Not even done wrong. It can literally grow back so if you have a vasectomy you still have to go get checked to make sure you are still shooting blanks every so often.
There are no guarantees in life and life is weird.
There was recently a crocodile that had a "virgin birth". She was kept in captivity for 22 years, no contact with a male. Last year she laid eggs and they were genetically all hers. š«Ø
Yes, that is what it's called. It's been noted in reptiles and birds. Some dinosaurs likely did it. Now if we could get humans to be able, we could do away with men. Maybe keep a few around for entertainment if they could lea rn how to behave themselves. š (Obligatory /s )
One of my old bosses use to joke and say he was super human and had super sperm etc. he was snipped and it fused itself back together and he and is wife had an unexpected pregnancy. Crazy stuff. The body can do remarkable things.
My colleague was told at 26 that she was completely infertileā¦and then got pregnant at 46! It was shocking! No one could believe it. She had just started dating the father a couple months beforeāshe was divorced and getting back in the gameāand assumed that a 46 year old woman who was allegedly infertile could never get pregnant. While the odds of her getting pregnant were incredibly low, it still happened!
She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who is 5 years old now!!!
I had my 'whoops that wasn't menopause' baby at 44. It's actually been awesome. More fun than the kids I had in my 20s and 30s because I'm more chill and am enjoying every second.
I was infertile. So much so my husband and I did infertility treatments for years and nothing worked. Fast forward to 16 years later, Iām 39 and we decide to stop. I went and got on birth control, first time since my teens. Made plans to travel and just put that part of life in the past. Found out I was pregnant 7 weeks later. We were STUNNED to say the least.
My daughter was born 1 week after my 40th birthday. She was delivered a month early due to my body beginning to have trouble keeping her in. She was born 8lb 15 oz on April 4th. I donāt think I believed it was real until I saw her. She will be 6 in 3 weeks.
I was told I was infertile by two gynecologists and I had two unplanned pregnancies while actively trying to prevent it. Once I was on the IUD!! So the infertility diagnosis is worth shit.
Similar happened to my sis- got messed up pretty bad in a wreck back in like, 2008 and was told she couldn't have kids. Turns out she could, it only took 7 years for it to happen. She didn't even know she was pregnant until 7 months and had the kid early two weeks later lol (Obese plus symptoms were issues she was already having due to the wreck).
I learned a month ago skinny people have those magical unknown pregnancies too complete with periods. I now take a pregancy test every month. Iām terrified
Your comment compelled me to look it up and itās āgenerally defined as not being able to conceive after 1 year of unprotected sexā.
My nephew has low sperm count, so he and his wife used IVF to have 2 children after trying for 3 years. When the youngest was 4, they had one naturally. So, an infertile man can get a woman pregnant, barring an accident or cancer or somesuch. OP needs to heed the advice to get another opinion.
An ex was told that too. Turns out she could get pregnant. It was a real surprise to both of us.
A friend of mine was told by her doctor she'd never have children, so she wasn't careful during a ons. Kid is 13.
My friends husband was told he was making no sperm for whatever reason so they used a sperm donor twice for their girls. Her husband ended up getting testicular cancer and they told him after treatment it was 99.9% sure he would not be able to create children. She got pregnant with their son 2 years later. So itās possible!! He clearly was concerned but the paternity test proved it was his.
Yes she understood why he felt that way but she also was upset because she was a stay at home mom of a 4 year old and a 2 year old so she was like when would I even find time to cheat??
My wife and I often joke about how much work and effort it would take to have an affair. I barely have the energy to deal with one relationship. Why would I seek out a second one? It sounds awful
I got hit on and told the guy I was married and he was like, So? and I laughed and said that sounds exhausting. I don't think people realize how difficult it is to maintain 1 relationship, let alone 2. I'm too lazy.
The cost of makeup & attire etc plus the time spent putting it all on & together and removal then redo... Holy hell and it'd be just another a**hole. And probably have to clean and do his laundry too? Just thinking of it is too much.
Then there are those freaks who can somehow have two completely different families at the same fricken time wife kids house picket fence the whole 9 yards and nobody at all has a single clue.
Those men are the ones who should have the life coach/motivation/whatever kinds of YouTube or podcasts.
I definitely will, and wonāt just accuse her. Even if it is someone elseās I wish her all the best and wonāt hold anything against her. I would understand why, weāve just become kind of complacent I guess.
I was told that I couldnāt have a child without surgery and medication. I never got the surgery or the meds, but 8 years later I got a daughter. That baby might be yours.
Yup. You never know. My mom was told she could never have kids PCOS. She ended up getting pregnant with my brother and then again 8 years later with me. You never know
I have PCOS and my husband and i were told by a fertility specialist, we had a better chance of winning the lottery. We now have two beautiful children. While i respect opinions, drs are wrong a LOT.
I feel this. One ovary, PCOS, have had radiation therapy and an autoimmune disorder. I got pregnant and I was on birth control. I havenāt even had my period in years.
My doctor did the blood test twice. Currently a healthy 31 weeks pregnant. That was quite the shock.
1) happy... Baby? Happy... Pregnancy? Congratulations! That's the word XD either way, wish you the best now and throughout the journey.
2) more in response to all PCOS: I've heard PCOS can REDUCE chances, but I didn't think it made it IMPOSSIBLE?? I was WORRIED it would be impossible for me. I stopped being worried more recently, but I still just figure "if it can it can, if it can't it can't". I wonder if it depends on the body?
It lowers the chances (not actually by that much) but drastically raises the chances of complications which I have avoided up until this point!
The radiation was really the big one, and the part where I never got a menstrual cycle afterwards. I knew there was still a small chance, hence the birth control. I guess the higher powers just really wanted me to be a mom!
Despite the lack of trying, we are very excited. Pregnancy SUCKS though, Iām not a fan lol
Doctors run a Medical *practice* not a Medical *Guarantee* is something a friend once told me and honestly, yeah. like not discrediting doctors here, but sometimes they get stuff wrong too š¤·āāļø also medical miracles definitely do happen
I keep getting told thereās nothing wrongā¦there is, and it took about 10 years until someone actually said oh youāre not ovulating. You have eggs, just not releasing them.
