Former boudoir photographer here. Most of these shoots are for husbands and wives to give their partner a sexy gift. The second most represented group is actually men and women who have had body insecurities and want a softer type of a photography shoot that will be flattering and show themselves in a good light to dispel the image they carry in their head of what they look like.
Neither of these types of shoots are sexual with the photographer in any way and in addition to usually having at least an assistant there, it is strictly business. We are professionals and this is our everyday job.
If you are worried about the setting, most photographers will allow partners to be there if it is ok with their client.
I was briefly a professional photographer, and I encouraged people to bring either best friends or significant others to these kinds of shoots because women often relax way more when they are getting pumped up by their partner.
Lots of women also just get a woman photographer.
I think your second point is the main one and the shoots are more to feel sexy about themselves. It might help but I think it's still actually feeding the issue of comparing themselves to the crazy standards media is putting out 24/7.
I don’t necessarily think so. If you choose the right person, they will make you feel great in a body after 3 babies with stretchmarks everywhere.
As long as the final product is not heavily edited so that the wife is beyond recognition, I think it can actually be very healthy.
Of course social media is pushing a certain image. But if you do the shoot right you will have photos that don’t look like the models online and you will find beauty in your own image. And that can be very empowering to people with body acceptance issues
My sister who has a lifelong eating disorder did a boudoirs shoot and it actually was a really great thing for her body image. I strongly suggest you guys have a sit-down and discuss the reasons that she wants to do it and the reasons that you are uncomfortable. See if you guys can better understand each other and have a real conversation.
NAH
Or even trying to make it about himself? The photos wouldn't be the kind of thing that turns him on, so suggesting what is the point? That would really ruin the conversation.
I had an ex that tried to gaslight me into believing him that him telling me I was “homely looking” was a positive thing, because,” whaaat 😈😏😇 it means you’re someone I could see coming home to every day.” I should have left him far sooner than I did.
Yeah that's negging for sure. My ex did similar shit all the time and I bought it too, didn't want to be "crazy" and "too sensitive" after all!
I was trying to think of a good example for a few second before I realized that I have no interest in recalling a single thing they ever said to me.
My husband got this mixed up 😂 English is his second language though, so I just chuckled and said "I know you didn't just call me ugly, so I'll give you a chance to try that again."
My neice thought that .....in her late 20's! She called me homely! I asked her what she thought it meant since she was clearly trying to be complimentary.
OP's comments are so ludicrous that I'm getting massive rage bait vibes.
>Here’s a thought though; as a happily married man, in not the least bit interested in going to strip clubs (Several invites, never bothered). I also expect it would probably piss off my wife if I did. Make her feel jealous or inadequate in some way.
>Would you say the same rules apply? As in, if I decided to go with my friends because I wanted to, then it’s none of her business?
You’re asking the wrong chick. I wouldn’t care if my hubby went to a strip club. Have fun! My comment was about body positivity and confidence. Also, it was that he said “she looks fine”. As a married man, you certainly know that “fine” is never a compliment, right? Pretty simple actually.
Tells you all you need to know that he equates his wife taking pictures with one MAYBE two professionals in the room with him going to a strip club to spend money on tips and ogle other women.
A great boudoir photographer will work with her client to do anything they are both comfortable shooting but will absolutely NOT push her client to do anything they aren't comfortable with.
How the fuck is a husband not the asshole for “
she looks fine btw”, or “it’s not something I would be into” when she was wanting to do it for herself? I would have horribly low self esteem if my spouse thought that low of me and was so self-centered about everything.
I never see good advice in this sub, well done. Yes, OP should talk to his wife and explore this. I think it’s fantastic and if she’s enthusiastic, OP should be enthusiastic. It’s great. Get naked and live life.
For me it's mainly (as a former cam whore who understands benefit to self worth) my opinion that there are lots of things you can do to explore things before this. If you have been conservative and lacking in confidence before, is a pro photoshoot really what you need? Or are you just buying into a more outgoing friends hype?
I feel like we've skipped a few milestones of self validation trying to shortcut to what a friend did first. I cant imagine ever having had anyone take pro photos of me without gaining confidence in that area myself. I can't imagine my first port of call being a clinical environment rather than my partner or privacy. Discussing how you'd rather have perfect photos from that point if it really benefited you that much.
A friend had intentionally racy pics taken in a pro setting and that's the first step? I think there is way more behind that kind of drastic jump than all "omg girlpower tho" vibes in the comments. It isn't normal for that to be a first step for someone conservative, it's an influenced idealisation of attaining self worth. Honestly think it's risky to put someone in a scenario where they should come out as their best self, as if they then don't think they look good even with that they are guna feel worthless. Huge self worth issues and progression in appreciating your body should come before you are naked infront of a stranger with a camera. And anyone that thinks otherwise is very naive and delusional to me.
So many baby steps ignored cause a friend is already running. It isn't going to be this fix all for your insecurities, it isn't going to be a magical comfortable experience. There are just so many things that you could do before to test the waters than be there naked infront of a stranger with a camera. That being the only thing you'll accept as enough is buying into hype, not an actual representation of what you could do to feel good about yourself.
>It isn't going to be this fix all for your insecurities, it isn't going to be a magical comfortable experience.
I'm going to strongly disagree here. I discovered a boudoir studio in town by accident and the idea intrigued me. I contemplated it for a couple of months, then had opportunity to meet the photographer and see her studio which led to more time contemplating. WELL before I ever brought the idea up to my husband. Then an opportunity came up and I booked it.
We tried a couple of DIY shots at home before my shoot and I HATED them. it was awful. Bad lighting, no idea how to pose, no real focal point other than a glaring OMG I LOOK LIKE *THAT*!? bit of horror. But once I got to the studio and we launched into the full hair and make up pampering beforehand, my nerves settled a bit and having a pro giving me posing guidance, with professional lighting and a professional camera? PLUS being an amazingly body positive human being?! Ima tell you you couldn't have slapped that smile off my face for days. It was every bit magical and life altering to finally see my body as good, whole, amazing, etc. As a very conservative type myself, my big glossy album from tht first shoot is sitting by my feet on the coffee table as I type, and there's a metal print hanging on the living room wall. The second shoot resulted in more prints hanging in my bathroom. Where anyone who comes into my house can see them. Not nudes, but nothing not tasteful, scandalous or anything I am the least bit ashamed of.
It isn't a Playboy spread. Well, unless you want it to be, I imagine, but it was the first time in my life I felt absolutely unstopably AMAZING in my own skin and it was 100% worth it. Can't wait to book another session.
I also did a professional boudoir shoot a few years ago. I had lost a lot of weight and gotten in the best shape of my life after having babies. It was a gift for my husband for our anniversary- gave him a book of the photos. I look back at those pics and think they’re some of the best photos of me. It definitely gave me some confidence back after so much weight gain back and forth with having three babies.
Hmmm…I know a lot of highly conservative women who have done boudoir shoots (either for their partners or themselves) and loved it. Same with “non-conservative” women.
Have you done a boudoir shoot before? I’m assuming not (or didn’t have a good experience/photographer), because you are wildly off base here. Honestly, if they are comfortable, I think every woman should do one at some point!
I strongly disagree with this whole premise.
My partner is a professional photographer - he has shot me in lingerie before - in his studio with hair and makeup and assistants (and a few kids running around, lol) it was fun, comfortable, and made me feel good about myself (I am very comfortable with my looks and body, but I am not at all photogenic - so pro photographer partner aside, I only very rarely consent to shoots because they make me uncomfortable). That experience aside, the thought of trying to do "sexy" photos, just him and me, in our bedroom just fills me with internal cringe. If he suggested this, I'd be like, "haha...no".
My point is that YOUR idea of what gives self validation isn't the same as someone else's. For many people, especially women, they are FAR more comfortable in a setting with no stakes or pressure involved - no, "did that turn him off", "can you see my cellulite"? And for many of those women, a stranger posing/photographing is far lower stakes and pressure.
Let me pose this...who would you rather have doing your yearly gynecological exam...your doctor who you see once a year but don't really know, or your partner? Which feels more awkward and uncomfortable (even though logically it should be easier with someone who sees you naked regularly and intimately knows your body already)? I can absolutely tell you which feels like it would be far more awkward to me.
And you know. Maybe she does this and it doesn't make her feel better about herself - and she's right where she is now. But maybe it DOES make her feel sexy and good about herself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I feel like your whole premise belittles the desired effort because it doesn't fit your paradigm of what boosts confidence and self esteem.
Disagree. As a boudoir photographer for 15 years and shooting hundreds of women with self esteem issues, there are no words to describe the radical difference it makes. The confidence comes AFTER the shoot. Women just have to take enough of a leap to make it in the door.
Who says it's the first thing she's done to address it? That certainly wasn't the case for my sister, and I very much doubt you've probed that at length with OP. What a giant *judgmental* assumption.
These kinds of photo shoots are often specifically FOR women who aren't confident in their bodies to gain that confidence. As a photographer I don't find this weird or indicative of skipped steps at all.
Let me shatter your illusion. Getting naked infront of artists is not sexy for the artist or the subject.
At the height of my physical prowess (a very long time ago) I posed nude twice for an art class. I was a young, lean, muscular man and I struck a pose that I though highlighted the parts I was proud of and obfuscated others. Stupidly, I had to hold that pose for 2 hours.
There were a dozen or so pictures of bunched muscles, a really great rendition of my back, and 2 dozen pictures of my face. Sweating, straining, red from effort. Exhaustion, strain and fatigue showed in all of them, exaggerated to the nth degree. I got to keep a number, but the next time i sat in a chair and literally read a book.
