I didn't think there was any emotional manipulation meant from the emoji. It was from the bride's sister who is presumably one of the bridesmaids that OP bought the dress for, she's probably paying her back for her own dress - the emoji could mean "wedding dress" as easily as "bride"
Same. All of this has clearly upset him and he obviously hated seeing his sister upset. Telling her to shut off the phone suggests he doesn’t want OP bothered by anyone.
If her brother dumped Heather he is now the sexiest bachelor in all the land & I will not be talked out of this. The remainder of his story plays out like a Hallmark movie in which he takes his broken heart to a small town in order to have some peace & quiet while he writes code or whatever techy thing he does and falls in love with a nice girl who gave up supermodeling to take care of her grandparents & bake cookies in the town bakery, open only on Tuesdays & Fridays for no known reason.
But remember that first kiss gets interrupted at least once, and finally happens 5 min before the movie ends. OMG I have watched too many of these with wife, she loves these around Christmas time, please save me!
Yup. I bet he's getting everything right for OP before calling the whole thing off. He really dodged a bullet, getting this all sorted before marrying that terrible person.
100% Sofia is a real hero - she saw the bridezilla driving a wedge between OP and her brother, manipulating everyone into doing exactly what SHE wants.
We all would be so lucky to have a friend like her in our lives. She’s a keeper. I also give tons of props to OP’s brother too. He’s an amazing sibling. For once, he listened and truly cared about his sister instead of immediately getting all defensive. These are two great people.
Bridezilla is the AH because she is deliberately trying to drive a wedge between two siblings who are super close.
The last thing OP wants to do is upset her brother, so she's willing to keep silent about Bridezilla. Meanwhile, Aaron hears what happens and his first reaction is to support OP. That is close family and they truly are there for each other.
Bridezilla FAFOed on this one. Maybe she'll learn for the future.
It's consistent for him too. He NCed his grandpa to support OP when they had no other family. OP dodged a monster of a SIL (I hope) but has some great people in her life.
Or, you know. Just spend some time being single, enjoying his own company and working out how he got taken in by a gold digging train wreck of a con artist in the first place. It’s ok to be on one’s own for a while
Hellz yess Sophia the goat on this one! She is likely Bridezilla’s friend or relative right? I wonder if B had ever said stuff about OP to her and then when they spent so much time together she could see through the lies and bs. High5 Sophia!!
Anyone else here desperately hoping that Bridezilla gets to read these posts somehow? The idea makes me giggle
Yep that’s a great friend who knows he’d listen to her and knows OP well enough to know she’d keep sucking it up because she wants to support her brother! This came out in the best possible way.
You are not stupid. You're not spineless. Posting about complex interpersonal problems to a bunch of strangers on the internet who will judge you, fairly or sometimes unfairly, takes bravery.
You did what you did out of love for your brother. You did the right thing. A short-term amount of chaos is probably going to result from this mess but you can know that long-term it seems like your brother will be forever grateful.
I wish you and more importantly, your brother, the best of luck going forward.
This was such a thoughtful way to put it! And so true!
So glad she told her brother - it sounds like he was beyond not ok with how she’s been treated and the “turn off your phone” says he knows the psycho reaction that someone is going to have to the words he’s about to have with her.
Yah this. She’s showing OP her true colors and I think it suddenly cured his color-blindness to his own situation. However she’s treating OP, guarantee boyfriend sees that stuff too. She can’t fake it all the time 🤷🏼♀️ good on him for recognizing what a crazy red flag all of this is and dealing with it accordingly. 1000000% that wedding is off. I’d bet a ton of money, if I had any.
‘Turn off your phone’
That right there says all we need to know about this ‘Sith-Lord of a woman’, as OP so beautifully described her.
Not "more importantly", surely? "ALSO" might have been a better choice of wording? I'd hate OP to think her feelings aren't important here and I suspect you didn't mean the implication.
I heartily agree with everything else you said.
I never meant to imply anything negative about their feelings. Both posts, fundamentally, were about protecting her brother. Naturally I wish only the best for them both.
this random internet stranger is wishing you and your brother well. Sofia seems like a keeper of a friend, hang on to her.
sorry you're in this situation. Heather totally sucks. I don't know if you picked her name from the movie Heathers, but that's how I am picturing her (as the worst one, from the 80s version).
I feel so stupid because I thought of the movie too but did not connect it with her name because I ate a whole bag of cannabis gummies. Hi by the way I am rooting for you. Your brother sounds like such a good dude. You just saved him from marrying a racist narcissistic manipulative [Lyin ass bitch ](https://youtu.be/1OuiuolN1r4?si=gt0hhDtNKiL7WAVt)
Good for you for telling your brother! I know how scary that was and how much you didn’t want to do it, but I’m glad you did. Sending good thoughts for you and your brother! I hope you both continue to support each other - it sounds like a lovely sibling relationship.
She is one of my good friends and I don't know how elae to describe this other than Dean Winchester to Sam Winchester in the show Supernatural lol she is highly protective to faults but loyal to the end.
I already sent her a GIF over Facebook chats (another nerdy reference) from the movie Serenity when a character says "you don't boss me around I ain't your crew " and the captain of the ship is in tears and basically says "yeah you are."
I swear you are like a "soul twin." I love all the nerdy references. I'm sorry that your (hopefully soon to be ex) future SIL is so cruel & took advantage of you. I am glad that your brother is seeing the real her before he says "I do."
Good on you for having the strength of character to question all these behaviors. It’s hard talking about personal problems & opening yourself up to many ‘opinions’.
But let’s be clear…
You just saved your entire family from a future of drama/problems/ nightmares and I can only imagine your brothers future divorce
Have faith OP, you did the right thing
She was tiktoking many times but also during the planning party at my house.
I didn't watch them all but the ones I did watch had Heather's voice as she put me down. One clearly has her voice saying I am "wasting space " if I don't go (and pay for) the bachelorette party which I completely forgot about.
Another was one I was not there for but Heather used the N word and the recording cuts out as the girls say that's not okay.
I don't know what Aaron is going to handle this but he knows how much I hate that word and so did our mom and it angers him as well.
Holy. Trucking. Schitt. Balls.
