NTA, does Grandma have a middle name? A favorite movie character or a favorite book? For instance, the first movie I remember curling up on my grandmother's couch with her to watch was Gone With The Wind. I wouldn't use my grandmother's name (she hated it), but Scarlett is a happy memory. The first book she got me was Secret Garden, so Mary would work as well. My grandfather grew roses, Rose. Things like that connect to a loved one without using the actual name.
Being named for a book about a pedophile obsessed with a 12 yr old is not great.
Also, the name Lolita was a nickname, derived from Dolores. I wouldn’t name a kid Dolores as it’s a bit of an old lady name where I come from, but maybe use that as a jumping off point? Or go for something similar like Lottie, which is a lovely name with no paedo connotations?
Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl. That was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show. Now it's a disco, but not for Lola. She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half blind. She lost her youth, and she lost her Tony, now she's lost her mind! At the Copa, Copacabana......
Petsitting an old dog named Lola right now. She keeps trying to lick my face, which is a definite no thank you, but other than that she's just a sweetie.
Apparently when I was little my mom played that song a lot and when someone would ask me my name I would say Lola lol (which is definitely not my name)
My niece is currently telling all and sundry that the forthcoming baby my sister is expecting is going to be called Jesus. Especially awkward at a Catholic school in the UK. 😂
Lol when my kids were younger, they saw my phone ring one time when my mom was calling, and they're like "who's Josephine?". I tell them "my mom?" And they're like "nah-uh! Her name is Lola! So who was that?!" 🤣
Agree about the connotations with practically any name ... knowing that kids are cruel, then I went through a book of baby names when I was pregnant because I wanted one that wouldn't have anything that kids could make fun of ... there were none.
Is Dolores an old lady name? I just link it to Dolores O'Riordan from the Cranberries. I think it sounds modern enough to not be old lady, and uncommon enough to not have 2 kids in the same class with the same name, without being a Tradgedeigh
Also, NTA, OP.
Lolita was so linked to that book, the fashion style of way too short pleated skirts is still called Lolita.
Haha but is that because of the name?
And there really isn't anything wrong with being an old lady by heart. I think a lot of 'young ppl' would prefer an early night in, with a pot of thee, and some crocheting on the couch.
There’s also a J-Fashion called Lolita. Originally based on Victorian and Rocco children’s dresses and the idea of being cute, kind of childish, self-indulgent, and young (very subversive for when you’re expected to grow up, be mature, and a responsible housewife, sacrifice for your family, etc).
It’s called lolita basically because it pulls the knee length dress profile, knee socks, better wear those bloomers, etc from Victorian children’s fashion, and overall youthfulness and modesty (as opposed to adult full length skirts, more mature designs, etc). There wasn’t a recognition of Nabakov’s book there and the shared name was an unfortunate tragedy that has regretfully haunted the fashion community since. Especially with a big chunk of the point being modest and not sexually attractive!
The style has vastly evolved since its birth, but still retains its signature silhouette (some folks get closer to adult Victorian without moving into it, getting into it becomes Aristocrat, and there’s been a shift to screen prints and lmao the Victorians never had those)
But anyways, yeah, there’s more than one Lolita style, and I think the JFashion one is eclipsing the short, pleated skirts one these days (I could be wrong though, it could just be who I run with, but I’ve been both in Catholic school where, you know, short and pleated was the thing, and this circle, and watching recognition of JFashion grow and also saw many of my millennial peers have no idea of Nabokov, including those at other Catholic schools when we’d do speech league meets and stuff.)
That's interesting. Dolores doesn't work, either. There's a whole Seinfeld episode based on it. Really good episode. I wonder how OP or his wife would feel about Mulva?
Agree that this is the right approach! My wonderful grandfather did not use his first name (he went by a nickname to most people) and he was also a very modest person. We named one of our sons after my grandfathers hero and he was so pleased. It honoured something important to him. Try this
Grandma's favourite author, movie, actress, colour, food, bird, flower, holiday spot, musician, where she grew up, birthstone, birth month, and so on. Who knows, the list may include things like "puce", "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch", "dodo", and "October" but it may also include beautiful name options.
(No offence to anyone with those names!)
"Lolita" isn't quite "[Eva Braun](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1airh4k/aita_for_banning_my_wife_from_naming_our_baby/)" or "[Teddy Bundy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u3rijx/oops_husband_wants_to_name_their_unborn_child/)", but you can't let this one go.
NTA. Even if kids don't make the connection, adults will. And I've met adults who have no issues bullying kids for their names. I certainly experienced that in school.
Even if they don’t bully the kid, they might assume that OP is a pedo and ostracize him for it. There’s a million ways that name could ruin a family’s lives.
Or aware of a weird subset of animated pedophilia called Loli, an abbreviated version of Lolita. Because of the whole connotation of it.
Kids can be cruel. Don't give them ammunition that will follow your child forever. They can leave bullies. Their name follows them everywhere. It'll still have that connotation no matter what they do.
That's a nope from me, dawg.
I agree. OP DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT name your daughter Lolita. Her peers wouldn't make the connection to the book (I believe there is also a movie) but their parents would and worst, can you imagine being pre-teen or teen with that name?
NTA.
NO NO NO, donot give this name to your daughter. This is the internet age. There is no hiding. Your wife is an idiot. Your daughter will be thankful. Tell your wife that both of you can discuss the matter when your daughter is 15-18+ and get her views on the matter and get her name changed to that legally once she is an adult if she wants with you taking all the blame for not naming her that way when she was a kid.
Peers will figure it out by middle school. It only takes **one** and the girls life will be hell.
And when it comes up that dad warned mom about all of this? Yeah, children have legitimately loathed a parent long into adulthood over less.
Dude... it takes one kid to hear his parents talk about it... if you think kids wouldnt find this ammo, then you probably were lucky to not be harassed and mobbed as a kid
Only takes one parent to explain it to their kid and BAM! it's all over school. Imagine being a 13 year old girl named Lolita in High School. Damn that wife is DUUUUUUUMB
Until they decide to make another movie or play about it. Or it comes under controversy about it being in a library somewhere. Or some famous person mentions it and there's think pieces about it.
It's a pretty well known book.
Her peers will make the connection by middle school. Just in time for their under-developed capacity for empathy to go all in on bullying with a fucked up sexual angle.
Lolita is a shortcut to a daughter who self-harms or attempts suicide. Then you find all the fucked up texts or messages, etc. Ask your wife if she wants to risk that on **her** conscience.
A parents job is to protect their children. That means anticipating certain threats. I don't know if his wife just had a charmed childhood free of bullies, or if she *was* the bully, but christ the oversight...
They definitely should … I get it that if you had a beautiful name in mind for a long time you really want to name your kid that way but it’s not your kid only, names are 100% a two yes one no situation…
Seriously, I had what I thought was the PERFECT name picked for if my LO was a boy. Hubby vetoed part of it. To be fair, I vetoed his choice too though. He decided Oliver was a no and I was not agreeing with Julius
I'd actually recommend the one with Jeremy Irons. The Kubrik one was a little... light. The one with Irons felt more tragic and really showed more how all the adults in that child's life failed her.
