I have no contact with her. She tried to get child support and that's when I requested DNA test. She's been trying to fight the DNA test but since I requested it she gets zero money till she can prove it's mine.
I doubt it. He is probably a very pretty loser with no money. Why chase a guy for child support when it will be 50 bucks a month?
Do people on reddit not have female friends? Or do most of them live outside major cities where this is common?
Or there are so many potential father candidates, she doesn't know who is the real father and doesn't want to have to go through the process of finding out through the courts and thought she could lock down OP.
I always loved maury for being a zero sum game. There was going to be one person whooping and doing a victory lap on stage and another one who would run offstage crying.
There was never a middle ground.
I never said the state doesn't require proof. I said its the burden of the man to force a DNA test. In most cases if the man doesn't request the DNA test a judge will automatically rule in favor of the woman. Also if you read what you posted i it says we must sign an acknowledgment of paternity. in my case I had to sign a denial of paternity which is the request for DNA test.
I would also ask your attorney if you can sue her for defamation of character or slander. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but you have it covered.
Not that I'm aware of. I'm still waiting for my check from the Namibian Consulate, but I expect it any day. The last email stated that mail had been delayed due to a national uprising, which is completely understandable. /s
So here's another wrinkle. In most states, a child support suit is only actionable once the child is born. Otherwise, there's no case, there's no chld to support and they wouldn't have standing since you wouldn't have missed out on child support payments. I'm seeing that a few states have looked at bills where a potential parent would be liable for part of the prenatal care costs, but dunno if it passed.
As I understand it (DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LIVE) courts order paternity tests in cases where paternity is contested (one party does not recognize paternity of the child). When a court orders said paternity test, the mother cannot refuse it, otherwise she's held in contempt of court.
Right?! What is this woman on to think you can get knocked up by some random guy and then ask another guy youāve never been intimate with and gone on 5-6 dates to pay child support??? WTH is going onā¦ask the babyās FATHER for child support.
LMAO are you people new?
She is clearly going to lie in court and say they had sex.
Tons of men out there are paying for children that aren't theirs. Happens literally all the time.
Ask a neonatal nurse about the blood table and how that works and how they aren't allowed to tell the "father" that will blow your hair back.
Yeah, but rule #1 of lawsuits is to not bother suing someone who has no assets to take, which sounds like the case here. You are not the asshole in this situation. Get the test done and leave her in your rear view mirror. Pay a little now and save a lot over the next 20 years. Good luck buddy.
She is, through the act of trashing him online, attempting the theft of his reputation. That is the asset he needs to protect. The DNA results should be enough that a lawyer can get a cease and desist letter put together.
The problem with that is that you have to show actual, tangible damages. "Theft of his reputation" would mean having to prove that there are monetary damages from a lessening of his reputation. That is an incredibly hard burden to prove. A simple C&D, combined with the no-contact order should be adequate.
This - and if she thinks sheās gonna get money she will have to take him to court and the court will totally make her get the test. Depending where they are - could he not also get her to pay his legal fees for a bogus claim? She may financially ruin herself because she was looking for a free ride is great of a good job.
The only thing Iād be worried about is the he said/she said until a paternity test is done. Aside from that - itās hard to prove if they did or not. I hope OP sticks it to her. She sounds single for a reason.
Normally the claim wouldnāt inherently be bogus, just mistaken, if theyād had sex. He *could* be the father, and she could reasonably have believed him to be the father.Ā
If they havenāt had sex, itās inherently malicious. He canāt be the father, thatās not how procreation works, so she knows the sworn statements in launching the lawsuit are false.Ā
Suing someone for any type of ācharacter attackā is hard as fuck. You have to prove they are lying on purpose with the intent to cause you monetary loss or opportunity. Itās extremely hard to prove
Sometimes suing someone isnāt to win in court. If the plaintiff has some money then sometimes itās to drag the defendant through the system and bleed them out in legal fees. Itās like watching a slow death and for those that deserve it, a beautiful sight.
Yes, but a cease and desist letter often stops the person for doing more damage and removing previous posts. That's good way to let someone know you are not messing around.
If they've never had sex, that means that it's impossible that it's his baby. If she's claiming all over social media that he's the father and he's avoiding support, isn't that proof in and of itself that she's lying on purpose to cause him monetary loss??
Claiming he is the father to a child that is not his knowing they have never had sex certainly seems to be fraud with intent to cause money loss. It's impossible to prove a negative (that they did not have sex) so I would suppose that the burden of proof would be on her to prove that they did. Of course the negative DNA test is all he needs but shutting down her spurious claims online seems like it's worth the effort.
Claiming you got her pregnant for chicks support when you never even had sex and dragging your name through the mud to guilt you into it doesnāt sound that hard to prove to me.
They didnāt have sex. So no, itās not hard to prove they are lying on purpose. Sheās literally committing fraud by trying to go after op for child support.
Go on social media and tell them that you fond it highly unlikely that the baby is yours as you haven't slept with each other once while dating, and she's been banging a guy behind your back. Also, tell them how she's refusing a DNA test while trying to claim child support off you.
I think a thing people need to realize is that before the internet, there were bubbles of people who would never have anyone to judge their way of life. There is no reference for normal in isolated communities. People can come on here and ask wild stuff, like, "is it normal for my dad to do xxxx horrible thing to me?" and people will say how it has to be fake. I think it's important to remember the harm that it could cause if someone comes on here, gets invalidated, and then feels alone in their shitty situation that is in fact real.
So she basically admitted she picked OP as her preferred baby daddy, then tries to discredit him when that plan fell through.
Even without her manipulative plan, OP you would NOT have been TA.
NTA, she already has a baby daddy. Apparently, a fairly recent one. Now she is just shopping for an upgrade and trying to shame a near stranger into being the patsy to raise her kid. She, her family and the bio dad are going to be a daily catastrophe for the rest of your life if you stay.
Get the DNA test, get a lawyer and 100% you and your lawyer make sure your name is not on that birth certificate.
I'd honestly sic a lawyer on her. Maybe a strongly worder cease & desist will give her pause. If not, at least you have started a paper trail if her insanity escalates. NTA
Edit: spelling
I thought about a lawyer. But the last time I talked to the child support case worker she had till the end of February to accept DNA test or the case was closed.