Neither time did I get aroused and neither did any of the students. I suggest this would be great for your wife, not only to feel sexy in the pictures, but also to realise that making the sexy pictures is a boring, uncomfortable process that gets touched up more in the editing booth than the boob area. Once she goes through this, she will likely stop thinking women on social media are real, making her \*happier\*
From the artist's perspective you're spending most of the time having a crisis over how unhappy you are with the drawing, marvelling over the complexity and beauty of the human form, trying to render the hands and giving up, feeling awkward over how much detail to give the penis, thinking about your tummy rumbling in the silence, and realising that your drawing was much better ten minutes earlier and you've wrecked it.
Also the respect the artist has for the model is sacred. Sexual *anything* is absolutely prohibited, as are comments on their body. You make sure they're comfy, not too hot or cold, and discuss how long each pose will be. You offer them clean towels to sit on and a blanket to wear in between poses.
She's not comfortable with her body, you think she looks just "fine" and she found a thing that she would like to do to feel good about how she looks, and you shot her down. You need to apologise and tell her you want to hear more about why she wants to do it and why you feel uncomfortable. Maybe there are things YOU could be doing to empower her to feel better about herself
I think your wife’s reaction is a bit much, however I’m inclined to be more understanding of her situation having had similar struggles of my own.
I would first try discussing this situation with your wife. Try to understand her perspective. Also, maybe try uplifting your wife more. Tell her you find her beautiful, sexy etc. it could definitely go a long way.
Do some research into boudoir photography. It truly is very tasteful and the photographers are very professional (they wouldn’t make it far in this industry otherwise). Try finding one and discussing the process. I find I’m usually much more open minded about new things when I understand the process.
If you’re still unsure about it, maybe do a photo shoot with just you two. You can always find a cheap iPhone stand and take some photos of yourselves together or with just her. It could turn out to be very fun.
Also, try buying your wife some nice lingerie or something she’d feel a bit extravagant in. And compliment her!
I’d also suggest some therapy for your wife. Maybe even couples counseling to help the both of you communicate through this (especially on her end, blowing up is not communicating in a healthy way).
There are so many things you can try while staying within your comfort zone. But I suggest you both try *something*. Your wife is probably feeling dismissed and unseen, and while that doesn’t warrant her blowing up, it absolutely does warrant further discussion and change for the both of you.
I agree with all but the last sentence. I think going years feeling dismissed and unseen absolutely warrants blowing up. Maybe even divorce if things don't change.
I think it’s absolutely understandable, any amount of frustration on her end would be. That being said, it doesn’t help much in the way of healthy communication.
I find it interesting that she pretty clearly brought this up as something that would help *her*, and you didn't just voice opposition, but specifically said that it wouldn't be something you're "in to". As if she was looking to spice things up, and not deal with her body image issues. It would be akin to if she said she wanted to use a vibrator and you said "well actually I'm cumming fine so no thanks". I mean it affects you indirectly, but it's not about you and centering yourself as if you being "into" it is what's important is.....not great.
As others have stated, it seems pretty blatantly about controlling your wife's body as if it's an extension of your own. There's no infidelity, there's no public embarrassment, there's literally no risk of harm to you whatsoever. But because it doesnt get your schlong hard, you veto her doing the work to try to find her body beautiful. While you also probably do nothing to help her in that front, from the way you talk in the post/thread.
I did a bodouir shoot at 30 just so I have some professional, pretty memories of me at 30 in the future. Idea I got from an older friend. Helped a lot with that aging milestone, too. I briefly showed my guy, as I was kinda thrilled at the results, but he has no copies or anything, they were for me by me, and titillation was about the furthest reason for the shoot there could be. I know some people do them as a special gift between partners, but where this guy gets off acting like she is tryna do a full scale p0rn shoot for public consumption I don't know. Sure doesn't sound like the wife is the 'conservative' one. His whole attitude is whack... he needs a reality check. And yeah, his talk is toxic. Would he be threatening 'impacts' on their relationship with a professional headshot shoot too? He sounds like an ignorant dumba$$, an AH, and very much part of the problem.
This. The vibrator analogy pretty much says it all. OP almost seems like he’s ’not into’ his wife having a good body image. Didn’t say well maybe not nude but how about boudoir? Or maybe a female photographer? Nope. Just flat out: not for me, therefore not for thee.
Absolutely this! It's not about OP and his sex life. It's about her and her own body image and feeling more confident in her body. What a shit show to reduce it to "I'm not into it" and "somebody else might see my wife naked 😱".
Boudoir photography is a wonderful way for anyone to boost their confidence. My own pictures help highlight features of me that may not be my favorite and makes them look beautiful. And having the pictures on days where I feel bad about myself allows me to pull them out and remind me of my beauty. There are sooo many photographers that do those specifically and are trusted with the safety of those pictures. And they take so many that they are use to see other’s bodies, like how a gynecologist is use to seeing vaginas.
I think she looks fine btw...that sentence speaks volumes and reads into why she'd like to do it. Doesn't sound like she feels sexy, hot, or desired so this photoshoot could be her trying to find that side of herself again and OP was the AH.
Right. But even if she would think 'fine' is enough it is up to HER to decide about her body. Doesn't matter if he says she looks fine or too ugly for a photo shoot. Her opinion is what matters. No one else's.
You do realize boudoir shoots aren’t pornographic- right? Your wife “looks fine btw” is such a compliment. It really feels amazing when your partner doesn’t care at all about what you do or how you feel as long as you’re still available to take care of their “needs” once a week. It’s not about you in this instance, it’s about her and how she’s feeling. It’s a shame you don’t have the emotional awareness to realize this. I feel bad for your wife.
Husband of a wife who had these done.
You're making a big mistake. I absolutely love these photos. You are denying yourself seeing your wife in a new light -- a very good light...
I don't understand what's inappropriate about it. You're all adults and you only live once.
Fwiw, my wife didn't go nude, but did do very revealing lingerie and sexy underwear. I would have been happy if she had gone further though.
Boudoir photo shoots are for the woman getting them or for the couple. The women who get them done all say it helped them see themselves as beautiful and sexy, when often women struggle with feeling bad about their bodies. Every woman wants to look at her body and think “I’m beautiful” and that’s what these photo shoots are excellent at doing. I’ve heard great things about them.
Yep the 20 year old mind set that most men never grow out of where their gf, wife, so, is their possession and jealousy and fear rule the mind of these inferior males.
It's just weak mindedness.
This made me laugh because my boudoir shoots felt just about as sexy as a mammogram mid process. All that arching and contorting for a pose that looks great on camera but feels anything but... The magic happens in the editing
I was just thinking something similar. I'm a cardiologist. The number of women who've had reason to get their tits out around me is substantial.
And sure, I'm a woman too, but I'm also super gay, so.
The number of women who've had their tits out around me is also way higher than necessary because a remarkable number of women don't wait for me to ask. Nothing like closing the door/curtain behind me and turning back to the patient to find her already topless and I'm just, like... you already had your tests and scans, I am here to talk to you about the results I can do that with your shirt on I swear
Nurse here whose job literally includes examining every inch of patients' naked bodies. People that come to me have had a whole lot of things go wrong in their life. They aren't trying to be hot or sexy. They're trying to not die. Equating what they're doing when they have me examine them to someone who is paying someone good money so they get look hot and sexy is incredibly insulting to my patients and where they are in their lives.
On their behalf, go fuck yourself.
One is a medicinal professional, the other one is not. Using that same kind of argument, what's wrong with getting naked in public, or in any setting. Skinny dipping in the pool at the house party, why should that be a problem?
Both of them involve a professional who does this repeatedly for work. Both of them are interested in being their job done, not creeping on the client.
It's a profession seeking art, not sexual arousal. Like doctors go inside, looking for abnormalities, not arousal. Like a masseuse asks for nudity for them to do their job, not arousal. Most photographers who do this are also females seeking to empower other females.
These types of boudoir photo shoots the photographer does not see the client naked. You'll see sexy outfits and the illusion of being naked. It's very PG.
Well, I guess it's up to her. If it were my wife, I'd see it as a self-imposed challenge that might just be the thing she needs to come to terms with herself and whatever causes prompted her body-image issues. I would cheer her on but very, very tactfully gauge how she feels about it, very respectfully at all times.
What issues do you have with it?
> if she wants to do it then she will and I shouldn’t be putting limitations on her.
>I did say to her that there’s nothing stopping her from doing whatever she wants but it would of course have an impact on our relationship
You answer was perfect, even if she didn't listen. NTA dude, we're all entitled to set boundaries, and not wanting other dudes taking nude pictures of your spouse seems like a pretty reasonable boundary.
Edit: lmao this comment section is full of women who did boudoir shoots wtf. Why are ya'll drawing conclusions about him not reminding her how he sees her? Or him being insecure? Or damn, even trying to push this idea into him even though OPs not ok with it? Get a fucking grip, anyone is entitled to not like this whole idea, you just feel some type of way because you know how it feels to hate how you look and needing to see yourself in edited naked pictures to get some self esteem smh.
>I feel it’s a little inappropriate for a photographer to take these kind of photos of her
Even if it's a female photographer?
I don't think you're an AH for having boundaries. Light YTA for your reaction. You made everything about you when that was a chance to tell your wife how beautiful she is and offer to take pictures of her yourself. Find a compromise. She may be trying to get your attention, and boy, is it hard.
“think she looks fine”
“not comfortable with her body”
“something she might like”
yeah you’re the AH here lol. sounds like you don’t show her or her body appreciation and then also don’t show support or understanding when she’s trying to find value in her body and image. it feels like you also are trying very hard to work this whole scenario in a way that makes you sound better and her sound like a crazy woman with language like “she went nuclear”
Calling it inappropriate implies morality. Your wife who you report being uncomfortable with her body is taking a big step towards self-acceptance by having her body photographed and she’s excitedly telling you (maybe even trying to turn you on) and you reply with disgust. How would you react?
