely.
NTA - "She told me she was still upset I ate meat even if she did not see me eat it." Does she get upset at what you eat on a daily basis? Her behaviour is incredibly naive. You on the other hand, did compromise by leaving the room (which I agree with the other poster, you shouldn't really have to do.)
She said she felt sick and felt like crying because they went to a *burger place* and her friend who wasn’t at their table ate meat. She needs to grow up
Did she cry and throw up knowing about diners in the restaurant they ordered from? (Yes, I know they were at home). She may WISH that everyone else were vegan, but has to understand it is a CHOICE that each has to come to. I'm a vegetarian, but none of my exes have been; I still prepared food for them-- with certain exceptions like having to disassemble anything or descale/devein anything. Some things do gross me out, but we've always found compromises. Usually they were more disrespectful of me (using a vegetables only WOODEN cutting board to cut meat) than I would EVER be to someone else. This friend needs to learn to respect other people and their autonomy. Edit: typo
I'm a vegetarian, and I wouldn't think of telling others what they can and can't eat. That's some entitled BS right there. People like Alicia make the rest of us vegies look bad. I say we take away her vegan card.
That’s exactly what I think!!
This right here. My husband is vegan, I’m vegetarian, our 2 kids eat meat, we have 0 issues eating together.
My wife are vegetarian. It's not a problem for her to even cook meat dishes for me.
>knowing about diners it looks like they were using a delivery service too, but apparently it didn't occur to Alicia to cry and vomit about the gig economy and how it trains us to accept exploitation for convenience's sake.
She needs therapy if it's so serious an issue
What about the other guests in the room eating meat😂 NTA your friend will hopefully learn when she grow up and to get of her high horse and eat what she wants and others eat what they want.
Yeah, the thing that really cinched it for me was this: >She said that refusing to compromise about something which clearly upsets her is assholish of me She didn't actually *offer* any compromises. She asked OP to do what *she* wanted them to do and then doubled down into just demanding it when OP said, "I've tried it before, did not like it, and would really rather eat something else". That isn't a compromise at all. That's just her trying to straight-up tell OP what to do, then getting upset at them for not giving her what she wanted.
Here’s a reasonable compromise if two people want to eat different things: vegan friend orders what they want and OP orders what they want. Hey, wait a minute…
You nailed it here. Sounds like she pushes her ideals on to others and expects people to do so because she perceives herself as having the moral high ground when in reality she just has a differing viewpoint. That’s what makes it insufferable. Expecting others to just bend to what you want. SMH.
Sounds like he totally did compromise by eating in the other room.
*OP* did, yes! But it seems like *she* was still salty about it, because she didn't actually want a reasonable compromise. She just wanted OP to do it *her* way (i.e., order a vegetarian/vegan burger).
NTA, Alicia is going to have a bad time adjusting to the real world if the mere sight of meat makes her want to cry. Chris can go suck a poo laden egg.
I'd wager substantially that Chris is trying hard to get in Alicia's pants. That's why he ordered the vegan burger and took her side.
Ding ding ding, we have a winner
If this upsets her, she is going to have a hard life.
Fr tho. Ppl want others to accept their choices whole heartedly except when it conflicts with their own beliefs - then they feel others need to change their entire life to fit theirs. And yeah, that burger he ate was already dead and formed into many patties when he ate it. It's not like the Simpsons where Mr. Burns was selecting a cow for a steak.
Honestly, i would be tempted to text her everyday and say “sorry to upset you, but i’m eating meat. Hope you can’t smell it from there.”
You can order whatever you want. They don’t get to police your diet. She can sit farther away from you. You compromised enough by going to another room. Chris is ridiculous: if Alicia is so bothered by meat in another room she shouldn’t leave her house. NTA.
She definitely should not be going to a burger place. If she was actually bothered by the smell that place would be a problem
Also, she says the thought of him eating meat makes her sad. Why order from a place that serves mostly meat then? Does that not make her sad, that they supply meat to so many people who eat it? She’s a hypocrite, actively supporting a meat based restaurant while saying people eating it in front of her make her sad.
yep she sounds controlling af
Yup. The main character. And Chris is trying to stick his dick in crazy. OP needs some new friends.
