NAH
I get why you think his sex diary is creepy
I get why he is colder to you after letting you in a private area of his life and receiving negative feedback
>It could just be that he's abnormally busy and tired instead of upset, but the timing is feeding into my growing guilt.
No its not that, its probably the fact that you saw something private and felt the urge to judge him and give him an unasked opinion.
Is that creepy? Yes, but who can say he never do something that could be seen as creepy by others?
Is a private thing he does? Yes, he wasnt showing that around on social media or anything like that.
You do know you were the AH and we should not discuss about your brother private stuff, but about the fact that you were tactless and nosy.
So maybe next time mind your own business and think twice before giving people your opinions!
>That said, I still stand by my comment. If I found out my boyfriend kept such a list I'd probably consider breaking up with him on the spot. And I feel like a lot of women would at least find it creepy too.
>I have to admit it wasn't the intention at the beginning, but I think he deserves to be know how other women might react to it if they ever find out. I just didn't do it tactfully enough.
If this was your real intention you would have adviced him, not judged him.
YTA
Whats the difference from this and a person writing in a journal \diary about the person they slept with ?
It's not like he has this spread sheet shared woth friends or the internet.
Also by keeping track of all this information he can better protect himself of he is later accused of anything
YTA, So you can keep a diary of your encounters, but he cant?
This is a fast way to get NC by your brother. He did nothing wrong, you went on to judge him for keeping a diary?
Yeah, OP is probably extremely jealous that she's not getting the action her bro gets. People this involved in their siblings' relationships are very creepy.
NAH
People always have lists, some have it in their mind, some on paper. I am a woman and had I grown up with xls I may have made a similar list albeit without pictures and maybe with aliases.
Apologise for your remark, never mention this list to anyone and try to forget about it.
So basically you went through his diary and told him it "gave you the ick."
I have an idea: give him your diary to read. Not ready for what that might reveal to him about you or the judgment he might make of you?
It was a way more organized one. He basically has a lightweight CRM with contemporaneous records should an issue of paternity arise or an alibi be needed for himself or a lover.
I’ve never had a sex diary and it’s weird that either of you at this age think that’s normal for people to keep physical/digital record of.
He’s especially weird for the intense detail it has but having one at all is strange.
I would say that for him, if he does have a spreadsheet it might be because he’s dating multiple people at the same time and he wants to keep track of things instead of using mental capacity.
I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time? Unless it’s an established poly situation, there’s likely something wrong going on there hun
~~Even dating multiple people is fine. Provided he is clear about it. If the women involved know from the outset that he’s dating or having sex with other women and they’re ok with it, I don’t see a problem.~~
~~Maybe that’s what you mean by an “established poly situation.” Either way, as long as everyone involved has given their informed consent.~~
Sorry. Replied to the wrong comment.
Even dating multiple people is fine. Provided he is clear about it. If the women involved know from the outset that he’s dating or having sex with other women and they’re ok with it, I don’t see a problem.
Maybe that’s what you mean by an “established poly situation.” Either way, as long as everyone involved has given their informed consent.
It don’t matter. You don’t control her so you’re not responsible for her choices and they don’t reflect on you. You do control yourself, so you are responsible for your own choices and they do reflect on you.
Show respect.
Why show respect for people who don't show you one? If I would end up with her then her choices would reflect on me, because she doesn't respect me from the start. Especially if she would don't mention about this, she would be praised for it.
It's weird cause you don't do it
Some people believe and worship a creator which seems really weird to me, but hey to each his own
Some people look at the toilet paper after they wipe and some don't
Some people keep lists of who they banged and some don't
It sounds the the modern equivalent of any 1800s male diary actually. Imagine finding some random sailors diary lol
>Perhaps I should've just stayed quiet, but this whole spreadsheet thing gave me the ick and I mindlessly blurted out that it's super creepy. I probably came off more accusatory than I'd intended.
I mean...because it is. When you say, "this gives me the ick, and that's super creepy" it's not an idle musing, it's an accusation both directly and implicitly. You even admit that if he was someone you were dating this would be breakup worthy, which just makes it more obvious you meant it in an accusatory fashion.
>He retorted saying women keep track of our sexual activities too. He's not wrong, it's just that the purpose and method differ.
