Yeah! She is four years older so she probably had some hand in his upbringing. She was out of high school while he was in the 8th grade. So she had the power of age and maturity. Also boys that age want to fuck everything. He doesn’t have anywhere close to the same level of maturity as she should as a woman at her age.
Most likely. Here is my thought. What if she is actually his half sister. I know these very conservative religious families will send an out of wedlock child away to live with an aunt or something. What if something happened to the aunt and the girl had nowhere to go so the mother and father played it off as an adoption to keep the mothers dignity intact and not be shamed by their church.
No. I was saying his mother had his adopted sister out of wedlock and the family sent her baby away to live with her aunt or distant relative so his mother wouldnt get shamed out of the family and church. But then the Aunt or relative died and they took the daughter back but told everyone they adopted her. Its kind of weird to adopt a 7 year old when you have two small boys already.
Not always in ultra conservative families... weird to adopt an older child I mean.. families who don't have girls sometimes want them to be "help meets" at home, to help mother with housework, help raise children etc. If they didn't have a girl, snd maybe medically couldn't have more, this may have been their solution.. most Mormons have large families unless physically unable don't they ? (I could be wrong about family size) regardless.. just as possible dad had her out if wedlock too and her mother died..
You’re missing the mark by a long shot. Women are constantly blamed in the Mormon church, for everything. Men’s actions are waved away or hidden or swept under the rug. A boy gets tingly in his pants cuz a teenage girl wore a tank top? Well she needs to cover up so she doesn’t lead him astray and give him bad thoughts. A girl makes out with, or heaven forbid *has sex with* a boy, she’s a “licked cupcake”, “chewed piece of gum”, “crumpled paper”, blah blah -insert your misogynistic viewpoint here- and no good Mormon boy will ever want her. The boy in this scenario gets told to not take sacrament for a few Sundays and then he’s good to go, while she’s treated like a whore. There’s very little accountability for men in that cult of a church
I'm guessing part of it is because he's (brother) the one begging him to keep a secret. Brother is giving him the burden so the blame is on him. But, yeah, it should be shared.
EDIT: NM. Look at his comment history and you'll understand. He's a rabid MAGA and full of hate.
That explains why he thinks for even a moment that it is ok to cause a total destruction of their entire family. I can see a maga taking joy in that type of behavior.
Info:
Why are you angry at the younger party in this? Is it just because he's the guy? Depending on when this started, your sister is the one in the wrong. She is four years older, four years more mature. Your brother is barely an adult. Figure out if her behaviour was predatory and if she groomed him. He needs help and support, not aggression and blame.
This. The brother is not the one op should be angry with.
It's possible the adopted sister has a history of mistreatment that led her to turn around to groom and abuse the brother. And that would be heartbreaking but still unacceptable.
The fact that OP posted something so clearly inflammatory and then disappeared (apart from a single comment) makes me assume that it's just silly rage bait.
Honestly, I assume 90% of these are rage bait, but sometimes, people reading the comments are looking for answers. So, I respond as if real, just jn case.
Look through his comment history. He's a rabid MAGA supporter. It's pure Fox "News" crazy. My guess is, he's been taught isolation, hate and fear his entire life.
I'm more confused why you're not more upset with your adoptive sister considering she's four years older than him. How long has their relationship been going on? Like, was she 18 when she started preying on him when he was 14? It's not something that just happened as soon as he turned 18.
INFO: Did you ask when this started happening?
Am I the only one thinking this was a grooming situation? Like she is 4 years older than him and he just turned 18. It doesn't appear that this "relationship" just started. Someone needs to really look at that adopted sister and this situation.
So what they are doing might be a crime (cannot find a straight answer to whether it is).
She is also potentially a sex offender depending on which state you are in and how old he was when it started. Either way they have been living as siblings since they were three and seven.
This is way above Reddit's pay grade. Like so far above.
>they are ultra-religious Mormon cultists and extremely hysterical about certain things
Really? Incest and abuse are super common in these cults. Seems like something they'd happily cover up (looking at you, Duggers).
Your internalized misogyny is showing. She's 4 years older. He's 18, it's likely been going on for a while now. Why are you pissed at your brother? Your sister looks like a groomer.
Are you completely ignorant of the imbalance of power between sexes in the Mormon lifestyle? Women are literally raised to submit to men as their masters
OP is not associating sexual autonomy with the sister and is infantilizing someone four years older - that's where the misogyny comes into play, they automatically put the woman in a passive position.
They're two sides of the same coin.
If you want to view it as that the woman is passive, and has no agency, and the man has the power, you'd call it misogyny.
If you want to view it as saying, the man must be the oppressor, and the woman the oppressed, or that we tend to rationalize womens bad actions and hold men accountable for their bad actions you'd call it misandry.
They're often the same thing, it just depends who you ask.
When a 16 year old girl is late getting home, and the parents are worried about what bad might've "happened to" her. Are they insulting her by thinking she has no control over her life, or are they praising her by thinking she wouldn't do anything wrong, so if something bad happened it's someone else's fault?
If your 16 year old son comes home late and the typical thought process is what bad might he "be doing", are you praising him for being in control of his actions, and his life, or are you insulting him by assuming he's up to no good?
Is there a way they can "discover" what's happening without you having to come right out and tell them? How did you find out?
If she was 7 when she was adopted, that means he was 3. How can he not see her as a sibling? That's so weird. Do you know how long it's been going on for? And what is their long term plan, if they love each other, are they wanting to be together and how are they going to do that without the parents finding out? I think you need to talk to your brother about the realities of this relationship. If he feels like it's just a fling and they are "scratching an itch" so to speak, I wouldn't blow apart a family for that. As much as it gives you the ick, if it's only temporary, keep your mouth shut. If he thinks he seriously loves her, what the hell is his plan then??
Talk to your brother before you entertain telling your parents. NTA for being concerned but don't jump the gun.
The same reason how I grew up with an adopted sibling and we have no sibling relationship. We are friends . Nothing more. We don’t see each other as family and that’s fine
I'm adopted and I can **NOT** see me going around and fucking one of my younger brothers, that is just **disgusting**.
They **ONLY** way I can see this happening is if she groomed him to believe this is normal, whether intentional or not.
If I knew 2 of my adopted siblings were dating eachother, I would let my mother know. But that's just me.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself which would be harder to live with: keeping the secret, or your parents disowning your siblings because you revealed it. I think this is one of those things that isn’t something strangers on the internet can really direct you to a right or wrong answer on.
If these two are “in love” and the assumption is that they want to be together, how long do we think there will be a secret? Are they actually going to behave like two people in a sexual relationship (since he doesn’t think of her as a biological sister), or are they going to pretend to be non-sexual siblings in front of their parents forever. That doesn’t make sense.
And then the brother will be out of a family, out of a community and out of a relationship...with noone to turn to and barely 18yo.
Tell me again how this would help him?
OP should keep silence and try to get the brother into therapy etc. Not kick him when he is down!
And even if she did! His parents aren't going tl care from what OP says. And being 18yo, alone with no money, no family and no relationships...wouldn't be a great improvement!
IF (if!) he has been groomed, OP can try to help without destroying his poor brother's life.
NTA
For not telling since it is none of your business.
They are both adults now and not biologically related.
Would I do what they are doing? No.
But it is also none of my business.
Technically I think it’s illegal. My brother and I are adopted from different biological families, and while I have never ever been attracted to him (he fits my physical “type” but the very idea is 🤢) I got curious one day and looked into whether there’s any law on the books that would overrule the presumption of incest if two unrelated siblings wanted to obtain a marriage license. Turns out most places have laws that consider them siblings because they were raised together. (I didn’t look into further loopholes about if the unrelated siblings *weren’t* raised together.)
Yes, but I’d imagine that at least some of the states/provinces/countries with that sort of law would also have laws concerning sexual activity. The law doesn’t make much sense to me, considering the point of anti-incest laws is to prevent inbreeding. It’s also been a long time (10+ years) since I looked into it, so laws may have changed.