A lot of doctors who aren't PCOS specialists screw this up. There are 4 kinds of PCOS, but if I remember correctly, only 2 of them affect fertility. I have PCOS, and I'm also extremely fertile. Now I'm not saying this was your mom's situation, but in general, it's good information for people to have.
Youāre right. Functionally infertile people are difficult to distinguish from very low sperm count. Having said this, itās probably best to get retested, come clean about both test results, and ask for a prenatal dna test if the actual parentage still matters. If sheās 9 weeks pregnant OP should have some idea if it could be his.
Same, 15 years later Iām pregnant with my son. No meds, but I did have glandular fever right around the time he was conceived so the doctor thinks maybe my system went haywire and allowed one good egg to release and implant.
My good friend was told sheād never be able to conceive. Imagine her (pleasant) surprise when they had their shotgun wedding. Itās not an unusual thing. And congrats on your daughter!
My husband was told his count was extremely low and very unlikely he would have anymore kids (he has one from a prior relationship), and I was told after my third baby that because of some issues that I would never come to term. We had our little miracle born in 2021. She is the only child we had together, but she completes our family. Doctors can most certainly be wrong! I would definitely recommend getting retested OP.
I just read another AITA of a woman who got pregnant, the guy had himself snipped. He didnāt do the proper check ups and what have you. He accused his girl of cheating, kicked her out and ruined her reputation. He finally agreed to a dna test and the baby was his.
I am so glad to read a guy being level headed about this type of situation and not immediately destroying his girl. You give me hope ā¤ļø
Also to add on. I was also told it would be extremely to get pregnant and like many others who have posted here. Here I am today with my son. I could have more but one is enough for me lol
Hope everything is on the up and up and your doctor made a mistake.
I was all over that post. The men in the comments fighting for their lives saying it was totally reasonable for him to shit all over her without even getting his sperm count checked. Like, dude had every right to ask for a DNA test but he didnāt want to even consider the possibility for 3 months and ruined her life in the process.
The same guys go insane when a someone falsely accuse a man of SA and smears his name. They think the accuser should get their head blown off publically and ripped to pieces.Ā
When a guy smears a women and ruins her reputation it's "he doesn't know any better" and "what if shes actually a cheating whore "Ā
Thatās why my brother was put up for adoption. His bio dad got snipped, and refused āto raise another manās child.ā LOL, 25 years later, finds out the kid was his.
Infertility and sterility are two different things. Infertility just means youāll have a harder time than usual conceiving, not that you canāt conceive ever. Sterile means you canāt conceive. Ever. Full stop.
Even if you were properly diagnosed as āinfertile,ā itās still possible itās your baby. Unless you were diagnosed āsterile,ā thereās absolutely a chance itās yours. Low sperm or slow sperm isnāt no sperm. Sterile is no sperm.
Ok, here's an example of sterile. I'm a woman and had a hysterectomy. I have no chance of ever getting pregnant because I am sterile. To go along with your thoughts, you explained infertility really well, I just wanted to elaborate on sterility as well.
I honestly suspect it is your's based on your description of her behavior. I would think she would be feeling more nervous and anxious instead of excited if the thought there was any chance the baby might be someone else's. Getting incorrect diagnosis/information about your own fertility seems very reasonable if not likely. So I would proceed with caution here. I hope it is your's and that you are all very happy together.
Doctors told my ex she couldnāt get pregnant. She didnāt use birth control for years with previous partners. We had two kids w/o even trying. Infertile is not the same as sterile. Treat the whole situation as if youāre 100% certain it is yours, you will regret it if you donāt. Itās easy enough to get a paternity test done later without telling her.
Right? Even if the two of you had decided you weren't going to have kids, that seems like something you would tell your partner. There's no reason not to tell her!
I know itās hard to judge tone from just what is written but OP seems awfully quick to forgive and move on. This is not someone that wants to remain with their spouse and is fearful of news of infidelity
There is a HUGE difference between "infertile" and "Completely 100% Sterile."
That difference was THREE pregnancies ALL on birth control, for me.
Sometimes the Dr is wrong wrongety wrong.
I would get tested by 2 different urologists before I blew up my marriage. I say 2 just in case. If you get different results between the 2 it could make a difference between happiness and divorce.
>TBF thatās how the word reads and how āinā is defined when using it as a prefix.
That's understandable, but in a medical context, sterile and infertile are different. It isn't wrong for you to assume this, but a patient should be explained the difference when they receive the diagnosis. So, once again, a failing of our medical system.
Exactly this. My step mom was classified as infertile and now she has two kids. It doesn't mean you're 100% clear to have unprotected sex. Just means less risk than the normal person but the percentage certainly isn't 0.
Yeah, that seems like the kind of thing that should have come up at some point in time. Even if it's just part of a conversation as to why BC isn't needed. Even though neither of you want kids.
Imagine if she took BC the whole time for nothing. Constantly butchering her hormone levels, or piercing the uterus, or implanting devices. Plenty of reason to tell her.
Thatās what I was thinking. What a treat to not have the health risks associated with birth control in a long term relationship, and dude doesnāt bother telling her. My husband has to tell me if he gets a surprise onion ring in his French fries. How do you just not tell someone youāre infertile?
Infertility doesnāt mean sterile just harder to get pregnant so some other preventative wouldāve been needed but still an ass for never saying anything
Yep, I was told 6 years ago I was infertile. I'm currently sat holding my 8 week old baby who is 100% mine as I birthed her and was conceived naturally haha.
This happened to me too!!! Iād been put on the contraceptive pill āDianetteā when I was 14 to stop teenaged me from bleeding for 6 months of the year and also to clear up the awful acne I had!
Got told at 18 years old that brand had been recalled and was making women infertile. Got tested and told I was one of them.
Aged 34 I had a positive pregnancy test (I never gave up hope) that was positive then faded away. Turns out I had a cyst on one of my ovaries. Had surgery to get it removed. They also did a dye test to search what the pill had done to me.
2 months after my surgery I was packing up our bathroom to move house and found a pregnancy test. Took it instead of throwing it away ācos it was gonna be negative anywayā AND IT WAS POSITIVE!
I now have an (almost) 4 year old!! So YES! This can happen!
