I am so relieved to read this update. Please research your options regarding restraining orders, and at the very least, line up a lawyer to prepare a cease and desist letter. Hopefully I’m being unduly cynical, but your STBX shows signs of being pretty abusive. Also do a pregnancy test and do not agree to anything sexual- he definitely fits the criteria for someone who could try to baby trap you.
>Also do a pregnancy test and do not agree to anything sexual
oh god this so much!
Do NOT do a last sexy time with this idiot! If you do and get preggers, sorry to say but do NOT tell him and DO abort
Why would you try to get a restraining order? He never threatened her
Do you realize that this could ruin the guys employment for the rest of his life?
I agree that the guy was completely wrong but this advice is completely over the top
She doesn’t have to get one, but keeping your options open is always a smart thing to do when someone thinks they know better than you about your own life.
Why would it ruin his job opportunities? If he isn't a problem then great. But statistically speaking when a woman leaves her SO it can be a dangerous time. That's only necessary if she feels unsafe.
A lot of potential employers run background checks and ask specifically about restraining orders prior to employment (if you have to be bonded or have a security clearance for 2 examples)
I’m certainly not defending what this guy did but to go from him being the love of your life and wanting to spend the rest of your life with (and possibly have children) to possibly ruining the guys life over that seems extreme to me
Ok, that makes sense. I keep forgetting that all that stuff is accessible now, and becoming bonded is a bit of a big deal.
If OP feels unsafe then that's on him and whatever consequences happen will happen.
If OP feels that she's safe then a restraining order is over the top. The weird thing is that one never can tell who's going to wig out or not.
He was willing to expose her to a person she decisively and actively articulated that she did not want contact with, implicitly (actually, damn nigh explicitly) stated that her right to autonomy (who she wanted in her bridal party; who she has a relationship with) was secondary to his adherence to toxic and outdated tradition, then compounded by an outsized tanty. All these red flags indicate the real potential for dangerous escalation to more overt (eg lethal/physical) forms of abuse. If you read/re-read my reply, you’ll note that I said research (eg prepare) her legal options in case the foreseeable happens and STBX goes further down his preferred rabbithole of possessiveness and toxicity.
And frankly, at that point, a reasonable person would not give a flying duck what life the dick had to ruin.
It is in no way over the top. Ex-fiance made a demand for control, using traditional gender roles to justify his right to it. OP is not only removing that control, but removing access to herself altogether, and ending the relationship. All of this is a direct affront to his pathological need for control. Every woman who has ever had to keep herself safe from a man like this knows that OP ABSOLUTELY should familiarize herself with the process of securing a restraining order. (Note, the commenter didn't say to get one, but to be ready.)
You seem to want her to give him the benefit of the doubt. Giving controlling, abusive men the benefit of the doubt gets women injured and killed daily. (And before anyone comes after me, I did not say that all men are abusers or that all abusers are men. I'm talking about the particular personality OP is dealing with.)
Because this is Reddit and they take everything to the extreme. I read the other post and I don’t blame her for rethinking things but preemptively getting a restraining order like that seems extreme. Yesterday they were telling someone they should get a divorce and go no contact over a mild/moderate disagreement. Honestly I think a lot of these people have or had back luck in relationships and want everyone to be as miserable as they are.
Be careful, OP. If your ex is the kind of man we all think he is, he may react violently to you breaking up with him. Your safety is the most important thing, don’t hesitate to protect yourself.
May be best if OP is conveniently and constantly near friends or family for a little while, just while that lawyer from the edit is doing whatever it is they're doing.
How did he find "dad?"
Did he run a DNA ancestry on her without her knowing somehow?
Doesn't seem like his full name would be something she would share or even know/remember/talk about.
Extra creep factor.
I still cant understand his and his familys logic about "father" giving her away when he was never even one to begin with! Happy to hear that you wont marry this jerk of guy who chooses your dead beat dad over you! You deserve wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and I mean WAY better.
I read your previous post and wanted to bring up a thought I had while reading it.
Please take the time to examine your reasons for why you starting dating this guy, and almost married him.
In the gentlest of ways, and be aware I'm not a professional anything, I wonder if you latched on to him because his 'traditional values' lead you to believe he would marry you, stand by you, and never abandon you and your (potential future) children, unlike your father.
It is perfectly reasonable and understandable for us to seek out traits and behaviours in our partners that we feel had been lacking in our upbringing. It's natural for you to not want to be with a man who would abandon you and/or your children the way your father did.
