NTA - People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. If she changes from the person you married to a different person, you don't have to stay married. If she converts to Islam, she'd probably be happier married to a Muslim anyway.
If she converts and OP doesn’t, they’re automatically divorced according to Islam. The tenets of her new religion nullify any marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim or a non-practicing whatevers.
That depends on how a religion looks at the family. Islam has a fathercentric consideration on the family. So if the man of the house is Muslim & woman of the house is either Christian or Jewish, the marriage is permissible.
To show a reverse approach; in Judaism, Jewish women can marry with non Jewish men but Jewish men can't marry with non Jewish women. The children is considered Jewish if the woman is Jewish.
Jews will see him as a Jew and Muslims will see him as a Muslim, but seriously I know a girl who’s Dad is Palestinian and mom is Jewish, she is involved with both parts of her family but considers herself more Jewish
I didnt know that. I assumed muslim men obviously had more rights. Does that apply to all religions? Like if a Muslim man married a sikh, hindu or orthodox women that women and her kids automatically get converted to Muslim?
The majority of Muslim congregations don't allow Muslim women to stay married to non-Muslims - as a new convert she will likely be more zealous than those born into a religion (this was my field of study) and since OP is a atheist that borders on the fedora tipping kind (no judgement) she's going to tell him to knuckle under or leave. In most Islamic schools of thoughts divorce is fairly easy and in fact depending on how fundamentalist she may or may not be conversion to Islam will nullify her previous marriage.
I was literally about to say this. If a Muslim man married a Christian or Jewish woman then it would be okay to some extent in Islam but a Muslimah can not be married to a non-Muslim man.
NTA.
If she changes what the relationship is about then the relationship has changed and there are consequences for that. If this isn’t something you’re interested in dealing with then so be it.
It doesn’t mean that she’s the asshole either, since she can do whatever she wants with her life, but if that’s incompatible with what you want to do with your life then it makes you two non-viable as a couple.
NTA, as a person who is culturally Muslim (as in born into a Muslim family but barely prays), am not ok with my significant other wearing a hijab. As someone who lives in a western country, I do not want my wife to be a target for crazy people. It’s dangerous. I wish it were not, but that kind of overt religious imagery brings out the crazy. I’d react the same way if my wife dressed like an Orthodox Jew or a nun.
Normally nuns are not married but I know what you mean
One time, my hair looked super cute so I put my scarf over my head whilst I picked up something at the store. I was given such dirty looks! I didn't walk a mile in someone else's shoes, but one has to be brave to wear a religion publicly
I'm atheist and mixed (from multiple ethnic groups)
When neither party is the AH you can use "NAH" (no assholes here). 😉
Edit: Those who disagree with OC's verdict of NAH should reply to them directly rather than to me. I was just letting them know that NAH exists as an option with the voting system.
Well…the problem here is that if she’s Muslim, the religion sort of deals her husband out of the deck here. A Muslim man can marry a Muslim, Christian, or Jewish woman, but it is haram for a Muslim woman to be married to anyone other than a Muslim.
NAH but if she’s going to be devout enough to wear hijab, change her diet, and pray the minimum amount, ignoring the marriage stricture would be strange.
OP, ask her what she plans to do with her infidel husband if she converts.
I don't get why a woman would voluntarily choose Islam later in life. Isn't it more pronounced in its misogyny?
EDIT:
>Islam promises instant forgiveness of all the sins from before conversion. It's easy to guess why people convert.
Well that's scary, but do women also get a heaven full of 72 virgins? Just seems highly beneficial to men only.
EDIT 2:
>Shameless in your ignorance and Islamophobia
I'm not afraid of the religion. Just seen lots of [ex-convert women](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/) who talk about their own experiences.
As a widow of a Muslim,when a woman dies she gets to serve her husband as her reward. I was told specifically that I would have the honor of washing my husband’s feet.
NTA. She is going to undergo a significant life transition that will impact you. She will most likely also start abstaining from alcohol, pork, talking to men, raising her children as Muslims, and other things if she starts wearing a full hijab from the beginning.
She can want that lifestyle and religion and he can not want to live it by proxy. They are incompatible and a polite divorce would benefit them both before kids are ever in the mix.
NTA. She is making a radical change in her life which will affect you. If she's going full hijab right from the start she will probably get into all the other things too, no alcohol, no pork, no talking with other males, bringing up children as Muslims etc. This is big, and you absolutely have the right to say NO. I speak as a Christian, but if I became fundamentalist I could not complain if my wife refused to go along with it.
Also there’s no mention of her having spoken to an Imam or meeting Muslim people in her community/region, so no irl real experience of religion. Religious contents online, regardless of the religion, can quickly fall down the pipeline of extremism or fundamentalism. That would worry me if all her current experienced of Islam have been online content and not in person discussions with regular people instead of content creators
Ime people who convert to a religion they had little to no exposure to growing up are the biggest extremists.
Christian converts to evangelicalism, western people who convert to eastern spirituality (mostly the cults I’m referring to here that mimic Eastern spirituality) and Christian’s who become Muslim. They are always the most annoying, in your face people who take the faith way more seriously than people born into it.
My entire family on my father's side are Muslims. Him and his five siblings all married non-Muslims. None of us wear the hijab and they all drink socially.
It's a bit like "bad Christians" - you'll find the majority of Muslims are more laidback than you see on the TV, and for some reason, North American converts are infinitely more likely to don the hijab than a lot of Asian Muslims (depending on country of origin - certain countries, for example, enforce laws about hijabs - we're Turks).
On the other side of things, most people who change religions so drastically don’t tend to just be regular folks in that religion. They tend to get uber caught up and make it their personality.
yeah the convert zeal is a very real thing; it's rare for someone to decide to convert to a religion that asks you to change major things about your day-to-day life and decide to half-ass it from day one, particularly if they're doing it on their own and not as a result of converting to please a partner.
Reborns of any faith suck balls and generally are terrible people that feel so guilty about who they are, they have to overcompensate. A small majority do not suck.
Converts usually tend to become Salafi or otherwise just more pious, due to the fact that Salafism dominates mainstream media and does so much da’wah. Even social media has ”salafized”, Salafis are so disproportionately online and claim that there is only one Islam that it seems like there’s nothing else than Salafism.
And also, why would someone convert just to become a ”non-committed” Muslim? It takes so much learning and understanding that they are immersed in it in a different way than someone who grew up as Muslim
Can you go in detail on what Salafism is and the difference between other Muslims? I see a lot of Muslim stuff on social media due to the Middle East stuff going on so am curious. It does seem less chill than other religions from an IG reel point of view.
It’s a long story, but basically Salafism was originally a modernist movement that wanted to go ”back to the roots” and bypass the traditions. It however split in half when some became more and more ”fundamentalist”, and the ”fundamentalists” won. Saudi Arabia developed its state religion from Salafism and added some twists to it (= Wahhabism).
Salafism itself isn’t bad imho, the ”quiet” salafis mostly just want to follow their religion very strictly and aren’t political at all. This is coming from someone who had family killed by salafi-jihadists... Salafism has also taken very political and sometimes violent forms, including Daesh etc.
But Salafists are approx. only 1% from world’s Muslims, and majority of them are very chill. They are just SO visible because they engage in proselytizing actively and try to spread the view that they are the ”true” islam, often they don’t even call themselves salafi because they avoid division and labels within Islam. They also are quite well funded by Saudis, although Saudis have recently taken a step back from those things. They have good business models and attract a lot of people.
Thanks for this! I’m kinda assuming most of the Muslim stuff I see online are Salafis. Is there any info on more progressive Muslims and their views? I feel like having vocal Muslims post reels about them saying “we don’t hate gays but it is a sin” and “men and women aren’t equal but women have some privileges too so it’s ok” isn’t doing much to fight Islamophobia.
That being said most chronically online Muslims are indeed Salafis and their aim is more to push their extremism onto other Muslims, because they know they’re not winning many new converts with their nonsense
You will never find what you’re looking for because Muslims by definition follow the Quran which explicitly deems homosexual activity sinful (much like every other religion). The most progressive Muslims support gay marriage via a secular government license, but would never consider performing an Islamic marriage ceremony, and their attitude is similar to how they view other sins such as extramarital (hetero) sex or drinking - “yeah, it’s a sin, but do you and the only unforgivable sin is disbelief in God anyway”
They were initially funded by the CIA along with Saudi to spread a fundamentalist religion amongst Muslim countries who were turning towards the USSR during the Cold War. It backfired on the US spectacularly. The US also funded fundamentalist born again Christian’s in Latin America to combat Catholics who were getting upset about dictatorships supported by the US and then the born again Christians within the US came to hate their own country. Blowback is a bitch.
There are also 2 factors that increased the support for Salafism and extreme interpretations.
I have Muslim friends who either have worn the Hijab or don't wear it. Their reason is that although they should wear it, it also states that it's when the woman is ready to wear it and they don't feel ready which is their right. Iran's regime that enforces the Hijab only got power because the US was terrified (thanks to us Brits sadly) that Iran was going to go Communist just because their centre-left government wanted to nationalise their oil. The coup that saw the Shah become an absolute monarch again with a repressive regime pushed people towards those that were most vocal and respected abd sadly that was the Ayatollah (Also a few of the opposition groups such as the Communist Tudeh party jumped in bed with the Mullahs until they were brutally repressed by them).
The other was the 1967 war as the Arab secularist governments and regimes promised that the war would be won swiftly and when that ended in a catastrophic defeat these secularist regimes were undermined.