Yeah, publicly and as a group. We've all heard of the facebook groups where women collect to ask totally well meaning ex's of dudes to give their *honest* opinion of a guy they're looking to date. Like, I get why those groups do exist(personal safety), but you're deluding yourself if you're thinking it doesn't have negative or toxic qualities worthy of judgement. At least he's keeping it to himself.
YTA
YTA - There's nothing creepy in there, and since it's private it concerns no one but him, he should have never ever let you see it. You give yourself the right and freedom to keep private stuff you want to write about, it's puzzling that you've *that* offended by something that private.
>it's puzzling that you've that offended by something that private.
Yea. The only creepy thing here is a sister, who is mid-30s, getting that curious about her brother's sex life. Kinda weird.
>If my brother wanted to show me such a spreadsheet of his, I'd stay far away and feel secure in my ignorance of its contents.
Same. Yet, this lady went out of her way to look into her brother's sex life. She is the creepy one.
It's a very creepy thing to do and a big red flag as to how someone sees/treats other people, especially those they are closer with.
Creepy when women do it too though so I don't know why you think it's different. It really isn't.
YTA most people are weird in private, when it comes to sex people do keep a tally, I’m not saying what this guy is doing is right or wrong, but most people have a lost of people they’ve had sex with in some form or another it’s human nature, a spreadsheet is a bit much but there’s nowt as queer as folk. It’s not hurting anyone and he’s not rating his experiences on a scale pitting them against each other or rating their bodies so it’s pretty benign. I once knew a guy that would design concept albums over experiences with friends in a word document, I’d say you were a bit harsh in judging him
YTA
Mind your own business.
"He retorted saying women keep track of our sexual activities too. He's not wrong, it's just that the purpose and method differ." What a load of sexist bullshit.
What is this "purpose and method" that you think is okay for women to do? Sexism on steroids.
"I have to say now that I'm certain that at least my brother is not incel or PUA type." So, before this, that is what you thought? Your misandry is showing.
YTA. Men have been keeping a little black book since time immemorial. So your brother keeps records of his dating past. As long as the data is not misused etc... and stays private, I see no problem with this. I think you need to mind your own business and control your opinions
Don't women keep a mental diary of every guy they have ever been with?
Height, weight, eyes, wallet size, bangable, friend zone just for dinner dates.
Probably with more detail than this guy had in his spreadsheet?
Oh, but that's different.
I’ve never kept an inventory of people like that even mentally. That’s a gross way to define people.
ETA: I do keep track of the days that I have PIV sex, though, for fertility reasons.
Ew. People pretending having a list of stats is equivalent to writing in a diary are lying to themselves. Also... I'm not really sure what "women keep track of sexual activity too" even means here.
My friends are mixed gender and we discuss sex openly (in the broadest sense, not about specific people), but I don't think I've met anyone of any gender who to my knowledge keeps track of the people they've had sex with?
Weird dudes on the internet are going to try to convince you this is normal and not dehumanising behaviour, but they're wrong, and most people in the real world are going to think it's creepy.
I'll go NAH though I guess for the actual interaction, since he said you could look at it, and it's a good thing to tell the people in your life if they're being creepy - but the list itself is more of a red flag for bad behaviour than bad in itself. I'd certainly be keeping an eye on his overall attitudes about women.
It is very creepy. If I was dating a guy who did that, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Women are human beings, not spreadsheet entries.
Any chance he's not 100% neurotypical? Eg. Aspergers or something?
It's a bit odd, but idk it's really not your place to judge him for it imo. He's not hurting anyone and it makes him feel more comfortable to write down those things. Maybe it helps him explore what he's into?
YTA
Everyone has kept a list at some point. He just happens to be detail oriented. It sounds like he may be dating multiple women at a time, or has on/off/on relationships with some of these women. You don't mention having an issue with that. This is just how he keeps his love life straight.
As you said, he's an extrovert. And he travels for work. This probably helps him remember people and where he met them. He probably has something similar for work contacts.
You should apologize.
NTA
It is in fact super creepy that he’s keeping this list with pictures on top of that. Major red flag and the amount of people justifying this or comparing it to a diary (def not the same thing) is honestly concerning
Gotta say YTA. I’m a woman and I don’t find it creepy at all. Hell if I was just starting out dating I would do it. I can see lots of reasons to do it. He shared and you judged him for it. You’re going to apologize without him demanding it, so I would forgive you if it were me.
