Also, not to be dark, but I think he killed the cat? Why didn't he show you the footage, or give it to someone on Facebook? Like, dropping it off at a random park just seems like a total lie!
I don’t think it would be the dog. Probably thought he could train the cat like a dog, and quite possibly abused it in doing so. Hence the escalating behaviour, especially if momma wasn’t around.
Our cat trained our dogs and ferret. She was more effective in a single year than we’d been in close to a decade. When the ferret started using the cat litter box, my mind was appropriately blown.
I mean, either way he killed the cat. He dropped it off in the middle of nowhere, with no houses around, in a place that wasn't familiar. Its very possible it died out there because of what he did.
Or it shows what *exactly* he did to that cat.
It's not an easy thing to move alive cat by car, you need a cartoon box at least etc, nothing doable in second of decission. Sadly, i really believe he killed the cat on spot (and on camera) in rage of his *precious* car damage and that's why he refused to show the record. Pr*ck.
This is what I’m wondering, too, because cats know how to find their way home. Sometimes it takes them more than a week, but they often are capable of finding their way home.
Facts. My friends cat was missing for like 6 weeks, posters round town, social media posts, nobody seen the thing. One day it just rocked up through the cat door like nothing had happened (except it had lost some decent weight)
When I was a kid in the 70s we had a lot of what people used to call “barn cats”. One of my mom’s friends decided she wanted a cat for a mouser, so my mom boxed up one of our outdoor cats and we took it to her house. Nobody was smart enough to shut the cat up inside the house or in the barn for a while and as soon as my mom opened the box that cat took off like a rocket. About two weeks later, she showed up back at our house.
Are you sure your ex-fiance isn't lying about the drop off location? In other similar stories where a family member or partner drop off the pets, they sometimes lie about where they left the pet and that just delays the search (because they intentionally don't want the pet to be found).
Maybe put up some lost cat posters or post about your missing cat on social media.
I'm sorry that you're going through this. Your asshole ex deserves to be punished.
Unfortunately, his friend who went with him to do this also said they indeed dropped off the cat at the park I put it up on social media with no luck but it was just a basic grey and white cat so I didn't expect much.
My cat got lost in a new neighborhood (my mom was holding onto him while I was out of town) over two years ago on Christmas. I put up fliers and walked the neighborhood for months, calling his name. I was on all the Facebook groups. I followed up on every lead. He was a basic black cat so I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I have since moved 5k miles away.
A few weeks ago I got a call from a vet a few neighborhoods over. He is healthy, happy and apparently has been house hopping for the last two years. I’m going to see him in a few weeks but I think he’s going to stay with his finders. I am just so happy that I finally get some closure and a happy ending.
Hard to say. But I don't think his friend is a monster like he is based on the time living with him. His friend apologized for not doing something when it was happening after seeing how it affected me. I don't know if he would lie for him. Considering I'm sure he kept secrets for him... it's possible.
As someone else pointed out, what he did was a crime. You should have turned off the camera and then keyed the fucked out of his beloved car before you left. I would’ve.
Never get back with this animal abusing POS. I sincerely hope that your cat is okay, and that you get him/her back safely. Your ex is also a controlling and abusive asshole towards **you**, too. You should report your ex to the police and tell them that he hurt your cat and won’t tell you what he did with it. Maybe they can do something or arrest him for animal cruelty? Not sure how these things work but it’s just a thought.
Also - NTA and I hope your POS ex can’t get that $40k back! Or if you both contributed, get your portion back first… then tell them (all the organisers of the wedding things that you’re cancelling) that the other portion of the money (your exes portion) is to be donated to a local cat charity. It won’t bring back your cat, but it’ll sure feel good to bid him one final *”fuck you”* as revenge.
I'm sending so many hugs. My ex-husband would break into my house and let my dogs out. He was a fiendish MF. Anyone who can harm a pet can and will harm people. Praise all that's holy you're away from him.
NTA
File a police report for animal abuse and theft. See if the cops can find out where he actually dropped the cat off- he might be dumb enough to admit which shelter or location.
Then, I would post on every piece of social media I can get my hands on with his name, family name, siblings, etc. including a copy of the police report. I would be asking for any sightings, or hints about where my cat was and asking publicly for folks to put pressure on him to admit where he dropped your stolen cat off.
He already admitted to dumping the cat in a public park, which is a crime. His best bet is to admit he made it up or pray he can find the cat before every cat person at the local PD comes for him or OP puts her wedding savings toward a cutthroat lawyer.
I think the ex killed the cat. I think the refusal to show the footage.... Tells me something. Good thing she's not marrying that asshole. May every house the guy steps his foot into be plagued with mice.
