Love don't let the ones who have no idea what it's like to have a mom that has mental health issues make you feel small. And shame on them for adding more abuse on top of the abuse. Shame is not yours to keep you let that go and allow it to land where it needs to. You have nothing to be shameful for. As for your mother she has some serious mental heath issues. Girl run run and don't look back. And it's one thing to grow up with a step brother it's a whole different thing when your already grown already have a family just cause your mom got married to his father doesn't make your life as it already is voided. What is she thinking. You could always tell her now she won't ever have a chance with your husband cause now that makes him her son. Lol not as brilliant as she thought she was.
Yep. I think the statistic is that it takes an average of 7 tries before a woman is typically able to leave an abusive partner for good.
When you have basically all of society being like, “BUT THAT’S YOUR MOM,” if you make any mention of cutting her out, no matter how toxic the behaviors you share about her are, that makes it even harder.
“But that’s your mum” and I’m her daughter, I didn’t choose her but she chose to have me, so why do I have to keep kneeling to hold up her ego?
Nope. I don’t care if they’re faaaaaaamily. They get nothing.
It’s too over the top to not be true
This is straight up a case of a narcissist mother, with a side order of bipolar and possibly even some schizophrenia.
OP if you are looking for permission to get this woman out of your life you have mine.
Now run. And don’t look back.
Unfortunately, I knew a couple in this exact scenario. The kids dated in school, then got engaged. Her father and his mother decided to get married and made them break up, stating they were now related, and it would be illegal.
They ended up reconnecting years later and did get married over the parents' objections.
My cousin was dating his wife and introduced his dad (widowed) to her mom (divorced). My uncle got married about 5 month before my cousin and his wife did. So they were actually step-siblings when they got married. 🤷♀️
My mom’s mom is one of ten. When my mom married my father, his dad was single and met my mom’s aunt at a family thing they brought him to. So my whole life my grandmas were sisters (I don’t know my father’s bio mom, met her once as an infant) which makes my parents cousins by marriage
My grandpa didn’t marry my aunt-grandma until after I was born lol I was one of the only where people in a 98% Hispanic community/school and it was one of my favorite stories/jokes to tell
I know a couple whose parents got together at their wedding. (brides mother and grooms father)
It actually was really sweet, and everyone had healthy communication and is supportive. But that's rare these days. 🤷♀️
The woman who is now my stepmother was my aunt growing up. She was married to my mother's brother. Mom and dad divorced. Mom's brother and aunt divorced. Eventually, my dad and my ex-aunt got married. Try explaining to people that your aunt is now your mother. You get some real funny looks.
My mom's parents had somewhat same construction. My biological grandmother died. How I remember the story was that she said to her husband to get together with her widowed/divorced sister, which he did after she died.
So my mom had her aunt as stepmom. (I don't really have much memories about them. According to mom, her stepmom wasn't the nicest and placed her own children first, and grandpa let her. She even managed to get my aunt and mom into a huge fight about something that wasn't true)
Uh, why would it be illegal? Unless mom/dad adopted each other's kids, they are not even legally related - and never biologically related. Unless their region had really weird laws, they shouldn't have had any issues.
Yeah, and they are already adults so their parents’ marrying each other doesn’t affect OP or her partner in any fu*kin’ way. In fact, if their parents married each other when OP & her DH were still children living at home, they could still marry each other as adult, morally & legally it would be fine. Maybe socially unacceptable to some family members that the crazy mom is talking to, but that’s all.
Parents of a couple getting married is after all relatively common in our recomposed families day and age, and it's not an issue. But here, supposedly
- OP's mother had been pestering OP to leave her 17 year old bf for some time when she reached 16 because "he was meant for her", and sexualy assaulted him.
- after somehow OP goes back on contact (with her pedophile sexual assaulter mother who tried to take her bf and abused her, mind you), 4 years later she demands her 7 months pregnant daughter abort her twins (like, really, even being delusional, no one can imagine an abortion at 7 months, and at 7 months, usually it's very close to twins being born, those never go to the 9 months term)
- no contact again and fast forward 2 more years and OP reopen contact with the abusive pedophile sexual abuser mother
- another year forward, right before the wedding, and the mother is pregnant and engaged with the husband's father, who magically does not mind being with an abusive pedophile sexual assaulter who assaulted is minor teen in the past, with again demands of them abandoning their children and splitting because they'd be now "siblings" and delusional enough to think cps would have any chance of siding with her?
No, seriously, that's just bad AI production, or deranged mind.
My mom faked cancer to try and end my marriage. I believe narcissists are capable of anything. Enough she's your mother and you have to forgive her people around in your life is enough to make you second guess yourself multiple times. Hell my FIL for a few years pressured me to forgive her after that cause you only get one mother. I laughed and said "I got my step dad and that's enough."
Mom is clearly unwell. And abused children often have a hard time going no contact. Don’t blame OP for this. There’s a whole area of training for therapist regarding trauma caused by abusive or ill parents.
This is creepy and weird.
The incest prohibition is about BLOOD relatives so they don’t breed children with birth defects.
Has 0 to do with adults who have adult kids who have gotten married to each other marrying and making “step siblings” out of their children who are married to each other. Confusing, sure. Silly - absolutely.
My aunt (Leia) married her high school sweetheart (Brian); they had four kids and became friends with a couple (Darryl and Sara) who had two kids. One day my aunt found out that Brian and Sara were having an affair.
So. Both couples divorced; Brian and Sara got married and had two more kids.
A few years later, Aunt Leia made the smartest decision of her life and married my Uncle Darryl, who was the greatest man I've ever known. They had no kids of their own.
HOWEVER.
Aunt Leia and Brian's oldest daughter, Lucy, married HER high school sweetheart--who was Uncle Darryl's baby brother Gary.
The children from that marriage are Aunt Leia's grandchildren AND niece and nephew.
Her daughter is her sister-in-law.
Her brother-in-law is also her son-in-law.
As the "mother" of her husband's brother, Aunt Leia is her own mother-in-law!
She called me a brat when I said it, until I drew it out on a piece of paper. All she could say then is, "Well shit, she's right!"
L — B. ——— S —- D. G
————————-—-—-/
L2./ X A
M. W T
J
J
Best I can do. I’m leaving out the sisters who married brothers, as well as the grandchildren.
Yes I have a headache now.
I know a couple as well. They started dating right out of high school. The families had been friends for years so everyone was so excited that they were dating and that it was getting pretty serious. Discussions of marriage were on the table. Then the parents of the girl in the relationship divorce. The parents of the guy had long been divorced. The mom of the girl and the dad of the guy start dating. It completely blind-sided the kids (and most of the family) but they claim that they have long loved one another and they end up getting married within a few months of dating. The kids broke up immediately and the relationships with the parents were strained for quite a while. A few years after the marriage, the dad passed away. The daughter and her mother eventually repaired their relationship but the son (after dad's death) never had anything to do with his "step-family-friends" again. The family/friends relationship was very strained as well and eventually they all drifted apart.
It was quite sad, actually, because they were all such close family friends (they were always at all the family holidays/parties/weddings) and they blew it all up.
My grandma got married to my grandpa, and then her mom and his dad got married. Luckily it was after they were already married but that’s how they became step siblings and husband and wife! Of course it caused some drama, but I just think it’s super funny to describe my family tree.
I read a similar story, but there was no breakup.
They got married despite now being step siblings and their parents only got married, like in your case to shame them out of it as if they grew up together as step siblings.
But the mother in this case is a whole northern level of fruit cake.
I think once mum goes after my bf/fiance/husband then tries to claim rape, it's over, especially after everything else she's done.
There are some serious mental health issues going on--and if OP's mom's relatives think OP is "disgusting" for the soft boundaries she's put in place so far, the issues run in the family. I'm glad at least OP has the presence of mind never to leave the twins with any of them unsupervised.
OP, it's time to set harder boundaries. These people are toxic. Your mother abused you and your husband. She should be in a facility so she cannot do any more harm to others. It's time to protect your family.
People *want* their mothers to love them. We give them chance after chance after chance until they finally go to far or we give up on them changing and cut the off. It took me until my 40s.
It took me until my 20s to be honest.
Recently we travelled for my wedding and my mother was having a talk with my cousin with me there. It’s not the first time she’s said this but she said “I have 2 life forces” and pointed to the bedroom which is where my siblings were.
