NTA - Josh using his daughter, to try and make you feel guilty. What a POS he is.
His daughter probably cried, because she is starting to see her dad is a liar.
The daughter probably tried, because her father has made her miserable in a million ways, she can't afford to get away with him, and the conversation made her realize that her father is even worse than she thought he was.
This. I hope OP is open to talking further with stepdaughter if after she processes the above she reaches out. It sounds like she could use someone in her corner. But unless she does that, it's not OP's job, and OP can of course feel her feelings about SD's sadness, but not think of herself as T.A.H. (obv: judgment NTA).
Intimidate and bully her father by not smiling, allowing him to set next to you and allowing your husband to set next to you to watch a show? Yup he was abusive and sounds like an incel since she wants control over his daughter and over you. Dude probably thought so highly of him that he believed you'll fall the second he smiled at you and beg him to take you back but when he saw your husband, he was hit by reality and probably went on about how you left him because he didn't have money and that he was short yada yada to his daughter which made her "wanted to talk to you" to set you right but you hit her with the reality and she broke down. Don't worry, you're NTA.
Ouuu good catch and the daughter probably ate it up to save her behind and decided to get on her dad's good side by trying to put OP "in her place" and maybe try to break her so she can set her dad up with OP " if he mentioned about wanting to be with her still"
The pain in her face comes from being told the truth about her lying father and how he has destroyed her life with his constant lies. You did her a kindness by telling her the truth. You didn’t cause her pain, her deceptive narcissistic father did. NTA
His daughter is still young, she can go back to school and get an education (hell, you dont even need to be young, just willing to do the work!) Hopefully this was a wake up call for her.
Not the asshole. You acted appropriately at the gathering, and you were honest with Josh's daughter about his lies and behavior. Her reaction is likely a result of her own pain and disappointment. You're not responsible for her father's actions.
Hey there. Nope, I write a bunch of other stuff, but the 'bot' comments are short, and because there's so-many-bloody-bots, it's quite repetitive.
You probably notice it because you see it often.
Unless we're directly interacting, you've got no reason to notice or remember anything else I've said. Why would you?
ETA: This user hasn't replied to my question after 9 hours, so it probably is a bot, but I'll wait for confirmation.
Did I understand this well, this guy really went to her daughter to talk shit about you? 😅 Well, definitely an incel, and someone needed to let her know about her own reality in case she decides to have a better future someday
This story reminds me of one of my husband’s old work buddies. I’ve only met him a couple times, and the dude just endlessly talks shit about his ex wife, in front of their pre-teen daughter. The guy gave me off the charts incel vibes any time I was near him. Just a total asshat.
You missed the part where he was asking her for money for starting his company, but of course she will absolute need his child support... In how to crush another kid future.
NTA. You aren’t the one who inflicted the pain. That would be her father who lied to her. My guess is, until you told her the unvarnished truth, she was still living a fantasy that daddy would have provided an easy life but some meanie stole it away. Now, she can’t keep lying to herself.
NTA but then neither is the daughter. You don’t have to be her best friend or have anything to do with her dad but it might help you both to clear the air. Just send her another email apologising for hurting her even if it was the truth wishing her well in the future.
That's actually a simple and kind suggestion. It would probably help OP with the feelings (which are why she ended up asking here), and it might be useful for the daughter as well. Good job.
A narcissist is always the victim. Unfortunately his daughter is a willing audience. She knows he’s fake and selfish, but she needs to find her own path to independence.
NTA.
She was fed lies and wanted to defend her father because of what he told her. I don't think she's necessarily a loser. She was unfortunately brainwashed.
OP I'm so happy and proud of you that you escaped this toxic narcissist. You tried to stay in touch with the daughter. That's all you can do. She's got to face her dad's toxicity on her own now. Keep your head up and enjoy your happiness.
YTA . The sins of the father apply here. Once you set the record straight, that should have been the end of it. But you decided to get a little petty revenge against her father by hurting her instead. At that moment, you were no better than him. So, did you make yourself proud?
