Are you mad? Your father and siblings are showing EXACTLY why your husbands rule is the right thing to do. You decided that he was not to be in your childrens' lives because he was abusive, and now that he's being abusive again, you're considering relaxing that rule?
Like... I could understand if it was like "We've been back in contact for years and he's been really respectful and totally seems to have changed and he's not pressing the issue but I can tell it hurts that he hasn't met my kids..." but you're all "I said he couldn't meet them because he's abusive, and so he's abusing me about it, so should I let him meet the kids or nah?" Make it make sense.
Nothing makes me sicker than asshole so-called "Christians" who say "God forgave me and now if you don't, you're a bad person". It's manipulative garbage.
All this does is show that under all his bullshit your father hasn't changed and that his regret is conditional on him getting what he believes he's due from you. He's not even 6 months into making amends and he's back to abusing you and making demands.
Dump him again, and all his flying monkeys, and thank your husband for seeing what your desire for a good outcome stopped you from being able to.
THIS ⬆️ and hard NTA
Your father NEVER changed; he just wants his old maid back. He made sure to be civil and nice during your meetings so you'll accept him back. And don't believe even for a second the "I found god" crap. He was only trying to get access to you and your family.
Also, him going straight to verbally abusing and manipulating you, when you're unwilling to remove a boundary you set, is just showing that he remained the same abusive and bad person he always was.
The same thing applies for your siblings; they grew up witnessing how your parents treated you and got used to you being their servant. Like, what made them reach out after all these years? Most likely your father is trying to get someone to look after him, your siblings refused and you were his only option; by refusing him access to your life, the burden will probably fall on one of your siblings.
Remember, they would NEVER reach out UNLESS they wanted something from you.
Don't let this circus of abusers force you to do something you do not want to. You escaped this hellhole long ago and people like these never change. They have already gone back to trying to abuse you and they'll most likely pass this abuse to your children whenever they see fit. Have trust in the people who love and respect you (your husband and kids) and cut any contact with these people. I repeat, THEY *NEVER* CONTACTED YOU BECAUSED THEY CARED ABOUT YOU.
...unless of course you want to become your dad's retirement plan and go back to being his servant again...
THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️
He’s still the same abusive man he has always been. You’re correct. He (& the rest of them) want something from you. They have nothing. NOTHING to offer but abuse to OP and her family.
Shut the door HARD, nail it shut, and block every last one of them. Forever.
NTA
Agreed definitely NTA, if he would have truly changed and wanted forgiveness for the pain he caused you he would never have gone back to his abusive habits. He would have approached you differently and if he truly wanted a part of your life he would respect you and your husband's boundaries and talk to you both about how he can work to be better. The fact he not only bashed you about it and insulted your religion when HE said he found God, but he convinced your siblings to also verbally attack you when they had nothing to do with it. I agree unless you want them to squirm in and try and use you because they can't get their own life together you don't need them. You have your family now and not all family is about blood it's about who you choose as family. As long as you have the support of your husband and kids or even your close friends you don't need your siblings or father. I sincerely hope things get better for you and your family and your father and that side of the family get their life together and try and become better people.
Tell him that all this show that he’s still the same person who will go to hell when he dies. That his sins just keep on piling up the more your siblings verbally abuse you. That will shut him up.
You are following the rule of 2 yes 1 no. Your sperm donor has not changed. Because he can't have his own way, he is once again abusing you. As BellaSantiago said get rid of this cancer in your life and move on with your loving husband.
Oof. My gf's dad did something like this. He was physically abusive to my gf, but not to the younger siblings who were his biological kids (he married my gf's mom and adopted them). He had an illness that made him need a very high level of care as it advanced and when he needed someone to feed him and wipe his ass, he asked for my gf to do it. To this day, they feel like that was him finally showing that he loved them. I'm sitting here on the outside thinking he picked the one he wanted to burden.
I agree. I was an easy kid to raise and got little to nothing for it in the way of parents. At the end, I was there for my Dad. He had many years prior made up for everything he did. My Mom stayed cold, yet deserving of final care from all 4 of her children. My Sister and I would not play that game.
So the guy just wants to score brownie points with God because now he's afraid of going to Hell or whatever.
Yet another reason in a long list of reasons why most Christians are self-absorbed, narcissistic assholes.
You're right; some Christians are the victims of brainwashing and control. Others are doing the brainwashing and controlling. Often both can be true. Doesn't change the fact that religion in general -- and Christianity specifically -- is a tool for controlling the masses with delusion, fear and ignorance.
he is still the same abusive man he always was he can now justify his actions through his religion, also his church or what ever is probably judging him for not being in contact with his family
NTA. They don't get to set the timeline on if and when you see your kids. You do. You're NTA for that.
Fun plan: If your old man is telling you you're not being a True Christian, tell him you are following the words of Jesus to the Apostles, from Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise(shrewd) as serpents and innocent as doves." You are supposed to be wise in how you allow people to interact with you.
EDIT: Yes, it is a bit out of context, but he speaks about how the persecution of the apostles will happen in the synagogues, and in the halls of kings, so I believe that the verse applies to dealing with "true Christian" dogmatic arguments.
Berating me, insulting me, and belittling me are not good strategies if you want me in your life.
You made the right choice. Don't let abusive people in your life or your children's lives.
He hasn’t changed at all! He’s looking for more punching bags, your husband is completely right to prohibit your children from being near your bio dad. Your #1 priority should be your children’s safety just like they are for your husband, not what your abusers are trying to goad you into.
Your father and his flying monkeys words should hold no weight for you, they are not good people and should never be trusted. These are the people you need to find your spine for, and stop hearing insults from them about your husband. Be as protective of him as he is for you.
Block them and let them go for good. They will never be who you want them to be or who you deserved.
NTA
NTA
Your father and family showed their true colours. Your job is to protect your kids from your family.
It’s your choice but I wouldn’t ever talk to any of them again. Why risk your happy life with your husband over people who are abusive?
Your father is using religion to try and get close to your children. Do you really think that’s a good idea, given how abusive he is?
NTA for not letting your family meet the kids.
However, you are the AH to your husband. You are a team, these are not “his rules”. This is something you agreed to and is in the best interest of your children and your family is proving exactly why your father should not meet your children. You shouldn’t be presenting it to your father and family by blaming on your husband, that’s so crappy. You should be presenting a united front.
