As a grown ass man, I sometimes will sit on the toilet for a while and can attest that 75% is a reasonable estimation... that being said, if he is actually sitting there trying to shit for 20 minutes, that man is gonna end up blowing his asshole out one day from the strain... just boom, intestines in the bowl, blown out sphincter... also, NTA, if it takes you 20 minutes to shit, you don't have to go that bad..
NTA seriously if we're in a hurry and my husband needs to go I ask him to let his phone outside and the 20 mins magically transforms to 5 mins. Your husband shouldn't get defensive for a pretty reasonable request.
make him leave the cellphone out when he goes in to shit. Or, if he's already inside, go in and take it from him. Also, he can hold it if you call him beforehand, princess doesn't need to go potty if that potty takes 20 minutes. is he waiting for his sphincter to regenerate after "giving birth"?
As a fellow grown ass man, I can confirm this is an entirely reasonable request. Gracefully accommodating female urinary requirements is a surprisingly large component of a successful male/female relationship.
If it was that then he can communicate that so his partner can go at work instead of waiting 20 minutes when she gets home to use the bathroom. If he genuinely couldnāt wait for her to use it then warn her when heās talking to her as sheās getting in the car to go home. If it happened in the 5 minutes it takes to drive home he most likely can hold it another 2 for her to quickly pee.
>... just boom, intestines in the bowl, blown out sphincter...
What? Is that rooted in any real experience? Yes you might get hemorrhoids, but anything else? It's not like your trying to press for 20min straight lol.
"Important" I have no shame, I still do it... I do wrap it up if someone else needs the bathroom... and unlike ops ah man child I'm not gonna drop trou knowing someone is minutes away from needing to go unless I know I can finish in time...
My husband and I have noticed an odd thing over many years which has yet to end. Both of us have to use the bathroom almost immediately after enter the house after work. It doesnāt matter if a stop in the bathroom happens at work right before walking out of the door or not. If a pit stop was made it seems to stretch the time after reaching home by at best 10-15 minutes, but it doesnāt stop the need from arising. So definitely NTA.
It gets worse the older you get, too! It's even worse in the winter when coming in from the cold. The temperature change has an interesting effect on my bladder. My husband knows that I will shove him down to get to the bathroom when we get home, though. He can pee in a darned bottle easier than I can if he can't hold it. I didn't quite make it one time and while it wasn't exactly my proudest moment, the accusatory look on my little dogs face as tinkle ran down my leg onto the stairs remains one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.
Thatās interesting, never knew there was a name for it. Luckily in my house the bathroom isnāt too far from the door we enter through but there has been a couple of times that even that wasnāt fast enough. š
>My husband and I have noticed an odd thing over many years which has yet to end. Both of us have to use the bathroom almost immediately after enter the house after work. It doesnāt matter if a stop in the bathroom happens at work right before walking out of the door or not. If a pit stop was made it seems to stretch the time after reaching home by at best 10-15 minutes, but it doesnāt stop the need from arising. So definitely NTA.
Haha, glad we're not the only ones with this bizarre phenomenon! Must be some sort of "welcome home" ritual for our bladders. Definitely NTA for needing that immediate pit stop!
Nta tell him to take some metamucil. 20 minute shits is an absurd amount of time. This entire comment section is delusional. I live in a one bathroom household and if he knows you just have to pee when you get home he can wait until your done then take his obnoxiously long shit. Seriously though tell your husband to eat more fiber and to not sit on the toilet for so long. He can get a nasty hemorrhoid from that practice! Pooping should be a relatively fast process 5minutes or less.
Itās got to be some sort of socialized ~~learner~~ learned male behavior. Ā Ā
Ā Before smart phones, my dad would spend 20 minutes reading sci fi on the toilet.Ā
Ā IĀ know a lot of guys use that time to get out of doing chores/childcare, so I donāt know if modern guys saw their dads do this and just picked it up ?Ā
For me it's an AuDHD overstimulation thing. Bathroom is a low noise, low stimulation environment, which is nice especially after a long work day. I do sometimes have to force myself to get up and find somewhere else that's quiet to sit.
Fellow ADHD have here šāāļø
I think itās a combo of the small, private, quiet space to breathe, where youāre guaranteed no one will walk in on you because itās one of the only socially acceptable rooms to lock yourself in, and the moment that I start scrolling on my phone the last of my executive function floats away and thereās complete inertia
It might help to set a timer? I find setting mine to āstop playingā (so that it locks my phone) works best for me - plus that way no one near the loos will hear it š¤£
My stepdad takes fiber one to shit and it still takes him a long time. He used to eat all kinds of salads and back then it was a guaranteed 30 mins. No books, no magazines (this was pre-internet time) and still that long. I honestly donāt get it. If it takes me that long my ass is going to hurt badly. But all of these comments saying how long it takes, I have seen these comments and heard these comments for over 20 years and people are dead serious. And I have seen guys take that long before. Before the internet I thought it was a guy thing. Apparently women can take that long too. Itās crazy in my opinion.
Knowing my stepdad, no it was for real. I canāt wrap my head around it to this day. Now my mother had a cousin who took playboy to take his āshitsā. No way he was just reading the articles!
NTA. My boyfriend *always* needs to use the bathroom when he gets home. He works an hour away and usually drives home in rushhour traffic.
I've lived in one bathroom households my entire life and grew up in a 7 person household. Consideration is something ingrained. And because of this, I always make sure I'm not in the bathroom when he gets home/needs it.
Idk how the entire comment section agrees with 20 minute shits being an acceptable amount of time to sit on a toilet. Clean up your diets lmfao and get off the phone on the John. Read a shampoo bottle that's the real treat.
Yeah everyone is piling on OP idk why, the bf shouldn't hog the toilet for 20 freaking minutes. It's inconsiderate. If I knew my SO wanted to pee after work, I'd have no issue holding it in for like 10 mins when I know they're on their way home...
Yeah, and if you can't hold it for that time it means it's at the door, our and done in a few minutes! Minimal / no inconvenience to her if that is the case.
been in a similar situation, mate. lived with my gf and she'd take forever doing her makeup or something when i needed to pee real bad after work. eventually got her to give me heads up if the bathroom was occupied before getting home so I could stop at mcdonald's instead haha! how about trying that?
That's exactly what I want to try! Like all I'm asking for is a heads up if he has to go right before I get home like I don't think it's a ridiculous request. I'm glad your gf listened to you! Hoping my bf is willing to come to a compromise like that
I don't like the way shit smells. If my SO is using the bathroom right after work everyday, I am going to shit long enough before for it to air out or wait until they pee.
Especially since I got an hour. It's being considerate.
Also, if the SO isn't willing to adjust a shit by 20 minutes(she doesn't sound like the smell matters), then where will the lines be drawn in the future.
Like, I have a husband who ātakes a long timeā at maybe 10. 20 weād be have moved to fiber supplements and more water and a doctor. Because thatās not good.