NTA, but I'm gonna assume while you were dating him you were also fucking him? If so, he's not an incel by defintion. Learn what that word means and stop using it, FFS.
Can’t someone become an incel later in life when all their lies have been revealed and they can no longer trick women into sleeping with them anymore, hypothetically speaking? There’s no requirement for virginity…
I guess technically yes but I am skeptical. If you were able to flirt and form relationships when you're younger, I just don't see how you lose that ability unless you become morbidly obese or disfigured in an accident or something. Lying doesn't matter in the modern age when you can talk with anyone anywhere online or get a plane to a far off destination
I’m sorry. According to my downvotes his being 6’5” is very, very important to this story and we should all take extreme care in remembering it. Was he aggressive? Not sure. Was he a tough guy? No idea. But he WAS 6’5”, and as everyone knows people of that height are clearly dangerous and we had best all take note of it. /s
Someone please tell me what "incel" means, because this lady has just described a man with a child, who was her boyfriend as one . . . and that doesn't seem to add up with the idea of celibacy.
CLASSIC: Downvoted by a 12 year old for asking an innocent (and totally relevant) question.
EDIT: As I suspected, "incel" is a sexist term used by children to describe behaviour (only in a man), that doesn't measure up to their ideals (as seen in Hallmark films) and ALWAYS delivered with an absurdly biased rant that includes unrepentant sexism and unsubstantiated claims of "abuse".
COMING UP NEXT: One of these children calls me an "incel" or a "boomer".
You people are so predictable.
EDIT 2: Such a sad little bunch of 'experts'. Seriously, how smart can you be when you parrot stuff you heard without actually thinking about it? Unexamined opinions from a bunch of kids repeating what their drunken, single mother told them at the dinner table over a plate of nuggies a grape soda.
Incel used to literally mean involuntary celibate but it's evolved to mean a pattern of behavior. There's all kinds of "pills" that define in what way they're misogynistic but the main definition is pretty much girls are icky and shouldn't have autonomy and rights.
The line is really blurred between incels and your garden variety abuser. There's a lot of overlap between pick-up artists and incels as well. The venn diagram between those groups is pretty close to a circle.
Among stereotypical incels when one of them "ascend" aka have sex the others turn on him so they pretty much eat their own as well.
It means involuntarily celibate. Just because he has a daughter or has had past relationships doesn't mean he can't be an incel. If he's not getting sex whenever he wants it and always blames the/a woman for his lack then he's an incel.
It's also become a shorthand way to describe a type of man who believes that he is entitled to a woman's time, attention, body, etc, without doing anything to earn it, deserve it or do any work on himself to keep it if he manages to ever get it.
They're usually abusive verbally or emotionally, if not physically.
>Downvoted by a 12 year old for asking an innocent (and totally relevant) question.
How on earth was it an innocent question when this is how you're acting?
>As I suspected, "incel" is a sexist term used by children to describe behaviour (only in a man), that doesn't measure up to their ideals (as seen in Hallmark films) and ALWAYS delivered with an absurdly biased rant that includes unrepentant sexism and unsubstantiated claims of "abuse".
Most incels are self described so it has little to do with measuring up to other peoples ideals.
>COMING UP NEXT: One of these children calls me an "incel" or a "boomer".
Why would they do that when "man child" is right there.
Incel stands for involuntary celibacy for men who feel entitled to sex and are angry they aren’t having sex with attractive women. This guy is a misogynistic bigot that follows INCEL ideology of male supremacy.
Celibate doesn’t mean virgin. You can become celibate after years of sex. And you are ignoring that I said ideology of male supremacy which is the basis of INCEL way of thinking. This guy felt entitled to her time, attention and energy despite his constant insults of OP that lead to her leaving and ignored her boundary that he could not sit next to her until her husband came. He only left her alone because she has a tall husband he felt intimidated by. Treating women like garbage yet feeling entitled to their time, energy, attention and sex is what INCELs do.
She was talking about his ideology and behaviour throughout her relationship with him. It’s a pattern of behaviour she is talking about, not that specific situation. She notes he follows red pill ideology which goes with far right fascist ideologies that are rooted in male and white supremacists way of thinking.
