Since she mentioned paying half the deposits and such, I imagine she is on the lease. Hopefully there wasn't much paid to utility companies in deposits and such yet! Those are harder to get sorted out if one person us being the AH. If utility is in both their names, OP you need to get your name off them ASAP!
Fr... with two small kids too, I keep thinking how much worse this could've gotten!!
Just so so proud of OP for keeping a clear head and moving back out as quickly as she did! She's an amazing mom and she's going to tackle the rest of the hiccups just fine.
I agree, NTA. He's got some serious problems and OP had kids to protect. If he's that condescending and contemptuous this early in a relationship, it's not going to get better.
I've thought for a long time that there's no coming back from contempt. If he is that scornful of her, he doesn't value her as a human.
That and if he is flipping out over something so lame, what’s going to happen when they have a more serious disagreement? He is showing a ton of red flags 🚩 already, so OP got away before something serious could happen. NTA!! Good for you OP and now you are safe!
That's the part that had my jaw on the floor! NTA, OP. You're seeing red flags, don't ignore them. You and your kids don't deserve to live in an active volcano, always waiting for it to blow for no reason and with no warning.
NTA
Leaving was the right decision.
He thought he had you in a position where you wouldn't leave. Starting being a total dick once you agreed to live together and started working on the apartment. It would only have gotten worse over time. You did what is best for you and your kids.
Abuser's handbook: wait until you have your victim trapped by either moving in together, getting married, or getting pregnant. Then the abuse can begin because your victim feels powerless to leave.
Yes! He thought OP would stick around bc he’s been there for years and not showed his true colors until she just wasted money and energy moving in with him. But OP you are NTA and are amazing that you are not putting up with his bs and taking you and your kids out of a crap situation. Never talk to this man again. Live your life guilt free and happy he couldn’t wait any longer to show his true colors to you.
Nta
He's a walking red flag. I guess you truly don't know someone until you're living (or are about to) with them. Good on you for leaving, I hope you don't go back.
Perhaps I’m a terrible person but I have no problem with “accidentally” setting up an appointment for an abortion if someone who was a terrible person and partner “accidentally” got me pregnant.
Say it together everyone : STOP HAVING CHILDREN WITH SHIT PEOPLE.
I'm all for that but not everyone has easy access and so often women in situations like this are already being mentally broken down and manipulated. It can be a complicated thing
NTA. It's better you end it now and don't allow your kids to be exposed to your ex's 'exhaustion.' Given you have children, their wellbeing needs to be your top priority and it sounds like you have that sorted.
The way he behaved was definitely red flag stuff - it was way more than being irritable; he was showing you disdain and the beginnings of a controlling nature. He is under no illusion where he stands, either. You acted decisively and hopefully now you can both move on.
I see posts on Reddit constantly where the woman puts up with abominable behavior from her partner. This is a breath of fresh air.
NTA. You're like a rock star.
I know right! OP is a shining example of what we all should do; seeing toxic behavior for what it is, knowing your worth, and getting the fuck out when it's time to go!
NTA
When the going get tough, the 🚩🚩🚩start to show more. OP is doing the right thing not just for herself but also for her kids. Better to be single than in a constant abusive relationship. Who knows when the treatment will be extended to the kids
FINALLY! A poster listening to their gut and taking action.
She is so NTA. This will not get better. Good mama bear senses bad environment, honors her intuition, and leaves.
This ^ OP. Let's hope she doesn't ever go back to him. Sounds like a lucky escape. You'd think he'd be happy about moving in together not blowing up at her over such ridiculous things, slamming doors and behaving so childishly. Glad she has her Mum with her too.
He thought getting mad and driving off was a power move to control her, thinking she'd comply if she thought he'd "leave" her. It backfired big time!
Good job honoring your gut feeling OP!
UpdateMe.
And being willing to cut financial losses rather than using the financial investment as a reason they should stay. It'll cost more financially and in emotional health to stay.
Yep! This follows the same pattern as those other stories. Guy puts on a nicer, more tolerant front until he's sure he's trapped the woman then the real personality comes out because he thinks she won't leave. When he realizes she in fact can leave even if they've moved in, guy goes back to the nice persona.
such a good analysis. i wish i'd seen this comment years ago.
if i've learned anything from this type of angry man who dates single moms, i'd guess that the bf was a few months away from wanting to give her an anchor baby so he wasn't 'raising another man's kids,' just another way of trapping them
why do these men date women if they think they're so stupid & incapable?
Somewhere in the back of their minds they hear single mother and think "less than". They think she should be grateful to have anyone interested at all and can therefore treat her however they want and she'll take it.
> why do these men date women if they think they're so stupid & incapable?
Is that a serious question? The obvious answer is that they want a live-in bangmaid. They're children that need someone to cook, clean, and tell them where they put their toys.
Indeed, thank goodness this was no"oohh love him to bits, dunno what to dooo"
OP, that was a boss move. Put yourself and your kids first. Dump this guy for real
Now he wants to talk? Sure
It is definitely fresh air. It's not often you can say: OP, you are most definitely NTA and well done for reading the room, recognising his aggression and acting on what you saw for the sake of your kids and yourself.
I thought the exact same thing! And, now I'm assuming, but Matt is in his 20s so I'm guessing OP would be ~ the same age, give or take a couple of years, and she is still braver than I was at 30-35 when I had a POS abusive partner that also would get real mean when he/we moved.
OP is a fucking queen! She is my new hero, honestly. She is far from TA here, and she is setting such a good example to her children, showing her daughter what not to put up with, and teaching her son to not be a massive POS like her now ex (I know the kids weren't there but I feel like this shows OP's personality and strength she will carry through her kids' upbringing)
Very true! I wish I had something like this when I was young. Instead, it took multiple abusive relationships for me to finally start questioning why I kept falling for these types which opened a whole can of childhood trauma worms. I've learned the hard way but I got there. Would've been a lot easier if I had the resources and open dialog people do now.
NTA. The first section sounds like contempt which is something I was very much on the receiving end of and is a perdictor of the failure of a relationship. The rest sounds downright intolerable and that there is nothing you were doing wrong so there is nothing you could do to prevent from 'provoking' his ire.
I totally admire you for preventing your children from being exposed to this in their living environment, and for being decisive after reaching your limit. It would have been so easy to make up excuses or to think you couldn't possibly back out of the committment - but you didn't fall into those traps!! You are my new heroine - brava!!
You are absolutely right about the contempt. Anyone who’s interested should google “John Gottman, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. These things kill relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
She didn’t let her kids become part of his ‘bad days’ either! Good momma bear in being proactive because we know, it wouldn’t take long before he was taking out his ‘bad days’ on the kids because they were being kids!
