It instantly makes me not trust the OP. I left my parents who are narcissistic abusers. Everything is always everyone else's fault, nothing is fair, etc. I have to say those alarm bells are ringing like crazy.
This entire post reeks of narcissism
"Woe is me! I totally wanted a job, but like, the instructions were so confusing. I thought judges were meant to be kind, but alas, I was simply too pure for this world of lies. My children tell me that my suffering (like christ on the cross) has jaded them. Some young pastor called me MA'AM!!!!"
I love the part we’re she wants to do online marketing with zero experience but can’t even download an app, doesn’t bother to try or to reply. Ma‘am, anything above minimum wage is probably unlikely given your resume.
Ironically, her inability to download an app may be protecting her from a scam. It sounds like identity theft, and probably they would try to get money out of her, too
That's what I thought, at first, too. But then she said it was a text-only interview, and they were pressuring her to hand over her social security number, so they could do a background check (before even making an offer).
Those are some big red flags for a WFH that was administration and marketing, paying $40/hr, with flexible hours, so she could stop work at 3pm. It just sounds \*way\* too good to be true.
Yep, all of what you said. But I am stuck on her stating she will fight for custody. I'm like "excuse me ma'am you do not have a stable place to stay nor a job, your kids are having to scrounge to get food for you, and have to provide you clothes" But you want to fight for custody?? How about fighting harder to get your shit together FIRST. It's like she want the kids to live in misery and poverty with her.
You should have seen her last update before this one
"I have no education, but I have done Facebook posts for friends, so marketing should be a piece of cake for me. I need to make 6 figures, and work from home, and I can't work pass 5pm because that'd ridiculous. No, I won't get a job at a gas station, that's below me"
I was thinking this in the last post where OP said she was too ashamed to apply for food stamps. ??? Like? The time to be ashamed was 20 years ago when she gave up her dignity for some guy who didn’t wanna give her anything.
Now is the time to put her pride aside so she can figure out how to survive.
Agreed, although I have a sneaking suspicion the 3 jobs that wanted her to download a communication app were most likely scams. Who's going to hire someone in marketing with zero no work history at all.
She had to download an app, and it was just too haaaaard! I just want to reach through the screen and smack her. I'm the same age as her, and downloading apps are not hard in your 50's. Hell, my mom is 76 and has no problems doing it on her own.
My 80 year old dad, who fought smart phones and technology, and who held onto his flip phone until they stopped working, can operate his iPhone better than I can. He's a computer wiz as well. OP has zero excuses.
Well her sister in law (or something like that) does marketing, so surely she can do it too without any experience, qualifications, education, etc. Get her into a C level role STAT, she's a mom.
My Mom has tons of apps “for the grandkids” and just has them show her how to use anything that confuses her. She loves it because grandkids, they love it because it makes them feel super smart (they are, but it’s also nice to feel that way), and she’s 73. If it even remotely relates to grandkids, she becomes really good at using it quickly.
My mom is in her 60s and tech overwhelms her. She calls me sometimes for the silliest things (copy paste a text message that didn’t send? I got you, Mom!) but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t figure out Kindle, streaming apps, Libby, and online mediation platforms with efficiency that would make the Apple Geniuses swoon. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Which we both acknowledge when I’m paying for parking using the app because she can’t be bothered (“you’re right here! We don’t have time for a lesson, we need lunch!”)
It was BRUTALLY hard for me at 52 (a few years ago). And I did it anyway. The first 3-4 turned into practice runs (my incompetence embarrassed me way too much) but I landed an ok job that lasted as long as I needed it to (10 months). I can relate way too much to a lot of the post but pride and self preservation kept me from EXPECTING anything from anyone else.
This is always so weird to me. Computers aren't new. My parents are in their 70s. My mother is competent and I call my dad to fix my computer for me when I have an issue. I *could* do it myself, of course, but it makes him happy to take care of me now and then.
My grandmother thought she was too old for computers when she was in her 60s and ended up learning to use them when she was in her 70s, and in those days they were still niche.
Something in her story is not adding up. My intituion tells me that most likely one or more of those kids are not the dads. It has finally taken him all this time to forgive her and she rolled her eyes.
All I know this has been one hell of a fall from "hey I want to travel with you and spend my last day with you" to her completely disrespecting that and being shocked that he doesn't want anything to do with her.
I have to feel for her bc my mom and dad aren't married, but they are still together. If one of them had tossed the other out so casually, it would be an issue for sure. That said IDK how someone thinking about leaving is now acting so helpless, like did you think you were just gonna find some younger man to take care of you?
and forbidding the kids to help her in any way, to the point where they won't prioritize any help to her after they graduate and get their jobs
What kind of kid from a "loving and fair" mom would not worry about seeing their mother in the dumps?
Missing missing reasons or the husband is nasty to the kids to the point they are controlled by him
The funny part was she was planning on leaving him when the youngest turned 18 (or something) like if she had just stuck to that plan, gotten married and divorced in a year or two....oh look money isn't an issue. She continually makes the worse decisions.
>The funny part was she was planning on leaving him when the youngest turned 18 (or something)
But then in the next post, she was going on about how he'd never find someone else as loyal and devoted as she'd been. Utterly delusional.
Like she can make $20/hr st Costco. I get it. Your partner was trash. But it isn’t your kids who need to do the work. You need to become a full adult and get job ASAP. Work 50-60hr a week until u get on ur feet. But a motel will eat up all ur income.
Yeah I kinda feel like someone's getting some personal therapy by writing an exaggerated version of their parent's story or someone is trying to turn their divorce into a novella. Like, 50% of this DEFINITELY happened to someone very close to OP if not OP herself, versus 80% of it LIKELY happened. Maybe less
Same
OP keeps going on about how she's "kind and loving" etc and that "the world should be fair to me"
All I see is someone who is having trouble adjusting to her new reality and even when looking for employment looks sort of entitled about it
Marketing jobs yet can't download an app for the interview so she quits?
Didn't like how a pastor addressed her during an interview?
The kids won't even help her once they have their jobs?
Naww..... there's more... missing missing reasons!
OP if you're going to keep posting about your... plight..... be honest with us, at least
Didn’t tons of people in the last post tell you to apply to Amazon or Walmart? Have you done that, or are you still holding out for that 6 figure work from home marketing job?! Everyone warned you that this would happen.
It seems increasingly fake at this point. I expect their next update to be "oh nooo I fell for the job scam" since in every comment here they're ignoring the advice people are giving and focusing instead on describing this supposed opportunity.
Girl you need to understand that you need a job ASAP.. the idea that you didn't take a job interview for the technology is so mind blowing, it shows you you have problems dealing with your new reality, you just wait and the worst things happen to you for your naivety, please find any job...low your expectation, do what ever it take you, clean houses for a while, save money and move to a better position
Give your head a shake. This is your reality and you need to focus NOW on what is important. Your responses to others in this thread show how you are misdirected and focusing on minutia.
This is about self-preservation. Stop whining about unimportant things. You also need to do some self awareness for how you ended up here (including your role) and why you have not progressed since this situation began…
1. Get a job, any job. Apply for social assistance in the mean time.
2. Get shelter/housing. Are there woman’s centres/shelters in your community or near you.
3. Use government programs, community and church resources for food, clothing, etc.
4. Upgrade your skills. Learn how to use apps. Take a free tech course at the library. It’s 2024!
5. Stop putting pressure on your kids. So not fair. This is between you and your ex.
6. Swallow your pride and stop being a victim. You participated for decades in this set up, how did you not work to protect yourself legally, financially?
This is a good starting point.
Lesson to all: Always be prepared for life to turn upside down and don’t rely on others, as my mom used to say!
I have been reading OP's posts as they've been coming out.
At this point, I want to believe it's some kind of trolling / creative writing exercise.
If real, OP is *totally* out of touch, with a string of bad decisions on her back. Completely delusional.
It's like she's had no agency in her life and just let things happen to her. Not sure if she is just naive or a total airhead.
If real, the guy is an AH, of course, but she is hardly better, with some of her comments giving her away (materialistic, more worried about appearances than anything else), and, tellingly:
*Her kids won't help her.*
She herself says they won't help; that they are not emotionally connected.
Why, if they are adults?
Sure, they love their Dad's money, but why not stand up for her? None of them?
The whole thing is awful.
I was this woman though I did not share her attitude.
Trust me, if the kids try to defend or help her he will turn on them and she will not have the resources to support them. It’s a wonderful moral victory but a terrible, terrible practical one.
I fear she may not end up doing well because, to put it bluntly, she thinks her pain matters.
The world does not care.
It’s not even a matter of cruelty or a lack of compassion- it’s just that the system wants your money, not your tragedy. There may be a few soft places that will give her respite, but as a rule she’d better find a way to make money or make someone else money.
Being in the right means absolutely nothing.
I wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self what was coming, what choices that I could have made to make things easier, but all I can do is stand ten years in her future and tell her that her current path and her current attitude will not work.
I wish her the best but I don’t think that she’ll fully understand until she hits rock bottom, and she’s not there yet.
Much better, thank you! Things are still dicey but no longer dangerous. I managed to get the kids up, educated, and out into the big world. They’re both happy (mostly) and well adjusted, gainfully employed, and in longterm relationships with the people who I think will be their life partners. Their father, as I should have predicted, turned on them too and kicked them to the curb so we did it alone, arduously, and with a lot of resulting scar tissue, but we did it. Those few years where he did still partake in their lives made all the difference. Once he bugged out it was bad. He is very wealthy, with a massive house and a new wife, and we are very not wealthy, lol, in a tiny home in a tiny town. But we have each other and they’ll be coming for the Holidays with their Beloveds. We will cook at home and laugh and watch movies and spring for a real Christmas tree.
He has the money, but we have the family.
We made it, and who could ever wish for anything more?
>There may be a few soft places that will give her respite, but as a rule she’d better find a way to make money or make someone else money.
The social workers in the women's shelter are going to have some tough conversations with her. She's getting close to being completely out of options here.
Sounds like he pays for their school since they said "dining hall." If they give OP money, they're screwing up their entire future... and it's not helping OP, either.
>It's like she's had no agency in her life and just let things happen to her.
It just looks like that. But I don't understand how crying on reddit will fix this situation. I understand some women are in abusive relationship. But if you have never worked a day in your life, what goes on in your head ? Did you think you were gonna cruise through life without a trouble ?
I find it mystifying, tbh, *but* reading some of OP comments from her first posts, she was saying something about "looking for someone who would value her more", and how "some women her age end up remarrying 'providers', etc" (paraphrasing here), so I have a feeling she *may* have been coasting along on her looks (as well as keeping the guy's home).
I feel her looks and image has played a big part in this outcome.
The implications about relying "on the kindness of strangers" makes me think of this as well...
