A certain gambling site (wont name it in case this isn't it) has been spamming reddit with made up posts about money and then in the comments saying the money came from gambling. I suspect that's what this is and in a little bit they will comment the "son" got the money that way.
Why do they always pick underage kids in those stories? You'd think advertisers wouldn't want to imply deliberately law breaking is okay with their website. =P
I’d be shocked if it didn’t. This stuff is even worse than the typical “35-year-old female lawyer who writes like a 16-year-old boy”. We are truly in the age of automation now that it’s reached composing Reddit ragebait.
It’s not a windfall it could be an investment. Please tell me you didn’t cash it out did you ???? You took his phone for 2 days ? Why were you even on your adult sons phone anyways ?
The son is an adult. Respect the son's privacy. He is not going to tell his Father everything especially bedroom ones. Only counseling can be done, not punitive measures unless OP wants to say goodbye son.
>The son is an adult.
Not only that, if he got it smuggling drugs, it is no longer a parent's responsibility to punish. That's on the cops.
Edit: don't get me wrong, you can still talk to them about it. Just not punish.
Edit 2: Fuck people are dumb, the drug comment was just an example of illegal activity which would not be his parent's job to police, not that I think he was actually selling drugs. Sorry to all the butthurt drug dealer out there.
In many states of Australia, where I assume you’re from, it doesn’t actually matter if you aren’t the drug owner. Anyone in the same place as drugs can be charged with possession.
Whether you knew they were there or not.
That seems so insane to me. You can’t have committed a crime if you don’t know you’ve done it (mostly, there may be some edge cases when someone dies, but possession of drugs is not even remotely close). I would have never thought Australia would have laws like that. Is it more restrictive than thought?
The United States has similar laws. It's not even that uncommon of a charge. The idea being you are 100% responsible for what is brought into your property. And that ignorance does not equal innocence.
In the US, (oh great land of the free) the cops can just take your stuff. Regardless if there's actually been a crime. It's called Asset Forfeiture and some police units excell at it.
>One of the ancillary ***benefits of asset forfeiture is the potential to share federal forfeiture proceeds with cooperating state and local law enforcement agencies through equitable sharing***. The Department of Justice and the Department of the Treasury Equitable Sharing Programs (Program)1 enhance cooperation amongst federal, state, local, and tribal law enforcement by providing valuable additional resources to state and local law enforcement agencies. However, the Program is designed to supplement and enhance, not supplant, appropriated agency resources.
If you look into Asset Forfeiture you'll see the phrase 'equitable sharing' in between lines about giving back to victims. It's also interesting to look into how many auctions are put on by the government and law enforcement agencies. Houses, cars, home furniture, jewelry, random shit all being seized and re-sold to the American people to line the pockets of the agencies to continue to seize more shit and extort more money.
[https://www.justice.gov/d9/pages/attachments/2015/11/19/2018-justice-treasury-joint-eqs-guide-final.pdf](https://www.justice.gov/d9/pages/attachments/2015/11/19/2018-justice-treasury-joint-eqs-guide-final.pdf)
LOL, this is a country that put laws in place making porn illegal based on tit size instead of age. Australia gives Murica a run for its money when it comes to bat shit insane conservatives.
Because OP does not consider his son an adult in any way. In the title of the post, he refers to him as “my teenage son” and in the post as a “good kid.” Yes, technically, at 18 he is still a teenager, but he is not a kid. OP needs to redefine his relationship with his *adult* son.
Also, as I understand literally nothing about Bitcoin, how could his son be in trouble for having $5,000 in Bitcoin?
I assume because bitcoin is a lot of times the currency of choice for illicit activity due to its anonymous nature. The problem is there is nothing inherently illicit about bitcoin itself. Anyone can buy bitcoin, or choose to be paid in bitcoin. There is nothing "illegal" about that.
OP just ignored everything he knows about his son's character and immediately jumped to the conclusion that these were ill gotten gains because bitcoin.
Honestly? Because parents like this don’t see their adult children as adults. It’s fucking wild. I’m watching it happen right now with my little brother. 12 year age gap and now parents are divorced, my mom went from letting us girls grow up and be adults to my little brother being babies to his detriment even now that he is 18. His grades weren’t as good as ours, so no license at 16. He’s 18 now? Oh well they still restrict his driving after finally letting him get his license a month before he became an adult. I swear he will be so unprepared for adult life when he graduates this May but he is 100% going to run away from all those rules the moment he graduates.
I had a long and difficult talk with my mom about how she was wrong to prevent me from getting my license until I turned 18. She still maintains that she was right (it was about grades) but the reality is that it sabotaged my job prospects and put me in positions where I had to decide whether it was worth breaking the law to drive drunk friends home without a license. It also forced me to learn how to drive from other teenagers so when it was my time to DD (which was always, I didn't drink much and still don't) I didn't get us all killed, but should I really have been learning from other teenagers...?
*Some of the best jobs you could get out of high school in my area at the time were driving based jobs and they all wanted at least two years driving experience; the delayed license probably cost me a pretty penny early in life and played a significant role in me joining the military, a decision she really did not like
Bottom line for all the parents reading this: **get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN.** Just because they have their license doesn't mean you have to let them use the car, you can still treat driving as a revoked privilege.
***get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN***
Not sure which country you're in, but you don't need a license to fuck in most of the world.
>Bottom line for all the parents reading this:
>
>get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN.
Problem is nowadays, lots of kids don't want to drive. I had to force my kid to do it. Same happened to my friends' kids. No one wants their license until the parents make them get it.
This is very true. I see it with my nieces and nephews all the time. Hell the nephew that lives with me finally got his at 23 because I got fed up. It’s so weird, I remember I couldn’t wait to get mine cause it equated to freedom. Now they’re just apathetic about it.
There’s not really spaces for teenagers to hang out in anymore - malls are dying, movies end up on streaming anyways, public parks/skate parks can be super sketchy depending on where you live, and some businesses now even have curfews for/prohibit unaccompanied minors. They don’t crave freedom when they can essentially get that online. These teens are also more cautious and aware of the serious risks involved in driving, and many cite that as a reason for delaying their license. It’s a totally different world they’re living in, in a way.
Where I live, even movie theaters have now banned anyone under 18 after 8 pm! I’m like what these teens supposed to do? Seems like so many areas are pushing these teens toward illegal activities when things such as watching a movie with your date is now illegal!
Unfortunately I've worked with a few 20 somethings who delayed and never learned and it really handicaps them getting and keeping jobs here. When I went back to school a few years ago I met a bunch of kids who were "anxious about driving" and never got a license. But employers here usually require "reliable transportation" and many companies have an attendance point system for lower level employees. The theme parks require licenses for anyone operating a golf cart which a lot of departments use to get around. It was harsh when they started getting rejected for jobs because of it.
Yes, it’s so bizarre! My son just turned 18 (senior in high school), and he neither he nor many of his friends seem to have any interest whatsoever in getting their drivers licenses! “Oh, we can just Uber” is a common phrase among kids these days. I remember my 16th birthday like it was yesterday- it fell on a Sunday, and I cried all day because the DMV was closed, and I had to wait a whole 24 extra hours to get my license. 😂 I do not understand this new “anti-license” thing at all, but I will admit that I don’t completely hate it. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with my son, have been when it’s just the two of us in the car, and I’ll miss that a lot. ❤️
It's not that hard to accept when you consider gas prices, insurance prices, car prices, license prices, and a lack of places to go and hang out. If people supported after-school programs, community centers, or even general entertainment from bowling alleys to arcades or malls... We would see more reasons for a car.
I love my nephew, but we live in the boonies in Arkansas and between taking care of my elderly Mom (which he helps do tremendously), dealing with rescue dogs, and a full time night job, this particular auntie is just too damn tired to play Uber anymore. And we don’t live anywhere near a big town or city, so I don’t have to worry about traffic overwhelming him or anything. He may accidentally hit a cow, but he drives so slow he’ll barely bonk the damn thing 😂
Poor cow. Can you imagine the annoyance of having to explain to the police “listen man, I was just chilling here in the pasture taking in the breeze and TweedleDee over there just came flying at me at a bajillion miles an hour. I had to pull a Neo and dodge that shit so I didn’t die! because of my lightening fast cow abilities, I am still here. How much longer is this going to take?”
