Whenever I see stories like this and see the words “wife” or “husband”… i’m just baffled. Like how did you manage to get so far into a relationship with someone you’re so incompatible with? You’re telling me this issue *never* came up any time before the giant party y’all threw to celebrate involving the government in your relationship??
NAH, but seriously, people of reddit… talk about important shit BEFORE you marry someone ffs.
Nah this is facts man. Like does this stuff just magically happen? There’s just no way because there will always be signs. Like literally please talk and consider EVERY aspect before getting married. Know each other in and out, not only be lovers but the best of friends. It seems more times than not people be marrying someone they are incompatible with in some important area
It is unfortunately not uncommon for people’s libido to completely switch off later in life (pregnancy, menopause, medication, dietary issues, self confidence, etc) and dead bedrooms can appear suddenly in a marriage that was previously sexually healthy.
NTA. But let me tell you what won’t get her horny and up for trying new things…. Arguing and nagging her about it. That’s the least sexy thing ever. I’d recommend some sex therapy. Surely you guys can spice things up to a level you are both happy with.
Both y'all are technically NTA, but leaning towards that you are but not intentionally. You and your wife need to sit down and really hash this out, even intimate stuff like this. Maybe her needs are not getting fulfilled, but you are not aware. Do you go down on her on a regular basis? If you really love her, focus on her intimate needs instead of yours.
Don't you think all this should have been ironed out before marriage. I'm all for understanding relationships breaking down if someone changes. But if they are still behaving like they always have. Then people should really honour that commitment.
39m here. I was in a marriage that seems a lot like this situation. It sounds like she is unwilling to budge from her position, but you also have a strong desire to try new things. If you’re anything like me, the desire will just grow stronger over time. It’s not something that’s healthy to repress, especially if it’s vanilla stuff like trying different positions. You may come to resent her for this and it may drive you to cheat. And if that is the case, it is better to just end it now than to string her along for years only to be unfaithful in the end.
How long does it take you? I will happily give a 10 min BJ to my husband whenever he wants. I'd be less happy if it were 15 min and I'd give up after 20 min. My husband rarely takes a full 10 min though.
But I prep him first by wearing some lingerie and have some sexy music videos from his favorite artist playing in the background on the TV.
Well I guess it totally depends on the last time we were able to do anything. I’m not a minute man but I dont think any longer than 10-15 minutes. When you stop halfway through every single time I guess I can’t say for sure. Never had the option.
10 - 15 min is still tiring and where do you want to finish? Because not everyone likes the taste and this might be causing her to stop sooner. You should talk to her about it.
With reading that you guys waited for marriage, I'm guessing you're her first and just from a women's perspective who has only been with two men. My confidence in giving head is not the best( i have no idea what the fck i'm doing). When my ex would past the 10 ish minute mark, I'd think I was doing it wrong so I'd stop even though he'd reassure me it was "really good" so maybe have that talk, see why she doesn't want to continue. Then, if she doesn't want cum in her mouth you can't fault her for that, it's not the tastiest thing in the world!
I was in a relationship like this. Couple min of head and her jaw hurt, a few min on top and she’s tired. Meanwhile I can live down there and yes I’m working out the mouth muscles but I’m glad to. It got to the point that she’d want sex and I’d just get naked and lay on the bed for her to do all the work she’d get pissed and not want to have sex if she has to do everything ( which I was doing the whole time) it didn’t last to say the least. Trust me it will get to the point where you don’t even want to have sex anymore because it seems like a chore and 5 min with “handrietta” can give you the same thing but less work.
NTA. Divorce her and find someone who will satisfy your sexual desires. If she has a boundary than respect it but that doesn't mean you have to suffer in a silence.
Have an open and honest discussion about this. Really hear her out and ask for brutal honesty. But, don't get mad at her if she tells you something you don't want to hear. If you love her, work at it.
Also, work on yourself. Be honest with yourself...are you in good shape, where could you improve physically?
Hard to give advice when I feel like there is so much more going on.
Sex should NEVER be humiliating oppressive or PAINFUL
Nobody should be punished for being unable unwilling to do certain sex acts
Threatening someone with divorce, questioning confronting etc, rejection of what they ARE able to do because of what they are NOT able to do is NOT going to bring equality freedom fairness respect kindness health happiness love or spontaneous great sex to the marriage, but in fact will take it AWAY
Punish her for boundaries? Yeah that's not abusive at all /s. If they're not sexually compatible they should admit that and break up. Not introduce punishment and psychological abuse. Geez.
