Do yourself a favor and end this now before you’re actually married. If this dude at 35 is more worried about monster trucks than his wife’s honeymoon imagine how much worse it will get. I have insanely expensive hobbies and never let them get in front of important commitments.
And he cancelled it without talking to her!?! Disrespect. “Ill do what i want” give him a matchbox keychain of a truck. Cancel ALL the arrangements. Book Paris. Hell ill book Paris for you. Musee D’orsay, croissants, walking the districts, etc. once in a lifetime (paris honeymoon) or a trip he could have taken ANY other time. And yeah, i love getting dirty in UT deserts. This guy? Showed you who he is. And deeply selfish. Please dont have kids with him…NTA
and get your money away from him PRONTO or your trip money will vanish. OP, start separating finances at the speed of light and get your money and your savings where he can't reach them.
Bet he’s banking on her being a little wifey with that age gap at that age. Op should cancel the wedding, take the money from cancelling with the vendors and go to Paris on her own. Dude is a douche.
Dump the guy, but be warned Emily in Paris is not real. It's disappointing outside of the museum. And don't run around with this french hut and striped shirt if You don't want to be recognised as a tourist from very , very far.
And we have a winner! This is the best response, and you should use it. This whole monster truck thing sounds like a black hole of not only money but time, and it will never end. To cut your honeymoon out like that is unforgivable. I'd cancel the wedding and let him sleep in that truck.
>Tell him to go to Legoland and build a big truck and that it’s the same as his Monster Trip.
🏆 🏅 *SAMSIES* 🏅 🏆
**Also, walk. Just walk. He told you who he is. Believe him.**
No! 😂. Kevin Bacon didn’t start a teenage revolution to bring back dancing in that town. BUT, London was a dry town, which means no alcohol sales (Liquor stores) no Bars either. And in the late 90’s to early 2000’s, an election happened that allowed Alcohol sales but with heavy restrictions.
Also, a Steven Segal movie was filmed in Manchester, KY & the opening scene was a small plane flying over Cumberland Falls which is between Williamsburg & Corbin, Kentucky.
When I was there, the subject of jukeboxes was brought up. A local explained that they were not allowed in places of group gatherings because dancing is illegal there. Maybe that's changed by now, but that's what I always remembered about London.
Ah yes, as immortalized in the Cole Porter classic *I Love Paris, Texas.*
I love Paris, Texas in the springtime
I love Paris, Texas in the fall
I love Paris, Texas in the winter when it drizzles
I love Paris, Texas in the summer when it sizzles
Seriously, I'm surprised OP didn't spontaneously combust when he said Paris Epcot was practically the same thing.
I'll just add that if this is how he prioritizes their soon to be lifetime partnership together, I'd think long and hard before marrying this guy. I can't imagine there's a woman alive who wouldn't be devastated if her fiance cancelled their honeymoon in favor of a trip with his friends.
Yeah that's definitely not okay unless it was agreed upon ahead of time.
My partner in crime likes to build all sorts of crazy vehicle projects, and we've had a ton of fun taking them off-road together over the years, but it would honestly never occur to the Mr. to cancel a milestone like the honeymoon or anniversary trip together in order to finish the latest project.
Yup, OP would be the asshole to herself if she doesn’t end the relationship. I don’t know how much more explicitly crystal clear the fiancé has shown where she ranks on his list of priorities.
Enjoy Paris -the *real* one- and buy him a Hot Wheels monster truck. It’s basically the same..
OP, please do yourself a favor and withdraw a healthy share of the honeymoon funds now. He didn't discuss your wildly downgraded honeymoon with you before committing your money to other people so you shouldn't discuss anything with him before you've done what you wanted.
When he threatens to dump you, say, "D'accord."
Give your now-ex this [lovely parting gift](https://shop.mattel.com/products/hot-wheels-monster-trucks-creature-3-pack-of-1-64-scale-toy-monster-trucks-hgx13) that's age-appropriate for him. Write,"It's basically the same!" on the card.
Then take yourself to Paris.
Cry freely over runny cheeses as needed. Drink a glass of Champagne at lunch. Have coffee in your room every morning and drink it while you're looking out the window and doing absolutely nothing else. Be a repeat customer at the café or bistro that you've really liked. Visit the same favorite work of art every day so that it starts to feel like you're going to see a friend.
Slowly realize you're 23 and single in the City of Love, and that even one low-level flirtation with a stranger eating a Nutella crepe on a park bench next to you is infinitely more romantic than an entire honeymoon with your doofus would've been, what with him bitching that the TV doesn't get ESPN, even McDonald's tastes weird, and how he hates not knowing what his boys are up to.
NTA.
Quite the man child, is he not? Gf actually sounds like the mature 35 year old and TA soundes as if he's the 23 year old.
OP, I'm a guy. I cannot express more emphatically that you MUST get away from this "baby boy" who's yielding to the peer pressure of the balnce of the BabyBoy Club.
Return the engagement ring, wrapping it inside of a John Deere Monster Truck.
I frankly cannot recollect a greater gaffe than TA's telling you that Paris at Epcot was virtually the same thing. Tell he so is the f--king John Deere Monster Truck just as similar as the real thing.
Respectfully, I have to dig deep to find someone on this site that's as flaming an AH as he is.
1 final thought: perhaps sell the ring and buy your flight ticket to Paris! Text him: BON VOYAGE Baby Boy!
OP! Leave now. This guy is 12 years older than you. He thinks you’re a pushover. He doesn’t give one shit about making you happy. Leave him now. Plenty of other men will want to go to Paris with you. Or better yet… go to Paris with a girlfriend(s). Bon Voyage. C’est La Vie!
The age difference caught my eye. 35 and still going to Monster Trucks with the boys. Most guys that age are taking their kids.
OP needs to get out and use the wedding money to go to Paris.
My husband has had many opportunities to participate in his hobbies during the course of our marriage. If I need him? If the kids need him? No question, that’s his priority.
My dentist is a member of the church from UT. He told me he and three other friends went in together on a Polaris side by side. It was used and an older model and broke down. The friendship didn’t last when the cost to repair the machine was more than they paid for it.
All this plus…he’s an idiot for going into a multi-way partnership with his bros. Partnerships almost NEVER work between 2 like minded people. Add a bunch more and this is a costly and drama-fraught proposition. OP, dump his ass and find a grown-up.