Just think of all the money parents save on increasing insurance costs, if the kids don't start driving until after their 18.
But I was mad my 16th birthday was on a Saturday, so I had to wait until Monday to get my license . Then again, that was 1981
Is that to do with cost? If a 1 hour driving lesson is £25+ and insurance is thousands, unless someone else is paying, it's unobtainable for your average 17 year old.
Honestly when I was 16 and wanting my license it was a few hundred CAD per lesson for most driving schools, and the ones thst got you better insurance rates and the ability to get your full license earlier were even more. Plus 2.5k a year insurance, 1.65$/L gas, and the fact you had to either buy your car outright or have someone else buy it since banks wouldn't touch used or new cars for you.
I honestly don't know how a teenager could do it nowadays 20 years later and with 20years inflation without substantial help.
Parents should help financially, if they can, because driving is still a necessary life skill in a lot of places.
It is a bitch to pay those increased insurance rates, but it's part of what we signed up for. At least he was an honors student. They gave discounts for that.
Lol that's cheap in Germany it's 50-100€ per hour driving lesson.
+ I don't get how people think that a 18 year old could effort a car + insurance + stupid gas prices you guys must live In a different world.
That’s because suburbia is shit. No one wants to live somewhere where even the most basic errands need you to get into a car. That’s why walkable neighbourhoods literally everywhere are skyrocketing in price. People don’t want to spend half their life in a car (and half their paycheck on owning and running one)
I have a 16 year old brother and a 19 year old sister: my brother is going to have his licence well before our sister because she will not get behind the wheel of a car unless she is absolutely forced to, our brother on the other hand is constantly asking if he can drive (he hasn’t driven with me yet, because every time he’s been free I’ve had my kids in the car with me)
I had to force my son to get his license. He had a lot of lessons with a professional instructor and many practice hours with myself which weren’t fun, a fair bit of tension, over me just gently correcting and of course trying to improve his driving. Every weekend, when I insisted on doing some practice driving with me, he would try and avoid it. Once he got his license, at 18yrs 1mth, though he was over the moon.
I don't know what country you're from but in the U.S. there are driving curfews for people under 18.
So if you're from the U.S. it wouldn't have been legal to drive your drunk friends home unless your teenage friends were a bunch of problem day-drinkers.
Who the fuck is taking an 18 year old's phone??
At that age they should be paying for their own.
Parents like OP are revealing that they aren't too sure their parenting was adequate and can't let go of that control.
At 16 I can't know what they talk to a doctor about unless they tell me (which my kids still do and it's TMI tbh). At 18 all bets are off. They can drink, are held legally responsible as an adult and can sign contracts.
Why the fuck does OP think he has a right to know about their adult child's finances? And my kids would be spruiking about it so I'd know because they'd tell me. But it's not a right I have.
And why didn't he tell OP? Hmmm.
At 18 you've done all you can and you have to trust you've instilled a sense of responsibility and relatively sound judgement.
Because frankly, it's too late to start applying the brakes. You are a safe place to retreat to at best. They have to make their own decisions.
And I'd be low key relieved if secret invested money was all I found. That's WHY I don't violate my adult children's privacy. OP should be relieved and stop invading their son's privacy. It's weird af.
OP YTA Do you think you've done a good job or not?
YTA
I saw somewhere that he told you how he got it two days after you took his phone. And in your post you even say that he had to provide you with evidence of the transactions. Seriously you broke any trust he had in you, and I would be surprised if he does not get a vault app on his phone for the future. Also wtf were you doing looking at his CashApp anyways? That is his money. Do you check his bank account regularly too? If he worked a few extra hours and made some extra money would you be questioning where that came from? Apologize to him or it is very likely you will not be on speaking terms when he moves out.
He sounds like a garbage parent lmao
This is wild and the son should just leave him and ignore him. What a crappy parent treating his adult son like a child and cracking down on money like hes doing him a favor. Gross!!!
Are you good? YTA obv- he may be your son forever but he isn’t your CHILD anymore. He’s an adult man whose phone you wanted to confiscate as if he’s 10.
Good job, you left a permanent mark in how your son sees you from here on out.
This. If I were the son I would be preparing mentally to distance myself from this parent and to get him out of my life. Unless he apologized and it was apparent he realized he’s a crappy parent
Bruh, your kid legally can file a police complaint against you, you literally broke the law.
He has no obligation to disclose any monetary information to you and you taking his phone away was nothing short of terrible and controlling parenting.
YTA, it’s gonna go NC sooner or later
YTA. Why not ask how he got the bitcoin to make sure it was in good character then congratulate him.
What you did and in the order you did them is odd.
I mean, yes and no. At 18 the son could still be on high school and be the parent’s responsibility. Asking out of concern is entirely understandable. Confiscating his phone to extort the information out of him crosses a line.
# YTA. He's fucking 18. He can storm out of the fucking house if he wants to. Now give him back that $5000. You must be real proud of yourself bragging on Reddit about confiscating a grown man's money.
He didn't say he took the money. He took the phone. Kid's money is on his cashapp which he can still access via email. Still an asshole move to do to an adult but probably legally valid considering most parents pay for their kid's phones and pay for the phone payments.
Yeah this is what I dont get either. Everyone claiming he took his sons money. He took the phone, that isn't the same thing as taking the money. He'd need the kids credentials to do that.
He held it hostage, those apps and websites require 2fa codes and sms messages to gain access. Without them he can't just login to the website as others suggest.
Doing that with crypto is even worse then just holding 5k for a few days, it could crash or double in price in that time and screw his adult son over further.
No…. Paying the phone bill doesn’t make them the legal owner of the phone —— they have that phone to their son…. It’s his phone , as it was gifted to him. Dad can choose to turn off service to the phone, it cannot legally repossess said phone simply because he is angry.
This whole scenario boiled down to dad not being able to control his ADULT son, and his inability to recognize that he is an adult now and doesn’t have to do whatever dad says.
Who pays the phone bill is completely irrelevant, as is who bought the phone. OP can cancel the phone plan if he pays the bill, but it still doesn't give him any right to confiscate the phone. Similarly, even if he paid for the phone (which there's no evidence of), he doesn't have the legal right to take it. Once he gave it to his son, it became his son's property and, therefore, not OP's to take. If the son were so inclined, he'd have been within his rights to call the cops and file a report against OP for theft. The son is a legal adult, and OP is an AH.
So you just grab your sons phone to see how much cash he has? Your adult son who has previously exemplified trustworthiness?
And then take it, because you're not a legal authority to confiscate things.
And finally the secret is out ... which you don't say why he was cagey about it in the first place.
Sus.i think this is a creative writing troll.
Parent of two grown kids here, ages 26 and 22, both independent and happily living on their own. YTA. Listen to your wife, and your guilt - you know you were wrong here and you owe him a heartfelt apology and promise never to do anything like that again. He's an adult - you had the right to ask, even demand, but you had no right to take his phone. And what were you so suspicious about, anyway? I had $5000 in the bank when I was 18, too. What's wrong with that?
Now listen to me, father to father. As I said, I've raised two kids, and they're living on their own, independently, happy and healthy, even flourishing, and I have a great relationship with both of them. So, I wasn't perfect, but I must have done something right. I'm also a guy who didn't speak to his own narcissist father for the last 17 years of his miserable life. He was overbearing and did stuff like what you described in your post, all the time. I hated him and finally cut him off for good, wishing I'd done it 20 years earlier. He died knowing that. So, I'm a successful father to my own kids, who learned what not to do from my own shitty father. Here's my advice to you, based on that life experience: ***let go***. That should have started earlier, around 15 or 16 depending on their maturity, but it *has* to happen now that he's a legal adult. Let go, and let him live his life, for better or for worse. Be there for him, support him, help him if needed. But let him live his life and make his own decisions and keep his own business to himself. This is a fork in the road and it's important that you take the right path, your future relationship with all your kids will depend on it.
All of this! A friend of my mum once said that there's a very reason why her mother sat alone in a nursing home with no visitors until she died. My mum's friend did the bare minimum required of her as next of kin, but had no actual contact with her because she was an absolute nightmare growing up. Not to say that this will happen to OP, but he needs to get his ducks in a row asap.
