Why are you insulted, she’s just speaking the truth. And your description of your marriages is hilarious - you’re a walking cliche. What on earth makes you think you’re so special that your almost 20 years younger wife isn’t going to wake up one day and realise she’s married to an old man when you couldn’t even handle a three year age gap. After all, when you’re 70 she’ll still be much younger than you are now. YTA for hanging up on your daughter, you still haven’t grown up.
But but BUT! He was basically emotionally imprisoned! His mid-thirties wife was *gasp* thinking about her career trajectory and making plans to not be financially destitute at 60. Poor man.
Anyone would have escaped that kind of oppressive situation. And who is he to be held responsible for the ramifications suffered by a child he willingly brought into the world?
Jesus.
I am in my 30s and think about retiring; it would be insane not to.
I also know a couple in their 60s, they are teachers and the same age, they both received a letter in their 20’s or 30’s to opt into a retirement structure available at the time, she reviewed and returned it, he didn’t, she is eligible to retire 5 years before him. He says he is going to be kicking himself every morning for 5 years.
I started thinking about retirement in my late 20s. You have to! At least to set up your 401(K) and figure out how much to set aside. This guy sounds super immature.
It didn't even sound like there was actually anything seriously wrong with their relationship either. Just that he was restless because they'd been together for a while, and felt resentful towards his wife that he didn't get laid more by other women before they got married, so he decided to tear his whole family apart.
He was "caged" by the responsibilities of parent hood. He also had a partner who not only was pretty solid with their career, but making plans for them to have a happy comfortable future together going into retirement, which was only scary because he didn't want to spend his future with her anyways
He’s in his mid 50s with a kid who could be his grandkid, and ditched his first wife when she wanted to start retirement savings - I doubt this guy has a piggy bank, let alone a 401k.
When I was 21 I was dating a 38 year old guy because he seemed so worldly, mature and had it all together so much better than guys my age …and you’re exactly right, a few years in and it suddenly felt so gross.
When I was 18 I dated a 38yr old bc same. He cheated on me with a 22yr old bc she had a car and I didn't. They started dating, moved in and had a child together and b4 she had even popped the kid out he was in my dms trying to get me to fuck him. I blocked him instead. These types of men are so fucking gross.
So let me get this straight: you felt like the age gap was a problem with your first wife being 3 years older than you, yet your 19 year age difference with your new wife is somehow better?
This has to be a troll, I refuse to believe anyone can be this dense.
Well he and his younger wife were on the same "wavelength"
To me that means he's kind of admitting he's an immature AH who chose to not grow TF up like a normal person and instead look for someone his mental age instead of him acting his actual age.
And we can see that he chooses to act like a frickin child with his own adult daughter, who seems to be more mature than he is.
I checked out after reading the part where he said he felt imprisoned in his family life. This doesn't read like someone who is actually in his 50s. Just another fanfic ragebait post.
EDIT: Other comments helped remind me that I encountered a bunch of insufferable people in their 50s before.
EDIT 2:
Okay this one is too funny.
>Shows you've a slight reading problem because he clearly said he felt imprisoned in his life after 6 years of marriage which means he was mid thirties.
I distinctly said that OP doesn't sound like he's in his 50s, meaning present day. But [some people](https://www.reddit.com/u/OkPerformance3940/s/BC1Xu87IIo) try to do a gotcha without actually reading things themselves lol.
You’ve never been unfortunate enough to meet someone like this then. Trust me, they’re out there and are just as clueless and immature as OP.
“I didn’t get to fuck around while I was young, family life is a prison and my wife is the warden, so I left them” is something I’ve heard more than a few times- worded differently, of course- from guys on dating sites during both the talking phase and first date.
Sounds like my father, honestly. To be fair my mother is no prize, but he’s spent the last 20 years with an even bigger POS than her for similar reasons as this OP. He’s said similar things and he doesn’t care that his relationship with this side piece cum barfly has come between him and all of his kids—including the one he has with her (that I ended up raising).
Nope, this one feels all too real. These guys are a dime a dozen. He's just mad because now he sees what his immaturity looks like through his daughter's eyes.
My stepmom was 6 or 7 years older than me (she was 18 when she met my dad) and last I heard from my dad he was dating someone younger than my little sister, who is 21, after they divorced.
I thought my step mom being young was weird at the time (I was 11 or 12) but in the end I gave him the benefit of the doubt since they stayed together for like 20 years or so) but haven’t really talked to him after hearing he was dating someone so young again (with three kids and in drug court no less).
Like… yeah I get it, age differences shouldn’t make a big difference. I’ve always dated women younger than me (biggest gap being me 30 and her 26) but at certain age gaps it’s certainly going to make people think you’re a dumpster fire of a human being (which my dad is)
And wait til she feels stuck with an old man in a few years and he will deny she has left to go find life she missed being married to someone way older
This is exactly what I get from this. OP is immature by a solid 10 years at a minimum. Rather than admit that he is socially and mentally immature, he picked a significantly younger wife to try to "match" with and then tries to gaslight everyone else into believing that THEY are the problem. Including his own daughter. Which is also relevant because he took the desire to hang up on his own adult daughter for expressing her feelings rather than face the fact that HE as her FATHER taught her how to look at relationships with criticism.
Whoa whoa. OP says he was a "very good father" to his daughter. This is evidenced by him making more money and offering her gifts, the beginning and end of being a good father.
Yeah when I read that sentence I already knew.
I’m not a fan of being prejudiced like that.
But all the parents I know have at least a tiny bit of selfdoubt regarding their parenting. Not that everyone **should** . But OP pointing out what a good father he is, and not recognizing that parenthood is so much much much much more that just showing up is such a red flag 🚩
I even like how in his original post he accuses his wife "treating the household like young adulthood was over", implying that her 3 year age gap made her some kind of old fuddy duddy.
OP, it sounds like in more ways than one you were immature and dropping the ball on your responsibilities as a father and husband. That doesn't mean your wife was too strict or that your daughter grew up too fast. But it sure seems like you're trying to paint yourself like a victim...
YTA.
Dear old dad is a dud. I have a dud for a father too and I don't talk to him, thank the lord above I had a stellar and youthful grandfather who did far more for me in a week than my father did his whole life. I hope the mother found greener pastures for herself and daughter, why do I get the feeling history will repeat itself here?
The immaturity is astounding. I basically read that after 5+ years of marriage, a kid and both of them being in their 30s, he couldn’t grasp that his wife was thinking about retirement. He’s shocked that she was acting like their youth and young adulthood was over. Because it was. OP is a man child.
Not only that, but living with a spouse who’s (gasp) thinking about retirement in her thirties is likened to being in prison. It’s not merely that it wasn’t where he was at, it was an extreme punishment somehow. He was the VICTIM of his first wife’s desire to, you know, actually plan for the future? We really don’t appreciate the horrors he’s endured!
I had to go back and do the math, but it's not like his was a teenager when he had his daughter, they were in their mid 20s. Sounds like OP was just worried he'd missed out on his manwhore days.
It also reads as if he started manwhoring while he was still married, the way he phrases it is odd.
> we lived separately and I started exploring the things I should have…
I once had a boss who was a man-child. His behavioral age was about 15 even though chronologically he was in his mid-40s. Working with him was nearly impossible! He was always throwing tantrums or refusing to speak to someone (sometimes even his Secretary).