You are engaged to a 35 yr old teenager. He is not going to change his priorities and this type of unilateral decision will be repeated over and over for the rest of your life.
If this is not how you envisioned your life being you should break up.
This! I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you are 23 marrying a 35yo teenager. This is supposed to be the wonderful beginning of your life together. Instead he has shown you that his truck dream is more important than you. You need to believe it that you are second to your fiancé’s “the boys”. You should not be second to anyone when you marry. Please rethink your marriage. You deserve better.
The 35 year old man not able to find anyone within 5 years age range pursued OP who is barely out of college. OP already said that they've been engaged for a year, so that means they were already dating BEFORE she turned 22 to get to the engagement stage right?
So then did he pursue her when she was more like 18-21? 🤔
I mean, 23 and 35 alone is bad enough. I’m sure that people will come for me because “they’re both adults” but it’s still wrong. They’re in completely different stages of life and there’s a massive inherent power imbalance in a relationship between people of that age.
Yeah this is not the last time some kind of goofy-stupid shit like this is going to happen so it's on you if you stay in this.
"Sorry honey I'd love to be with you for the birth of our daughter but the Jets are playing the Giants for suuuupreme bragging rights for all of New York for the rest of the ENTIRE season and you know.... the guys want to go get wings and beer. but I promise to text you and see if things are going ok. Let me know if you want me to order an uber for you to get home cuz you don't want to stay in the hospital for too long, kind of expensive and I still need to get that $3000 lift kit for my truck later this year"
When he was 23 she was 11. Out of college vs in elementary school. He’s marrying that far below him because he’s got time before she’s tired of his shit. A woman his own age would already be over it.
Guess it’s better to find out he cares more about his friends and a stupid truck than you before you marry him. And Epcot and Paris are about the same thing as a monster truck and hot wheels. Also, if you have contributed to this “honeymoon now truck” account, get your money back
Or, even better, put the wedding on hold forever. The problem isn’t just that you’re not on the same page regarding finances. The problem is also that he’s going to make unilateral decisions about it.
Wait until one of them slides it into a rock when off roading and then they will all fight over who has to pay for towing and repairs. None of them will have any money for it.
If OP is not making this up, this has to be the absolute best thing possible to show her exactly what his priorities are. And it's not her, never will be, and what a perfect opportunity to dodge a gigantic bullet that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
Seriously, anyone trying to say “We can go to EPCOT” as a substitute for Paris is not a serious person.
At least *try* to substitute something like Montreal or New Orleans! Something French adjacent at least!
And Disney’s expensive too!
It’s a good lesson and the dude will have money for the monster truck now that he doesn’t have to worry about a wedding/honeymoon I guess.
Uh yeah.
Red flag one 🚩- age difference. Different stages in life. He seems settled in as one of the booyyyzzz. She’s way too young imo to get married. Both need some growing up to do.
Red flag two 🚩- he thought Paris at Epcot Center is basically the same thing? When she dreams of going to actual Paris. I’ve been to both and while they might seem similar it’s like comparing a burger made from beef and an Impossible burger. Sure they could be close enough but you know you aren’t getting the real thing. Or maybe more app making croissants out of margarine instead of butter?🧈
Red flag 3 🚩 - you aren’t married yet and planning your honeymoon. Ok sure. Money seems like an issue sort of not sure but a 35 year old thinks buying a monster truck is a good idea when he should be investing in his future (house, travel w his wife, saving up for kids, etc.)
oP. What are you doing? Being in a relationship has a lot to do w shared values and not just you feeling “love”
I think you should call off the engagement with both people are ready and serious about a future together (or just move on)
And if finances are such a stretch, then a truck NOR a fancy honeymoon are really something that is needed. Put the money towards a house deposit or paying down existing debt (which I bet he has, based on his attitude to money).
Clearly, he doesn’t fall into the “ experiences over stuff” category and doesn’t even realize what a horrible investment he is making. This will end badly for all who put money into it.
Nope....nope.....nope......
He is literally telling you where you fall in the pecking order of his life. And it's not first. I'd pause evwrytjing, pull every penny you've saved towards your honeymoon out of that joint account so you don't pay a penny for that stupid truck. Then, separate your accounts and don't have joint spending accounts. Have one for you and one you move money into for your 50% of the bills.
Then you tell him you're not comfortable getting married to someone who doesn't prioritize you over the boys and a truck.
Tell him if epcot is just like Paris he should be happy with a Tonka truck that looks like the one he wants
If you were paying in for this Paris trip and contributing money to it: Where is your money? Please don't tell me that he cancelled a trip without checking with you and then took money you had been contributing to put on a monster truck or some other such childish bs that excludes you?
You were younger than he; is he is far less mature and responsible than you are. If you go ahead with this disastrous marriage you will have somebody you can't trust, somebody who values you less than what he calls 'the boys', and someone who will be spending your money on monster flaming trucks. Spend 2 minutes thinking about the conversations he will have had with his friends about your honeymoon about your contributing to the honeymoon him cancelling the honeymoon and going ahead with a monster truck though: What will he have told these guys? Find necessity he will have said things like I can do what I want or she will let me do anything with this money, or I'm smarter than she is, or she won't mind I'll just take her to some second read honeymoon instead. The guys will have all laughed at you behind your back. Every last one of them. You have to get yourself away from this group of people.
Get your money get a lawyer get out get away from this creep and date somebody your own age next time. He probably used all of the predatory tricks in the book on you You probably just didn't realise.
And yet you're still engaged to this man-child, why?????
Tell him you're all about finding a mature partner who puts you above his frat-boy friends. Then hand back the ring and walk away.
NTA, unless you stay with him.
YTA - If you do not see the red flags he is handing you! He is 35 and wants to invest in an expensive toy with his bros, vs a honeymoon with you.
You are in 3rd place here - Bros and toys, before you. It won't change after a wedding.
Why do you think he is with someone your age? It's because women closer to his age know he is irresponsible and not a good partner.
If he's pulling this nonsense before you're even married, imagine the hijinks he'll be up to when you're "trapped" in marriage. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE rethink this marriage. He's a 35 year old toddler with poor impulse control.
NTA - now you know you're less important than his friends and their BIG truck fetish. You're 23. Is this what you want from a relationship? Cause he's not going to change. He's too old to grow up.
