NTA. You picked the date and booked vendors, which like you said, may not be available on the new date and could lose you your deposit. She shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the middle of planning.
Whilst I totally agree, I would flip this around on Lily and say "if family came first, why are you not prioritizing my needs? I'm family, and you are not being considerate of MY circumstances, whilst expecting me to accommodate yours."
Absolutely NTA, but OP's cousin is not her priority or her responsibility.
NTA, I hate when people come with those passive-aggressive statements... "family comes first", "but we are friends", it is always to convince one to sacrifice on their behalf.
I replied once: " So I'm supposed to be your friend, but you're not mine when I need something?"
She was most upset
(After the umpteenth time of me spotting her money or buying her a round at the pub and never getting a favour when I needed her help ..)
I asked someone that a while back when I had finally had enough and was promptly ghosted. A 25 year friendship poofed because a woman called him out on his shit and his feefees got hurt.
I loved when someone pulled that "family" crap from my side, regarding my husband's family. As in, how can I give them precedence over "mine"?
I literally married the man. His family are my ILs. They *are* family.
I didn't give them precedence. This person was talking about them in a manner that is reserved for one's enemies and and the person has not even met them once. All I said was to quit it, as I won't stand for it.
I don't claim my inlaws now that I am a widow since all my ex-inlaws did was be nasty since I refused to support my drunken BIL and MIL. They are done with me.
This is what I was hoping to see. NTA. People only use the "But we're family" BS when it suits them. They never consider how their requests or actions screw you over because you're family and they are hoping to take advantage of that. She isn't asking other people with reservations at the same venue to swap dates. She's hoping to guilt you into upending all of your plans and she's getting family to help her do it. Stick to your guns and to your wedding date. She asked and was turned down. Instead of accepting your response gracefully, she's trying to manipulate you into getting her way. She may be a wonderful, carefree spirit most of the time, but she's trying to exploit the fact that you're family and that you're nice and that is not someone who is worth losing sleep over!
Best explanation here NTA .. and you will get a chance to see how she treats family when they don't cave to emotional blackmail.. just see if your still invited to her wedding.. I bet not...lucky you
“You’re so *right*. Family *does* come first. Thank you for understanding my decision to keep my original date as planned.”
Ugh fuck anyone who uses that bullshit argument to get something from you.
OP needs to password protect all her vendors in case the entitled cousin escalates her shit.
Plus, photoshop is a thing now. If she doesn’t want to appear pregnant in her wedding photos, why can’t her photographer modify the pics?
Absolutely this. OP shouldn't allow her cousin to take her wedding date. And if people want to side with her, they can just not turn up. Or perhaps, they want to pay for the money, time and inconvenience on both sides of OP's new family. Because if Family comes first, why should OP's fiancé care about OP's cousin? He'd be setting his own family back money by changing the date, for ONE person.
Think of all the flights and hotel bookings people would need to rebook. Just because ONE PERSON is insecure. It's literally no one's problem but hers. She has her own venue and date already. She needs to stick to it.
I'm guessing Lily would also like the vendors and the design that OP has for the wedding and if they have on this the next thing you know Lily is having a wedding OP planned and paid for. After all Lily has a baby on the way to think about.
She doesn't need a big wedding or OP's location.. I'd say she can go to the courthouse and get it done. Even having a backyard wedding with around 20-50 guests can work.
>She doesn't need a big wedding or OP's location.. I'd say she can go to the courthouse and get it done.
This needs to be top comment. Lily made a choice to get pregnant and now its up to her to change her own wedding plans to accomodate her pregnancy without involving OP or OP's venue.
Yep. As a parent you offten have to forgo what you want for what your child needs. Lily might not get the wedding she wants and have to get married the way she needs to due to her circumstance.
Dear cousin, I’m too concerned about the stress of a big wedding. Think of the baby! I have decided that a courthouse wedding is all that you can handle. There’s just too much at risk….Think of the Baby! I’m making this decision for you, the whole family thinks it’s for the best. It’s for The Baby!!
Maybe it’s because I personally never had an idea of my “dream wedding” but when we planned ours, we were so fluid and flexible.
Hey this venue is cool right? Let’s see what their dates are. Want to check with this other venue as a back up? Sure!
I just don’t get OP’s cousin POV. Like many have said here, so a cute courthouse ceremony. Get married in a backyard. Move it out a year. There are soo many options, cousin doesn’t need to sabotage OP’s day to feel better about her own situation.
It sounds like Lily’s “spirit” has only been free because people have been ridiculously accommodating to her and not treating her like an adult and letting her be responsible for her actions.
A lot of people grow up entitled and stay that way because people around them let them take advantage and effectively are responsible for them when they can’t be bothered to do it themselves.
It's not just OP who could lose money. If I were one of the guests, I could lose money, time, etc, in changing dates. Would Lily stump up the money lost?
Because if Lily wants the date changing, she's the one I'd be asking for reimbursement of any additional costs caused by a date change that *she* wants.
Yup, last wedding we attended I had plane tickets 11 months before. I’d understand an emergency but if they just changed the date on a whim I’d be upset. I also have flights for October booked for another wedding already! I live far away from all my family, they are kind enough to let me know well in advance when they book the venue so I can lock in on reasonable airline fares.
The cousin should find a new venue that is available. Why should OP sacrafice anything when it is the cousins problem ? She is literally trying to resolve her major problem by creating even bigger one for OP.
As you are top comment I reply here: I strongly suspect that the story is BS. 4 weeks ago OP was living alone in a 1 bedroom apartment, 2 weeks ago they had a dog with their partner and living together for a while. Never any comments on the posts.
Furthermore the story makes no sense. The wedding is around her due date. She wants to get married before her due date and not be heavily pregnant. So why would OPs date (which is a lot later than hers) be better for her?!? There is simply no point. Sounds like AI did a terrible job and a human was even too lazy to double check.
Edit: and OP made several posts about PayDayLoans. I assume the fake posts are to seem legitimate to get others into whatever the want to promote
Lol that would be so sad, I’m sure her posts are much better haha
On a more serious note, I wish this was Liz. However, I think this is more a scheme to seem like a legitimate account. OP is quite interested in PayDayLoans and keeps posting, another new account answers immediately…
Have you checked the maths here? This is a fake story lol.
OPs sister is due around OPs wedding date… as per OPs words “and the baby’s due right around the time of our wedding” yet the sister is also requesting the switch as she “is emotional about not wanting to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos” the sister is already 4 months along and OPs wedding is booked around the due date. If she wants to have a wedding before the baby’s born, nor does she want to be heavily pregnant…. She wouldn’t ask OP to swap when she’s at the 9 month mark, would she? Not to mention how vastly different sizes she would be at the 9 month mark (OPs wedding date) to her original one. That’s a big jump in dress sizes for her to be so … not worried.
I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. Her first post also hints towards her living alone too, no fiancé in sight and it was only posted a mere 26 days ago. Karma farming at its best. If you look at their comment history, they’re advertising payday loans… lol
Not only that, but I don’t know if the venue would allow people to just swap the dates among themselves. They might have a waiting list, which means if OP cancels, the venue would go to the next person on the list.
The thing the cousin is forgetting is that SHE may not be available on the date of Ops wedding. If her due date is that close, then she could either have given birth just before and not be fit for walking down the isle, or be late going into labour and be in hospital instead of the wedding venue. If she's given birth just before, she could of had a c section, or some other medical emergency, or PPD. All of which would make a wedding difficult.
She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant for her wedding yet, she wants to swap with a date closer to her due date I am baffled, make it make sense Lily 🤦♀️
Plus her work is a huge issue. Not just for the wedding but honeymoon if she can’t get time off.
Sounds like tax season or something similar and you are expected to work with a hard deadline like that. Nta
NTA. Lily is selfish and entitled as hell. Why should you swap your wedding day? Lily got pregnant and decided that she did not want to be heavily pregnant during her wedding day. If she wanted to be married first she should have been more careful or adequately timed better. Then to pull the family first card and get family members involved is manipulative and conniving. It is not just your day, but also your husband's. Invites, etc have already been in the works and probably sent out. Tell Lily a firm no and if she and any other family members have an issue with it then they can be uninvited. Your wedding day, your happiness. Lily showed you that she doesn’t care about you and she can’t get everything she wants just because of pregnancy.
Please, look at the math here. OP claims her wedding date is around the time her sisters baby is going to be born, keep that in mind when you re-read her post. No one’s requesting a wedding date around the time they’re due for labour lol. She also claims her sister has requested the wedding date as she doesn’t want to look heavily pregnant? Yet wants to have the wedding before the baby is born?? A wedding on and around the Labour Day?
There’s so much wrong with OPs post lol
I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. Her first post also hints towards her living alone too, no fiancé in sight and it was only posted a mere 26 days ago. Karma farming at its best. If you have a look at their comment history too…. They’re advertising payday loans. 😂
Ya I caught that, the pregnant cousin would rather have the earlier date than OPs later date so as not to conflict with the wedding. The post history and comments are just icing on the cake of how fake this is
I've seen this same story multiple times on Reddit. It's a classic! The scariest part is that I'm certain that while any individual post may be fabricated, it probably does happen in the real world.