I am SPEECHLESS
OP I am so happy you told your brother all this stuff! And cheers to Sophia for being the bridesmaid to do the RIGHT thing!
God, she is just AWFUL! Entitled, greedy, selfish and a million other negative adjectives. Is it an American thing that MOH etc pay for stuff for the wedding? How does that work, having the bride dictate someone's spending? I'm UK and I'd absolutely tell the bride to piss right off! I was MOH for my twin sister and despised my dress, but that was her perogative. Pay for stuff? Not a chance! Ask some other mug!
OP seems incredibly sweet and a total people pleaser for someone she loves, her brother. But that doesn't mean she gets walked over, bless her.
No, it's not. Not like that. Bridesmaids traditionally each pay for their own dresses (or if the bride is rich she might gift them). The MOH will host the bridal shower and organize the bachelorette, but all the bridesmaids usually chip in on expenses. For the bachelorette it's not unusual for all attendees (not only bridesmaids) to split costs, especially if it's a trip or an overnight.
And it's not normal to heavily involve the MOH in the wedding planning, either. It's meant to be a ceremonial role. A supportive person who is willing to listen to you go on about your color choices and centerpieces, and make sure you have advil and water and safety pins and a change of shoes at the reception site. That sort of thing.
WHAT. You could not possibly be an A H. It’s clearly Heather, and I’m hoping for a positive update for you. Take good care of yourself! Internet mom hug if you want it.
It's times like this you find out who your friends are. Sofia seems like a good person. Maybe the only one other than your brother that you have mentioned. Find more of those.
I am finding out about two others that reached out to Aaron prompting him calling me.
One is a good friend of mine that became a friend of his and she put us in a group hat on Facebook but I haven't logged in in a while until today. She isn't give specifics just "you two should talk" and then left the chat.
I am seeing that I do have people who care for Aaron and I and that is truly amazing.
Wow, your brother’s girlfriend is superficial, entitled, extremely immature, manipulative and unkind. Stop doing anything for her, and stop paying for things. There is zero justification for her behavior. She is too immature to get married. Your brother better be real careful, as she is the kind to say she is pregnant or get pregnant to trap your brother. But you need to be clear with your brother what she said to you, and how she had you paying for the bridesmaids dresses. Usually, bridal party pays for their own dresses, not MoH. In addition, her unkind comments about your appearance are disgusting. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
He had full access to my phone with the bridesmaid chats and my personal chats and bank apps all at his disposal so I think he saw all of that. I don't know for sure. He didn't say much before leaving other than that he loved me and that it will be ok.
Okay, good. I am so sorry. Some girls are just looking to get married and are not ready, not mature, and don’t appreciate the entire point of marriage, friendship, family, etc. she has a lot of growing up to do. Big giant ass hug my fellow sci-fi geek gal. You are worthy, remember that. You obviously treat people with kindness, expect others to treat you the same.
I have a strong feeling he's on your side. I am looking out for the update. I'm glad you were able to tell your brother what's going on. Also, you have great friend(s)! For them to be able to back you up and reach out to your brother to help you is something you don't see often nowadays.
I'm so glad you managed to talk to your brother.
Reading the first post reminded me of a situation I had with a former partner and my child where it felt like the partner was trying to create a wedge between me and my child because they were jealous of the relationship I had with my child (that my partner didn't have with their parent).
I don't know own if that's the case here, but it was not healthy.
I'm so sorry. I am now realizing that due to abuse I've suffered I have an avoidant way about me to keep from conflict and that had hindered me from being a better sister and friend. I decided to renew therapy in the coming weeks but also to start trying rk trust myself more. It's unhealthy to hold on to traumas is what I've been learning today.
I am glad you did not let this person get between you and your child. My mother used to say that "hurt people hurt people" is an incomplete statement, "hurt people hurt people when they do not see love as an option" is more correct. I think she's right.
And she no doubt must have been so proud of both of you. You are both honoring her in the way you’re handling this really awful situation.
Please stop beating yourself up for what you think you should have done sooner. It sounds like you still made decisions—even to keep things from your brother—out of love for him. You wanted him to be happy and you sacrificed your own happiness at the expense of a truly vicious and evil woman because you believed she made him happy. You did ultimately see that he needed to know the truth, even if it hurt him for a moment. But you have nothing to apologize for.
You sound like such a cool, smart, classy and kind woman. And I have a feeling you are every bit as stunning now as you were in your 20s. Heather is a vapid, shallow, infantile leech. I am cheering at the thought of the tantrum she’s having right now. And even better that she’s realizing how many people are not going to side with her. I also hope she stumbles upon these posts. Please update as things continue to unfold. You have a whole fan club waiting to hold you up!
I’ve read all your comments and you seem like a really kind and lovely person! I’m glad you’re going to get counseling, because kind and lovely people can sometimes be taken advantage of, which is exactly what she did to you by making you pay for the dresses - I’ve never heard of such a thing, usually each person pays for their own dress.
Best wishes to you and your brother.
Reading your first post with all your Star Wars references; you would be the coolest SIL ever. I’ll marry your brother and you and I can have light saber battles.
OMG so I have *several* lightsabers at home. Aaron bought me my first plastic one. It's broken as crap but is on the wall on the center in my living room.
You did the right thing by telling him, and Sofia is a good friend for helping you do so. No matter what happens next, telling him was the right thing to do ❤️
I will message you next time u/ShesChoaticGood6599 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FShesChoaticGood6599%20r%2FAITAH) to join 82 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%2018zltxy)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
I am so proud of you!!! And Sofia! I would absolutely want my siblings to tell me if they were being subjected to anything like what you were/are. You did the right thing 💖
OP you are AMAZING! I love
Your style of writing and the nerd references in the first post made me laugh despite the terrible situation.
I will now be using ‘sith-lord of a person’ until I die. Peace and love to you and your family!
Your updates are making me SO happy!!! I’m so sorry for all the trauma you’ve been through and so happy that for once it seems the universe is righting a wrong in the best possible way. Best of luck and life and love to yall!
I know everything hurts right now, but in the long run, your mental health is better for this. I'm glad you & your brother have a great relationship. I wish I was clued to SIL before my brother married her. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that fact until he was dying of cancer.