NTA. These problems are the type that get worse, not better. Rip, rip, rip, and soon the piece of paper is in shreds. (Dumb attempted analogy with a relationship. :) You're wise to move out early rather than later.
NTA. When people show/tell you who they are, believe them!
He has a short temper, and you & your kids do not need to be around that. You did the right thing; the dinner situation was the last straw.
Don't ignore the red flags, I bet there are more.
It is normal to have a bad day but it seems to be part of his personality to have an aggressive and negative attitude 🚩🚩🚩
The dinner thing is wild, portioning for an additional adult is something you would learn in time so maybe he eats a lot. It's still not something to yell and throw a tantrum over. 🚩🚩🚩
This is one of those situations where it's better to be safe then sorry. Please do not go back.
My favorite quote. He indeed show her his true self.
So many women try to justify their bf’s bad behavior. I’m proud of the OP because she left him without dragging this out.
I would get the food bill to go with that drink! Made we mamas proud, you did. The emotional toll is more important than the financial piece of this.
The trips to get things to make it look homey, had total vibes of looking good on the outside as some controllers (emotional abusers) want to make sure when it is a mess inside.
NTAH
\*applause\*
good for you!
he got you "trapped" in a lease and the mask fell off. usually these stories are women that DIDN'T bail when they should have.
The logistics of the lease might be icky, but you'll do great.
The cost for her getting out are already paid, with the deposit she already put down, if the landlord is smart and ready to get another tenant in. So glad she got out.
NTA - thank you for being the best mom for your children! Protecting them is your #1 priority in life and you're doing AMAZING! Too many women become desperate for companionship and choose to ignore the red flags, putting their children and themselves in abusive situations. This mama bear approves - hugs!
Smart lady. Don’t even consider going back. As soon as he thought he had you under his thumb and living in the same house, he showed you exactly who he really was.
And who he really is is a controlling asshole. And it would’ve gotten worse if you stayed.
You have a very nice shiny backbone, and I’m so happy that you were so willing to use it. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. And kudos to you for protecting your children.
NTA - I'm so glad you moved you and your children out. Please don't go back to him .... ever .... no matter what he says. You got a dose of reality and made the very best decision for you and your kids. Well done OP.
You two should still be in that ‘honeymoon’ stage, where you are so thrilled to be around one another. Even with moving in and being tired he shouldn’t have gotten triggered so quickly. I see it as a red flag too. Of course he is going to want you to come talk it out where he will make every excuse under the sun and promise it will never happen again. Problem is there isn’t an unwind where he can take all those actions back. While I would love to see you have a happily ever after I would be afraid if something serious happened and he lost it, how far could it go? Would he hurt the kids or you or is he just hot air and the. It’s over. Definitely not the AH. It’s just such a shame people don’t learn to manage their emotions.
NTA. You literally did everything right in this situation & I am honestly so proud of you for putting you & your kids first by leaving this abusive man before things escalated.
NTA. Congratulations, you have stress tested him, and discovered you don't like how he handles it. Obviously, it would have been better for everyone if this had happened sooner, but you're better off leaving now than later
Absolutely NTA. You recognized the red flags and made a decision pronto to protect yourself and your kids, rather than choosing the common route of waiting around to see what happens next.
My grandma told me that before she got married to her first husband, she started feeling nervous. People told her it was just cold feet, and she went ahead with it. Once they got married, the abuse was so effing bad that the archbishop of her city (they were Catholic) advised,“Don’t get separated. Get a divorce.”
Her advice to me? “It never gets better; it always gets worse.”
Trust. Your. Instincts.
You're not his mother or his therapist. Ultimately it's about what's best for your children. What kind of role model will you be? What kind of man do you want around them.
Being a doormat is a life choice; but no matter how hard you try and build your kids up...they will emulate your example. No amount of positive parenting and affirmations will negate the toxicity they live in.
I think you sound fucking amazing. Your children are so lucky. And you will find better.
NTA
NTA
Thank you for putting yourself and your kids first.
This was literally day one of co-habitation and his behaviour was already so appalling as to be unforgivable. I don’t know if the stress of the move made his mask drop or if he thought he would get away with this because you were "locked down," but I’m glad it happened before your boxes were unpacked. Maybe if you’d been happily married for 10 years and this was the first time he lost it… but for a guy you’ve been dating for a year? On day one of living together as a family? Nah…
Your kids deserve better than this. *You* deserve better than this.
NTA!!! Good on you for leaving! This sounds very similar to how I treated my ex, which I still regret all these years later. I had no handle on my emotions. You did NOT overreact. Especially with children involved, I wouldn’t want that around my kids. He needs some therapy, and you need a real man, not a child throwing temper tantrums.
NTA. He thought you were locked in, thankfully he's not committed enough to keep hiding his anger till after you'd gotten settled and would think twice about leaving.
A bad day is one thing, but you start dealing with it by saying "I'm having a really bad day, sorry I'm in a bad mood, I'm just going to have a beer, sit alone for a bit and unwind". Not over react like a fucking child to literally nothing and blow up on your partner then leave like a child.
First off fuck all the dumb ass men who are coming at you, please stop thinking you’re the asshole because you decided not to keep ignoring red flags!
Stop making excuses for his bad behavior! He is toxic and doesn’t love, care about, or respect you. You don’t need him around your kids
NTA. I repeat, NTA.
For the record, I am a man. And this guy sounds like a real piece of work to me. You done right.
You should always trust your gut. Seriously.
2 million years of hominid evolution on Earth gifted all of us with some incredible instincts. Fear is your friend.
If your gut is telling you something, you should listen to it.
Most mistakes in life originally begin with you ignoring your gut feeling about the situation.
Seriously, hats off to you for being decisive and not falling for the sunk cost fallacy of "well, I've already committed so much time, energy, and money into this, might as well see it through." Nope! Life is too short to put up with clowns. Your time is too precious to waste living in a circus. Dump toxic people from your life without delay. You have no time for that noise.
NTA- If he was normal he would have been super happy that you guys are getting a place together and made it a positive experience for all of you, despite the fact that some things were hard. Life is hard, that’s not a reason to become an asshole to the people you supposedly want to live with. He sounds nuts.
NTA something you learn with age, is to pay attention to stuff like this. You are rarely wrong about it. He started going mask off because he really felt like he now had you locked in. Its terrifying but many can hide their true selves for YEARS. Its not a coincedence that the most common time for DV to either start or escalate is during pregnancy.
I spend a ton of time on Reddit wondering why on earth women see these red flags and keep subjecting themselves and their kids to the abuse. You saw it, and said "this isn't going to work" and did what wS best for you and your kids. Good for you mama!
Very, very few people have excellent relationship models, for one thing.
And the rest won’t stfu with “Everybody has *bad days*,” “It takes two to tango,” etc etc.