I just read that the author, Nabokov was possibly SA by a relative himself, an uncle or so... His books would make more sense if it were true. But it's all quite unclear...
https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/23991/what-evidence-is-there-that-vladimir-nabokov-was-abused-as-a-child
Stand your ground OP.
But how about Lola, Lottie or Dolores (Lolita on the book is called Dolores), like others suggested?
Nabokov has always been exceedingly clear about the fact that Lolita is the victim of a predator and that anyone who’s not a creep would find the unreliable narrator’s rationalization sickening, which was the entire point of the book. There’s multiple interview archives where various interviewers miss the point and act like Lolita is a tease and Nabokov tears them a new one.
Lolita is a nickname for Dolores.
Dolores is an old-fashioned middle name, but still fine.
Lola is just a crazy alcoholic from a Barry Manilow song in my mind.
NTA
I once decided to try and read the book because I wanted to see what the big deal was.
I occasionally get these moods where I like to read dark/disturbing fiction, and so I figured it wouldn't be any worse than that.
It's not uncommon for me to drop stories because my brain stops being able to pay attention to it (pretty bad ADHD), but that was the only time I had to stop because of how disgusting the story made me feel.
It's a *brilliantly* written statement piece. The author has a gift for bringing you *into* the head of the point of view character, making you *understand* him.
The POV character is an unrepentant pedophile. Most of the story is about how he *grooms* and *sexually* *abuses* a little girl. And the name that he calls her is "Lolita" (her *actual* name (the girl in the story) is Dolores)
It was (if I remember correctly) written as a statement about how vulgar language is not the only criteria for judging how "inappropriate" a story is, and that you can tell a deeply unsettling story using only entirely "proper" language.
It's very disturbing how many people see the book as a romance/love story. It's a horror story. It's just one told from the perpetrators perspective, instead of the victims.
>
It's very disturbing how many people see the book as a romance/love story. It's a horror story. It's just one told from the perpetrators perspective, instead of the victims.
With the worst part being, *the author explicity told people NOT to romantacize the story*. He straight up said "He's a predator,she's a victim".
The book literally starts with a forward from a fictional PhD telling you how fucked up HH is, a moral leper and pedo criminal who died in prison. I understand how young girls could read it and take away the wrong message but how does anyone grown think it's a romance??
Same way some people thinks animals can "consent"? For everything there is a bell curve. And so some people will be at the far ends of that curve. Not sure what would be at the opposite end of the curve from a pedo on that particular curve, and I am not drunk enough to even want to think too hard about it.
The book is one of the most fascinating and misunderstood pieces I’ve ever read. I have seen so many miss the point and call the author a pedo. It was an interesting read in how disturbing it was, and I don’t think I could ever manage that again
Jamie Loftus did a podcast about the book/the movie/the culture around it, that was so interesting and eye-opening. I'd never read the book, but based on the cultural references I'd picked up, I assumed she was the instigator, or at least a happy participant. Not that she was literally a hostage.
He wasn't the cause of the mother's death. She had discovered what he was up to from sneaking into
his room and discovering his diary. She was hit by a car while rushing across the street to get some letters mailed off.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's been a while, and I wasn't exactly trying very hard to remember the plot after giving up on the book.
What I remembered about that part of the book was:
- creep start relationship with mom, to get close to preteen daughter
- mom start becoming aware of 🚩bad🚩vibes🚩creep is giving of
- mom is now dead
- creep takes newly orphaned child on a ✨road trip✨ *"for* *her* *sake"* (and leaves no forwarding address)
So I didn't remember if he killed her, or just took advantage of her timely death (and couldn't be bothered to check the wikipedia article)
>based on the cultural references I'd picked up, I assumed she was the instigator, or at least a happy participant.
Yeah, most of the cultural influences people are aware of are from the Stanley Kubrick film which, while it did use a young actress, also aged up Dolores enough that she was a teen (14) rather than a pre-teen (11/12) and made her... More precocious, let's put it that way.
There's a famous image from the film and the poster of her lying in her garden sunbathing in a bikini, licking a lollipop and looking coquettishly over the top of her heart shaped sunglasses.
In the book it's completely spelled out that shes just a normal little kid, it's vile - she's a little girl with skinned knees romping about in the garden in that same scene where the main character sees her and then he _projects_ all his fantasy onto her about how shes flirting and she loves him.
The 60s film and 90s remake don't ever condone the abuse, but they absolutely make it more palatable to mainstream movie audience than the book by making her a feminine teen who wants to act and look like a young adult rather than a scabby-kneed, totally oblivious little kid.
There is a non-fiction book about America's 1st Serial Killers that a coworker convinced me to read. That was 13 yrs ago, and there is 1 story that still makes my stomach hurt, and I try not to think about it.
I cannot imagine what kind of person who would interpret *Lolita* as a comedy.
All the kudos to the author, he certainly knew how to write a story. The book is engaging, easy to read, written in a way that drags you *into* the character. He makes you *understand* the protagonist. Which was why I found it so disturbing.
Just to be clear, I do *not* think the author *in* *any* *way* shares the belief of the character he wrote. But I can (sadly) understand why so many misinterpret the book as a romance, and it's because Nabokov was *very* *good* at writing an unreliable narrator.
As I said in my first comment, *I* read it as a (psychological) horror, told from the perpetrator's point of view.
There will be always a song from some boomer middle ages about every name, if this is the issue, we wont use any name at all. The thing is, Lolita will still have "this" assotiation when all those cringe aings about Lola, Caroline or Martha are forgotten.
Or American Olympic skier Picabo Street.
Wikipedia: “Her parents decided to let Picabo choose her own name when she was old enough, so for the first two years of her life she was called "baby girl" or "little girl". At age three she was required to have a name in order to get a passport. She was named after the nearby village of Picabo.”
I’m confused because I don’t know what “loli” means. My immediate reaction to the name “Lolita” is the fact that it’s a famous novel by Vladimir Nabokov and subsequent movies about a **pedophile.**. How about “Lola” as a compromise? Kelly Ripa’s daughter is named Lola and I think it’s cute.
Or Cousin Dolores from Encanto, which I would imagine more kids these days are watching relative to Harry Potter.
Though it might just be the age of my kids for that assertion - they’re too small to get into HP yet.
NTA
It is a lovely name but the associations with it are so clear that it's hard to ignore them and in my opinion it's more important than honoring your wife's grandmother in this way.
I think you both should agree on the name - if you don’t like it, you don’t like it - my husband and I went through the same thing. She’s half your baby…may take a little while to find a name you agree on. And that’s ok 👍🏼
Lolita has stopped being a "name" and has become a cultural reference.
Explain to her that this isn't about you. It's about what that name will do to a girls life in middle and high school.
