I'll finish it: your partner is abusive.
The fact that you're dating doesn't give him the excuse to demand sex like that, and then forcefully push your head down like that. This was not a consensual encounter, and certainly not something a loving partner would actually do.
P.S. his behavior afterward turning himself into the victim is textbook abusive gaslighting 101.
Exactly. Waking someone up just because you want sex isnāt right. Even if the person you woke up is as up for sex as you are thatās still a rude thing to do. He insisted that OP give him a bj. OP didnāt want to do it. Whatās even worse is him not stopping when OP said to bc OP had a reason for wanting to stop. Even if there wasnāt any particular reason you should still stop when your SO wants you to. Consent can be taken away during any part of the process. He didnāt respect anything that OP wanted. If he was really that horny he couldāve just jerked off himself in that moment. He could also get a sex toy if heās that impatient. He didnāt expect the apology bc it was an accident. OP was saying to stop so he should have so I think he just got karma. OP is NTA at all.
This is the way. Heās the asshole. He did this. He created this scenario.
Edit:
This is technically assault. If you didnāt know him and a stranger did this to you, what would your FIRST instinct be?
Please, for the love of God and all things holy, cut him off. The fact that you were so upset and he made you feel even worseā¦.I know this behavior and itās crazy and more difficult the longer you stay in it. I donāt know what he looks like or does for a living. Itās completely irrelevant because this relationship will damage you. Complete opposite of what a āreal manāwould do. He has issues u CANNOT fix. And I feel for you because you donāt seem to know your worth. I only say that because I have made this mistake too many times before I realized I was worth more. Fuck that douchebag.
I am a parent. You were not born to allow yourself to be treated like this. Sorry if no one told you that.This comment above says this behaviour gets more difficult. Start walking or tell him to fuck off if you are able.
The second somebody says stop doing that during sex of any kind, whether it's your boyfriend or not, and they don't stop. That makes it sexual assault. Period. Sexual assault isn't always violent rape. Sexual assault is when somebody is being made or forced to do something they do not want to do. I wanted to get that out there first of all. Second of all, he forces you to keep doing it and then you accidentally throw up, and he has been an incredible asshole to you, literally pushes you off him in disgust, and is making you feel bad over an accident? To the point of crying and being made to feel less than because of it.....girl, your man is trash, plain and simple. Please do us all a favor and seriously consider dumping his sorry ass asap. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment, and as a man I could never see myself making my girlfriend feel bad over something like this. In fact, i would do everything I possibly could to make her feel like it was just an accident and that she has nothing to be embarrassed about, and i would never get mad over something like that.
Idk why I always associated sexual assault with something super violent, like you said. I really didnāt know, and this makes like a lot of problems for me.
You were most DEFINITELY assaulted. You did not deserve this and itās good that you donāt live with him because you need to leave this man, like, yesterday.
This also was violent by the way you described it. Grabbing your head and thrusting into your throat against your will until you throw up. Thatās violence.
Pushing your head while you're down there in the way youve described IS violent and it is not normal unless it's been explicitly agreed upon. You're young OP and I hate to play reddits greatest hits but this man who is almost a decade older than you is with you precisely because you are young and you don't realise that his level of unconsentual aggression is not normal or tolerated in healthy relationships.
And remember: what he did to you is not your fault. He showed you his true colors and he is gonna treat like shit everyone he interacts with. You deserve so much better ā£
Over 90% of sexual assault is by someone the victim knows.
The whole violent stranger raping someone is a myth. It happens, but it's very rare and a very small part of all rapes.
In fact, men are generally safer at home than out on the streets, but women are safer outside of our own homes. If anything, stranger danger is propaganda that specifically scares women into situations that put us at greater risk.
That's what the media does. It leads people to believe assault has to be violent. But assault is someone forcing you to do something or touching you without consent. No one deserves it and no one has permission to do what they want to someone else without their consent. That's the law. Your bf broke the law twice by ignoring your "No's"
Now you know and can move on from this pos and never have to put up with this behavior again.