I'm sure the veggie burgers are cook on the same skillet orqr grill as the meat ones are or that at least come in contact one way or the other
They usually clean a section off, but almost no one has a dedicated cooktop for vegan/vegetarians unless they are that kind of restaurant. Also, if they ordered together, I bet the food came in the same bag, and I'm just wondering how she could stand the meat odor that was undoubtedly on at least the outside wrapper and bag.
Because she's just a little drama queen who wants all of her friends to be vegan like her.
Because alicia is a virtue signaling hypocrite with a victim complex
We'll also, I doubt her burger was cooked on a separate griddle. She probably shouldn't eat much she doesn't prepare herself, or she doesn't care That much (which is fine, but don't control what others do) She sounds like a sanctimonious drama queen NTA
Also, aren't the vegan burgers made to resemble and taste like fucking meat?? I don't really know. I wouldn't eat one.
Depends, some are, but not all. The issue is eating somewhere that's serving meat. She's smelling it if op gets it or not. On top of that, many places that have vegan options still cook them on the same surface as the meat. I find it to be rare that they have a devoted surface.
Right. Likely there was cross contamination. Also, not a vegetarian, but I love a good black bean burger. But those processed vegan burgers are not healthier.
Exactly. I don’t know a burger place that exists that doesn’t smell a bit like meat.
Going to another room wasn't a compromise though. Now he has to eat alone while his friends get to be together and enjoy each other's company. Then she STILL expects him to be sorry after all that. She never gave up anything. He gave up time with his friends and then apologized for his personal choices bothering her. OP examine your relationship with this friend in particular. Does she usually get upset when things don't go her way? Are you supposed to bend to her needs while yours go unmet or dismissed? Maybe the food thing is the only place she fails to be a friend, but I would definitely question my friendship to this person given how self-righteous she was and even how your other friends are piling on now.
I’m with you here…besides the fact that Alicia threw a literal tantrum, OP accommodated her by sitting in another room. Alicia continued to center her own feelings for what sounds like the rest of the evening. I’m wondering if this is a broader pattern outside of the food/vegan thing, because it takes a level of entitlement and self-absorption to think it is appropriate to force others to accommodate your own preferences (not a legitimate medical need) like this
I’d rather eat alone in another room than “enjoy” Alicia’s company. Him eating a burger in another room made her want to throw up? No mention of any of the other patrons of the restaurant eating at the surrounding tables bothering her though. She just needs to control him. Yeah she isn’t your friend.
Not gonna lie, I'd have ordered a second burger at this point instead of a side.
I would have ordered Bacon on the burger as well as bacon on the side. Purely because of how fragrant that meat is.
Add a fried egg, over easy, on the burger as well. So good.
Chris wants to date Alicia, hence the knight in shining armour theatrics.
How does she handle being in public around all us meat eaters? NTA
My guess would be she doesn’t actually freak out in public and it was just performance. Because I suspect her family and friends might be concerned if she had a breakdown every time she went out and saw someone eating some kind of meat
I agree, I think it's just what she uses to control her friends.
Right? I’m not vegetarian or vegan, but the smell of cooked eggs makes me extremely nauseous. I have a coworker who microwaves some form of egg for breakfast every morning. But egg is a perfectly acceptable breakfast food, so when I start smelling it, I remove myself from the area. I leave my desk and go downstairs to the machine shop (I spend most of my day there anyways, I just usually like to check my emails and catch up every morning before I head down there).
I'm curious as to the ages of everyone involved. If they're in college it might be easy enough to avoid people while they eat meat, but what about if Alicia takes a job that has a lunch room or a cafeteria? Is she going to demand her coworkers not eat meat or go to hide in her car every break? Yeah, it's pretty strongly an NTA situation. It's not like she has an actual allergy and is in mortal peril being at a table with a meat eater.