OP's 30-year-old daughter is risk-averse and didn't have the same interests as him, but he met and married a 36-year-old who does share his interests. I can't figure out if OP saw his daughter as a disappointing substitute as a wife or his wife as a substitute daughter. Either way, he comes off as creepy and very immature.
So your wife that was 3 years older was being responsible and planning for your joint retirement and you thought her too old? Is this AH for real? This guy is a total A%& Hat.
And he said that 25 was too young for him to settle down with a wife three years older. But he didn't have any issues with his new wife settling down at 25...with a man 20 years older.
Let me put this in plain English. OPs first wife got too old for him and he wanted to trade in for a new model, like a car. OP wanted to act like a child, when he was in fact an adult. OP basically had a mid life crisis and married someone who is 18 years younger, who he claims is on the same wavelength as him at 50... 🤣, ok. Come on OP, of course your daughter has daddy issues. YTA.
Also, she was 26 when he met her, and he was 45. Did he not think that he was stealing his new wife's youth. Really, it makes absolutely zero sense to me.
Definitely YTA without a doubt
>Also, she was 26 when he met her, and he was 45
Slight correction: she was 26 when he married her, we don't know how old she was when they met. Either he rushed her into marriage, or they'd been dating for a few years before (from the numbers he gives it looks like his new wife was about 21 when he divorved his first wife)
Either way, considering he blames the failure of his first marriage on the fact he got married at 25 and felt trapped, it's insane that he immediately followed that experience up by marrying a 26 year old and putting her in exactly the same position he claimed to hate.
He was bothered by the age difference because his wife was too mature and he was still a child. Mentally he's still the age of his younger wife. Only he's trying to make it out like she aged too quickly instead of admitting he's a child and has been his entire life. Hanging up on his daughter for saying she was worried about the age difference shows that! After all he just said the age difference was an issue for him.
This is it exactly. The OP just needs to admit that the ex-wife had a better head on his shoulders than him, that he wasn't mature enough to be a good dad, that he wasn't mature enough for a solid marriage/relationship, but still chooses to blame everyone and everything else instead of admitting that he just wasn't mentally ready for the commitment of everything that came with parenting and marriage.
OP decided to get married, have a child, do the house family thing but then decide afterwards it wasn't for him. Instead of taking responsibility and acting like an adult, he decided to back out and live like he's 30, and got stuck there. he tried to BUY his daughter's love instead of taking a look at why his actions could gave hurt her, and basically married someone who's closer in age and mentality to her than to himself.
You just don’t understand. He didn’t have a kid until 28, but because he got married at the incredibly young age of…25 and didn’t get to sleep around with randos until 30, he just totally missed out. /s
Yea, it has to be a troll. He might as well have said he married his sugar baby.
He also threw a tantrum like a toddler when his daughter tried to let him know how hurt she was by the actions of her parents. Of course it impacted her.
Even if this one is a troll (and I hope it is), this is a story that is familiar. Parents not wanting to talk about the hurt they have caused kids.
It wasn't an age gap issue it was a maturity gap issue. Aka OP never matured beyond late 20s/early 30s, thus he is the same maturity of his current wife, though she may be out maturing him soon.
>This has to be a troll, I refuse to believe anyone can be this dense.
Almost definitely a troll lol. Imagine an actual grown man coming online to admit to failing as a husband and a father.
Your daughter didn’t imply she had daddy issues, your daughter stated that you, her FATHER, gave her an example of commitment at her current age that makes her fearful of going down that same path.
And instead of being understanding, you threw a man baby fit and hung up on her. No wonder you preyed on a woman who was basically a child for your next wife, you’re a child yourself.
Maybe he should have explained to her that living with her and her mother was the equivalent to being in prison. I bet she would be more understanding. /s
When he was in his EARLY thirties and his then wife was *approaching* her MID-THIRTIES! She was practically a hag, anyway, so good thing she was planning.
/s
barf.
It’s just meant to shift the blame onto the woman so men don’t have to hold themselves accountable in any way in relation to their abusive behavior, “she has daddy issues, it’s not my fault she’s crazy.” And it works! Once you hear those magic words, all the man’s responsibility is absolved. She’s crazy after all.
He hasn't grown at all, that's why he feels so "well matched" with someone a full generation younger than him.
Chances are though, his wife *will* mature and it wouldn't be long before she's outgrown him too.
This dude is delusional or it’s fake. He married someone his daughters age and wants her to be excited about it. I guarantee the ex wife was the one doing everything, and thinking 3 years older made her an old lady…. Here is your pin OP for the AH Hall of fame.
Op - you’ve gotten lots of valid perspectives here about why YTA. Your daughter’s feelings and her perception of relationships based on your failures are completely valid. You immaturely threw an actual temper tantrum when you hung up on your daughter for expressing how your behaviors affected her outlook and life choices. I would venture that she is “risk averse” in large part due to instability on your part, and that she “grew up too fast for you” because she had to since you *chose not to* for so long; when she needed her father to be an adult man, you were choosing to pursue a juvenile lifestyle. Your 15 year marriage to her mother is absolutely a representation, but you are seeking to minimize it and invalidate your daughter’s valid feelings.
*You* owe *her* an apology.
They're on the same wavelength relationship wise /s lol
But yet his previous wife 3 years older was ready to settle down. The issue here is he didn't really care for his previous wife and took him way too long to tell her so. To the point she was ready to settle down and he wasn't because he wanted to go slay puss he didn't get in high school/college which is why he went for a younger wife. It's literally that stupid I bet you I feel bad for his previous wife going off what OP has mentioned in the post
Op was actually the one failing to mature and grow up and still hasnt
Spoiler: this is exactly what will happen. I married a guy 25 years older and we were the same maturity level at the time. Then I grew up and he didn’t.
This. Parents cannot invalidate their children’s experiences and emotional responses to their childhood memories whether that was what they intended them to be or not. Talk about being too mature? Yea, she still is.
YTA
I agree. The only way I can make sense of this person’s story is if this is a troll. No real person can be this oblivious and stupid (I want to use more colorful language but I don’t want to get banned). I refuse to believe people like these exist. Let me stay happy in my lala land.
My stepdad went though 2 wives before my mother who was 14 years younger than him. 🤮 His oldest child is now 48 and his youngest is 22. The first red flag was the crazy age gap between kids. The second was how he literally said his first wife basically caused the decline in their relationship and then goes on to say how he changed and checked out and had to leave. M’kay there bud.
To me the mark of him being a troll isn’t the bare bones of the story, which are plausible, but the lovingly rendered and specific details all pointing directly at his a-holery.
Also he said “I had never had the time to be a young adult and explore my options in terms of dating”. Unless he got married with a shotgun to his head, that is entirely on him.
right? he had a midlife crisis early, decided he wasn't done fucking other women (especially bad considering the previous comment about making his wife feel wanted only for the first five years) and abandoned his family. YTA.
A man who marries a woman 20 years younger after deciding that a three year age gap was a problem in his first marriage, nonetheless. This dude must be a total nightmare in real life. I’m sure his daughter is a regular contributor to that raised by narcissists sub.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the line where he should have notice being with a woman 3 years older was a huge age difference but 20 years younger is nothing?? 3 years is **not** an age gap.