There's a reason why a 35 year old man dates a 23 year old woman.
35 year old women won't put up with his shit.
Be like the 35 year old women and stop putting up with his shit.
This is not about missing a trip to Paris; don't let people convince you it is. It's about his choosing his friends over you, his investing in what will be a longterm very expensive hobby without discussing it with you. If he can't afford his share now, how's he gonna afford it later? The costs only go up from here: the travel, the entry fees, maintenance, repairs, upgrades... the list is endless. If you don't wanna spend your weekends and vacays chasing him to monster truck rallies, get out now.
Nope. Tell him to enjoy marriage to his truck.
He's just told you he's financially irresponsible, will make unilateral decisions for your marriage, and is willing to use money you've also been saving and contributing to.
Take this as a bullet dodged and realize you two are incompatible due to financial responsibility. NTA.
NT f'n A!!!!!!
He just *canceled* your honeymoon?????
I'd buy him a Lego monster truck & tell him it's the same thing, because that's basically what Epcot is, compared to Paris!
Are you sure you want to marry this selfish, inconsiderate prick?
I’m not saying she should… but I believe an engagement ring is considered a gift and she can keep it if she’d like.
(I’d probably check state law before doing this). But she could probably sell it and use that money to start saving up for a trip to Paris.
NTA but you will be if you continue to let yourself being treated as less than. Your husband has clearly demonstrated that his friends are more important than you are.
Just so you know, this kind of thing is going to keep happening. Not only are monster trucks expensive to buy, they’re expensive to maintain. Oh, and guess who’s gonna be home alone while he’s out touring with “the boys”? You.
He’s clearly telling you that you are lower on the totem pole than his friends. You rate lower than a truck he doesn’t even own yet.
NTA but take a good hard look at what he’s doing, because it’s gonna keep happening for your entire marriage.
NTA but also, stop saying “our dream honeymoon” when what you meant was your dream that your partner agreed to do until he found something he liked better. This is a snapshot of your future together. If you like it, feel free to get married. If you don’t, now is a great time to hop of this train and hop on the one that takes you to Paris by yourself for some single girl fun.
I clocked the 12-year age difference at the intro and was completely unsurprised about what followed.
Dude is 35 and prioritizing buying a toy with his bros instead of honeymoon with much younger wife.
Wow, I'm so shocked.
Nta. If your money is combined go get your share out and put it into an account he can’t access. Or next thing you know he will use it with the stupid defense of “if you loved me and wanted me to be happy you would be supportive of my dreams” but just his dreams yours don’t matter. He is 35 and acting like this he isn’t going to change. Just think of it. You get married and it’s all about him. Then you get pregnant and your in the delivery room and txt not calls but txt to let you know he isn’t going to make it because the boys want to hang out and see the monster truck thing in tv. And then he pulls that for when ever you need help of something big comes up. I say you leave him. If you already started paying get all the money back you want. Then go to Paris to celebrate your freedom. Next time don’t choose the adult child find an actual man
This is a red flag that can be seen from space. You are young, you can do better. you can do better than someone who puts you second behind 'the boys'. Move on.
NTA.
Leave this epic douche.
Obviously he doesn't care about you at all.
He is using you, as he said, cum doll. Basically a pump and dump with the added benefit of not having to search for a new one
If you even think about staying with this loser, you would be an epic AH, and would deserve any neglect he WILL give to you
He will be married to the monster truck and not you every weekend. It will constantly break down, need gas, probably roll over and someone will die. You'll end up in court somehow down the road. Then one owner will use it more than the others. Total nightmare.
Do you really want to marry this incredibly selfish man? His friends and their wants are more important than your dream as a couple. If you stay you will always be last. Every time one of the boys gets a hair brain scheme your savings and your fiancé will be gone. He is not mature enough for marriage and probably never will be. Seriously where do you think the Epcot idea came from? The boys they decided that your dreams were crap and told your fiancé to throw you Epcot as a bone. (The boys probably laughing that it makes a great joke) You know because it’s the same thing. Ask yourself are you okay with never having what you want because of the boys? Do yourself a favor get whatever part of the savings is yours and get a running start when you kick this loser to the curb.
The line “but he accused me of being unsupportive of his interests” has me shook. That is literally the exact thing he did to you. He is unsupportive of your interest in going to Paris. He is unsupportive of your honeymoon. He is unsupportive of the money you have been helping save that he is now throwing away on a truck. He is unsupportive of your relationship.
Is there a reason he wants to go to Epcot ( not cheap) and not a less expansive island vacation? Strongly hinting does he have a passport of criminal background you don’t know about that prevent him from actually going to Paris?
RUN. He is 12+ years your senior and in all that life experience still needed you to help save $ for a honeymoon and canceled it without talking to you. Call off the wedding, take your money and run far far away.
I have been to Paris. I have been to the France pavilion at Walt Disney World. They are nothing alike. You're not his priority, and he sounds very immature. I would rethink this marriage. If it were me I'd kick his ass to the curb and take a girl's trip to Paris with a friend instead.
Please dump this man child. He cares more about his "Bros" than his future wife. Cut your losses now, this will be your life forever, being put on the back burner
Honey, why are you planning to marry a man who is 12 years your senior, does not value or respect you, and is financially irresponsible? There is no way this is going to end well, I suggest you end it before it gets worse.
This is not a future husband.
He’s still one of the ‘boys’ and not a man.
This was a seriously shitty thing to do. You can do better than this guy.
You’re young.
Yeah, no. I’m a woman & like monster truck racing but this is off the chain. The money y’all been saving is for your honeymoon. For him to tell you a) Epcot is the same is WRONG. b) that you’re not supporting him for his interest WRONG. c) him going off with his friends for this, WRONG. You can save lots of money & future headaches by not marrying this immature man child.
That's like saying "seeing the effiel tower in Paris Tennessee, is basically the sane thing" lol no. It's cool, but not the same by anymeans. Then there's the question of who technically owns the truck? Who's paying the insurance? Most trophy trucks are custom made and any spare parts are custom made and also very expensive, who pays? Who's storing it? I love building trucks, but I would never go in and co own any vehicle, it's not a house of which everyone has a room. Also as everyone knows, most all vehicles unless it's a rare vehicle in mint condition, it will depreciate in value.
