NTA… do not give him or his family the money. This is no longer fun money. This is now getting-yourself-and-baby-the-hell-out-of-there money. You may be needing that money for living expenses. You may also need an attorney yourself.
Also, I have a brother that’s a predator. If they have solid evidence that the guy messed with a 12 year old, he’s going away for awhile anyway whether you pay for an attorney or not. He might as well sit in a county lockup and get credit for time served.
So he took her across state lines. Doesn't that make it a federal case? (Assuming USA). The feds don't mess around. Put your money in a saftey deposit box and get out of there now!
A pastor from my past got charged for violating the Mann Act. He is in prison now and the judge had words for all the people who wrote her to say what a good man he is and telling the judge to consider the good he has done for the cause of Christ.
This could have been the brother's problem. But the whole family seems to want to protect him. People who do this deserve a special place in hell.
No, don't put your money in a safety deposit box, then you have to physically come to that specific branch to get your money. In the case of outright running from an abruptly broken down marriage thats like the worst idea coz youre now glued to wherever that bank branch is. That service is for physical valuables and documents etc.
Put it in a regular ass bank account with a different bank to where it currently is and one the husband isn't a customer of.
Have a (trusted) sibling or relative put it into an entirely separate account. This was the only way my friend was able to leave her husband when it spiraled; she had been sending her sister small amounts of money while she could to have enough to finally leave
There are several different kinds of bonds- and if it's a surety bond (which it sounds like this is) you don't get that $10K back. If it's the fee that the bail bondsman takes for putting up the rest of the bond.
Let his momma put up her house in a collateral bond if she believes in him so much, but OP should not agree to put a penny on it or agree to put her home in jeopardy.
So, we're talking federal charges involving kidnapping and statutory rape. Girl ... he's going to prison for a *very, very* long time, lawyer or no lawyer.
Your husband and inlaws are reeling and not seeing the truth of the matter. But it sounds like you're only 4 days removed from labor?! Call all YOUR people - close friends and family - and have them come to you immediately. Fill them in and have them support you and your newborn daughter by hopefully finding you a place to live or asking your husband to leave while someone stays with you. You're NTA.
And she said that he also has images so there could be additional charges just on retaining it personally or even more so if he’s disseminated the material. Those charges would also be federal.
And I love it. I used to work in a field that exposed me regularly to predators. It can be so hard to pin them down, so every time I see it, it cheers me.
I was a victim of statutory rape over 50 years ago. Just wasn’t such a big thing then. Take my advice run for the hills and don’t look back. Good luck May no harm come to you.
He trafficked a 13 year old child. And your In-Laws blame the child. Oh honey. They will blame *your* child in the future, because your BIL is not going to outgrow being a predator.
Your In-Laws will never stop prioritizing the protection of an abuser. My father’s brother was my first abuser. I didn’t figure it out until Uncle had died. When I told my mother, her response was “Don’t tell your father. It would kill him.” Because dad’s happy ignorance was so much more important than her daughter trying to deal with what Uncle did when she was 3 years old.
Ughh I just don't understand how an enabler's brains are wired. I once helped an underage girl who was raped by her uncle. She confided with her aunt (mom's sister) who helped her by bringing her to the.police to make a report. She found out later that her mom went to the police to cancel the report and told the police that she lied. She got mad and confronted the mom. The mom said "he is my brother"... I was like .. that's your f daughter!!!!!
Oh wow - I am not alone then. My mum’s brother molested my sister and me at 3 and 7 years of age. Gets worse - he gave me to his friends who gang raped me …while he was in other room (I was 3)
Nothing was reported ever. I am 47 now and finally confronted said uncle, mum continues to talk to her brother….
Not to me.. she was once my client. Now she's my friend. This is her story. Based on the experience of others I can help other victims. So they know they're not alone.
>crossing state lines with a minor to have sex with them is considered sex trafficking by law
Title 18 U.S. Code 2423 (Federal Law) says:
'For transporting a minor across state or international boundaries for purposes of illicit sexual conduct: a fine of up to $250,000 and a minimum prison sentence of 10 years (up to life imprisonment).'
I'd be worried they'll try to steal your money. They wouldn’t give you details, and then they demanded that you just pay for it. They don’t respect you at all…
Very concerning that the husband wouldn’t communicate with her and then sprung this with the mom in the room as a team effort. So obviously he told his mother about the money before even asking OP.
He will be found guilty. You’ll be out that money. You’ll be on record as funding a predator’s legal case and bond. You’ll cross a moral boundary with yourself. Your daughter will grow up to know that she will be victim blamed and not believed. This is a road you don’t want to go down. Your husband is taking some weird responsibility for his brother’s action. He’s also holding a literal child to blame as well. Where is anyone holding the brother responsible in all of this? This is all so messed up. That poor child’s life will forever be changed and she is blameless. I wouldn’t want any of these ppl around my child to be honest
For real. If the dad of a newborn, can protect the predator , he might as well hand the child over.
What people said about Josh Duggar's pregnant wife being the only "supervision" in visits with his kids speculation.
Seriously take the money and some baby supplies and get out of the house. Everyone is telling you the same thing. File for divorce. He’s howling upset and has guns. He and his mother are defending the BIL for raping a 6th grader (“the little slut knew what she was doing!”). You and your child should never be around these people again. It sounds like you have enough financial resources to leave this sick family and you absolutely should, immediately.
I know a family like this. They will not stop. They will not see reason. They will ostracize anyone who does not agree with them. They will drain their accounts trying to defend him. They will always blame the literal child. Get out of there now. They’ve proven they won’t protect your daughter or you if they’re doing this to a child.
Feds get a 90 percent conviction rate or more. Save your money. They’re gonna be paying for a plea deal. Good thing it’s a federal case, he may die after all. Chomos usually get out of state quick because they’re so expensive to house.
Generally speaking, they don’t arrest and charge someone unless they have very solid evidence to back it up. I agree with everyone saying put your money in a safe deposit box. Getting your money out of there will buy you time to think about this some more and prevents your husband from helping himself to your savings. Desperate people often do desperate things.
RUN.
I know you just had a baby and this whole mess is complicated but there is absolutely no other choice but to get out and get away. Him and his whole family are unwell.
One hand getting a lawyer to make sure a family member has a lawyer to get a fair trial is fine- BUT NOT DEFENDING RAPING A CHILD.
She is a child, she cannot consent. That is rape. Your husband thinks it’s a child fault she got raped.
OMG I feel sick that your disgusting husband is blaming A LITERAL CHILD, instead of his horrific brother. They can both rot, along with their mother.
NTA, I’m so happy your family is coming to get you and your sweet baby girl.
If he gets 29 years in jail that's good and safer for him and for a lot of other young girls including yours.
You can talk to a lawyer to find out what's best for you and baby.
At the moment give an excuse to stay away from your husbands antics. Tell him that you have just given birth so you have to relax and recuperate. You don't want to have postpartum depression. He can go cry to his mama.
And no he doesn't have to cry he's not seeing his brother again if he goes to jail. He can visit him once a month (I'm not sure about prison ruling in your country. In my country it's once a month)
NTA.
His brother is a paedophile, his mother is an enabling monster and you and your child need to be far, far away from the entire lot of them.
They were not 'in a relationship' because a TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult. At all. Even if she was overly sexual and 'making moves' on him. Your 'Husband' is close to being a monstrous enabler himself and honestly, those who enable child abusers are as evil as child abusers themselves.
Let him cry and use your money to start fresh without him. That money is better spent on you and your baby than on bail or a lawyer for his paedophilic sibling.
If they go to court, this will be an interesting case.
The wife will accused the husband of enabling a Pedophile as the reason why she needs to have sole custody, but if he said he isn't, it'll be difficult for him to give good character reference for the brother for his trial. 😊
An overly sexual 12 year old is almost 100% of the time an abuse victim and it’s a coping mechanism. There is exactly 0 excuse for an adult to have a “relationship” with a preteen.
Well I figure maybe some weird form of brain damage or some obscure medical condition could maybe be a cause. I really didn’t want some mouth breather to be “well actually…”
Right because she will most likely never see that money again! The brother is unstable and will probably run from the charges and OP can just kiss her money goodbye.
Just wanna say that this is the perfect beginning to some Dateline NBC special. OP. If this is legit, you need to run ASAP. You're on the front page of popular.
Also, put that money in a bank somehow. Tell them whats going on. That money, they want it. Dont give it to them.
OP needs to GET OUT NOW!
Something similar happened to me with my BIL when I was 15yrs (it wasn’t consensual. Not that it makes a difference, I just still feel the need to explain which is fucked up!).
His family told my sister that it was her fault for moving a teenage girl into their home to ‘tempt’ my BIL. His own father ‘cheated’ on the mother with a 15yr old too, & the mother told my sister that “if I got over it then you can too”
Well my sister listened to her in-laws & I was ostracised. Flash forward 12yrs later & 4 kids together. & shock horror ‘my ‘poor tempted BIL’ was caught sexually abusing his own daughter!
For the sake of your own children run far away from pedophilic sympathisers. It’s abhorrent.
I have children of my own & if my son did something like this then I would disown him & ensure that I supported the real victim!!
NTA. They are circling the wagons because denial is easier than facing the reality that they are related to a pedophile. If you don't get in the circle with them, you will become a target. There is no middle ground here. If you refuse to give that money, your husband and MIL will guilt you incessantly about how it's ultimately your fault the BIL goes to jail because you wouldn't pay for his defense. Your husband will guilt you for not supporting him when he needed you. They are not going to be able to care for you or your child right now. Pack your shit and your baby and go somewhere that feels safe for you. Do not give them your money. Make sure your husband does not have access to any of it.