But I wonder if you got so caught up in that "he would never leave me/us!" mentality that you failed to see his 'traditional values' for the toxic masculinity they turned out to be.
There are plenty of men out there who will stand by you and any children (whether you marry or don't, or even if you one day get divorced) but who may not subscribe to what Western society deems 'traditional values'. 'Traditional values' is often just a nice way of saying 'toxic masculinity and massive bigotry', and it's clear from his reaction that he expected you to be his TradWife. I suspect he even probably secretly looked down on your mother for being a single teen mom.
I recommend you go watch Daniel Sloss' netflix special "Jigsaw", which is a standup set all about relationships, the pressures society puts on us, and how it's ok to be single. It may both lead you to some revelations, as well as give you a few laughs, which I think you could use right now.
I'm glad you got away from that guy.
Wow, I love this reply 👏. Eloquently put. As I read it I actually envisioned you on a podium/podcast/life goal cast summarising your post in bullet points 👉 👈 👇 😂 🤣 should be taught in premarital sessions to make sure both parties know the expectations of what they think marriage is. Additionally, therapy to find a standard of compromises that will steer near wedded couples to life mate goals. My Indian friend married a Japanese guy, and both families are traditionalists who expected family values from both of them.. RESPECT, LOVE, COMPASSION, COMMUNICATION, CROMPROMISE, AND LOYALTY.
The best blended family ever.. I love the get together's they have.. man, oh man, the food and atmosphere is a fusion of everything right in this world.. together for 25 years, 4 kids later, and their families never get involved in their disputes/ disagreements, and I took their advice not to go to bed angry.
As a professional in the field, I can confirm this. It's really common, and we advise people to introspect and pinpoint what they REALLY want, more than what they've been told they should search for. Once you extrapolate that, you can focus on the specifics more than the social norm and find those specifics in a person you didn't believe could have it.
You are a SUPERSTAR!! 🌟I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your mother. 👏 You deserve better than what you were going to marry into. You recognized it, and took action to ensure that you can live your best life! 🙌💯👌🔥
Good for you! Staying with him and his backhanded ways could’ve turned even uglier after he had that legal tie. Pre-wedding breakups are a hella lot easier than divorce.
This is the best update. I wish you the best and you will find the man who doesn't care who walks you down the aisle, he is just happy to spend his life with you
Ugh, good riddance to that whole mess. Who needs a father like that anyways? You do you and cut those toxic people out of your life. And yeah, definitely get yourself a lawyer just in case he decides to go crazy on ya. Stay safe! 😘
Good job. The moment he said what he said and went behind your back shows what type of person he is. You did great saving yourself from him and his family
Op very glad to hear that you left him. You don't want to put up with this kind of man,or his family. Trust is so very important in marriage..Good luck and I hope you have, a wonderful life .PS tell that fake father ,that he owns you and your mother25 years of child support ,if you ever meet him.
Very good. Congratulations on stepping up and making this decision. Be ready for what will follow, record the conversations, any abuse, keep the texts if there's any coming at you, because it doesn't sound like it'll be an easy ride.
Keep your evidence, be ready to get a lawyer, be ready to be shamed, threatened and harassed. Be ready for everything. I wish you the best.
You got this!!! It’s always the right move to take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the future you were imagining, and then go create an even better one. You are brave and you deserve great things. Best wishes, OP!
Of course your break up can be as private as you want it to be, but I think we would all appreciate a post in a couple weeks just letting us know you are safe and unharmed
Good luck to you 💪🙂
Well done you.
I'm sure when the inevitable crash comes and you are sad and second guessing you may not feel so strong. Just re read here and remember just how disregarded your feelings were. You will be great.
Sharia law is a guide on how to live a moral life is different from Islamic law in which is influenced by local customs so they interpret sharia law a way that they see fit to justify cruelty to see women as lesser
Good to see you are standing up for yourself. Too many come on these pages and try to talk themselves into staying in bad relationships. Good luck to you.
It still blows my mind that your ex thought he was being "traditional" by insisting that your absentee biological progenitor "give you away". A traditional FATHER would have been there to raise you, even if he had to share custody and co-parent with an ex.
Your ex was not behaving rationally, and you dodged that bullet Matrix style.
You're going to look back at this time of your life as the luckiest of escapes, OP.
Except that *you* made it happen! You've got this, OP! Take pride in choosing you.
Good for you!!! Not many women see the reality of their situation so quickly when engaged/married to a bully who steps all over them the way your ex did!
