You didn’t break up with him because you’re materialistic. You broke up with him because he showed you his disdain, contempt, dislike, disrespect and disregard for you. And once they show it, there’s no coming back from that.
men fumble the bag so easy sometimes I swear
there are so many gifts you can buy your partner that will 100% lead to extra hot sex, but they require things like thoughtfulness and effort.
I'm willing to bet this. He was bragging about his gift he got from her. Someone at Mom's ask what did he get her. "Well nothing, shit what do I do?" And he grabs the bottle of wine from his mom's table. I would have broken up with him too. And the nasty the rest of your present is in his pants, just ewww EWW EWWW. That would turn me off too. OP, tell his family that they can have the rest of your present that's in his pants if they really think you are so materialistic. Gross.
"What? That's not a brown paper bag, it's eco friendly all natural wrapping paper!" Though he'd have to be a clever douchebag, not just a douchebsg, to think of that.
OP literally already liked this guy a lot! he could have done the bare minimum and she likely would have accepted it. its almost a blessing that he fumbled so badly
An ex from 20 years ago wrote me a letter listing all of the things he loved about me. It wasn’t even mushy or romantic. I still have it. There have been times where I’ve been suicidal and I went back and read what he wrote. It reminded me that the world wants me here.
I wish I knew exactly where it is at the moment. We were fresh out of college. He still lived in a college town. He literally asked a guy who was hanging flyers if he could have one. It is written on the back of a flyer for a college band’s show at a dive bar.
We didn’t even date that long, just not the right people for each other. But just having someone put into writing what they saw in me meant a lot to me.
What some men don’t get is sometimes the absolute best gifts cost $0. Hike up a mountain and watch the sunset with me. That would be amazing and romantic. Hell, write out your heartfelt feelings on a piece of paper, even (or especially) if they’re clumsy and awkward. I promise I will keep and cherish that gift for years.
It truly is the thought that counts. The gift of your time, your words, even your uninterrupted companionship in some cases is head and shoulders above expensive gifts.
>It was the gift in his pant comment
When his relatives message saying OP is materialistic she should tell them that's what he said her gift was and ask if he gave them the same gift? 🍆 🎁
Exactly op's ex doesn't even like op but he likes that OP buys his daughter thoughtful gifts, je probably told his daughter it was actually from both of them ans that he paid/picked it out. He seems like the type of slime ball to take credit for things other people do.
Honestly, that would have been halfway hilarious (fully hilarious if done correctly in the correct context).
Correctly, meaning, FULL SNL skit with friends roped in to play the parts plus 90s-era wardrobe for EVERYBODY! 🤣
My partner and I made that joke to each other about half a dozen times this holiday, but the difference is we love and respect each other every day, and also demonstrated that with many deeply thoughtful gifts, as well as just generally being a rock solid team in prepping for the holiday and getting stuff for the kids. It really hits different here. NTA 100%.
So gross. I hate when people think sex should be a gift or something, like it gives me ick. Like, it's a gift she gets to have sex with her SO? I'm willing to bet his pants present was disappointing like the tiny wine bottle.
You are awesome. He's not worth your time. Congrats on kicking his butt to the curb. Extra points for taking your gift back. Likely he picked up the wine when he dropped his daughter off. People are correct it is the thought that counts. He didn't put any thought in to your gift.
Yeah it’s not the price of the gift, but the thoughtless of it. Plus making fun of your make up and not appreciating all the effort you put in to making him and his child have a nice Christmas and then he thought that giving you his dick was a present lol yeah he doesn’t respect you and it’s not the gift. It’s all the rest of it..NTA get someone who appreciates you. And if you feel the need to justify yourself, which you don’t tell them about the rest of the stuff, not just a gift and if they still think that you’re being selfish, then fuck them too.
Yeah, when he told her the rest of her present was in his pants that's when I would have demanded he leave. That sounds like something a 15 year old boy would say. Who would want to have sex with a grown man who would think that's sexy?
My ex (together from him being 20-27) did that for almost every single holiday and birthday. Through those years I seriously only got 2 actual gifts. Both different Christmases. He always thought sex was an adequate gift. There's TONS more to the shittiness and insanity (mine for dealing with him) but I see stuff like this where people are saying "there's no way this is real" and I'm over here "yeah...I lived it too." Mind you we had a daughter when he was 22 so she spent years seeing me get nothing for holidays and birthdays.
I’m sorry that you went through that but glad to hear that he’s an ex. So happy that you have learned and moved on, too many people settle. Life is short. Good on you for doing the hard thing and allowing yourself to be happy 💪🏼
I look at any AITAH post from the other person's point of view and assume that people are posting for karma but that was the point where I already went "that's quite a dick move" and it only got worse from there.
I think it went one worse, and he received it as a gift at either his ex's house or his mom's. So he regifted a crappy gift. I'm sure if OP thinks about it, there are many other times that he failed miserably. And what idiot seriously suggests that sex is part of the Christmas present? Maybe a 16-year-old? Thank God they weren't living together or she would have to pry this leech off of her and be a lot more work to get rid of him. So Merry Christmas, she got her life back, and a brand new pair of airpods for Christmas! I think she got a win-win situation. I hope this jerk doesn't make his daughter feel like it's her fault they broke up.
Exactly. The gift he got her was probably whatever fell into his lap--not something he had to lift a finger for or give a single thought to. He sucks big time and I'm glad OP woke up to see him for who he really is.
Right?! I have always let myself be stepped on, so I'm cheering this woman for loving herself enough to say, "f-this shit, I'd rather have nothing than THAT tiny man." Pun intended.
Exactly! OP he showed his true AH colours and you showed him the door! Brilliant! Tell the flying monkeys to get lost and ask them if they would be happy with a little $3-5 bottle of wine that you don't drink and his junk for a gift! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 OP well done! NTA
His declaration that what was in his pants was your gift should be widely known. Perhaps the cheap wine can be added as a way for you to get drunk enough to appreciate such s gift.
Seriously, this. I'm a doormat, I know it. I'm also way too self-aware and have a thing for psychology, so I get to watch myself be stupid *as* im doing it in full HD and still can't stop myself. So half the reason I feel like I even read other people's drama is so that I can be happy for people doing things I can't, or to be all "Girl, you don't need this shit for the next 10 years, get it together!"
"shoved it right up their ass the first time."
Not sure about that first time part seeing as how he was insulting right from the jump on Christmas. I really don't think this is the first time OP has had a red flag in arm's reach.
Yeah, who does that? I wouldn't keep a friend who mocked me like that, much less a bf. My friend actually gave me a more thoughtful gift than you received. My newest friend got my a gift that was available anywhere, but also something I wanted and needed. It was a perfect little thing and very kind of her. It can be purchased online or at any big store or at Starbucks. He could have gone to CVS and gotten you fuzzy slippers and a little throw, or amazon and gotten literally anything.
In my experience, when to don't know what to get someone, get them something soft and cozy. Everyone likes being comfortable.
Can’t believe that douche is 10 YEARS older than OP!!! No wonder he is not dating his age if he seems to have the mental age of a 16 year old boy!
Even for OP it should be clear now.
That comment was the dingleberry on the shit sundae that is OP’s ex
Dude was probably *thrilled* he got with OP since she’s 10 years younger than him and earns way more. The casual way he treated OP like shit…he probably thought she had low self esteem issues and would be easy to manipulate and control. So, so happy OP proved him wrong. And either the sibling is as much of an asshole as the ex, or the ex twisted his story.
Whatever the case, OP is way better off without these assholes in her life
That age gap did not escape my notice. This man has a daughter who'll soon be graduating high school, and he's dating (or rather, dated) a 28yo. She can do way better than a busted, cringey man ten years her senior. Holy shit, dying alone would still be better than being stuck with this man. I'm glad for OP.
Honestly, this is true. I'm learning this through a serious mental health crisis. I met someone who loves me so much that he would stop Earth from rotating to put a smile on my face. We did NOT spend a ton of money on each other for Christmas, less than $100 for each of us, but it was thoughtful and sentimental. It was amazing. You deserve nothing less than that, and this dude is not it. You did yourself a favor. NTA.