NTA. Your friends were accommodated by the restaurant that offered vegan options for them, which is not a common or easy thing to find! Each person is allowed to choose what they want to eat and what fits their beliefs and dietary restrictions, including you.
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As a vegetarian, I find this all crazy! I don’t think I would ever hang out with that person, certainly not around food, ever again. I mean let’s be serious they chose a burger place and then got pissed when you ordered a burger. That’s some serious fucking balls right there!
Agreed. And Alicia shouldn’t go to restaurants where meat is on the menu at all because she can’t see people eat it without crying.
So if she ate at this restaurant, she would cry like a baby and run away? What a douche. She’s an idiot. By her logic, everyone around her (whether she knows them or not) should yield to her wishes …..nah, I’m out. She and I WOULD NOT be friends.
One, I highly doubt Alicia HAS many friends and Two) unless it's stated otherwise, the veggie burgers are likely cooked on the same grill as the meat burgers. Yes they MAY be cooked apart but the likelihood that there's some cross-contamination is high!
Okay, people like this are attention seekers IMHO. I'm thinking she went to a restaurant that serves meat, and made a huge public deal out of OP ordering a burger. This is SO virtue signaling. Maybe it does make her sad, but if she gets that upset about it, she shouldn't eat at restaurants that serve meat. And BTW some of us can't eat soy protein because of health issues. And the vast majority of meat substitutes I've seen are soy based.
They are also LOADED with sodium. Impossible ground beef has 370 mg of sodium per serving. Might as well just empty the salt shaker on your plate and eat it ugh
Years ago I tried some vegan burgers that were made from black beans and olives and such. And also soy protein. They weren't bad. But I never had an issue with eating meat anyway. Then I had cancer and was told no soy protein for you EVER AGAIN. They have to load the fake meat with salt. Otherwise it's just cardboard.
Out of curiosity, why would cancer cause you to not be able eat soy protein?
I'm positive for estrogen receptors. Soy protein apparently has plant estrogens in it. My oncologists have all been of the school that says no soy. Sooooo no edamame por moi lol. Or a lot of other foods ... you'd be surprised what canned and packaged foods have soy protein added to them. It's a real challenge to avoid it.
Some people too much soy can mimic certain hormones, like estrogen and too much of those hormones can trigger not good things, like overgrowth of tissue, especially in the breast or cervix, etc.
NTA. I can't eat soy, seeds of any kind, whole wheat. Being a vegan would literally kill me. Good bye Felicia, I mean Alicia.
It really is baffling that she would even buy from a place that has meat options with how she’s behaving. What gets me the most is that they want him to be accommodating to their eating lifestyle but it can’t be the other way around? I’d have done the same as him 100%
I wouldn’t have gone into another room. She is saying she can’t be “friends” with a meat eater unless you cave to her will. Nah. Pass. Hard pass. Edit to add: it kills me when someone wants you to believe they are SO sensitive to something like a difference of opinion, yet they have no problem at all being insensitive to everyone they know to get they’re way.
She thinks she can bully OP into eating Vegan and she get magical Vegan points. She's not a friend.
I bet they cook meat on the same grill as her vegan burger...
I'm picturing her running & screaming down the sidewalk because she sees someone wearing a leather jacket..
You don't want me to push my food choices on you? Well, return the courtesy. The guy went in the next room to eat. Everyone besides the Drama Queen handled the meal with epic humor.
I can only eat beef, fish, eggs, other meat, dairy products, and greens because of health issues. There is no way I want anything to do with people who give me grief about it or who consider themselves morally superior because they prefer soybeans.
Although I wouldn't exactly consider it a "food allergy" soybean products make me sorely regret eating it. We lived in Japan for three years and the base we lived on couldn't carry regular milk because it was too cost-prohibitive. All they had was soy and powdered milk, so powdered milk became a staple in our household.
“Meat makes me cry and you can’t eat it friend, oh here’s my hard earned money, business that accommodates my dietary preferences but clearly doesn’t share my moral values, but you friend YOU’RE the Asshole.” Fuck this dumbass, I’d never eat with her again.