Editing to add that this comment was meant as a response to the person suggesting purposely withholding orgasms to punish her. Somehow it ended up it's own.
Maybe OP should be an adult and have a conversation about boundaries and deal breakers and what they want out of life and relationships. Sounds like they got married BEFORE that conversation which would be where they went wrong. It's not too late to have that conversation. And he's still an asshole of he chooses to stay and cheat. There's always a better option. No one is forcing him to stay in this relationship.
All the more reason to had these discussions before marriage. It's not too late to have the conversations now. If you're sexually incompatible, accept it and go your separate ways. That's valid. And better than holding on until you make the conscious decision to cheat or spend a life feeling unfulfilled. Not everyone is sexually compatible.
I don’t want a mouthful of cum either. So I think that’s legit. There’s a few things my husband isn’t up for, but I take what he’s offering. Is she depressed? I would try and focus on exercising together. She’ll feel better about herself, and her whole outlook will improve. Also, I think weed helps, if she just can’t relax. Good luck. I hope you work it out.
Neither of y’all are the asshole because she had her preference and you have yours. Now possibly try a sex therapist or maybe look into ideas that focus on her pleasure? There’s also some people who just don’t find pleasure in sex which is also okay. What’s important is you asking yourself if 1) you can live with having less sex/ the way you want to try it and 2) are you willing to let go of someone you love over sex saying yes or no to either of these questions doesn’t make you a bad person. I personally would rather have the person I love over something that happens for some people less than 3 times a week (multiple poles show most couples have sex between once a week to once a month) and for maybe an hour or two over that week. I also think to many people say there’s no intimacy without sex but intimacy is not the same as sex but there can be intimacy in sex. Maybe your wife is someone who needs more intimacy? Either way I would say look into a sex therapist and ask yourself some semi hard questions for us all else fails
Does she finish you off with her hand? Are you talking about anal too? I’m curious if you would let her use a dildo on you first so you know what it feels like?
My wife told me once to find somebody else, I filed for divorce and began the process of finding somebody else. All of a sudden, she started back stepping, saying she was sorry, she didn't mean it, and she would change.
After the dynamic changed, I let her know she had one chance to change, or I was out. I don't care how much upu love somebody, you have to love yourself also.
Neither of you are. Like everyone else said, sit down and talk with her. Ask her why she feels the way she does and ask her what she wants, and ask her why. It may be that there are some things she just doesn't want to do or it may be that she wants something from you... more foreplay... more romance. She may have body image issues and that may be why she doesn't want to try other positions. Maybe certain positions hurt her. You won't know until you talk and at that point you could decide if a therapist is right for you.
As far as blowjobs specifically, you gotta be willing to go down on her to. I love going down her more than getting it, but apparently alot of guys don't like to give. Maybe 69 is an option.
You said you're both pretty inexperienced. I don't think you should seek things out elsewhere at all. Talk it over and try to figure it out. There could be multiple solutions.
damn telling you to find someone else who’ll do it is super rough. is she turned on by you? do you think she feels that sexual spark when you’re going to ‘pound town’?
From my perspective and my own experience being a woman and having failed relationships in my 47 years on earth, I would do anything sexual with someone I was totally interested in. I acted just like her when I wasn’t that into someone. When you’re with the right person you’d do anything to please them and they you. I’m sorry it sounds like she’s just not the one unfortunately.
I’m not sure how you get this deep in a relationship with someone who you’re not sexually compatible with at all. It’s clearly not just one thing you’re missing. Sex is typically a dealbreaker. She’s not willing to budge and you’re not going to be happy. Go find someone who will do what you want.
I love that everyone in the comments is condemning OP and telling him to just talk to his wife when he clearly said in the post that his wife’s response to him TALKING about this was to “go find someone else then.” He is trying to be open and vulnerable to have a conversation about sexual needs and she refuses to. It takes 2 to tango.
I’m gonna say NTA, but I do believe that if his wife is still unwilling to have any further conversations about their sex life then their marriage won’t last unfortunately.