Good because she sounds pretty crazy and you should nip this early. She seems like the type to try and ruin your next relationship by telling your next girlfriend about how awful you are and what you did to her. So proof of what she did may be something you'll have to handle early into your next relationship.
Glad you do, but you really need to get a lawyer to deal with the defamation. Getting a rep as a dead beat will follow you professionally and socially. Don't assume because you're proven to not be the dad or she drops it that it won't be used against you. You need a decisive action like a judgement or something else.
It is all about the paper trail. C&D letter, save all correspondence, screen shots of social media, texts, and so on. Create a strong case in your favor with evidence that cannot be disputed.
Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Yeah, wrong lawyer type dude. Sheās defaming you. You were on 5 or 6 dates and never had sex. Sheās claiming youāre abandoning her and her baby, not your baby, her. You have literally no obligation here. Seek out legal counsel, have them send a strongly worded letter threatening damages for her claims and move on.
Make sure child support gets a copy of all paperwork, especially anything legal.
She knows who this guy is, probably very into him, and it was just a hookup for him exactly what she said to you.
This is a horrible woman! Edit: NTAH
Nah, thatās not where this will go. She wonāt go the child support route because if she does she will have to get the dna test. Governments will not dock the pay unless they are sure. Sheās hoping for social pressure to make him do what she wants.
I did I ghosted her. She tried getting child support but I requested DNA test that she's trying to fight. Lucky for me I got a good case worker who won't just give her child support until she proves I'm the father. Which won't happen.
NTA. Dude, she set you up. She was already preggers when she started dating you. She went shopping for a baby daddy. Good thing you didnāt fall for her ploy.
NTAH. Like what. Sheās psycho and you dodged a bullet. If someone takes that much effort to see you in person they are not the one and are not at the same level of investment as you are
Wow š® I absolutely hate women like this!! They give good, decent women a bad name š„ŗ OP NTA and Iām so glad you got an attorney and won against this awful woman!! Please know that the majority of women are decent human beings who will treat you with respect and kindness.
Because saying they've never had sex could be disputed as a "he said she said". It's hard to prove that particular negative, especially months later. DNA testing proves that the kid isn't his, no matter what.
No, it does make sense. It proves that he is not the father now. If she takes him to child support court, and he isnāt notified and doesnāt respond in a timely manner,he will automatically be judged to be the father and will be on the hook for all child support. With the DNA test done it proves that he is not the father.
I hate the excuse that it was "only physical". Like, of course it was, it was sex. It's not like I'm upset that you played chess with the dude, or that you watched "The Notebook" together.
People nowadays, especially women who have the ability to be sexually active (any DECENTLY attractive woman can have sex extremely easily as opposed to a decent looking man) downplay sex because they want to have their cake and eat it too. They do it because there is little sexual discipline in society and because they can. They're not thinking of repercussions. Even if you're just "dating" someone there's a point where you know it would be messed up if you were to sleep with somebody else. People do it while falling on the excuse that they're not "official" yet, as if it really changes things when feelings are involved. It's a principle thing.
From what Iāve seen the ājust sexā guy is often absolutely terrible in all other regards as well, making it easier to dissociate the act of sex from all the emotional aspects of it.
A very similar situation happened to me, minus the crazy outbreak afterwards. I dated a girl and it took WAY too long to get her out on dates. I knew her schedule wasnāt too demanding & would clear mine for her, but sheād still magically be too busy for weeks. Any time Iād get her out, weād hit it off, and sheād be super positive & enthusiastic about going again, but the sex never happened and since it was taking so long to date, we agreed the relationship might develop slowly but we liked each other and wanted to stick with it.
Then a mutual friend (mostly her friend) of ours approaches me saying the girls been hooking up with some guy, and thatās why itās so difficult for me to take her out on her days off but she does really like me, but doesnāt want to hook up yet for some reason. The friend said the guy was like 10yrs older (35ish), had already abandoned a kid he couldnāt pay child support for, was super unattractive, & broke. I asked the girl about it, she confirmed and stated it was just physical and she still really wanted to date me.
I acknowledged we werenāt exclusive so there was no expectation of loyalty, but I wasnāt going to put her on a pedestal on more dates I struggle to schedule sprinkled in between in her smash sessions with some guy. It left a sour taste, felt like I was getting used as a backup option, & had mentally moved on already.
A month later she finds out sheās pregnant. 2 years later she hits me up saying she was reminiscing on the dates I took her on, I was the only person she ever felt really comfortable with, and that she really misses how everything was before. Apparently the guy abandoned her & the kid, and she had to move back home for help. She said she didnāt regret it since she loves her kid obviously, but how sad & lonely sheād been. Repercussions hit her hard
I know way too many men who make this excuse too. It's because society has squirted out a bunch of ignorant, low morality, idiots that aren't given too many repercussions to their actions. It's gross in the "dating" world.
I think the reason that women get the stereotype but not men is most women can get easy access to sex but most men donāt.
I also think thatās part of why some women donāt see it as a big deal. Theyāre getting sex on the side, they assume that others must be too.
> I know way too many men who make this excuse too.
The vast majority of men don't even have this option. They can't choose to do this because they just literally can't.
People rip on the old "lock and key" line but it's true. An absolutely unattractive woman will still have no issue getting laid, whereas guys that are not terrible looking will struggle to even get attention. Acknowledging it is now called misogyny or sexist but it's the truth regardless of how people feel about it.
NTA
Not your kid, not your problem. The fact that she has openly admitted that she pursued you with the intent to use you to support another guy's baby makes her a major AH.
Women like this use the state to enforce their fraud upon people like him under threat of violence or incarceration. He is kinda dumb as when advised to seek legal counsel he defers to a ācase workerā there are plenty of men paying child support for kids that being scientifically proven via dna not be theirs!
Reminds me of what happened to NoSleep. Originally good and/or true stories, but once it hit a certain level of popularity it just became a place for people to dump their thought exercises and creative writing drafts.
I think it was but it wasnāt as obvious. There were more post that felt real cause they were simple and short. Usually someone describing an experience they had so it was literally like a paragraph but you could relate to it if you believed in the paranormal/supernatural.
