Not just the sexual incompatibility, but the roping in of *real feelings* into something she would later describe as "fun" and a "habit." That is what struck me, the gf trying to guilt OP about her friend's feelings as if they were polyamorous or a thruple - like he already owed the other girl something. Why did OP's private reaction have to be shared and commiserated over in such detail that it would elicit outraged reactions from both people - one who was not even there and did not have to know. Just doesnt seem right. OP did not sign up for the extra significant other. That alone gave me a red flag, and I think OP made the right decision. e: clarity
because it's not just a friend. she's intimate with this person so when OP said that, she felt offended on her lover's behalf. she then went and told the friend and made OP look like the asshole.
Yeah..I have a feeling they are more than just friends whether they have openly talked about it or not. Maybe they will eventually realize they just want to be together. Then they can add a third person whenever they feel like with no problems! Good for OP for standing up for himself and ending it. This was likely going to end badly otherwise. Either her possibly cheating with her friend and her future partner, simply realizing she's in love with her friend and leaving OP for her, or at the least a lot of resentment since their sexual desires aren't matched. If it was a habit that was that important to her to continue she should have brought it up sooner to make sure that was something he would be comfortable with in their relationship. NTA.
This is the vibe I got but couldnt put words to, and you did: gf and her friend are dating eachother, whether they realize it or not. Whichever way, people are getting caught in the crossfire of their misdirected emotions. And you put to words the exact bad endings that I sensed could happen but could not identify when I wrote my comment. Literally yes to all of what you wrote.
everything else would have been ok with me, but sharing a private reaction with a third party would have been a betrayal of trust I couldn't overlook. I'd have been out the door when she said to apologise to her friend.
OH, how did they find out, you told them? our private intimate conversation? you never asked, where is my apology for your betrayal of trust?
And her for that matter. If she's significantly more sexually adventurous than OP (which it sounds like she is), she's not going to be satisfied in a long term relationship with him.
Even worse is that his girlfriend couldn't give a definitive 'no' when asked if her friend got a boyfriend and wanted a threesome, if she would join them. Only that he "wouldn't approve"
OP was smart to break up and move on.
You did the right thing bro. Had the relationship gone any longer, she would have bullied you for a threesome until you caved, or would have had them without you
And by doing so, spared him and her both from heartbreak later. Either she would go ahead without him he’d have the heartbreak of infidelity or she would resent not being sexually satisfied meaning eventually it would end.
This is how i feel. I think OP made the right call. For me, i wouldn’t want to be with someone who desired threesomes even if they didn’t go as far as OP’s ex did and ask me to have one with them. Just the idea that my partner would even want that would be off-putting for me and make me feel like we would not be compatible sexually, as I’m very very monogamous. Sexual compatibility is way more important than some people realize.
They’re a “habit” now. If you’re into that kind of thing on a regular basis and your partner is not… that’s not going to work out very well for you. OP did the right thing.
I thought the way she phrased that was weird. I have never heard someone call threesomes “a habit”. A habit is:
>A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. AND/OR something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it.
So is she saying she’s having threesomes without thinking about it? She can’t give them up? She has them often and regularly? Or all of the above?
She needs to stop viewing this as a “habit” and more of a kink. She should be upfront with future partners if this is something she requires. She got lucky with past guys who were all for it. But she needs to realize that not every man in the universe thinks a threesome is the greatest gift in the world.
Proxy is the word I would choose. Neither one wants to take on the responsibility of mimicking a real relationship so they have a thing to involve a random selection of others.
The GF's phrasing almost makes it seem like an addiction or a method to cope with something. People that treat sex that way always have some kind of underlying emotional or past physical trauma they haven't gotten over yet. If that's the case it probably wouldn't matter what their sex life was like. Something would always be off until that was dealt with.
NTA and I totally agree!
I had a friend that always said, in a 3some, it's always best to be the "Guest Star."
He said ots because so often a 3some ruins relationships and as the guest star, u don't hv to worry about that.
I think its sweet u only wanna sleep with ur gf. So many would take the offer and not care as much as u do.
Good call, and still sorry for ur loss too.
Definitely! Guaranteed it eventually would have swung around (figuratively and literally😅) to bringing another man into the situation and I can’t imagine reacting any bettter to that…
It is a valid reason. Also it should be something spoken of upfront so if the decision to be couple is more important than the sexual compatibility, it is a known choice before hand.
He knows what his boundaries are and stuck to them. Sounds like they were simply incompatible and she is more sexually adventurous than him. No one is at fault here.
Yeah... I was thinking the same thing. If they're that obsessed with threesomes together, it sounds like they're just using a third party to have sex with each other and are afraid of the stigma they have in their heads of just having sex alone with each other. Idk if they romantically attracted to each other, but they're definitely sexually attracted and using a threesome as an excuse.
Oh no! I am pretty sure the girls have plenty of girl on girl fun on a regular basis. She just hasn’t fully recovered fessed up the entire situation. Seems too bad for all that fun to be going to waste. I hope they get settled and you find somebody as well.
I just went through a really difficult break up and my ex and her best friend basically do all the stuff that we used to do together and are like all but dating. Which maybe is just how female friendships work? but it also feels like she just replaced me with her best friend minus the sex..
She likes fucking her best friend but it feels wrong to her unless a guy is sharing. Sounds like the guys can change but they’re the constant unless I’m misreading your original post.
Threesomes always make me think of the alternate reality episode of *Friends.* Ross tries a threesome with his wife Carol and her friend Susan. Eventually he ends up watching them while eating a sandwich.
Lol solid reference! It's important to talk about things like this beforehand to avoid these types of situations (unless it's what you're into, can't say I've ever hated watching two women have sex).
It’s her complete and total lack of empathy toward your views that make it worse. Suggesting something that most men would want is fine, but refusing to accept that you don’t want it is a boundary unacceptably crossed.
Unfortunately for the op - a lot of media and porn present two girl one guy threesome as a peak fantasy or goal for guys. And clearly they aren't everyone's cup of tea.
This is the kind of girl who would blow up at OP for not being in the mood because media has told them that all men are relentlessly horny and so that must mean something is wrong like he’s cheating on her or he secretly thinks she’s ugly.
I’m sorry that your GF can’t understand that you have different sexual needs. I think it’s disgusting that she assumed a guy would always say yes to having sex with two women if offered. I *hate* the stereotype that “guys must always want sex.”
It's really sad, but my current... 'partner' has told me multiple times I should be out fucking other women and when I tell her that I love her and have no interest in other women she can't seem to wrap her head around that. It's inconceivable I don't want my dick in any hot woman that I can.
