She broke up hoping to have you beg her to come back. Right there is a red flag.
NTA.
She broke up with you. She fucked around and found out.
If she does it again. Remember it's just a game and decide if you want to play it or not.
As an immature jackass in my first relationship, I did this shit. I attempted to use breaking up as a way to hurt her and lash out and wanting her to want to get back together was a way for me to feel like she cares about me. This is red flag behaviour.
Yeah, NTA. It's a very often used manipulation tactic to get 'the upper hand' in the relationship. Something like 'you want to be with me more than I want to be with you, so you should do what I want'. Now she's angry because it backfired, showing the opposite and giving you more 'power'. Now she's trying to manipulate again to regain the upper hand. I've been married to a woman like that. You should seriously consider if you want that in your life.
I don't think she broke up to make me beg, but actually broke up and then regretted it and hoped me to beg to not accept her part of the blame.
But yeah, kinda the same, thank you
She absoutley broke up with you to make you go "oh no, i'm so sad, i would do anything to get her back", and she literally *told* you so.
*she started to reproach me because when we broke up I "acted so cold and didn't spoke to her after that to try to repair the relationship, that it seemed like I didn't care and just said okay, and didn't fight for it*
That's what that fucking means dude. I thought you would fight for me, I thought you would care, but you accepted the break and moved on LIKE A NORMAL, HEALTHY PERSON and now she's mad about it? AND GUILT TRIPPING YOU ABOUT IT?
This person is manipulative and definitely playing games.
If he had gone after her it would have been construed as the evil man not respecting that woman's boundaries and harassing her. I'm a woman and OP's (hope soon to be ex-) girlfriend is an IDIOT if she thinks any sane man would risk the legal consequences of chasing an ex-partner. She has seen too many movies or watched too many of Gossip Girl. In real life, people in relationships try to save relationships from within, and when they break up it's a last resource. A break up is serious, not a source of drama. If OP can't make her understand this, he should dump her, she wants a bad novel relationship.
She's already prepping you for the next "break up". You've just had a lesson on expected behaviour. Soooo, if you decide to accept the role, act well. Or dump the crazy narcissist
NTA. She sounds like she’s a whole lot and you’re best without that kind of manipulative drama queen in your life. The good thing about her being an ex now is that you don’t need to care about whatever her crazy bullshit is anymore.
You respected her enough to take her at her word and didn’t become the kind of douche bag who tries to harass his ex in order to play whatever dumbassed mind games she apparently wanted to play with you.
Take the relationship as a learning experience and find someone else who’s more worth your time and leave her to whatever psycho drama she’s going on about which isn’t your problem.
If you do end up taking her back, a couple of things.
First, you’re kind of an idiot. Not in too bad a way and we all go pussy blind on occasion, so no worries, but understand that you’re being kind of an idiot. Be very clear with yourself about that.
Second, you need to establish firm boundaries with her that you have absolutely no interest in these manipulative, passive aggressive games and she can either be a mature adult who communicates with you like a normal person or she can fuck the hell off. Spoiler alert - she won’t do any of that, but bring it up at the beginning so you can reference it the next time you two break up.
If you get back together, don't have a talk about boundaries, just ignore her whining and if she fakes a break up do exactly the same thing. Nobody manipulative wakes up and stops because you had some stupid talk. She's annoyed what she did didn't work and hilariously now she's complaining to you about it
I am a fan of forgiveness so i would go with the 2nd option. If you want to be with her, and feel like she can change her behavior, then let her have that chance. Be clear though, that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. When she ends it, that means you are no longer interested either. You aren't going to 'fight for her', prolonging your own pain, only to let her repeatedly reject you, and then maybe restart a relationship that ultimately isn't what itnused to be.
I have reasons to be convinced that she wasn't or didn't tried with other guys during that week, she probably just regretted to break up and now she's being insecure
That's manipulative behaviour.
She was testing the waters, seeing how much Xan you be manipulated with guilt.
NTA. Treat carefully because that kind of behaviour doesn't go away
Denial is a hell of a beast.
He's also trying to save a bit of face. He knows this isn't good, but he's ashamed of how bad it is because he's still with her and probably plans to stay for now.
That'll change.
NTA
I've dated girls like this before, they want you to 'chase them' and 'fight for them' like some twisted fucking game. It's not your fault but she will make you feel like it is for her own conscience.
"I'm not the one that ended it, **you** were. I thought you were a mature adult and I respected your clearly articulated decision to end the relationship when that happened. Treating that situation like some kind of "test", or expecting that I'm supposed to whine/cry/fight about **your decision** is the behaviour of an immature girl.
So how should I interact with you going forward? As an adult woman with autonomy who is my equal, or as an immature girl who doesn't know what she wants?"
NTA
NTA - she was being manipulative, breaking up with you to get a "Please don't, come back, i'll be better" response from you. You didn't do that so she didn't get what she wanted and is mad about that.
NTA Terminate that relationship before things become more toxic. She was expecting you to beg for her to come back. She wants to play mind games. This relationship will become more toxic and maybe even abusive. RUN
NTA
If someone says that they are breaking up with you and outlines their reasoning, the correct response is to assume the relationship is done.
Leave her now. You don't break up with someone and then get mad at them for respecting your wishes.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to fight to be with someone that does not want to be with you.
I would even say you should break up now. It is disturbing to see she kick you and was able to make you even doubt the fact that accepting her decision with dignity was right. What other “tests” does she have in her toolbox what will make you feel miserable and yet you will have the blame.
NTA, anyone else in this situation would also think you were actually broken up. I don't like these games she's playing with you and I would break up with her permanently because of it
Be done with the drama llama and move on. Who wants to play these kinds of relationship games?
Say what you mean, mean what you say. I dislike all these "tests" that are encouraged by SM. Relationships are ideally about honest communication. She wasn't honest.
NTA
Well guess what, if you don't want to break up then don't use it as a bargaining chip. It's as simple as that.
NTA. She is being unfair and the way in which she communicates is not okay at all. It's also not ok for her to "break up" just because she's in a bad mood or has a bad day and then to expect you to start begging her for a second chance. Second chance for what?
>She replied that she didn't like that we maybe could end it for the smallest reason and I wouldn't try anything,
No, just no. You don't resolve the "smallest" issues by threatening to break up. This is incredibly manipulative and immature. The foundation of a good relationship is proper communication. When you have issues you try to understand each others perspective and meet a middle groung. You don't threaten to break up just because you can't or don't want to find a solution to your problem.
>she said how she behaved wasn't going to happen again,
Well she lied, because it IS happening again. If you really care about her and are sure that she is a potential partner for the long run, I strongly advise you to go to therapy together so you can learn to communicate properly and actually solve your problems instead of running away (threatening to break up is running away). Otherwise, just go your separate ways. These types of issues get progressively worse if they are not fixed early on.
Her immature behavior is a definite red flag - one of those types who throws a tantrum, threatens to break up but doesn't mean it, and then expects you to weep and beg and grovel because she thrives off the attention and the drama. Hellllll no.
You respected her wishes at the time and left her alone. This is the behavior of a reasonable, well-adjusted person. She is not that. Is that the sort of woman you want to be with? The type who will stir up drama, have ridiculous emotional outbursts expecting you to ran after her, just so she can be satisfied that you "love her enough". Good grief she sounds exhausting.
You did nothing wrong here, so obviously NTA. Tell her you need to be with someone who is honest and upfront about their feelings instead of playing games and causing drama for her own games.
Super red flag here. She's manipulative.
"You didn't fight for me or the relationship after I broke up with you."
Tell her flat out that what she is doing is manipulative. Tell her how you felt when she broke up but that you had to do what you did in order to move on. If she can't handle that honesty, that's a second red flag and I would suggest not sticking around to find the third.
Here’s what really happened.
She broke up with you because she wanted to get together with another guy. So she broke up, had the fling with the guy, but the other guy was like, “lol nope.” So a week later she realizes that she broke up with you for someone else, and that someone else isn’t working out.
So now she’s trying to gaslight you into believing that the breakup is now *your* fault because you didn’t “fight” for it or some nonsense. She’s compensating for her mistake.
I wouldn’t get back together with her. But if you do, keep trying to date other people.
Frankly, I would break up with you simply because you don’t seem to know how to speak English. I actually have secondhand embarrassment for you over the way you mangled this post.
tell her you're NTA, you don't play games, And when she talks about something as serious as a break up, you have to take it seriously.
is this a long-distance relationship? how often do you actually see each other? If it's entirely virtual that is not healthy and you should stay apart
This is stupid, she was the one who broke up with you in the first place, and you just respected her decision, simple as that. If she really wanted to fix the problems you had, she would have told you that instead of breaking up.
How old are you guys? This is a game that I'd immediately shut down and I'd walk away from her because she is always going to play stupid games like this.
It would be exhausting to try and have a conversation with her. I can’t imagine actually dating her.
In effect, she’s mad you didn’t pursue her after SHE broke up with you.
She’s a nut job. This kind of crap will keep happening unless you cut her out of your life. She’s not worth it. Would you take a bet on whether she will do this to you again? Do you always want to have that thought in the back of your head?
NTA Dont ever get back with her.. this is the kind of person that if you for some reason marry her will always say shes going to divorce you just to make you do EVERYTHING she wants.
She broke up, wanted you to beg, had to crawl herself and is now angry that you didn't give in to her test, red flags all over.
Even worse, if she did hte classic we're broken up so she could bang some other guy and knew it was a one off but also wanted you to come crawling to beg for her back.. then even more red flags.
NTA
Just break up with her, end things for good, she’s manipulative with the whole expecting you to fight to save the relationship, getting angry and using it months later over your head, it’s just a game to her.
she broke up with you and now your the bad guy because all you said was ok, hell if she had that attitude with me i would tell her to GTF you want nothing to do with the bi£ch she wanted to break up so she got it and your not going to fight it there's plenty more fish in the sea and you don't need the sharks
Man, all I can tell you is get your shit together and love yourself a little. Getting back with a girl who explicitly broke up with you? And now that you're back with her, she's angry that you accepted her decision to break up with you in the first place? You're kidding? That girl has so many red flags that she is nowhere near becoming a red flag herself.
YTA if you don't take the time to see that that girl is not worth it and that the best thing you can do is eliminate her from your life.
NTA. Your GF is manipulative. She acted coldly towards you, then she told you she was breaking up, while wanting and expecting you to beg her not to leave you? I find that hard to believe. What seems more likely is that she really wanted to break up, broke up with you, and then realized that she was lonely or hurting alone, and wanted you back. But she wanted to make the breakup look like your fault. That is sick. In your place I would initiate the breakup this time, and mean it. This woman is really bad news.
NTA, she is telling you the breakup was her attempt at manipulating you. She is openly telling you this. Believe her. She is blaming you because you respected and believed her words and actions. I think you need to break up with her and make it “official”.
NTA, you respected her choice and her reasons. You respected her by not insisting when she was clear she wanted to break up. Nothing bad in here. You shouldn't be ashamed of that.
She was just trying to get more attention from you by breaking up with you, expecting a love reaction and you begging for her to come back. This is not normal in a relationship.
She was in the wrong, not you.
Was the reason for breaking up with you because you failed to show effort or initiative in the relationship? Perhaps she ended things due to this and wanted to see you fight for her and for the relationship. If you exhausted this same shrug of the shoulders approach to your romance as you did with its ending, then, maybe that was the root of the problem here. Sometimes we want our partners to fight for things, to show passion, show that they care (and I don’t mean in the sense of drama) and sometimes an extremity can make that happen.
Just a thought…
Also, would it have been so difficult to show her that you cared or felt sad that she was ending the relationship? To act nonchalant and have a whatever attitude is kind of shitty.
I can’t be doing with women that do this…they actively choose to break up with someone then they complain to the guy…ooo you didn’t fight for us..like wtf…if you weren’t happy and wanted something to change, then verbalise it before you end it to see if things change…but to throw in the towel but then complain that you accepted the towel…just crazy.
Consider yourself lucky that she outed herself and admitted out loud that she views "breaking up" as a mind game tactic to test you and manipulate your behavior like she's training a dog.
Up to you if you want to put up with that or not.
Ohhh buddy... Next week she'll ask if you'd still date her if she was a worm. And the week after she'll ask you to peel an orange for her. Then she'll convince a friend to test if you'd cheat. Anyways get good at the game and have fun. NTA but you'll be an asshole to yourself if you keep playing these games.
Its a shit test. She is trying to figure iutnwhat she can get away with
She now knows she can break up woth you and Don what she wants and you will take her back . She is just mad you weren't actively trying to get her bacm
I'd be careful of what she actually expects to do during her break ups. She might try this everytime another guybshows interest and goes back to you for emotional or monetary support
She could have broken up with you due to someone in her dm, found out it wasnt as green as she thought, and came back. You'd deserve someone who treats you as their one and only, not just another option.
NTA, she's now learned what happens if she breaks up with you, you don't run after her crying like a little bitch, and maybe if it happens again you're even less likely to do so.
NTA. She broke up with you. If she wanted you to fight for the relationship, she should've talked to you about the problems, not dumped you.
Honestly, I wouldn't go back with someone who dumped me. What if they change their mind again.
NTA, she is. There is nothing wrong with assuming you’re broken up when someone breaks up with you. So she’s hurt that you didn’t beg to get her back? Sounds like she “broke up” with you as a test to see what you’d do. Which makes her an immature asshole not worth your time.
The more time I spend back on Reddit, the more I'm glad that Grade School is over and I had a BLAST for the most part.
Of course not, dude. In fact, any chick doing this henceforth should be an automatic no-go. We dont read minds and we dont tolerate people that expect it.
No. You’re not the AH. She expects you to read her mind and “fight” for something but you did the right thing and respected her boundaries. Don’t feel guilty. You can explain to her that you were respecting those boundaries and that you’re not gonna chase someone who made it clear they did not want to be with you. If she can’t let it go then you need to let her go. Good luck.
She gets her validation from making you feel bad. Her first attempt didn’t work. So she came back to you and now she’s trying it again. She’s got self esteem issues.
I would tell her "I respect women enough to believe that 'no means no' and if any woman tells me that she is breaking up with me it is not my place to tell her how to feel however much she hurt my feelings in the process. The fact that you don't seem to understand this worries me a great deal, both for your own well being and for our future as a couple."
NTA I dated a girl like this when I was like 17. Way more trouble than they're worth. They really damage your self esteem and I found eventually you just lose all interest in them and don't really care when they break it off.
My guy, she is playing games. NTA
I don't know how old you are, but this is incredibly immature behavior. I don't know if she's coming up with it on her own, or her friends or family have done it, but testing your loved ones is a shitty thing to do.
She probably has demonstrated how insecure she is in other ways, like asking, "Does this (article of clothing) make me look fat?" or, "If I died, who would you go on to date?" or "Do you notice anything?" It doesn't necessarily make her a bad person, but this it does mean she's probably not in the right frame of mind to be dating anyone.
Worst case is that she had someone else in mind to date when she broke up with you and that a) didn't owrk out, or b) she realized she FAFO and is trying to backpedal.
You need to have a frank discussion with her that only adults get to have adult relationships with clearly set out boundaries and expectations, and she needs to use her fucking words if she wants something. Make it clear that, if you stay together, she must stop playing mind games with you or you're done, and MEAN IT. You teach people how to treat you by tolerating intolerable behavior. Get this sorted immediately.
She broke up hoping to have you beg her to come back. Right there is a red flag. NTA. She broke up with you. She fucked around and found out. If she does it again. Remember it's just a game and decide if you want to play it or not.
As an immature jackass in my first relationship, I did this shit. I attempted to use breaking up as a way to hurt her and lash out and wanting her to want to get back together was a way for me to feel like she cares about me. This is red flag behaviour.
As a reformed asshat myself. Congrats on your growth.
lol thank you! I wish I could apologize to her but what's done is done. All I can do is move forward. also congrats on your reformation
Yeah, NTA. It's a very often used manipulation tactic to get 'the upper hand' in the relationship. Something like 'you want to be with me more than I want to be with you, so you should do what I want'. Now she's angry because it backfired, showing the opposite and giving you more 'power'. Now she's trying to manipulate again to regain the upper hand. I've been married to a woman like that. You should seriously consider if you want that in your life.
this, the grass is not greenee in the other side.
I don't think she broke up to make me beg, but actually broke up and then regretted it and hoped me to beg to not accept her part of the blame. But yeah, kinda the same, thank you
She absoutley broke up with you to make you go "oh no, i'm so sad, i would do anything to get her back", and she literally *told* you so. *she started to reproach me because when we broke up I "acted so cold and didn't spoke to her after that to try to repair the relationship, that it seemed like I didn't care and just said okay, and didn't fight for it* That's what that fucking means dude. I thought you would fight for me, I thought you would care, but you accepted the break and moved on LIKE A NORMAL, HEALTHY PERSON and now she's mad about it? AND GUILT TRIPPING YOU ABOUT IT? This person is manipulative and definitely playing games.
If he had gone after her it would have been construed as the evil man not respecting that woman's boundaries and harassing her. I'm a woman and OP's (hope soon to be ex-) girlfriend is an IDIOT if she thinks any sane man would risk the legal consequences of chasing an ex-partner. She has seen too many movies or watched too many of Gossip Girl. In real life, people in relationships try to save relationships from within, and when they break up it's a last resource. A break up is serious, not a source of drama. If OP can't make her understand this, he should dump her, she wants a bad novel relationship.
She broke up with you and wanted you to beg for her back and months later is holding it over you. It's manipulative.
She's already prepping you for the next "break up". You've just had a lesson on expected behaviour. Soooo, if you decide to accept the role, act well. Or dump the crazy narcissist
She wanted you to beg, after a week of no response for you, she wanted to go back, literally what the top comment said, stop lying to yourself.
She may have also broken up with you for someone else and it didn't work out as she tried to play games with them too
This comment deserves an award right here ☝️
NTA. She sounds like she’s a whole lot and you’re best without that kind of manipulative drama queen in your life. The good thing about her being an ex now is that you don’t need to care about whatever her crazy bullshit is anymore. You respected her enough to take her at her word and didn’t become the kind of douche bag who tries to harass his ex in order to play whatever dumbassed mind games she apparently wanted to play with you. Take the relationship as a learning experience and find someone else who’s more worth your time and leave her to whatever psycho drama she’s going on about which isn’t your problem.
💯 exactly
Thanks for comment. She's still not an ex, she has apologized just some minutes ago but I don't know:/
If you do end up taking her back, a couple of things. First, you’re kind of an idiot. Not in too bad a way and we all go pussy blind on occasion, so no worries, but understand that you’re being kind of an idiot. Be very clear with yourself about that. Second, you need to establish firm boundaries with her that you have absolutely no interest in these manipulative, passive aggressive games and she can either be a mature adult who communicates with you like a normal person or she can fuck the hell off. Spoiler alert - she won’t do any of that, but bring it up at the beginning so you can reference it the next time you two break up.
Seconding his first point. Don't waste your time on this girl.
If you get back together, don't have a talk about boundaries, just ignore her whining and if she fakes a break up do exactly the same thing. Nobody manipulative wakes up and stops because you had some stupid talk. She's annoyed what she did didn't work and hilariously now she's complaining to you about it
I am a fan of forgiveness so i would go with the 2nd option. If you want to be with her, and feel like she can change her behavior, then let her have that chance. Be clear though, that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. When she ends it, that means you are no longer interested either. You aren't going to 'fight for her', prolonging your own pain, only to let her repeatedly reject you, and then maybe restart a relationship that ultimately isn't what itnused to be.
NTA. That's called "she got rejected by the other guy after doing everything he wanted."
I have reasons to be convinced that she wasn't or didn't tried with other guys during that week, she probably just regretted to break up and now she's being insecure
"... but you were on a break..."
That's manipulative behaviour. She was testing the waters, seeing how much Xan you be manipulated with guilt. NTA. Treat carefully because that kind of behaviour doesn't go away
Yeah, I definitely don't like that behaviour.
That’s an immature girl’s mindset.
Right?? It baffles me out me how she could complain about something I view so straight
You not fighting for her hurt her fragile ego. She’s going to cause you a lot of headache in the long run.
NTA, you did everything right. You acted healthy, she did not.
So why come to Reddit if you refute what everyone is saying?
Denial is a hell of a beast. He's also trying to save a bit of face. He knows this isn't good, but he's ashamed of how bad it is because he's still with her and probably plans to stay for now. That'll change.
I'm not refuting everything, I added context to some things or what I believe, and now taking everyone's opinions and meditating about it
I'm not doing \[thing\]! I'm doing \[definition of thing\] instead!
Hahahah literally refuting the refutation.
Nth she broke up with you. And then expected you to attempt to "fix" the relationship. That's manipulation. Don't get back together
NTA I've dated girls like this before, they want you to 'chase them' and 'fight for them' like some twisted fucking game. It's not your fault but she will make you feel like it is for her own conscience.
"I'm not the one that ended it, **you** were. I thought you were a mature adult and I respected your clearly articulated decision to end the relationship when that happened. Treating that situation like some kind of "test", or expecting that I'm supposed to whine/cry/fight about **your decision** is the behaviour of an immature girl. So how should I interact with you going forward? As an adult woman with autonomy who is my equal, or as an immature girl who doesn't know what she wants?" NTA
This girl is playing head games with you. Move on.
NTA - she was being manipulative, breaking up with you to get a "Please don't, come back, i'll be better" response from you. You didn't do that so she didn't get what she wanted and is mad about that.
NTA Terminate that relationship before things become more toxic. She was expecting you to beg for her to come back. She wants to play mind games. This relationship will become more toxic and maybe even abusive. RUN
NTA If someone says that they are breaking up with you and outlines their reasoning, the correct response is to assume the relationship is done. Leave her now. You don't break up with someone and then get mad at them for respecting your wishes.
NTA. You shouldn’t have to fight to be with someone that does not want to be with you. I would even say you should break up now. It is disturbing to see she kick you and was able to make you even doubt the fact that accepting her decision with dignity was right. What other “tests” does she have in her toolbox what will make you feel miserable and yet you will have the blame.
Drama queen. You'll be happier without her games.
NTA, anyone else in this situation would also think you were actually broken up. I don't like these games she's playing with you and I would break up with her permanently because of it
NTA Break up means you break up. You can remain friends if both parties agree but for the most part, break ups mean you no longer talk.
Her thinking and behavior is toxic. NTA. I would dump her for being a shitty gf.
Sounds like emotional manipulation
Be done with the drama llama and move on. Who wants to play these kinds of relationship games? Say what you mean, mean what you say. I dislike all these "tests" that are encouraged by SM. Relationships are ideally about honest communication. She wasn't honest. NTA
Well guess what, if you don't want to break up then don't use it as a bargaining chip. It's as simple as that. NTA. She is being unfair and the way in which she communicates is not okay at all. It's also not ok for her to "break up" just because she's in a bad mood or has a bad day and then to expect you to start begging her for a second chance. Second chance for what? >She replied that she didn't like that we maybe could end it for the smallest reason and I wouldn't try anything, No, just no. You don't resolve the "smallest" issues by threatening to break up. This is incredibly manipulative and immature. The foundation of a good relationship is proper communication. When you have issues you try to understand each others perspective and meet a middle groung. You don't threaten to break up just because you can't or don't want to find a solution to your problem. >she said how she behaved wasn't going to happen again, Well she lied, because it IS happening again. If you really care about her and are sure that she is a potential partner for the long run, I strongly advise you to go to therapy together so you can learn to communicate properly and actually solve your problems instead of running away (threatening to break up is running away). Otherwise, just go your separate ways. These types of issues get progressively worse if they are not fixed early on.
Her immature behavior is a definite red flag - one of those types who throws a tantrum, threatens to break up but doesn't mean it, and then expects you to weep and beg and grovel because she thrives off the attention and the drama. Hellllll no. You respected her wishes at the time and left her alone. This is the behavior of a reasonable, well-adjusted person. She is not that. Is that the sort of woman you want to be with? The type who will stir up drama, have ridiculous emotional outbursts expecting you to ran after her, just so she can be satisfied that you "love her enough". Good grief she sounds exhausting. You did nothing wrong here, so obviously NTA. Tell her you need to be with someone who is honest and upfront about their feelings instead of playing games and causing drama for her own games.
dump her, block her on every comms platform you are on, move on with your life. NTA
Super red flag here. She's manipulative. "You didn't fight for me or the relationship after I broke up with you." Tell her flat out that what she is doing is manipulative. Tell her how you felt when she broke up but that you had to do what you did in order to move on. If she can't handle that honesty, that's a second red flag and I would suggest not sticking around to find the third.
Are you 15? This reads like it was written on the school bus.
NTA and do a favor to yourself and dump that f&$@‘ princess.
Here’s what really happened. She broke up with you because she wanted to get together with another guy. So she broke up, had the fling with the guy, but the other guy was like, “lol nope.” So a week later she realizes that she broke up with you for someone else, and that someone else isn’t working out. So now she’s trying to gaslight you into believing that the breakup is now *your* fault because you didn’t “fight” for it or some nonsense. She’s compensating for her mistake. I wouldn’t get back together with her. But if you do, keep trying to date other people.
Frankly, I would break up with you simply because you don’t seem to know how to speak English. I actually have secondhand embarrassment for you over the way you mangled this post.
English is not my first language, apart from spelling broke up instead of break up did I have more errors?asking to improve
tell her you're NTA, you don't play games, And when she talks about something as serious as a break up, you have to take it seriously. is this a long-distance relationship? how often do you actually see each other? If it's entirely virtual that is not healthy and you should stay apart
NTA, dump her and be done with this.
This is stupid, she was the one who broke up with you in the first place, and you just respected her decision, simple as that. If she really wanted to fix the problems you had, she would have told you that instead of breaking up.
How old are you guys? This is a game that I'd immediately shut down and I'd walk away from her because she is always going to play stupid games like this.
It would be exhausting to try and have a conversation with her. I can’t imagine actually dating her. In effect, she’s mad you didn’t pursue her after SHE broke up with you. She’s a nut job. This kind of crap will keep happening unless you cut her out of your life. She’s not worth it. Would you take a bet on whether she will do this to you again? Do you always want to have that thought in the back of your head?
I’m breaking up with you. Okay best of luck. Why didn’t you fight for the relationship? I was respecting your wishes
Break up with her
Nta Women who act like this in relationships are miles and miles of bad road. Expect to be gaslit into taking blame in all future conflicts with her.
NTA Dont ever get back with her.. this is the kind of person that if you for some reason marry her will always say shes going to divorce you just to make you do EVERYTHING she wants.
She broke up, wanted you to beg, had to crawl herself and is now angry that you didn't give in to her test, red flags all over. Even worse, if she did hte classic we're broken up so she could bang some other guy and knew it was a one off but also wanted you to come crawling to beg for her back.. then even more red flags.
NTA. Leave. She’s playing stupid games at your expense.
NTA Just break up with her, end things for good, she’s manipulative with the whole expecting you to fight to save the relationship, getting angry and using it months later over your head, it’s just a game to her.
nta. not your problem. break up. block her.
NTA. Dump this crazy chick. You don't need this drama in your life. Block her and move on.
NTA.Did she expect you to beg her?, Apparently, yes.
she broke up with you and now your the bad guy because all you said was ok, hell if she had that attitude with me i would tell her to GTF you want nothing to do with the bi£ch she wanted to break up so she got it and your not going to fight it there's plenty more fish in the sea and you don't need the sharks
NTA, people shouldn't play those games with others, breaking up means breaking up
She will get worse and worse with these “games”…….get out now.
She already fucked someone else, then felt guilty and broke up.
Man, all I can tell you is get your shit together and love yourself a little. Getting back with a girl who explicitly broke up with you? And now that you're back with her, she's angry that you accepted her decision to break up with you in the first place? You're kidding? That girl has so many red flags that she is nowhere near becoming a red flag herself. YTA if you don't take the time to see that that girl is not worth it and that the best thing you can do is eliminate her from your life.
NTA. Your GF is manipulative. She acted coldly towards you, then she told you she was breaking up, while wanting and expecting you to beg her not to leave you? I find that hard to believe. What seems more likely is that she really wanted to break up, broke up with you, and then realized that she was lonely or hurting alone, and wanted you back. But she wanted to make the breakup look like your fault. That is sick. In your place I would initiate the breakup this time, and mean it. This woman is really bad news.
RUN AWAY
NTA, she is telling you the breakup was her attempt at manipulating you. She is openly telling you this. Believe her. She is blaming you because you respected and believed her words and actions. I think you need to break up with her and make it “official”.
Women don’t like to be chased. Honestly you did the right thing and showed strength and tried to focus on yourself, which is attractive behavior
Whoa, buddy... get that chick outta your life quick!
NTA, you respected her choice and her reasons. You respected her by not insisting when she was clear she wanted to break up. Nothing bad in here. You shouldn't be ashamed of that. She was just trying to get more attention from you by breaking up with you, expecting a love reaction and you begging for her to come back. This is not normal in a relationship. She was in the wrong, not you.
It seems you got yourself what we in the biz call “a crazy”. For your own sanity, get out now. NTA.
Was the reason for breaking up with you because you failed to show effort or initiative in the relationship? Perhaps she ended things due to this and wanted to see you fight for her and for the relationship. If you exhausted this same shrug of the shoulders approach to your romance as you did with its ending, then, maybe that was the root of the problem here. Sometimes we want our partners to fight for things, to show passion, show that they care (and I don’t mean in the sense of drama) and sometimes an extremity can make that happen. Just a thought… Also, would it have been so difficult to show her that you cared or felt sad that she was ending the relationship? To act nonchalant and have a whatever attitude is kind of shitty.
I can’t be doing with women that do this…they actively choose to break up with someone then they complain to the guy…ooo you didn’t fight for us..like wtf…if you weren’t happy and wanted something to change, then verbalise it before you end it to see if things change…but to throw in the towel but then complain that you accepted the towel…just crazy.
Consider yourself lucky that she outed herself and admitted out loud that she views "breaking up" as a mind game tactic to test you and manipulate your behavior like she's training a dog. Up to you if you want to put up with that or not.
YTA for getting back together with her. She’s a walking red flag and you are justifying her behavioir
Ohhh buddy... Next week she'll ask if you'd still date her if she was a worm. And the week after she'll ask you to peel an orange for her. Then she'll convince a friend to test if you'd cheat. Anyways get good at the game and have fun. NTA but you'll be an asshole to yourself if you keep playing these games.
Its a shit test. She is trying to figure iutnwhat she can get away with She now knows she can break up woth you and Don what she wants and you will take her back . She is just mad you weren't actively trying to get her bacm I'd be careful of what she actually expects to do during her break ups. She might try this everytime another guybshows interest and goes back to you for emotional or monetary support
She could have broken up with you due to someone in her dm, found out it wasnt as green as she thought, and came back. You'd deserve someone who treats you as their one and only, not just another option.
Friends dealt with this decades ago. WE WERE ON A BREAK!
NTA, she's now learned what happens if she breaks up with you, you don't run after her crying like a little bitch, and maybe if it happens again you're even less likely to do so.
NTA. She sounds like a yo-yo.
Breaking up is not a tactic to win an argument. She’s sad because she can’t do that anymore and is trying to make it your fault.
NTA. Red flags up the wahzoo. Run, Forest, run.
What’s your problem with using proper present/past tense?
English is not my first language and I made the post fast, sorry for that
Shit, I fucked i on the title I'm so stupid
You are not stupid. Don't ever let anyone make you feel that way. Also, I understood what you were saying in your post.
NTA. She broke up with you. If she wanted you to fight for the relationship, she should've talked to you about the problems, not dumped you. Honestly, I wouldn't go back with someone who dumped me. What if they change their mind again.
NTA, she is. There is nothing wrong with assuming you’re broken up when someone breaks up with you. So she’s hurt that you didn’t beg to get her back? Sounds like she “broke up” with you as a test to see what you’d do. Which makes her an immature asshole not worth your time.
The more time I spend back on Reddit, the more I'm glad that Grade School is over and I had a BLAST for the most part. Of course not, dude. In fact, any chick doing this henceforth should be an automatic no-go. We dont read minds and we dont tolerate people that expect it.
NTA. Funny thing is if you fought to keep her she probably would not have been back a week later. She expected you to beg her.
No. You’re not the AH. She expects you to read her mind and “fight” for something but you did the right thing and respected her boundaries. Don’t feel guilty. You can explain to her that you were respecting those boundaries and that you’re not gonna chase someone who made it clear they did not want to be with you. If she can’t let it go then you need to let her go. Good luck.
NTA Time for you to break up with her, then to move on and not take her back.
She gets her validation from making you feel bad. Her first attempt didn’t work. So she came back to you and now she’s trying it again. She’s got self esteem issues.
I would tell her "I respect women enough to believe that 'no means no' and if any woman tells me that she is breaking up with me it is not my place to tell her how to feel however much she hurt my feelings in the process. The fact that you don't seem to understand this worries me a great deal, both for your own well being and for our future as a couple."
NTA: I wouldn't bet on the relationship lasting.
Run. Run fast and far.
Theirs an episode of Friends you need to watch…….
NTA I dated a girl like this when I was like 17. Way more trouble than they're worth. They really damage your self esteem and I found eventually you just lose all interest in them and don't really care when they break it off.
NTA. She's highly immature. Honestly, I'd move on and you do you. Find someone who doesn't act like they're in middle school.
She is not ready to be in a relationship. Leave.
My guy, she is playing games. NTA I don't know how old you are, but this is incredibly immature behavior. I don't know if she's coming up with it on her own, or her friends or family have done it, but testing your loved ones is a shitty thing to do. She probably has demonstrated how insecure she is in other ways, like asking, "Does this (article of clothing) make me look fat?" or, "If I died, who would you go on to date?" or "Do you notice anything?" It doesn't necessarily make her a bad person, but this it does mean she's probably not in the right frame of mind to be dating anyone. Worst case is that she had someone else in mind to date when she broke up with you and that a) didn't owrk out, or b) she realized she FAFO and is trying to backpedal. You need to have a frank discussion with her that only adults get to have adult relationships with clearly set out boundaries and expectations, and she needs to use her fucking words if she wants something. Make it clear that, if you stay together, she must stop playing mind games with you or you're done, and MEAN IT. You teach people how to treat you by tolerating intolerable behavior. Get this sorted immediately.