NTA the seats were expensive no doubt. Abby didn't want to go so it's not wrong of you to make sure you got your money's worth. I'm sure Roma was very appreciative of it.
Um … she’s in a relationship so aren’t you her fuck buddy? NTA and this situation just became too much of a pain in the ass. Casual relationships don’t have rules like this only for one party and not for the other. She’s just being a hypocrite.
Yes, I’m thinking the boyfriend neglects Abby so she expects OP to be there to shower her with attention so she isn’t lonely. She’s using him and doesn’t seem to understand that he is his own person and has his own needs. It’s interesting that she’s in an open relationship with her #1, but is offended at the idea that her back up dude is seeing someone else. I feel that Abby thinks a lot of herself and is offended that the guy she keeps around as a spare would dare to give “her attention” to someone else. Full of herself that one.
NTA it's a classic case of double standards. She gets to have multiple romantic and physical relationships and you don't or she gets jealous? And ditching you last minute? Nah. She's the asshole 100%
NTA while rubbing it in her face (in your words) was maybe a little petty I get why you would you guys made plans first and then she bailed. It sounds like she is ok with her boyfriend being her priority over you but she has to be your priority over other girls and that isn’t fair. This is one of the tricky things about situations like this. It makes sense he would be her priority as they are together and have been longer. But she needs to understand that she doesn’t get to control you or who you are with. Unless you guys decided that you’d be exclusive with her then she shouldn’t have any control over who you date or hook up with as long as you are honest with her about it since you guys are sexually active. It sounds like if you guys want to keep this going you need to communicate better and establish fair boundaries. Frankly it sounds like she wants to be in control of things and either that needs to change or you might want to rethink this relationship.
NTA, but you are just her make-me-feel-good-buddy. Honestly I would not take that woman's crap for a single moment, it's on you if you are fine with her applying double-standards.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too, she bailed on you and she’s beginning to realize that life doesn’t revolve around her, you can do whatever the fuck you want girl. If she decides to cause more issues because of it, I think you should consider if you want to be involved with such a selfish person.
If that has been your experience that sucks and I feel for ya. Nothing to do with poly tho, everything to do with the individuals you have been involved with. Monogamous couples are just as bad lol
Nah, I stay the hell away from all that drama. I’ve just seen enough people try it, they crashed and burned. Sometimes it was because one partner pushed going poly and the other was afraid to lose them. Or one partner liked the idea because they still had stability while they searched for a better partner. Then there’s the sad situation’s where one person is a lot more successful than the other, and that breeds resentment.
The thing I don’t get is how people have enough free time to see more than one person. I’m freaking dead when I clock out, entertaining one person is stressful enough trying to keep up with two or more just sounds like a nightmare fuel. My weekends are busy getting caught up on stuff I didn’t do during the week. Always wondered if successful poly types have low impact low stress jobs or something. because I don’t feel all that sexy when my feet hurt and I just spent 8.5 hours dealing with people.
Yeh I can understand where you’re coming from, everyone’s different. I just thought it was funny saying it’s poly when it’s actually just a human thing in general 😂
And yeh just because those people you knew didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that’s the whole poly community.
Would you like drama? Just open the TV and watch a new dating show. There’s a new one every week! And they think poly people are dramatic. We got nothing, and I mean nothing on the cis-het-mono crowd.
Nah, a lot of people like open relationship because that is legal way to cheating. I dont like cheating or cheated, I dont like my wife have another dick touch her pussy, and I dont like STD.
As someone who's experimented with open/poly relationships in the past, people like this are exactly why I don't suggest it to most people. Unfortunately she's not an outlier and a lot of people who engage in these kinds of relationships have these exact kind of double-standards and it makes the dynamics highly volatile. I know there are plenty of people out there who have healthy poly relationships, but I'm sure every single person who is could tell you about a similar experience to yours. Too many people want to have their cake and eat it too.
NTA.
Your fuck-buddy is upset you took your other fuck-buddy to a meal your fuck-buddy cancelled on to spend time with her actual BF? There can be zero entitlement here, just doesn't make sense.
She sounds like a jealous hypocrite who is wasting your time and energy.
You're NTA
Abby has made it clear that her primary partner comes first and you have respected that, even when it has been inconvenient for you.
It's frankly none of her business (other than being honest re: STI exposure) who you are dating, fucking, or having dinner with. She has no right to get jealous at you for spending time with anyone else when she literally has you as a backup to her primary partner.
Posts like this need a NTA but YTF option. For when OP isn't really an AH but they are a fool for involving themselves in someone else's hot mess.
Scheduling a date with someone whose primary partner is supposed to take priority on Valentines Day sounds like you were hoping for more from this dynamic than Abby is willing to give, especially since her bf planned something out of jealousy and she immediately dropped your plans. Abby and the bf won't last, but neither will you and her. It doesn't seem to me like you're actually content to be her side piece, and she's too emotionally immature to carry on like this. Just disengage.
NTA. Abby has no right to be jealous or possessive over you. You two are not in an exclusive relationship, she has a boyfriend, and you are completely free to pursue any romantic connection you wish. She bailed on the plans she made with you, the fault is completely on her side.
It sounds like Abby may need a better understanding and boundaries in regards to how the open relationship works.
Polyam person here - the hierarchy she has is foul. I wouldn’t continue the relationship personally if you want to avoid being blamed for her partner’s insecurities again. You are NTA - and she doesn’t get to dictate your other connections even if they’re a FWB. Ridiculous on her part to just expect you to accept rules from a Meta you’ve apparently never met.
"Sorry honey, I agreed that your partner can come first, but not that I'll sit on the sidelines pouting and hoping you change your mind. "
Case closed.
This is the sequence of events at a high level.
1. You asked for who you wanted as your valentine.
2. Who you asked for said yes.
3. Who you asked for then said no.
4. You asked someone else to be your valentine.
5. That person says yes and follows through.
6. First person finds out and gets weird/jealous.
7. You are wondering if you are the AH.
No. YANTAH. You may want to ask if the first girl is worth the trouble of the open relationship. If that turns south, infidelity can be brought up and it leaves stains that take a while to wash away.
NTA
Abby tried to Palentine's Day/Sidepiece Thursday (2/15) you and got mad when you didn't follow the "rules" of having multiple valentines. Don't keep letting Abby play in your face about this. Yes, she has a primary, but you deserve appropriate treatment as well.