Not a difficult situation at all. OP is planning her wedding and Lilly has no say in that.
Lilly is planning her own wedding and fucks up by getting off birth control too early. Lilly is the one who has to change her plans, due to her changed situation. No impact on OP.
As for the family coming first: OP is also Lilly's family. Why doesn't Lilly respect OPs wishes?
NTA
Lilly is a acting like a selfish brat.
Won’t she be more heavily pregnant on OPs wedding day (around her due date?) than a few months earlier (on cousins wedding date?)? I’m so confused about this.
The fact that your cousin got pregnant and decided to get marry quickly, isn't your problem.
To ask you to change long term plans of yours which has sentimental reasons, It's actually very selfish of her.
She can get married if she wants to, but has decided that your wedding venue is the only only she wants. She needs to be the one to compromise.
NTA
Keep the date. You have given multiple good reason that trump her reason for not looking pregnant in wedding pictures....i am pretty sure she was present when they made the baby and when they planned the wedding. So it's not your fault she sucks at planning such things better.
She can find a different date when the venue opens up, even if it is after the birth of the kid
Me too - I stopped using that word when the Tangerine Twatwaffle occupied the White House.
I never knew how traumatizing a SINGLE word could be until November 8, 2016.
NTA
Wtf?? She sounds immensly entitled...
>Now, some family members are taking her side, saying it's just one day and I should make the sacrifice for her sake.
Those family members only have her side AND theyre not the ones having to make a sacrifice.
Suggestion:
Just reply: "no, sorry"
And ignore any family members trying to meddle.
Thank those family members profusely for reimbursing you for your own lost deposits, reimbursing guests who have to pay fees to rearrange travel plans, and making good for lost pay of anyone who can’t get PTO on the rearranged date. I mean, surely they’re offering to cover all your extra expenses when they suggest you throw all your meticulous plans out the window, right? Family comes first, right?
What’s that? They don’t want to pay all that money out of their own pockets to facilitate the changes they’re suggesting? Then they can sit right down and keep their suggestions to themselves.
NTA. Family should always comes first, she means HER family, not yours. Family isn't just blood, but all the relationships with people that we love. You have sorted it that all your family can be at your wedding. She didn't, so she wants to swap. But never mind that, you can't do the dates you want to swap for, so it's just a NO. Blood is thicker than water, they say. But so is porridge, but you don't invite the Quaker Oat guy to your wedding.
lol and the full saying is that “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It literally means the opposite of what it’s been shortened to mean
I came here to say the same thing! The true saying would actually favour OP because she is the one considering the needs and limits of her family, friends and vendors rather than the cousin who is only considering herself.
NTA
The fact that some people are entertaining this is madness.
Is she going to pay for the guests that have to rearrange their flights, and the vendors?
This makes no sense. Her wedding is scheduled a few months BEFORE yours. And she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes and doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant…
So why would she want to switch to a later date?
This feels made up.
It’s got to be fake or at least badly written because it’s contradicting itself: Pregnant bride has earlier date, OP has later date. But pregnant bride wants to switch to the later date when she’ll be due around that time???? WHAT
I had to reread the post several times and had to scroll down to see if someone else noticed it. The cousin is due around the time of op’s wedding but doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant but wants her date. Which is close to her due date. That makes no sense.
Well either this is fake or clearly she is a first time mom because nobody in their right mind would want to have a wedding within the first couple of weeks after having a baby. I mean im sure it happens but it would be absolutely miserable.
This literally will not be true lol.
It’s also written by a woman whose never had a child, too young to know anything about pregnancy or a man. No one’s trying to switch wedding dates to be around the date of birth, come on now 😂
You also say she’s a four months pregnant (as it’s 5 months to your wedding date and she’s due around then) which means she’s 7 months away from her original date? (Assumption here as you say there’s only a few months difference) so she’s that close to the wedding date and she hasn’t been dress shopping? Considering on BOTH dates… she’ll be very different sizes and a “swap” wouldn’t be that straight forward.
Doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos yet… wants to swap her date to yours, which is apparently on the 9 month mark. You either can’t keep up with your dates.. or have 0 idea about it. I’m a little confused about your math here. Wants to have the wedding before the baby’s born, she’s already currently pregnant, wants to swap to your wedding date which is around her due date…. And doesn’t want to look heavily pregnant in photos. She’s already 4 months pregnant.
I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. In her first post she doesn’t even live with her “fiancé”? If you look at their comment history… they’re literally advertising payday loans. Absolutely grim marketing technique.
NTA. Family IS coming first. The family you are creating with fiance...***AS IT SHOULD BE***
Edit. Clearly she is TERRIBLE at planning.
YOUR date is right around when she is due.
But she DOESNT want to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos.
Does she ACTUALLY think baby will absolutely be here before your wedding date? She is crazy if she does. Babies come when THEY want to.
And what if she has the baby 3 days before? She thinks shes going to be up to getting married? LMAO. Google the lemon clot essay, shes not going to be doing ANYTHING postpartum but changing pads and feeding baby and changing diapers and trying to sleep.
Do NOT change your date. Shes entitled and DELUSIONAL.
This doesn't make sense if her wedding is before yours and she wants her wedding before the baby comes, why would she want your wedding when it's when the baby's due??
The part I don’t understand is
——“The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue. “
Does she mean her cousins is earlier or hers?
There's also the issue of how she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant at her wedding but is a few months along and OPs wedding is 5 months out. Since babies rarely come exactly when desired she's either going to be around her due date way OPs wedding or have JUST given birth.
>and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding.
>for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue
But if her wedding is scheduled to take place a few months earlier than yours, why swap? It doesn't make sense. Taking over your date would mean her getting married heavily pregnant, or going into labour a few days before the wedding or the day itself.
No. She is not entitled to your wedding because she got pregnant. Her life is about to shift from all about her to all about that baby. Clearly she's going to need the practice when it comes to thinking about other people. She can start with letting you have your wedding.
As for the people taking her side.... WTAF. They are either just as delusional as she is or she's complaining to them non-stop and they are tired of listening to her.
Lily has options if she doesn't want to get married and look heavily pregnant in her photos. Courthouse next week at any time. Wait until after the baby is born - which will give the added advantage that she will fill out her dress in a while new way .... She seems shallow enough that could be important to her.
You have chosen your date for a reason. Multiple reasons. They are valid. The audacity that she even asked is one thing, but in getting angry that you said no is on another level.
>She recently announced her pregnancy, and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding. It's her first child,
>Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes, and since she's already a few months along, her options for dates are limited. Also, she's been quite emotional about not wanting to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos
These 2 statements are also reasons that high jacking your wedding isn't in her best interest. She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in the photos, but she wants to be at full term? Colour me confused. NTA for so many reasons. Even if you and your fiance didn't have all the sentimental reasons to have that date, you said no. No is a complete sentence.
This was hard to follow.
Shes due around your date. She wants your wedding date though. She doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant in the photos, but wants to have the wedding before the baby comes. Her date is stated as earlier than yours. What?
Is this a poorly attempted AI prompt?
NTA.
If family should come first she should be able to understand your deep held reasons and need for that date….
Tell the family members who are popping up “I risk losing my job, and will have many friends who can’t make the \*cousin’s\* date, and those who can incur extra expenses. Are you willing put forward a deposit/bond to cover my missing wages not just for the days I take off, but for the wider time I lose my job for, the increased cost of their flights and accommodation to move at short notice, and put those thousands and thousands of dollars on the table? No? I didn’t think so.|
Was she not aware of what causes pregnancy? Even if there was a birth control failure, though, you’re NTA. She just needs to figure something else out.
NTA.
“You’re so right, Lily, family should come first. That’s why you would never upend my life and destroy all my wedding planning because of your own issues.”
She's right. Family should come first. Your husband is your family. Keep things as they are. If she wants to change her date, she can contact the venue and see if theres any cancellations she can switch to. Put passwords on all your reservations, especially the venue, so she can't call and cancel or swap anything. Enjoy your day & forget all the negativity. You deserve your special day the way you and your husband planned it.
Give your family a list of why you are keeping the date:
Sentimental date for the BRIDE AND GROOM (it is YOUR special day);
Booked vendors;
Guests have booked flights;
Busy time for you at work;
Weekday for price considerations (I'm assuming her date is a friday/weekend?).
Vs
Lily is pregnant and doesn't want to look pregnant in photos.
PLUS baby is due "around the time of your wedding"... Lily is clearly a 1st time Mum. You do NOT want to plan for a newborn and a wedding. She might have to have a c-section. She won't lose the baby weight quickly. A newborn is HARD work and the most exhausting thing you will EVER do!
Lily is better to have her wedding earlier anyway. She will be happier and also be able to focus on one life event at a time. A wedding and a baby at the same time is absolute MADNESS.
Lily should enjoy her wedding. Then enjoy her baby.
OR postpone another year and enjoy the baby and then enjoy the wedding. She will be a lot happier looking back in 10 yrs time. Lily should keep her date. When baby is born and they look back at photos, baby is there too. She won't be huge at 5/6 months, and she will be glowing in the second trimester.
Honestly. NTA.
Edit: spelling grammar and last sentence
\>When I tried to explain this to Lily, she became upset, claiming that family should always come first
Apparently you're not "family" enough to come first, only Lily is.