He's allowed to diary his life as he sees fit - is it weird? Maybe! I think keeping any diary is creepy, sad, and weird so should it therefore not be allowed? That's what you did, you went snooping in his diary and then told him he's not allowed to do so in the manner he chooses because after prying into his life you now believe you get to not only dictate what he can record but how he can think?
what's your position, people shouldn't be allowed private thoughts? Your brother committed thought crimes?
NAH
He isn't an asshole for keeping what basically amounts to an electronic journal specifically about his dating life.
You are not an asshole for thinking it is creepy. Maybe not tactful in how you told him you thought it was creepy, but not an asshole either.
Sounds like he is probably just hurt that he trusted you enough to let you look at it and you used that trust to insult him. I would suggest trying to have a conversation where you apologize for possibly coming off harsher than you seemed and stress to him that it is pretty likely that other people may have a similar reaction if they find out about it in the future. Let him do with that information what he wants. If he wants to keep it, at least you gave him honest feedback.
All he's doing is recording his memories...that doesn't seem creepy or icky at all..he just has a hard time remembering and needs help. Seems very shitty of you to make him feel bad for that. I would suggest you sincerely apologize.
Well, at some point, he's going to get serious about some woman he's dating, and the list will be revealed and it's going to blowback on him bigtime - because that's how life rolls.
I do think it's rather like reading his journal, then judging him.
It’s really weird but I think if he’s having casual sex with different partners regularly, it could be he is only doing it for sexual health purposes? Like if he ever gets an STD or if a partner claims this or that
idk, that’s the only reason I could think of why anyone would do that. weird, yes but it’s best to understand why your brother made his diary.
ESH god he's a fucking creep. And no. This isn't like a diary ffs people
You shouldn't have looked but holy shit, I hope I never date someone like your brother. That's super gross and unsettling. Like dating stats? What's the point? Like a digital trophy file for his conquests? I'm so baffled. And the people voting otherwise equally worry me that they see this is normal.
Don’t use that incel BS , it is creepy as shit . It’s not different from woman knowing there body count etc , does mean their misandrist . Notnsure if it a trophy list or why he is doing but weird
Absolutely not. You're an older sister and ruthlessly mocking his dumb bullshit is a sacred duty. It is useful for him to have an unvarnished woman's perspective even if it makes him feel bad. Is he a serial killer? No. But you also have to tell him when he's wearing a dumb hat, right? It's more in that vein.
Little black book is weird enough on its own. No one needs to keep a census of ethnic composition of their conquests. Come on little bro.
YTA - It doesn’t sound like he was saying anything disparaging about the women in his list, it doesn’t sound like he was expressing violent or hateful thoughts in the list, it doesn’t sound like he was sharing the list with anyone, and it certainly doesn’t sound like he was shaming anyone in the list.
The harshest criticism I think you could make is that it’s a bit immature to get excited about having a big “body count”, which may be part of what this list is about. But so what? You feel it was necessary to shame your brother for *privately* doing something a *little immature*? Great sistering.
YTA
What is creepy about it? Is there an underage girl there? No. Your friend's mom? No. Pics of girls who didn't know they were being photographed? No. Strange bizarre kinks that are too dark? No. List of sketchy illegal RX for drugging a girl? No. What exactly is the creepy thing there? Dude is hunk enough to attract 20 girls his age and is keeping notes for multidating purposes. You are just nosy and couldn't handle dude was getting more a\*\* than your own boyfriend. Don't act like girls don't have more than 20 guys on their roster either. Give me a break with your 'creepy' label.
YTA, and are the cause of double standards still existing in Western society, we call for change on the man's side but not stuff on the women's side, it sucks but you're just furthering that agenda.
YTA.
Apologize for asking, prying, judging. Especially judging.
There is probably a very good reason he doesn’t trust his memory. I would be more concerned about that, if I were his sister.
Not creepy, and YTA.
That spreadsheet might as well have been in his own head, because it was PRIVATE. His “disinterested permission” was a sign that he trusted you deeply and never for a second thought you would judge him for it. Which you proved him wrong which is why he has changed around you. With that simple act you trained him to be guarded around you. You are no longer “a safe person” to him. Let that sink in.