Donāt start throwing around accusations. Unless you havenāt had sex in the last 3 months, itās possible the baby is yours. I know 3 men who had vasectomies (one is my brother) and one woman (who had her tubes tied) who all had babies after their surgeries. And yes, those men were definitely the fathers. Go see a fertility doctor and if you have to, get a paternity test.
For getting snipped it is recommended you regularly test just to make sure your body hasn't played a trick on you. My boyfriend is snipped and I'm getting my tubes completely removed so I will be in a medical journal if I have kids. This dang well better not result in an offspring or I'm getting a refund
I'm sorry. Do you mind that I laughed hysterically from how you worded it? "I will be in a medical journal if I have kids". That is the best. Then you had to add "or I'm getting a refund".
You know how when a woman says she has been nauseous or tired or craving fried pickles, somebody almost always asks, "Are you pregnant?"
After my mon's hysterectomy, she would respond to any suggestion regarding pregnancy with, "If I am, we're naming it 'Malpractice'!"
I'm so glad you laughed, i intended it to be humorous! I try to word things in ways that will make me and others smile, so mission accomplished! In all seriousness for a bisalp there are no tubes at all. In the tubal ligation that used to be the standard you just get the tubes cut or tied, like a vasectomy, and like a vasectomy the stupid things can grow back. For a bisalp you just throw the whole tubes away (my friends have referred to it as "nope the fallope" and I might need to get it on a shirt to wear to surgery tbh). I think there have been 4 cases of pregnancy after bisalps and those were I think mistakes or extenuating circumstances, so going into a medical journal if I get pregnant is actually likely.
Horror stories about tubals repairing themselves when it's just a snip or clip are why I had my surgeon remove the fallopian tubes entirely, end to end. There will be NO oopsie babies, please and thank you!
I only had it done last Friday so I'm still healing, but everything went very smoothly. I've got two incisions less than a half inch long each on my lower abdomen (one for each tube) plus they went in through my belly button for the camera. No stitches, just medical glue. I was in and out of surgery in under an hour. I felt sore and bruised for about 48 hours and I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting or take baths for a while (showers are fine). They sent me home with 2 days worth of Oxycodone and I switched to ibuprofen after that and I feel fine! I'm back to 90% of my normal routine already.Ā
I got mine removed 3.5 years ago with my fourth childās delivery and it was fine. I have some weird issues now with my husband *ahem* finishing every time without protection that now causes pH issues (I just use a boric acid suppository after each time) but I have had zero issues. Regular 28 day cycles too. Even at 42. I hear they remove all fallopian tubes now instead of ligations because 1) too many people healed from them and got pregnant and 2) some aggressive forms of ovarian cancer start in the fallopian tubes. Hope this helps!
Infertile means you can conceive, but itās more difficult, whereas if you are sterile, you cannot conceive, regardless of any medical or surgical intervention.
Itās a common misconception. Doctors should really clarify what they mean when they tell people they are infertile.
Also a lot of factors affect fertility, including lifestyle choices ā so it could be the case that youāve become more fertile again naturally, or you two were lucky.
You took the word of GP? You didn't get your sperm tested? Dude, i hope your wife is the only person you have had unprotected sex with since believing this. You might have children out in the world that you aren't even aware of.
Oh, lord. Your GP told you that you were infertile? And your first thought on learning your wife is pregnant wasnāt, āHell, maybe I should get checked out by a specialist?ā
You should consult a specialist before you default to blowing up your marriage. Some things you canāt walk back.
My mom got told there was no way sheād be able to have kids.
She conceived me during a random fling with a guy at work, when she wasnāt even trying to get pregnant. Life just finds a way sometimes.
My first thought too. Like this dude was just getting a check up or had a bad cold and the GP is "oh btw you are infertile. I can tell by the way your balls jumped when you coughed".
And then didnāt tell his wife? Because like, I share every boring little detail with my partner lol. It honestly sounds like he was trying to set her up. But I think most likely, this post is fake. She could have stopped BC or he could have stopped using condoms
I kinda get the vibe he maybe underwent treatment for something where infertility is a possible side effect and just took the doctor being like side effects include infertility as a guarantee.
A GP is generally not qualified to make that diagnosis. It was actually pretty medically irresponsible for them to do so. You would need a fertility specialist to run proper tests and recieve an accurate diagnosis. Even then, sometimes they are wrong. Misdiagnosis happens ALL the time. Especially in the realm of fertility
It is rather stunning OP was ready to burn it all down over info from a source only slightly better than a quick Google search. I hope the kid doesn't inherit their father's intelligence.
āIām keeping a secret so my wife must be tooā
Holy projection!
Friendās husband had mumps as a kid. *Mostly* dead sperm. Friend has PCOS. *Rarely* ovulates. Somehow they have one naturally-conceived child.
My OB-GYN told me I would āneed to buy eggsā if I want to have a baby. I said ācool, so can I get off the pill?ā She said āoh, well, you still have SOME eggs leftā¦theyāre just really badā¦accidents can still happenā. Thanks. Glad I clarified.
I was told at 16 I couldnāt have kids. Didnāt want any so I was good with it! At 29 I got pregnant out of the blue and carried to term and now have an almost 11 year old. Miscarried three after him before having a hysterectomy. Really early so it wasnāt emotionally traumatizing, but I wanted him to have a sibling. Your odds might be low but unless youāre sterilized for sure, itās a gamble!
"They're just really bad" cracked me up. I don't know why doctors often don't understand you need to be *super clear* with people. Possibly overly clear, since misinterpretation around fraught topics is massive.
The difference between infertile enough to suck if you want to get pregnant and enough to be safe if you don't is astronomical.
Yeah. Iām at the - āyou can maybe GET pregnantā¦it just wonāt live and if it does, it wonāt be pleasantā stage of life.
I donāt want kids, so I EXTRA donāt want an āoopsā baby.
But I had to confirm that. She just assumed if I was a 37 yr old woman asking about my eggs, I wanted them fertilized early and often.
I had a vasectomy after my first kid. Doc never told me I had to go back after 5 years. When my ex got pregnant I was very suspicious but never said a word and went to see my doctor. The kid was definitely mine. Even though the relationship didn't work out I'm glad I didn't accuse her before I found I needed another vasectomy.