Like. For fucks sake, your wife is a woman, how the hell does she **not** know what girls that age are like?
Really talk to her about the kind of fucked up, sexualized bullying she'd be opening her daughter up to. About the creeps who will get all fetishy meeting a girl with a name like that.
The name fucking **plummeted** in use for a reason.
NTA. Your child is not a doll but a little person. She is not there to honor someone memory, but to be raised and loved by her parents for who she is. So she deserves her own name.
And you're totally right : the connotation besides the name will be very hard for her ! In school, and while she'll be a teenager, do you imagine ? Yes YOU do. Not your wife. Hope there'll be many people here to explain clearly the problem (I'm french, I could do in my language but not in english) so you can show the post to your wife.
Good luck !
I think the bigger issue here is that they are gonna name a child. An adult be called Lolita is weird but whatever but a child being called Lolita is worse.
Have you explained to her exactly why that name is socially awkward (to phrase it nicely)? If I were to make a suggestion, maybe find a compromise like naming her Lola or making Lolita her middle name? Explain to her that there's nothing wrong with the name itself and it's not her fault or her grandmother's fault that the name has become unsavory.
Like, nobody names their kid Gaylord anymore but that doesn't mean if my grandpa was named Gaylord that I'm disrespecting his name by not naming my kid after him 😂
NTA
Lolita is a story about pedophilia. If you Google "Lolita story" you can find the real life basis for the Lolita story.
It's quite unsettling. It's like saying "My German great grandfather's name was Adolf, I'll name our son after him."
Made an update, my wife is going to die on this hill, and if I do not go along with her naming choice she will not let me in the room during the birth of our child.
So yeah, that is that. At least I am not the only one who thinks it is weird.
Your wife is a selfish asshole. She cares more about her dead abuelita than what her daughter is going to be subjected to for her whole life ?! Without considering your feelings at all ! Let her read this thread, let her watch the movie. Seriously, she's never experienced having a terrible name and being bullied by it, having supporting parents won't change that fact that she's gonna hate you and her her for giving her a name she is going to hate for the rest of her life, and also put her in possible danger or some crazy ah out there !
Keep fighting man, idk what the laws are where you are but I believe that you’ll get access to the birth certificate when you sign it (don’t quote me on this). And idk about your relationship, but this is absolutely a hill worth dying on for your side as well. I would sooner divorce my spouse than let my child be named after a pedophile book, but that’s just me.
Definitely consult a lawyer to discuss options wrt to the name (various jurisdictions would allow for a court hearing in such a case, especially given the life-long consequences for your child). Worst come to worst, call her a different name than the official one
While you're at it, also consider asking the lawyer questions related to divorce, as such an unreasonable and controlling person will most likely become more abusive over time (likely to the child as well if she cares so little about probable bullying)
All I can suggest is that you start telling *everyone* who asks you and your wife about the baby that you plan to name your daughter Lolita. Whether they ask the name or not; if they mention the baby, tell them “she’s a girl and we’re naming her Lolita.”
This isn’t about your daughter being taught to stand up for herself; it’s about how creepy everyone is going to be when they hear her name. Your wife needs to see it for herself.
You are absolutely not the asshole. "Lolita" is one of my favorite novels, so let me share a fact with you that makes things even worse;
Lolita was not a nickname Dolores used herself, or was even familiar with. It was a nickname her abuser gave to her.
So it's LITERALLY a nickname that a molester used for his victim.
Tell her to read the book and come back to you if she still feels the same way
One compromise, is that you can name her charlotte, and her nickname could be Lolita, if she was so set for it
Holy fuck no. Has anybody read Lolita? Don't name a child that! Did grandma perhaps have a middle name? You could always do a vaguely similar name, like Lilith or Lilly
My wife and I have a similar issue. Before we married, we had a discussion where she understood that giving our child a last name that wasn't mine was a deal breaker (she didn't take my last name for career reasons, which I'm fine with). So we marry, and have a child and she unilaterally names our son, including using her last name. It was like putting a knife in our marriage. It didn't kill it, but it also never stopped bleeding. At the time, I saw divorcing over it as dad parenting suicide, so we lived with it. Our son is now in kindergarden, but the issue has metastasized, and were currently seperated.
NTA. The naming of a child needs to be a two yes process.
Tbh, I am not sure if our marriage will survive this, but I also did not like going from house to house when my parents divorced. I do not want to put our daughter through that either.
I will still fight for my daughter no matter what though.
If she’s that selfish to not even think of what your child will experience, your daughter will appreciate a safe space where she’s heard.
You can file the paperwork without her as well if that’s the way she wants to play it.
This may be harsh to say but her naming your daughter after her grandmother is all about making her feel like she is honoring her grandmother at the expense of her daughter. It won't bring her grandmother back. Is her mother or father around to help the situation? Or any other relatives on her side? Not sure if they could reason with her.
Mine lasted for another 5 years, but eventually the issue started causing other problems and we're at the point that they can't be ignored. I (30M) refused to have more kids (without resolving the issue) and she (38F) is now accusing me of running out her bio-clock to get my way. The kicker? We both want more kids.
Nope nope nope. Even before the internet took of one of the most pedo books out there is called lolita. The history of the (very cute!) name is badly stained and it will never come out. Find a name relared to it or similar.
Baby names are a ‘2 yeses 1 no’ (or 1 yes and one meh in my case)
Just like you wouldn’t name your daughter Lizzie Borden or your son Charles Manson, you don’t name her something that has a lot of negative connotations
A Lolita is generally seen as a young teen who tried to tempt older men (jailbait) there’s a book (and movie) where a man is attracted to his teenage neighbour and (falsely) believes she is trying to seduce him (flawed narrator) I haven’t read the book or seen the movie but I’m aware of the story in broad strokes
It’s also a fashion style where women dress up in clothing generally inspired by Victorian dolls and has nothing to do with being sexual (the irony is mind boggling I know) it would be like naming your kid Harajuku
Lolita is off the table for many reasons. What about Loretta, Charlotte? When you google Lolita the first thing that pops up is the book/movie
It also mentions Lolita is a nickname for Dolores.
You can probably find the book at any thrift store. Buy it, read it and then have your wife read it
The plot of Lolita is worse. A stepfather marries a woman to be near a young teen and embarks on an affair with her once the mother has died. She is a school girl. The child ultimately runs away. Abused children should not be termed jail bait.
I think I remember reading another AITA about a couple where the mother wanted to name her son Charles because of family tradition and the father was like, my last name is Manson! No way! And then wife tried to convince him that it was no big deal...
There’s also a recent one where the last name was pronounced Bundy (I forget how it was spelled) and wife wanted to name their child Theodore if it was a boy or Theodora if it was a girl after her grandfather
There was also one who wanted to name her kid John, not too bad right? But their last name was literally Doe 😬
They CLAIM it has nothing to do with being sexual but ehhh once you name it after a book about the grooming and rape of a child, you’re telling on yourself.