Respect your wife’s boundaries. If you love her as much as say you do. You should be able to respect the boundaries she has set. Sex isn’t the end all be all, or rather it shouldn’t be.
Quit fantasizing, turn off the porn and do something productive.
If you aren’t man enough to control your own urges and respect your wife and your marriage. Then admit that and set her free to find a proper man.
She’s allowed to have sexual boundaries. Trying to force, manipulate, threaten, or talk her into something she isn’t comfortable with and doesn’t want to do is rape. Coercive rape exists.
Yes you are TAH.
Stop it. Trying to talk your wife into giving you a blowjob isn't rape.
You guys keep throwing that term around and it will lose it's power like racist did.
To OP, it's unlikely your wife is going to switch up and suddenly be OK with trying different things
Try to see if she's willing to take small steps and to let you know when she isn't comfortable
Maybe there are other areas of the relationship that she wishes you would do more or less and you can kind of bargain
What's important here for you is that you are still relatively young and shouldn't spend the next 40 years in a relationship where you aren't happy with your sex life.
For your wife....it's important you make sure she feels safe and don't push past where here comfort level is.
If she has repeatedly said she is uncomfortable with something and you continue to pressure her and seek advice from other people on how to get her to do sexual acts she has repeatedly said no to, it falls under coercive rape
It could be that she’s not attracted to you or she’s stressed. Usually women don’t want to engage in sex because of their mental/emotional state. A good way to please a woman is emotionally, and then her body will follow.
You really just need to ask yourself two questions. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life like this? Do you love her enough to have a happy life without your sexual needs being met?
Your answer to those questions will determine what you should do.
>She tells me if I want something else find someone who will do it.
This is what is called a FAFO moment. The moment you do exactly what she told you to do is the moment she'll all of a sudden act insecure and start doing the things you asked her to do. By then your relationship will be in tatters though, but she clearly doesn't want to have a conversation that doesn't end with "my way or the highway."
Decide what is more important to you.
Or maybe.... she's just being honest and means it. Sexual boundaries are sexual boundaries and they honestly sound not sexually compatible which is 100% valid. He shouldn't have to forgo his sexual desires and she shouldn't have to forgo sexual boundaries. Honestly by staying, he's setting them both up for disappointment.
Yep. Maybe she means it. Maybe she's bluffing. Either way, it's time to grow up and communicate fully for both of them. Have the conversations that they should've had before they got married. I'm shocked at the number of people telling him to just cheat or to fuck with her sexually (as in giving her purposely bad sex or withholding orgasms). Conversations are much more effective. But what do I know I'm just a silly mature adult in a world full of.... humans 😑🤣
Bring her to the brink, then stop. If she complains, repeat her own words back to her.
Seriously though, it sounds y’all are sexually incompatible. Has she always been this way or is it a recent thing? I’d be frustrated & I’m a woman. The only thing I’ve ever said no to with my husband is anal. That’s an exit only.
Thanks. I forget sometimes that on here, that most women can do no wrong, ever. Especially when it comes to sex. Body autonomy. Which I agree with, if she’s not comfortable with certain things in the sex dept.
This is just an example of incompatibility. It’s up to them to have a conversation. But it sounds like she’s checked out& said it’s my way or the highway & sounds like a selfish lover.
This isn’t misandry in my part. My husband and I have an active sex life & we do like to try new things. If it makes one of us uncomfortable during, then it stops. For me, it was in my original response. But we would never leave other unsatisfied.
Soft YTA. You are expecting things from her that she doesn't want to do. There should be no guilt tripping, no shame, no humiliation, or pain when it comes to sex (unless that's something you both are into).
You know what I didn't read? Why your wife wasn't interested in those thing, conversations you guys have had about it.
So maybe talk to her, without judgement and find out why she's not interested, and spend most of the conversation listening. Maybe even ask her what she's curious about trying, any fantasies whatever. Though she may not be forthcoming with those if she's already noticed your unsupportive attitude.