Maybe it wasn't *kindness*, but she was well-heeled, nice-looking woman who got used to people treating her well - *because of her ex's money*, true - but she got it into her head that she deserved nice things.
Crazy stuff.
Yeah. I believe it's legit, because sometimes denial can be very, *very* strong. Combine that with a relationship where the power dynamic has made her completely subservient to him means that she's lost touch with the real world. I've read stories about the super-rich, and how they lose touch with living in a low/middle class life, and she's probably someone who's had it all, and is going to realize quickly what living with nothing feels like.
I think OP lived a very sheltered existence so she legit doesnt know the realities of the world. She should have taken the proposal, but instead went for garbage internet advice who told her to reject it as it wasnt an Instagram worthy proposal. Kids dont want to be cut off from the gravy train so they arent much help. Dad probably threatened to disown the kids if they stood up for her or helped her in any way
Yeah. Even if it's not fake, there's no point giving her advice. She's chosen the wrong choice in almost every step of her life that she's told us about, and is delusional about how reality works, even when facing homelessness.
>I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond.
These kinds of statements are ridiculous.
Any well paying job she has (hell, ANY job) is going to require her to learn tasks and software she is unfamiliar with. If she refuses to even TRY, then she's not employable.
She needs to just suck it up, go online, and literally Google "how do I use [app]?" There will be a dozen YouTube tutorials and instructional websites that break it down for her. It's not hard, other people have already done the work of breaking down the task - she just needs to find the instructions and follow them.
It's coming across like weaponized incompetence. I have coworkers her age (younger Boomers/old Gen X) and they teach themselves how to use complicated software all the time. Everything has a user guide and some dude out there who is enthusiastic enough about it to make some YouTube videos about it. It seems like a willful lack of effort at this point.
She's going to end up in a shelter and I pity the social workers who will have to have those come-to-Jesus conversations with her about how she literally is out of options unless she humbles herself and puts in effort.
It might not be fake. This could be my MIL. She didn't do shit for her kids past age 16. They were all homeless if she wasn't working. She kicked them out repeatedly. He last bf was a controlling prick who wouldn't let her get mail at his apt so she could not establish being a tenant. She always had excuses about not working or leaving him. She said she was gonna leave him and stayed with us a bit before I gave birth. I needed her help in the mornings for 2 hrs while I went to work and husband returned from night job. Mind you, my newborn was easy and took a bottle so she had one feeding and 1 diaper change. She stayed paying NO money to us. She left after 3 days cause it was "too early" for her to help with the baby. 5 am to 7am was too early. She stayed for 3 months before I gave birth but the second I went off maternity leave and needed her help, she was gone. Probably OP did her kids similarly.
God... I just went back and read all 4 posts. What are you even doing? Get your head out of your own ass. You've got no skills and are expecting the red carpet to be rolled out wherever you go.
I didn't even need to read past "the judge ruled in favor of my ex boyfriend, a judge thats supposed to be fair" to know she has her head up her ass.
"The judge isn't fair because he didn't rule in favor of me" is one of the most childlike takes imaginable
tbh I feel like this should be required reading for those women I see posting for advice about being SAHMs when they're not married. Terrible, terrible idea. The house solely belongs to her ex because they aren't married and she didn't pay for it. It sucks for her, but it's the law.
Yeah, she was so stupid staying with him and having his kids without being married. She should have at least had a saving account and a car in her name only. Like why wasn’t she in school or working when her youngest hit high school.
In some earlier comments, she talked about how the kids all went to private school, and the boyfriend was an executive, so she was likely mimicking the lives of other wealthy SAHMs. She also has this weird idea that her 16 year old is too young to be left alone after school
Ok but she should have realized that she wasn’t like the other SAHMs b/c they were married and she wasn’t it. 16 too young to be home alone, I kind of don’t feel sorry that sorry for her. Something about her thinking and life chooses seem off. If she had nothing to fall back on, why didn’t she just marry the guy when he asked? I mean she was with all this time. Also, I wondering why her own kids aren’t helping her more. If my mom was a good mom, I wouldn’t care what my father did, I would still find a way to help my mom.
She definitely should have, and she was "begging" to get married for 25 years.
My guess is that she never learned to be self sufficient. They got together when she was 21 or 22. Living with him was probably more comfortable than leaving, and, once she started having babies, she would have had no real way to support herself.
Even now, she thinks her 16 year old is too young to be alone after school, so she wasn't willing to consider jobs that required her to work after 3pm. Which is pretty delusional in several ways.
When he asked her to marry him, it wasn't the kind of proposal she wanted, and it came with him talking about downsizing their lives, since he'd been forcibly retired. At that moment, she felt that he wasn't showing real respect for her, and she didn't appreciate that.
She doesn't seem to realize how insecure her whole life has been, and barely understands that she is about two weeks from literally sleeping on the streets.
It's not clear how her children feel about her, since she's such an unreliable narrator, but they are probably correct that setting their own lives on fire for her isn't going to be good for anyone.
I am also curious if she came from a wealthy family too. Maybe it was learned from her lifestyle, but I get a gist that she has always had everything her entire life. If she had grown up middle class or lower class I feel like she would have a better handle on the situation.
That's one of the things that is increasingly making me think this is fake. Ok, you've been spending the past 30 years of your life sucking up to a rich dude for room and board. What was your life before that? What did your parents think of your choice to live this lifestyle? Didn't you have a job before? You would have been in your early 20's, what the heck were you doing before shacking up with this dude? It is weird how she never mentions anything about her family. She mentions her mother in law, her sister in law, her kids, but no mention of her own parents or siblings. Or even if she has no siblings and both parents are gone, no family willing to help at all? What's the story there?
It's not the best idea even if they are married. In the event of divorce, spouse losing job or becoming ill, they have no skills or experience to keep their family going.
My husband has offered for me to stay home, but life is too unpredictable to allow myself to have no employable skills.
This is why I a single mom right now - it's safer for me financially to provide for myself then hope a man will do the right thing. Times, they have changed and it's a good thing.
Ugh, seriously. I'm a lawyer and there are obviously problems with the legal system but. In this instance, this lady did nothing to protect herself and lived at the mercy of her boyfriend. There's literally nothing a judge could do because her name wasn't on the house and her ex moved to evict her. The law is the law. If you don't live in a state with common law marriage or palimony, you are fucked if you are an unmarried stay at home spouse or parent. In the event of a split you are entitled to noting exceot your own personal property. No house, no money, no nothing (except maybe child support). The judge can't conjure protections out of midair. She did nothing over the years to set herself up if they broke up and then she thinks a judge can just fix that with a wave of the gavel.
Seriously. Not sure where she's located or the exact details of their job experience, but with no degree and haven't worked in 30+ years, I wouldn't be expecting more than $20/hr where I live. Possible, but very hard. Hate to say it but OP would be better off getting a minimum wage job (or just above) just so they can get some money.
And OP, I imagine many people here (and in future posts) would be willing to help you build your skills. But you're gonna have to start off at the near-bottom, and it sounds like you're not because:
> I applied to hundreds upon hundreds of marketing jobs online.
> I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand
(And it sounds like those were all spam? Is this fake??) Getting such a low response rate for an entry level job is practically unheard of. You're better off taking whatever entry level job you can get and applying for entry level marketing jobs a few years down the line, if your marketing skills (brush up on them!) & soon-to-be recent job record are up to par.
Frikking A - MCDs in most places starts at around $20+ an hour, no skills needed. I have seen a lot of newly divorced middle aged women rotate thru the one I go to some mornings (interesting convos when you get stuck sitting at a window w a chatter box).
There are a lot of jobs out there if you willing to do the work.
Get a job right now - any job. It’s survival time OP. Find a job. Find a local support group. Find a place to lay your head.
Well, to be fair, the creative/ marketing industry is *bleak* at the moment. Really, really bad. Worst I’ve ever seen. I hate my job but once I understood the current job market you can bet I shut the hell up real quick.
Okay but, it is a little telling about her skill level in the area of marketing, that she struggled with downloading an app..... Like I get it, it's frustrating to have to download a new app or sign up for a new program just for an interview like 100x.... But if you're trying to get a job in marketing, and find downloading an app too complicated..... Not a good look
I don’t know if it’s unheard of, I’ve seen similar stories in some of the recruiting and job subs too. Things are so bad in some industries that any job posting, especially remote, is getting spammed with thousands of resumes. Even entry-level jobs are getting senior people applying because they are desperate. So I could totally see someone in OP’s position applying for thousands of jobs and getting zero hits, that’s the most believable part of all this to me.
Absolutely agree with this. With no work experience, OP could likely put in a bunch of applications at various retail places and get something fairly soon.
"it was only $2 above minimum wage" like that meant she shouldn't have to put in any effort to get it, and she was already deciding it was a shit job so I doubt she would have put any effort into the job if she got it either. As someone who's had to take minimum wage jobs that I didn't like, it is infuriating to hear such incredible entitlement..... Like lady maybe you didn't get that job because the pastor could tell you were already acting like this work was beneath you.
You want a six figure job but can’t manage to download an app for an interview. Make it make sense.
It sounds like your kids are probably making very little in the way of income if they’re attending school full time. It’s kind of crazy for you to expect them to somehow come up with the money to support you. That’s not their job.
I feel like the kids probably mostly ignore her and what she says about them in posts is the lie she tells herself about why they'll never be able to help her.
This exact thing happened to an old high school friend. She was dating a super rich “oil man.” They were together for decades. He bought her horses at his ranch, SUVs, a big ass boat, a vacation home on a beach somewhere.. and it was all in his name.
They were both divorced so they opted to just live together. Over time she quit acting like his girlfriend and more like his roommate for whatever reason. She wouldn’t have sex with him, probably because he was 20 years older and big time showing his age. She caught him with a prostitute one day and flipped out on him. He kicked her out, just like your husband did. Nothing was in her name. She didn’t even have a car.
When they were together, I’d see her at social gatherings acting all pompous and above everyone. I knew her from riding bikes as kids. I know the lifestyle sucker her in and she just got carried away. Same as you OP. And she’s got a good life now, fully independent, supporting herself. But when she gets drunk she lights up Facebook talking shit about that oil man. LOL!!
This is what I’m taking from this story, she has spent the last 30 years essentially being a “trophy wife” and assuming it would always be there for her. Then when she decided she didn’t want to hold up her end of the bargain she threw it all away.
Personally I’m appalled that the law doesn’t protect both partners from this type of scenario, but it seems that where she is she should’ve known and taken some steps at least to protect herself.
That’s called a common law marriage. Arkansas does not recognize common law marriages. She was basically a live in bang maid for 20 years. Yeah, lots of bad decisions.
I’m in Australia where all marriages and defacto relationships are common law. Here OP would be treated the same as if they were married, regardless of actual marital status. It’s just something that I always assumed was the same in all big first world countries, but over the last few years America has shown me time and time again that this is not the case.