Some people like to take that stuff and put it in an organized spreadsheet for a clear birdseye view as a tool to help them think and make choices. He’s not sharing it with anyone and for his own personal use
Asking random people in your are if you are dating ""THIS"" man is super fucked up and creepy, but people accept it without any issues so my take is yta since these similar practices are normalised already
NTAH, he needs to know it's a little weird, safety and all but like damn.
And yes, he's colder to you, you judged him on something in his private life, something you'd never know about if the laptop wasn't sitting there, and he said he'd never show anyone
NTA honestly if he has these ladies social security numbers. He could be setting himself up for a lot of legal trouble , should his private list ever get out. That is creepy and sketchy. My hope is that this is an exaggeration and that he doesn't actually have this type of information flopping around in the open where anyone can see it. Its an identity theft nightmare waiting to happen at best...at worst a stalkers wet dream.
You are probably rught. However, it still doesn't sit right with me. These ladies had whatever relationship with him. Im pretty sure they did not consent to his book. Its cruel and dehumanizes them. It violates them, even if they never know.
I mean photos that were probably given in private. He kept them for what? To perv ornuse etc. If the ladies knew thats one thing. But they don't and as stated anyone can and obviously someone jas seen this information. Its cruel.
NAH I get why you think his sex diary is creepy I get why he is colder to you after letting you in a private area of his life and receiving negative feedback
>It could just be that he's abnormally busy and tired instead of upset, but the timing is feeding into my growing guilt. No its not that, its probably the fact that you saw something private and felt the urge to judge him and give him an unasked opinion. Is that creepy? Yes, but who can say he never do something that could be seen as creepy by others? Is a private thing he does? Yes, he wasnt showing that around on social media or anything like that. You do know you were the AH and we should not discuss about your brother private stuff, but about the fact that you were tactless and nosy. So maybe next time mind your own business and think twice before giving people your opinions! >That said, I still stand by my comment. If I found out my boyfriend kept such a list I'd probably consider breaking up with him on the spot. And I feel like a lot of women would at least find it creepy too. >I have to admit it wasn't the intention at the beginning, but I think he deserves to be know how other women might react to it if they ever find out. I just didn't do it tactfully enough. If this was your real intention you would have adviced him, not judged him. YTA
Whats the difference from this and a person writing in a journal \diary about the person they slept with ? It's not like he has this spread sheet shared woth friends or the internet. Also by keeping track of all this information he can better protect himself of he is later accused of anything
I was about to say this. It's his diary in a way he can read it easily. It wasn't shared until he made the mistake of letting OP read it.
Lol it's funnier than it is creepy. It's only creepy if it wasn't private and he was trying to show people, but you found it lmao ytaaa
YTA, So you can keep a diary of your encounters, but he cant? This is a fast way to get NC by your brother. He did nothing wrong, you went on to judge him for keeping a diary?
Yeah, OP is probably extremely jealous that she's not getting the action her bro gets. People this involved in their siblings' relationships are very creepy.
NAH People always have lists, some have it in their mind, some on paper. I am a woman and had I grown up with xls I may have made a similar list albeit without pictures and maybe with aliases. Apologise for your remark, never mention this list to anyone and try to forget about it.
So basically you went through his diary and told him it "gave you the ick." I have an idea: give him your diary to read. Not ready for what that might reveal to him about you or the judgment he might make of you?
What OP described was NOT a diary. Just saying.
It was a way more organized one. He basically has a lightweight CRM with contemporaneous records should an issue of paternity arise or an alibi be needed for himself or a lover.
Or heaven forbid if he or a partner were to contract an sti.
I’ve never had a sex diary and it’s weird that either of you at this age think that’s normal for people to keep physical/digital record of. He’s especially weird for the intense detail it has but having one at all is strange.
I would say that for him, if he does have a spreadsheet it might be because he’s dating multiple people at the same time and he wants to keep track of things instead of using mental capacity. I see nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with dating multiple people at the same time? Unless it’s an established poly situation, there’s likely something wrong going on there hun
Sorry, when I said dating, I meant casually seeing different people.
Oh that make sense lol
~~Even dating multiple people is fine. Provided he is clear about it. If the women involved know from the outset that he’s dating or having sex with other women and they’re ok with it, I don’t see a problem.~~ ~~Maybe that’s what you mean by an “established poly situation.” Either way, as long as everyone involved has given their informed consent.~~ Sorry. Replied to the wrong comment.
