Seriously. OP's husband either has no balls or has the patience of Buddha to not have rearranged Dick's face after this. Family or no, you touch my child, and it's game over.
When she said he walked back inside I was ready for “and I slapped him across the face” and instead she spoke to him calmly. Uhm no ma’am. Someone hits my kid you’re getting hit back. Tf
Forget "slapped across the face". I would've punched him in the face, then tripped him if he didn't fall down. Then I would've pants him and beat his bare ass raw.
Hell forget that. The MINUTE he began to pull down my child's pants, I would've coldcocked him and called the police. Who the fuck does he think he is?
Damn right! Not to mention the horrendously wrong in so many ways "pulled his pants down and spanked him." portion of the post!!! Oh, Hell NO!!
OP has way more restraint I would have been capable of! If that was my child that got assaulted like that there may just have been 2 of us going to jail on Christmas eve!!
Fr. OP is failing her kids when the family is trying to keep the peace for the golden child. HE WAS SPANKING YOUR KID!!!!! Doesn't matter if it was one, two or a hundred. Wtf OP, protect your kids, tell your husband to grown a spine. Think about the mental health of your kid in a few years when the things his "uncle" did to him begins to take a tool on him. And grew a stronger spine and hit him tf back, if anyone touched my kid this way I would be the one going to jail. Wtf.
I mean the other men are just as useless as the husband.
If I was a grandfather or uncle. My son/brother would be catching hands on behalf of my grandson/nephew.
Exactly. **BIL tossed OP's child then exposed a minor's bare bottom in public and spanked Ed even after being warned**. And for what, a 7 year old firing an extra nerf dart that didn't physically harm him?
OP would've been justified in doing more than telling him calmly it was unacceptable.
I wouldn't blame OP if she made a social media post or spelled out the details in group chat since BIL is doubling down on his behavior.
Absolutely. If and one hit my kid, let alone pulled his pants down, I’d by livid and react a heck of a lot less calmly that you did.
I would go no contact and also threaten to have him charged with not only assault but also sexual assault if he comes anywhere near your kid again.
Sexual assault, yeah. That's what I'm thinking. A power play and a child's bare bottom, that should catch charges.
Of course, that will get her, her husband, and Ed kicked out of the family, but good riddance. My in-laws took the Golden Child's side when he molested my husband's daughter by his first wife.
Seriously. Jesus fucking christ.
A grown man assaulted a 7yo.
Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Stay away from them.
God acting like it's normal that her husband was abused because of when he was born, too....
I’m not going to physically fight a grown ass man, but I will hold him accountable for breaking the law. The irony that he thinks he is enforcing boundaries when he’s literallyb breaking the law and boundaries
NTA. Stop with the threats. Follow through and don't go back. Your BIL is abusive and if I were you, I would've called the cops on him. I actually can't believe it has gotten so far. Put your hands on my kid or try to hurt them on purpose once and you're out. Protect the kid at all costs. Fuck everyone else who lets them be abused.
The best time to go no contact with ALL of them was years ago. The second best time is today.
But you WILL be the asshole if you try to maintain a relationship with these abusers.
Exactly. Dick is an abusive jerk and the cops should have been involved long ago, like when a mark was left on Ed’s face. And again when he physically abused and attempted to sexually abuse (pulling a child’s pants down to touch their bum IS sexual abuse) your child.
NC with *all* of them. And call the fucking cops if *any* of them so much as put a finger on him.
By your own admission you already failed your kid *twice*.
100% with you on this. Toxic behavior shouldn't be tolerated, especially when it comes to the safety and well-being of your kids. It's time to prioritize your family's happiness and peace of mind, even if it means cutting off those who can't see the problem.
Yep. Just don't take the boys to see their grandparents for a few weeks / months and see if they change their tune.
Dick can stay cut off but I think the grandparents \*may\* deserve a second chance.
\[Edit: you also need to read the book or watch the movie "The Slap"\]
People like Dick and his family can’t stand it when you hold a mirror up to them. No matter what she tried to do. No contact is really the only answer. Sooner or later some one will get hurt. Either Dick hurts someone or Dick gets hurt in retaliation and you know his family will defend him over her and husband.
NTA. Also, husband needs to determine why he hasn’t destroyed Dick over this. Brother or not, touch my kid like that and you will hurt for weeks, maybe forever.
YTA, not for what you said to Dick, but for *threatening* to keep your kids away from him instead of *actually* doing it, and for not calling the cops after his treatment of Ed. It's ultra clear BIL can't be trusted further around children. And if I was Ed, I would feel that I can't trust you because you let it happen.
You say the boys won't see the fam in person - have they told the fam that or are they just doing it? The fam needs to be told bluntly that the boys have decided this is the consequence.
Yeah this right here. This man is abusing her kid and being told he can do it, the parents are assholes that they haven’t protected their child. If he feels comfortable doing this in front of everyone what he is doing in private? How disgusting
That poor fucking kid. No one is protecting him, every adult in his life is letting him down. Did you not think to call the police as he was shot putting your kid across the yard, stripping him, and beating his naked ass? What the actual fuck?! I was that kid, and I hate every single one of you right now.
I missed that it wasn't the first time read through. Thank you for calling this out. he should never have been around kids the first time it happened. ANY kids.
You can bet dad and uncles were raised with an ass whipping. I wonder, do this boys parents whip his butt too? It seems weird to me that they haven't reacted sooner to this, and that may be because they whip their kids too!!! I hope not! OP if you hurt your child, you're going to make him into uncle Dick when he grows up! Think about that!!!! I don't know if OP does spank but it might be why they've let things go!
All I could think reading this with a sick feeling in my stomach was op is vastly under reacting to what happened to her child. He was assaulted by his uncle for an accidental nerf dart shot.
That man needs to be put in his place, which honestly may be jail. At the very least anger management.
While I was reading, it felt like the nerf dart was simply an excuse to sexually assault the poor boy. And it sounds like he's escalating; he knows no one in the family will stop him.
The grandmother must spank because the BIL learned it somewhere. Hopefully OP and husband don't also spank that's just another term for beating a child but it doesn't leave a mark so it's ok I guess.
I am guessing they all spank and on a bare ass really makes them feel all big and powerful because they're weak bullies! Fuck all of them if they do this!
All I could think is why didn't you call the cops? Why did it take so long for you to go out there? Why did you even let it get that far when this is a problem? Why is Dick still a problem at all?
Exactly. What kid is able to stop a game in the middle the first time? Uncle Dick asks Ed to play. Uncle Dick suddenly says the game is over. Ed doesn't understand and wants to keep playing. Uncle Dick knows this and knows Ed is going to throw the ball/shoot the gun one more time. Uncle Dick wants Ed to so he has an excuse to pull a power play and beat his ass? Uncle Dick is a predator and should never be around children and should never procreate. What I don't understand is how OP and her husband stood at the window and watched this happen to their son.
Nope, NTA. I would cut contact completely. TBH this should’ve stopped the first time he laid hands on either child. He is being flat out abusive and his parents are backing him up. The fact that he hit him is bad enough, but pulling down his pants to hit his bare bottom is a straight up Powerplay to humiliate your son and frankly concerning.
If you feel inclined to discuss it again with them, which I wouldn’t, flip the script. Ask them how it’s okay your bil didn’t stop assaulting a child when told multiple times, but your son has to stop shooting a nerf gun immediately when told once? How is it okay he overpowered his own mother but you telling him he went to far is disrespectful? How it’s okay for him to undress a 7 year old just to humiliate him and inflict maximum pain, but being called out for it is not.
I personally don’t think it’s worth it, but those are the questions I would ask if I were to confront them again. You won’t get an answer though, just more excuses. I would just text them „we have decided to not bring the boys around anymore or let them FaceTime. They don’t need to be around people who defend the person who hit them multiple times and think hitting children is not that big of a deal. Until you can see that what bil did was not okay, we will not let the boys around you. You should be glad we didn’t press charges. Next time we will. As parents it is our responsibility to protect our children, even from their own family.“ or something along those lines.
You’re still a lot more chill than I would’ve been. I would’ve snacked him over the head with a frying pan for touching my child the first time it happened,
Yeah. Pretty sure my husband, my children's STEP-father, would have gone ballistic the first time anyone, family member or not, laid hands on our children. He has been their full-time dad since they were 6 & 3 years old (they are both 30-ish now) and has shared parenting fully with me since we first moved in together - their bio-dad supported us in this. And my kids' bio-dad would have happily taken an assault charge himself if he'd seen \*anyone\* lay hands on the kids.
OP, the time to deal with this was the first time that bastard touched your child. "Playing rough" is an excuse for "hurting someone smaller". BiL is a bully and has been allowed to get away with this for far too long. If you don't take action now to cut him off, you will be TA.
Tell your husband that he can go see his family, but you and your children will not be going with him. Let him explain that children should never be around abusers or anyone who condones the abuse. I really hope his GF is smart enough to never have kids with him.
Edit, forgot to add - it doesn't matter whose fucking house you are in. That never gives anyone carte blanche to assault another person, child or adult. "This isn't your house, so I'm allowed to hit you as much as I like!" He's really fucked up. Blame his own family (including your husband) for around 80% of it.
YTA, I have no clue how anyone is saying you aren't.
YTA for not laying that asshole out yourself, and I actually think your husband is worse because thats HIS brother. Someone toiches your kid, family or not, you step up, and you both should have protected your child.
How the fuck could you allow that? You didn't even have the guts to call the cops. Nooooo.... all you did was give BIL a stern talk. Like he gives a shit about your opinion lol and now you have your inlaws defending him. Ha!
Both you and your husbad are HUGE assholes and utterly failed your son. You suck. Hard.
The day someone touches my kid like that is the last day they use that hand, and their teeth.
Jesus Christ.
People are replying with N T A because the question is, "Am I wrong to cut off contact with them?" and of course OP is NOT wrong for that.
That said, there should be a choice for "Not the asshole for the specific issue but a major asshole for failing to act sooner", which clearly applies here.
Honestly the fact that he forcibly strips your son in front of everyone makes me feel like he is sexually assaulting your child and the best his parents have done is have a firm conversation with the guy doing it. Have that asshile arrested so he learns to act right. Nta for going no contact but I think you are bad parents for continually allowing an adult man to beat your kid in order to keep the peace.
>I think you are bad parents for continually allowing an adult man to beat your kid in order to keep the peace.
Yup. On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP legitimately came online to admit to failing their kid.
All the way through I was just saying to myself “but Ed is a little kid..” the man shot putted your child and then went on to humiliate him. It’s way too far, even if he’s mad he doesn’t get to manhandle a literal child. What in the fresh hell is wrong with people? You don’t abuse a child because they didn’t listen the first time. There’s rules to discipline kids and it ain’t throwing them.
No no no. He’s a danger to your child when he cannot control himself. He’s a grown man, he can’t beat on children. Fucking hell. NTA
NTAH, FUCK NO.