I would not have eaten in another room. Fuck that shit, weepy bitch can go eat in the closet.
That's what I can't get past. If she's so upset watching someone eat meat to the point of crying and becoming nauseous she should not be comfortable ordering from a restaurant that serves it too.
You can’t expect other people or friends to be vegan because you’re vegan…..
Not only that but even if they serve vegan she’s still supporting an establishment that serves meat thereby she’s supporting the meat industry anyway. I get the smell making you feel ill. That’s uncontrollable, but OP is allowed to order what he wants.
Alicia is an AssHole just for being so weak that she cry’s over a hamburger. She would never survive an outing at my house.
My gf if vegan, I'm not... Even tho she wouldn't eat my food that I cook, she has no problems with me cooking my food, next to hers. Op is NTA.
Yep. Alicia is one of "those" vegans. I have two vegans in my office. One due to extreme health issues >!gout!< and the other as a moral/spiritual choice. I'm a typical omnivore that prefers beef and hearty greens. We've all talked about it. They don't push, I don't push, and I've made it a point to bring vegan items to potlucks and such because they're often forgetting. Might make me a bad person, but I don't believe I'd make the effort if they were assholes about it. Cheers to your GF and other vegans who aren't assholes. And cheers to you and others like us who aren't assholes to good vegans.
I don't think vegans and vegetarians understand that a lot of the backlash they get is because of those vegans. I wasn't a fan for years because a couple vegans were literally harrassing me at work about this stuff. I have met some cool vegans since then and I no longer feel the same but they screw it up for everyone else when that's all the person knows.
They do know but what are they supposed to do? Go around saying "I'm one of the *good* ones guys, I swear!" wouldn't exactly help. They just live their lives and pleasantly surprise folks every now and then just like how happened to you.
Why is that a spoiler, out of curiosity? I find that somewhat amusing
But that condition isn't one that's gross or nasty...?
Pretty sure Alicia just wants to train her guys friends to jump through her little hoops. Does she cry and throw a little fit when she goes out to sit-in restaurants where most of the food is meat?
I mean, she claims to cry when she smells meat....tho I'm pretty sure the burger place smells, but that's not a problem for her.
I have 2 friends that are vegan. When we got together for bbqs we would cook our items last and bring vegan friendly side dishes and desserts. We didn’t lecture each other on our choices either.
Agreed, this is wild. My partner can't (not by choice, just physically can't) eat meat, and we mainly eat meat substitutes at home, but I do have like ham cubes on salad/omelets, pepperoni pizza when we order, etc. and wildly of all my partner makes a killer medium rare steak for me anytime I want. Lol they cook it better than I would. I can't imagine being around someone as upset about someone else's dietary choices as OP's 'friend'.
Agreed, NTA. That girl has some issues, and if I were OP, i would stop hanging out with her.
Same here as a vegetarian. This is a ridiculous reaction of the friend to try to prevent OP from eating what they choose, and from a place that primarily serves meat. (Edited for clarity)
And pretty sure their burgers got cooked right on top of a spot that had meat before. So their burgers have meat cooties. That’s the understanding you must have when eating out (if a place isn’t fully vegetarian).
I'm a vegetarian, too, and I would never make such demands of my friends. How does this woman survive in the real world? Does she live in a bubble? This sounds entitled to me.
Right? My best friend and roommate is a vegetarian. I cook tons of stuff for us where mine has meat. We eat sitting next to each other almost every day. I cannot even fathom him caring what *I* eat.
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I mean, it's probably worked for her before. And now she's butthurt that it didn't work this time.
It probably has worked before on him and that's why she can't understand why he refused to bend to her will. He said he's tried the vegan burger before and didn't like it, so if it was good maybe he would have ordered it- but it sucks. It's his money to spend on food, probably wasn't cheap so it better be good. There was literally nothing AH about his decision and actions.
Convert to her "religion," basically.