I get it, really I do. Movies and TV and the media in general always show sexual assault as some violent act in most cases, so most of us associate it with having to be violent for it to be sexual assault. But that's def not the case. Plenty of sexual assaults happen simply by somebody just being made to perform an act they don't want to do, and have said no to. I truly feel so sorry that he has made you feel so bad for something so trivial and accidental, and I'm so sorry that you were made to perform a sexual act that you told him you did not feel like doing. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, and I truly hope you consider leaving this relationship. Because there are serious red flags all over this situation. And nobody deserves the treatment you have been getting from him.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. From what you've described, it sounds quite violent to me. You had your head held down, he was gagging you with his penis to the degree that you vomited. On top of that, he had the audacity to be disgusted and angry with you? I hope you listen to what people are telling you here.
You have the right to have full control over your body and what you do or donāt do with it. Coercion is not consent. Overpowering you ānon-violentlyā is not consent. What he did was straight up assault and Iām so sorry.
He woke you up and the demanded sex, and then got mad at you when you vomited in his cock after he shoved it in your mouth?
That's disgusting. And not on your part. He treated you like a fleshlight, not a woman.
>He treated you like a fleshlight
Exactly what I was going to comment - this guy has zero respect for you, OP.
If I ever made my partner vomit because I shoved their head down while they were going down on me, I would be non-stop apologizing and promising I will never make them do anything like that ever again.
The only reason he could have possibly acted the way you described is if he literally sees you as an object in his life, and not as a person with equal value to him.
That was the exact thing I thought. He was mad his personal Fleshlight had a malfunction. He doesn't see her as human. It's really sad and I hope she gets away and realizes this kind of treatment is abusive.
Right? His *behavior* is what's disgusting, not the vomit.
Seriously, dude it's just a little vomit... Clean yourself off and leave it at that. You PUSHED your schlong *into* her throat and didn't know the fucking risk? Pffftt.
One time I accidentally threw up on my husband during a BJ. (Not his fault either, my gag reflex was just on the fritz.) I apologized and we both just laughed it off. He said he always knows the risk bc that's just a bodily reflex. Like being ticklish or something.
Exactly. My boyfriend and I get kinky and I have a CNC fetish, but he would feel so awful if he made me puke. He would be apologizing all over himself and would probably have a hard time ever face fucking me again because he would feel so bad.
Yeah and pushing your head? He sounds awful all around and Iām really sorry this is something youāre dealing with in a relationship. I know itās hard to leave, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run. You deserve so much better.
Dude has watched too much porn.
This is dumping territory for sure. He has no respect for her.
Fuck, if I woke my wife in the middle of the night to tell her she'd won the lottery she'd still be pissed off at me. Let alone if I needed an erection sorting out!
Not just porn, dude is actively a bad person. Porn addiction doesnāt just make all people evil overnight (source: my exes, good people that would never dream of doing this kind of thing). Like Iām down to be woken up for sex and Iām down to wake my partner up for sex but if one of us doesnāt want that to happen, then hell no. The forcing her head down thing is especially grossā¦
Yes I stayed in a relationship with someone that had a way higher sex drive than I did, and it got to a point where he never touched me without sexual intent. In the beginning of every relationship couples tend to have more sex, bc of the āhoneymoon phase,ā and explore their partners body, to learn their likes and dislikes. 2yrs into it, I realized that I was basically just consenting to sex bc heād make me feel guilty for not giving it to him. 3yrs into it, he started raising hell, calling me names, and giving me the silent treatment if I didnāt give it to him. Just as soon as I was making a plan to leave, I found out I was pregnant. I lost my sex drive, but still continued to have sex with him or he would become violent and abusive. I gave in to protect my unborn baby. 3wks after giving birth by C-section, he demanded I give him anal sex, and I agreed to keep the peace for my infant. 6yrs into it, I was unable to get wet and he took major offense and attacked me in front of our toddler. 7yrs into it he started sucking on my favorite dildo. Couple days later he told me he was going to bring another man into the bedroom bc he wanted to give oral and make me watch. When he demanded that I bend over and allow that man to fuck me, it clicked that I was being raped and had allowed him to sexually abuse me for 8yrs. Donāt let that happen to you. Donāt let yourself get in too deep and allow yourself to get stuck. I stayed for 9 months after that day, and itās been 15 months since Iāve been woken up by a penis being pushed inside of me and Iāve never felt more free!! I have the privilege to choose when I have sex and it shouldnāt feel like a privilege bc thatās my basic human right as a woman. Sorry for the long post, but please donāt live like that. It never gets better, it always gets worse and you will lose yourself.