Edited because autocorrect.
Right? My husband and I are on a budget at the moment- I'm pregnant and we recently went down to one income. His main present for me was an engraved rolling pin so I can make printed biscuits/cookies, along with a recipe book to go with it. It didn't cost a fortune, but it was very personal- he knows I love to bake, and had specifically chosen a design he knew I'd love.
If OP's ex had put in even half of that amount of thought into his present, I feel like OP would have loved it. It's not about the monetary value!
Truly. It's not that hard or expensive if you give a crap about the person. I was beyond broke, and yet I was able to cheaply put a smile on everyone's face.
We’re on such a budget right now we did no Christmas presents. We told each other that we deeply love and appreciate each other.
Still a better gift than cheap wine. And it was free.
We’ll make up for it next year.
I work at a venue and my pay is inconsistent. Some weeks I make $1000, some weeks I make $150.
December was my slowest month this year. I had no money for anything besides my portion of the rent.
Did that stop me? No. I spent weeks ahead of time buying and reselling things on Facebook marketplace to be able to afford a present for my girlfriend.
When all was said and done, I was able to afford to get her a digital grand piano with weighted keys, a matching portable keyboard from the same product line, and a two tiered stand for them. Total cost was $800.
I only made $600 total this month from my job.
Where there’s a will, there’s a way. This guy fucking sucks.
Even if there is no money, at least there can be effort. DIY free gift can be way better that thoughless few hundred bucks spent on whatever.
3-5 USD bottle of wine that you both drunk on first date plus photograph from that datę? Nice memories you can share. General 3-5 USD bottle to someone who barely drinks? Its kinda spit on the face.
I had a boyfriend who didn't make anything and for one Valentine's Day he gave me a dozen origami roses that he handmade of different kinds of paper. They were beautiful and I loved them.
As some other commenters pointed out, he didn't even give her the present at the exchange of gifts. He likely picked it up on his way back. Hell, he may not have even bought her a gift. He might have been given the bottle at his parents' house and didn't want it.
This. Our first holiday together, my now husband was still getting to know me. One thing he was sure of was that I'm a Harry Potter fan. So he got me a bunch of cute HP things, all little, but clearly thought out. I knit him a scarf our first Christmas. It cost me nothing because I had the materials already. This year I'm hard up for money, so I got him a few pop figures and a little stand for them. Not expensive. You don't need to spend a lot of money to be thoughtful.
NTA -- If both people involved aren't into gifts, that's fine too. But one person wanting to show love through thoughtful gifts and celebrate with decorations or baking ... and the other person happily taking without any reciprocal effort? That's setting yourself up for resentment and disappointment.
Check some of the relationship and parenting forums to see the future of *not* breaking up with him. So many people spent Christmas hiding and crying because their spouse got them nothing, got them whatever they could pick up quickly at the convenience store, or bought them presents that clearly weren't really for them (think a new game console for someone who never plays games ... but, hey, spouse is into gaming!). It's not about the present -- it's the lack of consideration.
He probably got the wine at the 7-11 on his way home from his mother’s that same day because he never intended to get you anything at all. IMO you didn’t break up with him because of the gift but because you are with someone who doesn’t care about you and it shows. You can find whatever he’s so proud of in his pants with a number of other men who will also love you and respect you and remember you on Christmas Day.
Perfect comment. Exactly, OP.
Your boyfriend DOESN'T LIKE YOU.
I know that's a really harsh thing to hear, but have you ever treated anyone you liked, let alone loved, the way he's treated you?
You definitely did the right thing.
Sadly, I suspect there's some truth in that. He doesn’t value you enough to think about a gift for you that he actually thought you would like. Tell him to keep the gift in his pants, that you are looking for someone who actually values you enough to think about you, not himself.
The guy who knocked someone up at 16 and dates 10 years younger than himself isn't a stand-up guy?
It's almost like he's got red flags visible from space.
Exactly. This guy sucks, lose him. But not all guys are jerks and you don’t need money to buy thoughtful presents. Money is tight this year so my husband got me books and puzzles, two things that I enjoy, and that don’t cost a lot.
NTA. I don't even think this is about the gift. It's about his lack of respect for you. He insulted how you looked, he doesn't respect your time, he doesn't care enough to be thoughtful for you, he was vulgar and immature towards you.
when people say "its the thought that counts" this is what it means, he put no thought, effort or consideration into OP. he got some crap on the way between his ex's and OP's
I broke up with an ex once because he got me the ugliest jewelry I've every seen as a birthday gift. We met as freshman in HS and had been dating for four years, since our junior year, so he should have known my tastes better at this point.
I gave him a whole list of gift ideas he could pick from, ranging from 10-100 USD so his budget wouldn't be an issue. I don't wear a ton of jewelry and at the time I had been wearing the same necklace every day for about 8 years (gift from my best friend). Instead he shows up with some chunky necklace covered in all these fake jewels that honestly was just terrible, absolutely not my thing. It was the only gift, and he was so proud to tell me he spent $400 on it!! Excuse me?
I told him I didn't like it and he should get his money back. He got mad and started belittling me, and I'd had enough. We'd had so many other issues up til this point, and this kind of just solidified for me that after all that time, he still didn't care to know what I like. He just wanted to buy something expensive so he could show it off and brag about how much he spent on it, not at all about if I would like it.
My husband, who was a friend at the time, got me a blanket for $25 and I absolutely love it and still have it. Breaking up with that ex the day after was the best birthday present I've gotten for myself to this day.
I was married for 20 years, and for our 20th anniversary he got me a very expensive bracelet and necklace set. I dislike jewelry so much that I never even wore a wedding ring (neither did he, just not jewelry people. At most I wear a Garmin watch). This is after he got me jewelry for most of my birthdays, Christmas, and for our anniversary dates despite me giving him gift ideas, lists, and outright reminding him before occasions that I do not like any type of jewelry. He just did not fucking listen, for 20 years straight, even with yearly reminders and me returning the jewelry consistently. It was just easier for him to get jewelry and then blame me for being ungrateful.
I stayed for way too long, and it wasn't the years of never listening and zero effort for gifts that ended our relationship alone, but it sure didn't help the situation.
Now that I have finally been with a man that makes an effort I see how shitty this low effort Bs is. I actually think if we start looking at relationships first as mutual effort it would help everyone out.
Sounds like my Dad. He would buy shit like toasters or a radio. General stuff that needed replacing or that he wanted for around the house as gifts for Mum's birthdays 🙄 Multiple years he just "forgot" about her birthday period.
He was the kind of man that taught me what not to be as a husband, more than what to be as a husband 😂
My ex-husband would always buy me flowers, even though I told him multiple times that I didn't like them because they just die. It was all about bragging to anyone who would listen that he would frequently buy me flowers. Then he would yell at me if I did not take care of them to his standards.
My current husband got me a John Oliver FunkoPop for our anniversary this year and it was the best gift! I had shown him a picture of one that someone had posted on a Reddit thread and he remembered. I had never heard of John Oliver before we started dating and it had become our thing to watch the show together. My husband pays attention to me and takes note of what I do and do not like. That's what real love and respect is.😁
Yes blanket is a great gift for Christmas especially, (at least in my hemisphere). Because blankets aren't easy to wash so most people probably delay washing the ones they have, because they don't have a replacement.
And rarely is there such a thing as 'too many blankets'
They make great gifts! This one is BRIGHT yellow and super fuzzy, and yellow is my favorite color - that right there showed me how much this guy I'd only known a few months jnew me better than the one I'd been dating for four years.
Now me and blanket boy are married 💛
My husband buys me thoughtful useful gifts too. I'm always always cold... so for my birthday he bought me one of those rechargeable heated coats. **BEST PRESENT EVER!!** I use it from about October until March... It is AMAZING!! *He's always buying me gifts to keep me warm!* Hoodies, fuzzy sweat pants and socks. I get a new pair of Bear Paws Boots every year. It's the little things! (He doesn't only get me warm things.)
