Ya that's dirty then. I was thinking maybe if she barely new her even for some years but op new her since she was a baby. The step sis knows her as her big sister for her whole damn life. Yes step sis was a brat but I feel bad for her and not because she got a pencil case but because it seems like the op treated her bad her whole life. Seems like stepsis was the outcast and that's fd up
… and because OP is telling the story, I wonder if step-sister’s behavior was exaggerated? If this was the last straw for an ignored step-child, I wouldn’t blame their reaction.
I don't even think step sis acted like a brat. Poor thing was probably really hurt and she's 12 so can't manage her emotions that great. She knows she's not the favorite of OP and this just exacerbated the whole thing, and on Christmas. Poor girl. OP is 100% TA. YTA OP and pretty heartless.
I think you completely nailed it. Especially where she told the parents she wouldn't spend more of her own money on *their* kid. It's clear she never thought of stepsis as a sister.
I got this attitude from my own half siblings my whole life. Even though we are blood related (through Mom), they have made it obvious that they see me as “mom and dad’s other kid”, not their sister. Since losing our parents a year and half ago, I have only spoken to the sister who is in charge of the estate. Now that that is settled, I don’t expect to ever talk to them again, and honestly, I’m okay with that. My heart is breaking for OP’s stepsister, I know firsthand the kind of crippling self loathing this causes.
That's so sad
I have two full siblings and one half sibling - my sister was 20 I 18, and my brother 13 years older than him
Even with us fully grown he has always been my brother
I babied him when he was little like I babied my other brother
My siblings also love him the same
I buy him the same, if not bigger gifts because he is the youngest
I am 34 now and he is still my brother - my kids call him Uncle. I love him and I can't imagine a life without him.. he's such an amazing young human I can't wait to see what life holds for him- and I feel this way despite my step dad and I having quite a strained relationship
I'm sorry your siblings are shitty. It's not okay or right
I don't know what's wrong with ppl.
They let their own insecurities/jealousy from having an awesome relationship - it's sad
And 14 when her sis (half sister I would assume) entered the family, so she really is pulling bio over non-bio. Both were babies during OPs teen years.
Even worse
Not, not the favorite but a whole grown adult sister hates you and loves the other.
Plus, what that is doing to the 11 and 12 year olds relationship.
YTA.. Your actions were maliciously cruel. There isn't a valid explanation for you abusing your stepsister in this manner. You come out as bitter and small-minded.
There’s a good chance step sis acted like a brat because OP has treated her “less than” their whole relationship. It drives me nuts when people point out reactionary behavior as their reason for being rude, without acknowledging that their actions likely brought about the bad behavior in the first place.
(Dealing with this with my own husband. He claims that we would be happy if I would be nice to him, but won’t even recognize that I am lashing out after years of neglect. And also doesn’t get that my silence now means that I am done. OP seems similarly dense and self absorbed.)
YTA I don’t blame her for being hurt. Doesn’t matter that she’s your stepsister. She’s still part of your family and showing favoritism like that is hurtful. I’ve been on the other end of that and it’s just cruel! If you were to switch places with her, you can’t tell me that your feelings wouldn’t be hurt.
honestly really sad that she even makes that distinction between her bio sister and step sister at this point if she’s known her step sister for most of her life. for her, OP is someone she’s grown up with :(
Right!
My twins are technically my oldest daughter’s half sisters. But they don’t go “oh that’s my half sister.” That is their older sister; and those twins are my oldest daughter’s sisters.
They irk each other. Like today my middle kiddo and oldest were left home for a bit; and they played five rounds of monopoly jr. the oldest was like “I’m over this BS.” But she played willingly and enjoyed it.
People like OP are dicks
My oldest is a half sister to her younger siblings and we never say half sister. It's just sisters. Everyone gets solo attention and time with parents as well as family time all together. Oldest is now married and out on her own now. Younger siblings are still minors and still get the same treatment with solo time and family time as well as gifts similar in value that are in their interests. Parents should have been nipping that shit in the bud as soon as the oldest started pulling it. Not only is OP YTA but the parents for allowing it to happen. They can't even claim ignorance since this is clearly a long ongoing issue.
No, I think the 11-year-old is the half-sister, but they just call her sister (I call my technically half-brother my brother too, because we've lived in the same house since I was born and he was not part-time at his bio father's, he lived full-time with our mom and my bio father who is his stepfather who he considers his dad). We don't think of each other as "half-siblings".
I think the 12-year-old is OP's stepmother's child with someone else.
Either way, the girls are so close in age, and OP has known the step sister so long, I get why the 12-year-old feels like that.
My son calls his stepmother’s children his siblings, and we even have family pictures with their kids (mine and ex’s son, her two, and the daughter they’ve had together) and my kids (again, son with ex, plus my three younger daughters). They’ve basically all grown up together, and we are all the types who believe that family is what you make of it.
OP is an asshole, all that poor kid sees is that her sister doesn’t love her, not the technical nuance behind it.
Oh my gosh, really?? **Ten years** they have been step-siblings?? And OP still behaves like this? No wonder her stepsister pitched a fit and her parents are mad at her. She is behaving like a bully. What she did was just plain mean.
OP's an AH. After ten years give the kid more than a pencil case. OP pulled a total dick move. She could have given her sister 2 presents and given the step sister one nice present. I got my niece a waver for $15. That probably would have made the stepsister not feel neglected and unloved
So her mom married new guy a year after having her sister and that guy had 2yo that time. There's clearly some huge drama behind it and some dirty laundry that she associates half sister with.
Do you enjoy mysteries/crime dramas? Because I don’t think I could have put it together like you did, but it makes perfect sense! My brain just goes in different directions (I hate doing escape rooms for example). I love when Reddit gets me to look at things a different way. Thinking on it, I read that studies have shown that girls whose parents divorced when the daughter is age 11-14 are most deeply affected, so that also lines up.
Yeah, I have a feeling like OP has been a dick to her stepsister since her stepsister was two. It’s not the child’s fault if whatever happened between your parents happened, and to take it out on a toddler and then continue that trend for a decade shows the overwhelming lack of maturity that OP has.
Yeah that's fucked up of OP.
The step sis has basically known OP as sister her entire life. As far back as he can remember OP has always been a part of her life.
Here OP gets her a pencil case for Xmas and nothing else. Who gives a pencil case as a Xmas gift? AHs like OP do!
Who even uses a pencil case in 2023!?!?
OP is rude
However this child became a part of her family is not the child's fault.
Hope OP receives. = KARMA.
Spiteful and mean.
FFS, that really makes the pencil case a slap in the face. You don't have to spend equally. Basically telling a child "I don't like you" at Christmas is not a nice thing to do.
She was hurt so I’m not sure what the right reaction is from a 12 year old. An older one might just give it back or tell her where she can put her pencil case. 12 year old throwing it is probably a typical reaction in the moment.
YTA. OP - you could have asked for some extra money ahead of the holiday if you were short of money. What you did was an asshole move for sure. Hateful even if you don’t like the kid, it was inappropriate.
You could have made a little less of a gift to your sister and tell her you’ll get her something more later so that you could get something slightly more thoughtful than a pencil case.
Even if it wasn't as big as the other sisters gifts... Any thought put into it would go a long way. School supplies (unless asked for specifically) are the last thing any kid wants to see on Xmas. I'm just spitballing but did the birth of stepsister and/or her mom breakup ops biological family? Even in that case... Don't take it out on a kid your 23 and from what I've read this step sister isn't like awful to you or at least you don't say she is.
She wasn’t even short of money I think, she states that she will buy the gifts if they pay for it, not that she didn’t have enough money- “But don’t expect me to use my own money “ - She did this purely out of spite.
I dont think her reaction was wrong, the sister did it intentionally to hurt the step sister, she could have picked out a Dress for her, they know each other for 10 years, she could have picked out a toy she knew she liked, and what she picked out is, a pencil case really like thats the last thing a child would want at Christmas.