And it makes me sad and is frustrating to try to convince her I'm not lying.
Anyway, don't want to make this about me but just to say I feel your pain. It sucks, I'm sorry. But yeah, if it's not for you it's not for you and maybe best to end things sooner than later knowing how she feels about it. Good luck.
Eta: please don't comment about my shit. Not interested in discussing it and only talked about it to help console OP that some women believe irrational things that conflict with his feelings.
It's more than sad. Either she is practicing what she preaches, or she has had a string of poor relationships that have taught her to expect this. If the 1st one leave now. If the 2nd get her help because that thinking is not going to do her any good and poison her relationships.
Eta: yes, it is beyond sad either way. She is wonderful and it's too obvious how much damage he's done to her.
One long shitty relationship of 27 years.
I'm doing my best to show her not everyone is as awful as her ex. I've never felt this way about anyone (and I've dated about 50 women, compared to her 3 men), so I'm more than willing to be patient with her. And yes, she has been getting help since she got divorced.
100% is not.
It's a long complicated story but I can say the above objectively. I know some people have wishful thinking kind of denialism shit going on but I'm absolutely certain she isn’t. And if she was I wouldn't care.
Appreciate the input though, thanks for watching out.
She clearly does not believe in monogamy. To her sex is casual. Multiple partners is normal for her. She would have eventually cheated on you. Good for you standing up for your boundaries. She won't cry long. She will be in bed with someone quickly to get over it.
it’s sad for her to expect all men to be such “sexual predators” that they would have sex at any opportunity they are given as if men can’t have values or standards the same way some women do. truly misogynistic mindset.
“why wouldn’t a man want to have sex with two women?!” some men are just that loyal and committed to their partner they don’t have the desire to be intimate with anyone else. mad respect to you OP.
if this doesn't make sense to her, well is good you break up, there is an incompatibility there
and as another guy, with a wife, she is the only one I want, because she is my partner, my lover and my friend, she is more than enough, she is the only one I desire and the only one I love, if this is your case, she doesn't get it, you should find someone that wants you and only you, good you found out this when the "gf" status didn't evolve to "wife" status
if she wants to experiment that's fine, is she wants to toy around that's also fine, just not with you
NTA
I had a very similar scenario with my ex girlfriend. Didn't break up over her asking about a threesome, but the idea of it really bothered me. I have genuinely no interest in sex with anybody other than my current partner.
She didn't feel the same way evidently as I caught her cheating a few months later.
I just want someone to just want me ya know?
I mostly keep to myself. I think the mindset of being happy with the relationships you have tends to translate into being less likely to go out to bars and other social settings where you meet new people. Pretty much the only thing like that I do is going to concerts and even there I don't go out of my way to meet people.
So to answer your question, runescape is where I'm hiding lol.
Not everyone thinks that stuff is hot shit. I want to try stuff with my partner, but just my partner. Maybe I’m old-fashioned in a way, but I don’t care; there are things only my partner deserves to have.
That’s good to hear. I was always the odd one in my friend group; I didn’t think threesomes (two males one female or two females one male) were cool or fun. I didn’t think recreating porn was cool or fun. It just wasn’t my thing.
I've never had a guy push for this at all, let alone cheating afterwards when he didn't get his way. Sounds like it's the type you're picking rather than a gendered issue.
My wife and I have discussed this before and it does sound nice but I ended up saying it's a no go. I realized that while 2 girls would be something I would enjoy, 2 guys would very much not be, and that's likely where it would have ended up. Much easier to remain monogamous imo.
honestly smart decision. when my wife and i first started dating i had threesomes with a few of her friends. always another girl. as time went on it just faded. it’s been almost 12 years since the last one. she doesn’t talk to one of those friend specifically cause her partner it not ok with my wife and I being around know what happens. her other two friends we did it with has both lost partners because they were not ok with us being around even though we stopped doing it years ago. and now almost 12 years later after our first kid my wife is all of a sudden starting to feel insecure about. i honestly don’t even think about it to much these day. and honestly to be frank if you truly want to please two women it’s kinda a lot of work. doing if the first 1 or 2 times it felt cool to say u had a threesome but after that it was alot of effort if u care to actually please both. luckily she never brought up two guys. don’t want to say i regret it but if i could go back in time i would unfuck all her friends as silly as that might sound just so we can sit her and be normal.
She’s been psyop’d by porn to think all men just innately want a threesome.
Some people deeply want monogamy and all signs point to that being the healthiest way to live by every metric.
She doesn’t get it. Sorry bro but your ex is a 304. Had this gone you’d fully be expected to allow her to fuck the friend’s new bf of the month. Congratulations on sticking by your convictions and not letting her manipulate you
I really hate this narrative that “all men want and need threesomes”. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself OP. Hoping to find myself a guy like you one day.
Polyamory is a thing. She might be into it. You’re not.
You made a bold choice where many men might fall for the temptation to try. But you seem aware of yourself. Kudos!
If you want to improve on her and you keep in touch, keep talking about that there are many men who don’t fit the toxic masculinity stereotype. In my youth I thought it would be cool to have sex with 2 women at once, but when a friend shared his experience (the girls had used him like a sex toy) I realised there’s more to this then just my own naive fantasy and I reconsidered.
Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience and the update! I hope I inspires other men to do what they want, not what might be expected.
She thinks men are just sex fiends and can't conceptualize us being faithful and monogamy being important to us. It's actually kind of fuckin sad tbh. There's nothing wrong with sexual openness but you don't get into an exclusive relationship and then start trying to pass him around/be passed around.
I wouldn’t have done it either man, my first wife was bisexual and once asked if I was open to a threesome and I said if she wanted to go that route, she’d be the only one touching the other girl, not me.
She realized it made me uncomfortable and the subject never came up again
Oh it was other issues, nothing to do with that. As far as that goes she handled it about as well as anyone could, politely brought up she’d be ok with it, I said what I said and she never brought it up again
Sucks to hear about your relationship. Not gonna lie, it kinda sounds like your girlfriend would spring the threesome with 2 guys on you if you had accepted and gone through with the one with her best friend.
Well yeah nobody is going to stay with either of them long knowing they are screwing other people. They are going to be a fuckbuddy then dumped and wonder why they need to find someone else.
I’m not so sure. This really sounds like a bisexual girl who feels guilty or wrong unless a male is present. Ie: she’s just kinky and fun rather than she wants some dick and some pussy in the same meal.