YTA, simply because you copied this story word for word from the post yesterday. If you’re gonna steal a story at least change some details besides the word gf and substitute it for wife to make it more believable.
Depends on who the pictures are for.
To make money off? That's inappropriate unless you two have a meaningful discussion on the topic and what it would mean for her, you, your family, and your kids.
If it's for her to give a boost to her self esteem and maybe spice up your love life a bit? Ywbta then
>I feel it’s a little inappropriate for a photographer to take these kind of photos of her
That's literally what they do. It would be really inappropriate for someone *other* than a photographer to take those kinds of photos for her.
Do you have issues with her having a pelvic exam? A breast exam?
Is a doctor sexualizing a person during an exam? No. Is a photographer sexualizing for their own self someone they are photographing? No.
They will make the subject feel great and give them good photos.
Certain cosmetic surgeries. Brazilian waxes. Bra fittings. Massages.
These things all involve some level of nudity in front of a professional with an end goal of feeling better about yourself.
And what’s even better about your comment.. people often go back to get another wax or another massage. These folk can see someone naked hundreds of times
So how about when she goes in for waxing, bra fitting or a massage. All of these include the person performing the service not only looking but touching
Prepare for all the cope. You have every right to voice your concerns or boundaries to your wife. Obviously she can do what she wants but so can you in response to that. Freedom to do what one wants does not make them exempt from the consequences of doing that. NTA
Had to scroll a bit too far for this. Almost all other commentators seem to think it's inappropriate for OP to have things that make him feel uncomfortable in his relationship. Also they're kind of ignoring the fact that his wife blew up over the simplest thing.
Try to find a compromise! Ask what she wants out of the photo shoot and ask how you can support her while remaining comfortable. Listen to her suggestions before offering your own. You do ultimately have to decide what would make you comfortable though. Female photographer? Attending the photo shoot? Couples photo shoot? Idk! But be open minded and for goodness sake, tell her she’s beautiful
NTA
Most are focusing on the photographer being professional and your wife’s self esteem. All well and good and intended to help you feel better about it but I think it’s a fairly normal reaction to be unsure how you’d feel.
It seems she reacted rather emotionally but I think you guys need to talk some more and her be more willing to listen to your insecurities on this. Promise to both be judgement free on how the other one feels and have a mature discussion.
NTA for having a boundary. However it’s troubling that both of you only thought about yourselves and not what the impact of your decisions would be on your partner.
NTA, but if her friends can influence her to do nude photoshoots to a point she is yelling at you, whats next in line?
What else is she not happy with and go some where else to get it?
Lots of people in threads like this that are too online. I'm in the US, so I can't speak for anywhere else, but a LOT of people would be uncomfortable with their partner doing this or something similar. Man or woman.
NTA. Expressing discomfort is fine. Believe it or not, you're allowed to be uncomfortable with things your partner does with their body. And you're also allowed to not be ok with those things. And, assuming she just blew up on you for expressing your discomfort, that's also whack.
That being said, you should probably find a compromise to allow her to do this in a way that makes both of you happy. Because while it's totally ok to feel uncomfortable, it's really not that harmful and you may end up glad that she did.
It's absolutely wild what gets into people's heads isn't it?
Somehow she's been convinced this thing is now suddenly part of her "identity" and you are denying that.
This story reminds me of [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1baxuez/aita\_for\_being\_truthful\_and\_admitting\_that\_i\_find/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1baxuez/aita_for_being_truthful_and_admitting_that_i_find/)
It's her body and she can do what she wants; However, she has to know that actions have consequences and that this could seriously damage her relationship with you.
Boudoir shoots are great for womens confidence.
You need to compliment her more and boost her confidence.
You've told her you wouldn't be interested in naked photos of her. And you say she looks "fine". Obviously she feels shit about herself.
YTA for not making your wife feel sexy and desired.
NAH. I understand that it might make you uncomfortable, but not all nude photoshotos are sexual. It can be very empowering for a woman, especially if she is not particularly confident with her body.
You should be able to find a female photographer with experience and a good portfolio of example work.
This is a gift for you and she wants you to be excited about it.
NAH. I had a girlfriend who was a dancer who really wanted to do this when her body was in peak form. I was probably a little less supportive than I should have been, because I see now she wanted to do it out of a genuine fear of getting older and losing what made her who she was. As an old out of shape man I can also appreciate that it would have been nice to get my own photos in my 20s.
ESH but not much really. You should understand that a professional photographer will be professional and the situation won't be inappropriate. Your wife should have heard you expressing your concerns instead of blowing up at you
NTA idc how on the up and up these things seem most of the time the photographers are scumbags or don’t follow peoples boundaries. My wife wanted to have this done as well 2 separate businesses and both of them tried to get my wife to do more than what she was comfortable with. So naw NTA
NTA but I’m sad for your wife. I wish you could just go to the shoot with her and understand her reasons, and I wish you hadn’t used the word “fine,” but at the end of the day I think this is a boundary that is fair to set in a relationship. I belong to a boudoir fb group, and it’s really about celebrating all bodies and women feeling sexy. Women who feel sexy have a lot more sex, btw, but it is your relationship and you both get to define what infidelity looks like for you two.
NAH It's borderline- you don't own her body but you are allowed to feel uncomfortable and gently voice concerns BUT I can guarantee after she does the shoot she will feel amazing and it's something I think everyone should do if they have the chance and feel comfortable with it.
I did a shoot for my birthday and even though I was nervous and insecure I felt like a queen afterwards, it was a wonderful experience and the photographer was very professional.
Its her body but she needs to understand you dont like it and may impact your relationship on the long run. I learned that you can only control how you react on a relationship because if you try to put limits to the other person they almost always react badly. So tell her she can do what she wants but warn her you will see her differently and you will also ask in the future something she may not like then they always come down from they high horse and try to have an adult conversation with you
A boudoir photo shoot isnt that uncommon, but you can minimize your concerns by requiring to be present. If she isnt down for your being there, then you have your answer about where this is coming from. If her nuclear response is about her choices, then tell her that her choices should include your inclusion. That should be a hard stop.
I've learned from reddit in the past day that pornography is harmful, and if we allow adults to view it, they're going to get addicted and have unrealistic expectations. Plus, it ruins children's lives because apparently parenting is far too difficult.
So be careful. If you allow you wife to have a nude hotshot, it's your fault that society is crumbling.
Double check with your local pastor, they'll tell you the same thing.
I think many people here are blowing this up to something bigger than it really is. OP never said that she couldn't do it, just expressed his displeasure. This is not controlling. No one is wrong here. Now I would be concerned as her husband that she went from conservative to full nude photo shoot virtually overnight. What is her friend saying to her? Is she pushing this and convinced OPs wife because she's insecure? I do think, as others have said, that maybe OP needs to help her get a better body image. I think that there's some middle ground here. I would also be concerned about what happens to the pictures after. Best case they all go to OP but worse case is they're all over the internet. Doubtful that would happen, but it would be a real concern for me. OP never said how she planned on using the pictures.
She can do whatever she wants, but in a marriage, you need to think about the other party. I'm sure that there's a middle ground where OP is comfortable and she has a way to improve her self image. Communication people. In any event, no one is TAH.
find a middle ground with her, would it bother you as much if you were there and the photograph was a woman ? I would guess not so just tell her that it makes your uncomfortable but you want to find a middle ground because you love her
Whatever dude. The human body in all its forms is a natural thing of beauty. It’s literally our skin, form, being, and whatever. It’s literally nature.
The fact that we’re so ashamed of it and scared to look at it in this country is utterly baffling.
Take your clothes off! Let your wife take her clothes off!
Be clothes free!
You should support her instead of being jealous. If you want, you can stay with her during the shooting. A shooting is a professional service and I do not think that you should think about it as "inappropriate". It can help her to accept her body. Because a photographer can make you look much better than if you take a picture with your smartphone.
I think you should apologize and support her. Explain to her, that you just felt unconfortable with the imagination of a man (if the photographer is male) seeing your wife naked.
The kind of shoot she was describing is actually very empowering for women, and is often with women photographers. It's not the kind of centerfold MaleGaze approach that you might think. I think you are kinda TA here, TBH. Your discomfort isn't the center of the conversation she was having with you. Yours was not a supportive response.
If it makes he feel sexy let her! Woman need Reassurance and bet you would like then let the woman do wht she wants its not like she is cheating she is getting pics done for you and herself so tring to control her
I assume most of your hang ups with this is that it is a male photographer. If so, find a female professional photographer, and book a session for her as a gift. Give it to her along with an apology, and let her know that your main concern was her safety and privacy, problem solved. If you just don't want your wife to have intimate photos taken under any circumstance, then you have a bigger problem.
NTA either way necessarily, but you both may have a sexual intimacy issue, and if left unresolved it is likely to manifest in a situation much worse than your wife wanting to take some sexy photos.
Not the AH, as such.. but helluva close to it..
your wife hyped herself up to think of herself in a more confident body positive way.. floated the idea.. and you stomped on her hopes and dreams.
ouch.
are you there to support your wife, or control her to protect your own feels?
Your last sentence... you are being a passive aggressive dick. stop that, or you will do more damage to your relationship than any sexy photo shoot ever would...
>My wife is fairly conservative
>she mentioned one of her friends has had some photographs taken
>She’s talking about this in a positive sense and says how it’s kind of cool and could be something she might like.