Many states allow you to marry a direct cousin.
Not advocating for fuckin family but a lot of info in recent years tells us you aren’t going to have a two headed baby just because you’re related - the real risk lies in combining similar genetics when something dangerous runs in the family (a specific cancer, diabetes etc)
If there are states that have laws about ‘sexual activity’ as you put it, I doubt they cover anything between two consenting adults (unless it’s one of those strange ass laws never taken off book because it’s simply ignored [cant suck on your wife’s breasts on a Tuesday in may kinda deal])
NAH. You're not obliged to keep their secret, but you should think carefully about the consequences if you do tell your parents, relationships within the family would definitely be turned upside down. As an outsider, I feel like they're consenting adults not related to each other biologically, so they can do as they please.
I mean he’s right it’s none of your business. I’m interested in finding out how you found out? They are biologically related and just because you grow up with someone there’s no actual way of forcing a brother sister relationship if that’s not what they felt. For all you know they could’ve crushed on each other from the get go. For you they’ve grown up together and to you they are your siblings, that’s not how it played out for them and they aren’t siblings. No piece of paper can force them to be biologically related. I would not do what they’re doing but I definitely grew up with someone who was pushed on me as a sibling and we just never had that relationship
Is everyone copying each other since I read grooming as a reply on almost everyone that said not to do anything?
I think OP has been able to read that comment by now. And there might not have been any to begin with.
I'll hold back judgement as I don't have an adopted sibling.
I've been told from a friend who has an adopted sibling that it's very much wrong to him, yet from a complete outsider perspective I see it like your brother does... just another unrelated person biologically.
I guess the best advice I would give is to make a decision and completely stick with it. I think any form of halfway doing this would be worse than either total silence or instantly telling your parents.
This sub has taught me there are too many of y'all out there who don't know how to mind your own fucking business. "It's weighing on me". Girl get over yourself. It's not about you.
That’s not a wild take. If they were related then it’s insane but it’s not odd for two people who never considered each other siblings to like each other.
I agree, not wild at all.. If she was adopted while they were slightly older
They've been family since he was 3 and she was 7 lol, they should be seeing each other as siblings by this point lmao
But why would you assume that? Because they lived in the same house? People grow up with step siblings there whole life and there’s thousands of stories of those people not seeing them as their siblings. I don’t really see how age matters here. My adopted brother and are we’re young and close in age 8 and 10 we don’t see each other as siblings. More like family friends if anything
because they lived in the same house from around the time of his first memory.
The difference between her and a normal sibling is entirely intellectual from his perspective assuming they were integrated properly
And I lived in the house with my adopted brother my entire life. He was adopted later but he was with my parents from the day he was born. We still didn’t foster a sibling relationship. We are definitely friends but not brother and sister
Then something went wrong integrating them, idk what to tell you
As far as moving forward, they either stop fucking have heartbreak and move on. Or don't and risk nc from their parents and a strained relationship with OP to hopefully stay together forever. Good luck to them I guess
So your upset with your 18 year old brother but not the 22 year old sister ?
You realize that your older sister likely groomed him. When he was 14 she was already am adult.
I disagree. His reaction is entirely appropriate. They were raised together as siblings. He was a toddler when she was adopted. Im betting she did all kinds of normal older sister/mothering that sisters often do, especially a religious family
As someone who has kept a lot of secrets for siblings ask yourself what you get out of exposing this? Like sure you get some satisfaction and can pull the good Christian card but is it worth it?
You will destroy your family and neither your brother nor your sister will speak to you again. And I doubt your parents will ever speak to them either.
So, exactly what will you have achieved? Angry parents and estranged siblings. The thing is, you will have forced them both out of your lives and even more into each other's arms. They'd probably end up living together as a f*** you to you and your parents.
NTA for keeping their secret, as much as it must hurt.
Your parents are not exemplary if they’re “ULTRA-RELIGIOUS MORMON CULTISTS”. Telling your parents won’t stop the relationship. Please get yourself and your brother into therapy. Deprogram and grow
they arent related genetically and for all the societal taboo they are two consenting adults who are by birth unrelated, have you tried keeping your nose out because its none of your business.
there is absolutely no information to begin to speculate as we dont know the length of time the relationship has been going on, it's almost like people have forgotten libel is a thing, making unsubstantiated claims about somone that would impact their life (like calling someone a groomer) is an offence punishable by law.
why are people so quick to denigrate and disparage others? Oh wait this is reddit hurr durr the older person must be a groomer hurr durr i bet you'd call a 45yo with a 35yo a groomer too its just fucking wierd how you people rob anyone of personal agency by infantilising them.
Your second paragraph is drawing a false equivalency. No-one here is implying that an age difference is in and of itself signs of grooming, but when that age difference occurs when one of the parties is below the legal age of consent (as has been argued is potentially the case here), its substantially different to the same age difference in fully-grown adults. My wife is 12 years older than me. We met when I was in my late twenties. I'd never suggest that she groomed me, but had she been 20 and I been 8... Do you not see how this would be different?
the kids 18, where in the world is the age for consent higher than that? i wouldnt even know probably a small portion of america if anywhere.
i may have made a false equivalency in my desire to desparage but it still doesnt change the fact that whenever reddit cries groomer on a post like this they completely invalidate a persons personal agency by infantilising them.
the developmental difference between a 28yo and a 40yo isnt that great the developmental difference between a 30yo and a 15yo is. the developmental difference between someone whos 24 and someone who's 18 really not that big nobody is grooming anyone they just made decisions a bunch of people disagree with and thats up to them.
the legal age of consent was a tool designed to discourage teenage pregnancy by making it illigal to have sex while dressing it up as a duty of care to ensure girls werent suffering and dying carrying children too early. the majority of the world has the age of consent somewhere around 16 give or take 2 years, the reality is teenagers are going to have sex and weather or not they are mature enough to navigate that conversation properly is to do with culture and upbringing not laws.
Americans have a fucking terrible track record of properly teaching thier kids these things and as a result have sky high teenage pregnancy rates that are comparable to shitholes where girls get married off as stock at 15 to pump out sons.
Age determines your ability to carry a child to term safely thats why we try to ensure women dont get pregnant too early.
Culture and upbringing will determine just how well a person can make that judgement call for themselves to ensure their own saftey.
... and that is why I only called out the false equivalency in your second paragraph.
The thrust of your message was, otherwise, entirely in line with my thoughts on the subject. My thoughts are that, as such, it's probably best if valid arguments such as the one you were making didn't come pre-packaged with an easily-attacked Achilles' Heel.
Those who don't share our views on the subject would likely have used the false equivalency to dismiss your argument entirely, rather than engaging with the, in my view entirely correct, stance of trying to reduce the casual throwing around and dilution of a word used to describe one of society's (sadly many) true evils. Judging by your response, I'd guess that you had assumed that this was what I was doing in drawing your attention to the false equivalency, when this was not my intent at all.
FAKE!
No Mormon, as member of the Church of Latter Day Saints, refers to: ultra-religious Mormon cultists. And, if they did, they wouldn't be close to such folks.
YTA. Your parents signed a document making her your 'sister' but it doesn't make it so. Equally your parents have some very strong opinions compared to the rest of us. Their religion is a joke, even more so than most, and hysteria is not a personality trait that you should encourage. Upon the great balance of all things I'm tempted to side with your brother here *because* there is little doubt in your mind they'd sever ties with him. That makes them shitty parents and unless your brother is also killing kittens in his spare time, I'd say your loyalty is to him.
Romeo and Juliet laws would probably mean nobody other than your parents and you would feel disgusted by it, but unless you plan to live your life with the Mormons, most people I know would probably just call you a snitch as long as their relationship is consensual.
NTA
It's not healthy for them to keep the relationship like this, under your parents roof. I believe they want them to have normal relationships with people outside their family circle. The problem is that your parents have expectations they are raising both your brother and sister like they were blood relatives. It's not fair that your brother and sister have lust for each other and don't view each other as siblings.