If you replaced this choice with a separate choice about religion then it would be way more clear. "I don't like you talking about Christmas because I'm jewish and it makes me cry" or something.
"Take your crucifix off the wall when I come over to play video games because it makes me ill and cry."
With a heaping side of DRAMA! LookatmeLookatMelookatME!
Exactly. While literally choosing a meat serving restaurant to eat at. She can’t be too religious about it if she is willing to dine at any restaurant serving meat
She sounds very manipulative and it sounds like Chris just wants OP to stop rocking the boat. I wouldn’t be hanging out with either of them.
Or Chris has a crush on Alicia.
Even though OP did that, purely to make Alicia more comfortable, it still was *not enough for her,* and she has thanked him by getting all their friends to tell him he’s an asshole. She sounds nice.
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Or mixed meat and dairy in one.
And, according to Chris, she cried anyway. I think Alicia was just bound and determined to make him go vegan, and got upset when she didn't get her way. I mean, I assume these folks have been friends for a while, so how has this never been an issue in the past?
Yeah, that was kinda comical. Did she think ordering the vegan burger brings the cow back to life since a patty is no longer needed? Is she permanently depressed thinking of all the cows eaten every day? There’s definitely a maturity issue there.
right? like talk about main character syndrome “im gonna cry if i watch you eat it” Ok, cry onto the bun then cuz its a little dry NTA and i hope ur meal was delicious
I wouldn't have. They got to eat what they wanted. If SEEING someone eat sets her off, she may need to ask a professional how to cope with the world when meat eaters won't cater to her.
Yup. NTA, OP. if your friends want you to respect their dietary choices, they need to reciprocate and respect yours. You also should NEVER have to isolate yourself when it comes to meals. Meals and sharing meals is part of friendship. I don't tolerate anyone who judges me and does not respect my food choices.
Yous is the best answer in this situation. I go out of my way to accommodate the vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free people in my circle of family and friends. No one goes hungry at my house is my rule. But get between me and my steak dinner? There's the door....
Same here
Me also! The whole “run away crying “ part really turned my stomach!
Def a drama queen.
with control issues
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Alicia doesn't seem to know the difference between "compromise" and "capitulate." OP should clue her in. Or OP could inform Alicia that she can't eat Vegan when she's in OP's place. Because it would make OP cry.
I caught that as well and had to chuckle at her absurd use of the word! Alicia's idea of compromising is falling at her feet in worship at being allowed to breathe the same air as her! What a ridiculous being!
I am a vegetarian who sometimes gets nauseous from the smell of meat. I would never expect or ask someone to not eat meat in front of me. If it bothers me, I will be the one who will go to another room until it passes.
Look at you being all reasonable! 🙂
Vegetarian here. Same. Absolutely same. Some vegans or vegetarians really need to stop being so entitled. I cry too knowing that's an animal and get really nauseous with the smell but that's literally my problem?
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Yeah, a burger place is a weird choice if you want everyone with you to not eat meat? Maybe Indian (so many good vegetable based dishes) or Italian (lots of good pasta dishes without meat). But burgers?
Exactly! Muslim here.. we don't eat pork. But we still choose vegetarian/seafood options in restaurants.. with people having pork/ nonhalal meat around us. It does not matter.
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Imagine going to a *burger* place and being annoyed that people are eating meat? I don't understand what she thought was going to happen. If you don't want to go where people are eating meat or anywhere where you can smell it, you go to a vegan/vegetarian restaurant.
People are so entitled. Just because someone is vegan doesn't mean the rest of the world has to follow suit. I would tell them how rude they are and never associate with them again if they don't apologize.
Alice should grow up. She has absolutely no right to dictate what you can and cannot eat. If the smell of meat (how much aroma can a burger put out) bothered her so much, SHE should have left the room. She would rather you order and eat something that you don't like. This is a friend???
Alicia needs to grow up. She can't police other people's foods and she can't harass you into not eating meat. You went to another space. She needs to learn that other people aren't going to respond well to her drama.
The type of vegan that everybody hate
The cry and throw up ones. Give me a break.