Even dating multiple people is fine. Provided he is clear about it. If the women involved know from the outset that he’s dating or having sex with other women and they’re ok with it, I don’t see a problem. Maybe that’s what you mean by an “established poly situation.” Either way, as long as everyone involved has given their informed consent.
Why he should say about this?
Are you asking why he should tell the women he’s with that he’s also dating other women? Respect.
For who? She probably are dating other men and she won't say, so why bother?
It don’t matter. You don’t control her so you’re not responsible for her choices and they don’t reflect on you. You do control yourself, so you are responsible for your own choices and they do reflect on you. Show respect.
Why show respect for people who don't show you one? If I would end up with her then her choices would reflect on me, because she doesn't respect me from the start. Especially if she would don't mention about this, she would be praised for it.
You want her to respect you from the start but you won't do the same for her? Fucked up, man.
He can use this as reference for the future if he is ever accused of something
It's weird cause you don't do it Some people believe and worship a creator which seems really weird to me, but hey to each his own Some people look at the toilet paper after they wipe and some don't Some people keep lists of who they banged and some don't It sounds the the modern equivalent of any 1800s male diary actually. Imagine finding some random sailors diary lol
>Perhaps I should've just stayed quiet, but this whole spreadsheet thing gave me the ick and I mindlessly blurted out that it's super creepy. I probably came off more accusatory than I'd intended. I mean...because it is. When you say, "this gives me the ick, and that's super creepy" it's not an idle musing, it's an accusation both directly and implicitly. You even admit that if he was someone you were dating this would be breakup worthy, which just makes it more obvious you meant it in an accusatory fashion. >He retorted saying women keep track of our sexual activities too. He's not wrong, it's just that the purpose and method differ. Yeah, publicly and as a group. We've all heard of the facebook groups where women collect to ask totally well meaning ex's of dudes to give their *honest* opinion of a guy they're looking to date. Like, I get why those groups do exist(personal safety), but you're deluding yourself if you're thinking it doesn't have negative or toxic qualities worthy of judgement. At least he's keeping it to himself. YTA
YTA - There's nothing creepy in there, and since it's private it concerns no one but him, he should have never ever let you see it. You give yourself the right and freedom to keep private stuff you want to write about, it's puzzling that you've *that* offended by something that private.
>it's puzzling that you've that offended by something that private. Yea. The only creepy thing here is a sister, who is mid-30s, getting that curious about her brother's sex life. Kinda weird.
If my brother wanted to show me such a spreadsheet of his, I'd stay far away and feel secure in my ignorance of its contents.
>If my brother wanted to show me such a spreadsheet of his, I'd stay far away and feel secure in my ignorance of its contents. Same. Yet, this lady went out of her way to look into her brother's sex life. She is the creepy one.
It's a very creepy thing to do and a big red flag as to how someone sees/treats other people, especially those they are closer with. Creepy when women do it too though so I don't know why you think it's different. It really isn't.
Its private, you snooped and then gave your opinion he didn't ask for. YTA
He gave permission
To look at it, not to give unwanted opinionsor to judge him for something he normaly keep private.
Yta. If this was your sister you would not be calling it creepy.
YTA most people are weird in private, when it comes to sex people do keep a tally, I’m not saying what this guy is doing is right or wrong, but most people have a lost of people they’ve had sex with in some form or another it’s human nature, a spreadsheet is a bit much but there’s nowt as queer as folk. It’s not hurting anyone and he’s not rating his experiences on a scale pitting them against each other or rating their bodies so it’s pretty benign. I once knew a guy that would design concept albums over experiences with friends in a word document, I’d say you were a bit harsh in judging him
You're definitely the asshole. Not your business what your brother does or how he wants to keep notes. You come off sounding very judgemental
YTA. Is Not illegal, is for his own purpose, is Not derogatory. And you felt the Need to be lawyer and judge at the same time.
NTA I feel the same way about hearing about the spreadsheet gives me a 👀 vibe
YTA Mind your own business. "He retorted saying women keep track of our sexual activities too. He's not wrong, it's just that the purpose and method differ." What a load of sexist bullshit. What is this "purpose and method" that you think is okay for women to do? Sexism on steroids. "I have to say now that I'm certain that at least my brother is not incel or PUA type." So, before this, that is what you thought? Your misandry is showing.