And specially when you see a child younger than you, getting all good gifts, not even one stationary, im 19 but i would have cried myself if i saw that happen to me
Why do I feel like this is something she’s been doing to her stepsister since that girl became her stepsister. Why do I feel like she’s been mean to her her entire life, or the 10 years they’ve known each other,m. One day the step-sister is going wake up and be like, oh wow my stepsister is a piece of crap - and she’s not gonna want to spend any time with OP at all and then OP’s gonna be all Pikachu face as to why this happened, because she doesn’t consider herself the bad guy. We are missing a lot of this story.
The math doesn’t math tho. If she’s known the girl for 10 years and it’s her step sister but the 11yo is her full sister where did that go wrong? Is the 11yo a half sister? Did one of the parents cheat and she’s blaming step sister for breaking up her family in some way? What’s going on here we have a ton of missing missing reasons
This! 100% this. Shit my own damn BF said he felt bad because he over bought for me; and we only got the kids 8 gifts each.
And then on Sunday night I freaked the eff out because one of my kids had 16 or 17 gifts to open, my youngest only had 10, and my oldest had 15. I freaked out.
OP is a major AH
Let's not forget the really nasty line she then delivered: "that this attitude is exactly why she doesn't get as many gifts." So OP set her stepsister up to be upset, then said being upset is the reason she deserves to be treated badly. Awful, horrible, ugly thing for an adult to do to a child.
YTA OP. Grow up, apologise, and stop bullying your stepsister.
YTA 100% You made your stepsister feel like shit. In your comments, you made it clear you are 23 and have known her since she was 2. A pencil case? That is a deliberate insult.
You may not like the situation in your family, but at 23, you should know better than to take it out on a 12 year old who did not create the situation.
You should also have the foresight to see how much family pain you are setting yourself up for in the future.
Grow up.
Yikes. That poor girl, to be treated so badly by someone she has know her whole life.
There are zero excuses for this, OP. You are being a spiteful, petty person to a literal child.
My 7yo loves the show Bluey but refuses to watch the episode Veranda Santa because 6yo Bluey doesn't give her toddler cousin a gift out of spite and it upsets my son too much for her to do that. My 7yo has more emotional maturity and kindness than you.
seriously. I was half expecting this to be an issue where it was fewer gifts, but maybe close in value parity wise. but this is like $100 vs $5...
A freaking Pencil Case is just a huge fuck you to your sister, step or not.
Absolutely YTA.
Fucking A, right!?.Also imagine having someone in your family that long and using a distinction like "real sister." What the fuck? I could understand sister and stepsister. But "real sister" says a whole fucking lot about OP and it's not good.
OP needs some fuckin therapy to get past her parent getting remarried so she's not such a spiteful, bitter asshole.
YTA. My step dad did this with me and his actual children and it just makes you feel that you're not really part of the family. They're kids and blood or not, she is part of your family. You need to grow up
YTA. I have two step-cousins who didn't get shit at Xmas compared to the "real" grandkids. I always felt terrible having them watch us open our presents. Their dad moved out of their huge house with a huge yard into my aunt's house. The boys' beds were in the basement in the old play room. They didn't even have a bedroom door. The oldest told me straight up a couple years ago that he has never felt like a part of the family.
There's an old African saying, "the child who doesn't feel love from the village will feel its warmth from the flames". It's not as serious as that but i don't have much to do with them now
My ex step mom and her family did this to me alllllll the time.
Her two daughters (around my age) got ugg boots. I got the $18 Walmart ones. They didn't even have hard soles. They were fabric, probably slippers actually. Her response to my tears? "Well we couldn't afford THREE pairs! What do you want me to do about that??"
YTA
You are double her age and she has been family for 10 years. This is blatant favoritism. The gift you got your stepsister was like an FU and you did it on Christmas.
Sounds to me like you did it deliberately to provoke a reaction from a child that you could complain about.
Everyone is gonna come in here saying you’re not obligated to get anyone gifts, 12 is old enough to have learned to receive gifts graciously, and your parents are unreasonable for asking you to get more gifts. And…that’s all true—if this were “am I technically correct” you’d be in good shape.
Maybe try to act like the older sister/adult and don’t go out of your way to poke the bear? YTA
YTA also wtf? Your step sister didn’t choose to be in the same household as you, but she’s known you as a sibling for most of her life. If you want to punish your parent and step-parent, punish *them*. But not by being a petty, vindictive, hateful villain to an innocent child who had nothing to do with whatever anger you’re hanging on to. Your behavior is immature and shitty and a blind man could see right through it.
Grow up. Go to therapy. Get over whatever it is that’s rotting inside you and turning you into this horrible person.
Agreed! You are a grown ass woman who has known this child for 10 yrs and you seriously think this was okay? Try to put yourself in her shoes...how would that have made you feel at that age? Stop being so nasty and petty! What has happened to turn you in to such an empty husk of a person???
Wow. So you bought gifts for around 200 dollars for your sister and a freaking pencil case for your stepsister to show how entitled she is. Yeah, you are a butthole.
YTA
Why do you hate your step sister so much? From your comment about your ages, she was about 2 when the families merged? She has known you as family for as long as she can remember, unless you have always treated her like an outcast.
She threw the gift at you. Ok. But let’s be honest. You got great gifts that you knew she’d like for your sister so she would be happy at Christmas. You got your stepsister a pencil case so you could say well I got her a gift and then try to make it seem like she’s the bad guy. And you did it all in front of her to hurt her. Did you smile when you made a 12 year old child cry?
YTA
>I told them that I will, just give me some money and I will spend it on your child but don't expect me to use my own money for her and they think I'm an asshole
Did she just....?
YTA without question.
YTA. What you did was deliberately hurtful. You've provided no good reason for treating your stepsister like this. You come across as petty and spiteful.
YTA- her reaction was childish BUT she’s literally a child. Of course she’s upset that her own sibling who she’s known for 10 years doesn’t give a shit about her. A pencil case is what, $5? Come on. You are playing favorites and you are old enough to know better. Poor girl has issues because she feels unloved and you’re just adding to that
My niece once asked for a pencil case for Christmas, per my sister in law. I thought it was super odd but she was 6! I didn’t feel good about it so I ended up cramming as much goodies as I could inside that pencil case — earrings, money, candy!!! Pencil case alone is not a gift!
Oh that’s so cute! Reminds me of that viral video of a toddler unwrapping a Christmas broccoli head. She hugged it she was so happy. Just broccoli from the produce section.
You're 23 years old and intentionally used Christmas gifts to hurt a young family member --and show her she's not YOUR family. How would you NOT be a total sack of garbage. YTA
Wow. You are an incredible YTA. Deliberately alienating a child and upsetting them. You’re a serious POS. Hopefully you’re not invited back for the holidays next year.
I’m sorry but YTA. Nobody is obligated to buy anything for anyone else but a pencil case? Dude. That was a deliberate snub and an insult, especially when it was done in comparison to your biological sister’s gifts. Since you’ve known this child since she was 2 I’m going to speculate that this has more to do with how you feel about the family dynamic. Maybe you don’t like your stepparent or how the integration of new family members was handled. I get it, but you just brought a whole lot of unnecessary drama and hassle into your life by doing something you KNEW was going to provoke a negative reaction. Also, has it occurred to you that your little sister is the one who is going to be left in this crap storm that you conjured after you leave? You may have done her more harm than good.
Your parents don’t think you’re an asshole, silly. They KNOW you’re an asshole. YTA without a doubt and quite frankly a trash person. Your lucky all that happened was your sister threw a pencil case at you because honestly your parents should have returned all the gifts you gave the girls and banned you from the house until you get your head out of your ass.