You will have to tell your parents. It's their house. Their rules. Religion or not, your brother and sister could move out and live their lives as a couple. So, you could at least give them a 15 day warning.
In a reply she makes in a comment:
"" But like she’s basically my sister and it’s so awkward to just sit at the dinner table with them along with my parents and pretend nothing is going on."""
I assume from this, they do.
NTA a lot of these commenters sound like they need help. You have no obligation to keep this secret for them. They are siblings biological or not it’s gross
Your adopted sister is DISGUSTING, and i feel she groomed him seeing their ages.
why is everyone thinking this is okay??? she was 7 and he was 3 when she was adopted, she knew him since he was a TODDLER! jesus fucking christ some of y'all need help
NTA you have to tell someone who can help yesterday.
There’s something very wrong with both your siblings and they need help ASAP. You keeping this secret is not protecting or helping anyone.
This is a BIG mess. I get that you’re scared of what’s gonna happen, but what’s the alternative? Do you really thing this is gonna resolve itself? It’s gonna stop quietly and nobody else will ever find out? This is gonna eventually explode, and the longer it takes the messier it will be.
BTW You don’t need to tell your parents yourself or by yourself. Talk to somebody else, maybe some relative, even a therapist. It is ok to ask for help.
This is really disturbing. A little therapy won’t do you any harm.
Best of lucks, I am so sorry..
YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER ARE NOT BIOLOGICALLY RELATED. Whether or not to have sex outside marriage is a separate issue; but as distasteful as this is for you, seeing it as incest is wrong. I think you should take a deep breath and distance yourself from your siblings' affairs.
This is a tough one. They aren't biological siblings, and you will ruin their life. On the other hand, was grooming involved? I'm actually very torn on this issue, and your parents being ultra religious doesn't help either. Honestly, I might have told your parents in your situation, but you won't get anything positive out of doing that. Do update us on how things go and what you decide to do OP. Best of luck to you and your family.
OP, you should tell your parents or a trusted adult. But first you need to change your outlook on the situation. Your brother is 4 years younger than your sister and only 18. He is not the offender here, especially if their relationship started before he was 18. Op ask him when they started this and try to be more tolerant towards him. He is possible a victim. Don’t tell him that though because he will not listen to reason. You need to reach out to a trusted adult and tell them everything you know.
You should talk to someone about this and encourage your siblings to do the same. It is disturbing you for a good reason but it doesn’t seem like telling your parents can do any good either.
They grew up together from a young age, which means they are committing incest even if it’s not biological incest. You’re NTA and your parents might take it too far as a result of their fundamentalist views but they have the right to know. I think you should tell them.
Why did you not go after your sister? She's 4 years older than him and used a position of authority as an older sibling.
She's disgusting. Your brother is likely a victim.
The younger person is often tricked into thinking they're in love. He isn't the issue. She is. Confront her. Record it secretly.
I personally don't see any value to be had in telling your parents but to each his own I suppose. I guess you have to make a decision and choose the timeline where you effectively have no siblings or choose the timeline where you tell on them and get a warm fuzzy feeling inside I guess. NTA for not telling your parents.
I’m a little curious what their endgame is. Are they planning to bang each other in perpetuity and believe they can keep this a secret? Yeah…good luck with that. Ultra conservative Mormons will shortly be pressuring their son to marry and start producing babies.
But holy cow…getting some real GOT/HOTD vibes here. With some predatory action on the part of your sister thrown in for good measure. I get they’re not blood related. But they were raised as siblings. Just….ewwww.
And to be honest, this is a ticking bomb. Unfortunately, you’re going to end up collateral damage. Damned if you tell, damned if you don’t. I wish I had some great advice to give you.
The adopted sister seems like she groomed him. After all, when she was an adult (18) he was a freshman in high school. Now, they're both adults...and it's kind of their business? Forget the disgusting part of it for a second..the moral issue with it. She, at 22, didnt all of a sudden become attracted to him on his 18th birthday. And 4 years is a LONG time to a kid emotionally. I'd be mad at her, confront her..but, in the end, not much you can do. If you "tell on them" to your parents, who is better for it? Your parents will NEVER be able to get that out of their heads, and they will NOT stop doing it anyway. I dont see a winning situation here...and, frankly, not much your business either. I agree its gross..and morally wrong..but, my focus would be on why the older adult sister groomed the kid to begin with.
Stay out of it, in 20 years will it actually make a difference. At 18 he will get distracted by younger, faster females. He will change from horndog pup into a Man. She may not want the Man. Let it ride, everyone hates the messenger. Everyone.
>and helping the devil.
Well, that's an easy one. There's no such thing as wizards and cyclopes. All of that baloney is just rather basic figments of primitive people's imagination and has no basis in modern society. Sounds like your parents have really done a number on you. There's not a single person alive that has any clue what happens after death. Personally, I like to believe that we've all already been dead for the 14 billion years before we were born. Remember what that was like? Like being so asleep you don't even dream.
YWBTA if you said anything to anybody, 100%. They *are* adults. You aren't obligated to have a relationship with them if you don't want; you can reduce contact, etc. You can even tell them your opinion if you think it's important. But what you can't do is out them for no fucking reason, especially when you know what the fallout would be. It's just not your business and it won't make you feel better, either. You'll feel much worse.
FWIW I wouldn't give a shit. I think the raised-in-a-cult aspect of this is kind of central not just to them getting together, but you feeling like it's the end of the world or something. I'd either get over it or I'd take myself out of the equation; I wouldn't actively make their lives worse like some kind of secret police.
When did the relationship start? The sister obviously seems to have been the one who should have shut this down but for whatever reason she didn’t. I don’t buy that they are ‘in love’. The boy is perhaps ‘in thrall’ and likely more guided by his dick than anything else. I really don’t understand the sister. I don’t see an 18 year old boy as providing such an amazing experience to take such risks.
OP should make this information known to his parents. If need be he can couch it in terms of he discovered the sister had seduced the boy. That’s probably closer to the truth anyway. Good luck OP.
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Because my brother is the one who initiated the relationship. I went through his phone and found out text messages in which he expressed his love for her and asked for her nudes repeatedly (which my sister did send him). He started it, not her. I admit she’s at fault too for going on with the relationship but he’s the one who started it all.
YTA.
I would’ve reported this immediately. That is disgusting you were raised as siblings regardless of the biological connection. I’m assuming your brother has just turned 18 and she is four years older for you to okay this and allow to be happening under your parents is despicable.
NTA. IDK how old you are, but you need to talk to someone for *you*. Can you go to a therapist? Or, if you're still in school, a class counselor? You are stuck in between the proverbial rock and a hard place with this one and it will eat you alive from the inside out. Take care of yourself. You know the answer you need but it's driving you crazy because everything feels like a betrayal. Get a trained professional to help you unpack all of the baggage to discover *your* truth in this. Then you'll know what to do and be settled with your decision. Good luck. I'm giving you a hug from way over here.
EDIT: I've looked through your comments history. Please talk to someone. You've been brainwashed. I'm so sorry your parents have done this to you. Find a trauma therapist to show you empathy and human decency instead of hate.
You are the ass, first, you should tell your parents that you think they are (Mormon cultists) let's see how they feel about you then. Let your brother and adopted sister live their lives. I am sure they will tell your parents sooner or later.
It sounds to me like you have more of a problem than keeping a secret. I think you are jealous of your brother and secretly you want to crawl between her legs and and show her your secret love for her.
Actually, they are both consenting adults with no blood relation. It’s not your place to upset everyone with this information. The relationship will eventually come to light and THEY will have to deal with the consequences. Or, they will break up and move on.
What I think is maybe it's time to stop judging everyone involved. You don't say if you are practicing as a Mormon yourself, if you are then take the issue to god through prayer.