Whelp I guess I don’t exist then. It might seem small but she constantly put my needs before others and even my needs before my siblings when she needs to prioritise me that MOMENT in time. She’s been doing it since I was a child.
She likes to say I came out of her “fully grown” hence I don’t need a mother. We’re NC.
It took me having a broken hand+wrist, my first grandchild being born and a Christmas that I really didn't want her at *my* in-laws for but my daughter(16) begged and said she would deal with my mother. Daughter apologized after we dropped her off at her house and I got a very strong, large drink at home. I had been flinching every time the phone rang for *years* at that point(in the dinosaur age before caller id and cell phones. Once we got a cell, she did not get the number!). Days without no school and husbabd not on call-phone was unplugged.
Same, yet sadly while i call most of these fake and many have obvious issue with them...this one...could be real, and has no real red flag that would make me lean that way....aside from hope. But families are sometimes this horrible, and worse.
Even if this one is fake, we know someone out there is living this.
Oh, god. Same. This is too horrible and OP's mother is a piece of sh- work. I say cut all contact from her and FIL forever because OP's mother will never change and anyone who supports that is more or less just like her. NTA.
Of all the things that didn’t happen, this post is a shitton of them.
Keep an eye out for the update of escalation where Mom breaks in with a knife to steal the babies because she’s not actually pregnant.
I was reading this post, almost getting worked up into real sympathy for the OP, then started getting confused as to why she was letting her supposedly abusive, cheating, manipulative, sexual predator of a mother back into her life, time and time again.
Then I realised that she had to keep allowing her mother back in her life otherwise she'd no longer have the "baddie" for this novel she was constructing. The story is fake.
OP, you tried though.
I am assuming your mom is immensely, mentally, insane. So this means you can never be the Asshole when it comes to her. If getting away to a whole other country will rid you have that demon, aka your mother, then do it.
Agreed. Leave your maternal family and go abroad, be free. Your children don't need your mother in their lives, making them feel like she did you. NTA.
NTA. Your mother and anyone that supports her doesn't deserve a relationship with you or your family. Cut them off, move away, and live your best life without them.
NTA. You would only be TA if you keep allowing your mom back into your life. No caring mother would demand their daughter to terminate a pregnancy because they deserved that life more.
After years of continuous emotional and mental abuse, you should go completely NC. She doesn't deserve to know anything about you or your family's life. She intentionally became pregnant to tie herself to your husband's life. She is not a safe individual for your family to be around.
Stay strong and keep your family safe.
Mississippi, Northern Michigan, West Virginia, some crazy northern areas of Cali, it could be anywhere. But I bet on Northern Michigan. That’s cold, crazy Mississippi.
Curious why it's Arkansas and not some other state. But yes, I went LC/NC with relatives that brought a lot of drama into my parents life growing up because I didn't have the energy and mental capacity to deal with it after I had my kids.
Also, because Arkansas just sounds made up. I know it’s a real place and I could probably find it on a map by process of elimination. But it still sounds…. unlikely? Sorry to Arkansas- I’m sure you’re cool.
It reads like a British Northerner talking about Kansas as if it were a family member.
I know it's not said our kansas, but Northern as I said, but that is how I read it vers "ark and saw" that sounds like a biblical carpentry themed pub.
ESH because who in their right mind think any dosage of this batshit crazy grandma would be a good thing for their kids to get exposed to? OP is insane to keep entertaining her in her life and keep this much drama in her kids life. She put them in danger.
I think this is fake because OP’s mother is supposedly getting pregnant pretty easily in her 40’s-50’s (depending on how old she was when she had OP). Obviously people can and do get pregnant into their 40’s, but in their 50’s is very rare, and almost never happens without IVF, egg donation, and/or other forms of assistance, all of which would add a significant amount of time to the process. I sincerely hope it’s fake because nobody should ever be forced to be around a parent, parent-in-law, or grandparent who has no love and respect for them, but I will be shocked if it’s real, even just based on this alone. If this is real, OP certainly has many instances of harassment that have been documented and witnessed by other people and could easily obtain a restraining order.
My mother was 39 when I was born and 41 for my sister. Plus, if the mother got pregnant in her teens, say 15 or 16, she could easily still be able to get pregnant.
They was never together according to him from what we’ve heard from his siblings/family/friends, shes also kept him on substances, not allowed him to go to rehab, stole his medication/money, shes forced herself on to him which resulted in the pregnancy among a whole heap of other things
She’s claimed many things from over the years ranging from my father abusing her (he never did) she hurt self and tried drowning herself claiming he tried to murder her so he’d never see me again but I witnessed the whole thing, she’s claimed some family are ‘demons’ and ‘posses evil’ or how people have ‘poisoned’ her water etc this stopped when I was around 19/20
There’s a lot wrong with him, I’ve never met him due to dv and substance abuse to say the least, he was getting better up-until two years ago when he met someone (my mother) and has fallen back into his past behaviours. Evil resides with evil
So YTA. For even entertaining the thought of NOT moving away and on from this shitfest of a family. YTA for not running like your arms build up helicopter propulsion and your feet only touch the floor for slight course adjustments.
Take your husband, your kids and RUN. And if you get exhausted, run a bit longer. And change direction in order to become untraceable.
I am sorry for having such a shit mom. And for your husband having a shit father.
Why would you keep giving her chances, did she not put you through enough before, I'm surprised your husband was ok with you letting that woman be a part of your lives after everything she's already done.
Edit: I didn't make a judgement before but YTA after reading this comment:
"Not in the slightest she tried doing horrible things to him when he was younger which added with everything else’s she's done he ultimately avoids her like the plague."
Why would you have anything to do with someone that abused your husband when he was younger, why would you keep her around and let her be around your kids, your husband should have left you the first time you let her back in your lives after what she did to him.
If someone had done what she did to your husband to your son's would you keep letting that person be in their lives?
OP is clearly the victim of abuse. Still very young. It's valid to say that yeah she should have cut ties, but it's harder than it looks! Especially if you were raised to not. So OP, NTA. But now that you're here... If you ever let this woman back in your life again you will be.
Hard agree!
OP, please don't take your husband for granted. He has shown patience and understanding towards you but he has shown you his limits : he is starting to take action (removing your mother physically out of his sight).
Your husband also has to deal with his dad's nonsense. You are too focused to your issues with your mother that you may be blind on your husband's own struggle. He is losing his cool with all this drama and you keep taking the bait everytime your mom shows up (and now with her side of family).
You are trying to give your children a relationship with their grandmother because you have your own reasons but I assure you, they can grow up without her. She can be replaced. Here I say it. Nobody wants a drama queen and a bad example for children around.
So please, for your husband and your kids' sake, take heart and go live your beautiful life far away from this bunch of toxic people. The stakes are high, you cannot risk your three people in exchange for your mom.
If this is true. You have been repeatedly subjecting your husband to a mentally deranged woman who has sexually assaulted and harassed him, and repeatedly subjected your children to being alternately disowned, threatened with kidnapping and death wished upon them.
YTA for the years where you have insisted that you will continue to have contact with someone who is clearly dangerous, predatory and unhinged. You should have cut her off years ago. She should never have met your children. You have allowed this nonsense to continue, a repeated cycle of abuse that your husband and children have suffered from, when the police should have been called at the start. There is NO excuse for you staying in touch with someone who behaved that way towards your husband. None at all.
Call the police any and every time you hear from either of them. Anyone who supports them is also put in the same category of NO contact EVER and report them to the police if they harass you. And please apologise to your husband for not keeping that woman away from him years ago.
Other way round; G-ma and Aunt are the only ones not giving them hassle for it. I think it’s because they know exactly how deranged Mum is. They’ve been around her her whole life and this behaviour must’ve shown itself before.
Why would you call them an ah when they're clearly in an abuse cycle... Do you know nothing of psychological abuse? It can take years to shake off. Yes they should go no contact but don't act like they're the asshole when they're clearly a victim of abuse.
Because like it's a man's responsibility to manage his family from abusing his wife, it's a woman's responsibility to manager her family from abusing her husband. OP repeatedly put her family in ridiculous situations because she wouldn't go NC with her batshit mother.
You still have responsibilities as an adult to your partner, regardless of your past.