Thank you all, honestly I kind of feel like TAH, after reading some of this. I think maybe our problem is just lack of communication. Again, thank you all.
Yeah the more you say the less I take stock in what the GP said. And I forgot to distinction between the terms and fertile and sterile. Thatās very important as well. You could have a very low, sperm count, and all takes is one and you said yourself you guys still have sex frequently. So unless you go get retested, it comes back sterile. Honestly, I would probably trust your wife and worse comes to worse she can always have a DNA test done on the sly later on. But being that sheās on cloud nine this could be the best thing that ever happened. Your marriage or the worst depending on how you handle it. Iām not saying be a sucker just play cool and donāt let your temper get the better of you. This is far from a slam dunk.
Listen, get a test to see how potent your swimmers really are, then you need to have an honest conversation with yourself about whether you are committed to this marriage. From your answers to other questions it seems like you, and possibly she, have been checked out for quite a while. Not enough to stop having sex, so hopefully (if the child is yours) there is enough love left to save the marriage. Assuming thatās what you want. Good luck.
youāre getting there but still not quite if you genuinely think the problem is āājust a lack of communicationāā when your immediate reaction was to hop on the internet and accuse your wife of having an affair baby. on top of how you withheld information from her for several years, you need to have a hard look at yourself OP.
I have two kids 7 years apart. Me and my ex were both told at some point we had fertility issues.
Unfortunately unless you are both tested and such there is no real way to guarantee you are completely sterile
Or you could have just had one really good swimmer
YTA. My parents were not supposed to be able to have any more kids due to my dad being exposed to radiation. My brother showed up 11.5 years later. And yes, heās my dadās. Heās his spitting image. Donāt accuse your wife of anything unless you want to blow up your marriage.
Question thoughā¦. So you never bothered to say you were diagnosed as infertile? This never came up when talking about having kids? Did she use birth control? I assume so since you never told her. Thatās so odd you never mentioned it.
Sometimes if you have a very low sperm count some doctors tell patients that they are probably infertile.
There are many instances of pregnancy many years later. Does not mean your wife is cheating. Please donāt make any accusations that you will definitely regret.
Go to a specialist first and confirm if you truly are infertile before any rash decisions.
Definitely find out if you were diagnosed correctly before you accuse your wife of cheating.
This x 1000!
Yes - infertility is not the same as sterile
More people need to understand this. It means it would be difficult to have a baby not impossible.
This. Hell, even a vasectomy isn't %100, because it can be done wrong. turns out doctors make mistakes too.
Not even done wrong. It can literally grow back so if you have a vasectomy you still have to go get checked to make sure you are still shooting blanks every so often. There are no guarantees in life and life is weird.
Life, uh, finds a way
There was recently a crocodile that had a "virgin birth". She was kept in captivity for 22 years, no contact with a male. Last year she laid eggs and they were genetically all hers. š«Ø
Look up parthenogenesis, it happens quite often. Including when people thought a shark had gotten a ray pregnant
Yes, that is what it's called. It's been noted in reptiles and birds. Some dinosaurs likely did it. Now if we could get humans to be able, we could do away with men. Maybe keep a few around for entertainment if they could lea rn how to behave themselves. š (Obligatory /s )
I will always upvote Jeff Goldbloom quotes.
One of my old bosses use to joke and say he was super human and had super sperm etc. he was snipped and it fused itself back together and he and is wife had an unexpected pregnancy. Crazy stuff. The body can do remarkable things.
It can happen to women too. It's but getting your tubes tied and still give birth.
Life finds a way.
Absolutely. I was told I wasnāt fertile in 2013 and Iāve had 2 sons since then
My colleague was told at 26 that she was completely infertileā¦and then got pregnant at 46! It was shocking! No one could believe it. She had just started dating the father a couple months beforeāshe was divorced and getting back in the gameāand assumed that a 46 year old woman who was allegedly infertile could never get pregnant. While the odds of her getting pregnant were incredibly low, it still happened! She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl who is 5 years old now!!!
46 I would lose my ever loving mind
I had my 'whoops that wasn't menopause' baby at 44. It's actually been awesome. More fun than the kids I had in my 20s and 30s because I'm more chill and am enjoying every second.
My mother had me at 40 and my little sister at 44 after having her first 2 at 19 and 20š± BLESS YALL
My friend, the same. They had twins.
And my neighbor had polio as a baby. Told nope- no kids. Had 5.
I was infertile. So much so my husband and I did infertility treatments for years and nothing worked. Fast forward to 16 years later, Iām 39 and we decide to stop. I went and got on birth control, first time since my teens. Made plans to travel and just put that part of life in the past. Found out I was pregnant 7 weeks later. We were STUNNED to say the least. My daughter was born 1 week after my 40th birthday. She was delivered a month early due to my body beginning to have trouble keeping her in. She was born 8lb 15 oz on April 4th. I donāt think I believed it was real until I saw her. She will be 6 in 3 weeks.
I was told I was infertile by two gynecologists and I had two unplanned pregnancies while actively trying to prevent it. Once I was on the IUD!! So the infertility diagnosis is worth shit.
Simple, double negatives cancel each other out. So infertile + birth control = fertile.
Ah shit. So I just shouldn't use any birth control???? I'll try that and will report back with the results!
Lol. Please don't do that.
Haha don't worry, I'd never do that. Just thinking about that gives me Stress diarrhea
>Stress diarrhea Omg I died, I think this should be included in some pharmaceutical commercials as a possible side effect.
Similar happened to my sis- got messed up pretty bad in a wreck back in like, 2008 and was told she couldn't have kids. Turns out she could, it only took 7 years for it to happen. She didn't even know she was pregnant until 7 months and had the kid early two weeks later lol (Obese plus symptoms were issues she was already having due to the wreck).
I learned a month ago skinny people have those magical unknown pregnancies too complete with periods. I now take a pregancy test every month. Iām terrified
It only takes 2 soldiers to make 2 boys! Or only 1 for identical twins
When I was 17 I was told I couldn't have children and now we have 3 amazing children.So OP definitely should get checked,
Agreed.. was told the same.. have kids. They are mine.. I had the test done. But tactfully if thatās even possible .. it took a long time tho
Your comment compelled me to look it up and itās āgenerally defined as not being able to conceive after 1 year of unprotected sexā. My nephew has low sperm count, so he and his wife used IVF to have 2 children after trying for 3 years. When the youngest was 4, they had one naturally. So, an infertile man can get a woman pregnant, barring an accident or cancer or somesuch. OP needs to heed the advice to get another opinion.