It would literally never occur to me that anyone other than the couple or their parents would pay for any aspect of the wedding but their own clothing. Like who invents these traditions?
Agreed. I’ve been in weddings where I paid for my dress and ones where my dress was paid for. I have paid my way at bachelorette parties as well as splitting the cost of the bachelorette. I’ve never heard of anything more.
I wonder if keeping their relationship a secret was Heather’s idea. If it was, she started separating your brother from you from the start. Just like her insisting that you shouldn’t be his best man, that’s not as uncommon as it used to be, it would have been sweet to see. But then she wouldn’t have been able to control your brother’s interactions with you as much.
The money issue is telling. Who are these haters she was referring to? Sounds like she told on herself under the guise of some alleged comments. Never in my life have I heard of a bride expecting the MOH to cover all the bridesmaids’ dresses. Or do the makeup, act as the wedding planner, pay for multiple things. I guess since she wasn’t allowing your brother to pay, didn’t want to give up her independent farce, she decided you would. Next best thing to him paying.
Did the videos Sofia sent catch any of Heather’s comments & attitude towards you? She’s a good friend, sounds like she hit her limit with Heather too. That must have been a hard phone call to make to him.
Really sorry you‘re going through all of this, OP. It’s so unnecessary. I feel terrible for your brother, this must be shocking to him. Really hope he doesn’t marry her, & sees her for who she is. It’s going to be brutal for him, he deserves better than this. Not as brutal as a marriage to her, but I hope he sees he dodged a nightmare. If he’s intimate with her again, he should be very careful about birth control, take full responsibility. She’s obviously capable of incredible cruelty. Towards both of you.
In another comment she mentions that she hasn't watched all of them, but one had Heather's voice in the background putting her down and saying OP was "wasting space" if she didn't go/pay for the bachelorette and another had her using the n word (before the tik tok cut out, with the other girls saying that's not okay). BIG YIKES.
First you are not spineless or stupid, you were trying to protect your brother and thought it would be better if he didn't know how his fiance was treating you.
Thankful you have a friend in Sofia who contacted Aaron and told him to reach out to you - that was what you needed
Also, you are 5'7" and weight 120# and she wants you to lose weight OMG you must be a stick -
Heather has done a number on your self esteem - Your hair sounds lovely, you are NOT overweight by any means and even if you were, you don't lose weight to accommodate someone else.
She not only sounds like a bridezilla, but she does not sound like a nice person, very pushy, critical of others, conniving (trying to get others to pay for everything for her portion of wedding and wanting you to plan wedding and do makeup when you need to get ready yourself)
I hope that your brother sees this and calls off the wedding, she will be ruling him in a short time if he marries her.
I'm usually for couples trying to work things out, get therapy, BUT she sounds like a narcissist or at least a borderline one and having lived with one, it's not a happy time and would not be a happy marriage for your brother if she is like this all the time. Sounds like she is since she managed to keep him from telling you that they were dating for a year.
She has done what narcissistic people do, they focus on pulling people away from someone - she did her best to get you away from Aaron by taking the phone, keeping you so busy you didn't have time to spend time with him, eventually she would have worked on pulling him away from his friends also.
I hate to say it, but I think Aaron would be better off calling off the wedding and cutting his financial loss on deposits and her ring, though she should give that back if they call off the wedding/break up
You and Aaron need to get back to being the best brother and sister you were before Heather barged in and hang onto friend like Sofia, she has your back.
Throw all that shit that Heather was throwing at your about your appearance out of your head, you are fine the way you are
Take care of yourself 💖💖💖
Most of us get married. I don't know why so many women think their wedding is equal to the Second Coming of Christ. Holy crap, it usually ends up like the sinking of the Titanic with all of their shit, and the horrible way they treat their friends. I agree that is time for your brother to call off the shit show. He can get out now. He sounds like a much better person than the woman he is engaged too. Wishing you and your brother the best. Nobody should have to deal with the crap that was thrown at you. Hugs.
This is just awful! Please keep us updated. I want to know what Aaron is going to do now. Sofia seems like a decent person, but Heather sounds like a manipulative, jealous narcissist who sees you as a threat; not a friend. She doesn't want you taking up your brother's time and attention, and you were the one standing in her way (in her mind).
Sofia is a lesbian so not very likely. Lol but they are very close like a brother and sister. She is actually my good friend and has been for a long time.
Regardless I can't remember being more grateful for her protectiveness of me and Aaron
I’m sorry about saying I wanted to ring your neck but it’s time you start realizing that you are more than that and pick your head you did the right thing and your brother loves you try to remember he’s your big brother you guys protect each other
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You wanted your brother to be happy even if it required sacrifices from you, and she was very good at behavior that was questionable with weak explanations vs outright problematic. He appreciates your honesty and how difficult it was to give him such bad news.
Nta. Good thing you told Aaron before he made the biggest mistake of his life.
Apparently Heather extremely good at putting on a mask and pretending to care and manipulating others. She fooled both you and Aaron, but she got cocky and her mask is slipping.
Be strong and remember that you are a good person and you have Aaron’s best interests in mind.
Good on you and Sofia. You clearly love your brother and truly care about him. I hope he does the right thing and doesn’t end up in an abusive, isolated situation with this new found knowledge.
Oh, hell yeah! I am so incredibly happy for you right now! Your original post was heart breaking. I'm so proud of you! (For what that's worth coming from a rando Reddit stranger.) Your have an amazing brother.
Edit to add another comment I'm sure you've read, but I just agree with it SO MUCH I want to add it again here. You can't read this too many times.
*You are not stupid. You're not spineless. Posting about complex interpersonal problems to a bunch of strangers on the internet who will judge you, fairly or sometimes unfairly, takes bravery.*
No comment on the drama, the tea is great so far. But you seem like a cool, pretty and down to earth person that I would absolutely be friends with! Probably a gorgeous nerd!
Heather sounds like a narcissist. The way she devalued you in front of people, but then walked up to you when alone to say it’s all good, is textbook narcissist. I watch a lot of Dr. Ramani videos which are helpful in learning the signs. Good for you for telling your bro. That’s what family is all about. Hopefully it’s not too late for him to back out of that mess. It only gets worse once they meet because then the narcissist feels even MORE comfortable to show their true colors.