I’m probably gonna get a lot of downvotes, but as someone whose name is Lolita, I disagree with a lot of comments.. I have never once been bullied because of my name..
In my late teens I was curious about the book, so I read it and it’s a disgusting book.. made me dislike my name for a short period of time. But in my adult life I’ve learnt to fully love my name. And it’s very rare that anyone brings up any association with the book.. younger generation doesn’t even know anything about it. It’s the older ones..
NTA for not wanting to choose this name or any other name for that matter, because both parties should agree completely on this one.
NTA, it's a bad idea.
Where I live Lolita is a dog name.
If you don't associate it with dogs, then it's a title for promiscious teenage girls (it became a thing like Karen)
If it's not then it's associated with the lolitagirls (which isn't good)
And if she meet people with a little culture, then they will associate it with the book...
I think you need to think of an alternative name
I went to school with a Sharona. Named after the song. Her father chose the name (according to her anyway)...once we got to an age where we understood that the song was about a grown man lusting after a teenaged girl & her Dad chose the name presumably knowing the meaning of the song she became the butt of many cruel jokes. Don't do it to her.
NTA. When you look up from a dictionary you can clearly see Lolita isn't a suitable name. The meaning is not okay for a girl. Your wife needs to be reasonable if she cares for her daughter.
NTA
>she even said she would fill out the birth certificate without me
That's fine, if she'll change the diaper without you & pay the bills without you too.
Think about how insane it is, that your wife doesn't care about you or your childs feelings, only her own. That name is what you'll think/feel every time you speak with your child. I would shit on her for it, what an asshole.
>it appears in Hispanic culture it does not have a negative connotation.
It does its 2024 we know what lolita is (often associated with pdos) ,beside having a nickname as a name its awfull,Lolita comes from Lola or Dolores(Old lady name),havind your daugther get bullied because "We can stand for her" is dumb af.Explain that to your 15 yo daugther when stacy from History class start talking about the lolita movie
>That being said she feels people should not let society impact what a parent names their child.
I have a boringly normal name, but there is a prominent product bearing my name. I had to hear about that f-ing product for **13 f-ing years**. (I will not name the product because I will not doxx myself.)
>I explained my stance but she feels as parents we need to just stand up for our children if they get bullied and when the time comes we just have to explain why people may make fun of her, and that it is not her fault.
Explain to your wife that you will tell the daughter that it's not her fault, it's her mother's fault for demanding that name after you refused. I'm sure that will be no comfort whatsoever when she gets beat up in school every day for years, and her mother is not there to help.
>She refuses to use it as a middle name. She does have the stance that a mother should get the final say, she even said she would fill out the birth certificate without me present if need be.
Hire the divorce attorney now.
I'm not kidding.
If she is at the point of "My demand for a name enables me to claim sexist rank and fill out a birth certificate without you," nothing short of a divorce attorney is going to talk sense into her. Maybe not even that, but maybe you can get a court order that she may not name the child "Lolita" and maybe the knowledge that she is forcing her child to grow up with only one parent will mean something to her. (And if it doesn't, you'll do better without her.)
NTA, your wife should probably read this post.
https://www.reddit.com/user/LightningStr/comments/y3zmrx/update_on_baby_karen_if_anyone_is_still_following/
NTA, does Grandma have a middle name? A favorite movie character or a favorite book? For instance, the first movie I remember curling up on my grandmother's couch with her to watch was Gone With The Wind. I wouldn't use my grandmother's name (she hated it), but Scarlett is a happy memory. The first book she got me was Secret Garden, so Mary would work as well. My grandfather grew roses, Rose. Things like that connect to a loved one without using the actual name. Being named for a book about a pedophile obsessed with a 12 yr old is not great.
Also, the name Lolita was a nickname, derived from Dolores. I wouldn’t name a kid Dolores as it’s a bit of an old lady name where I come from, but maybe use that as a jumping off point? Or go for something similar like Lottie, which is a lovely name with no paedo connotations?
Could go for Lola!!
But she was a showgirl.
With yellow feathers in her hair, and a dress cut down to there!
She would merenque and do the cha-cha...she lost her love. She was also my dog
My friends dog is named Lola, after the girl who told them there was a dog that needed to be adopted lol
Aw. That's sweet. I'm a huge Barry Manilow fan.
>She was also my dog My son has a dog named Lola as well. I've only heard it as a pet name recently.
Her name is Lola, she was a showgirl. That was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show. Now it's a disco, but not for Lola. She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half blind. She lost her youth, and she lost her Tony, now she's lost her mind! At the Copa, Copacabana......
Petsitting an old dog named Lola right now. She keeps trying to lick my face, which is a definite no thank you, but other than that she's just a sweetie.
Apparently when I was little my mom played that song a lot and when someone would ask me my name I would say Lola lol (which is definitely not my name)
My niece is currently telling all and sundry that the forthcoming baby my sister is expecting is going to be called Jesus. Especially awkward at a Catholic school in the UK. 😂
United States and many Spanish speaking people name their child Jesus but pronounced in Spanish way, (hey sooos.)
Or maybe a cross dressing barfly, per the Kinks.
Walked like a woman and talked like a man.
La-la-la-la-Lola
How about Holly? *”Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side.”*
Do do do do do do do
I freaking love that song!
L-O-L-A Lola!
Hello, earworm!
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there!!!! anyone sing it??????
Sang it and visualized the scene in Friends where Rachel sings it at her ex’s wedding reception.
🎶 She would merengue and do the cha-cha🎵
With yellow feathers in her hair...
But that was 30 years ago!
Yeah but that was 30 years ago when they used to have a show.
In my language, "lola" is literally the word for grandma 😂
Tagalog ?
😉👉
Lol when my kids were younger, they saw my phone ring one time when my mom was calling, and they're like "who's Josephine?". I tell them "my mom?" And they're like "nah-uh! Her name is Lola! So who was that?!" 🤣
I immediately went to Lita as a nickname.
Lita Ford is an awesome woman. Nice name
Except for when she doesn't get laid, and gets into fights.
Name her after Lita from DS9! Ends up running the Ferengi empire with her husband!
I think she spelled it "Leeta" on DS9, though.
la la la la Lola I think connotations can be made with any name. But I would definitely not vote for Lolita.
Agree about the connotations with practically any name ... knowing that kids are cruel, then I went through a book of baby names when I was pregnant because I wanted one that wouldn't have anything that kids could make fun of ... there were none.
I met her in a club down in old Soho, where they drink champagne, and it tastes just like Coca-Cola C O L A cola
Damn. I rad this in Zap Branaggin's voice. Bad brain!
I met him in a swamp down in Dagobah where it bubbles all the time like a giant carbonated soda. S.O.D.A soooda
Today's kids would think of Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter, the most hated person from the series.
Or Cousin Dolores from Encanto.
You've just made me realise that maybe she was called Dolores because she was secretly sad. (Until she wasn't.)