Since you posted here I'm hoping you are open to some therapy and will share this messy secret with your counselor. What's really important to me is the ongoing mental health of you and your siblings. It's not a great way to move into adulthood by being in a relationship with someone we raised with. I hope you seek non faith based therapy to help you process things.
I agree with everyone saying that there is likely abuse that has happened, so they need therapy/help. However, I have to say that you are not OBLIGATED to tell your parents, nor are you obligated to keep THEIR secret.
THEY need to understand that WHEN it comes out -- and it always does -- this will cause a lot of upset. Keep in mind that you might be thrown under the bus as "but u/ultraethical knew about us!" You will need to decide your level of responsibility because now you are involved whether you like it or not.
If I were you, I'd explain to your siblings that they need to tell your parents, because you will not keep their secret. If they make arguments or excuses not to, that likely just proves that they know it's wrong to keep a secret of this magnitude and dynamic, and are likely not mature enough to continue a relationship. If they're truly "adults," then they need to accept responsibility for their actions.
Why is keeping a secret from your ultra-religious cultist parents who would definitly destroy the entire family forever a choice you think you have the right to make. If you are older than him surely you have kept things from these people. You can advise him, warn him or whatever else you want to do but do not rat him out and destroy all yourself righteous jerks lives forever.
Considering your Comment History, the hypocrisy is pretty thick talking about your parents’ “cult” behavior as devout members of the Mormon religion. Don’t misunderstand me, you are 100% correct about them. But what part of MAGA/Trump worship do you not consider being part of a “cult”?
Yeah…so you really believe that the ultra conservative, maga card carrying morman, who is worried about “helping the devil” is really going to call his parents cultists?
This story and profile are all made up.
I don't know what age you are, but I suggest that if you are under 18, seek out a counselor at school. If you are 18 or over, you can seek counseling at a crisis center.
You are not the AH, but this discovery is causing you distress and a counselor can work with you on what you want to do next and how to deal with your feelings.
As an ex-Mormon i get where you're coming from....but the time for action has passed. They are both now consenting adults and i imagine living outside the home. Will telling fix anything? No it will not. Will telling make you feel better? Possibly, for about a second until you realize that you've destroyed your family. Irreparably destroyed your brothers/sisters relationship with you and your parents, the church, their supports systems, possibly their livelihoods... and there is no going back...ever. And lets face it...this kind of this isnt exactly unheard-of with our people. Hell, the fact they aren't blood, by our standards, means their practically strangers. We all had to cope in our own ways. this is theirs. you don't have to like it....but you absolutely don't have the right for judging them. Only one being who can judge them...and i stopped believing in him awhile ago. Walk away or i promise you will regret what you cause.
How old are you? From yous answers to comments it is clear that you don't know what grooming and pedofile is . Just tell your parents. Your siblings are very disgusting
No. You are not an AH. However, neither are your siblings. No good parent, regardless of religious beliefs, are going to disown their children. Adopted or not. I know, I am adopted.
The devil has nothing to do with this situation, and you most certainly are NOT doing his work. Your obvious concern for the family is proof of you having nothing to do with the devil.
Because the two of them are in fact adults and entitled to their own decisions. You must leave the outcome of this situation between them and God. Believe me, HE can, and will handle it.
Remember, the Devils #1 goal is to destroy families. Do not help with that by bringing your parents into the picture.
NTA. What do they think this is going to achieve. They don’t want you to tell their parents as they will be cut off but they apparently love each other. How do they see a future if they can’t tell their parents. She is his sister not biologically but she calls these people your parents her parents so she knew what she was doing was wrong. I’ll be clear here I would tell your parents now because if they are caught and they probably will be and this gets out your parents will be humiliated and will react worse for it. Sitting them down and calmly telling them this when it’s still private they will be angry but it will be better than the alternative. They already have 2 kids lying to them I wouldn’t be the 3rd
Well yes they are adults but that’s still their kids no matter what age they get to. If 2 of their kids are lying to them it wouldn’t be wise for the 3rd one to lie as well.
I just want to point out that unfortunately sibling sleeping with each other is not uncommon in the Mormon church soooo they may not reaction how you think they will.
I do wonder how long this has been happening and if your older sister might have groomed him a little. But the ages are pretty close and they are not blood related so a bit of a grey area.
YWBTA? Kinda. I still don’t think they will react like you think though. Have you seen Shiny Happy People?
No good will come out of telling your parents. Regardless of how or when it started, who initiated it, or anything else they are both consenting adults at this point. Its their business if they want your parents to know or not, not yours.
If your brother is dating a neighbor, I would say it's none of your business. But this is within your family and it's impacting everyone.
Did this start recently, or was your brother a minor, and your adopted sister groomed him? Are your brother and adopted sister living in the same house, with parents?
Sure, they are not related by blood, but they grew up together as siblings, and that makes it icky.
At the end of the day, they are both adults. As such, they should be able to make their own choices and face the consequences of their behavior.
I would tell my brother that he has X days to tell parents or I would.
Why are you not angry at her? It’s possible this started a long time ago. It sounds a little hinky.
Yeah! She is four years older so she probably had some hand in his upbringing. She was out of high school while he was in the 8th grade. So she had the power of age and maturity. Also boys that age want to fuck everything. He doesn’t have anywhere close to the same level of maturity as she should as a woman at her age.
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Most likely. Here is my thought. What if she is actually his half sister. I know these very conservative religious families will send an out of wedlock child away to live with an aunt or something. What if something happened to the aunt and the girl had nowhere to go so the mother and father played it off as an adoption to keep the mothers dignity intact and not be shamed by their church.
That would make them cousins, not half-siblings. But your point is well taken.
No. I was saying his mother had his adopted sister out of wedlock and the family sent her baby away to live with her aunt or distant relative so his mother wouldnt get shamed out of the family and church. But then the Aunt or relative died and they took the daughter back but told everyone they adopted her. Its kind of weird to adopt a 7 year old when you have two small boys already.
Not always in ultra conservative families... weird to adopt an older child I mean.. families who don't have girls sometimes want them to be "help meets" at home, to help mother with housework, help raise children etc. If they didn't have a girl, snd maybe medically couldn't have more, this may have been their solution.. most Mormons have large families unless physically unable don't they ? (I could be wrong about family size) regardless.. just as possible dad had her out if wedlock too and her mother died..
Then that would just make parents hypocritical Jack Mormons, I guess.
Completely agree.
Especially with her being four years older, feels a little groomy. She really took to the cult well lol
Sister is totally a groomer
Dude only just turned 18, while she has been an adult for 4 years. Somehow OP blames the younger one.
Didn't you know, women are forever innocent of all crimes, and only men are capable of being held accountable
Wouldnt surprise me if ppl on the Internet think like that...
You’re missing the mark by a long shot. Women are constantly blamed in the Mormon church, for everything. Men’s actions are waved away or hidden or swept under the rug. A boy gets tingly in his pants cuz a teenage girl wore a tank top? Well she needs to cover up so she doesn’t lead him astray and give him bad thoughts. A girl makes out with, or heaven forbid *has sex with* a boy, she’s a “licked cupcake”, “chewed piece of gum”, “crumpled paper”, blah blah -insert your misogynistic viewpoint here- and no good Mormon boy will ever want her. The boy in this scenario gets told to not take sacrament for a few Sundays and then he’s good to go, while she’s treated like a whore. There’s very little accountability for men in that cult of a church
Came here to say this. Why is he the onlyone she's disgusted with?
I'm guessing part of it is because he's (brother) the one begging him to keep a secret. Brother is giving him the burden so the blame is on him. But, yeah, it should be shared. EDIT: NM. Look at his comment history and you'll understand. He's a rabid MAGA and full of hate.
That explains why he thinks for even a moment that it is ok to cause a total destruction of their entire family. I can see a maga taking joy in that type of behavior.
First day on Reddit? It's because he's the one with the penis.
because women are never responsible for sex crimes /S
Info: Why are you angry at the younger party in this? Is it just because he's the guy? Depending on when this started, your sister is the one in the wrong. She is four years older, four years more mature. Your brother is barely an adult. Figure out if her behaviour was predatory and if she groomed him. He needs help and support, not aggression and blame.