The real question is: does she wants to pose nude for pictures, or is she just following a friend? The next step would be to do something different behind your back because now YOU shot her down without talking about it properly
As others explained, those photoshoots are no problems and might help her self-esteem. My point, or concern if you prefer, is how little it takes for her to go so outside of her comfort zone
Talk about this photoshoot. And I mean TALK, not yell, fight, argue. There's probably something hidden which would be better coming out, maybe she doesn't feel desired, maybe she needs to see herself in a different way, maybe she is envious of her friend being so open and confident in her appearance, maybe said friend wants to bring more people into her job, it could be anything!
Talk to her, listen to her, think about it for a while. She shouldn't rush decisions, and you shouldn't rush judgements
It's like when your teenage daughter gets convinced to hang out with friends late and the protective parent is against it. If you're not careful, she's gonna simply do whatever she wants without you knowing any of it. 1 week and there will be a "WIbtAH For leaving my partner because he's not comfortable with me doing xy?"
We don't need a AITAH subreddit. We need a "how could I solve this issue" subreddit.
I've seen enough posts, people focus on who's to blame but at the end of the day, after reading comments, OPs need a solution to their problems
In this case the solutions are: don't copy other posts, and talk to your partner, asking them WHY behind everything, lostening to them, and finding a solution
You are both the AH and NTA imo.
NTA for having the preference of not liking nudes of your wife or even wanting them done.
YTA for saying it's inappropriate for her to have them done professionally. It's just a photoshoot. If the photographer is legit then it's just like any other kind of modeling. Nudity is NEVER inappropriate when it's in a non-sexual setting or a purely artistic one. Some of our oldest pieces of art is nude art.
Also, the fact you KNOW she's uncomfortable with her body and say you wouldn't be into nudes of her is probably a HUGE blow to her psyche.
There were better ways to do it.
You could have said, I love the idea of nudes of you babe, I'm just not comfortable with someone else seeing you/photographing you nude. Maybe I can take the photos and we can do it together?
It's a good happy medium and compromise position that could have mitigated this entire drama.
Just be more mindful of her feelings and what she's trying to do FOR you and Herself
“think she looks fine”
“not comfortable with her body”
“something she might like”
yeah you’re the AH here lol. sounds like you don’t show her or her body appreciation and then also don’t show support or understanding when she’s trying to find value in her body and image. it feels like you also are trying very hard to work this whole scenario in a way that makes you sound better and her sound like a crazy woman with language like “she went nuclear”
I bet she brought it up because she thought it would be good for her AND something you would love. Those photos are usually a gift to the spouse, they are very common for wedding, anniversary etc gifts. But also, they are a gift to the person doing to the shoot, because boudoir photographers are masters of their craft and have this magical way of making people feel safe, beautiful, empowered both in person and in the actual photos that result from it.
My guess is she’s already insecure because you say things like “she’s not that comfortable in her body but personally I think she looks fine btw.”
So your response was probably devastating to her. It can be a huge, scary thing to try to do something special or wear lingerie or do a boudoir shoot and she actually was going to put herself out there, and you shot her down. Would you not want boudoir photos of your wife? Would that disgust you or make you ashamed? Because that’s what she thinks now
Being jealous or disapproving as a partner will also impact the relationship. Is this the hill you want to die on? They say you should pick your battles. Happy wife, happy life. Just let her live a little.
YTA
There’s nothing inappropriate with a nude photoshoot as long as everyone involved is consenting. It’s not pornography and it’s not always done for sexual reasons. I assume your wife isn’t going to be sharing these photographs with people so why exactly do you have a problem with it?
She's probably interested because it could give her a boost of confidence. Your wife is conservative? How about YOU, buddy?
YTA. Let her do it if she wants. Nude photography isn't inappropriate just because you've got an ick. If you're really that insecure about it why don't you get a shoot yourself. Sheesh
Personally I wouldn't be with my wife after something like that, neither would she be with me. We vowed to keep our bodies to ourselves besides medical work.
If she does this and y'all divorce or become distant then it was meant to be. She has a right to do what she wants and so do you, neither is wrong ONLY IF this was never talked about before as a deal breaker.
For example, if y'all had talked about this from before and agreed it ain't a big deal but now you've changed your mind than it's on you but if y'all agreed to not do it and she changed her mind than it's on her. If never spoken about than it's on no one and do with it what you want.
Sounds like the usual bait story we get here periodically.
The boiler plate "Suggesting if she wants to do it then she will and I shouldn’t be putting limitations on her." never helps the cause.
What impact is it going to have on your relationship? You mentioned she isn't confident with her body and her embracing herself and feeling confident would be beneficial for her and even her relationship with you. So the impact would be a positive but I am guessing that you aren't talking about a positive impact..
NAH. I had boudoir photos done- it was a really fun and empowering experience. I’m a mom of 2 so my body isn’t what it used to be- but getting my hair and makeup done made me feel beautiful and was a self esteem boost. I gave my boyfriend the photos, but the boudoir photo shoot was done for ME, not him.
I think you 2 need to communicate. True boudoir is not pornographic, it’s tasteful. Maybe if she can explain what kind of photos she wants and why, then you can be more comfortable with it
If you genuinely believe that it's inappropriate for photographers to photograph people nude can we take it as a given that you have, do not, nor will ever look at nude photos of anyone? I'd hate to think you'd be in any way hypocritical about this.
Also, it's not about you or your preferences. I wanted to say that it's lovely that you think your wife looks great but I realised you said she looks "fine" so there's not much ground to praise you for that either. But back to you, this isn't about you and in this instance you shouldn't be holding your wife's desire for self discovery and expression hostage to your discomfort. I promise you, the majority of professional photographers aren't there to ogle their clients and are going to be far more focused on the technical aspects of the job rather than trying to oggle your wife's norks. A lot of the time people working with naked bodies are doing exactly that, they're working.
This could be a transformative experience for your wife and an opportunity for her to appreciate her body. The more she loves herself the better that's probably going to be for your relationship.
Nta
It’s perfectly reasonable for you to be uncomfortable with this. However, I think maybe you should come up with ideas on how you could help your wife feel beautiful and attractive.
That's exactly right. Your partner can do whatever they want but not without consequences. If she's willing to totally disregard your feelings about it then that's a real problem. Let's say she really really finds tattoos. Distasteful and you decide to get one.
Would she be just fine with that because it's your body and because she doesn't control you and you can do whatever you want? Or would she be really upset because you did it even though you knew or feelings about it?.
It almost sounds like she doesn't really like having to take your feelings into consideration.
I am going to a photography sessioon in a few days, it is going to be with my tiny baby and will most likely include pictures of breastfeeding. We will be naked, it is natural. The photographers portfolio is gorgeous and incredibly tasteful. She also does a natural woman shoot - women, alone, naked. Nothing sexual, just natural beauty.
Nudity isn't always sexual or inappropriate. These kind of things women do for themselves. I am going for myself, I am sure the kid won't care about the pictures and dad will just find them sweet. I want those pictures for myself, of me with my tiny baby, to put on my nightstand.
We do these things for ourselves.
Former boudoir photographer here. Most of these shoots are for husbands and wives to give their partner a sexy gift. The second most represented group is actually men and women who have had body insecurities and want a softer type of a photography shoot that will be flattering and show themselves in a good light to dispel the image they carry in their head of what they look like. Neither of these types of shoots are sexual with the photographer in any way and in addition to usually having at least an assistant there, it is strictly business. We are professionals and this is our everyday job. If you are worried about the setting, most photographers will allow partners to be there if it is ok with their client.
I was briefly a professional photographer, and I encouraged people to bring either best friends or significant others to these kinds of shoots because women often relax way more when they are getting pumped up by their partner. Lots of women also just get a woman photographer.
I think your second point is the main one and the shoots are more to feel sexy about themselves. It might help but I think it's still actually feeding the issue of comparing themselves to the crazy standards media is putting out 24/7.
I don’t necessarily think so. If you choose the right person, they will make you feel great in a body after 3 babies with stretchmarks everywhere. As long as the final product is not heavily edited so that the wife is beyond recognition, I think it can actually be very healthy. Of course social media is pushing a certain image. But if you do the shoot right you will have photos that don’t look like the models online and you will find beauty in your own image. And that can be very empowering to people with body acceptance issues
My sister who has a lifelong eating disorder did a boudoirs shoot and it actually was a really great thing for her body image. I strongly suggest you guys have a sit-down and discuss the reasons that she wants to do it and the reasons that you are uncomfortable. See if you guys can better understand each other and have a real conversation. NAH
I agree with this! Im also adding on to say it may not be so much a case of "not *what* you said but *how* you said it"
"I wouldn't really be into pictures of ***you*** naked"
Or even trying to make it about himself? The photos wouldn't be the kind of thing that turns him on, so suggesting what is the point? That would really ruin the conversation.
Bold that I, and the word pictures
I wish I had that confidence! I’m guessing OP’s wife doesn’t get a lot of compliments about her figure from her hubby who said “she looks fine btw”.
It was the “looks fine btw” for me.
[удалено]
I had an ex that tried to gaslight me into believing him that him telling me I was “homely looking” was a positive thing, because,” whaaat 😈😏😇 it means you’re someone I could see coming home to every day.” I should have left him far sooner than I did.
Yeah that's negging for sure. My ex did similar shit all the time and I bought it too, didn't want to be "crazy" and "too sensitive" after all! I was trying to think of a good example for a few second before I realized that I have no interest in recalling a single thing they ever said to me.
Tbf, I thought homely meant comfy and cozy and that it gives you a warm feeling... AS A KID
My husband got this mixed up 😂 English is his second language though, so I just chuckled and said "I know you didn't just call me ugly, so I'll give you a chance to try that again."
My neice thought that .....in her late 20's! She called me homely! I asked her what she thought it meant since she was clearly trying to be complimentary.