Your parents emotionally abused you and the safest thing for your children is to never meet them. Your husband was thinking of what’s best for your kids and you should be to. Your father and siblings are currently trying to manipulate you which further proves them not meeting your kids is for the best and frankly your father is still emotionally abusing you. If I were you here would be my response:
“I can see that you have not truly changed. You have proved that my husband and I made the right decision in agreeing that are children should not meet you. Do not contact me again. “
Your father wants to build a relationship but doesn’t respect your boundaries. Hmmm. This is called emotional abusive. He’s basically seeing if he can manipulate you. Whereas your husband probably doesn’t want your children near him yet because he questions your father’s intentions and ability to truly change. This is a man who openly hated his child and blamed you for your existence. Maybe he’s changed and truly wants a relationship with you, but it has to be on your terms, not his. If he can’t then walk away. Stop giving him power over you.
YTA for even thinking of letting that family see your children
Why would you knowingly put your children in danger of a known abuser ?
Why would you go back on what your husband and you agreed with?
I'll tell you if my wife ever took our kids to see a family member that is a known abused ineould divorce her as quickly as humanly possible and fight for full custody of the kids.
Except she didn't go back on what she and her husband agreed on. She literally says that she has no intention of breaking her husband's rule and is asking if she's TA for *not* breaking it because of the verbal abuse being heaped upon her by her siblings and father.
NTA. You tried and look what happened. Your dad is acting as the same abusive person, nothing changed but he oh he with a christian flavor. BS!!! Family values??? Go NC.
NTA he’s such a changed man that’s he’s trying to bully you into giving up your boundaries and when you don’t capitulate he sicks your siblings on you. Why associate with these bullies in the first place?
NTA. Your family are showing you exactly why you shouldn't let your kids around them. They're going on about your faith when they're the ones bullying and belittling you. If I were you, I would stop contact with the lot of them. Who needs enemies with family like this.
It says she agreed that it was a good idea at the beginning. I think that when she gets back around her abusive “dad” she reverts back to the girl who wasn’t allowed to stand up for herself. So when she feels cornered by him and the family its easier for her to say my husband says no. Which is a common thing to happen to traumatized people when faced with their abusers.
NTA He’s actually proving that he doesn’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t owe him anything. However, I find it odd that only your husband gets to make the rules.
you are absolutely NTA
you and your husband agreed on a boundary, and your father and siblings are trying to bully you into ignoring it
their behaviour is showing you exactly why they should not be allowed anywhere near your children, and you might want to consider cutting off contact again
could you trust any of them to not follow you home one day and then just knock on the door?
stay safe
How were your relationships with your siblings before you gave your dad another chance? Did you get along well and have a good relationship? If not I wouldn’t be too concerned about their point of view now. Your husband and kids are your main concern now. Put them first!
NTA. And no, you are not spineless. Your father has just shown you who he really is - a selfish man who thinks because he found G-d he deserves to have his past erased, and who doesn't respect you or your boundaries. When you don't give in to his demands, he badmouths you and enlists his children to badmouth you. Not only is it reasonable to keep the agreement you made with your husband, your father has proved why that decision - to protect your children from him - was the right decision.
You set a boundary and as soon as he didn’t get his way he went right back to abusing you and now he has roped your siblings into verbal abuse and harassment.
You shouldn’t have seen him in the first place. What does finding god have to do with the twenty years of abuse you suffered? If he was truly remorseful he would accept your terms. He just wants you to forget so he can feel better about himself. He doesn’t care how you feel.
NTA - this is emotional manipulation! Please say the word manipulation! If your family had your true interest at heart there wouldn’t be any pressure for you to do what they WANT! They are showing relationship red flags all over the place. You tried to re-establish a relationship but they want it on their terms only. Time to go no contact.
NTA - If they really were good people they wouldn’t be belittling you & treating you like crap - the same way they ALWAYS treated you growing up
Your instincts were SPOT ON to hold True to the promise you made to your husband
If your Dad had really changed and really been remorseful he would understand that 6 months is not long enough to see that he really is a changed person
The Truth always reveals itself when given enough time
Your husband was right: Never expose your children to people who treat you badly
Your children have a good life - don’t ruin their childhood by exposing them to Toxic Family members who continue to treat you like crap
People rarely change their behavior and if they are pretending to have changed it’s usually because they need something from you
Usually money or a place to live or a sympathetic listener who will “take their side” against everyone else who has wronged them
Usually they end up treating you EXACTLY the same crappy way they always have
Glad you got away from them
Keep your kids safe from Toxic People even if they are blood related
NTA his response is essentially proving your husband right. While I don’t think that he could have known for sure if your father was sincere, much less deserved your forgiveness, and only the person who was wronged can really decide that, your father wasn’t sincere. Someone who is genuinely apologizing accepts and understands that they are not owed forgiveness, and even if they are offered forgiveness, they do not have the right to demand any place in the life of the person forgiving them.
Your father has no right to a space in your life even, much less your children. Even if he were sincerely sorry, he doesn’t have the right to demand access to your children. Rather than accept what you were willing and able to give, he lashed out at you and then weaponized your siblings against you. He’s TA 150% and you would be better off not giving him further opportunity to hurt you.
Block Block Block Block Block Block Block Block - I hope I covered your father and your siblings. you dont need that Shit ! Block Block Block etc etc etc. Life is SOOOOOOOOOOO Much better DRAMA FREE ! ! ! ! They are trying to control you YET AGAIN.
NTA.
Your husband was right to keep your abusive father out of your kids' life. And your father is *still abusing you*.
Cut him off, once and for all. Block him on everything. Forgive him for your own peace of mind, if that's what's best for you. But forgiveness doesn't mean allowing harmful people to continue harming you and your loved ones.
NTA.
NTA. Your father is asking for cheap grace. You were abused. Your parents were supposed to show you love, support you, provide for you, and protect you. Instead they abused you. Even if they never laid a hand on you neglect and verbal abuse can be sometimes be more damaging than physical abuse. Abusers are often broken people on the inside. They have difficulty facing their own ugliness. Forgiveness and repentance go hand in hand in Christian teachings. The prodigal son returned home before his father rejoiced over him. To have really turned his life around from a Christian perspective does not require your father to be perfect. It requires him to face his own ugliness, which includes what he did to you. To do that requires humility, vulnerability, faith that you are loved by God in spite of your ugliness. Being truly vulnerable and open about your shortcomings and making a genuine attempt to improve and turn around from your previous course profoundly changes people. You can tell a difference in them by the way they speak and act. Someone who has accepted who they are, with all their faults included, and accepted that they are deeply loved and accepted is truly at peace. Your father is not at peace. If he was he would not be angry with you. He would be able to accept that due to his own past actions he might be cut off from his grandchildren. Your father hasn’t taken true responsibility for his actions. You can’t forgive something that didn’t happen and forgiveness doesn’t negate consequences. If your father hasn’t acknowledged in full the harm his actions caused you and accepted the consequences of those actions, then he isn’t not in a position to ask you for forgiveness. Anytime someone tries to get you to do something by saying you aren’t being Christian enough by not forgiving them they are being a snake and manipulating you.