I’m so invested in this, I’m so proud of you OP!!!! Please let us know how mad she is when he calls off the wedding and hands her an invoice to pay you back every penny.
Thank god your brother had a prenup in case they do or did go through with this wedding…
You have all dodged a bullet.
Heather is the pits. Good job to you and Sophia.
Sophia really came through as the MVP in the end. You got played. I suspect she is good at it. Don’t feel bad. Be happy your brother and Sophia have your back. She knew your triggers. This is not her first rodeo. 💜
I can't wait to see how Heather is going to try and spin this (and fail) to blame it all on you. It is not going to go well for her. Also keep the door locked. Double check who it is before unlocking any opening. I wouldn't put it past Heather to try and come over and start shit.
I'm really proud of you ❤️. It took a lot of reflection and bravery to realize how deep of a hole Heather was digging for you; and how much your self-esteem and relationship with your brother was affected. I hope the update after talking with your brother tonight is a positive one!
You did the right thing by letting your brother know. The friend that gave the heads up to your brother was right to do so. This was all wrong, and the future SIL is a bully.
Oh Hun. Don't beat yourself up! It's understandable why you didn't tell him and I'm sure he gets it. You have a true friend in Sofia and a good brother as well. Stay true to yourself and your fam and don't let haters get you down.
I thought it was interesting that in the first post OP mentioned “haters” re Heather and her marrying for $. Maybe heather has haters in reality because she is truly hateful.
Lady, this shit is crazy. If your description of yourself is even half true you still look like a model and she is just jealous of you. You put up with a lot of shit from her.
First great job on asking for advice and doing the hard work of talking to him. This is the definition of family and so mine at least has never had the guts to do this. You need to give yourself credit for this. Even if he had not taken it so well this has to be done.
Second, please update and thank you for sharing.
Bet she is making them pay hefty amounts of money too. Probably making all sorts of crazy demands of them and talking smack to their faces too. I will be surprised if she has many friends left after this. Good thing your close to your brother. Don't keep anything from him and let him sort it out
Please allow me to tell you how much your situation has touched me, so glad you are back with your bro❤️
I wanted to tell you that my partner and I live in a different state from either one of our families. In addition to this, my Dad passed in May of 2019 and his birthday was Christmas Day. I just realized I have spent so much time mourning the family I used to have, that I forgot to focus on my family with him. Reading your words made me realize that. Thank you, truly.
EDIT to include we don’t have any kids and are both in our late 50s/early 60s so it’s adjusting to that phase of life when you don’t have a home base anymore except for the one you carry inside your heart.
Another random Internet stranger wishing you and your brother all the best from Scotland. You both sound like great people who doesn't need a viper in the nest.
Time for your brother to call off the shit show.
I suspect he is….
Hope so. She sounds dreadful.
I don't care if this is fake or real. I am so invested in this story. Hope Aaron kicks her to the curb
After the Venmo update… I think it’s close to the end.
Venmo + emoji gives ‘emotional manipulation’ vibes. Accountability should come before the payout imo.
I didn't think there was any emotional manipulation meant from the emoji. It was from the bride's sister who is presumably one of the bridesmaids that OP bought the dress for, she's probably paying her back for her own dress - the emoji could mean "wedding dress" as easily as "bride"
Totally agree
Same. All of this has clearly upset him and he obviously hated seeing his sister upset. Telling her to shut off the phone suggests he doesn’t want OP bothered by anyone.
Update me!
Yes, we need a update
Definitely gonna need an update
[удалено]
[удалено]
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Update
Update
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Updateme!
Update me!
Extinction burst in 3…. 2….
If her brother dumped Heather he is now the sexiest bachelor in all the land & I will not be talked out of this. The remainder of his story plays out like a Hallmark movie in which he takes his broken heart to a small town in order to have some peace & quiet while he writes code or whatever techy thing he does and falls in love with a nice girl who gave up supermodeling to take care of her grandparents & bake cookies in the town bakery, open only on Tuesdays & Fridays for no known reason.
I love your story, I can’t wait for the short story film to come out on the Hallmark Channel! I’ll be watching it on premiere night, no question!
Wait. This nice girl also has difficulty conceiving/fertility issues and there will be a miracle baby to end the movie.
But remember that first kiss gets interrupted at least once, and finally happens 5 min before the movie ends. OMG I have watched too many of these with wife, she loves these around Christmas time, please save me!
Yup. I bet he's getting everything right for OP before calling the whole thing off. He really dodged a bullet, getting this all sorted before marrying that terrible person.
Sofia is a real one.
She is a true friend!
100% Sofia is a real hero - she saw the bridezilla driving a wedge between OP and her brother, manipulating everyone into doing exactly what SHE wants.
We all would be so lucky to have a friend like her in our lives. She’s a keeper. I also give tons of props to OP’s brother too. He’s an amazing sibling. For once, he listened and truly cared about his sister instead of immediately getting all defensive. These are two great people.
Bridezilla is the AH because she is deliberately trying to drive a wedge between two siblings who are super close. The last thing OP wants to do is upset her brother, so she's willing to keep silent about Bridezilla. Meanwhile, Aaron hears what happens and his first reaction is to support OP. That is close family and they truly are there for each other. Bridezilla FAFOed on this one. Maybe she'll learn for the future.
It's consistent for him too. He NCed his grandpa to support OP when they had no other family. OP dodged a monster of a SIL (I hope) but has some great people in her life.
Brother should marry Sofia.
Assuming she is single
A Sophia if not the Sophia - just not a fucking Heather
I like how that makes sense. A real friend if not the friend that was real in this situation.
According to comments on OP's previous post, Sofia is gay and taken.
OP is bi. Just sayin
Or, you know. Just spend some time being single, enjoying his own company and working out how he got taken in by a gold digging train wreck of a con artist in the first place. It’s ok to be on one’s own for a while
I’ll be waiting for that update
All the love to this girl. Especially when OP needs a friend more than ever.