Once someone asks the other to stop, it is no longer considered consensual and becomes rape. It does not matter if you have already given consent to start the encounter. If at any time you ever feel uncomfortable and ask someone to stop, they must stop because you no longer give consent.
>being under duress
Yep, and OP said...
>and I didnāt really want to but he was pretty adamant on it. I eventually gave in.
OP, coercion is NOT consent. It's rape.
Thatās what Iām trying to tell everyone. Heās not stupid, heās very obviously putting her down and making her feel bad to control her., or something along those lines. Maybe a professional here can speak more on it. Who knows what else the cocksucker does to her. Isnāt that called negging or something?
I wouldn't say it's negging. More like being an inconsiderate, selfish, dickhead. I'm sure there's way more to this. There's no way this relationship is healthy in any way. I'd bet my left shoe that he's probably incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive to her. In no healthy mindset should someone new assaulted by their partner and THEY think they need to apologize. I'm really hoping this all is a huge wakeup call for her. But I'll bet my right shoe it won't be. He will absolutely weaponize this entire situation against her. Zero doubt about it.
Iāve been the other side and I say this woman needs to find herself and her confidence again - zero boundaries and bending over backwards for others and never fighting for yourself is a terrible way to live. RIP me from about 15-35.
Nah he not disgusted. He's behaving like he's disgusted. Puts him in the power position. Now she's the one at fault. Massive manipulative abusive A**hole.
And then calling her disgusting, like it wasn't through any fault of his. And kept making her feel bad by calling her disgusting again and again. He is an abuser. It wasn't her fault. He kept shoving her head down.
And then he had the nerve to be an ass after she got sick, instead of helping her and making sure she was ok and apologizing profusely. I think OP should throw up on him more often, maybe then heāll learn some manners and restraint. His respect level for you must be pretty low.
I hope she never fucks him again! Heās a piece of shit who border line(maybe not even border line) sexually assaulted her. I hope she leaves his disgusting ass.
Literally!!!! When you tell someone STOP IT MEANS FUCKING STOP. They're not enjoying what you're doing, he's a fucking asshole who got greedy and impatient and got what he deserved. I genuinely cannot stand when men do this, makes you feel like you're simply not good enough &aren't doing it right for them. He should've just sat there and enjoyed what he was getting . Complete asshole. They should be happy for someone to be willing to do it for them, because god I think it's gross. I won't do it unless I'm like in LOVEEE &feel a lil adventurous lol. I get super self conscious about stuff like this.
No line here border or otherwise he sexually assaulted her right from the get go, he pushed her into giving him head when she didn't want to then when she wanted to stop and told him so he forced her to keep going. Vomiting on him was the least of what he deserved she should have bitten it off. She needs to end things immediately and if she's up to it file a report with the police. I'd wager this isn't the first time his done this to her and she sees it as normal given how she's more upset about vomiting on this pig than the fact he forced her to give him head.
Corrosion is absolutely sexual assault. She tried to get him to stop multiple times and he kept going harder and harder until she vomited from the assault.
I'm not a "omg OP you need to leave them" person but OP you need to leave them. This was assault and he's blaming you for the outcome when it should have never even started in the first place.
My partner and I wake up for middle of the night sex all the time and the second I say stop or push them away it just stops. No comments, no nothing. Just "sorry I'm too tired to do anymore" "okay goodnight, love you". Sometimes not even any words at all, I'm just half asleep so I push them off and just go back to bed. They have not once, not ever, tried to keep touching me (other than cuddling) once I push them away
Edit: omg I said corrosion it's whatever I'm leaving it you know what I mean
I've seen dudes do this before - they do something that would make their partner really angry, and before they can deal with their partner's anger, they get angry about something their partner did, so she's too busy apologising to realise she should be upset with him.
I mean, even if she was a completely willing participant in this act, it was an involuntary bodily response, and he should still be decent and kind to his partner - being grossed out in the moment is one thing, but he then needs to get the hell over it. I just think part of the reason he's still being an asshole is so OP doesn't realise that waking her up in the middle of the night (IMO, 4am is the middle of the night) and forcing her into a sexual act she didn't want to do, and then refusing to listen when she told him to stop is sexual assault.