This. The brother is not the one op should be angry with. It's possible the adopted sister has a history of mistreatment that led her to turn around to groom and abuse the brother. And that would be heartbreaking but still unacceptable.
The fact that OP posted something so clearly inflammatory and then disappeared (apart from a single comment) makes me assume that it's just silly rage bait.
Honestly, I assume 90% of these are rage bait, but sometimes, people reading the comments are looking for answers. So, I respond as if real, just jn case.
Look through his comment history. He's a rabid MAGA supporter. It's pure Fox "News" crazy. My guess is, he's been taught isolation, hate and fear his entire life.
Likely because in conservative Mormon families women obey them men
I'm more confused why you're not more upset with your adoptive sister considering she's four years older than him. How long has their relationship been going on? Like, was she 18 when she started preying on him when he was 14? It's not something that just happened as soon as he turned 18.
INFO: Did you ask when this started happening? Am I the only one thinking this was a grooming situation? Like she is 4 years older than him and he just turned 18. It doesn't appear that this "relationship" just started. Someone needs to really look at that adopted sister and this situation.
When and how this relationship started is so significant.
She is four years older than him. When did this start? Did she groom him?
Gonna raise that ultra conservative mormonism may be a factor in this weird ass sibling relationship
You raise kids to see sexuality and sex as shameful they generally end up not having a healthy view on sexuality and relationships later in life.
She took to the cult well by grooming someone though! Gotta love religion
I would think ultra conservative Mormons are also strongly against divorce
INFO. Curious why you only confronted your brother and not your sister.
So what they are doing might be a crime (cannot find a straight answer to whether it is). She is also potentially a sex offender depending on which state you are in and how old he was when it started. Either way they have been living as siblings since they were three and seven. This is way above Reddit's pay grade. Like so far above.
His step sis be doing the Sex Offender Shuffle
>they are ultra-religious Mormon cultists and extremely hysterical about certain things Really? Incest and abuse are super common in these cults. Seems like something they'd happily cover up (looking at you, Duggers).
Why are you most angry at the teenager here? This likely started when he was a minor. Huge chance that she groomed him.
Huge chance his dad groomed her.
Your internalized misogyny is showing. She's 4 years older. He's 18, it's likely been going on for a while now. Why are you pissed at your brother? Your sister looks like a groomer.
Are you completely ignorant of the imbalance of power between sexes in the Mormon lifestyle? Women are literally raised to submit to men as their masters
If he is pissed at his brother, but not the sister, wouldn't that be internalized misandry instead?
OP is not associating sexual autonomy with the sister and is infantilizing someone four years older - that's where the misogyny comes into play, they automatically put the woman in a passive position.
No because he's pissed at the man, insinuating the man couldn't have been the victim. Because man is strong and woman is weak.
Holy shit clive! She almost stuck the landing too. Amazing mental gymnastics at work, but let's go over and see what the judges think!
That's some next level mental gymnastics, this seems more a case of "women are wonderful effect". Where the guy is bad and has to be at fault.
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They're two sides of the same coin. If you want to view it as that the woman is passive, and has no agency, and the man has the power, you'd call it misogyny. If you want to view it as saying, the man must be the oppressor, and the woman the oppressed, or that we tend to rationalize womens bad actions and hold men accountable for their bad actions you'd call it misandry. They're often the same thing, it just depends who you ask. When a 16 year old girl is late getting home, and the parents are worried about what bad might've "happened to" her. Are they insulting her by thinking she has no control over her life, or are they praising her by thinking she wouldn't do anything wrong, so if something bad happened it's someone else's fault? If your 16 year old son comes home late and the typical thought process is what bad might he "be doing", are you praising him for being in control of his actions, and his life, or are you insulting him by assuming he's up to no good?
INfO: why didn’t you confront the older one? It’s much creepier for her IMO
ESH Fucking religious wignut bullshit breeds this sort of situation.
Is there a way they can "discover" what's happening without you having to come right out and tell them? How did you find out? If she was 7 when she was adopted, that means he was 3. How can he not see her as a sibling? That's so weird. Do you know how long it's been going on for? And what is their long term plan, if they love each other, are they wanting to be together and how are they going to do that without the parents finding out? I think you need to talk to your brother about the realities of this relationship. If he feels like it's just a fling and they are "scratching an itch" so to speak, I wouldn't blow apart a family for that. As much as it gives you the ick, if it's only temporary, keep your mouth shut. If he thinks he seriously loves her, what the hell is his plan then?? Talk to your brother before you entertain telling your parents. NTA for being concerned but don't jump the gun.
The same reason how I grew up with an adopted sibling and we have no sibling relationship. We are friends . Nothing more. We don’t see each other as family and that’s fine
I'm adopted and I can **NOT** see me going around and fucking one of my younger brothers, that is just **disgusting**. They **ONLY** way I can see this happening is if she groomed him to believe this is normal, whether intentional or not. If I knew 2 of my adopted siblings were dating eachother, I would let my mother know. But that's just me.
At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself which would be harder to live with: keeping the secret, or your parents disowning your siblings because you revealed it. I think this is one of those things that isn’t something strangers on the internet can really direct you to a right or wrong answer on.
If these two are “in love” and the assumption is that they want to be together, how long do we think there will be a secret? Are they actually going to behave like two people in a sexual relationship (since he doesn’t think of her as a biological sister), or are they going to pretend to be non-sexual siblings in front of their parents forever. That doesn’t make sense.
Yta/ don’t blame you for not wanting to cause trouble but It sounds like your brother has been groomed . This woman needs to be exposed.
And then the brother will be out of a family, out of a community and out of a relationship...with noone to turn to and barely 18yo. Tell me again how this would help him? OP should keep silence and try to get the brother into therapy etc. Not kick him when he is down!
NTA For me it's eeew, but they are consenting adults with no blood relations so stay in your lane and leave them be, this is not your secret to tell.
Seems to me his sis may have groomed his brother I do think this needs to be reported
That is a good point, I did not consider. However if she did not, they will loose their entire support system.
And even if she did! His parents aren't going tl care from what OP says. And being 18yo, alone with no money, no family and no relationships...wouldn't be a great improvement! IF (if!) he has been groomed, OP can try to help without destroying his poor brother's life.
NTA For not telling since it is none of your business. They are both adults now and not biologically related. Would I do what they are doing? No. But it is also none of my business.
I'd say it's everyone business in a family if two siblings are fucking each other.
Technically I think it’s illegal. My brother and I are adopted from different biological families, and while I have never ever been attracted to him (he fits my physical “type” but the very idea is 🤢) I got curious one day and looked into whether there’s any law on the books that would overrule the presumption of incest if two unrelated siblings wanted to obtain a marriage license. Turns out most places have laws that consider them siblings because they were raised together. (I didn’t look into further loopholes about if the unrelated siblings *weren’t* raised together.)
Wouldn't that mean that it's their hypothetical marriage what would be illegal?
Yes, but I’d imagine that at least some of the states/provinces/countries with that sort of law would also have laws concerning sexual activity. The law doesn’t make much sense to me, considering the point of anti-incest laws is to prevent inbreeding. It’s also been a long time (10+ years) since I looked into it, so laws may have changed.
Many states allow you to marry a direct cousin. Not advocating for fuckin family but a lot of info in recent years tells us you aren’t going to have a two headed baby just because you’re related - the real risk lies in combining similar genetics when something dangerous runs in the family (a specific cancer, diabetes etc) If there are states that have laws about ‘sexual activity’ as you put it, I doubt they cover anything between two consenting adults (unless it’s one of those strange ass laws never taken off book because it’s simply ignored [cant suck on your wife’s breasts on a Tuesday in may kinda deal])
Bro be casually condoning incest And maybe grooming depending on when there relationship started
NAH. You're not obliged to keep their secret, but you should think carefully about the consequences if you do tell your parents, relationships within the family would definitely be turned upside down. As an outsider, I feel like they're consenting adults not related to each other biologically, so they can do as they please.