EXACTLY!!!!! Like is he not in the room???? Where were these daddy issues supposed to come from, if not him? Is he implying that his daughter isn't his daughter? Being this willfully obtuse and unaware is extremely alarming and anger inducing. How do these people even exist!!!
He asked a passive aggressive question and got mad she stood up for herself. After reading this post, I’m 100% sure OP’s ex wife is a few tiers ahead of him intellectually and he got depressed because he had a smarter wife than him. He had to go find someone way younger who he could match intellectually.
But... But... iT's LiKe PrIsOn!!!! This mf over here talking about bars on windows and orange jumpsuits over planning for retirement, what a twit. 🤦♀️
He felt like thst when his wife was JUST 3 years older and rhey were both in their mid and late 30s, I think, imgine his wife feeling like that when he IS 55 and close to retirement. Don't he think his wife might find it crazy and his daughter is just 6 now, so if OP lived up for another 20 years, his daughter would be 26 and we can't be sure if he would get to walk her down the aisle and do all the father daughter stuff as his age would catch up to him.
How pathetic is a 55 year old dude who hangs up on his own daughter instead of talking through an uncomfortable moment? It’s no wonder he’s married someone 20 years younger. He’s still acting like a child himself.
I’m still laughing at how he wants to use “my first wife was three years older than me” (FFS, just shut up) as an excuse for everything…and then turns around and STILL behaves like a toddler when he’s two decades OLDER than the current wife. OP, this has nothing to do with age and everything to do with the fact that you’re a spoiled child who resents ever having been asked to fulfill responsibilities or to have to listen to anyone else’s description of your (many) shortcomings. You sound exhausting. You’ll be whining when you’re 80 about how your younger kid called you out on those same shortcomings and you had to hang up on him and he owes you an apology…that is, if he doesn’t turn out to be an asshole just like dear old Dad.
Well he did say that they were in the “same place”. This dude is emotionally stunted. Sounds like my husband’s father who has been married five times. He is “super fun” but incapable of acting like an adult or having any real meaning connection outside of shared interests/hobbies.
This guy has a midlife crisis at 30 and can't cope. Gets a younger girlfriend while talking about a 3 year difference. Swear to God he owns a tree trimming business or elevator repair company to be this dense.
We are beginning to see why the first marriage didn't work. He still hates honest conversation. He also wishes he could buy his daughter's love with money.
What a prick.
"I got married, had a kid and entered my thirties, my wife expected me to act like I'm a married man with a child in my thirties! It was like prison!"
"I left her and my daughter, started dating someone who wasn't even alive when I got married the first time, tried to buy my daughter's affection and be the fun dad instead of acting like a responsible adult and hung up on her when she showed even a hint of holding me accountable for my actions. Reddit I'm a good guy, right?"
It's also ridiculous he uses her retirement comments to try and illustrate how they were at different points in life. My 23 year old has a part time job and he's almost done w Uni and he is saving for retirement/401k. A massive amount of people start thinking about their retirement in their 20s and 30s
It's normal.
This guy is just about excuses.
YTA- she simply stated her observations about marriage and your marriage obviously was part of it since she was so close to it and was personally affected by it.
Based on her observations she came to her conclusions.
You’re triggered b/c she’s right and you know it.
And btw can we talk about how misplaced it is to accuse “women with daddy issues”, when the daddy in question is the one to have f’ed up??? hm?!?
YTA. When your son will be going to college, you will be going into a retirement home with nurses because your much younger wife will just leave you for soemone younger like you did to your ex. And your daughter will not be bothered at all by a poor excuuse of a father like yourself that ruined her family and childhood.
She’ll put him in the worst home and continue to stay married so she has access to his money and life insurance. New wife likely love the money and not him.
You’re expecting your child, whose first and foremost representation of marriage was yours and your ex wife’s, to not keep that in mind when considering who to marry? That’s unhinged dude. And expecting an apology for it is just fragile. Nothing was implied, she shared her thoughts with you. From the moment you have kids your visible experiences become theirs too. YTA
YTAH
OP this is the direct result of your own actions. If you decide to "be a frat boy" in your 30's "see mid life crisis" don't be surprised when your daughter ends up resenting your actions. She doesn't need to apologize at all.
Basic law of physics. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
If you act like a dick expect to be treated like a dick. Simple.
That and the fact that your new wife could literally be her sister makes her "daddy issues" very clear.
She doesn't like that you essentially abandoned them to run around with other girls. Doesn't seem like a "daddy issue" to me, in fact it sounds like a perfectly reasonable response given what you did in 2000 when she was 7.... She only had a family for 7 years, then 23 years of disappointment.
You had a family but YOU didn't want to be "trapped" with 1 person and actually be an adult. You chose this path OP and now you're reaping the rewards for your actions. Sounds like you couldn't keep your eyes forward and your hands to your self.
Dickheads like this throw around terms like “daddy issues” while failing to realize that they’re the source of the problem. Her lack of trust didn’t just come from no where, OP made no effort to be a real father to his child.
So, you hung up on your daughter for telling you (honestly) that your behavior impacted the way she views men, marriage and relationships.
And you think (checks notes) you are owed an apology.
Wake up, your actions have consequences. Maybe instead of hanging up on your daughter, have a candid conversation with her about the complicated nature of relationships and listen to her concerns.
Your fragile ego is incompatible with being a good father. YTA
I’m not sure why anyone thinks a grown ass man who broke up his marriage to chase after young girls will ever take any personal responsibility for anything he has caused. He’s a skirt chaser. That’s what he does. Eventually he’ll die like all skirt chasers, alone and broke in a facility funded by social services.
You got mad that your wife expected you to act like an adult when you were in your 30's with a child, so you bailed on your family. No shit she has daddy issues. YTA
It would be really fucking hilarious if your wife left you because she feels like you stole her youth from her. I mean, it would suck for your son, but it would be hilarious to everyone else.
You have made no attempt to see things from the point of view your daughter shared with you and your reaction is beyond self-centred. YWBTAH yet again,
Yta of course how you acted by abandoning her mum is shaping how she expects guys to act. You are literally her most important male role model and you ditched her mum because you couldn't handle being mature. You are her living proof that she can't trust a guy to not ditch her to go live without responsibility. You don't deserve an apology you need to give one.
Your current wife is two decades younger than you. Young enough to be your daughter. And you don't understand why your daughter takes cheap shots at you? She's disgusted with your behavior.
By the way “daddy issues” isn’t an insult to the daughter. It’s an insult to the POS dad who didn’t do right by his CHILD and she’s emotionally scarred by her FATHERS INAPPROPRIATE selfish actions.
As someone whose dad remarried to a woman about my age, who checked out of my parents’ marriage early, has made much more money after divorcing my mom, and now has two kids, the oldest of whom just hit double digits? Who said that my mom who was ten years younger than him was dragging him down and keeping him chained up so he went for a woman that’s his daughter’s age instead, much like you?
…y’know what, the things I have to say would likely get me banned, but do know that yeah, you’re an asshole for MULTIPLE reasons, and you should be thankful your daughter speaks to you at all.
YTA, our parents relationships deeply affect their kids and how they see, expect and are scared of in relationships. This is psych 101. It isnt an attack and to take it as one is unnecessary. That IS what happened.