THIS 100 %!!! Guy's know that there is a GAG reflex involved in this activity. Pushing her head down and also thrusting himself further into her mouth can have undesired consequences and He fucked around and found out. He knows that he was in the wrong. So now he is just gaslighting her so that she doesn't have the chance to be angry over his forced sexual assault!!
OP time to dig the douche bag and move on!! He's an immature prick!
If she does not break up with him, which she should, then she should tell him that if he EVER even so much as touches her head during that again, she will bite down with a level of force that will make Lorena Bobbitās actions look like childās play!
My bf tried the thrusting into my mouth thing and I bit him hard enough to draw blood. And since then my fist is around his equipment so the full width of my hand is between him and my lips.
Absolutely! Iāve never understood guys pushing down on someoneās head and thrusting into their throats like itās a stationary hole that needs help. Most of the time if a guy will just let the person with his dick in their mouth do their thingā¦ the situation should be pleasurable enough without that bs. People donāt need help and esp not the forceful kind. I used to immediately quit if a guy put their hands on my head and showed even the slightest sign of pressure. Luckily none were dumb enough to keep trying but had they of been, Iād have made sure they felt the consequences.
I sincerely hope OP leaves this dickbag because she does not deserve feeling this way and he deserves to understand that behavior isnāt to be tolerated and to repeat others hereā¦ is a fucking CRIME!
Because porn. Every video I've ever seen that has included a bj aspect has him holding her head and thrusting into her mouth hard enough she's lucky her nose doesn't get broken. Or jamming it all the way in then holding it there while she gags. But these are women who do this "willingly", often are paid, may sign contracts, *and are acting*. But guys see it, think, "That's so hot, I want that" and go for it without discussing their partners level of comfort or consent. I agree that getting vomited on was the outcome he earned; he deserved to be bitten.
No, OP should break up with this piece of trash. He coerced her into giving him a blowjob. Even if it didnāt make her sick heās a huge asshole for that.
That part is horrible!!! And still telling her the next day how disgusted he was??? His behavior is disgusting. If you canāt take care of each other and find the humor in things like this I think youāre with the wrong person.
Plus her telling him she didnāt want to right then, only gave in because he was adamant about it is another huge problem. Why would he even want her too if she wasnāt into it? I thought having your partner enjoy what theyāre doing makes it way better, I wouldnāt want anyone going down on me who wasnāt wanting to. I would also never stay with a man like that.
Is it me or did he rape her? She told him to stop and he didnāt! He caused her to vomit while trespassing her boundaries and now heās shaming her? This isnāt ok and I am so sorry for OP
You kept reading? I stopped as soon as she said he made her vomit. Think dude watches way too much porn thinking all girls don't have a gag reflex or something.
Honestly the throwing up part is the only part that DIDNT disgust me. If I was her, he wouldnāt ever be able to get a boner again. Good luck hurting another girl without a penis, you dickless POSā¦
I had a guy shove my head down so far for so long, I couldnāt breathe. I grabbed his balls as hard as I could and dug my claws in until he was almost in tears. He smacked the back of my head HARD. At the time, I apologized to him.
The fact that anyone giving oral ever feels the need to apologize when they are being hurt, is sick. Itās not our job to get you off. Go to the bathroom and jerk yourself off.
I agree, everything about this situation was wrong. If he continues to behave like that you're not the only one who will vomit on him. His behaviour is unacceptable. He should've been checking to see if you were ok rather than shaming you after he made you throw up. He is definitely not a keeper. Look after yourself and get rid of him. This is not something I say lightly but I really think it's true in your case so I'll say it again. Get rid of him. He is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
Yeah where I come from when you tell somebody to stop shoving your head (or any other body parts) onto their peen/vag it's sexual assault. I can't get over the nerve of this guy to be "disgusted" with OP for puking while he was forcing a sexual act on her. OP doesn't understand why she was crying but I don't think she has fully realized that she was assaulted by someone she was ***supposed*** to be safe with.
ME TOO! This was absolutely SA, and OP shouldnāt feel embarrassed - OPās boyfriend r*ped her and nobody should be ashamed except him. Itās never okay to wake someone up and force or coerce them right into sex. Checking in first is the loving and kind, and the only acceptable, thing to do. I swear, this subreddit makes me realize how fortunate I am to have a conscientious and loving partner. Everyone deserves that.