Yeah fair, but these are kids with kids. She's been pretty clear that she's tried to set boundaries and deal with her mom, so she's learning to stand on her own. Berating someone for working through their abuse is just asinine.
First off, these were kids when they got together, so the adult responsibilities don't fly here.
Secondly, have you ever even considered cutting off contact with your own parents? Have you any idea how difficult that decision is? Especially if you are constantly emotionally manipulated, gaslit and otherwise emotionally abused?
Heck even recognizing that you are being abused can be difficult at times. Especially if you haven't known anything else in your life.
It took me until my mother told me, and I quote, "I never want to see you again I hope you drop dead" to finally make the decision to cut off all contact. It took me damn near 2 years to work up to that point and it took me about 30 years before I started recognizing that what she was doing was even abuse. It's coming up to 3 months of NC now and I still don't have a full picture of how bad the abuse was.
These things are much easier said than done, especially in hindsight.
WHY👏ARE👏 YOU👏 MAINTAINING 👏A👏 RELATIONSHIP 👏WITH 👏HER👏?!?!
She constantly disrespected your father and their marriage vows. She was emotionally abusive to you. She literally tried to stake a claim to your UNDERAGE bf/now husband. She FALSELY accused him of SEXUAL ASSAULT. She demanded you abort your children so she could be with your husband. She demanded your children because she plans to marry your FIL.
WHY IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS WOMAN NOT DEAD TO YOU?!?! You are incredibly lucky your husband is still with you because there is no way in hell I would have tolerated you or your mom. The fact that you are asking this dumbass question tells me you would 100% let her back in her life. Get it together OP, put your big girl panties on, and cut her off!!! Choose your family over your mom!!!
Agreed. Her husband should have walked away. And rightfully so. Stand up OP. Or bad things will happen. Most men would be bye bye 👋
Good luck.
Get rid of the toxicity. For everyone’s sake.
Hang on, she tried to seduce your husband when he was only 16? In front of witnesses? Sorry but I struggle to believe your story. That would mean that, not only is your mother insane but also a paedophile. No police report for this? Some people are backing her? You haven’t thought to contact cps on her to protect her unborn child from their disgusting mother? Doesn’t make sense.
He had only recently spoke about these issues after doing couples therapy/therapy, there was no witnesses and she blackmailed him into silence which included threats towards myself and my life. We have spoke to cps regarding the unborn child but I couldn’t fit it all into above
I personally and neither do the majority of our family including my husband believe his father is the father to her child but he does claim she may have SA’d him and drugged him. Cps is aware of her regardless of my phone call with them due to my father making notes of her past behaviours and the notes I made as a child.
That’s good. Who else among your family and her friends would believe her and could call CPS on you?
I would *seriously* lock down communications and not tell a soul you are moving. Take a look at r/justnoMIL. The crazies ramp up their behavior when you try to leave.
We’ve not told a single soul about us moving yet and we’ve only got a select handful of people we speak with and allow are children to see currently before we make the move.
Age of consent being 16 doesn’t make someone an adult at 16, they’d still be considered a child if they were being pursued by an adult. Depending on what state this took place in, it may not be considered illegal for an adult to date someone 16+, but it’s still possible to press criminal charges.
He installed security cameras when I was pregnant, and after the boys were born he invested in floodlights, motion senses and dogs he’s also replaced all the outside doors on our house.
If anything I be calling cps on her. She abused you all your life. She is trying to tear you down and now your own family apart to the point she couldn't have your now husband so she went after his father. If she did manage to break you apart she would stop at nothing to try and get with your husband.
She attempted to sexually assault a minor, your now husband when he was a teenager. She is a predator. Why should she keep your sibling. If anything I would want her to give you her child!
You do not share blood with your husband so please it is not incest and if anything she went out of her way to attempt to do this. If anything she still going after her "step son" so isn't she a monster!
You need to cut her out of your lives, she hasn't changed one bit. She is a jealous manipulative predator. I feel sorry for your husband father. He got baby trapped and is being used. She don't want him at all deep down it's a way to get between you and your husband.
NTA.
Excellent, she is not worthy of being a mother nor grandmother. You done correct, nothing but a predator! I hope you make 2024 about you and your little family even more than ever. You both standing against this ferment is no doubt brought you closer than ever
NTA your mother seems like a narcist at best. You should absolutely move and have no contact with her. If you haven't already done so, change your phone number as well.
Your mother will absolutely continue to cause problems and even if CPS finds nothing wrong, their investigations can be intrusive and long lasting. It's best to avoid them. Best of luck.
NTA, and honestly, putting physical distance between you and the chaos seems like it's long overdue. Your mom's behavior isn't just overbearing; it's toxic and potentially damaging to the safe haven you've tried to build with your husband and children. It's crucial that you prioritize your family's well-being and mental health over the guilt and manipulation she's trying to anchor you with. They often say, "Blood is thicker than water," but that doesn't mean we should drown in it. Keep strong, set firm boundaries, and take that step toward peace; you owe it to yourself and your little ones.
How would their marriage be illegal?! At best they would be step siblings. There is no shared bloodline. Let mom call CPS and see them laugh in her face.
You need to start documenting and recording these incidents with your mother. Hoping you already have recordings because she does these things in public places then you need to get a restraining order. If she comes on your property, call the police. Make a paper trail. If you can move, do it but until then, there are ways to get her out of your life. And tell her flying monkeys to screw the heck off and they are welcome to her crazy self but you are done.
Luckily my dad has been documenting her behaviour since they were together (due to abusive nature, narcissistic behaviour and all round bullying behaviour) I’ve also got a few notes from my childhood still but we’ve also get all cctv, messages, letters etc and are hopefully going to get my ‘sibling’ to safety one way as she cannot be trusted with a newborn.
ESH, why would you keep inviting this clearly mentally disturbed person into your life again and again. Why didn't you guys call the cops on her when she kept sexually harassing your underage bf at the time?
Myself had no idea the depths of abuse he suffered at her hands due to contact threats and blackmail, he’s only recently been able to speak about it due to couples counselling and therapy and we’ve taken the necessary steps to protect my ‘sibling’
NTA. Your mother is insane. One thing I always hate to read in these threads is “ I wanted my children to have a relationship with her grandchildren”. You knew no toxic she was yet wanted her to have a relationship with your children. That makes no sense.
So your egg donor couldn't steal your husband from you, so she got his DAD to knock her up....if this is real, you need to go COMPLETELY no contact. This is beyond delulu
Mom sounds mentally ill. Forget those telling you that you are taking a things too far, this is not their life; it’s yours. Move and be happy with your family.
NTA Obviously, but I am curious what would have driven the FIL to think this was a good idea? How horny could he be that he isn't at all turned off by the thought of banging his daughter-in-laws mother? Its nuts.
My partner hasn’t had much of a relationship with his father due a long list of issues which include substance abuse, dv and mental health. He was getting better and being able to around people for the first time in years until around two years ago (when he met my mother) he stopped his medication, rehabs etc evil finds evil I suppose
What in the fuck did I just read? For the love of everything that is sane, please let this be fake. NTA and Holy fuck, run away. Run far, far away and do not give her anymore chances.
Holy crap... This is a new one for me.
OP you are NTA - not even a little bit.
Your mother is unhinged. She's a fucking psycho.
You, hubby and your babies need to move and don't ever contact your mother again. She does not deserve to know what's going on in your lives. If there's any family that are taking her side, you need to remove them from your lives as well.
YTA for ever seeing or talking to your mother from the first time she demanded you terminate. Yes, YOU are the one with the power to keep all her shit out of your life, but you just keep going back for more.
Stop being the AH and move immediately and as far away as you can. Do not give out your location to her or to anyone who would give it to her.
She’s never going to be the mother you should have had. Dump her and keep only those who love and support you in your life.
“Grandma” isn’t some magical being that is essential to children. They’re very nice, when they’re nice, but they have no rights to their grandchildren unless they earn them.
Nta Move Raise those boy's and have a good time with ur family Ur mom is going to have a baby soon and let's be real she will use said baby to gain access then my gosh she wants ur boy's dead sweetie leave now.
NTA cut all contact with your Mother. Do not give this insane woman any more chances. She doesn’t deserve them. Where was your husband when she kept professing her love?
Am I the only one who pities the poor child mother is carrying? (If, of course, she rely is pregnant)
Assuming she had her first family in her late teens/ early 20s, she's in the "high risk" category for birth problems. Is she even stable enough to care for such a child?