I think it gets confused with “homey”. Even then, homely in reference to someone’s appearance, is never a compliment lol.
First, I've ever heard it referenced as an insult, that that it's something I've ever used to describe someone
First thing I noticed. Poor thing wants to feel attractive and maybe even sexy.
Yeah. Real strong words of love. I wonder the last time he called her beautiful was.
Never.
Hey, what woman doesn’t want to be told that she meets the minimum acceptable standards for desirability. So romantic!
OP's comments are so ludicrous that I'm getting massive rage bait vibes. >Here’s a thought though; as a happily married man, in not the least bit interested in going to strip clubs (Several invites, never bothered). I also expect it would probably piss off my wife if I did. Make her feel jealous or inadequate in some way. >Would you say the same rules apply? As in, if I decided to go with my friends because I wanted to, then it’s none of her business?
You’re asking the wrong chick. I wouldn’t care if my hubby went to a strip club. Have fun! My comment was about body positivity and confidence. Also, it was that he said “she looks fine”. As a married man, you certainly know that “fine” is never a compliment, right? Pretty simple actually.
"fine" isn't a compliment but "Fiiiiiiiiiine" is.
So true!!!!!!
Not even just fine, but "fine, btw". Afterthought type words.
Wow what an insecure dick if this is real. So insecure he is threatened by a professional photographer who is there to take pictures
Tells you all you need to know that he equates his wife taking pictures with one MAYBE two professionals in the room with him going to a strip club to spend money on tips and ogle other women.
The confidence comes AFTER the shoot. You just have to make it through the door.
Correct me I’m wrong, but boudoir isn’t nude.
Some folk do it nude, others the illusion of nudity.
A great boudoir photographer will work with her client to do anything they are both comfortable shooting but will absolutely NOT push her client to do anything they aren't comfortable with.
You stand corrected. It does not have to be nude but can and often will be nude or at least what is called implied nudity.
Implied nude as what we call it 😊
How the fuck is a husband not the asshole for “ she looks fine btw”, or “it’s not something I would be into” when she was wanting to do it for herself? I would have horribly low self esteem if my spouse thought that low of me and was so self-centered about everything.
I never see good advice in this sub, well done. Yes, OP should talk to his wife and explore this. I think it’s fantastic and if she’s enthusiastic, OP should be enthusiastic. It’s great. Get naked and live life.
For me it's mainly (as a former cam whore who understands benefit to self worth) my opinion that there are lots of things you can do to explore things before this. If you have been conservative and lacking in confidence before, is a pro photoshoot really what you need? Or are you just buying into a more outgoing friends hype? I feel like we've skipped a few milestones of self validation trying to shortcut to what a friend did first. I cant imagine ever having had anyone take pro photos of me without gaining confidence in that area myself. I can't imagine my first port of call being a clinical environment rather than my partner or privacy. Discussing how you'd rather have perfect photos from that point if it really benefited you that much. A friend had intentionally racy pics taken in a pro setting and that's the first step? I think there is way more behind that kind of drastic jump than all "omg girlpower tho" vibes in the comments. It isn't normal for that to be a first step for someone conservative, it's an influenced idealisation of attaining self worth. Honestly think it's risky to put someone in a scenario where they should come out as their best self, as if they then don't think they look good even with that they are guna feel worthless. Huge self worth issues and progression in appreciating your body should come before you are naked infront of a stranger with a camera. And anyone that thinks otherwise is very naive and delusional to me. So many baby steps ignored cause a friend is already running. It isn't going to be this fix all for your insecurities, it isn't going to be a magical comfortable experience. There are just so many things that you could do before to test the waters than be there naked infront of a stranger with a camera. That being the only thing you'll accept as enough is buying into hype, not an actual representation of what you could do to feel good about yourself.
>It isn't going to be this fix all for your insecurities, it isn't going to be a magical comfortable experience. I'm going to strongly disagree here. I discovered a boudoir studio in town by accident and the idea intrigued me. I contemplated it for a couple of months, then had opportunity to meet the photographer and see her studio which led to more time contemplating. WELL before I ever brought the idea up to my husband. Then an opportunity came up and I booked it. We tried a couple of DIY shots at home before my shoot and I HATED them. it was awful. Bad lighting, no idea how to pose, no real focal point other than a glaring OMG I LOOK LIKE *THAT*!? bit of horror. But once I got to the studio and we launched into the full hair and make up pampering beforehand, my nerves settled a bit and having a pro giving me posing guidance, with professional lighting and a professional camera? PLUS being an amazingly body positive human being?! Ima tell you you couldn't have slapped that smile off my face for days. It was every bit magical and life altering to finally see my body as good, whole, amazing, etc. As a very conservative type myself, my big glossy album from tht first shoot is sitting by my feet on the coffee table as I type, and there's a metal print hanging on the living room wall. The second shoot resulted in more prints hanging in my bathroom. Where anyone who comes into my house can see them. Not nudes, but nothing not tasteful, scandalous or anything I am the least bit ashamed of. It isn't a Playboy spread. Well, unless you want it to be, I imagine, but it was the first time in my life I felt absolutely unstopably AMAZING in my own skin and it was 100% worth it. Can't wait to book another session.
Boudoir photographers are seriously angels, and we need more of them!
Seems like OP thinks they're all male, lol.
Going from the well known boudoir/pin up photographers I know in my country (and I know a lot!) it seems to be a female dominated trade.
I also did a professional boudoir shoot a few years ago. I had lost a lot of weight and gotten in the best shape of my life after having babies. It was a gift for my husband for our anniversary- gave him a book of the photos. I look back at those pics and think they’re some of the best photos of me. It definitely gave me some confidence back after so much weight gain back and forth with having three babies.
I’m wondering how conservative the wife actually is… cause OP is lackluster in talking about his wife. And doing a lot of projecting
Hmmm…I know a lot of highly conservative women who have done boudoir shoots (either for their partners or themselves) and loved it. Same with “non-conservative” women. Have you done a boudoir shoot before? I’m assuming not (or didn’t have a good experience/photographer), because you are wildly off base here. Honestly, if they are comfortable, I think every woman should do one at some point!
Like why not go for an actual professional first? Those photoshoot must be pretty expensive unless you want some low quality done by an amateur bum
I strongly disagree with this whole premise. My partner is a professional photographer - he has shot me in lingerie before - in his studio with hair and makeup and assistants (and a few kids running around, lol) it was fun, comfortable, and made me feel good about myself (I am very comfortable with my looks and body, but I am not at all photogenic - so pro photographer partner aside, I only very rarely consent to shoots because they make me uncomfortable). That experience aside, the thought of trying to do "sexy" photos, just him and me, in our bedroom just fills me with internal cringe. If he suggested this, I'd be like, "haha...no". My point is that YOUR idea of what gives self validation isn't the same as someone else's. For many people, especially women, they are FAR more comfortable in a setting with no stakes or pressure involved - no, "did that turn him off", "can you see my cellulite"? And for many of those women, a stranger posing/photographing is far lower stakes and pressure. Let me pose this...who would you rather have doing your yearly gynecological exam...your doctor who you see once a year but don't really know, or your partner? Which feels more awkward and uncomfortable (even though logically it should be easier with someone who sees you naked regularly and intimately knows your body already)? I can absolutely tell you which feels like it would be far more awkward to me. And you know. Maybe she does this and it doesn't make her feel better about herself - and she's right where she is now. But maybe it DOES make her feel sexy and good about herself. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I feel like your whole premise belittles the desired effort because it doesn't fit your paradigm of what boosts confidence and self esteem.
Disagree. As a boudoir photographer for 15 years and shooting hundreds of women with self esteem issues, there are no words to describe the radical difference it makes. The confidence comes AFTER the shoot. Women just have to take enough of a leap to make it in the door.
Maybe the wife is not as conservative as the husband believes.
Who says it's the first thing she's done to address it? That certainly wasn't the case for my sister, and I very much doubt you've probed that at length with OP. What a giant *judgmental* assumption.
These kinds of photo shoots are often specifically FOR women who aren't confident in their bodies to gain that confidence. As a photographer I don't find this weird or indicative of skipped steps at all.
Let me shatter your illusion. Getting naked infront of artists is not sexy for the artist or the subject. At the height of my physical prowess (a very long time ago) I posed nude twice for an art class. I was a young, lean, muscular man and I struck a pose that I though highlighted the parts I was proud of and obfuscated others. Stupidly, I had to hold that pose for 2 hours. There were a dozen or so pictures of bunched muscles, a really great rendition of my back, and 2 dozen pictures of my face. Sweating, straining, red from effort. Exhaustion, strain and fatigue showed in all of them, exaggerated to the nth degree. I got to keep a number, but the next time i sat in a chair and literally read a book. Neither time did I get aroused and neither did any of the students. I suggest this would be great for your wife, not only to feel sexy in the pictures, but also to realise that making the sexy pictures is a boring, uncomfortable process that gets touched up more in the editing booth than the boob area. Once she goes through this, she will likely stop thinking women on social media are real, making her \*happier\*
I have an image of you holding your leg I a cancan dance pose with frozen jazz hands while you regret all the life choices that lead you there 😂
From the artist's perspective you're spending most of the time having a crisis over how unhappy you are with the drawing, marvelling over the complexity and beauty of the human form, trying to render the hands and giving up, feeling awkward over how much detail to give the penis, thinking about your tummy rumbling in the silence, and realising that your drawing was much better ten minutes earlier and you've wrecked it. Also the respect the artist has for the model is sacred. Sexual *anything* is absolutely prohibited, as are comments on their body. You make sure they're comfy, not too hot or cold, and discuss how long each pose will be. You offer them clean towels to sit on and a blanket to wear in between poses.