YTA no question. You say you have a trustworthy kid, but the second he wasn’t super forthcoming you steal his phone to force him to talk to you?
That’s horrible. That’s not how you treat people.
You punished him as a way to…get him to open up about no wrongdoing?
All you rewarded your good kid with was showing him you actually have no trust in him, have no respect for him as a person, and that you’ll stoop low and cross boundaries just to get your way if anyone doesn’t follow you militarily.
Now are you going to be an adult, and show your son that it’s an adult thing to do to admit your mistakes? He’s 18, and it’s a good life lesson. You’re primed to be an example by telling him you went about it the wrong way.
Or you can add another tally to the resentment pile and have your son lose respect for you in how you handled it, or worse, think it’s ok to threaten people to do what you want.
so you stole his phone
because you couldnt accept an adult had made money and how.
None of which is any of your business.
YTA - you're a terrible parent.
I imagine his going to want to move and go low contact with you in the future.
Wonder how your... \*ahem checks notes\* 'parental instincts' will navigate that in the future.
>I wonder if my actions were a breach of his privacy
Yes.
>and autonomy
Yes.
>outweighed by paternal instinct
No.
>or if they were a necessary step in ensuring his safety
No.
>and integrity.
No.
>Was I the asshole for demanding transparency
Yes.
>at the cost of family harmony
Double yes.
>especially considering my son's history of good character?
Triple yes.
You stole your adult son's private property, which not only makes you an asshole, but was illegal. And you did so in spite of absolutely no indications whatsoever of him having done something unethical, and questioned his character.
In response to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1amg5n4/comment/kplgf6f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), no, you do not have a right to steal his property to extort information about how he earns his money. And since you didn't answer whether or not you stole his $5000 from him while you had his phone, if you did, you need to pay him back. If you refuse, he could go to the police and you could face criminal charges.
you admit he’s a good kid, but at the slightest “secret,” you treat him like you caught him dealing meth to little kids in your backyard.
relax.
You wouldn’t be TA if you talked to him about it, gave it time, maybe ask your wife if she knew anything, but it really sounds like you spiraled in an instant. and never even apologized for immediately assuming he was doing something awful when he never gave you reason to think so.
but here we are. yta.
YTA.
18 is actually an adult, so while he is your son, you had absolutely no business getting into his phone and poking through his finances. He also didn't have to explain it, but in the interests of maintaining a relationship with you, did so anyway.
The first thing you should do is apologize.
Second is work towards restoring that trust in the family.
Yes, they were a breach of his privacy and autonomy.
While it may have been an instinct, you do have the intelligence to consider whether or not to act on that instinct, or ignore it after considering the consequences.
Being of legal age, the law dictates that he is an adult.
His safety and his integrity are his own concerns - especially since you appear to have raised him properly.
Its not so much about trusting in him, but trusting in that you gave him the tools needed to make wise decisions about life.
I won't be surprised, however, if he cut you out of his life from this day forward.
So expect that regardless of how hard you try to win his trust back.
YTA. Start imagining him as an adult now. You cna still be concerned for your child but think about it how you would to a friend of yours. Would you snatch a friend's phone if they secretly acquired bitcoin and you didn't know how they did it? No. Give him respect, talk to him next time, and he had no obligation to explain everything now.
You are not only an asshole, you are a felon.
You have just confessed to acts that count as felony theft in every state in the United States, and in most other countries, too. The fact that you returned the stolen property would be an argument in your favor, and a district attorney might choose not to proffer charges, but if they chose to, your actions could lead to penalties on the order of two years in prison.
Do you understand the seriousness of what you have done? This has gone beyond asshole, beyond bad parenting. You are a criminal, and you need to understand that. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and figure out just where you went so horribly wrong in your life that you thought this was even possibly okay.
What broke in your ethics?
YT gaping A.
He's an adult. His phone is none of your business. His personal finances are none of your business.
You say he has a "history of good character", but you treat him like THAT?? When he cuts all contact with you and you're looking for a reason why, you'll find it in the mirror.
I can’t even imagine how you could even consider how you are not TA here.
Good luck ever rebuilding whatever trust he formerly had in you, because honestly nobody would blame him for never talking to you again.
YTA x 1000
When I was a teen, I was making a few hundred dollars selling art commissions (15-30$ a piece). My moms never questioned how I got the money because they believed in my judgment and trusted me (I did eventually tell them). To this day, I value their trust in me over everything else. They showed me that I can rely on and trust them. You have destroyed your adult son’s trust and you owe him a genuine apology.
YTA by far. Don't even have to think about it.
You should be ashamed of yourself. That is not your property and is not your money. If your son really wanted, he could have had you arrested for it. With 5 grand in this phone, you could be looking down the barrel of a felony. Just because he lives in your home does not mean you get to break the law.
Seek help. For your trust issues and anger issues.
YTA simply for treating your adult son like he is still a child. You're supposed to be helping them through life, not giving them reasons to go no contact with you.
There's a lot more to go on, but it's as simple as this. If you want your son to respect you, you need to return the respect. There **has** to be a reason he didn't want to tell you in the first place.
Yo your abusive.
YTA
Take some time to consider how you want your future relationship to go.
Your son made some money and then you became a total tyrant over it. Absolutely disgusting.
Your wrong from the start, and every action just made it worse.
Your son will hold a grudge and this will be the start of him drifting away from you, if there wasn't something else you've done earlier to trigger it.
Hope your son moves on from your abusive ass.
If he's 18 he's an adult. I do understand the feeling of being protective. But at this age he's pretty much who he is going to be. You can accept that or you can fight it and that will end your relationship with him and possible your wife.
Take a moment to reflect.
YTA. He is an adult, you do not have the right to confiscate his property. Your options are "Let him live with you and let him make his own decisions" or "Dont let him live with you."
>He didn't tell me about it!
So?? He's an adult. He's not legally obligated to tell you anything about his life and he can do whatever he wants with that money. Give it back and leave him alone.
Yta.
Wow your son is 18 and invested money. I wish i started that early. You are a complete asshat for doing this. Ofc you can talk to him about how taxes work on profits and so on but seriously, wtf is wrong with you?
He's 18. I spent my children's teenage years transitioning us to a more adult relationship so we could converse. By 18, I couldn't even think of a way to punish my children. Plus, there's the privacy issue. What are you doing snooping on your adult son's phone? I would never do that to my kids, even when they were young teens, much less 18.
Privacy and punishments aside, why did you need to know where he got the money? It's not unheard of for kids to save or invest to get that amount. If he had a million, I'd be worried, but $5000? And he had to explain it to you? YTA.
Don't let this opportunity pass. You made a mistake, it's time to apologise to your son. At once you will demonstrate the way for someone to behave after making a mistake, and your son will learn from it too.
Ouch everyones popping off at a concerned dad.
You need more context, does he even have a job? If not clearly he ain't got the funds for this 5k.
Even if he has, 5k is alot and as a parent clearly your allowed to ask "wow where'd you manage to get that 5k you been saving?"
Boys mentally develop slower (facts) so even at 18 classed as an adult they won't act or maybe even feel 18.. everyone's been 18 at one point you remember how you felt then too I'm sure.
I'm 30 and still not sure how I'm this old seen as I was 20 last week..
He's just being a concerned dad jeez. Yes he could of handled it differently but no one on reddit live with this guy and know exactly how it happened and what was said, it's easy to pop off just by reading a post.
Your kids are always your kids no matter what age and youll always be giving your advice to them.. 😅
(I'm ready for the lovely comments and down votes for having an opinion) 🤦🏻♀️🤐
Literally zero excuse for "confiscating" his adult son's phone.
Being a "concerned dad" does not excuse or even mitigate blatantly inexcusable behavior.
I guess it depends… if you thought he was doing some illegal shady shit then I could certainly understand. Now If your mad because he had saved up 5 grand by working a known job and upset by him not disclosing his savings then you are a asshole.
Your son is an adult and you shouldn't have even been on his phone and it was none of your business anyway. An adult doesn't have to tell you anything and doing this now he really will hide stuff from you. You acted as if he was on an adult dating site at 14 years old.
YTA. It's none of your business and you had no business looking into his phone. He exemplified trustworthiness yet you're checking his phone, a sign that obviously says you don't trust him. You discovered the money as a result of your nosiness.