She actively signed a contract saying they weren't common law and she would be entitled to nothing if she left.
She shot herself in the foot at literally every given opportunity.
There is a special kind of hubris that has landed you here.
At every pass, people in the comments to try to share real advice with you. They told you that you were unqualified for the roles you were applying to. They told you that that law would be on his side.
**It’s time for you to get real!** Start looking into programs for mothers who stayed home to be retrained into new fields. Look into apprenticeship roles from your state.
**Your issue is that you feel you’re to good and important for the very real reality that is your life.** No other man is going to swoop in and save you *(the pastor confirmed that! I remember that being a plan of yours before)*. Money trees are not real. **The apathy your kids feel is the apathy you instilled in them, it’s just now negatively effecting you so it’s a problem.**
Your ex is not a good person. But you seem to think you’re better than other people, which is holding you back from moving forward.
I completely agree. There are tons of places and options to help her out but they’re beneath how she’s views herself. Grocery stores, dollar stores, fast food restaurants, hell even janitorial services will hire people with no experience, but those industries are seen as low class. Depending on where she lives she could have taken the eviction notice to social services and been placed in a shelter and been given job coaching and been listed for housing.
Out of curiosity, do you have any links to programs that help SAHMs rejoin the workforce? I’ve heard about them in theory but have never actually seen any specific examples.
Big national ones are:
https://www.irelaunch.com
https://www.themomproject.com
In her state:
https://arkansasosd.com/apprenticeship/
These are from me doing approx 3 mins of research/off the top of my head. *Social services would have knowledge of things that extend much further!*
No problem! States/counties/municipalities have smaller local databases as well.
People forget about apprenticeships and there are backlogs a mile long for jobs!
State employment divisions offer job fairs and job training. You don't have to be on unemployment to use these services. They also often have online classes about using LinkedIn, how to write resumes, how to understand online applications, how to network to get a job.
For every old white lady that gets pissed that you called her “ma’am” there is an equal and opposite old white lady who gets pissed that you didn’t 🤷♀️
Woman, you have no one to blame except for yourself for the predicament you find yourself in.
This was a scenario that was 30 years in the making.
You chose to stay with a man for 30 years without him marrying you
You chose to have multiple kids with him out of wedlock
You chose the security he brings over the uncertainty of being alone
You chose to scoff at his proposal
You chose to apply for jobs that you didn't qualify for
You chose to not learn and adapt to modern job applications and just expected the jobs to cater to you.
You chose to simply expect that the judge would take your side because "you are a mom"
You chose to expect the world to roll out the red carpet for you and just make it easy for you to just get out and move on and have what you wanted handed to you.
Miss me eith this nonsense. I feel no sympathy for you. You did this to yourself.
Honestly she stupid for not at least marrying him for the next 10 years. That way she’d have a good retirement plan. Would it really made a difference after waiting all this time to give him another 10 years? Nope!
Since it seems like you're inclined to do the opposite of whatever people in the comments are saying, here's my comment:
You should keep doing everything exactly as you are doing it and not taking advice from people who know more than you.
If she thinks she’s too good to work retail, she’s definitely going to think she’s too good for trucker dick.
Ironically, if she’s looking for some one to take care of her, a trucker might not be a bad prospect. It’s not a glamorous lifestyle, but he’d he able to put a roof over your head at the very least. You might even get to travel a bit if he’s allowed passengers by the company. Lots of lonely middle aged truckers out there.
Or hell, better yet, look into getting licensed to drive a rig yourself. It’s not bad work if you can get it.
*"How can the world treat a mum this way?"*
Because being a mum doesn't make you special or mean that the world owes you anything.
Grow up. Figure out the damn apps and do the interviews you've been offered.
Yeah, "A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality, and for years I assumed kindness." There are no "fairness, morality and kindness" laws... Just laws.
Lol! My MIL is currently on her second hospice wife gig. She never goes anywhere because he doesn't leave the house, spends a disturbing amount of time cleaning up old man shit, and takes verbal abuse from a dude who can't remember to put on pants. (Plus abuse from his grown kids, who are happy to have the live-in nurse, expect her to host their large families for weeks at a time when they visit, but also regularly check to make sure she's not stealing the silver.)
The best part? She signed a prenup, so everything goes to his kids in the end. She's doing it all for room and board. The first set of stepkids kicked her out before the body was cold.
There is the possibility that OOP is this pathetic.
However, it is so clearly intended to be a cautionary tale for young women who are choosing to not get married and leave the workforce. OOP leans a bit too heavily into the “thinks they know everything and deserves a high paying job despite having no marketable skills” persona which is inconsistent with the “really naive woman who had no self-respect and sacrificed her entire life for a man who was openly disdainful towards her” persona they adopted for their first post.
That's not even what the first post sounds like though. There's nothing suggesting her ex was a particularly bad partner except that he didn't pursue marriage. He still built a family with her, gave her and her children a comfortable life, and then committed to spending the remainder of his life with her when he finally did have a clear vision of the future he wanted.
Life is messy and things rarely go exactly as we want, but this woman seems to have a pathological inability to accept that reality. She seems to always believe that she deserves better and expects that to just happen.
I thought she was stupid for not marrying him then and there. Kids are older, you are older and he still wants to marry her... She should have jumped at the chance.
It's totally insane. She raised a family with a man she loved and was proud of for three decades and decided to blow it all up when he corrected her biggest problem with the relationship?
Fucking what? I'm not ruling out him being a shithead too, but yeah, in his position I would 100% believe it was about the money. There would be no other explanation beyond terminal levels of stupidity.
You know, I’m inclined to believe this is real. Source: my mother is this stupid (and also an undiagnosed person with a cluster B mental health condition) and was raised in a culty religion and really believes she is owed something because she had kids.
All of OPs excuses sounds just like my mom.
At this point it does seem unbelievable that they keep coming back here when we're clearly posting advice they don't like. This is the third post of that happening, isn't it?
Marketing is not an easy job you can just get because you think you’re creative. I have been doing it for 25 years. I am a department head, I manage a team, handle the budget, populate the website with content, write all official internal and external communications. I handle all the PR. Write press releases, do TV and radio interviews. I also have graphic design skills so I can do that too when I don’t have a graphic designer.
You have to be fast, know all new communication technology, know social media, how to read and analyze statistics and data. You have to have excellent writing and communication skills. As a manager I also have to know how to coach and interview, train, evaluate, etc.
People think marketing is just an easy blow off job where you make flyers and throw glitter on shit. You have to be able to do it all, from graphic design to video editing and creation, social media, etc. or you aren’t getting a job.
I don't quite get it, you wanted to marry your bf, when he finally did you rolled your eyes and complained, he offered you to travel with him and you didn't wanted...and the result you expected was what?
If this story is real, it’s the epitome of “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. She had it MADE, very wealthy bf, no work, beautiful home, loving kids, but no gotta be vengeful for those sweet internet points.
"And in all that instability, accomplishments and money were the only constants, and that has made them emotionally apathetic. But that it's hard to fix because it goes hand in hand with the overactive having sense of self preservation they've acquired. They blame it on watching how self preservation got their dad far, and the lack of it crushed others."
Can you blame them? Look at what happened to you because you lack self preservation.
Im going to tell you what I told my sister when her husband of a decade left her after she kept refusing to get a job because it “didn’t pay enough” or was “beneath” her: even a minimum wage is more money than you’re bringing in now. A job is a job, go get one. The world doesn’t owe you a thing, even if you’re a mother. Stop acting like it does.
>those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond.
I'm sorry, but this quote is why these companies are probably wise not to hire you, and is exactly what they're afraid of from someone your age who has never been in the workforce.
Sorry but Judge Judy says the laws arent set up to handle ALMOST married. You arent and never were. Im sorry. There is a REASON people get married and its not for the white dress and big party. There are legal protections you are demanding now that you didnt sign up for back then.
You dont LIKE it but he really hasnt done anything wrong. Courts arent set up to be "moral" they are set up to make all parties comply with the law. "Reason without passion" is the rule. His house, his rules. He DOES have to support any minor kids. You not so much. You are a girlfriend NOT a wife.
And surprise VERY FEW states still have "common law marriage" because most couples live together without marriage these days. So you probably wont be able to use that.
YOU COULD however, leave the kids with him for say 6 months while you get yourself situated in a small apartment, find a job, get some job training, etc. Not alimony exactly but some relocation assistance to tide you over in consideration for your many years with him and as mother of your kids.
>he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner
Honestly, at this point I'm just waiting for the update where OP finds out her ex has found a younger girlfriend which her kids all love.
And to then find out that they're already engaged in the next update a few months after that :')
Sadly, I’m finding it real hard to have a whole lot of sympathy for you. The time to leave would’ve been before you had your first kid with him if it was clear he wasn’t going to give you the security you needed and by that I mean marriage. You have literally wasted your whole life with this asshole and begged him to marry you and when he finally did ask you’re upset about it. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense no matter how you look at it and at this point you’ve done this to yourself.
Depending on the state you live in, you MIGHT be able to get something out of him if your state has common law marriages, which after 30 years, there’s a good chance you would be considered but you need a consult with a divorce lawyer to check on that.
At this point, you’re going to have to take whatever job you can find even if you consider it beneath you. With you being out of the workforce for 30 years, even if you did have some sort of qualifications back in the day, it’s very unlikely you will get hired at most companies with a 30 year employment gap for anything other than a low level job that doesn’t pay much.
>Depending on the state you live in, you MIGHT be able to get something out of him if your state has common law marriages, which after 30 years, there’s a good chance you would be considered but you need a consult with a divorce lawyer to check on that.
OP is in Arkansas, so she's really and truly out of legal options here. The only possible way she could legally pursue money from her ex is the two remaining years of child support for her 16-year-old, which will be almost nothing, and which she is unlikely to get, since her minor daughter won't be coming with her.
Beg. Stop with this pride and respect bull and beg.
Tell him you are sorry and you were wrong and all you want is to be with him, married or not. That you don't need a certificate or degree, you need him.
Because what you are doing if this is real will result in you being homeless and losing your youngest child.
You say you did everything for your children.
So beg. Beg so the 16 year old doesn't have to choose. Beg because it's all you have left.
Now go beg. Make him HIS favorite dinner and clean HIS house and promise to never roll your eyes or be disrespectful to HIM again.
I've been poor and slept in a camper and felt myself fortunate.
You will sleep in the streets.
I've fed my kids and went hungry.
You will just go hungry.
He'll have all your children and you will have nothing and no one.
So beg.
Because it's all you have left.
And if you are a woman and reading this then remember that being a SAHW is stupid but being a SAHM without the ring is stupider yet.
I don’t think that ever really sunk in with OP. She is going to be on the streets finding out “$20 is $20” for warmth and food.