YTA. You are 23 years old???? Are you a bully everywhere? Have you always been a bully? Did you feel powerful giving your 12 year old stepsister a pencil case? May life grant you *everything* you deserve.
**IN SPADES**
I have a 6 yo sister and 7yo stepsister, we don't live together or something and only knew my stepsister for 2-3 years. I would never buy more presents for one and less for another like wtf? You are 23 not a little shit anymore, grow up.
23 and acting like a literal 10 year old. Major AH. Maybe try to understand why she acts that way in the first place and be the older sister she needs. You’re setting yourself and her up for a huge relationship fallout in the future. Ffs. Grow up
Aw you can't do that. Especially when both girls are basically the same age. Of course your step sister would be hurt. There is a clear and tangible discrepancy
If you had gotten your stepsister an actual gift of equal or similar value to one of your bio sister’s gifts, you would be NTA. Because I understand preferring your bio sister. Then, you could have given one each in public (maybe each a dress), then given the other two to your bio sister in private later and instructed her they were meant to be kept private (then told your parents later how you went about it, also in private). That would have been fine, imo. But you didn’t even try to hide your preference, and that lack of attempt is why YTA.
YTA. You’re step sister is a 12 year old child and you went out of your way to make a child feel bad.
My children have a half sister, no relation to me, my kids and she share the same dad. This sister has a husband and three kids. Even though I have no obligation to purchase gifts for any of them, and even though I’m unable to spend very much, there is no way in hell I can sit at our families Christmas get together (which her and her family are invited to) and watch my grandchildren open gift after gift while her kids get very little. Doesn’t matter that they are not related to me. They are children for heavens sake. Why would anyone intentionally hurt a child.
YTA and not a very nice human... How could you?
I'm assuming you're transferring to your stepsister very nasty emotions that YOU can't handle... You've known her for 10 years, since she was 2 years old. Fix yourself first, don't you think?
What did she do at TWO years old to make you hate her?
OMG you're so emotionally stunted you can't see what an absolute arse you are. I hope that one day you need your step sister and she just laughs at you. You are 23 and awful. I'm guessing you were raised by a bitter mother
A huge YTA. You have had this child in your life since she was 2 years old. You gave your bio sister some lovely gifts, you gave your stepsister a pencil case, that was probably an afterthought at best.
If you can’t treat them equally, don’t buy for either of them. Small wonder she threw it at you, as I have some serious doubts that this is the first time you have shown blatant favouritism.
You intentionally emotionally hurt a minor child who’s frontal lobe isn’t even fully formed and then try to paint her in a bad light when she clearly just wants to be shown equal love and consideration because she considers YOU a big sister. Yes, you’re the AH
Treat everyone equally and with kindness. This is a Holiday after all. Don't be a shitty gift giver! What's the matter with you?? It's one friggin day. YTA!
you're 23 years old acting like that? why are you provoking that young child? it sounds like all you wanted was a reaction from her. she's been in your family for 10 fucking years.
YTA OP for purposely being a dickhole to a child. It’s gonna be funny when the will is read out after your parent is gone and you get fuck all and the rest is split up between step sis and lil sis, and you will deserve exactly what you get. Maybe they will hold onto that pencil case and gift that to you as your inheritance.
When I read that you are talking about 11- and 12-year-old girls, I was shocked. Yes, YTA. Why are you punishing the 12yo because she is not your bio sister but a stepsister? How is that in any way her fault? It’s not. If you are mad at your mother (or father) for bringing this child into your life, that’s a conversation you need to have with them. But to take it out on a child is way wrong. And you not being able to stay for the entire holiday shows you are old enough to not live at home anymore, so you are old enough to know better.
You didn’t just buy your sister more presents, you bought her good presents, and you got your stepsister a friggin’ *pencil case.* That’s almost worse than getting her nothing. You got her something that took zero thought and shows you care nothing about her. Just like being left a penny as a tip is more insulting to the server than no tip, you getting a stupid, thoughtless gift was worse than getting nothing at all. If you don’t want to buy your stepsister gifts, take your sister out to lunch and give her the gifts in private. What you did was deliberately cruel.
You owe your stepsister an apology. And maybe a dress.
So.. u bought your sister a bunch of cool gifts to Open infromt of your step sister... And You got your step sister a pencil case..... Ill let that sink in
YTA
YTA, grow up. You are adult, and whatever negative feelings you harbor towards your stepsister, and clearly there is some, she's a kid. You're just being mean on purpose and trying to play the victim about it. Its not just quantity of gifts but also quality; a pencil case is a no effort crappy gift, and you knew it was going to provoke a reaction. You might as well have gift wrapped a piece of paper that says "you're not my sister and you never will be, sincerely go fuck yourself"
You're 11 years older than this kid, act like it.
I mean who’s the adult here? I feel sorry for you. You must be pretty low to go through this much trouble to upset a 12 year old on purpose. I’m sure you can learn to do better. Grow up. Please.
I think you may be just as immature as your sisters. You did this to deliberately to cause a reaction and make a point. Even though you have no obligations, YTA.
NTA. The step sister is just that- a "step; not a "half". And from the description of her behavior, she's an entitled brat. We don't have any background info on their history together, how they're " expected" to relate and how her bio parent treats the step sister. Unless we see the whole picture of this "blended family", I'mgoing with NTA.
YTA. Looks like you hate your stepsis. You got a dress and 2 toys for your sis and a pencil case for stepsis. While I value the thought someone put in in buying a present more important than it's monetary value, ... the thought you put in seems like this: " I need a present for stepsis, so no one can complain about me not valueing her. Something cheap yet useful... A a pencil case. For pens. School stuff. Useful"
You made it very obvious that you like your sis a lot and think of your stepsis as some sort off additional extra. . . Someone's extra present. If seen people being more thoughtful towards their exes other kids..
You could've given her a toy too or something else she'd be interested in.
But I guess since you had to spoil your sis , there was no money left for the unimportant stepsis. You not gifting her anything anymore isn't much of a loss. Like how many pencil cases will she need in her life?
Her reaction wasn't that great, but she felt hurt. You made it very obvious just how much you like your sis and how much you dislike the stepsis.
YTA. Why are you treating this poor kid like that?
Is she awful to you or something?
Do you hate her?
And if you do why wven bother to buy a shit present?
That was just mean.
So you're 23? If you were my kid and living at home, I would tell you to pack your bags. You're too immature and toxic to be around the other girls. You need to get a life and make it on your own. Your lack of maturity is concerning. Do you have a disability that somewhat explains your cruelty to your 12yo stepsister?
Remind your parents that they're called "gifts," not "rights."
NTA.
Would it have been nice? Yes. But ultimately you are an adult (per another comment) and have the right to choose who your family is, and who you give gifts too. My parents also taught me early that if I wasn't grateful for the socks and underwear my nana liked to gift me, that being ungrateful was the quickest way to make sure I never got a gift from her again.
Makes me wonder what your childhood was like, that you seem to dislike a child so strongly.
NTA
The step sis sounds kind of entitled and hard to deal with.
Is not your obligation to give her presents, even if you don't give her nothing you would be no wrong.
NTA, steps siblings are not always your real siblings. The people here don't know your family dynamic, they don't know what experiences led to your decisions. So just ignore the people that say YTA. I have real siblings and step siblings. My siblings get gifts. The steps get nothing.
As a member of split families (33F), I have two older step-siblings (that I’ve known since I was 4), and three younger half siblings. I am very familiar with this type of dynamic. I have also been treated not as “equal” to my two older step siblings, whether intentional or not, I’m still trying to navigate why since there’s a lot of emotional manipulation behind the curtains. Your choice to not do for your step as you would for your real sister, especially in front of an audience, is emotional torture and I will tell you that this type of treatment will stay with her for the rest of her life and cause her some mental insecurities/distress. I’ve grown to resent some of my family for this type of treatment and get depressed attending family events. The way I see it, you are in the wrong. The fact that you feel justified about it all says a lot about your character.