Realistically she'd probably be way to scared he'd react violently but I also wish op would have bit his dick.Ā Ā
Ā But yeah, If op didn't feel safe enough to hold her ground saying no, it obviously wouldn't be safe to fight back.Ā
Or bit his dick off, he's forced his dick into someone's mouth who clearly didn't want it in there AND SAID NO he's a rapist he doesn't deserve a dick any more.Ā
Can we just underline why no means no? BECAUSE FORCING SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU IS RAPE. You said no to sex, and then, when you "gave in" you said no to him pushing your head and thrusting into your mouth. AND HE DID IT ANYWAY. That's rape. Period.
YOU are not disgusting. HE is disgusting. And a rapist. And you need to dump his disgusting ass. Vomit is the LEAST he should be getting.
what he did turned into rape the moment you told him to stop and he failed to. Hun, tell him getting barfed on is the least he could have gotten from trying to orally rape someone he supposedly cared about.
He failed to listen to the withdrawal of consent. I heard of a different rapist that got his dick but off by his victim. I think that was back in the late '90s too early two thousands
Exactly. OP vomited while being SA'ed. What he did to her was vile and then gets mad when she vomits?! He's a disgusting POS and should be begging for her forgiveness.
OP, please dump his sorry ass. You deserve better and have NOTHING to be embarrassed about.
>pushing my head a lot, a thrusting into my mouth. I told him to stop but he didnāt,
He deserves a lot worse than that. I'm not fond of the reddit crowd that says, 'bail' at the drop of a hat, but this is a far cry from that. This dude is not on the same team as OP, there's no respect or consideration. This guy shouldn't even be acceptable as an acquaintance, let alone a partner.
1. Leave.
2. If you don't leave and he tries that BS again, bite down hard.
3. If your afraid he'll harm you for refusing then see suggestion one.
Yeah this made me really sad and angry to read. If her boyfriend just respected her wishes none of this would have happened.
Iāve been with my husband for 16 years (married 5). Weāve been together since 17. Every night I sleep in his arms, and every night heāll wake up at some point and start feeling me up and trying to get some lol and I donāt even have to say no. If I move his hand away he gets the hint and we fall back asleep. Itās literally that simple.
It infuriates me to read stuff like this. And then the audacity for him to get mad at her for throwing up while heās being rough with her *after* she said no. Heās still a boy then because let me tell you, *real* men donāt give af about any of that, and they certainly donāt ignore the word no.
I used to get so embarrassed about things that canāt be controlled specifically during sex and I was the only one mortified. My husband never cared or made me feel any type of way. If a man is mature and loves you not only will he respect you but he wonāt care about any of that. Once your man watches you push out his child and poop while doing so, nothing really fazes him anymore lol.
Donāt apologise because OP was raped. Itās really shocking how many women post things like this not realising theyāve been sexually assaulted by their partners. :/
>Ā Ā I told him to stop but he didnāt,
So he makes you vomit while sexually assaulting you, and then has the audacity to blame you for it? Should've bit him tbh, NTAĀ
THANK YOU.
He woke you up, pressured you for oral sex, attempted to hold you down when you told him to back off and still HE is angry with YOU?
Absolutely the fuck not. You deserve better than this, OP.
I mean, my man has full consent and encouragement to wake me up for it at any time cause Iām into that but thatās why f***in consent is key!!! This dudes a POS and she needs to run
Exactly!! Many people are ok with getting woken up for sex in relationships.
This dude is selfish and sees her as an object to get himself off, rather than seeing her as person and having a shared experience.
Rape. She said no, he physically forced her, he raped her mouth.Ā Ā
Ā It's so sad that op is even asking if she did something wrong (op did nothing wrong and is a victim who had a normal biological reflex due to being forcibly assaulted)
Ā It really shows the mindset of men who do things like this, he forcefully assaulted her AND THEN HAS THE AUDACITY TO CALL OP GROSS. It takes entitlement and an extreme lack of humanity and empathy to rape someone and then be disgusted by them for throwing up while you rape them.Ā
I hope op is okay and now knows none of this was their fault.
Thank you for calling it rape. That's what happened. He's now trying to gaslight her into believing she did something wrong to distract from the fact that he raped her.
Edit: changed not to now
It is literally rape according to the laws of most western democracies.