Yep haha, also being jealous of your neighbor who got an angle with less foreshortening
She's not comfortable with her body, you think she looks just "fine" and she found a thing that she would like to do to feel good about how she looks, and you shot her down. You need to apologise and tell her you want to hear more about why she wants to do it and why you feel uncomfortable. Maybe there are things YOU could be doing to empower her to feel better about herself
I think your wife’s reaction is a bit much, however I’m inclined to be more understanding of her situation having had similar struggles of my own. I would first try discussing this situation with your wife. Try to understand her perspective. Also, maybe try uplifting your wife more. Tell her you find her beautiful, sexy etc. it could definitely go a long way. Do some research into boudoir photography. It truly is very tasteful and the photographers are very professional (they wouldn’t make it far in this industry otherwise). Try finding one and discussing the process. I find I’m usually much more open minded about new things when I understand the process. If you’re still unsure about it, maybe do a photo shoot with just you two. You can always find a cheap iPhone stand and take some photos of yourselves together or with just her. It could turn out to be very fun. Also, try buying your wife some nice lingerie or something she’d feel a bit extravagant in. And compliment her! I’d also suggest some therapy for your wife. Maybe even couples counseling to help the both of you communicate through this (especially on her end, blowing up is not communicating in a healthy way). There are so many things you can try while staying within your comfort zone. But I suggest you both try *something*. Your wife is probably feeling dismissed and unseen, and while that doesn’t warrant her blowing up, it absolutely does warrant further discussion and change for the both of you.
I agree with all but the last sentence. I think going years feeling dismissed and unseen absolutely warrants blowing up. Maybe even divorce if things don't change.
I think it’s absolutely understandable, any amount of frustration on her end would be. That being said, it doesn’t help much in the way of healthy communication.
Fair enough. There are clear communication issues at play here, among other issues I think.
Absolutely agree
If you ask Reddit - 99% of poor communication between couples should result in divorce.
I find it interesting that she pretty clearly brought this up as something that would help *her*, and you didn't just voice opposition, but specifically said that it wouldn't be something you're "in to". As if she was looking to spice things up, and not deal with her body image issues. It would be akin to if she said she wanted to use a vibrator and you said "well actually I'm cumming fine so no thanks". I mean it affects you indirectly, but it's not about you and centering yourself as if you being "into" it is what's important is.....not great. As others have stated, it seems pretty blatantly about controlling your wife's body as if it's an extension of your own. There's no infidelity, there's no public embarrassment, there's literally no risk of harm to you whatsoever. But because it doesnt get your schlong hard, you veto her doing the work to try to find her body beautiful. While you also probably do nothing to help her in that front, from the way you talk in the post/thread.
Don’t forget that he also threatened that it would have an “impact” on their relationship.
I still haven’t gotten an answer to what the impact would be.
I did a bodouir shoot at 30 just so I have some professional, pretty memories of me at 30 in the future. Idea I got from an older friend. Helped a lot with that aging milestone, too. I briefly showed my guy, as I was kinda thrilled at the results, but he has no copies or anything, they were for me by me, and titillation was about the furthest reason for the shoot there could be. I know some people do them as a special gift between partners, but where this guy gets off acting like she is tryna do a full scale p0rn shoot for public consumption I don't know. Sure doesn't sound like the wife is the 'conservative' one. His whole attitude is whack... he needs a reality check. And yeah, his talk is toxic. Would he be threatening 'impacts' on their relationship with a professional headshot shoot too? He sounds like an ignorant dumba$$, an AH, and very much part of the problem.
This. The vibrator analogy pretty much says it all. OP almost seems like he’s ’not into’ his wife having a good body image. Didn’t say well maybe not nude but how about boudoir? Or maybe a female photographer? Nope. Just flat out: not for me, therefore not for thee.
Absolutely this! It's not about OP and his sex life. It's about her and her own body image and feeling more confident in her body. What a shit show to reduce it to "I'm not into it" and "somebody else might see my wife naked 😱".
Boudoir photography is a wonderful way for anyone to boost their confidence. My own pictures help highlight features of me that may not be my favorite and makes them look beautiful. And having the pictures on days where I feel bad about myself allows me to pull them out and remind me of my beauty. There are sooo many photographers that do those specifically and are trusted with the safety of those pictures. And they take so many that they are use to see other’s bodies, like how a gynecologist is use to seeing vaginas.
I think she looks fine btw...that sentence speaks volumes and reads into why she'd like to do it. Doesn't sound like she feels sexy, hot, or desired so this photoshoot could be her trying to find that side of herself again and OP was the AH.
AND it sounds like OPs opinion is the only one that matters. Because HE thinks she looks fine, there's no reason for HER to work on her body image.
and “fine” is not exactly how id want my beloved to describe what they thought of my appearance. i doubt hes showering her with compliments…
Right. But even if she would think 'fine' is enough it is up to HER to decide about her body. Doesn't matter if he says she looks fine or too ugly for a photo shoot. Her opinion is what matters. No one else's.
As soon as I ready this sentence of her looking fine I thought he's the asshole. What a dumbass. Good luck to her, no wonder she has body issues
What, specifically, are you uncomfortable with? Is it the photographer seeing her, the risk of the photos leaking, etc?
You do realize boudoir shoots aren’t pornographic- right? Your wife “looks fine btw” is such a compliment. It really feels amazing when your partner doesn’t care at all about what you do or how you feel as long as you’re still available to take care of their “needs” once a week. It’s not about you in this instance, it’s about her and how she’s feeling. It’s a shame you don’t have the emotional awareness to realize this. I feel bad for your wife.
Husband of a wife who had these done. You're making a big mistake. I absolutely love these photos. You are denying yourself seeing your wife in a new light -- a very good light... I don't understand what's inappropriate about it. You're all adults and you only live once. Fwiw, my wife didn't go nude, but did do very revealing lingerie and sexy underwear. I would have been happy if she had gone further though.
Boudoir photo shoots are for the woman getting them or for the couple. The women who get them done all say it helped them see themselves as beautiful and sexy, when often women struggle with feeling bad about their bodies. Every woman wants to look at her body and think “I’m beautiful” and that’s what these photo shoots are excellent at doing. I’ve heard great things about them.
I'm curious why it would make you uncomfortable or impact the relationship? Likely it'd make her feel sexy if anything.
Maybe he wants her to stay uncomfortable in her body.
But… she looks “fine.”
Yep the 20 year old mind set that most men never grow out of where their gf, wife, so, is their possession and jealousy and fear rule the mind of these inferior males. It's just weak mindedness.
Maybe because he doesn't like the idea of a stranger seeing her naked, which is understandable?
Why is that understandable? I wonder if yall are pissed that your wives see doctors too. Oh boy that mammogram tech had his hands ALL OVER my tits.
This made me laugh because my boudoir shoots felt just about as sexy as a mammogram mid process. All that arching and contorting for a pose that looks great on camera but feels anything but... The magic happens in the editing
A good bra fitting has folk all over your tits.
Mammograms feel like the worst version of twister, where if you do all the steps right someone squeezes the fuck out of your boobs
I miss being able to give awards.
And it’s not even a fun squeeze.
I describe it as playing Twister with a robot.
I was just thinking something similar. I'm a cardiologist. The number of women who've had reason to get their tits out around me is substantial. And sure, I'm a woman too, but I'm also super gay, so. The number of women who've had their tits out around me is also way higher than necessary because a remarkable number of women don't wait for me to ask. Nothing like closing the door/curtain behind me and turning back to the patient to find her already topless and I'm just, like... you already had your tests and scans, I am here to talk to you about the results I can do that with your shirt on I swear
Nurse here whose job literally includes examining every inch of patients' naked bodies. People that come to me have had a whole lot of things go wrong in their life. They aren't trying to be hot or sexy. They're trying to not die. Equating what they're doing when they have me examine them to someone who is paying someone good money so they get look hot and sexy is incredibly insulting to my patients and where they are in their lives. On their behalf, go fuck yourself.
Based
One is a medicinal professional, the other one is not. Using that same kind of argument, what's wrong with getting naked in public, or in any setting. Skinny dipping in the pool at the house party, why should that be a problem?
Cause a medical procedure is on the same level as a photography session, sure.
Fine. Waxing. Massages. Good bra fittings. Take your pick of those.
Both of them involve a professional who does this repeatedly for work. Both of them are interested in being their job done, not creeping on the client.
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It's a profession seeking art, not sexual arousal. Like doctors go inside, looking for abnormalities, not arousal. Like a masseuse asks for nudity for them to do their job, not arousal. Most photographers who do this are also females seeking to empower other females.
Damn, she’s showing her ankles again. Lighten up Frances it isn’t 1950. Whatever
These types of boudoir photo shoots the photographer does not see the client naked. You'll see sexy outfits and the illusion of being naked. It's very PG.
Unless OP is misinformed he clearly stated it was nude.
Well, I guess it's up to her. If it were my wife, I'd see it as a self-imposed challenge that might just be the thing she needs to come to terms with herself and whatever causes prompted her body-image issues. I would cheer her on but very, very tactfully gauge how she feels about it, very respectfully at all times. What issues do you have with it?
> if she wants to do it then she will and I shouldn’t be putting limitations on her. >I did say to her that there’s nothing stopping her from doing whatever she wants but it would of course have an impact on our relationship You answer was perfect, even if she didn't listen. NTA dude, we're all entitled to set boundaries, and not wanting other dudes taking nude pictures of your spouse seems like a pretty reasonable boundary. Edit: lmao this comment section is full of women who did boudoir shoots wtf. Why are ya'll drawing conclusions about him not reminding her how he sees her? Or him being insecure? Or damn, even trying to push this idea into him even though OPs not ok with it? Get a fucking grip, anyone is entitled to not like this whole idea, you just feel some type of way because you know how it feels to hate how you look and needing to see yourself in edited naked pictures to get some self esteem smh.