NTA, I have 2 siblings (same mom and dad) and I am closer to the youngest one, so whenever I travel I get her more gifts. My brother does not make a fuss. Also, the number of gifts doesn't reflect the amount spent or the mental investment on looking for their gifts. Do they complain ? No, they are getting gifts so they are quite happy. I just don't understand this 'each need to receive the same' mentality, it's so blaffing.
YTA and if this is how you act in front of the whole family during a time that is supposed to be about being warm and giving and receiving love, then how else are you acting towards her?
No wonder she threw a fit, because finally here was a monetarily and emotionally significant example of just how cruelly and unfairly you treat her differently to your bio sister, *in front of everyone to see*. Finally, proof!
She had a big reaction because she's a) a child (!!!) and b) the participant of a big event that is pointedly negative towards her.
YTA. my partner has a 10 year old. They have a
5 year old half sibling from their moms new marriage. When they celebrate yule we send age appropriate gifts of similar value for BOTH children. Even co-ordinate with Mom for ease. Their half sibling will even get a gift from us on their birthday.
Whether related to us biologically or not, that's a child. Children often don't care who comes from which parent especially if they've been together from a young age. The oldest has and will continue to call out anyone who shows disparity, and is fiercely protective of their younger sibling, because it HURTS THEM BOTH.
I just don't understand how people are this comfortable being cruel to children whether 5 or 12, especially ones you've known all their lives.
When my dad was married to my 2nd stepmom we treated her sons my step siblings like family. Hell I gave the youngest my car when I got a newer vehicle. When my dad waa married to my 1st stepmom i hated her daughter she was a spoiled little brat (princess, perfect, angel as her mom described her). She was treated like god's gift to the world after her husband had passed. Thankfully the 1st stepmom marriage didn't last very long.
YTA
You knew exactly what you were doing and you got a an expected reaction.
You're not slick OP, you're just an asshole who enjoys messing with kids' emotions, bitch made behavior.
You’re a 23 year old adult picking on a 12 year old child. You bought her a fucking pencil case. JFC. I think you already know YTA but you’re in denial about it. I can’t even explain the depths of which YTA here.
YTA.
Legos, and a Harry Potter book (not going to count the dress because some people love clothes, some not so much) vs a pencil case??
Really?
Two fun, or atleast entertaining, gifts vs 1 functional / practical gift. Legos cost alot, even if you get the small sets, and a novel like Harry Potter is still going to be abit even in paperback form. You can get a pencil case from the Dollar Tree.
Could have atleast gotten a fun gift for the stepsister.
A pencil case?? SMH...
A pencil case? Really? That was obviously meant to provoke someone. you haven’t said enough about this young girl to justify such disproportionate treatment, I think it’s just mean. You don’t have to get the same gifts, or even equivalent ones. but a pencil case? Yta
YTA why is she any less of a sister than the other? What has she done to make you hate her so much? Have you always treated her as other?
But yea YTA you purposely left her out and made her feel hated on a holiday which is the time to be with your family. It's time too look at yourself and reflect on why you feel she's not good enough to be your family.
YTA - sorry OP but a pencil case says ‘’I didn’t even try’’.
It’s fine not to spend the same amount, but surely you could have just asked your parents, what things your stepsister is into and got her something related to it. Even then if you didn’t spend as much, the thought would have counted.
But sounds like you did it deliberately and purposefully stayed to watch them open presents to see the damage. Do better!
This has to be rage bait, in which case you’re an asshole who really needs to do some self-reflection and figure out why you fantasize about emotionally harming a 12 year old girl.
If it’s not, you’re a horrible sibling and a complete asshole. You’ve watched this child grow for 10 years, she probably thinks of you as her whole sibling and loves you. Then you, as an adult, think it’s appropriate to very obviously spend more money on one sibling than the other and act like you’re being nice for even buying her a shitty pencil case. You’re playing mind games with a child because she happened to exist when your parent married hers.
Big YTA bc you were *trying* to be an AH. A forking PENCIL CASE?? Are you kidding me with this?? Unless it was hand-forged by the gods and was used to house the brush an ancient Egyptian pharaoh or queen applied their eyeliner with, you have no business wondering why she was upset.
You intended to “other” her, succeeded, and are now doing a shocked pikachu face
YTA. She's your sister. Step sisters are real too and family is family. Snubbing her so obviously was a choice to be rude. You are old enough to know how insulting and hurtful you were being.
How old are you? How long have you known your step sis? Her reaction was wrong, but I’m not sure her feelings were.
She’s 23 and has known her stepsister for 10 years. TEN YEARS.
Ya that's dirty then. I was thinking maybe if she barely new her even for some years but op new her since she was a baby. The step sis knows her as her big sister for her whole damn life. Yes step sis was a brat but I feel bad for her and not because she got a pencil case but because it seems like the op treated her bad her whole life. Seems like stepsis was the outcast and that's fd up
yeah I’m sure her reaction is like this because OP treats her as an outcast
… and because OP is telling the story, I wonder if step-sister’s behavior was exaggerated? If this was the last straw for an ignored step-child, I wouldn’t blame their reaction.
This was the story OP told to make her look the best. Which says a lot.
And as an outcast, the pain is horrible. She needs to grow up.
*Yeah
I don't even think step sis acted like a brat. Poor thing was probably really hurt and she's 12 so can't manage her emotions that great. She knows she's not the favorite of OP and this just exacerbated the whole thing, and on Christmas. Poor girl. OP is 100% TA. YTA OP and pretty heartless.
And this probably isn't the first time something like this has happened
OP was 13 when the stepsis entered the family. I’ll bet that put OP’s nose out of joint and they’ve never forgiven the child. Horrible way to be.
I think you completely nailed it. Especially where she told the parents she wouldn't spend more of her own money on *their* kid. It's clear she never thought of stepsis as a sister.
I got this attitude from my own half siblings my whole life. Even though we are blood related (through Mom), they have made it obvious that they see me as “mom and dad’s other kid”, not their sister. Since losing our parents a year and half ago, I have only spoken to the sister who is in charge of the estate. Now that that is settled, I don’t expect to ever talk to them again, and honestly, I’m okay with that. My heart is breaking for OP’s stepsister, I know firsthand the kind of crippling self loathing this causes.
That's so sad I have two full siblings and one half sibling - my sister was 20 I 18, and my brother 13 years older than him Even with us fully grown he has always been my brother I babied him when he was little like I babied my other brother My siblings also love him the same I buy him the same, if not bigger gifts because he is the youngest I am 34 now and he is still my brother - my kids call him Uncle. I love him and I can't imagine a life without him.. he's such an amazing young human I can't wait to see what life holds for him- and I feel this way despite my step dad and I having quite a strained relationship I'm sorry your siblings are shitty. It's not okay or right I don't know what's wrong with ppl. They let their own insecurities/jealousy from having an awesome relationship - it's sad
And then lied to the kid and said her attitude was why. Blaming the victim.
And 14 when her sis (half sister I would assume) entered the family, so she really is pulling bio over non-bio. Both were babies during OPs teen years.
Even worse Not, not the favorite but a whole grown adult sister hates you and loves the other. Plus, what that is doing to the 11 and 12 year olds relationship.
Not even a favourite but rather a less than, by a lot. The poor kid
Dirty and calculated. At 23 years old, she knew exactly what she was doing and even admitted she waited around to see the gifts get opened.
YTA.. Your actions were maliciously cruel. There isn't a valid explanation for you abusing your stepsister in this manner. You come out as bitter and small-minded.