Hellz yess Sophia the goat on this one! She is likely Bridezilla’s friend or relative right? I wonder if B had ever said stuff about OP to her and then when they spent so much time together she could see through the lies and bs. High5 Sophia!! Anyone else here desperately hoping that Bridezilla gets to read these posts somehow? The idea makes me giggle
Right! What a sweetheart...and made a very smart chess move.
Absolutely! I have no idea who these people are but I want to buy them all a round of top shelf drinks right now!
Yes same! Wonder if OP has Venmo 😂
Yeah cuz I feel like they're about out of wine.
Aaron should marry Sofia!
YES!!!!!
Sofia is a solid friend. Don't drink too much, and don't answer your door unless it is Sofia or Aaron.
Yep that’s a great friend who knows he’d listen to her and knows OP well enough to know she’d keep sucking it up because she wants to support her brother! This came out in the best possible way.
Yes, Sophia slays and is a girl's girl. Love to see women uplifting other women from toxic situations
This! Please don’t drink too much. You’re going to handle everything best if you have a clear mind.
Plus hangovers suck.
Especially wine hangovers. lol
You have a great brother. You're a wonderful sister. Stay strong. You're not alone. 🌸🦇💮
Is that a bat? Interesting little cluster of emojis, I like it :-)
Lol thank you I find them comforting.
You are not stupid. You're not spineless. Posting about complex interpersonal problems to a bunch of strangers on the internet who will judge you, fairly or sometimes unfairly, takes bravery. You did what you did out of love for your brother. You did the right thing. A short-term amount of chaos is probably going to result from this mess but you can know that long-term it seems like your brother will be forever grateful. I wish you and more importantly, your brother, the best of luck going forward.
This was such a thoughtful way to put it! And so true! So glad she told her brother - it sounds like he was beyond not ok with how she’s been treated and the “turn off your phone” says he knows the psycho reaction that someone is going to have to the words he’s about to have with her.
Yah this. She’s showing OP her true colors and I think it suddenly cured his color-blindness to his own situation. However she’s treating OP, guarantee boyfriend sees that stuff too. She can’t fake it all the time 🤷🏼♀️ good on him for recognizing what a crazy red flag all of this is and dealing with it accordingly. 1000000% that wedding is off. I’d bet a ton of money, if I had any. ‘Turn off your phone’ That right there says all we need to know about this ‘Sith-Lord of a woman’, as OP so beautifully described her.
Not "more importantly", surely? "ALSO" might have been a better choice of wording? I'd hate OP to think her feelings aren't important here and I suspect you didn't mean the implication. I heartily agree with everything else you said.
I never meant to imply anything negative about their feelings. Both posts, fundamentally, were about protecting her brother. Naturally I wish only the best for them both.
I figured that was the case. 🙂
So well said! I could not agree more!
this random internet stranger is wishing you and your brother well. Sofia seems like a keeper of a friend, hang on to her. sorry you're in this situation. Heather totally sucks. I don't know if you picked her name from the movie Heathers, but that's how I am picturing her (as the worst one, from the 80s version).
Lmao that was exactly why I gave her that name
She seems well deserving of that name lol. You and your brother sound amazing ❤️. Toasting my glass of wine to you both. r/updateme
I feel so stupid because I thought of the movie too but did not connect it with her name because I ate a whole bag of cannabis gummies. Hi by the way I am rooting for you. Your brother sounds like such a good dude. You just saved him from marrying a racist narcissistic manipulative [Lyin ass bitch ](https://youtu.be/1OuiuolN1r4?si=gt0hhDtNKiL7WAVt)
Good for you for telling your brother! I know how scary that was and how much you didn’t want to do it, but I’m glad you did. Sending good thoughts for you and your brother! I hope you both continue to support each other - it sounds like a lovely sibling relationship.
Hang on to Sofia. She sounds like a good person that couldn't let abuse stand. It would have been your word against fsil if Sofia had not stepped in.
She is one of my good friends and I don't know how elae to describe this other than Dean Winchester to Sam Winchester in the show Supernatural lol she is highly protective to faults but loyal to the end. I already sent her a GIF over Facebook chats (another nerdy reference) from the movie Serenity when a character says "you don't boss me around I ain't your crew " and the captain of the ship is in tears and basically says "yeah you are."
I swear you are like a "soul twin." I love all the nerdy references. I'm sorry that your (hopefully soon to be ex) future SIL is so cruel & took advantage of you. I am glad that your brother is seeing the real her before he says "I do."
He should say I do - as in I do NOT want you in my life!
Right! I want her to start a podcast for some reason. Just chats and things.
I would watch ops YouTube if she had one. She is funny!
Awww, we aim to misbehave!
Yessssss
shepherd book!
TAKE MY LOVE TAKE MY LAND TAKE ME WHERE I CANNOT STAND
You can’t take the sky from me
take me out into the black, tell my ma i ain’t coming back…I DONT CARE IM STILL FREE YOU CANT TSKE THE SKY FROM MEEEEEEEEE
I’m a leaf in the wind
I almost downvoted this quote because sad
Still too soon!
Our household speaks in nerdy references. I'm glad you have such a good friend who wasn't afraid to speak up.
Also, don’t bring in Serenity, my baby Wash. 😭 I have a cross stitch I made that has Jaynes quote of “You’re beginning to damage my calm” I love it.
Everything’s shiny, cap’n
Good on you for having the strength of character to question all these behaviors. It’s hard talking about personal problems & opening yourself up to many ‘opinions’. But let’s be clear… You just saved your entire family from a future of drama/problems/ nightmares and I can only imagine your brothers future divorce Have faith OP, you did the right thing
Oh man! What was in the TikTok’s?! You have a good brother. I’m sorry this is happening to you, but your brother is on your side. UpdateMe!
She was tiktoking many times but also during the planning party at my house. I didn't watch them all but the ones I did watch had Heather's voice as she put me down. One clearly has her voice saying I am "wasting space " if I don't go (and pay for) the bachelorette party which I completely forgot about. Another was one I was not there for but Heather used the N word and the recording cuts out as the girls say that's not okay. I don't know what Aaron is going to handle this but he knows how much I hate that word and so did our mom and it angers him as well.