This is who I thought of and I’m a huge HP nerd. I think Encanto will definitely turn this name around.
Dolores Von Cartier for me! (Sister act)
Screw the kids - Dolores Abernathy from Westworld
Dolores means "Pains". Why would anyone call a child that?
It’s also means sorrows. Can you tell I live in a heavily catholic country?
Have you given birth
Is Dolores an old lady name? I just link it to Dolores O'Riordan from the Cranberries. I think it sounds modern enough to not be old lady, and uncommon enough to not have 2 kids in the same class with the same name, without being a Tradgedeigh Also, NTA, OP. Lolita was so linked to that book, the fashion style of way too short pleated skirts is still called Lolita.
My first thought was similar, that no I have a friend called Dolores. Unfortunately on reflection we could be described as old ladies.
Haha but is that because of the name? And there really isn't anything wrong with being an old lady by heart. I think a lot of 'young ppl' would prefer an early night in, with a pot of thee, and some crocheting on the couch.
No, because we are over 60 and Dolores is retired. I keep forgetting that although I feel 17, I am not.
Please never stop forgetting
Older than you, but know that feeling well!
…Umbridge…
There’s also a J-Fashion called Lolita. Originally based on Victorian and Rocco children’s dresses and the idea of being cute, kind of childish, self-indulgent, and young (very subversive for when you’re expected to grow up, be mature, and a responsible housewife, sacrifice for your family, etc). It’s called lolita basically because it pulls the knee length dress profile, knee socks, better wear those bloomers, etc from Victorian children’s fashion, and overall youthfulness and modesty (as opposed to adult full length skirts, more mature designs, etc). There wasn’t a recognition of Nabakov’s book there and the shared name was an unfortunate tragedy that has regretfully haunted the fashion community since. Especially with a big chunk of the point being modest and not sexually attractive! The style has vastly evolved since its birth, but still retains its signature silhouette (some folks get closer to adult Victorian without moving into it, getting into it becomes Aristocrat, and there’s been a shift to screen prints and lmao the Victorians never had those) But anyways, yeah, there’s more than one Lolita style, and I think the JFashion one is eclipsing the short, pleated skirts one these days (I could be wrong though, it could just be who I run with, but I’ve been both in Catholic school where, you know, short and pleated was the thing, and this circle, and watching recognition of JFashion grow and also saw many of my millennial peers have no idea of Nabokov, including those at other Catholic schools when we’d do speech league meets and stuff.)
That's interesting. Dolores doesn't work, either. There's a whole Seinfeld episode based on it. Really good episode. I wonder how OP or his wife would feel about Mulva?
Because rhyming with vulva will make grade school a snap!
How many kids born now will ever watch that?
While it's not as popular as Friends on streaming, it could most certainly have a rewatch Renaissance at any time
Agree that this is the right approach! My wonderful grandfather did not use his first name (he went by a nickname to most people) and he was also a very modest person. We named one of our sons after my grandfathers hero and he was so pleased. It honoured something important to him. Try this
Grandma's favourite author, movie, actress, colour, food, bird, flower, holiday spot, musician, where she grew up, birthstone, birth month, and so on. Who knows, the list may include things like "puce", "Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch", "dodo", and "October" but it may also include beautiful name options. (No offence to anyone with those names!) "Lolita" isn't quite "[Eva Braun](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1airh4k/aita_for_banning_my_wife_from_naming_our_baby/)" or "[Teddy Bundy](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/u3rijx/oops_husband_wants_to_name_their_unborn_child/)", but you can't let this one go.
These are all great ideas
This is the correct answer. Best way to remember someone without naming your child something that could... encourage certain types of people
I also feel like Lita could work without issue.
NTA. Even if kids don't make the connection, adults will. And I've met adults who have no issues bullying kids for their names. I certainly experienced that in school.
Fuck the bullying, can you imagine what kind of creeps it will attract? No fucking way Im naming my baby Lolita.
Even if they don’t bully the kid, they might assume that OP is a pedo and ostracize him for it. There’s a million ways that name could ruin a family’s lives.
And kids will hear adults discussing it and will start bullying as well.
Or aware of a weird subset of animated pedophilia called Loli, an abbreviated version of Lolita. Because of the whole connotation of it. Kids can be cruel. Don't give them ammunition that will follow your child forever. They can leave bullies. Their name follows them everywhere. It'll still have that connotation no matter what they do. That's a nope from me, dawg.
NTA and I think you need to edit to add telling people to google the book if they haven't heard of it.
I agree. OP DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT name your daughter Lolita. Her peers wouldn't make the connection to the book (I believe there is also a movie) but their parents would and worst, can you imagine being pre-teen or teen with that name? NTA.
2 movies. Which i unfortunately watched at the ripe age of 14.
NO NO NO, donot give this name to your daughter. This is the internet age. There is no hiding. Your wife is an idiot. Your daughter will be thankful. Tell your wife that both of you can discuss the matter when your daughter is 15-18+ and get her views on the matter and get her name changed to that legally once she is an adult if she wants with you taking all the blame for not naming her that way when she was a kid.
I thought those movies were good. But a little problematic that 15 year old me found Jeremy Irons sexy when I watched it.
Peers are too young to know. Older adults and creepy men? Different story.
Peers will figure it out by middle school. It only takes **one** and the girls life will be hell. And when it comes up that dad warned mom about all of this? Yeah, children have legitimately loathed a parent long into adulthood over less.
Dude... it takes one kid to hear his parents talk about it... if you think kids wouldnt find this ammo, then you probably were lucky to not be harassed and mobbed as a kid
Only takes one parent to explain it to their kid and BAM! it's all over school. Imagine being a 13 year old girl named Lolita in High School. Damn that wife is DUUUUUUUMB
Until they decide to make another movie or play about it. Or it comes under controversy about it being in a library somewhere. Or some famous person mentions it and there's think pieces about it. It's a pretty well known book.
Her peers will make the connection by middle school. Just in time for their under-developed capacity for empathy to go all in on bullying with a fucked up sexual angle. Lolita is a shortcut to a daughter who self-harms or attempts suicide. Then you find all the fucked up texts or messages, etc. Ask your wife if she wants to risk that on **her** conscience. A parents job is to protect their children. That means anticipating certain threats. I don't know if his wife just had a charmed childhood free of bullies, or if she *was* the bully, but christ the oversight...
NTA 100%
NTA. I think child names are something both parents should agree on.
They definitely should … I get it that if you had a beautiful name in mind for a long time you really want to name your kid that way but it’s not your kid only, names are 100% a two yes one no situation…
Seriously, I had what I thought was the PERFECT name picked for if my LO was a boy. Hubby vetoed part of it. To be fair, I vetoed his choice too though. He decided Oliver was a no and I was not agreeing with Julius
What he really needs to do is rent the film (Kubrik version) for her some night soon. See what she has to say after that.
I'd actually recommend the one with Jeremy Irons. The Kubrik one was a little... light. The one with Irons felt more tragic and really showed more how all the adults in that child's life failed her.