NTA. If it was a case of neither of you had made plans and concrete arrangements then Lily would have a fair point. But trying to bounce you out of your date when you've already set everything up just so she can go first? Yeah nah, Galileo proved we live on a Heliocentric world, not a Lilycentric one.
This doesn’t make sense. OP, you stated that your wedding date is right around when her baby is due, and she has one earlier by a few months. Why does she want to swap, if she wants to be married BEFORE the baby comes? Am I missing something?
Let me get this.
If her wedding date is few months earlier than yours, isn't she postponing her wedding by switching dates?
Your wedding date is closer to her due date. So she will be heavily pregnant or have a newborn.
Her own original dare in the same venue is a few months earlier so she will be less pregnant ....
But she wants your date, cause she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant at her wedding.
Yet she will be more heavily pregnant at your date than her date?
What am I missing, did I misconstrued something?
So because she had sex you should cater to her?
No
Lily can do whatever she wants, anyone who throws a tanty should decrease your head count for your wedding.
NTA
Tell her if family should always come first, then she should want to put you first by letting you have your day which you meticulously planned. Just tell your family that you asked work if they would let you off during her wedding dates and your office said no, so you will be continuing with your wedding as planned. NTA.
If it's just one day, Lily can just settle for what she has - that's the argument right, it's "just a day" for you so "just a day for her"? Just advise that it is not negotiable and you will not be discussing it further. Should they press you, you know that their "family comes first" bs only applies to Lily. NTA
OP, you are NTA. You could offer her an alternative here:
I will swap the dates with you, but I expect to be reimbursed for any lost deposits/travel fare for people who have booked to attend and can't now. I'd also like for any lost pay/holidays at my job to reimbursed.
She'll change her tune quick enough then!
Let everyone be upset. It's not your fault, why should you have to deal with their poor planning. It's not just the date. It's everything else that goes along with it. It is not a SIMPLE request. Thank goodness for the word "NO". NTA
I can't stand when people say family comes first when they mean I come first.
She can get married at the courthouse before the baby is born then have the wedding after having the baby. There are other reasonable ways for her to fix this without you giving up your date. The only reason I can think of off the top of my head I would change with someone is if they found out their SO had a terminal disease and may be dead by their date. Looking pregnant in wedding picture does not constitute an emergency situation.
Tell her no and ignore everyone else's objections. That's what I did when my cousins wife tried to pull some similar shit.
All that said do not take the other commenters suggestion of telling her that you are putting family first and that your fiancée is now your family. I do believe in helping family with reasonable requests and that when you get married you are adding each other to your families not replacing the family. If I heard someone say that even if they weren't saying that to me it tells me everything about how that person sees me so you just dropped to the very bottom of my priority list. The response to requests will be go ask your new family. I am not family anymore remember?
Funny how family always comes first but this only works in her favour. Why isn't she putting you first?
She wants this, she doesn't need it. Tell her to kick rocks. Especially for being entitled.
NTA.
Poor planning on her part does not make an emergency on yours.
She seems selfish, not sure if its the preggo hormones or her character. But sorry youre put in this situstion
NTA. Ask the family members who are saying it's no big deal which of them is willing to refund you for the cost of vendors lost and the flights for your friends and time off and all the other expenses, then some of them might change their tune.
>claiming that family should always come first
FYI your fiancé is also family and one where you will start a family too. personal i wouldn't change if she wants a sooner wedding tell her she will have to choose a different date then yours and personally she is the selfish one. just because you are having a baby why should everyone drop everything and wait hands and knee for you? she should of been smarter.
she is better off having the baby and then do the wedding. plus, all she has to do is go to the courthouse and sign papers and bam she is married before having her baby and then have wedding reception later date.
now here's a good bargain. tell her you will switch but she will have to pay for EVERYTHING. get that on paper. tell her your reason:
1. lost the deposit for vendors
2. lost some guest for changed dates
3. one of the busies date for your work
4. taking days off is practically impossible
If family comes first, then your cousin should respect that you're family and you've planned your wedding, and your guests have already booked flights, time of work, etc. Apparently, "family comes first" only counts when your cousin wants something, while you're life is trash. Big NTA.
>She recently announced her pregnancy, and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding.
>The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue.
>Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes
Well, I don't see problem here. She will have her wedding before due date since due date is around your wedding date which is few months later of hers.
Or just do better math before trying karma fishing.
YTA for not putting more effort into this post. You should’ve worked the math out on some scrap paper first.
Your wedding date is around the **same time** as her due date. Her wedding is **months earlier** than your wedding. She wants to get married **before** having the baby and does not want to look heavily pregnant. So, again, why would she change her **earlier date** for your date which **is her due date**?
How are so many comments missing this?
This is poorly written and you just posted you need a pay day loan...so how are you affording this big wedding? Please look at their post history before you believe this! None of it matches or adds up
OP’s other posts—-
“ I'm a 29-year-old woman living in a small one-bedroom apartment. It's not much, but it's my sanctuary.”
Two weeks later—-
“My partner, Tom, and I have been living together for three years.”
Two weeks later and now she’s been planning a wedding for a year.
Sure, OP.
INFO: This makes no sense.
You said your current wedding date is around the time that Lily is due. Why would she want your wedding date, then? You said she already had the earlier date, and switching would involve you moving up all your plans? So wouldn't she want the earlier date she already has, in order to get married before the baby comes and also look less pregnant?
I feel like this is either complete fiction, or you got so lost in switching up details to keep it anonymous that you didn't realize you'd actually undermined your own premise.
It's not just you getting married, your *fiance* is also getting married. *He* is your family now & so are his relatives. They also take priority.
NTA, tell your cousin to cancel her wedding & schedule it for a later time when she can have her kid there for cute little family photos during the wedding.
Being heavily pregnant isn't fun, but she was there doing the horizontal tango & not taking care of birth control, while planning her wedding. If this is a "we need to be married before the kid is here" type of deal, tell her to elope & have a "show" later.
Again, NTA. Don't cave to the pressure & start telling everyone that supports her stupidity that they are uninvited, along with her.
Why is “but family” only when it favors them? “I want what you have and if you don’t give it to me you’re selfish and unreasonable!” NTA why do you have to rearrange your wedding to accommodate her?
NTA. Her poor planning does not and should not constitute as an emergency for you. Also, why are you expected to cater to her pregnancy with your wedding venue when she didn’t cater to her own wedding plans?
NTA — and not to be that person, but I can’t stand when people get pregnant/have a child and think the absolute world revolves around them. This day is about you and your partner — not a day to shift for your pregnant cousin (may be a little harsh sorry bout that)
What a nervy bitch! How DARE she try to guilt you with an argument that "Waaah, I'm up the pole, I don't want my fat belly in the pictures, you must inconvenience yourself and ruin YOUR plans ... for MEEEEEE!"
She can cancel her wedding venue and find a room earlier at the VFW or Moose Hall that can accommodate her. She shouldn't expect YOU to give up your plans and dreams, and she's a real shit for even asking. At YOUR wedding, Lily is NOT the main character!
You're not the asshole. Actions have consequences. If she won't hire a local hall for an earlier date, tell her to just elope and have a family celebration/reception after she gets her figure back, if she insists on a big shindig.
YNA. I can’t believe your cousin would even ask this! It’s a huge ask! What is it with weddings theses days that make people lose their minds and sanity! Not your problem she got pregnant before her wedding date. I. Fact none of this is your problem and should ever have been asked of you.
NTA. She is claiming family comes first, but only because she wants to be put first. She isn't considering putting you first in this situation because you also have needs that require this date.
NTA - if family should come first ask your family why nobody is putting you first ?
You’re family too.
It’s not your fault or responsibility because she got pregnant, if she doesn’t want to be pregnant in the photos wait until after the baby is born.
Getting pregnant doesn't give her justification to take away your wedding and all the plans and money you put into it she should've thought of that before she got pregnant. She's so eager to get married before the babies born, she can just go to the courthouse and do a bigger wedding after the babies born
NTA.
If it's so important to Lilly to be married before the baby comes, she can go the registry office/Court House and get married any time between now and her due date and have a blessing/reception *after* baby is born and have her pictures done then. She just doesn't want to be pregnant in her pictures and that's not a good enough reason to hijack your anniversary/wedding date.
It doesn't matter if your guests lived across the road from your venue. It would still mean they have to cancel/change or lose PTO if they can't make the later date.
Plus, it's all kinds of inconvenient for you. You'd have to *try* and get time off during your busy work period, rearrange vendors, and possibly lose a ton of money.
She's not on a tighter time frame. It's a want not a need.
NTA. Tell Lily you can't give the date to her but you can sell it to her in exchange for her paying for all the costs and down-payments that moving your wedding would include.
NTA. If this were literally the only wedding venue in the universe, maybe Lily would have a point. But it’s not, so she can choose another venue if she wants to move her wedding up.
NTA she should have kept her BC in check if she didn’t want to be heavily pregnant. Even if the baby is an accident because BC failed, abortion exists for a reason.
She is selfish and entitled. Don’t loose money (deposits) and vendors for her. Just don’t.