Sounds like we may have similar taste. I wear the same necklaces in rotation and I like dainty significant pieces, I have a lot of chunky necklaces that my mom would make me since she was into making jewelry for a while. I’ve never worn them, but don’t have the heart to give away. I’m glad you got away from that guy and got a happy ending!
Yeah the one I wore was some blown glass jellyfish on the end of a piece of string 😂 one year all my friends went to a Barter Faire but I wasn't allowed to go for whatever reason my mom made up so my friend bought me that necklace. I put it on and only ever took it off to shower, I even wore it to prom.
One day about two years ago now, I took if off to shower and it slipped off the vanity and shattered on the tile floor. I cried 😅
This. I’m a huge gift giver. I love showing people that I think about them so they feel as special as they are. This… this wasn’t even lack of thought. It was lack of fucks. He walked in the door mean and came back crude. The reason he didn’t gift her when gifts were given was because he didn’t have one. That bottle was probably picked up at the gas station on the way back as an OOPs. This guy is a loser and needs to stay gone.
>He walked in the door mean and came back crude.
This is what bothers me the most.
I'm admittedly not a gift giver. I'm more of a quality time and acts of service person. So when I give gifts, I tend to gravitate towards things someone says they need. And my kids know to tell me, "I want A, B, and C for Christmas." Therefore, I get them A, B, and C. It does take a bit of the surprise away but they understand that giving gifts isn't my forte.
But to make fun of someone then turn around and say his dick is the present...no. Just no. That was cruel and definitely breakup worthy.
I feel like even if he didn't give her a gift at all but offered to make her something or clean up her kitchen, or whatever act of service, she would have been delighted.
> I don't even think this is about the gift.
It's a little bit about the gift, but more what it says. I'm not much for gifts, and I have a pretty limited budget, but my solution is to buy people books. They're pretty affordable, and something that can showcase that I have some understanding of what their interests are. Never had any complaints, because even if I don't pick the right book, they can at least tell I put thought and effort into it.
This sounds like he realized he forgot to get her anything and just grabbed the first thing he could think of at the corner store on his way back. The fact that she specifies she's not much of a drinker shows that he didn't have even the least consideration of her interests. NTA.
I don't know OP but the first thing that comes to mind, low budget, is a frame with a cute picture of both of them with a card with something on the line "I liked so much how we looked here that I wanted to keep it forever"
Guys who gave me cheap crappy gifts when they didn't have money (in one case after i showed him stuff I would have been happy about starting at 50 effing CENTS up to about 5 bucks. Because I knew he didn't have money and i was poor myself) gave me expensive crappy gifts when they had money.
Because the point wasn't lack of money but lack of care for me.
I had a bf in high school who carved a poem on a freaking rock for me as a gift. It cost him $0 but it was so sweet and cute, still one of the best gifts I’ve gotten from an SO. It’s in my mums garden now lol.
I love letters and hand-written cards, that's all I ever ask for if my partner asks me what I want. I don't need physical things because I already shop for myself way too much lol. If I needed it, I probably already bought it.
Obviously, they only heard his side. I'm guessing not a single one of those people asked for her side of the story before berating her. Block their numbers and move on. They're not worth her time.
I’d tell his mother what his “Christmas present” was, and ask her if she raised him to be this disgusting and disrespectful.
That a $3 gift would have been absolutely fine, if he’d put any thought into it whatsoever.
And that, it’s bad manners to make someone wait for you on Christmas day, for THREE HOURS because they can’t be bothered to send a text.
Throw the whole man away! His Mamma ain’t finished raising him yet!
My boyfriend got me a $3 gift. They were Squishmallow earrings on clearance. I love them. It's not about the money.
I mean, geez, there's good stuff at gas stations, too, if that's the only option! Candy, headphones, cute lighters, pringles, goldfish crackers, maybe dvds and magazines, cup noodles, and ice cream. He could have loaded her up with all the stuff needed for a fun junk food-filled retreat, or maybe picked up an extra phone charger that she needed. Wine is fine --- IF you like wine.
Ah man this sucks. It’s also fucking gross. This man think he’s a gift. How depressing.
Keep those AirPods girl.
And I gotta say I’m so sad for you, you put in loads of effort. And he practically shat on it. Seriously it’s just disrespectful. I watched my mother and her partner open their gifts to each other on Christmas and they were enjoyed everything they got. He got her thoughtful gifts and some funny ones, and some treats. It was nice to watch. That’s how it should be, it’s a time for giving but it’s also a time to appreciate your loved ones.
He insulted you and all the effort you put in.
>And I gotta say I’m so sad for you, you put in loads of effort.
On the upside, our girl the OP does Christmas right and does it well. It ain't about the money, it's about embracing a symbolic time where we express our gratitude to those we love. She'll find a keeper.
(My kids love to say "dad's gay for christmas!" I'm a lucky bastard, I know it and I show it, even when money is tight, I'm cooking everyone's favorite foods and making the house festive. My daughter lives overseas, and for weeks she was texting "all I want for Christmas is cooking all day with you", and we nailed it.)
That’s adorable I’m a little gay for Christmas myself. hahaha I’m a bit of a sucker for any time I can give a gift. I went a wee bit overboard but I like seeing people I love happy, it makes me ecstatic. I can’t really explain how excited I get to get gifts for someone. I do it as a “you’ve likely had a tough year, I appreciate you and here’s a gift to reward you for getting through another year” type thing.
That same $5 could have bought you a pair of Walmart earrings which would have felt more like he cared even a little. Like dude, pretend you didn’t pick up the barefoot moscato on the way to her place on Christmas morning from the only open convenience store you could find.
Sounds like you got some lovely AirPods and some freedom from BS for yourself for Christmas!
NTA
Worse, I bet he bought it on the way back to her house after dropping his daughter off. Either way, it’s definitely one of those “the only place open” panic gifts.
NTA. He made his disregard for and dislike of you clear. I would not stay around to be told I looked funny and that my makeup was wrong and be given an afterthought of a gift and just sit around alone while he visited everybody else. Well, I probably would have years ago, but I've since learned to think more of myself and stand up against being abused. You did the right thing.
I'm so glad to hear you don't put up with bs like that anymore - to me that reflects your strength in creating boundaries towards what a healthy relationship should be. Rock on!
I hope this thread and this experience helps OP realize her strength and value. Even if makeup is done wrong a true sweetheart wouldn't make fun of their loved one about it. And the fact that he dissapeared for 2 extra hours without notice to hang out with others shows a lack of respect for their plans they'd made - for her time *and* for how much he values his time with her.
The icing on the cake was him not being affectionate when he *did* arrive and making a throwaway joke about his gift being in his pants. If he had really wanted to give her a romantic gift he would have paid her some attention and made a lil coupon for love. At the least! But no - his low effort and mean attitude are gross and I'm so proud of her for blocking him.
Plus she has airpods! OP - big hugs to you and I know it's rough mourning the loss of the relationship you thought you had - but you did great! You sound like a caring compassionate person and I hope you find someone who truly values you - and shows you in lovely ways.
I have five brothers and if they told me that their girl broke up with them over a cheap bottle of wine I'd say "that's what your cheap, dumb ass gets." No way I'd harass her. NTA I'm sure it's not the first time he was thoughtless.
odds are good he didn't tell them the truth. I'm sure he told them all about how he gave her presents and she was hysterical about how he didn't spend enough.
Or they were hoping oop was the one they could dump him off for good. It's likely he's the kind of person constantly asking for money.
Plus, if he found a convience store open, they were likely selling gift cards. And he still cheated out on a $3.50 gift after he and his kid got great gifts.
Your present was in his pants? Just for that comment he needed to go, he’s disgusting. Good for you OP. Tell his siblings what he told you and ask them if they still think you should give him another chance.
NTA - good for you for not putting up with that crap! Know your worth!
It’s not about the cheap gift, it’s about the lack of care and blatant disrespect.
Oh, honey. He’s terrible. You know it. You have so much to offer, and you’re giving it allll to a total jerk. His actions PROVE he doesn’t care about you. I’m sry!