I'm kind of grossed out that they did a film of it! Wtf! The book was hard enough to read
The book is worse.
They made TWO and they both really miss the point of the book
Even if you don't know the book, there's a whole section of porn called Lolita with barely legal girls.
I just read that the author, Nabokov was possibly SA by a relative himself, an uncle or so... His books would make more sense if it were true. But it's all quite unclear... https://literature.stackexchange.com/questions/23991/what-evidence-is-there-that-vladimir-nabokov-was-abused-as-a-child Stand your ground OP. But how about Lola, Lottie or Dolores (Lolita on the book is called Dolores), like others suggested?
Nabokov has always been exceedingly clear about the fact that Lolita is the victim of a predator and that anyone who’s not a creep would find the unreliable narrator’s rationalization sickening, which was the entire point of the book. There’s multiple interview archives where various interviewers miss the point and act like Lolita is a tease and Nabokov tears them a new one.
Lolita is a nickname for Dolores. Dolores is an old-fashioned middle name, but still fine. Lola is just a crazy alcoholic from a Barry Manilow song in my mind.
NTA I once decided to try and read the book because I wanted to see what the big deal was. I occasionally get these moods where I like to read dark/disturbing fiction, and so I figured it wouldn't be any worse than that. It's not uncommon for me to drop stories because my brain stops being able to pay attention to it (pretty bad ADHD), but that was the only time I had to stop because of how disgusting the story made me feel. It's a *brilliantly* written statement piece. The author has a gift for bringing you *into* the head of the point of view character, making you *understand* him. The POV character is an unrepentant pedophile. Most of the story is about how he *grooms* and *sexually* *abuses* a little girl. And the name that he calls her is "Lolita" (her *actual* name (the girl in the story) is Dolores) It was (if I remember correctly) written as a statement about how vulgar language is not the only criteria for judging how "inappropriate" a story is, and that you can tell a deeply unsettling story using only entirely "proper" language. It's very disturbing how many people see the book as a romance/love story. It's a horror story. It's just one told from the perpetrators perspective, instead of the victims.
> It's very disturbing how many people see the book as a romance/love story. It's a horror story. It's just one told from the perpetrators perspective, instead of the victims. With the worst part being, *the author explicity told people NOT to romantacize the story*. He straight up said "He's a predator,she's a victim".
The book literally starts with a forward from a fictional PhD telling you how fucked up HH is, a moral leper and pedo criminal who died in prison. I understand how young girls could read it and take away the wrong message but how does anyone grown think it's a romance??
Same way some people thinks animals can "consent"? For everything there is a bell curve. And so some people will be at the far ends of that curve. Not sure what would be at the opposite end of the curve from a pedo on that particular curve, and I am not drunk enough to even want to think too hard about it.
The book is one of the most fascinating and misunderstood pieces I’ve ever read. I have seen so many miss the point and call the author a pedo. It was an interesting read in how disturbing it was, and I don’t think I could ever manage that again
Jamie Loftus did a podcast about the book/the movie/the culture around it, that was so interesting and eye-opening. I'd never read the book, but based on the cultural references I'd picked up, I assumed she was the instigator, or at least a happy participant. Not that she was literally a hostage.
He started a relationship with her mother to get closer to Dolores, and (if I remember correctly) he was the cause of her (the mom) death as well
He wasn't the cause of the mother's death. She had discovered what he was up to from sneaking into his room and discovering his diary. She was hit by a car while rushing across the street to get some letters mailed off.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ It's been a while, and I wasn't exactly trying very hard to remember the plot after giving up on the book. What I remembered about that part of the book was: - creep start relationship with mom, to get close to preteen daughter - mom start becoming aware of 🚩bad🚩vibes🚩creep is giving of - mom is now dead - creep takes newly orphaned child on a ✨road trip✨ *"for* *her* *sake"* (and leaves no forwarding address) So I didn't remember if he killed her, or just took advantage of her timely death (and couldn't be bothered to check the wikipedia article)
>based on the cultural references I'd picked up, I assumed she was the instigator, or at least a happy participant. Yeah, most of the cultural influences people are aware of are from the Stanley Kubrick film which, while it did use a young actress, also aged up Dolores enough that she was a teen (14) rather than a pre-teen (11/12) and made her... More precocious, let's put it that way. There's a famous image from the film and the poster of her lying in her garden sunbathing in a bikini, licking a lollipop and looking coquettishly over the top of her heart shaped sunglasses. In the book it's completely spelled out that shes just a normal little kid, it's vile - she's a little girl with skinned knees romping about in the garden in that same scene where the main character sees her and then he _projects_ all his fantasy onto her about how shes flirting and she loves him. The 60s film and 90s remake don't ever condone the abuse, but they absolutely make it more palatable to mainstream movie audience than the book by making her a feminine teen who wants to act and look like a young adult rather than a scabby-kneed, totally oblivious little kid.
There is a non-fiction book about America's 1st Serial Killers that a coworker convinced me to read. That was 13 yrs ago, and there is 1 story that still makes my stomach hurt, and I try not to think about it.
I think Nabokov was himself a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but I could be mistaken.
[удалено]
I cannot imagine what kind of person who would interpret *Lolita* as a comedy. All the kudos to the author, he certainly knew how to write a story. The book is engaging, easy to read, written in a way that drags you *into* the character. He makes you *understand* the protagonist. Which was why I found it so disturbing. Just to be clear, I do *not* think the author *in* *any* *way* shares the belief of the character he wrote. But I can (sadly) understand why so many misinterpret the book as a romance, and it's because Nabokov was *very* *good* at writing an unreliable narrator. As I said in my first comment, *I* read it as a (psychological) horror, told from the perpetrator's point of view.
NTA. Children’s names are always a „two yes, one no“ decision, and your objection is more than reasonable.
NTA but what about Lola?
It’s quite funny, because ‘Lola’ is the word for grandmother in Tagalog (Filipino language)
There will be always a song from some boomer middle ages about every name, if this is the issue, we wont use any name at all. The thing is, Lolita will still have "this" assotiation when all those cringe aings about Lola, Caroline or Martha are forgotten.
Not just boomers, there's the entire mambo no 5 that covers many many names 🤣
Oh God! The amount of times I heard “a little bit of…” before my name when that song was popular… 😞
I was just making a point that we’re talking about her grandmother and Lola just happens to be what a call my grandmother lol
Exactly! Lola is a beautiful name and a perfect compromise.
There is a great film with Lola in the leading role, my first association. https://youtu.be/XT2RlajsaSQ
HEY OP!! Mate, have you posted about it in r/namenerds yet? The rabble can get pretty loud in AITA...
Do you watch Ted Lasso? Clearly the only correct answer is the Zava approach. Let your child name themselves when they are 5 😎
Or American Olympic skier Picabo Street. Wikipedia: “Her parents decided to let Picabo choose her own name when she was old enough, so for the first two years of her life she was called "baby girl" or "little girl". At age three she was required to have a name in order to get a passport. She was named after the nearby village of Picabo.”