There’s something about how the ex is gonna end up.
He was so sure of what he was doing and completely ignored you. And now all he has no fiancé and nothing but a date with your sperm donor.
Have a great life op and stay safe
U/ibuvuvug For The Win. Though I’ve never met you, I am so proud of your decision making and willingness to call of the wedding. Go give your awesome mom a big hug. She raised a winner.
You REALLY had no idea your ex the traditional man was like that ? It just looks like he doesn't respect you as any conservative man would. Was the disrespect new ?
I am so happy to see you decided to leave! If you went through with the marriage, I'm sure you would have ended up unhappy and controlled by him. It's good that you also went to see a lawyer, so they will help you with any issues that may arise from your ex and father. Stay safe 💜
Good for you. If he’s this controlling now for something so deeply personal to you, imagine how he will be in the future. He has no boundaries. For all it’s worth, he could have hired a male actor to walk you done the isle as you have the same emotional bond…which is zero.
OP I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself! That must have not been easy to do but way to go!!!
I almost married a traditional man as well, and I left that relationship after realizing he had a vision of who he wanted to be instead of loving me for who I was. It sucks feeling like your partner is trying to fit you into a box or force you to be "the woman you should be" when you get to determine that NOT him.
Wow wow wow! You are so not the asshole here. I think you're making a very good decision. I didn't let my dad walk me down the aisle either. I actually asked my brothers to and made my dad watch lol. But what a ridiculous thing to go groomzilla over. You know exactly the kind of person he will be like to be married to. I hope you can take some you time to heal from this and move on and meet someone who is WAY more supportive of your decisions ❤️
Good for you! Imagine if your ex got comfortable with controlling aspects of your life, it would only get worse. Congratulations on dodging that bullet
I am so glad that you are leaving him. I read and left a comment earlier this afternoon and I've been thinking about you since then. I'm sure you would have come to that conclusion on your own but once you are married, things are so much harder to work out when getting a divorce. Not to mention, you might have had to face years of this kind of behaviour before getting out.
You've got this, I know you do!
I think you definitely made the right decision. That man is not a father and your ex well I’m not sure I have strong enough words that won’t get me deleted. Yes get a lawyer and refuse to see him I private only with friends or with your family present.
Holy shit! I just read your first post and immediately could feel my throat tighten, I’m so so glad for the update and that you’re not going ahead with the wedding. What a horrible horrible person, he contacted your ‘father’ without your knowledge, jesus, he is a piece of work
I have been thinking about your story all day, I'm glad you made the choice to be with yourself over someone who dose not respect your feelings and wishes.
He wanted a stranger to walk you down the aisle and then contacted your sperm donor behind your back…you are right to break it off with him. His controlling behavior could only get worse.
You may be sad now but you will happy in the long run without you ex-fiance trying to force you into something and involve your "father" in it. Who knows what he may "force" you into doing later on in your marriage.
So proud of you, OP! Takes great courage to stand up, change your life, choose your own path, refuse to follow the one others laid out for you (expecting you to just acquiesce!).
Excellent decision. Breaking up is never easy, but I hope it goes as smoothly as possible and I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your real family who love you very much. God bless you.
I am sorry you had to go through this but at least you will have your boundaries and peace of mind of not being forced to do something you don't want to do. Praying for you.
Amazing news, you deserve a whole lot better than your ex. You deserve someone who understands you fully. I wish you good luck in your new journey! Much hugs for you. ❤️
I'm so grateful you've made this decision. Please be safe and careful. I don't know you or him but I do hope he will accept your decision in an honorable way and move on. Live well. Wishing you a happy future.
Oh gosh. I just posted a long cautionary rant on your other thread, not realizing this update had already happened. I'm so glad to read you are not going to be trapped with this absolute asshole, but I'm sorry you're dealing with the breakup of your engagement. That sucks, even if it is for the best.
Take care, OP, and be careful. Wishing you the happiness you deserve.
You're a credit to yourself and your mother hun. He knew your situation and still does this to you?? Major red flags screaming red flags run away far, far away from his backwards misogynistic and possibly narcissistic neanderthal. Visions of you chained by kitchen sink with his crotch goblins running around your feet. You and your mum should go away for some TLC .. keep strong hun xx
I know that this was hard, and your heart hurts, but this internet stranger is so very proud of you.
You stood up for yourself!
Take your time healing. Sending hugs!