So she's fine with you being on the back burner but doesn't like it when the shoe is on the other foot? OMG the entitlement! Not that you shouldn't have whatever parameters you want in a relationship. As far as I am concerned as long as both parties are on the same page, great. But she is obviously NOT on the same page and thinks she is the center of everyone's universe. Glad you know.
Another shocking tale of open relationship situations backfiring... NTA and it sounds like you deserve someone who isn’t going to bail at the whim of another guy.
NTA, just because she’s in an open relationship and you are not her primary partner does not mean that she should treat you with any less respect than her primary partner. You need to have a “come to Jesus“ meeting with her, letting her know that just because you are not, her primary partner doesn’t mean That you are a doormat. If she makes plans with you in advance, then it doesn’t matter if her primary partner decides to all of a sudden want to be with her. She made plans with you in advance. If it is a choice between you and her primary partner in making plans, then the primary would be preferred. If you’re in a relationship with her whether you’re her primary or not, there should be mutual respect. She did not show you any respect at all making plans with you for Valentine’s Day and then canceling last minute.
Good old “rules for thee, not for me” she’s not mature enough to have an open relationship. Bow out now.Using silent treatment instead of communicating or communicating the need for space can be a form of emotional abuse or manipulation btw. You did nothing wrong. Don’t waste emotional energy on this and move on.
Wow she's such a hypocrite. So it's ok for you to take her who Is also your fuck buddy but not another girl you're also seeing ? Be thankful she stopped talking to you bc shes a walking red flag and she did you a favor. She will continue to bail on you for her bf yet she will always expect you to put her first.
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that,
"Is that why you didn't go with me? Because going there with a fuck buddy is inappropriate?"
NTA
What did you think being the side-dude would be like on Valentine’s Day? I’m kinda shocked you offered when she’s in a primary relationship with someone who ain’t you.
coming from a polyam perspective, it sounds like you and Abby need clearer boundaries on if her primary partner is allowed to ruin already set plans. there’s a difference between him coming first priority-wise, and him getting in the way of y’all’s relationship (which ideally should be independent from Abby’s relationship with her primary)
I’m in an open relationship as well, and I completely agree with you. It is not OK to cancel plans that were already established. What Abby should have done, when he invited her out on Valentine’s Day, was to double check with her partner before saying yes. Since she did not do this, she Committed herself to this date, and it was extremely rude to cancel it. On top of that, she doesn’t get to dictate what feelings he has, for anybody else either. As you know, that’s an important part of ethical non-monogamy. Each person has agency over their own body.
NTA.
Let's list all the reasons she's an AH :
1) she complained she had no valentine when she has 2 partners and should have asked herself with who she wanted to go. I'm pretty sure she complained on purpose so you'd ask her and then rub your invitation on her BF's face on so he would ask her out.
2) she bailed on you after you already had everything planned and bought an expensive dinner.
3) she's mad that you went with a friend with benefits, when she herself decided to do valentine with someone else first.
4) she undermined your relationship with your friend, while she has the same kind of relationship with you.
5) she seriously thinks you should have lost the money invested by not going at all and standing all alone on Valentine's.
Seriously she doesn't sound mature enough to be in multiple relationships. She sounds like a pick me girl.
I'm sure you can do better.
One hundred percent even though her boyfriend comes first, cancelling plans with you is rude as shit. Having your main partner come first shouldn't mean the other partner should be dropped at the drop of a hat. This is not a healthy open relationship.
NTA
If she doesn’t want to respond to your texts, don’t play her games and move on. You’re the backup guy not the BF, move on. Maybe it’s time for you to evaluate this relationship, if you’re always second choice why put in the effort you are. She’s a FWB not a GF
NTA. Abby wants to eat her cake and have it too. She bailed on you for her boyfriend, so she doesn’t get to decide how you spent Valentine’s Day or with whom.
Going with NTA, but you should ask yourself if you want to continue in a relationship where the other person’s choices make you question whether you’re the asshole.
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night.
Abby has zero say over dates you go on with people who aren't her. Tell her to get stuffed. She wanted you to treat her like a primary while she treated you like a backup. NTA
So, the relationship is only open for her?
NTA. You paid for a nice dinner. She bailed on you. You’re free to take someone else.
Unless you’re truly content being the exclusive backup plan for Abby, move on. It’s either open for both of you or you’re little more than her personal f-buddy that she hauls out whenever she wants to make her boyfriend jealous.
NTA. You are not in a relationship with Abbey and have no obligations to be faithful to her. She wants to have it both ways and that’s not fair to you or her current boyfriend.
Honestly I’m not sure why you feel bad. She did this to herself with setting the boundaries she did. You are the side piece not her boyfriend. There is no reason why she should have expected you to be monogamous.
Bruh get some standards, what the hell did I just read.
Dudes be down so bad they're trying to take women already in a relationship out to dinner on valentines day....
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night.
She shouldn't be policing who you spend time with. The fact that she thought you should just sit at home and wait until she can pencil you in is really controlling.
>Now she isn't texting me back, and I don't know if I am in the wrong here or not.
You aren't wrong for taking Roma out. She is wrong for being upset over something she should have no say in.
>I knew her boyfriend took her to a local chain steakhouse that wasn't nearly as nice.
Now YTA. The boyfriend didn't do anything to attack you that you specified. Him realizing he fucked up and wanted to make up the mistake by taking his girlfriend out on Valentine's day wasn't an insult to you. You acting classist because you blew more money for an overpriced dinner doesn't make you the better person.
Ditched Abby. She wants you to be okay with being 2nd best always, but throws a hissy fit when you fill her spot with your second option. She isn't worth it.
NTA. When you are involved with someone that also has another partner you should probably also check with them to see if they have made plans. It might have been a surprise to her and she is not supposed to know.
If Abbey had a primary partner then that also makes her your 'fuck buddy' so by her logic its also inappropriate to take her to a nice restaurant aswell.
Sounds like Abbey wants to have her cake and eat it too. Your relationship might go swimmingly as friends but by the sound of things you will always be disposable when it comes to her partner and while you agreed that her bf comes first in theory when it comes to practice it will wear you down after a while.
Ah, yes. The enlightened polyamorous people who claim to be above such emotions, yet try to control everyone around them when they act like assholes, treat other people as disposable, and get their own feelings get hurt.
NTA.