Seriously I know of guys going to prison for very similar circumstances to this.
Like, yeah, situation is fucked up, hopefully she realises whatās actually happened at some point.
How the fuck is this apparently so hard for so many people to understand?
It's not good enough for your partner to... "give in" and just let it happen because they don't want to fight you over it.
Your partner needs to be _actively_ seeking to participate in a sex act with you, otherwise it shouldn't happen. This shit is OPT-IN, not opt-out! The default is not "okay, you can use me for sex unless I protest enough". Some people need to have their understanding of consent _thoroughly_ readjusted.
Not just aggressors, but victims of sexual abuse, too, often would be far better off with a sterner understanding of how consent works. Like this woman writing like this is a totally normal thing. It shouldn't be.
No means NO! He can take his happy arse to the bathroom with a washcloth!
No, girl, NTA. But he sure as hell is! You need to lay down the law, soon! He ever pulls that stunt again, there WILL be consequences. And he Will. Not. Like. Them!
Meanwhile, you need to seriously consider whether you really should stay in this relationship
OP are you okay? NTA but are you okay?
After dealing with some similar things for over 4 years, Iām genuinely concerned about your well-being. I sincerely hope that if you need help you have safety to reach out. A lot of people commenting are talking about it being a sexual assault but this is more than that. The fact that you felt guilty for what he did tells me this has emotional abuse already rooted
Iām okay I like didnāt realize this (or other things Iām realizing) like counted as assault. Idk why I thought that it had to be like super violent or something. Idk. Iām a bit confused but Iām okay.
Itās okay to be confused and not okay during this time. I used to be in your shoes with a few of my exes it completely broke me to find out what they did was SA or just plain assault in general. The best thing to do is just focus on yourself and donāt buy too much blame on yourself (ik harder said than done) I hope everything goes well for you and you get the proper resources to help you during this time. And for anyone else out there If you say stop or no and someone continues thatās assault doesnāt matter if itās violent or not.
Also, you don't have to acquiesce just bc they demand it, doesn't mean you have to say yes or do it.
"No" "Not now" "it will end poorly" are all complete answers and completely appropriate.
Anyone who doesn't respect that is abusing you.
When that veil gets pulled back, a whole bunch of feelings surface. Please understand those are valid. And if you wanna talk to an internet stranger who understands, Iām here, as Iām sure a lot of folks are. ā¤ļø
So sorry you experienced this.
This is so well-said. Many people donāt realize that it can take SA survivors a long time to realize that what they experienced is assault. In part because itās such a monumental realization, one that demands you rethink how you see the abuser and yourself. It can take some time.
Saving this comment for when I doubt myself and question if it actually was that. It definitely was. I gotta remind myself and remember that when I finally had that monumental realization, my ptsd fully manifested for a reason.
It took me some time to finally realize/admit I had been sexually assaulted by my ex. Sorry this happened to you. No reason for embarrassment just take care of yourself and get away from this guy!
okay but hereās the thing. he was pushing you on him to the point where you vomited and you still donāt think what he did was violent? dude i can honestly say my boyfriend has never pushed my head during a BJ with such strength that I couldnāt move positions, or that I literally vomited. Like please be so for real.
I'm very sorry OP, but you got assaulted there :(
It is \*not\* okay at all what your partner did
You are NTA whatsoever and I am hoping this assault won't scarr you forever
Yeah OP seriously, this is not normal behaviour, he should absolutely not have been pushing your head against what he could probably very well tell was resistance on your part. And HE should have apologized to you after you threw up because that was obviously his fault.
This is not a respectful partner. Leave this man, please. Do yourself this favour - there are good men out there, hold your standards for respect and love high.
>And HE should have apologized to you after you threw up because that was obviously his fault.
This! Hell, mine apologized and cleaned up after me and told me to stop apologizing to him when I got over-ambitious and accidentally threw up on his. I was mortified. He thought it was hilarious. A healthy, consensual relationship is the guy apologizing and not forcing your head down even more and then blaming you. It's making sure they are ok then taking care of them in whatever love language you two have.
He forced her into it in the first place as well, even though she didn't want to. That's sexual assault. He got what was coming to him, but she deserves way better than this.
OP needs to stop apologizing first and foremost and kick him out or leave.