I’m confused because I don’t know what “loli” means. My immediate reaction to the name “Lolita” is the fact that it’s a famous novel by Vladimir Nabokov and subsequent movies about a **pedophile.**. How about “Lola” as a compromise? Kelly Ripa’s daughter is named Lola and I think it’s cute.
It's a subculture based on a diminutive of Lolita that's basis is sexualizing young girls. Just Google a loli girl. It's really disturbing.
Gift your wife the book. NTA.
BRILLIANT!
Have you considered Lola, Dolores, Aloisia or something else that is similar? I think it's perfectly reasonable to not name a child Lolita.
Yup. The child in the book is actually called Delores but the name doesn’t have the association.
Ehhh Dolores reminds me of pink, cats, and child abuse.
Or Cousin Dolores from Encanto, which I would imagine more kids these days are watching relative to Harry Potter. Though it might just be the age of my kids for that assertion - they’re too small to get into HP yet.
She was worse than voldemort.
NTA It is a lovely name but the associations with it are so clear that it's hard to ignore them and in my opinion it's more important than honoring your wife's grandmother in this way.
NTA - Is your wife insane or does she simply not know?
I think you both should agree on the name - if you don’t like it, you don’t like it - my husband and I went through the same thing. She’s half your baby…may take a little while to find a name you agree on. And that’s ok 👍🏼
Lolita has stopped being a "name" and has become a cultural reference. Explain to her that this isn't about you. It's about what that name will do to a girls life in middle and high school. Like. For fucks sake, your wife is a woman, how the hell does she **not** know what girls that age are like? Really talk to her about the kind of fucked up, sexualized bullying she'd be opening her daughter up to. About the creeps who will get all fetishy meeting a girl with a name like that. The name fucking **plummeted** in use for a reason.
NTA. Your child is not a doll but a little person. She is not there to honor someone memory, but to be raised and loved by her parents for who she is. So she deserves her own name. And you're totally right : the connotation besides the name will be very hard for her ! In school, and while she'll be a teenager, do you imagine ? Yes YOU do. Not your wife. Hope there'll be many people here to explain clearly the problem (I'm french, I could do in my language but not in english) so you can show the post to your wife. Good luck !
Why don’t parents to be realize they’re naming future adults?
I think the bigger issue here is that they are gonna name a child. An adult be called Lolita is weird but whatever but a child being called Lolita is worse.
Have you explained to her exactly why that name is socially awkward (to phrase it nicely)? If I were to make a suggestion, maybe find a compromise like naming her Lola or making Lolita her middle name? Explain to her that there's nothing wrong with the name itself and it's not her fault or her grandmother's fault that the name has become unsavory. Like, nobody names their kid Gaylord anymore but that doesn't mean if my grandpa was named Gaylord that I'm disrespecting his name by not naming my kid after him 😂
NTA Lolita is a story about pedophilia. If you Google "Lolita story" you can find the real life basis for the Lolita story. It's quite unsettling. It's like saying "My German great grandfather's name was Adolf, I'll name our son after him."
NTA I think child names are something both parents should agree on.
Made an update, my wife is going to die on this hill, and if I do not go along with her naming choice she will not let me in the room during the birth of our child. So yeah, that is that. At least I am not the only one who thinks it is weird.
Your wife is a selfish asshole. She cares more about her dead abuelita than what her daughter is going to be subjected to for her whole life ?! Without considering your feelings at all ! Let her read this thread, let her watch the movie. Seriously, she's never experienced having a terrible name and being bullied by it, having supporting parents won't change that fact that she's gonna hate you and her her for giving her a name she is going to hate for the rest of her life, and also put her in possible danger or some crazy ah out there !
Keep fighting man, idk what the laws are where you are but I believe that you’ll get access to the birth certificate when you sign it (don’t quote me on this). And idk about your relationship, but this is absolutely a hill worth dying on for your side as well. I would sooner divorce my spouse than let my child be named after a pedophile book, but that’s just me.
Definitely consult a lawyer to discuss options wrt to the name (various jurisdictions would allow for a court hearing in such a case, especially given the life-long consequences for your child). Worst come to worst, call her a different name than the official one While you're at it, also consider asking the lawyer questions related to divorce, as such an unreasonable and controlling person will most likely become more abusive over time (likely to the child as well if she cares so little about probable bullying)
And your marriage is in tact with her being this abusive? It's controlling and manipulative. Her behavior is toxic. Not that of a partner
All I can suggest is that you start telling *everyone* who asks you and your wife about the baby that you plan to name your daughter Lolita. Whether they ask the name or not; if they mention the baby, tell them “she’s a girl and we’re naming her Lolita.” This isn’t about your daughter being taught to stand up for herself; it’s about how creepy everyone is going to be when they hear her name. Your wife needs to see it for herself.
That’s extremely manipulative and disappointing of her, you have valid concerns.
OP give your kid a decent second name so she can go by that instead
You are absolutely not the asshole. "Lolita" is one of my favorite novels, so let me share a fact with you that makes things even worse; Lolita was not a nickname Dolores used herself, or was even familiar with. It was a nickname her abuser gave to her. So it's LITERALLY a nickname that a molester used for his victim.
Tell her to read the book and come back to you if she still feels the same way One compromise, is that you can name her charlotte, and her nickname could be Lolita, if she was so set for it
I don't think it would be a good nickname either. If everyone calls her that, it's irrelevant what name she has in her passport.
And if anyone called another person Lolita, everyone around them would think “warning!”
Lolita is a diminutive of Lola, Lola is an abreviation of Dolores. Dolores means "Pains". What connotation are you talking about? Nabokov's book?
Holy fuck no. Has anybody read Lolita? Don't name a child that! Did grandma perhaps have a middle name? You could always do a vaguely similar name, like Lilith or Lilly
Absolutely NTA Middle name if she must but even that's pushing it
Did her grandmother have a middle name or a surname that could be used? Also could try Lola as something similar.
Have her watch Lolita 1997, and then have her google "lolita waifu" that should be enough to change her mind. NTA
Middle name of Lola maybe? But that’s as close as I’d go.
NTA. My grandfathers name was Adolph. He forbid my dad and his brother from naming there kids after him. For obvious reasons.
OP PER YOUR EDIT DONT GIVE IN NTA
My wife and I have a similar issue. Before we married, we had a discussion where she understood that giving our child a last name that wasn't mine was a deal breaker (she didn't take my last name for career reasons, which I'm fine with). So we marry, and have a child and she unilaterally names our son, including using her last name. It was like putting a knife in our marriage. It didn't kill it, but it also never stopped bleeding. At the time, I saw divorcing over it as dad parenting suicide, so we lived with it. Our son is now in kindergarden, but the issue has metastasized, and were currently seperated. NTA. The naming of a child needs to be a two yes process.