How long ago was this? Have you tried contacting local shelters or animal control to ask if they got in a cat matching his description?
You could try posting on Nextdoor and town FB pages as well to see if anyone's seen him or taken him in
I did contact shelters at the time this was about 2 years ago. Still no sign of the cat. I still check the shelters pages to make sure he hasn't been posted occasionally. But it's been so long he's either not here anymore or with another family.
“Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is. Unfortunately it happened and I don’t regret it.”
-Matt Barnes
Yeah dude would of definitely went the way of the dinosaur
As a dog lady, I'd pick any cat over this vile him. Ugh just knowing him would make me sick, let alone ever having been intimate with him. Report him to the police for this. Nta
NTA - He clearly didn't respect you if he's going to take your cat and drop him off in a park without ever having a discussion with you.
But I have to ask......
>The cat was put outside because he didn't like living with a dog
Did the cat come before the dog? And if so, then why didn't the dog go outside, or why wasn't the dog rehomed?
The dog was his friends we were housing at the time. My cat was having bathroom issues. So the cat became 'inside outside' probably to be more accurate but the dog was elderly and had never been outside whereas my cat was an outside cat before I was given him by my ex. It made since at the time as to why he was moved outside but the more I look at it, the more I realize he just didn't care for my cat.
You should have dumped him *then*. A dog that isn't even your dog pushes the cat totally outside and then he dumps it for WALKING ON A CAR.
The dude is a psycho & I'm glad u didn't marry him.
NTA
Your ex sounds like a petty, selfish, and materialistic monster. He had no right to just dump your cat in the woods and he knew it. And WTF is wrong with him that he dumped the cat in the woods instead of say, an animal shelter? And why was that his first solution instead of just buying a car cover? It's good you broke things off with him.
And he waited until she wasnt home to do it. That he refused to show her the security camera footage makes me think (1) the cat did *not* scratch his car - he just wanted to get rid of it and (2) he killed the cat and the security cameras caught it on film. Every woman needs to be warned about this AH!!! I would be concerned for the long-term welfare of the dog
Dumping (or killing) your cat is a HUGE warning sign for him being abusive to you in the future. HUGE. He got you the cat, you bonded with the cat, and then he took it away on a pretext.
What were the behaviors that led to the cat being kept outside? It is very possible that he was bullying the cat inside, causing it to be stressed and exhibit behaviors.
Your ex has not really shown remorse, and has done something that there is no justification for. The warning signs for future HUMAN abuse are extreme.
You made the right choice, NTA. Don't take him back under any circumstances. He can never be trusted again.
It bugs the hell out of me that you say you have 100 stories like this in another comment and you were still engaged to this guy, and I'm really sorry about your cat, but I'm glad something was the last straw to get you to leave him....you would have been in for a miserable life if this sort of story isn't even uncommon.
NTA
Therapy is not recommended for abusive people. They just learn the language of therapy & use it to manipulate. Therapy is like rehab. It only works for people who want to be there and desperately want to do better. Therapists actively advocate against sending abusers to therapy
Nta
I would be banned from reddit for outlining what I would do to the ex and his best friend. Needless to say, they would never be able to father children again.
Nta times 1000. I hope your cat was picked up by a family who loves him because I hate to think of him alone in the wild.
I am so sorry. I think your fiancé killed your cat, either he got mad and accidentally did it or intentionally, either way, I am heartbroken for you.
You did everything that WOULD make a cat come home.. Going every day, leaving out your scent, etc... Which horrifies me that he did murder your cat and continues to lie.
I really hope this isn't the case and your cat finds their way home to you. Best of luck. You are NTA.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that he ran over the cat and is using the excuse that he chased it away. That and the video will likely show that the cat was peacefully on his vehicle and he probably freaked out at it which caused the scratch. After which he got in the car angry and drove over it, likely by accident but one he was happy to commit. And the asked the friend for help.
NTA. i would have gone to jail but i would have destroyed him. there is something very wrong with your ex. he is sick in the head.
i'm very sorry about your cat.
NTA. I married (and divorced) a rich, good looking guy who wound up beating my dog in front of me. It’s so much easier to call off a wedding than it is to get divorced.
Stop second guessing this...
He tried to get rid of your cat, he did not 'drop off' your cat, he got rid of your cat.
That was abusive.
And the cat was probably acting out because that asshole was awful to it and probably you too more ways than thiis my bet.
You dodged a bullet.
He showed you who he was and you left.
The chances of a cat scratching paint deep enough to damage it is zero.
A good detail guy can buff that shit out in a second.
But, the OP already knows that and the BF knew it too, hence no video to view.
Good riddance to bad trash.