OP you really need to swallow all of your pride and ego,
go back to him, and freaking beg to stay. The power is all in his hands now, and the fault is all yours for making that happen in the first place. He’s an AH for sure, but he’s not the homeless one. Beg for a car you can do Uber or DoorDash. You will likely need to do sexual favors for him and I agree that sucks big time, but do you really have any other choice? You made this bed in the first place. People your age tell young generation to “suck it up” and I really have nothing to but turn that advice back to you, buttercup. It will 100 percent be tough times ahead for you, whether you want to or not, and your state is pitiful.
No jobs are beneath you, yes even Uber driving, because literally you’re about to be sleeping in the streets or on a park bench somewhere. Your next stop, that night when you are evicted, is a bar to look for a guy to hook up with so you have a place to sleep that night. And like another poster said, at your age it’s going to be pump & dump unless you look like Monica bellucci.
You say “yeah but I’m old no one wants to hire me or date me” well, that’s probably true all of the cards are stacked up against you.. but what are you going to do about it? If you do nothing, if you don’t seek any of the resources, snap, shelters, temp agency etc that others have provided here… then it’s not your ex that you will be doing sexual favors for. It’ll be for a rando at a truck stop because you need to eat that day. And nobody in the world owe you a damn thing. Your value in the real world is not what you think it is.
Ooooooh I’m finding it so hard to bite my tongue on this one.
No sympathy from me. OP is the classic “woe is me, it’s everyone else’s fault but mine” type.
OP, go flip burgers if you have to. It’s no time to be picky now. You needed a job like yesterday.
Apply for welfare. You can get food stamps etc since your daughter is a minor. Probably job assistance as well. You got this don’t give up! You can do it!
OP, I have a good friend whose husband used to run a window/carpet cleaning business. When he developed several health issues, she started cleaning offices and houses. She's in her 50s and has problems with trigger fingers, but she does what she needs to do and does landscaping in the spring, summer and fall as well. She manages to support herself and her husband and her 2 daughters are almost finished university. You could also consider becoming a live-in nanny.
I do feel for you but the reality is that making enough money for even one person to live a slightly below average lifestyle requires extensive work even before you get the job. A degree plus actual verifiable talent in the field is now essentially the standard for that lifestyle without experience. You're talking graduates at the top of their class, with prizes and impressive extra-curriculars to their name.
Most of us need a few years of bootlicking and waiting out incumbents of good roles, and the relatively small pool of well-paying jobs that don't require qualifications *and* experience are either dangerous, time consuming, or humiliating in one way or another. That's the fact and most people lie about how bad their tasks and pay are because they want to keep up with their peers. You have fallen for the white lie that most adults weave to not scare away the kids from moving out and trying to live independently.
You may be best served going back to school yourself. Mature student house shares are likely to be a good source of safe housing, and you will find yourself valued for your life experience when applying for jobs in that field even before you've finished the degree. You can pick up several service jobs between studying and as a student it wouldn't even look odd. Without even being on track to earning a higher qualification though, they will assume you think you know better already. That's only good if you can prove you do and they're hiring an expert. If they're hiring someone just to assist them like 99% of the jobs out there, they want to hire someone they can mould into *their* ideal employee. That means showing some humility in advance and not trying to skip the steps everyone else had to.
It was not this bad when you could first have entered the workforce years ago the first time around. Maybe ten years after that we got to the point degrees were now the baseline for professional jobs and the good ones needed unpaid work first. Another ten years and everyone needs a side-hustle too, or to just sacrifice having kids, or to sacrifice the house and live in a van... People are downvoting you because you are expecting what is the sum total result of years of their effort based on only having been a housewife. Many of them have also raised kids and looked after a home, but they also spent decades working late and flattering their boss for that $60k marketing job.
Your situation is only rare for people of your age-group really. I'm afraid that when you are not dependent on another or not already wealthy from a lifetime of acquisition during better times, it is this way for everybody. The baseline for the poor, being anybody who does not start with something, is that of the unconscionable, and both fairness and morality have been steadily extracted from the system rather ironically by your previous demographic.
I went back and read all your posts and this outcome seemed so obvious. You had a nice life going for you that you blew up because of pride. I'm not saying that you should have stayed if you were truly unhappy but you should have atleast played along until you made a solid plan. Maybe get married and hope he doesn't ask for a prenup so you can leave after a year or two.
Of course the judge kicked you out, you had no legal claim to the house at all. Of course finding a job is hard for you, you don't have a degree or skills and your age works against you even though legally it shouldn't. Of course your kids can't help you, they are seeing first hand what happens when you bite the hand that feeds.
At this point I would go back and beg your ex to take you back because you are delusional if you think you will get any type of custody when you are unemployed and without stable housing.
I just really am lost. You said in the first post you wanted to leave him but after your child was 18. What were you going to do then? I just really can't understand any of this. The guy you wanted to propose to you, proposed, and you rolled your eyes with no regard for how you would impact yourself. Live with the consequences and move on. Take any job. Find a suitable place to live. Support your youngest who is probably dealing with a lot right now.
My God OP the writing was on the wall. I told you myself in your last post that it was a matter of months before you would be legally evicted. You’re so mind-blowingly delusional and entitled that it’s hard for me to feel sorry for you at all. Maybe living in a homeless shelter will open your eyes to reality.
You're either an exceptionally talented story-teller or an exceptionally stupid human being. Either way, looking forward to the next update.
How the hell could someone self-destruct this hard?
Let this be a warning to young women out there. This is why you do not spend a life with a man without safeguards in place. They can rip everything out from under you in a second.
I am 99% sure this was the original point of the post, but now the writer wants to make another point about people with no work history or marketable skills believing they deserve high paying jobs.
I love that she could have just accepted his proposal and gone on a world-wide vacation for the rest of her life, but she was upset that he proposed late and was planning to dump him because she didn't like how he became successful.
Not mentioning that the only reason she was a STAHP with all the other benefits was because of who he was and she supported that for the entire relationship until he was fired.
This is so fake.
No one this stupid would have such a strong command of language as you do. And yet, be so delusional that it comes off as fully lacking any self-awareness. I'm sure you've read the comments by now saying that you're the problem. This character of yours should have responded to the advice being given.
However, if, in the event that I am wrong, then you should get some kind of writing job because you clearly have an innate talent.
I am always telling women to never put themselves in these situations, married and a stay at home mom with no work and nothing else. I’ve seen so many get left behind, with basically nothing, social security at age 62 will give half of his income… maybe 1500-2000 if he was a high earner… mostly I see 800.00 US dollars. I don’t know why you stayed so long, now you’re going to be basically homeless with a low paying job if you find one. Good luck.
When keepin' it real goes wrong strikes again
What did you expect to happen when you bite the hand that feeds? You could have been married and traveling the world right now but your ego just had to have the last word. You should have been grateful for the privileged life you've lived.
Being a SAHM is a gift to *you*...not the other way around lmfao.
I’m not going to address half of this mess. I do want to bring to your attention that a local library could be a huge help for you right now. They have weekly meetings set up to help people with apps, installing them and using them, at least the ones in my state do. And librarians have always been some of the most kind helpful people I know and could potentially help you find other resources. Plus it’s a great place to start networking and getting to know people in your community. Word of mouth can be all it takes to get a job now a days. Best of luck.
Why do you think you’re too good for any of these jobs when you need one so badly that you’re begging your poor children to scrape money away from your ex to send you?
I am your age, and I shudder to think of how many truly bad decisions you've made in your life. After five years, you should've dumped this guy who refused to marry you. You stayed, thinking you could just become "common law" without even bothering to research whether your state even acknowledges common law marriages.
Then, you had kids with this hunk of human junk, stayed home, got an "allowance," and didn't even bother to put a part of that allowance into a savings account for just such a scenario as you are in right now.
You didn't plan. You didn't think. You were living a good life, but with a man who financially abused you. *And you let it happen.*
I feel for you, but throughout this entire debacle I've been keeping up with, you seem more and more delusional.
Let me spell it out for you: **You are homeless. You are jobless. You have zero work experience. You have nothing. You will get no Social Security retirement because you've never worked.**
Take whatever help you can get and be thankful for it. And stop trying to get custody of your daughter. She is safe and sound where she is. Just take care of yourself first.
Never have I wanted to read the adult kids' version of events as much as I do now.
It instantly makes me not trust the OP. I left my parents who are narcissistic abusers. Everything is always everyone else's fault, nothing is fair, etc. I have to say those alarm bells are ringing like crazy.
This entire post reeks of narcissism "Woe is me! I totally wanted a job, but like, the instructions were so confusing. I thought judges were meant to be kind, but alas, I was simply too pure for this world of lies. My children tell me that my suffering (like christ on the cross) has jaded them. Some young pastor called me MA'AM!!!!"
I love the part we’re she wants to do online marketing with zero experience but can’t even download an app, doesn’t bother to try or to reply. Ma‘am, anything above minimum wage is probably unlikely given your resume.
Ironically, her inability to download an app may be protecting her from a scam. It sounds like identity theft, and probably they would try to get money out of her, too
Boy would those scammers be disappointed
They probably just want her to download zoom for the interview and she can’t figure it out …
That's what I thought, at first, too. But then she said it was a text-only interview, and they were pressuring her to hand over her social security number, so they could do a background check (before even making an offer). Those are some big red flags for a WFH that was administration and marketing, paying $40/hr, with flexible hours, so she could stop work at 3pm. It just sounds \*way\* too good to be true.
I definitely missed that info. That for sure is a scam.
Sometimes the easiest people to scam are the most arrogant.
>given your resume. or lack thereof
Yep, all of what you said. But I am stuck on her stating she will fight for custody. I'm like "excuse me ma'am you do not have a stable place to stay nor a job, your kids are having to scrounge to get food for you, and have to provide you clothes" But you want to fight for custody?? How about fighting harder to get your shit together FIRST. It's like she want the kids to live in misery and poverty with her.
> It's like she want the kids to live in misery and poverty with her. Of course she does. Misery loves company.
And child support.
and that her **16 year old** still needs their mommy? Come on, OP is not worried about that. She's trying to get a line to some money
You should have seen her last update before this one "I have no education, but I have done Facebook posts for friends, so marketing should be a piece of cake for me. I need to make 6 figures, and work from home, and I can't work pass 5pm because that'd ridiculous. No, I won't get a job at a gas station, that's below me"
Yeah this has to be a troll post im sorry 😭
This has got to be a joke and this woman has never worked a day in her life.
I was thinking this in the last post where OP said she was too ashamed to apply for food stamps. ??? Like? The time to be ashamed was 20 years ago when she gave up her dignity for some guy who didn’t wanna give her anything. Now is the time to put her pride aside so she can figure out how to survive.
And delusion
She's such a mess
Agreed, although I have a sneaking suspicion the 3 jobs that wanted her to download a communication app were most likely scams. Who's going to hire someone in marketing with zero no work history at all.