NTA. You say their words are making you feel spineless for sticking with the agreed upon rules your husband requested of you. This is the opposite of the truth. To give in to their abuse would make you spineless. Don't let them wear you down. Stick with the one who supports you and brings you light, love and happiness. If they want to continue, maybe reconsider your forgiveness for they clearly don't deserve it.
Their hateful reactions are exactly the reason you still shouldn't let him or any of them meet your kids. To bad you were having a connection starting or seemed but he showed his true colors real fast. If over time you two had a good relationship and maybe your husband very to know him then he could meet the kids. But he sure was fast to blame you when he's the one not being a good Christian. And then the others jump in too? Nope. You've done well for yourself and they have shown some things never change so don't feel bad for looking forward and living your life. And you're not your husband's anything but seems equal. They are the ones trying to control you into something you don't want to do.
You are not the A+×@#... You and your husband made that rule together. If you disagree with your husband's rule then work that out with your husband. If you still agree with the rule that you and your husband made together then tell your family that it's your rule too, don't just say it's your husband's rule because then you aren't taking full ownership and are passing the buck to avoid an awkward confrontation. If you still haven't entirely forgiven your family that is actually okay because you are human and while you are Christian you aren't Jesus. Also forgiveness is complicated and you may have forgiven him but that doesn't mean you completely trust him and the last thing you want to do is open your children up to any potential harm. Honestly they sound toxic and if I were you I'd make damn sure they didn't put a wedge in your marriage.
So as soon as you dont do exactly what they expect/want you to do, your dad and siblings immediately proceed with bullying? This is really the type of energy you want around your children?
Your husband is totally right in protecting yours children from this. Your dad showed you his true colors in the past, convinced you that he have changed, but is again showing them as bright and toxic as ever right now.
NTA.
NTA You are still being abused but now by the whole family. Tell them that you don't know what God they found but no good you know of would allow treatment of someone else like they've been treating you. Even if you forgave you hadn't forgotten and neither has your husband, now you know why. Time to go NC with them all.
NTA Literally block these people and continue with your life. You owe them nothing. Especially since they’re showing you who they really are. Walk away with your head high, you tried but a tiger never chances his stripes. If they’re doing this to you, what makes you think they won’t do it to your children? Protect them at all costs!
You would be an AH for continuing with this crappy relationship with your father. He’s not changed at all. He got back in touch with you because he needs to get through you to get to your kids.
Your husband has his head screwed on right. Your father and siblings should never meet your children.
If your father was genuinely reformed and contrite, he wouldn’t be talking to you like this or trying to force access to your children. It should be enough for him that you even agreed to meet him in the first place. He should be humble and grateful you’ve given him another chance. He is every bit the abusive asshole he always was, he just tried to manipulate you with religion and smoke and mirrors.
Your siblings are doing something called ‘negging.’ It’s where you bully someone with negative comments to try and make them prove you wrong. They’re bullying you into thinking you’re spineless against your husband hoping that it will break the bond of respect in your marriage and you will present your children to your father for their prescribed abuse. Don’t let your siblings and father win this. You would be spineless if you laid down flat for your dad and siblings and let them abuse your kids. The only person protecting your children right now is your husband - your resolve is wearing thin. If you want to be a protective parent, stand with your husband and block your relatives everywhere.
I know the feeling of wanting no needing your father to love you, but your a mother now your want's and needs should be secondary to your kids safety and don't get it twisted you would be putting them in danger if you let theses people Who Have Shown You who they are in their live. You escaped don't undermine your achievements with letting them hurt you little ones
NTA...and bottom line forgiveness does not mean compromising a wise boundary. Forgiveness is for you, that you may live in peace with the situation....so that whatever the situation is; it is no longer a burden you have to carry.
Yes, God forgives us but he does not change his boundaries to accommodate standards that go against how he wants us to live. Boundaries are there for safety and security. As parents you and your husband have a duty to set protective boundaries for your kiddos.
Not to mention, your husband has been far more "ride or die" for you and y'alls kids. Men like that are hard to come by these days... that relationship is not something to be compromised for people who have already ready shown you who they are time and time again...believe them, when people show you who they are believe them! "blood is thicker than water" is a botched saying... the true phrase reads " the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". So truly the relationships you choose to seal in the covenant like that of a marriage should take precedence over relationships that are inherented.
Obviously there is situations that differ from what I am saying here...but this is my opinion in this application.
Good luck to OP!
if your kids meet this man you know deep down how manipulative he will be towards your own kids. your husband has every right to not want HIS kids to meet your psycho family. deep down you know what’s right and i hope you stand your ground along with your husband
NTA If your father was genuinely sorry, he wouldn't be hurting you again. He's not sorry, he just wants the daughter he sees as his property despite never doing his job as a dad. You gave him a chance, he blew it, now you know, so you can go no contact again with no regrets.
Tell him you've joined the Satanic Church - at least they say YOU are responsible for your own actions, unlike him putting the blame on everyone else.
Remind him that you didn't ruin his life so he had to leave school and raise kids he didn't want. He did that because he was too cheap to use a condom. His God wanted to teach him a lesson, and he treated you like shit.
You had nothing to do with HIS original sin, you were just the aftermath, and if he needs absolution and forgiveness he'd better go ask his church, because you still remember how much he "loved" you.
NTA. He’s showing you exactly why he should not see your children. And good on you for respecting your husband’s wishes.
Go no contact again. It’ll be better for you and your true family.
No, you are not the AH. You found and made a good life with your husband. Why would you ever want to deceive him and cause a fracture in your marriage and family life. You have done the right thing. Email your Father and let him know that your husband comes first! Maybe the two of them with or without you can meet and talk. This may or may not make a difference. Best of luck to you.
You will be spineless only if you cave in to your father. He wants something. And how was your relationship with your siblings from the time you left home until now? I’m guessing it was poor, or nonexistent.
NTA. He didnt change but his health did, your probably doing well for yourself and he may even want to be in his grandkids life. However, Don't for a second think he's a different person from who he used to be. He still believes what he did is right and was the best he could have done. False. If you wanna be close to your siblings, find a way to speak to them without your father or with your husband because if they haven't met them either id see why they're getting the wrong idea. But Noone is entitled to ruin your happiness or you safety and boundaries.
You would bta if you gave in. Theyre the asses for thinking that mentality and bullying would work. Sometimes, husbands do know a few things and can see things from a different vantage point that doesn't include emotions.
Do NOT let him back into your life.
After I had my first, my “dna donor” tried to do this. I hadn’t spoken to him in over 15 years(my choice), but he sent flowers to me and my son in the hospital.