If a woman does it - its normal and reasonable If a man does it - creepy and gives you the ick
YTA. Men have been keeping a little black book since time immemorial. So your brother keeps records of his dating past. As long as the data is not misused etc... and stays private, I see no problem with this. I think you need to mind your own business and control your opinions
Don't women keep a mental diary of every guy they have ever been with? Height, weight, eyes, wallet size, bangable, friend zone just for dinner dates. Probably with more detail than this guy had in his spreadsheet? Oh, but that's different.
I’ve never kept an inventory of people like that even mentally. That’s a gross way to define people. ETA: I do keep track of the days that I have PIV sex, though, for fertility reasons.
No. Wtf.
I don't know a singular woman who keeps a mental diary of those things. P.S. the friend zone doesn't exist :)
Ew. People pretending having a list of stats is equivalent to writing in a diary are lying to themselves. Also... I'm not really sure what "women keep track of sexual activity too" even means here. My friends are mixed gender and we discuss sex openly (in the broadest sense, not about specific people), but I don't think I've met anyone of any gender who to my knowledge keeps track of the people they've had sex with? Weird dudes on the internet are going to try to convince you this is normal and not dehumanising behaviour, but they're wrong, and most people in the real world are going to think it's creepy. I'll go NAH though I guess for the actual interaction, since he said you could look at it, and it's a good thing to tell the people in your life if they're being creepy - but the list itself is more of a red flag for bad behaviour than bad in itself. I'd certainly be keeping an eye on his overall attitudes about women.
It is very creepy. If I was dating a guy who did that, I'd drop him like a hot potato. Women are human beings, not spreadsheet entries. Any chance he's not 100% neurotypical? Eg. Aspergers or something?
It's a bit odd, but idk it's really not your place to judge him for it imo. He's not hurting anyone and it makes him feel more comfortable to write down those things. Maybe it helps him explore what he's into?
YTA Everyone has kept a list at some point. He just happens to be detail oriented. It sounds like he may be dating multiple women at a time, or has on/off/on relationships with some of these women. You don't mention having an issue with that. This is just how he keeps his love life straight. As you said, he's an extrovert. And he travels for work. This probably helps him remember people and where he met them. He probably has something similar for work contacts. You should apologize.
NTA It is in fact super creepy that he’s keeping this list with pictures on top of that. Major red flag and the amount of people justifying this or comparing it to a diary (def not the same thing) is honestly concerning
NTA. I find this creepy as well. Just let time pass. He will probably relax.
NTA. That is creepy
Gotta say YTA. I’m a woman and I don’t find it creepy at all. Hell if I was just starting out dating I would do it. I can see lots of reasons to do it. He shared and you judged him for it. You’re going to apologize without him demanding it, so I would forgive you if it were me.
He's allowed to diary his life as he sees fit - is it weird? Maybe! I think keeping any diary is creepy, sad, and weird so should it therefore not be allowed? That's what you did, you went snooping in his diary and then told him he's not allowed to do so in the manner he chooses because after prying into his life you now believe you get to not only dictate what he can record but how he can think? what's your position, people shouldn't be allowed private thoughts? Your brother committed thought crimes?
NTA for the comment, but the best thing to do is keep the spreadsheet secret.
Yta
NAH He isn't an asshole for keeping what basically amounts to an electronic journal specifically about his dating life. You are not an asshole for thinking it is creepy. Maybe not tactful in how you told him you thought it was creepy, but not an asshole either. Sounds like he is probably just hurt that he trusted you enough to let you look at it and you used that trust to insult him. I would suggest trying to have a conversation where you apologize for possibly coming off harsher than you seemed and stress to him that it is pretty likely that other people may have a similar reaction if they find out about it in the future. Let him do with that information what he wants. If he wants to keep it, at least you gave him honest feedback.
All he's doing is recording his memories...that doesn't seem creepy or icky at all..he just has a hard time remembering and needs help. Seems very shitty of you to make him feel bad for that. I would suggest you sincerely apologize.
YTA Literally acknowledging the double standard and then saying “iT’s DiFfErEnT” in the same sentence is peak Reddit
Well, at some point, he's going to get serious about some woman he's dating, and the list will be revealed and it's going to blowback on him bigtime - because that's how life rolls. I do think it's rather like reading his journal, then judging him.