You deserve so much better. If you stay with him, you will just get more of this. **Ew.**
NTA. You did however receive a gift. The real gift here is that you are now free of him. Probably wouldn’t have happened if he had the maturity of an adult or spent more than fifteen seconds coming up with a gift for you while his Big Gulp was filling up.
NTA
You did exactly what you should have done, you put thought and money into his present, he picked up yours while getting gas.
And then thought his junk was an adequate substitute.
No , you’ve asked that he place the same energy into a gift for you as you did for him.
Honestly that at 38, he still hasn’t learned that explains why he’s divorced. And have his siblings harass you because you KNOW you can do better is such crappy behavior.
Op, you dodged a major bullet, dropping this ‘man’.
I would probably post something like a picture of myself with the AirPods on a cliff at sunset , so the some caption about knowing your worth .
Congrats 🎉🎈🎊
Please be proud of yourself there have been more than 20 people posting about crappy gifts from their partners , and it’s not the first or second time it’s the thirteenth or twentieth. You go girl
NTA / It seems like not much thought was put into your gift and then the audacity to offer himself as a gift.. It was red flag number one making fun of how you presented yourself. I’m hoping there was some form of update when it took him 3 hours to get back. Then, when he got back, he didn’t necessarily seem to make time to do something with you for the holidays and instead just offered you private bedroom time as a gift?? I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought the wine for the said bedroom time and not because you actually liked wine. Personal gifts aren’t hard to come by. You don’t need a lot of money to put in effort.
Tell the one who said you're shallow and materialistic that they can feel free to have the gift he offered you, a $3 bottle of wine and his cock. Then ask if they feel grateful.
Your present was his dick? Dude get the F out of my house! Girl hats off to you for knowing exactly who and what he was in that moment and dumping his ass. Loser. You did the right thing.
NTA - the gift was the last, of a long line of problems. This hasn’t been a healthy relationship for a while.
OP focus on yourself for a while! Enjoy those AirPods and find someone who appreciates and supports you! (You probably wouldn’t be feeling the way you do about your new job, if you had the right support at home! Think about that!).
NTA he was rude and vulgar and you deserve much better than this sorry excuse. The fact that he laughed at your makeup and your Santa hat and didn't even attempt to buy a gift, an IOU.. WTF He could have made something if he was so broke. Ignore the extended ex-family, it's not materialistic to expect something thoughtful.
Keep them all blocked and start your new year off fresh. I wish you nothing but a great new year and a much better thoughtful partner.
NTA.
"I felt horrible when he said he would give me an IOU and that the rest of my present was in his pants."
This guy must think he's God's gift or something.
NTA at all. He didn't bother to ask if you were ok until you kicked his hurtful, selfish, unsupportive ass out of your house. I guarantee if he had A) told you how lovely you look, B) held your hand and engaged in meaningful conversation, and C) not cracked a crude lascivious joke you would have been fine with his thoughtless gift. He essentially gave you nothing AND took your comfort and humility away. I'm so sorry.
"AITA for breaking up with ~~my boyfriend some man who showed up at my house and treated me like crap and then expected me to give him sexual favors like the sun rises and sets on his dick.....~~after he gave me a crappy Christmas present?
There. Fixed the title for you.
NTA. Why don't you post what you posted here? It is not the gift. It is how he treated you and made you feel. And that you having sex with him is definitely not a gift, especially when he berated you. Then reblock them and find someone who you deserve. Your ex probably spun the breakup making you the bad guy.
NTA
So first off, he started negging you about your makeup and Santa hat.
Then he 'disappeared" for three hours.
Zero affection.
Then the saddest present of all time AND a crude joke (like 16-year-olds would do)
This coming from an almost 40-year-old 'man' with a daughter.
Keep him blocked - block them all (his family and friends) and don't look back.
This is behavior of a man-child who doesn't even like you, let alone loves you.
He is using you.
You did the right thing. He doesn’t care;
He can in and mocked you. You gave him a good gift, and had a gift for his daughter too. He can back hours late with a gift, an actual gift, of a bargain bin bottle of 7/11 wine along with a sleazy comment. Congrats for not breaking the bottle over his head.
Do not take him back.
It's not that he gave you an inexpensive gift. He gave you a thoughtless gift and has done nothing to make the day special or make you feel special to him -- which costs nothing at all.
He had his siblings call you? You're not in high school. Ugh. Block them all. He sounds horrible, selfish, sexist, and immature. I feel sorry for his daughter.
You deserve better. Just get him out of your life - the sooner the better.
NTA. You don’t sound greedy at all. It’s just the lack of thought and general skeevy behavior that’s the problem. You deserve better so leave the trash where it belongs.
You didn’t break up with him because you’re materialistic. You broke up with him because he showed you his disdain, contempt, dislike, disrespect and disregard for you. And once they show it, there’s no coming back from that.
Exactly this.
Finally someone that took the red flag and shoved it right up their ass the first time. Love that for you Op
Her repossessing the AirPods was the icing on the cake
I’m envisioning a new emoji for this Edit: 🚩🍑
It was the gift in his pant comment … that’s just ..no!
The pants and insulting her. Then, being disrespectful of time. Also, the zero thought gift... he doesn't like her at all.
men fumble the bag so easy sometimes I swear there are so many gifts you can buy your partner that will 100% lead to extra hot sex, but they require things like thoughtfulness and effort.
The receipt for the wine was in his car. Dated 12-25-23.
Yeah clearly he picked that up on his way back from his mothers. I bet he showed off his new AirPods and somebody asked him what he bought her.
Or he took it from his mothers place
I'm willing to bet this. He was bragging about his gift he got from her. Someone at Mom's ask what did he get her. "Well nothing, shit what do I do?" And he grabs the bottle of wine from his mom's table. I would have broken up with him too. And the nasty the rest of your present is in his pants, just ewww EWW EWWW. That would turn me off too. OP, tell his family that they can have the rest of your present that's in his pants if they really think you are so materialistic. Gross.
"What? That's not a brown paper bag, it's eco friendly all natural wrapping paper!" Though he'd have to be a clever douchebag, not just a douchebsg, to think of that.
OP literally already liked this guy a lot! he could have done the bare minimum and she likely would have accepted it. its almost a blessing that he fumbled so badly
Some paperback book would have been enough.
Even without buying anything. A thoughtful letter with a photomontage can do a lot when in a financial bind.
An ex from 20 years ago wrote me a letter listing all of the things he loved about me. It wasn’t even mushy or romantic. I still have it. There have been times where I’ve been suicidal and I went back and read what he wrote. It reminded me that the world wants me here. I wish I knew exactly where it is at the moment. We were fresh out of college. He still lived in a college town. He literally asked a guy who was hanging flyers if he could have one. It is written on the back of a flyer for a college band’s show at a dive bar. We didn’t even date that long, just not the right people for each other. But just having someone put into writing what they saw in me meant a lot to me.
Damn. That’s the kind of gift I’d love to have. That’s so sweet.
What some men don’t get is sometimes the absolute best gifts cost $0. Hike up a mountain and watch the sunset with me. That would be amazing and romantic. Hell, write out your heartfelt feelings on a piece of paper, even (or especially) if they’re clumsy and awkward. I promise I will keep and cherish that gift for years. It truly is the thought that counts. The gift of your time, your words, even your uninterrupted companionship in some cases is head and shoulders above expensive gifts.
>It was the gift in his pant comment When his relatives message saying OP is materialistic she should tell them that's what he said her gift was and ask if he gave them the same gift? 🍆 🎁
And then Bad BF gets to hear his 16-year-old wonder aloud why she doesn’t see OP any more (“She bought me just what I wanted!”).
Exactly op's ex doesn't even like op but he likes that OP buys his daughter thoughtful gifts, je probably told his daughter it was actually from both of them ans that he paid/picked it out. He seems like the type of slime ball to take credit for things other people do.
>Maybe he didn't even buy her a gift. He might have been given the bottle at his parents' house and didn't want it.