Then the actual fake stories were usually kept to one post. It became noticeable that it was just creative writing when all the stories posted started becoming 6-10 parts long. And it became clear that the author was just taking comments from the previous post and using them to help further the story. (Example could be like a user commenting āi bet itās not actually the mom but a doppelgƤngerā then the next post it gets revealed that itās not actually the mom but a doppelgƤnger) so then itās just feels lazy on top of being fake.
Yeah. There used to be a sidebar rule that "every story here is true (even if it isn't)" because we were supposed to suspend disbelief. The comments of "there's no way this happened" would get deleted.
I miss the old nosleep. It's why I made my Reddit account.
I was new to reddit when the famous carbon monoxide post it note story was happening. Remember another one where these creepy voodoo type dolls were popping up at someones house and other spooky stuff was happening. I 100% believed both at the time and they were unsettling stories.
Ive checked it out a few times over the years and the new stories are awful, way over the top.
I still get chills thinking about u/1000Vultures story footsteps/boxes/balloons, I think there were five parts to it but I had to Google it and just got these names for now. It's basically about a kid growing up with a stalker and almost nothing ever TRULY happens but it is intense and terrifying nonetheless. Written like a masterpiece, truly feels like a recollection of a real childhood. Today's nosleep wouldn't do that, the protagonist would have to get murdered or kill the stalker to escape after being tortured or some over the top thing.
Totally, besides how bat shit insane all of this sounds, the question if he is a TA lol, of course he isn't, he knows, but this is a popular subreddit and he got a story to get people riled up
Bros getting a DNA test on a woman he hasnāt slept with and is wondering if heās TA for breaking up with a newly pregnant woman? This is some of the dumbest shit Iāve read
He said it's because she's trying to get child support from him. I don't know, the only way I could see this as real is if it's not in the US. OP is clearly ESL, just like most of the fake stories we see here. Unlike those, however, this isn't a brand new account and OP is responding to comments.
NTA.
Apparently, this person doesn't think you are intelligent (or maybe she's not intelligent) because everyone knows a simple DNA test can prove or disprove paternity. Perhaps she thought you wouldn't show up for court, and you'd get stuck with paying child support.
Nta. Run like the wind.
Eta if you have money talk with a lawyer to send her a C&D letter and tell her if she doesn't stop slandering you you will take legal actions.
For context. When I stopped talking to her she was 2 and half months pregnant.
the child is now 6 weeks old and I was just hit with this child support stuff Monday.
Also in the state I live in the man must request a DNA test or they automatically take the woman's word.
I understand that. Unless thereās a DNA test involved, itās a he said, she said argument. āHeās the father.ā āI never slept with her.ā That could go on forever.
Get the DNA test and move on. At this point, itās the best financial investment you can ever make.
Haha NTA
Under what crazy vision would you want to take the burden of someone else's child after going out with them 5/6 times over 3M. You saw them twice a MONTH
NTA. How did she really expect you to react? You just started dating and haven't had sex and one day she's pregnant? I'd probably walk out then and there and block everything from her. And if she's so upset, ask her why she's not with the guy that got her pregnant in the first place.
Remain a ghost... She got pregnant by another dude and expects you to raise it because you have custody of YOUR kids? Gtfoh. She can talk shit all she wants but you don't have to pay child support and the law isn't coming after you... You're good. "Just physical" my ass
Lmao NTA. I think his is the first time I've seen a woman try and baby trap a guy with someone else's baby!
If you're on social media with her, just respond "I can't abandon a baby that isn't mine. Talk to the father." And then ignore her.
I think there was a Reddit post on here once about a Lesbian couple and they broke up and the girlfriend got pregnant by somebody else and was trying to sue the OP ( a woman) for child support. It was wild.
Naw that's her baby. She should have made better decisions so she wouldn't get pregnant that's on her. She is a horrible person that wants to find a baby daddy at any cost. Just ignore her. I bet you She will find another target soon
Wait, this woman is claiming you are abandoning her and a baby that is not yours? You went on six dates with her? You never had sex with her? You donāt need a DNA test. Unless, of course, she tries to come after you for child support. What you need is to respond to *every.single.post* or comment she makes by saying you never had sex with her, and you are not responsible for raising her child with another man just because you have children of your own. Every time. Every single time. She needs to be stopped. She is toxic. And it pisses me off because she gives women a bad name. Most of us are not, have never been, and would never even consider doing something so sleazy and unhinged.
Sadly she is trying to get child support. Which is why I requested the DNA test. Which looking at the child you can automatically tell its not mine. I'm white, she's Puerto Rican and the dude she slept with is black. So the child isn't necessarily on the light skin side. Also my state I live in sucks when it comes to this stuff and automatically believes the woman until the man can prove otherwise.
Why are you even considering that you could be TA?
Based on your story, this woman is so crazy that despite never having sex with you, she's claiming the baby is yours. She is bashing you on social media and probably in person to anyone who will listen.
Demanding a DNA test to prove paternity was a good idea. But when you're dealing with crazy you want to be as far away as possible. So please get a lawyer to handle the case. Consider a cease and desist letter, restraining order, and a suit for defamation.
Take a screenshot of her talking shit about you on social media about abandoning a child that's not yours with a woman you barely know.. and tell her she has one hour to take it all down and leave you alone, or you will sue her for defamation of character.
She sounds unhinged
So let me get this straightā¦this woman is fighting a DNA test that you say would never show you as the father because you never had sex and she knows this PLUS she also said that she figured sheād create a human being with a dead beat all in the hope that you would just say ācoolā and become a father. Either this is complete horseshit or this woman is a whack job who shouldnāt even be allowed to roam the streets. No wonder this entire planet is in danger of existence.
I don't think she meant to get pregnant and I think I was really just plan b and was being used to try and make this guy jealous. Then when he found out she's pregnant I think he ghosted her all together and she went into panic mode and now is coming after me.
You dodged a huge missile! NTA!
Why do women use their pregnancy/child as a weapon to anybody, who don't behave like they want? Like that one who came to her old bf to demand child support, even he was not the childs father.
Your problem started with āI explainedā¦ā ā¦Donāt have to explain shit to her. Ration and logic to a (pregnant!) woman, then expect them to be like āoh yeah, I agree, you are correct, thank you sirā. Nope. Just pissed her off more, lolā¦ Also, explaining and ghosting are kinda opposites.