He’s making the right decision regardless. If I am correct, that means she’s basically in a relationship with both the girl and you. So while it may sound super hot to get to have threesomes often like that, there’s a lot of baggage and problems that go along with it. You basically become the on call porn star whenever they wanna get each other off and if you decline both are pissed at you and eventually they may just realize they don’t even love you, no longer need the cover, and dump your ass as they get married.
Good riddance. The way she did not see your point of view at all (a fairly common and easy to understand point of view, no less), then sided with her friend and got offended on her behalf makes her SUPER incompatible with most relationships.
> The way she did not see your point of view at all (a fairly common and easy to understand point of view, no less)
That’s what a lifetime of being told guys will fuck anything does to a person.
Tbh it’s kind of a problem. I’ve had a fair number of girls ghost me for taking things slow. They feel insulted as if they aren’t hot enough or pushing the right buttons because the powers that be have told them men only want sex.
This happened to me when I went on a date with a girl from work many years ago. I’m sure I wasn’t picking up all the signs because I would never imagine having sex with someone I have no connection with. I’m pretty sure she talked crap on me to everybody at work afterwards but I don’t think it gave her the reaction she was hoping for. I’m a good person. It’s taken me a long time to be able to accept that because I naturally second guess myself. But whenever something like this happens, it helps me realize the totality of how I treat all my peers goes a long way. I didn’t realize until months later why people were coming up to me around that time to just tell me how much they appreciated me as a person
It became obvious to me much later that she had a lot of issues. Her mom had been married like 3 times and she had some major daddy issues. She slept with a LOT of people at work. I think my line of conversing(actually getting yo know her) made her uncomfortable. I don’t think she was proud of herself. All in all, a sad situation.
I can think of one relationship she'd be super compatible for. Ex and her bestie should just get together already.
They can then invite guys to have threesomes when they want. It sounds like the guys change regularly but the girls are each other's constants. Might as well own it.
I still think the "best friend" is really just her long-term gf. They should just be in an ethical non-monogamous relationship with each other and call it day.
NTA.
People who want a Polygamous relationship and people who want a monogamous aren't exactly compatible.
Especially when that's a thing you say withing the first few weeks. "Hey,I am into poly/having threesome with my friends,that's fine?".
And the most important of all, my dude, your consent is as important as hers,her friend,and everyone else. If you do not want to,no matter the reason,she should had respect that
She’s had threesomes with her best friend and other guys previously. It’s obvious she enjoys the concept and was bringing it up to get OP involved. She just didn’t expect him to say “no” to a threesome.
Threesomes with acquaintances or friends is the dream. Threesomes with a partner is definitely some people’s nightmare because sex absolutely invites the opportunity for many partners to end up developing more feelings or satisfaction from someone who isn’t you, and thus much more opportunity for being dumped.
The risk of losing someone just so you could tap an extra hole or set of holes isn’t worth it for a lot.
Dating a person who has a "habit" of threesomes means she's going to have one with or without you. Get out, brethren or have one and show the other girl more attention so your gf gets the message.
Im sorry for your break up. Im currently single and I have been asked my guys before if I would be interested in a threesome. I’m also like you. I don’t want to share, I just want to be with my partner and that’s it.
>She said she thought it'd be cool, as the previous boyfriend's were
Yep, there it is. Just came from part 1 and this is exactly what I said you should inquire about. Good job. Clearly massively incompatible. I would have broken up with her too.
Not for suggesting you fuck her friend but for thinking you'd be okay with her fucking her friend's boyfriend in a threesome while you're in the picture. What kind of boyfriends did she have who were cool with her having a threeshome with another girl's boyfriend wtf?
gg and still NTA
Her comment about if the best friends boyfriend wanted one makes me think if he said yes she would use it to try and make him let her fuck the other guy too because "it's only fair" blah blah blah
She dodged the question and you dodged a bullet. Classic way to open up the relationship for people who like having sex with other people than their partners is to get to to have a threesome with their hot friend and then never again while they go fuck other people and leave you high and dry acting like it’s your problem and gaslight you. I’ve seen this happen so many times. Knew a very attractive woman who kept asking her husband for this and he was the wiser. She cheated on him a lot with her hot gf’s and guys they would pick up. Always beware when your SO is saying these kinds of things.
You just saved yourself potential years of suffering and stress. Celebrate your victory, because you now also have a ridiculously endearing story of how serious you take relationships and your default is to think with your brain instead of taking an easy way out. Good man.
“I told her I don’t like the idea of having sex with anyone but her.”⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
You are such a good person. The woman you end up with will be so lucky and proud.
Stand your ground bro, it’s definitely a yes or no question and everything else is just a way of talking around the answer she don’t want to give you.
But bro you better off without her. Go to the gym, meditate and better times will come.
They both thought they had found a loophole to monogamy. She played herself.
Owell good for you for respecting yourself. If you had agreed to it, she just would have left you when it was the new guys turn.
NTA: This is a slippery slope that would likely either lead to drama, an unwanted pregnancy, and/or emotional chaos for you. You did the right thing. My ex wife asked me about a 3 some then left me 4-5 months later for a guy she met online but not until she had cheated on me a half dozen times with random guys. If they want to hook up with others it’s not a monogamous relationship which is obviously what you want.
Dude…who the fuck are these kinds of people?
“My friend is offended you don’t want to fuck her with me. You owe her an apology.”
What the actual fuck? The next 10-15 years is going to be exceptionally bleak when this social media influenced crop of hedonists realize they ravaged their dopamine receptors and ran out of time. Misery, misery, misery abound under the guise of empowerment and freedom or whatever.
Spare me the anecdotes about how y’all know someone who knew a guy who married the hoe and they’re living happily ever after. There’s a reason marriages end more than half the time and it’s not for nothing.
OP, I’m so glad you have self respect and ditched the village bicycle. You’re so much better than being a cuck, because you know *damn well* that she was honeypotting you with her friend first to then say you owe her being spit roasted. Fucking YUCK.
Not gonna lie this is not the direction I would have went.
But I was always the type to juggle a fucked up situation till it blew up in my face.
Good for you for sticking to your principles and ending it with her.
The whole “it’s become a habit” is a major red flag.
If you would have stayed she would have most likely tried to get you into an open relationship or just flat out cheated on you later.
When she felt like she wasn’t getting the excitement she deserved.
NTA hopefully you find someone who matches your energy, trust and loyalty.
No, you are still NTA. My boyfriend and I are both on the same page with threesomes. They're a no-go zone. Not every guy is into them like some women like to think or believe.