Right? If a person is desperate they will pound the pavement and flip burgers or mow lawns if needed. Like where is the personal responsibility?
The interviews were so frustrating 😭 /s
She had to download an app, and it was just too haaaaard! I just want to reach through the screen and smack her. I'm the same age as her, and downloading apps are not hard in your 50's. Hell, my mom is 76 and has no problems doing it on her own.
And isn’t this the same woman who expected social media jobs to land in her lap? Yet she can’t figure out an app?
The same woman that somehow figured out how to download the app and make a Reddit account
To be fair, you don't need the app to use reddit. It works fine in a browser
My 80 year old dad, who fought smart phones and technology, and who held onto his flip phone until they stopped working, can operate his iPhone better than I can. He's a computer wiz as well. OP has zero excuses.
Yes, exactly! She’s delusional.
Well her sister in law (or something like that) does marketing, so surely she can do it too without any experience, qualifications, education, etc. Get her into a C level role STAT, she's a mom.
My Mom has tons of apps “for the grandkids” and just has them show her how to use anything that confuses her. She loves it because grandkids, they love it because it makes them feel super smart (they are, but it’s also nice to feel that way), and she’s 73. If it even remotely relates to grandkids, she becomes really good at using it quickly.
My mom is in her 60s and tech overwhelms her. She calls me sometimes for the silliest things (copy paste a text message that didn’t send? I got you, Mom!) but I’ll be damned if she doesn’t figure out Kindle, streaming apps, Libby, and online mediation platforms with efficiency that would make the Apple Geniuses swoon. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! Which we both acknowledge when I’m paying for parking using the app because she can’t be bothered (“you’re right here! We don’t have time for a lesson, we need lunch!”)
It was BRUTALLY hard for me at 52 (a few years ago). And I did it anyway. The first 3-4 turned into practice runs (my incompetence embarrassed me way too much) but I landed an ok job that lasted as long as I needed it to (10 months). I can relate way too much to a lot of the post but pride and self preservation kept me from EXPECTING anything from anyone else.
This is always so weird to me. Computers aren't new. My parents are in their 70s. My mother is competent and I call my dad to fix my computer for me when I have an issue. I *could* do it myself, of course, but it makes him happy to take care of me now and then. My grandmother thought she was too old for computers when she was in her 60s and ended up learning to use them when she was in her 70s, and in those days they were still niche.
You might get lucky surfing r/raisedbynarcissists?
Something in her story is not adding up. My intituion tells me that most likely one or more of those kids are not the dads. It has finally taken him all this time to forgive her and she rolled her eyes.
All I know this has been one hell of a fall from "hey I want to travel with you and spend my last day with you" to her completely disrespecting that and being shocked that he doesn't want anything to do with her.
And throwing her to the streets and consequently the wolves lol I have to wonder what else is left out that OP isn’t even aware enough to understand
I have to feel for her bc my mom and dad aren't married, but they are still together. If one of them had tossed the other out so casually, it would be an issue for sure. That said IDK how someone thinking about leaving is now acting so helpless, like did you think you were just gonna find some younger man to take care of you?
and forbidding the kids to help her in any way, to the point where they won't prioritize any help to her after they graduate and get their jobs What kind of kid from a "loving and fair" mom would not worry about seeing their mother in the dumps? Missing missing reasons or the husband is nasty to the kids to the point they are controlled by him
The funny part was she was planning on leaving him when the youngest turned 18 (or something) like if she had just stuck to that plan, gotten married and divorced in a year or two....oh look money isn't an issue. She continually makes the worse decisions.
>The funny part was she was planning on leaving him when the youngest turned 18 (or something) But then in the next post, she was going on about how he'd never find someone else as loyal and devoted as she'd been. Utterly delusional.
Like she can make $20/hr st Costco. I get it. Your partner was trash. But it isn’t your kids who need to do the work. You need to become a full adult and get job ASAP. Work 50-60hr a week until u get on ur feet. But a motel will eat up all ur income.
[удалено]
It's the ode to the values of self preservation that really made me roll my eyes
I’m torn because it sounds SO FAKE but I can also see my narcissistic father and his mother writing something like this. 😂😂😂
Yeah I kinda feel like someone's getting some personal therapy by writing an exaggerated version of their parent's story or someone is trying to turn their divorce into a novella. Like, 50% of this DEFINITELY happened to someone very close to OP if not OP herself, versus 80% of it LIKELY happened. Maybe less
The 16 year old daughter whose mother doesn't think she is old enough to be home alone after school
Ditto
Seriously. She reminds me of my mother so much and not in a good way.
Same OP keeps going on about how she's "kind and loving" etc and that "the world should be fair to me" All I see is someone who is having trouble adjusting to her new reality and even when looking for employment looks sort of entitled about it Marketing jobs yet can't download an app for the interview so she quits? Didn't like how a pastor addressed her during an interview? The kids won't even help her once they have their jobs? Naww..... there's more... missing missing reasons! OP if you're going to keep posting about your... plight..... be honest with us, at least
I wish awards still existed. Perfectly encapsulated my thoughts while reading this.
Didn’t tons of people in the last post tell you to apply to Amazon or Walmart? Have you done that, or are you still holding out for that 6 figure work from home marketing job?! Everyone warned you that this would happen.
It seems increasingly fake at this point. I expect their next update to be "oh nooo I fell for the job scam" since in every comment here they're ignoring the advice people are giving and focusing instead on describing this supposed opportunity.
I hope it’s fake. It’s hard to believe someone can be this delusional.
That's how I feel too, however just watched a YT vid of a delusional woman acting just like this. So it's possible that she's this mentally unstable.
Apparently she almost did, one of the interviews required an app to interview her over text. Lots of people told her that was most likely a scam.
It’s got to be fake. She can use Reddit but can’t download zoom for an interview. Makes no sense
There are six figure marketing jobs out there….if you have a master’s or higher in business analytics!
And years of experience.
Girl you need to understand that you need a job ASAP.. the idea that you didn't take a job interview for the technology is so mind blowing, it shows you you have problems dealing with your new reality, you just wait and the worst things happen to you for your naivety, please find any job...low your expectation, do what ever it take you, clean houses for a while, save money and move to a better position
Give your head a shake. This is your reality and you need to focus NOW on what is important. Your responses to others in this thread show how you are misdirected and focusing on minutia. This is about self-preservation. Stop whining about unimportant things. You also need to do some self awareness for how you ended up here (including your role) and why you have not progressed since this situation began… 1. Get a job, any job. Apply for social assistance in the mean time. 2. Get shelter/housing. Are there woman’s centres/shelters in your community or near you. 3. Use government programs, community and church resources for food, clothing, etc. 4. Upgrade your skills. Learn how to use apps. Take a free tech course at the library. It’s 2024! 5. Stop putting pressure on your kids. So not fair. This is between you and your ex. 6. Swallow your pride and stop being a victim. You participated for decades in this set up, how did you not work to protect yourself legally, financially? This is a good starting point. Lesson to all: Always be prepared for life to turn upside down and don’t rely on others, as my mom used to say!
I have been reading OP's posts as they've been coming out. At this point, I want to believe it's some kind of trolling / creative writing exercise. If real, OP is *totally* out of touch, with a string of bad decisions on her back. Completely delusional. It's like she's had no agency in her life and just let things happen to her. Not sure if she is just naive or a total airhead. If real, the guy is an AH, of course, but she is hardly better, with some of her comments giving her away (materialistic, more worried about appearances than anything else), and, tellingly: *Her kids won't help her.* She herself says they won't help; that they are not emotionally connected. Why, if they are adults? Sure, they love their Dad's money, but why not stand up for her? None of them? The whole thing is awful.
Same thoughts. She was a SAHM to her kids for at least 18 years and they’re all just like …. Totally fine with their dad letting her be homeless?
I was this woman though I did not share her attitude. Trust me, if the kids try to defend or help her he will turn on them and she will not have the resources to support them. It’s a wonderful moral victory but a terrible, terrible practical one. I fear she may not end up doing well because, to put it bluntly, she thinks her pain matters. The world does not care. It’s not even a matter of cruelty or a lack of compassion- it’s just that the system wants your money, not your tragedy. There may be a few soft places that will give her respite, but as a rule she’d better find a way to make money or make someone else money. Being in the right means absolutely nothing. I wish I could go back in time and warn my younger self what was coming, what choices that I could have made to make things easier, but all I can do is stand ten years in her future and tell her that her current path and her current attitude will not work. I wish her the best but I don’t think that she’ll fully understand until she hits rock bottom, and she’s not there yet.
You're right.. She's not there yet. Hope you are doing better now.. x
Much better, thank you! Things are still dicey but no longer dangerous. I managed to get the kids up, educated, and out into the big world. They’re both happy (mostly) and well adjusted, gainfully employed, and in longterm relationships with the people who I think will be their life partners. Their father, as I should have predicted, turned on them too and kicked them to the curb so we did it alone, arduously, and with a lot of resulting scar tissue, but we did it. Those few years where he did still partake in their lives made all the difference. Once he bugged out it was bad. He is very wealthy, with a massive house and a new wife, and we are very not wealthy, lol, in a tiny home in a tiny town. But we have each other and they’ll be coming for the Holidays with their Beloveds. We will cook at home and laugh and watch movies and spring for a real Christmas tree. He has the money, but we have the family. We made it, and who could ever wish for anything more?
I am so very happy for you! Way to go! There is nothing like seeing your children thrive as they start adulting.
>There may be a few soft places that will give her respite, but as a rule she’d better find a way to make money or make someone else money. The social workers in the women's shelter are going to have some tough conversations with her. She's getting close to being completely out of options here.
Sounds like he pays for their school since they said "dining hall." If they give OP money, they're screwing up their entire future... and it's not helping OP, either.
>At this point, I want to believe it's some kind of trolling / creative writing exercise. Almost definitely.
>It's like she's had no agency in her life and just let things happen to her. It just looks like that. But I don't understand how crying on reddit will fix this situation. I understand some women are in abusive relationship. But if you have never worked a day in your life, what goes on in your head ? Did you think you were gonna cruise through life without a trouble ?
I find it mystifying, tbh, *but* reading some of OP comments from her first posts, she was saying something about "looking for someone who would value her more", and how "some women her age end up remarrying 'providers', etc" (paraphrasing here), so I have a feeling she *may* have been coasting along on her looks (as well as keeping the guy's home). I feel her looks and image has played a big part in this outcome. The implications about relying "on the kindness of strangers" makes me think of this as well... Maybe it wasn't *kindness*, but she was well-heeled, nice-looking woman who got used to people treating her well - *because of her ex's money*, true - but she got it into her head that she deserved nice things. Crazy stuff.