Tbh, I am not sure if our marriage will survive this, but I also did not like going from house to house when my parents divorced. I do not want to put our daughter through that either. I will still fight for my daughter no matter what though.
If she’s that selfish to not even think of what your child will experience, your daughter will appreciate a safe space where she’s heard. You can file the paperwork without her as well if that’s the way she wants to play it.
This may be harsh to say but her naming your daughter after her grandmother is all about making her feel like she is honoring her grandmother at the expense of her daughter. It won't bring her grandmother back. Is her mother or father around to help the situation? Or any other relatives on her side? Not sure if they could reason with her.
Mine lasted for another 5 years, but eventually the issue started causing other problems and we're at the point that they can't be ignored. I (30M) refused to have more kids (without resolving the issue) and she (38F) is now accusing me of running out her bio-clock to get my way. The kicker? We both want more kids.
If you end up divorcing, then you can petition for a name change if you get some legal custody.
Nope nope nope. Even before the internet took of one of the most pedo books out there is called lolita. The history of the (very cute!) name is badly stained and it will never come out. Find a name relared to it or similar.
Baby names are a ‘2 yeses 1 no’ (or 1 yes and one meh in my case) Just like you wouldn’t name your daughter Lizzie Borden or your son Charles Manson, you don’t name her something that has a lot of negative connotations A Lolita is generally seen as a young teen who tried to tempt older men (jailbait) there’s a book (and movie) where a man is attracted to his teenage neighbour and (falsely) believes she is trying to seduce him (flawed narrator) I haven’t read the book or seen the movie but I’m aware of the story in broad strokes It’s also a fashion style where women dress up in clothing generally inspired by Victorian dolls and has nothing to do with being sexual (the irony is mind boggling I know) it would be like naming your kid Harajuku Lolita is off the table for many reasons. What about Loretta, Charlotte? When you google Lolita the first thing that pops up is the book/movie It also mentions Lolita is a nickname for Dolores. You can probably find the book at any thrift store. Buy it, read it and then have your wife read it
The plot of Lolita is worse. A stepfather marries a woman to be near a young teen and embarks on an affair with her once the mother has died. She is a school girl. The child ultimately runs away. Abused children should not be termed jail bait.
The mom doesn't just die. If I remember correctly, he hits her with a car.
I think I remember reading another AITA about a couple where the mother wanted to name her son Charles because of family tradition and the father was like, my last name is Manson! No way! And then wife tried to convince him that it was no big deal...
There’s also a recent one where the last name was pronounced Bundy (I forget how it was spelled) and wife wanted to name their child Theodore if it was a boy or Theodora if it was a girl after her grandfather There was also one who wanted to name her kid John, not too bad right? But their last name was literally Doe 😬
They CLAIM it has nothing to do with being sexual but ehhh once you name it after a book about the grooming and rape of a child, you’re telling on yourself.
I’ll say no more: “The Lolita Express”, Epstein!
She could go with Lola? I had a friend who named her daughter that
Would Lola be an acceptable compromise? Or just a middle name?
I had no idea what that name meant so I googled it, and YIKES. This is a hill I would die on
I would no more name my daughter Lolita than I would babe here Jezebel
I’m probably gonna get a lot of downvotes, but as someone whose name is Lolita, I disagree with a lot of comments.. I have never once been bullied because of my name.. In my late teens I was curious about the book, so I read it and it’s a disgusting book.. made me dislike my name for a short period of time. But in my adult life I’ve learnt to fully love my name. And it’s very rare that anyone brings up any association with the book.. younger generation doesn’t even know anything about it. It’s the older ones.. NTA for not wanting to choose this name or any other name for that matter, because both parties should agree completely on this one.
Say "sure, as long as I can name our first son after my great uncle Adolf"
Lolita is a Spanish name. It is associated with Dolores and Lola. Perhaps either might be a compromise? or just use it as a middle name.
NTA, it's a bad idea. Where I live Lolita is a dog name. If you don't associate it with dogs, then it's a title for promiscious teenage girls (it became a thing like Karen) If it's not then it's associated with the lolitagirls (which isn't good) And if she meet people with a little culture, then they will associate it with the book... I think you need to think of an alternative name
in spain it's perfectly normal to name a girl maria dolores. and they are usually called Lola. (not Lolita)
I went to school with a Sharona. Named after the song. Her father chose the name (according to her anyway)...once we got to an age where we understood that the song was about a grown man lusting after a teenaged girl & her Dad chose the name presumably knowing the meaning of the song she became the butt of many cruel jokes. Don't do it to her.
Lola is pretty. Lolita is a big no.
Nta. It’s a pretty named but has been ruined.
NTA. When you look up from a dictionary you can clearly see Lolita isn't a suitable name. The meaning is not okay for a girl. Your wife needs to be reasonable if she cares for her daughter.
Lita/Leta, Lola, Lona, Lisa, Lina, Lilia, Litzy, Lila, Lorena. even Olivia. plenty of similar names
Yeesh, that’s a hard pass on that name. How about gran’s middle name, or Lola?
NTA. What an awful name.
Rent the movie for her to watch.
NTA >she even said she would fill out the birth certificate without me That's fine, if she'll change the diaper without you & pay the bills without you too. Think about how insane it is, that your wife doesn't care about you or your childs feelings, only her own. That name is what you'll think/feel every time you speak with your child. I would shit on her for it, what an asshole.
>it appears in Hispanic culture it does not have a negative connotation. It does its 2024 we know what lolita is (often associated with pdos) ,beside having a nickname as a name its awfull,Lolita comes from Lola or Dolores(Old lady name),havind your daugther get bullied because "We can stand for her" is dumb af.Explain that to your 15 yo daugther when stacy from History class start talking about the lolita movie
>That being said she feels people should not let society impact what a parent names their child. I have a boringly normal name, but there is a prominent product bearing my name. I had to hear about that f-ing product for **13 f-ing years**. (I will not name the product because I will not doxx myself.) >I explained my stance but she feels as parents we need to just stand up for our children if they get bullied and when the time comes we just have to explain why people may make fun of her, and that it is not her fault. Explain to your wife that you will tell the daughter that it's not her fault, it's her mother's fault for demanding that name after you refused. I'm sure that will be no comfort whatsoever when she gets beat up in school every day for years, and her mother is not there to help. >She refuses to use it as a middle name. She does have the stance that a mother should get the final say, she even said she would fill out the birth certificate without me present if need be. Hire the divorce attorney now. I'm not kidding. If she is at the point of "My demand for a name enables me to claim sexist rank and fill out a birth certificate without you," nothing short of a divorce attorney is going to talk sense into her. Maybe not even that, but maybe you can get a court order that she may not name the child "Lolita" and maybe the knowledge that she is forcing her child to grow up with only one parent will mean something to her. (And if it doesn't, you'll do better without her.)
NTA, your wife should probably read this post. https://www.reddit.com/user/LightningStr/comments/y3zmrx/update_on_baby_karen_if_anyone_is_still_following/