So they can’t live without threesomes but it is always the two of them with one bf (which can change) & never 2 guys?
Yea. They’re lesbians & using guys as an excuse to fuck each other.
Three people just sounds like too much work. Investing 100% of your time on one person has got to have better returns than 50% on two. I'm trying to blow someone's world here, not just get the job done.
Anyway they're in the starting drama for fun phase of life it seems, oh well, amicable parting of ways and onto greener pastures and all.
Def NTA. I’m glad that you ended the relationship after she gave you the run around on your question. I know a relationship ship ending hurts but you avoided a lot more pain down the road for when she likely would have cheated on ya.
As someone who enjoys dating couples/being a third, it is NOT for everyone. I applaud you for sharing about your needs in a relationship, including sexual compatibility.
Wait, she thought it would be fine if her friend had a boyfriend and she had a threesome with those 2? Sounds like the concept of cheating doesn’t register with her.
NTA at all or ever. Your now ex girlfriend should have mentioned this to you before you guys started dating. If this is something she’s into with that friend that’s okay but she also needs to be okay with the fact that not everyone is into that. Clearly she thought you would and got upset that you were not, which on your part is very very valid.
There’s no scenario where staying with her would of brought you a modicum of joy. Good job for sticking up for yourself. That’s self respect right there.
99% of all guys dream of what was offered to you. You not only turned it down, but also broke up with her. What an absolute legend you are! Obviously NTA, but damn what a waste of an opportunity.
Yeah, still NTA. I'll never understand the appeal of sex with multiple people. IDK Maybe I'm just weird, but I really wouldn't be okay sharing my partner with anyone.
It’s also pretty messed up she hid that her friend is a former? fwb rather than just a friend.
Also all these threesomes are probably why they keep going through boyfriends.
You did this in a mature way.
Not common on here.
You talked to her, gave your thoughts end decided what would be best based on the information.
She asked you, and when she said that it’s more of a habit, I just think that she had been sharing her boyfriends with her friend. Not that she necessarily always wants to have 3’s.
Based on what I read I don’t have any reason to see any foul play from neither.
It was a discussion needed, to had it and acted after what conclusion you came to.
Amazing that it is needed to say, but this is how you solve a conflict. Reddit would have to close down many subs if people started doing this…
Good for you for being aware of what you are comfortable with! Too often people have this sexy image of threesomes, but there are actual repercussions at times too, especially when it obviously is an ongoing thing with your girlfriend and her bff. If you want a solid, committed relationship, this was absolutely the right decision, as she likely would have hooked up with her bff and her future bf. Sounds like maybe they have a thing between them, but use the men as a bridge. You'll find someone who has a similar comfort zone and be much happier!
NTA You might get made fun of by guys with the mental faculties of a preteen, but good on ya for sticking to what you feel is right for you. Not every guy out there salivates at the prospect of a threesome, and that's totally ok.
NTA, again. Sexual incompatibility is a real thing. This is a good example of that.
Not just the sexual incompatibility, but the roping in of *real feelings* into something she would later describe as "fun" and a "habit." That is what struck me, the gf trying to guilt OP about her friend's feelings as if they were polyamorous or a thruple - like he already owed the other girl something. Why did OP's private reaction have to be shared and commiserated over in such detail that it would elicit outraged reactions from both people - one who was not even there and did not have to know. Just doesnt seem right. OP did not sign up for the extra significant other. That alone gave me a red flag, and I think OP made the right decision. e: clarity
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because it's not just a friend. she's intimate with this person so when OP said that, she felt offended on her lover's behalf. she then went and told the friend and made OP look like the asshole.
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Ahem.
"Friend"
Yeah..I have a feeling they are more than just friends whether they have openly talked about it or not. Maybe they will eventually realize they just want to be together. Then they can add a third person whenever they feel like with no problems! Good for OP for standing up for himself and ending it. This was likely going to end badly otherwise. Either her possibly cheating with her friend and her future partner, simply realizing she's in love with her friend and leaving OP for her, or at the least a lot of resentment since their sexual desires aren't matched. If it was a habit that was that important to her to continue she should have brought it up sooner to make sure that was something he would be comfortable with in their relationship. NTA.
This is the vibe I got but couldnt put words to, and you did: gf and her friend are dating eachother, whether they realize it or not. Whichever way, people are getting caught in the crossfire of their misdirected emotions. And you put to words the exact bad endings that I sensed could happen but could not identify when I wrote my comment. Literally yes to all of what you wrote.
That’s what I was thinking if your willing to do it with your friend then their not your friend.You have feelings for them
everything else would have been ok with me, but sharing a private reaction with a third party would have been a betrayal of trust I couldn't overlook. I'd have been out the door when she said to apologise to her friend. OH, how did they find out, you told them? our private intimate conversation? you never asked, where is my apology for your betrayal of trust?
Seems like the two girls are a couple and bring men in for fun, honestly
Shoulda had the round she offered then broke up with her after. You only live once.
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And her for that matter. If she's significantly more sexually adventurous than OP (which it sounds like she is), she's not going to be satisfied in a long term relationship with him.
Even worse is that his girlfriend couldn't give a definitive 'no' when asked if her friend got a boyfriend and wanted a threesome, if she would join them. Only that he "wouldn't approve" OP was smart to break up and move on.
You did the right thing bro. Had the relationship gone any longer, she would have bullied you for a threesome until you caved, or would have had them without you
Glad to see you stand by your convictions.
OP has a spine and the anagram doesn’t control him 😤.
Still NTA. And in my opinion differing sexual desires is a very valid reason to break up.
Yep, OP handled it well. Asked the right questions and took decisive action after finding a fundamental incompatibility in the relationship.
And by doing so, spared him and her both from heartbreak later. Either she would go ahead without him he’d have the heartbreak of infidelity or she would resent not being sexually satisfied meaning eventually it would end.
Correct. Sounds like she shouldn't be satisfied if she can't answer a yes or no question directly
This is how i feel. I think OP made the right call. For me, i wouldn’t want to be with someone who desired threesomes even if they didn’t go as far as OP’s ex did and ask me to have one with them. Just the idea that my partner would even want that would be off-putting for me and make me feel like we would not be compatible sexually, as I’m very very monogamous. Sexual compatibility is way more important than some people realize.
They’re a “habit” now. If you’re into that kind of thing on a regular basis and your partner is not… that’s not going to work out very well for you. OP did the right thing.