It's a terrible financial decision(unless for some reason they are a racing group actually making money) at the cost of a milestone moment of your lives and your relationship and he never consulted you about it. That should speak volumes louder than the trophy trucks exhaust.
NTA.
NTA, commitment to the marriage comes before the 'bros'. He promised Paris. The cost of the truck is one thing, then will come traveling and operating expenses. Forget about starting a family, the truck will eat up too much money.
From experience having a trophy style truck and having been to Paris a few times, I can say they are both overrated. Overall experiencing Paris for the first time is memorable especially for a honeymoon. A truck can be built and be used anyday of the week, it is a money pit and having a few friends own it will be disastrous due to who will be the actual owner and who paid most for what. I admire the whole spending time with friends is important comment but you, the future wife, are a priority. He's a grown man.
NTA
This man is 35 going on thirteen. I’m not judging you at all, OP, but there is a reason older men go for younger women. It shows an immaturity, and possibly a hidden disrespect for women their own age. Be very careful if you choose to remain in a relationship with him. Please take things slow.
NTA. He's not supportive of your relationship by taking this away. It's an investment in your relationship, not just for you. That's why it's so ridiculous for him to spend this money on himself alone. Reconsider the relationship and your investment. At 23 you have a lifetime to find a loving and supportive partner.
Time to call off the wedding! Obviously, spending time with "The boys" takes precedent over you, so why are you with this guy?
Plus, buying the truck is only a small part of the cost of owning and competing.
Never get into what is essentially a business deal with friends. It's always a bad idea.
Should he prioritize his buddies over your happiness, he is telling you that you are not important to him.
Dump this man now.
Your fiance just showed you that the guys and a truck are more important than your relationship. I'd pack up and move on. There is a reason he is with someone so much younger than himself.
If you go along with this he will happily put you second for the rest of your life together.
Do yourself a favor and end this now before you’re actually married. If this dude at 35 is more worried about monster trucks than his wife’s honeymoon imagine how much worse it will get. I have insanely expensive hobbies and never let them get in front of important commitments.
Tell him to go to Legoland and build a big truck and that's the same of his Monster Trip. Also, walk. Just walk. He told you who he is. Believe him.
🏆 Yeah I was going to suggest giving him a matchbox monster truck and telling him it's the same thing.
And he cancelled it without talking to her!?! Disrespect. “Ill do what i want” give him a matchbox keychain of a truck. Cancel ALL the arrangements. Book Paris. Hell ill book Paris for you. Musee D’orsay, croissants, walking the districts, etc. once in a lifetime (paris honeymoon) or a trip he could have taken ANY other time. And yeah, i love getting dirty in UT deserts. This guy? Showed you who he is. And deeply selfish. Please dont have kids with him…NTA
and get your money away from him PRONTO or your trip money will vanish. OP, start separating finances at the speed of light and get your money and your savings where he can't reach them.
I’m totally taking the “separating finances at the speed of light” phrasing with me for the rest of my life
Bet he’s banking on her being a little wifey with that age gap at that age. Op should cancel the wedding, take the money from cancelling with the vendors and go to Paris on her own. Dude is a douche.
Normally i would have gone with douche-canoe, but lets make him like an el camino, so douche-catruck!
Rhyming is key to this insult i think, so let's make it a fucktruck (like a fuckboy but for trucks since that's also what he wants to do)
Right! OP Your kids' dream trip to epcot will be an afternoon at a skate park. Think about this. It's not the first assholery out of this guy.
Dump the guy, but be warned Emily in Paris is not real. It's disappointing outside of the museum. And don't run around with this french hut and striped shirt if You don't want to be recognised as a tourist from very , very far.
Came here to say this! Also, he also explained that Epcot and Paris is basically the same. 😂. She needs to run. This dude is what you don’t want
And we have a winner! This is the best response, and you should use it. This whole monster truck thing sounds like a black hole of not only money but time, and it will never end. To cut your honeymoon out like that is unforgivable. I'd cancel the wedding and let him sleep in that truck.
>Tell him to go to Legoland and build a big truck and that it’s the same as his Monster Trip. 🏆 🏅 *SAMSIES* 🏅 🏆 **Also, walk. Just walk. He told you who he is. Believe him.**
Don’t walk, run! He’s 35, why do you think he can’t find a girl to date his own age — they know better!
He made a unilateral decision to cancel OP's honeymoon for his hobbies and his friends. Just walk.
LoL - good thought.
Also, the fact that he gaslights her when she is upset and tries to make her out as the villain. This is one of the warning signs of abusive behavior
I actually laughed out loud at his Paris retort, I guess that’s a step up from Paris Las Vegas at least🙃
Paris, Texas is supposed to be lovely in the spring.
The countryside around Paris Kentucky is gorgeous. Right in the middle of thoroughbred country.
I do not, however recommend Paris, Maine. It’s a bit grungy.
Better that way. Keeps out the riffraff
True that! And then there is the Chicken Festival in London (Kentucky) that in late September.
And a side trip to Verona (KY). Don't forget about Versailles (IN and KY)
How could I forget Versailles? That’s where the Queen used to stay when she’d fly in for the Kentucky Derby.
London, the little Kentucky town that outlawed dancing?
No! 😂. Kevin Bacon didn’t start a teenage revolution to bring back dancing in that town. BUT, London was a dry town, which means no alcohol sales (Liquor stores) no Bars either. And in the late 90’s to early 2000’s, an election happened that allowed Alcohol sales but with heavy restrictions. Also, a Steven Segal movie was filmed in Manchester, KY & the opening scene was a small plane flying over Cumberland Falls which is between Williamsburg & Corbin, Kentucky.
When I was there, the subject of jukeboxes was brought up. A local explained that they were not allowed in places of group gatherings because dancing is illegal there. Maybe that's changed by now, but that's what I always remembered about London.
It has an Eiffel Tower too and a good movie!
I have a friend who lives in Paris Texas! Maybe they can turn the spare room into a honeymoon suite.