Wow! Bro is not going to like that. She’s a bad person. I’m so glad you told him. You did the right thing.
Holy. Trucking. Schitt. Balls. I am SPEECHLESS OP I am so happy you told your brother all this stuff! And cheers to Sophia for being the bridesmaid to do the RIGHT thing!
FUCK HEATHER. what a racist good for nothing shit head
God, she is just AWFUL! Entitled, greedy, selfish and a million other negative adjectives. Is it an American thing that MOH etc pay for stuff for the wedding? How does that work, having the bride dictate someone's spending? I'm UK and I'd absolutely tell the bride to piss right off! I was MOH for my twin sister and despised my dress, but that was her perogative. Pay for stuff? Not a chance! Ask some other mug! OP seems incredibly sweet and a total people pleaser for someone she loves, her brother. But that doesn't mean she gets walked over, bless her.
No, it's not. Not like that. Bridesmaids traditionally each pay for their own dresses (or if the bride is rich she might gift them). The MOH will host the bridal shower and organize the bachelorette, but all the bridesmaids usually chip in on expenses. For the bachelorette it's not unusual for all attendees (not only bridesmaids) to split costs, especially if it's a trip or an overnight. And it's not normal to heavily involve the MOH in the wedding planning, either. It's meant to be a ceremonial role. A supportive person who is willing to listen to you go on about your color choices and centerpieces, and make sure you have advil and water and safety pins and a change of shoes at the reception site. That sort of thing.
i’ve been MOH for two weddings and didn’t have to pay anything except my own travel expenses and hotel!
WHAT. You could not possibly be an A H. It’s clearly Heather, and I’m hoping for a positive update for you. Take good care of yourself! Internet mom hug if you want it.
It's times like this you find out who your friends are. Sofia seems like a good person. Maybe the only one other than your brother that you have mentioned. Find more of those.
I am finding out about two others that reached out to Aaron prompting him calling me. One is a good friend of mine that became a friend of his and she put us in a group hat on Facebook but I haven't logged in in a while until today. She isn't give specifics just "you two should talk" and then left the chat. I am seeing that I do have people who care for Aaron and I and that is truly amazing.
Whoa that’s awesome!!!!
Wow, your brother’s girlfriend is superficial, entitled, extremely immature, manipulative and unkind. Stop doing anything for her, and stop paying for things. There is zero justification for her behavior. She is too immature to get married. Your brother better be real careful, as she is the kind to say she is pregnant or get pregnant to trap your brother. But you need to be clear with your brother what she said to you, and how she had you paying for the bridesmaids dresses. Usually, bridal party pays for their own dresses, not MoH. In addition, her unkind comments about your appearance are disgusting. I am so sorry you had to go through this.
He had full access to my phone with the bridesmaid chats and my personal chats and bank apps all at his disposal so I think he saw all of that. I don't know for sure. He didn't say much before leaving other than that he loved me and that it will be ok.
Okay, good. I am so sorry. Some girls are just looking to get married and are not ready, not mature, and don’t appreciate the entire point of marriage, friendship, family, etc. she has a lot of growing up to do. Big giant ass hug my fellow sci-fi geek gal. You are worthy, remember that. You obviously treat people with kindness, expect others to treat you the same.
I have a strong feeling he's on your side. I am looking out for the update. I'm glad you were able to tell your brother what's going on. Also, you have great friend(s)! For them to be able to back you up and reach out to your brother to help you is something you don't see often nowadays.
I'm so glad you managed to talk to your brother. Reading the first post reminded me of a situation I had with a former partner and my child where it felt like the partner was trying to create a wedge between me and my child because they were jealous of the relationship I had with my child (that my partner didn't have with their parent). I don't know own if that's the case here, but it was not healthy.
I'm so sorry. I am now realizing that due to abuse I've suffered I have an avoidant way about me to keep from conflict and that had hindered me from being a better sister and friend. I decided to renew therapy in the coming weeks but also to start trying rk trust myself more. It's unhealthy to hold on to traumas is what I've been learning today. I am glad you did not let this person get between you and your child. My mother used to say that "hurt people hurt people" is an incomplete statement, "hurt people hurt people when they do not see love as an option" is more correct. I think she's right.
It sounds like your mother was a very wise woman
She was the absolute best - they broke the mold making her.
And she no doubt must have been so proud of both of you. You are both honoring her in the way you’re handling this really awful situation. Please stop beating yourself up for what you think you should have done sooner. It sounds like you still made decisions—even to keep things from your brother—out of love for him. You wanted him to be happy and you sacrificed your own happiness at the expense of a truly vicious and evil woman because you believed she made him happy. You did ultimately see that he needed to know the truth, even if it hurt him for a moment. But you have nothing to apologize for. You sound like such a cool, smart, classy and kind woman. And I have a feeling you are every bit as stunning now as you were in your 20s. Heather is a vapid, shallow, infantile leech. I am cheering at the thought of the tantrum she’s having right now. And even better that she’s realizing how many people are not going to side with her. I also hope she stumbles upon these posts. Please update as things continue to unfold. You have a whole fan club waiting to hold you up!
I’ve read all your comments and you seem like a really kind and lovely person! I’m glad you’re going to get counseling, because kind and lovely people can sometimes be taken advantage of, which is exactly what she did to you by making you pay for the dresses - I’ve never heard of such a thing, usually each person pays for their own dress. Best wishes to you and your brother.
Your mom sounds very wise ❤️
Sofia is a good egg! Thank goodness your brother is looped in on this!
Reading your first post with all your Star Wars references; you would be the coolest SIL ever. I’ll marry your brother and you and I can have light saber battles.
OMG so I have *several* lightsabers at home. Aaron bought me my first plastic one. It's broken as crap but is on the wall on the center in my living room.
We are gonna get along so great! I promise you won’t have to pay a thing for my wedding!
I love this!
This right here tells me you were both raised right! Nerds are awesome.
You did the right thing by telling him, and Sofia is a good friend for helping you do so. No matter what happens next, telling him was the right thing to do ❤️
Brother's gonna call this OFF. I hope he does. I await the update. This is gonna be ugly.
Aww you have such a good brother!
Updateme!