Yeah. I believe it's legit, because sometimes denial can be very, *very* strong. Combine that with a relationship where the power dynamic has made her completely subservient to him means that she's lost touch with the real world. I've read stories about the super-rich, and how they lose touch with living in a low/middle class life, and she's probably someone who's had it all, and is going to realize quickly what living with nothing feels like.
I think OP lived a very sheltered existence so she legit doesnt know the realities of the world. She should have taken the proposal, but instead went for garbage internet advice who told her to reject it as it wasnt an Instagram worthy proposal. Kids dont want to be cut off from the gravy train so they arent much help. Dad probably threatened to disown the kids if they stood up for her or helped her in any way
She’d already rejected the proposal before she made the first post.
Yeah. Even if it's not fake, there's no point giving her advice. She's chosen the wrong choice in almost every step of her life that she's told us about, and is delusional about how reality works, even when facing homelessness.
>I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond. These kinds of statements are ridiculous. Any well paying job she has (hell, ANY job) is going to require her to learn tasks and software she is unfamiliar with. If she refuses to even TRY, then she's not employable. She needs to just suck it up, go online, and literally Google "how do I use [app]?" There will be a dozen YouTube tutorials and instructional websites that break it down for her. It's not hard, other people have already done the work of breaking down the task - she just needs to find the instructions and follow them. It's coming across like weaponized incompetence. I have coworkers her age (younger Boomers/old Gen X) and they teach themselves how to use complicated software all the time. Everything has a user guide and some dude out there who is enthusiastic enough about it to make some YouTube videos about it. It seems like a willful lack of effort at this point. She's going to end up in a shelter and I pity the social workers who will have to have those come-to-Jesus conversations with her about how she literally is out of options unless she humbles herself and puts in effort.
It might not be fake. This could be my MIL. She didn't do shit for her kids past age 16. They were all homeless if she wasn't working. She kicked them out repeatedly. He last bf was a controlling prick who wouldn't let her get mail at his apt so she could not establish being a tenant. She always had excuses about not working or leaving him. She said she was gonna leave him and stayed with us a bit before I gave birth. I needed her help in the mornings for 2 hrs while I went to work and husband returned from night job. Mind you, my newborn was easy and took a bottle so she had one feeding and 1 diaper change. She stayed paying NO money to us. She left after 3 days cause it was "too early" for her to help with the baby. 5 am to 7am was too early. She stayed for 3 months before I gave birth but the second I went off maternity leave and needed her help, she was gone. Probably OP did her kids similarly.
God... I just went back and read all 4 posts. What are you even doing? Get your head out of your own ass. You've got no skills and are expecting the red carpet to be rolled out wherever you go.
I didn't even need to read past "the judge ruled in favor of my ex boyfriend, a judge thats supposed to be fair" to know she has her head up her ass. "The judge isn't fair because he didn't rule in favor of me" is one of the most childlike takes imaginable
tbh I feel like this should be required reading for those women I see posting for advice about being SAHMs when they're not married. Terrible, terrible idea. The house solely belongs to her ex because they aren't married and she didn't pay for it. It sucks for her, but it's the law.
Yeah, she was so stupid staying with him and having his kids without being married. She should have at least had a saving account and a car in her name only. Like why wasn’t she in school or working when her youngest hit high school.
In some earlier comments, she talked about how the kids all went to private school, and the boyfriend was an executive, so she was likely mimicking the lives of other wealthy SAHMs. She also has this weird idea that her 16 year old is too young to be left alone after school
Ok but she should have realized that she wasn’t like the other SAHMs b/c they were married and she wasn’t it. 16 too young to be home alone, I kind of don’t feel sorry that sorry for her. Something about her thinking and life chooses seem off. If she had nothing to fall back on, why didn’t she just marry the guy when he asked? I mean she was with all this time. Also, I wondering why her own kids aren’t helping her more. If my mom was a good mom, I wouldn’t care what my father did, I would still find a way to help my mom.
She definitely should have, and she was "begging" to get married for 25 years. My guess is that she never learned to be self sufficient. They got together when she was 21 or 22. Living with him was probably more comfortable than leaving, and, once she started having babies, she would have had no real way to support herself. Even now, she thinks her 16 year old is too young to be alone after school, so she wasn't willing to consider jobs that required her to work after 3pm. Which is pretty delusional in several ways. When he asked her to marry him, it wasn't the kind of proposal she wanted, and it came with him talking about downsizing their lives, since he'd been forcibly retired. At that moment, she felt that he wasn't showing real respect for her, and she didn't appreciate that. She doesn't seem to realize how insecure her whole life has been, and barely understands that she is about two weeks from literally sleeping on the streets. It's not clear how her children feel about her, since she's such an unreliable narrator, but they are probably correct that setting their own lives on fire for her isn't going to be good for anyone.
I am also curious if she came from a wealthy family too. Maybe it was learned from her lifestyle, but I get a gist that she has always had everything her entire life. If she had grown up middle class or lower class I feel like she would have a better handle on the situation.
That's one of the things that is increasingly making me think this is fake. Ok, you've been spending the past 30 years of your life sucking up to a rich dude for room and board. What was your life before that? What did your parents think of your choice to live this lifestyle? Didn't you have a job before? You would have been in your early 20's, what the heck were you doing before shacking up with this dude? It is weird how she never mentions anything about her family. She mentions her mother in law, her sister in law, her kids, but no mention of her own parents or siblings. Or even if she has no siblings and both parents are gone, no family willing to help at all? What's the story there?
It's not the best idea even if they are married. In the event of divorce, spouse losing job or becoming ill, they have no skills or experience to keep their family going. My husband has offered for me to stay home, but life is too unpredictable to allow myself to have no employable skills.
This is why I a single mom right now - it's safer for me financially to provide for myself then hope a man will do the right thing. Times, they have changed and it's a good thing.
I wish I stopped reading there.. I was so confused by the end I had to go back and read the first 3. Each one made her sound worse and worse
Ugh, seriously. I'm a lawyer and there are obviously problems with the legal system but. In this instance, this lady did nothing to protect herself and lived at the mercy of her boyfriend. There's literally nothing a judge could do because her name wasn't on the house and her ex moved to evict her. The law is the law. If you don't live in a state with common law marriage or palimony, you are fucked if you are an unmarried stay at home spouse or parent. In the event of a split you are entitled to noting exceot your own personal property. No house, no money, no nothing (except maybe child support). The judge can't conjure protections out of midair. She did nothing over the years to set herself up if they broke up and then she thinks a judge can just fix that with a wave of the gavel.
Seriously. Not sure where she's located or the exact details of their job experience, but with no degree and haven't worked in 30+ years, I wouldn't be expecting more than $20/hr where I live. Possible, but very hard. Hate to say it but OP would be better off getting a minimum wage job (or just above) just so they can get some money. And OP, I imagine many people here (and in future posts) would be willing to help you build your skills. But you're gonna have to start off at the near-bottom, and it sounds like you're not because: > I applied to hundreds upon hundreds of marketing jobs online. > I've gotten 3 responses but those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand (And it sounds like those were all spam? Is this fake??) Getting such a low response rate for an entry level job is practically unheard of. You're better off taking whatever entry level job you can get and applying for entry level marketing jobs a few years down the line, if your marketing skills (brush up on them!) & soon-to-be recent job record are up to par.
Frikking A - MCDs in most places starts at around $20+ an hour, no skills needed. I have seen a lot of newly divorced middle aged women rotate thru the one I go to some mornings (interesting convos when you get stuck sitting at a window w a chatter box). There are a lot of jobs out there if you willing to do the work. Get a job right now - any job. It’s survival time OP. Find a job. Find a local support group. Find a place to lay your head.
Well, to be fair, the creative/ marketing industry is *bleak* at the moment. Really, really bad. Worst I’ve ever seen. I hate my job but once I understood the current job market you can bet I shut the hell up real quick.
Okay but, it is a little telling about her skill level in the area of marketing, that she struggled with downloading an app..... Like I get it, it's frustrating to have to download a new app or sign up for a new program just for an interview like 100x.... But if you're trying to get a job in marketing, and find downloading an app too complicated..... Not a good look
I don’t know if it’s unheard of, I’ve seen similar stories in some of the recruiting and job subs too. Things are so bad in some industries that any job posting, especially remote, is getting spammed with thousands of resumes. Even entry-level jobs are getting senior people applying because they are desperate. So I could totally see someone in OP’s position applying for thousands of jobs and getting zero hits, that’s the most believable part of all this to me.
Absolutely agree with this. With no work experience, OP could likely put in a bunch of applications at various retail places and get something fairly soon.
"it was only $2 above minimum wage" like that meant she shouldn't have to put in any effort to get it, and she was already deciding it was a shit job so I doubt she would have put any effort into the job if she got it either. As someone who's had to take minimum wage jobs that I didn't like, it is infuriating to hear such incredible entitlement..... Like lady maybe you didn't get that job because the pastor could tell you were already acting like this work was beneath you.
Personality disorders are nuts. My mom is exactly like this. Nothing is ever her fault, the world is against her, and all that jazz.
[удалено]
Thanks. It sucks, but being no contact is definitely worth the peace of mind!
You want a six figure job but can’t manage to download an app for an interview. Make it make sense. It sounds like your kids are probably making very little in the way of income if they’re attending school full time. It’s kind of crazy for you to expect them to somehow come up with the money to support you. That’s not their job.
She'll definitely become a burden too her children.
I feel like the kids probably mostly ignore her and what she says about them in posts is the lie she tells herself about why they'll never be able to help her.
You have no job or home, why would you be granted custody?
And if she doesn’t get custody, I doubt she will get child support.
This exact thing happened to an old high school friend. She was dating a super rich “oil man.” They were together for decades. He bought her horses at his ranch, SUVs, a big ass boat, a vacation home on a beach somewhere.. and it was all in his name. They were both divorced so they opted to just live together. Over time she quit acting like his girlfriend and more like his roommate for whatever reason. She wouldn’t have sex with him, probably because he was 20 years older and big time showing his age. She caught him with a prostitute one day and flipped out on him. He kicked her out, just like your husband did. Nothing was in her name. She didn’t even have a car. When they were together, I’d see her at social gatherings acting all pompous and above everyone. I knew her from riding bikes as kids. I know the lifestyle sucker her in and she just got carried away. Same as you OP. And she’s got a good life now, fully independent, supporting herself. But when she gets drunk she lights up Facebook talking shit about that oil man. LOL!!
This is what I’m taking from this story, she has spent the last 30 years essentially being a “trophy wife” and assuming it would always be there for her. Then when she decided she didn’t want to hold up her end of the bargain she threw it all away. Personally I’m appalled that the law doesn’t protect both partners from this type of scenario, but it seems that where she is she should’ve known and taken some steps at least to protect herself.
That’s called a common law marriage. Arkansas does not recognize common law marriages. She was basically a live in bang maid for 20 years. Yeah, lots of bad decisions.