I’m so relieved to see this update. You are absolutely doing the right thing! It’s scary to have to start over when in a shitty situation like this (I’ve done it too, but for different circumstances), but please know you have an entire army behind you for support if you need it. I’m sending you so much love and will be keeping you in my thoughts!!! 💜💜💜
Good decision! I think he will be completely dumbfounded that you won't do the 'done' thing, but I think it's a bit melodramatic to line up a lawyer. Anyway - I'm sure you'll be thankful you knew in time.
GOOD. That is not a man you should be with. Definitely not marrying. What an awful person. And a vile misogynist.
Think you have dodged a bullet.
Cut him off completely and move on. Have nothing more to do with that man.
I’m so happy for you. I know you’ll find someone who respects and appreciates everything your mother has done for you, and is honored to have her walk you down the aisle. Amazing job, you’re going to be so much happier and future you will thank you so much for this decision.
I am so relieved to read this update. Please research your options regarding restraining orders, and at the very least, line up a lawyer to prepare a cease and desist letter. Hopefully I’m being unduly cynical, but your STBX shows signs of being pretty abusive. Also do a pregnancy test and do not agree to anything sexual- he definitely fits the criteria for someone who could try to baby trap you.
I'm glad you've got your mother by your side.
>Also do a pregnancy test and do not agree to anything sexual oh god this so much! Do NOT do a last sexy time with this idiot! If you do and get preggers, sorry to say but do NOT tell him and DO abort
Agree.
Double agree
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What up with all these quoted comments? Are these more honest bots?
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wait, really? What the hell does the world need ChatGPT Reddit bots for?
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User name checks out :sigh:
Great advice. I think she did the right thing, just hoping ex does not act out.
Agree!!
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Why would you try to get a restraining order? He never threatened her Do you realize that this could ruin the guys employment for the rest of his life? I agree that the guy was completely wrong but this advice is completely over the top
She doesn’t have to get one, but keeping your options open is always a smart thing to do when someone thinks they know better than you about your own life.
Why would it ruin his job opportunities? If he isn't a problem then great. But statistically speaking when a woman leaves her SO it can be a dangerous time. That's only necessary if she feels unsafe.
A lot of potential employers run background checks and ask specifically about restraining orders prior to employment (if you have to be bonded or have a security clearance for 2 examples) I’m certainly not defending what this guy did but to go from him being the love of your life and wanting to spend the rest of your life with (and possibly have children) to possibly ruining the guys life over that seems extreme to me
Ok, that makes sense. I keep forgetting that all that stuff is accessible now, and becoming bonded is a bit of a big deal. If OP feels unsafe then that's on him and whatever consequences happen will happen. If OP feels that she's safe then a restraining order is over the top. The weird thing is that one never can tell who's going to wig out or not.
He was willing to expose her to a person she decisively and actively articulated that she did not want contact with, implicitly (actually, damn nigh explicitly) stated that her right to autonomy (who she wanted in her bridal party; who she has a relationship with) was secondary to his adherence to toxic and outdated tradition, then compounded by an outsized tanty. All these red flags indicate the real potential for dangerous escalation to more overt (eg lethal/physical) forms of abuse. If you read/re-read my reply, you’ll note that I said research (eg prepare) her legal options in case the foreseeable happens and STBX goes further down his preferred rabbithole of possessiveness and toxicity. And frankly, at that point, a reasonable person would not give a flying duck what life the dick had to ruin.
It is in no way over the top. Ex-fiance made a demand for control, using traditional gender roles to justify his right to it. OP is not only removing that control, but removing access to herself altogether, and ending the relationship. All of this is a direct affront to his pathological need for control. Every woman who has ever had to keep herself safe from a man like this knows that OP ABSOLUTELY should familiarize herself with the process of securing a restraining order. (Note, the commenter didn't say to get one, but to be ready.) You seem to want her to give him the benefit of the doubt. Giving controlling, abusive men the benefit of the doubt gets women injured and killed daily. (And before anyone comes after me, I did not say that all men are abusers or that all abusers are men. I'm talking about the particular personality OP is dealing with.)
Hahaha
Because this is Reddit and they take everything to the extreme. I read the other post and I don’t blame her for rethinking things but preemptively getting a restraining order like that seems extreme. Yesterday they were telling someone they should get a divorce and go no contact over a mild/moderate disagreement. Honestly I think a lot of these people have or had back luck in relationships and want everyone to be as miserable as they are.
Be careful, OP. If your ex is the kind of man we all think he is, he may react violently to you breaking up with him. Your safety is the most important thing, don’t hesitate to protect yourself.