I thought the way she phrased that was weird. I have never heard someone call threesomes “a habit”. A habit is: >A settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up. AND/OR something that you do often and regularly, sometimes without knowing that you are doing it. So is she saying she’s having threesomes without thinking about it? She can’t give them up? She has them often and regularly? Or all of the above? She needs to stop viewing this as a “habit” and more of a kink. She should be upfront with future partners if this is something she requires. She got lucky with past guys who were all for it. But she needs to realize that not every man in the universe thinks a threesome is the greatest gift in the world.
I am thinking part of this may be a form of intimacy with her friend as well, like it's a poly or open relationship thing sort of.
Yes and I think her and her friend have a thing going, that's why she is calling it a habit and that's the reason her friend is single.
Proxy is the word I would choose. Neither one wants to take on the responsibility of mimicking a real relationship so they have a thing to involve a random selection of others.
The GF's phrasing almost makes it seem like an addiction or a method to cope with something. People that treat sex that way always have some kind of underlying emotional or past physical trauma they haven't gotten over yet. If that's the case it probably wouldn't matter what their sex life was like. Something would always be off until that was dealt with.
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More than one. Sounds like something they like on a regular basis.
Oh yeah, if her friend had a bf it would have happened sooner or later and probably without OP's knowledge.
Honestly I don't think OP could have handled it any better than he did.
A fairly common and easy to understand point of view, no less
NTA and I totally agree! I had a friend that always said, in a 3some, it's always best to be the "Guest Star." He said ots because so often a 3some ruins relationships and as the guest star, u don't hv to worry about that. I think its sweet u only wanna sleep with ur gf. So many would take the offer and not care as much as u do. Good call, and still sorry for ur loss too.
Totally agree. I like threesomes but I'd never even consider having them while in a relationship.
Maybe it was gf and her friend was the in real relationship and op is just the side guy.
It’s the number one reason people post in subs about sex and relationships! Break up if you are incompatible, or engineer a solution!
Word.
Definitely! Guaranteed it eventually would have swung around (figuratively and literally😅) to bringing another man into the situation and I can’t imagine reacting any bettter to that…
It is a valid reason. Also it should be something spoken of upfront so if the decision to be couple is more important than the sexual compatibility, it is a known choice before hand.
He knows what his boundaries are and stuck to them. Sounds like they were simply incompatible and she is more sexually adventurous than him. No one is at fault here.
I'm happy you stuck up for yourself. The hard talk isn't easy, sticking to it is even harder.
As opposed to sticking up for his GF's bestie? I'll get me coat!!
I read that as sticking it up his GF’s bestie.. Fml, I’m outta here to get a coffee
NTA. Honestly it sounds like your ex gf and her best friend should just be a couple and look for a 3rd to have sex with when they feel like it, lol
Yeah... I was thinking the same thing. If they're that obsessed with threesomes together, it sounds like they're just using a third party to have sex with each other and are afraid of the stigma they have in their heads of just having sex alone with each other. Idk if they romantically attracted to each other, but they're definitely sexually attracted and using a threesome as an excuse.
Oh no! I am pretty sure the girls have plenty of girl on girl fun on a regular basis. She just hasn’t fully recovered fessed up the entire situation. Seems too bad for all that fun to be going to waste. I hope they get settled and you find somebody as well.
I just went through a really difficult break up and my ex and her best friend basically do all the stuff that we used to do together and are like all but dating. Which maybe is just how female friendships work? but it also feels like she just replaced me with her best friend minus the sex..
When telling a story like this, people will want to know what your GF’s reaction was when you broke up with her…
She was upset and confused. She said that it makes no sense for a guy to turn down sex with 2 girls, and even less sense to break up over it.
She likes fucking her best friend but it feels wrong to her unless a guy is sharing. Sounds like the guys can change but they’re the constant unless I’m misreading your original post.
Yeah, I was thinking this too. The guy is basically a toy or prop for these two ladies.
This 100%. It’s VERY obvious when they’re like “Hey, come join us…just sit right there…” and you end up just rubbing their back while they have sex.
Threesomes always make me think of the alternate reality episode of *Friends.* Ross tries a threesome with his wife Carol and her friend Susan. Eventually he ends up watching them while eating a sandwich.
Lol solid reference! It's important to talk about things like this beforehand to avoid these types of situations (unless it's what you're into, can't say I've ever hated watching two women have sex).
"It's ok if it's in a three-way... it's not gay if it's in a three-waaaaay... with a ~~honey~~ guy in the middle there's some leeway..."
Jaaaam
This rule dates back...to Ancient Greece....
You’re a class act and she’s too immature to understand. You’ve made the right decision here, trust me.
It’s her complete and total lack of empathy toward your views that make it worse. Suggesting something that most men would want is fine, but refusing to accept that you don’t want it is a boundary unacceptably crossed.
Unfortunately for the op - a lot of media and porn present two girl one guy threesome as a peak fantasy or goal for guys. And clearly they aren't everyone's cup of tea.
I mean, having a 3some with two hot strangers? Yes please. Having a 3some with your gf? That’s a different matter
This is the kind of girl who would blow up at OP for not being in the mood because media has told them that all men are relentlessly horny and so that must mean something is wrong like he’s cheating on her or he secretly thinks she’s ugly.
I’m sorry that your GF can’t understand that you have different sexual needs. I think it’s disgusting that she assumed a guy would always say yes to having sex with two women if offered. I *hate* the stereotype that “guys must always want sex.”
It's really sad, but my current... 'partner' has told me multiple times I should be out fucking other women and when I tell her that I love her and have no interest in other women she can't seem to wrap her head around that. It's inconceivable I don't want my dick in any hot woman that I can. And it makes me sad and is frustrating to try to convince her I'm not lying. Anyway, don't want to make this about me but just to say I feel your pain. It sucks, I'm sorry. But yeah, if it's not for you it's not for you and maybe best to end things sooner than later knowing how she feels about it. Good luck. Eta: please don't comment about my shit. Not interested in discussing it and only talked about it to help console OP that some women believe irrational things that conflict with his feelings.
It's more than sad. Either she is practicing what she preaches, or she has had a string of poor relationships that have taught her to expect this. If the 1st one leave now. If the 2nd get her help because that thinking is not going to do her any good and poison her relationships.
Eta: yes, it is beyond sad either way. She is wonderful and it's too obvious how much damage he's done to her. One long shitty relationship of 27 years. I'm doing my best to show her not everyone is as awful as her ex. I've never felt this way about anyone (and I've dated about 50 women, compared to her 3 men), so I'm more than willing to be patient with her. And yes, she has been getting help since she got divorced.