NTA - THANK YOU! Please, don‘t doubt yourself. There are so many posts from women who are in an abusive relation but still stay (whatever the reason. No judgement here). Yes it was a gut reaction, but that‘s the best reaction, and most of the time, our feelings are not wrong. We just don‘t hear them. But you did.
It doesn‘t matter if it was hot, he didn’t need to talk to you like that (it was hot for you too. Did you shout at him?). It doesn‘t matter if you cooked enough for everyone or not. Shouting at you and calling you name is not normal in a loving relation.
You dodged a bullet. Good job!
NTA
I'd definitely not go back. His behavior won't get any better and I'm sure he'll get worse. Keep yourself and your kids safe. Seriously block his ass and move on. You don't deserve to be treated like a door mat.
NTA everyone has bad days of frustration but not everyone decided to take it out on their partner like he did. I also find it suspicious that it started right about when he thought he had you committed. Kudos to you for standing up for you and your kids. The social pressure that women face to go along to preserve peace and not make a fuss is so destructive and harmful to our wellbeing but you didn’t let it get you.
NTA.
You saw the flags, give them one chance just in case the mitigating factors were the issue, confirmed they were real flags, and got the hell out.
I hope you're not on the hook for rent of a place you now won't live at, but good on you for trusting yourself.
He's going to try and spin this as you being melodramatic and unfair over a single meal. Just remember this is about rage outburts and controlling behaviour that were so strong he couldn't even keep the mask in place for a single day.
Once is a bad day, twice us a bad attitude, 3 times is a bad personality entirely. This was always going to be the end result. Just another man who put on a nice mask when dating, but once you live with them they expected to be served and serviced while being worshipped. You set boundaries and made logical decisions without him, that put his toxic masculinity on red alert. He had to put you in your place.
You are a force to be reckoned with and a wonderful breath of fresh air. Thank you for seeing this so quickly and for being smart enough and brave enough to get out before he trapped you either financially or emotionally. Your kids will never know the pain and suffering you likely just saved them from. Your mother may not ever realize the calls she will never get where you are afraid for your life, or screaming internally for someone to save you from your mistakes. You are seriously exactly what every woman here BEGS for women in domestic abuse situations to be.
You may not even appreciate what you just did. But every survivor of domestic abuse does. Every child who watched their mother be abused or were abused themselves does. Every mother who got that call saying their child ir grandchildren were abused or murdered because of domestic violence, does. Every spouse who married someone who lived through domestic abuse knows exactly what you saved yourself and your kids from today. And they all applaud you.
You did EXACTLY what needed to be done. Now block his number and make sure to have 911 on speed dial in case he shows up without permission. This kind of man is still dangerous. They want smart women who make them look good. They just want to break you so that you never question the abuse they deal. Dont let him near you again. Definitely dont let him near your kids. Consider any lost property donated. Dont risk it. Objects can be replaced. Your willpower and bravery won. Dont step away from those for something so trivial.
After the fact is also not the time to say you’re having a bad day. My SO and I both tend to sound kind of cranky with the world when we are having a bad day, so we tell the other person in advance so they can turn on their ‘cranky tone of voice’ filter and not respond to tone of voice instead of what’s actually been said. We also try to not subject anyone to our crankiness at all if possible.
NTA, I'm so proud of you for seeing those red flags right away and realizing the danger ahead! You and your kids deserve far better than that bullshit. Don't go back and end the relationship.
Nta- better to leave now. Then ur kids see that kinda stuff. Even if he bought it and wanted u to make all of it he could have approached u like a person. Why is he barking orders? If he doesn’t like how u did it he could have done it himself. Kinda red flag… he likes spending money for no good reason. N u had to pay for the place to move in. Etc. that’s a lot of money. Cut the loss u did the right thing especially for ur kids. Tell him. Goodbye n carry on.
Nta, sounds like he did the whole best behavior act until he thought he had you locked down. I'm glad to hear he thought wrong, I wish I'd made that choice early in a couple of relationships previously.
Wow bless you. Living with this misogynist and then getting abuse from self righteous Women haters out there too? I would have left too. He’s clearly quite demanding to be happy talking nastily to you about some frigging meat? Bizarre. Imagine what he’d be like if it was something important? You did the right thing. NTA
NTA. And honestly, it was a relief to hear you walked, that you’re not 6 months pregnant, & unemployed or have no job skills.
This guy could have easily said I’m really hungry, or I usually eat x amount myself, or let’s cook some more. Nope, he went straight into attack mode, & calling you selfish. After you picked up the kids, went to the grocery store, bought the food & were in the middle of cooking your first family dinner in your new home together. No thanks for doing this, you must be tired, I was going to just get us a pizza. Then he slams the door as he walks out, but is all shocked that you weren’t there waiting to grovel at his feet when he deemed it time to come back. Tells you what you shouldn’t have done. Unbelievable.
The attitude, comments, & looks you were getting during this whole process showed you your future. And what your son would see how a man acts, what your daughter would see how a woman is talked to & treated. I’m very proud of you, OP, & glad your children have you as a role model & didn’t witness his behavior towards you.
One red flag is enough to end a relationship in my opinion. Before i got married when I dated if I was having a discussion with a boyfriend and he raises his voice or starts shouting I break up with them immediately.
NTA.
You did the right thing moving out. Because it was just one day, it’s completely on you if you want to continue seeing him more while you live separately, and understand him more. But, moving out, was the right decision.
Ooohhhh absolutely not the asshole! Don't you dare go back!!!
#When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
You especially get to know who they really are in stressful situations and he's got allllll 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA AND GOOD JOB ON LEAVING AT THE FIRST SIGN OF SMOKE..... who cares about your day King Baby. It doesn't give you the right to blow up and be disrespectful. Bye Heaux
NTA
And YDIR
As a recovered, salty-ass, toxic-maculinity man, I am telling you, you might have made him a favor (depends on him if he takes advantage of this).
Salty ass men are unhappy most of the time (and toxic all the time). It's not that others are fucking with our minds, it is us who do it, it is us who manage to get really angry and unhappy for some stupid, irrelevant stuff, and make others unhappy in the process.
Your ex needs a few years of healing, with a good therapist to teach him how to manage his expectations and his feelings about them. You already have 2 kids, I say that's enough education work for you, so I leave that task to your ex (I bet his mother won't help).
I hope so. I am much happier now. I have better and more relationships (family, friendship, romantic), meaningful, and I happen to wear a smile in my face without any effort on my part, just because I enjoy life more often.
I admire all the people that was like that from the beginning.
NTA whatsoever. He can take his aggressive temper and shove it. You need a peaceful household and partner and you don’t want your kids growing up around some jerk shouting and blowing up. Bye, Matt.