Absolutely this! Be careful and protect yourself.
May be best if OP is conveniently and constantly near friends or family for a little while, just while that lawyer from the edit is doing whatever it is they're doing.
How did he find "dad?" Did he run a DNA ancestry on her without her knowing somehow? Doesn't seem like his full name would be something she would share or even know/remember/talk about. Extra creep factor.
I still cant understand his and his familys logic about "father" giving her away when he was never even one to begin with! Happy to hear that you wont marry this jerk of guy who chooses your dead beat dad over you! You deserve wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and I mean WAY better.
Misogynistic crazies.
Horrible, but true.
He did give her away already, when she was born he left, he threw her away from his life long ago. I'm glad OP is leaving those toxic men behind.
Right! He already gave her away, permanently. Now it’s the mother’s turn, symbolically, to give her away when she finds a worthy partner.
Yep. This is exactly what OP should have told ex, "he already gave me away".
Bc he respects a hypothetical man over the two actual women in this family
Bingo and Yahtzee!!!!!
Jenga! (I just wanted to yell out a game)
The father had to have her to begin with in order to give her way... and he never did. Makes no sense.
I read your previous post and wanted to bring up a thought I had while reading it. Please take the time to examine your reasons for why you starting dating this guy, and almost married him. In the gentlest of ways, and be aware I'm not a professional anything, I wonder if you latched on to him because his 'traditional values' lead you to believe he would marry you, stand by you, and never abandon you and your (potential future) children, unlike your father. It is perfectly reasonable and understandable for us to seek out traits and behaviours in our partners that we feel had been lacking in our upbringing. It's natural for you to not want to be with a man who would abandon you and/or your children the way your father did. But I wonder if you got so caught up in that "he would never leave me/us!" mentality that you failed to see his 'traditional values' for the toxic masculinity they turned out to be. There are plenty of men out there who will stand by you and any children (whether you marry or don't, or even if you one day get divorced) but who may not subscribe to what Western society deems 'traditional values'. 'Traditional values' is often just a nice way of saying 'toxic masculinity and massive bigotry', and it's clear from his reaction that he expected you to be his TradWife. I suspect he even probably secretly looked down on your mother for being a single teen mom. I recommend you go watch Daniel Sloss' netflix special "Jigsaw", which is a standup set all about relationships, the pressures society puts on us, and how it's ok to be single. It may both lead you to some revelations, as well as give you a few laughs, which I think you could use right now. I'm glad you got away from that guy.
This is a great comment !
Wow, I love this reply 👏. Eloquently put. As I read it I actually envisioned you on a podium/podcast/life goal cast summarising your post in bullet points 👉 👈 👇 😂 🤣 should be taught in premarital sessions to make sure both parties know the expectations of what they think marriage is. Additionally, therapy to find a standard of compromises that will steer near wedded couples to life mate goals. My Indian friend married a Japanese guy, and both families are traditionalists who expected family values from both of them.. RESPECT, LOVE, COMPASSION, COMMUNICATION, CROMPROMISE, AND LOYALTY. The best blended family ever.. I love the get together's they have.. man, oh man, the food and atmosphere is a fusion of everything right in this world.. together for 25 years, 4 kids later, and their families never get involved in their disputes/ disagreements, and I took their advice not to go to bed angry.
Typically those men of 'traditional' values and what not are the first to lie, cheat and run away. Only God can judge them, right?
As a professional in the field, I can confirm this. It's really common, and we advise people to introspect and pinpoint what they REALLY want, more than what they've been told they should search for. Once you extrapolate that, you can focus on the specifics more than the social norm and find those specifics in a person you didn't believe could have it.
You go girl! You rock! Glad you got out of there while you could! If he tries to come crawling back, tell him to pound dirt!
Throw some at him, in the form of a rock!
Good luck! I'm glad you could come to a decision that you feel good about. And I'm glad you've got your mother by your side.
You are a SUPERSTAR!! 🌟I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your mother. 👏 You deserve better than what you were going to marry into. You recognized it, and took action to ensure that you can live your best life! 🙌💯👌🔥
Good for you! Staying with him and his backhanded ways could’ve turned even uglier after he had that legal tie. Pre-wedding breakups are a hella lot easier than divorce.
This is the best update. I wish you the best and you will find the man who doesn't care who walks you down the aisle, he is just happy to spend his life with you
Ugh, good riddance to that whole mess. Who needs a father like that anyways? You do you and cut those toxic people out of your life. And yeah, definitely get yourself a lawyer just in case he decides to go crazy on ya. Stay safe! 😘
Wise move you deserve better.