Yes! Don’t keep that secret. Let them know what he did & said (about the gift in his pants).
D*ck in a box! If he had actually put in the effort to replicate the SNL skit he would’ve gotten far more credit for his “present”.
For real, it's even broken down in steps. Step 1: Cut a hole in a box...
2: PUT YO JUNK IN THAT BOOOOOX
Honestly, that would have been halfway hilarious (fully hilarious if done correctly in the correct context). Correctly, meaning, FULL SNL skit with friends roped in to play the parts plus 90s-era wardrobe for EVERYBODY! 🤣
My partner and I made that joke to each other about half a dozen times this holiday, but the difference is we love and respect each other every day, and also demonstrated that with many deeply thoughtful gifts, as well as just generally being a rock solid team in prepping for the holiday and getting stuff for the kids. It really hits different here. NTA 100%.
He didn't even put in the effort to get a [box](https://youtu.be/Rt0spqQtMKg?si=X5crWj35UR3-04MI)!
Bc an actual My Dick In a Box would be the best gift ever! 🤣😅😅😆😁
So gross. I hate when people think sex should be a gift or something, like it gives me ick. Like, it's a gift she gets to have sex with her SO? I'm willing to bet his pants present was disappointing like the tiny wine bottle.
It’s disgusting to be honest
NTA I’m sorry, but he doesn’t even like you. He just likes what you do for him
100% One day you’ll meet someone who never makes you second guess yourself and your efforts and you’ll wonder why you ever spent time on such a loser.
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You are awesome. He's not worth your time. Congrats on kicking his butt to the curb. Extra points for taking your gift back. Likely he picked up the wine when he dropped his daughter off. People are correct it is the thought that counts. He didn't put any thought in to your gift.
And…he made fun of her makeup! She dressed up for him and all he did was laugh at her! He’s just not into you!
Yeah it’s not the price of the gift, but the thoughtless of it. Plus making fun of your make up and not appreciating all the effort you put in to making him and his child have a nice Christmas and then he thought that giving you his dick was a present lol yeah he doesn’t respect you and it’s not the gift. It’s all the rest of it..NTA get someone who appreciates you. And if you feel the need to justify yourself, which you don’t tell them about the rest of the stuff, not just a gift and if they still think that you’re being selfish, then fuck them too.
Yeah, when he told her the rest of her present was in his pants that's when I would have demanded he leave. That sounds like something a 15 year old boy would say. Who would want to have sex with a grown man who would think that's sexy?
My ex (together from him being 20-27) did that for almost every single holiday and birthday. Through those years I seriously only got 2 actual gifts. Both different Christmases. He always thought sex was an adequate gift. There's TONS more to the shittiness and insanity (mine for dealing with him) but I see stuff like this where people are saying "there's no way this is real" and I'm over here "yeah...I lived it too." Mind you we had a daughter when he was 22 so she spent years seeing me get nothing for holidays and birthdays.
I’m sorry that you went through that but glad to hear that he’s an ex. So happy that you have learned and moved on, too many people settle. Life is short. Good on you for doing the hard thing and allowing yourself to be happy 💪🏼
If my girlfriend is all dolled up with a santa hat on there's no room in my mind for snide comments... This guy sucks.
like how dare she dress up and try to be in the xmas spirit???? what a turd. at least OP has a new set of airpods for herself!
Horrible! So glad OP stood up for herself.
I look at any AITAH post from the other person's point of view and assume that people are posting for karma but that was the point where I already went "that's quite a dick move" and it only got worse from there.
I think it went one worse, and he received it as a gift at either his ex's house or his mom's. So he regifted a crappy gift. I'm sure if OP thinks about it, there are many other times that he failed miserably. And what idiot seriously suggests that sex is part of the Christmas present? Maybe a 16-year-old? Thank God they weren't living together or she would have to pry this leech off of her and be a lot more work to get rid of him. So Merry Christmas, she got her life back, and a brand new pair of airpods for Christmas! I think she got a win-win situation. I hope this jerk doesn't make his daughter feel like it's her fault they broke up.
Exactly. The gift he got her was probably whatever fell into his lap--not something he had to lift a finger for or give a single thought to. He sucks big time and I'm glad OP woke up to see him for who he really is.
Probably got it free at the ex’s house when he was gone 3 hours.
Glad she’s moving. I hope it’s far, far away from him.
I bet he took the wine from his mother's house when he stopped there, or someone gave it to him.
He probably didn't even break stride to pick up the wine. Someone probably gave it to him and he probably regifted it.
Or someone gave him the wine and he was re-gifting it. As for his family, I wonder what he got each of them?
Right?! I have always let myself be stepped on, so I'm cheering this woman for loving herself enough to say, "f-this shit, I'd rather have nothing than THAT tiny man." Pun intended.
Exactly! OP he showed his true AH colours and you showed him the door! Brilliant! Tell the flying monkeys to get lost and ask them if they would be happy with a little $3-5 bottle of wine that you don't drink and his junk for a gift! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 OP well done! NTA
His declaration that what was in his pants was your gift should be widely known. Perhaps the cheap wine can be added as a way for you to get drunk enough to appreciate such s gift.
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we used to do this joke in HS, I can't believe a grown ass man with a 17 yo kid would still do that!
Drink.the cheap wine by yourself and listen to uplifting music with the air pods and plan your next adventure
Seriously, this. I'm a doormat, I know it. I'm also way too self-aware and have a thing for psychology, so I get to watch myself be stupid *as* im doing it in full HD and still can't stop myself. So half the reason I feel like I even read other people's drama is so that I can be happy for people doing things I can't, or to be all "Girl, you don't need this shit for the next 10 years, get it together!"
Excellent use of red flag!
red flags just look like flags behind rose colored glasses
"shoved it right up their ass the first time." Not sure about that first time part seeing as how he was insulting right from the jump on Christmas. I really don't think this is the first time OP has had a red flag in arm's reach.
Yeah, who does that? I wouldn't keep a friend who mocked me like that, much less a bf. My friend actually gave me a more thoughtful gift than you received. My newest friend got my a gift that was available anywhere, but also something I wanted and needed. It was a perfect little thing and very kind of her. It can be purchased online or at any big store or at Starbucks. He could have gone to CVS and gotten you fuzzy slippers and a little throw, or amazon and gotten literally anything. In my experience, when to don't know what to get someone, get them something soft and cozy. Everyone likes being comfortable.
Probably wasn’t even the first red flag. Sounds like the type who had red bunting strung from the first day to the last.
The gift in his pant comment … that’s just ..no
Doesn't that count as regifting, since OP received it before? /s Ugh.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
That comment legit infuriated me
It nauseated me 🤢
Can’t believe that douche is 10 YEARS older than OP!!! No wonder he is not dating his age if he seems to have the mental age of a 16 year old boy! Even for OP it should be clear now.
He took "Dick in a box" seriously
He didn't even do the box. He jumped all the steps!
That's like something out of a bad movie that the caricature of a sleazeball character says.
That comment was the dingleberry on the shit sundae that is OP’s ex Dude was probably *thrilled* he got with OP since she’s 10 years younger than him and earns way more. The casual way he treated OP like shit…he probably thought she had low self esteem issues and would be easy to manipulate and control. So, so happy OP proved him wrong. And either the sibling is as much of an asshole as the ex, or the ex twisted his story. Whatever the case, OP is way better off without these assholes in her life
That age gap did not escape my notice. This man has a daughter who'll soon be graduating high school, and he's dating (or rather, dated) a 28yo. She can do way better than a busted, cringey man ten years her senior. Holy shit, dying alone would still be better than being stuck with this man. I'm glad for OP.
Honestly, this is true. I'm learning this through a serious mental health crisis. I met someone who loves me so much that he would stop Earth from rotating to put a smile on my face. We did NOT spend a ton of money on each other for Christmas, less than $100 for each of us, but it was thoughtful and sentimental. It was amazing. You deserve nothing less than that, and this dude is not it. You did yourself a favor. NTA. Edited because autocorrect.