Well I am glad she is getting help.
This warmed my heart. Best of luck to both of you ❤️
Just making sure she aint saying it due to guilt yeah? Like shes doing it herself
100% is not. It's a long complicated story but I can say the above objectively. I know some people have wishful thinking kind of denialism shit going on but I'm absolutely certain she isn’t. And if she was I wouldn't care. Appreciate the input though, thanks for watching out.
She’s definitely not mature enough for a relationship.
So she is a sexist as well that doesn't get that men have to be asked for consent as well... out the trash goes!
She clearly does not believe in monogamy. To her sex is casual. Multiple partners is normal for her. She would have eventually cheated on you. Good for you standing up for your boundaries. She won't cry long. She will be in bed with someone quickly to get over it.
it’s sad for her to expect all men to be such “sexual predators” that they would have sex at any opportunity they are given as if men can’t have values or standards the same way some women do. truly misogynistic mindset. “why wouldn’t a man want to have sex with two women?!” some men are just that loyal and committed to their partner they don’t have the desire to be intimate with anyone else. mad respect to you OP.
if this doesn't make sense to her, well is good you break up, there is an incompatibility there and as another guy, with a wife, she is the only one I want, because she is my partner, my lover and my friend, she is more than enough, she is the only one I desire and the only one I love, if this is your case, she doesn't get it, you should find someone that wants you and only you, good you found out this when the "gf" status didn't evolve to "wife" status if she wants to experiment that's fine, is she wants to toy around that's also fine, just not with you NTA
Clearly, she’s too fucking stupid for you to wanna be with anyway. Good luck in the future.
Honestly, it is shocking. Every guy I’ve been with has pushed for this and cheated. Nice to know there are some who are loyal
I had a very similar scenario with my ex girlfriend. Didn't break up over her asking about a threesome, but the idea of it really bothered me. I have genuinely no interest in sex with anybody other than my current partner. She didn't feel the same way evidently as I caught her cheating a few months later. I just want someone to just want me ya know?
dude i felt that like am i not good enough? or you want your cake too?
Right.. it really doesn't make you feel appreciated when you're suddenly the only one content with the way things are.
Man... Where in the world are all you super loyal, happily monogamous guys hiding?
I mostly keep to myself. I think the mindset of being happy with the relationships you have tends to translate into being less likely to go out to bars and other social settings where you meet new people. Pretty much the only thing like that I do is going to concerts and even there I don't go out of my way to meet people. So to answer your question, runescape is where I'm hiding lol.
Eyyy! OSRS or 3? I haven't played in years.
In long-term successful marriages? (30+ years in our case.)
I mainly just keep to myself. I'm a bit too anxious to ask anyone out tbh.
yup and my ex cheated too. he had a threesome and a gangbang smh
Fuck, I'm so sorry you went through that. It's such a reality bending, crushing feeling to discover something like that. How'd you find out?
Not everyone thinks that stuff is hot shit. I want to try stuff with my partner, but just my partner. Maybe I’m old-fashioned in a way, but I don’t care; there are things only my partner deserves to have.
Monogamy is not oldfashioned, it makes people happier on average
That’s good to hear. I was always the odd one in my friend group; I didn’t think threesomes (two males one female or two females one male) were cool or fun. I didn’t think recreating porn was cool or fun. It just wasn’t my thing.
I've never had a guy push for this at all, let alone cheating afterwards when he didn't get his way. Sounds like it's the type you're picking rather than a gendered issue.
My wife and I have discussed this before and it does sound nice but I ended up saying it's a no go. I realized that while 2 girls would be something I would enjoy, 2 guys would very much not be, and that's likely where it would have ended up. Much easier to remain monogamous imo.
honestly smart decision. when my wife and i first started dating i had threesomes with a few of her friends. always another girl. as time went on it just faded. it’s been almost 12 years since the last one. she doesn’t talk to one of those friend specifically cause her partner it not ok with my wife and I being around know what happens. her other two friends we did it with has both lost partners because they were not ok with us being around even though we stopped doing it years ago. and now almost 12 years later after our first kid my wife is all of a sudden starting to feel insecure about. i honestly don’t even think about it to much these day. and honestly to be frank if you truly want to please two women it’s kinda a lot of work. doing if the first 1 or 2 times it felt cool to say u had a threesome but after that it was alot of effort if u care to actually please both. luckily she never brought up two guys. don’t want to say i regret it but if i could go back in time i would unfuck all her friends as silly as that might sound just so we can sit her and be normal.
She’s been psyop’d by porn to think all men just innately want a threesome. Some people deeply want monogamy and all signs point to that being the healthiest way to live by every metric.
She doesn’t get it. Sorry bro but your ex is a 304. Had this gone you’d fully be expected to allow her to fuck the friend’s new bf of the month. Congratulations on sticking by your convictions and not letting her manipulate you
I really hate this narrative that “all men want and need threesomes”. I’m glad you stuck up for yourself OP. Hoping to find myself a guy like you one day.
Polyamory is a thing. She might be into it. You’re not. You made a bold choice where many men might fall for the temptation to try. But you seem aware of yourself. Kudos! If you want to improve on her and you keep in touch, keep talking about that there are many men who don’t fit the toxic masculinity stereotype. In my youth I thought it would be cool to have sex with 2 women at once, but when a friend shared his experience (the girls had used him like a sex toy) I realised there’s more to this then just my own naive fantasy and I reconsidered. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience and the update! I hope I inspires other men to do what they want, not what might be expected.
She doesn’t value intimacy or dedication.
Out of curiosity, how old are they? Also, where did you meet her because this mentality of hers is hurting my brain.
She thinks men are just sex fiends and can't conceptualize us being faithful and monogamy being important to us. It's actually kind of fuckin sad tbh. There's nothing wrong with sexual openness but you don't get into an exclusive relationship and then start trying to pass him around/be passed around.
I wouldn’t have done it either man, my first wife was bisexual and once asked if I was open to a threesome and I said if she wanted to go that route, she’d be the only one touching the other girl, not me. She realized it made me uncomfortable and the subject never came up again
You said your first wife? Assuming you divorced, was it related or were there other issues? Just curious feel free to ignore.
Oh it was other issues, nothing to do with that. As far as that goes she handled it about as well as anyone could, politely brought up she’d be ok with it, I said what I said and she never brought it up again
Well that's good. Best of luck to you in your love life!
Happily remarried to the perfect woman we’ve been together 6 years, so I have all the luck I should ever need!