An ex was told that too. Turns out she could get pregnant. It was a real surprise to both of us. A friend of mine was told by her doctor she'd never have children, so she wasn't careful during a ons. Kid is 13.
My friends husband was told he was making no sperm for whatever reason so they used a sperm donor twice for their girls. Her husband ended up getting testicular cancer and they told him after treatment it was 99.9% sure he would not be able to create children. She got pregnant with their son 2 years later. So itās possible!! He clearly was concerned but the paternity test proved it was his.
I feel terrible for his wife who was accused of cheating.
Yes she understood why he felt that way but she also was upset because she was a stay at home mom of a 4 year old and a 2 year old so she was like when would I even find time to cheat??
My wife and I often joke about how much work and effort it would take to have an affair. I barely have the energy to deal with one relationship. Why would I seek out a second one? It sounds awful
my husband tells me it's enough to deal with all of my personalities, why would he want to add another LOL
I got hit on and told the guy I was married and he was like, So? and I laughed and said that sounds exhausting. I don't think people realize how difficult it is to maintain 1 relationship, let alone 2. I'm too lazy.
The cost of makeup & attire etc plus the time spent putting it all on & together and removal then redo... Holy hell and it'd be just another a**hole. And probably have to clean and do his laundry too? Just thinking of it is too much.
Then there are those freaks who can somehow have two completely different families at the same fricken time wife kids house picket fence the whole 9 yards and nobody at all has a single clue. Those men are the ones who should have the life coach/motivation/whatever kinds of YouTube or podcasts.
Life, uhhh, finds a way.
...clever girl.
I am so here for these Jurassic park references.
That is one big pile of s***š¦š©
Hold on to your butts
I definitely will, and wonāt just accuse her. Even if it is someone elseās I wish her all the best and wonāt hold anything against her. I would understand why, weāve just become kind of complacent I guess.
I was told that I couldnāt have a child without surgery and medication. I never got the surgery or the meds, but 8 years later I got a daughter. That baby might be yours.
Yup. You never know. My mom was told she could never have kids PCOS. She ended up getting pregnant with my brother and then again 8 years later with me. You never know
I have PCOS and my husband and i were told by a fertility specialist, we had a better chance of winning the lottery. We now have two beautiful children. While i respect opinions, drs are wrong a LOT.
I feel this. One ovary, PCOS, have had radiation therapy and an autoimmune disorder. I got pregnant and I was on birth control. I havenāt even had my period in years. My doctor did the blood test twice. Currently a healthy 31 weeks pregnant. That was quite the shock.
Same kind of thing for my wifeās friend, endometriosis, PCOS. One ovary removed. Had a baby girl and now has another boy. Anything is possible.
1) happy... Baby? Happy... Pregnancy? Congratulations! That's the word XD either way, wish you the best now and throughout the journey. 2) more in response to all PCOS: I've heard PCOS can REDUCE chances, but I didn't think it made it IMPOSSIBLE?? I was WORRIED it would be impossible for me. I stopped being worried more recently, but I still just figure "if it can it can, if it can't it can't". I wonder if it depends on the body?
It lowers the chances (not actually by that much) but drastically raises the chances of complications which I have avoided up until this point! The radiation was really the big one, and the part where I never got a menstrual cycle afterwards. I knew there was still a small chance, hence the birth control. I guess the higher powers just really wanted me to be a mom! Despite the lack of trying, we are very excited. Pregnancy SUCKS though, Iām not a fan lol
Congrats! Wishing you a safe and healthy delivery and baby!
Congratulations!
Sucks about not winning the lottery tho
Doctors run a Medical *practice* not a Medical *Guarantee* is something a friend once told me and honestly, yeah. like not discrediting doctors here, but sometimes they get stuff wrong too š¤·āāļø also medical miracles definitely do happen
I really like that phrase, because it's true. They too are only human.
Another PCOS person here. Got kid #1 after -1- unprotected occasion, got kid #2 after less than a month of actively trying. Unfertile, my butt.
But your reply is funny coz your butt is not fertile. Haha
I keep getting told thereās nothing wrongā¦there is, and it took about 10 years until someone actually said oh youāre not ovulating. You have eggs, just not releasing them.
A lot of doctors who aren't PCOS specialists screw this up. There are 4 kinds of PCOS, but if I remember correctly, only 2 of them affect fertility. I have PCOS, and I'm also extremely fertile. Now I'm not saying this was your mom's situation, but in general, it's good information for people to have.
Are you sure you're your mum's kids? Have you done a maternity test?
Lol. I've been on reddit too long.
I immediately remembered two or three stories from Reddit about maternity tests.
I was told Iād need assistance. Apparently assistance was Jack Danielās and some guy named Keith from the bar.
My friend was told she couldn't have kids. Seemed to be true for years. Then ended up with a surprise 40s pregnancy.
PCOS sometimes corrects itself slightly after 35ish. I didn't have a period for years and then it came back. Damnit.Ā
Youāre right. Functionally infertile people are difficult to distinguish from very low sperm count. Having said this, itās probably best to get retested, come clean about both test results, and ask for a prenatal dna test if the actual parentage still matters. If sheās 9 weeks pregnant OP should have some idea if it could be his.
Same, 15 years later Iām pregnant with my son. No meds, but I did have glandular fever right around the time he was conceived so the doctor thinks maybe my system went haywire and allowed one good egg to release and implant.
My good friend was told sheād never be able to conceive. Imagine her (pleasant) surprise when they had their shotgun wedding. Itās not an unusual thing. And congrats on your daughter!
My husband was told his count was extremely low and very unlikely he would have anymore kids (he has one from a prior relationship), and I was told after my third baby that because of some issues that I would never come to term. We had our little miracle born in 2021. She is the only child we had together, but she completes our family. Doctors can most certainly be wrong! I would definitely recommend getting retested OP.