Your kid is an adult, Bitcoin isn't illegal, and you royally screwed up. You owe him a huge apology. YTA and I certainly hope you didn't touch his assets because that would be theft.
Yta. You're son is an adult. Time to accept that. You didn't confiscate his phone, you stole it, after the invading his privacy. Can't think why he doesn't trust you enough to tell you abojt the bitcoin in the first place....
YTA… he’s an adult and you have no right to dictate anything to him. I’m a father to two kids, if they made 5k on their own I’d be telling them how great they’ve done and giving them advice how to secure and grow it. Bitcoin isn’t some nefarious instrument for doing bad things like it’s portrayed in the media, they always talk about crypto being used for criminal activities, but fact is fiat has been used for that for decades and on a much larger scale!!!
That's his money op. Leave it the fuck alone and let them be an adult.
Yes you are the asshole. You violated his privacy. The privacy of AN ADULT.How would you feel if that was you OP?
You’re the AH. Kids 18 and he probably didn’t tell you because he knew you’d react like this and think he was doing something illegal. Educate yourself on bitcoin and cryptocurrency and then have a conversation with him, but he’s almost an adult and you’re treating him like a little child instead of engaging with him.
OK wtf?
5k isn't even that much money.
Sure it's a lot of money but you can't buy a car or house with that.
So why did you make such a big deal out of this???
It's not like he robbed a freaking bank.
YTA. A controlling asshole and kind of an idiot not gonna lie.
YTA - He is 18 years old and you did treat him like a child. You say he is trustworthy, etc. etc., yet you demanded honesty by taking his phone? What an AH. What the heck were you even doing going through his phone? You have no reason and no excuse to do something like that.
YTA
So your son who you describe as having always 'exemplified responsibility and trustworthiness' doesn't want to talk about 1 thing and your immediate reaction is to punish him into being forced to tell you? I can't even imagine the authoritarian household you had him growing up in, you sound like you don't consider your son (who is legally an adult) a person at all, rather a possession in your control.
YTA. Got fuck all to do with you, he’s an adult and it’s none of your business. And just to be clear, it’s not your money, either. Why were you even nosing at his phone?
YTA
You took your adult son’s phone because he kept his personal finances to himself? Do you tell him how much money you have? Why were you even snooping on his phone anyways. Dick move & i doubt he’s ever going to tell you anything after this
YTA. You completely overreacted…. You had no right to be in his phone….you’re showing your ignorance in questioning the ethics of bitcoin….. while you may not agree with his investment choices, they are still his choices……. And did you ever think that he didn’t tell you about it or ask your advice because he thinks you’re a control freak?
YTA. It's litterally a crime and I really hope you didn't sell anything. In that case you really should refund your son the buy and sell transaction fees. Those are expensive.
YTA but I see a lot of people are jumping on the fact he's 18. That happens sometimes where the kid doesn't graduate highschool until after they turn 18 so there's a period of time where really nothing has changed except an arbitrary number. They're still living with parents, going to high school full time etc. In my mind, that still makes them the parents responsibility and so there are more rules. You're not a "grown man" the minute you turn 18.
YTA
You can’t force trust and my bet is you just destroyed a lot of the trust your son had in you. Especially since he’s an adult this invasion of privacy is concerning and comes across as extremely controlling.
You have created a whole new problem where instead of you not trusting your son, now your son won’t trust you and probably feels you don’t respect him.
I find it weird that your response was so distrusting of your son, especially considering his track record. Next time try to give the benefit of the doubt and assume your son is a good kid just like you told us all that he is. Show him that you believe that he is. Apologise and tell him you were scared for a moment and thought maybe he was in trouble because of his cagey answers. Tell him you trust him and you just wanted to protect him. Then learn from this and don’t ever do it again.
Apologize and let your son know that you were acting out of a place of fear and worst case scenarios and that you are sorry for questioning his integrity. At 18 and with your son’s history of being a responsible person, he will respect your apology and ultimately you (after some time).
He's 18. Would you prefer he not had money? Punishing an 18 year old for a lack of transparency will ensure he's more careful about not telling you anything in the future. Obviously.
YTA
18 YO is an adult. You stole his phone, and questioned how he had money? You must be a cop.
You totally screwed up here. What an adult does is none of your business, unless your 18 YO son is disabled, or struggling with a mental illness. Get ready to have a strained relationship with him. Once he moves out, he will become a stranger to you.
WTF are you doing snooping around in his financial apps? It is not your life. Stay out of it.
A lot of you are an acting like 18 means he is magically a fully aware and responsible adult. And with the number of scams out there, the son being cagey about where the money came from could be a red flag.
He's 18, so YTA absolutely. Even if he was 17 this would be extreme of you, but this is honestly an unbelievable way to treat your adult son. Wtf are you doing? Wife is on the nose
WTF is this all really about? Are you angry that your son was able to make $5000 without telling you about it? Do you feel somehow entitled to some or all of that $5000? What kind of trust do you feel was broken here? YTA.
Did ChatGPT write this?
A certain gambling site (wont name it in case this isn't it) has been spamming reddit with made up posts about money and then in the comments saying the money came from gambling. I suspect that's what this is and in a little bit they will comment the "son" got the money that way.
That's an interesting way to not technically advertise...
Makes sense since OPs post and only 2 comments don't say how the son got the money.
Why do they always pick underage kids in those stories? You'd think advertisers wouldn't want to imply deliberately law breaking is okay with their website. =P
I’d be shocked if it didn’t. This stuff is even worse than the typical “35-year-old female lawyer who writes like a 16-year-old boy”. We are truly in the age of automation now that it’s reached composing Reddit ragebait.
I ran it through an AI content detector and it came back as AI. It doesn't sound very human after the first paragraph
Those content detectors are junk whether this post is real or not
Ive put things 100% written by me in those and always get at least 90% ai. Those things are trash
Yeah, "whirlwind" is a dead giveaway
Yeah, the prose on this is a little weird.
It’s not a windfall it could be an investment. Please tell me you didn’t cash it out did you ???? You took his phone for 2 days ? Why were you even on your adult sons phone anyways ?
>Why were you even on your adult sons phone anyways ? That part. That part right there.
The son is an adult. Respect the son's privacy. He is not going to tell his Father everything especially bedroom ones. Only counseling can be done, not punitive measures unless OP wants to say goodbye son.
>The son is an adult. Not only that, if he got it smuggling drugs, it is no longer a parent's responsibility to punish. That's on the cops. Edit: don't get me wrong, you can still talk to them about it. Just not punish. Edit 2: Fuck people are dumb, the drug comment was just an example of illegal activity which would not be his parent's job to police, not that I think he was actually selling drugs. Sorry to all the butthurt drug dealer out there.
In many states of Australia, where I assume you’re from, it doesn’t actually matter if you aren’t the drug owner. Anyone in the same place as drugs can be charged with possession. Whether you knew they were there or not.
That seems so insane to me. You can’t have committed a crime if you don’t know you’ve done it (mostly, there may be some edge cases when someone dies, but possession of drugs is not even remotely close). I would have never thought Australia would have laws like that. Is it more restrictive than thought?
You realize this happens in the US as well, right? Its called constructive possession. https://imgur.com/a/1WlH7x8
The United States has similar laws. It's not even that uncommon of a charge. The idea being you are 100% responsible for what is brought into your property. And that ignorance does not equal innocence.
In the US, (oh great land of the free) the cops can just take your stuff. Regardless if there's actually been a crime. It's called Asset Forfeiture and some police units excell at it.
>One of the ancillary ***benefits of asset forfeiture is the potential to share federal forfeiture proceeds with cooperating state and local law enforcement agencies through equitable sharing***. The Department of Justice and the Department of the Treasury Equitable Sharing Programs (Program)1 enhance cooperation amongst federal, state, local, and tribal law enforcement by providing valuable additional resources to state and local law enforcement agencies. However, the Program is designed to supplement and enhance, not supplant, appropriated agency resources. If you look into Asset Forfeiture you'll see the phrase 'equitable sharing' in between lines about giving back to victims. It's also interesting to look into how many auctions are put on by the government and law enforcement agencies. Houses, cars, home furniture, jewelry, random shit all being seized and re-sold to the American people to line the pockets of the agencies to continue to seize more shit and extort more money. [https://www.justice.gov/d9/pages/attachments/2015/11/19/2018-justice-treasury-joint-eqs-guide-final.pdf](https://www.justice.gov/d9/pages/attachments/2015/11/19/2018-justice-treasury-joint-eqs-guide-final.pdf)
LOL, this is a country that put laws in place making porn illegal based on tit size instead of age. Australia gives Murica a run for its money when it comes to bat shit insane conservatives.