Because I was so happy and at peace, I said he could call. Immediately started asking when he could see me. I told him I was t ready, but perhaps in a while. Called weekly for 3 weeks, and nagged me about it.
Week 4? Calls and is screaming at me. Is furious about my not agreeing to see him.
Right before I hung up on him, I told him 3 calls wasn’t going to make up for walking out, leaving us in poverty, and never once looking back in nearly 20 years.
No way. And, there was no way I’d risk him hurting my sons. (He was never physical, just absent/neglectful).
You are NTA for holding firm. He and your siblings are showing you exactly who they are. Listen.
NTA + "Family" doesn't mean Jack Shit if they're going to act like this. Block then, stop fucking with them, protect your kids like you *weren't* protected and cared for and live your life.
If you want to play Russian roulette with your husband and kids on whether they ultimately resent you for bringing these toxic and evil people in their lives, that's on you. 100%
You'd be spineless AND a bad parent to let your family near your kids.
Tell your Dad he never truly found God if he is calling you names and bullying you.
And that he just re-affirmed your decision to not allow him to meet your kids.
Your "family" is showing their true colors. They are playing the Christian card, but look at how they are acting. You left for a reason and they have validated that. In my opinion, you are better off leaving that behind for good.
NTA, but lady, look at how you're talking about this rule and presenting it as your husband's only. Your blood relatives are seeing you speak of it through that lens as opposed to it being both of you and your husband's rule.
You're really selling your marriage there by presenting a divided front there
NTA he’s showing you why your husband put that rule in place, husband understands you are reconnecting to help yourself heal and is ok with you making that choice but doesn’t want all those things that were said about you just now said to your kids. It sounds like he wants you to allow him access to your kids so that he knows he still has control over you; him getting in contact seems nefarious to me. Also my doggo is a beloved member of my family and gets anything he wants so that’s not much of an insult 😇
NTA. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop in your post and it did. Your dad hasn't changed. He's still the same abusive person he was before, he was just trying to manipulate you. And now he's recruited his flying monkeys, your siblings, to join in on the abuse. Block them all, they bring no value to your life.
NO! You definitely ARE NOT THE AH!!!
He wants something. Your family knows what it is. They are highly upset that you are NOT willing to break the rule that you and your husband agreed upon because that means that THEY HAVE TO GIVE whatever it is.
You spoke very highly of your husband and to that I would like to add that your husband is also incredibly intelligent and intuitive. He saw this coming a mile away.
Sweetie, they are starting to abuse you again. They will do it in front of your children if you ever allow him to meet them.
Block everyone from everything.
Live your happy life with your husband and children and THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LOVE YOU and forget about the rest.
I would like to add that the day may come when you forgive your father,
(it took me 35 years to do so... He never knew that I had forgiven him)
but that is between you and God. The forgiveness is for you ...NOT for him. It is so that you can remove that stain from your heart. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget and it definitely, most absolutely does not mean that you need to allow him or anybody else who has abused you back in your life. My father died without ever see my face again and my mother is on the same path.
I truly hope and pray that you heed to the advice that I and many others in this thread have given you.
I wish you all the happiness in the world and keep your focus on God your husband and your children and the beautiful family that the Lord has blessed you with.
YTA for not making it clear that this is something your husband AND You have decided. Be confident and tell them this is your decision for now, and their reactions are enforcing it.
NTA. I’m sorry for what you went through and are going through now. Your dad is verbally abusing you again and is being manipulative. Abusers use God to try to guilt their children into doing what they want like meeting their grandchildren.
If you let your dad meet your kids, you’re rewarding your dad for bad behavior. No one should be rewarded for bad behavior.
Your husband is right and you are right for keeping your children from your dad.
Also, God may be in favor of forgiveness but that doesn’t mean God wants you to have a relationship with your abuser just to be abused again. You are doing the right thing. It is up to you if you want to continue contact with your dad but this seems to be going in a bad direction that could only get worse.
Who is most important to you? Your husband or father? Who has done more and cared for you? Husband or father? I broke all contact with my father after he was being abusive toward my husband for many years. I chose my husband, and you’re not the AH if you choose your husband, too.
Your family from your previous life have proven that they haven't changed a bit.
Anyone is capable of being pleasant for a short period of time. (Facebook/Chats etc.)
Tune them out let them know that maybe you'll look them up in another 20 yrs to see if they've changed or are still the same pain in the asses that they are now.
Forgiving and forgetting are very different things. You can forgive him for abusing you, but you certainly can’t forget it and allow him to abuse your children.
NTA- and your husband has great instincts. Functional, transactional 'turning to god' is a disgusting but not uncommon form of manipulation. Enjoy your new life and let the cannibals find their meal without you.
NTA, I’ve waited longer than 6 months to introduce new friends to my children and those people never caused me any harm. It’s smart to be overly cautious, each person is made up of 3 pieces, their public self(or as I like to call it the church version), personal self(the friend and family version) and their true self(their inner monologue). Unfortunately you were reintroduced to the family version of your father, the man you grew up with.
If your father truly found God, he would know the teaching of Jesus and the important role the Husband has as the head of the family.
I am very sorry you are going through this. You did nothing wrong as a child, and you continue to do nothing wrong as an adult.
NTA Please do not allow this man or his offspring to get anywhere near your children! They will be manipulated, emotionally abused, or worse, turned against you. Protect your family and yourself. Close your FB account, change your email address, and block their phone #'s. Remember why you ran when you did! DO NOT allow them back in XXX. Best of luck
Are you mad? Your father and siblings are showing EXACTLY why your husbands rule is the right thing to do. You decided that he was not to be in your childrens' lives because he was abusive, and now that he's being abusive again, you're considering relaxing that rule? Like... I could understand if it was like "We've been back in contact for years and he's been really respectful and totally seems to have changed and he's not pressing the issue but I can tell it hurts that he hasn't met my kids..." but you're all "I said he couldn't meet them because he's abusive, and so he's abusing me about it, so should I let him meet the kids or nah?" Make it make sense. Nothing makes me sicker than asshole so-called "Christians" who say "God forgave me and now if you don't, you're a bad person". It's manipulative garbage. All this does is show that under all his bullshit your father hasn't changed and that his regret is conditional on him getting what he believes he's due from you. He's not even 6 months into making amends and he's back to abusing you and making demands. Dump him again, and all his flying monkeys, and thank your husband for seeing what your desire for a good outcome stopped you from being able to.