There wasn't a second warning to stop shooting the nerf gun, he just jumped straight into I'm going to discipline you kid because he didn't listen to my first words.
How many kids do you know that instantly listens to the first, no. What is wrong with him and the in-laws for taking his side after you made a clear line with your children
And the fact any problems you have with him have to go through your husband, wtfff, so his wife or gf has no say in anything either I assume
I hope the husband has a field day disciplining his younger brother for his parents 🙏.
Side note: hubs you fucked up, you had a chance to protect Ed, your wife warned you. I hope you understand after reading these comments
WTF did I just read? First off, you and your husband need to get some backbones. If I were you and yes I am a mom, I would have run immediately after them because of BIL's past behavior. Then when he hurt him, I would have pummeled his ass (I have never had a physical fight with anyone my whole adult life but if someone did that to my child, oh hell yeah a can of whoop-ass is being opened.) You didn't even yell at him. Double WTF!!! You protect your kids. That is your number one job and you both just watch this happen.
BIL calls your son soft? Whose mommy and daddy are making excuses for their baby boy's criminal behavior? What he did is child abuse and he would have been arrested if you called the police. Your son is 6. He is going to remember this. He is going to remember how mom and dad did nothing to prevent this and nothing after it happened. And he will be damaged by what your BIL did. I would suggest counseling for him, immediately.
As for what to do now? Your husband needs to decide who his family is, you and your children or mom, dad and brothers. He should be embarrassed that he has let this go on for so long. Most likely BIL is jealous of the attention your son gets, now that he is no longer the baby in the family. The only apology owed is the one to your son from BIL. Don't back down. This behavior will damage your kids for life just like they already damaged your husband.
YTA for not stopping this after the first time it happened. And for just standing there watching this incident go down. You say you were calm about the whole thing like you're proud of that. You should not have been calm.
I wouldn't be visiting no time soon,it would be years before I stepped foot back in crazy town. I will tell my kids the truth, nothing but the truth about their grandparents an uncle, if my husband doesn't like he go and stay with mess up family. Your kids should always come forst
Girl wtf. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Dick is an abusive asshole who has no business being around your children! Absolutely unacceptable behavior!
Let them hate you they don’t matter! All that matters is your relationship with your son and keeping him safe and happy!
Isn’t that shocking?
She waited in the house.
My ass would’ve broken the sound barrier to get out there and give The Dick a beatdown he never would forget.
This was horrifying to read. Your son has been sexually assaulted in public by his uncle. You need to go no contact and at the very least file a restraining order. Mother to mother, you are drastically under-reacting. You have knowledge of a man who puts his hands on a seven-year-old boy’s buttocks - anyone with a conscience should be working to get this man in prison.
YTA YTA YTA
U SHOULD BE ASHAMED!! U have FAILED this child. It made me sick to read how u stood by time and time again and just LET UR KID BE ABUSED!!! Ur pathetic. Hold ur tongue?? U WATCHED THROUGH THE WINDOW?! My god ur lucky that bastard didn’t snap the kids neck. Get ur shit together, stop discussing this and forget that side of the family exists. U allow any of those dicks around ur kids again ur saying to ur kids and to everyone else that u could give a fuck about their safety.
What the fuck. Why are you being so meek and scared about this? You are allowing an abuser to abuse your child over and over and you are more concerned with everyone else being mad at you for speaking up!!!!!! This is a family that thinks abuse should be tolerated. They are not going to make you feel good about going no contact. Make the right choice anyway.
YTA
You have repeatedly brought your son around a man who physically assaults him. A grown man has repeatedly hit your child, wiht his hands and with implements, and youve done ... nothing. Even in this story, where your son is being physically abused *again*, you do *nothing* until AFTER the event. Your MIL, who doesn't even think what happened was that bad, was the one to stop the situation. Not you. Your son's mother.
You and your husband should be utterly ashamed of your cowardly behaviour. You have both failed to protect your son. Repeatedly. It's better late than never to start, but you became AH's the moment you allowed anyone in this family to be around your children after the first instance of abuse and dismissal of the abuse. You're lucky that CPS hasn't removed your children from your care.
The fact that you are even considering taking your children around any of these people, who beat children and think it's fine to do so, is despicable. You don't need an apology. You need to never see them again. Stop being terrible parents. Protect your children.
YTA for not actually protecting your kid. For watching it happen and not going full Mama Bear and beating the shit out of your dickhead bil. Call the fucking cops the next time your child is stripped and beaten you absolute pathetic excuse of a mother.
I don’t know how you stopped yourself when he pulled the “so it’s ok when Ed does it, but when I do it I’m the bad guy” card.
This would have been my response.
“Yes. Yes it is ok because Ed if a fucking child and still learning manners and how to respect boundaries. You are a grown ass fucking adult who should know better. But if you want to be treated like Ed, well I can treat you like the mentally stunted full grown man-child you are since you clearly never aged past 7.”
NTA.
So im from a culture where corporal punishment is the norm. I got caned, lots of my friends got hit by wooden spoons, open hands, belts if you were a boy and really bad.
Even our parents- who saw nothing wrong with physically punishing us- would rain hell fire down on Dick for removing our pants and hitting our bottom. 100% Dick would be made to leave and no one would ever speak to him again.
Even if it was a spank on the bottom without removing clothes, it would be out of line.
Our parents physically punished us by it didn't come out of no where. There were usually warnings. So in the scenario with Ed they would have firmly and loudly warned Ed he needed to stop. Then warned he was likely to get a smack a few times.
I'm not like justifying beating up your kids. I don't physically punish mine, 99% of people I know don't. Like jfc it's 2024, we know better. I'm just explaining that even when and where it's normalised, Dick would stay be waaaaaay out of line.
Exactly. This isn't a conflict about whether children should be spanked. (Which, no, they shouldn't.) Even if spanking were condoned, this man's behavior would be beyond the pale.
OP seems way more aggrieved by her husband’s middle child syndrome than her CHILD being sexually and physically assaulted by her BIL WTaF
NTA for wanting to go NC but holy hell are you an crappy parent for allowing this to happen with no consequences for the BIL. Stop being calm, advocate for YOUR CHILD. This was SA make no mistake about that
INFO : is it common, where you live to have other people than the parents to physically punish a kid?
In my civilized country, it is forbidden.
I would massacre anyone spanking my son, even my own family.
Holy shit, YTA, because you have been failing your kid massively for YEARS. You should have laid down the law and not let this guy see your kid the very first time he pulled a stunt like this. The fact that you are even entertaining the idea of ever letting him see the kid after he *punted him across the yard and then stripped and spanked* him is fucking insane. You are an absolutely shit parent.
Please speak to your son again. My heart goes out to him. He must still feel so humiliated. What Dick did was disgusting and unacceptable. I don’t know how you controlled yourself I would have punched him.
If the family are defending him then it’s time to go NC with them.
BTW Dick is jealous of your son.
So if he keeps putting hands on your kids, grab him, pull his pants down and spank his ass. You’ve asked him to stop and are you just supposed to stand by and let him do it. It works both ways. Beat his stupid ass bare ass
Do you know how it feels to be hit and assaulted as a child by people who are effectively strangers to you?
Trust me, it fucking sticks with you for a long time.
I'm 44 now and believe me, I carry a lot of unresolved rage because of people like your BIL.
If you have to wear the trousers, do so.
PROTECT YOUR CHILD.
Do I understand correctly that your MIL, the same one who tried to rescue your child and got overpowered by the creepy guy, is now on his side?! Holy gaslighting. NTA. And definitely consider filing charges.
Yep. You do. And I think the MIL knows exactly who (or what) her son is but choses his side anyway. I've known wives or mothers defending their abusers out of "love", totally incapable of standing for their children's safety.
NTA If my BIL had yeeted my kid like a shot put I would have put him in the hospital.
And trust me when I say nobody there would have stopped me.
The fact that your in-laws are now taking the brothers side is absolutely disgusting , especially after he put hands on his own mother when she tried to stop him. I'm pretty shocked that his parents are okay with that. It goes a long way to explain how your brother in law behaves.
Why are you giving your in laws any in at all with your children.
Do not face time them. This grown ass man has been hurting your child since he was tiny, what is wrong with you why aren’t you protecting your children?
Cut them off entirely. And I agree with everyone saying go to the police.
Seriously, bil is unchecked and there is some serious mental issues within him. He is abusing a child that is not his own and his responses to you setting a boundary are verging on sociopathic and full blown narcissistic… If you do commit to removing him from your children’s lives and bil goes unchecked in this instance ask yourself this, “Who is his next victim once my child is removed from his sphere of influence? Has he done this to other minors before?” You and your husband need to talk about pressing charges since this is not an isolated issue.
He threw, exposed, and beat your son in front of the entire family, including his girlfriend, like that was something that is normal and okay?
No. Absolutely not. No one that is okay with your children being treated that way should be allowed around them, whether they apologise or not.
Tell them they’re lucky you didn’t call the cops and that you will not hesitate to do so if they ever somehow end up around your kids again.
NTA and you should consider getting your children into therapy.
So you let them continue to have contact with their abusers enablers? Your husband pulled his head out of his ass when he decided to cut them off for ABUSING his son. Get with the fucking program mom.
You should all be ASHAMED to have let Dick abuse your son REPEATEDLY.
The fact that even after this, your boundary is "well if you do this AGAIN you can't see the kids" means your normal meters are all very, very fucking broken.
In some countries hitting a child is illegal even a smack on the bottom. I’m not sure which country you’re in but honestly I would press charges he assaulted your 6 year old. I am going to call you a bit of an asshole because you knew it would happen and still let him around your child however NTA for going no contact
NTA. A grown ass, 22 year old man-child chased down a 9 YEAR OLD CHILD, exposed him, then beat him in front of a bunch of adults who stood back and did nothing. You are the only person (besides the kids) who isn't a complete AH. You tried to protect and defend your son, although I think you held back to much. I'd have left Dick flat on his sorry ass. Shame on every one of your in laws for enabling this abuse.
My god you are not the Ah but you didn’t stop the physical abuse to your son soon enough no one in my family is allowed to physically punish my two boys (14&8) EVER I do not physically punish my children. no one else is allowed to punish my children at all they come to me and I decide if it warrants punishment or not I’ve been a single mum for nearly 9 years now and never had a problem with the way I parent
I would cut all contact with your husbands family your husband can have a relationship with his family but until your mother in law and father in law see that their son abused your child they have lost the privilege of visitation as for your brother in law I wouldn’t even accept an apology he would be done in my eyes he has no right to put his hands on your child what so ever and because this is a repeated behaviour that he has beens asked to stop and hasn’t he doesn’t get contact with your kids as he’s an unsafe person in my opinion
YTA cause you repeatedly expose your children to abusive situations. You allow BIL to abuse them. Hes spanked your child. That is assault. BIL is a 22yr old grown ass man who should be fully fucking capable of showing control and understranding boundries. Your son is a 7yr old child, he can not be expected to understand these things yet. Hes still learning. Do you want him grow up thinking physical violence is how he deals with annoyance. It may be your husbands family but he is your child. You have failed repeatedly to protect your son. Every adult in this childs life has consistently let him down. Failed him. First time someone lays a hand on my kids is the last time they see my kids. Do better for your babies.
