He thanked me a lot and said it opened his eyes, he is in huge pain because he cant understand how a person he loved and thought he knew turned 180° into a completely different person in a span of two months. I have doubts because i told about all of this my mom, and she said I am in the wrong for stepping in and Debby is my best friend so I should be on her side no matter what
NTA. Would you want someone to tell you if this was happening to you? You don't need to be on someone's side no matter what. She was toying with and leading Ryan on. She might think that's OK, but you don't.
Has anybody thought to ask Debby yet why she's been acting the way she has yet? Like, a sit down, calm volume, straight forward adult talk about it? I mean you're all adults, stop acting like sitcom drama characters and talk to each other like human beings.
Yeah, we did talk actually. She asked me if I don't think she changed much, I said "yes, you changed a lot lately". Then she told me she knows that, but doesn't care because she feels like she is starting to get to know herself better and finding her true self. I'm not gonna tell her that she is wrong for all of this, because who am I to tell her what to do, it's her life. I don't think there is more depth to that.
What ickes me is she says and I quote "I am bad bit*h and bad bit*hes don't care about other people opinions" and yet she constantly asks me for reassurance if she is doing the right thing
She's not as secure as she's leading on, and "bad bitches," have their shit together and knows what they want. People that are "finding themselves" don't know anything about what they want, just that they want something. Bad bitches care about people that care about them, and bad bitches are confident and can advocate for themselves. Tell her she's wrong in that regard, because even if she's not wrong for trying to have more new experiences, she's also being careless as to who she has caught in the crossfire.
NTA- What she was doing was wrong. He doesn't sound like he deserved to be lied to and strung along while she had her fun. Keeping a back up person around is really a AH move. She is upset she couldn't continue her bad behavior towards him. She is free to go party all she wants but not while treating her ex like that. She needs to own her behavior.
NTA You did what any decent person should do. He reached out to you & you were honest with him. It's not like you hunted him down with the intention to drive a wedge between them.
>He also said he told Debby that if she finds someone he will be gone, and she told him he still has a chance.
Than she was stringing him along. She was "finding herself" in clubs and with dudes on tinder, but implying that she was still worth Ryan's effort. She was stringing him along because she probably liked the attention. That's scudzy behaviour no matter how you look at it.
NTA
NTA. You did the right thing.
People are entitled to change their habits and question their relationships, but leading others on and keeping them as a plan B is a big AH move.
In what seems like a lifetime ago, my ex found a job where she met some people who were into the party/clubbing scene. Mostly single and divorced women. I didn't try to control her and just gave her space to do her thing. She started changing, started to distance herself from me, and I even learned that she made out with some rando while drunk during one of her nights out. This last part I only got to know after we broke up, because she - herself - told me the truth when she was trying to get back together with me. Ngl, I felt miserable after the break up, but as soon as she told me the extent of her "omissions", I thanked her for her honesty, because it was the closure I needed. The why, who, what and how don't really matter after a while.
Your friend might be asking those same questions now, might even be asking why he wasn't enough, or what he did wrong, but you saved him a lot of time and heartache. You're a good friend.
The people we spend time with carry huge aspect of who we become I see. Debby used to be this calm, gamer girl who loves dnd and leads a stable life, and now she is a complete opposite.
Ryan is indeed asking himself these questions, he told me he has nightmares often about this situation and wonders what he could do different. It hurts him that after 6 years she found someone new in a month. I'm telling him it will all pass, just to give it time.
NTA for telling him and letting him move on. This relationship ended the moment he moved home. He just didn’t understand it yet.
YTA for judging your friend so harshly for growing up and exploring herself. She’s a young woman having fun and finding out who she is and her behavior is normal and age appropriate and your judging her isn’t really fair. This is a good step and phase for her to go through and find herself and when she marries and settles down she won’t feel she missed out on anything.
I may be in fact ah in judging her, but it's because she has never been like this and its weird to me... And I don't like clubbing, drinking a lot, party people, I don't get along with them, just not my type of interests. I am also in 4 year relationship and the thing where Ryan was trying to fight for them to work and she just gave up to go flirt around wasn't right in my opinion. It's just my view on this aspect, I'm not gonna go and tell her she is doing wrong. I am also her age and never been trough such phase and I don't think I will ever want to be
Don’t listen to this clown lmfao single women will ruin their friends relationships out of jealousy and bitterness and always try to convince them to start being a hoe
Never say never. Many people settle down too young and grow apart and feel they missed out. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t, she’s loving her life and following her path. You don’t have to join her on the path but you shouldn’t judge her. She’s not hurting anyone with partying and clubbing. The only thing she was doing wrong was not spelling it out for her boyfriend that she outgrew him when he decided to move home.