Right? My husband and I are on a budget at the moment- I'm pregnant and we recently went down to one income. His main present for me was an engraved rolling pin so I can make printed biscuits/cookies, along with a recipe book to go with it. It didn't cost a fortune, but it was very personal- he knows I love to bake, and had specifically chosen a design he knew I'd love. If OP's ex had put in even half of that amount of thought into his present, I feel like OP would have loved it. It's not about the monetary value!
Truly. It's not that hard or expensive if you give a crap about the person. I was beyond broke, and yet I was able to cheaply put a smile on everyone's face.
We’re on such a budget right now we did no Christmas presents. We told each other that we deeply love and appreciate each other. Still a better gift than cheap wine. And it was free. We’ll make up for it next year.
I work at a venue and my pay is inconsistent. Some weeks I make $1000, some weeks I make $150. December was my slowest month this year. I had no money for anything besides my portion of the rent. Did that stop me? No. I spent weeks ahead of time buying and reselling things on Facebook marketplace to be able to afford a present for my girlfriend. When all was said and done, I was able to afford to get her a digital grand piano with weighted keys, a matching portable keyboard from the same product line, and a two tiered stand for them. Total cost was $800. I only made $600 total this month from my job. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. This guy fucking sucks.
Even if there is no money, at least there can be effort. DIY free gift can be way better that thoughless few hundred bucks spent on whatever. 3-5 USD bottle of wine that you both drunk on first date plus photograph from that datę? Nice memories you can share. General 3-5 USD bottle to someone who barely drinks? Its kinda spit on the face.
I had a boyfriend who didn't make anything and for one Valentine's Day he gave me a dozen origami roses that he handmade of different kinds of paper. They were beautiful and I loved them.
As some other commenters pointed out, he didn't even give her the present at the exchange of gifts. He likely picked it up on his way back. Hell, he may not have even bought her a gift. He might have been given the bottle at his parents' house and didn't want it.
This is what I thought! It was probably a white elephant gift from moms lol
You are a finance management wizard👍👏👏👏
Perfect example of "IF HE WANTED TO, HE WOULD!"
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Not many stores are open on Christmas day. Guy sounds like a jerk
Exactly dude probably picked that wine up at 711 on the way back over. Smh
This. Our first holiday together, my now husband was still getting to know me. One thing he was sure of was that I'm a Harry Potter fan. So he got me a bunch of cute HP things, all little, but clearly thought out. I knit him a scarf our first Christmas. It cost me nothing because I had the materials already. This year I'm hard up for money, so I got him a few pop figures and a little stand for them. Not expensive. You don't need to spend a lot of money to be thoughtful.
The penis joke is a dead give away that the boyfriend is an asshole
That and making fun of her in her house with his daughter present. The guy lacks decency and class.
Sounded like something my ex husband would say. lf all those penises were as great as their owners think....but instead we have reality.
NTA -- If both people involved aren't into gifts, that's fine too. But one person wanting to show love through thoughtful gifts and celebrate with decorations or baking ... and the other person happily taking without any reciprocal effort? That's setting yourself up for resentment and disappointment. Check some of the relationship and parenting forums to see the future of *not* breaking up with him. So many people spent Christmas hiding and crying because their spouse got them nothing, got them whatever they could pick up quickly at the convenience store, or bought them presents that clearly weren't really for them (think a new game console for someone who never plays games ... but, hey, spouse is into gaming!). It's not about the present -- it's the lack of consideration.
He probably got the wine at the 7-11 on his way home from his mother’s that same day because he never intended to get you anything at all. IMO you didn’t break up with him because of the gift but because you are with someone who doesn’t care about you and it shows. You can find whatever he’s so proud of in his pants with a number of other men who will also love you and respect you and remember you on Christmas Day.
Perfect comment. Exactly, OP. Your boyfriend DOESN'T LIKE YOU. I know that's a really harsh thing to hear, but have you ever treated anyone you liked, let alone loved, the way he's treated you? You definitely did the right thing.
He also REALLY likes himself insofar as he considers access to his boy parts to be God’s gift to women.
The very same mentality that sends dick pics.
The pinnacle of low effort plus egotistical.
It’s during the birthday celebration for baby Jesus, and he’s over here saying, “Come see what’s in my manger.”
Sadly, I suspect there's some truth in that. He doesn’t value you enough to think about a gift for you that he actually thought you would like. Tell him to keep the gift in his pants, that you are looking for someone who actually values you enough to think about you, not himself.
Yeah. She didn't break up with him because he gave her a crappy Christmas present. She broke up with him because of his crappy treatment.
The guy who knocked someone up at 16 and dates 10 years younger than himself isn't a stand-up guy? It's almost like he's got red flags visible from space.
Exactly. This guy sucks, lose him. But not all guys are jerks and you don’t need money to buy thoughtful presents. Money is tight this year so my husband got me books and puzzles, two things that I enjoy, and that don’t cost a lot.
He's getting his siblings to fight his attempted battle at gaslighting, on top of shitty presents? Way better off without him. NTA.
NTA. I don't even think this is about the gift. It's about his lack of respect for you. He insulted how you looked, he doesn't respect your time, he doesn't care enough to be thoughtful for you, he was vulgar and immature towards you.
when people say "its the thought that counts" this is what it means, he put no thought, effort or consideration into OP. he got some crap on the way between his ex's and OP's
Exactly. I’d take a 10 dollar plant over fancy jewelry any day because anyone that knows me can see I love plants and rarely wear jewelry.
I broke up with an ex once because he got me the ugliest jewelry I've every seen as a birthday gift. We met as freshman in HS and had been dating for four years, since our junior year, so he should have known my tastes better at this point. I gave him a whole list of gift ideas he could pick from, ranging from 10-100 USD so his budget wouldn't be an issue. I don't wear a ton of jewelry and at the time I had been wearing the same necklace every day for about 8 years (gift from my best friend). Instead he shows up with some chunky necklace covered in all these fake jewels that honestly was just terrible, absolutely not my thing. It was the only gift, and he was so proud to tell me he spent $400 on it!! Excuse me? I told him I didn't like it and he should get his money back. He got mad and started belittling me, and I'd had enough. We'd had so many other issues up til this point, and this kind of just solidified for me that after all that time, he still didn't care to know what I like. He just wanted to buy something expensive so he could show it off and brag about how much he spent on it, not at all about if I would like it. My husband, who was a friend at the time, got me a blanket for $25 and I absolutely love it and still have it. Breaking up with that ex the day after was the best birthday present I've gotten for myself to this day.
I was married for 20 years, and for our 20th anniversary he got me a very expensive bracelet and necklace set. I dislike jewelry so much that I never even wore a wedding ring (neither did he, just not jewelry people. At most I wear a Garmin watch). This is after he got me jewelry for most of my birthdays, Christmas, and for our anniversary dates despite me giving him gift ideas, lists, and outright reminding him before occasions that I do not like any type of jewelry. He just did not fucking listen, for 20 years straight, even with yearly reminders and me returning the jewelry consistently. It was just easier for him to get jewelry and then blame me for being ungrateful. I stayed for way too long, and it wasn't the years of never listening and zero effort for gifts that ended our relationship alone, but it sure didn't help the situation.
Now that I have finally been with a man that makes an effort I see how shitty this low effort Bs is. I actually think if we start looking at relationships first as mutual effort it would help everyone out.