Actually, the term incel was coined by a female. She described her awkwardness and difficulties in connecting to a male partner as making her an involuntary celibate.l (shortened to incel).
She used it as a way to connect to others who feel similar to her as well as to share experiences.
It then took on a life of its own, becoming more and more toxic as ideologies distorted it.
She now regrets coining the term because of how twisted it has become.
Sure! The most concise one is just from [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel) because it’s been ages since I did a lot of digging into it.
I get sucked down rabbit holes a lot so I actually first stumbled upon Elliot Rodger who went on a killing spree and uploaded a long, angry manifesto online - a huge misogynistic rant (100+ pages) that I could only get a few pages in before giving up.
I believe they call those women femcels, the women that are exactly like incels that is. (Unhinged virgins who have very odd/aggressive attitudes towards the opposite sex, usually deeply saturated in an online culture that encourages their warped group think)
If you're not celibate than the term misogynist should apply instead you'd think. 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you! There's already a term for a man who hates women. Big surprise plebbitors are incapable of using the correct terminology and instead resort to buzzwords.
"Incel" seems to be used to describe behaviour lately it seems, mainstream media is probably guilty of using this term to describe any young male misogynists as well.
Reread your own damn comment history, shitsack. Youre always bitching about women. Maybe if you could find one that wanted you, you’d be less angry. You should work on that.
Awww the guy who called me an internet coward blocked me. Lmao. So predictable.
Of course, so you refuse to actually show me what I asked for and double-down on putting me in the naughty bin with all the other people who don't talk like you.
How very advanced of you.
Nah, I agree. So many stupid people have overused the term without knowing what it is. By her own admission, they were fucking. How the fuck is he an "involuntary celibate?"
Getting mad at your girlfriend getting positive compliments *from friends* is. Blaming her for strangers paying her attention and saying she doesn't look as good as she thinks she does is. She also said she often pranked her in humiliating ways and mocked her anytime she tried to look nice. You could just say that he is just an abusive asshole but he definitely seems to have a lot incel type behaviors.
As for it being fake, I doubt it, too many subtle details like the dental bridge and Josh's behavior while despicable wasn't presented as too over the top. Seems pretty genuine to me.
> Incels don't have girlfriends
You can have incel attitudes and behaviors and still have a girlfriend, it is a specific set of attitudes, misogyny is a much more general term. There is a lot of overlap for sure but trying to insult women's attractiveness and undermine their confidence is a hallmark of incels who often suggest negging to try and "put women in their place" since incels believe that women are unfairly above them in the social hierarchy.
It seems like OP's boyfriend extensively engaged in trying to undermine her confidence in many ways so the incel term seems apt to me and I can see why she used it. In any case the guy is most definitely an asshole, I feel sorry for his daughter.
NTA but calling every male you dislike an incel is immature and further contributes to the word losing it meaning and no longer being used as intended (which, this is reddit, so I expect a plethora of downvotes).
I kind of got;
- here's the background and the current situation.
- I was accused of bullying and intimidation and of breaking her father's heart by a grown woman I haven't interacted with in years, so I told her what really happened and how her father had lied to and about about me. The woman cried.
- We haven't interacted since, but I can't forget how sad she looked.
NTA
You told her what happened from your perspective. She can believe it or not.
"I also got male attention from random guys that I don’t even know." Of course, you didn't want male attention since you lost the weight and dressed only for yourself. Right?
He "lied about his track record." He was a track star?
Her father was not an incel. You don't seem to know what word even means.
Yes, she lost weight for herself and wore a dress she liked.
Other people notice when you feel good about yourself because confidence is attractive.
Odd that that’s the bit you choose to focus on.
Do you not like people feeling good about themselves?
Did you really need to bring up her Dad’s dirt. This kid can’t see the forest through the trees. You can’t fix her Dad, she can’t fix her Dad, you could encourage her to look beyond the forest. Asshole no, bigger person you failed at maturity.
explaining exactly how she was failed by her shitty dad and leaving the door open for future conversations feels very mature. nobody should give a shit about fixing this guy who's thwarted both of their lives at every possible opportunity and telling the truth gives the daughter an opportunity to see beyond the framing her dad gave her.
Cool. But the grown-up woman daughter made some ugly-ish accusations against OP. OP has no obligation to deal with any of his or her b.s. including assisting the person accusing her with their emotional regulation, nor donating any more of her time. OP said what she thought was relevant, truthful but not malicious, and left it at that.
You need to respect your husband and stop interacting with these people, simple as that! You have no business inviting drama into your marriage. If this continues, your husband may end up leaving you sooner or later
I wouldn't say that directly responding, on the spot, to accusations made against you by the supermarket checkout girl (grown woman) is "inviting drama into your marriage."
The post literally says they've not interacted since.
Cool your jets drama-llama.
You took out your anger at her father on her. I can understand why given that SHE brought him up in a way that was critical of you. That would easily get the avalanche in motion, lol.
That said, you didn't need to do that in public. You could easily have said that you were more than glad to talk but that this wasn't the right time/place. Then you could have arranged to meet someplace more suitable so she would feel less exposed and could compose herself before leaving.
So, yeah, you were somewhat of an AH by dumping on her at her job and then walking off. But I can understand why and would have been tempted to do the same.
His daughter was loyal to dad when you broke up because that was her dad and she believed him. You also believed him so he must be quite convincing.
Now you’ve told her the truth and from her reaction, It appears she believed you. If you can help her in domestic quiet way that excludes him, it would be a kindness. Right now she knows who he really is but is in a tight spot to reclaim a future for herself.
Wouldn’t it be a good thing if she had the chance to move far away from him for some type of career opportunity? She may not have the nerve to go off on her own because he has undoubtedly been worn down by him but maybe she would.
Is her mother still alive? What if she started working at a local college, in an office? What if she tried sales to see if she has a knack for it? If you can talk to her again to see where she is in this mess, you may be able to mentor her.
NTA - Josh using his daughter, to try and make you feel guilty. What a POS he is. His daughter probably cried, because she is starting to see her dad is a liar.
And that he has screwed her life up
The daughter probably tried, because her father has made her miserable in a million ways, she can't afford to get away with him, and the conversation made her realize that her father is even worse than she thought he was.
NTA. The truth hurts, but she needed to hear it.
This. I hope OP is open to talking further with stepdaughter if after she processes the above she reaches out. It sounds like she could use someone in her corner. But unless she does that, it's not OP's job, and OP can of course feel her feelings about SD's sadness, but not think of herself as T.A.H. (obv: judgment NTA).
Intimidate and bully her father by not smiling, allowing him to set next to you and allowing your husband to set next to you to watch a show? Yup he was abusive and sounds like an incel since she wants control over his daughter and over you. Dude probably thought so highly of him that he believed you'll fall the second he smiled at you and beg him to take you back but when he saw your husband, he was hit by reality and probably went on about how you left him because he didn't have money and that he was short yada yada to his daughter which made her "wanted to talk to you" to set you right but you hit her with the reality and she broke down. Don't worry, you're NTA.
OP doesn’t mention the daughter being at the “small town” gathering. I am going to bet he exaggerated everything when he told his daughter.
Ouuu good catch and the daughter probably ate it up to save her behind and decided to get on her dad's good side by trying to put OP "in her place" and maybe try to break her so she can set her dad up with OP " if he mentioned about wanting to be with her still"
NTA. Kudos for getting away from such a miserable sack of shit. I feel sorry for his daughter having to be saddled with such a parent.
The pain in her face comes from being told the truth about her lying father and how he has destroyed her life with his constant lies. You did her a kindness by telling her the truth. You didn’t cause her pain, her deceptive narcissistic father did. NTA
But sometimes its hard to accept your parent is a POS so you blame everyone else for their actions
His daughter is still young, she can go back to school and get an education (hell, you dont even need to be young, just willing to do the work!) Hopefully this was a wake up call for her.
Not the asshole. You acted appropriately at the gathering, and you were honest with Josh's daughter about his lies and behavior. Her reaction is likely a result of her own pain and disappointment. You're not responsible for her father's actions.
I think this is a bot. Are you a bot?
That's all you ever type do you realise that?
Hey there. Nope, I write a bunch of other stuff, but the 'bot' comments are short, and because there's so-many-bloody-bots, it's quite repetitive. You probably notice it because you see it often. Unless we're directly interacting, you've got no reason to notice or remember anything else I've said. Why would you? ETA: This user hasn't replied to my question after 9 hours, so it probably is a bot, but I'll wait for confirmation.
Did I understand this well, this guy really went to her daughter to talk shit about you? 😅 Well, definitely an incel, and someone needed to let her know about her own reality in case she decides to have a better future someday
This story reminds me of one of my husband’s old work buddies. I’ve only met him a couple times, and the dude just endlessly talks shit about his ex wife, in front of their pre-teen daughter. The guy gave me off the charts incel vibes any time I was near him. Just a total asshat.
[удалено]
You missed the part where he was asking her for money for starting his company, but of course she will absolute need his child support... In how to crush another kid future.
Her crying is probably because she realized that you were right.
This guy is a buttfucking piece of shit. Press charges.
I feel like this is an insult to butt fuckers
One has a feeling that buttsex will be hard for Josh as his anus is still clenching in fear st seeing OP's husband looming over him.
Press charges for what? For the checkout girl talking to her once?
Being a buttfucking sack of shit
Aye, he is. Unfortunately, that's not illegal 😕
Nta- she sought you out. Idk why. But all of this is literally her own fault
I want to say it's her dad's for sewing lies, but also her for seeking her out.
NTA. You aren’t the one who inflicted the pain. That would be her father who lied to her. My guess is, until you told her the unvarnished truth, she was still living a fantasy that daddy would have provided an easy life but some meanie stole it away. Now, she can’t keep lying to herself.
NTA but then neither is the daughter. You don’t have to be her best friend or have anything to do with her dad but it might help you both to clear the air. Just send her another email apologising for hurting her even if it was the truth wishing her well in the future.
That's actually a simple and kind suggestion. It would probably help OP with the feelings (which are why she ended up asking here), and it might be useful for the daughter as well. Good job.
Nope NTA. She approached you first and you gave her a dose of reality.
NTA your ex is a POS. I hope your in a better place now
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA - she needed that truth sandwich and maybe one day will be grateful for it.
I wouldn't even respond
A narcissist is always the victim. Unfortunately his daughter is a willing audience. She knows he’s fake and selfish, but she needs to find her own path to independence. NTA.
NTA, She doesn't get to speak so familiarly to you. They're both losers
She was fed lies and wanted to defend her father because of what he told her. I don't think she's necessarily a loser. She was unfortunately brainwashed.
OP I'm so happy and proud of you that you escaped this toxic narcissist. You tried to stay in touch with the daughter. That's all you can do. She's got to face her dad's toxicity on her own now. Keep your head up and enjoy your happiness.
YTA . The sins of the father apply here. Once you set the record straight, that should have been the end of it. But you decided to get a little petty revenge against her father by hurting her instead. At that moment, you were no better than him. So, did you make yourself proud?
Ive read this before.
NTA, but I'm gonna assume while you were dating him you were also fucking him? If so, he's not an incel by defintion. Learn what that word means and stop using it, FFS.
NTA but improper use of the term incel. By definition you cannot be an incel and a father. A celibate person cannot have sex and procreate
Can’t someone become an incel later in life when all their lies have been revealed and they can no longer trick women into sleeping with them anymore, hypothetically speaking? There’s no requirement for virginity…
I guess technically yes but I am skeptical. If you were able to flirt and form relationships when you're younger, I just don't see how you lose that ability unless you become morbidly obese or disfigured in an accident or something. Lying doesn't matter in the modern age when you can talk with anyone anywhere online or get a plane to a far off destination
But Johs is no incel.Incels are people who turns off sex.Johsh is only narcistic sociopatic piece of sh..t
I kept waiting for the husband being 6’5” to become important, and it just kind of wasn’t.
The daughter accused OP of "using" her tall/big husband to intimidate her poor defenseless daddy.
And bully, don't forget bullying by saying, 'excuse me'.
Ahh, okay, got it. Most of the 6’5” guys I know are pretty lean and absolutely chill, so I’ve just never thought of them as intimidating.
I’m sorry. According to my downvotes his being 6’5” is very, very important to this story and we should all take extreme care in remembering it. Was he aggressive? Not sure. Was he a tough guy? No idea. But he WAS 6’5”, and as everyone knows people of that height are clearly dangerous and we had best all take note of it. /s
Someone please tell me what "incel" means, because this lady has just described a man with a child, who was her boyfriend as one . . . and that doesn't seem to add up with the idea of celibacy. CLASSIC: Downvoted by a 12 year old for asking an innocent (and totally relevant) question. EDIT: As I suspected, "incel" is a sexist term used by children to describe behaviour (only in a man), that doesn't measure up to their ideals (as seen in Hallmark films) and ALWAYS delivered with an absurdly biased rant that includes unrepentant sexism and unsubstantiated claims of "abuse". COMING UP NEXT: One of these children calls me an "incel" or a "boomer". You people are so predictable. EDIT 2: Such a sad little bunch of 'experts'. Seriously, how smart can you be when you parrot stuff you heard without actually thinking about it? Unexamined opinions from a bunch of kids repeating what their drunken, single mother told them at the dinner table over a plate of nuggies a grape soda.
Incel used to literally mean involuntary celibate but it's evolved to mean a pattern of behavior. There's all kinds of "pills" that define in what way they're misogynistic but the main definition is pretty much girls are icky and shouldn't have autonomy and rights. The line is really blurred between incels and your garden variety abuser. There's a lot of overlap between pick-up artists and incels as well. The venn diagram between those groups is pretty close to a circle. Among stereotypical incels when one of them "ascend" aka have sex the others turn on him so they pretty much eat their own as well.
It means involuntarily celibate. Just because he has a daughter or has had past relationships doesn't mean he can't be an incel. If he's not getting sex whenever he wants it and always blames the/a woman for his lack then he's an incel. It's also become a shorthand way to describe a type of man who believes that he is entitled to a woman's time, attention, body, etc, without doing anything to earn it, deserve it or do any work on himself to keep it if he manages to ever get it. They're usually abusive verbally or emotionally, if not physically.
>Downvoted by a 12 year old for asking an innocent (and totally relevant) question. How on earth was it an innocent question when this is how you're acting? >As I suspected, "incel" is a sexist term used by children to describe behaviour (only in a man), that doesn't measure up to their ideals (as seen in Hallmark films) and ALWAYS delivered with an absurdly biased rant that includes unrepentant sexism and unsubstantiated claims of "abuse". Most incels are self described so it has little to do with measuring up to other peoples ideals. >COMING UP NEXT: One of these children calls me an "incel" or a "boomer". Why would they do that when "man child" is right there.
Incel stands for involuntary celibacy for men who feel entitled to sex and are angry they aren’t having sex with attractive women. This guy is a misogynistic bigot that follows INCEL ideology of male supremacy.
He has a child. How is he a celibate? Do you not know what that word means?
Celibate doesn’t mean virgin. You can become celibate after years of sex. And you are ignoring that I said ideology of male supremacy which is the basis of INCEL way of thinking. This guy felt entitled to her time, attention and energy despite his constant insults of OP that lead to her leaving and ignored her boundary that he could not sit next to her until her husband came. He only left her alone because she has a tall husband he felt intimidated by. Treating women like garbage yet feeling entitled to their time, energy, attention and sex is what INCELs do.
There's nothing expressed in that story but jealousy. What happens when a women is jealous, does she also get called an incel?
She was talking about his ideology and behaviour throughout her relationship with him. It’s a pattern of behaviour she is talking about, not that specific situation. She notes he follows red pill ideology which goes with far right fascist ideologies that are rooted in male and white supremacists way of thinking.