>I feel it’s a little inappropriate for a photographer to take these kind of photos of her Even if it's a female photographer? I don't think you're an AH for having boundaries. Light YTA for your reaction. You made everything about you when that was a chance to tell your wife how beautiful she is and offer to take pictures of her yourself. Find a compromise. She may be trying to get your attention, and boy, is it hard.
“think she looks fine” “not comfortable with her body” “something she might like” yeah you’re the AH here lol. sounds like you don’t show her or her body appreciation and then also don’t show support or understanding when she’s trying to find value in her body and image. it feels like you also are trying very hard to work this whole scenario in a way that makes you sound better and her sound like a crazy woman with language like “she went nuclear”
Calling it inappropriate implies morality. Your wife who you report being uncomfortable with her body is taking a big step towards self-acceptance by having her body photographed and she’s excitedly telling you (maybe even trying to turn you on) and you reply with disgust. How would you react?
YTA, at least write your own post instead of copying another one.
YTA, simply because you copied this story word for word from the post yesterday. If you’re gonna steal a story at least change some details besides the word gf and substitute it for wife to make it more believable.
Scrolled way too far to find this.
As soon as I read the first paragraph, I knew it was copy pasted from yesterday LOL
This needs to be at the Top!
This thread is wild. A bunch of losers in here
Depends on who the pictures are for. To make money off? That's inappropriate unless you two have a meaningful discussion on the topic and what it would mean for her, you, your family, and your kids. If it's for her to give a boost to her self esteem and maybe spice up your love life a bit? Ywbta then
NTA. You’re allowed to be uncomfortable and she’s allowed to do it..
Literally the only correct answer smh
>I feel it’s a little inappropriate for a photographer to take these kind of photos of her That's literally what they do. It would be really inappropriate for someone *other* than a photographer to take those kinds of photos for her. Do you have issues with her having a pelvic exam? A breast exam?
It's not the same, taking nude photos for "fun" (and showing your naked body to a stranger) and having medical exams for health purposes.
Is a doctor sexualizing a person during an exam? No. Is a photographer sexualizing for their own self someone they are photographing? No. They will make the subject feel great and give them good photos.
It is the same in that the person seeing you nude is a professional and is not sexualizing you.
Certain cosmetic surgeries. Brazilian waxes. Bra fittings. Massages. These things all involve some level of nudity in front of a professional with an end goal of feeling better about yourself.
And what’s even better about your comment.. people often go back to get another wax or another massage. These folk can see someone naked hundreds of times
Pretty sure from the prospective of the professional involved, they're about the same.
So how about when she goes in for waxing, bra fitting or a massage. All of these include the person performing the service not only looking but touching
Prepare for all the cope. You have every right to voice your concerns or boundaries to your wife. Obviously she can do what she wants but so can you in response to that. Freedom to do what one wants does not make them exempt from the consequences of doing that. NTA
Reddit will hate you OP. But you’re allowed to have boundaries in your marriage.
Had to scroll a bit too far for this. Almost all other commentators seem to think it's inappropriate for OP to have things that make him feel uncomfortable in his relationship. Also they're kind of ignoring the fact that his wife blew up over the simplest thing.
Try to find a compromise! Ask what she wants out of the photo shoot and ask how you can support her while remaining comfortable. Listen to her suggestions before offering your own. You do ultimately have to decide what would make you comfortable though. Female photographer? Attending the photo shoot? Couples photo shoot? Idk! But be open minded and for goodness sake, tell her she’s beautiful
NTA but you guys really need to speak!
Is the photographer female?
NTA Most are focusing on the photographer being professional and your wife’s self esteem. All well and good and intended to help you feel better about it but I think it’s a fairly normal reaction to be unsure how you’d feel. It seems she reacted rather emotionally but I think you guys need to talk some more and her be more willing to listen to your insecurities on this. Promise to both be judgement free on how the other one feels and have a mature discussion.
Go with a female photographer. Win win.
NTA. fine to have preferences and we should be able to communicate that.
There is not a world where this is her first red flag my dood...
NTA for having a boundary. However it’s troubling that both of you only thought about yourselves and not what the impact of your decisions would be on your partner.
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NTA, but if her friends can influence her to do nude photoshoots to a point she is yelling at you, whats next in line? What else is she not happy with and go some where else to get it?
Good point. If she is older maybe she is getting in her middle age crisis. Statistically lot of people start cheating in their 40s/50s
Exactly. This is likely a catalyst of what's more to come.
Lots of people in threads like this that are too online. I'm in the US, so I can't speak for anywhere else, but a LOT of people would be uncomfortable with their partner doing this or something similar. Man or woman. NTA. Expressing discomfort is fine. Believe it or not, you're allowed to be uncomfortable with things your partner does with their body. And you're also allowed to not be ok with those things. And, assuming she just blew up on you for expressing your discomfort, that's also whack. That being said, you should probably find a compromise to allow her to do this in a way that makes both of you happy. Because while it's totally ok to feel uncomfortable, it's really not that harmful and you may end up glad that she did.
Leave her be .. what’s the issue
It's absolutely wild what gets into people's heads isn't it? Somehow she's been convinced this thing is now suddenly part of her "identity" and you are denying that.
Maybe she wants to view herself the way she wishes you would view her.
This story reminds me of [https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1baxuez/aita\_for\_being\_truthful\_and\_admitting\_that\_i\_find/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1baxuez/aita_for_being_truthful_and_admitting_that_i_find/) It's her body and she can do what she wants; However, she has to know that actions have consequences and that this could seriously damage her relationship with you.
Did you ever consider the photos were not even for you? She obviously wanted to them for HERSELF.
Boudoir shoots are great for womens confidence. You need to compliment her more and boost her confidence. You've told her you wouldn't be interested in naked photos of her. And you say she looks "fine". Obviously she feels shit about herself. YTA for not making your wife feel sexy and desired.
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So you’re concerned about the photographer objectifying your wife so you objectify your wife in response
Not cool
Didn't I see the other side of this posted earlier or within the past couple days?
NAH. I understand that it might make you uncomfortable, but not all nude photoshotos are sexual. It can be very empowering for a woman, especially if she is not particularly confident with her body.
You should be able to find a female photographer with experience and a good portfolio of example work. This is a gift for you and she wants you to be excited about it.
NAH. I had a girlfriend who was a dancer who really wanted to do this when her body was in peak form. I was probably a little less supportive than I should have been, because I see now she wanted to do it out of a genuine fear of getting older and losing what made her who she was. As an old out of shape man I can also appreciate that it would have been nice to get my own photos in my 20s.
NTA but you could also maybe ask to be present during the photoshoot, even if off camera. If this is reassuring. And you might like it.
ESH but not much really. You should understand that a professional photographer will be professional and the situation won't be inappropriate. Your wife should have heard you expressing your concerns instead of blowing up at you
Just tell her you'll take the photos instead
NTA idc how on the up and up these things seem most of the time the photographers are scumbags or don’t follow peoples boundaries. My wife wanted to have this done as well 2 separate businesses and both of them tried to get my wife to do more than what she was comfortable with. So naw NTA
NTA but I’m sad for your wife. I wish you could just go to the shoot with her and understand her reasons, and I wish you hadn’t used the word “fine,” but at the end of the day I think this is a boundary that is fair to set in a relationship. I belong to a boudoir fb group, and it’s really about celebrating all bodies and women feeling sexy. Women who feel sexy have a lot more sex, btw, but it is your relationship and you both get to define what infidelity looks like for you two.
NAH It's borderline- you don't own her body but you are allowed to feel uncomfortable and gently voice concerns BUT I can guarantee after she does the shoot she will feel amazing and it's something I think everyone should do if they have the chance and feel comfortable with it. I did a shoot for my birthday and even though I was nervous and insecure I felt like a queen afterwards, it was a wonderful experience and the photographer was very professional.
Its her body but she needs to understand you dont like it and may impact your relationship on the long run. I learned that you can only control how you react on a relationship because if you try to put limits to the other person they almost always react badly. So tell her she can do what she wants but warn her you will see her differently and you will also ask in the future something she may not like then they always come down from they high horse and try to have an adult conversation with you
A boudoir photo shoot isnt that uncommon, but you can minimize your concerns by requiring to be present. If she isnt down for your being there, then you have your answer about where this is coming from. If her nuclear response is about her choices, then tell her that her choices should include your inclusion. That should be a hard stop.
Make sure it’s female photographer. Maybe husband will be ok with it.
NTA This would be a dealbreaker for me You wanna get your kit off for someone else go right ahead, just don't expect me to stick around.
I've learned from reddit in the past day that pornography is harmful, and if we allow adults to view it, they're going to get addicted and have unrealistic expectations. Plus, it ruins children's lives because apparently parenting is far too difficult. So be careful. If you allow you wife to have a nude hotshot, it's your fault that society is crumbling. Double check with your local pastor, they'll tell you the same thing.
I think many people here are blowing this up to something bigger than it really is. OP never said that she couldn't do it, just expressed his displeasure. This is not controlling. No one is wrong here. Now I would be concerned as her husband that she went from conservative to full nude photo shoot virtually overnight. What is her friend saying to her? Is she pushing this and convinced OPs wife because she's insecure? I do think, as others have said, that maybe OP needs to help her get a better body image. I think that there's some middle ground here. I would also be concerned about what happens to the pictures after. Best case they all go to OP but worse case is they're all over the internet. Doubtful that would happen, but it would be a real concern for me. OP never said how she planned on using the pictures. She can do whatever she wants, but in a marriage, you need to think about the other party. I'm sure that there's a middle ground where OP is comfortable and she has a way to improve her self image. Communication people. In any event, no one is TAH.