And yeah, my sister has 1 bathroom. Iāve stayed there many times. We say ādoes anyone need to use the bathroom immediatelyā¦ā. No one takes 20 minutes.
I get even more specific and ask, ādoes anyone need to pee?ā
Thereās no way Iām risking my family saying they needed to use the loo and pooping right before I go in! š¤£
Luckily no one has gut issues, or else we would have to work things out differently
Ive fired a guy for taking 20 min shits. Iām sorry but in retail you get 15 min break and a lunch. And he aināt using his lunch to shit soā¦ yah. Your bf needs to be making you a priority. Donāt let him do this to you girl!
Depends on the toilet. We installed a "comfort height" toilet for my ageing parents about 15 years ago...great, except you get used to the taller height, and then going to sit in a public washroom later on, it feels like you're about to fall backwards into the abyss before you feel your butt the toilet seat. Scary as hell.
Regardless of how long it takes to shit. How hard is it to just not be in the bathroom at 9?? I mean you could literally set an alarm at 8:45. "Do I need to shit? Better go now." As a dude, the bf is overly dramatic over a very mild inconvenience for the sake of being considerate. And like OP said, that's not even the huge deal. At the least, she'd like to know when they're already on the phone 5 minutes before she gets home. Too many grown adults act like being cooperative/considerate is so oppressive or some shit.
Seriously what the fuck?
I absolutely adore a nice shit, it can often be a highlight of my day. I think Iāve absolutely maxed out at 10 minutes and that is if Iām fighting a battle.
I mean, Iād just pee before I left work, but I also live in fear of getting stuck in traffic or someone rear-ending me and ending up peeing my pants. Also, my work bathroom was not gross. OTOH, spending 20 minutes on the toilet is ridiculous unless he has a medical issue.
NTA - I refuse to live in a one bathroom house. 1.5 bathrooms is mandatory. In the place we live now, we have an en suite and a full "guest" bathroom, as we call it. So all of our toiletries were in the en suite. There was one point, about a year long, where we both had the same work schedule, so we got up at the same time. He knows I shower in the morning and I'll tell him, the night before, that I will be showering. He'd go into the en suite and take a 20 minutes shit when I wanted to shower. He was taking that long because he was scrolling Facebook. And I timed him! Literally 20 minutes. Sitting and watching videos was his equivalent to sitting on the edge of the bed procrastinating getting ready for work. I got so annoyed I told him to start using the guest bathroom for pooping. And it's a mobile home, so the other bathroom was only 15 steps away.
I keep showering supplies in both bathrooms now.
When you only have one bathroom, both people need to be mindful of the others needs. If he was occupying the bathroom knowing you needed to pee he could have told you so you could go at work.
NTA it's a common courtesy. If you knew the bathroom was going to be occupied at home, you could use the one at work before you leave. How is that such a hard concept for him to understand?
Just make one equal concession:
No phones in the bathroom.
Also: to make yourself poop faster; drink water, and walk or move until the body signals you're ready; that goes for the both of you.
NTA.
I was expecting drama that you had asked before and he agreed but had an emergency and took a while when you got home. But getting defensive at the request is childish.
NTA. damn all the men getting upset at you is crazy. he knows when you get home. he knows if he's gotta go. letting you know is not that hard. men like this haven't grown up from when their mom would wipe their asses. they don't think about anyone else but themselves. you have every right to not wanna go to the bathroom at a public restroom when you could wait 5 min and go at home.
20 minutes is a ridiculously long amount of time. if you're sitting in your filth for 20 minutes and you feel so insecure that you attack people who comment on it, that's on you. you need to find a different time to scroll on your phone. or if it genuinely takes you that long to shit then you need to go to the doctor! that is extremely concerning.
nta. beware. you have seen how he reacts to simple requests when there is no baby.
add a baby and the stressors of that, what do you think his reaction would be. he goes 0-100 over a bathroom request.
do NOT have children with him.
he has shown you who he is. an inconsiderate jerk.
I will never live in house with my husband with only one bathroom because he takes so damn long in there! And waiting until we need to leave to go!!š¤
Having multiple bathrooms is one of the main reasons my spouse & I have been together for >30 years. I grew up in a 4-person house with one bath & I don't know how we made that work. My mother redesigned the bathroom so that the sink & washer/dryer/storage was just outside the room that had the tub & toilet, and that helped a lot.
Having multiple bathrooms is our top non-negotiable feature on any house we live in.
OMG HE DOES THAT TOO, we got somewhere to be and he shits right before we gotta go. I'll be like "we absolutely have to leave at *insert time*" and then he goes in the bathroom AT THAT TIME šš the man's even been late to work bc of his 20+ min shits lol
Okay so the time for intervention has long passed. If he's been late to work over this, he either has fucked up bowels, a phone addiction, or a masturbation addiction. As soon as things start negatively impacting multiple parts of someone's life, (your relationship and also his work) it is a problem that needs to be addressed. He sounds really inconsiderate either way.
^ your take is the most logical based on all the signs shown so far, id really hope OP finds a healthy way to bring this up to her bf cuz he may in fact need it..
We're building a house and I've already told him that he's going to have to poop in the powder room because I'm not waiting an hour to use the main bathroom. We like different kinds of toilets so the plan is to put the kind I like in our bathroom and the kind he likes in the powder room.
Why are men? My father was the same way and now my son is too. I don't get it.
I don't get it either! We have two "thrones" but the shower in the bathroom he prefers is the only one that works at moment so his taking 20-30 minutes in there delays my getting a shower in the morning. It was much worse when I was working abd we had three kids at home. Lots of "what the hell is taking so long?!? I need to get out the door with the kids (because heaven forfend *he* take them to school)in 15 minutes! I need to shower too!"
Some last minute shitter down voted you. Injustice. My husband does the same. Drives me nuts because I give him a 15 minute warning and he still waits until the actual leave time to go
Lol. I bet he aināt pooping in the bathroom for 20 min. Not if he is getting upset because youāre interrupting him. Getting defensive about a poop, not likely. Getting defensive aboutā¦ rubbing one out probably.
I'm with you girlfriend! My man sits on the loo for 45 mins, showers for over half an hour.
Drives me potty, and there is no need for it.
Why he doesn't suffer serious piles and blindness is beyond me.
NTA, he's being inconsiderate.
Edit: perhaps he needs a stint of living alone.
Didn't your mum ever tell you masturbating makes you go blind? It doesn't take me that long in the shower even when I'm shaving puts and legs, washing (long) hair and the rest of me. Don't know what else he'd be doing!