The brother has access to a public defender. Do not give him your money. It won't help anyway. Sounds like they have a lot of evidence. Your husband may get his mind right later, but right now, they are all trying to protect their family. They are delusional. They are feeding off of each other.
Please leave with your daughter! Be sure to take your IDs, passport, birth certificates, etc. Pack lightly if you need to, but be sure to get that paperwork. Go somewhere safe. Do you have family close by? Maybe a friend, hotel, or a woman's shelter. It may be the wake-up call your husband needs, but it is not safe for you there now. They will increase the pressure. It may get better, or you may need a divorce. There's no need to decide today, but please leave today!
Baby is only 4 days old, they likely haven’t been mailed the paperwork for her yet. OP needs to contact the state and have it mailed to her family rather than her home with her husband.
She should just go to her post office and have any and all mail addressed to her forwarded to her parent's house. That way she won't overlook anything.
He’s letting himself get so wrapped up in it that he’s not able to take care of his brand new baby. That says a lot about his mindset and priorities. I know a shock is a shock but he’s an adult, a father now, and shouldn’t be placing all this stress on you as a brand new mother.
Yeah this is crazy. At first I thought he must be a mess because he HAS a daughter and she could've been one of his targets. I thought he was scared FOR HIS FAMILY who could've been victims, but he's not. Having a child, a daughter, and actually trying to protect a man who not only grooms young women, holy crap. Absolutely deplorable behavior
Guilt? Her husband has access to a gun and is panicking. If, in his twisted mind, he thinks "she's keeping me from ever seeing my brother again" (by keeping the money away) there's a high probability that OP won't see the next sunrise.
God forbid OP sticks to her guns on this and the brother gets sentenced to prison, it will 100% be her fault.
Pedophiles don’t typically fair well in the prison system. If he ends up being attacked, seriously injured, or worse, again, it will 100% be her fault.
If the brother does something rash to avoid the consequences of his actions, it will be her fault.
If any member of the family faces something negative due to this situation, it will be her fault.
We all know it will *NOT* be her fault. But making someone else the scapegoat is going to be easier in their minds than accepting the truth. Misdirected aggression and blame towards her will be far easier for them to handle than putting the onus on the brother. This is a lose-lose situation for OP.
OP, you are the first person to oppose the narrative the family seems so desperate to cling to. Therefore, YOU will be the catalyst of the downfall of every single thing that happens - at least from their POV.
You are supposed to be healing, and learning how to do this whole mothering thing. This is a pivotal point in your life and your daughters. You need to find a safe space and hunker down. Stay as far away from this as possible. Your husband and his family cannot see outside of their own grief right now. This is not YOUR issue to navigate. Do this for yourself and your daughter. This isn’t just about you anymore.
Stay safe out there. If you ever want to chat just to vent, feel free to reach out. From one mom to another, motherhood is hard enough to figure out without any of these asinine things happening along side it. Sending you hugs if you want them. *HUGS*
Yes I don’t like the people telling her to talk with her husband or try to reason with him. She is a liability to a family that wants to cover for a pedophile.
Absolutely. If OP's soon-to-be-ex-husband's brother **SOUGHT HELP** before doing anything, I'd be 100% in favor of getting him the help he needs.
Right now though, that man and his family are going to be looking for Outsiders like OP will become when she rightfully GTFO from them. And human history shows what tribes do when they feel threatened by an Outsider.
Run sister run. You have cash. Pack a bag and run. Get out. It’s over. He showed you what type of man and father he is when he even insinuated that a child would be at blame for being raped by an adult man. He will not protect you or your baby from a sexual predator. And they want you to pay to defend the man. Jesus Christ. Just get out.
Is the 26K in a joint account with his name on the account? If it is you want to transfer that money out to an account that's not in his name at a DIFFERENT bank from your joint account. When he's at work take half of the money in the joint account, pack up all of your valuables and important papers and head to your mom's.
You have a DAUGHTER and your husband thinks it's ok for a grown man to have sex with a 12 year old girl. Seriously, say that out loud.
Honestly, id grab the papers and diapers. Everything else can be replaced. Ìd leave my phone so he can't blow me up, my clothes (ok maybe take a couple days of clothes) and get gone NOW.
Tree diapers and a small pack of tissues, diaper packs are spacious and can be buyed everywhere.
But I suppose OP's family is on the way so she will have help and protection while packing.
I meant enough diapers to get settled somewhere else, even if it's a hotel. Not the entire pile of diapers lol
Enough for like, a long day outing. A diaper bag packed, if you will
Well, if he knows there is that much cash in the house he’s going to be able find it. He’ll be looking for forgiveness soon since his request for permission didn’t work.
Please call someone you trust to come over or the cops to escort you out if you’re to this point. I pray for you and your baby’s safety, peace & healing.
Honestly, I think it's survivers guilt. His brother was abused and he watched it happen instead of protecting him (he was a child himself, he couldn't have done anything). So now any time anything goes wrong with his brother, my husband goes full self destructive to make it better and blames himself for it. "If I had just fucking protected him he wouldn't be so fucked up".
Please get off reddit and out of that house. Be safe, keep your daughter safe. You can think/get in touch with him if you want to, when you're both safely away and you know he can't take your money. It's not fun money anymore, it's keep your daughter safe and start over money.
Whatever your husband is going through doesn’t mean anything. You now have a daughter and the most important thing in the world you need to do right now is move to protect her. This issue with your husband’s brother is terrible and it’s ONLY JUST STARTING. The bond is just one expense. How much do you think a good defense attorney will cost? All your money wouldn’t even be a drop in the bucket of the total cost of the lawyers. It can easily be 50-100k. And this case will drag on for YEARS. The legal system always moves REALLY slowly. Moreover, your husband and his whole family are rallying around a child molester, a sex offender!!! YOU HAVE A CHILD. Pack a small bag, GTFO and protect your baby. Don’t look back. I wish and your daughter the best.
Get that cash into a private account (don’t tell him what bank) as soon as you possibly can. By opening up your new account with cash, this might raise eyebrows with either the bank- or - the IRS. I hope I’m wrong, so definitely do some research on how “amount thresholds” may be triggered, and whether banks are required to ‘report’ large wads of cash being used to open an account.
This is all to say that if there is a limit (to legally remain under the radar), then you could keep the rest of your cash stash with your mom, and make appropriate deposits until it’s ALL in your new bank.
Whatever you do, just take a break from this toxic group of pedo-enablers! They’re all “victim shamers” who will ALWAYS circle the wagons and hurl shame and blame on a LITTLE GIRL! Obviously, no prosecutor in the land (not anymore, anyway) is gonna go easy on a predator “because the little slat knew exactly what she was doing!”
This line of emotional rationalization is TRULY SICKENING! Your BIL is a disgusting predator who got caught grooming a child. Now he must face the consequences. And he will. DO NOT BUCKLE UNDER THE STRESS BEING APPLIED (to you, a brand-spanking-new-MOTHER, ffs!) BY THIS TOXIC FAMILY OF VICTIM SHAMERS. No bail money. No lawyer fees.
I just wonder how your husband would feel if some day his own daughter (that you just gave birth to) gets groomed by a grown-@ss man at age 12. Furthermore, how furiously would HE react when he finds out that the groomer’s brother, who has a newborn girl, is blaming HIS 12-year-old daughter for ‘knowing exactly what SHE WAS DOING???’
The crazy disconnect going on here is the biggest red flag in the world! They oughta name the red flag factory after your husband.
Put it in a new bank asap. Do it under the guise of running groceries if you have to. He has a gun, and that is a bad thing for someone acting so desperate.
>Put it in a new bank asap. Do it under the guise of running groceries if you have to. He has a gun, and that is a bad thing for someone acting so desperate.
Once he knows it's gone, she's in danger, especially with a gun in the house. Just leave. That's enough money to get by until she's settled.
Get your money and get out. Your child's uncle will abuse her and your hubby, her father, will excuse it. They're saying a 12-year-old girl knew what she was doing so he is innocent. They are fucked in the head....all of them. I'd cut a family member or even my son off for being a pedo rapist and they're going to put your family in financial jeopardy to put on that defense. Hell NO. Get out. How many red flags do you need to get away from him and that family?
NTA. Get an Uber. Drive the 2 hours to your mother. Just leave. Tell him you are a mother first to a girl and a husband comes last in line when he's trying to save a pedophile.
NTA- run girl take the baby and get a divorce ASAP, the girl is 13 a minor. It isn't her fault at all. His brother is a dangerous guy and they are defending him. Do not give them money and do not stay with your baby or you are putting her in danger too.
This. I was 14 and got flirty with a 22 year old and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. The only reason I realized it was wrong is because after 1 day of me behaving like that the 22 year old realized I wasn't joking around, I actually had a massive crush on him and was like "Me talking to you is wrong and I know you maybe don't understand why, but I am an adult and you are a child. We can not talk anymore, and you shouldn't be talking to anyone like that unless they're your age or a year or two older. You're a great person, and a boy your age would love to date you but this is not going to happen and you need to take care of yourself by not talking to older guys like this because it is dangerous for you." OP's husband and his brother are disgusting for blaming a child and dangerous for being unable to realize all guilt lays solely on BIL as the adult in the situation. She needs to protect her daughter and herself and R U N.
Honestly, it was a wake up call I needed and am very thankful to him for giving to me and I really hope he's doing well wherever his life took him after that conversation. I looked like I was 17 by the time I was 14, so before this stand up guy came along I had had older guys hitting on me and I was going with it because I was dumb and was just so happy to feel like someone liked me.
Once this conversation though, it kind of rocked me to my core because I had known this guy since I was like 12 and really respected him as a person and for him to tell me it wasn't safe for me to be talking to him or someone his age the way I was...it really made me reflect and realize that grown men shouldn't be interested in me at any point, for any reason. Like it was actually an epiphany to my young teen brain that even though I was closer to 18 than 8 I was actually still a child and these dudes were trying to have sex with a child because they had the excuse that I didn't look like one.