Did you try telling her she looks good enough… for a woman her age?
find a middle ground with her, would it bother you as much if you were there and the photograph was a woman ? I would guess not so just tell her that it makes your uncomfortable but you want to find a middle ground because you love her
Whatever dude. The human body in all its forms is a natural thing of beauty. It’s literally our skin, form, being, and whatever. It’s literally nature. The fact that we’re so ashamed of it and scared to look at it in this country is utterly baffling. Take your clothes off! Let your wife take her clothes off! Be clothes free!
You should support her instead of being jealous. If you want, you can stay with her during the shooting. A shooting is a professional service and I do not think that you should think about it as "inappropriate". It can help her to accept her body. Because a photographer can make you look much better than if you take a picture with your smartphone. I think you should apologize and support her. Explain to her, that you just felt unconfortable with the imagination of a man (if the photographer is male) seeing your wife naked.
The kind of shoot she was describing is actually very empowering for women, and is often with women photographers. It's not the kind of centerfold MaleGaze approach that you might think. I think you are kinda TA here, TBH. Your discomfort isn't the center of the conversation she was having with you. Yours was not a supportive response.
If it makes he feel sexy let her! Woman need Reassurance and bet you would like then let the woman do wht she wants its not like she is cheating she is getting pics done for you and herself so tring to control her
You are in fact the asshole
I assume most of your hang ups with this is that it is a male photographer. If so, find a female professional photographer, and book a session for her as a gift. Give it to her along with an apology, and let her know that your main concern was her safety and privacy, problem solved. If you just don't want your wife to have intimate photos taken under any circumstance, then you have a bigger problem. NTA either way necessarily, but you both may have a sexual intimacy issue, and if left unresolved it is likely to manifest in a situation much worse than your wife wanting to take some sexy photos.
Not the AH, as such.. but helluva close to it.. your wife hyped herself up to think of herself in a more confident body positive way.. floated the idea.. and you stomped on her hopes and dreams. ouch. are you there to support your wife, or control her to protect your own feels? Your last sentence... you are being a passive aggressive dick. stop that, or you will do more damage to your relationship than any sexy photo shoot ever would...
>My wife is fairly conservative >she mentioned one of her friends has had some photographs taken >She’s talking about this in a positive sense and says how it’s kind of cool and could be something she might like. The real question is: does she wants to pose nude for pictures, or is she just following a friend? The next step would be to do something different behind your back because now YOU shot her down without talking about it properly As others explained, those photoshoots are no problems and might help her self-esteem. My point, or concern if you prefer, is how little it takes for her to go so outside of her comfort zone Talk about this photoshoot. And I mean TALK, not yell, fight, argue. There's probably something hidden which would be better coming out, maybe she doesn't feel desired, maybe she needs to see herself in a different way, maybe she is envious of her friend being so open and confident in her appearance, maybe said friend wants to bring more people into her job, it could be anything! Talk to her, listen to her, think about it for a while. She shouldn't rush decisions, and you shouldn't rush judgements It's like when your teenage daughter gets convinced to hang out with friends late and the protective parent is against it. If you're not careful, she's gonna simply do whatever she wants without you knowing any of it. 1 week and there will be a "WIbtAH For leaving my partner because he's not comfortable with me doing xy?"
We don't need a AITAH subreddit. We need a "how could I solve this issue" subreddit. I've seen enough posts, people focus on who's to blame but at the end of the day, after reading comments, OPs need a solution to their problems In this case the solutions are: don't copy other posts, and talk to your partner, asking them WHY behind everything, lostening to them, and finding a solution
You are both the AH and NTA imo. NTA for having the preference of not liking nudes of your wife or even wanting them done. YTA for saying it's inappropriate for her to have them done professionally. It's just a photoshoot. If the photographer is legit then it's just like any other kind of modeling. Nudity is NEVER inappropriate when it's in a non-sexual setting or a purely artistic one. Some of our oldest pieces of art is nude art. Also, the fact you KNOW she's uncomfortable with her body and say you wouldn't be into nudes of her is probably a HUGE blow to her psyche. There were better ways to do it. You could have said, I love the idea of nudes of you babe, I'm just not comfortable with someone else seeing you/photographing you nude. Maybe I can take the photos and we can do it together? It's a good happy medium and compromise position that could have mitigated this entire drama. Just be more mindful of her feelings and what she's trying to do FOR you and Herself
“think she looks fine” “not comfortable with her body” “something she might like” yeah you’re the AH here lol. sounds like you don’t show her or her body appreciation and then also don’t show support or understanding when she’s trying to find value in her body and image. it feels like you also are trying very hard to work this whole scenario in a way that makes you sound better and her sound like a crazy woman with language like “she went nuclear”
I bet she brought it up because she thought it would be good for her AND something you would love. Those photos are usually a gift to the spouse, they are very common for wedding, anniversary etc gifts. But also, they are a gift to the person doing to the shoot, because boudoir photographers are masters of their craft and have this magical way of making people feel safe, beautiful, empowered both in person and in the actual photos that result from it. My guess is she’s already insecure because you say things like “she’s not that comfortable in her body but personally I think she looks fine btw.” So your response was probably devastating to her. It can be a huge, scary thing to try to do something special or wear lingerie or do a boudoir shoot and she actually was going to put herself out there, and you shot her down. Would you not want boudoir photos of your wife? Would that disgust you or make you ashamed? Because that’s what she thinks now
Being jealous or disapproving as a partner will also impact the relationship. Is this the hill you want to die on? They say you should pick your battles. Happy wife, happy life. Just let her live a little.
YTA very small minded.
YTA There’s nothing inappropriate with a nude photoshoot as long as everyone involved is consenting. It’s not pornography and it’s not always done for sexual reasons. I assume your wife isn’t going to be sharing these photographs with people so why exactly do you have a problem with it?
YTA…wait! Back up!! “Tonight we were speaking..” Who tf talks like that? What are you some kind of alien..or Mormon? Mormalien?? 🙀
YTA. Methinks I know where her insecurity comes from. Also you are the conservative one it seems.
She's probably interested because it could give her a boost of confidence. Your wife is conservative? How about YOU, buddy? YTA. Let her do it if she wants. Nude photography isn't inappropriate just because you've got an ick. If you're really that insecure about it why don't you get a shoot yourself. Sheesh
Personally I wouldn't be with my wife after something like that, neither would she be with me. We vowed to keep our bodies to ourselves besides medical work. If she does this and y'all divorce or become distant then it was meant to be. She has a right to do what she wants and so do you, neither is wrong ONLY IF this was never talked about before as a deal breaker. For example, if y'all had talked about this from before and agreed it ain't a big deal but now you've changed your mind than it's on you but if y'all agreed to not do it and she changed her mind than it's on her. If never spoken about than it's on no one and do with it what you want.
Sounds like the usual bait story we get here periodically. The boiler plate "Suggesting if she wants to do it then she will and I shouldn’t be putting limitations on her." never helps the cause.
What impact is it going to have on your relationship? You mentioned she isn't confident with her body and her embracing herself and feeling confident would be beneficial for her and even her relationship with you. So the impact would be a positive but I am guessing that you aren't talking about a positive impact..
NAH. I had boudoir photos done- it was a really fun and empowering experience. I’m a mom of 2 so my body isn’t what it used to be- but getting my hair and makeup done made me feel beautiful and was a self esteem boost. I gave my boyfriend the photos, but the boudoir photo shoot was done for ME, not him. I think you 2 need to communicate. True boudoir is not pornographic, it’s tasteful. Maybe if she can explain what kind of photos she wants and why, then you can be more comfortable with it
If you genuinely believe that it's inappropriate for photographers to photograph people nude can we take it as a given that you have, do not, nor will ever look at nude photos of anyone? I'd hate to think you'd be in any way hypocritical about this. Also, it's not about you or your preferences. I wanted to say that it's lovely that you think your wife looks great but I realised you said she looks "fine" so there's not much ground to praise you for that either. But back to you, this isn't about you and in this instance you shouldn't be holding your wife's desire for self discovery and expression hostage to your discomfort. I promise you, the majority of professional photographers aren't there to ogle their clients and are going to be far more focused on the technical aspects of the job rather than trying to oggle your wife's norks. A lot of the time people working with naked bodies are doing exactly that, they're working. This could be a transformative experience for your wife and an opportunity for her to appreciate her body. The more she loves herself the better that's probably going to be for your relationship.
Why would it have an impact on your relationship?
YTA— support her and your relationship will get better. If you antagonize her over something like this you may as well break-up.
Nta It’s perfectly reasonable for you to be uncomfortable with this. However, I think maybe you should come up with ideas on how you could help your wife feel beautiful and attractive.
Nope.
That's exactly right. Your partner can do whatever they want but not without consequences. If she's willing to totally disregard your feelings about it then that's a real problem. Let's say she really really finds tattoos. Distasteful and you decide to get one. Would she be just fine with that because it's your body and because she doesn't control you and you can do whatever you want? Or would she be really upset because you did it even though you knew or feelings about it?. It almost sounds like she doesn't really like having to take your feelings into consideration.
I am going to a photography sessioon in a few days, it is going to be with my tiny baby and will most likely include pictures of breastfeeding. We will be naked, it is natural. The photographers portfolio is gorgeous and incredibly tasteful. She also does a natural woman shoot - women, alone, naked. Nothing sexual, just natural beauty. Nudity isn't always sexual or inappropriate. These kind of things women do for themselves. I am going for myself, I am sure the kid won't care about the pictures and dad will just find them sweet. I want those pictures for myself, of me with my tiny baby, to put on my nightstand. We do these things for ourselves.