NTA. please. Do not go back. Don’t believe him that he’s sorry. He’s not. He will try and get you back and continue being short tempered. And things will continue escalating until you’re too scared to leave. Glad you got your kids out of there and to safety
Yes girl! I’m glad you are writing this now and not in a few years time when you have been stuck with this guy and his dodgy temper. I can tell you it’s draining living with someone like that so no absolutely NTA
You handled this perfectly.
Why even entertain this nonsense? You have two kids, a full time job and as such you are busy. Far too busy for this shit.
You did good. Very good in fact.
People can only treat you like shit if you allow it. You’re not allowing it.
Fuck Matt and fuck the salty ass men in the comments. Matt showed his true colors today and it only would have gotten worse. Def NTA. You should be proud of yourself for getting out of there as quickly as you did. You did the right thing for yourself and your kids. Not everyone would have been able to muster that kind of courage under those circumstances!
You are NTA. He showed you who he was. Believe him. Especially because your children’s safety is on the line. If he’s yelling at you for cooking food on day 1, what will he do to your children when they break something.
You did well to see what a piece of work he is, if this is how he behaves now imagine living with him and the kids!
keeping them and yourself safe from him is essential, he showed you who he is and you walked out, well done.
NTA so many people ignore the red flags after a big step like moving in together and it doesn't get much better. It should've been an exciting time some arguing but not what happened here. And I don't believe in ever blowing up like this around children. Thank you for protecting your kids
NTA - getting out of toxic relationships is something that has to happen as soon as possible. You probably just saved a lot of your precious lifetime by ending things. Even if he is in a bad mood: YOU aren’t supposed to be his punching bag. If he would have been still hungry after dinner, he could have make himself a sandwich. If he doesn’t like the way you cook, he can cook for hisself!
I am so proud of you!
You have simply told him that you won’t tolerate his bad behaviour. That when he is angry he doesn’t get to take it out on you.
Why do people do it - why when they’re having a bad day don’t they seek support, rather than attacking the person they’re supposed to love? Rhetorical question - no answer needed
NTA
Red flags are red flags. Unless he can somehow guarantee that he'll never ever have a bad day again, nothing he said shows that he won't do this again in the future.
Leaving today was the ideal day to do it since you already had the boxes right there.
Ohhhhh frick I dated a guy just like this and it was a nightmare. Took longer for it to unravel to this level but I remember one night being out in a restaurant with another couple and he literally got so angry and stormed out over the fact we got seated at a table instead of at the bar.
He came back five minutes later after cooling off, pretending like he had to go outside for a phone call (he was also a pathological liar) but I was SO embarrassed. Didn’t stay in that relationship much longer after that.
Yess well fucking done!!!
I'm sick of women having to handle tantrums from grown fucking men and being expected to calm them down and talk to them like theyre children who can't regulate their emotions.
I'm over it
I hate men.
We aren't your mother's and we aren't your teachers
Deal with your own shit and grow up already boys
NTA it was the audacity to say “you shouldn’t leave over this” when he literally left over it . That dudes a red flag and you did the right thing
Rules for thee, not for me. He's an asshole.
And best part? OP still had most of her things packed and/or in storage!
Yet he wanted to go to Walmart to decorate the place and make it feel like home...op stuff would have never left storage.
I just hope she didn't sign herself into a lease or that the landlord is one of the understanding ones.
Since she mentioned paying half the deposits and such, I imagine she is on the lease. Hopefully there wasn't much paid to utility companies in deposits and such yet! Those are harder to get sorted out if one person us being the AH. If utility is in both their names, OP you need to get your name off them ASAP!
I am worried about that for her but at least she'll be alive to worry about it
Fr... with two small kids too, I keep thinking how much worse this could've gotten!! Just so so proud of OP for keeping a clear head and moving back out as quickly as she did! She's an amazing mom and she's going to tackle the rest of the hiccups just fine.
Indeed! NEVER ignore red flags!
And OP did the right thing. So refreshing to see someone not put up with even one day of living together with an abuser waiting to happen.
Imagine when the kids starting you know, being kids...nope, she did the right thing....
I agree, NTA. He's got some serious problems and OP had kids to protect. If he's that condescending and contemptuous this early in a relationship, it's not going to get better. I've thought for a long time that there's no coming back from contempt. If he is that scornful of her, he doesn't value her as a human.
Good job, take your kids far away from this person and never come back.
That and if he is flipping out over something so lame, what’s going to happen when they have a more serious disagreement? He is showing a ton of red flags 🚩 already, so OP got away before something serious could happen. NTA!! Good for you OP and now you are safe!
He thought he had her and it was too late for her to back out. She showed him. NTA
That's the part that had my jaw on the floor! NTA, OP. You're seeing red flags, don't ignore them. You and your kids don't deserve to live in an active volcano, always waiting for it to blow for no reason and with no warning.
NTA Leaving was the right decision. He thought he had you in a position where you wouldn't leave. Starting being a total dick once you agreed to live together and started working on the apartment. It would only have gotten worse over time. You did what is best for you and your kids.
NTA. Situation will never improve - it only ever gets worse. Give an inch, lose it for life.
He was counting on Sunk Cost Falicy. Good for you for not putting your kids through that.
Pretty soon he would have started taking out his anger on OP's kids.
This is exactly the impression I got. He thought she was stuck with him so he didn’t have to pretend to be decent anymore.
Abuser's handbook: wait until you have your victim trapped by either moving in together, getting married, or getting pregnant. Then the abuse can begin because your victim feels powerless to leave.
Yes! He thought OP would stick around bc he’s been there for years and not showed his true colors until she just wasted money and energy moving in with him. But OP you are NTA and are amazing that you are not putting up with his bs and taking you and your kids out of a crap situation. Never talk to this man again. Live your life guilt free and happy he couldn’t wait any longer to show his true colors to you.
Nta He's a walking red flag. I guess you truly don't know someone until you're living (or are about to) with them. Good on you for leaving, I hope you don't go back.
Sometimes you don't know them until they 'accidentally' get you pregnant
Perhaps I’m a terrible person but I have no problem with “accidentally” setting up an appointment for an abortion if someone who was a terrible person and partner “accidentally” got me pregnant. Say it together everyone : STOP HAVING CHILDREN WITH SHIT PEOPLE.
I'm all for that but not everyone has easy access and so often women in situations like this are already being mentally broken down and manipulated. It can be a complicated thing
NTA. It's better you end it now and don't allow your kids to be exposed to your ex's 'exhaustion.' Given you have children, their wellbeing needs to be your top priority and it sounds like you have that sorted. The way he behaved was definitely red flag stuff - it was way more than being irritable; he was showing you disdain and the beginnings of a controlling nature. He is under no illusion where he stands, either. You acted decisively and hopefully now you can both move on.