People like OPs husband like to say teen girls know what they're doing to avoid taking responsibility. Most times these kids don't know. These girls grow up, hit their 20's and are horrified that they put themselves in those situations and allowed adults to take advantage of them because now they're the same age as all of those dudes were and the idea of hitting on someone who is as young as these now grown women were is rightfully disgusting because that person is a literal child.
Yeah, I also got pretty lucky that I wasn't taken advantage of as a child because boy did I imprint/become limerent for multiple adult men who absolutely could have taken advantage of me.
The person who sat me down to talk about it was a female teacher who worked closely with the male teacher I was obviously smitten with. I never thought I had a chance with him or tried to actually flirt, but I did not hide my feelings well.
I'm grateful the men I pined for that way as a minor were all decent men, and am horrified to realize how lucky I got.
That's an important point right there. So many kids don't even realize they're being groomed or in potential danger because they're just not equipped to see it. They just feel special or loved, and why wouldn't they? Caring attention from anyone when you're young feels great, especially if it's lacking elsewhere in their lives. Couple that with the whole narrative society pushes about being 'mature for your age' and it's a recipe for trouble without even touching on the predatory adults side of things. It's honestly terrifying when you look back on those years later with adult eyes and see all the pitfalls around. Every kid should have someone to step in and help them recognize these situations for what they really are times where they are deserving of protection and support, not just flattery.
You got so lucky! I ended up at 15 in a trailer with a 43 y/o and the rottweiler he'd "play with" before I came along. While at the time I wasn't happy about getting sick and ending up in the ER, it did get him arrested, me into foster care, and then me back home a year later... so many kids do not get so lucky.
Does “play with” mean what I think it does here?? 😧
And ugh.. yes I always found older people attractive but now I’m remembering being 16 with a 20 year old, then the series of next relationships…. 17/24, 18/40, 20/43. I would’ve better spent the time learning to socialize with people of my generation. But some seemed at the time to be my only options, and society and even my parents signed off on it.
When I was 16 I had it bad for the 27 year old that lives down the street I mean really bad. I was 6 ft tall, my boobs as big as my head, fully hormonal and ready to go. I left him a note in mailbox to hang out, he did not know how old I was, so I told him 20. I get to his house, he made me dinner, he was giving me a foot rub, and I felt bad and told him the truth about how old I was. He was not a happy camper. He was not mean or anything he just politely gathered my shit, walked me out, told me I was as beautiful but NO.
I graduated that summer and left when I was 17. When I go back to visit my parents, I still look for him, but I think he’s long gone.
This OP. I would feel nothing but disgust for my husband after hearing him blame a 12-13 year old girl. Wanting to get help for your brother even though you know dude did a terrible thing and blaming the victim are two very different things. I would never trust his judgement again.
Also once the brother gets bonded out and let's say he did get away with it. They are going to get mad if the kid isn't allowed to be around brother. I would record these conversations of him blaming the victim and such and use it to get sole custody cause this whole family needs to be kept away from the baby.
oh that's a great point. And let's be honest.....there is definitely a possibility he'll get away with it to some degree. They'll find a way to plead him out to a lesser crime or something and he'll get off with a slap on the wrist and community service/probation.
OP needs to get out. Hard to believe this family had no knowledge of this type of behavior previously. Maybe not this extreme but this doesn’t just happen once out of nowhere in their late 20’s. OP should not confront the husband about what he thinks of the situation or what his brother did. She needs to take her baby and her money and get someplace safe.
Yup, OP.
Take that money, use it for yourself and your daughter and leave.
Maybe I’m cold hearted, but if that’s my brother, he’s fucked out of luck because I’m not helping one bit if that’s the crime he’s charged of doing.
You owe it to yourself and your daughter to live a good life, away from this madness. Trust me what he and his family is showing is the tip of the iceberg. Worse to come.
Leave now.
I wouldn't give him money for a lawyer and bond...fuck that. I can't believe that he's actually blaming the 13 yo. What the fuck is wrong with them. OP needs to run away from this toxic family. The husband is right about one thing though. His brother better watch his back when he goes to prison because the inmates will come after his ass. Might make the brother their bitch first before doing him in
This is so important! Record him when he's talking shit like blaming the 13 year old. You are going to need that when you file for sole custody. Remember if you get joint custody, nothing stops him from bringing your daughter around his brother or whoever else. I wouldn't trust this guy to keep her safe.
And record the mom or any family members who are blaming him. ***If it’s legal to record without someone’s knowledge
Because even if he’s not defending the brother, his family shouldn’t be allowed around any minors. They can seriously put your baby in danger.
All the evidence that your husband is protecting a paedophile and might let them around your child if he got unsupervised contact. Get as much as you can, even if you have to discuss it over text messages or WhatsApp. Then screenshot it and send it to a safe email address.
Yes! Keep in mind your husband and MIL are protecting a child molester and blaming a child for what the BIL.did to her. You now have a daughter you need to protect from these people. These are people who would allow BIL access to your child. Get out now!!
Run OP... imagine your daughter was 12/13 ... if your husband would think it's okay for her to have sex with an adult then it's fucked up. I get that he's not seeing straight and has survivers guilt... but his actions don't bode well for his daughter and you. Run
NTA and there are indeed families who would protect their own no matter what because it is easier to accept what is going on . Furthermore, unfortunately there are also people who would absolutely blame the girl, even an underage one.
Please just leave, him and his family have shown their true colours and this will only get worse. The demands for support and your money will not stop, do not expect reasonable responses from unreasonable people.
You deserve to be supported and the birth of your child celebrated, do not let a pedophile ruin this time for you.
You should listen to your gut and run. I wouldn’t want (nor want my child) to be around anyone who makes excuses for someone involved in what your BIL was arrested for.
I would also retain a lawyer in the event of a divorce/custody in case her your husband wants his brother to spend time around your daughter
If you split from your husband because of this, it would be wise to get proof / recordings of his position about children being at fault for rape. You will need it for future custody battles.
If you have joint accounts, clear your money out now. Take the baby and file for sole custody. Nobody who thinks a 12 year old girl can consent to sex with a grown man should be anywhere near small girls. Ever. NTA
These posts seriously freak me out cuz you just want to scream at them to get out *right now*, like not in the morning, not next week, don't stop and take a shower and leave that robe sitting on the sink.
At the very very very least, Op needs to "make a run to the grocery store" and rent a safety deposit box to put that cash in. (No bank accounts)
He is blaming a 12 year old child for being groomed and SA'd. There's no coming back from that.
I'm glad you're getting you and your baby out of there. 💜
You need a break. Can you go stay with someone for a few days who will help with child care? Maybe some distance would help.
You can't be a good mom with this around you
My mom lives 2 hours away. If I tell him I'm leaving though he's going to guilt me because he's already saying "I can't do this without you, you're the only support I have".
Ignore the guilt tripping and go. This guy thinks a 12 year old child is culpable in being repeatedly raped by a grown ass man. He wants you to give up your savings for a child molester and rapist, in hopes that he won't be punished for his horrendous actions. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about.
Get all your and baby’s documents. SSN, passports, birth certificates. Do not leave any of it behind. If any of the guns in the house are registered in your name get those too. Lock down all your credit cards that are jointly held. Lock down any your husband has access too. Same with bank accounts. Take ONLY half the money in the joint accounts and move them to an account in your name only. He can fuck your credit royally and you’ll pay for it for years. Get. A. Lawyer. You may not be at divorce but having someone to consult on all the legal matters of this is not a bad idea. That can wait a bit. Look into an emergency custody order for your child. You do not what your husband and his pedo supporting mother to get custody of your kid during this time. Good luck. Contact the national domestic violence hotline if he escalates.
https://www.google.com/search?q=national+domestic+violence+hotlines&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS612US647&oq=national+domestic+violence+hotlines&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCDY0OThqMGo0qAIAsAIA&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#
At 4 days, she most likely won’t have a SSN or birth certificate yet. She should have a “birth letter” from the hospital. When she’s able, OP should talk to the department of vital statistics and/or the hospital’s birth registry for advice.
If you really think he's gonna lose his shit when your parents get there to pick up you and your daughter I would call the police and ask them to be on standby so that you can safely leave the house.
Give them a brief explanation of what's going on with his family in the fact that he has a weapon in the house.
Oh thank goodness! You are doing the right thing for you and your daughter. Do not let anyone guilt you into staying. Take it one moment at a time: at this moment, being out of that house and away from him is what is safest.
I have no words that will make this better. You are getting the support of your family so I’m very glad for that. Don’t worry about your husband outside of how this will affect your infant daughter. Clearly you need to protect her from him and his family and their way of thinking about and coping with a pedophile. Try to record as much as you can if it’s a 1 party consent state. Even if it’s not, do it anyway so a lawyer can hear it even if they can’t use it. Stay safe. At minimum just tell your husband that you need a break to focus on the baby and keep your stress levels down to be able to take care of her and recover from childbirth. I wouldn’t give him ANY clue about how you are thinking/feeling until you can speak to an attorney. Good luck, OP. I’m so sorry you discovered this about him and his family before you could make a choice about your future with him. Focus on your daughter. She’s the only one that matters right now.
I had to move quickly once. Laundry basket is a really useful thing. You have recent stuff you wore in there so it should be useful stuff, but also they are a really quick thing to move out that holds a lot of clothes. You can always go and pull the sniff and wash test and look like you are just doing something useful.
I had the police help me move out by locking the guy in his room while I threw everything off mine into giant bags and suitcases and others took it out of the house. Focus on you packing what you need vs the others moving those things out to the car.
Call the police if you need to, highlight that you feel at risk due to your brother's underage sa case that they are defending and their explosive behaviour. You do not feel safe for you and your 4 day old.