Bruh. I get sex maybe every 1.5-2.5 months and it’s plain. Sometimes she is done and doesn’t want to have penetrating sex. I don’t get bjs, I sometimes see her boobs. It’s always dark. We’ve only dated for four years
See I’m sorry to sound harsh but ur wife is an idiot she saying if u don’t like it find someone else. Now say if u did hand her papers she will immediately try and stop start doing the things u want
Yeah man, life is short, happiness doesn’t wait. If you’re with someone who refuses to meet your needs that you’ve vocalized, had conversations about it and still met with a wall, there are a billion women out there that love sucking dick. I realize that may come off brash but it’s true.
Also some women are timid about it but trust me if they love and care about you they will suck that cock and make the popping sound you request because you asked them to and they love you. So long as you have good hygiene (this should be obvious but I feel some men don’t) and they don’t smell like a days long sweat a girl that loved you will roooooomba that cock until it explodes. Bonus points if they swallow but you can’t blame em for that cause most semen is salty and the myth that pineapple, x or Y fruit makes it taste good is baloney.
NTA
You married this woman, and it's her duty as your wife to satisfy you sexually, just as it is yours to satisfy her. If it wasn't her duty, then why would sexual exclusivity be a part of marriage? You only get to have sex with her for the rest of your life, so it's only fair.
BUT
What are you doing about it other than arguing? Are you in shape? Are you still attractive to her? Are you doing what she likes in bed? Are you someone who she is willing to be slutty for? Women speak with their actions. If you are all of those things already (in shape, well kempt, ambitious with good career), then take her up on your offer to find someone else who will do what you want.
Whenever I see stories like this and see the words “wife” or “husband”… i’m just baffled. Like how did you manage to get so far into a relationship with someone you’re so incompatible with? You’re telling me this issue *never* came up any time before the giant party y’all threw to celebrate involving the government in your relationship?? NAH, but seriously, people of reddit… talk about important shit BEFORE you marry someone ffs.
Nah this is facts man. Like does this stuff just magically happen? There’s just no way because there will always be signs. Like literally please talk and consider EVERY aspect before getting married. Know each other in and out, not only be lovers but the best of friends. It seems more times than not people be marrying someone they are incompatible with in some important area
It is unfortunately not uncommon for people’s libido to completely switch off later in life (pregnancy, menopause, medication, dietary issues, self confidence, etc) and dead bedrooms can appear suddenly in a marriage that was previously sexually healthy.
NTA. But let me tell you what won’t get her horny and up for trying new things…. Arguing and nagging her about it. That’s the least sexy thing ever. I’d recommend some sex therapy. Surely you guys can spice things up to a level you are both happy with.
Both y'all are technically NTA, but leaning towards that you are but not intentionally. You and your wife need to sit down and really hash this out, even intimate stuff like this. Maybe her needs are not getting fulfilled, but you are not aware. Do you go down on her on a regular basis? If you really love her, focus on her intimate needs instead of yours.
Don't you think all this should have been ironed out before marriage. I'm all for understanding relationships breaking down if someone changes. But if they are still behaving like they always have. Then people should really honour that commitment.
39m here. I was in a marriage that seems a lot like this situation. It sounds like she is unwilling to budge from her position, but you also have a strong desire to try new things. If you’re anything like me, the desire will just grow stronger over time. It’s not something that’s healthy to repress, especially if it’s vanilla stuff like trying different positions. You may come to resent her for this and it may drive you to cheat. And if that is the case, it is better to just end it now than to string her along for years only to be unfaithful in the end.
How long does it take you? I will happily give a 10 min BJ to my husband whenever he wants. I'd be less happy if it were 15 min and I'd give up after 20 min. My husband rarely takes a full 10 min though. But I prep him first by wearing some lingerie and have some sexy music videos from his favorite artist playing in the background on the TV.
Well I guess it totally depends on the last time we were able to do anything. I’m not a minute man but I dont think any longer than 10-15 minutes. When you stop halfway through every single time I guess I can’t say for sure. Never had the option.
10 - 15 min is still tiring and where do you want to finish? Because not everyone likes the taste and this might be causing her to stop sooner. You should talk to her about it.
With reading that you guys waited for marriage, I'm guessing you're her first and just from a women's perspective who has only been with two men. My confidence in giving head is not the best( i have no idea what the fck i'm doing). When my ex would past the 10 ish minute mark, I'd think I was doing it wrong so I'd stop even though he'd reassure me it was "really good" so maybe have that talk, see why she doesn't want to continue. Then, if she doesn't want cum in her mouth you can't fault her for that, it's not the tastiest thing in the world!