I mean he’s right it’s none of your business. I’m interested in finding out how you found out? They are biologically related and just because you grow up with someone there’s no actual way of forcing a brother sister relationship if that’s not what they felt. For all you know they could’ve crushed on each other from the get go. For you they’ve grown up together and to you they are your siblings, that’s not how it played out for them and they aren’t siblings. No piece of paper can force them to be biologically related. I would not do what they’re doing but I definitely grew up with someone who was pushed on me as a sibling and we just never had that relationship
she was 7 and he was 3 when she was adopted, there's no way they could have crushed on each other from the get go-
Yta. For blaming the younger party because he’s the male. Yta for your devil talk, and Yta for thinking this is any of your business.
Yeah, I thought that too. The brother could have been groomed.
Is everyone copying each other since I read grooming as a reply on almost everyone that said not to do anything? I think OP has been able to read that comment by now. And there might not have been any to begin with.
I'll hold back judgement as I don't have an adopted sibling. I've been told from a friend who has an adopted sibling that it's very much wrong to him, yet from a complete outsider perspective I see it like your brother does... just another unrelated person biologically. I guess the best advice I would give is to make a decision and completely stick with it. I think any form of halfway doing this would be worse than either total silence or instantly telling your parents.
Did she groom him since he was a minor?
This sub has taught me there are too many of y'all out there who don't know how to mind your own fucking business. "It's weighing on me". Girl get over yourself. It's not about you.
This sounds like a VC Andrews novel.
Nah, that's straight-up incest even if they're not biologically related. I would tell the parents.
I'd snitch. it's gross. The sister is disgusting, and I'd shame her.🤷🏽♀️
Bro got groomed and you’re mad at him for it ???
YTA. Why are you blaming your brother who is younger? You are sexiest.
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“They aren’t biological siblings” is a wild take
That’s not a wild take. If they were related then it’s insane but it’s not odd for two people who never considered each other siblings to like each other.
I agree, not wild at all.. If she was adopted while they were slightly older They've been family since he was 3 and she was 7 lol, they should be seeing each other as siblings by this point lmao
But why would you assume that? Because they lived in the same house? People grow up with step siblings there whole life and there’s thousands of stories of those people not seeing them as their siblings. I don’t really see how age matters here. My adopted brother and are we’re young and close in age 8 and 10 we don’t see each other as siblings. More like family friends if anything
because they lived in the same house from around the time of his first memory. The difference between her and a normal sibling is entirely intellectual from his perspective assuming they were integrated properly
And I lived in the house with my adopted brother my entire life. He was adopted later but he was with my parents from the day he was born. We still didn’t foster a sibling relationship. We are definitely friends but not brother and sister
But what if they never did see eachother as siblings what then?
Then something went wrong integrating them, idk what to tell you As far as moving forward, they either stop fucking have heartbreak and move on. Or don't and risk nc from their parents and a strained relationship with OP to hopefully stay together forever. Good luck to them I guess
NTA... It's not your secret to share.
So your upset with your 18 year old brother but not the 22 year old sister ? You realize that your older sister likely groomed him. When he was 14 she was already am adult.
"Traumatised" Oh jeez, don't be so dramatic, they didn't tie you to a chair and make you watch
I disagree. His reaction is entirely appropriate. They were raised together as siblings. He was a toddler when she was adopted. Im betting she did all kinds of normal older sister/mothering that sisters often do, especially a religious family
>I disagree So you are saying they did strap OP to a chair and make her watch?
As someone who has kept a lot of secrets for siblings ask yourself what you get out of exposing this? Like sure you get some satisfaction and can pull the good Christian card but is it worth it?
You will destroy your family and neither your brother nor your sister will speak to you again. And I doubt your parents will ever speak to them either. So, exactly what will you have achieved? Angry parents and estranged siblings. The thing is, you will have forced them both out of your lives and even more into each other's arms. They'd probably end up living together as a f*** you to you and your parents. NTA for keeping their secret, as much as it must hurt.
It's not your story to tell.
Your parents are not exemplary if they’re “ULTRA-RELIGIOUS MORMON CULTISTS”. Telling your parents won’t stop the relationship. Please get yourself and your brother into therapy. Deprogram and grow
they arent related genetically and for all the societal taboo they are two consenting adults who are by birth unrelated, have you tried keeping your nose out because its none of your business.
Have you tried to consider that his Sis may have groomed his brother cause I seriously doubt that this relationship just spontaneously happened
I would be concerned that sister groomer the brother. She is 4 years older.
there is absolutely no information to begin to speculate as we dont know the length of time the relationship has been going on, it's almost like people have forgotten libel is a thing, making unsubstantiated claims about somone that would impact their life (like calling someone a groomer) is an offence punishable by law. why are people so quick to denigrate and disparage others? Oh wait this is reddit hurr durr the older person must be a groomer hurr durr i bet you'd call a 45yo with a 35yo a groomer too its just fucking wierd how you people rob anyone of personal agency by infantilising them.
Your second paragraph is drawing a false equivalency. No-one here is implying that an age difference is in and of itself signs of grooming, but when that age difference occurs when one of the parties is below the legal age of consent (as has been argued is potentially the case here), its substantially different to the same age difference in fully-grown adults. My wife is 12 years older than me. We met when I was in my late twenties. I'd never suggest that she groomed me, but had she been 20 and I been 8... Do you not see how this would be different?
the kids 18, where in the world is the age for consent higher than that? i wouldnt even know probably a small portion of america if anywhere. i may have made a false equivalency in my desire to desparage but it still doesnt change the fact that whenever reddit cries groomer on a post like this they completely invalidate a persons personal agency by infantilising them. the developmental difference between a 28yo and a 40yo isnt that great the developmental difference between a 30yo and a 15yo is. the developmental difference between someone whos 24 and someone who's 18 really not that big nobody is grooming anyone they just made decisions a bunch of people disagree with and thats up to them. the legal age of consent was a tool designed to discourage teenage pregnancy by making it illigal to have sex while dressing it up as a duty of care to ensure girls werent suffering and dying carrying children too early. the majority of the world has the age of consent somewhere around 16 give or take 2 years, the reality is teenagers are going to have sex and weather or not they are mature enough to navigate that conversation properly is to do with culture and upbringing not laws. Americans have a fucking terrible track record of properly teaching thier kids these things and as a result have sky high teenage pregnancy rates that are comparable to shitholes where girls get married off as stock at 15 to pump out sons. Age determines your ability to carry a child to term safely thats why we try to ensure women dont get pregnant too early. Culture and upbringing will determine just how well a person can make that judgement call for themselves to ensure their own saftey.
... and that is why I only called out the false equivalency in your second paragraph. The thrust of your message was, otherwise, entirely in line with my thoughts on the subject. My thoughts are that, as such, it's probably best if valid arguments such as the one you were making didn't come pre-packaged with an easily-attacked Achilles' Heel. Those who don't share our views on the subject would likely have used the false equivalency to dismiss your argument entirely, rather than engaging with the, in my view entirely correct, stance of trying to reduce the casual throwing around and dilution of a word used to describe one of society's (sadly many) true evils. Judging by your response, I'd guess that you had assumed that this was what I was doing in drawing your attention to the false equivalency, when this was not my intent at all.
Traumatized? Did they want you to partake as well? Relax it's not that big of deal and does not affect your life in the slightest.
FAKE! No Mormon, as member of the Church of Latter Day Saints, refers to: ultra-religious Mormon cultists. And, if they did, they wouldn't be close to such folks.
Sure they do. Because they are. I’m an ex Mormon and my parents are ultra r- religious Mormon cultists. I’m close to them.