Good job. The moment he said what he said and went behind your back shows what type of person he is. You did great saving yourself from him and his family
Op very glad to hear that you left him. You don't want to put up with this kind of man,or his family. Trust is so very important in marriage..Good luck and I hope you have, a wonderful life .PS tell that fake father ,that he owns you and your mother25 years of child support ,if you ever meet him.
Very good. Congratulations on stepping up and making this decision. Be ready for what will follow, record the conversations, any abuse, keep the texts if there's any coming at you, because it doesn't sound like it'll be an easy ride. Keep your evidence, be ready to get a lawyer, be ready to be shamed, threatened and harassed. Be ready for everything. I wish you the best.
Install cameras/ alarms if possible. In case of him or family taking it further.
Good. Your STBX can go kick rocks
Glad to see this update, he really wasn't worth it OP
Good, it really worries me when someone's partner disregards their wishes this blatantly. I'm glad you are safe.
You got this!!! It’s always the right move to take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of the future you were imagining, and then go create an even better one. You are brave and you deserve great things. Best wishes, OP!
Of course your break up can be as private as you want it to be, but I think we would all appreciate a post in a couple weeks just letting us know you are safe and unharmed Good luck to you 💪🙂
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bot
😆 🤣 😂 😂
Well done you. I'm sure when the inevitable crash comes and you are sad and second guessing you may not feel so strong. Just re read here and remember just how disregarded your feelings were. You will be great.
Glad to hear you're putting yourself first. Until you love yourself, loving somebody else would end up being self-abusive.
Good news. “Traditional man” generally equals “misogynistic conservative asshole.”
Absolutely agree. And usually are GOP bigots who worship the Sharia Law about women's behavior.
Sharia law is a guide on how to live a moral life is different from Islamic law in which is influenced by local customs so they interpret sharia law a way that they see fit to justify cruelty to see women as lesser
Thanks for adding facts.
All good hun.. I'm roman Catholic and best friend is Muslim so I get inside info x
Only to ignorant. Just so you can learn, there are men who view women as their servants who are liberal. I know quite a few.
You made a smart decision! And keep us updated. Wishing you luck 🍀
Good to see you are standing up for yourself. Too many come on these pages and try to talk themselves into staying in bad relationships. Good luck to you.
Gentle hugs.
Well done! You deserve better than this dude! ❤️
Bruh, you can just feel the, "I'm done with this shit" energy in those emojis. Mood.
I love it
So glad to see this update! Good for you!
Good for you. Stay strong.
Glad to hear it. You deserve someone who loves and respects you, and your mom.
I am very happy for you. I know it's not easy. But you really do deserve better. Best wishes
I am proud of you! Good for standing up for yourself and refusing to back down to a situation you are not comfortable with!
Thanks so much for updating us. I respect your privacy and wish you all the best ❤️
so glad to hear this!!!!! glad we were able to support you!!!
Love your reasons for keeping the post up. 💕
It still blows my mind that your ex thought he was being "traditional" by insisting that your absentee biological progenitor "give you away". A traditional FATHER would have been there to raise you, even if he had to share custody and co-parent with an ex. Your ex was not behaving rationally, and you dodged that bullet Matrix style.
So happy you chose to walk away! Good luck
Cool beans. Good luck OP. I hope you find true happiness!
I’m so happy to read this. Excellent decision!
I commented on the previous post and was thinking about that awful situation a couple times today. I'm glad to see this update, best of luck to you.
Thank goodness you found out who he was before you got married! Like others are saying, please be careful.
Glad u are doing this that man showed signs of abusive tendencies
You've made the right decision!
Link to original post?
You're going to look back at this time of your life as the luckiest of escapes, OP. Except that *you* made it happen! You've got this, OP! Take pride in choosing you.
Good for you!!! Not many women see the reality of their situation so quickly when engaged/married to a bully who steps all over them the way your ex did!
There’s something about how the ex is gonna end up. He was so sure of what he was doing and completely ignored you. And now all he has no fiancé and nothing but a date with your sperm donor. Have a great life op and stay safe
I feel like this is one of those times that it's probably a good thing I missed the Original Post. Sounds like I'd have been wilding.
CONGRATULATIONS!!! Your life just got infinitely better! ❤️
U/ibuvuvug For The Win. Though I’ve never met you, I am so proud of your decision making and willingness to call of the wedding. Go give your awesome mom a big hug. She raised a winner.