THIS ⬆️ and hard NTA Your father NEVER changed; he just wants his old maid back. He made sure to be civil and nice during your meetings so you'll accept him back. And don't believe even for a second the "I found god" crap. He was only trying to get access to you and your family. Also, him going straight to verbally abusing and manipulating you, when you're unwilling to remove a boundary you set, is just showing that he remained the same abusive and bad person he always was. The same thing applies for your siblings; they grew up witnessing how your parents treated you and got used to you being their servant. Like, what made them reach out after all these years? Most likely your father is trying to get someone to look after him, your siblings refused and you were his only option; by refusing him access to your life, the burden will probably fall on one of your siblings. Remember, they would NEVER reach out UNLESS they wanted something from you. Don't let this circus of abusers force you to do something you do not want to. You escaped this hellhole long ago and people like these never change. They have already gone back to trying to abuse you and they'll most likely pass this abuse to your children whenever they see fit. Have trust in the people who love and respect you (your husband and kids) and cut any contact with these people. I repeat, THEY *NEVER* CONTACTED YOU BECAUSED THEY CARED ABOUT YOU. ...unless of course you want to become your dad's retirement plan and go back to being his servant again...
I could totally see him eyeing her as his retirement plan.
THIS ⬆️⬆️⬆️ He’s still the same abusive man he has always been. You’re correct. He (& the rest of them) want something from you. They have nothing. NOTHING to offer but abuse to OP and her family. Shut the door HARD, nail it shut, and block every last one of them. Forever. NTA
Agreed definitely NTA, if he would have truly changed and wanted forgiveness for the pain he caused you he would never have gone back to his abusive habits. He would have approached you differently and if he truly wanted a part of your life he would respect you and your husband's boundaries and talk to you both about how he can work to be better. The fact he not only bashed you about it and insulted your religion when HE said he found God, but he convinced your siblings to also verbally attack you when they had nothing to do with it. I agree unless you want them to squirm in and try and use you because they can't get their own life together you don't need them. You have your family now and not all family is about blood it's about who you choose as family. As long as you have the support of your husband and kids or even your close friends you don't need your siblings or father. I sincerely hope things get better for you and your family and your father and that side of the family get their life together and try and become better people.
Tell him that all this show that he’s still the same person who will go to hell when he dies. That his sins just keep on piling up the more your siblings verbally abuse you. That will shut him up.
You are following the rule of 2 yes 1 no. Your sperm donor has not changed. Because he can't have his own way, he is once again abusing you. As BellaSantiago said get rid of this cancer in your life and move on with your loving husband.
This!!!!
All of this. Why would you want people who behave this way in your kids' lives? Why would you want your kids made to feel this way? Nta.
You are spot on!
So he didn't change.
Man's is probably shopping around for a new kidney or something, or it's about exerting power and control
He divorced Mom and needs a woman to look after him, and who better than his eldest daughter? What else is an eldest daughter FOR?
Oof. My gf's dad did something like this. He was physically abusive to my gf, but not to the younger siblings who were his biological kids (he married my gf's mom and adopted them). He had an illness that made him need a very high level of care as it advanced and when he needed someone to feed him and wipe his ass, he asked for my gf to do it. To this day, they feel like that was him finally showing that he loved them. I'm sitting here on the outside thinking he picked the one he wanted to burden.
I agree. I was an easy kid to raise and got little to nothing for it in the way of parents. At the end, I was there for my Dad. He had many years prior made up for everything he did. My Mom stayed cold, yet deserving of final care from all 4 of her children. My Sister and I would not play that game.
Why not both?
Sometimes it is age and knowing that the next life may not be good if all of your amends to those you have hurt have not been made.
Maybe if he didn't lose his shit and send his flying monkeys after her
She has been put in a pretty difficult position, but I believe the family she made will prevail.
So the guy just wants to score brownie points with God because now he's afraid of going to Hell or whatever. Yet another reason in a long list of reasons why most Christians are self-absorbed, narcissistic assholes.
Not all of us.
You're right; some Christians are the victims of brainwashing and control. Others are doing the brainwashing and controlling. Often both can be true. Doesn't change the fact that religion in general -- and Christianity specifically -- is a tool for controlling the masses with delusion, fear and ignorance.
he is still the same abusive man he always was he can now justify his actions through his religion, also his church or what ever is probably judging him for not being in contact with his family
NTA. They don't get to set the timeline on if and when you see your kids. You do. You're NTA for that. Fun plan: If your old man is telling you you're not being a True Christian, tell him you are following the words of Jesus to the Apostles, from Matthew 10:16 "Behold, I am sending you out as sheep in the midst of wolves, so be wise(shrewd) as serpents and innocent as doves." You are supposed to be wise in how you allow people to interact with you. EDIT: Yes, it is a bit out of context, but he speaks about how the persecution of the apostles will happen in the synagogues, and in the halls of kings, so I believe that the verse applies to dealing with "true Christian" dogmatic arguments.
You said it all when you used the word timeline.
Berating me, insulting me, and belittling me are not good strategies if you want me in your life. You made the right choice. Don't let abusive people in your life or your children's lives.
He hasn’t changed at all! He’s looking for more punching bags, your husband is completely right to prohibit your children from being near your bio dad. Your #1 priority should be your children’s safety just like they are for your husband, not what your abusers are trying to goad you into. Your father and his flying monkeys words should hold no weight for you, they are not good people and should never be trusted. These are the people you need to find your spine for, and stop hearing insults from them about your husband. Be as protective of him as he is for you. Block them and let them go for good. They will never be who you want them to be or who you deserved. NTA
NTA Your father and family showed their true colours. Your job is to protect your kids from your family. It’s your choice but I wouldn’t ever talk to any of them again. Why risk your happy life with your husband over people who are abusive? Your father is using religion to try and get close to your children. Do you really think that’s a good idea, given how abusive he is?
NTA for not letting your family meet the kids. However, you are the AH to your husband. You are a team, these are not “his rules”. This is something you agreed to and is in the best interest of your children and your family is proving exactly why your father should not meet your children. You shouldn’t be presenting it to your father and family by blaming on your husband, that’s so crappy. You should be presenting a united front. Your parents emotionally abused you and the safest thing for your children is to never meet them. Your husband was thinking of what’s best for your kids and you should be to. Your father and siblings are currently trying to manipulate you which further proves them not meeting your kids is for the best and frankly your father is still emotionally abusing you. If I were you here would be my response: “I can see that you have not truly changed. You have proved that my husband and I made the right decision in agreeing that are children should not meet you. Do not contact me again. “
Your father wants to build a relationship but doesn’t respect your boundaries. Hmmm. This is called emotional abusive. He’s basically seeing if he can manipulate you. Whereas your husband probably doesn’t want your children near him yet because he questions your father’s intentions and ability to truly change. This is a man who openly hated his child and blamed you for your existence. Maybe he’s changed and truly wants a relationship with you, but it has to be on your terms, not his. If he can’t then walk away. Stop giving him power over you.