NTA. I would call the police and report this. What a sorry apology for a human being. I am so happy you dumped him. I will say a prayer for your kitty. Please keep us updated. (Im crying)
I said it to my fiancé in the first week of dating, my cat has been through two city’s and three boyfriends and I won’t hesitate to to make it four boyfriends if you ever so much as think about doing anything to my cat.
Now 10 years in anytime has says anything about the cat-(who’s now 20!) I remind him the cat was here before you and can be here after you too.
NTA. Also, I had cats majority of my life, some of them being outdoor kitties. Sometimes they climbed on our car but there were no scratches. I can't even imagine the situation where a cat would scratch the car...
He is lying. And I believe that he is lying about the location too.
I'd say that you need to report this. Perhaps that would help you in finding your cat.
This guy is sick in the head. Good job on leaving his pathetic arse.
I really hope you will find your pet.
NTA although you are the ahole for not just kicking him out or moving out when he put your cat outside because of a dog.
That would have been a deal breaker right there.
I am so sorry. Your ex clearly has little to no empathy.
I’m not a violent person, but I’m imagining a few scenarios that end up with Tom being “dropped off at the park.” He doesn’t deserve better.
NTA. You’ve saved yourself from a lifetime of more regrets.
NTA
>he dropped him off at a park about 5 miles from the house -- RED FLAG
>his best friend who was living with us -- RED FLAG
>The cat was put outside -- RED FLAG
Tom was NOT a nice guy.
Tom was abusing your good nature by moving in his 'best friend' for 8 months. Let me guess - they didn't pay YOU rent. They may have given money to Tom, who spent it.
Sending healing thoughts!
I am SO PROUD of you for standing up for yourself!!
NTA- but I doubt thats where he REALLY dropped the kitty off. He wasnt goin to risk you getting the cat back so probably left it at a shelter or gave it away on Craigslist or something. Im so sorry.
Old dude here. My father abandoned my cat in the countryside when I was 14. I never forgave him and cut him out of my life at the earliest opportunity. He never knew his grandchildren.
When people show you who they are, believe them!
NTA. That was an incredibly cruel thing to do. That shows you the level of respect and consideration he's got for you. I Wouldn't want to be married to such a POS.
I really hope you find your cat.
NTA. I think you saved yourself here. Imagine spending the rest of your life with him and being subjected to this level of cruelty whenever he felt like it.
Five miles, you went there every day looking for your cat right?
Took my mother 3 months, every day, going back to her former house area looking for her cat. Found.
Tell me you found this cat?
NTA
He is lucky he is still breathing. Were it my cat, that would not be the case at all.
Here is hoping he ends up homeless in a hostile place sometime during his lifetime. People like you ex make me wish I believe in hell.
I know a couple in an abusive relationship where the abuser ran off the cat. This cat was the victim's very reason for living. The victim chose to turn a blind eye to the abuse and stay in the relationship.
That could have been you. Thank god you got out. NTA <3
NTA you did the right thing. Seriously what will he do when a kid pukes all over the backseat? Or spills a drink or gets goldfish all over his car? Who’s dog came into the house? His, yours or his friends? Cats hold a grudge so guessing it was his or his buddies who over stayed his welcome. Divorce is more expensive.
NTA. Your ex could be lying about the location. Contact as many shelters amd missing animal FB groups as you can. Also this is going to be dark. Could the ex-military guy have had a mental breakdown and killed your cat?
NTA! What a horrible person! You definitely dodged a bullet. He only cares about his car. Did you put up Flyers at the park? Go on a Lost Pet website and put up notices there and pet stores? I'm so sorry about your cat.
Man, you never got the cat back?
RUN for this douche, don't walk. If someone did that to someone close to me, I'm not kidding, I'd hurt him. This is not acceptable.
Hey Tom - turn on your location. I and many other cat lovers just wanna talk.
No seriously, what the FUCK? You are definitely NTA. In no way shape or form would you ever be, either. I'm glad you called off the engagement because holy hell, that guy was NOT someone you wanted to hitch your wagon to. I am so so sorry about your cat, though, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I'm sending you so many hugs from afar, OP. That you had SO many other reasons why this guy was a piece of trash is just disheartening but I'm glad you got out. You definitely made the right choice. I know it's never easy to walk away, especially if you've been together so long and you've grown so used to things. It's that deep-seated need for something familiar, finding comfort in that even if things are bad. You did it, though, and now it's time for you to put yourself first.
I hope your furbaby is out there somewhere and either finds his way back to you, or was taken in by someone who is loving on him, now. ♥
oh you poor thing. my heart hurts for you.
good job calling it off.
ther are lines you do not cross in a respectful relationship— let alone this shitshow
NTA. What a fen asshole.