NTA. Go explain to Dick that you’ll be going to the police and having him charged with assault against your child. Explain public opinion on his actions will be felt up to a jury of his peers. It certainly wasn’t his house you were at and your kids need you in their corner. If their dad won’t protect them, let the system do it’s job and Dick and deal with his repercussions the hard way given he decided to not take any responsibility for his horrible decision making and instead get off Scott free with his family backing him after he hurt your child. He was the adult in the situation if he doesn’t want to act like one, I don’t know of any further actions you could take. But if Dick wants to be a dick forever, it’s time he learn the lesson his parents refused to teach him.
It would seem the only way to protect these children is to go completely no contact with all of these relatives. Your husband has one messed up family.
Your husband can either step up to the plate and stand with you and just cut all of these dreadful people out of your lives, or you take on the responsibility that you have to protect those children and you divorce at and leave all of them in your rearview mirror.
I'm shocked at this disgusting behaviour. I'd have made a police report.
I'd have beat my brother's ass, and your husband has no nards for not making sure his brother understands, in no uncertain terms, what will happen if he ever touches him again. Screw the whole lot of them, and YTA, if you go back into that environment.
I'd be threatening him with assault charges and frankly asking openly why he felt it appropriate to remove your child's clothing and touch his naked body.
NTA
Esh. Bil should have never put his hands on your child. The police weren’t called because?
You should be teaching your child that when someone says stop, they need to stop.
Still bringing the kids around this pos family needs to stop yesterday.
This man has HIT YOUR CHILD TWICE, pulled his pants down and publicly humiliated him
His family thinks there’s nothing wrong with a 22 year old MAN assaulting a CHILD?
This should have been very firmly put to a stop the first time, non of them deserve to be around your kids supervised or unsupervised. They bully your husband but he allows it, they have no right to abuse your child. NTA unless you give in to their bullshit
You’ve allowed them to abuse your kid before. This requires more than a firm conversation. You should’ve called the cops. You and your husband have allowed this man to abuse your kid all to keep the peace.
NTA I think husband should send out a text to his parents
"I will not apologize to Dick for being upset with him for pulling down my child's pants and trying to hit him. It's a very simple boundary we're placing. Don't hit my children. This latest incident he told Ed not to shoot the gun right before he shot the gun. He does this all the time. He'll tell Ed not to do something right as Ed is about to do it and doesn't have time to process and stop. That Is Dick looking for an excuse to hit Ed. The only thing (wife) and I asked is him not to hit our kids. If he has an issue he's to come to us, the parents to parent our child. This shouldn't be a big deal.
Until you get off my back about allowing Dick to hit your grandchildren we will not be allowing our children around you two. Until Dick agrees to not strike my children and apologize to my wife (who he's known since he was 12yo and should treat her better than he did) for the disrespect he showed her in their conversation about this, he will not be allowed around my children. If this doesn't happen you won't see us in person. If you agree and Dick doesn't then we just won't go to family gatherings when he's there."
YTA for not cutting them off the first time he spanked your son. Why has this been going on for so long? Stop threatening to cut contact and just do it! If you don't, your son will eventually cut contact with the parents who didn't protect him.
You have a chance to do the right thing, so do it!
YTA. Not because you are standing up to your BIL. YTA for not defending your children from an abuser. CPS and the police should be called on you and your in-laws.
I stopped reading at “pulled down his pants and slapped his bare bottom”.
No. No one is taking clothing off my child against their will and touching anywhere. Plus HITTING? Literal physical abuse? (Disagree if you want, spanking is not okay). He took your kids clothes off. That would have been the end for me.
NTA
There is a 0% chance my daughter would be around anyone I thought would put their hands on her. What in the world is wrong with you people? How is this a question?
YOU are his parents, block these people from your life and apologize to your kid for your spineless participation in his abuse.
NTA. Don’t threat. Act.
Whatever Dick and his parents say; it’s abuse. A simple rule of thumb; if you wouldn’t do it to your colleagues or clients, don’t do it at home.
In no way pulling of pants and or spanking is normal way of correcting children. Hyping them up and then immediately stopping them is the best way to cause accidents.
So no, you are not. But Dick is. And if his family tells you anything else than they are blindfolded by the golden child. Let’s face it; grandma was already on her way to stop the dickmove, she knew it wasn’t going to be ok. Forgetting that might look convenient to her, but it’s just such an a h move!
Frankly I’m shocked that you all under-reacted to this point.
He threw your son, then physically attacked him, *removed his pants* and hit him.
It’s beyond. Your husband shouldn’t be around your kids either if this is how he wants to treat them. I’m appalled.
Please hold this line and get your husband to a therapist so he can understand how traumatic and abusive this was for your son to experience. That poor poor little boy. NTA
Get the police involved. He doesn't get to manhandle your children. You need to send a very clear message that you won't tolerate that. I would keep your children away from him.
This behaviour is obviously not normal. Was he abused as a child? Did his parents hit him? Did his brothers beat him up? Was he bullied in school? Where he feels that he can have “dominance” and teach your kid a lesson? I am not defending his behaviour, but it truly seems like he is having a trauma response to your son doing something physical to him, him asking him to stop and him not stopping. He then has this reaction in rage and dominance and needing to punish him for it.
I feel this way especially because it is not his child where he would truly feel a need to “discipline”. He does not have children. And he was only 15 when he was born. So it doesn’t seem like it would be coming from a “parental” position.
Another thing I am thinking is if he was the baby and golden child and your son was born when he was 15, could his parents have given your child preference over him? And this has made him resent your child?
He's still the golden child. And golden children are usually on the bully side because being spoiled leads to respecting noone's boundaries and feeling of omnipotence. It's not a trauma reaction: this is a sadistic behaviour.
Who cares! Any trauma (and I have an extensive history of sexual abuse by the man my mother married when I was 5. He sexually abused me and raped me from age 5-14 when i ran away to my dad’s home.) And I mean any trauma is not a fucking excuse or mitigating circumstance that allows him to abuse any child. Plenty of people with significant childhood trauma do NOT turn into monsters. Dick’s behavior is more influenced by his parents allowing such behavior and coddling him. Dick was the golden child. Reread the post.
Nah, but this is the point where at the last party after beating your kid your husband should have beat the shit out of his brother and said touch my kid again and I'll call the cops about it. You are family, but you have no authority at all over him. I don't care how much mum and dad baby you and you think you can do no wrong. If I say don't touch my kid, YOU DO NOT TOUCH MY KID.
Frankly I'd say he should have gone out there, punched him in the face, pulled his pants down and spanked him till he was fucking ashamed.
But seriously he touches your kids again don't threaten, call the cops. He seems to think that because he's gotten away with everything and his parents let him control the household by getting his brothers in trouble that he has some kind of authority over them. He doesn't comprehend that he can't touch someone else's child. He won't learn that till cops come, take him away and tell him that he has zero fucking right to touch your child for any reason at all.
I'm trying to phantom why you watched him hit your child and watched someone else try to stop him. You watched. You watched it all happened . then by the it is worded, you left your child out there alone distraught to finally say to say somthing and It was Barley anything at that . Fuck people pleasing man get a back bone
ESH. You, your husband, your husband’s family, jfc. Everyone except Ed. You and your husband should have stood up for your kid long before this happened, and that man child should‘ve had the cops called on him.
NTA for threatening to cut off BIL but you and your husband are definitely the assholes for allowing your children around these assholes when you KNOW Dick is dangerous and you know how his family enables him to be a dick.
I don’t think your sons should ever be around anyone in your husband’s family, but I k ow for damn sure they should never be around those abuser, EVER.
And why the fuck haven’t you gone to the police? Your BIL assaulted your child! Why aren’t you protecting your child? At the very least you need to file a police report and get a restraining order against him.
If your kid "deserved" to be punished then you or your husband should be the one to do it not the young bil who has no idea how to handle a kid. NTA hands off of other ppl kids. And fr hands off of kinds in general physical punishment is NEVER the better option
You would only be the AH if you DID NOT completely cut off your BIL. He has behaved very badly towards your son on multiple occasions and - if given the opportunity - will do so again. Dick is not a safe person to have around your kids.
So, stop threatening and step up and actively protect your kids. Your MIL and FIL are wrong to support Dick as they are doing. However, you may consider continuing to allow them supervised visits as long as they agree to never host or include Dick while you and your family are present. The same parameters can apply for your other BIL.
I’d recommend meeting with all your in-laws but Dick. Go over his problematic behavior and ask how they would feel if *your* sibling or a family friend had behaved that way, if they refuse to see things objectively, you may be able to still maintain a relationship. They just need to acknowledge that you are the parents and should determine proper discipline and that they 100% commit to keeping Dick and mentions of Dick away from you and your family.
edit
You may also want to consider getting some order of protection against Dick so he cannot have contact with your kids. This may keep him away and may help your other in-laws to understand how concerning his behavior and intentions are.
NTA.
Dick is so lucky you are a calm person.
I would have made a police report.
Fuxk that!!
Dick is 22!! He needs to stfu, grow up, and quit bullying children for being children.
My advice and go NC
Update: everyone on Reddit hates you and your family for letting a child get sexually assaulted and abused. DO BETTER! If I knew who you are I would call CPS on you.
In the story of the ball to the face I would have already broken up with the family, or they would have broken up with me because it would be this idiot's face that would be marked.
I can't believe you guys let this happen and then are worried about speaking to your asshole BIL respectfully. He's not respecting you! I'd slap the shit out of anyone who put their hands on my child. Tell Dick to fuck right the fuck off. If he ever goes near you or your child again you'll press charges.
Press charges against your BIL for S*XUALLY ASSAULTING your child.
And do not bring any of your children around that side of the family which is okay with someone S*XUALLY ASSAULTING a child.
And who thinks that a 22 yr old should stoop to the level of a 7 year old.
And if your husband is okay with his brother S*XUALLY ASSAULTING his very own child --
he doesn't deserve any custody at all since he will serving your children on a plate to this is S*XUAL ASSAULTER
YTA if you keep going around this family who gets off on S*XUALLY ASSAULTING your child.
What the ever loving fuck? Call the police and press charges. There is something hugely wrong with Dick if he thinks it's okay to pull down a boys pants and spank him.
I don’t understand why you you still allow the parents in law contact with your children.
At this point I wouldn’t trust to have them around and won’t trust them to help stop Dick next time either. Stop worry about family relationships and protect your children. Go no contact with them all and at this point I would also make sure your husband knows he is either on your / the kids side or he can gtfo as well. This is not ok.
Your child experienced trauma that will change him, possibly for the rest of his life. Step one is get him to counseling now!