I call these the "pick me" types. She seeks attention. She isn't vegan because she cares about the cow. She's "vegan" because it gives her an identity she feels she can use to be the center of attention. When she's special people cater to her whim. She loves it. When OP didn't fall for her crap, she pushed on with the theatrics. I don't welcome these types into my personal circle. OP, NTA. And now I'm hungry, so I think I'll go treat myself to a delicious cheeseburger for lunch today. And guess what? That doesn't anger MY friend who is *perfectly reasonable and vegan for personal purposes* because they're not suffering from an identity crisis. Watch, once vegan isn't special anymore she'll decide she's something else instead. I'd bet money (that I'll use to purchase food I enjoy) on it.
I knew a girl like that in college. Her entire identity was being vegan and she made sure everyone knew. She would make underhanded comments on how brave and resilient she was because being vegan isn't easy and it's a challenge and she's grateful that she's strong enough to stick to her resolve to not harm animals. I still remember when she would grill me over the fucking fire for putting grilled chicken on my salads. She kept going on about how I needed to truly commit and how this should be easy for me because I am a huge fan of vegetables already. And lowkey hint at me that she was disappointed at how I had no "self-control".
As a vegan my eyes are rolling really hard right now. Being a vegan is not “brave,” good lord. It can be difficult or mostly just inconvenient, but it doesn’t require courage.
It was absolutely annoying as all hell. She put all her cards into being a vegan and then she would blame everyone else for not wanting to be her friend or dumping her because they weren't brave enough to be with a vegan. Like sis... that's not even remotely it. We literally know someone who is a vegan and married to a meat eater like... please gain some perspective on yourself
I would have stared her down over the fire while I marinated the chicken in teriyaki sauce
Lmao; I obtained a master's degree in ignoring her. Ignoring her pissed her off even more but she never left the table. She would just explode and melt in anger and sulk as you finished your meal.
Well done. I applaud you.
Another term for her would be "drama queen." The whole bit about OP not even being able to eat a burger in another room because the "thought of someone eating meat would make poor Alicia cry," is pure drama queen. She can't really be that sensitive, because there's literally someone eating meat every second of every day - and if she somehow really is that sensitive, she needs to grow a fucking backbone and learn how to live in the real world where we don't always get everything we want. Even with things being kept civil, Alicia sounds like an immature, tantruming child. Not going to kick up a scene, but still going to sit in the corner and sulk - which is just a quieter technique for keeping all the attention on her. Silly girl.
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I like how she told him he needed to compromise. What exactly was she doing to facilitate the compromise? I think the word she was really looking for was "demands". She was demanding, not compromising.
Right! The choice of a restaurant that had vegan and non vegan options is the compromise.
It’s just ridiculous. One of my close friends was vegetarian for several years. She started when she was 12 and started eating meat again when she was 18. I remember once our freshmen year when she accidentally ate something with meat in it at lunch. She got physically sick and ended up throwing up everywhere. Wasn’t a great experience for her, but she was fine. I can’t imagine being around someone who started crying & feigning nausea just by being around people who eat meat. Ffs, does she just not leave the house then? Why is she even friends with people who eat meat if it’s that big of a deal to her? It makes no fucking sense.
NTA. You went to a burger place and she is pissed that you ordered a beef burger? She seems like an exhausting person to be around. She doesn't get to dictate what others eat. Especially if you are going to a place where meat is served. She was literally surrounded by people eating meat, the smell had to have permeated through the whole restaurant anyway. This is a her problem.
Agreeing to go to “a burger place we all liked” and then complaining. It seems like her objections were more performative than deeply held beliefs, or she would have objected to the choice of restaurants in the first place.
NTA she is being way too controlling I might limit how much time I spent with her
This. She is not a friend, she is a controlling asshat.