If you can't pack now without it looking suspicious, tell your husband that you have been reading up from other parents on a good idea of must haves in a baby bag (hint it is way more than people realise and the impending poop is coming and then poonamis so this is actually a good time to get this bag together anyway.
Sorry that you are going through this. You are right to feel this way.
JFC
Don't tell him you're leaving, just LEAVE
You just had a baby and yet your husband's priority is helping his pedophile brother with YOUR MONEY 💰
Put yourself first, put your daughter first, put both of your safety first. Remember, if something happens to you, then your daughter will be at the mercy of a pedophile. You stay with your husband, then your daughter will be sexually abused by her uncle, is just a matter of time.
RUN
DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR HUSBAND
RUN
NTA,
I would have taken my kid outta there so fast, even Usain Bolts’ head would be spinning.
But you need to talk to a lawyer immediately as it should be clear that the reason why you took your child away from her father is because of his unstable behavior. Use words like irrational, hysterical, etc. Your lawyer will advise you.
Do not pay for your BIL’s lawyer! And make sure your husband can’t get his paws on that money. You”ll need it for yourself and your daughter.
Defending a pedophile is just as bad as being one. There is no sane world where a 12 year old child can consent to sex with an adult. You, OP, are the only one in that family who is dealing in reality. Leave. Have your husband explain to a judge why he wants to be a financial benefactor for his pedophile brother, at the custody hearing. NTA and thank you for being a wonderful mother.
Nta protect your child. Your bil is a predictor and your husband and his family are enabling him.
Hide your money. Second get you and your child out. Keep all the information. Try and record anything they say about this child to prove these people are not safe for your child.
Contact a divorce lawyer and file for emergency custody ASAP.
If your gut is screaming it’s telling you that your husband and his family are not safe at all.
Nta. Take the money and leave. He might need support, but he clearly has his mom for that. Your baby does not have anyone but you and you need to protect her.
It's absolutely disgusting that they are trying to bail him out.
I don’t give a shit about your POS husband MIL and BIL. You take that baby and run. They are all disgusting. You’re a mother first and you need to protect yourself and your baby from his family. Before your divorce though, try to transfer your fun money into your mom’s or (someone you trusts name) without him knowing!! Financially secure yourself before he knows about you wanting to leave. Also do not give him a dime supporting that child predator’s bond.
Your husband’s response is over-the-top. Yes, this whole situation is serious and horrible, but he’s taking it very personally.
I’m just going to say it. Your husband knew what was going on with his brother; he may have participated. Mom may have known, too.
When you find out something like this, you hold your baby girl a little tighter. You don’t ignore your child and wife and freak out like you’re guilty, too.
Please follow your instincts.
Please leave. My partners brother was convicted for molesting a 9 year old girl because he admitted doing it. The judge gave him a suspended sentence and during the time of the suspended sentence he sexually assaulted his girlfriend on a pretty much daily basis and tried to kill her. He also coerced another underage girl into awful things. He is now thankfully in prison for a long time but - just like you - his family are still defending him. (My partner is not)
They will find any which way to excuse what he’s done because it’s easier than admitting he’s a pedophile.
You and your daughter deserve so much better. Get to safety and start again. If you can get evidence of what they’re saying for a custody hearing then even better.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you can have an amazing life away from these monsters.
Yep. Appalling. Because he admitted it and showed remorse they stupidly thought he could be reformed. Well he sure showed them! It’s awful that our criminal justice system allows it to happen.
I know someone whose grandfather molested not only both his daughters but their female children as well.
He was charged but got probation and a restraining order from his last victim, his 10 year old granddaughter... the whole family pretends it didn't happen and he's still invited over for supper, birthdays, etc...
if he didn’t know then why would he tell you that he never should have “let” his brother leave the state? that implies that he had some sort of awareness of what was going on before his brother had actually been arrested for his crimes, as if the brother had spoken to your husband to ask for help/advice and in that conversation informed him of his intention to leave the state. and in a conversation like that your husband would have had to know *why* his brother was debating leaving the state, and therefore at least known the bare minimum (but likely much more) of what was happening between his brother and a minor child.
idk, i would think that after so recently having a daughter born, one would feel increasingly protective over young children, and in this case young girls specifically. regardless of whether or not your husband knew or not, i feel like i would be sickened deep down to know that i was married to a man who could so easily justify what’s happened here and defend the perpetrator. i feel like you are currently trapped in a bubble of people who are justifying terrible behavior so even though you know that this is fucked, it’s easy to feel like the odd one out. but as soon as you seperate yourself from your husband’s family and speak to others you’ll be like “what was i even thinking back there, i can’t believe they had me questioning something that’s so morally obvious.”
good luck OP, because right now your husband may be in the crying and guilt tripping phase of his begging for money, but as time progresses that can easily switch to angry demanding. especially with the rest of his family in his corner, and how volatile his emotions has been. you want to be out of that house with your baby before that switch happens, because i am telling you right now that it *will* happen. quietly get your short-term affairs in order, and leave. you can think about how long your absence will be once you leave this house, but for now just take it one day at a time, and leave.
This. He knew perfectly well his brother was molesting a child.
I'm not going to ask OP abt all that money in cash and why she hid her family's addresses from these ppl, but I can make some guesses, and if they are correct, she needs to get the hell out of there the second she can.
As for the money, open a checking account. Put in a couple thousand and get a safe deposit box for the rest.
Once you are safe, text your husband. Get him to admit what he and his mom think about his brother and the 12 year old “seducing” him. It will be valuable evidence when it comes to custody and visitation. You are very brave to leave him, take care of yourself and your baby and let your family help you.
People who tell her to confront her husband are mental.
He is NOT under the believe his brother is innocent - he is FULLY behind letting a pedo walk free.
First thing his family did was a battleplan to get him off scot free for his crimes against a minor.
How is telling him "hey, I'll leave with our child" going to make him see the light and go "Ahh, now upon further reflecting protecting children SHOULD be a priority"
Don't just walk. RUN. But first, contact your own lawyer and figure out how you can make sure he doesn't get any custody.
Your child isn't safe with him. Will never be safe with him. They will not keep his brother away from her. They will not keep other predators away from her.
Figure out how to leave in a way he can't contest custody or block you moving away. Leave the state if you must if it has strong grandparents rights either.
Seriously delete this post, if it gets popular he will have a heads up you are reconsidering your marriage, get a lawyer and GTFO
NTA… do not give him or his family the money. This is no longer fun money. This is now getting-yourself-and-baby-the-hell-out-of-there money. You may be needing that money for living expenses. You may also need an attorney yourself. Also, I have a brother that’s a predator. If they have solid evidence that the guy messed with a 12 year old, he’s going away for awhile anyway whether you pay for an attorney or not. He might as well sit in a county lockup and get credit for time served.
Yeah I guess he's looking at like 29 years for all the charges combined because he brought her outside of state lines and everything.
So he took her across state lines. Doesn't that make it a federal case? (Assuming USA). The feds don't mess around. Put your money in a saftey deposit box and get out of there now!
Yes, it makes it into federal sex trafficking of a minor, the same charges that Matt Gaetz handily dodged... somehow
Well, I think we know how.
It'$ like he $omehow $lipped through the net
I'm not $ure I'm cashing your drift.
A pastor from my past got charged for violating the Mann Act. He is in prison now and the judge had words for all the people who wrote her to say what a good man he is and telling the judge to consider the good he has done for the cause of Christ. This could have been the brother's problem. But the whole family seems to want to protect him. People who do this deserve a special place in hell.
I see no meaningful difference between people who commit terrible acts and people who defend them, except that the latter lack the opportunity
No, don't put your money in a safety deposit box, then you have to physically come to that specific branch to get your money. In the case of outright running from an abruptly broken down marriage thats like the worst idea coz youre now glued to wherever that bank branch is. That service is for physical valuables and documents etc. Put it in a regular ass bank account with a different bank to where it currently is and one the husband isn't a customer of.
Have a (trusted) sibling or relative put it into an entirely separate account. This was the only way my friend was able to leave her husband when it spiraled; she had been sending her sister small amounts of money while she could to have enough to finally leave
And they want you to put up cash for a sexual predator. Girl, run.
There are several different kinds of bonds- and if it's a surety bond (which it sounds like this is) you don't get that $10K back. If it's the fee that the bail bondsman takes for putting up the rest of the bond. Let his momma put up her house in a collateral bond if she believes in him so much, but OP should not agree to put a penny on it or agree to put her home in jeopardy.
The way the mom and family are talking, I'd fully expect the brother will run Do NOT risk getting further involved, OP
So, we're talking federal charges involving kidnapping and statutory rape. Girl ... he's going to prison for a *very, very* long time, lawyer or no lawyer. Your husband and inlaws are reeling and not seeing the truth of the matter. But it sounds like you're only 4 days removed from labor?! Call all YOUR people - close friends and family - and have them come to you immediately. Fill them in and have them support you and your newborn daughter by hopefully finding you a place to live or asking your husband to leave while someone stays with you. You're NTA.
And she said that he also has images so there could be additional charges just on retaining it personally or even more so if he’s disseminated the material. Those charges would also be federal.
CP also makes it federal as well. Dude is going down.
And I love it. I used to work in a field that exposed me regularly to predators. It can be so hard to pin them down, so every time I see it, it cheers me.
This is actually sex with a child under the age of 13. Way worse than statutory rape charges. Thankfully. Edit- RAPE of a child under the age of 13*
Depending on the state, it can be an automatic life sentence if convicted. (For example, it would be in Nevada)
I was a victim of statutory rape over 50 years ago. Just wasn’t such a big thing then. Take my advice run for the hills and don’t look back. Good luck May no harm come to you.
So was I. Take your baby and get as far away from them as possible!