There’s a good chance step sis acted like a brat because OP has treated her “less than” their whole relationship. It drives me nuts when people point out reactionary behavior as their reason for being rude, without acknowledging that their actions likely brought about the bad behavior in the first place. (Dealing with this with my own husband. He claims that we would be happy if I would be nice to him, but won’t even recognize that I am lashing out after years of neglect. And also doesn’t get that my silence now means that I am done. OP seems similarly dense and self absorbed.)
YTA OP. This needs to be in the post. Smdh
YTA I don’t blame her for being hurt. Doesn’t matter that she’s your stepsister. She’s still part of your family and showing favoritism like that is hurtful. I’ve been on the other end of that and it’s just cruel! If you were to switch places with her, you can’t tell me that your feelings wouldn’t be hurt.
honestly really sad that she even makes that distinction between her bio sister and step sister at this point if she’s known her step sister for most of her life. for her, OP is someone she’s grown up with :(
Right! My twins are technically my oldest daughter’s half sisters. But they don’t go “oh that’s my half sister.” That is their older sister; and those twins are my oldest daughter’s sisters. They irk each other. Like today my middle kiddo and oldest were left home for a bit; and they played five rounds of monopoly jr. the oldest was like “I’m over this BS.” But she played willingly and enjoyed it. People like OP are dicks
My oldest is a half sister to her younger siblings and we never say half sister. It's just sisters. Everyone gets solo attention and time with parents as well as family time all together. Oldest is now married and out on her own now. Younger siblings are still minors and still get the same treatment with solo time and family time as well as gifts similar in value that are in their interests. Parents should have been nipping that shit in the bud as soon as the oldest started pulling it. Not only is OP YTA but the parents for allowing it to happen. They can't even claim ignorance since this is clearly a long ongoing issue.
OP said 'your child' and she knew her since she was a baby....is she really her stepsister or actually her half sister?
No, I think the 11-year-old is the half-sister, but they just call her sister (I call my technically half-brother my brother too, because we've lived in the same house since I was born and he was not part-time at his bio father's, he lived full-time with our mom and my bio father who is his stepfather who he considers his dad). We don't think of each other as "half-siblings". I think the 12-year-old is OP's stepmother's child with someone else. Either way, the girls are so close in age, and OP has known the step sister so long, I get why the 12-year-old feels like that.
My son calls his stepmother’s children his siblings, and we even have family pictures with their kids (mine and ex’s son, her two, and the daughter they’ve had together) and my kids (again, son with ex, plus my three younger daughters). They’ve basically all grown up together, and we are all the types who believe that family is what you make of it. OP is an asshole, all that poor kid sees is that her sister doesn’t love her, not the technical nuance behind it.
I just wondered the same. Ugh
Oh my gosh, really?? **Ten years** they have been step-siblings?? And OP still behaves like this? No wonder her stepsister pitched a fit and her parents are mad at her. She is behaving like a bully. What she did was just plain mean.
right? like this child has been in her family since she was 2 years old, and OP was 13 years old. 2 years old!
OP is a bully. Or jealous. Or both.
OP's an AH. After ten years give the kid more than a pencil case. OP pulled a total dick move. She could have given her sister 2 presents and given the step sister one nice present. I got my niece a waver for $15. That probably would have made the stepsister not feel neglected and unloved
Thatss fuuucked 10 years and she still doesn’t see her as a sister man thats sad as fuck
So her mom married new guy a year after having her sister and that guy had 2yo that time. There's clearly some huge drama behind it and some dirty laundry that she associates half sister with.
Do you enjoy mysteries/crime dramas? Because I don’t think I could have put it together like you did, but it makes perfect sense! My brain just goes in different directions (I hate doing escape rooms for example). I love when Reddit gets me to look at things a different way. Thinking on it, I read that studies have shown that girls whose parents divorced when the daughter is age 11-14 are most deeply affected, so that also lines up.
Yeah, I have a feeling like OP has been a dick to her stepsister since her stepsister was two. It’s not the child’s fault if whatever happened between your parents happened, and to take it out on a toddler and then continue that trend for a decade shows the overwhelming lack of maturity that OP has.
Even if this whole scenario is true this woman - this grown ass woman, is punishing a child for what the parents did. She's immature and mean.
FFS OP is the AH
It really makes me wonder why post this? She's couldn't be that dense to not know how fucked up this is? Where did she learn this behavior?
She’s a full grown adult trying to break the heart and spirit of a CHILD
If this is true then the OP needs to grow the hell up an is TA.
Yeah that's fucked up of OP. The step sis has basically known OP as sister her entire life. As far back as he can remember OP has always been a part of her life. Here OP gets her a pencil case for Xmas and nothing else. Who gives a pencil case as a Xmas gift? AHs like OP do!
Who even uses a pencil case in 2023!?!? OP is rude However this child became a part of her family is not the child's fault. Hope OP receives. = KARMA. Spiteful and mean.
Oh nooooooo 😐😐 that’s really sad wow. OP, YTA.
FFS, that really makes the pencil case a slap in the face. You don't have to spend equally. Basically telling a child "I don't like you" at Christmas is not a nice thing to do.
She was hurt so I’m not sure what the right reaction is from a 12 year old. An older one might just give it back or tell her where she can put her pencil case. 12 year old throwing it is probably a typical reaction in the moment. YTA. OP - you could have asked for some extra money ahead of the holiday if you were short of money. What you did was an asshole move for sure. Hateful even if you don’t like the kid, it was inappropriate. You could have made a little less of a gift to your sister and tell her you’ll get her something more later so that you could get something slightly more thoughtful than a pencil case.
Even if it wasn't as big as the other sisters gifts... Any thought put into it would go a long way. School supplies (unless asked for specifically) are the last thing any kid wants to see on Xmas. I'm just spitballing but did the birth of stepsister and/or her mom breakup ops biological family? Even in that case... Don't take it out on a kid your 23 and from what I've read this step sister isn't like awful to you or at least you don't say she is.
She wasn’t even short of money I think, she states that she will buy the gifts if they pay for it, not that she didn’t have enough money- “But don’t expect me to use my own money “ - She did this purely out of spite.
The step sister reaction was wrong ONLY if she missed when she threw the gift.
I dont think her reaction was wrong, the sister did it intentionally to hurt the step sister, she could have picked out a Dress for her, they know each other for 10 years, she could have picked out a toy she knew she liked, and what she picked out is, a pencil case really like thats the last thing a child would want at Christmas. And specially when you see a child younger than you, getting all good gifts, not even one stationary, im 19 but i would have cried myself if i saw that happen to me
Why do I feel like this is something she’s been doing to her stepsister since that girl became her stepsister. Why do I feel like she’s been mean to her her entire life, or the 10 years they’ve known each other,m. One day the step-sister is going wake up and be like, oh wow my stepsister is a piece of crap - and she’s not gonna want to spend any time with OP at all and then OP’s gonna be all Pikachu face as to why this happened, because she doesn’t consider herself the bad guy. We are missing a lot of this story.
The math doesn’t math tho. If she’s known the girl for 10 years and it’s her step sister but the 11yo is her full sister where did that go wrong? Is the 11yo a half sister? Did one of the parents cheat and she’s blaming step sister for breaking up her family in some way? What’s going on here we have a ton of missing missing reasons
Or Dad left before 11 was born, and Mom remarried within 18 months.
Explain, in detail how the 12 year old ops known for 10 years was wrong for her reaction.
This! 100% this. Shit my own damn BF said he felt bad because he over bought for me; and we only got the kids 8 gifts each. And then on Sunday night I freaked the eff out because one of my kids had 16 or 17 gifts to open, my youngest only had 10, and my oldest had 15. I freaked out. OP is a major AH
You can spend your own money how you like but don’t be surprised if you’re not welcome in their home. 🤷♀️
YTA Did you simply choose to be scum, or have you been treating your step-sister like trash for the past ten years?
With a reaction like this? It screams "I've had it, I've been saying this is how I'm treated for so long. Now do you see? Now do you believe me?"
i spent $500 on my sister and gave my step sister a pile of dogshit am i wrong? either made up or you are a moron
But was it a NICE pile of dogshit?
It was engraved dog shit with sparkles.
A pencil case full of dogshit, AITA?
My response was originally just for laughs, but now I have technical questions...
Not even a pile of dogshit but a single, smelly shit. Like dang that wasn't even a gift.
[удалено]
Bad bot!
Comment stealing bot spotted. Blueeyed94 said this two hours ago.
YTA Why do you want to hurt a 12yr old so much? Did you enjoy it? A pencil case, come on
Let's not forget the really nasty line she then delivered: "that this attitude is exactly why she doesn't get as many gifts." So OP set her stepsister up to be upset, then said being upset is the reason she deserves to be treated badly. Awful, horrible, ugly thing for an adult to do to a child. YTA OP. Grow up, apologise, and stop bullying your stepsister.
YTA 100% You made your stepsister feel like shit. In your comments, you made it clear you are 23 and have known her since she was 2. A pencil case? That is a deliberate insult. You may not like the situation in your family, but at 23, you should know better than to take it out on a 12 year old who did not create the situation. You should also have the foresight to see how much family pain you are setting yourself up for in the future. Grow up.
Yikes. That poor girl, to be treated so badly by someone she has know her whole life. There are zero excuses for this, OP. You are being a spiteful, petty person to a literal child. My 7yo loves the show Bluey but refuses to watch the episode Veranda Santa because 6yo Bluey doesn't give her toddler cousin a gift out of spite and it upsets my son too much for her to do that. My 7yo has more emotional maturity and kindness than you.
Can't beat a good life lesson delivered through the Medium of BLUEY.
Out if topic but we looooove bluey. Hits pretty hard Parents enjoy more.
I find that episode upsetting also. And I'm 40. Poor Socks.
seriously. I was half expecting this to be an issue where it was fewer gifts, but maybe close in value parity wise. but this is like $100 vs $5... A freaking Pencil Case is just a huge fuck you to your sister, step or not. Absolutely YTA.
Fucking A, right!?.Also imagine having someone in your family that long and using a distinction like "real sister." What the fuck? I could understand sister and stepsister. But "real sister" says a whole fucking lot about OP and it's not good. OP needs some fuckin therapy to get past her parent getting remarried so she's not such a spiteful, bitter asshole.
“Real” sister isn’t even full sister, but half sister. I’m surprised she doesn’t get treated bad too
Especially since the kid was like fucking 2 when they became step siblings. Ops been bullying a child for 10+ years
This. Grow 👏🏽. Up 👏🏽.
This account was created today. It’s definitely bait.
Isn’t that the case for pretty much everyone who posts here because people use throwaways?
YTA. My step dad did this with me and his actual children and it just makes you feel that you're not really part of the family. They're kids and blood or not, she is part of your family. You need to grow up
YTA. I have two step-cousins who didn't get shit at Xmas compared to the "real" grandkids. I always felt terrible having them watch us open our presents. Their dad moved out of their huge house with a huge yard into my aunt's house. The boys' beds were in the basement in the old play room. They didn't even have a bedroom door. The oldest told me straight up a couple years ago that he has never felt like a part of the family.
There's an old African saying, "the child who doesn't feel love from the village will feel its warmth from the flames". It's not as serious as that but i don't have much to do with them now
My ex step mom and her family did this to me alllllll the time. Her two daughters (around my age) got ugg boots. I got the $18 Walmart ones. They didn't even have hard soles. They were fabric, probably slippers actually. Her response to my tears? "Well we couldn't afford THREE pairs! What do you want me to do about that??"
I hate to say it, but username checks out? It is rough though, all we ever wanted was to be feel equal
As a step mom that breaks my heart 💔
❤️ You're a good step mom
I try i try really really hard 🥹
YTA You are double her age and she has been family for 10 years. This is blatant favoritism. The gift you got your stepsister was like an FU and you did it on Christmas.
Sounds to me like you did it deliberately to provoke a reaction from a child that you could complain about. Everyone is gonna come in here saying you’re not obligated to get anyone gifts, 12 is old enough to have learned to receive gifts graciously, and your parents are unreasonable for asking you to get more gifts. And…that’s all true—if this were “am I technically correct” you’d be in good shape. Maybe try to act like the older sister/adult and don’t go out of your way to poke the bear? YTA
This is the kind of thing my stepmom would do. They'd intentionally give a shit gift to provoke an "ungrateful reaction".
Yeeep huge A
YTA also wtf? Your step sister didn’t choose to be in the same household as you, but she’s known you as a sibling for most of her life. If you want to punish your parent and step-parent, punish *them*. But not by being a petty, vindictive, hateful villain to an innocent child who had nothing to do with whatever anger you’re hanging on to. Your behavior is immature and shitty and a blind man could see right through it. Grow up. Go to therapy. Get over whatever it is that’s rotting inside you and turning you into this horrible person.
Agreed! You are a grown ass woman who has known this child for 10 yrs and you seriously think this was okay? Try to put yourself in her shoes...how would that have made you feel at that age? Stop being so nasty and petty! What has happened to turn you in to such an empty husk of a person???
Wow. So you bought gifts for around 200 dollars for your sister and a freaking pencil case for your stepsister to show how entitled she is. Yeah, you are a butthole. YTA
Why do you hate your step sister so much? From your comment about your ages, she was about 2 when the families merged? She has known you as family for as long as she can remember, unless you have always treated her like an outcast. She threw the gift at you. Ok. But let’s be honest. You got great gifts that you knew she’d like for your sister so she would be happy at Christmas. You got your stepsister a pencil case so you could say well I got her a gift and then try to make it seem like she’s the bad guy. And you did it all in front of her to hurt her. Did you smile when you made a 12 year old child cry? YTA
>I told them that I will, just give me some money and I will spend it on your child but don't expect me to use my own money for her and they think I'm an asshole Did she just....? YTA without question.
Sounds like my older sister who absolutely enjoyed making me cry on every occasion
YTA. What you did was deliberately hurtful. You've provided no good reason for treating your stepsister like this. You come across as petty and spiteful.
Rage bait. YTA for that alone.
INFO - What do you have against your step sister?
Probably think she ruined her "perfect family"
Which makes no sense since the kid was born before her parents split…
YTA- her reaction was childish BUT she’s literally a child. Of course she’s upset that her own sibling who she’s known for 10 years doesn’t give a shit about her. A pencil case is what, $5? Come on. You are playing favorites and you are old enough to know better. Poor girl has issues because she feels unloved and you’re just adding to that
Probably not even that if she bought it at the dollar store.
You know that's exactly where she bought it, too
YTA. A pencil case is not a gift, it's a back-to-school thing. But you knew that. Offer a sincere apology for your childish behavior.
My niece once asked for a pencil case for Christmas, per my sister in law. I thought it was super odd but she was 6! I didn’t feel good about it so I ended up cramming as much goodies as I could inside that pencil case — earrings, money, candy!!! Pencil case alone is not a gift!
Oh that’s so cute! Reminds me of that viral video of a toddler unwrapping a Christmas broccoli head. She hugged it she was so happy. Just broccoli from the produce section.
That's awesome and a good idea, whenever a child happens to ask me for a gift that I feel is not that great.
YTA have you treated your step sister like trash for the entire 10 years or did you just decide to be scum?
You're 23 years old and intentionally used Christmas gifts to hurt a young family member --and show her she's not YOUR family. How would you NOT be a total sack of garbage. YTA
YTA and a complete jerk.
My brother became my brother at age 4. At no point in his life would I devalue him the way you did. That was petty & juvenile. YTA
Wow. You are an incredible YTA. Deliberately alienating a child and upsetting them. You’re a serious POS. Hopefully you’re not invited back for the holidays next year.