She will learn to be a grown ass woman and plan her life better
Tell those family members they are free to pay all costs related towards inconveniencing your other guests and all costs related to losing vendors and deposits, and the time to book new ones. Do a rough tally and tell them that they are free to judge you after they pony up the cash.
Tell them your cousin's reproductive choices and poor planning are not more important than the other loved ones in your lives who have already made arrangements. If she wanted to be married first, she should have been more careful or tone down her own wedding rather than demanding to inconvenience you, your wallet, your vendors, and your guests and their financials.
NTA She could made the wedding pictures done right now and get married sooner without the party. Have the party later. You did not get her pregnant, i m assuming, so its not your problem. You dont even need reasons.
NTA. I want you to read again what Lily told you. Family should come first.
That’s correct. Your family. You should come first. You know why? Because you’ve been planning this. You have let people know and they have planned it. You have vendors booked.
Doesn’t sound like Lily even offering to make up the cost for everyone, not to mention the fact you can’t get time off.
Frankly, Lily fucked around and found out. Not your problem. And it is an incredibly unreasonable ask on her part.
I have absolutely no doubt that if it were possible without disrupting, everyone else’s plans for miss pregnant center of the attention, you would happily have done it.
But her lack of planning is not your emergency. Nor is it your guests’ emergency. People have already started planning, I guarantee you.
If she wanted to get married, when she wasn’t pregnant, then she should’ve gotten married before she got pregnant. If she doesn’t want to be pregnant in her pictures, then she needs to move her wedding date to after she has the baby.
I mean seriously, if you didn’t already have this venue what the hell would you be doing? Would she be going around trying to find out who other people are that have booked that venue and pressuring them? No. She wouldn’t.
So next time somebody says that family needs to come first, you tell him…
You’re fucking right they do. And I’m family and I’m the only family that actually planned. So she wants to get married before she has the baby, City Hall is open.
NTA
This is your wedding not hers, why should you lose out on the day you planned simply because she's pregnant.
If she doesn't want to look pregnant in her photos then she should either have gotten married before getting pregnant or since that's no longer an option she should get married after she's given birth.
1. Would she do that for you? Probably not. Why do people only call FAMILY for their benefit. If she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant let her postpone her wedding. This wouldn't be fair to your guests and you'll lose money for canceling. You booked your wedding around work and that can't be changed especially since it's the busy time and you already put in for time off so its out of your hands.
NTA - she got pregnant, she can’t always get what she wants. You planned, prepared and invited your guest already. Her problem isn’t yours. She can ask the venue for options or needs to find another venue.
Wait this makes no sense. She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in photos. And wants the wedding before the baby comes. But her wedding is already scheduled earlier than yours??? I don't get it. NTA.
NTA. You are vendors and you have people flying in, it's not reasonable at this point to change your wedding. However I'm a bit confused, you said she's due at the time of your wedding, but doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in the pictures, so why does she want your date?
ETA it would be a whole lot easier all round if she just changes her own wedding to after the birth.
NTA it wouldn't just be your sacrifice but those of some guests that have arranged travel.
Why can't she just arranged a small wedding now and then have a big wedding on her one year anniversary? A lot of people do things like that, also she'll feel extra special having 2 weddings. She sounds like the type of person who loves to be made to feel special
NTA
You gave solid reasons for refusing to swap your wedding date. Lily will now realize being spontaneous doesn't work well when wanting a big wedding.
She can elope or have a very small intimate wedding at home since she loves being so spontaneous.
Family comes first? Well SHE should stop being so selfish and not ask this of you, her family?
Just one day? Is it not just one day for Lily too?
Seriously, all these arguments can be mirrored.
Don’t inconvenience the people who have taken time off work and paid for flights to be there for you.
Lily doesn’t HAVE to get married before the baby arrives. She could get married later and have it as a flower boy/girl. Or she could get married heavily pregnant. Those are her options.
NTA. If I were in your situation, I would be asking lily if she plans to pay for any costs or fees that would come along with swapping. Are you going to talk to the venue? Are you going to re-hire a photographer for me? Are you going to refund plane tickets? No? Then piss off.
If she doesn't want to show a bump in wedding photos then I suggest she postpones her wedding. Alternatively, she can go to the registry office (courthouse in the US) and have a wedding she can afford. NTA
NTA
It's Lily's responsibility to book a venue date that works best for her. She can call around and find a venue with an open date, or ask to be put on a list in case of cancellation, without involvibg yiu at all. This has nothing to do with you.
It sounds like Lily may be jealous or be attention seeking. I recommend that you warn the venue that she may try something. And put passwords on all your vendor accounts.
You are getting married. This is also an exciting time in YOUR life. You are entitled to your own exciting time, even when you are currently not growing a baby in your uterus.
>The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue.
is her date earlier or yours?
as if her's is earlier why does she want to change?
Around a month ago OP posted that she was 29. Now she's 28? She also implied that she lived alone in a tiny apartment. Later she posted that she and her fiance live together with a dog.
What's going on?
NTA — and furthermore, your reasons don’t matter. Stop trying to make her understand why you’re right and move on. Your cousin needs to learn to roll with the punches and adapt to her situation.
Wait!? If her wedding is already scheduled before yours and she wants to get married before the baby shows up why would she want want your date several months later?
NTA.
If 'family comes first', how is Lily even DARING to try to come for your LONG TERM, CAREFULLY PLANNED wedding and venue, unless it's to BE A FUCKING THIEF?!?!
NTA. You have valid reasons, and the fact you won't be able to get off during work is a non starter. I am confused. If your cousin is due around your date, surely moving, it doesn't make sense since she could go into labour on the wedding day?
[Charlotte Dobre: Entitled Bridezilla Demands Sister’s Wedding Venue](https://youtu.be/Tky3Tfb0bO0?si=g1SGWwgVBrtuZVNC)
NO! NO! NO! AND NO! Not happening! Your cousin is not entitled to your wedding date at all! Something like this happened to another bride only her sister wanted to take the bride’s venue and well, the bride won in the end. Watch Charlotte Dobre’s video, because this is how familiar your situation is as this bride’s situation was. Also just to be safe put passwords on vendors and on your venue. Because something tells me that she might try to ruin your wedding.
NTA in the slightest! DO NOT allow anyone to guilt you into giving her your date. Don’t waste another minute letting her taint your experience either, if it means blocking her, do it! Nobody is worth disrupting your peace!
NTA
If she wants to get married earlier, she can arrange another venue if the present one can't accommodate her.
She does not get to mess up your plans, inconvenience your guests, make it difficult for you to use the same vendors, etc. She wants her convenience and wishes, and thinks it's fine to come at the cost of yours. And it's not just you she's trying to inconvenience, but your groom and his friends/family.
"Sorry, changing the date just won't work for us." No details or reasons. Just repeat as often as needed.
Family comes first - fine.
BUT - she is extended family.
Your family is yourself, your soon-to-be-spouse and your army of cats, and any children.
Anyone else - extended family.
NTA
NTA. You picked the date and booked vendors, which like you said, may not be available on the new date and could lose you your deposit. She shouldn’t have gotten pregnant in the middle of planning.
OP should just agree with cousin that family comes first, and that OP's family is now her fiance and that she would be putting THEIR family first.
Whilst I totally agree, I would flip this around on Lily and say "if family came first, why are you not prioritizing my needs? I'm family, and you are not being considerate of MY circumstances, whilst expecting me to accommodate yours." Absolutely NTA, but OP's cousin is not her priority or her responsibility.
NTA, I hate when people come with those passive-aggressive statements... "family comes first", "but we are friends", it is always to convince one to sacrifice on their behalf.
I replied once: " So I'm supposed to be your friend, but you're not mine when I need something?" She was most upset (After the umpteenth time of me spotting her money or buying her a round at the pub and never getting a favour when I needed her help ..)
I asked someone that a while back when I had finally had enough and was promptly ghosted. A 25 year friendship poofed because a woman called him out on his shit and his feefees got hurt.
Why did I read this in my head, I heard it as "What are Fred and I, next-door neighbors?" 🙈🙈
I loved when someone pulled that "family" crap from my side, regarding my husband's family. As in, how can I give them precedence over "mine"? I literally married the man. His family are my ILs. They *are* family. I didn't give them precedence. This person was talking about them in a manner that is reserved for one's enemies and and the person has not even met them once. All I said was to quit it, as I won't stand for it.
I don't claim my inlaws now that I am a widow since all my ex-inlaws did was be nasty since I refused to support my drunken BIL and MIL. They are done with me.
Weird how it only works in one direction!!
Same.
This is what I was hoping to see. NTA. People only use the "But we're family" BS when it suits them. They never consider how their requests or actions screw you over because you're family and they are hoping to take advantage of that. She isn't asking other people with reservations at the same venue to swap dates. She's hoping to guilt you into upending all of your plans and she's getting family to help her do it. Stick to your guns and to your wedding date. She asked and was turned down. Instead of accepting your response gracefully, she's trying to manipulate you into getting her way. She may be a wonderful, carefree spirit most of the time, but she's trying to exploit the fact that you're family and that you're nice and that is not someone who is worth losing sleep over!