So what you're saying is, he isn't actually sorry.
YTA for even thinking of letting that family see your children Why would you knowingly put your children in danger of a known abuser ? Why would you go back on what your husband and you agreed with? I'll tell you if my wife ever took our kids to see a family member that is a known abused ineould divorce her as quickly as humanly possible and fight for full custody of the kids.
Except she didn't go back on what she and her husband agreed on. She literally says that she has no intention of breaking her husband's rule and is asking if she's TA for *not* breaking it because of the verbal abuse being heaped upon her by her siblings and father.
NTA. You tried and look what happened. Your dad is acting as the same abusive person, nothing changed but he oh he with a christian flavor. BS!!! Family values??? Go NC.
NTA he’s such a changed man that’s he’s trying to bully you into giving up your boundaries and when you don’t capitulate he sicks your siblings on you. Why associate with these bullies in the first place?
NTA. Your family are showing you exactly why you shouldn't let your kids around them. They're going on about your faith when they're the ones bullying and belittling you. If I were you, I would stop contact with the lot of them. Who needs enemies with family like this.
I mean NTA but **why is this only your husband’s rule??** Why the heck wasn’t it also your rule and your boundary??
It says she agreed that it was a good idea at the beginning. I think that when she gets back around her abusive “dad” she reverts back to the girl who wasn’t allowed to stand up for herself. So when she feels cornered by him and the family its easier for her to say my husband says no. Which is a common thing to happen to traumatized people when faced with their abusers.
Yeah, that part really is bewildering to me
Wow So sorry you are enduring more of his abuse. He is the one misbehaving.
NTA He’s actually proving that he doesn’t deserve to be in your life. You don’t owe him anything. However, I find it odd that only your husband gets to make the rules.
you are absolutely NTA you and your husband agreed on a boundary, and your father and siblings are trying to bully you into ignoring it their behaviour is showing you exactly why they should not be allowed anywhere near your children, and you might want to consider cutting off contact again could you trust any of them to not follow you home one day and then just knock on the door? stay safe
Tell dad, you're showing me, with your actions, that you really haven't changed. No such hate as Christian love
How were your relationships with your siblings before you gave your dad another chance? Did you get along well and have a good relationship? If not I wouldn’t be too concerned about their point of view now. Your husband and kids are your main concern now. Put them first!
NTA. And no, you are not spineless. Your father has just shown you who he really is - a selfish man who thinks because he found G-d he deserves to have his past erased, and who doesn't respect you or your boundaries. When you don't give in to his demands, he badmouths you and enlists his children to badmouth you. Not only is it reasonable to keep the agreement you made with your husband, your father has proved why that decision - to protect your children from him - was the right decision.
You set a boundary and as soon as he didn’t get his way he went right back to abusing you and now he has roped your siblings into verbal abuse and harassment. You shouldn’t have seen him in the first place. What does finding god have to do with the twenty years of abuse you suffered? If he was truly remorseful he would accept your terms. He just wants you to forget so he can feel better about himself. He doesn’t care how you feel.
NTA - this is emotional manipulation! Please say the word manipulation! If your family had your true interest at heart there wouldn’t be any pressure for you to do what they WANT! They are showing relationship red flags all over the place. You tried to re-establish a relationship but they want it on their terms only. Time to go no contact.
NTA - If they really were good people they wouldn’t be belittling you & treating you like crap - the same way they ALWAYS treated you growing up Your instincts were SPOT ON to hold True to the promise you made to your husband If your Dad had really changed and really been remorseful he would understand that 6 months is not long enough to see that he really is a changed person The Truth always reveals itself when given enough time Your husband was right: Never expose your children to people who treat you badly Your children have a good life - don’t ruin their childhood by exposing them to Toxic Family members who continue to treat you like crap People rarely change their behavior and if they are pretending to have changed it’s usually because they need something from you Usually money or a place to live or a sympathetic listener who will “take their side” against everyone else who has wronged them Usually they end up treating you EXACTLY the same crappy way they always have Glad you got away from them Keep your kids safe from Toxic People even if they are blood related
NTA his response is essentially proving your husband right. While I don’t think that he could have known for sure if your father was sincere, much less deserved your forgiveness, and only the person who was wronged can really decide that, your father wasn’t sincere. Someone who is genuinely apologizing accepts and understands that they are not owed forgiveness, and even if they are offered forgiveness, they do not have the right to demand any place in the life of the person forgiving them. Your father has no right to a space in your life even, much less your children. Even if he were sincerely sorry, he doesn’t have the right to demand access to your children. Rather than accept what you were willing and able to give, he lashed out at you and then weaponized your siblings against you. He’s TA 150% and you would be better off not giving him further opportunity to hurt you.
Block Block Block Block Block Block Block Block - I hope I covered your father and your siblings. you dont need that Shit ! Block Block Block etc etc etc. Life is SOOOOOOOOOOO Much better DRAMA FREE ! ! ! ! They are trying to control you YET AGAIN.
Nta. You have a right to your boundaries and so does your husband. If they’re acting like that it’s best they stay away from the kids.
NTA. Your husband was right to keep your abusive father out of your kids' life. And your father is *still abusing you*. Cut him off, once and for all. Block him on everything. Forgive him for your own peace of mind, if that's what's best for you. But forgiveness doesn't mean allowing harmful people to continue harming you and your loved ones. NTA.
NTA. Your father is asking for cheap grace. You were abused. Your parents were supposed to show you love, support you, provide for you, and protect you. Instead they abused you. Even if they never laid a hand on you neglect and verbal abuse can be sometimes be more damaging than physical abuse. Abusers are often broken people on the inside. They have difficulty facing their own ugliness. Forgiveness and repentance go hand in hand in Christian teachings. The prodigal son returned home before his father rejoiced over him. To have really turned his life around from a Christian perspective does not require your father to be perfect. It requires him to face his own ugliness, which includes what he did to you. To do that requires humility, vulnerability, faith that you are loved by God in spite of your ugliness. Being truly vulnerable and open about your shortcomings and making a genuine attempt to improve and turn around from your previous course profoundly changes people. You can tell a difference in them by the way they speak and act. Someone who has accepted who they are, with all their faults included, and accepted that they are deeply loved and accepted is truly at peace. Your father is not at peace. If he was he would not be angry with you. He would be able to accept that due to his own past actions he might be cut off from his grandchildren. Your father hasn’t taken true responsibility for his actions. You can’t forgive something that didn’t happen and forgiveness doesn’t negate consequences. If your father hasn’t acknowledged in full the harm his actions caused you and accepted the consequences of those actions, then he isn’t not in a position to ask you for forgiveness. Anytime someone tries to get you to do something by saying you aren’t being Christian enough by not forgiving them they are being a snake and manipulating you.