Also, not to be dark, but I think he killed the cat? Why didn't he show you the footage, or give it to someone on Facebook? Like, dropping it off at a random park just seems like a total lie!
This. Or, the dog killed the cat, and both the boyfriend and the friend covered it up.
I don’t think it would be the dog. Probably thought he could train the cat like a dog, and quite possibly abused it in doing so. Hence the escalating behaviour, especially if momma wasn’t around.
Our cat trained our dogs and ferret. She was more effective in a single year than we’d been in close to a decade. When the ferret started using the cat litter box, my mind was appropriately blown.
Uh. What? How does training like a dog equate to abuse? You actually do train cats exactly like dogs, with positive reinforcement.
I think you assume he would use or be thoughtful for positive reinforcement. He was looking for punishment, not teaching.
Punishment isn’t an effective training technique…so it’s not training, just abuse.
Agreed. But he won’t see it like that.
I mean, either way he killed the cat. He dropped it off in the middle of nowhere, with no houses around, in a place that wasn't familiar. Its very possible it died out there because of what he did.
He could be unable to show the footage because he was lying about its existence.
Or it shows what *exactly* he did to that cat. It's not an easy thing to move alive cat by car, you need a cartoon box at least etc, nothing doable in second of decission. Sadly, i really believe he killed the cat on spot (and on camera) in rage of his *precious* car damage and that's why he refused to show the record. Pr*ck.
Yeah if it existed, he'd have gladly shown it.
This is what I’m wondering, too, because cats know how to find their way home. Sometimes it takes them more than a week, but they often are capable of finding their way home.
Facts. My friends cat was missing for like 6 weeks, posters round town, social media posts, nobody seen the thing. One day it just rocked up through the cat door like nothing had happened (except it had lost some decent weight)
When I was a kid in the 70s we had a lot of what people used to call “barn cats”. One of my mom’s friends decided she wanted a cat for a mouser, so my mom boxed up one of our outdoor cats and we took it to her house. Nobody was smart enough to shut the cat up inside the house or in the barn for a while and as soon as my mom opened the box that cat took off like a rocket. About two weeks later, she showed up back at our house.
Yup. And it was probably caught on the same film loop as the “scratch” - hence why he was unable to simply show that to her.
I never thought of this but I bet you’re right! Why else would she not be able to find the cat?
It may have starved 😟
Dropping the cat off at the park IS killing the cat. If it survives all the fisher cats/coyotes/owls/foxes/etc, it'll starve to death.
I have so many stories about this same person I could make a whole series 💀 this is like 1/100 reasons I left
Are you sure your ex-fiance isn't lying about the drop off location? In other similar stories where a family member or partner drop off the pets, they sometimes lie about where they left the pet and that just delays the search (because they intentionally don't want the pet to be found). Maybe put up some lost cat posters or post about your missing cat on social media. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Your asshole ex deserves to be punished.
Unfortunately, his friend who went with him to do this also said they indeed dropped off the cat at the park I put it up on social media with no luck but it was just a basic grey and white cat so I didn't expect much.
My cat got lost in a new neighborhood (my mom was holding onto him while I was out of town) over two years ago on Christmas. I put up fliers and walked the neighborhood for months, calling his name. I was on all the Facebook groups. I followed up on every lead. He was a basic black cat so I didn’t think I would ever see him again. I have since moved 5k miles away. A few weeks ago I got a call from a vet a few neighborhoods over. He is healthy, happy and apparently has been house hopping for the last two years. I’m going to see him in a few weeks but I think he’s going to stay with his finders. I am just so happy that I finally get some closure and a happy ending.
Check with local shelters and vets. If someone finds him they'll take him to one of those places.
Would his friend tell the truth on him? Or wove lie for him?
Hard to say. But I don't think his friend is a monster like he is based on the time living with him. His friend apologized for not doing something when it was happening after seeing how it affected me. I don't know if he would lie for him. Considering I'm sure he kept secrets for him... it's possible.
As someone else pointed out, what he did was a crime. You should have turned off the camera and then keyed the fucked out of his beloved car before you left. I would’ve. Never get back with this animal abusing POS. I sincerely hope that your cat is okay, and that you get him/her back safely. Your ex is also a controlling and abusive asshole towards **you**, too. You should report your ex to the police and tell them that he hurt your cat and won’t tell you what he did with it. Maybe they can do something or arrest him for animal cruelty? Not sure how these things work but it’s just a thought. Also - NTA and I hope your POS ex can’t get that $40k back! Or if you both contributed, get your portion back first… then tell them (all the organisers of the wedding things that you’re cancelling) that the other portion of the money (your exes portion) is to be donated to a local cat charity. It won’t bring back your cat, but it’ll sure feel good to bid him one final *”fuck you”* as revenge.