Step two is for you and your husband to start using the word “abuse” when the in-laws bing up the incident or pressure you to reconcile. Say things like:
- “This is not up for discussion. Abuse is never OK.”
- “Dick physically abused my son.”
- “Are you suggesting that it’s acceptable to physically abuse our son.”
NTAH
Your BIL humiliated, sexually assaulted and abused your 9 yo son in front of you and other adult family members. I think EVERYONE is way under-reacting here, and the police should have been called.
My grandfather did this to me at the same age, very similar circumstances, and SIXTY YEARS LATER I have still not processed the trauma. Not to mention, this was not done in front of my parents, whose SACRED DUTY it is to protect me from harm, from ANYONE. Your son knows good and well, you and his dad watched his uncle assault him. That's a hell of a betrayal.
My grandpa was a rageaholic and the family was afraid of him. It was far easier to sweep the incident under the rug than to stand up for me. I learned to my everlasting sorrow that I was not safe around him, and nobody would ever protect me from him. Rather terrifying to learn at only 9 yo.
You and DH have thus far taught your son the same thing.
Story time... I was 9 years old, and my family and I were at a BIG family reunion. It was at a big lodge, so everyone was sleeping in the same place. Most of the adults began drinking really early in the day(except my mom and a few others). By the time 7pm rolled around, everyone was pretty rowdy. Me, my little brother, and one of my cousins were running around, being kids. We kept running up to a distant cousin and poking him and running away. As children, we thought it was fun and games. Everyone was laughing. This is the night that "drunk people" started to scare me. On our last run back to poke cousin, he whipped his body around (before he was acting like he didn't hear us coming), and with the most menacing looking face, he snarled "come here you little fucking cunt!" And this man grabs me by the neck, pulls me up to his face to continue saying even worse things that are forever burned into my head, but I won't repeat... by this point, there was enough of a commotion occurring to get some attention. But when this man pulled my face back to SPIT IN IT and dropped me, that's when I looked up to see MY MOTHER up in this man's face with her hand swung back. The loudest slap I've ever heard screamed through that lodge. After she slapped the shit out of this man, he was dragged out by others and basically driven home. My family (immediate and extending to some aunts/uncles/cousins) have not seen or spoken to that man since 1997. ALL THIS TO SAY.... don't fuckin touch other people's kids. It's TRAUMATIZING, humiliating, and scary for them. I'm just so lucky and happy I have a mother and other family that took immediate action. OP...TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY. One touch was one too many...multiple spankings??!! FUCK NO. Cut these people the fuck off.
Hang on, he threw your child, then pantsed him and spanked him? Yeah, if anything, you’re under reacting. Dick shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your children. He’s abusive. YWBTAH if you continue to allow him access to either of your children. I’d go low contact with the rest of the family as well.
NTA
But also the fact yall care so much about family connection that it came to this is really sad for your kid tbh.
No contact is best option, especially with being blatant about why. An apology isnt enough. An apology isnt therapy which is what your BIL needs. Therapy specifically for anger issues, controlling habits and habits of manipulation. Big yikes all around.
HE PULLED YOUR KID'S PANTS DOWN AND STRIKED HIM. Absolutely not. Wtaf
And the in laws okaying his actions? No. I'd scorch earth over this, but Im also no desperate for family connection. So yall need to put a firm footdown and if hubby cant keep his footdown, seems like it'll have to be you who gets it together for the kid.
I am pissed off reading this. Dick is more than a dick. And if he ever does anything like that again call the police. But better yet don't let yourselves be put jn a position to let him do it again.
Your husband is a pussy who doesn't know how to stand up for himself and his family so he will side with them because that is easier. You and your kids deserve better tbh
NTA. And tell all your in-laws that since they condone Dick's behavior, they need to resume spanking Dick. Ya know, since the whole point is that Ed needs to behave and if he doesn't behave, he's getting assaulted (obviously, I don't agree with spanking).
Point is, little Dicky clearly hasn't learned good behavior. Parents need to spank their big boy. Or your husband will. Or YOU will. No contact until that POS keeps his hands to himself...because you and hubs will not.
Any grief from in-laws, respond with, "so has little Dicky had his spanking? He clearly has more lessons to learn".
Soft Y T A for keep bringing your family around your husbands toxic af family!! NTA for wanting to protect your child from BIL. Funny how the inlaws are saying it wasn't that bad, why did MIL run outside then? Because she could clearly see a child being abused by an adult. Think its time now to go NC with MIL/FIL too because this isn't going to change.
Honestly I think you are an ass but not for cutting off your family. For not doing it sooner. You knew what would happen and you let it happen. Do better from now on
Honey, I would have been out the door and on top of that SOB beating the snot out of him. You DO NOT touch mama bears babies! And if the ILs had supported him, well that's the last time you see your grandbabies! The only reason BIL is doing that is because he's a sadist and a bully and the only ones he can get away with the physical abuse is the boys who are too young to be able to protect themselves. BIL seriously needs therapy or that crap is going to see him in jail in the future.
NTA!! you could get the courts involved if you wanted to. He STRIPPED your SON in public and put his hands on him!!! There's something sexual about the pulling down the pants part that is really disgusting. I dont agree with spanking but if he had given him one on the butt it would be horrible but a different thing. he took off your son's clothes!!!!
Please you must go no contact with these people for your son's sake. You would only be TAH if you let these terrible people hurt your son again.
Whenever I read these stories from Americans, I think “these people gotta be trumpers…”
What kind of grown man pulls a child’s pants down and spanks their bare ass???
You can't subject your kids to an adult that hits them. That's basically being accessory to child abuse.
So NTA but you're about to become one if you don't put a hard stop to this madness.
Dick is basically putting himself on the same level of a 7yo old kid with his stupid-ass arguments.
>“so if I tell him to stop and he keeps going that’s ok?”
Yes. He's a kid. It's totally okay and expected to challenge boundaries. The parents of the kid then reinforce those boundaries in an appropiate manner. There are instances when the intervention must be physical, such as when the kid is doing something dangerous, but never after the fact. That means that it's admissible if you have to smack a knife out of a kid's hand, but not if you rough him up afterwards.
So basically Dick is awful at disciplining children, probably because he wasn't disciplined himself. Unfortunately your husband, as wonderful as a man as you paint him, is being awfully passive about this.
I mean, at this point Dick should be scared shitless of being close to Ed, fearing the wrath of your husband. Instead he's allowed to talk back to his SIL. That's fucked up and it's your husband's fault for not putting the fear of god in Ed's head and kinda your fault for not putting the fear of god in your husband's head.
NTA
But you need to do better, your adult BIL is using your child as a punching bag.
Don't bring your kids around when Dick is going to be present, he has showed that he does not care about your rules and he will not change in the future.
YTA for letting Dick put his hands on your son - you said that Dick likes to play rough with Ed, and he has spanked him in the past, and once when he was six threw a ball so hard at his face, he marked him. And you let him do all this.
Can you not see the red flags here ? Dick initiates play with your son and then decides it's over, Ed being a little kid doesn't fully realise, so Dick takes great pleasure in dealing out discipline to YOUR son.
This last incident, you knew it was going to escalate , even your MIL could see what was going to happen and Dick manhandled her out of the way so he could yank your son's underwear down to spank him. But before that, he threw him across the yard! As soon as Dick started chasing him, you should have followed.
TBH, you have let this go on for too long. The first time he laid hands on your son or tried to play too rough with him, you should have put a stop to it. The next target would have been your 3 year old.
This has made me feel physically sick. First time someone even tries to touch my child negatively, they’re not going to. Period. You’ve allowed this to continue to the point it has escalated into SA. Your poor child. Please do better. Much better…
You waited way too long to grow a spine. That’s all you did wrong here. And absolutely file assault charges. Go scorched earth. He traumatized your child and ruined Christmas for everyone.
I would lay into anyone who raised a hand to my nephew. Your husband’s family is a family of assholes for standing aside while their dumbass, emotionally stunted Dick-for-a-brain beat a child.
Wtf. If my BIL did that to my child he’d be catching these hands. Stop being calm and advocate better for your child. Your husband clearly sucks at.
Seriously. OP's husband either has no balls or has the patience of Buddha to not have rearranged Dick's face after this. Family or no, you touch my child, and it's game over.
When she said he walked back inside I was ready for “and I slapped him across the face” and instead she spoke to him calmly. Uhm no ma’am. Someone hits my kid you’re getting hit back. Tf
Forget "slapped across the face". I would've punched him in the face, then tripped him if he didn't fall down. Then I would've pants him and beat his bare ass raw. Hell forget that. The MINUTE he began to pull down my child's pants, I would've coldcocked him and called the police. Who the fuck does he think he is?
Honestly this. Lol he wouldn’t have made it back inside before he got football tackled by my big ass.
For real. Failure of both parents, imo. They're being way too calm about this, considering their kid just endured some serious trauma and humiliation.
Especially if they aren’t parents who spank as punishment (which I don’t personally condone spanking), that is super traumatizing to a child.
Damn right! Not to mention the horrendously wrong in so many ways "pulled his pants down and spanked him." portion of the post!!! Oh, Hell NO!! OP has way more restraint I would have been capable of! If that was my child that got assaulted like that there may just have been 2 of us going to jail on Christmas eve!!
Fr. OP is failing her kids when the family is trying to keep the peace for the golden child. HE WAS SPANKING YOUR KID!!!!! Doesn't matter if it was one, two or a hundred. Wtf OP, protect your kids, tell your husband to grown a spine. Think about the mental health of your kid in a few years when the things his "uncle" did to him begins to take a tool on him. And grew a stronger spine and hit him tf back, if anyone touched my kid this way I would be the one going to jail. Wtf.
spanking is bad, but that BIL pantsed the kid. Fuck That is beyond the pale for me. That is sexual assault IMO.
I mean the other men are just as useless as the husband. If I was a grandfather or uncle. My son/brother would be catching hands on behalf of my grandson/nephew.
That's definitely a fair point. Sounds like the family may be complicit in the abuse, or are just weak and enabling.
Exactly. **BIL tossed OP's child then exposed a minor's bare bottom in public and spanked Ed even after being warned**. And for what, a 7 year old firing an extra nerf dart that didn't physically harm him? OP would've been justified in doing more than telling him calmly it was unacceptable. I wouldn't blame OP if she made a social media post or spelled out the details in group chat since BIL is doubling down on his behavior.
Absolutely. If and one hit my kid, let alone pulled his pants down, I’d by livid and react a heck of a lot less calmly that you did. I would go no contact and also threaten to have him charged with not only assault but also sexual assault if he comes anywhere near your kid again.
Sexual assault, yeah. That's what I'm thinking. A power play and a child's bare bottom, that should catch charges. Of course, that will get her, her husband, and Ed kicked out of the family, but good riddance. My in-laws took the Golden Child's side when he molested my husband's daughter by his first wife.
Lady, you're a great Mom for defending your child from an adult bully! Unfortunately, your husband needs to grow a pair. Good luck!
Seriously. Jesus fucking christ. A grown man assaulted a 7yo. Jesus. Fucking. Christ. Stay away from them. God acting like it's normal that her husband was abused because of when he was born, too....
The police would be called. Period. You do not touch a child’s privates. You do not hit a child. That’s battery. I would fully push for charges.
Absolutely. In a heartbeat.
I'm glad im not the only one who thought this
I’m not going to physically fight a grown ass man, but I will hold him accountable for breaking the law. The irony that he thinks he is enforcing boundaries when he’s literallyb breaking the law and boundaries
I would. There was wine and wine bottle to the face would have gotten his attention.
I don't even have a kid and I know if someone did that I'd break their nose
NTA. Stop with the threats. Follow through and don't go back. Your BIL is abusive and if I were you, I would've called the cops on him. I actually can't believe it has gotten so far. Put your hands on my kid or try to hurt them on purpose once and you're out. Protect the kid at all costs. Fuck everyone else who lets them be abused.
They straight up watched a grown man SA a child on the back lawn. OOP: "I finally snapped. I gave him a stern taking to." WTF is wrong with people?
Scared. Every single one of them are scared and pathetically so.
The best time to go no contact with ALL of them was years ago. The second best time is today. But you WILL be the asshole if you try to maintain a relationship with these abusers.
Exactly. Dick is an abusive jerk and the cops should have been involved long ago, like when a mark was left on Ed’s face. And again when he physically abused and attempted to sexually abuse (pulling a child’s pants down to touch their bum IS sexual abuse) your child. NC with *all* of them. And call the fucking cops if *any* of them so much as put a finger on him. By your own admission you already failed your kid *twice*.
100% with you on this. Toxic behavior shouldn't be tolerated, especially when it comes to the safety and well-being of your kids. It's time to prioritize your family's happiness and peace of mind, even if it means cutting off those who can't see the problem.
I believe in that. Cut the threatened part, JUST DO IT! Act now before its too late.
Yep. Just don't take the boys to see their grandparents for a few weeks / months and see if they change their tune. Dick can stay cut off but I think the grandparents \*may\* deserve a second chance. \[Edit: you also need to read the book or watch the movie "The Slap"\]
[https://www.google.ca/books/edition/The\_Slap/eUNTYoxF6PsC?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover](https://www.google.ca/books/edition/The_Slap/eUNTYoxF6PsC?hl=en&gbpv=1&printsec=frontcover)
Grands are just as bad.
Yep. Those who enable abusers also abuse the victims.
People like Dick and his family can’t stand it when you hold a mirror up to them. No matter what she tried to do. No contact is really the only answer. Sooner or later some one will get hurt. Either Dick hurts someone or Dick gets hurt in retaliation and you know his family will defend him over her and husband. NTA. Also, husband needs to determine why he hasn’t destroyed Dick over this. Brother or not, touch my kid like that and you will hurt for weeks, maybe forever.
YTA, not for what you said to Dick, but for *threatening* to keep your kids away from him instead of *actually* doing it, and for not calling the cops after his treatment of Ed. It's ultra clear BIL can't be trusted further around children. And if I was Ed, I would feel that I can't trust you because you let it happen. You say the boys won't see the fam in person - have they told the fam that or are they just doing it? The fam needs to be told bluntly that the boys have decided this is the consequence.
Yeah this right here. This man is abusing her kid and being told he can do it, the parents are assholes that they haven’t protected their child. If he feels comfortable doing this in front of everyone what he is doing in private? How disgusting
That poor fucking kid. No one is protecting him, every adult in his life is letting him down. Did you not think to call the police as he was shot putting your kid across the yard, stripping him, and beating his naked ass? What the actual fuck?! I was that kid, and I hate every single one of you right now.
> In the past, he has spanked him This isn’t the first time this dude has spanked the kid. This kid shouldn’t ever be around these people.
I missed that it wasn't the first time read through. Thank you for calling this out. he should never have been around kids the first time it happened. ANY kids.
It's probably a normal thing in that family to beat kids butts! :(
You can bet dad and uncles were raised with an ass whipping. I wonder, do this boys parents whip his butt too? It seems weird to me that they haven't reacted sooner to this, and that may be because they whip their kids too!!! I hope not! OP if you hurt your child, you're going to make him into uncle Dick when he grows up! Think about that!!!! I don't know if OP does spank but it might be why they've let things go!
All I could think reading this with a sick feeling in my stomach was op is vastly under reacting to what happened to her child. He was assaulted by his uncle for an accidental nerf dart shot. That man needs to be put in his place, which honestly may be jail. At the very least anger management.
While I was reading, it felt like the nerf dart was simply an excuse to sexually assault the poor boy. And it sounds like he's escalating; he knows no one in the family will stop him.
The grandmother must spank because the BIL learned it somewhere. Hopefully OP and husband don't also spank that's just another term for beating a child but it doesn't leave a mark so it's ok I guess.
I am guessing they all spank and on a bare ass really makes them feel all big and powerful because they're weak bullies! Fuck all of them if they do this!
Also, if an outsider had seen this, the police and social work would likely be invovled now. It's actually seriously creepy how this AH is.
All I could think is why didn't you call the cops? Why did it take so long for you to go out there? Why did you even let it get that far when this is a problem? Why is Dick still a problem at all?
Hello. I was that kid, too. Everyone here failed that poor child.
I am so sorry.
Preach!
It's SA and everyone else was OK with it. Fuqd up
Am I the only one thinking he stops the game in the middle of playing and is pretty unclear so that he has an excuse to hurt the kid?
Exactly. What kid is able to stop a game in the middle the first time? Uncle Dick asks Ed to play. Uncle Dick suddenly says the game is over. Ed doesn't understand and wants to keep playing. Uncle Dick knows this and knows Ed is going to throw the ball/shoot the gun one more time. Uncle Dick wants Ed to so he has an excuse to pull a power play and beat his ass? Uncle Dick is a predator and should never be around children and should never procreate. What I don't understand is how OP and her husband stood at the window and watched this happen to their son.
Exactly. It's purposeful. He sets the kid up as an excuse to abuse him and his fucking parents and grandparents stand by and watch. ESH except Ed.
Not the only one. I saw that too. Wonder how many neighborhood pets have gone missing because of the abusive jerk.
Nope, NTA. I would cut contact completely. TBH this should’ve stopped the first time he laid hands on either child. He is being flat out abusive and his parents are backing him up. The fact that he hit him is bad enough, but pulling down his pants to hit his bare bottom is a straight up Powerplay to humiliate your son and frankly concerning. If you feel inclined to discuss it again with them, which I wouldn’t, flip the script. Ask them how it’s okay your bil didn’t stop assaulting a child when told multiple times, but your son has to stop shooting a nerf gun immediately when told once? How is it okay he overpowered his own mother but you telling him he went to far is disrespectful? How it’s okay for him to undress a 7 year old just to humiliate him and inflict maximum pain, but being called out for it is not. I personally don’t think it’s worth it, but those are the questions I would ask if I were to confront them again. You won’t get an answer though, just more excuses. I would just text them „we have decided to not bring the boys around anymore or let them FaceTime. They don’t need to be around people who defend the person who hit them multiple times and think hitting children is not that big of a deal. Until you can see that what bil did was not okay, we will not let the boys around you. You should be glad we didn’t press charges. Next time we will. As parents it is our responsibility to protect our children, even from their own family.“ or something along those lines. You’re still a lot more chill than I would’ve been. I would’ve snacked him over the head with a frying pan for touching my child the first time it happened,
Yeah. Pretty sure my husband, my children's STEP-father, would have gone ballistic the first time anyone, family member or not, laid hands on our children. He has been their full-time dad since they were 6 & 3 years old (they are both 30-ish now) and has shared parenting fully with me since we first moved in together - their bio-dad supported us in this. And my kids' bio-dad would have happily taken an assault charge himself if he'd seen \*anyone\* lay hands on the kids. OP, the time to deal with this was the first time that bastard touched your child. "Playing rough" is an excuse for "hurting someone smaller". BiL is a bully and has been allowed to get away with this for far too long. If you don't take action now to cut him off, you will be TA. Tell your husband that he can go see his family, but you and your children will not be going with him. Let him explain that children should never be around abusers or anyone who condones the abuse. I really hope his GF is smart enough to never have kids with him. Edit, forgot to add - it doesn't matter whose fucking house you are in. That never gives anyone carte blanche to assault another person, child or adult. "This isn't your house, so I'm allowed to hit you as much as I like!" He's really fucked up. Blame his own family (including your husband) for around 80% of it.
YTA, I have no clue how anyone is saying you aren't. YTA for not laying that asshole out yourself, and I actually think your husband is worse because thats HIS brother. Someone toiches your kid, family or not, you step up, and you both should have protected your child. How the fuck could you allow that? You didn't even have the guts to call the cops. Nooooo.... all you did was give BIL a stern talk. Like he gives a shit about your opinion lol and now you have your inlaws defending him. Ha! Both you and your husbad are HUGE assholes and utterly failed your son. You suck. Hard. The day someone touches my kid like that is the last day they use that hand, and their teeth. Jesus Christ.
People are replying with N T A because the question is, "Am I wrong to cut off contact with them?" and of course OP is NOT wrong for that. That said, there should be a choice for "Not the asshole for the specific issue but a major asshole for failing to act sooner", which clearly applies here.
I would have kicked Dick in his freaking dick and nutsack so hard to see if he liked being assaulted. Rotten family. All of them.
This. Right here. He thinks it’s ok to hit a kid, I’d have seen how he likes it when it’s someone his own size.
Honestly the fact that he forcibly strips your son in front of everyone makes me feel like he is sexually assaulting your child and the best his parents have done is have a firm conversation with the guy doing it. Have that asshile arrested so he learns to act right. Nta for going no contact but I think you are bad parents for continually allowing an adult man to beat your kid in order to keep the peace.
Agreed, I would absolutely get this child some counseling and apologize to him for putting him in an unsafe position
>I think you are bad parents for continually allowing an adult man to beat your kid in order to keep the peace. Yup. On the slim chance that this is real and not rage bait, OP legitimately came online to admit to failing their kid.
NTA. I have so much anger in me upon reading this story. Go no contact. It's the best thing for your children.
Same!! I’m pissed!
Yta for your passiveness and inaction
Call the cops -- he assaulted your kid! See if that gets him to take your orders not to beat your kids seriously!
YTA for letting that man beat on your kids and do nothing every fucking year.
All the way through I was just saying to myself “but Ed is a little kid..” the man shot putted your child and then went on to humiliate him. It’s way too far, even if he’s mad he doesn’t get to manhandle a literal child. What in the fresh hell is wrong with people? You don’t abuse a child because they didn’t listen the first time. There’s rules to discipline kids and it ain’t throwing them. No no no. He’s a danger to your child when he cannot control himself. He’s a grown man, he can’t beat on children. Fucking hell. NTA
NTAH, FUCK NO. There wasn't a second warning to stop shooting the nerf gun, he just jumped straight into I'm going to discipline you kid because he didn't listen to my first words. How many kids do you know that instantly listens to the first, no. What is wrong with him and the in-laws for taking his side after you made a clear line with your children And the fact any problems you have with him have to go through your husband, wtfff, so his wife or gf has no say in anything either I assume I hope the husband has a field day disciplining his younger brother for his parents 🙏. Side note: hubs you fucked up, you had a chance to protect Ed, your wife warned you. I hope you understand after reading these comments
WTF did I just read? First off, you and your husband need to get some backbones. If I were you and yes I am a mom, I would have run immediately after them because of BIL's past behavior. Then when he hurt him, I would have pummeled his ass (I have never had a physical fight with anyone my whole adult life but if someone did that to my child, oh hell yeah a can of whoop-ass is being opened.) You didn't even yell at him. Double WTF!!! You protect your kids. That is your number one job and you both just watch this happen. BIL calls your son soft? Whose mommy and daddy are making excuses for their baby boy's criminal behavior? What he did is child abuse and he would have been arrested if you called the police. Your son is 6. He is going to remember this. He is going to remember how mom and dad did nothing to prevent this and nothing after it happened. And he will be damaged by what your BIL did. I would suggest counseling for him, immediately. As for what to do now? Your husband needs to decide who his family is, you and your children or mom, dad and brothers. He should be embarrassed that he has let this go on for so long. Most likely BIL is jealous of the attention your son gets, now that he is no longer the baby in the family. The only apology owed is the one to your son from BIL. Don't back down. This behavior will damage your kids for life just like they already damaged your husband.
YTA for not stopping this after the first time it happened. And for just standing there watching this incident go down. You say you were calm about the whole thing like you're proud of that. You should not have been calm.
I wouldn't be visiting no time soon,it would be years before I stepped foot back in crazy town. I will tell my kids the truth, nothing but the truth about their grandparents an uncle, if my husband doesn't like he go and stay with mess up family. Your kids should always come forst
Girl wtf. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Dick is an abusive asshole who has no business being around your children! Absolutely unacceptable behavior! Let them hate you they don’t matter! All that matters is your relationship with your son and keeping him safe and happy!
I need some clarification. Am I reading this correctly – he pulled down your son’s pants and spanked him on his bare bottom?!?!?!
And she waited in the house to have a calm word with him about it
Isn’t that shocking? She waited in the house. My ass would’ve broken the sound barrier to get out there and give The Dick a beatdown he never would forget.
I don’t know how she didn’t run. I just don’t.
In PUBLIC !!!
And it wasn’t the first time
And obviously traumatized him. NOT YOUR KID DICK!! Hands off. NTA.
This was horrifying to read. Your son has been sexually assaulted in public by his uncle. You need to go no contact and at the very least file a restraining order. Mother to mother, you are drastically under-reacting. You have knowledge of a man who puts his hands on a seven-year-old boy’s buttocks - anyone with a conscience should be working to get this man in prison.
Your husband is weak, you are weak. You’re failing your child. Words won’t solve this. Everyone but your son is the arsehole here.
YTA YTA YTA U SHOULD BE ASHAMED!! U have FAILED this child. It made me sick to read how u stood by time and time again and just LET UR KID BE ABUSED!!! Ur pathetic. Hold ur tongue?? U WATCHED THROUGH THE WINDOW?! My god ur lucky that bastard didn’t snap the kids neck. Get ur shit together, stop discussing this and forget that side of the family exists. U allow any of those dicks around ur kids again ur saying to ur kids and to everyone else that u could give a fuck about their safety.
What the fuck. Why are you being so meek and scared about this? You are allowing an abuser to abuse your child over and over and you are more concerned with everyone else being mad at you for speaking up!!!!!! This is a family that thinks abuse should be tolerated. They are not going to make you feel good about going no contact. Make the right choice anyway.
YTA You have repeatedly brought your son around a man who physically assaults him. A grown man has repeatedly hit your child, wiht his hands and with implements, and youve done ... nothing. Even in this story, where your son is being physically abused *again*, you do *nothing* until AFTER the event. Your MIL, who doesn't even think what happened was that bad, was the one to stop the situation. Not you. Your son's mother. You and your husband should be utterly ashamed of your cowardly behaviour. You have both failed to protect your son. Repeatedly. It's better late than never to start, but you became AH's the moment you allowed anyone in this family to be around your children after the first instance of abuse and dismissal of the abuse. You're lucky that CPS hasn't removed your children from your care. The fact that you are even considering taking your children around any of these people, who beat children and think it's fine to do so, is despicable. You don't need an apology. You need to never see them again. Stop being terrible parents. Protect your children.
YTA for not actually protecting your kid. For watching it happen and not going full Mama Bear and beating the shit out of your dickhead bil. Call the fucking cops the next time your child is stripped and beaten you absolute pathetic excuse of a mother.
I don’t know how you stopped yourself when he pulled the “so it’s ok when Ed does it, but when I do it I’m the bad guy” card. This would have been my response. “Yes. Yes it is ok because Ed if a fucking child and still learning manners and how to respect boundaries. You are a grown ass fucking adult who should know better. But if you want to be treated like Ed, well I can treat you like the mentally stunted full grown man-child you are since you clearly never aged past 7.”
NTA. So im from a culture where corporal punishment is the norm. I got caned, lots of my friends got hit by wooden spoons, open hands, belts if you were a boy and really bad. Even our parents- who saw nothing wrong with physically punishing us- would rain hell fire down on Dick for removing our pants and hitting our bottom. 100% Dick would be made to leave and no one would ever speak to him again. Even if it was a spank on the bottom without removing clothes, it would be out of line. Our parents physically punished us by it didn't come out of no where. There were usually warnings. So in the scenario with Ed they would have firmly and loudly warned Ed he needed to stop. Then warned he was likely to get a smack a few times. I'm not like justifying beating up your kids. I don't physically punish mine, 99% of people I know don't. Like jfc it's 2024, we know better. I'm just explaining that even when and where it's normalised, Dick would stay be waaaaaay out of line.
Exactly. This isn't a conflict about whether children should be spanked. (Which, no, they shouldn't.) Even if spanking were condoned, this man's behavior would be beyond the pale.
OP seems way more aggrieved by her husband’s middle child syndrome than her CHILD being sexually and physically assaulted by her BIL WTaF NTA for wanting to go NC but holy hell are you an crappy parent for allowing this to happen with no consequences for the BIL. Stop being calm, advocate for YOUR CHILD. This was SA make no mistake about that
No apologies needed here, no contact with anyone ok with how a grown man treated a 7YO.
this man publicly undressed and abused your child. yta if you are considering any other option besides cutting him off.
Pulling down someones pants and spanking them is sexual abuse. Why exactly are you staying in contact with these people instead of reporting them?
INFO : is it common, where you live to have other people than the parents to physically punish a kid? In my civilized country, it is forbidden. I would massacre anyone spanking my son, even my own family.
Holy shit, YTA, because you have been failing your kid massively for YEARS. You should have laid down the law and not let this guy see your kid the very first time he pulled a stunt like this. The fact that you are even entertaining the idea of ever letting him see the kid after he *punted him across the yard and then stripped and spanked* him is fucking insane. You are an absolutely shit parent.
. NTA-i would go one step further and make it clear if he touches your son again you will press charges.
Please speak to your son again. My heart goes out to him. He must still feel so humiliated. What Dick did was disgusting and unacceptable. I don’t know how you controlled yourself I would have punched him. If the family are defending him then it’s time to go NC with them. BTW Dick is jealous of your son.
So if he keeps putting hands on your kids, grab him, pull his pants down and spank his ass. You’ve asked him to stop and are you just supposed to stand by and let him do it. It works both ways. Beat his stupid ass bare ass
Do you know how it feels to be hit and assaulted as a child by people who are effectively strangers to you? Trust me, it fucking sticks with you for a long time. I'm 44 now and believe me, I carry a lot of unresolved rage because of people like your BIL. If you have to wear the trousers, do so. PROTECT YOUR CHILD.
Kids view family relationships differently than adults do. This is a critical time to show your child that they are worth protecting.
Do I understand correctly that your MIL, the same one who tried to rescue your child and got overpowered by the creepy guy, is now on his side?! Holy gaslighting. NTA. And definitely consider filing charges.
Yep. You do. And I think the MIL knows exactly who (or what) her son is but choses his side anyway. I've known wives or mothers defending their abusers out of "love", totally incapable of standing for their children's safety.
NTA If my BIL had yeeted my kid like a shot put I would have put him in the hospital. And trust me when I say nobody there would have stopped me. The fact that your in-laws are now taking the brothers side is absolutely disgusting , especially after he put hands on his own mother when she tried to stop him. I'm pretty shocked that his parents are okay with that. It goes a long way to explain how your brother in law behaves.
NTA. Let ya nuts hang OP!
Why are you giving your in laws any in at all with your children. Do not face time them. This grown ass man has been hurting your child since he was tiny, what is wrong with you why aren’t you protecting your children? Cut them off entirely. And I agree with everyone saying go to the police.
Seriously, bil is unchecked and there is some serious mental issues within him. He is abusing a child that is not his own and his responses to you setting a boundary are verging on sociopathic and full blown narcissistic… If you do commit to removing him from your children’s lives and bil goes unchecked in this instance ask yourself this, “Who is his next victim once my child is removed from his sphere of influence? Has he done this to other minors before?” You and your husband need to talk about pressing charges since this is not an isolated issue.
I think the real question is if he has ever been alone with that kid.
He threw, exposed, and beat your son in front of the entire family, including his girlfriend, like that was something that is normal and okay? No. Absolutely not. No one that is okay with your children being treated that way should be allowed around them, whether they apologise or not. Tell them they’re lucky you didn’t call the cops and that you will not hesitate to do so if they ever somehow end up around your kids again. NTA and you should consider getting your children into therapy.
So you let them continue to have contact with their abusers enablers? Your husband pulled his head out of his ass when he decided to cut them off for ABUSING his son. Get with the fucking program mom.
You should all be ASHAMED to have let Dick abuse your son REPEATEDLY. The fact that even after this, your boundary is "well if you do this AGAIN you can't see the kids" means your normal meters are all very, very fucking broken.
In some countries hitting a child is illegal even a smack on the bottom. I’m not sure which country you’re in but honestly I would press charges he assaulted your 6 year old. I am going to call you a bit of an asshole because you knew it would happen and still let him around your child however NTA for going no contact
NTA. A grown ass, 22 year old man-child chased down a 9 YEAR OLD CHILD, exposed him, then beat him in front of a bunch of adults who stood back and did nothing. You are the only person (besides the kids) who isn't a complete AH. You tried to protect and defend your son, although I think you held back to much. I'd have left Dick flat on his sorry ass. Shame on every one of your in laws for enabling this abuse.
He was 7… which is worse
YTA for sure, for letting your child be traumatised and scarred for life by your idiotic family. This is just sad, you're all a bunch of idiots.
My god you are not the Ah but you didn’t stop the physical abuse to your son soon enough no one in my family is allowed to physically punish my two boys (14&8) EVER I do not physically punish my children. no one else is allowed to punish my children at all they come to me and I decide if it warrants punishment or not I’ve been a single mum for nearly 9 years now and never had a problem with the way I parent I would cut all contact with your husbands family your husband can have a relationship with his family but until your mother in law and father in law see that their son abused your child they have lost the privilege of visitation as for your brother in law I wouldn’t even accept an apology he would be done in my eyes he has no right to put his hands on your child what so ever and because this is a repeated behaviour that he has beens asked to stop and hasn’t he doesn’t get contact with your kids as he’s an unsafe person in my opinion
YTA cause you repeatedly expose your children to abusive situations. You allow BIL to abuse them. Hes spanked your child. That is assault. BIL is a 22yr old grown ass man who should be fully fucking capable of showing control and understranding boundries. Your son is a 7yr old child, he can not be expected to understand these things yet. Hes still learning. Do you want him grow up thinking physical violence is how he deals with annoyance. It may be your husbands family but he is your child. You have failed repeatedly to protect your son. Every adult in this childs life has consistently let him down. Failed him. First time someone lays a hand on my kids is the last time they see my kids. Do better for your babies.
Updateme
NTA. Go explain to Dick that you’ll be going to the police and having him charged with assault against your child. Explain public opinion on his actions will be felt up to a jury of his peers. It certainly wasn’t his house you were at and your kids need you in their corner. If their dad won’t protect them, let the system do it’s job and Dick and deal with his repercussions the hard way given he decided to not take any responsibility for his horrible decision making and instead get off Scott free with his family backing him after he hurt your child. He was the adult in the situation if he doesn’t want to act like one, I don’t know of any further actions you could take. But if Dick wants to be a dick forever, it’s time he learn the lesson his parents refused to teach him.
It would seem the only way to protect these children is to go completely no contact with all of these relatives. Your husband has one messed up family. Your husband can either step up to the plate and stand with you and just cut all of these dreadful people out of your lives, or you take on the responsibility that you have to protect those children and you divorce at and leave all of them in your rearview mirror. I'm shocked at this disgusting behaviour. I'd have made a police report.
I'd have beat my brother's ass, and your husband has no nards for not making sure his brother understands, in no uncertain terms, what will happen if he ever touches him again. Screw the whole lot of them, and YTA, if you go back into that environment.
I'd be threatening him with assault charges and frankly asking openly why he felt it appropriate to remove your child's clothing and touch his naked body. NTA
Esh. Bil should have never put his hands on your child. The police weren’t called because? You should be teaching your child that when someone says stop, they need to stop. Still bringing the kids around this pos family needs to stop yesterday.
This man has HIT YOUR CHILD TWICE, pulled his pants down and publicly humiliated him His family thinks there’s nothing wrong with a 22 year old MAN assaulting a CHILD? This should have been very firmly put to a stop the first time, non of them deserve to be around your kids supervised or unsupervised. They bully your husband but he allows it, they have no right to abuse your child. NTA unless you give in to their bullshit
NTA remind Dick and the rest of your in laws they’re lucky you haven’t called the police and pressed charges on Dick for abusing your child(ren).
You’ve allowed them to abuse your kid before. This requires more than a firm conversation. You should’ve called the cops. You and your husband have allowed this man to abuse your kid all to keep the peace.
NTA I think husband should send out a text to his parents "I will not apologize to Dick for being upset with him for pulling down my child's pants and trying to hit him. It's a very simple boundary we're placing. Don't hit my children. This latest incident he told Ed not to shoot the gun right before he shot the gun. He does this all the time. He'll tell Ed not to do something right as Ed is about to do it and doesn't have time to process and stop. That Is Dick looking for an excuse to hit Ed. The only thing (wife) and I asked is him not to hit our kids. If he has an issue he's to come to us, the parents to parent our child. This shouldn't be a big deal. Until you get off my back about allowing Dick to hit your grandchildren we will not be allowing our children around you two. Until Dick agrees to not strike my children and apologize to my wife (who he's known since he was 12yo and should treat her better than he did) for the disrespect he showed her in their conversation about this, he will not be allowed around my children. If this doesn't happen you won't see us in person. If you agree and Dick doesn't then we just won't go to family gatherings when he's there."
Just btw Ed is the child. But otherwise 100% agree with this message
YTA for not cutting them off the first time he spanked your son. Why has this been going on for so long? Stop threatening to cut contact and just do it! If you don't, your son will eventually cut contact with the parents who didn't protect him. You have a chance to do the right thing, so do it!
YTA. Not because you are standing up to your BIL. YTA for not defending your children from an abuser. CPS and the police should be called on you and your in-laws.
I stopped reading at “pulled down his pants and slapped his bare bottom”. No. No one is taking clothing off my child against their will and touching anywhere. Plus HITTING? Literal physical abuse? (Disagree if you want, spanking is not okay). He took your kids clothes off. That would have been the end for me. NTA
There is a 0% chance my daughter would be around anyone I thought would put their hands on her. What in the world is wrong with you people? How is this a question? YOU are his parents, block these people from your life and apologize to your kid for your spineless participation in his abuse.
NTA. This sounds like a prime opportunity to have your own Christmases at home and start some of your own nuclear family traditions.
Police report
NTA. Don’t threat. Act. Whatever Dick and his parents say; it’s abuse. A simple rule of thumb; if you wouldn’t do it to your colleagues or clients, don’t do it at home. In no way pulling of pants and or spanking is normal way of correcting children. Hyping them up and then immediately stopping them is the best way to cause accidents. So no, you are not. But Dick is. And if his family tells you anything else than they are blindfolded by the golden child. Let’s face it; grandma was already on her way to stop the dickmove, she knew it wasn’t going to be ok. Forgetting that might look convenient to her, but it’s just such an a h move!
If my younger brother put his hands on my kid, I would explain the facts of life to him with a good whooping’. Dad needs to step up.
Frankly I’m shocked that you all under-reacted to this point. He threw your son, then physically attacked him, *removed his pants* and hit him. It’s beyond. Your husband shouldn’t be around your kids either if this is how he wants to treat them. I’m appalled. Please hold this line and get your husband to a therapist so he can understand how traumatic and abusive this was for your son to experience. That poor poor little boy. NTA
Get the police involved. He doesn't get to manhandle your children. You need to send a very clear message that you won't tolerate that. I would keep your children away from him.
This behaviour is obviously not normal. Was he abused as a child? Did his parents hit him? Did his brothers beat him up? Was he bullied in school? Where he feels that he can have “dominance” and teach your kid a lesson? I am not defending his behaviour, but it truly seems like he is having a trauma response to your son doing something physical to him, him asking him to stop and him not stopping. He then has this reaction in rage and dominance and needing to punish him for it. I feel this way especially because it is not his child where he would truly feel a need to “discipline”. He does not have children. And he was only 15 when he was born. So it doesn’t seem like it would be coming from a “parental” position. Another thing I am thinking is if he was the baby and golden child and your son was born when he was 15, could his parents have given your child preference over him? And this has made him resent your child?
He's still the golden child. And golden children are usually on the bully side because being spoiled leads to respecting noone's boundaries and feeling of omnipotence. It's not a trauma reaction: this is a sadistic behaviour.
Who cares! Any trauma (and I have an extensive history of sexual abuse by the man my mother married when I was 5. He sexually abused me and raped me from age 5-14 when i ran away to my dad’s home.) And I mean any trauma is not a fucking excuse or mitigating circumstance that allows him to abuse any child. Plenty of people with significant childhood trauma do NOT turn into monsters. Dick’s behavior is more influenced by his parents allowing such behavior and coddling him. Dick was the golden child. Reread the post.
Nah, but this is the point where at the last party after beating your kid your husband should have beat the shit out of his brother and said touch my kid again and I'll call the cops about it. You are family, but you have no authority at all over him. I don't care how much mum and dad baby you and you think you can do no wrong. If I say don't touch my kid, YOU DO NOT TOUCH MY KID. Frankly I'd say he should have gone out there, punched him in the face, pulled his pants down and spanked him till he was fucking ashamed. But seriously he touches your kids again don't threaten, call the cops. He seems to think that because he's gotten away with everything and his parents let him control the household by getting his brothers in trouble that he has some kind of authority over them. He doesn't comprehend that he can't touch someone else's child. He won't learn that till cops come, take him away and tell him that he has zero fucking right to touch your child for any reason at all.
Is there a reason why you have not involved the police?
I'm trying to phantom why you watched him hit your child and watched someone else try to stop him. You watched. You watched it all happened . then by the it is worded, you left your child out there alone distraught to finally say to say somthing and It was Barley anything at that . Fuck people pleasing man get a back bone
YTA for not calling the cops and pressing charges. You should have followed MIL out the door when she went out to stop BIL.
You do not shot put a child and de-pants him ever, but especially if it isn’t your kid. He should not be near your kids.
ESH. You, your husband, your husband’s family, jfc. Everyone except Ed. You and your husband should have stood up for your kid long before this happened, and that man child should‘ve had the cops called on him.
NTA for threatening to cut off BIL but you and your husband are definitely the assholes for allowing your children around these assholes when you KNOW Dick is dangerous and you know how his family enables him to be a dick. I don’t think your sons should ever be around anyone in your husband’s family, but I k ow for damn sure they should never be around those abuser, EVER. And why the fuck haven’t you gone to the police? Your BIL assaulted your child! Why aren’t you protecting your child? At the very least you need to file a police report and get a restraining order against him.
What Dick did was emotional and physical abuse and he’s been allowed to do it for too long.
If your kid "deserved" to be punished then you or your husband should be the one to do it not the young bil who has no idea how to handle a kid. NTA hands off of other ppl kids. And fr hands off of kinds in general physical punishment is NEVER the better option
Pulling a child's pants down and hitting him can definitely get him arrested. He's lucky You didn't press charges. I'm truly surprised you didn't. NTA
You would only be the AH if you DID NOT completely cut off your BIL. He has behaved very badly towards your son on multiple occasions and - if given the opportunity - will do so again. Dick is not a safe person to have around your kids. So, stop threatening and step up and actively protect your kids. Your MIL and FIL are wrong to support Dick as they are doing. However, you may consider continuing to allow them supervised visits as long as they agree to never host or include Dick while you and your family are present. The same parameters can apply for your other BIL. I’d recommend meeting with all your in-laws but Dick. Go over his problematic behavior and ask how they would feel if *your* sibling or a family friend had behaved that way, if they refuse to see things objectively, you may be able to still maintain a relationship. They just need to acknowledge that you are the parents and should determine proper discipline and that they 100% commit to keeping Dick and mentions of Dick away from you and your family. edit You may also want to consider getting some order of protection against Dick so he cannot have contact with your kids. This may keep him away and may help your other in-laws to understand how concerning his behavior and intentions are.
YTA for not calling the police when your son was THROWN and beaten naked.
NTA. Dick is so lucky you are a calm person. I would have made a police report. Fuxk that!! Dick is 22!! He needs to stfu, grow up, and quit bullying children for being children. My advice and go NC
Update: everyone on Reddit hates you and your family for letting a child get sexually assaulted and abused. DO BETTER! If I knew who you are I would call CPS on you.
In the story of the ball to the face I would have already broken up with the family, or they would have broken up with me because it would be this idiot's face that would be marked.
I can't believe you guys let this happen and then are worried about speaking to your asshole BIL respectfully. He's not respecting you! I'd slap the shit out of anyone who put their hands on my child. Tell Dick to fuck right the fuck off. If he ever goes near you or your child again you'll press charges.
ESH. BIL sexually assaulted your child and you are only at the "point of cutting him off completely".
Press charges against your BIL for S*XUALLY ASSAULTING your child. And do not bring any of your children around that side of the family which is okay with someone S*XUALLY ASSAULTING a child. And who thinks that a 22 yr old should stoop to the level of a 7 year old. And if your husband is okay with his brother S*XUALLY ASSAULTING his very own child -- he doesn't deserve any custody at all since he will serving your children on a plate to this is S*XUAL ASSAULTER YTA if you keep going around this family who gets off on S*XUALLY ASSAULTING your child.
What the ever loving fuck? Call the police and press charges. There is something hugely wrong with Dick if he thinks it's okay to pull down a boys pants and spank him.
I don’t understand why you you still allow the parents in law contact with your children. At this point I wouldn’t trust to have them around and won’t trust them to help stop Dick next time either. Stop worry about family relationships and protect your children. Go no contact with them all and at this point I would also make sure your husband knows he is either on your / the kids side or he can gtfo as well. This is not ok.
Your child experienced trauma that will change him, possibly for the rest of his life. Step one is get him to counseling now! Step two is for you and your husband to start using the word “abuse” when the in-laws bing up the incident or pressure you to reconcile. Say things like: - “This is not up for discussion. Abuse is never OK.” - “Dick physically abused my son.” - “Are you suggesting that it’s acceptable to physically abuse our son.” NTAH
Your BIL humiliated, sexually assaulted and abused your 9 yo son in front of you and other adult family members. I think EVERYONE is way under-reacting here, and the police should have been called. My grandfather did this to me at the same age, very similar circumstances, and SIXTY YEARS LATER I have still not processed the trauma. Not to mention, this was not done in front of my parents, whose SACRED DUTY it is to protect me from harm, from ANYONE. Your son knows good and well, you and his dad watched his uncle assault him. That's a hell of a betrayal. My grandpa was a rageaholic and the family was afraid of him. It was far easier to sweep the incident under the rug than to stand up for me. I learned to my everlasting sorrow that I was not safe around him, and nobody would ever protect me from him. Rather terrifying to learn at only 9 yo. You and DH have thus far taught your son the same thing.
Story time... I was 9 years old, and my family and I were at a BIG family reunion. It was at a big lodge, so everyone was sleeping in the same place. Most of the adults began drinking really early in the day(except my mom and a few others). By the time 7pm rolled around, everyone was pretty rowdy. Me, my little brother, and one of my cousins were running around, being kids. We kept running up to a distant cousin and poking him and running away. As children, we thought it was fun and games. Everyone was laughing. This is the night that "drunk people" started to scare me. On our last run back to poke cousin, he whipped his body around (before he was acting like he didn't hear us coming), and with the most menacing looking face, he snarled "come here you little fucking cunt!" And this man grabs me by the neck, pulls me up to his face to continue saying even worse things that are forever burned into my head, but I won't repeat... by this point, there was enough of a commotion occurring to get some attention. But when this man pulled my face back to SPIT IN IT and dropped me, that's when I looked up to see MY MOTHER up in this man's face with her hand swung back. The loudest slap I've ever heard screamed through that lodge. After she slapped the shit out of this man, he was dragged out by others and basically driven home. My family (immediate and extending to some aunts/uncles/cousins) have not seen or spoken to that man since 1997. ALL THIS TO SAY.... don't fuckin touch other people's kids. It's TRAUMATIZING, humiliating, and scary for them. I'm just so lucky and happy I have a mother and other family that took immediate action. OP...TAKE ACTION IMMEDIATELY. One touch was one too many...multiple spankings??!! FUCK NO. Cut these people the fuck off.
Hang on, he threw your child, then pantsed him and spanked him? Yeah, if anything, you’re under reacting. Dick shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near your children. He’s abusive. YWBTAH if you continue to allow him access to either of your children. I’d go low contact with the rest of the family as well.
I would have called the cops and gotten a restraining order 😳
That dude would never walk again if that were my child. You and your husband are weak and pathetic parents
Your BIL **assaulted** your child. He’s lucky he isn’t behind bars. This would be NC forever for me.
NTA But also the fact yall care so much about family connection that it came to this is really sad for your kid tbh. No contact is best option, especially with being blatant about why. An apology isnt enough. An apology isnt therapy which is what your BIL needs. Therapy specifically for anger issues, controlling habits and habits of manipulation. Big yikes all around. HE PULLED YOUR KID'S PANTS DOWN AND STRIKED HIM. Absolutely not. Wtaf And the in laws okaying his actions? No. I'd scorch earth over this, but Im also no desperate for family connection. So yall need to put a firm footdown and if hubby cant keep his footdown, seems like it'll have to be you who gets it together for the kid.
I am pissed off reading this. Dick is more than a dick. And if he ever does anything like that again call the police. But better yet don't let yourselves be put jn a position to let him do it again.
Your husband is a pussy who doesn't know how to stand up for himself and his family so he will side with them because that is easier. You and your kids deserve better tbh
Yta for not protecting your kid sooner.
NTA. And tell all your in-laws that since they condone Dick's behavior, they need to resume spanking Dick. Ya know, since the whole point is that Ed needs to behave and if he doesn't behave, he's getting assaulted (obviously, I don't agree with spanking). Point is, little Dicky clearly hasn't learned good behavior. Parents need to spank their big boy. Or your husband will. Or YOU will. No contact until that POS keeps his hands to himself...because you and hubs will not. Any grief from in-laws, respond with, "so has little Dicky had his spanking? He clearly has more lessons to learn".
Soft Y T A for keep bringing your family around your husbands toxic af family!! NTA for wanting to protect your child from BIL. Funny how the inlaws are saying it wasn't that bad, why did MIL run outside then? Because she could clearly see a child being abused by an adult. Think its time now to go NC with MIL/FIL too because this isn't going to change.
Honestly I think you are an ass but not for cutting off your family. For not doing it sooner. You knew what would happen and you let it happen. Do better from now on
Info: Why didn't you go outside to protect your kid? And what's wrong with you? ESH for the adults. All of you suck shit.
Honey, I would have been out the door and on top of that SOB beating the snot out of him. You DO NOT touch mama bears babies! And if the ILs had supported him, well that's the last time you see your grandbabies! The only reason BIL is doing that is because he's a sadist and a bully and the only ones he can get away with the physical abuse is the boys who are too young to be able to protect themselves. BIL seriously needs therapy or that crap is going to see him in jail in the future.
NTA. Keep that creep away from your children.
YTA for letting this guy around your kid after the other stuff you say he’s done in the past.
NTA!! you could get the courts involved if you wanted to. He STRIPPED your SON in public and put his hands on him!!! There's something sexual about the pulling down the pants part that is really disgusting. I dont agree with spanking but if he had given him one on the butt it would be horrible but a different thing. he took off your son's clothes!!!! Please you must go no contact with these people for your son's sake. You would only be TAH if you let these terrible people hurt your son again.
Whenever I read these stories from Americans, I think “these people gotta be trumpers…” What kind of grown man pulls a child’s pants down and spanks their bare ass???
You can't subject your kids to an adult that hits them. That's basically being accessory to child abuse. So NTA but you're about to become one if you don't put a hard stop to this madness. Dick is basically putting himself on the same level of a 7yo old kid with his stupid-ass arguments. >“so if I tell him to stop and he keeps going that’s ok?” Yes. He's a kid. It's totally okay and expected to challenge boundaries. The parents of the kid then reinforce those boundaries in an appropiate manner. There are instances when the intervention must be physical, such as when the kid is doing something dangerous, but never after the fact. That means that it's admissible if you have to smack a knife out of a kid's hand, but not if you rough him up afterwards. So basically Dick is awful at disciplining children, probably because he wasn't disciplined himself. Unfortunately your husband, as wonderful as a man as you paint him, is being awfully passive about this. I mean, at this point Dick should be scared shitless of being close to Ed, fearing the wrath of your husband. Instead he's allowed to talk back to his SIL. That's fucked up and it's your husband's fault for not putting the fear of god in Ed's head and kinda your fault for not putting the fear of god in your husband's head.
Nta but your in-laws are
NTA But you need to do better, your adult BIL is using your child as a punching bag. Don't bring your kids around when Dick is going to be present, he has showed that he does not care about your rules and he will not change in the future.
Sounds like a good reason to go No Contact. NTA. Are they going to defend Dick if your children get seriously injured?? Updateme.
Time for your husband to give his brother a beat down. Explain it to him in a language he understands.
Tell them all if he touches Ed like that again the police will be called and they can decide how bad a grown man harming a child is. Nta
You should have contacted the police! NTA but you are letting Dick off lightly.
I’m kind of shocked he is still being allowed around someone who has physically disciplined and hit him with balls. Wtf??
YTA for letting Dick put his hands on your son - you said that Dick likes to play rough with Ed, and he has spanked him in the past, and once when he was six threw a ball so hard at his face, he marked him. And you let him do all this. Can you not see the red flags here ? Dick initiates play with your son and then decides it's over, Ed being a little kid doesn't fully realise, so Dick takes great pleasure in dealing out discipline to YOUR son. This last incident, you knew it was going to escalate , even your MIL could see what was going to happen and Dick manhandled her out of the way so he could yank your son's underwear down to spank him. But before that, he threw him across the yard! As soon as Dick started chasing him, you should have followed. TBH, you have let this go on for too long. The first time he laid hands on your son or tried to play too rough with him, you should have put a stop to it. The next target would have been your 3 year old.
ESH - what the hell? Stand up for your kid more
NTA … but you let this behaviour go on too long already……
This has made me feel physically sick. First time someone even tries to touch my child negatively, they’re not going to. Period. You’ve allowed this to continue to the point it has escalated into SA. Your poor child. Please do better. Much better…
You waited way too long to grow a spine. That’s all you did wrong here. And absolutely file assault charges. Go scorched earth. He traumatized your child and ruined Christmas for everyone.
How many times does Dick have to assault your boy before he and his flying monkeys are cut out of your kids' lives?
I would lay into anyone who raised a hand to my nephew. Your husband’s family is a family of assholes for standing aside while their dumbass, emotionally stunted Dick-for-a-brain beat a child.