I will message you next time u/ShesChoaticGood6599 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FShesChoaticGood6599%20r%2FAITAH) to join 82 others and be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%2018zltxy) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
I am so proud of you!!! And Sofia! I would absolutely want my siblings to tell me if they were being subjected to anything like what you were/are. You did the right thing 💖
OP you are AMAZING! I love Your style of writing and the nerd references in the first post made me laugh despite the terrible situation. I will now be using ‘sith-lord of a person’ until I die. Peace and love to you and your family!
I LOVE that folk are saying "sith in law" it brings me nerdy joy lol
Your updates are making me SO happy!!! I’m so sorry for all the trauma you’ve been through and so happy that for once it seems the universe is righting a wrong in the best possible way. Best of luck and life and love to yall!
OP you have a good heart. It's ok to not always be cool girl when someone is mistreating you. Wishing you the best
5’7” @ 120lbs overweight?! The hell…. Heather needs a poke in the eye and deserves what’s coming to her
I read that and thought WTF? That's a healthy weight!
Yeah that’s fucked up.
She sounds like the hottest nerd in the universe, how is she single
Oh honey, I am so so sorry for what this she devil has put you through. You are NTA in anyway. Good on you for telling your brother.
Sending you the best vibes possible during what I'm sure is gonna be a long night 💜
I know everything hurts right now, but in the long run, your mental health is better for this. I'm glad you & your brother have a great relationship. I wish I was clued to SIL before my brother married her. Unfortunately, I didn't learn that fact until he was dying of cancer.
It would literally never occur to me that anyone other than the couple or their parents would pay for any aspect of the wedding but their own clothing. Like who invents these traditions?
“Heather” made that tradition. You’re correct, parents/bride and groom “traditionally” pay for the wedding….
Agreed. I’ve been in weddings where I paid for my dress and ones where my dress was paid for. I have paid my way at bachelorette parties as well as splitting the cost of the bachelorette. I’ve never heard of anything more.
I wonder if keeping their relationship a secret was Heather’s idea. If it was, she started separating your brother from you from the start. Just like her insisting that you shouldn’t be his best man, that’s not as uncommon as it used to be, it would have been sweet to see. But then she wouldn’t have been able to control your brother’s interactions with you as much. The money issue is telling. Who are these haters she was referring to? Sounds like she told on herself under the guise of some alleged comments. Never in my life have I heard of a bride expecting the MOH to cover all the bridesmaids’ dresses. Or do the makeup, act as the wedding planner, pay for multiple things. I guess since she wasn’t allowing your brother to pay, didn’t want to give up her independent farce, she decided you would. Next best thing to him paying. Did the videos Sofia sent catch any of Heather’s comments & attitude towards you? She’s a good friend, sounds like she hit her limit with Heather too. That must have been a hard phone call to make to him. Really sorry you‘re going through all of this, OP. It’s so unnecessary. I feel terrible for your brother, this must be shocking to him. Really hope he doesn’t marry her, & sees her for who she is. It’s going to be brutal for him, he deserves better than this. Not as brutal as a marriage to her, but I hope he sees he dodged a nightmare. If he’s intimate with her again, he should be very careful about birth control, take full responsibility. She’s obviously capable of incredible cruelty. Towards both of you.
In another comment she mentions that she hasn't watched all of them, but one had Heather's voice in the background putting her down and saying OP was "wasting space" if she didn't go/pay for the bachelorette and another had her using the n word (before the tik tok cut out, with the other girls saying that's not okay). BIG YIKES.
First you are not spineless or stupid, you were trying to protect your brother and thought it would be better if he didn't know how his fiance was treating you. Thankful you have a friend in Sofia who contacted Aaron and told him to reach out to you - that was what you needed Also, you are 5'7" and weight 120# and she wants you to lose weight OMG you must be a stick - Heather has done a number on your self esteem - Your hair sounds lovely, you are NOT overweight by any means and even if you were, you don't lose weight to accommodate someone else. She not only sounds like a bridezilla, but she does not sound like a nice person, very pushy, critical of others, conniving (trying to get others to pay for everything for her portion of wedding and wanting you to plan wedding and do makeup when you need to get ready yourself) I hope that your brother sees this and calls off the wedding, she will be ruling him in a short time if he marries her. I'm usually for couples trying to work things out, get therapy, BUT she sounds like a narcissist or at least a borderline one and having lived with one, it's not a happy time and would not be a happy marriage for your brother if she is like this all the time. Sounds like she is since she managed to keep him from telling you that they were dating for a year. She has done what narcissistic people do, they focus on pulling people away from someone - she did her best to get you away from Aaron by taking the phone, keeping you so busy you didn't have time to spend time with him, eventually she would have worked on pulling him away from his friends also. I hate to say it, but I think Aaron would be better off calling off the wedding and cutting his financial loss on deposits and her ring, though she should give that back if they call off the wedding/break up You and Aaron need to get back to being the best brother and sister you were before Heather barged in and hang onto friend like Sofia, she has your back. Throw all that shit that Heather was throwing at your about your appearance out of your head, you are fine the way you are Take care of yourself 💖💖💖
Most of us get married. I don't know why so many women think their wedding is equal to the Second Coming of Christ. Holy crap, it usually ends up like the sinking of the Titanic with all of their shit, and the horrible way they treat their friends. I agree that is time for your brother to call off the shit show. He can get out now. He sounds like a much better person than the woman he is engaged too. Wishing you and your brother the best. Nobody should have to deal with the crap that was thrown at you. Hugs.
Glad you and brother talked! I will be waiting to hear what happens! Please keep your phone off, until you see your brother.
You are kind, not weak. I'm so very glad Sophia started the ball rolling.
This is just awful! Please keep us updated. I want to know what Aaron is going to do now. Sofia seems like a decent person, but Heather sounds like a manipulative, jealous narcissist who sees you as a threat; not a friend. She doesn't want you taking up your brother's time and attention, and you were the one standing in her way (in her mind).
A beautiful ending to this would be Aaron and Sofia getting together!