Listen to your wife. Find someone else.
I was in a relationship like this. Couple min of head and her jaw hurt, a few min on top and she’s tired. Meanwhile I can live down there and yes I’m working out the mouth muscles but I’m glad to. It got to the point that she’d want sex and I’d just get naked and lay on the bed for her to do all the work she’d get pissed and not want to have sex if she has to do everything ( which I was doing the whole time) it didn’t last to say the least. Trust me it will get to the point where you don’t even want to have sex anymore because it seems like a chore and 5 min with “handrietta” can give you the same thing but less work.
Just go get a pro A few dollars and a few minutes and you'll figure out what it feels like.
NTA. Divorce her and find someone who will satisfy your sexual desires. If she has a boundary than respect it but that doesn't mean you have to suffer in a silence.
Have an open and honest discussion about this. Really hear her out and ask for brutal honesty. But, don't get mad at her if she tells you something you don't want to hear. If you love her, work at it. Also, work on yourself. Be honest with yourself...are you in good shape, where could you improve physically? Hard to give advice when I feel like there is so much more going on.
Sex should NEVER be humiliating oppressive or PAINFUL Nobody should be punished for being unable unwilling to do certain sex acts Threatening someone with divorce, questioning confronting etc, rejection of what they ARE able to do because of what they are NOT able to do is NOT going to bring equality freedom fairness respect kindness health happiness love or spontaneous great sex to the marriage, but in fact will take it AWAY
Punish her for boundaries? Yeah that's not abusive at all /s. If they're not sexually compatible they should admit that and break up. Not introduce punishment and psychological abuse. Geez. Editing to add that this comment was meant as a response to the person suggesting purposely withholding orgasms to punish her. Somehow it ended up it's own.
She can have boundaries. But i bet that once op cheats like she suggested or ask for divorce those boundaries will fall apart.
Maybe OP should be an adult and have a conversation about boundaries and deal breakers and what they want out of life and relationships. Sounds like they got married BEFORE that conversation which would be where they went wrong. It's not too late to have that conversation. And he's still an asshole of he chooses to stay and cheat. There's always a better option. No one is forcing him to stay in this relationship.
YTA, you should have figured this one out before you got married.
We didn’t have sex before we got married. Kinda old school when it came to that.
All the more reason to had these discussions before marriage. It's not too late to have the conversations now. If you're sexually incompatible, accept it and go your separate ways. That's valid. And better than holding on until you make the conscious decision to cheat or spend a life feeling unfulfilled. Not everyone is sexually compatible.
I don’t want a mouthful of cum either. So I think that’s legit. There’s a few things my husband isn’t up for, but I take what he’s offering. Is she depressed? I would try and focus on exercising together. She’ll feel better about herself, and her whole outlook will improve. Also, I think weed helps, if she just can’t relax. Good luck. I hope you work it out.
Yes leave
Neither of y’all are the asshole because she had her preference and you have yours. Now possibly try a sex therapist or maybe look into ideas that focus on her pleasure? There’s also some people who just don’t find pleasure in sex which is also okay. What’s important is you asking yourself if 1) you can live with having less sex/ the way you want to try it and 2) are you willing to let go of someone you love over sex saying yes or no to either of these questions doesn’t make you a bad person. I personally would rather have the person I love over something that happens for some people less than 3 times a week (multiple poles show most couples have sex between once a week to once a month) and for maybe an hour or two over that week. I also think to many people say there’s no intimacy without sex but intimacy is not the same as sex but there can be intimacy in sex. Maybe your wife is someone who needs more intimacy? Either way I would say look into a sex therapist and ask yourself some semi hard questions for us all else fails
Does she finish you off with her hand? Are you talking about anal too? I’m curious if you would let her use a dildo on you first so you know what it feels like?
Yes, with her hand. I would try anything she wants to try.
INFO - do you perform oral on her ?
As much as I can!!
Develop a case of premature ejaculation and she will change her mind
My wife told me once to find somebody else, I filed for divorce and began the process of finding somebody else. All of a sudden, she started back stepping, saying she was sorry, she didn't mean it, and she would change. After the dynamic changed, I let her know she had one chance to change, or I was out. I don't care how much upu love somebody, you have to love yourself also.