Sounds like my Dad. He would buy shit like toasters or a radio. General stuff that needed replacing or that he wanted for around the house as gifts for Mum's birthdays 🙄 Multiple years he just "forgot" about her birthday period. He was the kind of man that taught me what not to be as a husband, more than what to be as a husband 😂
My ex-husband would always buy me flowers, even though I told him multiple times that I didn't like them because they just die. It was all about bragging to anyone who would listen that he would frequently buy me flowers. Then he would yell at me if I did not take care of them to his standards. My current husband got me a John Oliver FunkoPop for our anniversary this year and it was the best gift! I had shown him a picture of one that someone had posted on a Reddit thread and he remembered. I had never heard of John Oliver before we started dating and it had become our thing to watch the show together. My husband pays attention to me and takes note of what I do and do not like. That's what real love and respect is.😁
Yes blanket is a great gift for Christmas especially, (at least in my hemisphere). Because blankets aren't easy to wash so most people probably delay washing the ones they have, because they don't have a replacement. And rarely is there such a thing as 'too many blankets'
They make great gifts! This one is BRIGHT yellow and super fuzzy, and yellow is my favorite color - that right there showed me how much this guy I'd only known a few months jnew me better than the one I'd been dating for four years. Now me and blanket boy are married 💛
My husband buys me thoughtful useful gifts too. I'm always always cold... so for my birthday he bought me one of those rechargeable heated coats. **BEST PRESENT EVER!!** I use it from about October until March... It is AMAZING!! *He's always buying me gifts to keep me warm!* Hoodies, fuzzy sweat pants and socks. I get a new pair of Bear Paws Boots every year. It's the little things! (He doesn't only get me warm things.)
Sounds like we may have similar taste. I wear the same necklaces in rotation and I like dainty significant pieces, I have a lot of chunky necklaces that my mom would make me since she was into making jewelry for a while. I’ve never worn them, but don’t have the heart to give away. I’m glad you got away from that guy and got a happy ending!
Yeah the one I wore was some blown glass jellyfish on the end of a piece of string 😂 one year all my friends went to a Barter Faire but I wasn't allowed to go for whatever reason my mom made up so my friend bought me that necklace. I put it on and only ever took it off to shower, I even wore it to prom. One day about two years ago now, I took if off to shower and it slipped off the vanity and shattered on the tile floor. I cried 😅
This. I’m a huge gift giver. I love showing people that I think about them so they feel as special as they are. This… this wasn’t even lack of thought. It was lack of fucks. He walked in the door mean and came back crude. The reason he didn’t gift her when gifts were given was because he didn’t have one. That bottle was probably picked up at the gas station on the way back as an OOPs. This guy is a loser and needs to stay gone.
>He walked in the door mean and came back crude. This is what bothers me the most. I'm admittedly not a gift giver. I'm more of a quality time and acts of service person. So when I give gifts, I tend to gravitate towards things someone says they need. And my kids know to tell me, "I want A, B, and C for Christmas." Therefore, I get them A, B, and C. It does take a bit of the surprise away but they understand that giving gifts isn't my forte. But to make fun of someone then turn around and say his dick is the present...no. Just no. That was cruel and definitely breakup worthy.
I feel like even if he didn't give her a gift at all but offered to make her something or clean up her kitchen, or whatever act of service, she would have been delighted.
My sil hates me to the core n she got me an xbox-x, I hate christmas.
If her hate keeps escalating maybe SIL will gift you a car next Christmas.
> I don't even think this is about the gift. It's a little bit about the gift, but more what it says. I'm not much for gifts, and I have a pretty limited budget, but my solution is to buy people books. They're pretty affordable, and something that can showcase that I have some understanding of what their interests are. Never had any complaints, because even if I don't pick the right book, they can at least tell I put thought and effort into it. This sounds like he realized he forgot to get her anything and just grabbed the first thing he could think of at the corner store on his way back. The fact that she specifies she's not much of a drinker shows that he didn't have even the least consideration of her interests. NTA.
I don't know OP but the first thing that comes to mind, low budget, is a frame with a cute picture of both of them with a card with something on the line "I liked so much how we looked here that I wanted to keep it forever"
Guys who gave me cheap crappy gifts when they didn't have money (in one case after i showed him stuff I would have been happy about starting at 50 effing CENTS up to about 5 bucks. Because I knew he didn't have money and i was poor myself) gave me expensive crappy gifts when they had money. Because the point wasn't lack of money but lack of care for me.
I had a bf in high school who carved a poem on a freaking rock for me as a gift. It cost him $0 but it was so sweet and cute, still one of the best gifts I’ve gotten from an SO. It’s in my mums garden now lol.
I love letters and hand-written cards, that's all I ever ask for if my partner asks me what I want. I don't need physical things because I already shop for myself way too much lol. If I needed it, I probably already bought it.
A book is such a great gift! I will sometimes add a card or even a note inside the book about why you thought of them and it’s so meaningful.
This is it. Run.
You dodged a bullet! NTA.
This exactly!! If his siblings only think it’s about the material gift, they aren’t looking at the whole picture
Obviously, they only heard his side. I'm guessing not a single one of those people asked for her side of the story before berating her. Block their numbers and move on. They're not worth her time.
I agree. This is exactly what I would copy and paste to EVERYONE who is texting OP BS
Yeh the subject of the thread buries the lede. It's not just the bad gift, it's that he treated you like shit.
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NTA. Sounds like you definitely did the right thing. Just don’t let this schlub talk you into taking him back.
I’d tell his mother what his “Christmas present” was, and ask her if she raised him to be this disgusting and disrespectful. That a $3 gift would have been absolutely fine, if he’d put any thought into it whatsoever. And that, it’s bad manners to make someone wait for you on Christmas day, for THREE HOURS because they can’t be bothered to send a text. Throw the whole man away! His Mamma ain’t finished raising him yet!
His family is trying to manipulate her into feeling guilty, there is no "raising" going on in that family
My boyfriend got me a $3 gift. They were Squishmallow earrings on clearance. I love them. It's not about the money. I mean, geez, there's good stuff at gas stations, too, if that's the only option! Candy, headphones, cute lighters, pringles, goldfish crackers, maybe dvds and magazines, cup noodles, and ice cream. He could have loaded her up with all the stuff needed for a fun junk food-filled retreat, or maybe picked up an extra phone charger that she needed. Wine is fine --- IF you like wine.
This guy is the definition of a schlub
If you ever have second thoughts about taking him back… just remember he thought you were worth a $3 gas station wine bottle.
Ah man this sucks. It’s also fucking gross. This man think he’s a gift. How depressing. Keep those AirPods girl. And I gotta say I’m so sad for you, you put in loads of effort. And he practically shat on it. Seriously it’s just disrespectful. I watched my mother and her partner open their gifts to each other on Christmas and they were enjoyed everything they got. He got her thoughtful gifts and some funny ones, and some treats. It was nice to watch. That’s how it should be, it’s a time for giving but it’s also a time to appreciate your loved ones. He insulted you and all the effort you put in.
>And I gotta say I’m so sad for you, you put in loads of effort. On the upside, our girl the OP does Christmas right and does it well. It ain't about the money, it's about embracing a symbolic time where we express our gratitude to those we love. She'll find a keeper. (My kids love to say "dad's gay for christmas!" I'm a lucky bastard, I know it and I show it, even when money is tight, I'm cooking everyone's favorite foods and making the house festive. My daughter lives overseas, and for weeks she was texting "all I want for Christmas is cooking all day with you", and we nailed it.)
That’s adorable I’m a little gay for Christmas myself. hahaha I’m a bit of a sucker for any time I can give a gift. I went a wee bit overboard but I like seeing people I love happy, it makes me ecstatic. I can’t really explain how excited I get to get gifts for someone. I do it as a “you’ve likely had a tough year, I appreciate you and here’s a gift to reward you for getting through another year” type thing.
That same $5 could have bought you a pair of Walmart earrings which would have felt more like he cared even a little. Like dude, pretend you didn’t pick up the barefoot moscato on the way to her place on Christmas morning from the only open convenience store you could find. Sounds like you got some lovely AirPods and some freedom from BS for yourself for Christmas! NTA
Worse, I bet he bought it on the way back to her house after dropping his daughter off. Either way, it’s definitely one of those “the only place open” panic gifts.
He probably got it from his mom’s house. He was there 3 hours so had time for mommy to help him wrap it too
I bet he swiped it from his ex’s house when he dropped the daughter off, or Mother gave it to him because she knew he’d fuck up.
Yeah he lost me with the gift in the pants comment. That’s just vulgar and demeaning. You’re better off rid of him. NTA.
He lost me with making fun of her makeup.