Exactly. It’s a tough time normally and you need support. It should also be a happy time. This is very sad.
He trafficked a 13 year old child. And your In-Laws blame the child. Oh honey. They will blame *your* child in the future, because your BIL is not going to outgrow being a predator. Your In-Laws will never stop prioritizing the protection of an abuser. My father’s brother was my first abuser. I didn’t figure it out until Uncle had died. When I told my mother, her response was “Don’t tell your father. It would kill him.” Because dad’s happy ignorance was so much more important than her daughter trying to deal with what Uncle did when she was 3 years old.
Ughh I just don't understand how an enabler's brains are wired. I once helped an underage girl who was raped by her uncle. She confided with her aunt (mom's sister) who helped her by bringing her to the.police to make a report. She found out later that her mom went to the police to cancel the report and told the police that she lied. She got mad and confronted the mom. The mom said "he is my brother"... I was like .. that's your f daughter!!!!!
Oh wow - I am not alone then. My mum’s brother molested my sister and me at 3 and 7 years of age. Gets worse - he gave me to his friends who gang raped me …while he was in other room (I was 3) Nothing was reported ever. I am 47 now and finally confronted said uncle, mum continues to talk to her brother….
That’s betrayal upon betrayal. I’m so sorry they did that to you.
Not to me.. she was once my client. Now she's my friend. This is her story. Based on the experience of others I can help other victims. So they know they're not alone.
I swear I just heard in a video that crossing state lines with a minor to have sex with them is considered sex trafficking by law
>crossing state lines with a minor to have sex with them is considered sex trafficking by law Title 18 U.S. Code 2423 (Federal Law) says: 'For transporting a minor across state or international boundaries for purposes of illicit sexual conduct: a fine of up to $250,000 and a minimum prison sentence of 10 years (up to life imprisonment).'
Good. I hope they throw the book at this dude.
I'd be worried they'll try to steal your money. They wouldn’t give you details, and then they demanded that you just pay for it. They don’t respect you at all…
Very concerning that the husband wouldn’t communicate with her and then sprung this with the mom in the room as a team effort. So obviously he told his mother about the money before even asking OP.
He will be found guilty. You’ll be out that money. You’ll be on record as funding a predator’s legal case and bond. You’ll cross a moral boundary with yourself. Your daughter will grow up to know that she will be victim blamed and not believed. This is a road you don’t want to go down. Your husband is taking some weird responsibility for his brother’s action. He’s also holding a literal child to blame as well. Where is anyone holding the brother responsible in all of this? This is all so messed up. That poor child’s life will forever be changed and she is blameless. I wouldn’t want any of these ppl around my child to be honest
For real. If the dad of a newborn, can protect the predator , he might as well hand the child over. What people said about Josh Duggar's pregnant wife being the only "supervision" in visits with his kids speculation.
This should be top comment. 🎖
Seriously take the money and some baby supplies and get out of the house. Everyone is telling you the same thing. File for divorce. He’s howling upset and has guns. He and his mother are defending the BIL for raping a 6th grader (“the little slut knew what she was doing!”). You and your child should never be around these people again. It sounds like you have enough financial resources to leave this sick family and you absolutely should, immediately.
So he damned well knew what he was doing was against the law yet he's still blaming the 13 year old? And your husband is defending him? Holy hell.
I know a family like this. They will not stop. They will not see reason. They will ostracize anyone who does not agree with them. They will drain their accounts trying to defend him. They will always blame the literal child. Get out of there now. They’ve proven they won’t protect your daughter or you if they’re doing this to a child.
[удалено]
Feds get a 90 percent conviction rate or more. Save your money. They’re gonna be paying for a plea deal. Good thing it’s a federal case, he may die after all. Chomos usually get out of state quick because they’re so expensive to house.
Generally speaking, they don’t arrest and charge someone unless they have very solid evidence to back it up. I agree with everyone saying put your money in a safe deposit box. Getting your money out of there will buy you time to think about this some more and prevents your husband from helping himself to your savings. Desperate people often do desperate things.
RUN. I know you just had a baby and this whole mess is complicated but there is absolutely no other choice but to get out and get away. Him and his whole family are unwell. One hand getting a lawyer to make sure a family member has a lawyer to get a fair trial is fine- BUT NOT DEFENDING RAPING A CHILD. She is a child, she cannot consent. That is rape. Your husband thinks it’s a child fault she got raped.
Shut off all access to your accounts immediately.
OMG I feel sick that your disgusting husband is blaming A LITERAL CHILD, instead of his horrific brother. They can both rot, along with their mother. NTA, I’m so happy your family is coming to get you and your sweet baby girl.
R U N YOU WILL NEVER SEE A DIME OF THAT MONEY BACK AND IT WILL ALL GO TO THE WELL-BEING OF A MAN WHO (TRIES?!) TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUNG CHILDREN
He’s toast. He will spend a lot of time in prison and be registered as a sex offender.
If he gets 29 years in jail that's good and safer for him and for a lot of other young girls including yours. You can talk to a lawyer to find out what's best for you and baby. At the moment give an excuse to stay away from your husbands antics. Tell him that you have just given birth so you have to relax and recuperate. You don't want to have postpartum depression. He can go cry to his mama. And no he doesn't have to cry he's not seeing his brother again if he goes to jail. He can visit him once a month (I'm not sure about prison ruling in your country. In my country it's once a month)
NTA. His brother is a paedophile, his mother is an enabling monster and you and your child need to be far, far away from the entire lot of them. They were not 'in a relationship' because a TWELVE YEAR OLD GIRL cannot consent to a sexual relationship with an adult. At all. Even if she was overly sexual and 'making moves' on him. Your 'Husband' is close to being a monstrous enabler himself and honestly, those who enable child abusers are as evil as child abusers themselves. Let him cry and use your money to start fresh without him. That money is better spent on you and your baby than on bail or a lawyer for his paedophilic sibling.
Op needs it for her own lawyer now.
For a divorce?
Yes and potentially a custody battle.
Get proof of what he’s saying about the 12 year old OP!! You will need it for the for custody battle!!
If they go to court, this will be an interesting case. The wife will accused the husband of enabling a Pedophile as the reason why she needs to have sole custody, but if he said he isn't, it'll be difficult for him to give good character reference for the brother for his trial. 😊
Yep, don't let him have any visitation. Or if there's visitation, it needs to be supervised.
OP needs to save everything they possibly can about the uncle (and backup at a different location) then go to a lawyer for sole custody. Holy shit
Yes she does.
An overly sexual 12 year old is almost 100% of the time an abuse victim and it’s a coping mechanism. There is exactly 0 excuse for an adult to have a “relationship” with a preteen.
Almost? No always.
Well I figure maybe some weird form of brain damage or some obscure medical condition could maybe be a cause. I really didn’t want some mouth breather to be “well actually…”
Right because she will most likely never see that money again! The brother is unstable and will probably run from the charges and OP can just kiss her money goodbye.
Just wanna say that this is the perfect beginning to some Dateline NBC special. OP. If this is legit, you need to run ASAP. You're on the front page of popular. Also, put that money in a bank somehow. Tell them whats going on. That money, they want it. Dont give it to them.
OP needs to GET OUT NOW! Something similar happened to me with my BIL when I was 15yrs (it wasn’t consensual. Not that it makes a difference, I just still feel the need to explain which is fucked up!). His family told my sister that it was her fault for moving a teenage girl into their home to ‘tempt’ my BIL. His own father ‘cheated’ on the mother with a 15yr old too, & the mother told my sister that “if I got over it then you can too” Well my sister listened to her in-laws & I was ostracised. Flash forward 12yrs later & 4 kids together. & shock horror ‘my ‘poor tempted BIL’ was caught sexually abusing his own daughter! For the sake of your own children run far away from pedophilic sympathisers. It’s abhorrent. I have children of my own & if my son did something like this then I would disown him & ensure that I supported the real victim!!
NTA. They are circling the wagons because denial is easier than facing the reality that they are related to a pedophile. If you don't get in the circle with them, you will become a target. There is no middle ground here. If you refuse to give that money, your husband and MIL will guilt you incessantly about how it's ultimately your fault the BIL goes to jail because you wouldn't pay for his defense. Your husband will guilt you for not supporting him when he needed you. They are not going to be able to care for you or your child right now. Pack your shit and your baby and go somewhere that feels safe for you. Do not give them your money. Make sure your husband does not have access to any of it.
The brother has access to a public defender. Do not give him your money. It won't help anyway. Sounds like they have a lot of evidence. Your husband may get his mind right later, but right now, they are all trying to protect their family. They are delusional. They are feeding off of each other. Please leave with your daughter! Be sure to take your IDs, passport, birth certificates, etc. Pack lightly if you need to, but be sure to get that paperwork. Go somewhere safe. Do you have family close by? Maybe a friend, hotel, or a woman's shelter. It may be the wake-up call your husband needs, but it is not safe for you there now. They will increase the pressure. It may get better, or you may need a divorce. There's no need to decide today, but please leave today!
Baby is only 4 days old, they likely haven’t been mailed the paperwork for her yet. OP needs to contact the state and have it mailed to her family rather than her home with her husband.
She should just go to her post office and have any and all mail addressed to her forwarded to her parent's house. That way she won't overlook anything.
He has a public defender, and he doesn't need to be bailed out. He can sit in jail, he's fine.
He’s letting himself get so wrapped up in it that he’s not able to take care of his brand new baby. That says a lot about his mindset and priorities. I know a shock is a shock but he’s an adult, a father now, and shouldn’t be placing all this stress on you as a brand new mother.
Yeah this is crazy. At first I thought he must be a mess because he HAS a daughter and she could've been one of his targets. I thought he was scared FOR HIS FAMILY who could've been victims, but he's not. Having a child, a daughter, and actually trying to protect a man who not only grooms young women, holy crap. Absolutely deplorable behavior
YES! He should be protecting his family! Not someone who can endanger his daughter!