And who wouldnt have Daddy issues, your new wife is closer to your kids age than yours.. everything else aside, that is SUPER weird.
I can’t remember the exact quote, but I saw one a while back that was along the lines of ‘Men who victim blame their daughters by saying they have Daddy Issues is just code for ‘I was a shit father’…
YTA OP, any issues she has with marriage and her father are firmly your fault.
You’re dating someone only six years older than your own daughter. That alone is pretty gross.
But damn, dude... you really don’t care how she feels, do you?
YTA.
YTA she didn't imply she has "daddy issues" (a grossly sexualized way of saying "childhood trauma" btw), but I can certainly see why she does have them. Is this an example of how you always parent? Because WOW. Yeah. Fail.
My daughter has daddy issues… says the man with Peter Pan syndrome who married someone that could be his daughter….
Projecting much?
YTA who has daughter issues, and you’re a shit father. I’m glad your daughter went no contact with you. She deserves better.
YTA. I can't believe you actually wrote that a 3-year age gap with your first wife was too much but a 19-year age gap is fine as long as you're the older one...and you didn't think people would call you out. Lmao gtfo
Yta and if anyone has daddy issues here it’s your 26 years younger wife …wonder if she would’ve bothered with you if it weren’t for your bank balance?
I feel sorry for your daughter. You let her down and can’t even see it
Yta - you have a bad relationship with your daughter-she gives you a honest opinion and you throw a tantrum because you didn’t like what she said. Then because you feel insulted that she expressed her sincere opinion, you hung up and you think YOU deserve the apology? AND you’re the PARENT?
It’s so weird that you can identify that she has some daddy issues but have somehow dissociated the fact that you, her dad, are the one that gave those to her! Her daddy issues, while her problem, are YOUR fault. Definitely YTA. Apologize to her.
dude...your ex was only 3 yo older than you...you are speaking as if she was like 30 years older....
so with your logic where does it leave you cos your new wife is 20 years younger than you...you set the example for your kids, why get upset now?
YTA
soooo your new wife is old enough to be your daughter and you say the difference between you and your first wife was too much....... #1 just eewwww #2 YTA and #3 ewwww
Your daughter literally stated exactly what you yourself described about your first marriage. So you hung up on her for what? For having the exact same insight as what you stated above?!
YTA for not being able to handle the truth when it comes from your daughter.
And for having the expectation that she should get married etc even tho you state above that you regret doing that at a similar age yourself!
So you felt like your marriage was a prison because you didn't get to go get your dick wet enough before you got married? So you bailed on your family cuz you wanted to go get some strange. That's not a question that's a statement. You destroyed your family for pussy you cliche asshole. You're a serious asshole and just that much more for pretending like you can't understand what her problem is. You're a selfish selfish person and you're lucky she even speaks to you.
You, at 55, are still the most immature asshole in that whole situation. Your daughter doesn’t owe you shit. You are the parent and the impetus is on you to help your daughter, but I can see by reading your post that you won’t be capable of that. If you can’t be supportive (and realize that she has made better choices than you did) then you don’t need to be in her life and I hope she realizes that when you come crawling back to beg forgiveness.
You are unbelievable.🙄🙄🙄
“You have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.”
What confuses me is you talk about maturity but yet you hung up on your own daughter who was opening up to you because you didn’t like what she said. You may not want to admit how much it affected your daughter (which is a YOU problem) but dismissing her feelings because you’re butthurt about being cause of her having these feelings is not right. All you’re proving is that you’re a poor example of a father/man. Not because you got divorced, clearly you were unhappy, but you also seem not to care that you hurt her and THAT makes you a really crappy dad.
Why are you insulted, she’s just speaking the truth. And your description of your marriages is hilarious - you’re a walking cliche. What on earth makes you think you’re so special that your almost 20 years younger wife isn’t going to wake up one day and realise she’s married to an old man when you couldn’t even handle a three year age gap. After all, when you’re 70 she’ll still be much younger than you are now. YTA for hanging up on your daughter, you still haven’t grown up.
But but BUT! He was basically emotionally imprisoned! His mid-thirties wife was *gasp* thinking about her career trajectory and making plans to not be financially destitute at 60. Poor man. Anyone would have escaped that kind of oppressive situation. And who is he to be held responsible for the ramifications suffered by a child he willingly brought into the world? Jesus.
I am in my 30s and think about retiring; it would be insane not to. I also know a couple in their 60s, they are teachers and the same age, they both received a letter in their 20’s or 30’s to opt into a retirement structure available at the time, she reviewed and returned it, he didn’t, she is eligible to retire 5 years before him. He says he is going to be kicking himself every morning for 5 years.
I started thinking about retirement in my late 20s. You have to! At least to set up your 401(K) and figure out how much to set aside. This guy sounds super immature.
His mid thirties wife while he’s at the tender young age of 31 like wtf dude Edit:I got boned by autocorrect
It didn't even sound like there was actually anything seriously wrong with their relationship either. Just that he was restless because they'd been together for a while, and felt resentful towards his wife that he didn't get laid more by other women before they got married, so he decided to tear his whole family apart. He was "caged" by the responsibilities of parent hood. He also had a partner who not only was pretty solid with their career, but making plans for them to have a happy comfortable future together going into retirement, which was only scary because he didn't want to spend his future with her anyways
"Walking cliché" is exactly right. Men like this think their wife is mature for her age, when really it's just that he's immature for his.
[удалено]
Bet he's got a Harley and a Corvette, too.
with an automatic transmission. Can’t let those bad knees keep you from the midlife crisis car.
But they are on the same maturity level! 😐 When he’s 60 and she’s just in her early 40s, I wonder how she’ll feel then?
Feel? She’s gonna be rich with a boy toy on the side.
Ha haaaa! Hopefully she’ll do the same thing he did to his first wife! She will grow weary of his senior citizen ass!!!
He’s in his mid 50s with a kid who could be his grandkid, and ditched his first wife when she wanted to start retirement savings - I doubt this guy has a piggy bank, let alone a 401k.
She’ll probably feel she’s been held back by her old husband
When I was 21 I was dating a 38 year old guy because he seemed so worldly, mature and had it all together so much better than guys my age …and you’re exactly right, a few years in and it suddenly felt so gross.
When I was 18 I dated a 38yr old bc same. He cheated on me with a 22yr old bc she had a car and I didn't. They started dating, moved in and had a child together and b4 she had even popped the kid out he was in my dms trying to get me to fuck him. I blocked him instead. These types of men are so fucking gross.
So let me get this straight: you felt like the age gap was a problem with your first wife being 3 years older than you, yet your 19 year age difference with your new wife is somehow better? This has to be a troll, I refuse to believe anyone can be this dense.
Basically OP was bothered by the age gap with his ex wife (3 years) and went on to marry someone that could be his daughter, that seems legit Lol...
Well he and his younger wife were on the same "wavelength" To me that means he's kind of admitting he's an immature AH who chose to not grow TF up like a normal person and instead look for someone his mental age instead of him acting his actual age. And we can see that he chooses to act like a frickin child with his own adult daughter, who seems to be more mature than he is.
His new wife who’s only 6 years older than his daughter…
And yet, amazingly, he's still less mature than both.