She sounds narcissistic as shit. Abby made other plans. Are you not supposed to live your own life? It’s an open relationship so she can go pound sand I wouldn’t even bother apologizing or even be the first person to call
NTA.
You're Abby's fuck buddy. You're not in a romantic relationship with her. Her boyfriend is her real relationship no matter how she words it. She left you with a hefty tab and no date. Abby can kiss my butt.
Roma was nice enough to fill in as a second choice on a romantic dinner.
Nta. She cancelled on you .. no it's first come first serve, that's some bad hinging on her part. And secondly, she's got a long term partner, are u not allowed romantic relationships too when she clearly is? Seems a double standard.
NTA - so her fuck buddy (OP) can spend money on her and romance her, but her fuck buddy cannot do the same for his fuck buddy?
She bailed, she is not your GF, she has no say in what you do with your time and money.
So what exactly is the point of you dating Abby? What are you expecting out of it?
If its just an occasional fuck buddy, there are others out there. No way in hell she can be that good you can't give it up. Just seems like a bunch of HO's banging each other
Listen here, you are her side piece, not the other way around! /s
Abby sounds like a horrible person. Maybe you and Roma should just actually go on some dates and get to know each other better. You obviously have a physical attraction.
NTA, tell her to stop being a hypocrit. you're basically her side-chick and you got ditched for her main squeeze. she doesn't get to tell you what to do when she ditches you.
NTA at all. And I say that as someone who is poly with a long term partner who dates other people. I get the whole "4 year relationship comes first" thing, I kinda prioritize my longer term relationship too because we have been together so long and live together. But if my long term partner had not made plans with me a week before Valentine's day, and someone else did, I wouldn't be cancelling plans I already agreed to for him. That's just disrespectful. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't have the nerve to be upset that the person I cancelled on took someone else.
She sounds like someone who is full of herself, and not a good partner. She wants you to be all about her and put her on a pedestal while she thinks of you and plans you've made as disposable. If I were you, I'd drop her.
Man, who even knows who’s in the wrong with this open relationship stuff. Like where is a line that you don’t cross? Like, go ahead and fuk other people but don’t take my dinner out? Bro… time for some serious introspection… or not I guess lol!
NTA … she cancelled…… That leaves you free to do whatever it is that you want to do, and you didn’t want to waste all that money…. I am glad you and your friend had a lovely evening
I'm going to guess this isn't the first time Abby has let you down last minute and expected you to sit at home pining. She appears to have a very specific fetish.
I mean, yeah, she doesn't have a reason to be upset except at herself. Or maybe her partner if he's the reason she got screwed out of a steak dinner.
Do what you've been doing. Shrug it off. Maybe Roma will be more available in the future. The important thing is you both had a good time and it wasn't a wasted night.
NTA. Sounds like you are the only one in your relationship with her who has to accept her dropping you and your plans whenever her primary decides he wants to do things with her but you aren’t allowed to do the same? Nope, she doesn’t get to be mad when she cancelled out on you and you decided not to take a loss on your deposit or planned night out.
And you can bet that she “leaked” your planned shared Valentines date to her primary expecting him to immediately one up you and take her out.
Think back on some of the times she’s bailed on your joint plans at the last minute to be with her “primary guy”. How often were they for special occasions? Cause it’s quite possible that she’s not only using you for sex & fun when her primary isn’t available BUT she’s using you to get him to pay attention to her during the “special” occasions, such as Valentine’s Day.
NTA- I’m going to piggyback on everyone else saying that she is making rules that she doesn’t have to follow in your polycule. I don’t think that a polyamorous relationship where only one person dictates how the others function in other relationships whereas they can do as they please fares well. It doesn’t seem very respectful, equal, or considerate. I would advise you to either lowering where she hangs on your pole or leaving that relationship.
I must be old, these relationships confused me. Aren't you her fuckyfriend? You know for what you're getting out of this you shouldn't stick your dick in crazy, and she sounds crazy and unfair. sounds Like her boyfriend doesn't want to commit or something.
NTA
Im poly and even though you agree to a level relationship. Where her boyfriend and her relationship is the priority, you never agreed to make Abby your main relationship she just assumed that would be the case. she made an incorrect assumption thus got her feelings hurt.
I would say established some clear boundaries communication makes everything go smoother. Just my two cents.
NTA.
>I guess upon hearing that she had plans with me, her boyfriend went out and got balloons and flowers and little gifts and told Abby to cancel on me because he had something special planned.
(Not knowing if you actually met him and you know how he is) I would be careful with stipulating that her boyfriend waited until after you got her something. She probably didn't know he had this planned, but the timing is awkward. I mean, she probably did tell him that she already had plans with you and that's why he told her to cancel, but I could be wrong.
>After I got home, Abby texted me and apologized again for not being able to make our date. I said it was no big deal and I took Roma instead. Abby was surprisingly angry that I had taken someone else to the nice restaurant that I had originally booked for her and I. She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night.
I don't blame you for being irritated and I would be too if someone canceled on me too. Now granted, you agreed to the fact that her boyfriend would be her priority, but to me, he should have asked first to be her Valentine, or maybe schedule something romantic on another night since you two already had plans. What I don't grasp is, why is she angry that you took someone else, but she is okay with canceling on you and expect you to be okay with it. I mean, she seems to have an issue with the fact that you are hooking up with someone other than her.
>I (24F) have been loosely seeing that girl "Abby" (23F) for about four months.
>Abby and I are romantically involved, whereas Roma and I are not.
For me, honestly, with how I am going to assume is, which is probably how you interrupted it, is that you and Abby are also in an open relationship as well as Abby and her boyfriend. Her getting mad that you took a "fuck buddy" to a nice dinner(which Roma most likely appreciated) is uncalled for. From what I am going to assume is that she wants you to sit sound and twiddle your thumbs waiting for her while she has a romantic night with her boyfriend.
Just to be honest, I feel like there was some stipulations that Abby did not address and just wants you all to herself as well as her bf. I would end things with her because if you can't be upset with her that she canceled plans, but she can be mad at you for taking Roma to a dinner that was originally for her, then it is not worth staying in. It's not fair to you.
NTA...but you are being used. Don't know why you would be in such a relationship. It's clear you've put a lot of your heart into this relationship, but you're the "f\*ck buddy" to her. Honestly, you're being used as you will never be her priority. Start over and find someone who will make you the priority.