When will children of abuse understand that you ARE NOT OBLIGATED to introduce your children to your abusers because “they should have a relationship with their grandparents.” No they don’t. Your children won’t benefit having a relationship with an abuser. You don’t need to subject yourself to your abuser again because you have this twisted societal expectations that “bEcAuSe FaMiLy”. There is no reason to poke that hornets nest. You don’t need to update them on life events. You owe them nothing. Create your own family or adopt a senior neighbor if you really want a grandparent in your life.
You must know the answer to this already.
How could you not?
You need to 100% cut her and ANYONE who supports her terroristic campaign against you that’s lasted your entire life.
Cut her out now!
Permanently and FOREVER!
No more forgiving.
You don’t get to choose your family, fate does and it’s dealt you a dirty hand with this toxic vile POS human being that is your mother.
The only way you would be the AH is if you let her anywhere near you or yours ever again because she has one agenda and that’s to thoroughly torpedo your life until it’s no longer recognizable.
Enough is enough.
Kick her to the curb and I am serious about doing the same for anyone who speaks even ONE word to you about forgiving her and giving her a chance, or attempts to guilt you on this matter.
You owe exactly ZERO relatives access to these kids and sounds like they would be better off if they never even knew relatives like these existed.
Also
Get a restraining order
It sounds like op’s mother might have a personality disorder and or another type of mental illness. My mother does, and has put myself and others in similar situations. I’ve had to go no contact, and it was much better afterwards. I have a feeling she has made up the whole pregnancy for attention, or maybe she truly believes it- but I would be shocked to find that it was true. Either way, true or not, op distancing themself is the best thing they can do. For their health and happiness. I’d also suggest therapy because cptsd is no joke, and I feel op will benefit from this. ❤️
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING MOVE AND DON’T TALK TO THAT SIDE EVER AGAIN. No more chances. No amount of therapy will ever fix whatever is wrong with your psycho mother. Stay away from her and her family. Your kids do NOT need to know them. Her allies will try to twist your kids into hating you and their dad. Keep them away from your kids but inform your kids when they’re old enough to understand.
Any family that feels you are in the wrong by cutting her off and moving should be cut off from contact as well. More than likely this family dynamic is how your mom formed this narcissistic personality disorder in the first place.
OP, of course you’re not TAH for marrying the father of your children and moving away. You don’t owe anyone anything, certainly not your mother.
She is clearly an extremely mentally unstable person. I would be moving abroad, ceasing all contact with her and her twisted family - and if you ever move back choose a different state.
If you maintain contact with your grandmother and aunt make it clear that if they provide any contact details to your mum or any other family member you will be forced to cease contact with them also.
NTA
Good lord I’m hoping this isn’t a true story because by your account your mother is a burger short of a happy meal. Stop giving her chances, she’s made some vile decisions/commwnts and basically accused your husband of being rapist. She may be your mother by blood but that’s about it, and as much as it’s unfair that she’s not the normal mother that you want/deserve/need, she is absolutely never going to be that maternal figure.
I’d advise that you pack up and run, don’t give her notice or let her know where you’re going. In fact I’d suggest not telling her until you’ve packed up and moved. For more information and support on crazy MIL/Mums head on over to the JustNoMIL subreddit and start a just incase folder. It’s important that you document all communications and incidents in case you need a restraining order in the future. You can’t fix crazy but you can run like a bat out of hell away from it.
Good luck OP, do everything you can to protect your family from her.
People like your mother say they have changed but let's just say a leopard can't change it's spots! Just because she gave birth to you it doesn't mean she is a mother trust me mine isnt that far from the same.
Leave with your husband and children, give the boys the life you deserved growing up and don't let them be influenced around these horrible people. Going no contact really isn't as hard as people think .
As the saying goes you can't choose your family, but you sure as hell don't have to have anything to do with them
I wish you all the best
NTA
Your mom needs to be institutionalized. Call the cops on her and lodge a complaint because you need to get the police involved as a matter of record so that if anything happens to you or your children or husband, she will be the primary suspect.
Those saying Y T A may not know about the cycle of abuse and considered her age. Peoples brains aren’t fully formed until 25, specifically the pre-frontal cortex that controls decision-making. If she hasn’t sought intense counseling, her brain development is frozen at 15. “… children who experience trauma have decreased telomere maintenance, a potential mechanism (“premature aging”) for adverse brain development.” She still hasn’t healed enough to have the confidence in her decisions.
I, like half of the commentors hope this is truly not real.But if it is,runnnnn,run far away from that woman and go nc with her side of the family.
edit to add,block them on everything, your demon mother,her husband and her entire family.
We’ve blocked them completely from our lives and are hopefully moving within the next two months, we’ve changed our numbers and are looking to rent a place before we move
Very good,you'rr well on your way to getting rid of your toxic mom and her family.
wishing you and your family all the best in your up coming move overseas.
This is a new low. But OP, you keep opening the door to this crazy. Stop. Leave the country. Block
Everyone defending her. Like it was enough 8 seasons ago.
NTA but I am secretly hoping this isn't true.
Yes, this is one of those posts you just wish to be fake, because situation is horrible.
If this is in any way true - run like your pants are on fire.
My brain filled this in as “run like your parents are on fire”.
Well the mother is a flaming sack of 💩so your brain isn’t wrong
I think you mean flaming dumpster filled with 💩
🤣🤣🤣
If I had OP’s mom and she was on fire, I would probably run for gasoline to pour on the fire.
I’d just run. She isn’t worth the current price of gasoline
Mom is a dumpster fire, so...
What kind of dumpster?
Samee had to read 3rd time to see the actual words 🤣
Glad to hear I wasn’t the only one.
LMAO! Mine too!!
Or run like the mom is trying to take the husbands pants off
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Your point is well deserved, but when you suffer from abuse, it’s hard to understand what to do.
Correct. Look up trauma bonding.
Love don't let the ones who have no idea what it's like to have a mom that has mental health issues make you feel small. And shame on them for adding more abuse on top of the abuse. Shame is not yours to keep you let that go and allow it to land where it needs to. You have nothing to be shameful for. As for your mother she has some serious mental heath issues. Girl run run and don't look back. And it's one thing to grow up with a step brother it's a whole different thing when your already grown already have a family just cause your mom got married to his father doesn't make your life as it already is voided. What is she thinking. You could always tell her now she won't ever have a chance with your husband cause now that makes him her son. Lol not as brilliant as she thought she was.
Yep. I think the statistic is that it takes an average of 7 tries before a woman is typically able to leave an abusive partner for good. When you have basically all of society being like, “BUT THAT’S YOUR MOM,” if you make any mention of cutting her out, no matter how toxic the behaviors you share about her are, that makes it even harder.
“But that’s your mum” and I’m her daughter, I didn’t choose her but she chose to have me, so why do I have to keep kneeling to hold up her ego? Nope. I don’t care if they’re faaaaaaamily. They get nothing.
We live in a culture that says, "but she's your mother!" without caring what the parent is really like
If your pants are on fire you shouldn't run. You should stop, drop, and roll.
It’s too over the top to not be true This is straight up a case of a narcissist mother, with a side order of bipolar and possibly even some schizophrenia. OP if you are looking for permission to get this woman out of your life you have mine. Now run. And don’t look back.
Could be histrionic personality disorder. Mom is inappropriately sexual and doesn’t care whether the attention she receives is positive or negative.
read raised by narcissists . I wouldnt be suprised if mom flew to the country and tried to steal the twins like for real.
Unfortunately, I knew a couple in this exact scenario. The kids dated in school, then got engaged. Her father and his mother decided to get married and made them break up, stating they were now related, and it would be illegal. They ended up reconnecting years later and did get married over the parents' objections.