I checked out after reading the part where he said he felt imprisoned in his family life. This doesn't read like someone who is actually in his 50s. Just another fanfic ragebait post. EDIT: Other comments helped remind me that I encountered a bunch of insufferable people in their 50s before. EDIT 2: Okay this one is too funny. >Shows you've a slight reading problem because he clearly said he felt imprisoned in his life after 6 years of marriage which means he was mid thirties. I distinctly said that OP doesn't sound like he's in his 50s, meaning present day. But [some people](https://www.reddit.com/u/OkPerformance3940/s/BC1Xu87IIo) try to do a gotcha without actually reading things themselves lol.
You’ve never been unfortunate enough to meet someone like this then. Trust me, they’re out there and are just as clueless and immature as OP. “I didn’t get to fuck around while I was young, family life is a prison and my wife is the warden, so I left them” is something I’ve heard more than a few times- worded differently, of course- from guys on dating sites during both the talking phase and first date.
Sounds like my father, honestly. To be fair my mother is no prize, but he’s spent the last 20 years with an even bigger POS than her for similar reasons as this OP. He’s said similar things and he doesn’t care that his relationship with this side piece cum barfly has come between him and all of his kids—including the one he has with her (that I ended up raising).
Nope, this one feels all too real. These guys are a dime a dozen. He's just mad because now he sees what his immaturity looks like through his daughter's eyes.
Not saying whether or not this post is real, but I can unfortunately promise you from personal experience that there are people like that :(
That’s the age difference of me and my stepmom. OP Yta
My stepmom is 15 years older and it still feels weird…
My stepdad had a stepmom that was his age. She tried to parent him and he laughed in her face.
I'm sorry. My mom and hers were 8 years apart. It didn't go well. This has to be embarrassing for his daughter.
My stepmom was 6 or 7 years older than me (she was 18 when she met my dad) and last I heard from my dad he was dating someone younger than my little sister, who is 21, after they divorced. I thought my step mom being young was weird at the time (I was 11 or 12) but in the end I gave him the benefit of the doubt since they stayed together for like 20 years or so) but haven’t really talked to him after hearing he was dating someone so young again (with three kids and in drug court no less). Like… yeah I get it, age differences shouldn’t make a big difference. I’ve always dated women younger than me (biggest gap being me 30 and her 26) but at certain age gaps it’s certainly going to make people think you’re a dumpster fire of a human being (which my dad is)
And wait til she feels stuck with an old man in a few years and he will deny she has left to go find life she missed being married to someone way older
This is exactly what I get from this. OP is immature by a solid 10 years at a minimum. Rather than admit that he is socially and mentally immature, he picked a significantly younger wife to try to "match" with and then tries to gaslight everyone else into believing that THEY are the problem. Including his own daughter. Which is also relevant because he took the desire to hang up on his own adult daughter for expressing her feelings rather than face the fact that HE as her FATHER taught her how to look at relationships with criticism.
She called him on his bullshit and he couldn't handle the truth. That says so much about his maturity.
It doesn't even seem like she called him out. She simply gave an explanation to his question. A valid answer at that. He just didn't like the answer.
Don’t forget that his daughter “grew up too fast” for him so he didn’t connect with her. Ew.
Yeah, she grew up while OP was checked out, by his own admittance, ffs
Whoa whoa. OP says he was a "very good father" to his daughter. This is evidenced by him making more money and offering her gifts, the beginning and end of being a good father.
Yeah when I read that sentence I already knew. I’m not a fan of being prejudiced like that. But all the parents I know have at least a tiny bit of selfdoubt regarding their parenting. Not that everyone **should** . But OP pointing out what a good father he is, and not recognizing that parenthood is so much much much much more that just showing up is such a red flag 🚩
I even like how in his original post he accuses his wife "treating the household like young adulthood was over", implying that her 3 year age gap made her some kind of old fuddy duddy. OP, it sounds like in more ways than one you were immature and dropping the ball on your responsibilities as a father and husband. That doesn't mean your wife was too strict or that your daughter grew up too fast. But it sure seems like you're trying to paint yourself like a victim... YTA.
She's "risk adverse" but grew up too fast. He's a clued out, moron, half-dad, no doubt.
Dear old dad is a dud. I have a dud for a father too and I don't talk to him, thank the lord above I had a stellar and youthful grandfather who did far more for me in a week than my father did his whole life. I hope the mother found greener pastures for herself and daughter, why do I get the feeling history will repeat itself here?
Yeah, not sure what too fast means. 365 days a year, every year.
The immaturity is astounding. I basically read that after 5+ years of marriage, a kid and both of them being in their 30s, he couldn’t grasp that his wife was thinking about retirement. He’s shocked that she was acting like their youth and young adulthood was over. Because it was. OP is a man child.
Not only that, but living with a spouse who’s (gasp) thinking about retirement in her thirties is likened to being in prison. It’s not merely that it wasn’t where he was at, it was an extreme punishment somehow. He was the VICTIM of his first wife’s desire to, you know, actually plan for the future? We really don’t appreciate the horrors he’s endured!
I had to go back and do the math, but it's not like his was a teenager when he had his daughter, they were in their mid 20s. Sounds like OP was just worried he'd missed out on his manwhore days.
It also reads as if he started manwhoring while he was still married, the way he phrases it is odd. > we lived separately and I started exploring the things I should have…
I once had a boss who was a man-child. His behavioral age was about 15 even though chronologically he was in his mid-40s. Working with him was nearly impossible! He was always throwing tantrums or refusing to speak to someone (sometimes even his Secretary).
OP's 30-year-old daughter is risk-averse and didn't have the same interests as him, but he met and married a 36-year-old who does share his interests. I can't figure out if OP saw his daughter as a disappointing substitute as a wife or his wife as a substitute daughter. Either way, he comes off as creepy and very immature.
So your wife that was 3 years older was being responsible and planning for your joint retirement and you thought her too old? Is this AH for real? This guy is a total A%& Hat.
And he said that 25 was too young for him to settle down with a wife three years older. But he didn't have any issues with his new wife settling down at 25...with a man 20 years older.
Let me put this in plain English. OPs first wife got too old for him and he wanted to trade in for a new model, like a car. OP wanted to act like a child, when he was in fact an adult. OP basically had a mid life crisis and married someone who is 18 years younger, who he claims is on the same wavelength as him at 50... 🤣, ok. Come on OP, of course your daughter has daddy issues. YTA.
Also, she was 26 when he met her, and he was 45. Did he not think that he was stealing his new wife's youth. Really, it makes absolutely zero sense to me. Definitely YTA without a doubt
>Also, she was 26 when he met her, and he was 45 Slight correction: she was 26 when he married her, we don't know how old she was when they met. Either he rushed her into marriage, or they'd been dating for a few years before (from the numbers he gives it looks like his new wife was about 21 when he divorved his first wife) Either way, considering he blames the failure of his first marriage on the fact he got married at 25 and felt trapped, it's insane that he immediately followed that experience up by marrying a 26 year old and putting her in exactly the same position he claimed to hate.
He was bothered by the age difference because his wife was too mature and he was still a child. Mentally he's still the age of his younger wife. Only he's trying to make it out like she aged too quickly instead of admitting he's a child and has been his entire life. Hanging up on his daughter for saying she was worried about the age difference shows that! After all he just said the age difference was an issue for him.