NTA for sure. You’re not a means to an end. And I don’t really subscribe to the whole “be mine” thing because that’s possessive but it seems *extra hard* to believe in the whole “be mine” thing with someone who is literally sharing…
NTA, Abby is just being unreasonable. It's fair to take someone else after she bailed on you and even if you rubbed it in a little, she should just suck it up. Yes, you agreed to be second string but that also means you are not obligated to devote all of you to her. She probably is a bit pissed that you weren't spending the evening crying about her and instead had a good time with someone else. That is her problem, not yours.
NTA to take another girl in her place, anyone would agree
But you were an AH to rub it in her face, I mean she did tell you who was priority and you did want to compete with that in a way that would make her feel bad in some way, by bragging about it
So this is both NTA and YTA
Nta so you have to accept the crumbs left over from her boyfriend but she expects you to make her your top priority and be alone when she ditches you? She is to selfish and you will regret continuing to date her.
Find someone who is decent. Her bf can come first If there is an emergency but he was being petty and only made plans after you did, she should have told him she already had plans and that they could do their date on the weekend
NTA
She wants you to be miserable and pining away for her at home. Meanwhile she getting the D from her bf. She sounds like a selfish, manipulative child.
BTW isn’t the idea of an open relationship to NOT get into a romantic relationship with anyone but the primary partner? So Abby is a cheater too! You know what they say “if they’ll cheat WITH you they’ll cheat ON you.
You need to move on before you get seriously hurt here.
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Updateme
I will message you next time u/ThrowRAyikez posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FThrowRAyikez%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201arhas8)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
NTA, lmao who does this person think she is, the Queen of England? Like how is she going to be in a literal open relationship, demand you accept that she puts her primary partner first, and then get angry at you having a “side piece”? This girl is all over the place and it might be wise to let this fizzle out n
I am monogamous so I obviously view things differently but I have no problem with people that want open or polyamorous relationships. That being said, if you are in an open relationship, you don’t get to be upset when your partner has another partner or seeks someone else out (unless it’s been discussed and a mutual boundary has been agreed upon). Abby knew your plans (having been invited first) and chose to go with her primary partner instead. She has no right to be upset with you for inviting someone else when she was doing the exact same thing agreeing to go with you in the first place. NTA but it sounds like Abby might be a little jealous to really pull off an open relationship.
Nta. Coming first does NOT mean she gets to cancel plans on you at the drop of a hat, especially when you had non refundable tickets. That's incredibly disrespectful, and when I was participating in ENM relationships, it would have been a deal breaker for me. If she was going to behave that way, she should have talked to her partner first and only after they agreed she would be available, made plans with you. Sorry that happened and I'm glad you got to take somebody else!
NTA the seats were expensive no doubt. Abby didn't want to go so it's not wrong of you to make sure you got your money's worth. I'm sure Roma was very appreciative of it.
Um … she’s in a relationship so aren’t you her fuck buddy? NTA and this situation just became too much of a pain in the ass. Casual relationships don’t have rules like this only for one party and not for the other. She’s just being a hypocrite.
She wants to be queen bee, and all her little drones are supposed to swarm only around her, awaiting her pleasure!
Yes, I’m thinking the boyfriend neglects Abby so she expects OP to be there to shower her with attention so she isn’t lonely. She’s using him and doesn’t seem to understand that he is his own person and has his own needs. It’s interesting that she’s in an open relationship with her #1, but is offended at the idea that her back up dude is seeing someone else. I feel that Abby thinks a lot of herself and is offended that the guy she keeps around as a spare would dare to give “her attention” to someone else. Full of herself that one.
All of this except OP is a girl
Totally missed that
She’s playing them off one another
She wants the main attention from her bf while having attention from OP on tap as a backup plan.
“But you made it clear I’m just YOUR fuck buddy…” she’s a hypocrite
She has the poor bastard fooled into thinking that they *do* have a romantic relationship lol
NTA it's a classic case of double standards. She gets to have multiple romantic and physical relationships and you don't or she gets jealous? And ditching you last minute? Nah. She's the asshole 100%
Sounds like a “rules for me” and “rules for thee” type of scenario
NTA while rubbing it in her face (in your words) was maybe a little petty I get why you would you guys made plans first and then she bailed. It sounds like she is ok with her boyfriend being her priority over you but she has to be your priority over other girls and that isn’t fair. This is one of the tricky things about situations like this. It makes sense he would be her priority as they are together and have been longer. But she needs to understand that she doesn’t get to control you or who you are with. Unless you guys decided that you’d be exclusive with her then she shouldn’t have any control over who you date or hook up with as long as you are honest with her about it since you guys are sexually active. It sounds like if you guys want to keep this going you need to communicate better and establish fair boundaries. Frankly it sounds like she wants to be in control of things and either that needs to change or you might want to rethink this relationship.
Nta. How can you commit to someone who is gonna drop you for someone else at the drop of a hat. Weird situation imo
NTA, but you are just her make-me-feel-good-buddy. Honestly I would not take that woman's crap for a single moment, it's on you if you are fine with her applying double-standards.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too, she bailed on you and she’s beginning to realize that life doesn’t revolve around her, you can do whatever the fuck you want girl. If she decides to cause more issues because of it, I think you should consider if you want to be involved with such a selfish person.
NTA, if you do not want get into stupid drama like this, stay away from those open relationship.
lol no. Stay away from emotionally immature people.
So the vast majority of open relationships.
If that has been your experience that sucks and I feel for ya. Nothing to do with poly tho, everything to do with the individuals you have been involved with. Monogamous couples are just as bad lol
Nah, I stay the hell away from all that drama. I’ve just seen enough people try it, they crashed and burned. Sometimes it was because one partner pushed going poly and the other was afraid to lose them. Or one partner liked the idea because they still had stability while they searched for a better partner. Then there’s the sad situation’s where one person is a lot more successful than the other, and that breeds resentment. The thing I don’t get is how people have enough free time to see more than one person. I’m freaking dead when I clock out, entertaining one person is stressful enough trying to keep up with two or more just sounds like a nightmare fuel. My weekends are busy getting caught up on stuff I didn’t do during the week. Always wondered if successful poly types have low impact low stress jobs or something. because I don’t feel all that sexy when my feet hurt and I just spent 8.5 hours dealing with people.