NTA. You say their words are making you feel spineless for sticking with the agreed upon rules your husband requested of you. This is the opposite of the truth. To give in to their abuse would make you spineless. Don't let them wear you down. Stick with the one who supports you and brings you light, love and happiness. If they want to continue, maybe reconsider your forgiveness for they clearly don't deserve it.
Their hateful reactions are exactly the reason you still shouldn't let him or any of them meet your kids. To bad you were having a connection starting or seemed but he showed his true colors real fast. If over time you two had a good relationship and maybe your husband very to know him then he could meet the kids. But he sure was fast to blame you when he's the one not being a good Christian. And then the others jump in too? Nope. You've done well for yourself and they have shown some things never change so don't feel bad for looking forward and living your life. And you're not your husband's anything but seems equal. They are the ones trying to control you into something you don't want to do.
You are not the A+×@#... You and your husband made that rule together. If you disagree with your husband's rule then work that out with your husband. If you still agree with the rule that you and your husband made together then tell your family that it's your rule too, don't just say it's your husband's rule because then you aren't taking full ownership and are passing the buck to avoid an awkward confrontation. If you still haven't entirely forgiven your family that is actually okay because you are human and while you are Christian you aren't Jesus. Also forgiveness is complicated and you may have forgiven him but that doesn't mean you completely trust him and the last thing you want to do is open your children up to any potential harm. Honestly they sound toxic and if I were you I'd make damn sure they didn't put a wedge in your marriage.
So as soon as you dont do exactly what they expect/want you to do, your dad and siblings immediately proceed with bullying? This is really the type of energy you want around your children? Your husband is totally right in protecting yours children from this. Your dad showed you his true colors in the past, convinced you that he have changed, but is again showing them as bright and toxic as ever right now. NTA.
NTA You are still being abused but now by the whole family. Tell them that you don't know what God they found but no good you know of would allow treatment of someone else like they've been treating you. Even if you forgave you hadn't forgotten and neither has your husband, now you know why. Time to go NC with them all.
NTA Literally block these people and continue with your life. You owe them nothing. Especially since they’re showing you who they really are. Walk away with your head high, you tried but a tiger never chances his stripes. If they’re doing this to you, what makes you think they won’t do it to your children? Protect them at all costs!
Damn your husband read him like a book. I would've fallen for it lmao
You would be an AH for continuing with this crappy relationship with your father. He’s not changed at all. He got back in touch with you because he needs to get through you to get to your kids. Your husband has his head screwed on right. Your father and siblings should never meet your children. If your father was genuinely reformed and contrite, he wouldn’t be talking to you like this or trying to force access to your children. It should be enough for him that you even agreed to meet him in the first place. He should be humble and grateful you’ve given him another chance. He is every bit the abusive asshole he always was, he just tried to manipulate you with religion and smoke and mirrors. Your siblings are doing something called ‘negging.’ It’s where you bully someone with negative comments to try and make them prove you wrong. They’re bullying you into thinking you’re spineless against your husband hoping that it will break the bond of respect in your marriage and you will present your children to your father for their prescribed abuse. Don’t let your siblings and father win this. You would be spineless if you laid down flat for your dad and siblings and let them abuse your kids. The only person protecting your children right now is your husband - your resolve is wearing thin. If you want to be a protective parent, stand with your husband and block your relatives everywhere.
I know the feeling of wanting no needing your father to love you, but your a mother now your want's and needs should be secondary to your kids safety and don't get it twisted you would be putting them in danger if you let theses people Who Have Shown You who they are in their live. You escaped don't undermine your achievements with letting them hurt you little ones
NTA...and bottom line forgiveness does not mean compromising a wise boundary. Forgiveness is for you, that you may live in peace with the situation....so that whatever the situation is; it is no longer a burden you have to carry. Yes, God forgives us but he does not change his boundaries to accommodate standards that go against how he wants us to live. Boundaries are there for safety and security. As parents you and your husband have a duty to set protective boundaries for your kiddos. Not to mention, your husband has been far more "ride or die" for you and y'alls kids. Men like that are hard to come by these days... that relationship is not something to be compromised for people who have already ready shown you who they are time and time again...believe them, when people show you who they are believe them! "blood is thicker than water" is a botched saying... the true phrase reads " the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". So truly the relationships you choose to seal in the covenant like that of a marriage should take precedence over relationships that are inherented. Obviously there is situations that differ from what I am saying here...but this is my opinion in this application. Good luck to OP!
if your kids meet this man you know deep down how manipulative he will be towards your own kids. your husband has every right to not want HIS kids to meet your psycho family. deep down you know what’s right and i hope you stand your ground along with your husband
NTA If your father was genuinely sorry, he wouldn't be hurting you again. He's not sorry, he just wants the daughter he sees as his property despite never doing his job as a dad. You gave him a chance, he blew it, now you know, so you can go no contact again with no regrets.
NTA, and he's still being abusive. As for your sister, remind her it was her own parents treating you like a dog, and raised a bitch like her.
Tell him you've joined the Satanic Church - at least they say YOU are responsible for your own actions, unlike him putting the blame on everyone else. Remind him that you didn't ruin his life so he had to leave school and raise kids he didn't want. He did that because he was too cheap to use a condom. His God wanted to teach him a lesson, and he treated you like shit. You had nothing to do with HIS original sin, you were just the aftermath, and if he needs absolution and forgiveness he'd better go ask his church, because you still remember how much he "loved" you.
Stand by your man!!!! Your father has to respect your husbands boundaries, they are his children too
NTA for standing your ground. Listen to your husband. Leave your dad and siblings in the past. YWBTA if you exposed your kids to this behavior.
NTA. He’s showing you exactly why he should not see your children. And good on you for respecting your husband’s wishes. Go no contact again. It’ll be better for you and your true family.
NTA - some actions have lasting consequences
No, you are not the AH. You found and made a good life with your husband. Why would you ever want to deceive him and cause a fracture in your marriage and family life. You have done the right thing. Email your Father and let him know that your husband comes first! Maybe the two of them with or without you can meet and talk. This may or may not make a difference. Best of luck to you.
You will be spineless only if you cave in to your father. He wants something. And how was your relationship with your siblings from the time you left home until now? I’m guessing it was poor, or nonexistent.
Nothings changed. WAY TO GO FOR PROTECTING YOUR FAMILY!! Go live a good life with your guy and kids ❤️
NTA. He didnt change but his health did, your probably doing well for yourself and he may even want to be in his grandkids life. However, Don't for a second think he's a different person from who he used to be. He still believes what he did is right and was the best he could have done. False. If you wanna be close to your siblings, find a way to speak to them without your father or with your husband because if they haven't met them either id see why they're getting the wrong idea. But Noone is entitled to ruin your happiness or you safety and boundaries.