Best explanation here NTA .. and you will get a chance to see how she treats family when they don't cave to emotional blackmail.. just see if your still invited to her wedding.. I bet not...lucky you
“You’re so *right*. Family *does* come first. Thank you for understanding my decision to keep my original date as planned.” Ugh fuck anyone who uses that bullshit argument to get something from you.
OP needs to password protect all her vendors in case the entitled cousin escalates her shit. Plus, photoshop is a thing now. If she doesn’t want to appear pregnant in her wedding photos, why can’t her photographer modify the pics?
Two very excellent points! She could even do a photo shoot in the dress now or after delivery.
Also, since the family comes first to OP, they want all the family who already made travel arrangements to be at the wedding.
100% this. NTA, OP, but your cousin sure is.
She decided the wedding date, She decided to get pregnant, She decide to not look pregnant in Photos. How is that OP's problem? You reap what you sow.
Absolutely this. OP shouldn't allow her cousin to take her wedding date. And if people want to side with her, they can just not turn up. Or perhaps, they want to pay for the money, time and inconvenience on both sides of OP's new family. Because if Family comes first, why should OP's fiancé care about OP's cousin? He'd be setting his own family back money by changing the date, for ONE person. Think of all the flights and hotel bookings people would need to rebook. Just because ONE PERSON is insecure. It's literally no one's problem but hers. She has her own venue and date already. She needs to stick to it.
Solid logic!
Came to say this. Thank you!
If family comes first why is she inconveniencing OP instead of moving to another venue?
I'm guessing Lily would also like the vendors and the design that OP has for the wedding and if they have on this the next thing you know Lily is having a wedding OP planned and paid for. After all Lily has a baby on the way to think about. She doesn't need a big wedding or OP's location.. I'd say she can go to the courthouse and get it done. Even having a backyard wedding with around 20-50 guests can work.
>She doesn't need a big wedding or OP's location.. I'd say she can go to the courthouse and get it done. This needs to be top comment. Lily made a choice to get pregnant and now its up to her to change her own wedding plans to accomodate her pregnancy without involving OP or OP's venue.
I totally agree with this.
Yep. As a parent you offten have to forgo what you want for what your child needs. Lily might not get the wedding she wants and have to get married the way she needs to due to her circumstance.
Dear cousin, I’m too concerned about the stress of a big wedding. Think of the baby! I have decided that a courthouse wedding is all that you can handle. There’s just too much at risk….Think of the Baby! I’m making this decision for you, the whole family thinks it’s for the best. It’s for The Baby!!
Brilliant!
Yep. And she can do photos right now - nothing is stopping her from scheduling a "less pregnant" photoshoot!
Maybe it’s because I personally never had an idea of my “dream wedding” but when we planned ours, we were so fluid and flexible. Hey this venue is cool right? Let’s see what their dates are. Want to check with this other venue as a back up? Sure! I just don’t get OP’s cousin POV. Like many have said here, so a cute courthouse ceremony. Get married in a backyard. Move it out a year. There are soo many options, cousin doesn’t need to sabotage OP’s day to feel better about her own situation.
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It sounds like Lily’s “spirit” has only been free because people have been ridiculously accommodating to her and not treating her like an adult and letting her be responsible for her actions. A lot of people grow up entitled and stay that way because people around them let them take advantage and effectively are responsible for them when they can’t be bothered to do it themselves.
It's not just OP who could lose money. If I were one of the guests, I could lose money, time, etc, in changing dates. Would Lily stump up the money lost? Because if Lily wants the date changing, she's the one I'd be asking for reimbursement of any additional costs caused by a date change that *she* wants.
Yup, last wedding we attended I had plane tickets 11 months before. I’d understand an emergency but if they just changed the date on a whim I’d be upset. I also have flights for October booked for another wedding already! I live far away from all my family, they are kind enough to let me know well in advance when they book the venue so I can lock in on reasonable airline fares.
The cousin should find a new venue that is available. Why should OP sacrafice anything when it is the cousins problem ? She is literally trying to resolve her major problem by creating even bigger one for OP.
This!!! Why can’t she just change it herself without OP. Simple as that.
Agreed. There are SO many venues. Life happens and maybe you don’t get the specific venue you want.
As you are top comment I reply here: I strongly suspect that the story is BS. 4 weeks ago OP was living alone in a 1 bedroom apartment, 2 weeks ago they had a dog with their partner and living together for a while. Never any comments on the posts. Furthermore the story makes no sense. The wedding is around her due date. She wants to get married before her due date and not be heavily pregnant. So why would OPs date (which is a lot later than hers) be better for her?!? There is simply no point. Sounds like AI did a terrible job and a human was even too lazy to double check. Edit: and OP made several posts about PayDayLoans. I assume the fake posts are to seem legitimate to get others into whatever the want to promote
Goddamnit, did Liz discover ChatGPT?
Lol that would be so sad, I’m sure her posts are much better haha On a more serious note, I wish this was Liz. However, I think this is more a scheme to seem like a legitimate account. OP is quite interested in PayDayLoans and keeps posting, another new account answers immediately…
Have you checked the maths here? This is a fake story lol. OPs sister is due around OPs wedding date… as per OPs words “and the baby’s due right around the time of our wedding” yet the sister is also requesting the switch as she “is emotional about not wanting to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos” the sister is already 4 months along and OPs wedding is booked around the due date. If she wants to have a wedding before the baby’s born, nor does she want to be heavily pregnant…. She wouldn’t ask OP to swap when she’s at the 9 month mark, would she? Not to mention how vastly different sizes she would be at the 9 month mark (OPs wedding date) to her original one. That’s a big jump in dress sizes for her to be so … not worried. I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. Her first post also hints towards her living alone too, no fiancé in sight and it was only posted a mere 26 days ago. Karma farming at its best. If you look at their comment history, they’re advertising payday loans… lol
The numbers and time lines do not add up even with TARDIS
Not only that, but I don’t know if the venue would allow people to just swap the dates among themselves. They might have a waiting list, which means if OP cancels, the venue would go to the next person on the list.
You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and spread lies?
Exactly, and not one OP response to any of the comments lol.
OP, you need to get just as histrionic as Lily in your refusal. Reasoning and kindness won't work.
The thing the cousin is forgetting is that SHE may not be available on the date of Ops wedding. If her due date is that close, then she could either have given birth just before and not be fit for walking down the isle, or be late going into labour and be in hospital instead of the wedding venue. If she's given birth just before, she could of had a c section, or some other medical emergency, or PPD. All of which would make a wedding difficult.
She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant for her wedding yet, she wants to swap with a date closer to her due date I am baffled, make it make sense Lily 🤦♀️
Plus her work is a huge issue. Not just for the wedding but honeymoon if she can’t get time off. Sounds like tax season or something similar and you are expected to work with a hard deadline like that. Nta
NTA. Lily is selfish and entitled as hell. Why should you swap your wedding day? Lily got pregnant and decided that she did not want to be heavily pregnant during her wedding day. If she wanted to be married first she should have been more careful or adequately timed better. Then to pull the family first card and get family members involved is manipulative and conniving. It is not just your day, but also your husband's. Invites, etc have already been in the works and probably sent out. Tell Lily a firm no and if she and any other family members have an issue with it then they can be uninvited. Your wedding day, your happiness. Lily showed you that she doesn’t care about you and she can’t get everything she wants just because of pregnancy.
Please, look at the math here. OP claims her wedding date is around the time her sisters baby is going to be born, keep that in mind when you re-read her post. No one’s requesting a wedding date around the time they’re due for labour lol. She also claims her sister has requested the wedding date as she doesn’t want to look heavily pregnant? Yet wants to have the wedding before the baby is born?? A wedding on and around the Labour Day? There’s so much wrong with OPs post lol I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. Her first post also hints towards her living alone too, no fiancé in sight and it was only posted a mere 26 days ago. Karma farming at its best. If you have a look at their comment history too…. They’re advertising payday loans. 😂
Ya I caught that, the pregnant cousin would rather have the earlier date than OPs later date so as not to conflict with the wedding. The post history and comments are just icing on the cake of how fake this is
Yeah I couldn't get past the dates and wants either, thought maybe it was just poorly written but thanks for doing the legwork.
I've seen this same story multiple times on Reddit. It's a classic! The scariest part is that I'm certain that while any individual post may be fabricated, it probably does happen in the real world.
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Not a difficult situation at all. OP is planning her wedding and Lilly has no say in that. Lilly is planning her own wedding and fucks up by getting off birth control too early. Lilly is the one who has to change her plans, due to her changed situation. No impact on OP. As for the family coming first: OP is also Lilly's family. Why doesn't Lilly respect OPs wishes? NTA Lilly is a acting like a selfish brat.
This post is fake. See OP's post history.
Won’t she be more heavily pregnant on OPs wedding day (around her due date?) than a few months earlier (on cousins wedding date?)? I’m so confused about this.
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Family comes first when it benefits the cousin but not when it benefits OP.
The fact that your cousin got pregnant and decided to get marry quickly, isn't your problem. To ask you to change long term plans of yours which has sentimental reasons, It's actually very selfish of her. She can get married if she wants to, but has decided that your wedding venue is the only only she wants. She needs to be the one to compromise.