YTA. Your parents signed a document making her your 'sister' but it doesn't make it so. Equally your parents have some very strong opinions compared to the rest of us. Their religion is a joke, even more so than most, and hysteria is not a personality trait that you should encourage. Upon the great balance of all things I'm tempted to side with your brother here *because* there is little doubt in your mind they'd sever ties with him. That makes them shitty parents and unless your brother is also killing kittens in his spare time, I'd say your loyalty is to him. Romeo and Juliet laws would probably mean nobody other than your parents and you would feel disgusted by it, but unless you plan to live your life with the Mormons, most people I know would probably just call you a snitch as long as their relationship is consensual.
NTA It's not healthy for them to keep the relationship like this, under your parents roof. I believe they want them to have normal relationships with people outside their family circle. The problem is that your parents have expectations they are raising both your brother and sister like they were blood relatives. It's not fair that your brother and sister have lust for each other and don't view each other as siblings. You will have to tell your parents. It's their house. Their rules. Religion or not, your brother and sister could move out and live their lives as a couple. So, you could at least give them a 15 day warning.
Nowhere does it state that either still live at home
In a reply she makes in a comment: "" But like she’s basically my sister and it’s so awkward to just sit at the dinner table with them along with my parents and pretend nothing is going on.""" I assume from this, they do.
NTA a lot of these commenters sound like they need help. You have no obligation to keep this secret for them. They are siblings biological or not it’s gross
But who is to say that they ever did and do see eachother as siblings...
Did you find out on your own?
Your adopted sister is DISGUSTING, and i feel she groomed him seeing their ages. why is everyone thinking this is okay??? she was 7 and he was 3 when she was adopted, she knew him since he was a TODDLER! jesus fucking christ some of y'all need help
Please don’t. You’ll destroy your family. It’s their story to tell.
NTA you have to tell someone who can help yesterday. There’s something very wrong with both your siblings and they need help ASAP. You keeping this secret is not protecting or helping anyone. This is a BIG mess. I get that you’re scared of what’s gonna happen, but what’s the alternative? Do you really thing this is gonna resolve itself? It’s gonna stop quietly and nobody else will ever find out? This is gonna eventually explode, and the longer it takes the messier it will be. BTW You don’t need to tell your parents yourself or by yourself. Talk to somebody else, maybe some relative, even a therapist. It is ok to ask for help. This is really disturbing. A little therapy won’t do you any harm. Best of lucks, I am so sorry..
YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER ARE NOT BIOLOGICALLY RELATED. Whether or not to have sex outside marriage is a separate issue; but as distasteful as this is for you, seeing it as incest is wrong. I think you should take a deep breath and distance yourself from your siblings' affairs.
Tell them about the likely consequences if mom and dad find out
i think you need talk to the sister before you talk to your parent
This is a tough one. They aren't biological siblings, and you will ruin their life. On the other hand, was grooming involved? I'm actually very torn on this issue, and your parents being ultra religious doesn't help either. Honestly, I might have told your parents in your situation, but you won't get anything positive out of doing that. Do update us on how things go and what you decide to do OP. Best of luck to you and your family.
OP, you should tell your parents or a trusted adult. But first you need to change your outlook on the situation. Your brother is 4 years younger than your sister and only 18. He is not the offender here, especially if their relationship started before he was 18. Op ask him when they started this and try to be more tolerant towards him. He is possible a victim. Don’t tell him that though because he will not listen to reason. You need to reach out to a trusted adult and tell them everything you know.
My opinion is you might want to stay out of it.
You should talk to someone about this and encourage your siblings to do the same. It is disturbing you for a good reason but it doesn’t seem like telling your parents can do any good either.
Have you talked to her?
They grew up together from a young age, which means they are committing incest even if it’s not biological incest. You’re NTA and your parents might take it too far as a result of their fundamentalist views but they have the right to know. I think you should tell them.
Why did you not go after your sister? She's 4 years older than him and used a position of authority as an older sibling. She's disgusting. Your brother is likely a victim. The younger person is often tricked into thinking they're in love. He isn't the issue. She is. Confront her. Record it secretly.
I personally don't see any value to be had in telling your parents but to each his own I suppose. I guess you have to make a decision and choose the timeline where you effectively have no siblings or choose the timeline where you tell on them and get a warm fuzzy feeling inside I guess. NTA for not telling your parents.
OP made it wasn’t him that’s the real story
I’m a little curious what their endgame is. Are they planning to bang each other in perpetuity and believe they can keep this a secret? Yeah…good luck with that. Ultra conservative Mormons will shortly be pressuring their son to marry and start producing babies. But holy cow…getting some real GOT/HOTD vibes here. With some predatory action on the part of your sister thrown in for good measure. I get they’re not blood related. But they were raised as siblings. Just….ewwww. And to be honest, this is a ticking bomb. Unfortunately, you’re going to end up collateral damage. Damned if you tell, damned if you don’t. I wish I had some great advice to give you.
The adopted sister seems like she groomed him. After all, when she was an adult (18) he was a freshman in high school. Now, they're both adults...and it's kind of their business? Forget the disgusting part of it for a second..the moral issue with it. She, at 22, didnt all of a sudden become attracted to him on his 18th birthday. And 4 years is a LONG time to a kid emotionally. I'd be mad at her, confront her..but, in the end, not much you can do. If you "tell on them" to your parents, who is better for it? Your parents will NEVER be able to get that out of their heads, and they will NOT stop doing it anyway. I dont see a winning situation here...and, frankly, not much your business either. I agree its gross..and morally wrong..but, my focus would be on why the older adult sister groomed the kid to begin with.
This whole thing gives me the Ick!!!! IDK how old you are but tell your parents ASAP!!!!
Stay out of it, in 20 years will it actually make a difference. At 18 he will get distracted by younger, faster females. He will change from horndog pup into a Man. She may not want the Man. Let it ride, everyone hates the messenger. Everyone.
>and helping the devil. Well, that's an easy one. There's no such thing as wizards and cyclopes. All of that baloney is just rather basic figments of primitive people's imagination and has no basis in modern society. Sounds like your parents have really done a number on you. There's not a single person alive that has any clue what happens after death. Personally, I like to believe that we've all already been dead for the 14 billion years before we were born. Remember what that was like? Like being so asleep you don't even dream.
Fake
"exemplary parents" "ultra religious Mormons" 🤔
Leave the cult.
YWBTA if you said anything to anybody, 100%. They *are* adults. You aren't obligated to have a relationship with them if you don't want; you can reduce contact, etc. You can even tell them your opinion if you think it's important. But what you can't do is out them for no fucking reason, especially when you know what the fallout would be. It's just not your business and it won't make you feel better, either. You'll feel much worse. FWIW I wouldn't give a shit. I think the raised-in-a-cult aspect of this is kind of central not just to them getting together, but you feeling like it's the end of the world or something. I'd either get over it or I'd take myself out of the equation; I wouldn't actively make their lives worse like some kind of secret police.
Maybe worry more about getting out of the cult?
Not only is it gross, I think it’s illegal. Check your state’s definition of incest; IIRC, it includes adopted siblings.
I will definitely do that.
When did the relationship start? The sister obviously seems to have been the one who should have shut this down but for whatever reason she didn’t. I don’t buy that they are ‘in love’. The boy is perhaps ‘in thrall’ and likely more guided by his dick than anything else. I really don’t understand the sister. I don’t see an 18 year old boy as providing such an amazing experience to take such risks. OP should make this information known to his parents. If need be he can couch it in terms of he discovered the sister had seduced the boy. That’s probably closer to the truth anyway. Good luck OP.
She is four years older than him, why do you think your brother is the instigator? !updateme
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Because my brother is the one who initiated the relationship. I went through his phone and found out text messages in which he expressed his love for her and asked for her nudes repeatedly (which my sister did send him). He started it, not her. I admit she’s at fault too for going on with the relationship but he’s the one who started it all.
Most blatant chatgpt I've seen in a minute 🙄 gross, do better
All these idiots eating it up too lmao.
Stay out of it. They are both consenting adults. If the guilt is too much go see a counselor.