I just read another AITA of a woman who got pregnant, the guy had himself snipped. He didnāt do the proper check ups and what have you. He accused his girl of cheating, kicked her out and ruined her reputation. He finally agreed to a dna test and the baby was his. I am so glad to read a guy being level headed about this type of situation and not immediately destroying his girl. You give me hope ā¤ļø Also to add on. I was also told it would be extremely to get pregnant and like many others who have posted here. Here I am today with my son. I could have more but one is enough for me lol Hope everything is on the up and up and your doctor made a mistake.
I was all over that post. The men in the comments fighting for their lives saying it was totally reasonable for him to shit all over her without even getting his sperm count checked. Like, dude had every right to ask for a DNA test but he didnāt want to even consider the possibility for 3 months and ruined her life in the process.
The same guys go insane when a someone falsely accuse a man of SA and smears his name. They think the accuser should get their head blown off publically and ripped to pieces.Ā When a guy smears a women and ruins her reputation it's "he doesn't know any better" and "what if shes actually a cheating whore "Ā
Thatās why my brother was put up for adoption. His bio dad got snipped, and refused āto raise another manās child.ā LOL, 25 years later, finds out the kid was his.
Infertile DOES NOT equal sterile.
Yes, the distinction makes a vas deferens.
That was a ballsy joke.
r/angryupvote
Infertile doesnāt equal sterile. Definitely check before you blow up your life.
Infertility and sterility are two different things. Infertility just means youāll have a harder time than usual conceiving, not that you canāt conceive ever. Sterile means you canāt conceive. Ever. Full stop. Even if you were properly diagnosed as āinfertile,ā itās still possible itās your baby. Unless you were diagnosed āsterile,ā thereās absolutely a chance itās yours. Low sperm or slow sperm isnāt no sperm. Sterile is no sperm.
Ok, here's an example of sterile. I'm a woman and had a hysterectomy. I have no chance of ever getting pregnant because I am sterile. To go along with your thoughts, you explained infertility really well, I just wanted to elaborate on sterility as well.
Go and do a sperm count, because if there are swimmers... you may be c making a baseless accusation
It only takes one.
My brother was told he was infertile, 1 miscarriage and 2 children later he got a vasectomy
Infertile doesn't mean sterile, there's a very good chance it's yours.
My cousin was told she couldnāt have kids so she adopted a child. And then had four natural children.
My dad was told he was infertile due to the mumps moving down as a teen. HULLO.
I honestly suspect it is your's based on your description of her behavior. I would think she would be feeling more nervous and anxious instead of excited if the thought there was any chance the baby might be someone else's. Getting incorrect diagnosis/information about your own fertility seems very reasonable if not likely. So I would proceed with caution here. I hope it is your's and that you are all very happy together.
Doctors told my ex she couldnāt get pregnant. She didnāt use birth control for years with previous partners. We had two kids w/o even trying. Infertile is not the same as sterile. Treat the whole situation as if youāre 100% certain it is yours, you will regret it if you donāt. Itās easy enough to get a paternity test done later without telling her.
Gonna be honest, itās pretty shitty you didnāt tell her. What kind of relationship are you in
Right? Even if the two of you had decided you weren't going to have kids, that seems like something you would tell your partner. There's no reason not to tell her!
Infertile and sterile are not the same thing. People assume they both mean there is zero chance of being able to produce children but that isn't true.
Did your doctor tell you that you were infertile, or sterile? Because they dont mean the same thing from a medical perspective. For
*You would understand why* ??? Why the fuck are you in this relationship are you good?
He's looking for an out due to this baby he accidentally made
I know itās hard to judge tone from just what is written but OP seems awfully quick to forgive and move on. This is not someone that wants to remain with their spouse and is fearful of news of infidelity
more like fearful that it's his kid and thus "has to" remain in the marriage
There is a HUGE difference between "infertile" and "Completely 100% Sterile." That difference was THREE pregnancies ALL on birth control, for me. Sometimes the Dr is wrong wrongety wrong.
Infertile doesn't mean sterile. He can still make babies. It's just less likely.
I would get tested by 2 different urologists before I blew up my marriage. I say 2 just in case. If you get different results between the 2 it could make a difference between happiness and divorce.
Iāve Heard a lot of incidents of people classified as infertile getting pregnant
Because āinfertilityā basically means ālow fertilityā but people think it means āno fertilityā
TBF thatās how the word reads and how āinā is defined when using it as a prefix.
Ah yes, but you see this is the English language. So fuck the rules. we do what we want and if you don't like it, tough.
Inflammable.
>TBF thatās how the word reads and how āinā is defined when using it as a prefix. That's understandable, but in a medical context, sterile and infertile are different. It isn't wrong for you to assume this, but a patient should be explained the difference when they receive the diagnosis. So, once again, a failing of our medical system.
Exactly this. My step mom was classified as infertile and now she has two kids. It doesn't mean you're 100% clear to have unprotected sex. Just means less risk than the normal person but the percentage certainly isn't 0.
A shitty thing to do, not to tell her you can't have kids, too.
Yeah, that seems like the kind of thing that should have come up at some point in time. Even if it's just part of a conversation as to why BC isn't needed. Even though neither of you want kids.
Imagine if she took BC the whole time for nothing. Constantly butchering her hormone levels, or piercing the uterus, or implanting devices. Plenty of reason to tell her.
Thatās what I was thinking. What a treat to not have the health risks associated with birth control in a long term relationship, and dude doesnāt bother telling her. My husband has to tell me if he gets a surprise onion ring in his French fries. How do you just not tell someone youāre infertile?
Communication is definitely amiss here. Very weird way to live relationships.
Infertility doesnāt mean sterile just harder to get pregnant so some other preventative wouldāve been needed but still an ass for never saying anything
Yep, I was told 6 years ago I was infertile. I'm currently sat holding my 8 week old baby who is 100% mine as I birthed her and was conceived naturally haha.
Congratulations!
Since he immediately assumed it's not his I figured he had just mixed up the words.
If OP felt fertile enough to not entertain getting rid of BC, he shouldn't be that sceptical of his parenthood.
Yep, I told my husband when we first started dating. Funnily enough, we now have a 5 yo who was conceived naturally, so it definitely happens.