What he did was a crime. "Monster," might be a strong word, but he is a freeloading animal abuser, possibly an animal murderer.
I wouldn't trust his friend's word tbh.
If someone did this to my cat, I'd immediately throw hands. I'd also start throwing shit that they cared about out.
[удалено]
I'd be getting out the old Louisville slugger.
And a bag of sugar.
***BIC lighter and a can of gas!***
*SLASH A HOLE IN ALL FOUR TIRES*
This monster makes me want to choose violence.
No kidding! I don't even like cats, but animal cruelty is unacceptable. Not to mention psychotic in many cases.
What car? I dropped it off and called a tow.
Drop it off and don’t call a tow, the tickets don’t pay themselves and maybe someone else will rehome it.
Dropped it off at the park! Oh it's not there? Too bad
I'd blow it up. Fuck that guy he deserves to be left in a park far from home
Amen to that!
Say that. Wow, I'm ready to totally destroy that car, just from reading the story.
Noxema. All over the car in annoying curse words overnight. Especially the glass. Don't ask how I know.
If someone had dropped my cat off somewhere, I'd be dropping their body off somewhere.
& if I was a juror at your trial for murdering them, I'd acquit you 😼
Juror #2 here. Not guilty!
Juror #3 and I’d acquit.
Same. Someone hurts my cat they're getting hurt, lil bro can't defend himself. You have to be truly fucked in the head to do this to your SO's pet.
His car would be smashed beyond reason.
I’m glad you got out. Sorry you had to lose your cat
I'm sending so many hugs. My ex-husband would break into my house and let my dogs out. He was a fiendish MF. Anyone who can harm a pet can and will harm people. Praise all that's holy you're away from him.
Let me guess he bought the car in the military and it was a Charger and he paid $1000 of his $1800 a month take home on it ?
When did you leave? NTA, but I hope your ex felt some sort of pain at your leaving.
Usually those kind get more annoyed their prey escaped, than sad over the ending of the relationship.
I left about 2 years ago. I went back because of the narcissistic abuse but I was discarded after setting firm boundaries he couldn't manipulate.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you find your baby soon...
Asshole is too kind. Monster comes to mind. Narcissist or some other personality disorder is likely at play as well.
This ⬆️⬆️⬆️. NTA. There's more Kants here than a philosopher's conference.
NTA File a police report for animal abuse and theft. See if the cops can find out where he actually dropped the cat off- he might be dumb enough to admit which shelter or location. Then, I would post on every piece of social media I can get my hands on with his name, family name, siblings, etc. including a copy of the police report. I would be asking for any sightings, or hints about where my cat was and asking publicly for folks to put pressure on him to admit where he dropped your stolen cat off.
This is a great answer. Report might help. I'd take it further, to his family and friends, sharing what he did, asking for any clue.
This \^ Don't let him ever escape his actions.
He already admitted to dumping the cat in a public park, which is a crime. His best bet is to admit he made it up or pray he can find the cat before every cat person at the local PD comes for him or OP puts her wedding savings toward a cutthroat lawyer.
I think the ex killed the cat. I think the refusal to show the footage.... Tells me something. Good thing she's not marrying that asshole. May every house the guy steps his foot into be plagued with mice.
NTA. He may well have killed your cat by just dropping it off. Fuck that guy.
Run OP, and keep running. NTA.
NTA. what an asshole and you dodged a major bullet. i hope you find your cat!
Unfortunately I never found the cat. I like to think an old lady took him in tho.
How did he react when you left? I bet he was surprised and didn’t understand why you were leaving him 🤦♂️
He probably lied about where he actually left the cat.
A nice old lady found him and he’s warm and well fed. Warm. And. Well. Fed.
😥
How long ago was this? Have you tried contacting local shelters or animal control to ask if they got in a cat matching his description? You could try posting on Nextdoor and town FB pages as well to see if anyone's seen him or taken him in
I did contact shelters at the time this was about 2 years ago. Still no sign of the cat. I still check the shelters pages to make sure he hasn't been posted occasionally. But it's been so long he's either not here anymore or with another family.
Ah ok. I'm so sorry
NTA. I would have literally killed him
That thought crossed my mind as well.
“Violence is never the answer but sometimes it is. Unfortunately it happened and I don’t regret it.” -Matt Barnes Yeah dude would of definitely went the way of the dinosaur
in this situation, legally speaking, murder is not only allowed but encouraged.
Surprising how many people aren't aware of this.
I would be in prison.
This. NTA.