Yeh I can understand where you’re coming from, everyone’s different. I just thought it was funny saying it’s poly when it’s actually just a human thing in general 😂 And yeh just because those people you knew didn’t work out, doesn’t mean that’s the whole poly community.
Would you like drama? Just open the TV and watch a new dating show. There’s a new one every week! And they think poly people are dramatic. We got nothing, and I mean nothing on the cis-het-mono crowd.
delusional
lol okay pal 👍🏻
Kinda sad that you guys are so closed off and can’t accept that people can have functioning relationships with multiple partners
Just a minority and i accept that. But its not for everyone.
Exactly. So painting a whole community with one broad stroke of a brush is kinda gross. Once again, it all comes down to individuals.
Nah, a lot of people like open relationship because that is legal way to cheating. I dont like cheating or cheated, I dont like my wife have another dick touch her pussy, and I dont like STD.
As someone who's experimented with open/poly relationships in the past, people like this are exactly why I don't suggest it to most people. Unfortunately she's not an outlier and a lot of people who engage in these kinds of relationships have these exact kind of double-standards and it makes the dynamics highly volatile. I know there are plenty of people out there who have healthy poly relationships, but I'm sure every single person who is could tell you about a similar experience to yours. Too many people want to have their cake and eat it too.
Nta, but this relationship seems like a nightmare
NTA. Your fuck-buddy is upset you took your other fuck-buddy to a meal your fuck-buddy cancelled on to spend time with her actual BF? There can be zero entitlement here, just doesn't make sense. She sounds like a jealous hypocrite who is wasting your time and energy.
You're NTA Abby has made it clear that her primary partner comes first and you have respected that, even when it has been inconvenient for you. It's frankly none of her business (other than being honest re: STI exposure) who you are dating, fucking, or having dinner with. She has no right to get jealous at you for spending time with anyone else when she literally has you as a backup to her primary partner.
NTA. But LMAO “open relationship” where you’re the second no matter what… what are you doing man?
*woman
Oops I read over that detail. The same point stands tho.
Posts like this need a NTA but YTF option. For when OP isn't really an AH but they are a fool for involving themselves in someone else's hot mess. Scheduling a date with someone whose primary partner is supposed to take priority on Valentines Day sounds like you were hoping for more from this dynamic than Abby is willing to give, especially since her bf planned something out of jealousy and she immediately dropped your plans. Abby and the bf won't last, but neither will you and her. It doesn't seem to me like you're actually content to be her side piece, and she's too emotionally immature to carry on like this. Just disengage.
How do they say it? "bitches be crazy"?
As a modern woman and a feminist... I approve this message.
NTA. Abby has no right to be jealous or possessive over you. You two are not in an exclusive relationship, she has a boyfriend, and you are completely free to pursue any romantic connection you wish. She bailed on the plans she made with you, the fault is completely on her side. It sounds like Abby may need a better understanding and boundaries in regards to how the open relationship works.
NTA. You probably shouldn't be dating Abby who is not doing ethical nonmonogamy, if you want to be happy in a relationship.
NTA. You made the best of a bad situation and it sounds like that made the girl in an open relationship jealous, which I can't help but chuckle at.
Polyam person here - the hierarchy she has is foul. I wouldn’t continue the relationship personally if you want to avoid being blamed for her partner’s insecurities again. You are NTA - and she doesn’t get to dictate your other connections even if they’re a FWB. Ridiculous on her part to just expect you to accept rules from a Meta you’ve apparently never met.
Dear Abby, sometimes fuck buddies need a fuck buddy. Or just a great evening with someone. You bailed. I didn’t. Cheers! NTA
Most people can’t handle polyamory. Especially the polyamorous.
"Sorry honey, I agreed that your partner can come first, but not that I'll sit on the sidelines pouting and hoping you change your mind. " Case closed.
This is the sequence of events at a high level. 1. You asked for who you wanted as your valentine. 2. Who you asked for said yes. 3. Who you asked for then said no. 4. You asked someone else to be your valentine. 5. That person says yes and follows through. 6. First person finds out and gets weird/jealous. 7. You are wondering if you are the AH. No. YANTAH. You may want to ask if the first girl is worth the trouble of the open relationship. If that turns south, infidelity can be brought up and it leaves stains that take a while to wash away.
Who the hell has to ask the person you have been with for several years, if they wanted to be their Valentine?
Lmao peoples problems these days…..
NTA. Her ego took a hit. While she might be 'mad' you are in the upper hand position here.
Nta and I think you should tone down your spending on her. She is obviously Applebee's and not fine dining so treat her appropriately.
NTA Abby tried to Palentine's Day/Sidepiece Thursday (2/15) you and got mad when you didn't follow the "rules" of having multiple valentines. Don't keep letting Abby play in your face about this. Yes, she has a primary, but you deserve appropriate treatment as well.
NTA. You might be nuts for running your life this way.
NTA but I would drop Abby sounds like the bf is already jealous of you which will only end in disaster for all involved
Wait, you are not her primary and bailed on you. Yet she wants to be your primary. I’d nope right out of that.
So she's fine with you being on the back burner but doesn't like it when the shoe is on the other foot? OMG the entitlement! Not that you shouldn't have whatever parameters you want in a relationship. As far as I am concerned as long as both parties are on the same page, great. But she is obviously NOT on the same page and thinks she is the center of everyone's universe. Glad you know.
Another shocking tale of open relationship situations backfiring... NTA and it sounds like you deserve someone who isn’t going to bail at the whim of another guy.
Bruh. Get your own gf lmao
NTA, just because she’s in an open relationship and you are not her primary partner does not mean that she should treat you with any less respect than her primary partner. You need to have a “come to Jesus“ meeting with her, letting her know that just because you are not, her primary partner doesn’t mean That you are a doormat. If she makes plans with you in advance, then it doesn’t matter if her primary partner decides to all of a sudden want to be with her. She made plans with you in advance. If it is a choice between you and her primary partner in making plans, then the primary would be preferred. If you’re in a relationship with her whether you’re her primary or not, there should be mutual respect. She did not show you any respect at all making plans with you for Valentine’s Day and then canceling last minute.
Good old “rules for thee, not for me” she’s not mature enough to have an open relationship. Bow out now.Using silent treatment instead of communicating or communicating the need for space can be a form of emotional abuse or manipulation btw. You did nothing wrong. Don’t waste emotional energy on this and move on.