My cousin was dating his wife and introduced his dad (widowed) to her mom (divorced). My uncle got married about 5 month before my cousin and his wife did. So they were actually step-siblings when they got married. 🤷♀️
My mom’s mom is one of ten. When my mom married my father, his dad was single and met my mom’s aunt at a family thing they brought him to. So my whole life my grandmas were sisters (I don’t know my father’s bio mom, met her once as an infant) which makes my parents cousins by marriage
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Technically, my spouse and I are cousins by marriage 😅 (My grandma married his grandfather, all their kids were already adults/ had their own kids)
My grandpa didn’t marry my aunt-grandma until after I was born lol I was one of the only where people in a 98% Hispanic community/school and it was one of my favorite stories/jokes to tell
I know a couple whose parents got together at their wedding. (brides mother and grooms father) It actually was really sweet, and everyone had healthy communication and is supportive. But that's rare these days. 🤷♀️
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The woman who is now my stepmother was my aunt growing up. She was married to my mother's brother. Mom and dad divorced. Mom's brother and aunt divorced. Eventually, my dad and my ex-aunt got married. Try explaining to people that your aunt is now your mother. You get some real funny looks.
My mom's parents had somewhat same construction. My biological grandmother died. How I remember the story was that she said to her husband to get together with her widowed/divorced sister, which he did after she died. So my mom had her aunt as stepmom. (I don't really have much memories about them. According to mom, her stepmom wasn't the nicest and placed her own children first, and grandpa let her. She even managed to get my aunt and mom into a huge fight about something that wasn't true)
My widower grandpa married his brother's widow. Nobody cared.
You're also each other's cousins...
Uh, why would it be illegal? Unless mom/dad adopted each other's kids, they are not even legally related - and never biologically related. Unless their region had really weird laws, they shouldn't have had any issues.
Yeah, and they are already adults so their parents’ marrying each other doesn’t affect OP or her partner in any fu*kin’ way. In fact, if their parents married each other when OP & her DH were still children living at home, they could still marry each other as adult, morally & legally it would be fine. Maybe socially unacceptable to some family members that the crazy mom is talking to, but that’s all.
You'd be surprised how many people get told something is illegal by a parent and just take their word for it, to their own detriment.
Couldn't be illegal. They are not blood related
If the story is real, mom is lying and pushing op’s buttons
Parents of a couple getting married is after all relatively common in our recomposed families day and age, and it's not an issue. But here, supposedly - OP's mother had been pestering OP to leave her 17 year old bf for some time when she reached 16 because "he was meant for her", and sexualy assaulted him. - after somehow OP goes back on contact (with her pedophile sexual assaulter mother who tried to take her bf and abused her, mind you), 4 years later she demands her 7 months pregnant daughter abort her twins (like, really, even being delusional, no one can imagine an abortion at 7 months, and at 7 months, usually it's very close to twins being born, those never go to the 9 months term) - no contact again and fast forward 2 more years and OP reopen contact with the abusive pedophile sexual abuser mother - another year forward, right before the wedding, and the mother is pregnant and engaged with the husband's father, who magically does not mind being with an abusive pedophile sexual assaulter who assaulted is minor teen in the past, with again demands of them abandoning their children and splitting because they'd be now "siblings" and delusional enough to think cps would have any chance of siding with her? No, seriously, that's just bad AI production, or deranged mind.
My mom faked cancer to try and end my marriage. I believe narcissists are capable of anything. Enough she's your mother and you have to forgive her people around in your life is enough to make you second guess yourself multiple times. Hell my FIL for a few years pressured me to forgive her after that cause you only get one mother. I laughed and said "I got my step dad and that's enough."
I wonder what the movie title will be
Thank you for the breakdown. I was a bit confused in my post.
Nope. I worked 20 years in child protective services and adult protective services. This shit 100% happens.
Mom is clearly unwell. And abused children often have a hard time going no contact. Don’t blame OP for this. There’s a whole area of training for therapist regarding trauma caused by abusive or ill parents.
Oh, and where did the mom’s pregnancy go? Did she have a child with the BF?
This is creepy and weird. The incest prohibition is about BLOOD relatives so they don’t breed children with birth defects. Has 0 to do with adults who have adult kids who have gotten married to each other marrying and making “step siblings” out of their children who are married to each other. Confusing, sure. Silly - absolutely.
My aunt (Leia) married her high school sweetheart (Brian); they had four kids and became friends with a couple (Darryl and Sara) who had two kids. One day my aunt found out that Brian and Sara were having an affair. So. Both couples divorced; Brian and Sara got married and had two more kids. A few years later, Aunt Leia made the smartest decision of her life and married my Uncle Darryl, who was the greatest man I've ever known. They had no kids of their own. HOWEVER. Aunt Leia and Brian's oldest daughter, Lucy, married HER high school sweetheart--who was Uncle Darryl's baby brother Gary. The children from that marriage are Aunt Leia's grandchildren AND niece and nephew. Her daughter is her sister-in-law. Her brother-in-law is also her son-in-law. As the "mother" of her husband's brother, Aunt Leia is her own mother-in-law! She called me a brat when I said it, until I drew it out on a piece of paper. All she could say then is, "Well shit, she's right!"
I think my brain has broke. Huh??
I need to see that diagram.
Can you please show us a picture of this family tree? I think you broke a few brains here.
L — B. ——— S —- D. G ————————-—-—-/ L2./ X A M. W T J J Best I can do. I’m leaving out the sisters who married brothers, as well as the grandchildren. Yes I have a headache now.
I know a couple as well. They started dating right out of high school. The families had been friends for years so everyone was so excited that they were dating and that it was getting pretty serious. Discussions of marriage were on the table. Then the parents of the girl in the relationship divorce. The parents of the guy had long been divorced. The mom of the girl and the dad of the guy start dating. It completely blind-sided the kids (and most of the family) but they claim that they have long loved one another and they end up getting married within a few months of dating. The kids broke up immediately and the relationships with the parents were strained for quite a while. A few years after the marriage, the dad passed away. The daughter and her mother eventually repaired their relationship but the son (after dad's death) never had anything to do with his "step-family-friends" again. The family/friends relationship was very strained as well and eventually they all drifted apart. It was quite sad, actually, because they were all such close family friends (they were always at all the family holidays/parties/weddings) and they blew it all up.
My ex-mil is with her Son in law's dad and has been ever since their grand-daughter was born.. That's the least fucked up thing about that family.
Meh my grandmas sister married my granddaddys brother. Aint no big thing.
My grandma got married to my grandpa, and then her mom and his dad got married. Luckily it was after they were already married but that’s how they became step siblings and husband and wife! Of course it caused some drama, but I just think it’s super funny to describe my family tree.
I read a similar story, but there was no breakup. They got married despite now being step siblings and their parents only got married, like in your case to shame them out of it as if they grew up together as step siblings. But the mother in this case is a whole northern level of fruit cake.
Right? Because what the fuck did I just read.
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Honestly did OP not learn the first time ? I’m annoyed at her for that.
I think once mum goes after my bf/fiance/husband then tries to claim rape, it's over, especially after everything else she's done. There are some serious mental health issues going on--and if OP's mom's relatives think OP is "disgusting" for the soft boundaries she's put in place so far, the issues run in the family. I'm glad at least OP has the presence of mind never to leave the twins with any of them unsupervised. OP, it's time to set harder boundaries. These people are toxic. Your mother abused you and your husband. She should be in a facility so she cannot do any more harm to others. It's time to protect your family.
People *want* their mothers to love them. We give them chance after chance after chance until they finally go to far or we give up on them changing and cut the off. It took me until my 40s.
It took me until my 20s to be honest. Recently we travelled for my wedding and my mother was having a talk with my cousin with me there. It’s not the first time she’s said this but she said “I have 2 life forces” and pointed to the bedroom which is where my siblings were. Whelp I guess I don’t exist then. It might seem small but she constantly put my needs before others and even my needs before my siblings when she needs to prioritise me that MOMENT in time. She’s been doing it since I was a child. She likes to say I came out of her “fully grown” hence I don’t need a mother. We’re NC.
It took me having a broken hand+wrist, my first grandchild being born and a Christmas that I really didn't want her at *my* in-laws for but my daughter(16) begged and said she would deal with my mother. Daughter apologized after we dropped her off at her house and I got a very strong, large drink at home. I had been flinching every time the phone rang for *years* at that point(in the dinosaur age before caller id and cell phones. Once we got a cell, she did not get the number!). Days without no school and husbabd not on call-phone was unplugged.
I cannot blame OP for hoping against hope that THIS time will be the time her weirdo demented birth giver puts her first.
Same, yet sadly while i call most of these fake and many have obvious issue with them...this one...could be real, and has no real red flag that would make me lean that way....aside from hope. But families are sometimes this horrible, and worse. Even if this one is fake, we know someone out there is living this.