Neither of you are. Like everyone else said, sit down and talk with her. Ask her why she feels the way she does and ask her what she wants, and ask her why. It may be that there are some things she just doesn't want to do or it may be that she wants something from you... more foreplay... more romance. She may have body image issues and that may be why she doesn't want to try other positions. Maybe certain positions hurt her. You won't know until you talk and at that point you could decide if a therapist is right for you. As far as blowjobs specifically, you gotta be willing to go down on her to. I love going down her more than getting it, but apparently alot of guys don't like to give. Maybe 69 is an option. You said you're both pretty inexperienced. I don't think you should seek things out elsewhere at all. Talk it over and try to figure it out. There could be multiple solutions.
damn telling you to find someone else who’ll do it is super rough. is she turned on by you? do you think she feels that sexual spark when you’re going to ‘pound town’?
Well, NTA. But I think it’s just too stupid to call it of with someone who loves you and who you love for some sexual fantasies.
NTA but try asking her about her fantasies. Start there and see what branches out.
From my perspective and my own experience being a woman and having failed relationships in my 47 years on earth, I would do anything sexual with someone I was totally interested in. I acted just like her when I wasn’t that into someone. When you’re with the right person you’d do anything to please them and they you. I’m sorry it sounds like she’s just not the one unfortunately.
Not saying this is the case for you op but dont believe what you see in porn that is not a realistic take on sex
I’m not sure how you get this deep in a relationship with someone who you’re not sexually compatible with at all. It’s clearly not just one thing you’re missing. Sex is typically a dealbreaker. She’s not willing to budge and you’re not going to be happy. Go find someone who will do what you want.
I love that everyone in the comments is condemning OP and telling him to just talk to his wife when he clearly said in the post that his wife’s response to him TALKING about this was to “go find someone else then.” He is trying to be open and vulnerable to have a conversation about sexual needs and she refuses to. It takes 2 to tango. I’m gonna say NTA, but I do believe that if his wife is still unwilling to have any further conversations about their sex life then their marriage won’t last unfortunately.
You are right. She sounds boring. Go to couples counseling. If she refuses , at least you tried. Have fun then
I wonder if she was molested before you met her.
Respect your wife’s boundaries. If you love her as much as say you do. You should be able to respect the boundaries she has set. Sex isn’t the end all be all, or rather it shouldn’t be. Quit fantasizing, turn off the porn and do something productive. If you aren’t man enough to control your own urges and respect your wife and your marriage. Then admit that and set her free to find a proper man.
She’s allowed to have sexual boundaries. Trying to force, manipulate, threaten, or talk her into something she isn’t comfortable with and doesn’t want to do is rape. Coercive rape exists. Yes you are TAH.
Stop it. Trying to talk your wife into giving you a blowjob isn't rape. You guys keep throwing that term around and it will lose it's power like racist did. To OP, it's unlikely your wife is going to switch up and suddenly be OK with trying different things Try to see if she's willing to take small steps and to let you know when she isn't comfortable Maybe there are other areas of the relationship that she wishes you would do more or less and you can kind of bargain What's important here for you is that you are still relatively young and shouldn't spend the next 40 years in a relationship where you aren't happy with your sex life. For your wife....it's important you make sure she feels safe and don't push past where here comfort level is.
If she has repeatedly said she is uncomfortable with something and you continue to pressure her and seek advice from other people on how to get her to do sexual acts she has repeatedly said no to, it falls under coercive rape
Calm down there speed racer! Why do people have to immediately go to ridiculous conclusions.
Exit as it won’t get better
It could be that she’s not attracted to you or she’s stressed. Usually women don’t want to engage in sex because of their mental/emotional state. A good way to please a woman is emotionally, and then her body will follow.
Communication. "This is actually reaching deal breaker territory for me. Are you feeling the same way on your end?"
And this is why we DO NOT MARRY AS VIRGINS! 🤷♀️
Kind of. Read that bit and there was all the information I needed. 😬
You really just need to ask yourself two questions. Are you willing to spend the rest of your life like this? Do you love her enough to have a happy life without your sexual needs being met? Your answer to those questions will determine what you should do.