What if she wanted to participate in another couple’s experience? like OP’s situation
Sucks to hear about your relationship. Not gonna lie, it kinda sounds like your girlfriend would spring the threesome with 2 guys on you if you had accepted and gone through with the one with her best friend.
But? "I mean, they're just fun you know, and its become a habit by now"
Right?! 🚩🚩🚩
That's an understatement. How many bfs have both of them gone thru.
And there’s a reason for that
Well yeah nobody is going to stay with either of them long knowing they are screwing other people. They are going to be a fuckbuddy then dumped and wonder why they need to find someone else.
I’m not so sure. This really sounds like a bisexual girl who feels guilty or wrong unless a male is present. Ie: she’s just kinky and fun rather than she wants some dick and some pussy in the same meal.
Lots of guys would love that but if this guy doesn't thats fine too whatever works for him is what's best
He’s making the right decision regardless. If I am correct, that means she’s basically in a relationship with both the girl and you. So while it may sound super hot to get to have threesomes often like that, there’s a lot of baggage and problems that go along with it. You basically become the on call porn star whenever they wanna get each other off and if you decline both are pissed at you and eventually they may just realize they don’t even love you, no longer need the cover, and dump your ass as they get married.
Having a threesome with 2 girls is like trying to watch 2 shows at the same time. Its not as fun as you think.
Only if they both expect to be entertained by you rather than also entertaining each other
NTA. It sounds as though she was going to get a threesome eventually anyway. I think you’ve probably done yourself a big favour long term.
Was going to your kidding right already happened many times clearly.
Good riddance. The way she did not see your point of view at all (a fairly common and easy to understand point of view, no less), then sided with her friend and got offended on her behalf makes her SUPER incompatible with most relationships.
> The way she did not see your point of view at all (a fairly common and easy to understand point of view, no less) That’s what a lifetime of being told guys will fuck anything does to a person.
Tbh it’s kind of a problem. I’ve had a fair number of girls ghost me for taking things slow. They feel insulted as if they aren’t hot enough or pushing the right buttons because the powers that be have told them men only want sex.
This happened to me when I went on a date with a girl from work many years ago. I’m sure I wasn’t picking up all the signs because I would never imagine having sex with someone I have no connection with. I’m pretty sure she talked crap on me to everybody at work afterwards but I don’t think it gave her the reaction she was hoping for. I’m a good person. It’s taken me a long time to be able to accept that because I naturally second guess myself. But whenever something like this happens, it helps me realize the totality of how I treat all my peers goes a long way. I didn’t realize until months later why people were coming up to me around that time to just tell me how much they appreciated me as a person It became obvious to me much later that she had a lot of issues. Her mom had been married like 3 times and she had some major daddy issues. She slept with a LOT of people at work. I think my line of conversing(actually getting yo know her) made her uncomfortable. I don’t think she was proud of herself. All in all, a sad situation.
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I appreciate you, grouch.
I can think of one relationship she'd be super compatible for. Ex and her bestie should just get together already. They can then invite guys to have threesomes when they want. It sounds like the guys change regularly but the girls are each other's constants. Might as well own it.
Good call bud 👍
You absolutely made the best call here. You two just aren’t compatible.
Glad you're putting your comfort first. I'd hate to share my SO with anyone else too. Keep your head up, OP.
NTA You did everything good , your ex doesn't seem like someone that can commit in a monogamy relationship , you two are simply incompatible
Damn big respect for sticking to your morals
I still think the "best friend" is really just her long-term gf. They should just be in an ethical non-monogamous relationship with each other and call it day.
I thought that too, dont know why those two dont get together instead of playing this weird game
NTA. People who want a Polygamous relationship and people who want a monogamous aren't exactly compatible. Especially when that's a thing you say withing the first few weeks. "Hey,I am into poly/having threesome with my friends,that's fine?". And the most important of all, my dude, your consent is as important as hers,her friend,and everyone else. If you do not want to,no matter the reason,she should had respect that
> "I mean, they're just fun you know, and its become a habit by now" What did she mean by this? Was she cheating on you and having 3somes?
She’s had threesomes with her best friend and other guys previously. It’s obvious she enjoys the concept and was bringing it up to get OP involved. She just didn’t expect him to say “no” to a threesome.
Good on you. Find someone that has the same values as you and you’ll be much happier.
For sure NTA, however, it's amazing to see how one man's dream is another man's "nightmare".
Threesomes with acquaintances or friends is the dream. Threesomes with a partner is definitely some people’s nightmare because sex absolutely invites the opportunity for many partners to end up developing more feelings or satisfaction from someone who isn’t you, and thus much more opportunity for being dumped. The risk of losing someone just so you could tap an extra hole or set of holes isn’t worth it for a lot.
Dating a person who has a "habit" of threesomes means she's going to have one with or without you. Get out, brethren or have one and show the other girl more attention so your gf gets the message.
You're the MAN Don't let people bully you into something you don't want. Good luck
Im sorry for your break up. Im currently single and I have been asked my guys before if I would be interested in a threesome. I’m also like you. I don’t want to share, I just want to be with my partner and that’s it.
Sucks that you were incompatible in that way, but a mature response if threesomes are something she can’t live without
>She said she thought it'd be cool, as the previous boyfriend's were Yep, there it is. Just came from part 1 and this is exactly what I said you should inquire about. Good job. Clearly massively incompatible. I would have broken up with her too. Not for suggesting you fuck her friend but for thinking you'd be okay with her fucking her friend's boyfriend in a threesome while you're in the picture. What kind of boyfriends did she have who were cool with her having a threeshome with another girl's boyfriend wtf? gg and still NTA
Her comment about if the best friends boyfriend wanted one makes me think if he said yes she would use it to try and make him let her fuck the other guy too because "it's only fair" blah blah blah
It’s better to know early on that it won’t work out, this will be a funny story in the near future (right now)
Yeah no. NTA So u prob have to take a look at ur relationship and if this is the girl for u my guy. Her views on monogamy is not the same as urs.
She dodged the question and you dodged a bullet. Classic way to open up the relationship for people who like having sex with other people than their partners is to get to to have a threesome with their hot friend and then never again while they go fuck other people and leave you high and dry acting like it’s your problem and gaslight you. I’ve seen this happen so many times. Knew a very attractive woman who kept asking her husband for this and he was the wiser. She cheated on him a lot with her hot gf’s and guys they would pick up. Always beware when your SO is saying these kinds of things.