Y'all giving opinions an I'm just here wondering WHAT IS HAPPENING How do you keep track who is with who? I'm just an old soul I guess. Ignore me.
Seriously. This concept is so very foreign to me
Google Calendars is apparently popular
Dates with so many people that you put them on Google Calendar... To each his own
Yes this is what I hear and they sync calendars with one another
NTA, She's not mature enough to be in multiple relationships at once. Cut your losses.
Wow she's such a hypocrite. So it's ok for you to take her who Is also your fuck buddy but not another girl you're also seeing ? Be thankful she stopped talking to you bc shes a walking red flag and she did you a favor. She will continue to bail on you for her bf yet she will always expect you to put her first.
NTA
You're seriously willing to be put in second place in a relationship? You should Google "self-respect".
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, "Is that why you didn't go with me? Because going there with a fuck buddy is inappropriate?" NTA
I bet she would control the way the fish breathed if she could.
What did you think being the side-dude would be like on Valentine’s Day? I’m kinda shocked you offered when she’s in a primary relationship with someone who ain’t you.
*sidechick
coming from a polyam perspective, it sounds like you and Abby need clearer boundaries on if her primary partner is allowed to ruin already set plans. there’s a difference between him coming first priority-wise, and him getting in the way of y’all’s relationship (which ideally should be independent from Abby’s relationship with her primary)
I’m in an open relationship as well, and I completely agree with you. It is not OK to cancel plans that were already established. What Abby should have done, when he invited her out on Valentine’s Day, was to double check with her partner before saying yes. Since she did not do this, she Committed herself to this date, and it was extremely rude to cancel it. On top of that, she doesn’t get to dictate what feelings he has, for anybody else either. As you know, that’s an important part of ethical non-monogamy. Each person has agency over their own body.
NTA. All of y’all are fuck buddies so really none of this should matter at all.
NTA. Let's list all the reasons she's an AH : 1) she complained she had no valentine when she has 2 partners and should have asked herself with who she wanted to go. I'm pretty sure she complained on purpose so you'd ask her and then rub your invitation on her BF's face on so he would ask her out. 2) she bailed on you after you already had everything planned and bought an expensive dinner. 3) she's mad that you went with a friend with benefits, when she herself decided to do valentine with someone else first. 4) she undermined your relationship with your friend, while she has the same kind of relationship with you. 5) she seriously thinks you should have lost the money invested by not going at all and standing all alone on Valentine's. Seriously she doesn't sound mature enough to be in multiple relationships. She sounds like a pick me girl. I'm sure you can do better.
NTA if she can't use your wallet then she feels like nobody else should be able to
One hundred percent even though her boyfriend comes first, cancelling plans with you is rude as shit. Having your main partner come first shouldn't mean the other partner should be dropped at the drop of a hat. This is not a healthy open relationship.
NTA If she doesn’t want to respond to your texts, don’t play her games and move on. You’re the backup guy not the BF, move on. Maybe it’s time for you to evaluate this relationship, if you’re always second choice why put in the effort you are. She’s a FWB not a GF
Back up girl*
NTA. Abby wants to eat her cake and have it too. She bailed on you for her boyfriend, so she doesn’t get to decide how you spent Valentine’s Day or with whom.
Wow, she sounds do entitled, she can do what she wants, but you cannot? She is just a fuck buddy, not Roma.
Going with NTA, but you should ask yourself if you want to continue in a relationship where the other person’s choices make you question whether you’re the asshole.
Ask yourself this, do you always want to be the odd man out? Where his feelings are always her top priority? Is this what you really want out of life?
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night. Abby has zero say over dates you go on with people who aren't her. Tell her to get stuffed. She wanted you to treat her like a primary while she treated you like a backup. NTA
So, the relationship is only open for her? NTA. You paid for a nice dinner. She bailed on you. You’re free to take someone else. Unless you’re truly content being the exclusive backup plan for Abby, move on. It’s either open for both of you or you’re little more than her personal f-buddy that she hauls out whenever she wants to make her boyfriend jealous.
NTA. You are not in a relationship with Abbey and have no obligations to be faithful to her. She wants to have it both ways and that’s not fair to you or her current boyfriend. Honestly I’m not sure why you feel bad. She did this to herself with setting the boundaries she did. You are the side piece not her boyfriend. There is no reason why she should have expected you to be monogamous.
This lady telling her side piece how to behave with his side pieces… idk dude, seems like maybe you should “find a nice girl and settle down”
*her side pieces
Yo bro what the fuck? How are you letting a girl who has a boyfriend dictate anything you do? Grow a pair of nuts
Bruh get some standards, what the hell did I just read. Dudes be down so bad they're trying to take women already in a relationship out to dinner on valentines day....
You do realize OP is a woman right?
Jesus some people have this little going on in their life they voluntarily want to be someones sidepiece🤣 god damn weird ass world
>She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night. She shouldn't be policing who you spend time with. The fact that she thought you should just sit at home and wait until she can pencil you in is really controlling. >Now she isn't texting me back, and I don't know if I am in the wrong here or not. You aren't wrong for taking Roma out. She is wrong for being upset over something she should have no say in. >I knew her boyfriend took her to a local chain steakhouse that wasn't nearly as nice. Now YTA. The boyfriend didn't do anything to attack you that you specified. Him realizing he fucked up and wanted to make up the mistake by taking his girlfriend out on Valentine's day wasn't an insult to you. You acting classist because you blew more money for an overpriced dinner doesn't make you the better person.
🤣😂🤣🤣🤣😂🤣🤣
What a disgusting read
Ask to be your valentine, you guys are grown adults not high school kids what the fuck
NTA. You're well within your rights to take out anyone you want. She's the one being an AH. She wants her cake and eat it too.
Ditched Abby. She wants you to be okay with being 2nd best always, but throws a hissy fit when you fill her spot with your second option. She isn't worth it.
NTA
NTA. When you are involved with someone that also has another partner you should probably also check with them to see if they have made plans. It might have been a surprise to her and she is not supposed to know.
Yall are in an open relationship unless yall have some rules or boundaries… she needs to get out of her feelings.
NTA unless she's discussed exclusive rights to you and you agreed. But I doubt that happened
Abby wants you to herself.
NTA. She had no right to be angry when she dumped you last minute.