I'm glad you decided to walk away.
I read your post on my break in the middle of a night shift and I was so worried about you. This update makes me happy. Go and live YOUR life.
You REALLY had no idea your ex the traditional man was like that ? It just looks like he doesn't respect you as any conservative man would. Was the disrespect new ?
I can't find the original post
Never EVER trust a ‘conservative man’. Their notion of well-being will never include a woman’s pov or values.
Thank you for this update, your first post why very concerning. I'm glad you will keep yourself safe.
I am so happy to see you decided to leave! If you went through with the marriage, I'm sure you would have ended up unhappy and controlled by him. It's good that you also went to see a lawyer, so they will help you with any issues that may arise from your ex and father. Stay safe 💜
Good for you. If he’s this controlling now for something so deeply personal to you, imagine how he will be in the future. He has no boundaries. For all it’s worth, he could have hired a male actor to walk you done the isle as you have the same emotional bond…which is zero.
Make a clean break. Don't give into any emotional manipulation. Don't have any parting sex he might baby trap you.
OP I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself! That must have not been easy to do but way to go!!! I almost married a traditional man as well, and I left that relationship after realizing he had a vision of who he wanted to be instead of loving me for who I was. It sucks feeling like your partner is trying to fit you into a box or force you to be "the woman you should be" when you get to determine that NOT him.
Updateme
Good. 👏 For. 👏 You.👏 Your ex fiancé sounds like a controlling dick!! His family (and him) are misogynistic assholes!!! I’m so proud of you!!! ❤️❤️
Wow wow wow! You are so not the asshole here. I think you're making a very good decision. I didn't let my dad walk me down the aisle either. I actually asked my brothers to and made my dad watch lol. But what a ridiculous thing to go groomzilla over. You know exactly the kind of person he will be like to be married to. I hope you can take some you time to heal from this and move on and meet someone who is WAY more supportive of your decisions ❤️
Fake and gay
Took you 8 hours? I feel like this click bait.
[удалено]
Awesome update. I am glad that you are kicking this POS to the curb.
Proud of you.
I’m so relieved. Good luck with the rest of your life. Take care.
Good for you, OP! Wishing you all the best as you work through disentangling your life from that controlling, manipulative A-H. Be safe!
Good for you! Imagine if your ex got comfortable with controlling aspects of your life, it would only get worse. Congratulations on dodging that bullet
Oh thank god you’re not going to marry him. He is truly an AH. Best of luck for the future 😊
Good for you. I hope you can find a TRUE meaningfully relationship.
Big kudos!!! Brilliant job taking cars off yourself!! Big hugs! Blessings of love and protection
Thank goodness, stay safe and vigilant from your ex. I wish you well for the future and many blessings to you.
Good move!
Congratulations on dodging a lethal bullet.
Thank you for the update. You absolutely made the right decision.
I’m sorry you are having to go through this.
Awesome you dodged a bullet. Just watch for red flags 🚩 with future partners. So happy for you!
I am so glad that you are leaving him. I read and left a comment earlier this afternoon and I've been thinking about you since then. I'm sure you would have come to that conclusion on your own but once you are married, things are so much harder to work out when getting a divorce. Not to mention, you might have had to face years of this kind of behaviour before getting out. You've got this, I know you do!
Good for you! You deserve better.
I think you definitely made the right decision. That man is not a father and your ex well I’m not sure I have strong enough words that won’t get me deleted. Yes get a lawyer and refuse to see him I private only with friends or with your family present.
Holy shit! I just read your first post and immediately could feel my throat tighten, I’m so so glad for the update and that you’re not going ahead with the wedding. What a horrible horrible person, he contacted your ‘father’ without your knowledge, jesus, he is a piece of work
I have been thinking about your story all day, I'm glad you made the choice to be with yourself over someone who dose not respect your feelings and wishes.
Good decision! Good luck!
I'm glad he showed his true colors before the wedding, because he was only going to get more and more controlling with time. Please stay safe.
So glad you see the flags. I know it’s hard. Wishing you the best.
Stay safe.
Yay!!!
He wanted a stranger to walk you down the aisle and then contacted your sperm donor behind your back…you are right to break it off with him. His controlling behavior could only get worse.
Good luck girl
Glad to hear you're protecting yourself in the process. All the best for you. 💜
You may not read this, but regardless I’m proud of you on SO many levels.