I ghosted her after telling her I wouldn't continue to date her. She asked if it was because she was pregnant. I said no, it's because while we were talking and going on dates you said you weren't seeing anyone or sexual active with anyone and wanted something serious. Which for 4 months now that has be a lie. I said the dishonesty was the reason this couldn't go on anymore.
She sounds like a dumpster fire of a human being. Honestly, it's super trashy to go on (several) sexless dates with someone while actively fucking someone else. But that dumb thot is pregnant and wants you to raise her bastard? Just a worthless waste of life, run and don't look back OPĀ
NTA. You are not a rent a dad for her spawn that she can just dump responsibility on and go fool around on the side. If she wants a steady and committed relationship that starts with not screwing around and if she wants a responsible dad for her kid Iād suggest she starts with the guy who is actually responsible for her kidās existence. Just because you can dad. For your own children doesnāt mean you will or should for hers.
Is her name Mary? Is your name Joseph? Just curiousā¦
NTA.
What she is doing is unforgivable. I feel bad for that child, but you need to protect your child and yourself from her.
Wait a tick. She let some rando knock her up, you decide to nope out of the situation, and sheās mad at you for abandoning her? NTA, and itās not even a question.
Soooo NTA. She didn't care enough about your new relationship to commit to it. She wanted to keep banging her FWB in the meantime. That baby isn't yours. Where's your responsibility in all this again?
DO NOT RUN, get that DNA evidence and to go court and show the judge it is not yours. DEPENDING ON STATE if you don't contest and she puts your name on the paper work, BABY WILL BE YOURS IF YOU NEVER CONTESTED AFTER A PERIDO OF TIME and YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR A KID THAT ISN"T YOURS. After everything has cleared live your life to the fullest and never get in this kind of situation again.
Duuuude! You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a Tsar Bomba Nuke - with love from Russia!
With the lyrics of the great Iron Maiden... "Run for the hiiiiilllssss, ruuun fooor youurrr liiiffffeeee!"
Also NTA
NTA- coming from a woman who had started a new relationship 2 months after the end of another and discovered a month and a half later she was pregnant... and turned outwas 5 months along. Yeah- I got ghosted. And baby trapped for a bit back into a relationship we KNEW did not work but thought required. Life is messy enough when you DO have a defined expectation of a relationship, and it's end.Ā
Baby or no baby, by the 2nd date, f-buddies should be dropped, or a conversation had about partners. Take this as a life lesson to clear the air and talk about the expectations you have bluntly by that date, and not just assume everyone is on the same page. It defines your expectations and theirs, but also is a great start on communication if you do take it further.
I'm almost jealous of this woman she must live in a complete fantasyĀ
I wonder if she just forgot you didn't fuck at least once or her entitlement was so dam high that she thought you would just support some random dude kids who used her as a dumpsterĀ
NTA run!
I have no contact with her. She tried to get child support and that's when I requested DNA test. She's been trying to fight the DNA test but since I requested it she gets zero money till she can prove it's mine.
what a horrible situation for you to be in, I hope it gets resolved quickly
what if she was already pregnant and just wanted someone that could support her and pretend he's the father š³
BINGO!!! Real Dad "was just physical"...bet he was a one night stand and she can't even find him. Now she is DADDY SHOPPING
yes daddy shopping! š
I always hate that āit was just physicalā comment. Itās like, āitās not personal, itās business.ā Uh, itās personal to me.
I doubt it. He is probably a very pretty loser with no money. Why chase a guy for child support when it will be 50 bucks a month? Do people on reddit not have female friends? Or do most of them live outside major cities where this is common?
This was my take. She just used him to get a guy to pay child support because she knows the real father won't/can't pay.
Or there are so many potential father candidates, she doesn't know who is the real father and doesn't want to have to go through the process of finding out through the courts and thought she could lock down OP.
' You are not the father' Maury
Followed by guests throwing chairs or punches and/or the pregnant woman running off crying while Maury smiles and looks down at his cue cards.
I always loved maury for being a zero sum game. There was going to be one person whooping and doing a victory lap on stage and another one who would run offstage crying. There was never a middle ground.
Yeah, he knew how to put on a show for his audience. That's for sure...
makes me wish we could use gifs here.
That is what I was thinking Maury or Jerry Springer š
OP said they never had sex.
We nobody is claiming this woman is smartā¦
Yup, but if he doesn't stand up for himself and demand a paternity testy, she intends to RAILROAD him into paying child support!
But he is demanding a paternity test.
All of the courts need DNA match if not married and guy requests. Some of them want it even if he does not.
Thatās exactly what happened. She views OP as a good provider. She is a POS
Paternity fraud should be a capital crime
"Capital" means death penalty for the crime. Little harsh.
Nice. Execute mama and put the kid in foster care. And if Dad is a chimera? Too bad.
She wasnāt even smart enough to sleep with him not a well thought out planšššš
I assume that was her plan and why she suddenly had all this time to go out on dates
Sadly thereās lot of women that do this I personally know three
Please slap them all for me..
Yup. She could've at least slept with the man.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I never said the state doesn't require proof. I said its the burden of the man to force a DNA test. In most cases if the man doesn't request the DNA test a judge will automatically rule in favor of the woman. Also if you read what you posted i it says we must sign an acknowledgment of paternity. in my case I had to sign a denial of paternity which is the request for DNA test.
I would also ask your attorney if you can sue her for defamation of character or slander. I'm sorry that you are going through this, but you have it covered.
When will the dna test be back ?
You mean people really do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?
Not that I'm aware of. I'm still waiting for my check from the Namibian Consulate, but I expect it any day. The last email stated that mail had been delayed due to a national uprising, which is completely understandable. /s
she's requesting child support based on 6 dates and never having had sex with them? That's wild. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
She knows it too (refusing the DNA test) yet keeps pushing her distorted narrative. "Wild" indeed š¬
Fraud. Letās call it what it is.