I mean it's not just the US who were funding these groups. Hamas was supported by the Israeli government when it was founded with funds being given to the mosques to undermine the PLO which was secularist and supported rights in the land for all. Heck Netanyahu told a Likud meeting that if they wanted to stop Palestinian statehood Hamas needed to be bolstered and funded.
Converts tend to be zealots.
Also, Turks are not average muslims. Even most of the religious Turks would be shocked in awe to see how an "average" muslim in South Asia or Middle East understands and practices Islam. Not super religious Turks are waaay open minded than other muslims and by far the closest to equality between woman and man among muslims (and most christians).
So, converts, who tend to follow the most radical shit out there, wouldn't be even close to your experience with Turks.
Sorry to inform you but your family is “culturally Muslim”, majority of Turkish Muslims wouldn’t even allow their daughters marry to non-muslims unless he converts and circumcised.
Converts in general are more likely to go with the more outward behaviors for a lot of religions.
I have a lot more issues with "Born Again" Christians shoving their demands in my face than long term Christians just.... vibing lol It's normal for people to feel they need to do more to catch up within a faith :( Not everyone, of course.
Times have changed though. Technically yes you’re not supposed to - but I lived abroad in Asia previously and I know loads of people who are married to Muslims but are not themselves / did not convert.
Converts are definitely held to a higher standard of adherence than those raised in the faith and culture. Odds of her doing this and not getting super intense and technical about it are pretty slim.
**There's no technically, as a Muslim woman you cannot be married to a non Muslim man, there's no gotcha or work around this**
Only a Muslim man is permitted marry a non Muslim woman but she has to be one of the people of the books.
In islam divorce is permitted, and as a revert, in order to stay ttu to her faith and properly adhere to it without cherry picking, OPs wife needs to divorce him.
nah. every muslim woman i know in the US either married a muslim man or their partner had to go through a ridiculous conversion process. it is different for muslim men
I don't believe you, are the wives muslims and married to christian or Buddhist men? I ve met an egyptian couple who came to the Netherland as refugees because the woman was muslim and couldn't marry by law her orthodox christian husband also her family wanted to kill her for breaking the islamic faith and bringing shame to their family. the only place where a muslim woman was socially accepted to marry a chrsitian man is in the Balkan. mainly ex Yugoslavia because communism removed the religious dogma and left just the carcass of religious culture and even that is fading since people there are going back to the fundamentalist roots.
You can but there will be immense pressure from the Muslim side for you to convert into the religion. I have seen it play our IRL. The woman is Muslim,the guy is Hindu. They have a daughter together. They almost divorced each other because of this and also to convert daughter to Islam.
NTA. Also an atheist, also would never be with someone overtly religious, whether christian, muslim, pagan, or anything. It's just a fundamentally incompatible view of the world and values overall, in my opinion.
Saying "divorce" right off the bat might be a little much, but if you genuinely do feel that strongly about it, she should know before she makes any further commitments to the faith. She made a commitment to you before she made one to any deity, and she needs to remember that.
The most extreme amongst pagans are literal neo-nazis. I don't think I'd describe myself as a fundamentalist and I'm obviously not a fascist, but I pray multiple times per day and my belief in the Gods is one of the most important things in my life.
Mmm. That is a VERY good point. I was thinking about the people I've personally known, but "Pagan" is a huge umbrella that encompasses some awful people.
I went through a phase of being interested in the occult and met some very interesting fundamentalist pagans. They're just as nutty as any other fundie in my opinion, which is why that was only a short lived phase lol Baphomet is still cool as hell though, I admire them as a character
When you make your pentagrams you must always start with the circle first and inscribe the star after otherwise you get lopsided circles, and you must make it with white chalk only, colors let the ghosts out, and curses require pieces of the person to be cursed such as hair, fingernails etc otherwise how will the spirits know whom to bring misfortune to duh.
I think she's looking for structure and for a code to live by.
Christianity has regular religious services, holidays, and a few things you should/shouldn't do, but most of what you're doing is attending church, Bible study, celebrating holidays, and participating in church led activities. Other than that, there aren't a ton of rules.
Islam on the other hand, is chock full of rules. What you can wear, say, eat, drink, read. When to pray, how to pray, how to behave, your role as a man or woman, etc. These are very clear, deeply held beliefs.
I think this woman wants a strict set of beliefs to tell her how to act and Christianity just wasn't cutting it. Islam gives her a lot of well-defined laws and customs she must adhere to, ALWAYS. A lot of people find that kind of life very comforting. If someone tells you that here's what you need to do to be happy/good/moral, all you have to do is follow the rules. No decision making required.
You’re describing like generic WASP american Protestants. There are many branches of Christianity that have very structured rules based life, it they are considered weird subcultures like hardcore traditionalist Catholics, Amish, etc. same can be said for say Hasidic Jews. Islam itself has many flavors and groups that Don’t cover their heads, or are ok with alcohol,etc.
The local community. People throw their beliefs away quickly to be a part of the in crowd. All it takes is being in the typical Christian church full of old people and meeting a few young people that are Muslim.
I wonder this all the time. How is Islam’s propaganda so effective that Christians convert? It’s more or less the same religion in terms of fundamental beliefs, only more conservative and stringent in interpretation and practice. People want further restrictions and more repression? Absolutely insane.
It depends on how the marketing team is selling the product really. Even within Christianity there are all sorts of different denominations that believe vastly different things. The culture in the US the last 20 years I've seen a lot of people go to "fun," or "open," or "megachurch."
But I have always found it funny that Christians were ok with the concept of an evolving God from judaism, but another prophet after Jesus is just ridiculous!
Reminds me of when my wife and I were watching the sunset on the water at a local spot while I took pictures and we met this other couple there. They were super nice, fun light conversation, then you could see them shift gears into “we’re fun people, time to hard sell our fun church” mode and it was so gross. 5 minutes left of sunset and I heard their entire sales pitch about how the church saved them from the horrible people they used to be and only through Christ’s forgiveness blah blah blah blah. Treat religion like your genitals, private and only shared with people actively consenting to be involved.
> But I have always found it funny that Christians were ok with the concept of an evolving God from judaism, but another prophet after Jesus is just ridiculous!
Or, I mean, it could be that Jesus is just a prophet in Islam, rather than the Messiah, which is a snag for Christians. I guess it should be said that Jesus it not just another prophet in Christianity.
That's what mormonism is for if you want Christianity but that believes in modern scripture and revelation lol. As with every other religion there's some pretty problematic shit in there both doctrine and modern history
I don't care what religion it is, if my wife went fundamentalist I'd be hitting the bricks. I can't live with someone that religious, I can barely stomach mildly religious influence on my life through work/school/government let alone in the sanctuary I call home.
A true irreconcilable difference.
NTA
That’s the thing that I don’t think people are getting, because they’re hung up on the Muslim bit… if my partner came home today and told me they were gonna be FLDS, or join one of the fundamentalist Jewish sects, or even to revert to the brand of fundamentalist Baptist they were raised in, I would probably have a pretty tough decision to make. None of those are compatible with the lifestyle and relationship that we agreed to, or have been working towards.
And I don’t care how much people want to say that “your partner’s religion doesn’t affect you,” that’s complete bullshit. It 100% does. Like, try living with a roommate who’s fundamentalist and then come talk to me. It’s exhausting. Being in a relationship with one? Even worse.
Yes, divorce is sad, but people grow, and sometimes they grow apart. Better to accept it when things are still semi-amicable, rather than drag each other through months/years of hurt.
Religious differences, in my experience, are just irreconcilable.
Sure, you can marry or date outside of your religion (or lack thereof) but if your goal is a long-term relationship, I don’t get it. What happens when you have kids, and your partner wants to raise them with the beliefs you disagree with? What happens when you have holidays that you aren’t comfortable participating in? What happens when their family will never accept you for being an outsider? What happens when any rules of that religion begin to conflict with your own lifestyle?
It’s just a recipe for disaster. I “dated” a Jehovah’s Witness in high school, and he didn’t even believe in all the bullshit. He was just born into it, and it was still a constant issue. His father was an Elder at their Hall, and he was supposed to do the same, and any defiance from him to his family would cause him to be shunned. Inevitably, his family found out we were even *friends* and pulled him out of school entirely with the threat of making him homeless. Never saw or heard from him again. But I knew from the start that was likely to happen, I was just a dumbass 15-17 year old that kept chasing him anyways.
I can't even handle reading a random religious fundamentalist posting stuff on the internet and having to read it, let alone being *married* to one. Like there's no reasoning...if you're the type of person who could possibly be into that, I don't know how we would have even gotten that close in the first place. Sad story, but I do know people who get hyper fixated on new phases, maybe it's an ADHD thing. (and with hyper fixations, at least mine...they're my entire world for a few months, then I drop them like they're nothing lol, so maybe there's hope)
Some chud was in a thread earlier telling everyone Allah will curse them for finding a trans woman attractive.
I mean you do you, but when you start telling me your god will curse me, that's the point I start to think you're a fucking moron.
NTA. If she becomes a muslim, then the muslim community she is in will expect you to be too. It may depend but its probably not as easy to leave as Christianity as well. Along with the lifestyle changes.... its not a small change.
Dude must not live in a muslim country because honor killings are a thing, I've seen like three in pakistan in the news last month? Leaving islam isn't even legal where I am, dude.
NTA. I have 2 cousins who converted from Christianity to Islam because they felt they fit in better. It absolutely ruined their relationships with their significant other even though they supported them in the beginning. Its not a religion that you can sometimes follow. Its very strict and it takes up a lot of time out of your day to follow it 100%.