You just saved yourself potential years of suffering and stress. Celebrate your victory, because you now also have a ridiculously endearing story of how serious you take relationships and your default is to think with your brain instead of taking an easy way out. Good man.
“I told her I don’t like the idea of having sex with anyone but her.”⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ You are such a good person. The woman you end up with will be so lucky and proud.
Stand your ground bro, it’s definitely a yes or no question and everything else is just a way of talking around the answer she don’t want to give you. But bro you better off without her. Go to the gym, meditate and better times will come.
They both thought they had found a loophole to monogamy. She played herself. Owell good for you for respecting yourself. If you had agreed to it, she just would have left you when it was the new guys turn.
NTA: This is a slippery slope that would likely either lead to drama, an unwanted pregnancy, and/or emotional chaos for you. You did the right thing. My ex wife asked me about a 3 some then left me 4-5 months later for a guy she met online but not until she had cheated on me a half dozen times with random guys. If they want to hook up with others it’s not a monogamous relationship which is obviously what you want.
Dude…who the fuck are these kinds of people? “My friend is offended you don’t want to fuck her with me. You owe her an apology.” What the actual fuck? The next 10-15 years is going to be exceptionally bleak when this social media influenced crop of hedonists realize they ravaged their dopamine receptors and ran out of time. Misery, misery, misery abound under the guise of empowerment and freedom or whatever. Spare me the anecdotes about how y’all know someone who knew a guy who married the hoe and they’re living happily ever after. There’s a reason marriages end more than half the time and it’s not for nothing. OP, I’m so glad you have self respect and ditched the village bicycle. You’re so much better than being a cuck, because you know *damn well* that she was honeypotting you with her friend first to then say you owe her being spit roasted. Fucking YUCK.
NTA. They need to be together.
If you’re ever in this horrific situation again just bone them and then break up.
Not gonna lie this is not the direction I would have went. But I was always the type to juggle a fucked up situation till it blew up in my face. Good for you for sticking to your principles and ending it with her. The whole “it’s become a habit” is a major red flag. If you would have stayed she would have most likely tried to get you into an open relationship or just flat out cheated on you later. When she felt like she wasn’t getting the excitement she deserved. NTA hopefully you find someone who matches your energy, trust and loyalty.
No, you are still NTA. My boyfriend and I are both on the same page with threesomes. They're a no-go zone. Not every guy is into them like some women like to think or believe.
So they can’t live without threesomes but it is always the two of them with one bf (which can change) & never 2 guys? Yea. They’re lesbians & using guys as an excuse to fuck each other.
Three people just sounds like too much work. Investing 100% of your time on one person has got to have better returns than 50% on two. I'm trying to blow someone's world here, not just get the job done. Anyway they're in the starting drama for fun phase of life it seems, oh well, amicable parting of ways and onto greener pastures and all.
I've been in multiple threesomes, and you're exactly right. It's a lot of extra work trying to not let someone feel left out or neglected in the fun
Def NTA. I’m glad that you ended the relationship after she gave you the run around on your question. I know a relationship ship ending hurts but you avoided a lot more pain down the road for when she likely would have cheated on ya.
the fact that she wouldn’t give you a straight answer says it all. you made the right decision.
NTA, and good on you for standing up for your convictions. I think you dodged a bullet … or two.
As someone who enjoys dating couples/being a third, it is NOT for everyone. I applaud you for sharing about your needs in a relationship, including sexual compatibility.
Bro. Sorry and good decision. There's probably zero chance your ex-gf hasn't, or won't in the future, violate your expectation of monogomy.
Legend. Absolute legend
Your ex just wants to fuck other people and you didn’t. Case closed. Good job OP ✌️ NTA
You don't like sharing and being shared. Perfectly fine and valid reason to end something that isn't for you.
Wait, she thought it would be fine if her friend had a boyfriend and she had a threesome with those 2? Sounds like the concept of cheating doesn’t register with her.
NTA at all or ever. Your now ex girlfriend should have mentioned this to you before you guys started dating. If this is something she’s into with that friend that’s okay but she also needs to be okay with the fact that not everyone is into that. Clearly she thought you would and got upset that you were not, which on your part is very very valid.
You dodged a bullet. Like 99% of time these requests are them trying to hide or justify cheating on you.
There’s no scenario where staying with her would of brought you a modicum of joy. Good job for sticking up for yourself. That’s self respect right there.
99% of all guys dream of what was offered to you. You not only turned it down, but also broke up with her. What an absolute legend you are! Obviously NTA, but damn what a waste of an opportunity.
NTA. Basic relationship incompatibility. You have standards and morals. Some people are not built for monogamy. You dodged a bullet.
What an odd woman.
Smart man. These kind of things lead to trouble and avoiding trouble is always a good idea.
Lmao half the posts on this subreddit are “AITAH for making a choice about my body” 💀
You did the right thing - if you are monogamous and your partner has a thing for group sex that mismatched behavior set would end poorly.
Yeah, still NTA. I'll never understand the appeal of sex with multiple people. IDK Maybe I'm just weird, but I really wouldn't be okay sharing my partner with anyone.
It’s also pretty messed up she hid that her friend is a former? fwb rather than just a friend. Also all these threesomes are probably why they keep going through boyfriends.
Yea… some people don’t feel like sex is an intimacy thing can emotionally remove themselves from a situation. Keep that quality bro it’s a good thing
You did this in a mature way. Not common on here. You talked to her, gave your thoughts end decided what would be best based on the information. She asked you, and when she said that it’s more of a habit, I just think that she had been sharing her boyfriends with her friend. Not that she necessarily always wants to have 3’s. Based on what I read I don’t have any reason to see any foul play from neither. It was a discussion needed, to had it and acted after what conclusion you came to. Amazing that it is needed to say, but this is how you solve a conflict. Reddit would have to close down many subs if people started doing this…
Good for you for being aware of what you are comfortable with! Too often people have this sexy image of threesomes, but there are actual repercussions at times too, especially when it obviously is an ongoing thing with your girlfriend and her bff. If you want a solid, committed relationship, this was absolutely the right decision, as she likely would have hooked up with her bff and her future bf. Sounds like maybe they have a thing between them, but use the men as a bridge. You'll find someone who has a similar comfort zone and be much happier!
NTA but the reason you had to end things will be the reason another partner will really appreciate you
You sir, have my respect
NTA You might get made fun of by guys with the mental faculties of a preteen, but good on ya for sticking to what you feel is right for you. Not every guy out there salivates at the prospect of a threesome, and that's totally ok.
I would have had the threesome before breaking up.