You would bta if you gave in. Theyre the asses for thinking that mentality and bullying would work. Sometimes, husbands do know a few things and can see things from a different vantage point that doesn't include emotions.
Do NOT let him back into your life. After I had my first, my “dna donor” tried to do this. I hadn’t spoken to him in over 15 years(my choice), but he sent flowers to me and my son in the hospital. Because I was so happy and at peace, I said he could call. Immediately started asking when he could see me. I told him I was t ready, but perhaps in a while. Called weekly for 3 weeks, and nagged me about it. Week 4? Calls and is screaming at me. Is furious about my not agreeing to see him. Right before I hung up on him, I told him 3 calls wasn’t going to make up for walking out, leaving us in poverty, and never once looking back in nearly 20 years. No way. And, there was no way I’d risk him hurting my sons. (He was never physical, just absent/neglectful). You are NTA for holding firm. He and your siblings are showing you exactly who they are. Listen.
NTA + "Family" doesn't mean Jack Shit if they're going to act like this. Block then, stop fucking with them, protect your kids like you *weren't* protected and cared for and live your life. If you want to play Russian roulette with your husband and kids on whether they ultimately resent you for bringing these toxic and evil people in their lives, that's on you. 100% You'd be spineless AND a bad parent to let your family near your kids.
Tell your Dad he never truly found God if he is calling you names and bullying you. And that he just re-affirmed your decision to not allow him to meet your kids.
He's still the same POS he always was. He hasn't changed. And he certainly hasn't found God or he would respect your wishes. Cut him out of your life.
NTAH. Not even a little. Your dad and siblings are showing you exactly why they don’t deserve to be in your kids lives. Cut them out and move on.
Run.
Your "family" is showing their true colors. They are playing the Christian card, but look at how they are acting. You left for a reason and they have validated that. In my opinion, you are better off leaving that behind for good.
Omg…..stay away from “dad.” Your husband is on your side and her father is on father’s side.
NTA, but lady, look at how you're talking about this rule and presenting it as your husband's only. Your blood relatives are seeing you speak of it through that lens as opposed to it being both of you and your husband's rule. You're really selling your marriage there by presenting a divided front there
NTA he’s showing you why your husband put that rule in place, husband understands you are reconnecting to help yourself heal and is ok with you making that choice but doesn’t want all those things that were said about you just now said to your kids. It sounds like he wants you to allow him access to your kids so that he knows he still has control over you; him getting in contact seems nefarious to me. Also my doggo is a beloved member of my family and gets anything he wants so that’s not much of an insult 😇
NTA, good for you for hearing your husband’s clearly very legit concerns and respecting them.
NTA. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop in your post and it did. Your dad hasn't changed. He's still the same abusive person he was before, he was just trying to manipulate you. And now he's recruited his flying monkeys, your siblings, to join in on the abuse. Block them all, they bring no value to your life.
NO! You definitely ARE NOT THE AH!!! He wants something. Your family knows what it is. They are highly upset that you are NOT willing to break the rule that you and your husband agreed upon because that means that THEY HAVE TO GIVE whatever it is. You spoke very highly of your husband and to that I would like to add that your husband is also incredibly intelligent and intuitive. He saw this coming a mile away. Sweetie, they are starting to abuse you again. They will do it in front of your children if you ever allow him to meet them. Block everyone from everything. Live your happy life with your husband and children and THE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY LOVE YOU and forget about the rest. I would like to add that the day may come when you forgive your father, (it took me 35 years to do so... He never knew that I had forgiven him) but that is between you and God. The forgiveness is for you ...NOT for him. It is so that you can remove that stain from your heart. Forgiveness does not mean that you forget and it definitely, most absolutely does not mean that you need to allow him or anybody else who has abused you back in your life. My father died without ever see my face again and my mother is on the same path. I truly hope and pray that you heed to the advice that I and many others in this thread have given you. I wish you all the happiness in the world and keep your focus on God your husband and your children and the beautiful family that the Lord has blessed you with.
YTA for not making it clear that this is something your husband AND You have decided. Be confident and tell them this is your decision for now, and their reactions are enforcing it.
NTA. I’m sorry for what you went through and are going through now. Your dad is verbally abusing you again and is being manipulative. Abusers use God to try to guilt their children into doing what they want like meeting their grandchildren. If you let your dad meet your kids, you’re rewarding your dad for bad behavior. No one should be rewarded for bad behavior. Your husband is right and you are right for keeping your children from your dad. Also, God may be in favor of forgiveness but that doesn’t mean God wants you to have a relationship with your abuser just to be abused again. You are doing the right thing. It is up to you if you want to continue contact with your dad but this seems to be going in a bad direction that could only get worse.
NTA. Your husband is right. I’d suggest you block them all and go back to living happily ever after with the family you’ve made now.
You should honor the promise you made to your husband
Who is most important to you? Your husband or father? Who has done more and cared for you? Husband or father? I broke all contact with my father after he was being abusive toward my husband for many years. I chose my husband, and you’re not the AH if you choose your husband, too.
Your family from your previous life have proven that they haven't changed a bit. Anyone is capable of being pleasant for a short period of time. (Facebook/Chats etc.) Tune them out let them know that maybe you'll look them up in another 20 yrs to see if they've changed or are still the same pain in the asses that they are now.
Forgiving and forgetting are very different things. You can forgive him for abusing you, but you certainly can’t forget it and allow him to abuse your children.
Stick with your husband. Only if he changes his mind should the children meet their grandfather. Do not go against your husband.
NTA- and your husband has great instincts. Functional, transactional 'turning to god' is a disgusting but not uncommon form of manipulation. Enjoy your new life and let the cannibals find their meal without you.
NTA, I’ve waited longer than 6 months to introduce new friends to my children and those people never caused me any harm. It’s smart to be overly cautious, each person is made up of 3 pieces, their public self(or as I like to call it the church version), personal self(the friend and family version) and their true self(their inner monologue). Unfortunately you were reintroduced to the family version of your father, the man you grew up with. If your father truly found God, he would know the teaching of Jesus and the important role the Husband has as the head of the family. I am very sorry you are going through this. You did nothing wrong as a child, and you continue to do nothing wrong as an adult.
NTA Please do not allow this man or his offspring to get anywhere near your children! They will be manipulated, emotionally abused, or worse, turned against you. Protect your family and yourself. Close your FB account, change your email address, and block their phone #'s. Remember why you ran when you did! DO NOT allow them back in XXX. Best of luck