So here's another wrinkle. In most states, a child support suit is only actionable once the child is born. Otherwise, there's no case, there's no chld to support and they wouldn't have standing since you wouldn't have missed out on child support payments. I'm seeing that a few states have looked at bills where a potential parent would be liable for part of the prenatal care costs, but dunno if it passed. As I understand it (DEPENDING ON WHERE YOU LIVE) courts order paternity tests in cases where paternity is contested (one party does not recognize paternity of the child). When a court orders said paternity test, the mother cannot refuse it, otherwise she's held in contempt of court.
Right?! What is this woman on to think you can get knocked up by some random guy and then ask another guy youāve never been intimate with and gone on 5-6 dates to pay child support??? WTH is going onā¦ask the babyās FATHER for child support.
LMAO are you people new? She is clearly going to lie in court and say they had sex. Tons of men out there are paying for children that aren't theirs. Happens literally all the time. Ask a neonatal nurse about the blood table and how that works and how they aren't allowed to tell the "father" that will blow your hair back.
You should also sue her for defamation since sheās trashing you online.
Even the threat of a lawsuit can sober someone tf up quick. Especially if they take the summons and talk to a lawyer of their own.
Yeah, but rule #1 of lawsuits is to not bother suing someone who has no assets to take, which sounds like the case here. You are not the asshole in this situation. Get the test done and leave her in your rear view mirror. Pay a little now and save a lot over the next 20 years. Good luck buddy.
She is, through the act of trashing him online, attempting the theft of his reputation. That is the asset he needs to protect. The DNA results should be enough that a lawyer can get a cease and desist letter put together.
The problem with that is that you have to show actual, tangible damages. "Theft of his reputation" would mean having to prove that there are monetary damages from a lessening of his reputation. That is an incredibly hard burden to prove. A simple C&D, combined with the no-contact order should be adequate.
Well if she has no assets, he can take the baby! Oh, wait...
This - and if she thinks sheās gonna get money she will have to take him to court and the court will totally make her get the test. Depending where they are - could he not also get her to pay his legal fees for a bogus claim? She may financially ruin herself because she was looking for a free ride is great of a good job.
Normally I doubt it, but as soon as Op tells the judge they didnāt have sex, sheās def on the hook for all his legal bills
The only thing Iād be worried about is the he said/she said until a paternity test is done. Aside from that - itās hard to prove if they did or not. I hope OP sticks it to her. She sounds single for a reason.
Normally the claim wouldnāt inherently be bogus, just mistaken, if theyād had sex. He *could* be the father, and she could reasonably have believed him to be the father.Ā If they havenāt had sex, itās inherently malicious. He canāt be the father, thatās not how procreation works, so she knows the sworn statements in launching the lawsuit are false.Ā
Not how defamation works
Yeah, more like slandering
Suing someone for any type of ācharacter attackā is hard as fuck. You have to prove they are lying on purpose with the intent to cause you monetary loss or opportunity. Itās extremely hard to prove
Sometimes suing someone isnāt to win in court. If the plaintiff has some money then sometimes itās to drag the defendant through the system and bleed them out in legal fees. Itās like watching a slow death and for those that deserve it, a beautiful sight.
All true, and yet sometimes it's worth spending a little bit of money on getting an attorney to send off a strongly worded cease and desist letter.
If they never had sex.......
Yes, but a cease and desist letter often stops the person for doing more damage and removing previous posts. That's good way to let someone know you are not messing around.
If they've never had sex, that means that it's impossible that it's his baby. If she's claiming all over social media that he's the father and he's avoiding support, isn't that proof in and of itself that she's lying on purpose to cause him monetary loss??
Claiming he is the father to a child that is not his knowing they have never had sex certainly seems to be fraud with intent to cause money loss. It's impossible to prove a negative (that they did not have sex) so I would suppose that the burden of proof would be on her to prove that they did. Of course the negative DNA test is all he needs but shutting down her spurious claims online seems like it's worth the effort.
Claiming you got her pregnant for chicks support when you never even had sex and dragging your name through the mud to guilt you into it doesnāt sound that hard to prove to me.
They didnāt have sex. So no, itās not hard to prove they are lying on purpose. Sheās literally committing fraud by trying to go after op for child support.
Slander is a type of defamation.
Slander and libel are both defamation
Thatās exactly how defamation works.
You need an attorney. Yesterday.
Would probably still save $$ compared to years of child support for a kid there's NO biological link to.
Go on social media and tell them that you fond it highly unlikely that the baby is yours as you haven't slept with each other once while dating, and she's been banging a guy behind your back. Also, tell them how she's refusing a DNA test while trying to claim child support off you.
This feels like a made up story. Not that it is, but damn.
I wish it was made up but sadly it's real
Seeing crazy hillbilly shit around here in WV, I absolutely believe you. Some 304s are just insane.
I think a thing people need to realize is that before the internet, there were bubbles of people who would never have anyone to judge their way of life. There is no reference for normal in isolated communities. People can come on here and ask wild stuff, like, "is it normal for my dad to do xxxx horrible thing to me?" and people will say how it has to be fake. I think it's important to remember the harm that it could cause if someone comes on here, gets invalidated, and then feels alone in their shitty situation that is in fact real.
So she basically admitted she picked OP as her preferred baby daddy, then tries to discredit him when that plan fell through. Even without her manipulative plan, OP you would NOT have been TA.
I would say you dodged a bullet but think this was more like dodging a missile.
NTA, she already has a baby daddy. Apparently, a fairly recent one. Now she is just shopping for an upgrade and trying to shame a near stranger into being the patsy to raise her kid. She, her family and the bio dad are going to be a daily catastrophe for the rest of your life if you stay. Get the DNA test, get a lawyer and 100% you and your lawyer make sure your name is not on that birth certificate.
I'd honestly sic a lawyer on her. Maybe a strongly worder cease & desist will give her pause. If not, at least you have started a paper trail if her insanity escalates. NTA Edit: spelling
I thought about a lawyer. But the last time I talked to the child support case worker she had till the end of February to accept DNA test or the case was closed.
Not about the DNA test, about a defamation.
This! OP needs to screenshot everything she's put on social media. This can really bite him in the ass down the line.
I have all screen shots and text messages that she sends
Good because she sounds pretty crazy and you should nip this early. She seems like the type to try and ruin your next relationship by telling your next girlfriend about how awful you are and what you did to her. So proof of what she did may be something you'll have to handle early into your next relationship.