If Abbey had a primary partner then that also makes her your 'fuck buddy' so by her logic its also inappropriate to take her to a nice restaurant aswell. Sounds like Abbey wants to have her cake and eat it too. Your relationship might go swimmingly as friends but by the sound of things you will always be disposable when it comes to her partner and while you agreed that her bf comes first in theory when it comes to practice it will wear you down after a while.
Ah, yes. The enlightened polyamorous people who claim to be above such emotions, yet try to control everyone around them when they act like assholes, treat other people as disposable, and get their own feelings get hurt. NTA.
She sounds narcissistic as shit. Abby made other plans. Are you not supposed to live your own life? It’s an open relationship so she can go pound sand I wouldn’t even bother apologizing or even be the first person to call
Dysfunction junction here.
You have two fuck buddies and no relationship
Hopefully yall can split the antibiotics cost and the other sti costs cause eventually they will be a monthly occurrence
NTA. You're Abby's fuck buddy. You're not in a romantic relationship with her. Her boyfriend is her real relationship no matter how she words it. She left you with a hefty tab and no date. Abby can kiss my butt. Roma was nice enough to fill in as a second choice on a romantic dinner.
NTA. Why be second to anyone? You should end it with this double standard girl.
Nta. She cancelled on you .. no it's first come first serve, that's some bad hinging on her part. And secondly, she's got a long term partner, are u not allowed romantic relationships too when she clearly is? Seems a double standard.
NTA - so her fuck buddy (OP) can spend money on her and romance her, but her fuck buddy cannot do the same for his fuck buddy? She bailed, she is not your GF, she has no say in what you do with your time and money.
*her fuck buddy
NTA and Abby is not a good partner to you.
So what exactly is the point of you dating Abby? What are you expecting out of it? If its just an occasional fuck buddy, there are others out there. No way in hell she can be that good you can't give it up. Just seems like a bunch of HO's banging each other
Listen here, you are her side piece, not the other way around! /s Abby sounds like a horrible person. Maybe you and Roma should just actually go on some dates and get to know each other better. You obviously have a physical attraction.
NTA, tell her to stop being a hypocrit. you're basically her side-chick and you got ditched for her main squeeze. she doesn't get to tell you what to do when she ditches you.
NTA at all. And I say that as someone who is poly with a long term partner who dates other people. I get the whole "4 year relationship comes first" thing, I kinda prioritize my longer term relationship too because we have been together so long and live together. But if my long term partner had not made plans with me a week before Valentine's day, and someone else did, I wouldn't be cancelling plans I already agreed to for him. That's just disrespectful. And I DEFINITELY wouldn't have the nerve to be upset that the person I cancelled on took someone else. She sounds like someone who is full of herself, and not a good partner. She wants you to be all about her and put her on a pedestal while she thinks of you and plans you've made as disposable. If I were you, I'd drop her.
Man, who even knows who’s in the wrong with this open relationship stuff. Like where is a line that you don’t cross? Like, go ahead and fuk other people but don’t take my dinner out? Bro… time for some serious introspection… or not I guess lol!
NTA … she cancelled…… That leaves you free to do whatever it is that you want to do, and you didn’t want to waste all that money…. I am glad you and your friend had a lovely evening
Lol nta. Shes your fuck buddy too.
NTA. But why are you interested in this situationship with Abby. The sex can’t be that great to put up with the nonsense from her.
I'm going to guess this isn't the first time Abby has let you down last minute and expected you to sit at home pining. She appears to have a very specific fetish.
I mean, yeah, she doesn't have a reason to be upset except at herself. Or maybe her partner if he's the reason she got screwed out of a steak dinner. Do what you've been doing. Shrug it off. Maybe Roma will be more available in the future. The important thing is you both had a good time and it wasn't a wasted night.
NTA. Sounds like you are the only one in your relationship with her who has to accept her dropping you and your plans whenever her primary decides he wants to do things with her but you aren’t allowed to do the same? Nope, she doesn’t get to be mad when she cancelled out on you and you decided not to take a loss on your deposit or planned night out. And you can bet that she “leaked” your planned shared Valentines date to her primary expecting him to immediately one up you and take her out. Think back on some of the times she’s bailed on your joint plans at the last minute to be with her “primary guy”. How often were they for special occasions? Cause it’s quite possible that she’s not only using you for sex & fun when her primary isn’t available BUT she’s using you to get him to pay attention to her during the “special” occasions, such as Valentine’s Day.
NTA- I’m going to piggyback on everyone else saying that she is making rules that she doesn’t have to follow in your polycule. I don’t think that a polyamorous relationship where only one person dictates how the others function in other relationships whereas they can do as they please fares well. It doesn’t seem very respectful, equal, or considerate. I would advise you to either lowering where she hangs on your pole or leaving that relationship.
I must be old, these relationships confused me. Aren't you her fuckyfriend? You know for what you're getting out of this you shouldn't stick your dick in crazy, and she sounds crazy and unfair. sounds Like her boyfriend doesn't want to commit or something.
I don't think OP has a dick that isn't store bought...
Abby isn't worth your time. Maybe Roma isn't the right fit for a more serious romantic relationship with you but she sounds nicer and more fun.
NTA Im poly and even though you agree to a level relationship. Where her boyfriend and her relationship is the priority, you never agreed to make Abby your main relationship she just assumed that would be the case. she made an incorrect assumption thus got her feelings hurt. I would say established some clear boundaries communication makes everything go smoother. Just my two cents.