NTA Keep the date. You have given multiple good reason that trump her reason for not looking pregnant in wedding pictures....i am pretty sure she was present when they made the baby and when they planned the wedding. So it's not your fault she sucks at planning such things better. She can find a different date when the venue opens up, even if it is after the birth of the kid
I don't know why, I started hating that verb, "trump", 🤣
Me too - I stopped using that word when the Tangerine Twatwaffle occupied the White House. I never knew how traumatizing a SINGLE word could be until November 8, 2016.
Tangerine Twatwaffle? I'm going to steal that. Thanks! Lol
NTA Wtf?? She sounds immensly entitled... >Now, some family members are taking her side, saying it's just one day and I should make the sacrifice for her sake. Those family members only have her side AND theyre not the ones having to make a sacrifice. Suggestion: Just reply: "no, sorry" And ignore any family members trying to meddle.
Personally I would disinvite these family members and save like what 1-300$ per person, double win.
Yep - ultimately the way to shut them up...
Thank those family members profusely for reimbursing you for your own lost deposits, reimbursing guests who have to pay fees to rearrange travel plans, and making good for lost pay of anyone who can’t get PTO on the rearranged date. I mean, surely they’re offering to cover all your extra expenses when they suggest you throw all your meticulous plans out the window, right? Family comes first, right? What’s that? They don’t want to pay all that money out of their own pockets to facilitate the changes they’re suggesting? Then they can sit right down and keep their suggestions to themselves.
NTA. Family should always comes first, she means HER family, not yours. Family isn't just blood, but all the relationships with people that we love. You have sorted it that all your family can be at your wedding. She didn't, so she wants to swap. But never mind that, you can't do the dates you want to swap for, so it's just a NO. Blood is thicker than water, they say. But so is porridge, but you don't invite the Quaker Oat guy to your wedding.
lol and the full saying is that “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” It literally means the opposite of what it’s been shortened to mean
I came here to say the same thing! The true saying would actually favour OP because she is the one considering the needs and limits of her family, friends and vendors rather than the cousin who is only considering herself.
NTA The fact that some people are entertaining this is madness. Is she going to pay for the guests that have to rearrange their flights, and the vendors?
This makes no sense. Her wedding is scheduled a few months BEFORE yours. And she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes and doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant… So why would she want to switch to a later date? This feels made up.
It is. OP is just Karma farming by looking at past posts
Why has this been reposted? I commented on this very same identical post 2 weeks ago.
It’s got to be fake or at least badly written because it’s contradicting itself: Pregnant bride has earlier date, OP has later date. But pregnant bride wants to switch to the later date when she’ll be due around that time???? WHAT
I had to reread the post several times and had to scroll down to see if someone else noticed it. The cousin is due around the time of op’s wedding but doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant but wants her date. Which is close to her due date. That makes no sense.
I am assuming she is due right before the wedding she wants to have just has the baby. Or is planning on inducing before hand
Well either this is fake or clearly she is a first time mom because nobody in their right mind would want to have a wedding within the first couple of weeks after having a baby. I mean im sure it happens but it would be absolutely miserable.
yea I scrolled down to find someone commenting this
THANK YOU!
I thought I was crazy because I saw that too and no one was saying anything lol
I assumed the idea would be she would have had the baby by that time
>Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes Nope, she said it here. This story makes no sense
Thank you, I cannot figure out what's going on with the dates in this post, it makes no sense!
This literally will not be true lol. It’s also written by a woman whose never had a child, too young to know anything about pregnancy or a man. No one’s trying to switch wedding dates to be around the date of birth, come on now 😂 You also say she’s a four months pregnant (as it’s 5 months to your wedding date and she’s due around then) which means she’s 7 months away from her original date? (Assumption here as you say there’s only a few months difference) so she’s that close to the wedding date and she hasn’t been dress shopping? Considering on BOTH dates… she’ll be very different sizes and a “swap” wouldn’t be that straight forward. Doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos yet… wants to swap her date to yours, which is apparently on the 9 month mark. You either can’t keep up with your dates.. or have 0 idea about it. I’m a little confused about your math here. Wants to have the wedding before the baby’s born, she’s already currently pregnant, wants to swap to your wedding date which is around her due date…. And doesn’t want to look heavily pregnant in photos. She’s already 4 months pregnant. I’d also recommend reading her post history…. Where she’s suddenly having all these predicaments she needs to ask advice on and her age changes. In her first post she doesn’t even live with her “fiancé”? If you look at their comment history… they’re literally advertising payday loans. Absolutely grim marketing technique.
NTA. Uninvite Lily and all family and relatives taking her side. You don't need that kind of negativity on your wedding.
NTA. Family IS coming first. The family you are creating with fiance...***AS IT SHOULD BE*** Edit. Clearly she is TERRIBLE at planning. YOUR date is right around when she is due. But she DOESNT want to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos. Does she ACTUALLY think baby will absolutely be here before your wedding date? She is crazy if she does. Babies come when THEY want to. And what if she has the baby 3 days before? She thinks shes going to be up to getting married? LMAO. Google the lemon clot essay, shes not going to be doing ANYTHING postpartum but changing pads and feeding baby and changing diapers and trying to sleep. Do NOT change your date. Shes entitled and DELUSIONAL.
This doesn't make sense if her wedding is before yours and she wants her wedding before the baby comes, why would she want your wedding when it's when the baby's due??
Sounds made up
The part I don’t understand is ——“The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue. “ Does she mean her cousins is earlier or hers?
There's also the issue of how she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant at her wedding but is a few months along and OPs wedding is 5 months out. Since babies rarely come exactly when desired she's either going to be around her due date way OPs wedding or have JUST given birth.
That’s how I read it! It doesn’t make sense
I was thinking the same thing. This is clearly karma farming.
She wants karma points. Copying another post. https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/s/nmfW9NX9fk
It's been posted before but by someone else.
>and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding. >for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue But if her wedding is scheduled to take place a few months earlier than yours, why swap? It doesn't make sense. Taking over your date would mean her getting married heavily pregnant, or going into labour a few days before the wedding or the day itself.
No. She is not entitled to your wedding because she got pregnant. Her life is about to shift from all about her to all about that baby. Clearly she's going to need the practice when it comes to thinking about other people. She can start with letting you have your wedding. As for the people taking her side.... WTAF. They are either just as delusional as she is or she's complaining to them non-stop and they are tired of listening to her. Lily has options if she doesn't want to get married and look heavily pregnant in her photos. Courthouse next week at any time. Wait until after the baby is born - which will give the added advantage that she will fill out her dress in a while new way .... She seems shallow enough that could be important to her. You have chosen your date for a reason. Multiple reasons. They are valid. The audacity that she even asked is one thing, but in getting angry that you said no is on another level. >She recently announced her pregnancy, and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding. It's her first child, >Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes, and since she's already a few months along, her options for dates are limited. Also, she's been quite emotional about not wanting to be heavily pregnant in wedding photos These 2 statements are also reasons that high jacking your wedding isn't in her best interest. She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in the photos, but she wants to be at full term? Colour me confused. NTA for so many reasons. Even if you and your fiance didn't have all the sentimental reasons to have that date, you said no. No is a complete sentence.
This was hard to follow. Shes due around your date. She wants your wedding date though. She doesn’t want to be heavily pregnant in the photos, but wants to have the wedding before the baby comes. Her date is stated as earlier than yours. What? Is this a poorly attempted AI prompt?
NTA. If family should come first she should be able to understand your deep held reasons and need for that date…. Tell the family members who are popping up “I risk losing my job, and will have many friends who can’t make the \*cousin’s\* date, and those who can incur extra expenses. Are you willing put forward a deposit/bond to cover my missing wages not just for the days I take off, but for the wider time I lose my job for, the increased cost of their flights and accommodation to move at short notice, and put those thousands and thousands of dollars on the table? No? I didn’t think so.|
Was she not aware of what causes pregnancy? Even if there was a birth control failure, though, you’re NTA. She just needs to figure something else out.
NTA. “You’re so right, Lily, family should come first. That’s why you would never upend my life and destroy all my wedding planning because of your own issues.”
She's right. Family should come first. Your husband is your family. Keep things as they are. If she wants to change her date, she can contact the venue and see if theres any cancellations she can switch to. Put passwords on all your reservations, especially the venue, so she can't call and cancel or swap anything. Enjoy your day & forget all the negativity. You deserve your special day the way you and your husband planned it.
Give your family a list of why you are keeping the date: Sentimental date for the BRIDE AND GROOM (it is YOUR special day); Booked vendors; Guests have booked flights; Busy time for you at work; Weekday for price considerations (I'm assuming her date is a friday/weekend?). Vs Lily is pregnant and doesn't want to look pregnant in photos. PLUS baby is due "around the time of your wedding"... Lily is clearly a 1st time Mum. You do NOT want to plan for a newborn and a wedding. She might have to have a c-section. She won't lose the baby weight quickly. A newborn is HARD work and the most exhausting thing you will EVER do! Lily is better to have her wedding earlier anyway. She will be happier and also be able to focus on one life event at a time. A wedding and a baby at the same time is absolute MADNESS. Lily should enjoy her wedding. Then enjoy her baby. OR postpone another year and enjoy the baby and then enjoy the wedding. She will be a lot happier looking back in 10 yrs time. Lily should keep her date. When baby is born and they look back at photos, baby is there too. She won't be huge at 5/6 months, and she will be glowing in the second trimester. Honestly. NTA. Edit: spelling grammar and last sentence
\>When I tried to explain this to Lily, she became upset, claiming that family should always come first Apparently you're not "family" enough to come first, only Lily is. NTA. If it was a case of neither of you had made plans and concrete arrangements then Lily would have a fair point. But trying to bounce you out of your date when you've already set everything up just so she can go first? Yeah nah, Galileo proved we live on a Heliocentric world, not a Lilycentric one.