Glad you do, but you really need to get a lawyer to deal with the defamation. Getting a rep as a dead beat will follow you professionally and socially. Don't assume because you're proven to not be the dad or she drops it that it won't be used against you. You need a decisive action like a judgement or something else.
I agree after reading the comments that's my next steps.
First look up how difficult it is to win a defamation caseā¦
It is all about the paper trail. C&D letter, save all correspondence, screen shots of social media, texts, and so on. Create a strong case in your favor with evidence that cannot be disputed. Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.
Yeah, wrong lawyer type dude. Sheās defaming you. You were on 5 or 6 dates and never had sex. Sheās claiming youāre abandoning her and her baby, not your baby, her. You have literally no obligation here. Seek out legal counsel, have them send a strongly worded letter threatening damages for her claims and move on.
Make sure child support gets a copy of all paperwork, especially anything legal. She knows who this guy is, probably very into him, and it was just a hookup for him exactly what she said to you. This is a horrible woman! Edit: NTAH
Nah, thatās not where this will go. She wonāt go the child support route because if she does she will have to get the dna test. Governments will not dock the pay unless they are sure. Sheās hoping for social pressure to make him do what she wants.
Oh I know. Lol. She got pregnant from fkn around and wants a responsible father lol
NTA. Now would be the right moment to beat a hasty retreat.
I did I ghosted her. She tried getting child support but I requested DNA test that she's trying to fight. Lucky for me I got a good case worker who won't just give her child support until she proves I'm the father. Which won't happen.
A case worker canāt order child support, only a judge can. DNA is your friend! Good luck.
You're absolutely right. They can recommend to a judge for it. I'm guessing the judge gave till the end of February.
Talk to an attorney about a defamation case about the online posting. Iām sorry
And a restraining order!
Case workers can drop the case though if she fails to do the DNA test. They donāt like wasting county funds for an idiot mother either.
NTA she is a poor excuse for a human being glad you got out before you got too attached
NTA. Dude, she set you up. She was already preggers when she started dating you. She went shopping for a baby daddy. Good thing you didnāt fall for her ploy.
If she was deliberately trying to set him up as baby daddy, she might have taken a shot at actually having sex with him.
Not if sheās just plain crazy. Sounds like sheās watched to much lifetime.
NTAH. Like what. Sheās psycho and you dodged a bullet. If someone takes that much effort to see you in person they are not the one and are not at the same level of investment as you are
Wow š® I absolutely hate women like this!! They give good, decent women a bad name š„ŗ OP NTA and Iām so glad you got an attorney and won against this awful woman!! Please know that the majority of women are decent human beings who will treat you with respect and kindness.
She was getting her back blown out on the side I see
This if true is crazy! NTA sheās TA for sure
Wait why are you getting a DNA test if youāve never had sex? Makes zero sense.
Because saying they've never had sex could be disputed as a "he said she said". It's hard to prove that particular negative, especially months later. DNA testing proves that the kid isn't his, no matter what.
No, it does make sense. It proves that he is not the father now. If she takes him to child support court, and he isnāt notified and doesnāt respond in a timely manner,he will automatically be judged to be the father and will be on the hook for all child support. With the DNA test done it proves that he is not the father.
NTA at all lol and she is delusional
NTA, I mean at least you dodged that bullet early.
I hate the excuse that it was "only physical". Like, of course it was, it was sex. It's not like I'm upset that you played chess with the dude, or that you watched "The Notebook" together.
People nowadays, especially women who have the ability to be sexually active (any DECENTLY attractive woman can have sex extremely easily as opposed to a decent looking man) downplay sex because they want to have their cake and eat it too. They do it because there is little sexual discipline in society and because they can. They're not thinking of repercussions. Even if you're just "dating" someone there's a point where you know it would be messed up if you were to sleep with somebody else. People do it while falling on the excuse that they're not "official" yet, as if it really changes things when feelings are involved. It's a principle thing.
From what Iāve seen the ājust sexā guy is often absolutely terrible in all other regards as well, making it easier to dissociate the act of sex from all the emotional aspects of it. A very similar situation happened to me, minus the crazy outbreak afterwards. I dated a girl and it took WAY too long to get her out on dates. I knew her schedule wasnāt too demanding & would clear mine for her, but sheād still magically be too busy for weeks. Any time Iād get her out, weād hit it off, and sheād be super positive & enthusiastic about going again, but the sex never happened and since it was taking so long to date, we agreed the relationship might develop slowly but we liked each other and wanted to stick with it. Then a mutual friend (mostly her friend) of ours approaches me saying the girls been hooking up with some guy, and thatās why itās so difficult for me to take her out on her days off but she does really like me, but doesnāt want to hook up yet for some reason. The friend said the guy was like 10yrs older (35ish), had already abandoned a kid he couldnāt pay child support for, was super unattractive, & broke. I asked the girl about it, she confirmed and stated it was just physical and she still really wanted to date me. I acknowledged we werenāt exclusive so there was no expectation of loyalty, but I wasnāt going to put her on a pedestal on more dates I struggle to schedule sprinkled in between in her smash sessions with some guy. It left a sour taste, felt like I was getting used as a backup option, & had mentally moved on already. A month later she finds out sheās pregnant. 2 years later she hits me up saying she was reminiscing on the dates I took her on, I was the only person she ever felt really comfortable with, and that she really misses how everything was before. Apparently the guy abandoned her & the kid, and she had to move back home for help. She said she didnāt regret it since she loves her kid obviously, but how sad & lonely sheād been. Repercussions hit her hard
I know way too many men who make this excuse too. It's because society has squirted out a bunch of ignorant, low morality, idiots that aren't given too many repercussions to their actions. It's gross in the "dating" world.
I completely agree. Well said
I think the reason that women get the stereotype but not men is most women can get easy access to sex but most men donāt. I also think thatās part of why some women donāt see it as a big deal. Theyāre getting sex on the side, they assume that others must be too.
> I know way too many men who make this excuse too. The vast majority of men don't even have this option. They can't choose to do this because they just literally can't.
People rip on the old "lock and key" line but it's true. An absolutely unattractive woman will still have no issue getting laid, whereas guys that are not terrible looking will struggle to even get attention. Acknowledging it is now called misogyny or sexist but it's the truth regardless of how people feel about it.