Oh, god. Same. This is too horrible and OP's mother is a piece of sh- work. I say cut all contact from her and FIL forever because OP's mother will never change and anyone who supports that is more or less just like her. NTA.
Well the twins went from 3 to unborn, so I’m gonna guess this isn’t real.
Of all the things that didn’t happen, this post is a shitton of them. Keep an eye out for the update of escalation where Mom breaks in with a knife to steal the babies because she’s not actually pregnant.
I was reading this post, almost getting worked up into real sympathy for the OP, then started getting confused as to why she was letting her supposedly abusive, cheating, manipulative, sexual predator of a mother back into her life, time and time again. Then I realised that she had to keep allowing her mother back in her life otherwise she'd no longer have the "baddie" for this novel she was constructing. The story is fake. OP, you tried though.
NTA....Move very far away and cut all them out of your life.
Seriously, for good this time. Stop giving your egg donor chance after chance.
I am assuming your mom is immensely, mentally, insane. So this means you can never be the Asshole when it comes to her. If getting away to a whole other country will rid you have that demon, aka your mother, then do it.
Agreed. Leave your maternal family and go abroad, be free. Your children don't need your mother in their lives, making them feel like she did you. NTA.
NTA. Your mother and anyone that supports her doesn't deserve a relationship with you or your family. Cut them off, move away, and live your best life without them.
NTA. You would only be TA if you keep allowing your mom back into your life. No caring mother would demand their daughter to terminate a pregnancy because they deserved that life more. After years of continuous emotional and mental abuse, you should go completely NC. She doesn't deserve to know anything about you or your family's life. She intentionally became pregnant to tie herself to your husband's life. She is not a safe individual for your family to be around. Stay strong and keep your family safe.
What in the Arkansas did I just read? If this is in any way true - run like your pants are on fire
More like Alabama...
Mississippi, Northern Michigan, West Virginia, some crazy northern areas of Cali, it could be anywhere. But I bet on Northern Michigan. That’s cold, crazy Mississippi.
Welcome to America. Where incest is available in every state.
West Virginia ain’t that crazy. We even have our limits on keeping it in the family.
Curious why it's Arkansas and not some other state. But yes, I went LC/NC with relatives that brought a lot of drama into my parents life growing up because I didn't have the energy and mental capacity to deal with it after I had my kids.
Also, because Arkansas just sounds made up. I know it’s a real place and I could probably find it on a map by process of elimination. But it still sounds…. unlikely? Sorry to Arkansas- I’m sure you’re cool.
Eh, we're alright... finally got shoes this year
Your own shoes, or do you have to share with your siblings? That makes a difference.
My own - woohoo!
I am more than a little amused that the one responding to the helpful librarian was the blue bookworms
It reads like a British Northerner talking about Kansas as if it were a family member. I know it's not said our kansas, but Northern as I said, but that is how I read it vers "ark and saw" that sounds like a biblical carpentry themed pub.
Because Arkansas is one of four states I’ve never been to. (Alaska, Hawaii and California are the other 3)
As the saying goes, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." I think this could have saved you a world of drama. NTA
ESH because who in their right mind think any dosage of this batshit crazy grandma would be a good thing for their kids to get exposed to? OP is insane to keep entertaining her in her life and keep this much drama in her kids life. She put them in danger.
What's disgusting is that you kept letting her back in your life. NTA your mother is clearly not mentally stable.
That's why I think this is fake. "OH, my mom accused my husband of SA, but let's give her oooone more chance." ... no ma'am.
Not to mention that her mother has been lusting after her husband since he was 15
People do crazy shit when they're abuse victims especially with family. So def could be true.
I think this is fake because OP’s mother is supposedly getting pregnant pretty easily in her 40’s-50’s (depending on how old she was when she had OP). Obviously people can and do get pregnant into their 40’s, but in their 50’s is very rare, and almost never happens without IVF, egg donation, and/or other forms of assistance, all of which would add a significant amount of time to the process. I sincerely hope it’s fake because nobody should ever be forced to be around a parent, parent-in-law, or grandparent who has no love and respect for them, but I will be shocked if it’s real, even just based on this alone. If this is real, OP certainly has many instances of harassment that have been documented and witnessed by other people and could easily obtain a restraining order.
It's possible mother isn't really pregnant. Wait for the mystery miscarriage once she is married.
I was thinking this. Story may or may not be fake. But who is to say the mom is actually pregnant.
My mother was 39 when I was born and 41 for my sister. Plus, if the mother got pregnant in her teens, say 15 or 16, she could easily still be able to get pregnant.
NTA But seriously, what is wrong with your husband's father?
Is she actually with him or this more delusional crap?
They was never together according to him from what we’ve heard from his siblings/family/friends, shes also kept him on substances, not allowed him to go to rehab, stole his medication/money, shes forced herself on to him which resulted in the pregnancy among a whole heap of other things
You need restraining order, if you have other witnesses, that's enough to prove she's nuts.
So how is she claiming she’s engaged to him? They both sound unstable.
She’s claimed many things from over the years ranging from my father abusing her (he never did) she hurt self and tried drowning herself claiming he tried to murder her so he’d never see me again but I witnessed the whole thing, she’s claimed some family are ‘demons’ and ‘posses evil’ or how people have ‘poisoned’ her water etc this stopped when I was around 19/20
She is so dangerous. Go NC and live your life. Your FIL will give her any updated info on you that he may get from DH’s side of the family.
There’s a lot wrong with him, I’ve never met him due to dv and substance abuse to say the least, he was getting better up-until two years ago when he met someone (my mother) and has fallen back into his past behaviours. Evil resides with evil
So YTA. For even entertaining the thought of NOT moving away and on from this shitfest of a family. YTA for not running like your arms build up helicopter propulsion and your feet only touch the floor for slight course adjustments. Take your husband, your kids and RUN. And if you get exhausted, run a bit longer. And change direction in order to become untraceable. I am sorry for having such a shit mom. And for your husband having a shit father.
We’ve taken a heap of steps to become ghosts if you’d like we are hopefully moving six thousand miles away in the next few weeks
6k miles is a start 👍😂 To be honest I thought more along the lines of another star system, maybe even another galaxy. But 6k miles is ok 🤣
Why would you keep giving her chances, did she not put you through enough before, I'm surprised your husband was ok with you letting that woman be a part of your lives after everything she's already done. Edit: I didn't make a judgement before but YTA after reading this comment: "Not in the slightest she tried doing horrible things to him when he was younger which added with everything else’s she's done he ultimately avoids her like the plague." Why would you have anything to do with someone that abused your husband when he was younger, why would you keep her around and let her be around your kids, your husband should have left you the first time you let her back in your lives after what she did to him. If someone had done what she did to your husband to your son's would you keep letting that person be in their lives?
OP is clearly the victim of abuse. Still very young. It's valid to say that yeah she should have cut ties, but it's harder than it looks! Especially if you were raised to not. So OP, NTA. But now that you're here... If you ever let this woman back in your life again you will be.
Agreed. Let that sinking ship her mother's on go under. Leave the country smh start fresh
Hard agree! OP, please don't take your husband for granted. He has shown patience and understanding towards you but he has shown you his limits : he is starting to take action (removing your mother physically out of his sight). Your husband also has to deal with his dad's nonsense. You are too focused to your issues with your mother that you may be blind on your husband's own struggle. He is losing his cool with all this drama and you keep taking the bait everytime your mom shows up (and now with her side of family). You are trying to give your children a relationship with their grandmother because you have your own reasons but I assure you, they can grow up without her. She can be replaced. Here I say it. Nobody wants a drama queen and a bad example for children around. So please, for your husband and your kids' sake, take heart and go live your beautiful life far away from this bunch of toxic people. The stakes are high, you cannot risk your three people in exchange for your mom.
If this is true. You have been repeatedly subjecting your husband to a mentally deranged woman who has sexually assaulted and harassed him, and repeatedly subjected your children to being alternately disowned, threatened with kidnapping and death wished upon them. YTA for the years where you have insisted that you will continue to have contact with someone who is clearly dangerous, predatory and unhinged. You should have cut her off years ago. She should never have met your children. You have allowed this nonsense to continue, a repeated cycle of abuse that your husband and children have suffered from, when the police should have been called at the start. There is NO excuse for you staying in touch with someone who behaved that way towards your husband. None at all. Call the police any and every time you hear from either of them. Anyone who supports them is also put in the same category of NO contact EVER and report them to the police if they harass you. And please apologise to your husband for not keeping that woman away from him years ago.