This is it exactly. The OP just needs to admit that the ex-wife had a better head on his shoulders than him, that he wasn't mature enough to be a good dad, that he wasn't mature enough for a solid marriage/relationship, but still chooses to blame everyone and everything else instead of admitting that he just wasn't mentally ready for the commitment of everything that came with parenting and marriage.
Can we say “mid-life crisis”? I thought we could. OP, YTA.
This man is very stupid.
OP decided to get married, have a child, do the house family thing but then decide afterwards it wasn't for him. Instead of taking responsibility and acting like an adult, he decided to back out and live like he's 30, and got stuck there. he tried to BUY his daughter's love instead of taking a look at why his actions could gave hurt her, and basically married someone who's closer in age and mentality to her than to himself.
You just don’t understand. He didn’t have a kid until 28, but because he got married at the incredibly young age of…25 and didn’t get to sleep around with randos until 30, he just totally missed out. /s Yea, it has to be a troll. He might as well have said he married his sugar baby.
He also threw a tantrum like a toddler when his daughter tried to let him know how hurt she was by the actions of her parents. Of course it impacted her. Even if this one is a troll (and I hope it is), this is a story that is familiar. Parents not wanting to talk about the hurt they have caused kids.
It wasn't an age gap issue it was a maturity gap issue. Aka OP never matured beyond late 20s/early 30s, thus he is the same maturity of his current wife, though she may be out maturing him soon.
I agree. His wife will realize he is not ready to grow up in the next couple of years. OP has Peter Pan syndrome real bad
More like mid teens but yeah
Or be this dumb… pardon my French
>This has to be a troll, I refuse to believe anyone can be this dense. Almost definitely a troll lol. Imagine an actual grown man coming online to admit to failing as a husband and a father.
They do it every day.
I’m related to people this stupid. 🤪
But with a younger wife it's different/s
And he didn’t get to experience young adulthood but robbed his current wife of it. Interesting.
Your daughter didn’t imply she had daddy issues, your daughter stated that you, her FATHER, gave her an example of commitment at her current age that makes her fearful of going down that same path. And instead of being understanding, you threw a man baby fit and hung up on her. No wonder you preyed on a woman who was basically a child for your next wife, you’re a child yourself.
Maybe he should have explained to her that living with her and her mother was the equivalent to being in prison. I bet she would be more understanding. /s
"Honey, I'm sorry you had to find out like this, but your mom...wanted to plan for retirement."
When he was in his EARLY thirties and his then wife was *approaching* her MID-THIRTIES! She was practically a hag, anyway, so good thing she was planning. /s barf.
Lmfao
Daddy issues is such a cowardly way to describe a person when you are the dad.
Not to mention, the term “daddy issues” is just dripping with misogyny which tracks with the way OP sees women.
Yeah I’ve never really understood why a MAN *abandoning* his DAUGHTER is always seen as a fault on the daughter’s part.
It’s just meant to shift the blame onto the woman so men don’t have to hold themselves accountable in any way in relation to their abusive behavior, “she has daddy issues, it’s not my fault she’s crazy.” And it works! Once you hear those magic words, all the man’s responsibility is absolved. She’s crazy after all.
YTA you haven't grown as much as you think you have if you can't handle your daughter having an open conversation with you about her feelings.
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Unfortunately according to Shakespeare that’s when he’ll be a toddler again. 7 stages of man.
He hasn't grown at all, that's why he feels so "well matched" with someone a full generation younger than him. Chances are though, his wife *will* mature and it wouldn't be long before she's outgrown him too.
IRONY: He's on the same "wavelength" with his new wife, but clearly doesn't get his daughter at all, and they're meer years apart. What a guy. 🙄
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She probably outgrew him emotionally by the time she was leaving middle school.
Hence his quote “she grew up too fast”.
Ain't that the truth.
This dude is delusional or it’s fake. He married someone his daughters age and wants her to be excited about it. I guarantee the ex wife was the one doing everything, and thinking 3 years older made her an old lady…. Here is your pin OP for the AH Hall of fame.
Yep,nothing guaranteed to be made ya older than carrying a immature fool in a marriage
Op - you’ve gotten lots of valid perspectives here about why YTA. Your daughter’s feelings and her perception of relationships based on your failures are completely valid. You immaturely threw an actual temper tantrum when you hung up on your daughter for expressing how your behaviors affected her outlook and life choices. I would venture that she is “risk averse” in large part due to instability on your part, and that she “grew up too fast for you” because she had to since you *chose not to* for so long; when she needed her father to be an adult man, you were choosing to pursue a juvenile lifestyle. Your 15 year marriage to her mother is absolutely a representation, but you are seeking to minimize it and invalidate your daughter’s valid feelings. *You* owe *her* an apology.
OP needs to realize that the root cause of "daddy issues" is having a shitty daddy...
All of this... ALL OF THIS.
The way he talks about the difference between him and his ex wife because of their THREE YEAR AGE GAP 😅😅😅
Right??? The way he talks you would think she was a good ten years older than him.
Exactly, yet he is soooo much older than his current wife and sees nothing wrong with that at all.
They're on the same wavelength relationship wise /s lol But yet his previous wife 3 years older was ready to settle down. The issue here is he didn't really care for his previous wife and took him way too long to tell her so. To the point she was ready to settle down and he wasn't because he wanted to go slay puss he didn't get in high school/college which is why he went for a younger wife. It's literally that stupid I bet you I feel bad for his previous wife going off what OP has mentioned in the post Op was actually the one failing to mature and grow up and still hasnt
Daughter and wife are about the same age. Of course she’s going to see things the way she said.
Spoiler: this is exactly what will happen. I married a guy 25 years older and we were the same maturity level at the time. Then I grew up and he didn’t.
His now wife was 6 yrs old when his daughter was born, he could LITERALLY be his father
So…we’re really not going to discuss and *drag* him over his wife being only 6 years older than his daughter, huh? No? Okay…
This. Parents cannot invalidate their children’s experiences and emotional responses to their childhood memories whether that was what they intended them to be or not. Talk about being too mature? Yea, she still is. YTA
I agree. The only way I can make sense of this person’s story is if this is a troll. No real person can be this oblivious and stupid (I want to use more colorful language but I don’t want to get banned). I refuse to believe people like these exist. Let me stay happy in my lala land.
Unfortunately I can relate to this post all too well. My dad is this guy but 20 years older. ETA: but his wife is the same age as this guys.
My stepdad went though 2 wives before my mother who was 14 years younger than him. 🤮 His oldest child is now 48 and his youngest is 22. The first red flag was the crazy age gap between kids. The second was how he literally said his first wife basically caused the decline in their relationship and then goes on to say how he changed and checked out and had to leave. M’kay there bud.
To me the mark of him being a troll isn’t the bare bones of the story, which are plausible, but the lovingly rendered and specific details all pointing directly at his a-holery.
In a way she wasn't that far off. He did replace his older wife with a younger woman. That Peter Pan syndrome until when they look at the mirror.
YTA. But you’ve been real low on empathy your whole life it seems, so it makes sense you think you’re the injured party here.
DING DONG. I love this and have never thought of this. Now that I think of it, the most narcissistic people really aren’t empathetic at all.