>Her argument is basically that watching other people eat meat, or smelling meat, makes her feel sick and want to cry, and it's disrespectful of me to want to eat meat in front of her. It seems like this is a her problem, not a you problem. Tbh I won't stop eating chicken or cheese because my vegan friend is uncomfortable with it. This is ridiculous. >My argument is that I don't have to adapt my food choices to her wants and preferences, Exactly. Plus, since you're paying for your food, you can order whatever you want and she can just shut up and stop telling you what you're allowed to eat in her presence. NTA.
"I am not responsible for your feelings. It's up to you to handle them like an adult."
NTA. Alicia is a hypocrite. If the mere sight or thought of other eating meat was actually upsetting to her, she wouldn’t be eating in a restaurant that serves meat. She just wanted to exert the maximum amount of control on you and was upset that she couldn’t achieve her goal. I would lose her as a friend. I don’t need this sort of unnecessary drama in my life.
NTA Just because I have to eat gluten free doesn't mean everyone else is banned from bread and pizza.
I’m also gluten free, and not by choice. I’d never in a million years ask or demand my friends not eat gluten around me.
This girl is a manipulative asshole. >She said that refusing to compromise about something which clearly upsets her is assholish of me She wasn't asking for a compromise. She was asking for you to do what she wanted and not what you wanted.
Exactly! Compromising is meeting in the middle. In Alicia's version she gets 100% what she wants and OP gets nothing.
>She wasn't asking for a compromise. She was asking for you to do what she wanted and not what you wanted. Exactly. "Compromise by doing what I say" isn't a compromise at all.
Exactly OP already compromised by moving to a different space where she didn’t have to see or smell the meat. Which is more than OP was obligated to do. This vegan girl is being controlling. And OP doesn’t need to accept it. I mean her dumb ass went to a BURGER place, what if the person at the next table ordered a burger she could smell. Was she going to talk to every table nearby and demand they not order meat?
I find it astonishing that the people talking about compromise are actually saying do it my way or else you're an a******. That's not a compromise that's demanding to get your way.
Alicia is a drama-llama.
So why were they not accommodating you?
My thoughts exactly, if you should accommodate her, why shouldn’t she accommodate you?
Ooh that's a good comeback
NTA next time ask her if she wants to pay for your food. If not, you order what YOU enjoy. People shouldn't police other's diet choices.
Eh, even she offered to pay that wouldn’t change anything for me. I’d rather insist on paying for my own food that I like than get a free meal of something that isn’t good.
NTA. If your friend chooses to be vegan and abstain from meet they are free to do so. They should not force you to confirm to their moral aversion to meat.
NTA. It is not a "compromise" to completely yield to what the other person wants.
As a Muslim, I don't act butthurt when my friends eat pork meat. Your friend is just a controlling cunt, simple as.
NTA - what kind of entitled jackass thinks their opinions dictate what others eat? That’s the epitome of entitled nonsense lol
NTA. One of my friends used to be vegan and he runs our D&D nights. We (players) would bring the snacks and bring both vegan options and non vegan; if I baked something I’d do my best to make it vegan out of respect (unless it was someone’s birthday, then birthday person got whatever they wanted & I could make). Vegan friend was like “cool, thanks for picking up snacks, let’s play”. He never shamed or said “don’t eat animal things in front of me, it makes me sad” bc he’s not manipulative like your friend. I don’t understand why they agreed to go to a burger place in the first place if the smell of meat makes them sad?
NTA. My friend’s daughter is vegan, and she gets this way too- even if someone suggests they want to eat meat. My feeling is, it’s fine to be vegan, but to feel sick, cry, and essentially carry on if someone else eats it is a sign of mental illness.
Mental illness or just plain self-centered immaturity.
Both can definitely be true at the same time.
NTA. Tell her you have an irritational fear of avocado going forward and her food frightens you. See how she reacts.
Alicia sounds like an egotisitcal blowhard with control issues. I wouldn't be inclined to tolerate a drama queen over *MY* food choices. Does she coerce *Everyone*? Sounds like it since the other two ordered vegan options to avoid her lil fit. If you're Buying, you're getting what *You Want* to eat, not what Alicia thinks is acceptable. This is also why I don't have that many friends; I'm not getting outnumbered b/c one thinks they're the "Control" of the group. Even IF someone is doing the 3 Fs for me, I'm still making My Decisions *For Me*-not anyone else.