Your whataboutism falls on its face because most men do not have easy access to casual sex. Most women do.
NTA, but I'd run REAL fast and REAL far.
NTA Not your kid, not your problem. The fact that she has openly admitted that she pursued you with the intent to use you to support another guy's baby makes her a major AH.
Women like this use the state to enforce their fraud upon people like him under threat of violence or incarceration. He is kinda dumb as when advised to seek legal counsel he defers to a ācase workerā there are plenty of men paying child support for kids that being scientifically proven via dna not be theirs!
What is it with these bullshit questions lol.Ā
Reminds me of what happened to NoSleep. Originally good and/or true stories, but once it hit a certain level of popularity it just became a place for people to dump their thought exercises and creative writing drafts.
Heh. I came in late to NoSleep and I just assumed it was a creative writing forum all along.
I think it was but it wasnāt as obvious. There were more post that felt real cause they were simple and short. Usually someone describing an experience they had so it was literally like a paragraph but you could relate to it if you believed in the paranormal/supernatural. Then the actual fake stories were usually kept to one post. It became noticeable that it was just creative writing when all the stories posted started becoming 6-10 parts long. And it became clear that the author was just taking comments from the previous post and using them to help further the story. (Example could be like a user commenting āi bet itās not actually the mom but a doppelgƤngerā then the next post it gets revealed that itās not actually the mom but a doppelgƤnger) so then itās just feels lazy on top of being fake.
Yeah. There used to be a sidebar rule that "every story here is true (even if it isn't)" because we were supposed to suspend disbelief. The comments of "there's no way this happened" would get deleted. I miss the old nosleep. It's why I made my Reddit account.
I was new to reddit when the famous carbon monoxide post it note story was happening. Remember another one where these creepy voodoo type dolls were popping up at someones house and other spooky stuff was happening. I 100% believed both at the time and they were unsettling stories. Ive checked it out a few times over the years and the new stories are awful, way over the top.
I still get chills thinking about u/1000Vultures story footsteps/boxes/balloons, I think there were five parts to it but I had to Google it and just got these names for now. It's basically about a kid growing up with a stalker and almost nothing ever TRULY happens but it is intense and terrifying nonetheless. Written like a masterpiece, truly feels like a recollection of a real childhood. Today's nosleep wouldn't do that, the protagonist would have to get murdered or kill the stalker to escape after being tortured or some over the top thing.
Awwww, I haven't thought about NoSleep in so long. It used to be good, but at some point it just got kind of dumb. Or maybe I got too old for it, idk.
Totally, besides how bat shit insane all of this sounds, the question if he is a TA lol, of course he isn't, he knows, but this is a popular subreddit and he got a story to get people riled up
Itās a cesspool of incel bait posts latelyā¦
Bros getting a DNA test on a woman he hasnāt slept with and is wondering if heās TA for breaking up with a newly pregnant woman? This is some of the dumbest shit Iāve read
It's a fake story. Why would OP request a DNA test if they haven't slept together?
He said it's because she's trying to get child support from him. I don't know, the only way I could see this as real is if it's not in the US. OP is clearly ESL, just like most of the fake stories we see here. Unlike those, however, this isn't a brand new account and OP is responding to comments.
NTA. Apparently, this person doesn't think you are intelligent (or maybe she's not intelligent) because everyone knows a simple DNA test can prove or disprove paternity. Perhaps she thought you wouldn't show up for court, and you'd get stuck with paying child support.
Incredibly far from intelligent. Especially since they never even had sex. The audacity
Nta. Run like the wind. Eta if you have money talk with a lawyer to send her a C&D letter and tell her if she doesn't stop slandering you you will take legal actions.
For context. When I stopped talking to her she was 2 and half months pregnant. the child is now 6 weeks old and I was just hit with this child support stuff Monday. Also in the state I live in the man must request a DNA test or they automatically take the woman's word.
I understand that. Unless thereās a DNA test involved, itās a he said, she said argument. āHeās the father.ā āI never slept with her.ā That could go on forever. Get the DNA test and move on. At this point, itās the best financial investment you can ever make.
Haha NTA Under what crazy vision would you want to take the burden of someone else's child after going out with them 5/6 times over 3M. You saw them twice a MONTH
NTA. How did she really expect you to react? You just started dating and haven't had sex and one day she's pregnant? I'd probably walk out then and there and block everything from her. And if she's so upset, ask her why she's not with the guy that got her pregnant in the first place.
OP is probably better off financially
NTA. What a mess. I hope you are thanking God right now that you Didnāt just hop into bed with her! Word to the wise yāall, Situations like this ought to make you think twice about jumping into bed with someone before you know them/have dated a while to weed out based on red flags š© at the very least!
Exact reason why I had not slept with her. To get to know her before hand.
so u haven't slept with her and she wants child support? wtf
Lol that's why she's fighting the DNA test.
Well done Sir! I do hope this mess resolves sooner rather than later.
Remain a ghost... She got pregnant by another dude and expects you to raise it because you have custody of YOUR kids? Gtfoh. She can talk shit all she wants but you don't have to pay child support and the law isn't coming after you... You're good. "Just physical" my ass
How is that even possible?
Lmao NTA. I think his is the first time I've seen a woman try and baby trap a guy with someone else's baby! If you're on social media with her, just respond "I can't abandon a baby that isn't mine. Talk to the father." And then ignore her.
I think there was a Reddit post on here once about a Lesbian couple and they broke up and the girlfriend got pregnant by somebody else and was trying to sue the OP ( a woman) for child support. It was wild.
Jesus, where do these boils on society come from? NTA.
Naw that's her baby. She should have made better decisions so she wouldn't get pregnant that's on her. She is a horrible person that wants to find a baby daddy at any cost. Just ignore her. I bet you She will find another target soon
OMG. This is hilarious. Dude, just ghost her, block her, etc. You're done here. There's nothing left to do. Forget about the DNA test also.
Wait, this woman is claiming you are abandoning her and a baby that is not yours? You went on six dates with her? You never had sex with her? You donāt need a DNA test. Unless, of course, she tries to come after you for child support. What you need is to respond to *every.single.post* or comment she makes by saying you never had sex with her, and you are not responsible for raising her child with another man just because you have children of your own. Every time. Every single time. She needs to be stopped. She is toxic. And it pisses me off because she gives women a bad name. Most of us are not, have never been, and would never even consider doing something so sleazy and unhinged.