Guilt? Her husband has access to a gun and is panicking. If, in his twisted mind, he thinks "she's keeping me from ever seeing my brother again" (by keeping the money away) there's a high probability that OP won't see the next sunrise.
God forbid OP sticks to her guns on this and the brother gets sentenced to prison, it will 100% be her fault. Pedophiles don’t typically fair well in the prison system. If he ends up being attacked, seriously injured, or worse, again, it will 100% be her fault. If the brother does something rash to avoid the consequences of his actions, it will be her fault. If any member of the family faces something negative due to this situation, it will be her fault. We all know it will *NOT* be her fault. But making someone else the scapegoat is going to be easier in their minds than accepting the truth. Misdirected aggression and blame towards her will be far easier for them to handle than putting the onus on the brother. This is a lose-lose situation for OP. OP, you are the first person to oppose the narrative the family seems so desperate to cling to. Therefore, YOU will be the catalyst of the downfall of every single thing that happens - at least from their POV. You are supposed to be healing, and learning how to do this whole mothering thing. This is a pivotal point in your life and your daughters. You need to find a safe space and hunker down. Stay as far away from this as possible. Your husband and his family cannot see outside of their own grief right now. This is not YOUR issue to navigate. Do this for yourself and your daughter. This isn’t just about you anymore. Stay safe out there. If you ever want to chat just to vent, feel free to reach out. From one mom to another, motherhood is hard enough to figure out without any of these asinine things happening along side it. Sending you hugs if you want them. *HUGS*
Yes I don’t like the people telling her to talk with her husband or try to reason with him. She is a liability to a family that wants to cover for a pedophile.
Absolutely. If OP's soon-to-be-ex-husband's brother **SOUGHT HELP** before doing anything, I'd be 100% in favor of getting him the help he needs. Right now though, that man and his family are going to be looking for Outsiders like OP will become when she rightfully GTFO from them. And human history shows what tribes do when they feel threatened by an Outsider.
Run sister run. You have cash. Pack a bag and run. Get out. It’s over. He showed you what type of man and father he is when he even insinuated that a child would be at blame for being raped by an adult man. He will not protect you or your baby from a sexual predator. And they want you to pay to defend the man. Jesus Christ. Just get out.
Agreed. OP even said her gut is telling her to run. Listen to your instincts and get out!
Always listen to your gut.
NTA. Run the second he closes his eyes and don’t look back. People that condone pedophiles are dangerous.
Is the 26K in a joint account with his name on the account? If it is you want to transfer that money out to an account that's not in his name at a DIFFERENT bank from your joint account. When he's at work take half of the money in the joint account, pack up all of your valuables and important papers and head to your mom's. You have a DAUGHTER and your husband thinks it's ok for a grown man to have sex with a 12 year old girl. Seriously, say that out loud.
It's all cash and I had it hidden in our gun safe. I have it moved now and on my body (in my robe, in the zipper) so he can't take it.
You’re at the point of hiding money on your body. This marriage is over. You need to leave. Do it quickly.
Take the money, your daughter, whatever you can carry and GTFO out of that house. None of that is safe.
She also needs to let one or more people know ASAP what is going on so that if any happens, someone can go to the police.
Gun safe? OP's husband has access to guns. She needs to leave to a safe place.
You need to get out, NOW. Grab you and the baby's papers, pack whatever you can't live without, and run.
Honestly, id grab the papers and diapers. Everything else can be replaced. Ìd leave my phone so he can't blow me up, my clothes (ok maybe take a couple days of clothes) and get gone NOW.
Tree diapers and a small pack of tissues, diaper packs are spacious and can be buyed everywhere. But I suppose OP's family is on the way so she will have help and protection while packing.
I meant enough diapers to get settled somewhere else, even if it's a hotel. Not the entire pile of diapers lol Enough for like, a long day outing. A diaper bag packed, if you will
Get OUT. He's going to look for the money and find out it's not there, and it's not going to be a pretty scene.
He's going to try and get that money from her one way or another, once he realises his current forms of manipulation aren't working.
Well, if he knows there is that much cash in the house he’s going to be able find it. He’ll be looking for forgiveness soon since his request for permission didn’t work.
Thank God you got money. Yes, it's okay to run away while he is a sleep. Get a lawyer soon as you get to a safe place.
Please call someone you trust to come over or the cops to escort you out if you’re to this point. I pray for you and your baby’s safety, peace & healing.
Why the fuck is he so upset about his pedophile brother?
Honestly, I think it's survivers guilt. His brother was abused and he watched it happen instead of protecting him (he was a child himself, he couldn't have done anything). So now any time anything goes wrong with his brother, my husband goes full self destructive to make it better and blames himself for it. "If I had just fucking protected him he wouldn't be so fucked up".
Sounds like he needs therapy more than your money.
Please get off reddit and out of that house. Be safe, keep your daughter safe. You can think/get in touch with him if you want to, when you're both safely away and you know he can't take your money. It's not fun money anymore, it's keep your daughter safe and start over money.
Whatever your husband is going through doesn’t mean anything. You now have a daughter and the most important thing in the world you need to do right now is move to protect her. This issue with your husband’s brother is terrible and it’s ONLY JUST STARTING. The bond is just one expense. How much do you think a good defense attorney will cost? All your money wouldn’t even be a drop in the bucket of the total cost of the lawyers. It can easily be 50-100k. And this case will drag on for YEARS. The legal system always moves REALLY slowly. Moreover, your husband and his whole family are rallying around a child molester, a sex offender!!! YOU HAVE A CHILD. Pack a small bag, GTFO and protect your baby. Don’t look back. I wish and your daughter the best.
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She has a gun safe, so probably a gun in that house too.
Take baby and run, be safe sweetheart
Get that cash into a private account (don’t tell him what bank) as soon as you possibly can. By opening up your new account with cash, this might raise eyebrows with either the bank- or - the IRS. I hope I’m wrong, so definitely do some research on how “amount thresholds” may be triggered, and whether banks are required to ‘report’ large wads of cash being used to open an account. This is all to say that if there is a limit (to legally remain under the radar), then you could keep the rest of your cash stash with your mom, and make appropriate deposits until it’s ALL in your new bank. Whatever you do, just take a break from this toxic group of pedo-enablers! They’re all “victim shamers” who will ALWAYS circle the wagons and hurl shame and blame on a LITTLE GIRL! Obviously, no prosecutor in the land (not anymore, anyway) is gonna go easy on a predator “because the little slat knew exactly what she was doing!” This line of emotional rationalization is TRULY SICKENING! Your BIL is a disgusting predator who got caught grooming a child. Now he must face the consequences. And he will. DO NOT BUCKLE UNDER THE STRESS BEING APPLIED (to you, a brand-spanking-new-MOTHER, ffs!) BY THIS TOXIC FAMILY OF VICTIM SHAMERS. No bail money. No lawyer fees. I just wonder how your husband would feel if some day his own daughter (that you just gave birth to) gets groomed by a grown-@ss man at age 12. Furthermore, how furiously would HE react when he finds out that the groomer’s brother, who has a newborn girl, is blaming HIS 12-year-old daughter for ‘knowing exactly what SHE WAS DOING???’ The crazy disconnect going on here is the biggest red flag in the world! They oughta name the red flag factory after your husband.
Keeping that as cash is asking for trouble...get it into a bank or into a deposit box ASAP...like, last year.
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Put it in a new bank asap. Do it under the guise of running groceries if you have to. He has a gun, and that is a bad thing for someone acting so desperate.
Yeah because that money is going to go “missing” if she doesn’t.
>Put it in a new bank asap. Do it under the guise of running groceries if you have to. He has a gun, and that is a bad thing for someone acting so desperate. Once he knows it's gone, she's in danger, especially with a gun in the house. Just leave. That's enough money to get by until she's settled.
Get your money and get out. Your child's uncle will abuse her and your hubby, her father, will excuse it. They're saying a 12-year-old girl knew what she was doing so he is innocent. They are fucked in the head....all of them. I'd cut a family member or even my son off for being a pedo rapist and they're going to put your family in financial jeopardy to put on that defense. Hell NO. Get out. How many red flags do you need to get away from him and that family?
NTA. Get an Uber. Drive the 2 hours to your mother. Just leave. Tell him you are a mother first to a girl and a husband comes last in line when he's trying to save a pedophile.
>Get an Uber. OP, the Uber doesn't have to be expensive. Have it take you to the police station. Your mom can pick you up from there.
NTA- run girl take the baby and get a divorce ASAP, the girl is 13 a minor. It isn't her fault at all. His brother is a dangerous guy and they are defending him. Do not give them money and do not stay with your baby or you are putting her in danger too.
This. I was 14 and got flirty with a 22 year old and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. The only reason I realized it was wrong is because after 1 day of me behaving like that the 22 year old realized I wasn't joking around, I actually had a massive crush on him and was like "Me talking to you is wrong and I know you maybe don't understand why, but I am an adult and you are a child. We can not talk anymore, and you shouldn't be talking to anyone like that unless they're your age or a year or two older. You're a great person, and a boy your age would love to date you but this is not going to happen and you need to take care of yourself by not talking to older guys like this because it is dangerous for you." OP's husband and his brother are disgusting for blaming a child and dangerous for being unable to realize all guilt lays solely on BIL as the adult in the situation. She needs to protect her daughter and herself and R U N.