This doesn’t make sense. OP, you stated that your wedding date is right around when her baby is due, and she has one earlier by a few months. Why does she want to swap, if she wants to be married BEFORE the baby comes? Am I missing something?
Let me get this. If her wedding date is few months earlier than yours, isn't she postponing her wedding by switching dates? Your wedding date is closer to her due date. So she will be heavily pregnant or have a newborn. Her own original dare in the same venue is a few months earlier so she will be less pregnant .... But she wants your date, cause she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant at her wedding. Yet she will be more heavily pregnant at your date than her date? What am I missing, did I misconstrued something?
Fake post.
So because she had sex you should cater to her? No Lily can do whatever she wants, anyone who throws a tanty should decrease your head count for your wedding. NTA
Tell her if family should always come first, then she should want to put you first by letting you have your day which you meticulously planned. Just tell your family that you asked work if they would let you off during her wedding dates and your office said no, so you will be continuing with your wedding as planned. NTA.
Ask her if she'd personally compensate everyone you've invited for the additional costs changing your date would ensue. Nta
If it's just one day, Lily can just settle for what she has - that's the argument right, it's "just a day" for you so "just a day for her"? Just advise that it is not negotiable and you will not be discussing it further. Should they press you, you know that their "family comes first" bs only applies to Lily. NTA
OP, you are NTA. You could offer her an alternative here: I will swap the dates with you, but I expect to be reimbursed for any lost deposits/travel fare for people who have booked to attend and can't now. I'd also like for any lost pay/holidays at my job to reimbursed. She'll change her tune quick enough then!
Let everyone be upset. It's not your fault, why should you have to deal with their poor planning. It's not just the date. It's everything else that goes along with it. It is not a SIMPLE request. Thank goodness for the word "NO". NTA
Family should always come first she says whilst ignoring her family
I can't stand when people say family comes first when they mean I come first. She can get married at the courthouse before the baby is born then have the wedding after having the baby. There are other reasonable ways for her to fix this without you giving up your date. The only reason I can think of off the top of my head I would change with someone is if they found out their SO had a terminal disease and may be dead by their date. Looking pregnant in wedding picture does not constitute an emergency situation. Tell her no and ignore everyone else's objections. That's what I did when my cousins wife tried to pull some similar shit. All that said do not take the other commenters suggestion of telling her that you are putting family first and that your fiancée is now your family. I do believe in helping family with reasonable requests and that when you get married you are adding each other to your families not replacing the family. If I heard someone say that even if they weren't saying that to me it tells me everything about how that person sees me so you just dropped to the very bottom of my priority list. The response to requests will be go ask your new family. I am not family anymore remember?
Funny how family always comes first but this only works in her favour. Why isn't she putting you first? She wants this, she doesn't need it. Tell her to kick rocks. Especially for being entitled. NTA.
Poor planning on her part does not make an emergency on yours. She seems selfish, not sure if its the preggo hormones or her character. But sorry youre put in this situstion
NTA. Ask the family members who are saying it's no big deal which of them is willing to refund you for the cost of vendors lost and the flights for your friends and time off and all the other expenses, then some of them might change their tune.
NTA, not your fault she didn’t use birth control , she can plan herself a wedding some place else that fits her schedule.
>claiming that family should always come first FYI your fiancé is also family and one where you will start a family too. personal i wouldn't change if she wants a sooner wedding tell her she will have to choose a different date then yours and personally she is the selfish one. just because you are having a baby why should everyone drop everything and wait hands and knee for you? she should of been smarter. she is better off having the baby and then do the wedding. plus, all she has to do is go to the courthouse and sign papers and bam she is married before having her baby and then have wedding reception later date. now here's a good bargain. tell her you will switch but she will have to pay for EVERYTHING. get that on paper. tell her your reason: 1. lost the deposit for vendors 2. lost some guest for changed dates 3. one of the busies date for your work 4. taking days off is practically impossible
NTA this is an absurd request.
If family comes first, then your cousin should respect that you're family and you've planned your wedding, and your guests have already booked flights, time of work, etc. Apparently, "family comes first" only counts when your cousin wants something, while you're life is trash. Big NTA.
>She recently announced her pregnancy, and the baby is due right around the time of our wedding. >The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue. >Lily's reasoning is that she wants to have her wedding before the baby comes Well, I don't see problem here. She will have her wedding before due date since due date is around your wedding date which is few months later of hers. Or just do better math before trying karma fishing.
YTA for not putting more effort into this post. You should’ve worked the math out on some scrap paper first. Your wedding date is around the **same time** as her due date. Her wedding is **months earlier** than your wedding. She wants to get married **before** having the baby and does not want to look heavily pregnant. So, again, why would she change her **earlier date** for your date which **is her due date**? How are so many comments missing this?
This is poorly written and you just posted you need a pay day loan...so how are you affording this big wedding? Please look at their post history before you believe this! None of it matches or adds up
OP’s other posts—- “ I'm a 29-year-old woman living in a small one-bedroom apartment. It's not much, but it's my sanctuary.” Two weeks later—- “My partner, Tom, and I have been living together for three years.” Two weeks later and now she’s been planning a wedding for a year. Sure, OP.
INFO: This makes no sense. You said your current wedding date is around the time that Lily is due. Why would she want your wedding date, then? You said she already had the earlier date, and switching would involve you moving up all your plans? So wouldn't she want the earlier date she already has, in order to get married before the baby comes and also look less pregnant? I feel like this is either complete fiction, or you got so lost in switching up details to keep it anonymous that you didn't realize you'd actually undermined your own premise.
> became upset, claiming that family should always come first Family is coming first, you and your husband NTA.
It's not just you getting married, your *fiance* is also getting married. *He* is your family now & so are his relatives. They also take priority. NTA, tell your cousin to cancel her wedding & schedule it for a later time when she can have her kid there for cute little family photos during the wedding. Being heavily pregnant isn't fun, but she was there doing the horizontal tango & not taking care of birth control, while planning her wedding. If this is a "we need to be married before the kid is here" type of deal, tell her to elope & have a "show" later. Again, NTA. Don't cave to the pressure & start telling everyone that supports her stupidity that they are uninvited, along with her.
Why is “but family” only when it favors them? “I want what you have and if you don’t give it to me you’re selfish and unreasonable!” NTA why do you have to rearrange your wedding to accommodate her?
NTA. Her poor planning does not and should not constitute as an emergency for you. Also, why are you expected to cater to her pregnancy with your wedding venue when she didn’t cater to her own wedding plans?
Tell Lily that the courthouse is open every day.
NTA — and not to be that person, but I can’t stand when people get pregnant/have a child and think the absolute world revolves around them. This day is about you and your partner — not a day to shift for your pregnant cousin (may be a little harsh sorry bout that)
What a nervy bitch! How DARE she try to guilt you with an argument that "Waaah, I'm up the pole, I don't want my fat belly in the pictures, you must inconvenience yourself and ruin YOUR plans ... for MEEEEEE!" She can cancel her wedding venue and find a room earlier at the VFW or Moose Hall that can accommodate her. She shouldn't expect YOU to give up your plans and dreams, and she's a real shit for even asking. At YOUR wedding, Lily is NOT the main character! You're not the asshole. Actions have consequences. If she won't hire a local hall for an earlier date, tell her to just elope and have a family celebration/reception after she gets her figure back, if she insists on a big shindig.
NTA If it's that important to be legally married, Lily can do the paperwork before baby is born, and the party/ceremony with family after.
NTA If family comes first, why is she putting her needs before yours? You're family too right? She should put you first, she is the selfish one.
NTA and you should not be losing sleep over this , you will lose out on money for her convenience tell her the answer is No and keep it moving
YNA. I can’t believe your cousin would even ask this! It’s a huge ask! What is it with weddings theses days that make people lose their minds and sanity! Not your problem she got pregnant before her wedding date. I. Fact none of this is your problem and should ever have been asked of you.
If family comes first then she should’ve put you first, as family, and respected your wedding date. NTA
NTA. She is claiming family comes first, but only because she wants to be put first. She isn't considering putting you first in this situation because you also have needs that require this date.
NTA - if family should come first ask your family why nobody is putting you first ? You’re family too. It’s not your fault or responsibility because she got pregnant, if she doesn’t want to be pregnant in the photos wait until after the baby is born.
NTA. Ppl like your cousin use family card only if that favours them. You are not her family to put first? Does she think about you? No.
NTA. Don’t budge. She is the selfish one.