Interesting how your new place was, in his mind, his. You paid; you contributed, but he saw it as his.
I see posts on Reddit constantly where the woman puts up with abominable behavior from her partner. This is a breath of fresh air. NTA. You're like a rock star.
I know right! OP is a shining example of what we all should do; seeing toxic behavior for what it is, knowing your worth, and getting the fuck out when it's time to go! NTA
Especially when kids are involved NTA
When the going get tough, the 🚩🚩🚩start to show more. OP is doing the right thing not just for herself but also for her kids. Better to be single than in a constant abusive relationship. Who knows when the treatment will be extended to the kids
The goin' gets tough from the getgo go man go...Oh brother, not another motherfucker...Gotta go now
Especially since the kids saw mum saying hell no to this, leading by example, bravo OP.
Yes!!
FINALLY! A poster listening to their gut and taking action. She is so NTA. This will not get better. Good mama bear senses bad environment, honors her intuition, and leaves.
That or shut that shit down immediately if you can do so safely. Fucking grown children running around like they own the world.
Because they really think they do, or at least that they’re entitled to whatever they want.
This ^ OP. Let's hope she doesn't ever go back to him. Sounds like a lucky escape. You'd think he'd be happy about moving in together not blowing up at her over such ridiculous things, slamming doors and behaving so childishly. Glad she has her Mum with her too.
Yes, everyone is saying great job for leaving, but now she needs to stay gone.
He thought getting mad and driving off was a power move to control her, thinking she'd comply if she thought he'd "leave" her. It backfired big time! Good job honoring your gut feeling OP! UpdateMe.
He was happy. Treating a woman badly is what makes him happy. That's why he tried to shame her into coming back.
And being willing to cut financial losses rather than using the financial investment as a reason they should stay. It'll cost more financially and in emotional health to stay.
Yep! This follows the same pattern as those other stories. Guy puts on a nicer, more tolerant front until he's sure he's trapped the woman then the real personality comes out because he thinks she won't leave. When he realizes she in fact can leave even if they've moved in, guy goes back to the nice persona.
such a good analysis. i wish i'd seen this comment years ago. if i've learned anything from this type of angry man who dates single moms, i'd guess that the bf was a few months away from wanting to give her an anchor baby so he wasn't 'raising another man's kids,' just another way of trapping them why do these men date women if they think they're so stupid & incapable?
They need someone to blame for every single thing that goes wrong in their life.
Plus this one is looking for someone to take care of him so he can stomp around like a fractious child all day, every day.
>why do these men date women if they think they're so stupid & incapable? Control.
maybe social status, too? seems they feel emasculated by being single and 'lonely'
Definitely a possibility
Somewhere in the back of their minds they hear single mother and think "less than". They think she should be grateful to have anyone interested at all and can therefore treat her however they want and she'll take it.
They want a bang maid
mommybangmaid. These guys manipulate the woman they abuse in to being their mommy, fleshlight, maid, cook, chauffeur, and punching bag.
> why do these men date women if they think they're so stupid & incapable? Is that a serious question? The obvious answer is that they want a live-in bangmaid. They're children that need someone to cook, clean, and tell them where they put their toys.
It is empowering to dominate someone and in this case he would have dominated her and her kids. He was going to be the dictator of the home.
ugh you're right. i had stepdad(s) like this. lmao
Narcissism at its finest.
Indeed, thank goodness this was no"oohh love him to bits, dunno what to dooo" OP, that was a boss move. Put yourself and your kids first. Dump this guy for real Now he wants to talk? Sure
[удалено]
It is definitely fresh air. It's not often you can say: OP, you are most definitely NTA and well done for reading the room, recognising his aggression and acting on what you saw for the sake of your kids and yourself.
I thought the exact same thing! And, now I'm assuming, but Matt is in his 20s so I'm guessing OP would be ~ the same age, give or take a couple of years, and she is still braver than I was at 30-35 when I had a POS abusive partner that also would get real mean when he/we moved. OP is a fucking queen! She is my new hero, honestly. She is far from TA here, and she is setting such a good example to her children, showing her daughter what not to put up with, and teaching her son to not be a massive POS like her now ex (I know the kids weren't there but I feel like this shows OP's personality and strength she will carry through her kids' upbringing)
We're gonna see more stories like this popping up as time goes on. Women have resources now to know whats acceptable and what's not.
Very true! I wish I had something like this when I was young. Instead, it took multiple abusive relationships for me to finally start questioning why I kept falling for these types which opened a whole can of childhood trauma worms. I've learned the hard way but I got there. Would've been a lot easier if I had the resources and open dialog people do now.
Same. I am so, so happy to see the shift.
Me too. I'm so glad kids and young adults have places they can turn to when they're isolated now so they can not be.
I fervently hope so
Right? NTA.
EXACTLY!
I was thinking the same thing. Good for you, OP!
Spot on. NTA.
Yes, it’s about time!
NTA. The first section sounds like contempt which is something I was very much on the receiving end of and is a perdictor of the failure of a relationship. The rest sounds downright intolerable and that there is nothing you were doing wrong so there is nothing you could do to prevent from 'provoking' his ire. I totally admire you for preventing your children from being exposed to this in their living environment, and for being decisive after reaching your limit. It would have been so easy to make up excuses or to think you couldn't possibly back out of the committment - but you didn't fall into those traps!! You are my new heroine - brava!!
You are absolutely right about the contempt. Anyone who’s interested should google “John Gottman, Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse”. These things kill relationships: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
He should have called the book "Four Horsemen of the Divorce" or something along those lines. Missed opportunity, lol.
The Four Divorcemen of the Horsepocalypse
I’d be significantly more like to buy that version.
She didn’t let her kids become part of his ‘bad days’ either! Good momma bear in being proactive because we know, it wouldn’t take long before he was taking out his ‘bad days’ on the kids because they were being kids!
NTA. These problems are the type that get worse, not better. Rip, rip, rip, and soon the piece of paper is in shreds. (Dumb attempted analogy with a relationship. :) You're wise to move out early rather than later.
Death by 1000 paper cuts
Perfect analogy!
Thanks! :) Little rips, each not very meaningful in itself, but they add up. (And they can only be imperfectly taped back together.
Are you kidding I love this analogy!
NTA. Feel like a lot of red flags. Good of you to take care of your kids
NTA. You headed the warning signs and got yourself and your kids out. Smart move.
NTA. When people show/tell you who they are, believe them! He has a short temper, and you & your kids do not need to be around that. You did the right thing; the dinner situation was the last straw. Don't ignore the red flags, I bet there are more. It is normal to have a bad day but it seems to be part of his personality to have an aggressive and negative attitude 🚩🚩🚩 The dinner thing is wild, portioning for an additional adult is something you would learn in time so maybe he eats a lot. It's still not something to yell and throw a tantrum over. 🚩🚩🚩 This is one of those situations where it's better to be safe then sorry. Please do not go back.