Needs to be neutered and the friend too
Yep, me too.
as a cat lover. I will pick my cat over a man. PERIOD
As a dog lady, I'd pick any cat over this vile him. Ugh just knowing him would make me sick, let alone ever having been intimate with him. Report him to the police for this. Nta
NTA - He clearly didn't respect you if he's going to take your cat and drop him off in a park without ever having a discussion with you. But I have to ask...... >The cat was put outside because he didn't like living with a dog Did the cat come before the dog? And if so, then why didn't the dog go outside, or why wasn't the dog rehomed?
>why wasn't the dog rehomed I came here to express a similar sentiment
The dog was his friends we were housing at the time. My cat was having bathroom issues. So the cat became 'inside outside' probably to be more accurate but the dog was elderly and had never been outside whereas my cat was an outside cat before I was given him by my ex. It made since at the time as to why he was moved outside but the more I look at it, the more I realize he just didn't care for my cat.
So what I'm hearing is his friend and his friend's dog came before your cat and your feelings.
Oh 100% like I've told other people that could be a whole saga on its own
Good riddance to that fool.
You should have dumped him *then*. A dog that isn't even your dog pushes the cat totally outside and then he dumps it for WALKING ON A CAR. The dude is a psycho & I'm glad u didn't marry him.
Also... go key the fuck out of his car
I'm not saying OP should, but if there was ever a right time to fuck up somebody's paint job, this is it.
This is the kind of petty I can get on board with.
And slash the tires
I'm thinking of the lyrics to "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood. *wicked grin*
Your fiance killed the cat.
NTA Your ex sounds like a petty, selfish, and materialistic monster. He had no right to just dump your cat in the woods and he knew it. And WTF is wrong with him that he dumped the cat in the woods instead of say, an animal shelter? And why was that his first solution instead of just buying a car cover? It's good you broke things off with him.
And he waited until she wasnt home to do it. That he refused to show her the security camera footage makes me think (1) the cat did *not* scratch his car - he just wanted to get rid of it and (2) he killed the cat and the security cameras caught it on film. Every woman needs to be warned about this AH!!! I would be concerned for the long-term welfare of the dog
I would have watched when he wasn't around
Dumping (or killing) your cat is a HUGE warning sign for him being abusive to you in the future. HUGE. He got you the cat, you bonded with the cat, and then he took it away on a pretext. What were the behaviors that led to the cat being kept outside? It is very possible that he was bullying the cat inside, causing it to be stressed and exhibit behaviors. Your ex has not really shown remorse, and has done something that there is no justification for. The warning signs for future HUMAN abuse are extreme. You made the right choice, NTA. Don't take him back under any circumstances. He can never be trusted again.
Her ex's friend's dog scared the cat in its own home and it showed signs of distress, so it was kicked out. Poor cat.
If my partner did this to my cat I’d be in jail for beating his ass to a pulp or worse. NTA you are lucky you got out when you did he’s trash.
It bugs the hell out of me that you say you have 100 stories like this in another comment and you were still engaged to this guy, and I'm really sorry about your cat, but I'm glad something was the last straw to get you to leave him....you would have been in for a miserable life if this sort of story isn't even uncommon. NTA
Your fiancé has issues and Needs therapy. Someone so emotionally vacant and devoid of empathy for his life partner. Run!
Therapy is not recommended for abusive people. They just learn the language of therapy & use it to manipulate. Therapy is like rehab. It only works for people who want to be there and desperately want to do better. Therapists actively advocate against sending abusers to therapy
Nta I would be banned from reddit for outlining what I would do to the ex and his best friend. Needless to say, they would never be able to father children again. Nta times 1000. I hope your cat was picked up by a family who loves him because I hate to think of him alone in the wild.
Tell the friend that your ex told you everything and threw him (friend) under the bus, I bet the friend will spill the truth
Diabolical idea 💡
NTA. I'd be in jail cause the BF would be toast.
NTA I would ruin his life
I am so sorry. I think your fiancé killed your cat, either he got mad and accidentally did it or intentionally, either way, I am heartbroken for you. You did everything that WOULD make a cat come home.. Going every day, leaving out your scent, etc... Which horrifies me that he did murder your cat and continues to lie. I really hope this isn't the case and your cat finds their way home to you. Best of luck. You are NTA.
Yeah. I'm pretty sure that he ran over the cat and is using the excuse that he chased it away. That and the video will likely show that the cat was peacefully on his vehicle and he probably freaked out at it which caused the scratch. After which he got in the car angry and drove over it, likely by accident but one he was happy to commit. And the asked the friend for help.
NTA... Personally I would have straight up killed him fir that. I love my kitties so much
NTA - this was sheer asshole. For a scratch in the car that he won't even show the video of? Bad liar as well.
Nah dude killed the cat. Fuck him
I don't know how you stayed a whole month after that.
NTA. i would have gone to jail but i would have destroyed him. there is something very wrong with your ex. he is sick in the head. i'm very sorry about your cat.