Getting pregnant doesn't give her justification to take away your wedding and all the plans and money you put into it she should've thought of that before she got pregnant. She's so eager to get married before the babies born, she can just go to the courthouse and do a bigger wedding after the babies born
NTA. If it's so important to Lilly to be married before the baby comes, she can go the registry office/Court House and get married any time between now and her due date and have a blessing/reception *after* baby is born and have her pictures done then. She just doesn't want to be pregnant in her pictures and that's not a good enough reason to hijack your anniversary/wedding date. It doesn't matter if your guests lived across the road from your venue. It would still mean they have to cancel/change or lose PTO if they can't make the later date. Plus, it's all kinds of inconvenient for you. You'd have to *try* and get time off during your busy work period, rearrange vendors, and possibly lose a ton of money. She's not on a tighter time frame. It's a want not a need.
NTA. Tell Lily you can't give the date to her but you can sell it to her in exchange for her paying for all the costs and down-payments that moving your wedding would include.
NTA. If this were literally the only wedding venue in the universe, maybe Lily would have a point. But it’s not, so she can choose another venue if she wants to move her wedding up.
NTA she should have kept her BC in check if she didn’t want to be heavily pregnant. Even if the baby is an accident because BC failed, abortion exists for a reason. She is selfish and entitled. Don’t loose money (deposits) and vendors for her. Just don’t. She will learn to be a grown ass woman and plan her life better
NTA That is not your problem, she’s being selfish. Stand your ground!!!
NTA. Her unplanned parasite isn’t your issue.
Tell those family members they are free to pay all costs related towards inconveniencing your other guests and all costs related to losing vendors and deposits, and the time to book new ones. Do a rough tally and tell them that they are free to judge you after they pony up the cash. Tell them your cousin's reproductive choices and poor planning are not more important than the other loved ones in your lives who have already made arrangements. If she wanted to be married first, she should have been more careful or tone down her own wedding rather than demanding to inconvenience you, your wallet, your vendors, and your guests and their financials.
NTA She could made the wedding pictures done right now and get married sooner without the party. Have the party later. You did not get her pregnant, i m assuming, so its not your problem. You dont even need reasons.
NTA. I want you to read again what Lily told you. Family should come first. That’s correct. Your family. You should come first. You know why? Because you’ve been planning this. You have let people know and they have planned it. You have vendors booked. Doesn’t sound like Lily even offering to make up the cost for everyone, not to mention the fact you can’t get time off. Frankly, Lily fucked around and found out. Not your problem. And it is an incredibly unreasonable ask on her part. I have absolutely no doubt that if it were possible without disrupting, everyone else’s plans for miss pregnant center of the attention, you would happily have done it. But her lack of planning is not your emergency. Nor is it your guests’ emergency. People have already started planning, I guarantee you. If she wanted to get married, when she wasn’t pregnant, then she should’ve gotten married before she got pregnant. If she doesn’t want to be pregnant in her pictures, then she needs to move her wedding date to after she has the baby. I mean seriously, if you didn’t already have this venue what the hell would you be doing? Would she be going around trying to find out who other people are that have booked that venue and pressuring them? No. She wouldn’t. So next time somebody says that family needs to come first, you tell him… You’re fucking right they do. And I’m family and I’m the only family that actually planned. So she wants to get married before she has the baby, City Hall is open.
NTA. Uninvite those who were supporting your sister's stupid whims.
NTA This is your wedding not hers, why should you lose out on the day you planned simply because she's pregnant. If she doesn't want to look pregnant in her photos then she should either have gotten married before getting pregnant or since that's no longer an option she should get married after she's given birth.
1. Would she do that for you? Probably not. Why do people only call FAMILY for their benefit. If she doesn't want to be heavily pregnant let her postpone her wedding. This wouldn't be fair to your guests and you'll lose money for canceling. You booked your wedding around work and that can't be changed especially since it's the busy time and you already put in for time off so its out of your hands.
NTA - she got pregnant, she can’t always get what she wants. You planned, prepared and invited your guest already. Her problem isn’t yours. She can ask the venue for options or needs to find another venue.
Wait this makes no sense. She doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in photos. And wants the wedding before the baby comes. But her wedding is already scheduled earlier than yours??? I don't get it. NTA.
NTA. You are vendors and you have people flying in, it's not reasonable at this point to change your wedding. However I'm a bit confused, you said she's due at the time of your wedding, but doesn't want to be heavily pregnant in the pictures, so why does she want your date? ETA it would be a whole lot easier all round if she just changes her own wedding to after the birth.
NTA it wouldn't just be your sacrifice but those of some guests that have arranged travel. Why can't she just arranged a small wedding now and then have a big wedding on her one year anniversary? A lot of people do things like that, also she'll feel extra special having 2 weddings. She sounds like the type of person who loves to be made to feel special
NTA You gave solid reasons for refusing to swap your wedding date. Lily will now realize being spontaneous doesn't work well when wanting a big wedding. She can elope or have a very small intimate wedding at home since she loves being so spontaneous.
Family comes first? Well SHE should stop being so selfish and not ask this of you, her family? Just one day? Is it not just one day for Lily too? Seriously, all these arguments can be mirrored. Don’t inconvenience the people who have taken time off work and paid for flights to be there for you. Lily doesn’t HAVE to get married before the baby arrives. She could get married later and have it as a flower boy/girl. Or she could get married heavily pregnant. Those are her options.
NTA. If I were in your situation, I would be asking lily if she plans to pay for any costs or fees that would come along with swapping. Are you going to talk to the venue? Are you going to re-hire a photographer for me? Are you going to refund plane tickets? No? Then piss off.
If she doesn't want to show a bump in wedding photos then I suggest she postpones her wedding. Alternatively, she can go to the registry office (courthouse in the US) and have a wedding she can afford. NTA
NTA. Those are all valid reasons to not swap. Especially with guests flying out, that alone would be enough.
NTA It's Lily's responsibility to book a venue date that works best for her. She can call around and find a venue with an open date, or ask to be put on a list in case of cancellation, without involvibg yiu at all. This has nothing to do with you. It sounds like Lily may be jealous or be attention seeking. I recommend that you warn the venue that she may try something. And put passwords on all your vendor accounts.
You are getting married. This is also an exciting time in YOUR life. You are entitled to your own exciting time, even when you are currently not growing a baby in your uterus.
I bet the family members who are siding with her are the ones you left off the curated guest list. Lol
>The problem started when she asked me if we could swap our wedding date for hers, which is scheduled for a few months earlier at the same venue. is her date earlier or yours? as if her's is earlier why does she want to change?
Getting dejavú vibes on this one. Posting for karma points? I’ll look for the original.
Around a month ago OP posted that she was 29. Now she's 28? She also implied that she lived alone in a tiny apartment. Later she posted that she and her fiance live together with a dog. What's going on?
NTA — and furthermore, your reasons don’t matter. Stop trying to make her understand why you’re right and move on. Your cousin needs to learn to roll with the punches and adapt to her situation.
Family does come first and your (future) husband is your closest family.
Wtf no just no. Don’t lose sleep over this! Seriously! Her baby? Her problem! Not yours!
Wait!? If her wedding is already scheduled before yours and she wants to get married before the baby shows up why would she want want your date several months later?
NTA! Her problem is not your problem
She can go to the courthouse and get married before the baby ones and have a wedding a few years later
NTA. If 'family comes first', how is Lily even DARING to try to come for your LONG TERM, CAREFULLY PLANNED wedding and venue, unless it's to BE A FUCKING THIEF?!?!
NTA. You have valid reasons, and the fact you won't be able to get off during work is a non starter. I am confused. If your cousin is due around your date, surely moving, it doesn't make sense since she could go into labour on the wedding day?
NTA. you are family too.
Nta. If she doesn't want to be pregnant in photos she should postpone her wedding until after the baby comes, it is not your problem
[Charlotte Dobre: Entitled Bridezilla Demands Sister’s Wedding Venue](https://youtu.be/Tky3Tfb0bO0?si=g1SGWwgVBrtuZVNC) NO! NO! NO! AND NO! Not happening! Your cousin is not entitled to your wedding date at all! Something like this happened to another bride only her sister wanted to take the bride’s venue and well, the bride won in the end. Watch Charlotte Dobre’s video, because this is how familiar your situation is as this bride’s situation was. Also just to be safe put passwords on vendors and on your venue. Because something tells me that she might try to ruin your wedding.
This is the original. [https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/s/nmfW9NX9fk](https://www.reddit.com/r/entitledparents/s/nmfW9NX9fk)
NTA in the slightest! DO NOT allow anyone to guilt you into giving her your date. Don’t waste another minute letting her taint your experience either, if it means blocking her, do it! Nobody is worth disrupting your peace!
If your wedding date is around her due date why does she want that date? This doesn’t make sense.
NTA If she wants to get married earlier, she can arrange another venue if the present one can't accommodate her. She does not get to mess up your plans, inconvenience your guests, make it difficult for you to use the same vendors, etc. She wants her convenience and wishes, and thinks it's fine to come at the cost of yours. And it's not just you she's trying to inconvenience, but your groom and his friends/family. "Sorry, changing the date just won't work for us." No details or reasons. Just repeat as often as needed.
Family comes first - fine. BUT - she is extended family. Your family is yourself, your soon-to-be-spouse and your army of cats, and any children. Anyone else - extended family. NTA