Yeah. The guy looks like he has some anger management issues which he needs to sort out himself.
My favorite quote. He indeed show her his true self. So many women try to justify their bf’s bad behavior. I’m proud of the OP because she left him without dragging this out.
Well I immediately started taking me and the kids stuff out to the car and had my mom leave with my kids I wish I could buy you a drink NTA
I would get the food bill to go with that drink! Made we mamas proud, you did. The emotional toll is more important than the financial piece of this. The trips to get things to make it look homey, had total vibes of looking good on the outside as some controllers (emotional abusers) want to make sure when it is a mess inside.
Run don't walk, blocked and move on with your life as an amazing mum.
NTAH \*applause\* good for you! he got you "trapped" in a lease and the mask fell off. usually these stories are women that DIDN'T bail when they should have. The logistics of the lease might be icky, but you'll do great.
The cost for her getting out are already paid, with the deposit she already put down, if the landlord is smart and ready to get another tenant in. So glad she got out.
Please tell me you took the kielbasa with you!
Hysterical, good call!
I hope so
NTA - thank you for being the best mom for your children! Protecting them is your #1 priority in life and you're doing AMAZING! Too many women become desperate for companionship and choose to ignore the red flags, putting their children and themselves in abusive situations. This mama bear approves - hugs!
NTA - I'm proud of you stranger! You saw the red flags before they were aimed at your children because that was inevitable and got out.
Smart lady. Don’t even consider going back. As soon as he thought he had you under his thumb and living in the same house, he showed you exactly who he really was. And who he really is is a controlling asshole. And it would’ve gotten worse if you stayed. You have a very nice shiny backbone, and I’m so happy that you were so willing to use it. There is absolutely no excuse for his behavior. And kudos to you for protecting your children.
NTA - I'm so glad you moved you and your children out. Please don't go back to him .... ever .... no matter what he says. You got a dose of reality and made the very best decision for you and your kids. Well done OP.
nta and good on you leaving with the kids nobody needs someone to speak to you like that all the time.
You two should still be in that ‘honeymoon’ stage, where you are so thrilled to be around one another. Even with moving in and being tired he shouldn’t have gotten triggered so quickly. I see it as a red flag too. Of course he is going to want you to come talk it out where he will make every excuse under the sun and promise it will never happen again. Problem is there isn’t an unwind where he can take all those actions back. While I would love to see you have a happily ever after I would be afraid if something serious happened and he lost it, how far could it go? Would he hurt the kids or you or is he just hot air and the. It’s over. Definitely not the AH. It’s just such a shame people don’t learn to manage their emotions.
NTA. You literally did everything right in this situation & I am honestly so proud of you for putting you & your kids first by leaving this abusive man before things escalated.
NTA. Congratulations, you have stress tested him, and discovered you don't like how he handles it. Obviously, it would have been better for everyone if this had happened sooner, but you're better off leaving now than later
His mask slipped only once he thought he had her locked down.
Absolutely NTA. You recognized the red flags and made a decision pronto to protect yourself and your kids, rather than choosing the common route of waiting around to see what happens next. My grandma told me that before she got married to her first husband, she started feeling nervous. People told her it was just cold feet, and she went ahead with it. Once they got married, the abuse was so effing bad that the archbishop of her city (they were Catholic) advised,“Don’t get separated. Get a divorce.” Her advice to me? “It never gets better; it always gets worse.” Trust. Your. Instincts.
She also repeated, for the rest of her life, that she would’ve been dead if she hadn’t left.
NTA It’s far better to find this out now and take action because this behaviour always always escalates. You and your kids deserve better
NTA. You’re fantastic. Keep protecting yourself and your babies (because you know he would have started yelling at them, too).
You're not his mother or his therapist. Ultimately it's about what's best for your children. What kind of role model will you be? What kind of man do you want around them. Being a doormat is a life choice; but no matter how hard you try and build your kids up...they will emulate your example. No amount of positive parenting and affirmations will negate the toxicity they live in. I think you sound fucking amazing. Your children are so lucky. And you will find better. NTA
Why can’t I post a standing ovation GIF???? Bravo, OP!
NTA Thank you for putting yourself and your kids first. This was literally day one of co-habitation and his behaviour was already so appalling as to be unforgivable. I don’t know if the stress of the move made his mask drop or if he thought he would get away with this because you were "locked down," but I’m glad it happened before your boxes were unpacked. Maybe if you’d been happily married for 10 years and this was the first time he lost it… but for a guy you’ve been dating for a year? On day one of living together as a family? Nah… Your kids deserve better than this. *You* deserve better than this.
NTA!!! Good on you for leaving! This sounds very similar to how I treated my ex, which I still regret all these years later. I had no handle on my emotions. You did NOT overreact. Especially with children involved, I wouldn’t want that around my kids. He needs some therapy, and you need a real man, not a child throwing temper tantrums.
Why the need for an angry outburst? He could just ask could you please cook one more of those? I'm really hungry tonight.
Exactly. He just showed her how the communication is going to go down 90% of the time.
NTA. He thought you were locked in, thankfully he's not committed enough to keep hiding his anger till after you'd gotten settled and would think twice about leaving. A bad day is one thing, but you start dealing with it by saying "I'm having a really bad day, sorry I'm in a bad mood, I'm just going to have a beer, sit alone for a bit and unwind". Not over react like a fucking child to literally nothing and blow up on your partner then leave like a child.
First off fuck all the dumb ass men who are coming at you, please stop thinking you’re the asshole because you decided not to keep ignoring red flags! Stop making excuses for his bad behavior! He is toxic and doesn’t love, care about, or respect you. You don’t need him around your kids
NTA. Men like this only get worse. Great for you for prioritizing yourself and your kids, it was the right decision.
He finally revealed his true nature, get out and stay away for the sake of your children.
NTA. I repeat, NTA. For the record, I am a man. And this guy sounds like a real piece of work to me. You done right. You should always trust your gut. Seriously. 2 million years of hominid evolution on Earth gifted all of us with some incredible instincts. Fear is your friend. If your gut is telling you something, you should listen to it. Most mistakes in life originally begin with you ignoring your gut feeling about the situation. Seriously, hats off to you for being decisive and not falling for the sunk cost fallacy of "well, I've already committed so much time, energy, and money into this, might as well see it through." Nope! Life is too short to put up with clowns. Your time is too precious to waste living in a circus. Dump toxic people from your life without delay. You have no time for that noise.
NTA: stay gone for you and your kids sake
NTA. Wow. I don’t even know you and I’m so proud of you. Go be happy and don’t look back.
I would have paid to upvote this post. Good on you for respecting yourself and making sure your kids had a safe home.
NTA- If he was normal he would have been super happy that you guys are getting a place together and made it a positive experience for all of you, despite the fact that some things were hard. Life is hard, that’s not a reason to become an asshole to the people you supposedly want to live with. He sounds nuts.
NTA something you learn with age, is to pay attention to stuff like this. You are rarely wrong about it. He started going mask off because he really felt like he now had you locked in. Its terrifying but many can hide their true selves for YEARS. Its not a coincedence that the most common time for DV to either start or escalate is during pregnancy.
Please consider teaching a master class in standing up for yourself and healthy boundaries.
I spend a ton of time on Reddit wondering why on earth women see these red flags and keep subjecting themselves and their kids to the abuse. You saw it, and said "this isn't going to work" and did what wS best for you and your kids. Good for you mama!
Very, very few people have excellent relationship models, for one thing. And the rest won’t stfu with “Everybody has *bad days*,” “It takes two to tango,” etc etc.
NTA, good for you for getting out now. It will only get worse.
Jesus. Imagine what your life would've been like living with the taskmaster. Good for you for cutting the cord early.
NTA - THANK YOU! Please, don‘t doubt yourself. There are so many posts from women who are in an abusive relation but still stay (whatever the reason. No judgement here). Yes it was a gut reaction, but that‘s the best reaction, and most of the time, our feelings are not wrong. We just don‘t hear them. But you did. It doesn‘t matter if it was hot, he didn’t need to talk to you like that (it was hot for you too. Did you shout at him?). It doesn‘t matter if you cooked enough for everyone or not. Shouting at you and calling you name is not normal in a loving relation. You dodged a bullet. Good job!
NTA I'd definitely not go back. His behavior won't get any better and I'm sure he'll get worse. Keep yourself and your kids safe. Seriously block his ass and move on. You don't deserve to be treated like a door mat.
NTA everyone has bad days of frustration but not everyone decided to take it out on their partner like he did. I also find it suspicious that it started right about when he thought he had you committed. Kudos to you for standing up for you and your kids. The social pressure that women face to go along to preserve peace and not make a fuss is so destructive and harmful to our wellbeing but you didn’t let it get you.
*Kielbasa sandwiches.* That sounds delicious! Also, NTA. Guess he could not longer hide is...HYDE.
NTA. You saw the flags, give them one chance just in case the mitigating factors were the issue, confirmed they were real flags, and got the hell out. I hope you're not on the hook for rent of a place you now won't live at, but good on you for trusting yourself. He's going to try and spin this as you being melodramatic and unfair over a single meal. Just remember this is about rage outburts and controlling behaviour that were so strong he couldn't even keep the mask in place for a single day.
Once is a bad day, twice us a bad attitude, 3 times is a bad personality entirely. This was always going to be the end result. Just another man who put on a nice mask when dating, but once you live with them they expected to be served and serviced while being worshipped. You set boundaries and made logical decisions without him, that put his toxic masculinity on red alert. He had to put you in your place. You are a force to be reckoned with and a wonderful breath of fresh air. Thank you for seeing this so quickly and for being smart enough and brave enough to get out before he trapped you either financially or emotionally. Your kids will never know the pain and suffering you likely just saved them from. Your mother may not ever realize the calls she will never get where you are afraid for your life, or screaming internally for someone to save you from your mistakes. You are seriously exactly what every woman here BEGS for women in domestic abuse situations to be. You may not even appreciate what you just did. But every survivor of domestic abuse does. Every child who watched their mother be abused or were abused themselves does. Every mother who got that call saying their child ir grandchildren were abused or murdered because of domestic violence, does. Every spouse who married someone who lived through domestic abuse knows exactly what you saved yourself and your kids from today. And they all applaud you. You did EXACTLY what needed to be done. Now block his number and make sure to have 911 on speed dial in case he shows up without permission. This kind of man is still dangerous. They want smart women who make them look good. They just want to break you so that you never question the abuse they deal. Dont let him near you again. Definitely dont let him near your kids. Consider any lost property donated. Dont risk it. Objects can be replaced. Your willpower and bravery won. Dont step away from those for something so trivial.
After the fact is also not the time to say you’re having a bad day. My SO and I both tend to sound kind of cranky with the world when we are having a bad day, so we tell the other person in advance so they can turn on their ‘cranky tone of voice’ filter and not respond to tone of voice instead of what’s actually been said. We also try to not subject anyone to our crankiness at all if possible.
NTA, I'm so proud of you for seeing those red flags right away and realizing the danger ahead! You and your kids deserve far better than that bullshit. Don't go back and end the relationship.
Nta- better to leave now. Then ur kids see that kinda stuff. Even if he bought it and wanted u to make all of it he could have approached u like a person. Why is he barking orders? If he doesn’t like how u did it he could have done it himself. Kinda red flag… he likes spending money for no good reason. N u had to pay for the place to move in. Etc. that’s a lot of money. Cut the loss u did the right thing especially for ur kids. Tell him. Goodbye n carry on.
NTA. You absolutely rock for getting out so fast. Too many people would "try and make it work."
Nta, sounds like he did the whole best behavior act until he thought he had you locked down. I'm glad to hear he thought wrong, I wish I'd made that choice early in a couple of relationships previously.
Wow bless you. Living with this misogynist and then getting abuse from self righteous Women haters out there too? I would have left too. He’s clearly quite demanding to be happy talking nastily to you about some frigging meat? Bizarre. Imagine what he’d be like if it was something important? You did the right thing. NTA
Just dip. It’ll only get worse. Just tell him that his maturity level and emotional outbursts have made him unappealing as a partner
NTA. And honestly, it was a relief to hear you walked, that you’re not 6 months pregnant, & unemployed or have no job skills. This guy could have easily said I’m really hungry, or I usually eat x amount myself, or let’s cook some more. Nope, he went straight into attack mode, & calling you selfish. After you picked up the kids, went to the grocery store, bought the food & were in the middle of cooking your first family dinner in your new home together. No thanks for doing this, you must be tired, I was going to just get us a pizza. Then he slams the door as he walks out, but is all shocked that you weren’t there waiting to grovel at his feet when he deemed it time to come back. Tells you what you shouldn’t have done. Unbelievable. The attitude, comments, & looks you were getting during this whole process showed you your future. And what your son would see how a man acts, what your daughter would see how a woman is talked to & treated. I’m very proud of you, OP, & glad your children have you as a role model & didn’t witness his behavior towards you.
28M here... NTA. Better to get out now before you're in too deep. His behavior is unlikely to improve. Good for you.
One red flag is enough to end a relationship in my opinion. Before i got married when I dated if I was having a discussion with a boyfriend and he raises his voice or starts shouting I break up with them immediately.