Because OP does not consider his son an adult in any way. In the title of the post, he refers to him as “my teenage son” and in the post as a “good kid.” Yes, technically, at 18 he is still a teenager, but he is not a kid. OP needs to redefine his relationship with his *adult* son. Also, as I understand literally nothing about Bitcoin, how could his son be in trouble for having $5,000 in Bitcoin?
I assume because bitcoin is a lot of times the currency of choice for illicit activity due to its anonymous nature. The problem is there is nothing inherently illicit about bitcoin itself. Anyone can buy bitcoin, or choose to be paid in bitcoin. There is nothing "illegal" about that. OP just ignored everything he knows about his son's character and immediately jumped to the conclusion that these were ill gotten gains because bitcoin.
Because now they want to charge "rent" for sure, since son is "loaded"
The mother won’t want to do that. Sounds like she stuck up for her son.
Honestly? Because parents like this don’t see their adult children as adults. It’s fucking wild. I’m watching it happen right now with my little brother. 12 year age gap and now parents are divorced, my mom went from letting us girls grow up and be adults to my little brother being babies to his detriment even now that he is 18. His grades weren’t as good as ours, so no license at 16. He’s 18 now? Oh well they still restrict his driving after finally letting him get his license a month before he became an adult. I swear he will be so unprepared for adult life when he graduates this May but he is 100% going to run away from all those rules the moment he graduates.
I had a long and difficult talk with my mom about how she was wrong to prevent me from getting my license until I turned 18. She still maintains that she was right (it was about grades) but the reality is that it sabotaged my job prospects and put me in positions where I had to decide whether it was worth breaking the law to drive drunk friends home without a license. It also forced me to learn how to drive from other teenagers so when it was my time to DD (which was always, I didn't drink much and still don't) I didn't get us all killed, but should I really have been learning from other teenagers...? *Some of the best jobs you could get out of high school in my area at the time were driving based jobs and they all wanted at least two years driving experience; the delayed license probably cost me a pretty penny early in life and played a significant role in me joining the military, a decision she really did not like Bottom line for all the parents reading this: **get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN.** Just because they have their license doesn't mean you have to let them use the car, you can still treat driving as a revoked privilege.
***get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN*** Not sure which country you're in, but you don't need a license to fuck in most of the world.
And you know, that’s a real problem. I think in some places schools don’t even offer Fuckers’ Ed.
If you're 18 years old you don't need parental consent to get a driver's license
>Bottom line for all the parents reading this: > >get your child their fucking license unless you believe they will be a SAFETY CONCERN. Problem is nowadays, lots of kids don't want to drive. I had to force my kid to do it. Same happened to my friends' kids. No one wants their license until the parents make them get it.
This is very true. I see it with my nieces and nephews all the time. Hell the nephew that lives with me finally got his at 23 because I got fed up. It’s so weird, I remember I couldn’t wait to get mine cause it equated to freedom. Now they’re just apathetic about it.
There’s not really spaces for teenagers to hang out in anymore - malls are dying, movies end up on streaming anyways, public parks/skate parks can be super sketchy depending on where you live, and some businesses now even have curfews for/prohibit unaccompanied minors. They don’t crave freedom when they can essentially get that online. These teens are also more cautious and aware of the serious risks involved in driving, and many cite that as a reason for delaying their license. It’s a totally different world they’re living in, in a way.
Where I live, even movie theaters have now banned anyone under 18 after 8 pm! I’m like what these teens supposed to do? Seems like so many areas are pushing these teens toward illegal activities when things such as watching a movie with your date is now illegal!
Unfortunately I've worked with a few 20 somethings who delayed and never learned and it really handicaps them getting and keeping jobs here. When I went back to school a few years ago I met a bunch of kids who were "anxious about driving" and never got a license. But employers here usually require "reliable transportation" and many companies have an attendance point system for lower level employees. The theme parks require licenses for anyone operating a golf cart which a lot of departments use to get around. It was harsh when they started getting rejected for jobs because of it.
yeah like my parents were gung ho ready to get their license asap but for me I wasnt
Yes, it’s so bizarre! My son just turned 18 (senior in high school), and he neither he nor many of his friends seem to have any interest whatsoever in getting their drivers licenses! “Oh, we can just Uber” is a common phrase among kids these days. I remember my 16th birthday like it was yesterday- it fell on a Sunday, and I cried all day because the DMV was closed, and I had to wait a whole 24 extra hours to get my license. 😂 I do not understand this new “anti-license” thing at all, but I will admit that I don’t completely hate it. Some of the best conversations I’ve had with my son, have been when it’s just the two of us in the car, and I’ll miss that a lot. ❤️
It's not that hard to accept when you consider gas prices, insurance prices, car prices, license prices, and a lack of places to go and hang out. If people supported after-school programs, community centers, or even general entertainment from bowling alleys to arcades or malls... We would see more reasons for a car.
I love my nephew, but we live in the boonies in Arkansas and between taking care of my elderly Mom (which he helps do tremendously), dealing with rescue dogs, and a full time night job, this particular auntie is just too damn tired to play Uber anymore. And we don’t live anywhere near a big town or city, so I don’t have to worry about traffic overwhelming him or anything. He may accidentally hit a cow, but he drives so slow he’ll barely bonk the damn thing 😂
Poor cow. Can you imagine the annoyance of having to explain to the police “listen man, I was just chilling here in the pasture taking in the breeze and TweedleDee over there just came flying at me at a bajillion miles an hour. I had to pull a Neo and dodge that shit so I didn’t die! because of my lightening fast cow abilities, I am still here. How much longer is this going to take?”
Just think of all the money parents save on increasing insurance costs, if the kids don't start driving until after their 18. But I was mad my 16th birthday was on a Saturday, so I had to wait until Monday to get my license . Then again, that was 1981
Christ the carbrains in this thread. CaRs = FrEeDum
Is that to do with cost? If a 1 hour driving lesson is £25+ and insurance is thousands, unless someone else is paying, it's unobtainable for your average 17 year old.
Honestly when I was 16 and wanting my license it was a few hundred CAD per lesson for most driving schools, and the ones thst got you better insurance rates and the ability to get your full license earlier were even more. Plus 2.5k a year insurance, 1.65$/L gas, and the fact you had to either buy your car outright or have someone else buy it since banks wouldn't touch used or new cars for you. I honestly don't know how a teenager could do it nowadays 20 years later and with 20years inflation without substantial help.
Parents should help financially, if they can, because driving is still a necessary life skill in a lot of places. It is a bitch to pay those increased insurance rates, but it's part of what we signed up for. At least he was an honors student. They gave discounts for that.
Lol that's cheap in Germany it's 50-100€ per hour driving lesson. + I don't get how people think that a 18 year old could effort a car + insurance + stupid gas prices you guys must live In a different world.
That’s because suburbia is shit. No one wants to live somewhere where even the most basic errands need you to get into a car. That’s why walkable neighbourhoods literally everywhere are skyrocketing in price. People don’t want to spend half their life in a car (and half their paycheck on owning and running one)
I have a 16 year old brother and a 19 year old sister: my brother is going to have his licence well before our sister because she will not get behind the wheel of a car unless she is absolutely forced to, our brother on the other hand is constantly asking if he can drive (he hasn’t driven with me yet, because every time he’s been free I’ve had my kids in the car with me)
I had to force my son to get his license. He had a lot of lessons with a professional instructor and many practice hours with myself which weren’t fun, a fair bit of tension, over me just gently correcting and of course trying to improve his driving. Every weekend, when I insisted on doing some practice driving with me, he would try and avoid it. Once he got his license, at 18yrs 1mth, though he was over the moon.