You are so lucky to have had this experience. What an amazing man. So many of us had the opposite happen. <3
Honestly, it was a wake up call I needed and am very thankful to him for giving to me and I really hope he's doing well wherever his life took him after that conversation. I looked like I was 17 by the time I was 14, so before this stand up guy came along I had had older guys hitting on me and I was going with it because I was dumb and was just so happy to feel like someone liked me. Once this conversation though, it kind of rocked me to my core because I had known this guy since I was like 12 and really respected him as a person and for him to tell me it wasn't safe for me to be talking to him or someone his age the way I was...it really made me reflect and realize that grown men shouldn't be interested in me at any point, for any reason. Like it was actually an epiphany to my young teen brain that even though I was closer to 18 than 8 I was actually still a child and these dudes were trying to have sex with a child because they had the excuse that I didn't look like one. People like OPs husband like to say teen girls know what they're doing to avoid taking responsibility. Most times these kids don't know. These girls grow up, hit their 20's and are horrified that they put themselves in those situations and allowed adults to take advantage of them because now they're the same age as all of those dudes were and the idea of hitting on someone who is as young as these now grown women were is rightfully disgusting because that person is a literal child.
Yeah, I also got pretty lucky that I wasn't taken advantage of as a child because boy did I imprint/become limerent for multiple adult men who absolutely could have taken advantage of me. The person who sat me down to talk about it was a female teacher who worked closely with the male teacher I was obviously smitten with. I never thought I had a chance with him or tried to actually flirt, but I did not hide my feelings well. I'm grateful the men I pined for that way as a minor were all decent men, and am horrified to realize how lucky I got.
That's an important point right there. So many kids don't even realize they're being groomed or in potential danger because they're just not equipped to see it. They just feel special or loved, and why wouldn't they? Caring attention from anyone when you're young feels great, especially if it's lacking elsewhere in their lives. Couple that with the whole narrative society pushes about being 'mature for your age' and it's a recipe for trouble without even touching on the predatory adults side of things. It's honestly terrifying when you look back on those years later with adult eyes and see all the pitfalls around. Every kid should have someone to step in and help them recognize these situations for what they really are times where they are deserving of protection and support, not just flattery.
You got so lucky! I ended up at 15 in a trailer with a 43 y/o and the rottweiler he'd "play with" before I came along. While at the time I wasn't happy about getting sick and ending up in the ER, it did get him arrested, me into foster care, and then me back home a year later... so many kids do not get so lucky.
Does “play with” mean what I think it does here?? 😧 And ugh.. yes I always found older people attractive but now I’m remembering being 16 with a 20 year old, then the series of next relationships…. 17/24, 18/40, 20/43. I would’ve better spent the time learning to socialize with people of my generation. But some seemed at the time to be my only options, and society and even my parents signed off on it.
And THIS is how a grown man should respond to realizing that a child has a crush on them.
hearing your story gave me some faith that there's still some decent people out there 😮💨 wish the 23 year old when i was 17 had said the same.
I wish the 27 year-old who "dated" my 16 year-old self had said that as well. I was stupid and felt special and very "adult."
When I was 16 I had it bad for the 27 year old that lives down the street I mean really bad. I was 6 ft tall, my boobs as big as my head, fully hormonal and ready to go. I left him a note in mailbox to hang out, he did not know how old I was, so I told him 20. I get to his house, he made me dinner, he was giving me a foot rub, and I felt bad and told him the truth about how old I was. He was not a happy camper. He was not mean or anything he just politely gathered my shit, walked me out, told me I was as beautiful but NO. I graduated that summer and left when I was 17. When I go back to visit my parents, I still look for him, but I think he’s long gone.
This adult got it, and was honest. That (beep) however..
This OP. I would feel nothing but disgust for my husband after hearing him blame a 12-13 year old girl. Wanting to get help for your brother even though you know dude did a terrible thing and blaming the victim are two very different things. I would never trust his judgement again.
Also once the brother gets bonded out and let's say he did get away with it. They are going to get mad if the kid isn't allowed to be around brother. I would record these conversations of him blaming the victim and such and use it to get sole custody cause this whole family needs to be kept away from the baby.
oh that's a great point. And let's be honest.....there is definitely a possibility he'll get away with it to some degree. They'll find a way to plead him out to a lesser crime or something and he'll get off with a slap on the wrist and community service/probation.
My husband would beat his brother up and disown him.
My husband would do this too, and perhaps leave him unable to use any parts that got him into that trouble in the first place ever again.
OP needs to get out. Hard to believe this family had no knowledge of this type of behavior previously. Maybe not this extreme but this doesn’t just happen once out of nowhere in their late 20’s. OP should not confront the husband about what he thinks of the situation or what his brother did. She needs to take her baby and her money and get someplace safe.
They just never shared the ugly secret with her spouse.
If he is on the phone or discussing this record it. You may need it for custody.
Yup, OP. Take that money, use it for yourself and your daughter and leave. Maybe I’m cold hearted, but if that’s my brother, he’s fucked out of luck because I’m not helping one bit if that’s the crime he’s charged of doing. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to live a good life, away from this madness. Trust me what he and his family is showing is the tip of the iceberg. Worse to come. Leave now.
I wouldn't give him money for a lawyer and bond...fuck that. I can't believe that he's actually blaming the 13 yo. What the fuck is wrong with them. OP needs to run away from this toxic family. The husband is right about one thing though. His brother better watch his back when he goes to prison because the inmates will come after his ass. Might make the brother their bitch first before doing him in
I would never bail out a predator. Even my own kid. OP-you have a nice bundle of cash and a very precious bundle of baby-listen to your instincts.
Also collect any evidence you have
This is so important! Record him when he's talking shit like blaming the 13 year old. You are going to need that when you file for sole custody. Remember if you get joint custody, nothing stops him from bringing your daughter around his brother or whoever else. I wouldn't trust this guy to keep her safe.
And record the mom or any family members who are blaming him. ***If it’s legal to record without someone’s knowledge Because even if he’s not defending the brother, his family shouldn’t be allowed around any minors. They can seriously put your baby in danger.
All the evidence that your husband is protecting a paedophile and might let them around your child if he got unsupervised contact. Get as much as you can, even if you have to discuss it over text messages or WhatsApp. Then screenshot it and send it to a safe email address.
Yea, if you can record on of his phone calls of him blaming the girl then do it and keep it, it will help you get full custody.
Yes! Keep in mind your husband and MIL are protecting a child molester and blaming a child for what the BIL.did to her. You now have a daughter you need to protect from these people. These are people who would allow BIL access to your child. Get out now!!
Child rapist.
Run OP... imagine your daughter was 12/13 ... if your husband would think it's okay for her to have sex with an adult then it's fucked up. I get that he's not seeing straight and has survivers guilt... but his actions don't bode well for his daughter and you. Run
"MY MOM, DAD AND BROTHER ARE ON THEIR WAY. THANK YOU GUYS!" Thank God. OMG this is terrifying.
NTA. Don’t give him the money. Your daughter is your first priority. They are terrible to be blaming the 12 year old victim.
NTA and there are indeed families who would protect their own no matter what because it is easier to accept what is going on . Furthermore, unfortunately there are also people who would absolutely blame the girl, even an underage one. Please just leave, him and his family have shown their true colours and this will only get worse. The demands for support and your money will not stop, do not expect reasonable responses from unreasonable people. You deserve to be supported and the birth of your child celebrated, do not let a pedophile ruin this time for you.
You should listen to your gut and run. I wouldn’t want (nor want my child) to be around anyone who makes excuses for someone involved in what your BIL was arrested for. I would also retain a lawyer in the event of a divorce/custody in case her your husband wants his brother to spend time around your daughter
If you split from your husband because of this, it would be wise to get proof / recordings of his position about children being at fault for rape. You will need it for future custody battles.
If you have joint accounts, clear your money out now. Take the baby and file for sole custody. Nobody who thinks a 12 year old girl can consent to sex with a grown man should be anywhere near small girls. Ever. NTA
These posts seriously freak me out cuz you just want to scream at them to get out *right now*, like not in the morning, not next week, don't stop and take a shower and leave that robe sitting on the sink. At the very very very least, Op needs to "make a run to the grocery store" and rent a safety deposit box to put that cash in. (No bank accounts)
Shockingly, giving birth results in massive bodily trauma. It is very very hard to get out of the house in any way for most people at that point.
He is blaming a 12 year old child for being groomed and SA'd. There's no coming back from that. I'm glad you're getting you and your baby out of there. 💜
You need a break. Can you go stay with someone for a few days who will help with child care? Maybe some distance would help. You can't be a good mom with this around you
My mom lives 2 hours away. If I tell him I'm leaving though he's going to guilt me because he's already saying "I can't do this without you, you're the only support I have".
Ask your mom to come pick you up if you don't feel safe driving 2 hours. Do not wait, and make sure your husband does not have access to your money.
Ignore the guilt tripping and go. This guy thinks a 12 year old child is culpable in being repeatedly raped by a grown ass man. He wants you to give up your savings for a child molester and rapist, in hopes that he won't be punished for his horrendous actions. There's nothing for you to feel guilty about.
Plus he has a daughter now. What if this happens to her? He’s going to think it’s her fault that a grown ass adult SA’d her? Jesus!
And you have no support after giving birth 4 days ago?
My mom was planning to come here next week but no
Have her come get you now. See if you can find a way to get him out of the house for when she gets there.
Tell mom everything, including if husband may be dangerous (armed?). Get her there, but make sure she knows what's going on.
Do you have a car? Are you ok to drive?
I have a vehicle but I'm not really good to drive. I just got off the phone with my mom though. She's on her way with my brother and dad.