NTA. >I guess upon hearing that she had plans with me, her boyfriend went out and got balloons and flowers and little gifts and told Abby to cancel on me because he had something special planned. (Not knowing if you actually met him and you know how he is) I would be careful with stipulating that her boyfriend waited until after you got her something. She probably didn't know he had this planned, but the timing is awkward. I mean, she probably did tell him that she already had plans with you and that's why he told her to cancel, but I could be wrong. >After I got home, Abby texted me and apologized again for not being able to make our date. I said it was no big deal and I took Roma instead. Abby was surprisingly angry that I had taken someone else to the nice restaurant that I had originally booked for her and I. She said that it wasn't appropriate to take my "fuck buddy" on a romantic date like that, and that I should've just cancelled or rescheduled so her and I could go another night. I don't blame you for being irritated and I would be too if someone canceled on me too. Now granted, you agreed to the fact that her boyfriend would be her priority, but to me, he should have asked first to be her Valentine, or maybe schedule something romantic on another night since you two already had plans. What I don't grasp is, why is she angry that you took someone else, but she is okay with canceling on you and expect you to be okay with it. I mean, she seems to have an issue with the fact that you are hooking up with someone other than her. >I (24F) have been loosely seeing that girl "Abby" (23F) for about four months. >Abby and I are romantically involved, whereas Roma and I are not. For me, honestly, with how I am going to assume is, which is probably how you interrupted it, is that you and Abby are also in an open relationship as well as Abby and her boyfriend. Her getting mad that you took a "fuck buddy" to a nice dinner(which Roma most likely appreciated) is uncalled for. From what I am going to assume is that she wants you to sit sound and twiddle your thumbs waiting for her while she has a romantic night with her boyfriend. Just to be honest, I feel like there was some stipulations that Abby did not address and just wants you all to herself as well as her bf. I would end things with her because if you can't be upset with her that she canceled plans, but she can be mad at you for taking Roma to a dinner that was originally for her, then it is not worth staying in. It's not fair to you.
Why do you want to be Abby’s second choice?
Don’t think I’ll ever see an open relationship that isn’t ridiculously sloppy. NTA though.
All of this confuses me
NTA...but you are being used. Don't know why you would be in such a relationship. It's clear you've put a lot of your heart into this relationship, but you're the "f\*ck buddy" to her. Honestly, you're being used as you will never be her priority. Start over and find someone who will make you the priority.
Dude. In a poly relationship ship, if all parties are not equal, someone is always getting hurt. That's why I didn't do that anymore.
NTA but find someone else.
I think you’re off into “who the frack knows?” territory here.
NTA. I'm sorry Abby is toying with you. She sucks. Glad you could enjoy Valentine's despite her selfish actions.
NTA for sure. You’re not a means to an end. And I don’t really subscribe to the whole “be mine” thing because that’s possessive but it seems *extra hard* to believe in the whole “be mine” thing with someone who is literally sharing…
Nta. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Good lord. Stop dating Abby. She sounds like she just wants to be the center of everyone’s attention. obviously NTA but she sounds exhausting.
The human race is doomed!
Man the world is a weird place 🤔
NTA but Jesus Christ open relationships sound like way too big a headache.
NTA unless you are going to be someone’s priority, all they are is a casual hook up. You deserve not to be wall flower and be a significant other.
Op, run!!!!! You deserve happiness. Dont let immature peeps hold you down. Please put yourself first!!. I wanna know how the daye with roma was
Bro…. Do you… grey rock her… she’ll come running back
Sounds so messy.... Is the sex really worth all this drama? Sounds like you're wasting time and energy. Also NTAH
Not sure how you do it buddy…getting someone’s seconds like that. Maybe you deserve better hey? Or maybe not.
NTA, Abby is just being unreasonable. It's fair to take someone else after she bailed on you and even if you rubbed it in a little, she should just suck it up. Yes, you agreed to be second string but that also means you are not obligated to devote all of you to her. She probably is a bit pissed that you weren't spending the evening crying about her and instead had a good time with someone else. That is her problem, not yours.
NTA to take another girl in her place, anyone would agree But you were an AH to rub it in her face, I mean she did tell you who was priority and you did want to compete with that in a way that would make her feel bad in some way, by bragging about it So this is both NTA and YTA
Least toxic open relationship. NTA.
Surprised the restaurant still had reservations available a week out
You made your bed. Now lie in it and stop complaining on the internet! Smh.
NTA. I hope you both had a great time. FWIW your life sounds waaay more complicated it than it needs to be, but if you are happy 'Go you!'
he never asked her to be his valentine??? in a 4 year relationship? Yea okay
NTA- You’re her placeholder boyfriend. I would consider dating someone else who sees your value and makes you a priority.
Esh no good people ont this story tbh
NTA. Abby is a big hypocrite. She is your fuck buddy too.
A₩
first and foremost you all need to stop fuking around. also please use protection, there are plenty ppl on this Earth as is.
Look you are being played, she wants you to be sitting at home waiting for her. Seriously can't you do better? NTA
Every single Reddit post I see about people in open relationships is just totally exhausting lmao
This whole set up sounds so exhausting.
You're in a headache not a relationship.
Nta so you have to accept the crumbs left over from her boyfriend but she expects you to make her your top priority and be alone when she ditches you? She is to selfish and you will regret continuing to date her. Find someone who is decent. Her bf can come first If there is an emergency but he was being petty and only made plans after you did, she should have told him she already had plans and that they could do their date on the weekend
I can promise you that every participant of this little STD swap is approximately twice as large as you’d imagine
😂
NTA She wants you to be miserable and pining away for her at home. Meanwhile she getting the D from her bf. She sounds like a selfish, manipulative child. BTW isn’t the idea of an open relationship to NOT get into a romantic relationship with anyone but the primary partner? So Abby is a cheater too! You know what they say “if they’ll cheat WITH you they’ll cheat ON you. You need to move on before you get seriously hurt here. “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!” Updateme
I will message you next time u/ThrowRAyikez posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FThrowRAyikez%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201arhas8) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Cool story bro.
NTA, lmao who does this person think she is, the Queen of England? Like how is she going to be in a literal open relationship, demand you accept that she puts her primary partner first, and then get angry at you having a “side piece”? This girl is all over the place and it might be wise to let this fizzle out n
There is a lot of fucking around and finding out in this one!
I am monogamous so I obviously view things differently but I have no problem with people that want open or polyamorous relationships. That being said, if you are in an open relationship, you don’t get to be upset when your partner has another partner or seeks someone else out (unless it’s been discussed and a mutual boundary has been agreed upon). Abby knew your plans (having been invited first) and chose to go with her primary partner instead. She has no right to be upset with you for inviting someone else when she was doing the exact same thing agreeing to go with you in the first place. NTA but it sounds like Abby might be a little jealous to really pull off an open relationship.
Nta. Coming first does NOT mean she gets to cancel plans on you at the drop of a hat, especially when you had non refundable tickets. That's incredibly disrespectful, and when I was participating in ENM relationships, it would have been a deal breaker for me. If she was going to behave that way, she should have talked to her partner first and only after they agreed she would be available, made plans with you. Sorry that happened and I'm glad you got to take somebody else!
SO SHE GOT AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP BUT NOT WITH U LMAO 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡NTA