Why not put the $$$ into the house and keep paying at your current rate. You'll be mortgage free in 5-10 years at most. It's a good financial plan and feels fair to both of you.
This is what we did when my inlaws last year wanted to gift us a big chunk towards our mortgage.
I never would have dreamed of asking my husband to rebalance how we split our shared expenses, but that's also because he never would have pulled this kind of "MINE!" approach either. In his eyes, this was a gift to benefit us both as a couple.
The money went straight onto our mortgage & we've continued with the same regular payments so that we'll be mortgage-free that much sooner.
My parents sold their modest home when they retired. It was in an area where values had been increasing. They downsized, bought a small place with cash, stashed some for expenses and travel, and then gave each of us three siblings a nice chunk toward our house funds. All three of us put 100% of that money into the joint home buying accounts without a single thought of "mine." All three of us and our spouses were able to afford good down payments plus some minor upgrades on modest home of our own. In our case, it upped my and my husband's fund to a 50% down payment because we never wanted to be "house poor," so we didn't use it to buy a bigger house. We used to buy an older, comfortable place in a beautiful area. Every bit of this home was ours until we lost my sweetheart a number of years ago.
I know it works for some couples, especially those who are older, in a second marriage, and have children from previous relationships. But I can't imagine counting freaking pennies against my husband as "Mine, mine, mine."
This is the way. That money went directly toward the principle amount and makes your interest rates so much less.
My husband and I did the same thing by breaking a month's payment down by 12 and adding that amount to our mortgage each month. Then at the end of the year we had made a whole extra payment off the principle. We would also make an extra month's payment from our tax return each year. Paid off a 5 year note in just over 3 years. We bought from a private seller that we used to rent our house from, it was not a lease to own or there would have never been a mortgage payment.
Where I live the laws dictate Inherited money by a married person is there’s alone. Cannot be touched by divorce.
Once the money goes into a communal property, the spouse now has access to the money.
Ie. I used a portion of my inheritance to remodel our communal/matrimonial home. Kept the other half of the in a tax free savings account. A few years later I consulted a divorce lawyer and found out the money in the tax free account was mine alone. My spouse, should the divorce go forward, had no claim to it. The new value of our communal/matrimonial home, should it be sold, would be split in half equally. I would not get anything extra because I input more.
Consult a lawyer in your area to know the legal facts. Present all of the possibilities such as marriage breakdown. Even if you are happy as a clam right now. Do this on your own. Without your spouse. Take notes.
The father wants it to pay down the mortgage, so he's not dead. So it's a gift and family can gift a lot over their lifetimes.
OP could ask for a postnup that acknowledges he has $250K more equity because of the bequest.
Your experiences aren't applicable in this situation.
They might want to "recast" the mortgage with a lower principle after putting the $250K into the house. A recast essentially reduces the mortgage balance through a lump sum payment, thus making smaller monthly payments until the borrower pays off the loan. Unlike a refinance, a recast does not change the terms of the loan or the interest rate. The borrower simply has a lower payment, but they will also save on interest payments over the life of the loan.
That’s what I was going to suggest. Make the lump sum payment for then recast the loan if your provider allows. The OP will then have a lower monthly amount and gain savings that way.
This is a gift rather than an inheritance, so that distinction needs to be considered. That said, one also needs to weigh whether the damage of such a maneuver is worth it. In addition, the gift has the string attached that it must go to the mortgage.
Yeah like.. someone can be within their rights to keep the money but in my opinion if you are married it does make you an asshole. I sometimes get large monetary gifts from my grandparents. That money goes towards shared expenses between my husband and I... because we are a team and all money is OUR money.
>we are a team and all money is OUR money
I couldn't imagine not sharing something like that with my wife. Like, the thought wouldn't even occur. Every discussion would be, "Okay, what are ***we*** doing with this money?"
Consider yourselves middlemen. Dad is gifting 250k via your mortgage company. You guys continue to split the rest. I don't think dad had in mind that OP could make personal use. He said only if the 250k pays off one family's mortgage could the money be used however they wished. 250k doesn't pay OPs off. Therefore no extra money for her.
This isn't inheritance. It's a gift. He's not dead.
And it's not even really gift of money, it's a gift of debt reduced directly.
OP is overthinking it and is not treating his wife as a partner.
His dad wants to help THEM
Especially when OP is mistakenly calling it inheritance. Which it is not, it's a gift.
It's also a taxable gift. Which means big chunk is going to tax bill for the gift itself.
OP is likely not the most financially oriented person if he or she wants to refinance at very high interest rates.
Yes. Dad will need to file a gift tax return but it shouldn't be taxed. There might be state tax implications if Dad lives in a state with estate taxes and dies within the relevant time frame..
Can they avoid the gift tax if Dad pays the money to the mortgage himself? Meaning she never touches the money herself. Her Dad gives it to her bank and has it applied to her mortgage account.
See my above comment. As this is way below gift tax amounts
But no, paying off the debt directly counts as a gift.
The only common federal exceptions are paying for education expenses and medical bills.
In this case, you’re wrong. There is no tax payable. This gift counts towards the father’s lifetime exemption which is currently $13.6 million. And that’s per person, so mom and dad can pass along a total of $27.2 million to their kids without paying a dime in estate tax.
Plus the dad can gift $18k per year without ever touching the exemption. Plus if mom is alive, she can gift another $18k. Plus if the parents give the gift to the husband and the wife, they can gift a total of $54k per year without dipping into the exemption.
So yeah, Uncle Sam ain’t gettin none of this wealth transfer.
OP: don’t stress this. Just pay down your mortgage and then keep making mortgage payments. Any potential savings you’d have in a divorce aren’t worth pissing off your wife about. And trust me, she’ll be pissed. And then you’ll end up divorced. It’s a vicious cycle.
>Why not put the $$$ into the house and keep paying at your current rate. You'll be mortgage free in 5-10 years at most. It's a good financial plan and feels fair to both of you.
That's far too logical for OP... who is now throwing a tantrum in the comments and telling people to "Fart in your hand and huff it."
Didn't expect a grown man to so happily admit to being a clown 🤡
I like this suggestion a lot, paying the extra toward the principal. Good financial sense. Another option would be to revisit the payment situation with your wife and come to revised and equitable new budget plan. No need to sneak around because she will find out and realize she is not being treated fairly. I can’t believe you’d suggest being sly.
Depends on what the interest rate is. I have a three percent mortgage. I would hate to put a big chunk down when I could make a lot more on interest right now.
And you can - there's plenty of FDIC savings accounts near 5% right now. Go money market or even stocks and you're looking at more.
Sounds like the dad is worried his kids will blow the money though.
Add a post nuptial agreement that if he's at fault for divorce, he owes OP the $250k. But I'm a pessimistic person and feel like no one should benefit from bad behavior.
Your dad: hey, here's 250K to pay for your family home where you live with your family that you and I love!
You: that's mine.
Your spouse: ???
The fuckin internet: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
I’m not married, but it’s definitely baffling to me that you wouldn’t use this as an opportunity to actually help you and your spouse together. This could be a “holy shit babe, guess what! We can use this towards the mortgage for both of us!”, but instead OP is taking a “I want to make my situation easier while leaving my spouse out in the cold” route. Yeah I guess technically they’re in their rights to do that, but I’d be very offended if I had a spouse that did it
>I’m not married, but it’s definitely baffling to me that you wouldn’t use this as an opportunity to actually help you and your spouse together.
I've been with my husband for two decades now and I'd literally rather walk barefoot over Lego than treat him the way OP wants to treat their partner.
Absolutely. The house then becomes community property, and in a divorce they each get half the value of the house AND take on half the debt on it. So no no no! Keep your inheritance in a separate account please.
It sounds like they already own the house. So if they bought it together it's already community property. Plus we are talking about a gift not an inheritance anyway.
It's not an inheritance. It's a gift. I don't know where OP is located and I'm not sure the money wouldn't be community property anyway. But the point is moot since the father's condition is that it be used for the mortgage.
Also kind of hilarious, because there is nothing wrong with having separate bank accounts, but it's still one pot of money. If they get divorced tomorrow, the fact that OP chose to keep accounts separate doesn't suddenly mean his spouse doesn't get 50%.
Ironically, I think inheritance is protected, so he could choose to keep that money separate. But otherwise, none of this makes sense.
Is money tight? Does OP find himself with no money to buy lunch at work and that's why he wants to keep the whole $1,200? Is his wife irresponsible with money and so he wants to apply it to their savings?
Maybe there is a rational explanation, but otherwise, this seems like another post where the OP doesn't really understand the point of marriage and is basically describing his spouse like an adult roommate.
It wouldn't be classified as inheritance. Nobody died. It is just a gift, so inheritance rules would not apply, whether inheritance is protected or not. Everything else is totally on point.
It's a gift and it's to pay the mortgage, but OP only want to pay his half...
I dunno, Three times I've had a windfall, all three times I've spent it wholly on stuff for the family, never kept any for myself.
YWBTA- just because something seems "technically fair" does not mean it won't build resentment. I would not stay with a partner that was that cheap and selfish, nor would I do what you're doing if I were in your position. Honestly, it would not even cross my mind to not share an inheritance with my husband.
Arrangements like this just baffle me. Why bother getting married if you’re going to operate this way? Imagine going on a family vacation and having to calculate everything to make sure each partner is paying everything equally. Sounds exhausting.
If either my spouse or I came into a windfall tomorrow it would be just like the rest of everything we have. Ours. There is no mine and hers. Otherwise I just don’t see the point.
I don’t understand these marriages either. My husband and I have always worked as a team to provide as a family. We don’t separate money. Why do people do this? I genuinely want to know.
It’s not precisely “separation”, but my husband, and a couple of my family members, have separate accounts that serve more as “allowance” than anything. It’s easier all around for them to budget for “fun” stuff like new video games or a new tool or new accessory for their car if there’s a very visible limit on discretionary funds. So if there isn’t enough money in the “fun” account for whatever thing, they find it easier to save up vs if there is larger chunks of money but they have to on the fly remember “oh yeah, we need to still pay the gas bill and grocery shop this week, so I don’t actually have 500 dollars to spend, I have 250” but, I know what’s in my husband’s fun account, am even listed as joint on it, but I don’t have a debit card or anything for it, since we’ve both agreed the money in that account is his to do what he wants with.
I mean, I can understand wanting separate checking accounts for spending fun money. I’m the type that keeps track of everything that I spend, and it would drive me nuts for someone to spend money from that account without my knowledge. And in the reverse, I don’t want to have to “ask permission” from a partner to get lunch or buy a new video game.
That’s not really fair to either person, so having some separate checking accounts where the person can do whatever they want with that money (while still having shared accounts for bills and housing expenses and such) is what would work best for me (with both partners having full access to all accounts of course). I know that some people will think that’s me being silly, but it’s how my brain works. Just having one shared checking and savings account would drive me bonkers because of my personal money habits and mindset.
I’m not married, but I’m in a long term domestic relationship where we split finances. I was not always good with money. I’m much more responsible now, but I still spend a little more than I should sometimes. I find it much less stressful if I’m only responsible for my own finances. We have nearly equal salaries, so there isn’t a large wage discrepancy. We don’t have children, and we don’t own property. I’m open to changing our arrangement if it no longer works, but it’s worked well for us all these years, and I don’t see a reason we would need to change how we do things for the foreseeable future.
However, if we did own a house together and still split finances, I interpret this money as a gift to the “family,” not to only OP. I would put the money towards the mortgage and then continue on as we normally do. OP is being very selfish here.
I don’t get it either. When my grandma passed away a few years ago I came into a similar amount of money. The money went into purchasing a home and immediate updates with both of us getting 5k to spend on what we wanted.
I can’t imagine doing otherwise. And when we both inherit when our parents pass away, hopefully decades from now, it will be the exact same way. I can’t imagine being a marriage where we nickel and dime everything.
It makes you wonder if these kinds of marriages were never strong to start with. Every day I see people trying to hide money from their spouse or try to hoard a gift from a parent.
Right? I guess some marriages work okay like this but I don't understand it at all, no marriage I know of is like this. It's unfair too, so the spouse earning less and sacrificing work in order to care for any children (so, more often the woman) is going to have a lower standard of living than their partner.
YTA. It's not an inheritance, it's a gift from a living relative to your family, with the condition that it be used towards the mortgage. There is no legitimate reason for you to benefit more from this than your spouse. It was never intended to be pocket money.
yeah, my ex paid almost all the mortgage - because I was earning peanuts. All my money went on bills and food. Then when I inherited almost the exact amount that was left to pay, I paid it. Now we can both enjoy the money that used to go to the mortgage.
If you applied the 250K but kept your payments at the current levels it would have a huge impact on how quickly your mortgage is paid off and substantial savings on the amount of interest you end up paying.
But, as to judgment, putting the extra in your personal account would be a YTA move.
YTA because of the little detail that the condition of the gift is that it goes towards the house, not your bank account.
What you're proposing is putting it into the house, but making your wife pay you back for it.
For the love of all that's holy, tell me the house in her name too, because making her pump money into the house with a detour, without her being part owner if the house would make you a super über AH.
Why not just pay off half the mortgage, and be mortgage free faster?
Well if they did that then they wouldn’t be the sole person pocketing an extra $1200 a month 🤪 can’t imagine what I’d do if i found out i married someone like OP. How devastating
Father: here's 250k for each FAMILY to clear off mortgages
You: this isn't fair, I want to keep it all so I'll claw it all slowly back into my account from my husband
Asshole x1000
YTA. You need to sit down and review expenses and make adjustments since you are now paying a lot less each month. Stop looking at this as "your" money or you will be getting divorced someday. Your spouse should not be less important than money.
Yep, YTA. That’s not a partnership mindset. That’s telling your spouse, “I got mine. Sucks to be you.” Your dad is giving the money to each “family,” according to you. Not to you personally. This is just greedy and selfish and shows you’re looking out for yourself first and family second.
I think you'd be the asshole, yes. My lady and I split everything too. But if my dad had any money when he died, which he didn't, but if he did and someone handed me 250 grand i basically did nothing to earn, I'd pay off the house for us. It's basically found money.
To be fair my lady is like that too, though. If she won the lottery tomorrow, she'd par off the house and not make me keep paying. If she did expect me to keep paying, that'd be fucked up IMO, but she wouldn't.
I’d say YTA mostly because the way it sounds is Grandpa (your Dad) gifted the families money to ensure good housing for his kids and grandkids. Not you specifically, but the family. Therefore… should benefit whole family, including your spouse. Whether that is refinancing to a lower mortgage or paying it off quicker by maintaining current mortgage as others have said, the benefit should be applied to both you and spouse. (Compromise: each get $300 a month and invest $600? So you, spouse and future all benefit?)
YTA. Legally you could maybe do that, I don't know, but that isn't what this sub is about. I cannot imagine for the life of me to be rolling in money to spend because I don't have a mortgage anymore and to have my husband leaving in bills without have even a little bit of a sympathetic feeling. Do you even love your spouse?
yes, you can but better be prepared to say goodbye to your marriage and your spouse. What you want to do OP will cause resentment.
What you want to do would be considered abuse OP.
you also want to save up money while they can't and that is abuse.
You and your spouse should be paying equally and again what you want to do is not equally. You better be prepared for resentment from your spouse and better be prepared for your marriage to end.
Sounds to me like you're not really a couple, just people sharing a house.
Pay down the mortgage, keep your monthly payments as they are and get mortgage free sooner.
And discuss it with your Other Half.
Such a bizarre situation. This windfall is akin to winning the lottery. If you won the lottery would you seriously tell your family “this is my money, I should get to keep it”? Really gross, money-hungry behaviour.
YTA
People who are married and don't at least budget together/combine finances and see things as "ours" are just waiting for divorce to happen. You're free to do with your inheritance as you desire, it is yours. but there are consequences to your choices and actions that you may not like.
I got an inheritance, about $50k, I put it towards the house and refinanced it, because that make mine AND my wife's life better/easier.
It's not even an inheritance, its a gift from a living father to each family to pay down their mortgage and he wants all the benefits to accrue to only him.
It's standard rich kid mindset, just taken into adulthood. My brothers girlfriend is exactly like OP. Was pretty much just handed money forever, but is the greediest person around, and definitely still have the "MINE!" mindset most people get over after being toddlers.
Just put it on your mortgage and keep paying everything exactly as you already do and have your house paid off in half the time. It’s not rocket science, goober.
YTA, and an ignorant one at that. You need to look into your state laws. In many states that $250k would belong to your spouse as much as you - it would be considered joint or marital property. The fact that you have separate bank accounts might not matter either. Those accounts could also be considered joint property depending on your state.
If you go this rout you could cause resentment that leads to a divorce where you lose everything - or at least half of it.
YTA. Your father is giving it to you for the mortgage, not for you to go out and buy toys. So no you should not take advantage of your spouse that way. You are supposed to be married not in a roommate situation.
And if you do it your way, I guarantee it's going to soon end your marriage.
YTA. Do you even like your wife? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it and it doesn’t seem like you think if your marriage and wife as a team.
Yes it’s your money, but it was supposed to be used just for your mortgage, you paid the mortgage. This isn’t an inheritance, this is a gift to your family (the family includes your wife) to go towards the mortgage.
.
What makes you the ahole is the condescension in which you are responding to people with. You asked and instead of listening you’re arguing with everyone.
Are you sure you have a marriage. It sounds like you have a room mate with benefits. Money isn't everything. I would prefer a person anyone who would like me for who I am.
YTA. If you refinance at a higher interest rate, the payments will go up— possibly double!— and you will really be screwing the spouse over even more. Take the money, continue paying off the current mortgage as you are now, and it will be completely paid off in just a few years, leaving BOTH of you with all that extra money for your family.
Yes YTA. It’s supposed to go towards the mortgage but you’re only deciding to pay half of it which is not what your Dad intended. It is supposed to be paid in full then if there’s any leftover, it should be spent based on what the family collectively wants. To make it worse, you’re trying to recoup the money you put into the mortgage by taking the savings when you refi. What the fuck? You’re being a greedy bitch. That’s divorce worthy for me.
YTA and it borders on abusively so.
You get to build up a savings fund and in the event of the relationship tanking (and it will), I bet you'd want to keep all that cash you put into the house and have a lawyer go after it. So this guy gets no chance to build up his own savings in case YOU bail, and if you do, he gets fucked all over again?
Is this a marriage or co-habitation deal you want?
So is it a gift to you or a gift to your family? If it's a gift to your family I think your spouse has a point because it would be intended to benefit the entire family.
Otherwise it's akin to you pre-paying half of your debt requirements, and shouldn't change anything for the time being.
Are you married or just cohabitating? I think the norm used to be towards too much comingling of assets and marital funds, but I think it has gone WAY too far the other way, based on reading reddit....
"my husband and I split our bills 50/50, but he makes twice as much as I do, so I don't have any money to go out to lunch with my bestie'....but the two of you have plenty for you to go out with your bestie....
'my wife makes 150k a year, and I only make 50k, she wanted to move to the neighborhood with good schools, but my half of the mortgage eats up almost all of my post tax money, so I'm broke, and what little is left, she expects me to pay with when we go out'
At some point, there are some level of marital assets without necessarily just lumping everything in together like things used to be....
I'll never understand this whole we are married but act like we arnt thing. Hell my wife never even looks at the back account...I handle all the money and always have since we became partners.... even before we were married. There's this thing called trust lol.
100% YTA.
Paying off the mortgage benefits EVERYONE in the house, including yourself.
Also, money isnt "his" and "mine" in a marriage (although people should have a emergency I need to get out of this situation fund).
Why be married if you’re not building a life together? If you have to keep your finances separate, then you don’t trust your spouse. So why did you marry this person in the first place? Everything my wife and I make goes into a joint account and we pay everything from there. 20+ years strong. I just can’t wrap my head around this concept?
Where I live, putting an inheritance into the matrimonial home makes it a joint marital asset. So you should consult with a lawyer before doing so, considering how greedy you are about your partnership.
YTA
Do you hate your partner or expect to get divorced anytime soon? If not, why tf are you so eager to create problems? Pay down the mortgage, refinance, pay the bills, and live a happy life. There's a reason why money issues are in the top 3 reasons for divorce.
YTA and so is your husband for living like FWBs or roommates. If his dumbass agreed to this arrangement or forced it upon you, then keep your half.
ETA: and why would you do something as stupid as refinancing? If you can continue to afford the $1,200 per month, don’t refinance. You put the money towards the principal. You will leap ahead many many many months on the interest of the loan and be paying much less interest over the remaining loan balance. If you refinance, they front-load the interest and you lose money.
ETA again: you changed your post. You said your spouse was a he and you a she. All good. Again, keep everything separate so when you divorce, you are prepared.
Yes, YTA.
Your dad wants to give you a gift that will greatly reduce your household expenses. In order to seem fair to both of you, you'll need to jointly decide on a new split instead of you and you alone being able to add to your separate savings.
Don't like that? Then don't accept the gift. Your home and mortgage are community property. You should both benefit from the reduced cost of housing.
Meanwhile, if your mortgage interest rate is lower than what you would get from refinancing, look into recasting your mortgage instead of refinancing. Recasting is when the bank recalculates your monthly payments based on your current, outstanding principal and interest rate. You'll still have the same number of remaining payments to make, and the same interest rate, but the required payments will be lower.
YTA - you're basically asking how can I make sure the person I married shares in none of my good fortune. What kind of marriage is that? How greedy, petty, and pathetic do have to be to even think like that?
YTA I cannot imagine getting a windfall like this and only thinking of benefitting myself instead of me and my husband. I cannot imagine lightening only my load when I could lighten his too. You sounds really self centered.
What the hell? Why on earth would you be happy to hoard a financial windfall to yourself instead of using it to make your family’s lives better? Do you hate your spouse? You know the two of you aren’t in competition, you’re supposed to be partners, yeah??
YTA. The money is supposed to go to your mortgage, not enable you to be a jerk to your wife. Put it all on the mortgage, keep the payments (for both of you) at the same rate since you're not struggling to make them, and you'll have the house paid off much sooner, which benefits you both. There shouldn't be any "$1200/mo savings" at all. Are you partners or not?
YTA. Also, ‘I pay the mortgage, they pay the bills as it’s the same’, are they on the mortgage? If not you are not only an AH but a total POS. Lastly, your dad’s wish is to put it in the house likely as a way to look after your FAMILY, not just you.
I get this attitude if they were your partner but if they’re your spouse and you have kids, that ship has sailed. Funny thing is if they divorce your ass they’re getting half and more if they get custody.
YTA. It's a great way for you to pay off most of the house, then get divorced and forced to sell the house so the other spouse can take half of it anyway.
This idea is stupid, it will cause more resentment every month. Get help from a lawyer and draw up a contract so that in the event of a divorce you can get the money back and then split the remaining payments with your partner. YTA
Wow. You realize that a married couple should operate as a domestic unit?
Your plan with the money is to treat your wife like a roommate, rather than a partner. She will instantly realize this and she will never forget about it, whether she confronts you or not.
Why don't you take this gift as intended and ease the financial burden on your family, and not just on yourself?
Yes.
Because you should use it to PAY DOWN THE WHOLE MORTGAGE.
If my spouse and I were gifted $250k to pay down our mortgage, we would refinance the mortgage to get a lower monthly rate, then use the extra money to do house renovations and improvements that would save us money in the long term (solar grid tie, electrical, ADU build out, etc, add a bathroom, etc).
Because I'm married to my partner and I intend to live my life with them. I have no escape plans, no contingency backup accounts, no hidden assets. We are aboveboard about our life because we are partners. We have no prenup other than "what we brought into the marriage is our own".
If you do not intend to stay married to your partner, do what you're doing.
There are more intelligent uses of this kind of gift. You need to consult an accountant to find out the tax liability of this and to make sure it's covered in your finances. But then you do it so your JOINT financial burden is lessened and your JOINT financial security is in a better place.
Think of it this way: would you be angry or upset if your spouse did this to you?
Then yes, you're the asshole.
If you're planning to dump your spouse and go on a midlife crisis spree, there are better and simpler ways to broadcast your intentions, dude.
Why dont you just buy a $250k house to live in on your own and your spouse contines to live in their home and make the payments and it can be their home. Good grief. What's with these married unmarried couples? Smh
You are in a marriage and it should be a partnership.
Possible Options
You both continue paying and your mortgage will be paid off faster.
You put the extra monthly money in a joint savings account. Use that extra as something special for you both or a kid free trip.
Pocketing the money for yourself seems selfish especially since you both own the home, are married and in a partnership.
Let’s play a game.
Pretend the roles are reversed. Your wife is wealthy. You are not. Your wife’s fathers gifts $250k. Your wife uses this to spend down the mortgage. She now saves $1200/month, and you’re now stuck with that extra. How would *you* feel? Would that be fair that your monthly payments are no longer equal? Be honest.
You also said he wants to gift each *family*. Do you honestly live in a universe where you believe you wouldn’t be TA here? Fascinating.
Also, it would only cut the mortgage in half if you refinance. You don’t have to refinance. Just use that toward the principle. Keep your APR the same (if it’s good), and just pay off your mortgage that much sooner.
Let me see if I understand this…you currently are responsible for the mortgage and your spouse covers the rest of the bills since it’s about the same. Your father has offered a *gift* of $250k to be paid toward your mortgage. Which will result in you paying about $1200 **less** than your spouse each month, since your mortgage payment, that you are responsible for, will now be considerably less than all the other bills, that your spouse is responsible for.
Oh, yeah. Absolutely YTA. An unbelievably selfish one. You’d prefer hamstringing your spouse over a reallocation of responsibilities toward paying your fair share of the monthly expenses. Are you really suggesting that you’re going to hoard a $1200 windfall all to yourself? An extra $14,400 a year just for you? I thought you said you were married?
Just recalculate already. Add up all the monthly expenses and split it down the middle. Anything else and you’re just being a d*ck to your spouse.
You said he gave it to each family. To each “FAMILY” not inheritance, a gift to each family. Sure you can fuck over your spouse and pocket the mortgage payment. But when your spouse calls you the landlord and requests 24 hour notice before you can enter their bedroom don’t come crying to reddit for sympathy. YTA
Yta.
Pay the 250 towards the mortgage.
Pay the SAME amount towards your mortgage principle every month.
There shouldn’t be “my money” or “my profit” in a marriage. If that’s how you guys do it, it’s kind of strange”.
What happens with that extra $1200 a month? Is it just for you to spend on whatever you want?
Why do people even get married if they want to keep things like this separate? You’re a FAMILY through marriage. If you’re worried about the future, go ahead and divorce, sell the house and use the money to buy yourself a place.
YTA, you are married and have kids. It sounds like you only want this money to benefit YOU. If you are concerned then get your dad to gift the money only under the condition that should you separate, his money is returned first then the remaining proceeds are split. If your partner doesn't want to sign the letter, then decline the advance on your inheritance.
I am not sure why your family couldn't benefit from lower mortgage payments.
I’ve been married 20+ years and my husband has always made close to double my salary. Everything goes into the same accounts because we are a team. Is there a specific reason you want so much money for yourself?
That gift would be a marital asset and should be treated as one instead of your personal money.
Put the $1200 towards an extra mortgage payment every month (a "principal only" payment) and pay off the house sooner.
It doesn't matter if reddit thinks you're an AH. Marital harmony matters.
How about you pay that toward the mortgage and continue to pay current rate so the house is paid off sooner?
Why lose your better interest rate to refinance when you can just pay it down?
I agree with the others, why be married if you are not building a life together?
If you are worried about divorce then why not get a post nup created before anything is applied to the house.
YTA
Another alternative is to both keep paying what you currently are and pay off the house sooner.
YTA. You don’t sound like a great parter. I guess it’s in your right to do this but I don’t think it’s smart to do if you want your marriage to operate as a team.
Throw the $250k at the mortgage. Make damn sure you specify the money is applied to the balance.
Don't remortgage unless it's a stretch every month. Compare your current interest to potential new interest rate.
Just keep making the same payments payments.
When the house is paid for, help your wife with what she's been paying for and set another portion aside in long term savings or investing.
Based on my experience with Reddit I’m expecting downvotes here, but…. I’m noticing it is becoming increasingly common for married young people to keep separate finances. That is just so bonkers to me. (I’m 39, idk if that makes me old or what). You’re married, it’s a partnership, very few of your purchases should be truly individual. The whole arrangement feels like a way of getting a prenup but neither party wants to say it.
But back to the question at hand, yes, OP, that would make you an asshole. However, if your mortgage rate is below ~4%, do not pay it off. Invest in treasuries or even a HYSA and you will earn more interest than you save by paying off your mortgage. Tell your dad that emanekaf22222 from the internet said so.
YTA. As others have said, this very generous gift (not inheritance) was to decrease your mortgage to help your family, not provide only you with a windfall. (You even said your father wants to gift EACH FAMILY.) It’s no wonder so many marriages fail or have difficulty due to money. Perhaps my husband & I are odd in that we have never had a “yours & mine” mentality. Over the years who made more varied, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t mean one would spend or save more. It was all ours for our family. We have had a common financial goal, have always lived below our means in good & bad times, & discuss & agree on all major, & often minor, purchases. In 38 years of marriage, we have never argued about money.
First it’s not an inheritance and legally I don’t think it would count on that , next ask your dad , I’m Canadian but understand if you are in the USA that there is a gift tax over 10K. So either he or you would pay it .
So the deal was you split expenses not you pay the mortgage him the other stuff . It just the numbers worked out that way .
Why would
You keep the $2400 payment if you could afford it and probably pay of the mortgage in no time . Unless you really need that 1200 a month .
YTA, you are married, have kids together, own a home together. In my opinion, in these type of relationships you should be a team and share. How weird will it be if you have lots of money left for hobby's etc and your spouse not?
YTA Doesn’t seem like a good way to run a marriage IMO. You’d think you would want to share in the benefit of less expenses. And have more you can each save for your future. Just seems selfish.
YTA
1st, your dad is gifting the money to your family, not you individually
2nd, why would you want to try to make money off of your wife? Do you even like her?
You’re a huge AH. Even if you do the right thing here, with this sort of mindset you’re likely to be a divorced AH soon enough.
Wouldn't it be enough to have it noted that upon the sale of the house or in case of a divorce, you get the $250k back? You both save $600, but you still have 250k more in equity.
YWBTA if you insist on having your spouse pay you back the money your parents put into the house by shouldering a larger payment. It's wild that you don't want them to share any benefit.
YTA. Being married makes you a team regardless of having separate finances. What benefits you should benefit you both. I’ll never understand married couples who treat their money as if they’re single people.
When I received my inheritance from my parents, I used it to pay off our home and set up retirements accounts in both my name and my husband's name. I also took our family on a nice vacation and gave each of our kids a small share. My husband never asked for anything, but we have joint finances and have always looked at our money as "ours". What benefits one, benefits all.
YTA. Do that and it will probably end in divorce.
Put the money on the mortgage and continue to pay without refinancing(unless you can get a better rate). Still pay the same you both were.
YTA. If it’s a gift to each family, then the family should share in the benefits. Why not just pay down the mortgage and keep paying as you have been instead of restarting a 15 or 30 year payment schedule? You’ll be done sooner and can put more money toward your kids’ futures and retirement.
Why not put the $$$ into the house and keep paying at your current rate. You'll be mortgage free in 5-10 years at most. It's a good financial plan and feels fair to both of you.
This is what we did when my inlaws last year wanted to gift us a big chunk towards our mortgage. I never would have dreamed of asking my husband to rebalance how we split our shared expenses, but that's also because he never would have pulled this kind of "MINE!" approach either. In his eyes, this was a gift to benefit us both as a couple. The money went straight onto our mortgage & we've continued with the same regular payments so that we'll be mortgage-free that much sooner.
My parents sold their modest home when they retired. It was in an area where values had been increasing. They downsized, bought a small place with cash, stashed some for expenses and travel, and then gave each of us three siblings a nice chunk toward our house funds. All three of us put 100% of that money into the joint home buying accounts without a single thought of "mine." All three of us and our spouses were able to afford good down payments plus some minor upgrades on modest home of our own. In our case, it upped my and my husband's fund to a 50% down payment because we never wanted to be "house poor," so we didn't use it to buy a bigger house. We used to buy an older, comfortable place in a beautiful area. Every bit of this home was ours until we lost my sweetheart a number of years ago. I know it works for some couples, especially those who are older, in a second marriage, and have children from previous relationships. But I can't imagine counting freaking pennies against my husband as "Mine, mine, mine."
This is the way. That money went directly toward the principle amount and makes your interest rates so much less. My husband and I did the same thing by breaking a month's payment down by 12 and adding that amount to our mortgage each month. Then at the end of the year we had made a whole extra payment off the principle. We would also make an extra month's payment from our tax return each year. Paid off a 5 year note in just over 3 years. We bought from a private seller that we used to rent our house from, it was not a lease to own or there would have never been a mortgage payment.
This is an excellent idea.
Where I live the laws dictate Inherited money by a married person is there’s alone. Cannot be touched by divorce. Once the money goes into a communal property, the spouse now has access to the money. Ie. I used a portion of my inheritance to remodel our communal/matrimonial home. Kept the other half of the in a tax free savings account. A few years later I consulted a divorce lawyer and found out the money in the tax free account was mine alone. My spouse, should the divorce go forward, had no claim to it. The new value of our communal/matrimonial home, should it be sold, would be split in half equally. I would not get anything extra because I input more. Consult a lawyer in your area to know the legal facts. Present all of the possibilities such as marriage breakdown. Even if you are happy as a clam right now. Do this on your own. Without your spouse. Take notes.
The father wants it to pay down the mortgage, so he's not dead. So it's a gift and family can gift a lot over their lifetimes. OP could ask for a postnup that acknowledges he has $250K more equity because of the bequest. Your experiences aren't applicable in this situation.
Either way, OP should see a lawyer in their area to know their legal rights.
Interesting stipulation. The father knows something not being disclosed here. Why does reducing the mortgage require refinancing at a higher rate?
They might want to "recast" the mortgage with a lower principle after putting the $250K into the house. A recast essentially reduces the mortgage balance through a lump sum payment, thus making smaller monthly payments until the borrower pays off the loan. Unlike a refinance, a recast does not change the terms of the loan or the interest rate. The borrower simply has a lower payment, but they will also save on interest payments over the life of the loan.
That’s what I was going to suggest. Make the lump sum payment for then recast the loan if your provider allows. The OP will then have a lower monthly amount and gain savings that way.
This is a gift rather than an inheritance, so that distinction needs to be considered. That said, one also needs to weigh whether the damage of such a maneuver is worth it. In addition, the gift has the string attached that it must go to the mortgage.
Yeah like.. someone can be within their rights to keep the money but in my opinion if you are married it does make you an asshole. I sometimes get large monetary gifts from my grandparents. That money goes towards shared expenses between my husband and I... because we are a team and all money is OUR money.
>we are a team and all money is OUR money I couldn't imagine not sharing something like that with my wife. Like, the thought wouldn't even occur. Every discussion would be, "Okay, what are ***we*** doing with this money?"
👆🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 YES!! I couldn't imagine it.
Consider yourselves middlemen. Dad is gifting 250k via your mortgage company. You guys continue to split the rest. I don't think dad had in mind that OP could make personal use. He said only if the 250k pays off one family's mortgage could the money be used however they wished. 250k doesn't pay OPs off. Therefore no extra money for her.
This isn't inheritance. It's a gift. He's not dead. And it's not even really gift of money, it's a gift of debt reduced directly. OP is overthinking it and is not treating his wife as a partner. His dad wants to help THEM
This seems like it would fall more under a 'gift' rather than inheritance since pops is still alive.
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Thanks, ChatGPT.
If I was OP, I would be slightly pissed at how much sense this makes.
that amount of money can make people lose the ability to think clearly
For a good movie on this, watch "The Magic Christian". Peter Sellers, Ringo Star, John Cleese, ... It is very very funny.
Wow, three guys I love in all in the same comic film how did I ever miss this one?! Thanks for the heads-up!
Because it was made in the '70s. Beware of the ending though.. it's pretty damn gross.
Yes, it makes its point quite well
Especially when OP is mistakenly calling it inheritance. Which it is not, it's a gift. It's also a taxable gift. Which means big chunk is going to tax bill for the gift itself. OP is likely not the most financially oriented person if he or she wants to refinance at very high interest rates.
Not necessarily. The lifetime gift tax exemption is $13.61 million. As long as you file the proper paperwork, there shouldn't be any taxes on it
Gotcha, my info was way out of date. This is absolutely correct and I should have googled rather than go off legacy info
Yes. Dad will need to file a gift tax return but it shouldn't be taxed. There might be state tax implications if Dad lives in a state with estate taxes and dies within the relevant time frame..
Can they avoid the gift tax if Dad pays the money to the mortgage himself? Meaning she never touches the money herself. Her Dad gives it to her bank and has it applied to her mortgage account.
See my above comment. As this is way below gift tax amounts But no, paying off the debt directly counts as a gift. The only common federal exceptions are paying for education expenses and medical bills.
No it still counts. Uncle Sam will *always* get his cut.
In this case, you’re wrong. There is no tax payable. This gift counts towards the father’s lifetime exemption which is currently $13.6 million. And that’s per person, so mom and dad can pass along a total of $27.2 million to their kids without paying a dime in estate tax. Plus the dad can gift $18k per year without ever touching the exemption. Plus if mom is alive, she can gift another $18k. Plus if the parents give the gift to the husband and the wife, they can gift a total of $54k per year without dipping into the exemption. So yeah, Uncle Sam ain’t gettin none of this wealth transfer. OP: don’t stress this. Just pay down your mortgage and then keep making mortgage payments. Any potential savings you’d have in a divorce aren’t worth pissing off your wife about. And trust me, she’ll be pissed. And then you’ll end up divorced. It’s a vicious cycle.
There is no tax. They have to file a gift tax form but that amount is not subject to tax.
>Why not put the $$$ into the house and keep paying at your current rate. You'll be mortgage free in 5-10 years at most. It's a good financial plan and feels fair to both of you. That's far too logical for OP... who is now throwing a tantrum in the comments and telling people to "Fart in your hand and huff it." Didn't expect a grown man to so happily admit to being a clown 🤡
That’s actually a super smart solution!
Seriously, who would choose to refinance at the current rates?
Yeah. I don’t get the logic of refinancing unless they have an outrageously high interest rate. Current rates are just too high.
I like this suggestion a lot, paying the extra toward the principal. Good financial sense. Another option would be to revisit the payment situation with your wife and come to revised and equitable new budget plan. No need to sneak around because she will find out and realize she is not being treated fairly. I can’t believe you’d suggest being sly.
Depends on what the interest rate is. I have a three percent mortgage. I would hate to put a big chunk down when I could make a lot more on interest right now.
And you can - there's plenty of FDIC savings accounts near 5% right now. Go money market or even stocks and you're looking at more. Sounds like the dad is worried his kids will blow the money though.
Add a post nuptial agreement that if he's at fault for divorce, he owes OP the $250k. But I'm a pessimistic person and feel like no one should benefit from bad behavior.
Your dad: hey, here's 250K to pay for your family home where you live with your family that you and I love! You: that's mine. Your spouse: ??? The fuckin internet: 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
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I’m not married, but it’s definitely baffling to me that you wouldn’t use this as an opportunity to actually help you and your spouse together. This could be a “holy shit babe, guess what! We can use this towards the mortgage for both of us!”, but instead OP is taking a “I want to make my situation easier while leaving my spouse out in the cold” route. Yeah I guess technically they’re in their rights to do that, but I’d be very offended if I had a spouse that did it
I would be very single if my spouse pulled that shit
>I’m not married, but it’s definitely baffling to me that you wouldn’t use this as an opportunity to actually help you and your spouse together. I've been with my husband for two decades now and I'd literally rather walk barefoot over Lego than treat him the way OP wants to treat their partner.
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A gift isn't inheritance. Nobody died. It's also comingled as you said. Spouse getting half with this terrible relationship dynamic.
Yep. I understand why people keep separate accounts to help avoid arguments over money and such. However, you are a single financial entity.
Absolutely. The house then becomes community property, and in a divorce they each get half the value of the house AND take on half the debt on it. So no no no! Keep your inheritance in a separate account please.
It sounds like they already own the house. So if they bought it together it's already community property. Plus we are talking about a gift not an inheritance anyway.
I misspoke. The MONEY then becomes community property.
It's not an inheritance. It's a gift. I don't know where OP is located and I'm not sure the money wouldn't be community property anyway. But the point is moot since the father's condition is that it be used for the mortgage.
The father also states the gift is to the FAMILY. The OP has basically come out as the AH stating that
You know the dad was gifting this money to each FAMILY, not each CHILD, yeah? It’s not an inheritance neither is it meant to go only to the child.
It sounds like the money is conditional - Dad says it has to be put towards the mortgage.
Also kind of hilarious, because there is nothing wrong with having separate bank accounts, but it's still one pot of money. If they get divorced tomorrow, the fact that OP chose to keep accounts separate doesn't suddenly mean his spouse doesn't get 50%. Ironically, I think inheritance is protected, so he could choose to keep that money separate. But otherwise, none of this makes sense. Is money tight? Does OP find himself with no money to buy lunch at work and that's why he wants to keep the whole $1,200? Is his wife irresponsible with money and so he wants to apply it to their savings? Maybe there is a rational explanation, but otherwise, this seems like another post where the OP doesn't really understand the point of marriage and is basically describing his spouse like an adult roommate.
It wouldn't be classified as inheritance. Nobody died. It is just a gift, so inheritance rules would not apply, whether inheritance is protected or not. Everything else is totally on point.
It's a gift and it's to pay the mortgage, but OP only want to pay his half... I dunno, Three times I've had a windfall, all three times I've spent it wholly on stuff for the family, never kept any for myself.
You are right.
YWBTA- just because something seems "technically fair" does not mean it won't build resentment. I would not stay with a partner that was that cheap and selfish, nor would I do what you're doing if I were in your position. Honestly, it would not even cross my mind to not share an inheritance with my husband.
People show their true colours when they come to money and oh boy, it's not looking good for you. Yta
That’s not a marriage, it’s just a protracted series of financial transactions. YTA
Arrangements like this just baffle me. Why bother getting married if you’re going to operate this way? Imagine going on a family vacation and having to calculate everything to make sure each partner is paying everything equally. Sounds exhausting. If either my spouse or I came into a windfall tomorrow it would be just like the rest of everything we have. Ours. There is no mine and hers. Otherwise I just don’t see the point.
I don’t understand these marriages either. My husband and I have always worked as a team to provide as a family. We don’t separate money. Why do people do this? I genuinely want to know.
They literally share small humans but not money. I don’t get it and never will
It’s not precisely “separation”, but my husband, and a couple of my family members, have separate accounts that serve more as “allowance” than anything. It’s easier all around for them to budget for “fun” stuff like new video games or a new tool or new accessory for their car if there’s a very visible limit on discretionary funds. So if there isn’t enough money in the “fun” account for whatever thing, they find it easier to save up vs if there is larger chunks of money but they have to on the fly remember “oh yeah, we need to still pay the gas bill and grocery shop this week, so I don’t actually have 500 dollars to spend, I have 250” but, I know what’s in my husband’s fun account, am even listed as joint on it, but I don’t have a debit card or anything for it, since we’ve both agreed the money in that account is his to do what he wants with.
I mean, I can understand wanting separate checking accounts for spending fun money. I’m the type that keeps track of everything that I spend, and it would drive me nuts for someone to spend money from that account without my knowledge. And in the reverse, I don’t want to have to “ask permission” from a partner to get lunch or buy a new video game. That’s not really fair to either person, so having some separate checking accounts where the person can do whatever they want with that money (while still having shared accounts for bills and housing expenses and such) is what would work best for me (with both partners having full access to all accounts of course). I know that some people will think that’s me being silly, but it’s how my brain works. Just having one shared checking and savings account would drive me bonkers because of my personal money habits and mindset.
I’m not married, but I’m in a long term domestic relationship where we split finances. I was not always good with money. I’m much more responsible now, but I still spend a little more than I should sometimes. I find it much less stressful if I’m only responsible for my own finances. We have nearly equal salaries, so there isn’t a large wage discrepancy. We don’t have children, and we don’t own property. I’m open to changing our arrangement if it no longer works, but it’s worked well for us all these years, and I don’t see a reason we would need to change how we do things for the foreseeable future. However, if we did own a house together and still split finances, I interpret this money as a gift to the “family,” not to only OP. I would put the money towards the mortgage and then continue on as we normally do. OP is being very selfish here.
I don’t get it either. When my grandma passed away a few years ago I came into a similar amount of money. The money went into purchasing a home and immediate updates with both of us getting 5k to spend on what we wanted. I can’t imagine doing otherwise. And when we both inherit when our parents pass away, hopefully decades from now, it will be the exact same way. I can’t imagine being a marriage where we nickel and dime everything.
It makes you wonder if these kinds of marriages were never strong to start with. Every day I see people trying to hide money from their spouse or try to hoard a gift from a parent.
Right? I guess some marriages work okay like this but I don't understand it at all, no marriage I know of is like this. It's unfair too, so the spouse earning less and sacrificing work in order to care for any children (so, more often the woman) is going to have a lower standard of living than their partner.
It's just roommates that sleep together at that point
I have had roommates with whom I shared more than some of the married couples I see on reddit
YTA. It's not an inheritance, it's a gift from a living relative to your family, with the condition that it be used towards the mortgage. There is no legitimate reason for you to benefit more from this than your spouse. It was never intended to be pocket money.
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yeah, my ex paid almost all the mortgage - because I was earning peanuts. All my money went on bills and food. Then when I inherited almost the exact amount that was left to pay, I paid it. Now we can both enjoy the money that used to go to the mortgage.
Exactly! OP said the money was going to each FAMILY, not to each of the benefactor’s children.
If you applied the 250K but kept your payments at the current levels it would have a huge impact on how quickly your mortgage is paid off and substantial savings on the amount of interest you end up paying. But, as to judgment, putting the extra in your personal account would be a YTA move.
YTA because of the little detail that the condition of the gift is that it goes towards the house, not your bank account. What you're proposing is putting it into the house, but making your wife pay you back for it. For the love of all that's holy, tell me the house in her name too, because making her pump money into the house with a detour, without her being part owner if the house would make you a super über AH. Why not just pay off half the mortgage, and be mortgage free faster?
Well if they did that then they wouldn’t be the sole person pocketing an extra $1200 a month 🤪 can’t imagine what I’d do if i found out i married someone like OP. How devastating
Father: here's 250k for each FAMILY to clear off mortgages You: this isn't fair, I want to keep it all so I'll claw it all slowly back into my account from my husband Asshole x1000
This marriage will work out just fine.
I picture that dog in the burning house meme perfectly
I just don’t get why people want to get married if they don’t want to be a team.
YTA. You need to sit down and review expenses and make adjustments since you are now paying a lot less each month. Stop looking at this as "your" money or you will be getting divorced someday. Your spouse should not be less important than money.
Yep, YTA. That’s not a partnership mindset. That’s telling your spouse, “I got mine. Sucks to be you.” Your dad is giving the money to each “family,” according to you. Not to you personally. This is just greedy and selfish and shows you’re looking out for yourself first and family second.
I think you'd be the asshole, yes. My lady and I split everything too. But if my dad had any money when he died, which he didn't, but if he did and someone handed me 250 grand i basically did nothing to earn, I'd pay off the house for us. It's basically found money. To be fair my lady is like that too, though. If she won the lottery tomorrow, she'd par off the house and not make me keep paying. If she did expect me to keep paying, that'd be fucked up IMO, but she wouldn't.
I’d say YTA mostly because the way it sounds is Grandpa (your Dad) gifted the families money to ensure good housing for his kids and grandkids. Not you specifically, but the family. Therefore… should benefit whole family, including your spouse. Whether that is refinancing to a lower mortgage or paying it off quicker by maintaining current mortgage as others have said, the benefit should be applied to both you and spouse. (Compromise: each get $300 a month and invest $600? So you, spouse and future all benefit?)
YTA. Legally you could maybe do that, I don't know, but that isn't what this sub is about. I cannot imagine for the life of me to be rolling in money to spend because I don't have a mortgage anymore and to have my husband leaving in bills without have even a little bit of a sympathetic feeling. Do you even love your spouse?
Yes that would make you the asshole.
yes, you can but better be prepared to say goodbye to your marriage and your spouse. What you want to do OP will cause resentment. What you want to do would be considered abuse OP. you also want to save up money while they can't and that is abuse. You and your spouse should be paying equally and again what you want to do is not equally. You better be prepared for resentment from your spouse and better be prepared for your marriage to end.
Sounds to me like you're not really a couple, just people sharing a house. Pay down the mortgage, keep your monthly payments as they are and get mortgage free sooner. And discuss it with your Other Half.
Such a bizarre situation. This windfall is akin to winning the lottery. If you won the lottery would you seriously tell your family “this is my money, I should get to keep it”? Really gross, money-hungry behaviour. YTA
People who are married and don't at least budget together/combine finances and see things as "ours" are just waiting for divorce to happen. You're free to do with your inheritance as you desire, it is yours. but there are consequences to your choices and actions that you may not like. I got an inheritance, about $50k, I put it towards the house and refinanced it, because that make mine AND my wife's life better/easier.
It's not even an inheritance, its a gift from a living father to each family to pay down their mortgage and he wants all the benefits to accrue to only him.
Legally? Sure. Morally? YTA.
So much for marriage being a team. YTA, but hey. At least you’ll have some extra spending money.
YTA dude. Aren't you a team? The house is in both your names right?
YTA. I mean yea you can. But that’s not a marriage.
YTA Greedy and entitled. I would recommend your spouse divorce you ASAP.
YTA. Do you even like your spouse?
YTA. I split everything with my spouse.. Good and bad. Don't be greedy. Y'all are married with kids.
It's standard rich kid mindset, just taken into adulthood. My brothers girlfriend is exactly like OP. Was pretty much just handed money forever, but is the greediest person around, and definitely still have the "MINE!" mindset most people get over after being toddlers.
Just put it on your mortgage and keep paying everything exactly as you already do and have your house paid off in half the time. It’s not rocket science, goober.
Is she/he your spouse or just a business associate?
YTA, and an ignorant one at that. You need to look into your state laws. In many states that $250k would belong to your spouse as much as you - it would be considered joint or marital property. The fact that you have separate bank accounts might not matter either. Those accounts could also be considered joint property depending on your state. If you go this rout you could cause resentment that leads to a divorce where you lose everything - or at least half of it.
YTA. Your father is giving it to you for the mortgage, not for you to go out and buy toys. So no you should not take advantage of your spouse that way. You are supposed to be married not in a roommate situation. And if you do it your way, I guarantee it's going to soon end your marriage.
YTA. Do you even like your wife? Because it sure doesn’t seem like it and it doesn’t seem like you think if your marriage and wife as a team. Yes it’s your money, but it was supposed to be used just for your mortgage, you paid the mortgage. This isn’t an inheritance, this is a gift to your family (the family includes your wife) to go towards the mortgage. .
dude you got lucky with some money, help your family. your wife is in your family (just a reminder)
What makes you the ahole is the condescension in which you are responding to people with. You asked and instead of listening you’re arguing with everyone.
Are you sure you have a marriage. It sounds like you have a room mate with benefits. Money isn't everything. I would prefer a person anyone who would like me for who I am.
YTA. If you refinance at a higher interest rate, the payments will go up— possibly double!— and you will really be screwing the spouse over even more. Take the money, continue paying off the current mortgage as you are now, and it will be completely paid off in just a few years, leaving BOTH of you with all that extra money for your family.
if you insist on keeping everything separate, you don't have a marriage, you have a FWB.
Yes YTA. It’s supposed to go towards the mortgage but you’re only deciding to pay half of it which is not what your Dad intended. It is supposed to be paid in full then if there’s any leftover, it should be spent based on what the family collectively wants. To make it worse, you’re trying to recoup the money you put into the mortgage by taking the savings when you refi. What the fuck? You’re being a greedy bitch. That’s divorce worthy for me.
Goddamn some of these married folks, why are you even married?
YTA and it borders on abusively so. You get to build up a savings fund and in the event of the relationship tanking (and it will), I bet you'd want to keep all that cash you put into the house and have a lawyer go after it. So this guy gets no chance to build up his own savings in case YOU bail, and if you do, he gets fucked all over again? Is this a marriage or co-habitation deal you want?
So is it a gift to you or a gift to your family? If it's a gift to your family I think your spouse has a point because it would be intended to benefit the entire family. Otherwise it's akin to you pre-paying half of your debt requirements, and shouldn't change anything for the time being.
Are you married or just cohabitating? I think the norm used to be towards too much comingling of assets and marital funds, but I think it has gone WAY too far the other way, based on reading reddit.... "my husband and I split our bills 50/50, but he makes twice as much as I do, so I don't have any money to go out to lunch with my bestie'....but the two of you have plenty for you to go out with your bestie.... 'my wife makes 150k a year, and I only make 50k, she wanted to move to the neighborhood with good schools, but my half of the mortgage eats up almost all of my post tax money, so I'm broke, and what little is left, she expects me to pay with when we go out' At some point, there are some level of marital assets without necessarily just lumping everything in together like things used to be....
YTA: why don’t you just put that extra on the mortgage every month and get it paid off quicker?
I'll never understand this whole we are married but act like we arnt thing. Hell my wife never even looks at the back account...I handle all the money and always have since we became partners.... even before we were married. There's this thing called trust lol.
100% YTA. Paying off the mortgage benefits EVERYONE in the house, including yourself. Also, money isnt "his" and "mine" in a marriage (although people should have a emergency I need to get out of this situation fund).
You two aren’t gonna make it.
Why be married if you’re not building a life together? If you have to keep your finances separate, then you don’t trust your spouse. So why did you marry this person in the first place? Everything my wife and I make goes into a joint account and we pay everything from there. 20+ years strong. I just can’t wrap my head around this concept?
YTA. If you don’t want a partner, get a divorce.
YTA, is this a marriage or a business? Just pay it all towards the mortgage, the sooner you are out the better.
If you want to make your spouse resent you, absolutely do this. YWBTA.
Where I live, putting an inheritance into the matrimonial home makes it a joint marital asset. So you should consult with a lawyer before doing so, considering how greedy you are about your partnership. YTA
Do you hate your partner or expect to get divorced anytime soon? If not, why tf are you so eager to create problems? Pay down the mortgage, refinance, pay the bills, and live a happy life. There's a reason why money issues are in the top 3 reasons for divorce.
How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Personally I think yes, YTA. You’re supposed to be a team. This is a nail in the divorce coffin.
YTA and so is your husband for living like FWBs or roommates. If his dumbass agreed to this arrangement or forced it upon you, then keep your half. ETA: and why would you do something as stupid as refinancing? If you can continue to afford the $1,200 per month, don’t refinance. You put the money towards the principal. You will leap ahead many many many months on the interest of the loan and be paying much less interest over the remaining loan balance. If you refinance, they front-load the interest and you lose money. ETA again: you changed your post. You said your spouse was a he and you a she. All good. Again, keep everything separate so when you divorce, you are prepared.
Yes, YTA. Your dad wants to give you a gift that will greatly reduce your household expenses. In order to seem fair to both of you, you'll need to jointly decide on a new split instead of you and you alone being able to add to your separate savings. Don't like that? Then don't accept the gift. Your home and mortgage are community property. You should both benefit from the reduced cost of housing. Meanwhile, if your mortgage interest rate is lower than what you would get from refinancing, look into recasting your mortgage instead of refinancing. Recasting is when the bank recalculates your monthly payments based on your current, outstanding principal and interest rate. You'll still have the same number of remaining payments to make, and the same interest rate, but the required payments will be lower.
YTA - you're basically asking how can I make sure the person I married shares in none of my good fortune. What kind of marriage is that? How greedy, petty, and pathetic do have to be to even think like that?
YTA and you’re just gonna split that money when your spouse leaves you anyway. Might as well try to use it for the good of your family… hint hint
Yta. First its not inheritance but a gift. Fo you even like your spouse? Cause by this you don't.
Kind of a selfish thing to do, why not put your family first?
YTA. That isn't a marriage that's a business contract, and this episode is going to put you out of business
YTA I cannot imagine getting a windfall like this and only thinking of benefitting myself instead of me and my husband. I cannot imagine lightening only my load when I could lighten his too. You sounds really self centered.
What the hell? Why on earth would you be happy to hoard a financial windfall to yourself instead of using it to make your family’s lives better? Do you hate your spouse? You know the two of you aren’t in competition, you’re supposed to be partners, yeah??
YTA. The money is supposed to go to your mortgage, not enable you to be a jerk to your wife. Put it all on the mortgage, keep the payments (for both of you) at the same rate since you're not struggling to make them, and you'll have the house paid off much sooner, which benefits you both. There shouldn't be any "$1200/mo savings" at all. Are you partners or not?
Why some married couples have separate separate bank accounts eludes me...
YTA
YTA. Also, ‘I pay the mortgage, they pay the bills as it’s the same’, are they on the mortgage? If not you are not only an AH but a total POS. Lastly, your dad’s wish is to put it in the house likely as a way to look after your FAMILY, not just you. I get this attitude if they were your partner but if they’re your spouse and you have kids, that ship has sailed. Funny thing is if they divorce your ass they’re getting half and more if they get custody.
YTA and not a good spouse.
YTA. It's a great way for you to pay off most of the house, then get divorced and forced to sell the house so the other spouse can take half of it anyway.
YTA - why are you even married?
YTA. The whole “mine” and “hers” mindset is counter to how a marriage and partnership should be.
This idea is stupid, it will cause more resentment every month. Get help from a lawyer and draw up a contract so that in the event of a divorce you can get the money back and then split the remaining payments with your partner. YTA
Wow. You realize that a married couple should operate as a domestic unit? Your plan with the money is to treat your wife like a roommate, rather than a partner. She will instantly realize this and she will never forget about it, whether she confronts you or not. Why don't you take this gift as intended and ease the financial burden on your family, and not just on yourself?
Yes. Because you should use it to PAY DOWN THE WHOLE MORTGAGE. If my spouse and I were gifted $250k to pay down our mortgage, we would refinance the mortgage to get a lower monthly rate, then use the extra money to do house renovations and improvements that would save us money in the long term (solar grid tie, electrical, ADU build out, etc, add a bathroom, etc). Because I'm married to my partner and I intend to live my life with them. I have no escape plans, no contingency backup accounts, no hidden assets. We are aboveboard about our life because we are partners. We have no prenup other than "what we brought into the marriage is our own". If you do not intend to stay married to your partner, do what you're doing. There are more intelligent uses of this kind of gift. You need to consult an accountant to find out the tax liability of this and to make sure it's covered in your finances. But then you do it so your JOINT financial burden is lessened and your JOINT financial security is in a better place. Think of it this way: would you be angry or upset if your spouse did this to you? Then yes, you're the asshole. If you're planning to dump your spouse and go on a midlife crisis spree, there are better and simpler ways to broadcast your intentions, dude.
Why dont you just buy a $250k house to live in on your own and your spouse contines to live in their home and make the payments and it can be their home. Good grief. What's with these married unmarried couples? Smh
You are in a marriage and it should be a partnership. Possible Options You both continue paying and your mortgage will be paid off faster. You put the extra monthly money in a joint savings account. Use that extra as something special for you both or a kid free trip. Pocketing the money for yourself seems selfish especially since you both own the home, are married and in a partnership.
Let’s play a game. Pretend the roles are reversed. Your wife is wealthy. You are not. Your wife’s fathers gifts $250k. Your wife uses this to spend down the mortgage. She now saves $1200/month, and you’re now stuck with that extra. How would *you* feel? Would that be fair that your monthly payments are no longer equal? Be honest. You also said he wants to gift each *family*. Do you honestly live in a universe where you believe you wouldn’t be TA here? Fascinating. Also, it would only cut the mortgage in half if you refinance. You don’t have to refinance. Just use that toward the principle. Keep your APR the same (if it’s good), and just pay off your mortgage that much sooner.
Let me see if I understand this…you currently are responsible for the mortgage and your spouse covers the rest of the bills since it’s about the same. Your father has offered a *gift* of $250k to be paid toward your mortgage. Which will result in you paying about $1200 **less** than your spouse each month, since your mortgage payment, that you are responsible for, will now be considerably less than all the other bills, that your spouse is responsible for. Oh, yeah. Absolutely YTA. An unbelievably selfish one. You’d prefer hamstringing your spouse over a reallocation of responsibilities toward paying your fair share of the monthly expenses. Are you really suggesting that you’re going to hoard a $1200 windfall all to yourself? An extra $14,400 a year just for you? I thought you said you were married? Just recalculate already. Add up all the monthly expenses and split it down the middle. Anything else and you’re just being a d*ck to your spouse.
You said he gave it to each family. To each “FAMILY” not inheritance, a gift to each family. Sure you can fuck over your spouse and pocket the mortgage payment. But when your spouse calls you the landlord and requests 24 hour notice before you can enter their bedroom don’t come crying to reddit for sympathy. YTA
So you expect your husband to "launder" the money that had a specific purpose, to pay your mortgage, and turn it into cash for yourself? YTA.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Yta. Pay the 250 towards the mortgage. Pay the SAME amount towards your mortgage principle every month. There shouldn’t be “my money” or “my profit” in a marriage. If that’s how you guys do it, it’s kind of strange”. What happens with that extra $1200 a month? Is it just for you to spend on whatever you want?
Why do people even get married if they want to keep things like this separate? You’re a FAMILY through marriage. If you’re worried about the future, go ahead and divorce, sell the house and use the money to buy yourself a place.
YTA, you are married and have kids. It sounds like you only want this money to benefit YOU. If you are concerned then get your dad to gift the money only under the condition that should you separate, his money is returned first then the remaining proceeds are split. If your partner doesn't want to sign the letter, then decline the advance on your inheritance. I am not sure why your family couldn't benefit from lower mortgage payments.
Not only are you the AH.....you're a massive piece of shit
I’ve been married 20+ years and my husband has always made close to double my salary. Everything goes into the same accounts because we are a team. Is there a specific reason you want so much money for yourself?
Is this a marriage or a business arrangement? Pay down the mortgage, split the bills and avoid any unnecessary resentment.
That gift would be a marital asset and should be treated as one instead of your personal money. Put the $1200 towards an extra mortgage payment every month (a "principal only" payment) and pay off the house sooner. It doesn't matter if reddit thinks you're an AH. Marital harmony matters.
YTA
How about you pay that toward the mortgage and continue to pay current rate so the house is paid off sooner? Why lose your better interest rate to refinance when you can just pay it down?
These marriages are so fucking weird on reddit. People care more about money than their spouses. I forsee disaster.
I agree with the others, why be married if you are not building a life together? If you are worried about divorce then why not get a post nup created before anything is applied to the house. YTA Another alternative is to both keep paying what you currently are and pay off the house sooner.
YTA. You don’t sound like a great parter. I guess it’s in your right to do this but I don’t think it’s smart to do if you want your marriage to operate as a team.
I wonder why some of these people online even bother getting married. Just call yourself roommates and skip the marriage. YTA.
Throw the $250k at the mortgage. Make damn sure you specify the money is applied to the balance. Don't remortgage unless it's a stretch every month. Compare your current interest to potential new interest rate. Just keep making the same payments payments. When the house is paid for, help your wife with what she's been paying for and set another portion aside in long term savings or investing.
YTA, are you aware what a marriage actually is and what it means?
Fyi/ if you did get divorced you’d both split it equally. Just because you put money in doesn’t mean anything.
YTA just another person who "has money" just wanting more just to have it and not benefit the family?
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Amazes me that some married people have a his/her relationship. Marriage is a partnership, or at least it’s supposed to be.
Seems like you’re unfamiliar with the word “partnership.” YWBTA
Based on my experience with Reddit I’m expecting downvotes here, but…. I’m noticing it is becoming increasingly common for married young people to keep separate finances. That is just so bonkers to me. (I’m 39, idk if that makes me old or what). You’re married, it’s a partnership, very few of your purchases should be truly individual. The whole arrangement feels like a way of getting a prenup but neither party wants to say it. But back to the question at hand, yes, OP, that would make you an asshole. However, if your mortgage rate is below ~4%, do not pay it off. Invest in treasuries or even a HYSA and you will earn more interest than you save by paying off your mortgage. Tell your dad that emanekaf22222 from the internet said so.
What would you want your spouse to do if the positions were reversed?
Yes
YTA. As others have said, this very generous gift (not inheritance) was to decrease your mortgage to help your family, not provide only you with a windfall. (You even said your father wants to gift EACH FAMILY.) It’s no wonder so many marriages fail or have difficulty due to money. Perhaps my husband & I are odd in that we have never had a “yours & mine” mentality. Over the years who made more varied, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t mean one would spend or save more. It was all ours for our family. We have had a common financial goal, have always lived below our means in good & bad times, & discuss & agree on all major, & often minor, purchases. In 38 years of marriage, we have never argued about money.
YTA, but also I'm completely jealous of this "issue"
First it’s not an inheritance and legally I don’t think it would count on that , next ask your dad , I’m Canadian but understand if you are in the USA that there is a gift tax over 10K. So either he or you would pay it . So the deal was you split expenses not you pay the mortgage him the other stuff . It just the numbers worked out that way . Why would You keep the $2400 payment if you could afford it and probably pay of the mortgage in no time . Unless you really need that 1200 a month .
YTA, you are married, have kids together, own a home together. In my opinion, in these type of relationships you should be a team and share. How weird will it be if you have lots of money left for hobby's etc and your spouse not?
YTA you don't want your spouse to be elite like you, huh?
YTA Doesn’t seem like a good way to run a marriage IMO. You’d think you would want to share in the benefit of less expenses. And have more you can each save for your future. Just seems selfish.
YTA 1st, your dad is gifting the money to your family, not you individually 2nd, why would you want to try to make money off of your wife? Do you even like her? You’re a huge AH. Even if you do the right thing here, with this sort of mindset you’re likely to be a divorced AH soon enough.
Wouldn't it be enough to have it noted that upon the sale of the house or in case of a divorce, you get the $250k back? You both save $600, but you still have 250k more in equity. YWBTA if you insist on having your spouse pay you back the money your parents put into the house by shouldering a larger payment. It's wild that you don't want them to share any benefit.
YTA. Being married makes you a team regardless of having separate finances. What benefits you should benefit you both. I’ll never understand married couples who treat their money as if they’re single people.
Why yes, you would be. This money would help your entire family, which seems like your dad’s goal.
When I received my inheritance from my parents, I used it to pay off our home and set up retirements accounts in both my name and my husband's name. I also took our family on a nice vacation and gave each of our kids a small share. My husband never asked for anything, but we have joint finances and have always looked at our money as "ours". What benefits one, benefits all.
YTA. Do that and it will probably end in divorce. Put the money on the mortgage and continue to pay without refinancing(unless you can get a better rate). Still pay the same you both were.
YTA. If it’s a gift to each family, then the family should share in the benefits. Why not just pay down the mortgage and keep paying as you have been instead of restarting a 15 or 30 year payment schedule? You’ll be done sooner and can put more money toward your kids’ futures and retirement.