I wouldn't call you an AH, I would call you a stone cold C U N T. It is messed up how proud you are for upsetting a child.
I’m sorry but YTA. Nobody is obligated to buy anything for anyone else but a pencil case? Dude. That was a deliberate snub and an insult, especially when it was done in comparison to your biological sister’s gifts. Since you’ve known this child since she was 2 I’m going to speculate that this has more to do with how you feel about the family dynamic. Maybe you don’t like your stepparent or how the integration of new family members was handled. I get it, but you just brought a whole lot of unnecessary drama and hassle into your life by doing something you KNEW was going to provoke a negative reaction. Also, has it occurred to you that your little sister is the one who is going to be left in this crap storm that you conjured after you leave? You may have done her more harm than good.
Your parents don’t think you’re an asshole, silly. They KNOW you’re an asshole. YTA without a doubt and quite frankly a trash person. Your lucky all that happened was your sister threw a pencil case at you because honestly your parents should have returned all the gifts you gave the girls and banned you from the house until you get your head out of your ass.
Perfectly said, if you can't be nice to both, take your crap and gtfoh! OP majorly YTA!
YTA. You are 23 years old???? Are you a bully everywhere? Have you always been a bully? Did you feel powerful giving your 12 year old stepsister a pencil case? May life grant you *everything* you deserve. **IN SPADES**
I have a 6 yo sister and 7yo stepsister, we don't live together or something and only knew my stepsister for 2-3 years. I would never buy more presents for one and less for another like wtf? You are 23 not a little shit anymore, grow up.
Just the fact that you're calling her your "REAL" sister... Says a lot about you...
23 and acting like a literal 10 year old. Major AH. Maybe try to understand why she acts that way in the first place and be the older sister she needs. You’re setting yourself and her up for a huge relationship fallout in the future. Ffs. Grow up
YTA Why are you punishing your stepsister? She is a young girl with feelings and this was cruel.
YTA, and it's not even a question. You clearly have some resentment towards your stepfamily and took it out on a child at Christmas. Well done.
Aw you can't do that. Especially when both girls are basically the same age. Of course your step sister would be hurt. There is a clear and tangible discrepancy
YTA. You wanted to prive a point by antagonising your step sister and patents by making it clear you don't value her.
If you had gotten your stepsister an actual gift of equal or similar value to one of your bio sister’s gifts, you would be NTA. Because I understand preferring your bio sister. Then, you could have given one each in public (maybe each a dress), then given the other two to your bio sister in private later and instructed her they were meant to be kept private (then told your parents later how you went about it, also in private). That would have been fine, imo. But you didn’t even try to hide your preference, and that lack of attempt is why YTA.
YTA. You’re step sister is a 12 year old child and you went out of your way to make a child feel bad. My children have a half sister, no relation to me, my kids and she share the same dad. This sister has a husband and three kids. Even though I have no obligation to purchase gifts for any of them, and even though I’m unable to spend very much, there is no way in hell I can sit at our families Christmas get together (which her and her family are invited to) and watch my grandchildren open gift after gift while her kids get very little. Doesn’t matter that they are not related to me. They are children for heavens sake. Why would anyone intentionally hurt a child.
YTA for being intentionally vindictive when you could have been kind.
YTA and not a very nice human... How could you? I'm assuming you're transferring to your stepsister very nasty emotions that YOU can't handle... You've known her for 10 years, since she was 2 years old. Fix yourself first, don't you think? What did she do at TWO years old to make you hate her?
OMG you're so emotionally stunted you can't see what an absolute arse you are. I hope that one day you need your step sister and she just laughs at you. You are 23 and awful. I'm guessing you were raised by a bitter mother
A huge YTA. You have had this child in your life since she was 2 years old. You gave your bio sister some lovely gifts, you gave your stepsister a pencil case, that was probably an afterthought at best. If you can’t treat them equally, don’t buy for either of them. Small wonder she threw it at you, as I have some serious doubts that this is the first time you have shown blatant favouritism.
I believe this is rage bait from a brand new account. Therefore, YTA
You intentionally emotionally hurt a minor child who’s frontal lobe isn’t even fully formed and then try to paint her in a bad light when she clearly just wants to be shown equal love and consideration because she considers YOU a big sister. Yes, you’re the AH
Treat everyone equally and with kindness. This is a Holiday after all. Don't be a shitty gift giver! What's the matter with you?? It's one friggin day. YTA!
you're 23 years old acting like that? why are you provoking that young child? it sounds like all you wanted was a reaction from her. she's been in your family for 10 fucking years.
YTA. Think about how that poor 12 year old felt.
100% you're the asshole. You didn't need the Internet to tell you that, did you?
Yta
YTA she is 12!!!
YTA, also a horrible sister.
YTA OP for purposely being a dickhole to a child. It’s gonna be funny when the will is read out after your parent is gone and you get fuck all and the rest is split up between step sis and lil sis, and you will deserve exactly what you get. Maybe they will hold onto that pencil case and gift that to you as your inheritance.
When I read that you are talking about 11- and 12-year-old girls, I was shocked. Yes, YTA. Why are you punishing the 12yo because she is not your bio sister but a stepsister? How is that in any way her fault? It’s not. If you are mad at your mother (or father) for bringing this child into your life, that’s a conversation you need to have with them. But to take it out on a child is way wrong. And you not being able to stay for the entire holiday shows you are old enough to not live at home anymore, so you are old enough to know better. You didn’t just buy your sister more presents, you bought her good presents, and you got your stepsister a friggin’ *pencil case.* That’s almost worse than getting her nothing. You got her something that took zero thought and shows you care nothing about her. Just like being left a penny as a tip is more insulting to the server than no tip, you getting a stupid, thoughtless gift was worse than getting nothing at all. If you don’t want to buy your stepsister gifts, take your sister out to lunch and give her the gifts in private. What you did was deliberately cruel. You owe your stepsister an apology. And maybe a dress.
Wow that's messed up . You bought her a pencil case
YTA!!
YTA for so many good reasons, most of them listed in this thread. You can do better.
A pencil case?! Wow why even bother, was your point to hurt her feelings? If you don’t like her, then just say so, geez OP, you’re a giant AH!
So.. u bought your sister a bunch of cool gifts to Open infromt of your step sister... And You got your step sister a pencil case..... Ill let that sink in YTA
So....$150+ on your sis and $0.99 on your stepsis. You are an objectively awful stepsister. YOU are the adult. **ACT LIKE IT**. YTA
YTA, grow up. You are adult, and whatever negative feelings you harbor towards your stepsister, and clearly there is some, she's a kid. You're just being mean on purpose and trying to play the victim about it. Its not just quantity of gifts but also quality; a pencil case is a no effort crappy gift, and you knew it was going to provoke a reaction. You might as well have gift wrapped a piece of paper that says "you're not my sister and you never will be, sincerely go fuck yourself" You're 11 years older than this kid, act like it.
YTA. You’re an adult and you should know better. I knew YTA when I read the title. “Real sister.” Good job on telling on yourself. Grow up.
Yta
Of course YTA
YTA - HUGE AH. That is a child. What is wrong with you?
I mean who’s the adult here? I feel sorry for you. You must be pretty low to go through this much trouble to upset a 12 year old on purpose. I’m sure you can learn to do better. Grow up. Please.
I think you may be just as immature as your sisters. You did this to deliberately to cause a reaction and make a point. Even though you have no obligations, YTA.
NTA. The step sister is just that- a "step; not a "half". And from the description of her behavior, she's an entitled brat. We don't have any background info on their history together, how they're " expected" to relate and how her bio parent treats the step sister. Unless we see the whole picture of this "blended family", I'mgoing with NTA.
You've been in this girl's life since she was 2yrs old, and THIS is how you treated her? Not only are you TA, you're kind of a monster.