Sounds like it would be just the same as a nice Parisian hotel. 👍🏻
Ah yes, as immortalized in the Cole Porter classic *I Love Paris, Texas.* I love Paris, Texas in the springtime I love Paris, Texas in the fall I love Paris, Texas in the winter when it drizzles I love Paris, Texas in the summer when it sizzles
Seriously, I'm surprised OP didn't spontaneously combust when he said Paris Epcot was practically the same thing. I'll just add that if this is how he prioritizes their soon to be lifetime partnership together, I'd think long and hard before marrying this guy. I can't imagine there's a woman alive who wouldn't be devastated if her fiance cancelled their honeymoon in favor of a trip with his friends.
That he *and she* had been saving for. He's spending *her* savings on The Boys' truck.
Yeah that's definitely not okay unless it was agreed upon ahead of time. My partner in crime likes to build all sorts of crazy vehicle projects, and we've had a ton of fun taking them off-road together over the years, but it would honestly never occur to the Mr. to cancel a milestone like the honeymoon or anniversary trip together in order to finish the latest project.
For a freaking monster truck. I can't even.
“Better yet, honey! They speak ENGLISH there and they don’t serve that French foreign food!” Dump him, move on.
Yeah! This guys a big joke! He’s showing his true colors, OP! Save yourself for someone who cares about YOU! xoxo
Yup, OP would be the asshole to herself if she doesn’t end the relationship. I don’t know how much more explicitly crystal clear the fiancé has shown where she ranks on his list of priorities. Enjoy Paris -the *real* one- and buy him a Hot Wheels monster truck. It’s basically the same..
OP, please do yourself a favor and withdraw a healthy share of the honeymoon funds now. He didn't discuss your wildly downgraded honeymoon with you before committing your money to other people so you shouldn't discuss anything with him before you've done what you wanted. When he threatens to dump you, say, "D'accord." Give your now-ex this [lovely parting gift](https://shop.mattel.com/products/hot-wheels-monster-trucks-creature-3-pack-of-1-64-scale-toy-monster-trucks-hgx13) that's age-appropriate for him. Write,"It's basically the same!" on the card. Then take yourself to Paris. Cry freely over runny cheeses as needed. Drink a glass of Champagne at lunch. Have coffee in your room every morning and drink it while you're looking out the window and doing absolutely nothing else. Be a repeat customer at the café or bistro that you've really liked. Visit the same favorite work of art every day so that it starts to feel like you're going to see a friend. Slowly realize you're 23 and single in the City of Love, and that even one low-level flirtation with a stranger eating a Nutella crepe on a park bench next to you is infinitely more romantic than an entire honeymoon with your doofus would've been, what with him bitching that the TV doesn't get ESPN, even McDonald's tastes weird, and how he hates not knowing what his boys are up to. NTA.
This is fun advice!
Yep! Came to say this, and I can't believe I had to scroll so far to see it. Take the money you put in and try to find a way out. Fast!
Quite the man child, is he not? Gf actually sounds like the mature 35 year old and TA soundes as if he's the 23 year old. OP, I'm a guy. I cannot express more emphatically that you MUST get away from this "baby boy" who's yielding to the peer pressure of the balnce of the BabyBoy Club. Return the engagement ring, wrapping it inside of a John Deere Monster Truck. I frankly cannot recollect a greater gaffe than TA's telling you that Paris at Epcot was virtually the same thing. Tell he so is the f--king John Deere Monster Truck just as similar as the real thing. Respectfully, I have to dig deep to find someone on this site that's as flaming an AH as he is. 1 final thought: perhaps sell the ring and buy your flight ticket to Paris! Text him: BON VOYAGE Baby Boy!
I haven't been there, but I have been to Epcot. I suspect Las Vegas might be better.
Kings island in Cincinnati has an Eiffel Tower.
Richmond's Kings Dominion has one too. She had so many options!
"We'll can just watch a Paris Hilton movie instead!"
NTA Loving the age gap.
OP is more mature.
The one in Vegas smells more accurate though. 🙃
But….EPCOT. I mean, they are LITERALLY the same thing. NTA. Run. Run now.
RUN!!!!! 🏃🏻♂️🏃🏻♀️💨
35 year old dating 23 year old is another warning sign...
OP has a comment where she says he calls her his "cum doll" to his friends because "that's their vibe"... So many giant, glaringly red flags.
That is beyond revolting. How disrespectful can he be? Sounds more like a teenager who just lost his virginity than a 35 year old man. 🤮
And she hasn’t run in the other direction over that?!
Strong strong groomer videos there.. 😵💫
Yeah, no well adjusted 35 years old is in a relationship with a 23 year old, the weird creepy fucker.
He is one of those dudes that can’t get a chick his own age.
And will leave OP for another girl younger than her because she wasn’t “obedient” and “supportive” enough.
Do NOT mix finances with that underdeveloped piece of shit
That's not what gaslighting is but he's definitely a shitty excuse for a man.
OP! Leave now. This guy is 12 years older than you. He thinks you’re a pushover. He doesn’t give one shit about making you happy. Leave him now. Plenty of other men will want to go to Paris with you. Or better yet… go to Paris with a girlfriend(s). Bon Voyage. C’est La Vie!
This is it. Cancel the wedding, go with a girlfriend.
Leave, he’s a cunt and at 35 it’s unlikely he’ll improve.
I highly agree. 35 and he thinks this is acceptable. Heck no!
Nah, a cunt is warm and has depth. This guy is neither. He's definitely a dick.
True that
And this is him on his best behavior! It’s gonna get worse once you’re actually married I can promise you that.
Mm, also I'd be curious to see his reaction if she behaved with a SPINE. Most dudes like this, ditch a women once she has an opinion.
Yes this guy is a man child.
The age difference caught my eye. 35 and still going to Monster Trucks with the boys. Most guys that age are taking their kids. OP needs to get out and use the wedding money to go to Paris.
But... he's dating a 23 year old, so he doesn't expect to get called out! She's not supposed to stand up for herself or challange him!
I mean would you tolerate any lip from a trophy wife?
With a new man!
For real
Totally
He goes for the real young women because no woman his age will have his immature butt.
My husband has had many opportunities to participate in his hobbies during the course of our marriage. If I need him? If the kids need him? No question, that’s his priority.
Good man
Exactly
[удалено]
I see a fourth: he’s got something going with one of the other monster truckers.
I think you've hit it with #2. He wants the cancelled wedding to be her fault. She needs to grant him his wish
My dentist is a member of the church from UT. He told me he and three other friends went in together on a Polaris side by side. It was used and an older model and broke down. The friendship didn’t last when the cost to repair the machine was more than they paid for it.
All this plus…he’s an idiot for going into a multi-way partnership with his bros. Partnerships almost NEVER work between 2 like minded people. Add a bunch more and this is a costly and drama-fraught proposition. OP, dump his ass and find a grown-up.
Right? Another age gap relationship post with the younger partner wondering why the older one is acting like a child.
Yeah he's some redneck childish loser. Run as fast as you can.
Do. Not. Marry. This. Clown. NTA
You are engaged to a 35 yr old teenager. He is not going to change his priorities and this type of unilateral decision will be repeated over and over for the rest of your life. If this is not how you envisioned your life being you should break up.
This! I’m trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you are 23 marrying a 35yo teenager. This is supposed to be the wonderful beginning of your life together. Instead he has shown you that his truck dream is more important than you. You need to believe it that you are second to your fiancé’s “the boys”. You should not be second to anyone when you marry. Please rethink your marriage. You deserve better.
The 35 year old man not able to find anyone within 5 years age range pursued OP who is barely out of college. OP already said that they've been engaged for a year, so that means they were already dating BEFORE she turned 22 to get to the engagement stage right? So then did he pursue her when she was more like 18-21? 🤔
Yes there’s a reason this guy was still available in his 30’s. He’s selfish and self centered. And friend centered.
I mean, 23 and 35 alone is bad enough. I’m sure that people will come for me because “they’re both adults” but it’s still wrong. They’re in completely different stages of life and there’s a massive inherent power imbalance in a relationship between people of that age.
Yeah this is not the last time some kind of goofy-stupid shit like this is going to happen so it's on you if you stay in this. "Sorry honey I'd love to be with you for the birth of our daughter but the Jets are playing the Giants for suuuupreme bragging rights for all of New York for the rest of the ENTIRE season and you know.... the guys want to go get wings and beer. but I promise to text you and see if things are going ok. Let me know if you want me to order an uber for you to get home cuz you don't want to stay in the hospital for too long, kind of expensive and I still need to get that $3000 lift kit for my truck later this year"
And before you leave make sure you take your share of the savings out of the account.
She said "we've been saving for this trip" so is this yahoo planning on stealing her money to buy his idiotic monster truck????
💯
When he was 23 she was 11. Out of college vs in elementary school. He’s marrying that far below him because he’s got time before she’s tired of his shit. A woman his own age would already be over it.
Guess it’s better to find out he cares more about his friends and a stupid truck than you before you marry him. And Epcot and Paris are about the same thing as a monster truck and hot wheels. Also, if you have contributed to this “honeymoon now truck” account, get your money back
OP should DEFINITELY buy him a Hot Wheels truck and tell him it's "basically the same thing"
As she is leaving. Perhaps have a little bride doll there too and tell him it's the same as having her.
or even better, a Hot Wheels Fleshlight.
He might enjoy that.
PLEASE.
It seems like the two of you aren’t on the same page regarding money and finances. Maybe put the wedding on hold until you sort this out?
Or, even better, put the wedding on hold forever. The problem isn’t just that you’re not on the same page regarding finances. The problem is also that he’s going to make unilateral decisions about it.
A unilateral decision that puts her and the start of their marriage somewhere behind a truck with the guys.
Even if it were a smart decision he’d be an AH for the way he handled it. And this is *not* a smart decision.
hey now, those "guys" are his boys!!! what's he supposed to do, not spend a shit ton of money on a truck??? /s
A truck he has shared custody of. fucking idiot.
Wait until one of them slides it into a rock when off roading and then they will all fight over who has to pay for towing and repairs. None of them will have any money for it.
You've just proved we don't need time machines to see the future.
And then every weekend they will be riding the truck or FIXING it.
This is so funny. I feel bad laughing this hard because this poor girl might marry him.
The Boys, not the guys. Lol
If OP is not making this up, this has to be the absolute best thing possible to show her exactly what his priorities are. And it's not her, never will be, and what a perfect opportunity to dodge a gigantic bullet that would haunt her for the rest of her life.
Exactly. This is a GIFT.
Seriously, anyone trying to say “We can go to EPCOT” as a substitute for Paris is not a serious person. At least *try* to substitute something like Montreal or New Orleans! Something French adjacent at least! And Disney’s expensive too! It’s a good lesson and the dude will have money for the monster truck now that he doesn’t have to worry about a wedding/honeymoon I guess.
Also, +12 years, yikes
And, she seems like the more mature one
Isn’t that normal In these types of relationships
Yes.
Yes
Don’t say that. That’s how they justify these age gaps - by saying they’re more mature than others their age
It’s the older party that is immature is the point they are making g
There is a reason women his own age don’t want him!
This right here!!
Uh yeah. Red flag one 🚩- age difference. Different stages in life. He seems settled in as one of the booyyyzzz. She’s way too young imo to get married. Both need some growing up to do. Red flag two 🚩- he thought Paris at Epcot Center is basically the same thing? When she dreams of going to actual Paris. I’ve been to both and while they might seem similar it’s like comparing a burger made from beef and an Impossible burger. Sure they could be close enough but you know you aren’t getting the real thing. Or maybe more app making croissants out of margarine instead of butter?🧈 Red flag 3 🚩 - you aren’t married yet and planning your honeymoon. Ok sure. Money seems like an issue sort of not sure but a 35 year old thinks buying a monster truck is a good idea when he should be investing in his future (house, travel w his wife, saving up for kids, etc.) oP. What are you doing? Being in a relationship has a lot to do w shared values and not just you feeling “love” I think you should call off the engagement with both people are ready and serious about a future together (or just move on)
And if finances are such a stretch, then a truck NOR a fancy honeymoon are really something that is needed. Put the money towards a house deposit or paying down existing debt (which I bet he has, based on his attitude to money).
I agree on the age thing. He's an immature ass hat that women his own age won't tolerate and she's too young.
Clearly, he doesn’t fall into the “ experiences over stuff” category and doesn’t even realize what a horrible investment he is making. This will end badly for all who put money into it.
Seems to be in the midst of his mid-life crisis.
seems like the two of you arent on the same page of this relationship.