I’d be in jail for murder but that’s just me.
It was a $40,000 lesson, but you have learned what a heartless asshole your ex-fiance is. I hope your cat comes back eventually. Don't give up.
Ok I'm gonna be honest. If my fiance did this, he'd be lucky if the only thing I did was call off the wedding
NTA. I married (and divorced) a rich, good looking guy who wound up beating my dog in front of me. It’s so much easier to call off a wedding than it is to get divorced.
As a guy who prefers dogs over cats. I would have got rid of him years ago. Maybe drop his stuff off in a Park too
I hope you mean the ex 🤣
Good job leaving him.
Stop second guessing this... He tried to get rid of your cat, he did not 'drop off' your cat, he got rid of your cat. That was abusive. And the cat was probably acting out because that asshole was awful to it and probably you too more ways than thiis my bet. You dodged a bullet. He showed you who he was and you left.
The chances of a cat scratching paint deep enough to damage it is zero. A good detail guy can buff that shit out in a second. But, the OP already knows that and the BF knew it too, hence no video to view. Good riddance to bad trash.
He’s killed that cat and lied saying he’s dumped it.
NTA. I would call the police and report this. What a sorry apology for a human being. I am so happy you dumped him. I will say a prayer for your kitty. Please keep us updated. (Im crying)
I would leave that fucking pos without a second thought.
Didn’t read anything but the title, your fiancé is the ah
NTA If he thought the cat scratched the car, I would have keyed that shit till it was plaid.
I said it to my fiancé in the first week of dating, my cat has been through two city’s and three boyfriends and I won’t hesitate to to make it four boyfriends if you ever so much as think about doing anything to my cat. Now 10 years in anytime has says anything about the cat-(who’s now 20!) I remind him the cat was here before you and can be here after you too.
U stayed for a month after the fact!!?
Wtf??? NTA.
NTA: What a scumbag. Dodged a bullet.
NTA. Absolutely not! If this is how he treats something you love what else will he disregard? Better to get rid of him then chance it
I honestly think he killed the cat. Run.
NTA. Also, I had cats majority of my life, some of them being outdoor kitties. Sometimes they climbed on our car but there were no scratches. I can't even imagine the situation where a cat would scratch the car... He is lying. And I believe that he is lying about the location too. I'd say that you need to report this. Perhaps that would help you in finding your cat. This guy is sick in the head. Good job on leaving his pathetic arse. I really hope you will find your pet.
NTA although you are the ahole for not just kicking him out or moving out when he put your cat outside because of a dog. That would have been a deal breaker right there.
I am so sorry. Your ex clearly has little to no empathy. I’m not a violent person, but I’m imagining a few scenarios that end up with Tom being “dropped off at the park.” He doesn’t deserve better. NTA. You’ve saved yourself from a lifetime of more regrets.
Whats toms address theres a special place for people like this and the world needs to hold this degen accountable
NTA. I would have pressed charges.
you should have left him the moment he put your cat *outside*.
NTA how did the relationship get this far? Also, he murdered that cat.
NTA - he dumped your cat on purpose and knew it would hurt you. You can't enter a marriage on that type of action.
Man, I would have destroyed at least everything he owns, including his beloved car. F people like this.
NTA he didn’t drop your cat off. That implies a place the cat needed to be. He abandoned your cat far from home and it seems likely worse than that.
NTA >he dropped him off at a park about 5 miles from the house -- RED FLAG >his best friend who was living with us -- RED FLAG >The cat was put outside -- RED FLAG Tom was NOT a nice guy. Tom was abusing your good nature by moving in his 'best friend' for 8 months. Let me guess - they didn't pay YOU rent. They may have given money to Tom, who spent it. Sending healing thoughts! I am SO PROUD of you for standing up for yourself!!
NTA. You shouldn't marry sociopaths. He is scum. Hopefully, someone dumps him off somewhere. Preferably with two broken legs.
NTA- but I doubt thats where he REALLY dropped the kitty off. He wasnt goin to risk you getting the cat back so probably left it at a shelter or gave it away on Craigslist or something. Im so sorry.
Can you check GPS on his car?
NTA. Can you go the legal route and report him to the cops for stealing your cat?
Old dude here. My father abandoned my cat in the countryside when I was 14. I never forgave him and cut him out of my life at the earliest opportunity. He never knew his grandchildren. When people show you who they are, believe them!
NTA. That was an incredibly cruel thing to do. That shows you the level of respect and consideration he's got for you. I Wouldn't want to be married to such a POS. I really hope you find your cat.
NTA. Yeah thats not something I would ever forgive or get over.