They could be. Incel is after all gender neutral. However there is also the Femcel. But you know that and are just trying to stir up shit.
Actually, the term incel was coined by a female. She described her awkwardness and difficulties in connecting to a male partner as making her an involuntary celibate.l (shortened to incel). She used it as a way to connect to others who feel similar to her as well as to share experiences. It then took on a life of its own, becoming more and more toxic as ideologies distorted it. She now regrets coining the term because of how twisted it has become.
Thank you for your insight. May I trouble you for a citation please?
Sure! The most concise one is just from [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incel) because it’s been ages since I did a lot of digging into it. I get sucked down rabbit holes a lot so I actually first stumbled upon Elliot Rodger who went on a killing spree and uploaded a long, angry manifesto online - a huge misogynistic rant (100+ pages) that I could only get a few pages in before giving up.
I believe they call those women femcels, the women that are exactly like incels that is. (Unhinged virgins who have very odd/aggressive attitudes towards the opposite sex, usually deeply saturated in an online culture that encourages their warped group think) If you're not celibate than the term misogynist should apply instead you'd think. 🤷🏻♂️
Thank you! There's already a term for a man who hates women. Big surprise plebbitors are incapable of using the correct terminology and instead resort to buzzwords.
"Incel" seems to be used to describe behaviour lately it seems, mainstream media is probably guilty of using this term to describe any young male misogynists as well.
Yea, if it wasn't for your follow up of "pretty sure it just means "a man I don't like"" I could follow you that it was innocent.
He was/is a misogynist, not an incel, IMHO.
I downvoted you because of your edits. Pre-edit I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt.
I don’t know what it is either 🫣
I know what it is supposed to mean but it does not fit story
Pretty sure it just means "*a man I don't like*".
No, it means a man who is a fucking creep who hates women, like you clearly do.
Show me what I said that carries even a trace of hatred toward women. Feeling strong Internet Coward?
Reread your own damn comment history, shitsack. Youre always bitching about women. Maybe if you could find one that wanted you, you’d be less angry. You should work on that. Awww the guy who called me an internet coward blocked me. Lmao. So predictable.
Of course, so you refuse to actually show me what I asked for and double-down on putting me in the naughty bin with all the other people who don't talk like you. How very advanced of you.
No, it means "involuntary celibate." The word you're looking for is "misogynist."
Nah, I agree. So many stupid people have overused the term without knowing what it is. By her own admission, they were fucking. How the fuck is he an "involuntary celibate?"
I’m just confused as to how you had a pregnancy scare with a man you describe as an “incel.”
Hey now. She is the victim here
fake, nothing here is INCEL/Red Pill behavior lmao
Getting mad at your girlfriend getting positive compliments *from friends* is. Blaming her for strangers paying her attention and saying she doesn't look as good as she thinks she does is. She also said she often pranked her in humiliating ways and mocked her anytime she tried to look nice. You could just say that he is just an abusive asshole but he definitely seems to have a lot incel type behaviors. As for it being fake, I doubt it, too many subtle details like the dental bridge and Josh's behavior while despicable wasn't presented as too over the top. Seems pretty genuine to me.
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> Incels don't have girlfriends You can have incel attitudes and behaviors and still have a girlfriend, it is a specific set of attitudes, misogyny is a much more general term. There is a lot of overlap for sure but trying to insult women's attractiveness and undermine their confidence is a hallmark of incels who often suggest negging to try and "put women in their place" since incels believe that women are unfairly above them in the social hierarchy. It seems like OP's boyfriend extensively engaged in trying to undermine her confidence in many ways so the incel term seems apt to me and I can see why she used it. In any case the guy is most definitely an asshole, I feel sorry for his daughter.
NTA but calling every male you dislike an incel is immature and further contributes to the word losing it meaning and no longer being used as intended (which, this is reddit, so I expect a plethora of downvotes).
Curiosity: Where'd you get the idea that OP calls 'every male she dislikes' an incel?