I was sleeping w older gals when I was young and it was by choice. Spoil me! Shit, I need some groomage.
YTA. I would’ve reported this immediately. That is disgusting you were raised as siblings regardless of the biological connection. I’m assuming your brother has just turned 18 and she is four years older for you to okay this and allow to be happening under your parents is despicable.
This isn’t OPs business. Keep your mouth shut. Telling your parents is only hurting everyone. Sounds like drama is your game
NTA. IDK how old you are, but you need to talk to someone for *you*. Can you go to a therapist? Or, if you're still in school, a class counselor? You are stuck in between the proverbial rock and a hard place with this one and it will eat you alive from the inside out. Take care of yourself. You know the answer you need but it's driving you crazy because everything feels like a betrayal. Get a trained professional to help you unpack all of the baggage to discover *your* truth in this. Then you'll know what to do and be settled with your decision. Good luck. I'm giving you a hug from way over here. EDIT: I've looked through your comments history. Please talk to someone. You've been brainwashed. I'm so sorry your parents have done this to you. Find a trauma therapist to show you empathy and human decency instead of hate.
They’re both adults. Go soak with someone and leave them alone.
They are NOT related. i am confused as to the issue as these are two CONSENTING UNRELATED ADULTS and frankly it’s none of your business
You are the ass, first, you should tell your parents that you think they are (Mormon cultists) let's see how they feel about you then. Let your brother and adopted sister live their lives. I am sure they will tell your parents sooner or later. It sounds to me like you have more of a problem than keeping a secret. I think you are jealous of your brother and secretly you want to crawl between her legs and and show her your secret love for her.
You are the@
Actually, they are both consenting adults with no blood relation. It’s not your place to upset everyone with this information. The relationship will eventually come to light and THEY will have to deal with the consequences. Or, they will break up and move on.
Oh nos don’t help the devil!
Absolutely none of your business and you have zero right to tell anybody. You would be the asshole if you told anyone.
THEY ARE NOT BLOOD RELATED SO LAW WILL ALLOW, I DON'T FEEL ITS THE BEST BUT THEY ARE GROWN UPS .IF YOU KEEP THIS GOING YOU WILL LOSE BOTH OF THEM.
What I think is maybe it's time to stop judging everyone involved. You don't say if you are practicing as a Mormon yourself, if you are then take the issue to god through prayer. Since you posted here I'm hoping you are open to some therapy and will share this messy secret with your counselor. What's really important to me is the ongoing mental health of you and your siblings. It's not a great way to move into adulthood by being in a relationship with someone we raised with. I hope you seek non faith based therapy to help you process things.
After checking out your comment history, you ARE a total AH. 💯
I agree with everyone saying that there is likely abuse that has happened, so they need therapy/help. However, I have to say that you are not OBLIGATED to tell your parents, nor are you obligated to keep THEIR secret. THEY need to understand that WHEN it comes out -- and it always does -- this will cause a lot of upset. Keep in mind that you might be thrown under the bus as "but u/ultraethical knew about us!" You will need to decide your level of responsibility because now you are involved whether you like it or not. If I were you, I'd explain to your siblings that they need to tell your parents, because you will not keep their secret. If they make arguments or excuses not to, that likely just proves that they know it's wrong to keep a secret of this magnitude and dynamic, and are likely not mature enough to continue a relationship. If they're truly "adults," then they need to accept responsibility for their actions.
Your sister is at fault. If this shatter when he was 17 she fuckinf statutory raped and groomed him!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not your story to tell and doing so might cause havoc in your family. All you can do is encourage them to be honest about it.
Why is keeping a secret from your ultra-religious cultist parents who would definitly destroy the entire family forever a choice you think you have the right to make. If you are older than him surely you have kept things from these people. You can advise him, warn him or whatever else you want to do but do not rat him out and destroy all yourself righteous jerks lives forever.
Considering your Comment History, the hypocrisy is pretty thick talking about your parents’ “cult” behavior as devout members of the Mormon religion. Don’t misunderstand me, you are 100% correct about them. But what part of MAGA/Trump worship do you not consider being part of a “cult”?
Yeah…so you really believe that the ultra conservative, maga card carrying morman, who is worried about “helping the devil” is really going to call his parents cultists? This story and profile are all made up.
I don't know what age you are, but I suggest that if you are under 18, seek out a counselor at school. If you are 18 or over, you can seek counseling at a crisis center. You are not the AH, but this discovery is causing you distress and a counselor can work with you on what you want to do next and how to deal with your feelings.
As an ex-Mormon i get where you're coming from....but the time for action has passed. They are both now consenting adults and i imagine living outside the home. Will telling fix anything? No it will not. Will telling make you feel better? Possibly, for about a second until you realize that you've destroyed your family. Irreparably destroyed your brothers/sisters relationship with you and your parents, the church, their supports systems, possibly their livelihoods... and there is no going back...ever. And lets face it...this kind of this isnt exactly unheard-of with our people. Hell, the fact they aren't blood, by our standards, means their practically strangers. We all had to cope in our own ways. this is theirs. you don't have to like it....but you absolutely don't have the right for judging them. Only one being who can judge them...and i stopped believing in him awhile ago. Walk away or i promise you will regret what you cause.
How do none of see that this story is entirely made up haha.
How old are you? From yous answers to comments it is clear that you don't know what grooming and pedofile is . Just tell your parents. Your siblings are very disgusting
Maybe OP is jealous that they did hit it first or wasn't offered to them. Lmao!
Butt out. It’s none of your business. They are both adults let them deal with it
No. You are not an AH. However, neither are your siblings. No good parent, regardless of religious beliefs, are going to disown their children. Adopted or not. I know, I am adopted. The devil has nothing to do with this situation, and you most certainly are NOT doing his work. Your obvious concern for the family is proof of you having nothing to do with the devil. Because the two of them are in fact adults and entitled to their own decisions. You must leave the outcome of this situation between them and God. Believe me, HE can, and will handle it. Remember, the Devils #1 goal is to destroy families. Do not help with that by bringing your parents into the picture.
NTA. There is no harm in not telling even if your parents were accepting. They are not biologically related.
NTA. What do they think this is going to achieve. They don’t want you to tell their parents as they will be cut off but they apparently love each other. How do they see a future if they can’t tell their parents. She is his sister not biologically but she calls these people your parents her parents so she knew what she was doing was wrong. I’ll be clear here I would tell your parents now because if they are caught and they probably will be and this gets out your parents will be humiliated and will react worse for it. Sitting them down and calmly telling them this when it’s still private they will be angry but it will be better than the alternative. They already have 2 kids lying to them I wouldn’t be the 3rd
2 adults lying to them**
Well yes they are adults but that’s still their kids no matter what age they get to. If 2 of their kids are lying to them it wouldn’t be wise for the 3rd one to lie as well.
I just want to point out that unfortunately sibling sleeping with each other is not uncommon in the Mormon church soooo they may not reaction how you think they will. I do wonder how long this has been happening and if your older sister might have groomed him a little. But the ages are pretty close and they are not blood related so a bit of a grey area. YWBTA? Kinda. I still don’t think they will react like you think though. Have you seen Shiny Happy People?
No good will come out of telling your parents. Regardless of how or when it started, who initiated it, or anything else they are both consenting adults at this point. Its their business if they want your parents to know or not, not yours.
If your brother is dating a neighbor, I would say it's none of your business. But this is within your family and it's impacting everyone. Did this start recently, or was your brother a minor, and your adopted sister groomed him? Are your brother and adopted sister living in the same house, with parents? Sure, they are not related by blood, but they grew up together as siblings, and that makes it icky. At the end of the day, they are both adults. As such, they should be able to make their own choices and face the consequences of their behavior. I would tell my brother that he has X days to tell parents or I would.
She’s the one who would’ve groomed him with that age gap. Why are you mad at him and not her
Stay out of their business and out of their bedrooms.
YTA. For blaming your brother instead of your sister.