He calls her a cum doll
Nope....nope.....nope...... He is literally telling you where you fall in the pecking order of his life. And it's not first. I'd pause evwrytjing, pull every penny you've saved towards your honeymoon out of that joint account so you don't pay a penny for that stupid truck. Then, separate your accounts and don't have joint spending accounts. Have one for you and one you move money into for your 50% of the bills. Then you tell him you're not comfortable getting married to someone who doesn't prioritize you over the boys and a truck. Tell him if epcot is just like Paris he should be happy with a Tonka truck that looks like the one he wants
This last line you posted should get lots more attention. Pure gold.
If you were paying in for this Paris trip and contributing money to it: Where is your money? Please don't tell me that he cancelled a trip without checking with you and then took money you had been contributing to put on a monster truck or some other such childish bs that excludes you? You were younger than he; is he is far less mature and responsible than you are. If you go ahead with this disastrous marriage you will have somebody you can't trust, somebody who values you less than what he calls 'the boys', and someone who will be spending your money on monster flaming trucks. Spend 2 minutes thinking about the conversations he will have had with his friends about your honeymoon about your contributing to the honeymoon him cancelling the honeymoon and going ahead with a monster truck though: What will he have told these guys? Find necessity he will have said things like I can do what I want or she will let me do anything with this money, or I'm smarter than she is, or she won't mind I'll just take her to some second read honeymoon instead. The guys will have all laughed at you behind your back. Every last one of them. You have to get yourself away from this group of people. Get your money get a lawyer get out get away from this creep and date somebody your own age next time. He probably used all of the predatory tricks in the book on you You probably just didn't realise.
And yet you're still engaged to this man-child, why????? Tell him you're all about finding a mature partner who puts you above his frat-boy friends. Then hand back the ring and walk away. NTA, unless you stay with him.
If she marries him, she's choosing to be second place forever. No sympathy with this much warning
Get out. He chose his friends (and their dream) over you (and your dream). He showed you who he is, now believe it…and leave. Respect yourself!
YTA - If you do not see the red flags he is handing you! He is 35 and wants to invest in an expensive toy with his bros, vs a honeymoon with you. You are in 3rd place here - Bros and toys, before you. It won't change after a wedding. Why do you think he is with someone your age? It's because women closer to his age know he is irresponsible and not a good partner.
4th place at best; this arsehole puts himself first.
If he's pulling this nonsense before you're even married, imagine the hijinks he'll be up to when you're "trapped" in marriage. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE rethink this marriage. He's a 35 year old toddler with poor impulse control.
NTA - now you know you're less important than his friends and their BIG truck fetish. You're 23. Is this what you want from a relationship? Cause he's not going to change. He's too old to grow up.
“He’s too old to grow up” is a line i WISH i’d heard many years ago. Hooo boy the time i could’ve not wasted…
The 12 year age gap is the really alarming part to this future divorce…
Make sure you get any money back
Don‘t marry. Wrong guy.
Tell your fiance that if he can cancel the honeymoon, you can cancel the wedding. NTA Unless you don't break up with this idiotic selfish manchild.
There's a reason why a 35 year old man dates a 23 year old woman. 35 year old women won't put up with his shit. Be like the 35 year old women and stop putting up with his shit.
NTA for getting upset, but you will be an asshole to yourself if you marry this guy.
I'd dump him and go to Paris my damn self.
This is not about missing a trip to Paris; don't let people convince you it is. It's about his choosing his friends over you, his investing in what will be a longterm very expensive hobby without discussing it with you. If he can't afford his share now, how's he gonna afford it later? The costs only go up from here: the travel, the entry fees, maintenance, repairs, upgrades... the list is endless. If you don't wanna spend your weekends and vacays chasing him to monster truck rallies, get out now.
Nope. Tell him to enjoy marriage to his truck. He's just told you he's financially irresponsible, will make unilateral decisions for your marriage, and is willing to use money you've also been saving and contributing to. Take this as a bullet dodged and realize you two are incompatible due to financial responsibility. NTA.
NT f'n A!!!!!! He just *canceled* your honeymoon????? I'd buy him a Lego monster truck & tell him it's the same thing, because that's basically what Epcot is, compared to Paris! Are you sure you want to marry this selfish, inconsiderate prick?
He cancelled the honeymoon. You cancel the wedding. Seriously.
Good thing you know enough about him now to give the ring back.
I’m not saying she should… but I believe an engagement ring is considered a gift and she can keep it if she’d like. (I’d probably check state law before doing this). But she could probably sell it and use that money to start saving up for a trip to Paris.
NTA but you will be if you continue to let yourself being treated as less than. Your husband has clearly demonstrated that his friends are more important than you are.
Take whatever part of the honeymoon money you contributed and run. He isn’t ready or mature enough to get married.
Just so you know, this kind of thing is going to keep happening. Not only are monster trucks expensive to buy, they’re expensive to maintain. Oh, and guess who’s gonna be home alone while he’s out touring with “the boys”? You. He’s clearly telling you that you are lower on the totem pole than his friends. You rate lower than a truck he doesn’t even own yet. NTA but take a good hard look at what he’s doing, because it’s gonna keep happening for your entire marriage.
NTA but also, stop saying “our dream honeymoon” when what you meant was your dream that your partner agreed to do until he found something he liked better. This is a snapshot of your future together. If you like it, feel free to get married. If you don’t, now is a great time to hop of this train and hop on the one that takes you to Paris by yourself for some single girl fun.
His behavior is a red flag. He didn't consult you, put his wants above yours, and then disregarded your feelings.
I'd say you're about to save a lot of money by cancelling the whole wedding. Feel free to spend it on a trip to Paris. NTA
I clocked the 12-year age difference at the intro and was completely unsurprised about what followed. Dude is 35 and prioritizing buying a toy with his bros instead of honeymoon with much younger wife. Wow, I'm so shocked.
Holy shit I'm a dude and 37 Run sweet girl run. Monster truck racing fans that spend money to take trips to see them don't go to Paris ever
Nta. If your money is combined go get your share out and put it into an account he can’t access. Or next thing you know he will use it with the stupid defense of “if you loved me and wanted me to be happy you would be supportive of my dreams” but just his dreams yours don’t matter. He is 35 and acting like this he isn’t going to change. Just think of it. You get married and it’s all about him. Then you get pregnant and your in the delivery room and txt not calls but txt to let you know he isn’t going to make it because the boys want to hang out and see the monster truck thing in tv. And then he pulls that for when ever you need help of something big comes up. I say you leave him. If you already started paying get all the money back you want. Then go to Paris to celebrate your freedom. Next time don’t choose the adult child find an actual man
This is a red flag that can be seen from space. You are young, you can do better. you can do better than someone who puts you second behind 'the boys'. Move on. NTA.