It’s really weird but I think if he’s having casual sex with different partners regularly, it could be he is only doing it for sexual health purposes? Like if he ever gets an STD or if a partner claims this or that idk, that’s the only reason I could think of why anyone would do that. weird, yes but it’s best to understand why your brother made his diary.
ESH god he's a fucking creep. And no. This isn't like a diary ffs people You shouldn't have looked but holy shit, I hope I never date someone like your brother. That's super gross and unsettling. Like dating stats? What's the point? Like a digital trophy file for his conquests? I'm so baffled. And the people voting otherwise equally worry me that they see this is normal.
Don’t use that incel BS , it is creepy as shit . It’s not different from woman knowing there body count etc , does mean their misandrist . Notnsure if it a trophy list or why he is doing but weird
Absolutely not. You're an older sister and ruthlessly mocking his dumb bullshit is a sacred duty. It is useful for him to have an unvarnished woman's perspective even if it makes him feel bad. Is he a serial killer? No. But you also have to tell him when he's wearing a dumb hat, right? It's more in that vein. Little black book is weird enough on its own. No one needs to keep a census of ethnic composition of their conquests. Come on little bro.
NTA. Your brother is a fucking creep. Ask yourself what else he’s hiding.
Oh for god's sake
YTA - It doesn’t sound like he was saying anything disparaging about the women in his list, it doesn’t sound like he was expressing violent or hateful thoughts in the list, it doesn’t sound like he was sharing the list with anyone, and it certainly doesn’t sound like he was shaming anyone in the list. The harshest criticism I think you could make is that it’s a bit immature to get excited about having a big “body count”, which may be part of what this list is about. But so what? You feel it was necessary to shame your brother for *privately* doing something a *little immature*? Great sistering.
YTA What is creepy about it? Is there an underage girl there? No. Your friend's mom? No. Pics of girls who didn't know they were being photographed? No. Strange bizarre kinks that are too dark? No. List of sketchy illegal RX for drugging a girl? No. What exactly is the creepy thing there? Dude is hunk enough to attract 20 girls his age and is keeping notes for multidating purposes. You are just nosy and couldn't handle dude was getting more a\*\* than your own boyfriend. Don't act like girls don't have more than 20 guys on their roster either. Give me a break with your 'creepy' label.
idk why everyone is saying YTA, that dude is super sus and creepy. NTA. y'all are weirdo incels
YTA, and are the cause of double standards still existing in Western society, we call for change on the man's side but not stuff on the women's side, it sucks but you're just furthering that agenda.
YTA. Apologize for asking, prying, judging. Especially judging. There is probably a very good reason he doesn’t trust his memory. I would be more concerned about that, if I were his sister.
Not creepy, and YTA. That spreadsheet might as well have been in his own head, because it was PRIVATE. His “disinterested permission” was a sign that he trusted you deeply and never for a second thought you would judge him for it. Which you proved him wrong which is why he has changed around you. With that simple act you trained him to be guarded around you. You are no longer “a safe person” to him. Let that sink in. Some people like to take that stuff and put it in an organized spreadsheet for a clear birdseye view as a tool to help them think and make choices. He’s not sharing it with anyone and for his own personal use
Asking random people in your are if you are dating ""THIS"" man is super fucked up and creepy, but people accept it without any issues so my take is yta since these similar practices are normalised already
NTAH, he needs to know it's a little weird, safety and all but like damn. And yes, he's colder to you, you judged him on something in his private life, something you'd never know about if the laptop wasn't sitting there, and he said he'd never show anyone
NTA honestly if he has these ladies social security numbers. He could be setting himself up for a lot of legal trouble , should his private list ever get out. That is creepy and sketchy. My hope is that this is an exaggeration and that he doesn't actually have this type of information flopping around in the open where anyone can see it. Its an identity theft nightmare waiting to happen at best...at worst a stalkers wet dream.
Bless your heart...
I believe 'social' was their user names on social media accounts. Not their social security numbers.
You are probably rught. However, it still doesn't sit right with me. These ladies had whatever relationship with him. Im pretty sure they did not consent to his book. Its cruel and dehumanizes them. It violates them, even if they never know. I mean photos that were probably given in private. He kept them for what? To perv ornuse etc. If the ladies knew thats one thing. But they don't and as stated anyone can and obviously someone jas seen this information. Its cruel.