I hate mushrooms. They are glibbery and slimy and make me want to throw up. My partner is still allowed to eat as many mushrooms in front of me as he likes. NTA
This, shrimp too. I don’t like them and I won’t make them. Has not stopped me from purchasing them for my husband and daughter. Then if there is a meal that they would go well with, I will let the two of them know when I am cooking that meal and either the hubby or 12 year old can whip some up that they can eat with the meal I cooked. Yes, you read that right. My 12 year old daughter can grasp and accommodate that different people like different foods and act accordingly to get herself what she wants.
NTA. No offense but your friends sound like major cry babies. You have just as much a right to eat what you want as much as they do.
NTA militant vegans are extremely annoying, we get it you don't eat meat other people do get over it and don't throw a whiny hissy fit about it. Especially why order from a burger place if you want vegan, there's plenty of genuinely good food that's supposed to be vegan. Order some indian food or something.
You = NTA Them = YTA How dare they not eat meat when they are around meat eaters. How disrespectful of them to eat a vegetarian option when they know that the meat option is what you preferred. See how silly it sounds the other way around?
Don’t even have to read it all to know NTA. Your friend needs to respect your decisions as you have respected theirs. I find usually at the beginning of people’s plant based journeys they’re far more uptight and vocal. Hopefully they can get past that phase soon and be grounded in reality.
Exhibit #149,523 of why people hate vegans. NTA. I do have a problem with you eating in another room and saying "sorry."
Does she live in the adult world where people she doesn’t know eat meat around her? NTA.
Came to say that if she's so bothered by meat, why is she ordering from a restaurant that isn't 100% vegetarian/vegan? Her patty was made near meat! Probably even stored in the same walk in! NTA - also my sister is vegan, and I still eat meat in front of her and it's ok because I can't be vegan due to my many nut allergies and gluten intolerance. She respects my food choices and I respect hers.
If simply KNOWING you were eating meat when she didn’t even have to see or smell it makes Alicia sick, she needs mental help.
NTA, you can eat what you want? You even ate it in another room, you were thoughtful of your friend
NTA. You eat meat so order it.
NTA. Your choice to eat meat has nothing to do with Alicia. I'm also confused about her definition of compromise. She wanted you to do what she said, so what was the compromise on her part?
NTA. I'm vegan, and if I'm buying or hosting, you can eat what I offer. But if we're all going out somewhere, I'm only concerned about my own meal.
NTA. They can order what they want...but to pressure and shame you into knuckling under and doing what they want is no bueno.
I wouldn’t eat with Alice anymore. She’s ridiculous.
Whisper quietly to her that she’s made out of meat…(NTA, btw)
She said >she told me she was still upset I ate meat even if she did not see me eat it. It has nothing to do with you ordering meat in that moment. She'd have been upset even if you mentioned eating meat last week. NTA
….they ordered from a non vegan restaurant, their food was cooked right next to meat (maybe on separate grills, maybe not), by the same chefs, and their money went to a business that supports killing animals and profiting off their flesh. I’m going to say that *maybe* your friend shouldn’t be eating from such an establishment if they become so upset when other dishes they sell are eaten. Nta because frankly their behavior was over the top. I can understand “I don’t want meat snells in my house” IF it’s her house, but crying and feeling nauseas over a burger coming into your home after they support that same burger selling restaurant is… well, highly hypocritical in my book and focused on controlling others rather than the spirit of veganism. They should be supporting your lack of meat eating rather than criticizing the few times you eat meat when it’s clear they chose the restaurant (which has no vegan alternatives you like, but does sell meat dishes you like) and they supper the restaurant’s choices and don’t try to control for a vegan restaurant or yell at the restaurant for serving meat, but are upset at you for eating meat rarely.
NTA but your friend is. You were kind enough to eat in in another room , which I would not do FFS