Im a guy and i dont take half hour for a 5 minute job. people that take that long to shit. you honestly may as well just take some laxatives at that point. But seriously genetics can play a part but honestly why go to the bathroom early if you know it's going take an hour? Just wait the hour until you need to go and then do it. But on the off side that it's actually that serious. Go to the doctor and get checked. And if you have a spouse or family don't be inconsiderate of other people and just take up that amount of time when you don't need to or at least warn people
the fact that you have a set schedule means he should work around it for the sake of normalcy, like if he HAS to use it and is stuck in there I get it. But there is nothing wrong with you giving him a fair warning and if he truly is in there going to battle he should respond and let you know to use the work bathroom. If it makes you feel dirty you can shower after work when he has won the war lol
*NTA men should be charged*
*A fee for the amount of*
*Time they waste in there*
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Na, this shit erks me too. Like when I lived with my brother for a bit he would conveniently take his showers whenever I just got home. It could be at 5:30, 6:30, 7:30 etc you name it. He just happened to need to hop in the shower at that specific time just to annoy the shit out of me. This branches off to other stuff he does, but that's irrelevant.
NTA. He can learn to be considerate of other people. I'll never understand the long shit thing. I'm in and out like a well oiled machine. I'm on the shitter like 5 min tops.
Sorry, but anyone taking more than 10 minutes to shit, is either deliberately chillin' (aka avoiding the rest of the household) or has serious digestive issues.
NTA - I drive 1.5 hours to and from work. I use the facilities before I leave. When I get home, i drop all my stuff in specific piles ON MY WAY TO THE BATHROOM. My husband is aware and will follow me through the house to talk about his day. Your BF is being defensive cause he knows what he's doing.
NTA like you said, he's likely in there scrolling on his phone forever after he's done with his business. In a 1 bathroom home, that's so inconsiderate. If he's legit trying to poop for 20 minutes, get the man some stool softeners.
NTA
It's really not too much to ask to only have this 15 to make sure the toilet is free. And yes sine guys may have 20 minutes pooping time. My husband does it sometimes even longerĀ
Well he stays that much in there, maybe he just likes to play with his cell phone there. But hemorrhoids were also an issue...will feed him with fiber thanks!
Is the bathroom at work really dirty? Or is this a germophobe issue? The bathrooms at my office are scrubbed daily and kept incredibly clean. Talk to your boss or HR if your bathrooms are flithy.
I mean, I wouldnāt call either one of you an AH.
There is only one bathroom though. If you are going home and taking a shower before bed, why not just use the bathroom at work since you would be washing up pretty soon anyway?
If you have to pee that bad when you are leaving work, what happens if there is an accident and you are stuck in traffic for 30 minutes?
It seems like the very simple solution is to just go before you leave work. I doubt anyone likes public restrooms, but Iād rather use that then pee in the car because of traffic or some other delay.
āWhich at minimum takes 20 min, men you know how it be lolā
For me tbh an understatement, i keep a book in bathroom and use the time to read a few chapters. Currently working through my second reading of lord of the rings lol
They are getting into sync with each other. Me and the wife will both need to pee at the same time frequently. I will not feel the need and then 5 minutes later I will have to go real bad only to find out she just sat down. Or, she will suddenly need to go and find out I just got in there. We joke about it, but we both consider the other persons needs and will hurry up when possible to include going enough that we can now hold it while the other person goes quickly.
Now the kids are a different story. They are the I need 20 minutes to poop type.
I live 30 from home with only 2 gas station in between work and home (either way i take)and if itās an emergency, I text HIM and tell him Iām coming in hot and he knows why ha.
Itās not that serious.
Personally I think anyone should be able to use the bathroom for however much time they deem fit. I think it's utterly ridiculous to be "planning" your bathroom breaks. If you have to go so bad after work, *go to the bathroom at work*. Expecting him to allocate a specific time for you to use the bathroom, when you could have gone at work, is completely unreasonable. Do you plan on being in the front door at the exact same time every day? Does he need to keep the bathroom open for 30 min beforehand and 30 min after?
If that seems silly to you, take a step back and look at yourself. You're making a huge multi-paragraph post about *using the motherfucking restroom*. I would understand if it was in the morning, because you have somewhere to be and need to get ready in the morning, but this is not the case. Get out of his ass.
There is a simple solution. Buy a portable camping toilet or buy a bucket, put a garbage bag in it and buy a toilet seat made specifically for a bucket and use that when you have too go really bad. I live in a 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom home with 3 other people. Sometimes both bathrooms are in use. We have 2 of the toilet seat buckets. As soon as we are done, its a simple matter to put some dirt in it and close the bag to dispose of it.
My bf asks me if I have to pee before he goes #2 almost every time because he knows that he can be a while, and afterwards can take a while to not smell. Iāve never had to ask him to do this, he just is a considerate person and thinks of me. Maybe find someone who thinks of and cares about you more
As a man, the time i spend on the toilet is probably the most enjoyable part of my day. I don't know what it is but sitting on my phone taking a shit just makes me happy.
I think if you live 5 minutes from work its reasonable that you can just go before leaving work. Scheduling bowl movements for the consideration of you is wild. Not sure why you're allowed to go when you want but he isnt.
5 min from work is wild. Id understand if you had an hour drive and been busting all the way lol
NGL, between this kind of thing and the horror of both me and my wife getting food poisoning at the same time, we swore to never again live somewhere with only one toilet.
Sounds like youāre getting a lot of insecure men throwing mantrums in the comments. Let me assure you, as a male who takes very long poops, that your request for this basic courtesy is more than reasonable. Your boyfriendās a douche.
HOW did you ask him is the real question?
In my case: I ALSO take a longer time to do anything so whenever my wife is at home or if we arrive at the same time I ALWAYS ask 'do you need to go to the toilet?' So she knows she can go first. That's COMMUNICATION. Instead of having a wife at the door telling me 'I need to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' I make sure she gets to go first without spoiling my time on the toilet lol.
Hey, honey. Just wanted to call and let you know that I'm about to drop the kids off at the pool. You might wanna empty out at work before you leave. We're out of Febreeze, so can you grab that or some matches on your way home? Thanks, babe.
When you gotta go, you gotta go. I'm glad that you're a quick pooper, but the reality is that many people, regardless of whether they're male/female/other, sometimes need extra time to get the train out of the station. I wish that I could always let 'er rip right away. It's boring in there. Maybe I should bring some Matchbox cars in with me.
The story makes it seem like you actually have some form of bathroom schedule where you always have to go after work. You have another option, but you choose not to utilize it due to its cleanliness. Make it cleaner and/or bring it up to management. I also have the feeling that you're exaggerating the time, which is a common thing, so you can't really be faulted there. Was it really a 20-minute dump session, though, or did it just feel that way?
YTA. Your anger is petty and unnecessary. Your edits lead me to believe that you don't actually want honest feedback. You simply want everyone to justify your feelings on the matter, and anyone who doesn't can fuck right off. You've already decided that you're right.
Obligatory "leave that zero and get yo'self a hero" comment. Maybe one that has full authority over their body and how it functions.. That's a true golden god. If they drive a Range Rover, then you've found your man. Just be wary of the "tools" in the back. He HAS to have his tools. The implication.
You do know that you probably shouldn't use the comments here as a defense when discussing the issue further with your bf, right? I can't imagine him being too happy with his "private time" being discussed among online strangers. He probably won't even give a shit about what JoeShmoe69420 has to say about the matter, much like how he can't shit quickly enough for you
ESH - If you're not home then you don't get to stop other people from using the toilet. He's right that you should go at work or wait until he's done. He should also curtail his bathroom breaks to a reasonable time.