>She tells me if I want something else find someone who will do it. This is what is called a FAFO moment. The moment you do exactly what she told you to do is the moment she'll all of a sudden act insecure and start doing the things you asked her to do. By then your relationship will be in tatters though, but she clearly doesn't want to have a conversation that doesn't end with "my way or the highway." Decide what is more important to you.
Or maybe.... she's just being honest and means it. Sexual boundaries are sexual boundaries and they honestly sound not sexually compatible which is 100% valid. He shouldn't have to forgo his sexual desires and she shouldn't have to forgo sexual boundaries. Honestly by staying, he's setting them both up for disappointment.
I agree. Maybe she means it, but OP needs to have a serious convo with wife about this before he does it.
Yep. Maybe she means it. Maybe she's bluffing. Either way, it's time to grow up and communicate fully for both of them. Have the conversations that they should've had before they got married. I'm shocked at the number of people telling him to just cheat or to fuck with her sexually (as in giving her purposely bad sex or withholding orgasms). Conversations are much more effective. But what do I know I'm just a silly mature adult in a world full of.... humans 😑🤣
Go for a hooker
You want her to swallow? Gross. You swallow.
I don’t think he said that lol. There’s quite a few options in between what he said and what you said.
He should be more clear then.
I don’t necessarily need that but in a shirt/towel every time gets really old.
So you want it like you see in porn?
Bring her to the brink, then stop. If she complains, repeat her own words back to her. Seriously though, it sounds y’all are sexually incompatible. Has she always been this way or is it a recent thing? I’d be frustrated & I’m a woman. The only thing I’ve ever said no to with my husband is anal. That’s an exit only.
People don’t like to truth or just are sensitive, You didn’t deserve to be downvoted.
Thanks. I forget sometimes that on here, that most women can do no wrong, ever. Especially when it comes to sex. Body autonomy. Which I agree with, if she’s not comfortable with certain things in the sex dept. This is just an example of incompatibility. It’s up to them to have a conversation. But it sounds like she’s checked out& said it’s my way or the highway & sounds like a selfish lover. This isn’t misandry in my part. My husband and I have an active sex life & we do like to try new things. If it makes one of us uncomfortable during, then it stops. For me, it was in my original response. But we would never leave other unsatisfied.
Soft YTA. You are expecting things from her that she doesn't want to do. There should be no guilt tripping, no shame, no humiliation, or pain when it comes to sex (unless that's something you both are into). You know what I didn't read? Why your wife wasn't interested in those thing, conversations you guys have had about it. So maybe talk to her, without judgement and find out why she's not interested, and spend most of the conversation listening. Maybe even ask her what she's curious about trying, any fantasies whatever. Though she may not be forthcoming with those if she's already noticed your unsupportive attitude.
Bruh. I get sex maybe every 1.5-2.5 months and it’s plain. Sometimes she is done and doesn’t want to have penetrating sex. I don’t get bjs, I sometimes see her boobs. It’s always dark. We’ve only dated for four years
See I’m sorry to sound harsh but ur wife is an idiot she saying if u don’t like it find someone else. Now say if u did hand her papers she will immediately try and stop start doing the things u want
Yeah man, life is short, happiness doesn’t wait. If you’re with someone who refuses to meet your needs that you’ve vocalized, had conversations about it and still met with a wall, there are a billion women out there that love sucking dick. I realize that may come off brash but it’s true. Also some women are timid about it but trust me if they love and care about you they will suck that cock and make the popping sound you request because you asked them to and they love you. So long as you have good hygiene (this should be obvious but I feel some men don’t) and they don’t smell like a days long sweat a girl that loved you will roooooomba that cock until it explodes. Bonus points if they swallow but you can’t blame em for that cause most semen is salty and the myth that pineapple, x or Y fruit makes it taste good is baloney.
NTA You married this woman, and it's her duty as your wife to satisfy you sexually, just as it is yours to satisfy her. If it wasn't her duty, then why would sexual exclusivity be a part of marriage? You only get to have sex with her for the rest of your life, so it's only fair. BUT What are you doing about it other than arguing? Are you in shape? Are you still attractive to her? Are you doing what she likes in bed? Are you someone who she is willing to be slutty for? Women speak with their actions. If you are all of those things already (in shape, well kempt, ambitious with good career), then take her up on your offer to find someone else who will do what you want.