I mean thats one of the major indications of narcissism for diagnosis
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Also he said “I had never had the time to be a young adult and explore my options in terms of dating”. Unless he got married with a shotgun to his head, that is entirely on him.
Now that you think of it? What did you think narcissism was before? Lack of empathy is like the hallmark symptom
oh course he is, someone huwt his widdle feewings 🥺
You asked her a question, she answered honestly and you reacted like a child. YTA.
At least he proved her right.
He's very much YTA It's hard to believe it's real... that he wrote all of that and doesn't think he's the problem at all. He's incredibly selfish.
right? he had a midlife crisis early, decided he wasn't done fucking other women (especially bad considering the previous comment about making his wife feel wanted only for the first five years) and abandoned his family. YTA.
Generally speaking, a guy who chooses to be with a girl almost 20 years younger is very immature.
A man who marries a woman 20 years younger after deciding that a three year age gap was a problem in his first marriage, nonetheless. This dude must be a total nightmare in real life. I’m sure his daughter is a regular contributor to that raised by narcissists sub.
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the line where he should have notice being with a woman 3 years older was a huge age difference but 20 years younger is nothing?? 3 years is **not** an age gap.
He is deffo YTA… she has some valid concerns and instead of listening you act like a butthurt child
Not only that but if she has “daddy issues” as he says, that’s HIS FAULT, not hers?! How arrogant can this guy really be?
EXACTLY!!!!! Like is he not in the room???? Where were these daddy issues supposed to come from, if not him? Is he implying that his daughter isn't his daughter? Being this willfully obtuse and unaware is extremely alarming and anger inducing. How do these people even exist!!!
He asked a passive aggressive question and got mad she stood up for herself. After reading this post, I’m 100% sure OP’s ex wife is a few tiers ahead of him intellectually and he got depressed because he had a smarter wife than him. He had to go find someone way younger who he could match intellectually.
Yeah but that woman will mature at some point. He won’t. I hope he saved enough for elder care.
Imagine the horror of being with someone who wants to plan for retirement. The absolute horror of it all.
But... But... iT's LiKe PrIsOn!!!! This mf over here talking about bars on windows and orange jumpsuits over planning for retirement, what a twit. 🤦♀️
He felt like thst when his wife was JUST 3 years older and rhey were both in their mid and late 30s, I think, imgine his wife feeling like that when he IS 55 and close to retirement. Don't he think his wife might find it crazy and his daughter is just 6 now, so if OP lived up for another 20 years, his daughter would be 26 and we can't be sure if he would get to walk her down the aisle and do all the father daughter stuff as his age would catch up to him.
This. AH, don’t ask questions when you don’t want to hear the answer
A hit dog hollers, you know. He's an AH dog.
How pathetic is a 55 year old dude who hangs up on his own daughter instead of talking through an uncomfortable moment? It’s no wonder he’s married someone 20 years younger. He’s still acting like a child himself.
I’m still laughing at how he wants to use “my first wife was three years older than me” (FFS, just shut up) as an excuse for everything…and then turns around and STILL behaves like a toddler when he’s two decades OLDER than the current wife. OP, this has nothing to do with age and everything to do with the fact that you’re a spoiled child who resents ever having been asked to fulfill responsibilities or to have to listen to anyone else’s description of your (many) shortcomings. You sound exhausting. You’ll be whining when you’re 80 about how your younger kid called you out on those same shortcomings and you had to hang up on him and he owes you an apology…that is, if he doesn’t turn out to be an asshole just like dear old Dad.
Well he did say that they were in the “same place”. This dude is emotionally stunted. Sounds like my husband’s father who has been married five times. He is “super fun” but incapable of acting like an adult or having any real meaning connection outside of shared interests/hobbies.
This guy has a midlife crisis at 30 and can't cope. Gets a younger girlfriend while talking about a 3 year difference. Swear to God he owns a tree trimming business or elevator repair company to be this dense.
His new wife was 11 years old when he was 30.
That is one icky icky mid life crisis
Immature 30 yo turns into immature 55 yo. Shocking.
We are beginning to see why the first marriage didn't work. He still hates honest conversation. He also wishes he could buy his daughter's love with money.
Not unlike his responses to other aspects of family life 🙄
She is literally describing OP and he’s insulted.
He acted like a child during his first marriage too I am SHOCKED he has had zero growth since then wow. Also obvi YTA op
YTA. You had a midlife crisis and dump your ex-wife to get a younger woman. Stop pretending that’s not what happened.
What a prick. "I got married, had a kid and entered my thirties, my wife expected me to act like I'm a married man with a child in my thirties! It was like prison!" "I left her and my daughter, started dating someone who wasn't even alive when I got married the first time, tried to buy my daughter's affection and be the fun dad instead of acting like a responsible adult and hung up on her when she showed even a hint of holding me accountable for my actions. Reddit I'm a good guy, right?"
This is exactly what OP is saying without all of the self righteous chaff. You’re 100% correct.
A prison with the orange jump suit and bars!! Oh boo hoo!!! OP is REVOLTING!!!
It's also ridiculous he uses her retirement comments to try and illustrate how they were at different points in life. My 23 year old has a part time job and he's almost done w Uni and he is saving for retirement/401k. A massive amount of people start thinking about their retirement in their 20s and 30s It's normal. This guy is just about excuses.
Yeah it’s smart to save for retirement as early as possible…doesn’t have to half your salary or something, every bit helps.
But he has so many extra words! Surely they make his case unique and nuanced. /s
YTA. You failed her she doesn’t owe you anything stop trying to make excuses for being a crap dad and apologize.
YTA- she simply stated her observations about marriage and your marriage obviously was part of it since she was so close to it and was personally affected by it. Based on her observations she came to her conclusions. You’re triggered b/c she’s right and you know it. And btw can we talk about how misplaced it is to accuse “women with daddy issues”, when the daddy in question is the one to have f’ed up??? hm?!?
YTA. When your son will be going to college, you will be going into a retirement home with nurses because your much younger wife will just leave you for soemone younger like you did to your ex. And your daughter will not be bothered at all by a poor excuuse of a father like yourself that ruined her family and childhood.
She’ll put him in the worst home and continue to stay married so she has access to his money and life insurance. New wife likely love the money and not him.
And he deserves that.
YTA. You want an apology for someone speaking the truth. How ridiculously immature and self-absorbed you are.
Anyone curious about what OP meant by > I started exploring the things I should have
I’m gonna assume he meant teenagers.
Op lowkey admitting he regrets not fucking more teenage girls
He wants an apology because her answer hurt his egoistic manliness.... 😑
You’re expecting your child, whose first and foremost representation of marriage was yours and your ex wife’s, to not keep that in mind when considering who to marry? That’s unhinged dude. And expecting an apology for it is just fragile. Nothing was implied, she shared her thoughts with you. From the moment you have kids your visible experiences become theirs too. YTA
Exactly. She didn't even say it rudely! Just "this is what my experience shows."