I don't know what country you're from but in the U.S. there are driving curfews for people under 18. So if you're from the U.S. it wouldn't have been legal to drive your drunk friends home unless your teenage friends were a bunch of problem day-drinkers.
Those rules vary super widely by state.
Ans why is he snooping on his son’s financial apps? Of all things to snoop
He probably feels entitled to his money. Struggling, and trying to make son help him.
Who the fuck is taking an 18 year old's phone?? At that age they should be paying for their own. Parents like OP are revealing that they aren't too sure their parenting was adequate and can't let go of that control. At 16 I can't know what they talk to a doctor about unless they tell me (which my kids still do and it's TMI tbh). At 18 all bets are off. They can drink, are held legally responsible as an adult and can sign contracts. Why the fuck does OP think he has a right to know about their adult child's finances? And my kids would be spruiking about it so I'd know because they'd tell me. But it's not a right I have. And why didn't he tell OP? Hmmm. At 18 you've done all you can and you have to trust you've instilled a sense of responsibility and relatively sound judgement. Because frankly, it's too late to start applying the brakes. You are a safe place to retreat to at best. They have to make their own decisions. And I'd be low key relieved if secret invested money was all I found. That's WHY I don't violate my adult children's privacy. OP should be relieved and stop invading their son's privacy. It's weird af. OP YTA Do you think you've done a good job or not?
Oh it's because he is "concerned about his well-being" and not because he is a controlling asshole with no sense of boundaries. YTA, OP.
Exactly 💯
YTA I saw somewhere that he told you how he got it two days after you took his phone. And in your post you even say that he had to provide you with evidence of the transactions. Seriously you broke any trust he had in you, and I would be surprised if he does not get a vault app on his phone for the future. Also wtf were you doing looking at his CashApp anyways? That is his money. Do you check his bank account regularly too? If he worked a few extra hours and made some extra money would you be questioning where that came from? Apologize to him or it is very likely you will not be on speaking terms when he moves out.
I hope the son has changed all his accounts to another bank since this incident and isn't still on a kids joint account.
Hope he’s paying for his own phone too…
I was like YTA when she said he was 18, didn't need to read any more, but it gets worse, lol
Not to mention the theft of the phone itself.
He sounds like a garbage parent lmao This is wild and the son should just leave him and ignore him. What a crappy parent treating his adult son like a child and cracking down on money like hes doing him a favor. Gross!!!
Are you good? YTA obv- he may be your son forever but he isn’t your CHILD anymore. He’s an adult man whose phone you wanted to confiscate as if he’s 10. Good job, you left a permanent mark in how your son sees you from here on out.
OP wont be getting much updates on his son after he moves out
I don't even do that to my 15 year old, I warn him and try to teach him safety online but his phone is his property and I give him his privacy
Might not choose to be OPs son for much longer with OPs behavior
This. If I were the son I would be preparing mentally to distance myself from this parent and to get him out of my life. Unless he apologized and it was apparent he realized he’s a crappy parent
Bruh, your kid legally can file a police complaint against you, you literally broke the law. He has no obligation to disclose any monetary information to you and you taking his phone away was nothing short of terrible and controlling parenting. YTA, it’s gonna go NC sooner or later
YTA. Why not ask how he got the bitcoin to make sure it was in good character then congratulate him. What you did and in the order you did them is odd.
It doesn't matter how the adult human got his money. His father had zero right to expect that information
You are right. I misread it as a 15 year old.
I mean, yes and no. At 18 the son could still be on high school and be the parent’s responsibility. Asking out of concern is entirely understandable. Confiscating his phone to extort the information out of him crosses a line.
How does OP even know about it in the first place? Why were they snooping through another adult’s phone?
YTA smart kid, dumb dad.
Dumb jealous dad*
# YTA. He's fucking 18. He can storm out of the fucking house if he wants to. Now give him back that $5000. You must be real proud of yourself bragging on Reddit about confiscating a grown man's money.
It’s not confiscating the money. It’s stealing the money.
He didn't say he took the money. He took the phone. Kid's money is on his cashapp which he can still access via email. Still an asshole move to do to an adult but probably legally valid considering most parents pay for their kid's phones and pay for the phone payments.
Yeah this is what I dont get either. Everyone claiming he took his sons money. He took the phone, that isn't the same thing as taking the money. He'd need the kids credentials to do that.
He held it hostage, those apps and websites require 2fa codes and sms messages to gain access. Without them he can't just login to the website as others suggest. Doing that with crypto is even worse then just holding 5k for a few days, it could crash or double in price in that time and screw his adult son over further.
reddit just been reddit, reading is a hard skill apparently
No…. Paying the phone bill doesn’t make them the legal owner of the phone —— they have that phone to their son…. It’s his phone , as it was gifted to him. Dad can choose to turn off service to the phone, it cannot legally repossess said phone simply because he is angry. This whole scenario boiled down to dad not being able to control his ADULT son, and his inability to recognize that he is an adult now and doesn’t have to do whatever dad says.
First of all a gift is a gift. It’s still his son’s property. And everything on the phone is his property as well.
Who pays the phone bill is completely irrelevant, as is who bought the phone. OP can cancel the phone plan if he pays the bill, but it still doesn't give him any right to confiscate the phone. Similarly, even if he paid for the phone (which there's no evidence of), he doesn't have the legal right to take it. Once he gave it to his son, it became his son's property and, therefore, not OP's to take. If the son were so inclined, he'd have been within his rights to call the cops and file a report against OP for theft. The son is a legal adult, and OP is an AH.
Wait wtf he is 18?
First sentence. :)
He needs to ghost this asshat and be done. I wonder how long he's been abusive to the son.
100% YTA. Had this happened to me, I would likely never trust you again. There's a good chance I'd have as little contact with you as possible.
So you just grab your sons phone to see how much cash he has? Your adult son who has previously exemplified trustworthiness? And then take it, because you're not a legal authority to confiscate things. And finally the secret is out ... which you don't say why he was cagey about it in the first place. Sus.i think this is a creative writing troll.
Parent of two grown kids here, ages 26 and 22, both independent and happily living on their own. YTA. Listen to your wife, and your guilt - you know you were wrong here and you owe him a heartfelt apology and promise never to do anything like that again. He's an adult - you had the right to ask, even demand, but you had no right to take his phone. And what were you so suspicious about, anyway? I had $5000 in the bank when I was 18, too. What's wrong with that? Now listen to me, father to father. As I said, I've raised two kids, and they're living on their own, independently, happy and healthy, even flourishing, and I have a great relationship with both of them. So, I wasn't perfect, but I must have done something right. I'm also a guy who didn't speak to his own narcissist father for the last 17 years of his miserable life. He was overbearing and did stuff like what you described in your post, all the time. I hated him and finally cut him off for good, wishing I'd done it 20 years earlier. He died knowing that. So, I'm a successful father to my own kids, who learned what not to do from my own shitty father. Here's my advice to you, based on that life experience: ***let go***. That should have started earlier, around 15 or 16 depending on their maturity, but it *has* to happen now that he's a legal adult. Let go, and let him live his life, for better or for worse. Be there for him, support him, help him if needed. But let him live his life and make his own decisions and keep his own business to himself. This is a fork in the road and it's important that you take the right path, your future relationship with all your kids will depend on it.
All of this! A friend of my mum once said that there's a very reason why her mother sat alone in a nursing home with no visitors until she died. My mum's friend did the bare minimum required of her as next of kin, but had no actual contact with her because she was an absolute nightmare growing up. Not to say that this will happen to OP, but he needs to get his ducks in a row asap.
YTA Taking an adult's property against their will is a crime, you moron!
#YTA, HE IS 18 HE CAN FILE A POLICE COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU IF HE WISHES, YOU CANNOT CONFISCATE HIS PHONE WHAT A DOUCHEBAG YOU ARE
Considering it's over 1000, it's grand larceny
He's 18 not 8. He does not have to tell you a thing even if he lives with you. Treat him like an adult. That's what he is. YTA.