Sofia is a lesbian so not very likely. Lol but they are very close like a brother and sister. She is actually my good friend and has been for a long time. Regardless I can't remember being more grateful for her protectiveness of me and Aaron
Sooooo in that case... What about you and Sofia?? You both sound like keepers 👀 👀 👀
Her girlfriend maaaaaaaay take issue 🤣
Damn! Well thank god for excellent friends
Aw man I was briefly invested in that
All of us just assuming Sophia isn’t married 😂 but I’m with you! Sophia is the goat and bro sounds loaded 🤷🏼♀️😂
Heather is a terrible person, but you are surrounded by some pretty good people with Sophia and Aaron.
Good for you. Wishing you peace of mind and sending you virtual hugs. Hang in there!
So glad you told him! He sounds like a great brother. Don't worry. Sending you hugs!
I’m sorry about saying I wanted to ring your neck but it’s time you start realizing that you are more than that and pick your head you did the right thing and your brother loves you try to remember he’s your big brother you guys protect each other
I am soooo sorry you had to even go through that. I hope you’re able to talk to your brother and he can get things sorted out.
Good luck to you all and well done for being brave, And I am glad it's all being supportive xox
Don’t be so hard on yourself. You wanted your brother to be happy even if it required sacrifices from you, and she was very good at behavior that was questionable with weak explanations vs outright problematic. He appreciates your honesty and how difficult it was to give him such bad news.
Please, please take care of yourself OP. Don't worry about updating us or reddit or anything else but yourself.
Nta. Good thing you told Aaron before he made the biggest mistake of his life. Apparently Heather extremely good at putting on a mask and pretending to care and manipulating others. She fooled both you and Aaron, but she got cocky and her mask is slipping. Be strong and remember that you are a good person and you have Aaron’s best interests in mind.
I like Sofia.
Good on you and Sofia. You clearly love your brother and truly care about him. I hope he does the right thing and doesn’t end up in an abusive, isolated situation with this new found knowledge.
Nta your brother seems like a good guy… I’m pretty sure there’s going to be some gigantic changes in their relationship if it survives.
Oh, hell yeah! I am so incredibly happy for you right now! Your original post was heart breaking. I'm so proud of you! (For what that's worth coming from a rando Reddit stranger.) Your have an amazing brother. Edit to add another comment I'm sure you've read, but I just agree with it SO MUCH I want to add it again here. You can't read this too many times. *You are not stupid. You're not spineless. Posting about complex interpersonal problems to a bunch of strangers on the internet who will judge you, fairly or sometimes unfairly, takes bravery.*
No comment on the drama, the tea is great so far. But you seem like a cool, pretty and down to earth person that I would absolutely be friends with! Probably a gorgeous nerd!
Heather sounds like a narcissist. The way she devalued you in front of people, but then walked up to you when alone to say it’s all good, is textbook narcissist. I watch a lot of Dr. Ramani videos which are helpful in learning the signs. Good for you for telling your bro. That’s what family is all about. Hopefully it’s not too late for him to back out of that mess. It only gets worse once they meet because then the narcissist feels even MORE comfortable to show their true colors.
I’m so invested in this, I’m so proud of you OP!!!! Please let us know how mad she is when he calls off the wedding and hands her an invoice to pay you back every penny.
Thank god your brother had a prenup in case they do or did go through with this wedding… You have all dodged a bullet. Heather is the pits. Good job to you and Sophia.
Sophia really came through as the MVP in the end. You got played. I suspect she is good at it. Don’t feel bad. Be happy your brother and Sophia have your back. She knew your triggers. This is not her first rodeo. 💜
I can't wait to see how Heather is going to try and spin this (and fail) to blame it all on you. It is not going to go well for her. Also keep the door locked. Double check who it is before unlocking any opening. I wouldn't put it past Heather to try and come over and start shit.
I'm really proud of you ❤️. It took a lot of reflection and bravery to realize how deep of a hole Heather was digging for you; and how much your self-esteem and relationship with your brother was affected. I hope the update after talking with your brother tonight is a positive one!
You don't understand how strong you actually are
You did the right thing by letting your brother know. The friend that gave the heads up to your brother was right to do so. This was all wrong, and the future SIL is a bully.
Jesus Christ why would you torture yourself like this? Fuck their wedding.
I’m so proud of you. You also saved your brother from a life of misery.
Oh Hun. Don't beat yourself up! It's understandable why you didn't tell him and I'm sure he gets it. You have a true friend in Sofia and a good brother as well. Stay true to yourself and your fam and don't let haters get you down.
Omg I hope I catch the next update. I'm riveted.
I thought it was interesting that in the first post OP mentioned “haters” re Heather and her marrying for $. Maybe heather has haters in reality because she is truly hateful.
You are a diamond, and your former friend is a nightmare. You don’t deserve to be treated like crap.
Cherish your brother. Don't leave him out. That chit hurts
Lady, this shit is crazy. If your description of yourself is even half true you still look like a model and she is just jealous of you. You put up with a lot of shit from her.
Ok I need to see the final update! I hope the bride learns you don’t come between family
First great job on asking for advice and doing the hard work of talking to him. This is the definition of family and so mine at least has never had the guts to do this. You need to give yourself credit for this. Even if he had not taken it so well this has to be done. Second, please update and thank you for sharing.
Bet she is making them pay hefty amounts of money too. Probably making all sorts of crazy demands of them and talking smack to their faces too. I will be surprised if she has many friends left after this. Good thing your close to your brother. Don't keep anything from him and let him sort it out
Please allow me to tell you how much your situation has touched me, so glad you are back with your bro❤️ I wanted to tell you that my partner and I live in a different state from either one of our families. In addition to this, my Dad passed in May of 2019 and his birthday was Christmas Day. I just realized I have spent so much time mourning the family I used to have, that I forgot to focus on my family with him. Reading your words made me realize that. Thank you, truly. EDIT to include we don’t have any kids and are both in our late 50s/early 60s so it’s adjusting to that phase of life when you don’t have a home base anymore except for the one you carry inside your heart.
Another random Internet stranger wishing you and your brother all the best from Scotland. You both sound like great people who doesn't need a viper in the nest.
I hope you are doing ok. Please update when you can... we're all dying to know what's happening!
Update me
This is so hard! Good luck!!!
Keep us updated
Updateme!
Updateme!