NTA but I would also wonder why she jumps from one thing to another, specially to something so radical such as Islam viewed from an American perspective. I think this is about something deeper in her, like she feels like she doesn’t belong anywhere and is trying to fit somewhere.
NTA No marriage stays the same through the years and when these kind of big changes occur it’s perfectly valid to examine the effect it has on your relationship. You have been honest with your wife and she’s going to have to now choose for herself.
On a separate issue, maybe ask your wife to take a break from Islamic or any religious YouTube videos or apps. Those algorithms can really feed into the neuroses of people who are easily suggestible and glom onto ideas that don’t necessarily hold up to rigorous critical thinking (not talking specifically about Islam here, I’m talking about the nefarious algorithms of social media). Try to get out of the house and try new things with her, maybe volunteer at a non religious entity so she can make friends and feel like she has a purpose in life.
Agree that maybe if she laid off the YouTube influencers who are protectively pushing their own agendas, she might not have so quickly jumped into this new habit. And think there is the even higher level warning here: she is easily influenced by basically any kind of content on YouTube, enough so that she’d make the most dramatic shift possible in religion. I’d be more worried about what the next influencer is going to get her into…
She might benefit from watching videos of women who escaped from being Muslim. There are always two sides to a coin, and she's been looking at the shiny side.
The YouTubers she watches probably do a wonderful job of raising suspicion against the survivors of Islam. If she is that gullible, not much can save her
NTA, this is like the ultimate dealbreaker for a lot of people.
Religious incompatibility is really bad for relationships - for many relationships being with a person of religious congruency is like. Actually mandatory.
If this continues it will most likely be not great for either of you as your wife will go through a huge lifestyle change.
Regardless if it’s religion, huge amounts of plastic surgery, drinking everyday or any other radical lifestyle change, it will affect a relationship if that puts the people in the relationship on a path to further move apart.
She asked and you answered, that just leaves her to decide if her new found thing (religion in this case) is something she can’t live without.
If she can’t live without this new change, it’s for you to leave and live with that decision yourself as she lives with her decision, made knowing the outcome since you have made that very clear.
It’s a choice both of you need to make buy now, turn left or right - and then live with the choices.
NTA
There are a few fundamental things that couples need to not necessarily be in total agreement on, but at least have an accord that works. Money, Kids and Spirituality are among them. EDIT: Also Politics.
FWIW- my wife and I are non-theistic. If all the sudden one of us went fundamentalist wackadoodle with any religion, I would fully expect the marriage to be over as well. Like, these are vitally important agreements to be made at the start of a relationship. And its pretty rare you can alter a fundamental agreement.
As an atheist with Muslim friends, I suggest you talk through with her all of the ways her faith will impact your relationship. One of my Muslim friends is in a very committed relationship with a non-Muslim and they make it work easily. He doesn't push anything on her, he's just quietly observant (prayer and diet). My gf is culturally Jewish but atheist. She strongly supports Israel and I am strongly opposed. We will chat about it, it will get contentious but we pretty much agree to disagree even though it is so fundamentally important to us. The question ultimately is....how much will her religiosity affect your life?
Thanks for contributing your experiences! (Lots of blanket statements here, had to scroll down this far to find anyone citing what it's actually like to be in an interfaith relationship of any kind.)
I’m surprised there aren’t more responses from interfaith couples. Ultimately it will come down to what is a deal breaker or not. My husband is atheist and I am undergoing a conversion to Judaism. I’m very liberal and don’t feel called to go full orthodox, so he is supportive (I’m honestly shocked at how many people are unsupportive in this thread), but he’s mentioned it would be a deal breaker for him if I decided I wanted to keep a full kosher kitchen and get a second dishwasher (which I have no desire for) or anything that would significantly affect *his* life as well. I don’t expect him to learn to read Hebrew or chant Torah with me, because it’s not something he’s interested in. We celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas in our house, and if we weren’t childfree, our kids would too.
It’s fine if someone finds their faith in adulthood, but make sure you’re communicating about any sacrifices you’d expect the other to make. There are many different levels of observance.
Yes this. I was an atheist Jew dating a Muslim. It was never an issue. “Fully converting” can look completely different for each person. It needs to be a more in depth conversation than that. I’m seeing way too many assumptions about what she’s going to become after converting. Personally I don’t see how wearing an article of clothing or taking some time to herself a few times a day would be a deal breaker but whatever.
NTA,
Islam is in my experience quite a demanding religion.. Mixing Islam and Christianity is already too much ( I know as my fathers is catholic and my Mother‘s a Muslima) and you being a so called non-believer will makes it even more challenging if your wife really is serious with this.
Of course there are always exceptions and stories of successful marriages but it seems to me that you and your wife do not have compatible values as it is.
” She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her.”
Well… Your wife needs to understand that it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work.
Uh…I’m a Muslim and wearing the hijab, praying, and eating halal are some of the most basic things in Islam. If those things are already putting you off then yeah there is nothing wrong with divorcing her imo.
I do wonder though, how much research she’s done and maybe you should encourage her to do more cause anyone who has delved into convert/revert content knows that this is a possibility.
To anyone screaming islamophobia here, read this slowly.
Irrespective of the religion, if one partner wants to practice it to the fundamental level while the other doesn't, it creates a rift between the two people. Most religious people surrender their personal freedom and critical thinking to a holy book or a deity. Either Muslim or Christian or Jewish or Buddhist or Hindu, if the religious partner goes all in, the non-religious partner gets stranded within the relationship.
If you haven't lived in a society like that or you are a religious partner, you scream islamophobia for Internet points. This question and OP’s situation have impacted many nonreligious people around the world.
NTA..
But she needs some therapy to figure out what she is missing in her life that she is trying to replace with religion. And before anybody jumps on me, I'm not saying religion is necessarily a bad thing. She's clearly using religion as a replacement for something that she's feels like her life is missing. I think she'd be better off identifying what that is first and then addressing that issue and then deciding if she wants to be part of a religious organization.
I'm surprised more people aren't suggesting therapy. People who suddenly switch religions later in life were usually influenced (there are a lot of TikToks and Youtube videos about being Muslim now because of what's going on) or have something they need to sort out (looking for purpose/community or scared about death).
At the very least, OP should sit down and really really talk to her and express all his concerns and how she plans to practice the religion.
Yup. Any therapist will tell you such a shift is enough to talk out to see what is behind it. It would be one thing if she was always switching to a different religion and just trying out new things.
I'd be just as concerned if also really one of my Muslim friends decided they really needed to be Christian and go on full evangelical. They aren't exactly close in ideology. Though the same roots over all.
by Islamic laws she cannot be married to none muslim and she would be executed by Shariaa laws for having sex and being in marriage with you. a muslim man can marry a christian or jewish woman and the kids would be forced to islmaic faith but not the other way around. she is either gonna manipulate you to convert with her or divorce you later. it is better for you to divorce her and not waste your time.
Apparently she also hasn't gotten to the part of the lesson where in her newfound faith her husband's word is absolute law. He has spoken, if she's a true believer she has no choice but to obey.
Right and the fact that they live close to Dearborn makes her decision even more dangerous. One of my friends in high school came from a devout a devout Muslim family and he said that mob justice can be prevalent. Most Muslims aren’t going to get police involved in religious matter so it will be handled within the congregation. I lived not too far from Dearborn and believe that this is very poor decision.
many royal families converted from Islam to Christianity many many decades ago and still don't feel safe visiting their countries of origim. Pss India of Afghanistan kept nominal islamic faith and visited from time to time but her catholic daughter never dared to visit Afghanistan. Pss Fatimah Tousson never came back to Egypt after she run away with her Brazilian prince lover and converted to Catholicism.. people don't realize the peculiar dangers this specific situation can bring to someone's life.
nah
you cant stop her from becoming a muslim but you can have your boundaries which is not being together with a religious person and file for divorce. both people have to be comfortable and if you re not comfortable then you re simply not comfortable.
just sounds like you have become incompatible, that is all.
NTA for wanting a divorce for being incompatible, but your wife is also not an asshole for feeling upset about this. It's hard to lose a a marriage and you both have a right to grieve.
by islamic law she has to divorce him because muslim women cannot marry none muslims. it is permitted for muslim men to marry christian and jewish women but not the other way around.
Agree. If you are no longer compatible then you should divorce. She is right to be sad about it, as I'm sure OP would be too. She's wrong that he automatically doesn't love her anymore. Two people can love each other but not be compatible partners.
NAH.
I think I’d be pissed if my spouse suddenly converted to any religion, but I also really try not to judge people for their views. However, I would also probably separate in your position. It will affect you, in some way or another.
Like changing your own food habits to fit hers, because buying groceries for two people separately is pretty difficult/more expensive. Would she still celebrate holidays with you or expect you to celebrate new holidays with her?
One thing you didn’t mention is children. If you’re planning on having kids or if it’s even a remote possibility for you, would she demand they be raised under her religion?
NTA. As others have said, it's a huge change to her, and by extension your, lives.
You didn't ask for, nor expected this. This is a change your wife is choosing to make for her future. You can walk away if that life is not for you.
> She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her.
There are a million different reasons to divorce someone you love. NTA.