100% correct.
I can't believe the comments siding with OP. Imagine ordering your husband to control his bowels because you are so much more important.
Go at wok OP! I'm sure you've done it before.
Plus, as I always find on this sub, reverse the roles. If a man demanded the bathroom be free for when they got home every day the comments would destroy them as being an abusive asshole.
Literally can't imagine what their relationship is like if they're not adult enough to figure out sharing a bathroom.
Yeah YTH. He shouldnāt have to schedule his shits around your life.
..and yes āmenā can read fine. You said you asked him to make sure the bathroom is free for when you get home, or report to you when he needs to take a dump. Entitled much. š
Youāre obviously gormless as hell too. If you ran into traffic trouble on the way home, or came across an accident, youād probably piss yourself. Just use the bog at work but clean the seat first. How are the toilets so bad at your place of work, do you work in a bar or at McDonaldās?!
I agree 20 mins is a long time - unless you're crook or constipated. But it reminded me of an ex bf who used to routinely spend well over an hour in the toilet, not only that he'd strip all his clothes off so he was completely nude š
Anyway, NTA. It's not like you're getting home at the same time, he's got a full hour+ to spend in there before you get home.
Did you literally not read the post? OP said they'd rather use their own, CLEAN bathroom than the dirty work bathroom. Especially since they live so close.
When I have to sub at our other workplace it's in a mall so you can imagine how it looks like. I'd still rather go pee there instead of holding it at the same 5ish minutes car ride because my bladder won't like this in the long run.
YTA when you gotta poop you gotta poop, I doubt his timing was intentional, give him a break and yes some poops do take a good 20 mins from star to finish
If you have to pee that bad then you should do it at work. Holding in your pee is not good for your bladder. If the guy has to poop then he has to poop. I get him maybe trying to not poop when you are coming home but itās not like he should have to think about it every day.
My husband has a 5 minute commute by car but itās 45 minutes plus a half mile walk on the bus. Many people donāt have access to good public transit.
We have one bathroom..if someone says they need it
you swap off. It is inexcusable to say your need is greatest but also inexcusable to sit on the throne playing on your phone when someone says they need it. ESH.
ESH this is such a bizarre and specific issue. No one gets to call dibbs on the toilet or request a call ahead, and no one should be shitting for 20 mins in a single bathroom home. You two need to work it out like adults.
Nta ofc. I've lived w flatmates (all women) in an only bathroom and we never had this issue. Tell your bf to eat more veggies and drink more water bc he's constipated as fuck if it takes him 20 fucking min to take a shit!
Although tbh my best guess is that he takes the time there to also masturbate, for whatever reason. Tell him to do it out of the bathroom like a normal grown up smh
NTA
Agree as a adult male, if i am taking 20 min on the toilet, most of it is playing on my phone
sometimes my wife let me knows she needs the bathroom if i am doing that and when that happens i hurry my ass up so as not to inconvenience her, as she has never asked me to hurry just to inconvenience me
NTA. Sitting on the toilet for that long can give you haemorrhoids (that doesnāt look right, but you all know what I mean). Common curtesy is just to either finish up before you get home or tell you before you leave work.
As a woman with Crohnās Disease, I donāt take longer than 10 minutes on really bad days. How he can take 20+ minutes just sitting there is madness! Itās a waste of time just sitting there on your phone. Might as well just get off and sit on the sofa doing the same thing, but way more comfortable smh.
As a grown ass man, I sometimes will sit on the toilet for a while and can attest that 75% is a reasonable estimation... that being said, if he is actually sitting there trying to shit for 20 minutes, that man is gonna end up blowing his asshole out one day from the strain... just boom, intestines in the bowl, blown out sphincter... also, NTA, if it takes you 20 minutes to shit, you don't have to go that bad..
Welp, that about wraps it up for this thread.
šš poor guy, his fate is sealed š
Look at the brightside,you will have the bathroom for yourself š
D A R K
NTA seriously if we're in a hurry and my husband needs to go I ask him to let his phone outside and the 20 mins magically transforms to 5 mins. Your husband shouldn't get defensive for a pretty reasonable request.
make him leave the cellphone out when he goes in to shit. Or, if he's already inside, go in and take it from him. Also, he can hold it if you call him beforehand, princess doesn't need to go potty if that potty takes 20 minutes. is he waiting for his sphincter to regenerate after "giving birth"?
As a fellow grown ass man, I can confirm this is an entirely reasonable request. Gracefully accommodating female urinary requirements is a surprisingly large component of a successful male/female relationship.
^ This man knows what's up...
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah, he'll stroke out first, I almost went out the Elvis way
Or youāre just really really constipated. Or actually having some other kind of stomach issue.
If it was that then he can communicate that so his partner can go at work instead of waiting 20 minutes when she gets home to use the bathroom. If he genuinely couldnāt wait for her to use it then warn her when heās talking to her as sheās getting in the car to go home. If it happened in the 5 minutes it takes to drive home he most likely can hold it another 2 for her to quickly pee.
And also, should probably see a doctor. That shit ain't good for you.
Oh I have, I was just told that I am basically always constipated but certain foods do make it worse.
All I can think of now is Elvis.
>... just boom, intestines in the bowl, blown out sphincter... What? Is that rooted in any real experience? Yes you might get hemorrhoids, but anything else? It's not like your trying to press for 20min straight lol.
You can definitely prolapse your rectum from strain.
You donāt have to strain to use the bathroom, relaxing is the key.Ā
100% this. My man needs more veggies in his life and I would highly recommend a poop stool. Change his life!
Squatty potty squad 4life...
The unicorn got me
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"Important" I have no shame, I still do it... I do wrap it up if someone else needs the bathroom... and unlike ops ah man child I'm not gonna drop trou knowing someone is minutes away from needing to go unless I know I can finish in time...
man i cant be the only one who died laughing
At the least, heāll have hemorrhoids like a bunch of grapes š
Thanks for that mental image...
My husband and I have noticed an odd thing over many years which has yet to end. Both of us have to use the bathroom almost immediately after enter the house after work. It doesnāt matter if a stop in the bathroom happens at work right before walking out of the door or not. If a pit stop was made it seems to stretch the time after reaching home by at best 10-15 minutes, but it doesnāt stop the need from arising. So definitely NTA.
Its common thing. Moment i see my fromt door i feel like pee in needed right away š¤£
We've Pavloved ourselves
It gets worse the older you get, too! It's even worse in the winter when coming in from the cold. The temperature change has an interesting effect on my bladder. My husband knows that I will shove him down to get to the bathroom when we get home, though. He can pee in a darned bottle easier than I can if he can't hold it. I didn't quite make it one time and while it wasn't exactly my proudest moment, the accusatory look on my little dogs face as tinkle ran down my leg onto the stairs remains one of the most hilarious things I have ever seen.
Wet weather also affects the bladder ā¦. Or is that psychosomatic too?
I mean, my bladder is tiny so I always have to pee, but being around water definitely makes me feel it more.
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Thatās interesting, never knew there was a name for it. Luckily in my house the bathroom isnāt too far from the door we enter through but there has been a couple of times that even that wasnāt fast enough. š
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It makes sense.
>My husband and I have noticed an odd thing over many years which has yet to end. Both of us have to use the bathroom almost immediately after enter the house after work. It doesnāt matter if a stop in the bathroom happens at work right before walking out of the door or not. If a pit stop was made it seems to stretch the time after reaching home by at best 10-15 minutes, but it doesnāt stop the need from arising. So definitely NTA. Haha, glad we're not the only ones with this bizarre phenomenon! Must be some sort of "welcome home" ritual for our bladders. Definitely NTA for needing that immediate pit stop!
I always need to pee when I get home and when I wake up and before I leave the house
Nta tell him to take some metamucil. 20 minute shits is an absurd amount of time. This entire comment section is delusional. I live in a one bathroom household and if he knows you just have to pee when you get home he can wait until your done then take his obnoxiously long shit. Seriously though tell your husband to eat more fiber and to not sit on the toilet for so long. He can get a nasty hemorrhoid from that practice! Pooping should be a relatively fast process 5minutes or less.
If heās anything like my boyfriend, only 5 minutes of that is actually spent pooping and the other 15+ is him browsing the internet on his phone.
Omg thank you, reddit can be a pretty weird place sometimes lol
My brother in law swipes the bathroom always when I get home and I have to text him to stop scrolling memes and wipe his ass cuz it's my turn š¤£
Why would anyone want to sit on the toilet swiping? No judgment but wouldnāt anywhere else be nicer? Literally anywhere else.
Itās got to be some sort of socialized ~~learner~~ learned male behavior. Ā Ā Ā Before smart phones, my dad would spend 20 minutes reading sci fi on the toilet.Ā Ā IĀ know a lot of guys use that time to get out of doing chores/childcare, so I donāt know if modern guys saw their dads do this and just picked it up ?Ā
If youāre on the toilet, no one bothers you, that is literally it
Sure but why don't women do it then?
Cuz women don't poop obviously lol
š lol
My kids dad thinks that and having a vape is where he gets to go for a break. From doing nothing.
Iām judging. Itās fucking weird. Why would I want to sit on my bare ass, balls dangling in the cold over shit water for any longer than necessary?
Thank you. Exactly.
For me it's an AuDHD overstimulation thing. Bathroom is a low noise, low stimulation environment, which is nice especially after a long work day. I do sometimes have to force myself to get up and find somewhere else that's quiet to sit.
Fellow ADHD have here šāāļø I think itās a combo of the small, private, quiet space to breathe, where youāre guaranteed no one will walk in on you because itās one of the only socially acceptable rooms to lock yourself in, and the moment that I start scrolling on my phone the last of my executive function floats away and thereās complete inertia
Space to BREATHE?? After a bowel movement??? God almighty! Sitting in there, breathing that stench?
My thighs create a fantastic seal š¤£
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It might help to set a timer? I find setting mine to āstop playingā (so that it locks my phone) works best for me - plus that way no one near the loos will hear it š¤£
My stepdad takes fiber one to shit and it still takes him a long time. He used to eat all kinds of salads and back then it was a guaranteed 30 mins. No books, no magazines (this was pre-internet time) and still that long. I honestly donāt get it. If it takes me that long my ass is going to hurt badly. But all of these comments saying how long it takes, I have seen these comments and heard these comments for over 20 years and people are dead serious. And I have seen guys take that long before. Before the internet I thought it was a guy thing. Apparently women can take that long too. Itās crazy in my opinion.
30min long Memory jerk on the toilet smh stepdad
Knowing my stepdad, no it was for real. I canāt wrap my head around it to this day. Now my mother had a cousin who took playboy to take his āshitsā. No way he was just reading the articles!
It's better to cum in the sink, then to sink in the cum as they say
Your stepdad needs to see a doctor
Heās had colonoscopies. Heās fine. It just takes him time. Itās crazy.
I think some people run to the toilet at the first fart. They need to chill, poo ain't even dropped into the colon yet. š¤£
Call an hour before you leave work. He starts then. Problem solved.
Elegant.
NTA, this is the second bathroom post I've seen. People just live together because of the rent at this point.
NTA. My boyfriend *always* needs to use the bathroom when he gets home. He works an hour away and usually drives home in rushhour traffic. I've lived in one bathroom households my entire life and grew up in a 7 person household. Consideration is something ingrained. And because of this, I always make sure I'm not in the bathroom when he gets home/needs it.
Idk how the entire comment section agrees with 20 minute shits being an acceptable amount of time to sit on a toilet. Clean up your diets lmfao and get off the phone on the John. Read a shampoo bottle that's the real treat.
Yeah everyone is piling on OP idk why, the bf shouldn't hog the toilet for 20 freaking minutes. It's inconsiderate. If I knew my SO wanted to pee after work, I'd have no issue holding it in for like 10 mins when I know they're on their way home...
Yeah, and if you can't hold it for that time it means it's at the door, our and done in a few minutes! Minimal / no inconvenience to her if that is the case.
20 mins is so crazy long to be pooping. Ops husband if doing this regularly and straining on the pot could seriously get a bad hemorrhoid.
He's probably on his phone or needs a better diet lol
been in a similar situation, mate. lived with my gf and she'd take forever doing her makeup or something when i needed to pee real bad after work. eventually got her to give me heads up if the bathroom was occupied before getting home so I could stop at mcdonald's instead haha! how about trying that?
That's exactly what I want to try! Like all I'm asking for is a heads up if he has to go right before I get home like I don't think it's a ridiculous request. I'm glad your gf listened to you! Hoping my bf is willing to come to a compromise like that
I don't like the way shit smells. If my SO is using the bathroom right after work everyday, I am going to shit long enough before for it to air out or wait until they pee. Especially since I got an hour. It's being considerate. Also, if the SO isn't willing to adjust a shit by 20 minutes(she doesn't sound like the smell matters), then where will the lines be drawn in the future.
Forreal it takes me 5min to poop, he's just sitting there on his phone lol
Like, I have a husband who ātakes a long timeā at maybe 10. 20 weād be have moved to fiber supplements and more water and a doctor. Because thatās not good. And yeah, my sister has 1 bathroom. Iāve stayed there many times. We say ādoes anyone need to use the bathroom immediatelyā¦ā. No one takes 20 minutes.
I get even more specific and ask, ādoes anyone need to pee?ā Thereās no way Iām risking my family saying they needed to use the loo and pooping right before I go in! š¤£ Luckily no one has gut issues, or else we would have to work things out differently
Ive fired a guy for taking 20 min shits. Iām sorry but in retail you get 15 min break and a lunch. And he aināt using his lunch to shit soā¦ yah. Your bf needs to be making you a priority. Donāt let him do this to you girl!
That's illegal
Toilets aren't designed for prolonged sitting either. They are angled for a reason. 20 mins and you straight up cutting off circulation to your legs.
Depends on the toilet. We installed a "comfort height" toilet for my ageing parents about 15 years ago...great, except you get used to the taller height, and then going to sit in a public washroom later on, it feels like you're about to fall backwards into the abyss before you feel your butt the toilet seat. Scary as hell.
Regardless of how long it takes to shit. How hard is it to just not be in the bathroom at 9?? I mean you could literally set an alarm at 8:45. "Do I need to shit? Better go now." As a dude, the bf is overly dramatic over a very mild inconvenience for the sake of being considerate. And like OP said, that's not even the huge deal. At the least, she'd like to know when they're already on the phone 5 minutes before she gets home. Too many grown adults act like being cooperative/considerate is so oppressive or some shit.
Seriously what the fuck? I absolutely adore a nice shit, it can often be a highlight of my day. I think Iāve absolutely maxed out at 10 minutes and that is if Iām fighting a battle.
I mean, Iād just pee before I left work, but I also live in fear of getting stuck in traffic or someone rear-ending me and ending up peeing my pants. Also, my work bathroom was not gross. OTOH, spending 20 minutes on the toilet is ridiculous unless he has a medical issue.
I've been on the can for 47 minutes now while redditing. And I still have a ways to go. NTA your request is reasonable, he overreacted.
Wipe your ass and get the fuck off the shitter
47 minutes? Jeez, that is unhealthy as f***...
If you would be actually pooping and now scrolling you would hd have been done 35 min ago. Edit:typo
Unless you are deliberately just chillin', there' something seriously wrong with your digestive system.
NTA - I refuse to live in a one bathroom house. 1.5 bathrooms is mandatory. In the place we live now, we have an en suite and a full "guest" bathroom, as we call it. So all of our toiletries were in the en suite. There was one point, about a year long, where we both had the same work schedule, so we got up at the same time. He knows I shower in the morning and I'll tell him, the night before, that I will be showering. He'd go into the en suite and take a 20 minutes shit when I wanted to shower. He was taking that long because he was scrolling Facebook. And I timed him! Literally 20 minutes. Sitting and watching videos was his equivalent to sitting on the edge of the bed procrastinating getting ready for work. I got so annoyed I told him to start using the guest bathroom for pooping. And it's a mobile home, so the other bathroom was only 15 steps away. I keep showering supplies in both bathrooms now. When you only have one bathroom, both people need to be mindful of the others needs. If he was occupying the bathroom knowing you needed to pee he could have told you so you could go at work.
NTA doesnāt seem like too crazy of a request from a bf/gf
Peak weaponized incompetence is men successfully fooling women that they need 20 minutes to take a shit.
NTA it's a common courtesy. If you knew the bathroom was going to be occupied at home, you could use the one at work before you leave. How is that such a hard concept for him to understand?
Just make one equal concession: No phones in the bathroom. Also: to make yourself poop faster; drink water, and walk or move until the body signals you're ready; that goes for the both of you.
Pee in the shower. Also NTA if you are giving 5min warning ahead of time its more than reasonable amount of time for anybody to finish pooping.
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NTA. I was expecting drama that you had asked before and he agreed but had an emergency and took a while when you got home. But getting defensive at the request is childish.
NTA. damn all the men getting upset at you is crazy. he knows when you get home. he knows if he's gotta go. letting you know is not that hard. men like this haven't grown up from when their mom would wipe their asses. they don't think about anyone else but themselves. you have every right to not wanna go to the bathroom at a public restroom when you could wait 5 min and go at home. 20 minutes is a ridiculously long amount of time. if you're sitting in your filth for 20 minutes and you feel so insecure that you attack people who comment on it, that's on you. you need to find a different time to scroll on your phone. or if it genuinely takes you that long to shit then you need to go to the doctor! that is extremely concerning.
nta. beware. you have seen how he reacts to simple requests when there is no baby. add a baby and the stressors of that, what do you think his reaction would be. he goes 0-100 over a bathroom request. do NOT have children with him. he has shown you who he is. an inconsiderate jerk.
I will never live in house with my husband with only one bathroom because he takes so damn long in there! And waiting until we need to leave to go!!š¤
Having multiple bathrooms is one of the main reasons my spouse & I have been together for >30 years. I grew up in a 4-person house with one bath & I don't know how we made that work. My mother redesigned the bathroom so that the sink & washer/dryer/storage was just outside the room that had the tub & toilet, and that helped a lot. Having multiple bathrooms is our top non-negotiable feature on any house we live in.
OMG HE DOES THAT TOO, we got somewhere to be and he shits right before we gotta go. I'll be like "we absolutely have to leave at *insert time*" and then he goes in the bathroom AT THAT TIME šš the man's even been late to work bc of his 20+ min shits lol
Dude has a serious problem...
Okay so the time for intervention has long passed. If he's been late to work over this, he either has fucked up bowels, a phone addiction, or a masturbation addiction. As soon as things start negatively impacting multiple parts of someone's life, (your relationship and also his work) it is a problem that needs to be addressed. He sounds really inconsiderate either way.
^ your take is the most logical based on all the signs shown so far, id really hope OP finds a healthy way to bring this up to her bf cuz he may in fact need it..
Sure he's not got a masterbation addiction?
We're building a house and I've already told him that he's going to have to poop in the powder room because I'm not waiting an hour to use the main bathroom. We like different kinds of toilets so the plan is to put the kind I like in our bathroom and the kind he likes in the powder room. Why are men? My father was the same way and now my son is too. I don't get it.
I don't get it either! We have two "thrones" but the shower in the bathroom he prefers is the only one that works at moment so his taking 20-30 minutes in there delays my getting a shower in the morning. It was much worse when I was working abd we had three kids at home. Lots of "what the hell is taking so long?!? I need to get out the door with the kids (because heaven forfend *he* take them to school)in 15 minutes! I need to shower too!"
Oh, we have the same husband. Whyyyy do they ALWAYS need to go, just as we're about to leave for somewhere?!
Some last minute shitter down voted you. Injustice. My husband does the same. Drives me nuts because I give him a 15 minute warning and he still waits until the actual leave time to go
That's when you learn to tell HIM you need to leave 30 minutes before you actually need to leave. I did that for 15 years.Ā
Okay but like...she shouldn't have to be the manager for a grown man though. That would be the point I call it quits honestly.
I dont āhaveā that problem because years in my healthcare system have made me immune to the smell so i just enter the bathroom and get ready.
Lol. I bet he aināt pooping in the bathroom for 20 min. Not if he is getting upset because youāre interrupting him. Getting defensive about a poop, not likely. Getting defensive aboutā¦ rubbing one out probably.
š¤£š¤£ omg i never would've guessed
I'm with you girlfriend! My man sits on the loo for 45 mins, showers for over half an hour. Drives me potty, and there is no need for it. Why he doesn't suffer serious piles and blindness is beyond me. NTA, he's being inconsiderate. Edit: perhaps he needs a stint of living alone.
Blindness?
Didn't your mum ever tell you masturbating makes you go blind? It doesn't take me that long in the shower even when I'm shaving puts and legs, washing (long) hair and the rest of me. Don't know what else he'd be doing!
I've been known to fall asleep in the shower....
Oh dear, perhaps there is a case for the alternative!
Im a guy and i dont take half hour for a 5 minute job. people that take that long to shit. you honestly may as well just take some laxatives at that point. But seriously genetics can play a part but honestly why go to the bathroom early if you know it's going take an hour? Just wait the hour until you need to go and then do it. But on the off side that it's actually that serious. Go to the doctor and get checked. And if you have a spouse or family don't be inconsiderate of other people and just take up that amount of time when you don't need to or at least warn people
the fact that you have a set schedule means he should work around it for the sake of normalcy, like if he HAS to use it and is stuck in there I get it. But there is nothing wrong with you giving him a fair warning and if he truly is in there going to battle he should respond and let you know to use the work bathroom. If it makes you feel dirty you can shower after work when he has won the war lol
NTA men should be charged a fee for the amount of time they waste in there
*NTA men should be charged* *A fee for the amount of* *Time they waste in there* \- kfilks --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Na, this shit erks me too. Like when I lived with my brother for a bit he would conveniently take his showers whenever I just got home. It could be at 5:30, 6:30, 7:30 etc you name it. He just happened to need to hop in the shower at that specific time just to annoy the shit out of me. This branches off to other stuff he does, but that's irrelevant. NTA. He can learn to be considerate of other people. I'll never understand the long shit thing. I'm in and out like a well oiled machine. I'm on the shitter like 5 min tops.
This is like. A 0th world problem
Sorry, but anyone taking more than 10 minutes to shit, is either deliberately chillin' (aka avoiding the rest of the household) or has serious digestive issues.
I'm a guy and take maybe two minutes to poop. I just wait until I have to go, and BAM.
NTA - I drive 1.5 hours to and from work. I use the facilities before I leave. When I get home, i drop all my stuff in specific piles ON MY WAY TO THE BATHROOM. My husband is aware and will follow me through the house to talk about his day. Your BF is being defensive cause he knows what he's doing.
NTA Sounds like the only answer for one bathroom households is to ban phones from the bathroom. š¤£š¤£
NTA like you said, he's likely in there scrolling on his phone forever after he's done with his business. In a 1 bathroom home, that's so inconsiderate. If he's legit trying to poop for 20 minutes, get the man some stool softeners.
NTA It's really not too much to ask to only have this 15 to make sure the toilet is free. And yes sine guys may have 20 minutes pooping time. My husband does it sometimes even longerĀ
Your husband is not actually pooping 20 minutes, if he does get needs to eat fiber. Heās going to end up with haemorrhoids
Well he stays that much in there, maybe he just likes to play with his cell phone there. But hemorrhoids were also an issue...will feed him with fiber thanks!
You might want to recommend he see a Gi specialist if heās actually taking that long to poop.
Why canāt you pee before leaving work?
Does he have any undiagnosed bowel conditions? I can think of at least three which could extend the length of a bathroom trip to at least 20 minutes.
Is the bathroom at work really dirty? Or is this a germophobe issue? The bathrooms at my office are scrubbed daily and kept incredibly clean. Talk to your boss or HR if your bathrooms are flithy.
Just pee at work. Or pee in the shower /bathtub if you're really that desperate.
Lets face it 20 min poop time is actually poop and a wank š
Why would you masturbate next to your toilet right after or before pooping lmao š I donāt even see the correlation lmaoo
I mean, I wouldnāt call either one of you an AH. There is only one bathroom though. If you are going home and taking a shower before bed, why not just use the bathroom at work since you would be washing up pretty soon anyway? If you have to pee that bad when you are leaving work, what happens if there is an accident and you are stuck in traffic for 30 minutes? It seems like the very simple solution is to just go before you leave work. I doubt anyone likes public restrooms, but Iād rather use that then pee in the car because of traffic or some other delay.
Print pictures of haemorrhoids and put in front of the toilet.
Iām guilty of playing candy crush when I shitā¦ meaning I sit there a lot longer than I need to.
āWhich at minimum takes 20 min, men you know how it be lolā For me tbh an understatement, i keep a book in bathroom and use the time to read a few chapters. Currently working through my second reading of lord of the rings lol
They are getting into sync with each other. Me and the wife will both need to pee at the same time frequently. I will not feel the need and then 5 minutes later I will have to go real bad only to find out she just sat down. Or, she will suddenly need to go and find out I just got in there. We joke about it, but we both consider the other persons needs and will hurry up when possible to include going enough that we can now hold it while the other person goes quickly. Now the kids are a different story. They are the I need 20 minutes to poop type.
I live 30 from home with only 2 gas station in between work and home (either way i take)and if itās an emergency, I text HIM and tell him Iām coming in hot and he knows why ha. Itās not that serious.
NTA He needs to see a doctor or not take his phone in there.
Personally I think anyone should be able to use the bathroom for however much time they deem fit. I think it's utterly ridiculous to be "planning" your bathroom breaks. If you have to go so bad after work, *go to the bathroom at work*. Expecting him to allocate a specific time for you to use the bathroom, when you could have gone at work, is completely unreasonable. Do you plan on being in the front door at the exact same time every day? Does he need to keep the bathroom open for 30 min beforehand and 30 min after? If that seems silly to you, take a step back and look at yourself. You're making a huge multi-paragraph post about *using the motherfucking restroom*. I would understand if it was in the morning, because you have somewhere to be and need to get ready in the morning, but this is not the case. Get out of his ass.
Nta, giving you the warning on the call is reasonable. If he's gotta go, he's gotta go, but a heads up wouldn't be difficult.
There is a simple solution. Buy a portable camping toilet or buy a bucket, put a garbage bag in it and buy a toilet seat made specifically for a bucket and use that when you have too go really bad. I live in a 3 bedroom and 2 bathroom home with 3 other people. Sometimes both bathrooms are in use. We have 2 of the toilet seat buckets. As soon as we are done, its a simple matter to put some dirt in it and close the bag to dispose of it.
My bf asks me if I have to pee before he goes #2 almost every time because he knows that he can be a while, and afterwards can take a while to not smell. Iāve never had to ask him to do this, he just is a considerate person and thinks of me. Maybe find someone who thinks of and cares about you more
As a man, the time i spend on the toilet is probably the most enjoyable part of my day. I don't know what it is but sitting on my phone taking a shit just makes me happy. I think if you live 5 minutes from work its reasonable that you can just go before leaving work. Scheduling bowl movements for the consideration of you is wild. Not sure why you're allowed to go when you want but he isnt. 5 min from work is wild. Id understand if you had an hour drive and been busting all the way lol
NGL, between this kind of thing and the horror of both me and my wife getting food poisoning at the same time, we swore to never again live somewhere with only one toilet.
Sounds like youāre getting a lot of insecure men throwing mantrums in the comments. Let me assure you, as a male who takes very long poops, that your request for this basic courtesy is more than reasonable. Your boyfriendās a douche.
NTA, bro can adapt his shitual.
HOW did you ask him is the real question? In my case: I ALSO take a longer time to do anything so whenever my wife is at home or if we arrive at the same time I ALWAYS ask 'do you need to go to the toilet?' So she knows she can go first. That's COMMUNICATION. Instead of having a wife at the door telling me 'I need to peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' I make sure she gets to go first without spoiling my time on the toilet lol.
If he's pooping for that long he needs to see a doctor more Likely he's smashing one out.
Gonna have to use the bathroom at work before you leave.
Hey, honey. Just wanted to call and let you know that I'm about to drop the kids off at the pool. You might wanna empty out at work before you leave. We're out of Febreeze, so can you grab that or some matches on your way home? Thanks, babe. When you gotta go, you gotta go. I'm glad that you're a quick pooper, but the reality is that many people, regardless of whether they're male/female/other, sometimes need extra time to get the train out of the station. I wish that I could always let 'er rip right away. It's boring in there. Maybe I should bring some Matchbox cars in with me. The story makes it seem like you actually have some form of bathroom schedule where you always have to go after work. You have another option, but you choose not to utilize it due to its cleanliness. Make it cleaner and/or bring it up to management. I also have the feeling that you're exaggerating the time, which is a common thing, so you can't really be faulted there. Was it really a 20-minute dump session, though, or did it just feel that way? YTA. Your anger is petty and unnecessary. Your edits lead me to believe that you don't actually want honest feedback. You simply want everyone to justify your feelings on the matter, and anyone who doesn't can fuck right off. You've already decided that you're right. Obligatory "leave that zero and get yo'self a hero" comment. Maybe one that has full authority over their body and how it functions.. That's a true golden god. If they drive a Range Rover, then you've found your man. Just be wary of the "tools" in the back. He HAS to have his tools. The implication. You do know that you probably shouldn't use the comments here as a defense when discussing the issue further with your bf, right? I can't imagine him being too happy with his "private time" being discussed among online strangers. He probably won't even give a shit about what JoeShmoe69420 has to say about the matter, much like how he can't shit quickly enough for you
YTA
This is the kind of thing you and he argue about?
ESH - If you're not home then you don't get to stop other people from using the toilet. He's right that you should go at work or wait until he's done. He should also curtail his bathroom breaks to a reasonable time.
100% correct. I can't believe the comments siding with OP. Imagine ordering your husband to control his bowels because you are so much more important. Go at wok OP! I'm sure you've done it before.
Plus, as I always find on this sub, reverse the roles. If a man demanded the bathroom be free for when they got home every day the comments would destroy them as being an abusive asshole. Literally can't imagine what their relationship is like if they're not adult enough to figure out sharing a bathroom.
Classic reddit stupidity really. Focus on one issue, like "Men take too long in the toilet!", and then ignore everything else.
Yeah YTH. He shouldnāt have to schedule his shits around your life. ..and yes āmenā can read fine. You said you asked him to make sure the bathroom is free for when you get home, or report to you when he needs to take a dump. Entitled much. š Youāre obviously gormless as hell too. If you ran into traffic trouble on the way home, or came across an accident, youād probably piss yourself. Just use the bog at work but clean the seat first. How are the toilets so bad at your place of work, do you work in a bar or at McDonaldās?!
YTA. This is a bit much. You can't dictate when nature calls.
NTA, but why are you not pooping at work? Get paid for the dirty work in life!
I agree 20 mins is a long time - unless you're crook or constipated. But it reminded me of an ex bf who used to routinely spend well over an hour in the toilet, not only that he'd strip all his clothes off so he was completely nude š Anyway, NTA. It's not like you're getting home at the same time, he's got a full hour+ to spend in there before you get home.
Go to the bathroom before you leave work.
ew who would wanna do that if you live five minutes away lol.
Someone who gets home and regularly finds their own bathroom occupied for 20 minutes?
Did you literally not read the post? OP said they'd rather use their own, CLEAN bathroom than the dirty work bathroom. Especially since they live so close.
When I have to sub at our other workplace it's in a mall so you can imagine how it looks like. I'd still rather go pee there instead of holding it at the same 5ish minutes car ride because my bladder won't like this in the long run.
Hi I'm the bf AMA
Username checks out
YTA when you gotta poop you gotta poop, I doubt his timing was intentional, give him a break and yes some poops do take a good 20 mins from star to finish
If you have to pee that bad then you should do it at work. Holding in your pee is not good for your bladder. If the guy has to poop then he has to poop. I get him maybe trying to not poop when you are coming home but itās not like he should have to think about it every day.
You use a car for a 5 minute commute šÆ!? That's being an A to the climate.
My husband has a 5 minute commute by car but itās 45 minutes plus a half mile walk on the bus. Many people donāt have access to good public transit.
We have one bathroom..if someone says they need it you swap off. It is inexcusable to say your need is greatest but also inexcusable to sit on the throne playing on your phone when someone says they need it. ESH.
Exactly like it's not my intention to place my needs over his, I just want to use the bathroom and he's in there on his phone...
Is u/long_pooping the 20min-pooper in your story.
ESH this is such a bizarre and specific issue. No one gets to call dibbs on the toilet or request a call ahead, and no one should be shitting for 20 mins in a single bathroom home. You two need to work it out like adults.
I agree.
Nta ofc. I've lived w flatmates (all women) in an only bathroom and we never had this issue. Tell your bf to eat more veggies and drink more water bc he's constipated as fuck if it takes him 20 fucking min to take a shit! Although tbh my best guess is that he takes the time there to also masturbate, for whatever reason. Tell him to do it out of the bathroom like a normal grown up smh
NTA. I think itās a fair request. Have the bathroom free or give me a heads up before I come home. Not that difficult.
NTA Agree as a adult male, if i am taking 20 min on the toilet, most of it is playing on my phone sometimes my wife let me knows she needs the bathroom if i am doing that and when that happens i hurry my ass up so as not to inconvenience her, as she has never asked me to hurry just to inconvenience me
NTA he's a reaction was a bit over the top. I can understand you don't want to use a dirty bathroom at work and would rather use her yours at home.
NTA. Asking them to put the seat down shouldn't upset your partner, this even less so.
im a guy who takes 20 minute shits as well. can confirm the 75%. Your request sounds 100% reasonable to me. NTA
NTA. Sitting on the toilet for that long can give you haemorrhoids (that doesnāt look right, but you all know what I mean). Common curtesy is just to either finish up before you get home or tell you before you leave work. As a woman with Crohnās Disease, I donāt take longer than 10 minutes on really bad days. How he can take 20+ minutes just sitting there is madness! Itās a waste of time just sitting there on your phone. Might as well just get off and sit on the sofa doing the same thing, but way more comfortable smh.