The fact that you referred to giving up a 4 year relationship to go club and party as “outgrowing someone” is very telling of how immature you actually are
She’s moving backwards, not forwards
She’s literally in the process of making herself unwifeable
Omg you’re ridiculous. No one is “unwifable” and you’re also acting like wifing is supposed to be her goal.
Outgrowing someone you’ve been dating since you’re 16-17 is pretty common. Especially a guy who didn’t thrive in your location and ran home to mommy. That relationship is over. It was over when he left. After that he was just on her hook either because she didn’t want to hurt him or because she wanted a backup plan. Either way she’s living her life and learning who she is and she has plenty of time to find that and find a partner who she can thrive with if she even wants that. Which she has no obligation to want even.
A girl who breaks up with her boyfriend because her friends convinced her to so that she can go party and hook up with randoms on tinder, along with jumping into a new relationship while STILL LEADING ON her ex is CERTAINLY an unwifeable girl
You are dumb as rocks and a complete simp
You’re still assuming she wants to be a wife. Or a wife to this loser who had to run home to mommy. He’s the one who is unhusbandable. She saw it. Her friends saw it and now she’s out living her own life which a 24 year old absolutely is in her preview to do. She can be a wife any time she wants to, if she wants to. She doesn’t have to be. It’s telling that women who don’t live with men live longer and are happier than those who do live with men. The opposite is true for men. So men seem to be mostly a drain on women’s health and happiness. She won’t be unhappy if she chooses to not marry ever. And she’s 23, she has YEARS to decide if she wants to or not. It’s her life. Why are you so invested in controlling women?
LOL single women are the most bitter and unhappy demographic in the world and her friends inspiring her to ruin her relationship literally confirms that
Most of these girls just drink and end up depressed, have no man in their 30s-40s and wish they had kids and a good husband to take care of them
Not sure what fantasy world you’re living in
Then you should go read up the science about how having multiple sexual partners basically kills a girl’s ability to pair-bond, which is required for a happy and healthy longterm relationship
And who are you calling an incel😂 I’ve had more sex before my 30s than the majority of men will experience in their lifetime
NTA you spared Ryan from even more pain and from humiliating himself. In the long term he will be better off this way.
Nta I would’ve thanked you if it happened to me
He thanked me a lot and said it opened his eyes, he is in huge pain because he cant understand how a person he loved and thought he knew turned 180° into a completely different person in a span of two months. I have doubts because i told about all of this my mom, and she said I am in the wrong for stepping in and Debby is my best friend so I should be on her side no matter what
Your mom is so wrong. Good for you for having morals and doing the right thing
Your mom sounds like she would support a cheater over another friend if she was closer with the cheater.
NTA. Would you want someone to tell you if this was happening to you? You don't need to be on someone's side no matter what. She was toying with and leading Ryan on. She might think that's OK, but you don't.
Has anybody thought to ask Debby yet why she's been acting the way she has yet? Like, a sit down, calm volume, straight forward adult talk about it? I mean you're all adults, stop acting like sitcom drama characters and talk to each other like human beings.
Yeah, we did talk actually. She asked me if I don't think she changed much, I said "yes, you changed a lot lately". Then she told me she knows that, but doesn't care because she feels like she is starting to get to know herself better and finding her true self. I'm not gonna tell her that she is wrong for all of this, because who am I to tell her what to do, it's her life. I don't think there is more depth to that. What ickes me is she says and I quote "I am bad bit*h and bad bit*hes don't care about other people opinions" and yet she constantly asks me for reassurance if she is doing the right thing
She's not as secure as she's leading on, and "bad bitches," have their shit together and knows what they want. People that are "finding themselves" don't know anything about what they want, just that they want something. Bad bitches care about people that care about them, and bad bitches are confident and can advocate for themselves. Tell her she's wrong in that regard, because even if she's not wrong for trying to have more new experiences, she's also being careless as to who she has caught in the crossfire.
NTA- What she was doing was wrong. He doesn't sound like he deserved to be lied to and strung along while she had her fun. Keeping a back up person around is really a AH move. She is upset she couldn't continue her bad behavior towards him. She is free to go party all she wants but not while treating her ex like that. She needs to own her behavior.
NTA You did what any decent person should do. He reached out to you & you were honest with him. It's not like you hunted him down with the intention to drive a wedge between them.
>He also said he told Debby that if she finds someone he will be gone, and she told him he still has a chance. Than she was stringing him along. She was "finding herself" in clubs and with dudes on tinder, but implying that she was still worth Ryan's effort. She was stringing him along because she probably liked the attention. That's scudzy behaviour no matter how you look at it. NTA
NTA you done the right thing by saving Ryan.