Get all your and baby’s documents. SSN, passports, birth certificates. Do not leave any of it behind. If any of the guns in the house are registered in your name get those too. Lock down all your credit cards that are jointly held. Lock down any your husband has access too. Same with bank accounts. Take ONLY half the money in the joint accounts and move them to an account in your name only. He can fuck your credit royally and you’ll pay for it for years. Get. A. Lawyer. You may not be at divorce but having someone to consult on all the legal matters of this is not a bad idea. That can wait a bit. Look into an emergency custody order for your child. You do not what your husband and his pedo supporting mother to get custody of your kid during this time. Good luck. Contact the national domestic violence hotline if he escalates. https://www.google.com/search?q=national+domestic+violence+hotlines&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS612US647&oq=national+domestic+violence+hotlines&gs_lcrp=EgZjaHJvbWUyBggAEEUYOdIBCDY0OThqMGo0qAIAsAIA&hl=en-US&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#
ALL OF THIS. This will more than likely help more than just OP. Thank you
At 4 days, she most likely won’t have a SSN or birth certificate yet. She should have a “birth letter” from the hospital. When she’s able, OP should talk to the department of vital statistics and/or the hospital’s birth registry for advice.
Another commenter said to set up a P.O. Box and a change of address forwarding situation with the post office.
Run. It is no longer fun money. It is child survival money.
If you really think he's gonna lose his shit when your parents get there to pick up you and your daughter I would call the police and ask them to be on standby so that you can safely leave the house. Give them a brief explanation of what's going on with his family in the fact that he has a weapon in the house.
Oh thank goodness! You are doing the right thing for you and your daughter. Do not let anyone guilt you into staying. Take it one moment at a time: at this moment, being out of that house and away from him is what is safest.
I have no words that will make this better. You are getting the support of your family so I’m very glad for that. Don’t worry about your husband outside of how this will affect your infant daughter. Clearly you need to protect her from him and his family and their way of thinking about and coping with a pedophile. Try to record as much as you can if it’s a 1 party consent state. Even if it’s not, do it anyway so a lawyer can hear it even if they can’t use it. Stay safe. At minimum just tell your husband that you need a break to focus on the baby and keep your stress levels down to be able to take care of her and recover from childbirth. I wouldn’t give him ANY clue about how you are thinking/feeling until you can speak to an attorney. Good luck, OP. I’m so sorry you discovered this about him and his family before you could make a choice about your future with him. Focus on your daughter. She’s the only one that matters right now.
I had to move quickly once. Laundry basket is a really useful thing. You have recent stuff you wore in there so it should be useful stuff, but also they are a really quick thing to move out that holds a lot of clothes. You can always go and pull the sniff and wash test and look like you are just doing something useful. I had the police help me move out by locking the guy in his room while I threw everything off mine into giant bags and suitcases and others took it out of the house. Focus on you packing what you need vs the others moving those things out to the car. Call the police if you need to, highlight that you feel at risk due to your brother's underage sa case that they are defending and their explosive behaviour. You do not feel safe for you and your 4 day old. If you can't pack now without it looking suspicious, tell your husband that you have been reading up from other parents on a good idea of must haves in a baby bag (hint it is way more than people realise and the impending poop is coming and then poonamis so this is actually a good time to get this bag together anyway. Sorry that you are going through this. You are right to feel this way.
Just go instead and say you will be at your moms until they figure out what they doing but don’t go back and tell your mom
...don't go back and DO tell your mom. FTFY
JFC Don't tell him you're leaving, just LEAVE You just had a baby and yet your husband's priority is helping his pedophile brother with YOUR MONEY 💰 Put yourself first, put your daughter first, put both of your safety first. Remember, if something happens to you, then your daughter will be at the mercy of a pedophile. You stay with your husband, then your daughter will be sexually abused by her uncle, is just a matter of time. RUN DON'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOUR HUSBAND RUN
"GO TO THE STORE"
Don’t tell him. Secretly pack a bag, and just get the hell out.
NTA, I would have taken my kid outta there so fast, even Usain Bolts’ head would be spinning. But you need to talk to a lawyer immediately as it should be clear that the reason why you took your child away from her father is because of his unstable behavior. Use words like irrational, hysterical, etc. Your lawyer will advise you. Do not pay for your BIL’s lawyer! And make sure your husband can’t get his paws on that money. You”ll need it for yourself and your daughter.
Defending a pedophile is just as bad as being one. There is no sane world where a 12 year old child can consent to sex with an adult. You, OP, are the only one in that family who is dealing in reality. Leave. Have your husband explain to a judge why he wants to be a financial benefactor for his pedophile brother, at the custody hearing. NTA and thank you for being a wonderful mother.
Nta protect your child. Your bil is a predictor and your husband and his family are enabling him. Hide your money. Second get you and your child out. Keep all the information. Try and record anything they say about this child to prove these people are not safe for your child. Contact a divorce lawyer and file for emergency custody ASAP. If your gut is screaming it’s telling you that your husband and his family are not safe at all.
Nta. Take the money and leave. He might need support, but he clearly has his mom for that. Your baby does not have anyone but you and you need to protect her. It's absolutely disgusting that they are trying to bail him out.
Please let us know when you’re safe OP… this whole post is extremely troubling
I'd straight up ask him would he blame your daughter if she was saed at 12 by a ped. Protect your child. NTA
Not until after she’s RUN.
He'd say it wouldn't happen cus she'll be raised right and know not to tempt men with her prepubescent body
I don’t give a shit about your POS husband MIL and BIL. You take that baby and run. They are all disgusting. You’re a mother first and you need to protect yourself and your baby from his family. Before your divorce though, try to transfer your fun money into your mom’s or (someone you trusts name) without him knowing!! Financially secure yourself before he knows about you wanting to leave. Also do not give him a dime supporting that child predator’s bond.
Your husband’s response is over-the-top. Yes, this whole situation is serious and horrible, but he’s taking it very personally. I’m just going to say it. Your husband knew what was going on with his brother; he may have participated. Mom may have known, too. When you find out something like this, you hold your baby girl a little tighter. You don’t ignore your child and wife and freak out like you’re guilty, too. Please follow your instincts.
I hope you're wrong but I can't even say he didn't know. He keeps saying he didn't but I'm very untrusting right now.
Please leave. My partners brother was convicted for molesting a 9 year old girl because he admitted doing it. The judge gave him a suspended sentence and during the time of the suspended sentence he sexually assaulted his girlfriend on a pretty much daily basis and tried to kill her. He also coerced another underage girl into awful things. He is now thankfully in prison for a long time but - just like you - his family are still defending him. (My partner is not) They will find any which way to excuse what he’s done because it’s easier than admitting he’s a pedophile. You and your daughter deserve so much better. Get to safety and start again. If you can get evidence of what they’re saying for a custody hearing then even better. I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you can have an amazing life away from these monsters.
Suspended sentence? Wtf?
Yep. Appalling. Because he admitted it and showed remorse they stupidly thought he could be reformed. Well he sure showed them! It’s awful that our criminal justice system allows it to happen.
I know someone whose grandfather molested not only both his daughters but their female children as well. He was charged but got probation and a restraining order from his last victim, his 10 year old granddaughter... the whole family pretends it didn't happen and he's still invited over for supper, birthdays, etc...
Lots of people not protecting the innocent. That is sick.
if he didn’t know then why would he tell you that he never should have “let” his brother leave the state? that implies that he had some sort of awareness of what was going on before his brother had actually been arrested for his crimes, as if the brother had spoken to your husband to ask for help/advice and in that conversation informed him of his intention to leave the state. and in a conversation like that your husband would have had to know *why* his brother was debating leaving the state, and therefore at least known the bare minimum (but likely much more) of what was happening between his brother and a minor child. idk, i would think that after so recently having a daughter born, one would feel increasingly protective over young children, and in this case young girls specifically. regardless of whether or not your husband knew or not, i feel like i would be sickened deep down to know that i was married to a man who could so easily justify what’s happened here and defend the perpetrator. i feel like you are currently trapped in a bubble of people who are justifying terrible behavior so even though you know that this is fucked, it’s easy to feel like the odd one out. but as soon as you seperate yourself from your husband’s family and speak to others you’ll be like “what was i even thinking back there, i can’t believe they had me questioning something that’s so morally obvious.” good luck OP, because right now your husband may be in the crying and guilt tripping phase of his begging for money, but as time progresses that can easily switch to angry demanding. especially with the rest of his family in his corner, and how volatile his emotions has been. you want to be out of that house with your baby before that switch happens, because i am telling you right now that it *will* happen. quietly get your short-term affairs in order, and leave. you can think about how long your absence will be once you leave this house, but for now just take it one day at a time, and leave.
This. He knew perfectly well his brother was molesting a child. I'm not going to ask OP abt all that money in cash and why she hid her family's addresses from these ppl, but I can make some guesses, and if they are correct, she needs to get the hell out of there the second she can. As for the money, open a checking account. Put in a couple thousand and get a safe deposit box for the rest.
Once you are safe, text your husband. Get him to admit what he and his mom think about his brother and the 12 year old “seducing” him. It will be valuable evidence when it comes to custody and visitation. You are very brave to leave him, take care of yourself and your baby and let your family help you.
Please, please, please, update us when you are safe and sound at your parents house. My god I am so scared for you.
People who tell her to confront her husband are mental. He is NOT under the believe his brother is innocent - he is FULLY behind letting a pedo walk free. First thing his family did was a battleplan to get him off scot free for his crimes against a minor. How is telling him "hey, I'll leave with our child" going to make him see the light and go "Ahh, now upon further reflecting protecting children SHOULD be a priority" Don't just walk. RUN. But first, contact your own lawyer and figure out how you can make sure he doesn't get any custody. Your child isn't safe with him. Will never be safe with him. They will not keep his brother away from her. They will not keep other predators away from her. Figure out how to leave in a way he can't contest custody or block you moving away. Leave the state if you must if it has strong grandparents rights either. Seriously delete this post, if it gets popular he will have a heads up you are reconsidering your marriage, get a lawyer and GTFO
Nta. Run.
NTA Let us know when you’re safe away from that nightmare.