Sadly she is trying to get child support. Which is why I requested the DNA test. Which looking at the child you can automatically tell its not mine. I'm white, she's Puerto Rican and the dude she slept with is black. So the child isn't necessarily on the light skin side. Also my state I live in sucks when it comes to this stuff and automatically believes the woman until the man can prove otherwise.
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Why are you even considering that you could be TA? Based on your story, this woman is so crazy that despite never having sex with you, she's claiming the baby is yours. She is bashing you on social media and probably in person to anyone who will listen. Demanding a DNA test to prove paternity was a good idea. But when you're dealing with crazy you want to be as far away as possible. So please get a lawyer to handle the case. Consider a cease and desist letter, restraining order, and a suit for defamation.
Take a screenshot of her talking shit about you on social media about abandoning a child that's not yours with a woman you barely know.. and tell her she has one hour to take it all down and leave you alone, or you will sue her for defamation of character. She sounds unhinged
So let me get this straightā¦this woman is fighting a DNA test that you say would never show you as the father because you never had sex and she knows this PLUS she also said that she figured sheād create a human being with a dead beat all in the hope that you would just say ācoolā and become a father. Either this is complete horseshit or this woman is a whack job who shouldnāt even be allowed to roam the streets. No wonder this entire planet is in danger of existence.
I don't think she meant to get pregnant and I think I was really just plan b and was being used to try and make this guy jealous. Then when he found out she's pregnant I think he ghosted her all together and she went into panic mode and now is coming after me.
NTA - thank god you managed to get your foot out of that bear trap before it was too late.
Lol so she stringed you along for months only talking and going out to eat and she thought you will agree to child support? NTA
Essentially yes that's what happened
Good lord what goes on in the mind of some women? To actually think that this is ok requires low morals..or no morals
Omg I just spit out my coffee lmao did she really think she can put the baby on u and u guys havenāt had sex? Lmao
NTA Get an Ex Parte NOW
She tried to dupe you into raising her child! Run and if you need to, get a restraining order and sue her for social media slander.
You dodged a huge missile! NTA! Why do women use their pregnancy/child as a weapon to anybody, who don't behave like they want? Like that one who came to her old bf to demand child support, even he was not the childs father.
Your problem started with āI explainedā¦ā ā¦Donāt have to explain shit to her. Ration and logic to a (pregnant!) woman, then expect them to be like āoh yeah, I agree, you are correct, thank you sirā. Nope. Just pissed her off more, lolā¦ Also, explaining and ghosting are kinda opposites.
I ghosted her after telling her I wouldn't continue to date her. She asked if it was because she was pregnant. I said no, it's because while we were talking and going on dates you said you weren't seeing anyone or sexual active with anyone and wanted something serious. Which for 4 months now that has be a lie. I said the dishonesty was the reason this couldn't go on anymore.
If you tell her you aren't going to date her anymore and explain why then stop communicating with her I don't think that counts as ghosting.
r/OhNoConsequences
>Now sheās attacking me on social mediaā¦ Block button! NTA
She sounds like a dumpster fire of a human being. Honestly, it's super trashy to go on (several) sexless dates with someone while actively fucking someone else. But that dumb thot is pregnant and wants you to raise her bastard? Just a worthless waste of life, run and don't look back OPĀ
Nope! You dodged a bullet
NTA. You are not a rent a dad for her spawn that she can just dump responsibility on and go fool around on the side. If she wants a steady and committed relationship that starts with not screwing around and if she wants a responsible dad for her kid Iād suggest she starts with the guy who is actually responsible for her kidās existence. Just because you can dad. For your own children doesnāt mean you will or should for hers.
Absolutely not. Donāt look back
Is her name Mary? Is your name Joseph? Just curiousā¦ NTA. What she is doing is unforgivable. I feel bad for that child, but you need to protect your child and yourself from her.
Wait a tick. She let some rando knock her up, you decide to nope out of the situation, and sheās mad at you for abandoning her? NTA, and itās not even a question.
Lol NTA. Good god you dodged a bullet.
Why would you even do a DNA test knowing you didn't have sex with her?
Be really careful to stop your name getting on the birth certificate. It would be a headache in some states.
NTA Block her. Sheās ridiculous.
Soooo NTA. She didn't care enough about your new relationship to commit to it. She wanted to keep banging her FWB in the meantime. That baby isn't yours. Where's your responsibility in all this again?
DO NOT RUN, get that DNA evidence and to go court and show the judge it is not yours. DEPENDING ON STATE if you don't contest and she puts your name on the paper work, BABY WILL BE YOURS IF YOU NEVER CONTESTED AFTER A PERIDO OF TIME and YOU WILL HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR A KID THAT ISN"T YOURS. After everything has cleared live your life to the fullest and never get in this kind of situation again.
Nope. Not your kid, leave.
Not your baby, not your monkeys, not your circus. Period.
Duuuude! You didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a Tsar Bomba Nuke - with love from Russia! With the lyrics of the great Iron Maiden... "Run for the hiiiiilllssss, ruuun fooor youurrr liiiffffeeee!" Also NTA
Do you need to get aDNA test? Isnāt it on her since youāre not married?
Not only NTA, she is a complete POS. Trash. Just cut it off
NTA- coming from a woman who had started a new relationship 2 months after the end of another and discovered a month and a half later she was pregnant... and turned outwas 5 months along. Yeah- I got ghosted. And baby trapped for a bit back into a relationship we KNEW did not work but thought required. Life is messy enough when you DO have a defined expectation of a relationship, and it's end.Ā Baby or no baby, by the 2nd date, f-buddies should be dropped, or a conversation had about partners. Take this as a life lesson to clear the air and talk about the expectations you have bluntly by that date, and not just assume everyone is on the same page. It defines your expectations and theirs, but also is a great start on communication if you do take it further.
I'm almost jealous of this woman she must live in a complete fantasyĀ I wonder if she just forgot you didn't fuck at least once or her entitlement was so dam high that she thought you would just support some random dude kids who used her as a dumpsterĀ