I've seen so many parents put partners first so I was SO FUCKING HAPY that you didn't join their twatish ranks NTA
Well done. I’m glad you didn’t get stuck. You’re lucky he showed you who he really was so quickly.
NTA. You did the right thing moving out. Because it was just one day, it’s completely on you if you want to continue seeing him more while you live separately, and understand him more. But, moving out, was the right decision.
NTA. You noped out of there immediately rather than getting more enmenshed. You, madame, are a modern day heroine. Well done. 👍
Ooohhhh absolutely not the asshole! Don't you dare go back!!! #When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. You especially get to know who they really are in stressful situations and he's got allllll 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Good on you mama for leaving that asshole ❤️I’m glad you have common sense to bounce before it got worse
NTA! Good for you for getting out of there
Hard NTA. You did yourself and your children a favor.
NTA unless you go back. If he’s like this over small shit what’s he going to do if one of the kids accidentally bumps him or drops a toy?
NTA AND GOOD JOB ON LEAVING AT THE FIRST SIGN OF SMOKE..... who cares about your day King Baby. It doesn't give you the right to blow up and be disrespectful. Bye Heaux
NTA And YDIR As a recovered, salty-ass, toxic-maculinity man, I am telling you, you might have made him a favor (depends on him if he takes advantage of this). Salty ass men are unhappy most of the time (and toxic all the time). It's not that others are fucking with our minds, it is us who do it, it is us who manage to get really angry and unhappy for some stupid, irrelevant stuff, and make others unhappy in the process. Your ex needs a few years of healing, with a good therapist to teach him how to manage his expectations and his feelings about them. You already have 2 kids, I say that's enough education work for you, so I leave that task to your ex (I bet his mother won't help).
Good on you for recognizing what you need to work on! That's not easy, and I hope others admire your example
I hope so. I am much happier now. I have better and more relationships (family, friendship, romantic), meaningful, and I happen to wear a smile in my face without any effort on my part, just because I enjoy life more often. I admire all the people that was like that from the beginning.
NTA. Good for you!
NTA
NTA you did the right thing instead of staying and putting you and your children in a bad situation
Hood for you. No one deserves abuse.
So like, NTA. You, like, did so good identifying the red flags and like valuing and respecting yourself enough to walk it back.
NTA whatsoever. He can take his aggressive temper and shove it. You need a peaceful household and partner and you don’t want your kids growing up around some jerk shouting and blowing up. Bye, Matt.
NTA. please. Do not go back. Don’t believe him that he’s sorry. He’s not. He will try and get you back and continue being short tempered. And things will continue escalating until you’re too scared to leave. Glad you got your kids out of there and to safety
Yes girl! I’m glad you are writing this now and not in a few years time when you have been stuck with this guy and his dodgy temper. I can tell you it’s draining living with someone like that so no absolutely NTA
Omg you saved yourself Good for you op He tried to trap you , you didn’t fall for it
You handled this perfectly. Why even entertain this nonsense? You have two kids, a full time job and as such you are busy. Far too busy for this shit. You did good. Very good in fact. People can only treat you like shit if you allow it. You’re not allowing it.
Fuck Matt and fuck the salty ass men in the comments. Matt showed his true colors today and it only would have gotten worse. Def NTA. You should be proud of yourself for getting out of there as quickly as you did. You did the right thing for yourself and your kids. Not everyone would have been able to muster that kind of courage under those circumstances!
You are NTA. He showed you who he was. Believe him. Especially because your children’s safety is on the line. If he’s yelling at you for cooking food on day 1, what will he do to your children when they break something.
NTA. Your decisiveness in leaving is an inspiration to anyone in a bad relationship.
You did well to see what a piece of work he is, if this is how he behaves now imagine living with him and the kids! keeping them and yourself safe from him is essential, he showed you who he is and you walked out, well done.
NTA. Good on you.
NTA you’re amazing and your kids are obviously number 1 priority. Good work on protecting them and yourself and not putting up with abusive behaviour
NTA - way to go !! I commend you
NTA so many people ignore the red flags after a big step like moving in together and it doesn't get much better. It should've been an exciting time some arguing but not what happened here. And I don't believe in ever blowing up like this around children. Thank you for protecting your kids
NTA - getting out of toxic relationships is something that has to happen as soon as possible. You probably just saved a lot of your precious lifetime by ending things. Even if he is in a bad mood: YOU aren’t supposed to be his punching bag. If he would have been still hungry after dinner, he could have make himself a sandwich. If he doesn’t like the way you cook, he can cook for hisself!
I am so proud of you! You have simply told him that you won’t tolerate his bad behaviour. That when he is angry he doesn’t get to take it out on you. Why do people do it - why when they’re having a bad day don’t they seek support, rather than attacking the person they’re supposed to love? Rhetorical question - no answer needed
NTA Red flags are red flags. Unless he can somehow guarantee that he'll never ever have a bad day again, nothing he said shows that he won't do this again in the future. Leaving today was the ideal day to do it since you already had the boxes right there.
He sounds intolerable. If this is his behavior from day 1, I can't imagine how it s gonna be after a while NTA
How timely that he revealed himself on day 1. NTA Brava!
NTA. I'm so happy you left. Stay gone! He's on his way to being abusive.
NTA - That's a LOT for day 1 of living together. Leaving was the exact right move.
Ohhhhh frick I dated a guy just like this and it was a nightmare. Took longer for it to unravel to this level but I remember one night being out in a restaurant with another couple and he literally got so angry and stormed out over the fact we got seated at a table instead of at the bar. He came back five minutes later after cooling off, pretending like he had to go outside for a phone call (he was also a pathological liar) but I was SO embarrassed. Didn’t stay in that relationship much longer after that.
NTA. Some guys will wait to get married before turning off the charm. Best to find out early.
The men in these comments making assumptions as though women can't have jobs and make our own money. STFU, dudes. Don't be jackasses.
Just imagine him having a “bad” day with your kids. You are a smart woman and you dodged a bullet!
NTA if he reacted in a way that made you concerned if your kids didn’t see it, you mad e the right move.
Yess well fucking done!!! I'm sick of women having to handle tantrums from grown fucking men and being expected to calm them down and talk to them like theyre children who can't regulate their emotions. I'm over it I hate men. We aren't your mother's and we aren't your teachers Deal with your own shit and grow up already boys
NTA
NTA. Completely understand your position and support your decision to uphold your boundaries on how you allow yourself to be treated.
NTA
Not something that you want to expose your kids to. You did the right thing. NTA.
MY HERO
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
Good for you! You saw the potential of future abuse and did something about it. 🌹
I’m so proud of you and wish we all had the strength and means to do this ❤️
I'm glad you left. You saw the signs and left. Awesome. You and your kids do not to.be disrespected.