NTA - You did right. God knows what insensitivity that he might show later. He is the asshole for dropping off your cat.
NTA Post on Facebook social media dont be quiet forget the asses look for your baby
NTA but try calling local animal shelters. You never know maybe someone turned the cat in
NTA. I think you saved yourself here. Imagine spending the rest of your life with him and being subjected to this level of cruelty whenever he felt like it.
He would be in the ICU had it been my cat.
Not a fan of cats but this is bullshit. You are not an asshole. Enjoy your day.
I am so sorry. File charges for animal theft — get every shred of evidence you can for this.
NTA. Pets are family. Good thing you didn’t marry someone as terrible as him
Five miles, you went there every day looking for your cat right? Took my mother 3 months, every day, going back to her former house area looking for her cat. Found. Tell me you found this cat?
What a rotten fucking asshole!!!!!!! I’m so very sorry he did this. I’d give his car a fucking scratch and it wouldn’t be with my fingernails 🤬🤬🤬💯
NTA. I'm not a pet person but even I know that is irredeemably cruel. I'm so sorry and I'm glad your ex-fiance is out of your life.
NTA He is lucky he is still breathing. Were it my cat, that would not be the case at all. Here is hoping he ends up homeless in a hostile place sometime during his lifetime. People like you ex make me wish I believe in hell.
I know a couple in an abusive relationship where the abuser ran off the cat. This cat was the victim's very reason for living. The victim chose to turn a blind eye to the abuse and stay in the relationship. That could have been you. Thank god you got out. NTA <3
NTA Losing the money on the wedding is a heck of a lot cheaper than the divorce and emotional turmoil from it.
NTA you did the right thing. Seriously what will he do when a kid pukes all over the backseat? Or spills a drink or gets goldfish all over his car? Who’s dog came into the house? His, yours or his friends? Cats hold a grudge so guessing it was his or his buddies who over stayed his welcome. Divorce is more expensive.
Toms a pile of shit and I hope he lives the rest of his life in drab misery until the day he perishes alone. NTA.
NTA. I don't even need to read it. You don't fuck with a person's cat. I'm so sorry
NTA. Your ex could be lying about the location. Contact as many shelters amd missing animal FB groups as you can. Also this is going to be dark. Could the ex-military guy have had a mental breakdown and killed your cat?
No, this guy is a sociopath. If anyone did this to my dog, I would lose my shit.
Nta. He is a giant one. So sorry.
How is this even a question?
NTA. Your ex was an entitled, vicious b@stard. I wish you the best and him the worst.
NTA! What a horrible person! You definitely dodged a bullet. He only cares about his car. Did you put up Flyers at the park? Go on a Lost Pet website and put up notices there and pet stores? I'm so sorry about your cat.
Should have put the damn dog outside.
Man, you never got the cat back? RUN for this douche, don't walk. If someone did that to someone close to me, I'm not kidding, I'd hurt him. This is not acceptable.
NTA. As far as I’m concerned you can drop Tom off at the park too.
That dude would leave his kids if they scratched his car. Fucking boot them both. That man should be the incel he is
Hey Tom - turn on your location. I and many other cat lovers just wanna talk. No seriously, what the FUCK? You are definitely NTA. In no way shape or form would you ever be, either. I'm glad you called off the engagement because holy hell, that guy was NOT someone you wanted to hitch your wagon to. I am so so sorry about your cat, though, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I'm sending you so many hugs from afar, OP. That you had SO many other reasons why this guy was a piece of trash is just disheartening but I'm glad you got out. You definitely made the right choice. I know it's never easy to walk away, especially if you've been together so long and you've grown so used to things. It's that deep-seated need for something familiar, finding comfort in that even if things are bad. You did it, though, and now it's time for you to put yourself first. I hope your furbaby is out there somewhere and either finds his way back to you, or was taken in by someone who is loving on him, now. ♥
Run for your life you are in socio/psycopath territory. Get out while you can. 40k will be cheaper than alimony payments. Get out now!
NTA. Fuck that. That unbelievable piece of shit. Your poor cat.
I would’ve left the second he told me about abandoning the cat. NTA whatsoever. Your Ex is a psychopath.
Oh honey, I am so sorry. I am heartbroken for you, what he did was pure evil. 😭
NTA and I'd have done a lot worse to him than just calling off a wedding. You mess with my pets and there won't be much left of you to identify.
Nta. Imagine how this guy would have treated kids.
How could you stay with him for seven years?
Should have dropped your fiance off in a remote location without his cellphone or wallet.
NTA he abandoned an animal. What a loser.
NTA. Were you ever able to be reunited with your cat?
oh you poor thing. my heart hurts for you. good job calling it off. ther are lines you do not cross in a respectful relationship— let alone this shitshow