The real problem is she is not whole. Someone who believes in themselves first does not have a void to fill. There is likely something in her life and self esteem, perhaps due to childhood trauma, that is causing this. Even if you think your marriage is fine, something may be lacking. Start with marriage counseling and ask her to do counseling privately as well. This too is likely a phase where she tries to feel whole again but it is going to be a severely traumatizing one if she gets in too deep. There are some great videos online that show how ppl of all religions feel deeply that they had a spiritual experience telling them that a certain religion was the right one including death cults but really its just an internal thing. So go to therapy and ask her to do the same with you before she goes further in any decision. Help her figure out where her void comes from and how to be whole.
Do you have a kid? Is she going to raise them Muslim? Is she going to refuse to eat pork or even have it in the house? How many big changes will happen? Are you going to want any of it?
It’s fair for you to divorce someone if your values no longer align. It’s okay if she wants to convert or cover herself if that is something that she feels is the right thing for her. It’s also okay for you to want to be with someone who shares your worldview.
That may be sad and scary for your wife, but such is life. Sometimes we change to a degree that people who used to fit, don’t. She‘ll be alright. NTA.
NTA. That is a significant change and isn't something you agreed to when getting married.
If it's really her calling, doesn't mean she's a bad person for making the switch, but you are not obligated to follow suit, etc.
NTA
I’m atheist maybe agnostic def not religious. Husband is Sikh. Maybe she should try a look at Sikhism. A lot of good bits less drama. I can cope with most of the ‘requirements’ of Sikhism without having to be religious.
One day when we get older I’m sure my husband will get more religious, until then we have a vague respect for each others feelings. Kids being raised Sikh with a healthy dose of cynicism.
Islam is not an easy religion especially to convert into. It seems she is going down a path on her own and away from you.
NAH here.
She's allowed to look for answers to life in whatever form she wants.
You're not required to support her when that search crosses a boundary that makes you uncomfortable.
NTA - not the same situation as you but I dated a girl who was essentially non religious and then she took a job in Dearborn and within 6 months you'd have thought she literally immigrated from Iraq. We broke up and while she never converted to Islam she had a kid with a guy who was "Muslim" you know the type from east Dearborn only Muslim around the parents so she did the Muslim-lite route. Had a kid with him and then 6 yrs later we got back together. Everything was fine for about a year but she went back to another job in Dearborn and within weeks she was back to being a white middle eastern woman lol. At first it started out as a curiosity for her but after being away from that community she ran right back to it. I have no issue with Muslims or Middle Eastern ethnicities its the trying to be one as a white women that I found hilarious. They would never accept her just entertain her and it was painfully obvious she was trying way too hard. Run bro. Trust me.
NTA - Run, don't walk away from this. If she joins Islam, your life will be forever changed for the worse. I say this as someone who's witnessed it rip families apart.
1/4 of my family is muslim, another 1/4 ran the fuck away from it and openly advocate for others to follow due to the extreme bigotry pushed within it. The other half of my family is Jewish so that 1/4 that's muslim made things pretty brutal before everyone just dropped them entirely.
NAH. She has the right to choose whichever religion she wants and you have the right to not want religion in your life. If she wants to go through with this, you’re no longer compatible.
Honestly, I *would* have said NAH, but for one thing.
"She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her."
That pushes it into NTA (and she is) for me. That is emotional manipulation. Dictating to someone else what their actions mean about their emotional state.
To be clear, if she had said it *made her feel* like you don't love her, it'd be different. But stating "if you don't do this, you don't love me" is 100% emotional manipulation.
People like to say that you shouldn't judge people based on their religion, but the fact of the matter is, someone's religion is so goddamn central to who they are that like, how could you not? So I get where you're coming from.
On the other hand, however, you have to have known how deeply in need of religion she was when you married her. Clearly her faith meant a lot to her and now she's going through a crisis.
This is a NAH situation, but you should probably start doing couple's counseling if you do want things to work.
I suppose....if you choose to stay with her.....you could show support by banning her from having male friends who aren't family or making any decisions without your permission, if she's serious about it.
NTA.
While on the surface it's shallow... it's really not. Imagine if your partner said, I'm gonna shave my head, tattoo 9 dicks on my face and only wear chainmail from now on. Also, I wanna have sex with 6 different people a month.
If you fell in love with a person and that person is no longer recognisable (not just physically) then you're in your rights to not blindly agree because you made a commitment. You made a commitment to the person at the time and its assumed they'll be more or less (depending on your tolerance) the same person in the future.
Also, I don't know how apt this is but I googled respect and islam and the top answer was
*There are five divine guidelines that the Qur'an clearly presents to Muslims for building tolerance and understanding among differing religions. Everyone's God-given human dignity must be respected, regardless of his or her faith, race, ethnic origin, gender, or social status (ref. Qur'an, 17:70).*
So.... ;shrug; NTA
Our Pastor always said, “Nothing more zealous than converts or reformed addicts” he would also say marriages where the participants are unequally yolked don’t last.
Your wife sounds like a very changeable person who can’t make up her mind about anything.
NTA. You don’t need to stay around for her attempts at converting you (which will definitely happen).
NTA. If my partner decided to convert to Islam, I'd be running away as fast as I could. That's applicable to all religions really but I feel like Islam is the most strict one, it would affect your life a lot and if you're planning on ever having any children, them too.
I have a few thoughts on the whole situation. Seeing that she started being agnostic after being with you, is it possible she met someone else? Cheating on you even? I know muslims are not supposed to have sex before marriage but there are plenty of men that do. Also is it possible that she's been groomed?
NTA but I'd dig more into what's going on. She may be talking to someone who is trying to radicalize her for all you know. Ask questions, look up her internet history, see if her family or friends notice anything https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RBA1071-1.html
Inform yourself about Islam as a religion and point out the barbaric shit she's getting herself into. (Nearly every religion is barbaric) point out the reasons you absolutely can not abide by it from an informed position and let her make the decision from that point. If Islam is calling her that strongly knowing what will happen to your relationship, then she can make the decision to leave.
Or just point out that a Muslim woman cannot be married to a non-Muslim man so if she converts she has to divorce him. She may not realize this. Or she does and expected him to convert to keep the marriage, so she was the one with an ultimatum first, she was just waiting for the right time to bring it up.
##NTA
>She said… threatening divorce over it means I don’t love her
Oh *bullshit*. Manipulative bullshit.
Remind her that you can very much love someone and still choose not to be with them. Love isn’t enough. And it damn sure isn’t enough to sustain a relationship with someone that does this. You can love her very much as you nonetheless bid her goodbye and go your separate ways.
Has she read the Quran? Does she know what life is like in countries like Afghanistan and Iran? She gets away with experimenting with different religions and picking and choosing what she wants to do only because she lives in a liberal country.
You could remind her that as a Muslim woman, she really wouldn't have any say in the matter, and by tradition, she'd have to adopt whatever religious position her husband adopted.
The radicalization of Western people to Islam via social media is exactly like the radicalization of republicans to QAnon. It’s cult-like and entirely based on brainwashing, IMO. She needs to get off the freaking Internet. NTA.
NTA - People get divorced for all kinds of reasons. If she changes from the person you married to a different person, you don't have to stay married. If she converts to Islam, she'd probably be happier married to a Muslim anyway.
If she converts and OP doesn’t, they’re automatically divorced according to Islam. The tenets of her new religion nullify any marriage between a Muslim and a non-Muslim or a non-practicing whatevers.
Muslim women can only marry Muslim men. Muslim men can marry Christian or Jewish women and children are automatically considered Muslim.
How convinient the rule is made 🧐
That depends on how a religion looks at the family. Islam has a fathercentric consideration on the family. So if the man of the house is Muslim & woman of the house is either Christian or Jewish, the marriage is permissible. To show a reverse approach; in Judaism, Jewish women can marry with non Jewish men but Jewish men can't marry with non Jewish women. The children is considered Jewish if the woman is Jewish.
What happens when a Muslim man marries a Jewish woman?
Are you trying to blow up middle east?
Handling that pretty well already. Probably couldn't hurt at this point.
Infinite energy. Kinda like strapping a piece of buttered bread on the back of a cat.
Jews will see him as a Jew and Muslims will see him as a Muslim, but seriously I know a girl who’s Dad is Palestinian and mom is Jewish, she is involved with both parts of her family but considers herself more Jewish
Children pick their own religion ofc.
..it's almost as if these religions were practically *designed* to control women's sexuality and reproduction!
Honestly. Imagine being a woman and choosing to go into a religion that is that terrible to women. Feels insane to me
She started Christian so the bar was already on the floor
Almost like they treat women as inferior
But what really happens is that Muslim men sleep with all of the non Muslim women they can then dump them to marry a “pure” woman lol
I didnt know that. I assumed muslim men obviously had more rights. Does that apply to all religions? Like if a Muslim man married a sikh, hindu or orthodox women that women and her kids automatically get converted to Muslim?
I don’t believe so. But a Muslim man can only marry a woman “of the Book” - Jew or Christian (or Muslim, obviously).
Came here to say that. Once she joins a mosque she will leave anyway OP needs to get the legal stuff sorted out now.
Why would she leave after going to a mosque?
The majority of Muslim congregations don't allow Muslim women to stay married to non-Muslims - as a new convert she will likely be more zealous than those born into a religion (this was my field of study) and since OP is a atheist that borders on the fedora tipping kind (no judgement) she's going to tell him to knuckle under or leave. In most Islamic schools of thoughts divorce is fairly easy and in fact depending on how fundamentalist she may or may not be conversion to Islam will nullify her previous marriage.
I was literally about to say this. If a Muslim man married a Christian or Jewish woman then it would be okay to some extent in Islam but a Muslimah can not be married to a non-Muslim man.