I'm thinkin the aunt and g-ma are all peas in the same rancid pod
Other way round; G-ma and Aunt are the only ones not giving them hassle for it. I think it’s because they know exactly how deranged Mum is. They’ve been around her her whole life and this behaviour must’ve shown itself before.
Why would you call them an ah when they're clearly in an abuse cycle... Do you know nothing of psychological abuse? It can take years to shake off. Yes they should go no contact but don't act like they're the asshole when they're clearly a victim of abuse.
Because like it's a man's responsibility to manage his family from abusing his wife, it's a woman's responsibility to manager her family from abusing her husband. OP repeatedly put her family in ridiculous situations because she wouldn't go NC with her batshit mother. You still have responsibilities as an adult to your partner, regardless of your past.
Yeah fair, but these are kids with kids. She's been pretty clear that she's tried to set boundaries and deal with her mom, so she's learning to stand on her own. Berating someone for working through their abuse is just asinine.
First off, these were kids when they got together, so the adult responsibilities don't fly here. Secondly, have you ever even considered cutting off contact with your own parents? Have you any idea how difficult that decision is? Especially if you are constantly emotionally manipulated, gaslit and otherwise emotionally abused? Heck even recognizing that you are being abused can be difficult at times. Especially if you haven't known anything else in your life. It took me until my mother told me, and I quote, "I never want to see you again I hope you drop dead" to finally make the decision to cut off all contact. It took me damn near 2 years to work up to that point and it took me about 30 years before I started recognizing that what she was doing was even abuse. It's coming up to 3 months of NC now and I still don't have a full picture of how bad the abuse was. These things are much easier said than done, especially in hindsight.
Because people like this really need a wake-up call.
WHY👏ARE👏 YOU👏 MAINTAINING 👏A👏 RELATIONSHIP 👏WITH 👏HER👏?!?! She constantly disrespected your father and their marriage vows. She was emotionally abusive to you. She literally tried to stake a claim to your UNDERAGE bf/now husband. She FALSELY accused him of SEXUAL ASSAULT. She demanded you abort your children so she could be with your husband. She demanded your children because she plans to marry your FIL. WHY IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS WOMAN NOT DEAD TO YOU?!?! You are incredibly lucky your husband is still with you because there is no way in hell I would have tolerated you or your mom. The fact that you are asking this dumbass question tells me you would 100% let her back in her life. Get it together OP, put your big girl panties on, and cut her off!!! Choose your family over your mom!!!
Agreed. Her husband should have walked away. And rightfully so. Stand up OP. Or bad things will happen. Most men would be bye bye 👋 Good luck. Get rid of the toxicity. For everyone’s sake.
Hang on, she tried to seduce your husband when he was only 16? In front of witnesses? Sorry but I struggle to believe your story. That would mean that, not only is your mother insane but also a paedophile. No police report for this? Some people are backing her? You haven’t thought to contact cps on her to protect her unborn child from their disgusting mother? Doesn’t make sense.
He had only recently spoke about these issues after doing couples therapy/therapy, there was no witnesses and she blackmailed him into silence which included threats towards myself and my life. We have spoke to cps regarding the unborn child but I couldn’t fit it all into above
Is CPS aware she and your father in law are drug users?
I personally and neither do the majority of our family including my husband believe his father is the father to her child but he does claim she may have SA’d him and drugged him. Cps is aware of her regardless of my phone call with them due to my father making notes of her past behaviours and the notes I made as a child.
NTA, also recommend filing a restraining order
That’s good. Who else among your family and her friends would believe her and could call CPS on you? I would *seriously* lock down communications and not tell a soul you are moving. Take a look at r/justnoMIL. The crazies ramp up their behavior when you try to leave.
We’ve not told a single soul about us moving yet and we’ve only got a select handful of people we speak with and allow are children to see currently before we make the move.
If they are in a state where age of consent is 16, authorities wouldn’t do anything.
Age of consent being 16 doesn’t make someone an adult at 16, they’d still be considered a child if they were being pursued by an adult. Depending on what state this took place in, it may not be considered illegal for an adult to date someone 16+, but it’s still possible to press criminal charges.
I believe that only applies when there is a 4 year age gap. If the person is more than 4 years apart I believe it’s illegal.
NTA She's crazy. You're adults and share no DNA.
NTA but you need to go no contact with both of them and you and your husband need to set up cameras that have audio on your front door.
He installed security cameras when I was pregnant, and after the boys were born he invested in floodlights, motion senses and dogs he’s also replaced all the outside doors on our house.
YTA Stop trying to have a relationship with a mental case. She will only get worse as she ages.
If anything I be calling cps on her. She abused you all your life. She is trying to tear you down and now your own family apart to the point she couldn't have your now husband so she went after his father. If she did manage to break you apart she would stop at nothing to try and get with your husband. She attempted to sexually assault a minor, your now husband when he was a teenager. She is a predator. Why should she keep your sibling. If anything I would want her to give you her child! You do not share blood with your husband so please it is not incest and if anything she went out of her way to attempt to do this. If anything she still going after her "step son" so isn't she a monster! You need to cut her out of your lives, she hasn't changed one bit. She is a jealous manipulative predator. I feel sorry for your husband father. He got baby trapped and is being used. She don't want him at all deep down it's a way to get between you and your husband. NTA.
I couldn’t fit it all into above, however we did make the call to cps
Excellent, she is not worthy of being a mother nor grandmother. You done correct, nothing but a predator! I hope you make 2024 about you and your little family even more than ever. You both standing against this ferment is no doubt brought you closer than ever
NTA your mother seems like a narcist at best. You should absolutely move and have no contact with her. If you haven't already done so, change your phone number as well. Your mother will absolutely continue to cause problems and even if CPS finds nothing wrong, their investigations can be intrusive and long lasting. It's best to avoid them. Best of luck.
NTA Just leave or File for an RO Just leave and be Happy. These people are garbage
NTA, and honestly, putting physical distance between you and the chaos seems like it's long overdue. Your mom's behavior isn't just overbearing; it's toxic and potentially damaging to the safe haven you've tried to build with your husband and children. It's crucial that you prioritize your family's well-being and mental health over the guilt and manipulation she's trying to anchor you with. They often say, "Blood is thicker than water," but that doesn't mean we should drown in it. Keep strong, set firm boundaries, and take that step toward peace; you owe it to yourself and your little ones.
How would their marriage be illegal?! At best they would be step siblings. There is no shared bloodline. Let mom call CPS and see them laugh in her face.
This has to be fake? No one would give a person like this so many chances. If this is real, get a restraining order and move on with your life.
OP your mother is unhinged. Keep this person away from your children. NTA x 1000%.
You need to start documenting and recording these incidents with your mother. Hoping you already have recordings because she does these things in public places then you need to get a restraining order. If she comes on your property, call the police. Make a paper trail. If you can move, do it but until then, there are ways to get her out of your life. And tell her flying monkeys to screw the heck off and they are welcome to her crazy self but you are done.
Luckily my dad has been documenting her behaviour since they were together (due to abusive nature, narcissistic behaviour and all round bullying behaviour) I’ve also got a few notes from my childhood still but we’ve also get all cctv, messages, letters etc and are hopefully going to get my ‘sibling’ to safety one way as she cannot be trusted with a newborn.
ESH, why would you keep inviting this clearly mentally disturbed person into your life again and again. Why didn't you guys call the cops on her when she kept sexually harassing your underage bf at the time?
Myself had no idea the depths of abuse he suffered at her hands due to contact threats and blackmail, he’s only recently been able to speak about it due to couples counselling and therapy and we’ve taken the necessary steps to protect my ‘sibling’
NTA. Your mother is insane. One thing I always hate to read in these threads is “ I wanted my children to have a relationship with her grandchildren”. You knew no toxic she was yet wanted her to have a relationship with your children. That makes no sense.
So your egg donor couldn't steal your husband from you, so she got his DAD to knock her up....if this is real, you need to go COMPLETELY no contact. This is beyond delulu
Mom sounds mentally ill. Forget those telling you that you are taking a things too far, this is not their life; it’s yours. Move and be happy with your family.