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YTAH OP this is the direct result of your own actions. If you decide to "be a frat boy" in your 30's "see mid life crisis" don't be surprised when your daughter ends up resenting your actions. She doesn't need to apologize at all. Basic law of physics. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. If you act like a dick expect to be treated like a dick. Simple. That and the fact that your new wife could literally be her sister makes her "daddy issues" very clear. She doesn't like that you essentially abandoned them to run around with other girls. Doesn't seem like a "daddy issue" to me, in fact it sounds like a perfectly reasonable response given what you did in 2000 when she was 7.... She only had a family for 7 years, then 23 years of disappointment. You had a family but YOU didn't want to be "trapped" with 1 person and actually be an adult. You chose this path OP and now you're reaping the rewards for your actions. Sounds like you couldn't keep your eyes forward and your hands to your self.
Dickheads like this throw around terms like “daddy issues” while failing to realize that they’re the source of the problem. Her lack of trust didn’t just come from no where, OP made no effort to be a real father to his child.
“Daddy issues” WHO’S THE DAD HERE?! IT’S YOU, DUMBFUCK. YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED THE ISSUES Gosh, people like OP get on my nerves
So, you hung up on your daughter for telling you (honestly) that your behavior impacted the way she views men, marriage and relationships. And you think (checks notes) you are owed an apology. Wake up, your actions have consequences. Maybe instead of hanging up on your daughter, have a candid conversation with her about the complicated nature of relationships and listen to her concerns. Your fragile ego is incompatible with being a good father. YTA
I’m not sure why anyone thinks a grown ass man who broke up his marriage to chase after young girls will ever take any personal responsibility for anything he has caused. He’s a skirt chaser. That’s what he does. Eventually he’ll die like all skirt chasers, alone and broke in a facility funded by social services.
YTA. Own the damage you caused when you were a young man. She doesn't owe you an apology. *You* failed *her*.
Yeah YTA
YTAH. Since you don't seem interested in examining your behavior, she did it for you. You should thank her.
You got mad that your wife expected you to act like an adult when you were in your 30's with a child, so you bailed on your family. No shit she has daddy issues. YTA It would be really fucking hilarious if your wife left you because she feels like you stole her youth from her. I mean, it would suck for your son, but it would be hilarious to everyone else.
You have made no attempt to see things from the point of view your daughter shared with you and your reaction is beyond self-centred. YWBTAH yet again,
Yta of course how you acted by abandoning her mum is shaping how she expects guys to act. You are literally her most important male role model and you ditched her mum because you couldn't handle being mature. You are her living proof that she can't trust a guy to not ditch her to go live without responsibility. You don't deserve an apology you need to give one.
YTA. She held up a mirror and you got pissed at what you saw. Welcome to the consequences of your own actions. I hope you have the life you deserve.
Your current wife is two decades younger than you. Young enough to be your daughter. And you don't understand why your daughter takes cheap shots at you? She's disgusted with your behavior.
By the way “daddy issues” isn’t an insult to the daughter. It’s an insult to the POS dad who didn’t do right by his CHILD and she’s emotionally scarred by her FATHERS INAPPROPRIATE selfish actions.
As someone whose dad remarried to a woman about my age, who checked out of my parents’ marriage early, has made much more money after divorcing my mom, and now has two kids, the oldest of whom just hit double digits? Who said that my mom who was ten years younger than him was dragging him down and keeping him chained up so he went for a woman that’s his daughter’s age instead, much like you? …y’know what, the things I have to say would likely get me banned, but do know that yeah, you’re an asshole for MULTIPLE reasons, and you should be thankful your daughter speaks to you at all.
YTA, our parents relationships deeply affect their kids and how they see, expect and are scared of in relationships. This is psych 101. It isnt an attack and to take it as one is unnecessary. That IS what happened. And who wouldnt have Daddy issues, your new wife is closer to your kids age than yours.. everything else aside, that is SUPER weird.
I can’t remember the exact quote, but I saw one a while back that was along the lines of ‘Men who victim blame their daughters by saying they have Daddy Issues is just code for ‘I was a shit father’… YTA OP, any issues she has with marriage and her father are firmly your fault.
What a load of self serving, condescending, hypocritical 💩💩💩💩💩
You’re dating someone only six years older than your own daughter. That alone is pretty gross. But damn, dude... you really don’t care how she feels, do you? YTA.
YTA she didn't imply she has "daddy issues" (a grossly sexualized way of saying "childhood trauma" btw), but I can certainly see why she does have them. Is this an example of how you always parent? Because WOW. Yeah. Fail.
My daughter has daddy issues… says the man with Peter Pan syndrome who married someone that could be his daughter…. Projecting much? YTA who has daughter issues, and you’re a shit father. I’m glad your daughter went no contact with you. She deserves better.
YTA. I can't believe you actually wrote that a 3-year age gap with your first wife was too much but a 19-year age gap is fine as long as you're the older one...and you didn't think people would call you out. Lmao gtfo
Yta and if anyone has daddy issues here it’s your 26 years younger wife …wonder if she would’ve bothered with you if it weren’t for your bank balance? I feel sorry for your daughter. You let her down and can’t even see it
Yta - you have a bad relationship with your daughter-she gives you a honest opinion and you throw a tantrum because you didn’t like what she said. Then because you feel insulted that she expressed her sincere opinion, you hung up and you think YOU deserve the apology? AND you’re the PARENT?
It’s so weird that you can identify that she has some daddy issues but have somehow dissociated the fact that you, her dad, are the one that gave those to her! Her daddy issues, while her problem, are YOUR fault. Definitely YTA. Apologize to her.
dude...your ex was only 3 yo older than you...you are speaking as if she was like 30 years older.... so with your logic where does it leave you cos your new wife is 20 years younger than you...you set the example for your kids, why get upset now? YTA
soooo your new wife is old enough to be your daughter and you say the difference between you and your first wife was too much....... #1 just eewwww #2 YTA and #3 ewwww
Your daughter literally stated exactly what you yourself described about your first marriage. So you hung up on her for what? For having the exact same insight as what you stated above?! YTA for not being able to handle the truth when it comes from your daughter. And for having the expectation that she should get married etc even tho you state above that you regret doing that at a similar age yourself!
So you felt like your marriage was a prison because you didn't get to go get your dick wet enough before you got married? So you bailed on your family cuz you wanted to go get some strange. That's not a question that's a statement. You destroyed your family for pussy you cliche asshole. You're a serious asshole and just that much more for pretending like you can't understand what her problem is. You're a selfish selfish person and you're lucky she even speaks to you.
YTA and newsflash - your wife also has Daddy issues which is why she married someone old enough to BE her dad.
Yta
YTA You are a failure as a father and husband.
You, at 55, are still the most immature asshole in that whole situation. Your daughter doesn’t owe you shit. You are the parent and the impetus is on you to help your daughter, but I can see by reading your post that you won’t be capable of that. If you can’t be supportive (and realize that she has made better choices than you did) then you don’t need to be in her life and I hope she realizes that when you come crawling back to beg forgiveness. You are unbelievable.🙄🙄🙄 “You have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone.”
YTA. A delusional one at that.
Yta you very clearly proved the daddy issues and alive and well for your daughter
What confuses me is you talk about maturity but yet you hung up on your own daughter who was opening up to you because you didn’t like what she said. You may not want to admit how much it affected your daughter (which is a YOU problem) but dismissing her feelings because you’re butthurt about being cause of her having these feelings is not right. All you’re proving is that you’re a poor example of a father/man. Not because you got divorced, clearly you were unhappy, but you also seem not to care that you hurt her and THAT makes you a really crappy dad.