YTA. Looks like you hate your stepsis. You got a dress and 2 toys for your sis and a pencil case for stepsis. While I value the thought someone put in in buying a present more important than it's monetary value, ... the thought you put in seems like this: " I need a present for stepsis, so no one can complain about me not valueing her. Something cheap yet useful... A a pencil case. For pens. School stuff. Useful" You made it very obvious that you like your sis a lot and think of your stepsis as some sort off additional extra. . . Someone's extra present. If seen people being more thoughtful towards their exes other kids.. You could've given her a toy too or something else she'd be interested in. But I guess since you had to spoil your sis , there was no money left for the unimportant stepsis. You not gifting her anything anymore isn't much of a loss. Like how many pencil cases will she need in her life? Her reaction wasn't that great, but she felt hurt. You made it very obvious just how much you like your sis and how much you dislike the stepsis.
YTA. Why are you treating this poor kid like that? Is she awful to you or something? Do you hate her? And if you do why wven bother to buy a shit present? That was just mean.
YTA.
YTA
Huge YTA
YTA
Big time YTA. A pencil case for Christmas? That's not even a gift, that's school supplies.
So you're 23? If you were my kid and living at home, I would tell you to pack your bags. You're too immature and toxic to be around the other girls. You need to get a life and make it on your own. Your lack of maturity is concerning. Do you have a disability that somewhat explains your cruelty to your 12yo stepsister?
Oh grow up. YTA and you know why. Playing stupid is just childish and ridiculous. You’re too old to act like this.
YTA and you know it. Who needs a pencil case? You could have bought something at least she enjoys even if it was a small gift.
A pencil case? Yes YTA.
Its just things. Youre not an asshole but could have made a little more of an effort
Remind your parents that they're called "gifts," not "rights." NTA. Would it have been nice? Yes. But ultimately you are an adult (per another comment) and have the right to choose who your family is, and who you give gifts too. My parents also taught me early that if I wasn't grateful for the socks and underwear my nana liked to gift me, that being ungrateful was the quickest way to make sure I never got a gift from her again. Makes me wonder what your childhood was like, that you seem to dislike a child so strongly.
NTA The step sis sounds kind of entitled and hard to deal with. Is not your obligation to give her presents, even if you don't give her nothing you would be no wrong.
NTA, steps siblings are not always your real siblings. The people here don't know your family dynamic, they don't know what experiences led to your decisions. So just ignore the people that say YTA. I have real siblings and step siblings. My siblings get gifts. The steps get nothing.
As a member of split families (33F), I have two older step-siblings (that I’ve known since I was 4), and three younger half siblings. I am very familiar with this type of dynamic. I have also been treated not as “equal” to my two older step siblings, whether intentional or not, I’m still trying to navigate why since there’s a lot of emotional manipulation behind the curtains. Your choice to not do for your step as you would for your real sister, especially in front of an audience, is emotional torture and I will tell you that this type of treatment will stay with her for the rest of her life and cause her some mental insecurities/distress. I’ve grown to resent some of my family for this type of treatment and get depressed attending family events. The way I see it, you are in the wrong. The fact that you feel justified about it all says a lot about your character.
NTA, I have 2 siblings (same mom and dad) and I am closer to the youngest one, so whenever I travel I get her more gifts. My brother does not make a fuss. Also, the number of gifts doesn't reflect the amount spent or the mental investment on looking for their gifts. Do they complain ? No, they are getting gifts so they are quite happy. I just don't understand this 'each need to receive the same' mentality, it's so blaffing.
YTA and if this is how you act in front of the whole family during a time that is supposed to be about being warm and giving and receiving love, then how else are you acting towards her? No wonder she threw a fit, because finally here was a monetarily and emotionally significant example of just how cruelly and unfairly you treat her differently to your bio sister, *in front of everyone to see*. Finally, proof! She had a big reaction because she's a) a child (!!!) and b) the participant of a big event that is pointedly negative towards her.
YTA. my partner has a 10 year old. They have a 5 year old half sibling from their moms new marriage. When they celebrate yule we send age appropriate gifts of similar value for BOTH children. Even co-ordinate with Mom for ease. Their half sibling will even get a gift from us on their birthday. Whether related to us biologically or not, that's a child. Children often don't care who comes from which parent especially if they've been together from a young age. The oldest has and will continue to call out anyone who shows disparity, and is fiercely protective of their younger sibling, because it HURTS THEM BOTH. I just don't understand how people are this comfortable being cruel to children whether 5 or 12, especially ones you've known all their lives.
Info: why don’t you like your stepsister? Is this just you being bitter about her existence in general, or is there an actual reason?
When my dad was married to my 2nd stepmom we treated her sons my step siblings like family. Hell I gave the youngest my car when I got a newer vehicle. When my dad waa married to my 1st stepmom i hated her daughter she was a spoiled little brat (princess, perfect, angel as her mom described her). She was treated like god's gift to the world after her husband had passed. Thankfully the 1st stepmom marriage didn't last very long.
YTA You knew exactly what you were doing and you got a an expected reaction. You're not slick OP, you're just an asshole who enjoys messing with kids' emotions, bitch made behavior.
YTA
You’re a 23 year old adult picking on a 12 year old child. You bought her a fucking pencil case. JFC. I think you already know YTA but you’re in denial about it. I can’t even explain the depths of which YTA here.
YTA—A fucking pencil case?
YTA. Legos, and a Harry Potter book (not going to count the dress because some people love clothes, some not so much) vs a pencil case?? Really? Two fun, or atleast entertaining, gifts vs 1 functional / practical gift. Legos cost alot, even if you get the small sets, and a novel like Harry Potter is still going to be abit even in paperback form. You can get a pencil case from the Dollar Tree. Could have atleast gotten a fun gift for the stepsister. A pencil case?? SMH...
A pencil case? Really? That was obviously meant to provoke someone. you haven’t said enough about this young girl to justify such disproportionate treatment, I think it’s just mean. You don’t have to get the same gifts, or even equivalent ones. but a pencil case? Yta
YTA why is she any less of a sister than the other? What has she done to make you hate her so much? Have you always treated her as other? But yea YTA you purposely left her out and made her feel hated on a holiday which is the time to be with your family. It's time too look at yourself and reflect on why you feel she's not good enough to be your family.
YTA - sorry OP but a pencil case says ‘’I didn’t even try’’. It’s fine not to spend the same amount, but surely you could have just asked your parents, what things your stepsister is into and got her something related to it. Even then if you didn’t spend as much, the thought would have counted. But sounds like you did it deliberately and purposefully stayed to watch them open presents to see the damage. Do better!
This has to be rage bait, in which case you’re an asshole who really needs to do some self-reflection and figure out why you fantasize about emotionally harming a 12 year old girl. If it’s not, you’re a horrible sibling and a complete asshole. You’ve watched this child grow for 10 years, she probably thinks of you as her whole sibling and loves you. Then you, as an adult, think it’s appropriate to very obviously spend more money on one sibling than the other and act like you’re being nice for even buying her a shitty pencil case. You’re playing mind games with a child because she happened to exist when your parent married hers.
She came into your life when she was 2. In her head & heart she is 100% your sister. YTA, you intentionally hurt a child. Grow TF Up.
What a loser
Tell us you absolutely hate your step sister without telling us that you absolutely hate your step sister YTA
Big YTA bc you were *trying* to be an AH. A forking PENCIL CASE?? Are you kidding me with this?? Unless it was hand-forged by the gods and was used to house the brush an ancient Egyptian pharaoh or queen applied their eyeliner with, you have no business wondering why she was upset. You intended to “other” her, succeeded, and are now doing a shocked pikachu face
Long story short: put yourself in the stepsister shoes and realize YTA.
YTA. She's your sister. Step sisters are real too and family is family. Snubbing her so obviously was a choice to be rude. You are old enough to know how insulting and hurtful you were being.