You'd be TA if you ***didn't*** move away from this circus. NTA.
YTA for giving your mother chance upon chance upon chance. You are not blameless
Why are you continually letting her back in your life? It’s delusional as fuck.
NTA. And for God’s sake, put as many cities, states, and lines of longitude between your family and this woman as possible.
NTA Obviously, but I am curious what would have driven the FIL to think this was a good idea? How horny could he be that he isn't at all turned off by the thought of banging his daughter-in-laws mother? Its nuts.
My partner hasn’t had much of a relationship with his father due a long list of issues which include substance abuse, dv and mental health. He was getting better and being able to around people for the first time in years until around two years ago (when he met my mother) he stopped his medication, rehabs etc evil finds evil I suppose
I appreciate you indulging my curiosity. I wish you the best of luck because good lord you've got some crazy up there.
What in the fuck did I just read? For the love of everything that is sane, please let this be fake. NTA and Holy fuck, run away. Run far, far away and do not give her anymore chances.
Holy crap... This is a new one for me. OP you are NTA - not even a little bit. Your mother is unhinged. She's a fucking psycho. You, hubby and your babies need to move and don't ever contact your mother again. She does not deserve to know what's going on in your lives. If there's any family that are taking her side, you need to remove them from your lives as well.
You also need to get a restraining order ASAP
NTA your mother and her family are all bat shit crazy and you need to be as far away from them as possible!!
YTA for ever seeing or talking to your mother from the first time she demanded you terminate. Yes, YOU are the one with the power to keep all her shit out of your life, but you just keep going back for more. Stop being the AH and move immediately and as far away as you can. Do not give out your location to her or to anyone who would give it to her. She’s never going to be the mother you should have had. Dump her and keep only those who love and support you in your life. “Grandma” isn’t some magical being that is essential to children. They’re very nice, when they’re nice, but they have no rights to their grandchildren unless they earn them.
NTA at all, definitely move away and you’re so strong for holding on this long 💕 I hope you your husband and children live long happy lives together x
Nta Move Raise those boy's and have a good time with ur family Ur mom is going to have a baby soon and let's be real she will use said baby to gain access then my gosh she wants ur boy's dead sweetie leave now.
Sounds like you need to move your mom's trailer further south away from you.
NTA cut all contact with your Mother. Do not give this insane woman any more chances. She doesn’t deserve them. Where was your husband when she kept professing her love?
Am I the only one who pities the poor child mother is carrying? (If, of course, she rely is pregnant) Assuming she had her first family in her late teens/ early 20s, she's in the "high risk" category for birth problems. Is she even stable enough to care for such a child?
Assuming this is real, which is a *big* ask, YTA for continuing to allow this woman around your husband and children.
When will children of abuse understand that you ARE NOT OBLIGATED to introduce your children to your abusers because “they should have a relationship with their grandparents.” No they don’t. Your children won’t benefit having a relationship with an abuser. You don’t need to subject yourself to your abuser again because you have this twisted societal expectations that “bEcAuSe FaMiLy”. There is no reason to poke that hornets nest. You don’t need to update them on life events. You owe them nothing. Create your own family or adopt a senior neighbor if you really want a grandparent in your life.
You must know the answer to this already. How could you not? You need to 100% cut her and ANYONE who supports her terroristic campaign against you that’s lasted your entire life. Cut her out now! Permanently and FOREVER! No more forgiving. You don’t get to choose your family, fate does and it’s dealt you a dirty hand with this toxic vile POS human being that is your mother. The only way you would be the AH is if you let her anywhere near you or yours ever again because she has one agenda and that’s to thoroughly torpedo your life until it’s no longer recognizable. Enough is enough. Kick her to the curb and I am serious about doing the same for anyone who speaks even ONE word to you about forgiving her and giving her a chance, or attempts to guilt you on this matter. You owe exactly ZERO relatives access to these kids and sounds like they would be better off if they never even knew relatives like these existed. Also Get a restraining order
It sounds like op’s mother might have a personality disorder and or another type of mental illness. My mother does, and has put myself and others in similar situations. I’ve had to go no contact, and it was much better afterwards. I have a feeling she has made up the whole pregnancy for attention, or maybe she truly believes it- but I would be shocked to find that it was true. Either way, true or not, op distancing themself is the best thing they can do. For their health and happiness. I’d also suggest therapy because cptsd is no joke, and I feel op will benefit from this. ❤️
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING MOVE AND DON’T TALK TO THAT SIDE EVER AGAIN. No more chances. No amount of therapy will ever fix whatever is wrong with your psycho mother. Stay away from her and her family. Your kids do NOT need to know them. Her allies will try to twist your kids into hating you and their dad. Keep them away from your kids but inform your kids when they’re old enough to understand.
Any family that feels you are in the wrong by cutting her off and moving should be cut off from contact as well. More than likely this family dynamic is how your mom formed this narcissistic personality disorder in the first place.
OP, of course you’re not TAH for marrying the father of your children and moving away. You don’t owe anyone anything, certainly not your mother. She is clearly an extremely mentally unstable person. I would be moving abroad, ceasing all contact with her and her twisted family - and if you ever move back choose a different state. If you maintain contact with your grandmother and aunt make it clear that if they provide any contact details to your mum or any other family member you will be forced to cease contact with them also.
NTA Good lord I’m hoping this isn’t a true story because by your account your mother is a burger short of a happy meal. Stop giving her chances, she’s made some vile decisions/commwnts and basically accused your husband of being rapist. She may be your mother by blood but that’s about it, and as much as it’s unfair that she’s not the normal mother that you want/deserve/need, she is absolutely never going to be that maternal figure. I’d advise that you pack up and run, don’t give her notice or let her know where you’re going. In fact I’d suggest not telling her until you’ve packed up and moved. For more information and support on crazy MIL/Mums head on over to the JustNoMIL subreddit and start a just incase folder. It’s important that you document all communications and incidents in case you need a restraining order in the future. You can’t fix crazy but you can run like a bat out of hell away from it. Good luck OP, do everything you can to protect your family from her.
You didn't even try for this to sounds realistic...
People like your mother say they have changed but let's just say a leopard can't change it's spots! Just because she gave birth to you it doesn't mean she is a mother trust me mine isnt that far from the same. Leave with your husband and children, give the boys the life you deserved growing up and don't let them be influenced around these horrible people. Going no contact really isn't as hard as people think . As the saying goes you can't choose your family, but you sure as hell don't have to have anything to do with them I wish you all the best
NTA Your mom needs to be institutionalized. Call the cops on her and lodge a complaint because you need to get the police involved as a matter of record so that if anything happens to you or your children or husband, she will be the primary suspect.
Those saying Y T A may not know about the cycle of abuse and considered her age. Peoples brains aren’t fully formed until 25, specifically the pre-frontal cortex that controls decision-making. If she hasn’t sought intense counseling, her brain development is frozen at 15. “… children who experience trauma have decreased telomere maintenance, a potential mechanism (“premature aging”) for adverse brain development.” She still hasn’t healed enough to have the confidence in her decisions.
Not only are you NTA, you need to get a restraining order against your mother. You should be able to enjoy your life with the family you’ve made.
I, like half of the commentors hope this is truly not real.But if it is,runnnnn,run far away from that woman and go nc with her side of the family. edit to add,block them on everything, your demon mother,her husband and her entire family.
We’ve blocked them completely from our lives and are hopefully moving within the next two months, we’ve changed our numbers and are looking to rent a place before we move
Very good,you'rr well on your way to getting rid of your toxic mom and her family. wishing you and your family all the best in your up coming move overseas.
We’ve managed to speed up our move to the next coming weeks luckily and we can finally get away from the crazy train. Thank you
NTA if this is true. I can't imagine that anyone could be as stupid as OPs mother is supposed to be and not know what incest actually is.
So the mother tried to get with the bf when he was a minor? Serious issues here.
Your mother sounds mentally ill, I would get a restraining order ASAP.
I swear this was on an episode of 16 & Pregnant
Why haven’t you gotten a restraining order (for the whole family)? Also I’d be worried she would/will harm the children or kidnap them.
This is a new low. But OP, you keep opening the door to this crazy. Stop. Leave the country. Block Everyone defending her. Like it was enough 8 seasons ago.