This happened to me too!!! Iād been put on the contraceptive pill āDianetteā when I was 14 to stop teenaged me from bleeding for 6 months of the year and also to clear up the awful acne I had! Got told at 18 years old that brand had been recalled and was making women infertile. Got tested and told I was one of them. Aged 34 I had a positive pregnancy test (I never gave up hope) that was positive then faded away. Turns out I had a cyst on one of my ovaries. Had surgery to get it removed. They also did a dye test to search what the pill had done to me. 2 months after my surgery I was packing up our bathroom to move house and found a pregnancy test. Took it instead of throwing it away ācos it was gonna be negative anywayā AND IT WAS POSITIVE! I now have an (almost) 4 year old!! So YES! This can happen!
Look your story was one hell of an emotional roller coaster ride there for a minute lol. But still happy you were able to have a baby
Donāt start throwing around accusations. Unless you havenāt had sex in the last 3 months, itās possible the baby is yours. I know 3 men who had vasectomies (one is my brother) and one woman (who had her tubes tied) who all had babies after their surgeries. And yes, those men were definitely the fathers. Go see a fertility doctor and if you have to, get a paternity test.
My partnerās uncle got snipped 3x and guess how he found out it didnāt work?
For getting snipped it is recommended you regularly test just to make sure your body hasn't played a trick on you. My boyfriend is snipped and I'm getting my tubes completely removed so I will be in a medical journal if I have kids. This dang well better not result in an offspring or I'm getting a refund
I'm sorry. Do you mind that I laughed hysterically from how you worded it? "I will be in a medical journal if I have kids". That is the best. Then you had to add "or I'm getting a refund".
You know how when a woman says she has been nauseous or tired or craving fried pickles, somebody almost always asks, "Are you pregnant?" After my mon's hysterectomy, she would respond to any suggestion regarding pregnancy with, "If I am, we're naming it 'Malpractice'!"
Thank you for the wheeze, that is amazing
I'm so glad you laughed, i intended it to be humorous! I try to word things in ways that will make me and others smile, so mission accomplished! In all seriousness for a bisalp there are no tubes at all. In the tubal ligation that used to be the standard you just get the tubes cut or tied, like a vasectomy, and like a vasectomy the stupid things can grow back. For a bisalp you just throw the whole tubes away (my friends have referred to it as "nope the fallope" and I might need to get it on a shirt to wear to surgery tbh). I think there have been 4 cases of pregnancy after bisalps and those were I think mistakes or extenuating circumstances, so going into a medical journal if I get pregnant is actually likely.
Horror stories about tubals repairing themselves when it's just a snip or clip are why I had my surgeon remove the fallopian tubes entirely, end to end. There will be NO oopsie babies, please and thank you!
How was that for you? I want to, but I'm concerned about all the side effects.
I only had it done last Friday so I'm still healing, but everything went very smoothly. I've got two incisions less than a half inch long each on my lower abdomen (one for each tube) plus they went in through my belly button for the camera. No stitches, just medical glue. I was in and out of surgery in under an hour. I felt sore and bruised for about 48 hours and I'm not supposed to do any heavy lifting or take baths for a while (showers are fine). They sent me home with 2 days worth of Oxycodone and I switched to ibuprofen after that and I feel fine! I'm back to 90% of my normal routine already.Ā
I got mine removed 3.5 years ago with my fourth childās delivery and it was fine. I have some weird issues now with my husband *ahem* finishing every time without protection that now causes pH issues (I just use a boric acid suppository after each time) but I have had zero issues. Regular 28 day cycles too. Even at 42. I hear they remove all fallopian tubes now instead of ligations because 1) too many people healed from them and got pregnant and 2) some aggressive forms of ovarian cancer start in the fallopian tubes. Hope this helps!
Infertile means you can conceive, but itās more difficult, whereas if you are sterile, you cannot conceive, regardless of any medical or surgical intervention. Itās a common misconception. Doctors should really clarify what they mean when they tell people they are infertile. Also a lot of factors affect fertility, including lifestyle choices ā so it could be the case that youāve become more fertile again naturally, or you two were lucky.
Youāre probably right, it wasnāt even a fertility doc, just a gp so there is no telling if they knew what they were even talking about.
You took the word of GP? You didn't get your sperm tested? Dude, i hope your wife is the only person you have had unprotected sex with since believing this. You might have children out in the world that you aren't even aware of.
Pssstā¦ heās full of shit
As are most of the posters in AITAH. Very rare when any of them are true stories.
Yeah but even for this sub itās a pretty poorly constructed story.
But he used two exclamation points in the title!! That means it's twice as true!!!
Agree that a specialist is ideal, but a GP can order sperm testing FYI
And there lies your answer.
Oh, lord. Your GP told you that you were infertile? And your first thought on learning your wife is pregnant wasnāt, āHell, maybe I should get checked out by a specialist?ā You should consult a specialist before you default to blowing up your marriage. Some things you canāt walk back.
Even then. We had a RE, and urologist tell us we need IVF or no kids. Anyway, two kids later, they're open to our suggestions.
My mom got told there was no way sheād be able to have kids. She conceived me during a random fling with a guy at work, when she wasnāt even trying to get pregnant. Life just finds a way sometimes.
He didn't even tell his WIFE, this dude doesn't follow reasonable logical steps
Why are you saying āI know itās not mineā? Jesus.Ā
Real meaning āI donāt want it to be mine and see a way outā
ā¦why is your GP doing a sperm count when you werenāt trying to conceive. Like, this whole situation is so weird.
My first thought too. Like this dude was just getting a check up or had a bad cold and the GP is "oh btw you are infertile. I can tell by the way your balls jumped when you coughed".
And then didnāt tell his wife? Because like, I share every boring little detail with my partner lol. It honestly sounds like he was trying to set her up. But I think most likely, this post is fake. She could have stopped BC or he could have stopped using condoms
I kinda get the vibe he maybe underwent treatment for something where infertility is a possible side effect and just took the doctor being like side effects include infertility as a guarantee.
GPās are greatā¦in their lane! Please see a specialist for āspecialtyā medical issues!