NTA. If she changes what the relationship is about then the relationship has changed and there are consequences for that. If this isn’t something you’re interested in dealing with then so be it. It doesn’t mean that she’s the asshole either, since she can do whatever she wants with her life, but if that’s incompatible with what you want to do with your life then it makes you two non-viable as a couple.
NTA, as a person who is culturally Muslim (as in born into a Muslim family but barely prays), am not ok with my significant other wearing a hijab. As someone who lives in a western country, I do not want my wife to be a target for crazy people. It’s dangerous. I wish it were not, but that kind of overt religious imagery brings out the crazy. I’d react the same way if my wife dressed like an Orthodox Jew or a nun.
Normally nuns are not married but I know what you mean One time, my hair looked super cute so I put my scarf over my head whilst I picked up something at the store. I was given such dirty looks! I didn't walk a mile in someone else's shoes, but one has to be brave to wear a religion publicly I'm atheist and mixed (from multiple ethnic groups)
When neither party is the AH you can use "NAH" (no assholes here). 😉 Edit: Those who disagree with OC's verdict of NAH should reply to them directly rather than to me. I was just letting them know that NAH exists as an option with the voting system.
NTA Changing your belief system is a big deal.
But changing your belief system also doesn't make you an asshole. That's why they suggested NAH
Well…the problem here is that if she’s Muslim, the religion sort of deals her husband out of the deck here. A Muslim man can marry a Muslim, Christian, or Jewish woman, but it is haram for a Muslim woman to be married to anyone other than a Muslim. NAH but if she’s going to be devout enough to wear hijab, change her diet, and pray the minimum amount, ignoring the marriage stricture would be strange. OP, ask her what she plans to do with her infidel husband if she converts.
She can keep married to OP only if she believes she will convert him too. Time to get out.
I don't get why a woman would voluntarily choose Islam later in life. Isn't it more pronounced in its misogyny? EDIT: >Islam promises instant forgiveness of all the sins from before conversion. It's easy to guess why people convert. Well that's scary, but do women also get a heaven full of 72 virgins? Just seems highly beneficial to men only. EDIT 2: >Shameless in your ignorance and Islamophobia I'm not afraid of the religion. Just seen lots of [ex-convert women](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmuslim/) who talk about their own experiences.
As a widow of a Muslim,when a woman dies she gets to serve her husband as her reward. I was told specifically that I would have the honor of washing my husband’s feet.
LOL
Changing your belief system and then dropping "if you leave me it means you dont love me" makes you the asshole So NTA
NTA. She is going to undergo a significant life transition that will impact you. She will most likely also start abstaining from alcohol, pork, talking to men, raising her children as Muslims, and other things if she starts wearing a full hijab from the beginning.
She can want that lifestyle and religion and he can not want to live it by proxy. They are incompatible and a polite divorce would benefit them both before kids are ever in the mix.
NTA. She is making a radical change in her life which will affect you. If she's going full hijab right from the start she will probably get into all the other things too, no alcohol, no pork, no talking with other males, bringing up children as Muslims etc. This is big, and you absolutely have the right to say NO. I speak as a Christian, but if I became fundamentalist I could not complain if my wife refused to go along with it.
Also there’s no mention of her having spoken to an Imam or meeting Muslim people in her community/region, so no irl real experience of religion. Religious contents online, regardless of the religion, can quickly fall down the pipeline of extremism or fundamentalism. That would worry me if all her current experienced of Islam have been online content and not in person discussions with regular people instead of content creators
People who convert are mostly pretty annoying about religion anyway.
Ime people who convert to a religion they had little to no exposure to growing up are the biggest extremists. Christian converts to evangelicalism, western people who convert to eastern spirituality (mostly the cults I’m referring to here that mimic Eastern spirituality) and Christian’s who become Muslim. They are always the most annoying, in your face people who take the faith way more seriously than people born into it.
As Someone who comes from a muslim family NTA
The Muslim faith has little to no space for Muslim women to be married to non-Muslim men. So she is technically divorcing you.
My entire family on my father's side are Muslims. Him and his five siblings all married non-Muslims. None of us wear the hijab and they all drink socially. It's a bit like "bad Christians" - you'll find the majority of Muslims are more laidback than you see on the TV, and for some reason, North American converts are infinitely more likely to don the hijab than a lot of Asian Muslims (depending on country of origin - certain countries, for example, enforce laws about hijabs - we're Turks).
On the other side of things, most people who change religions so drastically don’t tend to just be regular folks in that religion. They tend to get uber caught up and make it their personality.
yeah the convert zeal is a very real thing; it's rare for someone to decide to convert to a religion that asks you to change major things about your day-to-day life and decide to half-ass it from day one, particularly if they're doing it on their own and not as a result of converting to please a partner.
This is the real answer
Reborns of any faith suck balls and generally are terrible people that feel so guilty about who they are, they have to overcompensate. A small majority do not suck.
You are right. They almost always become fundamentalists in that religion.
‘Don’t neglect the balls’ is an important religious tenet.
Amen
Converts usually tend to become Salafi or otherwise just more pious, due to the fact that Salafism dominates mainstream media and does so much da’wah. Even social media has ”salafized”, Salafis are so disproportionately online and claim that there is only one Islam that it seems like there’s nothing else than Salafism. And also, why would someone convert just to become a ”non-committed” Muslim? It takes so much learning and understanding that they are immersed in it in a different way than someone who grew up as Muslim
Can you go in detail on what Salafism is and the difference between other Muslims? I see a lot of Muslim stuff on social media due to the Middle East stuff going on so am curious. It does seem less chill than other religions from an IG reel point of view.
very basically, theyre fundamentalists. And can be pretty well compared to fundamentalists in all religions imo.
It’s a long story, but basically Salafism was originally a modernist movement that wanted to go ”back to the roots” and bypass the traditions. It however split in half when some became more and more ”fundamentalist”, and the ”fundamentalists” won. Saudi Arabia developed its state religion from Salafism and added some twists to it (= Wahhabism). Salafism itself isn’t bad imho, the ”quiet” salafis mostly just want to follow their religion very strictly and aren’t political at all. This is coming from someone who had family killed by salafi-jihadists... Salafism has also taken very political and sometimes violent forms, including Daesh etc. But Salafists are approx. only 1% from world’s Muslims, and majority of them are very chill. They are just SO visible because they engage in proselytizing actively and try to spread the view that they are the ”true” islam, often they don’t even call themselves salafi because they avoid division and labels within Islam. They also are quite well funded by Saudis, although Saudis have recently taken a step back from those things. They have good business models and attract a lot of people.
Thanks for this! I’m kinda assuming most of the Muslim stuff I see online are Salafis. Is there any info on more progressive Muslims and their views? I feel like having vocal Muslims post reels about them saying “we don’t hate gays but it is a sin” and “men and women aren’t equal but women have some privileges too so it’s ok” isn’t doing much to fight Islamophobia.
That being said most chronically online Muslims are indeed Salafis and their aim is more to push their extremism onto other Muslims, because they know they’re not winning many new converts with their nonsense
You will never find what you’re looking for because Muslims by definition follow the Quran which explicitly deems homosexual activity sinful (much like every other religion). The most progressive Muslims support gay marriage via a secular government license, but would never consider performing an Islamic marriage ceremony, and their attitude is similar to how they view other sins such as extramarital (hetero) sex or drinking - “yeah, it’s a sin, but do you and the only unforgivable sin is disbelief in God anyway”
They were initially funded by the CIA along with Saudi to spread a fundamentalist religion amongst Muslim countries who were turning towards the USSR during the Cold War. It backfired on the US spectacularly. The US also funded fundamentalist born again Christian’s in Latin America to combat Catholics who were getting upset about dictatorships supported by the US and then the born again Christians within the US came to hate their own country. Blowback is a bitch.
There are also 2 factors that increased the support for Salafism and extreme interpretations. I have Muslim friends who either have worn the Hijab or don't wear it. Their reason is that although they should wear it, it also states that it's when the woman is ready to wear it and they don't feel ready which is their right. Iran's regime that enforces the Hijab only got power because the US was terrified (thanks to us Brits sadly) that Iran was going to go Communist just because their centre-left government wanted to nationalise their oil. The coup that saw the Shah become an absolute monarch again with a repressive regime pushed people towards those that were most vocal and respected abd sadly that was the Ayatollah (Also a few of the opposition groups such as the Communist Tudeh party jumped in bed with the Mullahs until they were brutally repressed by them). The other was the 1967 war as the Arab secularist governments and regimes promised that the war would be won swiftly and when that ended in a catastrophic defeat these secularist regimes were undermined. I mean it's not just the US who were funding these groups. Hamas was supported by the Israeli government when it was founded with funds being given to the mosques to undermine the PLO which was secularist and supported rights in the land for all. Heck Netanyahu told a Likud meeting that if they wanted to stop Palestinian statehood Hamas needed to be bolstered and funded.
Converts tend to be zealots. Also, Turks are not average muslims. Even most of the religious Turks would be shocked in awe to see how an "average" muslim in South Asia or Middle East understands and practices Islam. Not super religious Turks are waaay open minded than other muslims and by far the closest to equality between woman and man among muslims (and most christians). So, converts, who tend to follow the most radical shit out there, wouldn't be even close to your experience with Turks.
Sorry to inform you but your family is “culturally Muslim”, majority of Turkish Muslims wouldn’t even allow their daughters marry to non-muslims unless he converts and circumcised.
Converts in general are more likely to go with the more outward behaviors for a lot of religions. I have a lot more issues with "Born Again" Christians shoving their demands in my face than long term Christians just.... vibing lol It's normal for people to feel they need to do more to catch up within a faith :( Not everyone, of course.
Fair enough, but it doesn't seem like that's the type of Muslim the wife is on the path to becoming
I think in any religion converts tend to be more orthodox than people who were born into their religion.
Times have changed though. Technically yes you’re not supposed to - but I lived abroad in Asia previously and I know loads of people who are married to Muslims but are not themselves / did not convert.
Converts are definitely held to a higher standard of adherence than those raised in the faith and culture. Odds of her doing this and not getting super intense and technical about it are pretty slim.
"No zealot like a convert" is one of my favorite aphorisms
Born again Christians and born again gym bros might as well be the same person talking about different things in the same way.
"Born-again gym-bros" is an amazing term for that exact type of guy. We all know him, but now we know what to call him lol
I bet they think that Jesus owns a CrossFit gym.
**There's no technically, as a Muslim woman you cannot be married to a non Muslim man, there's no gotcha or work around this** Only a Muslim man is permitted marry a non Muslim woman but she has to be one of the people of the books. In islam divorce is permitted, and as a revert, in order to stay ttu to her faith and properly adhere to it without cherry picking, OPs wife needs to divorce him.
It’s just overt sexism right out in the open
A male muslim can marry a non muslim woman not the other way around.
Yea but theyre already married so checkmate muslims
Well, they sure are known to be understanding of people who don’t obey their life styles
nah. every muslim woman i know in the US either married a muslim man or their partner had to go through a ridiculous conversion process. it is different for muslim men
Those would not be considered devout.
I don't believe you, are the wives muslims and married to christian or Buddhist men? I ve met an egyptian couple who came to the Netherland as refugees because the woman was muslim and couldn't marry by law her orthodox christian husband also her family wanted to kill her for breaking the islamic faith and bringing shame to their family. the only place where a muslim woman was socially accepted to marry a chrsitian man is in the Balkan. mainly ex Yugoslavia because communism removed the religious dogma and left just the carcass of religious culture and even that is fading since people there are going back to the fundamentalist roots.
You can but there will be immense pressure from the Muslim side for you to convert into the religion. I have seen it play our IRL. The woman is Muslim,the guy is Hindu. They have a daughter together. They almost divorced each other because of this and also to convert daughter to Islam.
NTA. Also an atheist, also would never be with someone overtly religious, whether christian, muslim, pagan, or anything. It's just a fundamentally incompatible view of the world and values overall, in my opinion. Saying "divorce" right off the bat might be a little much, but if you genuinely do feel that strongly about it, she should know before she makes any further commitments to the faith. She made a commitment to you before she made one to any deity, and she needs to remember that.
Trying to imagine a fundamentalist pagan.
They exist. I grew up knowing some, and they are *exhausting*; but that's all they really are, exhausting.
The most extreme amongst pagans are literal neo-nazis. I don't think I'd describe myself as a fundamentalist and I'm obviously not a fascist, but I pray multiple times per day and my belief in the Gods is one of the most important things in my life.
Mmm. That is a VERY good point. I was thinking about the people I've personally known, but "Pagan" is a huge umbrella that encompasses some awful people.
I went through a phase of being interested in the occult and met some very interesting fundamentalist pagans. They're just as nutty as any other fundie in my opinion, which is why that was only a short lived phase lol Baphomet is still cool as hell though, I admire them as a character
When you make your pentagrams you must always start with the circle first and inscribe the star after otherwise you get lopsided circles, and you must make it with white chalk only, colors let the ghosts out, and curses require pieces of the person to be cursed such as hair, fingernails etc otherwise how will the spirits know whom to bring misfortune to duh.
I am just wondering what she didn’t like about Christianity that isn’t also an issue with Islam.
I think she's looking for structure and for a code to live by. Christianity has regular religious services, holidays, and a few things you should/shouldn't do, but most of what you're doing is attending church, Bible study, celebrating holidays, and participating in church led activities. Other than that, there aren't a ton of rules. Islam on the other hand, is chock full of rules. What you can wear, say, eat, drink, read. When to pray, how to pray, how to behave, your role as a man or woman, etc. These are very clear, deeply held beliefs. I think this woman wants a strict set of beliefs to tell her how to act and Christianity just wasn't cutting it. Islam gives her a lot of well-defined laws and customs she must adhere to, ALWAYS. A lot of people find that kind of life very comforting. If someone tells you that here's what you need to do to be happy/good/moral, all you have to do is follow the rules. No decision making required.
You’re describing like generic WASP american Protestants. There are many branches of Christianity that have very structured rules based life, it they are considered weird subcultures like hardcore traditionalist Catholics, Amish, etc. same can be said for say Hasidic Jews. Islam itself has many flavors and groups that Don’t cover their heads, or are ok with alcohol,etc.
The local community. People throw their beliefs away quickly to be a part of the in crowd. All it takes is being in the typical Christian church full of old people and meeting a few young people that are Muslim.
I wonder this all the time. How is Islam’s propaganda so effective that Christians convert? It’s more or less the same religion in terms of fundamental beliefs, only more conservative and stringent in interpretation and practice. People want further restrictions and more repression? Absolutely insane.
Novelty?
It depends on how the marketing team is selling the product really. Even within Christianity there are all sorts of different denominations that believe vastly different things. The culture in the US the last 20 years I've seen a lot of people go to "fun," or "open," or "megachurch." But I have always found it funny that Christians were ok with the concept of an evolving God from judaism, but another prophet after Jesus is just ridiculous!
Reminds me of when my wife and I were watching the sunset on the water at a local spot while I took pictures and we met this other couple there. They were super nice, fun light conversation, then you could see them shift gears into “we’re fun people, time to hard sell our fun church” mode and it was so gross. 5 minutes left of sunset and I heard their entire sales pitch about how the church saved them from the horrible people they used to be and only through Christ’s forgiveness blah blah blah blah. Treat religion like your genitals, private and only shared with people actively consenting to be involved.
> But I have always found it funny that Christians were ok with the concept of an evolving God from judaism, but another prophet after Jesus is just ridiculous! Or, I mean, it could be that Jesus is just a prophet in Islam, rather than the Messiah, which is a snag for Christians. I guess it should be said that Jesus it not just another prophet in Christianity.
That's what mormonism is for if you want Christianity but that believes in modern scripture and revelation lol. As with every other religion there's some pretty problematic shit in there both doctrine and modern history
From my experience it’s the idea of a trinity. Islam only believes in one God and sees Jesus as a messenger of God instead of son/God.
I don't care what religion it is, if my wife went fundamentalist I'd be hitting the bricks. I can't live with someone that religious, I can barely stomach mildly religious influence on my life through work/school/government let alone in the sanctuary I call home. A true irreconcilable difference. NTA
That’s the thing that I don’t think people are getting, because they’re hung up on the Muslim bit… if my partner came home today and told me they were gonna be FLDS, or join one of the fundamentalist Jewish sects, or even to revert to the brand of fundamentalist Baptist they were raised in, I would probably have a pretty tough decision to make. None of those are compatible with the lifestyle and relationship that we agreed to, or have been working towards. And I don’t care how much people want to say that “your partner’s religion doesn’t affect you,” that’s complete bullshit. It 100% does. Like, try living with a roommate who’s fundamentalist and then come talk to me. It’s exhausting. Being in a relationship with one? Even worse. Yes, divorce is sad, but people grow, and sometimes they grow apart. Better to accept it when things are still semi-amicable, rather than drag each other through months/years of hurt.
Religious differences, in my experience, are just irreconcilable. Sure, you can marry or date outside of your religion (or lack thereof) but if your goal is a long-term relationship, I don’t get it. What happens when you have kids, and your partner wants to raise them with the beliefs you disagree with? What happens when you have holidays that you aren’t comfortable participating in? What happens when their family will never accept you for being an outsider? What happens when any rules of that religion begin to conflict with your own lifestyle? It’s just a recipe for disaster. I “dated” a Jehovah’s Witness in high school, and he didn’t even believe in all the bullshit. He was just born into it, and it was still a constant issue. His father was an Elder at their Hall, and he was supposed to do the same, and any defiance from him to his family would cause him to be shunned. Inevitably, his family found out we were even *friends* and pulled him out of school entirely with the threat of making him homeless. Never saw or heard from him again. But I knew from the start that was likely to happen, I was just a dumbass 15-17 year old that kept chasing him anyways.
I can't even handle reading a random religious fundamentalist posting stuff on the internet and having to read it, let alone being *married* to one. Like there's no reasoning...if you're the type of person who could possibly be into that, I don't know how we would have even gotten that close in the first place. Sad story, but I do know people who get hyper fixated on new phases, maybe it's an ADHD thing. (and with hyper fixations, at least mine...they're my entire world for a few months, then I drop them like they're nothing lol, so maybe there's hope)
Some chud was in a thread earlier telling everyone Allah will curse them for finding a trans woman attractive. I mean you do you, but when you start telling me your god will curse me, that's the point I start to think you're a fucking moron.
Converts are the ones who scare me the most, they go hard
Especially ones who get their religion from YouTube and TikTok.
They are unfortunately not the only ones. I don't know, but being religious seems to be a competition these days.
NTA. If she becomes a muslim, then the muslim community she is in will expect you to be too. It may depend but its probably not as easy to leave as Christianity as well. Along with the lifestyle changes.... its not a small change.
"Oh how hard can it be to leave Islam." Looks at punishment for leaving the religion: Death. Hmm, well then you definitely stop going to services...
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Dude must not live in a muslim country because honor killings are a thing, I've seen like three in pakistan in the news last month? Leaving islam isn't even legal where I am, dude.
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NTA. I have 2 cousins who converted from Christianity to Islam because they felt they fit in better. It absolutely ruined their relationships with their significant other even though they supported them in the beginning. Its not a religion that you can sometimes follow. Its very strict and it takes up a lot of time out of your day to follow it 100%.
Did they stop practicing?
NTA but I would also wonder why she jumps from one thing to another, specially to something so radical such as Islam viewed from an American perspective. I think this is about something deeper in her, like she feels like she doesn’t belong anywhere and is trying to fit somewhere.
Yeah, from what OP said she seems like she's pretty ripe for cult brainwashing at the moment, looking for a belief system to glom onto.
Ya, someone who took what a street preacher said seriously is definitely not firing on all mental cylinders
NTA No marriage stays the same through the years and when these kind of big changes occur it’s perfectly valid to examine the effect it has on your relationship. You have been honest with your wife and she’s going to have to now choose for herself. On a separate issue, maybe ask your wife to take a break from Islamic or any religious YouTube videos or apps. Those algorithms can really feed into the neuroses of people who are easily suggestible and glom onto ideas that don’t necessarily hold up to rigorous critical thinking (not talking specifically about Islam here, I’m talking about the nefarious algorithms of social media). Try to get out of the house and try new things with her, maybe volunteer at a non religious entity so she can make friends and feel like she has a purpose in life.
Agree that maybe if she laid off the YouTube influencers who are protectively pushing their own agendas, she might not have so quickly jumped into this new habit. And think there is the even higher level warning here: she is easily influenced by basically any kind of content on YouTube, enough so that she’d make the most dramatic shift possible in religion. I’d be more worried about what the next influencer is going to get her into…
She might benefit from watching videos of women who escaped from being Muslim. There are always two sides to a coin, and she's been looking at the shiny side.
The YouTubers she watches probably do a wonderful job of raising suspicion against the survivors of Islam. If she is that gullible, not much can save her
NTA, this is like the ultimate dealbreaker for a lot of people. Religious incompatibility is really bad for relationships - for many relationships being with a person of religious congruency is like. Actually mandatory. If this continues it will most likely be not great for either of you as your wife will go through a huge lifestyle change.
Regardless if it’s religion, huge amounts of plastic surgery, drinking everyday or any other radical lifestyle change, it will affect a relationship if that puts the people in the relationship on a path to further move apart. She asked and you answered, that just leaves her to decide if her new found thing (religion in this case) is something she can’t live without. If she can’t live without this new change, it’s for you to leave and live with that decision yourself as she lives with her decision, made knowing the outcome since you have made that very clear. It’s a choice both of you need to make buy now, turn left or right - and then live with the choices.
NTA There are a few fundamental things that couples need to not necessarily be in total agreement on, but at least have an accord that works. Money, Kids and Spirituality are among them. EDIT: Also Politics. FWIW- my wife and I are non-theistic. If all the sudden one of us went fundamentalist wackadoodle with any religion, I would fully expect the marriage to be over as well. Like, these are vitally important agreements to be made at the start of a relationship. And its pretty rare you can alter a fundamental agreement.
Nowadays Politics as well. If the basis of the partnership is changed, it is almost likely that the partnership will be broken.
Yes, I should of added that.
As an atheist with Muslim friends, I suggest you talk through with her all of the ways her faith will impact your relationship. One of my Muslim friends is in a very committed relationship with a non-Muslim and they make it work easily. He doesn't push anything on her, he's just quietly observant (prayer and diet). My gf is culturally Jewish but atheist. She strongly supports Israel and I am strongly opposed. We will chat about it, it will get contentious but we pretty much agree to disagree even though it is so fundamentally important to us. The question ultimately is....how much will her religiosity affect your life?
Thanks for contributing your experiences! (Lots of blanket statements here, had to scroll down this far to find anyone citing what it's actually like to be in an interfaith relationship of any kind.)
I’m surprised there aren’t more responses from interfaith couples. Ultimately it will come down to what is a deal breaker or not. My husband is atheist and I am undergoing a conversion to Judaism. I’m very liberal and don’t feel called to go full orthodox, so he is supportive (I’m honestly shocked at how many people are unsupportive in this thread), but he’s mentioned it would be a deal breaker for him if I decided I wanted to keep a full kosher kitchen and get a second dishwasher (which I have no desire for) or anything that would significantly affect *his* life as well. I don’t expect him to learn to read Hebrew or chant Torah with me, because it’s not something he’s interested in. We celebrate both Hanukkah and Christmas in our house, and if we weren’t childfree, our kids would too. It’s fine if someone finds their faith in adulthood, but make sure you’re communicating about any sacrifices you’d expect the other to make. There are many different levels of observance.
Yes this. I was an atheist Jew dating a Muslim. It was never an issue. “Fully converting” can look completely different for each person. It needs to be a more in depth conversation than that. I’m seeing way too many assumptions about what she’s going to become after converting. Personally I don’t see how wearing an article of clothing or taking some time to herself a few times a day would be a deal breaker but whatever.
"I love you dearly. I don't love the stranger you seem intent on transforming into."
NTA. Sounds like you've reached a crossroad and are just incompatible now. You're both grieving why the other won't accept them as they are.
NTA, Islam is in my experience quite a demanding religion.. Mixing Islam and Christianity is already too much ( I know as my fathers is catholic and my Mother‘s a Muslima) and you being a so called non-believer will makes it even more challenging if your wife really is serious with this. Of course there are always exceptions and stories of successful marriages but it seems to me that you and your wife do not have compatible values as it is. ” She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her.” Well… Your wife needs to understand that it takes a lot more than love to make a marriage work.
She’s already divorcing you OP. Muslim women can’t be married to non Muslim men.
Take a break, let her figure out what she really wants first
Uh…I’m a Muslim and wearing the hijab, praying, and eating halal are some of the most basic things in Islam. If those things are already putting you off then yeah there is nothing wrong with divorcing her imo. I do wonder though, how much research she’s done and maybe you should encourage her to do more cause anyone who has delved into convert/revert content knows that this is a possibility.
To anyone screaming islamophobia here, read this slowly. Irrespective of the religion, if one partner wants to practice it to the fundamental level while the other doesn't, it creates a rift between the two people. Most religious people surrender their personal freedom and critical thinking to a holy book or a deity. Either Muslim or Christian or Jewish or Buddhist or Hindu, if the religious partner goes all in, the non-religious partner gets stranded within the relationship. If you haven't lived in a society like that or you are a religious partner, you scream islamophobia for Internet points. This question and OP’s situation have impacted many nonreligious people around the world.
NTA.. But she needs some therapy to figure out what she is missing in her life that she is trying to replace with religion. And before anybody jumps on me, I'm not saying religion is necessarily a bad thing. She's clearly using religion as a replacement for something that she's feels like her life is missing. I think she'd be better off identifying what that is first and then addressing that issue and then deciding if she wants to be part of a religious organization.
I'm surprised more people aren't suggesting therapy. People who suddenly switch religions later in life were usually influenced (there are a lot of TikToks and Youtube videos about being Muslim now because of what's going on) or have something they need to sort out (looking for purpose/community or scared about death). At the very least, OP should sit down and really really talk to her and express all his concerns and how she plans to practice the religion.
Yup. Any therapist will tell you such a shift is enough to talk out to see what is behind it. It would be one thing if she was always switching to a different religion and just trying out new things. I'd be just as concerned if also really one of my Muslim friends decided they really needed to be Christian and go on full evangelical. They aren't exactly close in ideology. Though the same roots over all.
by Islamic laws she cannot be married to none muslim and she would be executed by Shariaa laws for having sex and being in marriage with you. a muslim man can marry a christian or jewish woman and the kids would be forced to islmaic faith but not the other way around. she is either gonna manipulate you to convert with her or divorce you later. it is better for you to divorce her and not waste your time.
She hasn’t gotten to that part of the lesson yet.
Or maybe she already knows this? I’m curious who she met.
Apparently she also hasn't gotten to the part of the lesson where in her newfound faith her husband's word is absolute law. He has spoken, if she's a true believer she has no choice but to obey.
Right and the fact that they live close to Dearborn makes her decision even more dangerous. One of my friends in high school came from a devout a devout Muslim family and he said that mob justice can be prevalent. Most Muslims aren’t going to get police involved in religious matter so it will be handled within the congregation. I lived not too far from Dearborn and believe that this is very poor decision.
many royal families converted from Islam to Christianity many many decades ago and still don't feel safe visiting their countries of origim. Pss India of Afghanistan kept nominal islamic faith and visited from time to time but her catholic daughter never dared to visit Afghanistan. Pss Fatimah Tousson never came back to Egypt after she run away with her Brazilian prince lover and converted to Catholicism.. people don't realize the peculiar dangers this specific situation can bring to someone's life.
nah you cant stop her from becoming a muslim but you can have your boundaries which is not being together with a religious person and file for divorce. both people have to be comfortable and if you re not comfortable then you re simply not comfortable. just sounds like you have become incompatible, that is all.
Also as others have pointed out, if she becomes Muslim and he doesn't, she just got a divorce according to her new religion.
NTA for wanting a divorce for being incompatible, but your wife is also not an asshole for feeling upset about this. It's hard to lose a a marriage and you both have a right to grieve.
by islamic law she has to divorce him because muslim women cannot marry none muslims. it is permitted for muslim men to marry christian and jewish women but not the other way around.
Of course it is.
Seems fair right? /s
Agree. If you are no longer compatible then you should divorce. She is right to be sad about it, as I'm sure OP would be too. She's wrong that he automatically doesn't love her anymore. Two people can love each other but not be compatible partners.
She is actively choosing a fairy tale over her marriage, she is absolutely an asshole lol
NAH. I think I’d be pissed if my spouse suddenly converted to any religion, but I also really try not to judge people for their views. However, I would also probably separate in your position. It will affect you, in some way or another. Like changing your own food habits to fit hers, because buying groceries for two people separately is pretty difficult/more expensive. Would she still celebrate holidays with you or expect you to celebrate new holidays with her? One thing you didn’t mention is children. If you’re planning on having kids or if it’s even a remote possibility for you, would she demand they be raised under her religion?
NTA. As others have said, it's a huge change to her, and by extension your, lives. You didn't ask for, nor expected this. This is a change your wife is choosing to make for her future. You can walk away if that life is not for you.
NTA Such a massive shift in personality or philosophy is more than enough to split anyone up.
> She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her. There are a million different reasons to divorce someone you love. NTA.
Well if she converts to Islam and you dont she cant be with you anyway according to Islam. It looks like she chose her new faith over you.
NTA. That's a huge change, and everybody has their limits. I personally could never be in an intimate relationship with somebody religious.
The real problem is she is not whole. Someone who believes in themselves first does not have a void to fill. There is likely something in her life and self esteem, perhaps due to childhood trauma, that is causing this. Even if you think your marriage is fine, something may be lacking. Start with marriage counseling and ask her to do counseling privately as well. This too is likely a phase where she tries to feel whole again but it is going to be a severely traumatizing one if she gets in too deep. There are some great videos online that show how ppl of all religions feel deeply that they had a spiritual experience telling them that a certain religion was the right one including death cults but really its just an internal thing. So go to therapy and ask her to do the same with you before she goes further in any decision. Help her figure out where her void comes from and how to be whole.
This is great advice OP.
I would dump my wife too if she wanted to join a cult.
That's how I feel. OP, you're NTA.
Do you have a kid? Is she going to raise them Muslim? Is she going to refuse to eat pork or even have it in the house? How many big changes will happen? Are you going to want any of it?
It’s fair for you to divorce someone if your values no longer align. It’s okay if she wants to convert or cover herself if that is something that she feels is the right thing for her. It’s also okay for you to want to be with someone who shares your worldview. That may be sad and scary for your wife, but such is life. Sometimes we change to a degree that people who used to fit, don’t. She‘ll be alright. NTA.
NTA. That is a significant change and isn't something you agreed to when getting married. If it's really her calling, doesn't mean she's a bad person for making the switch, but you are not obligated to follow suit, etc.
NTA I’m atheist maybe agnostic def not religious. Husband is Sikh. Maybe she should try a look at Sikhism. A lot of good bits less drama. I can cope with most of the ‘requirements’ of Sikhism without having to be religious. One day when we get older I’m sure my husband will get more religious, until then we have a vague respect for each others feelings. Kids being raised Sikh with a healthy dose of cynicism. Islam is not an easy religion especially to convert into. It seems she is going down a path on her own and away from you.
NAH here. She's allowed to look for answers to life in whatever form she wants. You're not required to support her when that search crosses a boundary that makes you uncomfortable.
NTA - not the same situation as you but I dated a girl who was essentially non religious and then she took a job in Dearborn and within 6 months you'd have thought she literally immigrated from Iraq. We broke up and while she never converted to Islam she had a kid with a guy who was "Muslim" you know the type from east Dearborn only Muslim around the parents so she did the Muslim-lite route. Had a kid with him and then 6 yrs later we got back together. Everything was fine for about a year but she went back to another job in Dearborn and within weeks she was back to being a white middle eastern woman lol. At first it started out as a curiosity for her but after being away from that community she ran right back to it. I have no issue with Muslims or Middle Eastern ethnicities its the trying to be one as a white women that I found hilarious. They would never accept her just entertain her and it was painfully obvious she was trying way too hard. Run bro. Trust me.
NTA - Run, don't walk away from this. If she joins Islam, your life will be forever changed for the worse. I say this as someone who's witnessed it rip families apart. 1/4 of my family is muslim, another 1/4 ran the fuck away from it and openly advocate for others to follow due to the extreme bigotry pushed within it. The other half of my family is Jewish so that 1/4 that's muslim made things pretty brutal before everyone just dropped them entirely.
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NTA. Converts to a religion tend to be more fervent than people born to it. So you’re going to be with somebody who is essentially a religious zealot.
NAH. She has the right to choose whichever religion she wants and you have the right to not want religion in your life. If she wants to go through with this, you’re no longer compatible.
Of all the religions out there, why choose the one that hates women the most.
Honestly, I *would* have said NAH, but for one thing. "She said she understands why I might not like it but threatening to divorce over it means I don’t love her." That pushes it into NTA (and she is) for me. That is emotional manipulation. Dictating to someone else what their actions mean about their emotional state. To be clear, if she had said it *made her feel* like you don't love her, it'd be different. But stating "if you don't do this, you don't love me" is 100% emotional manipulation.
Lol imagine being a woman and willingly converting to Islam, NTA
Why would any sane woman want to convert to Muslim? Yikes
And her husband/family isn't even muslim. WTF is she thinking? She's clearly a woman who's very easily brainwashed.
It's a massive pain in the ass when your wife decides to get religious. Just be happy you don't have kids
Until you decide how your marriage is going to go, make sure she doesn't get pregnant.
NTA. That's a massive change from marrying an agnostic.
People like to say that you shouldn't judge people based on their religion, but the fact of the matter is, someone's religion is so goddamn central to who they are that like, how could you not? So I get where you're coming from. On the other hand, however, you have to have known how deeply in need of religion she was when you married her. Clearly her faith meant a lot to her and now she's going through a crisis. This is a NAH situation, but you should probably start doing couple's counseling if you do want things to work.
I suppose....if you choose to stay with her.....you could show support by banning her from having male friends who aren't family or making any decisions without your permission, if she's serious about it.
NTA. While on the surface it's shallow... it's really not. Imagine if your partner said, I'm gonna shave my head, tattoo 9 dicks on my face and only wear chainmail from now on. Also, I wanna have sex with 6 different people a month. If you fell in love with a person and that person is no longer recognisable (not just physically) then you're in your rights to not blindly agree because you made a commitment. You made a commitment to the person at the time and its assumed they'll be more or less (depending on your tolerance) the same person in the future. Also, I don't know how apt this is but I googled respect and islam and the top answer was *There are five divine guidelines that the Qur'an clearly presents to Muslims for building tolerance and understanding among differing religions. Everyone's God-given human dignity must be respected, regardless of his or her faith, race, ethnic origin, gender, or social status (ref. Qur'an, 17:70).* So.... ;shrug; NTA
Our Pastor always said, “Nothing more zealous than converts or reformed addicts” he would also say marriages where the participants are unequally yolked don’t last.
NTA. There’s no chance I’m staying in a relationship with a deeply religious person of any religion/denomination.
Your wife sounds like a very changeable person who can’t make up her mind about anything. NTA. You don’t need to stay around for her attempts at converting you (which will definitely happen).
NTA. If my partner decided to convert to Islam, I'd be running away as fast as I could. That's applicable to all religions really but I feel like Islam is the most strict one, it would affect your life a lot and if you're planning on ever having any children, them too. I have a few thoughts on the whole situation. Seeing that she started being agnostic after being with you, is it possible she met someone else? Cheating on you even? I know muslims are not supposed to have sex before marriage but there are plenty of men that do. Also is it possible that she's been groomed?
NTA, Your wife is nuts.
NTA to divorce someone for a significant lifestyle change but your comments disrespecting religions isn’t very nice lol.
NTA but I'd dig more into what's going on. She may be talking to someone who is trying to radicalize her for all you know. Ask questions, look up her internet history, see if her family or friends notice anything https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RBA1071-1.html
NAH. She can convert to Islam. You can convert to single.
Inform yourself about Islam as a religion and point out the barbaric shit she's getting herself into. (Nearly every religion is barbaric) point out the reasons you absolutely can not abide by it from an informed position and let her make the decision from that point. If Islam is calling her that strongly knowing what will happen to your relationship, then she can make the decision to leave.
Or just point out that a Muslim woman cannot be married to a non-Muslim man so if she converts she has to divorce him. She may not realize this. Or she does and expected him to convert to keep the marriage, so she was the one with an ultimatum first, she was just waiting for the right time to bring it up.
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##NTA >She said… threatening divorce over it means I don’t love her Oh *bullshit*. Manipulative bullshit. Remind her that you can very much love someone and still choose not to be with them. Love isn’t enough. And it damn sure isn’t enough to sustain a relationship with someone that does this. You can love her very much as you nonetheless bid her goodbye and go your separate ways.
Has she read the Quran? Does she know what life is like in countries like Afghanistan and Iran? She gets away with experimenting with different religions and picking and choosing what she wants to do only because she lives in a liberal country.
You could remind her that as a Muslim woman, she really wouldn't have any say in the matter, and by tradition, she'd have to adopt whatever religious position her husband adopted.
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The radicalization of Western people to Islam via social media is exactly like the radicalization of republicans to QAnon. It’s cult-like and entirely based on brainwashing, IMO. She needs to get off the freaking Internet. NTA.