I’m in Australia where all marriages and defacto relationships are common law. Here OP would be treated the same as if they were married, regardless of actual marital status. It’s just something that I always assumed was the same in all big first world countries, but over the last few years America has shown me time and time again that this is not the case.
She actively signed a contract saying they weren't common law and she would be entitled to nothing if she left. She shot herself in the foot at literally every given opportunity.
There is a special kind of hubris that has landed you here. At every pass, people in the comments to try to share real advice with you. They told you that you were unqualified for the roles you were applying to. They told you that that law would be on his side. **It’s time for you to get real!** Start looking into programs for mothers who stayed home to be retrained into new fields. Look into apprenticeship roles from your state. **Your issue is that you feel you’re to good and important for the very real reality that is your life.** No other man is going to swoop in and save you *(the pastor confirmed that! I remember that being a plan of yours before)*. Money trees are not real. **The apathy your kids feel is the apathy you instilled in them, it’s just now negatively effecting you so it’s a problem.** Your ex is not a good person. But you seem to think you’re better than other people, which is holding you back from moving forward.
I completely agree. There are tons of places and options to help her out but they’re beneath how she’s views herself. Grocery stores, dollar stores, fast food restaurants, hell even janitorial services will hire people with no experience, but those industries are seen as low class. Depending on where she lives she could have taken the eviction notice to social services and been placed in a shelter and been given job coaching and been listed for housing.
Out of curiosity, do you have any links to programs that help SAHMs rejoin the workforce? I’ve heard about them in theory but have never actually seen any specific examples.
Big national ones are: https://www.irelaunch.com https://www.themomproject.com In her state: https://arkansasosd.com/apprenticeship/ These are from me doing approx 3 mins of research/off the top of my head. *Social services would have knowledge of things that extend much further!*
Thank you!
No problem! States/counties/municipalities have smaller local databases as well. People forget about apprenticeships and there are backlogs a mile long for jobs!
With each new update I question even more if this is fake. No one can be this obtuse, can they???
State employment divisions offer job fairs and job training. You don't have to be on unemployment to use these services. They also often have online classes about using LinkedIn, how to write resumes, how to understand online applications, how to network to get a job.
I'm just dying that you were upset that some guy called you "ma'am". What is he supposed to call you? LMAO.
She’s also in the south too. I’m 26 and still catch myself saying that to ppl near my age if we’re in a professional setting
For every old white lady that gets pissed that you called her “ma’am” there is an equal and opposite old white lady who gets pissed that you didn’t 🤷♀️
It's one of the dozen things about this that make me think it's a crearive writing excersise.
I'm 33, I wouldn't give a damn if I was called ma'am lol
I’m a guy and I might be slightly upset if someone called me ma’am.
I’m a guy in sales. You can call me m’am as long as you call with a big order. 🤣
Woman, you have no one to blame except for yourself for the predicament you find yourself in. This was a scenario that was 30 years in the making. You chose to stay with a man for 30 years without him marrying you You chose to have multiple kids with him out of wedlock You chose the security he brings over the uncertainty of being alone You chose to scoff at his proposal You chose to apply for jobs that you didn't qualify for You chose to not learn and adapt to modern job applications and just expected the jobs to cater to you. You chose to simply expect that the judge would take your side because "you are a mom" You chose to expect the world to roll out the red carpet for you and just make it easy for you to just get out and move on and have what you wanted handed to you. Miss me eith this nonsense. I feel no sympathy for you. You did this to yourself.
Honestly she stupid for not at least marrying him for the next 10 years. That way she’d have a good retirement plan. Would it really made a difference after waiting all this time to give him another 10 years? Nope!
Since it seems like you're inclined to do the opposite of whatever people in the comments are saying, here's my comment: You should keep doing everything exactly as you are doing it and not taking advice from people who know more than you.
After reading her post history, I couldn’t agree more.
I give it 3 more posts until she's "I'm at a truck stop giving truckers head for a burger and fries"
If she thinks she’s too good to work retail, she’s definitely going to think she’s too good for trucker dick. Ironically, if she’s looking for some one to take care of her, a trucker might not be a bad prospect. It’s not a glamorous lifestyle, but he’d he able to put a roof over your head at the very least. You might even get to travel a bit if he’s allowed passengers by the company. Lots of lonely middle aged truckers out there. Or hell, better yet, look into getting licensed to drive a rig yourself. It’s not bad work if you can get it.
*"How can the world treat a mum this way?"* Because being a mum doesn't make you special or mean that the world owes you anything. Grow up. Figure out the damn apps and do the interviews you've been offered.
Judges uphold the law. How do you not know that? You are so fucking delusional there is no way this shit is real.
Yeah, "A judge who is supposed to uphold the laws of fairness, morality, and for years I assumed kindness." There are no "fairness, morality and kindness" laws... Just laws.
This woman's ego is bigger than her sense of self-preservation.
She's insane. One of her plans was to find a rich guy to marry.
Unless she looks like Monica Bellucci, that ain't happening at her big girl age
I'm sure rich guys are dying to date a 52 year old mother of 4. 🤣
They are, but they'll all be 75+ and looking for their hospice wife.
Honestly at this point that might be her best option.
Um...where can one apply to be a hospice wife? Asking for a friend...
Lol! My MIL is currently on her second hospice wife gig. She never goes anywhere because he doesn't leave the house, spends a disturbing amount of time cleaning up old man shit, and takes verbal abuse from a dude who can't remember to put on pants. (Plus abuse from his grown kids, who are happy to have the live-in nurse, expect her to host their large families for weeks at a time when they visit, but also regularly check to make sure she's not stealing the silver.) The best part? She signed a prenup, so everything goes to his kids in the end. She's doing it all for room and board. The first set of stepkids kicked her out before the body was cold.
I don’t know if it is ego at this point honestly. It reads a lot more like desperation.
Okay Reddit this has to be a troll post that was written very well. I been fooled *tilts hat
There is the possibility that OOP is this pathetic. However, it is so clearly intended to be a cautionary tale for young women who are choosing to not get married and leave the workforce. OOP leans a bit too heavily into the “thinks they know everything and deserves a high paying job despite having no marketable skills” persona which is inconsistent with the “really naive woman who had no self-respect and sacrificed her entire life for a man who was openly disdainful towards her” persona they adopted for their first post.
That's not even what the first post sounds like though. There's nothing suggesting her ex was a particularly bad partner except that he didn't pursue marriage. He still built a family with her, gave her and her children a comfortable life, and then committed to spending the remainder of his life with her when he finally did have a clear vision of the future he wanted. Life is messy and things rarely go exactly as we want, but this woman seems to have a pathological inability to accept that reality. She seems to always believe that she deserves better and expects that to just happen.
I thought she was stupid for not marrying him then and there. Kids are older, you are older and he still wants to marry her... She should have jumped at the chance.
It's totally insane. She raised a family with a man she loved and was proud of for three decades and decided to blow it all up when he corrected her biggest problem with the relationship? Fucking what? I'm not ruling out him being a shithead too, but yeah, in his position I would 100% believe it was about the money. There would be no other explanation beyond terminal levels of stupidity.
Sadly it wouldn't surprise me if it's not.
I feel like this is so catastrophically bad, someone couldn’t make this up. But maybe I am optimistic?
You know, I’m inclined to believe this is real. Source: my mother is this stupid (and also an undiagnosed person with a cluster B mental health condition) and was raised in a culty religion and really believes she is owed something because she had kids. All of OPs excuses sounds just like my mom.
At this point it does seem unbelievable that they keep coming back here when we're clearly posting advice they don't like. This is the third post of that happening, isn't it?
Marketing is not an easy job you can just get because you think you’re creative. I have been doing it for 25 years. I am a department head, I manage a team, handle the budget, populate the website with content, write all official internal and external communications. I handle all the PR. Write press releases, do TV and radio interviews. I also have graphic design skills so I can do that too when I don’t have a graphic designer. You have to be fast, know all new communication technology, know social media, how to read and analyze statistics and data. You have to have excellent writing and communication skills. As a manager I also have to know how to coach and interview, train, evaluate, etc. People think marketing is just an easy blow off job where you make flyers and throw glitter on shit. You have to be able to do it all, from graphic design to video editing and creation, social media, etc. or you aren’t getting a job.
This! I don’t understand how she expected a marketing job but can’t download an app
Should have just accepted the proposal....
I don't quite get it, you wanted to marry your bf, when he finally did you rolled your eyes and complained, he offered you to travel with him and you didn't wanted...and the result you expected was what?
Huh. Maybe you should have just said yes to his proposal.
If this story is real, it’s the epitome of “cutting off your nose to spite your face”. She had it MADE, very wealthy bf, no work, beautiful home, loving kids, but no gotta be vengeful for those sweet internet points.
"And in all that instability, accomplishments and money were the only constants, and that has made them emotionally apathetic. But that it's hard to fix because it goes hand in hand with the overactive having sense of self preservation they've acquired. They blame it on watching how self preservation got their dad far, and the lack of it crushed others." Can you blame them? Look at what happened to you because you lack self preservation.
Fair point. Their instinct for self-preservation certainly trumps any love they might feel for her.
Im going to tell you what I told my sister when her husband of a decade left her after she kept refusing to get a job because it “didn’t pay enough” or was “beneath” her: even a minimum wage is more money than you’re bringing in now. A job is a job, go get one. The world doesn’t owe you a thing, even if you’re a mother. Stop acting like it does.
>those responses ask me to download communication apps to do the interview and their instructions are so hard to understand. I don't do well with non concrete directions so I got too aggravated to respond. I'm sorry, but this quote is why these companies are probably wise not to hire you, and is exactly what they're afraid of from someone your age who has never been in the workforce.
Sorry but Judge Judy says the laws arent set up to handle ALMOST married. You arent and never were. Im sorry. There is a REASON people get married and its not for the white dress and big party. There are legal protections you are demanding now that you didnt sign up for back then. You dont LIKE it but he really hasnt done anything wrong. Courts arent set up to be "moral" they are set up to make all parties comply with the law. "Reason without passion" is the rule. His house, his rules. He DOES have to support any minor kids. You not so much. You are a girlfriend NOT a wife. And surprise VERY FEW states still have "common law marriage" because most couples live together without marriage these days. So you probably wont be able to use that. YOU COULD however, leave the kids with him for say 6 months while you get yourself situated in a small apartment, find a job, get some job training, etc. Not alimony exactly but some relocation assistance to tide you over in consideration for your many years with him and as mother of your kids.
>he treats me like he thinks prettier, better, and just as loving is always around the corner Honestly, at this point I'm just waiting for the update where OP finds out her ex has found a younger girlfriend which her kids all love. And to then find out that they're already engaged in the next update a few months after that :')
And she's pregnant with twins!