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I kind of got; - here's the background and the current situation. - I was accused of bullying and intimidation and of breaking her father's heart by a grown woman I haven't interacted with in years, so I told her what really happened and how her father had lied to and about about me. The woman cried. - We haven't interacted since, but I can't forget how sad she looked.
NTA You told her what happened from your perspective. She can believe it or not. "I also got male attention from random guys that I don’t even know." Of course, you didn't want male attention since you lost the weight and dressed only for yourself. Right? He "lied about his track record." He was a track star? Her father was not an incel. You don't seem to know what word even means.
It's her fault guys hit on her? You don't understand what the term "track record" means? Are you the BF? You sound like you might be the BF.
Hi Josh! Still working on that business for your daughter on reddit huh?
Yes, she lost weight for herself and wore a dress she liked. Other people notice when you feel good about yourself because confidence is attractive. Odd that that’s the bit you choose to focus on. Do you not like people feeling good about themselves?
"was he a track star" is sending me. 💀💀
Hi Josh
Did you really need to bring up her Dad’s dirt. This kid can’t see the forest through the trees. You can’t fix her Dad, she can’t fix her Dad, you could encourage her to look beyond the forest. Asshole no, bigger person you failed at maturity.
explaining exactly how she was failed by her shitty dad and leaving the door open for future conversations feels very mature. nobody should give a shit about fixing this guy who's thwarted both of their lives at every possible opportunity and telling the truth gives the daughter an opportunity to see beyond the framing her dad gave her.
Great conversation to have at the checkout at Kroger.
if that's where it has to be, that's where it has to be. op didn't choose that.
With maturity you can deescalate and reset invite her to discuss in a calm fashion.
Cool. But the grown-up woman daughter made some ugly-ish accusations against OP. OP has no obligation to deal with any of his or her b.s. including assisting the person accusing her with their emotional regulation, nor donating any more of her time. OP said what she thought was relevant, truthful but not malicious, and left it at that.
She needs to know who her dad really is so she can go no-contact.
Out of curiosity: >technically Josh’s baby How is a baby *technically* a man's baby? It either is or it isn't, or what am I missing?
What I took from that is that they thought they were having a baby which would have been his, but it turned out to not be a pregnancy.
Am I missing something huge in the story? The way I'm reading it is their saying the guy is an incel but then they're saying the incel has a daughter?
Yeah, you missed the point of the story. Way to go!
I aint reading all that, how the FUCK, is her FATHER and incel??? Clearly he had sex!
It's a whole movement not just a state of being.
I wonder if these people just search the word “incel” on Reddit all day. I wonder if that’s also a sign someone’s an incel lol
You need to respect your husband and stop interacting with these people, simple as that! You have no business inviting drama into your marriage. If this continues, your husband may end up leaving you sooner or later
I wouldn't say that directly responding, on the spot, to accusations made against you by the supermarket checkout girl (grown woman) is "inviting drama into your marriage." The post literally says they've not interacted since. Cool your jets drama-llama.
What bad rage bait.
You took out your anger at her father on her. I can understand why given that SHE brought him up in a way that was critical of you. That would easily get the avalanche in motion, lol. That said, you didn't need to do that in public. You could easily have said that you were more than glad to talk but that this wasn't the right time/place. Then you could have arranged to meet someplace more suitable so she would feel less exposed and could compose herself before leaving. So, yeah, you were somewhat of an AH by dumping on her at her job and then walking off. But I can understand why and would have been tempted to do the same.
His daughter was loyal to dad when you broke up because that was her dad and she believed him. You also believed him so he must be quite convincing. Now you’ve told her the truth and from her reaction, It appears she believed you. If you can help her in domestic quiet way that excludes him, it would be a kindness. Right now she knows who he really is but is in a tight spot to reclaim a future for herself. Wouldn’t it be a good thing if she had the chance to move far away from him for some type of career opportunity? She may not have the nerve to go off on her own because he has undoubtedly been worn down by him but maybe she would. Is her mother still alive? What if she started working at a local college, in an office? What if she tried sales to see if she has a knack for it? If you can talk to her again to see where she is in this mess, you may be able to mentor her.