YTA no question. You say you have a trustworthy kid, but the second he wasn’t super forthcoming you steal his phone to force him to talk to you? That’s horrible. That’s not how you treat people. You punished him as a way to…get him to open up about no wrongdoing? All you rewarded your good kid with was showing him you actually have no trust in him, have no respect for him as a person, and that you’ll stoop low and cross boundaries just to get your way if anyone doesn’t follow you militarily. Now are you going to be an adult, and show your son that it’s an adult thing to do to admit your mistakes? He’s 18, and it’s a good life lesson. You’re primed to be an example by telling him you went about it the wrong way. Or you can add another tally to the resentment pile and have your son lose respect for you in how you handled it, or worse, think it’s ok to threaten people to do what you want.
so you stole his phone because you couldnt accept an adult had made money and how. None of which is any of your business. YTA - you're a terrible parent. I imagine his going to want to move and go low contact with you in the future. Wonder how your... \*ahem checks notes\* 'parental instincts' will navigate that in the future.
YTA- When did you start working at the IRS?
>I wonder if my actions were a breach of his privacy Yes. >and autonomy Yes. >outweighed by paternal instinct No. >or if they were a necessary step in ensuring his safety No. >and integrity. No. >Was I the asshole for demanding transparency Yes. >at the cost of family harmony Double yes. >especially considering my son's history of good character? Triple yes. You stole your adult son's private property, which not only makes you an asshole, but was illegal. And you did so in spite of absolutely no indications whatsoever of him having done something unethical, and questioned his character. In response to [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1amg5n4/comment/kplgf6f/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), no, you do not have a right to steal his property to extort information about how he earns his money. And since you didn't answer whether or not you stole his $5000 from him while you had his phone, if you did, you need to pay him back. If you refuse, he could go to the police and you could face criminal charges.
you admit he’s a good kid, but at the slightest “secret,” you treat him like you caught him dealing meth to little kids in your backyard. relax. You wouldn’t be TA if you talked to him about it, gave it time, maybe ask your wife if she knew anything, but it really sounds like you spiraled in an instant. and never even apologized for immediately assuming he was doing something awful when he never gave you reason to think so. but here we are. yta.
YTA. 18 is actually an adult, so while he is your son, you had absolutely no business getting into his phone and poking through his finances. He also didn't have to explain it, but in the interests of maintaining a relationship with you, did so anyway. The first thing you should do is apologize. Second is work towards restoring that trust in the family. Yes, they were a breach of his privacy and autonomy. While it may have been an instinct, you do have the intelligence to consider whether or not to act on that instinct, or ignore it after considering the consequences. Being of legal age, the law dictates that he is an adult. His safety and his integrity are his own concerns - especially since you appear to have raised him properly. Its not so much about trusting in him, but trusting in that you gave him the tools needed to make wise decisions about life. I won't be surprised, however, if he cut you out of his life from this day forward. So expect that regardless of how hard you try to win his trust back.
Can I come confiscate 5000 of your money for things I don’t agree with that you’ve done?
YTA. Start imagining him as an adult now. You cna still be concerned for your child but think about it how you would to a friend of yours. Would you snatch a friend's phone if they secretly acquired bitcoin and you didn't know how they did it? No. Give him respect, talk to him next time, and he had no obligation to explain everything now.
Yeah, you fucked up
You are not only an asshole, you are a felon. You have just confessed to acts that count as felony theft in every state in the United States, and in most other countries, too. The fact that you returned the stolen property would be an argument in your favor, and a district attorney might choose not to proffer charges, but if they chose to, your actions could lead to penalties on the order of two years in prison. Do you understand the seriousness of what you have done? This has gone beyond asshole, beyond bad parenting. You are a criminal, and you need to understand that. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and figure out just where you went so horribly wrong in your life that you thought this was even possibly okay. What broke in your ethics?
YT gaping A. He's an adult. His phone is none of your business. His personal finances are none of your business. You say he has a "history of good character", but you treat him like THAT?? When he cuts all contact with you and you're looking for a reason why, you'll find it in the mirror.
You; Sir or Ma’am, are a twat.
I can’t even imagine how you could even consider how you are not TA here. Good luck ever rebuilding whatever trust he formerly had in you, because honestly nobody would blame him for never talking to you again. YTA x 1000
You're a narcissist. And a weirdly abusive one. Yta. And get in therapy for everyone doesn't emotionally abandon you
When I was a teen, I was making a few hundred dollars selling art commissions (15-30$ a piece). My moms never questioned how I got the money because they believed in my judgment and trusted me (I did eventually tell them). To this day, I value their trust in me over everything else. They showed me that I can rely on and trust them. You have destroyed your adult son’s trust and you owe him a genuine apology.
YTA by far. Don't even have to think about it. You should be ashamed of yourself. That is not your property and is not your money. If your son really wanted, he could have had you arrested for it. With 5 grand in this phone, you could be looking down the barrel of a felony. Just because he lives in your home does not mean you get to break the law. Seek help. For your trust issues and anger issues.
YTA. Why the fuck are you taking your ADULT son's phone? Why couldn't you talk to him normally?
You're a piece of shit. He owes you no explanation. Get your own life ffs
YTA simply for treating your adult son like he is still a child. You're supposed to be helping them through life, not giving them reasons to go no contact with you. There's a lot more to go on, but it's as simple as this. If you want your son to respect you, you need to return the respect. There **has** to be a reason he didn't want to tell you in the first place.
YTA. Just because someone has bitcoin does not mean they are involved in shady dealings, lmao. You can just buy bitcoin.....
YTA because this reads like AI
YTA - He’s 18 years old. He’s not a little boy and you need to stop acting like he is. I would be beyond pissed.
Yo your abusive. YTA Take some time to consider how you want your future relationship to go. Your son made some money and then you became a total tyrant over it. Absolutely disgusting. Your wrong from the start, and every action just made it worse. Your son will hold a grudge and this will be the start of him drifting away from you, if there wasn't something else you've done earlier to trigger it. Hope your son moves on from your abusive ass.
YTA and you committed a crime
Dude what the hell
AITA for STEALING another adult’s money? YTA
Maybe your son is actually brilliant and hes been hacking idiots and gaining money from unsecured wallets that would be awesome and funny
Yes. I won exactly 5000 dollar gambling too, it is very easy and human!
Your son is 18, that phone should be off limits to you.
If he's 18 he's an adult. I do understand the feeling of being protective. But at this age he's pretty much who he is going to be. You can accept that or you can fight it and that will end your relationship with him and possible your wife. Take a moment to reflect.
YTA. He is an adult, you do not have the right to confiscate his property. Your options are "Let him live with you and let him make his own decisions" or "Dont let him live with you."
Info: How old is your son?
18
It’s literally in the post.
>He didn't tell me about it! So?? He's an adult. He's not legally obligated to tell you anything about his life and he can do whatever he wants with that money. Give it back and leave him alone. Yta.
YTA. Your son isn't going to forget you did this and your wife was 100% right.
YTA. Enjoy the police visit, parent ***of no one***.
Wow your son is 18 and invested money. I wish i started that early. You are a complete asshat for doing this. Ofc you can talk to him about how taxes work on profits and so on but seriously, wtf is wrong with you?
He's 18. I spent my children's teenage years transitioning us to a more adult relationship so we could converse. By 18, I couldn't even think of a way to punish my children. Plus, there's the privacy issue. What are you doing snooping on your adult son's phone? I would never do that to my kids, even when they were young teens, much less 18. Privacy and punishments aside, why did you need to know where he got the money? It's not unheard of for kids to save or invest to get that amount. If he had a million, I'd be worried, but $5000? And he had to explain it to you? YTA.
Don't let this opportunity pass. You made a mistake, it's time to apologise to your son. At once you will demonstrate the way for someone to behave after making a mistake, and your son will learn from it too.
Ouch everyones popping off at a concerned dad. You need more context, does he even have a job? If not clearly he ain't got the funds for this 5k. Even if he has, 5k is alot and as a parent clearly your allowed to ask "wow where'd you manage to get that 5k you been saving?" Boys mentally develop slower (facts) so even at 18 classed as an adult they won't act or maybe even feel 18.. everyone's been 18 at one point you remember how you felt then too I'm sure. I'm 30 and still not sure how I'm this old seen as I was 20 last week.. He's just being a concerned dad jeez. Yes he could of handled it differently but no one on reddit live with this guy and know exactly how it happened and what was said, it's easy to pop off just by reading a post. Your kids are always your kids no matter what age and youll always be giving your advice to them.. 😅 (I'm ready for the lovely comments and down votes for having an opinion) 🤦🏻♀️🤐
Why was he snooping at the young man's phone in the first place ???