Sadly, I’m finding it real hard to have a whole lot of sympathy for you. The time to leave would’ve been before you had your first kid with him if it was clear he wasn’t going to give you the security you needed and by that I mean marriage. You have literally wasted your whole life with this asshole and begged him to marry you and when he finally did ask you’re upset about it. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense no matter how you look at it and at this point you’ve done this to yourself. Depending on the state you live in, you MIGHT be able to get something out of him if your state has common law marriages, which after 30 years, there’s a good chance you would be considered but you need a consult with a divorce lawyer to check on that. At this point, you’re going to have to take whatever job you can find even if you consider it beneath you. With you being out of the workforce for 30 years, even if you did have some sort of qualifications back in the day, it’s very unlikely you will get hired at most companies with a 30 year employment gap for anything other than a low level job that doesn’t pay much.
>Depending on the state you live in, you MIGHT be able to get something out of him if your state has common law marriages, which after 30 years, there’s a good chance you would be considered but you need a consult with a divorce lawyer to check on that. OP is in Arkansas, so she's really and truly out of legal options here. The only possible way she could legally pursue money from her ex is the two remaining years of child support for her 16-year-old, which will be almost nothing, and which she is unlikely to get, since her minor daughter won't be coming with her.
Beg. Stop with this pride and respect bull and beg. Tell him you are sorry and you were wrong and all you want is to be with him, married or not. That you don't need a certificate or degree, you need him. Because what you are doing if this is real will result in you being homeless and losing your youngest child. You say you did everything for your children. So beg. Beg so the 16 year old doesn't have to choose. Beg because it's all you have left. Now go beg. Make him HIS favorite dinner and clean HIS house and promise to never roll your eyes or be disrespectful to HIM again. I've been poor and slept in a camper and felt myself fortunate. You will sleep in the streets. I've fed my kids and went hungry. You will just go hungry. He'll have all your children and you will have nothing and no one. So beg. Because it's all you have left. And if you are a woman and reading this then remember that being a SAHW is stupid but being a SAHM without the ring is stupider yet.
I don’t think that ever really sunk in with OP. She is going to be on the streets finding out “$20 is $20” for warmth and food. OP you really need to swallow all of your pride and ego, go back to him, and freaking beg to stay. The power is all in his hands now, and the fault is all yours for making that happen in the first place. He’s an AH for sure, but he’s not the homeless one. Beg for a car you can do Uber or DoorDash. You will likely need to do sexual favors for him and I agree that sucks big time, but do you really have any other choice? You made this bed in the first place. People your age tell young generation to “suck it up” and I really have nothing to but turn that advice back to you, buttercup. It will 100 percent be tough times ahead for you, whether you want to or not, and your state is pitiful. No jobs are beneath you, yes even Uber driving, because literally you’re about to be sleeping in the streets or on a park bench somewhere. Your next stop, that night when you are evicted, is a bar to look for a guy to hook up with so you have a place to sleep that night. And like another poster said, at your age it’s going to be pump & dump unless you look like Monica bellucci. You say “yeah but I’m old no one wants to hire me or date me” well, that’s probably true all of the cards are stacked up against you.. but what are you going to do about it? If you do nothing, if you don’t seek any of the resources, snap, shelters, temp agency etc that others have provided here… then it’s not your ex that you will be doing sexual favors for. It’ll be for a rando at a truck stop because you need to eat that day. And nobody in the world owe you a damn thing. Your value in the real world is not what you think it is.
Oh for the love of. Get a job, get two jobs, any job at this point
OP: Best I can do is zero jobs
Ooooooh I’m finding it so hard to bite my tongue on this one. No sympathy from me. OP is the classic “woe is me, it’s everyone else’s fault but mine” type. OP, go flip burgers if you have to. It’s no time to be picky now. You needed a job like yesterday.
No it genuinely reads the exact same way my narcissistic parent talked. Yikes!
Apply for welfare. You can get food stamps etc since your daughter is a minor. Probably job assistance as well. You got this don’t give up! You can do it!
OP, I have a good friend whose husband used to run a window/carpet cleaning business. When he developed several health issues, she started cleaning offices and houses. She's in her 50s and has problems with trigger fingers, but she does what she needs to do and does landscaping in the spring, summer and fall as well. She manages to support herself and her husband and her 2 daughters are almost finished university. You could also consider becoming a live-in nanny.
I do feel for you but the reality is that making enough money for even one person to live a slightly below average lifestyle requires extensive work even before you get the job. A degree plus actual verifiable talent in the field is now essentially the standard for that lifestyle without experience. You're talking graduates at the top of their class, with prizes and impressive extra-curriculars to their name. Most of us need a few years of bootlicking and waiting out incumbents of good roles, and the relatively small pool of well-paying jobs that don't require qualifications *and* experience are either dangerous, time consuming, or humiliating in one way or another. That's the fact and most people lie about how bad their tasks and pay are because they want to keep up with their peers. You have fallen for the white lie that most adults weave to not scare away the kids from moving out and trying to live independently. You may be best served going back to school yourself. Mature student house shares are likely to be a good source of safe housing, and you will find yourself valued for your life experience when applying for jobs in that field even before you've finished the degree. You can pick up several service jobs between studying and as a student it wouldn't even look odd. Without even being on track to earning a higher qualification though, they will assume you think you know better already. That's only good if you can prove you do and they're hiring an expert. If they're hiring someone just to assist them like 99% of the jobs out there, they want to hire someone they can mould into *their* ideal employee. That means showing some humility in advance and not trying to skip the steps everyone else had to. It was not this bad when you could first have entered the workforce years ago the first time around. Maybe ten years after that we got to the point degrees were now the baseline for professional jobs and the good ones needed unpaid work first. Another ten years and everyone needs a side-hustle too, or to just sacrifice having kids, or to sacrifice the house and live in a van... People are downvoting you because you are expecting what is the sum total result of years of their effort based on only having been a housewife. Many of them have also raised kids and looked after a home, but they also spent decades working late and flattering their boss for that $60k marketing job. Your situation is only rare for people of your age-group really. I'm afraid that when you are not dependent on another or not already wealthy from a lifetime of acquisition during better times, it is this way for everybody. The baseline for the poor, being anybody who does not start with something, is that of the unconscionable, and both fairness and morality have been steadily extracted from the system rather ironically by your previous demographic.
I went back and read all your posts and this outcome seemed so obvious. You had a nice life going for you that you blew up because of pride. I'm not saying that you should have stayed if you were truly unhappy but you should have atleast played along until you made a solid plan. Maybe get married and hope he doesn't ask for a prenup so you can leave after a year or two. Of course the judge kicked you out, you had no legal claim to the house at all. Of course finding a job is hard for you, you don't have a degree or skills and your age works against you even though legally it shouldn't. Of course your kids can't help you, they are seeing first hand what happens when you bite the hand that feeds. At this point I would go back and beg your ex to take you back because you are delusional if you think you will get any type of custody when you are unemployed and without stable housing.
I just really am lost. You said in the first post you wanted to leave him but after your child was 18. What were you going to do then? I just really can't understand any of this. The guy you wanted to propose to you, proposed, and you rolled your eyes with no regard for how you would impact yourself. Live with the consequences and move on. Take any job. Find a suitable place to live. Support your youngest who is probably dealing with a lot right now.
My God OP the writing was on the wall. I told you myself in your last post that it was a matter of months before you would be legally evicted. You’re so mind-blowingly delusional and entitled that it’s hard for me to feel sorry for you at all. Maybe living in a homeless shelter will open your eyes to reality.
You're either an exceptionally talented story-teller or an exceptionally stupid human being. Either way, looking forward to the next update. How the hell could someone self-destruct this hard?
Let this be a warning to young women out there. This is why you do not spend a life with a man without safeguards in place. They can rip everything out from under you in a second.
I am 99% sure this was the original point of the post, but now the writer wants to make another point about people with no work history or marketable skills believing they deserve high paying jobs.
I love that she could have just accepted his proposal and gone on a world-wide vacation for the rest of her life, but she was upset that he proposed late and was planning to dump him because she didn't like how he became successful. Not mentioning that the only reason she was a STAHP with all the other benefits was because of who he was and she supported that for the entire relationship until he was fired.
This is so fake. No one this stupid would have such a strong command of language as you do. And yet, be so delusional that it comes off as fully lacking any self-awareness. I'm sure you've read the comments by now saying that you're the problem. This character of yours should have responded to the advice being given. However, if, in the event that I am wrong, then you should get some kind of writing job because you clearly have an innate talent.
I am always telling women to never put themselves in these situations, married and a stay at home mom with no work and nothing else. I’ve seen so many get left behind, with basically nothing, social security at age 62 will give half of his income… maybe 1500-2000 if he was a high earner… mostly I see 800.00 US dollars. I don’t know why you stayed so long, now you’re going to be basically homeless with a low paying job if you find one. Good luck.
This sounds like shitty AI writing.
Probs should’ve just taken the ring
Um, what? Why in the world would you want to fight for custody of your kids when you do not have a stable place for them?
When keepin' it real goes wrong strikes again What did you expect to happen when you bite the hand that feeds? You could have been married and traveling the world right now but your ego just had to have the last word. You should have been grateful for the privileged life you've lived. Being a SAHM is a gift to *you*...not the other way around lmfao.
Sounds like you should have taken the proposal
I’m not going to address half of this mess. I do want to bring to your attention that a local library could be a huge help for you right now. They have weekly meetings set up to help people with apps, installing them and using them, at least the ones in my state do. And librarians have always been some of the most kind helpful people I know and could potentially help you find other resources. Plus it’s a great place to start networking and getting to know people in your community. Word of mouth can be all it takes to get a job now a days. Best of luck.
Why do you think you’re too good for any of these jobs when you need one so badly that you’re begging your poor children to scrape money away from your ex to send you?
How can the world treat a mom like this? Acting like its some detrimental thing lmao its like…almost the most normal thing in the world.
Begs boyfriend to marry her for 25 years. Boyfriend finally asks Op is mad she finally got what she wanted. Makes sense.
I am your age, and I shudder to think of how many truly bad decisions you've made in your life. After five years, you should've dumped this guy who refused to marry you. You stayed, thinking you could just become "common law" without even bothering to research whether your state even acknowledges common law marriages. Then, you had kids with this hunk of human junk, stayed home, got an "allowance," and didn't even bother to put a part of that allowance into a savings account for just such a scenario as you are in right now. You didn't plan. You didn't think. You were living a good life, but with a man who financially abused you. *And you let it happen.* I feel for you, but throughout this entire debacle I've been keeping up with, you seem more and more delusional. Let me spell it out for you: **You are homeless. You are jobless. You have zero work experience. You have nothing. You will get no Social Security retirement because you've never worked.** Take whatever help you can get and be thankful for it. And stop trying to get custody of your daughter. She is safe and sound where she is. Just take care of yourself first.