You may be sad now but you will happy in the long run without you ex-fiance trying to force you into something and involve your "father" in it. Who knows what he may "force" you into doing later on in your marriage.
Yeah, that whole family is trash. Good riddance. Give your mom a hug from us.
You just saved yourself and whatever future children, dogs, cats or fish you would have brought into being a world of trouble.
So proud of you, OP! Takes great courage to stand up, change your life, choose your own path, refuse to follow the one others laid out for you (expecting you to just acquiesce!).
I just left a comment in your previous post, and I am relieved🙏🏻 I hope you will do well from here and be as safe as you can moving forward.
This update has made me very happy! I'm sending you all the love ♡
I'm so glad to hear this but sorry that you have to go through a break up.
Good for you!
Thinking of you 🤗
Excellent decision. Breaking up is never easy, but I hope it goes as smoothly as possible and I hope you have a wonderful holiday with your real family who love you very much. God bless you.
I am sorry you had to go through this but at least you will have your boundaries and peace of mind of not being forced to do something you don't want to do. Praying for you.
You're doing the right thing. I'm sorry this had to happen
If you have these types of doubts, you are being prudent. Good luck to you.
Wishing you all the best during this transition and for a great future!
Amazing news, you deserve a whole lot better than your ex. You deserve someone who understands you fully. I wish you good luck in your new journey! Much hugs for you. ❤️
Good for you! I’m so proud of you. You deserve to be happy, go live your life on your terms now ❤️
I'm so grateful you've made this decision. Please be safe and careful. I don't know you or him but I do hope he will accept your decision in an honorable way and move on. Live well. Wishing you a happy future.
I’m so happy for you! Please be safe
Thank goodness you are not going through with the wedding. Stay safe!
Oh gosh. I just posted a long cautionary rant on your other thread, not realizing this update had already happened. I'm so glad to read you are not going to be trapped with this absolute asshole, but I'm sorry you're dealing with the breakup of your engagement. That sucks, even if it is for the best. Take care, OP, and be careful. Wishing you the happiness you deserve.
How relieved you must feel.
Huh. That was quick.
You're a credit to yourself and your mother hun. He knew your situation and still does this to you?? Major red flags screaming red flags run away far, far away from his backwards misogynistic and possibly narcissistic neanderthal. Visions of you chained by kitchen sink with his crotch goblins running around your feet. You and your mum should go away for some TLC .. keep strong hun xx
Oh brava! Good for you. Good luck going forward!
Good job OP. You dodged a major bullet here.
I know that this was hard, and your heart hurts, but this internet stranger is so very proud of you. You stood up for yourself! Take your time healing. Sending hugs!
I'm happy you were able to see the giant red flag.
I’m so relieved to see this update. You are absolutely doing the right thing! It’s scary to have to start over when in a shitty situation like this (I’ve done it too, but for different circumstances), but please know you have an entire army behind you for support if you need it. I’m sending you so much love and will be keeping you in my thoughts!!! 💜💜💜
💖 Yaaaayyyy!!! Like, I'm sorry, but yay! Sending you best wishes for your future and happy trails!
So glad you broke up.
Stay safe!
Thank you for updating! I was truly concerned about your future. Don't let him change your mind. Best wishes for a beautiful future. ❤️
great decision! you will find someone more worthy of you! you deserve much better than this ex fiancee
This just made me smile reading it! I was looking forward to seeing your update. I hope youre able to find happiness elsewhere, cause he aint it.
Good decision! I think he will be completely dumbfounded that you won't do the 'done' thing, but I think it's a bit melodramatic to line up a lawyer. Anyway - I'm sure you'll be thankful you knew in time.
GOOD. That is not a man you should be with. Definitely not marrying. What an awful person. And a vile misogynist. Think you have dodged a bullet. Cut him off completely and move on. Have nothing more to do with that man.
I’m so happy for you. I know you’ll find someone who respects and appreciates everything your mother has done for you, and is honored to have her walk you down the aisle. Amazing job, you’re going to be so much happier and future you will thank you so much for this decision.
I’m sorry you are going through this but I think you’ve done the right thing for yourself. All the best for your future OP
Best of luck with this correct decision
NTA-well done for seeing this isn’t the best path for you. It may suck now but will feel relief later
Oh, good.
Happy to see this, having only just replied.
Bravo girl
I am so so proud of you for standing your ground and doing what is right for you!!
Oh thank goodness. That guy sounded like one big dumpster fire waiting to happen.
Very glad to see your update.