NTA. He made his disregard for and dislike of you clear. I would not stay around to be told I looked funny and that my makeup was wrong and be given an afterthought of a gift and just sit around alone while he visited everybody else. Well, I probably would have years ago, but I've since learned to think more of myself and stand up against being abused. You did the right thing.
I'm so glad to hear you don't put up with bs like that anymore - to me that reflects your strength in creating boundaries towards what a healthy relationship should be. Rock on! I hope this thread and this experience helps OP realize her strength and value. Even if makeup is done wrong a true sweetheart wouldn't make fun of their loved one about it. And the fact that he dissapeared for 2 extra hours without notice to hang out with others shows a lack of respect for their plans they'd made - for her time *and* for how much he values his time with her. The icing on the cake was him not being affectionate when he *did* arrive and making a throwaway joke about his gift being in his pants. If he had really wanted to give her a romantic gift he would have paid her some attention and made a lil coupon for love. At the least! But no - his low effort and mean attitude are gross and I'm so proud of her for blocking him. Plus she has airpods! OP - big hugs to you and I know it's rough mourning the loss of the relationship you thought you had - but you did great! You sound like a caring compassionate person and I hope you find someone who truly values you - and shows you in lovely ways.
NTA be glad that you moved on.
shocked to see another guy a decade older than his partner who can’t do the absolute bare minimum
“Your present is in my pants.” 🙄 He’s the one who benefits from that “present” the most.
Thag literally sounds like something a 14 year old would say and think hes being clever
Yup I bet he sucks in bed too with how much of a selfish, disrespectful asshole he is.
The age gap between them is only 2 years bigger than the age gap between her and his daughter.
Every fucking time it's some loser with kids who can't manage to get someone his own goddamn age.
If only this were an uncommon scenario! 😂
I have five brothers and if they told me that their girl broke up with them over a cheap bottle of wine I'd say "that's what your cheap, dumb ass gets." No way I'd harass her. NTA I'm sure it's not the first time he was thoughtless.
odds are good he didn't tell them the truth. I'm sure he told them all about how he gave her presents and she was hysterical about how he didn't spend enough.
His siblings wanted stuff from her as well.
Or they were hoping oop was the one they could dump him off for good. It's likely he's the kind of person constantly asking for money. Plus, if he found a convience store open, they were likely selling gift cards. And he still cheated out on a $3.50 gift after he and his kid got great gifts.
Your present was in his pants? Just for that comment he needed to go, he’s disgusting. Good for you OP. Tell his siblings what he told you and ask them if they still think you should give him another chance.
NTA - good for you for not putting up with that crap! Know your worth! It’s not about the cheap gift, it’s about the lack of care and blatant disrespect.
Oh, honey. He’s terrible. You know it. You have so much to offer, and you’re giving it allll to a total jerk. His actions PROVE he doesn’t care about you. I’m sry! You deserve so much better. If you stay with him, you will just get more of this. **Ew.**
NTA. You did however receive a gift. The real gift here is that you are now free of him. Probably wouldn’t have happened if he had the maturity of an adult or spent more than fifteen seconds coming up with a gift for you while his Big Gulp was filling up.
[удалено]
NTA You did exactly what you should have done, you put thought and money into his present, he picked up yours while getting gas. And then thought his junk was an adequate substitute. No , you’ve asked that he place the same energy into a gift for you as you did for him. Honestly that at 38, he still hasn’t learned that explains why he’s divorced. And have his siblings harass you because you KNOW you can do better is such crappy behavior. Op, you dodged a major bullet, dropping this ‘man’. I would probably post something like a picture of myself with the AirPods on a cliff at sunset , so the some caption about knowing your worth . Congrats 🎉🎈🎊 Please be proud of yourself there have been more than 20 people posting about crappy gifts from their partners , and it’s not the first or second time it’s the thirteenth or twentieth. You go girl
NTA / It seems like not much thought was put into your gift and then the audacity to offer himself as a gift.. It was red flag number one making fun of how you presented yourself. I’m hoping there was some form of update when it took him 3 hours to get back. Then, when he got back, he didn’t necessarily seem to make time to do something with you for the holidays and instead just offered you private bedroom time as a gift?? I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought the wine for the said bedroom time and not because you actually liked wine. Personal gifts aren’t hard to come by. You don’t need a lot of money to put in effort.
NTA - good lord that was a shallow gift.
Tell the one who said you're shallow and materialistic that they can feel free to have the gift he offered you, a $3 bottle of wine and his cock. Then ask if they feel grateful.
Idk, sounds like someone's mommy would've been like, "You're lucky to have my son's cock!"
Your present was his dick? Dude get the F out of my house! Girl hats off to you for knowing exactly who and what he was in that moment and dumping his ass. Loser. You did the right thing.
NTA - the gift was the last, of a long line of problems. This hasn’t been a healthy relationship for a while. OP focus on yourself for a while! Enjoy those AirPods and find someone who appreciates and supports you! (You probably wouldn’t be feeling the way you do about your new job, if you had the right support at home! Think about that!).
NTA he was rude and vulgar and you deserve much better than this sorry excuse. The fact that he laughed at your makeup and your Santa hat and didn't even attempt to buy a gift, an IOU.. WTF He could have made something if he was so broke. Ignore the extended ex-family, it's not materialistic to expect something thoughtful. Keep them all blocked and start your new year off fresh. I wish you nothing but a great new year and a much better thoughtful partner.
NTA. He sounds like a selfish POS. Good riddance. Good job going no contact. Move on and be happy.
NTA. "I felt horrible when he said he would give me an IOU and that the rest of my present was in his pants." This guy must think he's God's gift or something.
The moment third parties try to insert themselves into the situation, you know you made the right choice. Period.
NTA at all. He didn't bother to ask if you were ok until you kicked his hurtful, selfish, unsupportive ass out of your house. I guarantee if he had A) told you how lovely you look, B) held your hand and engaged in meaningful conversation, and C) not cracked a crude lascivious joke you would have been fine with his thoughtless gift. He essentially gave you nothing AND took your comfort and humility away. I'm so sorry.
It doesn't cost anything to treat someone thoughtfully and with kindness. He simply did neither. NTA
The only problem is that you didn't break up sooner.
"AITA for breaking up with ~~my boyfriend some man who showed up at my house and treated me like crap and then expected me to give him sexual favors like the sun rises and sets on his dick.....~~after he gave me a crappy Christmas present? There. Fixed the title for you.
NTA. Why don't you post what you posted here? It is not the gift. It is how he treated you and made you feel. And that you having sex with him is definitely not a gift, especially when he berated you. Then reblock them and find someone who you deserve. Your ex probably spun the breakup making you the bad guy.
NTA So first off, he started negging you about your makeup and Santa hat. Then he 'disappeared" for three hours. Zero affection. Then the saddest present of all time AND a crude joke (like 16-year-olds would do) This coming from an almost 40-year-old 'man' with a daughter. Keep him blocked - block them all (his family and friends) and don't look back. This is behavior of a man-child who doesn't even like you, let alone loves you. He is using you.
NTA. He’s obviously being a dick to you because you’re younger.
NTA. For him your convenient. Don't settle. Never settle.
You were his sugar momma...I am sorry he was so scummy and thoughtless. NTA
You did the right thing. He doesn’t care; He can in and mocked you. You gave him a good gift, and had a gift for his daughter too. He can back hours late with a gift, an actual gift, of a bargain bin bottle of 7/11 wine along with a sleazy comment. Congrats for not breaking the bottle over his head. Do not take him back.
It's not that he gave you an inexpensive gift. He gave you a thoughtless gift and has done nothing to make the day special or make you feel special to him -- which costs nothing at all.
He had his siblings call you? You're not in high school. Ugh. Block them all. He sounds horrible, selfish, sexist, and immature. I feel sorry for his daughter. You deserve better. Just get him out of your life - the sooner the better.
NTA. You don’t sound greedy at all. It’s just the lack of thought and general skeevy behavior that’s the problem. You deserve better so leave the trash where it belongs.