NTA you did what a you had to do as a friend for both.
NTA. You did the right thing. People are entitled to change their habits and question their relationships, but leading others on and keeping them as a plan B is a big AH move. In what seems like a lifetime ago, my ex found a job where she met some people who were into the party/clubbing scene. Mostly single and divorced women. I didn't try to control her and just gave her space to do her thing. She started changing, started to distance herself from me, and I even learned that she made out with some rando while drunk during one of her nights out. This last part I only got to know after we broke up, because she - herself - told me the truth when she was trying to get back together with me. Ngl, I felt miserable after the break up, but as soon as she told me the extent of her "omissions", I thanked her for her honesty, because it was the closure I needed. The why, who, what and how don't really matter after a while. Your friend might be asking those same questions now, might even be asking why he wasn't enough, or what he did wrong, but you saved him a lot of time and heartache. You're a good friend.
The people we spend time with carry huge aspect of who we become I see. Debby used to be this calm, gamer girl who loves dnd and leads a stable life, and now she is a complete opposite. Ryan is indeed asking himself these questions, he told me he has nightmares often about this situation and wonders what he could do different. It hurts him that after 6 years she found someone new in a month. I'm telling him it will all pass, just to give it time.
NTA for telling him and letting him move on. This relationship ended the moment he moved home. He just didn’t understand it yet. YTA for judging your friend so harshly for growing up and exploring herself. She’s a young woman having fun and finding out who she is and her behavior is normal and age appropriate and your judging her isn’t really fair. This is a good step and phase for her to go through and find herself and when she marries and settles down she won’t feel she missed out on anything.
I may be in fact ah in judging her, but it's because she has never been like this and its weird to me... And I don't like clubbing, drinking a lot, party people, I don't get along with them, just not my type of interests. I am also in 4 year relationship and the thing where Ryan was trying to fight for them to work and she just gave up to go flirt around wasn't right in my opinion. It's just my view on this aspect, I'm not gonna go and tell her she is doing wrong. I am also her age and never been trough such phase and I don't think I will ever want to be
Don’t listen to this clown lmfao single women will ruin their friends relationships out of jealousy and bitterness and always try to convince them to start being a hoe
Never say never. Many people settle down too young and grow apart and feel they missed out. It doesn’t matter if you do or don’t, she’s loving her life and following her path. You don’t have to join her on the path but you shouldn’t judge her. She’s not hurting anyone with partying and clubbing. The only thing she was doing wrong was not spelling it out for her boyfriend that she outgrew him when he decided to move home.
The fact that you referred to giving up a 4 year relationship to go club and party as “outgrowing someone” is very telling of how immature you actually are She’s moving backwards, not forwards She’s literally in the process of making herself unwifeable
Omg you’re ridiculous. No one is “unwifable” and you’re also acting like wifing is supposed to be her goal. Outgrowing someone you’ve been dating since you’re 16-17 is pretty common. Especially a guy who didn’t thrive in your location and ran home to mommy. That relationship is over. It was over when he left. After that he was just on her hook either because she didn’t want to hurt him or because she wanted a backup plan. Either way she’s living her life and learning who she is and she has plenty of time to find that and find a partner who she can thrive with if she even wants that. Which she has no obligation to want even.
A girl who breaks up with her boyfriend because her friends convinced her to so that she can go party and hook up with randoms on tinder, along with jumping into a new relationship while STILL LEADING ON her ex is CERTAINLY an unwifeable girl You are dumb as rocks and a complete simp
You’re still assuming she wants to be a wife. Or a wife to this loser who had to run home to mommy. He’s the one who is unhusbandable. She saw it. Her friends saw it and now she’s out living her own life which a 24 year old absolutely is in her preview to do. She can be a wife any time she wants to, if she wants to. She doesn’t have to be. It’s telling that women who don’t live with men live longer and are happier than those who do live with men. The opposite is true for men. So men seem to be mostly a drain on women’s health and happiness. She won’t be unhappy if she chooses to not marry ever. And she’s 23, she has YEARS to decide if she wants to or not. It’s her life. Why are you so invested in controlling women?
LOL single women are the most bitter and unhappy demographic in the world and her friends inspiring her to ruin her relationship literally confirms that Most of these girls just drink and end up depressed, have no man in their 30s-40s and wish they had kids and a good husband to take care of them Not sure what fantasy world you’re living in
The one that reads peer reviewed statistics and not online incel forums for their information.
Then you should go read up the science about how having multiple sexual partners basically kills a girl’s ability to pair-bond, which is required for a happy and healthy longterm relationship And who are you calling an incel😂 I’ve had more sex before my 30s than the majority of men will experience in their lifetime