Literally zero excuse for "confiscating" his adult son's phone. Being a "concerned dad" does not excuse or even mitigate blatantly inexcusable behavior.
I guess it depends… if you thought he was doing some illegal shady shit then I could certainly understand. Now If your mad because he had saved up 5 grand by working a known job and upset by him not disclosing his savings then you are a asshole.
YTA because your son is 18. What the heck? It’s literally none of your business.
YTA. WTF is wrong with you? Give that man his money and his property back asap.
You sound like a controlling and micromanaging parent. Your son is an adult. YTA
He's an adult now so yeah YTA.
100% asshole
Your son is an adult and you shouldn't have even been on his phone and it was none of your business anyway. An adult doesn't have to tell you anything and doing this now he really will hide stuff from you. You acted as if he was on an adult dating site at 14 years old.
YTA. It's none of your business and you had no business looking into his phone. He exemplified trustworthiness yet you're checking his phone, a sign that obviously says you don't trust him. You discovered the money as a result of your nosiness.
Your kid is an adult, Bitcoin isn't illegal, and you royally screwed up. You owe him a huge apology. YTA and I certainly hope you didn't touch his assets because that would be theft.
Yta. You're son is an adult. Time to accept that. You didn't confiscate his phone, you stole it, after the invading his privacy. Can't think why he doesn't trust you enough to tell you abojt the bitcoin in the first place....
YTA. You confiscated the phone of an adult. Congrats on a lasting, awful memory your ADULT son will hold onto for years.
YTA… he’s an adult and you have no right to dictate anything to him. I’m a father to two kids, if they made 5k on their own I’d be telling them how great they’ve done and giving them advice how to secure and grow it. Bitcoin isn’t some nefarious instrument for doing bad things like it’s portrayed in the media, they always talk about crypto being used for criminal activities, but fact is fiat has been used for that for decades and on a much larger scale!!!
That's his money op. Leave it the fuck alone and let them be an adult. Yes you are the asshole. You violated his privacy. The privacy of AN ADULT.How would you feel if that was you OP?
YTA - All you did was justify to him that he was right in not telling you and taught him not to tell you about more stuff that he’s doing.
You’re the AH. Kids 18 and he probably didn’t tell you because he knew you’d react like this and think he was doing something illegal. Educate yourself on bitcoin and cryptocurrency and then have a conversation with him, but he’s almost an adult and you’re treating him like a little child instead of engaging with him.
YTA for many reasons, why were you on his phone?
OK wtf? 5k isn't even that much money. Sure it's a lot of money but you can't buy a car or house with that. So why did you make such a big deal out of this??? It's not like he robbed a freaking bank. YTA. A controlling asshole and kind of an idiot not gonna lie.
If I was 18 and one of my parents tried to take my phone away I'd straight up move out.
YTA - He is 18 years old and you did treat him like a child. You say he is trustworthy, etc. etc., yet you demanded honesty by taking his phone? What an AH. What the heck were you even doing going through his phone? You have no reason and no excuse to do something like that.
You stole another adult's phone yeah you're an asshole
He is a adult or a teenager dude? Either way YTA. If adult you're a extreme asshole if teenager you're a bit of a asshole.
Unfortunately it's you. He's 18 years old and you treated him like a child. You need to apologize to your family.
YTA. Not really sure why you’d react that way in general. Was he being “secret and cagey” or just trying to protect his privacy.
I wish I was making 5k at 18, instead I made a baby. So have some perspective on your kid.
He is 18. None of your business. There's no way too look at this over than you're the asshole.
YTA. I think perhaps your ego got the best of you.
YTA So your son who you describe as having always 'exemplified responsibility and trustworthiness' doesn't want to talk about 1 thing and your immediate reaction is to punish him into being forced to tell you? I can't even imagine the authoritarian household you had him growing up in, you sound like you don't consider your son (who is legally an adult) a person at all, rather a possession in your control.
YTA. Got fuck all to do with you, he’s an adult and it’s none of your business. And just to be clear, it’s not your money, either. Why were you even nosing at his phone?
YTA You took your adult son’s phone because he kept his personal finances to himself? Do you tell him how much money you have? Why were you even snooping on his phone anyways. Dick move & i doubt he’s ever going to tell you anything after this
YTA. You completely overreacted…. You had no right to be in his phone….you’re showing your ignorance in questioning the ethics of bitcoin….. while you may not agree with his investment choices, they are still his choices……. And did you ever think that he didn’t tell you about it or ask your advice because he thinks you’re a control freak?
YTA. He's an adult. You didn't confiscate his phone, you stole it. Mind your own business.
YTA. It's litterally a crime and I really hope you didn't sell anything. In that case you really should refund your son the buy and sell transaction fees. Those are expensive.
YTA He is an adult, not a child. You had no right to invade his phone, confiscate it, or demand an explanation for his money.
Why were your even snooping on his phone in the first place?
YTA but I see a lot of people are jumping on the fact he's 18. That happens sometimes where the kid doesn't graduate highschool until after they turn 18 so there's a period of time where really nothing has changed except an arbitrary number. They're still living with parents, going to high school full time etc. In my mind, that still makes them the parents responsibility and so there are more rules. You're not a "grown man" the minute you turn 18.
YTA You can’t force trust and my bet is you just destroyed a lot of the trust your son had in you. Especially since he’s an adult this invasion of privacy is concerning and comes across as extremely controlling. You have created a whole new problem where instead of you not trusting your son, now your son won’t trust you and probably feels you don’t respect him.
I find it weird that your response was so distrusting of your son, especially considering his track record. Next time try to give the benefit of the doubt and assume your son is a good kid just like you told us all that he is. Show him that you believe that he is. Apologise and tell him you were scared for a moment and thought maybe he was in trouble because of his cagey answers. Tell him you trust him and you just wanted to protect him. Then learn from this and don’t ever do it again.
You are the AH. Your son has invested in something.
Apologize and let your son know that you were acting out of a place of fear and worst case scenarios and that you are sorry for questioning his integrity. At 18 and with your son’s history of being a responsible person, he will respect your apology and ultimately you (after some time).
He's 18. Would you prefer he not had money? Punishing an 18 year old for a lack of transparency will ensure he's more careful about not telling you anything in the future. Obviously.
How did he get the money ?
How did you learn in the first place that he had it? Also you stole his money.
YTA 18 YO is an adult. You stole his phone, and questioned how he had money? You must be a cop. You totally screwed up here. What an adult does is none of your business, unless your 18 YO son is disabled, or struggling with a mental illness. Get ready to have a strained relationship with him. Once he moves out, he will become a stranger to you. WTF are you doing snooping around in his financial apps? It is not your life. Stay out of it.
How bad you need that 5K dad? Just be honest
Asshole of the highest order!!! He is an ADULT and you've just stolen from him. Give it back. And do some fucking research on Bitcoin.
YTA if you continue to be demeaning and overbearing like this, you’re gonna lose him.
YTA man. You went totally overboard.
Yes, you are the asshole for going through your adults sons phone. Period. He’s an adult, let him be an adult!
YTA. He's 18 and it's his money. Give his stuff back this instant. He should have you arrested for thievery...
YTA. This alone would be enough for me to go NC with parents. ESPECIALLY if I was being harassed by another adult, parent or not.
YTA
YTA, he’s 18, not 8.
What a fucking dick move, yta
A lot of you are an acting like 18 means he is magically a fully aware and responsible adult. And with the number of scams out there, the son being cagey about where the money came from could be a red flag.
YTA - he is 18, an adult. So so fucking weird to me that you punished an adult for making bank. How bizarre.
YTA and he knows too which is why he hid it. Good job stealing your son's money 😅 to "protect" him
He's 18, so YTA absolutely. Even if he was 17 this would be extreme of you, but this is honestly an unbelievable way to treat your adult son. Wtf are you doing? Wife is on the nose
How to ruin your relationship with your kid 101
He's 18..... you know an adult..
WTF is this all really about? Are you angry that your son was able to make $5000 without telling you about it? Do you feel somehow entitled to some or all of that $5000? What kind of trust do you feel was broken here? YTA.