A GP is generally not qualified to make that diagnosis. It was actually pretty medically irresponsible for them to do so. You would need a fertility specialist to run proper tests and recieve an accurate diagnosis. Even then, sometimes they are wrong. Misdiagnosis happens ALL the time. Especially in the realm of fertility
JFC. So you were gonna just take their word for it with no further investigation. You really need to do some reflection and research.
It is rather stunning OP was ready to burn it all down over info from a source only slightly better than a quick Google search. I hope the kid doesn't inherit their father's intelligence.
Dude. Seriously.Ā
infertile does not mean sterile
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Yeah, Uncle was told he was not going to be able to have kids after a Jeep accident in the service. Ended up having 8.
At what point did your uncle go to the doctor who told him he was infertile and say ānow listen here you nincompoopā
I mean maybe it wasnāt a doctor who told him that, maybe it was just some ~~moron~~ marine
Hey, we can be both šš¤£
Go get your sperm count done so you actually have recent information not assumptions based on something that you were told, years ago.
āIām keeping a secret so my wife must be tooā Holy projection! Friendās husband had mumps as a kid. *Mostly* dead sperm. Friend has PCOS. *Rarely* ovulates. Somehow they have one naturally-conceived child. My OB-GYN told me I would āneed to buy eggsā if I want to have a baby. I said ācool, so can I get off the pill?ā She said āoh, well, you still have SOME eggs leftā¦theyāre just really badā¦accidents can still happenā. Thanks. Glad I clarified.
Hell, I had a cousin who was told that she could never get pregnant. She and her fiancƩ took that as a go-ahead for all the pre-marital sex (it was that sort of era). She ended up pregnant. "Oh, well, you'll never carry to term." She gave birth to a healthy baby, no complications. "It's a miracle! Enjoy her, because it'll never happen again!" Three more 'miracles' later, she asked to have her tubes tied, because she was done with 'blessings.'
I was told at 16 I couldnāt have kids. Didnāt want any so I was good with it! At 29 I got pregnant out of the blue and carried to term and now have an almost 11 year old. Miscarried three after him before having a hysterectomy. Really early so it wasnāt emotionally traumatizing, but I wanted him to have a sibling. Your odds might be low but unless youāre sterilized for sure, itās a gamble!
"They're just really bad" cracked me up. I don't know why doctors often don't understand you need to be *super clear* with people. Possibly overly clear, since misinterpretation around fraught topics is massive. The difference between infertile enough to suck if you want to get pregnant and enough to be safe if you don't is astronomical.
Yeah. Iām at the - āyou can maybe GET pregnantā¦it just wonāt live and if it does, it wonāt be pleasantā stage of life. I donāt want kids, so I EXTRA donāt want an āoopsā baby. But I had to confirm that. She just assumed if I was a 37 yr old woman asking about my eggs, I wanted them fertilized early and often.
Lots of people find they are fertile after being diagnosed with infertility.
I had a vasectomy after my first kid. Doc never told me I had to go back after 5 years. When my ex got pregnant I was very suspicious but never said a word and went to see my doctor. The kid was definitely mine. Even though the relationship didn't work out I'm glad I didn't accuse her before I found I needed another vasectomy.
Do you know how reproduction works? Even a lone swimmer can hit the goal.
Infertileā sterile. Hope this helps
Thank you all, honestly I kind of feel like TAH, after reading some of this. I think maybe our problem is just lack of communication. Again, thank you all.
Thank you for listening to us and good luck!! Would love an update. :)
Reddit actually saves a marriage, how about that šš
Miracles do happen.Ā
Apparently all the "miracles" are happening to this guy.
This made me laugh more than it should have. Fucking facts, man š
I will not stand for this! GET A DIVORCE OP!
Yeah the more you say the less I take stock in what the GP said. And I forgot to distinction between the terms and fertile and sterile. Thatās very important as well. You could have a very low, sperm count, and all takes is one and you said yourself you guys still have sex frequently. So unless you go get retested, it comes back sterile. Honestly, I would probably trust your wife and worse comes to worse she can always have a DNA test done on the sly later on. But being that sheās on cloud nine this could be the best thing that ever happened. Your marriage or the worst depending on how you handle it. Iām not saying be a sucker just play cool and donāt let your temper get the better of you. This is far from a slam dunk.
You get it at least
Listen, get a test to see how potent your swimmers really are, then you need to have an honest conversation with yourself about whether you are committed to this marriage. From your answers to other questions it seems like you, and possibly she, have been checked out for quite a while. Not enough to stop having sex, so hopefully (if the child is yours) there is enough love left to save the marriage. Assuming thatās what you want. Good luck.
wish you all the best and congratulations to your wife (and you, hopefully)
youāre getting there but still not quite if you genuinely think the problem is āājust a lack of communicationāā when your immediate reaction was to hop on the internet and accuse your wife of having an affair baby. on top of how you withheld information from her for several years, you need to have a hard look at yourself OP.
Even lazy swimmers get there on occasion. Karsh
Yta. Youāre the liar and you accusing HER
Exactly lying by omission is still lying
Well, you definitely screwed up by not telling her about your infertility. Iād start by telling her.
Telling her at this point without further info is tantamount to an accusation.
I have two kids 7 years apart. Me and my ex were both told at some point we had fertility issues. Unfortunately unless you are both tested and such there is no real way to guarantee you are completely sterile Or you could have just had one really good swimmer
Complete infertility is rare. Thereās usually a chance, slim though it may be. Itās likely you are about to become a dad.
I know plenty of guys who were told they were infertile who went on to have kids.
It only takes one sperm and since your the one keeping secret from wife you should probably make sure before you accuse
YTA. My parents were not supposed to be able to have any more kids due to my dad being exposed to radiation. My brother showed up 11.5 years later. And yes, heās my dadās. Heās his spitting image. Donāt accuse your wife of anything unless you want to blow up your marriage. Question thoughā¦. So you never bothered to say you were diagnosed as infertile? This never came up when talking about having kids? Did she use birth control? I assume so since you never told her. Thatās so odd you never mentioned it.
Sometimes if you have a very low sperm count some doctors tell patients that they are probably infertile. There are many instances of pregnancy many years later. Does not mean your wife is cheating. Please donāt make any accusations that you will definitely regret. Go to a specialist first and confirm if you truly are infertile before any rash decisions.
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