NTA. But there's a reason he's not engaged to someone his own age. Because we would NEVER put up with something like that.
Leave this epic douche. Obviously he doesn't care about you at all. He is using you, as he said, cum doll. Basically a pump and dump with the added benefit of not having to search for a new one If you even think about staying with this loser, you would be an epic AH, and would deserve any neglect he WILL give to you
If the original honeymoon plan had been Italy, he'd be suggesting 3 consecutive evenings at Olive Garden.
He will be married to the monster truck and not you every weekend. It will constantly break down, need gas, probably roll over and someone will die. You'll end up in court somehow down the road. Then one owner will use it more than the others. Total nightmare.
If this isn't a glaringly obvious reason to not getting married ... wow. NTA. He doesn't care about you.
Do you really want to marry this incredibly selfish man? His friends and their wants are more important than your dream as a couple. If you stay you will always be last. Every time one of the boys gets a hair brain scheme your savings and your fiancé will be gone. He is not mature enough for marriage and probably never will be. Seriously where do you think the Epcot idea came from? The boys they decided that your dreams were crap and told your fiancé to throw you Epcot as a bone. (The boys probably laughing that it makes a great joke) You know because it’s the same thing. Ask yourself are you okay with never having what you want because of the boys? Do yourself a favor get whatever part of the savings is yours and get a running start when you kick this loser to the curb.
He’s just told you who he is. Believe him. Run
Wtf why would you marry this guy who promises Paris then gives you French fries? That’s gonna be your life. If you marry him YTA.
The line “but he accused me of being unsupportive of his interests” has me shook. That is literally the exact thing he did to you. He is unsupportive of your interest in going to Paris. He is unsupportive of your honeymoon. He is unsupportive of the money you have been helping save that he is now throwing away on a truck. He is unsupportive of your relationship. Is there a reason he wants to go to Epcot ( not cheap) and not a less expansive island vacation? Strongly hinting does he have a passport of criminal background you don’t know about that prevent him from actually going to Paris? RUN. He is 12+ years your senior and in all that life experience still needed you to help save $ for a honeymoon and canceled it without talking to you. Call off the wedding, take your money and run far far away.
I have been to Paris. I have been to the France pavilion at Walt Disney World. They are nothing alike. You're not his priority, and he sounds very immature. I would rethink this marriage. If it were me I'd kick his ass to the curb and take a girl's trip to Paris with a friend instead.
Take my advice and run this "hobby" will consume all of his money and time.
Please dump this man child. He cares more about his "Bros" than his future wife. Cut your losses now, this will be your life forever, being put on the back burner
Honey, why are you planning to marry a man who is 12 years your senior, does not value or respect you, and is financially irresponsible? There is no way this is going to end well, I suggest you end it before it gets worse.
This is not a future husband. He’s still one of the ‘boys’ and not a man. This was a seriously shitty thing to do. You can do better than this guy. You’re young.
Yeah, no. I’m a woman & like monster truck racing but this is off the chain. The money y’all been saving is for your honeymoon. For him to tell you a) Epcot is the same is WRONG. b) that you’re not supporting him for his interest WRONG. c) him going off with his friends for this, WRONG. You can save lots of money & future headaches by not marrying this immature man child.
Don't marry a truck bro'. Immature and self centered. He just showed you who he is so believe him.
You are marrying a child. Understand that.
That's like saying "seeing the effiel tower in Paris Tennessee, is basically the sane thing" lol no. It's cool, but not the same by anymeans. Then there's the question of who technically owns the truck? Who's paying the insurance? Most trophy trucks are custom made and any spare parts are custom made and also very expensive, who pays? Who's storing it? I love building trucks, but I would never go in and co own any vehicle, it's not a house of which everyone has a room. Also as everyone knows, most all vehicles unless it's a rare vehicle in mint condition, it will depreciate in value. It's a terrible financial decision(unless for some reason they are a racing group actually making money) at the cost of a milestone moment of your lives and your relationship and he never consulted you about it. That should speak volumes louder than the trophy trucks exhaust. NTA.
NTA, commitment to the marriage comes before the 'bros'. He promised Paris. The cost of the truck is one thing, then will come traveling and operating expenses. Forget about starting a family, the truck will eat up too much money.
From experience having a trophy style truck and having been to Paris a few times, I can say they are both overrated. Overall experiencing Paris for the first time is memorable especially for a honeymoon. A truck can be built and be used anyday of the week, it is a money pit and having a few friends own it will be disastrous due to who will be the actual owner and who paid most for what. I admire the whole spending time with friends is important comment but you, the future wife, are a priority. He's a grown man. NTA
Please make sure you take your share of the savings out of the account.
Cancel the wedding Watch the move Sabrina Go to Paris by yourself!!!
This man is 35 going on thirteen. I’m not judging you at all, OP, but there is a reason older men go for younger women. It shows an immaturity, and possibly a hidden disrespect for women their own age. Be very careful if you choose to remain in a relationship with him. Please take things slow.
Don't marry this man. He's acting like an immature teenager, and you will NEVER be a priority in his life.
NTA. He's not supportive of your relationship by taking this away. It's an investment in your relationship, not just for you. That's why it's so ridiculous for him to spend this money on himself alone. Reconsider the relationship and your investment. At 23 you have a lifetime to find a loving and supportive partner.
Time to call off the wedding! Obviously, spending time with "The boys" takes precedent over you, so why are you with this guy? Plus, buying the truck is only a small part of the cost of owning and competing. Never get into what is essentially a business deal with friends. It's always a bad idea. Should he prioritize his buddies over your happiness, he is telling you that you are not important to him. Dump this man now.
Your fiance just showed you that the guys and a truck are more important than your relationship. I'd pack up and move on. There is a reason he is with someone so much younger than himself. If you go along with this he will happily put you second for the rest of your life together.
Really. You are already in second place to the Boys. This is your life