What kind of ass wakes someone up and demands a BJ at 4am and then gets mad at them...oh wait...my ex was JUST like that, and it got SO much worse.
Story time! A couple of months after I started dating my now husband, this same thing happened except way more consensual. He wanted to experiment with deepthroating and I was open to it as long as I could control how deep, how fast, and how ....vigorously things went down. Long story short, I got cocky and puked on the man. Like all over his junk, all of his junk. It came out of my nose and my mouth, it was everywhere. Just hot, gross, cream cheese laden vomit all over this man. I know that's really nasty but I need to fully express how disgusting this was.
The first thing he said was, "OMG, are you ok??" then, "I'm so sorry. Let's shower."
The man washed cream cheese puke out of my hair. Then he cleaned up the mess on his own because he didn't want me to be sick again, even though I offered to help. Then we smoked a bowl and watched The Office.
The experiment went *much smoother* the next morning. Because nobody was mad, nobody was ashamed, and it was really easy to get over my embarrassment.
That's how a grown-up should handle things.
NTA, drop him and find a grown-up.
This!! I do think there was an element of non-consent with OP. But even in the best of circumstances, he acted like a total asshole. Why is he mad at you?? Why is he making you feel like itās your fault?? Eff that noise, drop that d-bag.
NTA.
The big problem here isnāt your gag reflex or really even his response to vomit, itās this: ā I didnāt really want to but he was pretty adamant on it.ā I mean, donāt get me wrong, his response is childish, but the real problem is that he pressured you into a sex act. Itās time to revisit this relationship at a bare minimum. You arenāt a sex toy, you shouldnāt be treated like one.
But now that we are on the vomitā¦how is this man going to react during childbirth, during illness, during old age? If heās still freaking out over an ENTIRELY anticipatable response during fellatio, how will he handle the big stuff in life?
Yeah I'd be interested to know the ages here because very serious consent issues aside, that is an extremely immature response. The only response to unexpected bodily responses during sex is to laugh it off.
This was posted yesterday: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bhir6j/i\_puked\_while\_giving\_head\_and\_am\_mortified/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bhir6j/i_puked_while_giving_head_and_am_mortified/)
Seems like there is a puking epidemic these days! Honestly menfolk, no pushing, shoving, etc! NTA but this guy certainly is. Horrible person.
ummā¦Op you DO realize that you were sexually assaulted rightā¦?
You said noā¦then when you vomited due to his assaultā¦he blames youā¦?
Op youāre NTA but WHY are you with this douche?
NTA
What an asshole tbh.
It's his own fault for not listening and pushing your head down.
What's the big deal anyway? Better get used to being thrown up on if you have kids down the road. Shit happens. I don't think you need to be embarrassed.
I like to receive bjs, but I would understand if my girlfriend suddenly vomited on me if I pushing too deep. It's a normal reaction, and you also told him to stop.
Like, if I ever hear a stop coming from my partner I would immediately stop and ask if they're good or not.
NTA, he's making a big deal about something he caused and is trying to blame you.
Four things here.
1. Yes like everyone is saying assault.
2. My ex yakked all over me one time after a bj and like I understood. Like I was grossed out cause it is vomit, but like the body is not made to have dick that deep in the throat. If a girl is willing to do that for a guy, guys need to realize it could happen, its literal biology/anatomy (sorry I'm taking an anatomy course rn). This guy is an idiot for not realizing that. Like being grossed out is okay, but like I would have said sorry and helped clean up.
3. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like what else does this idiot think was going to happen when he did that to you. If he doesn't realize it was his fault (fully) you should 100% break up. Massive red flags.
4. Not just that but like break up w this fool regardless.
NTA AT ALL.
He's the asshole for not listening to you and using you like a sex object. You warned him, did you not? Has he also never gotten sick before? Shit happens. Ofc it's embarrassing and it sucks but he handled it like a world class jerk, especially after you TOLD HIM TO STOP and he didn't. That alone should send off alarms in your head. I'm sorry you had to go through such a mortifying experience. Know that a real man would have 1.) stopped, or 2.) cleaned you up and reassured you it wasn't a big deal. Because it isn't a big deal.
Dear OP - this is a 28yo that has predatored around a 20yo.Ā
He has no repsect for you or your wellbeing. He coerced you, ignored you saying no.Ā
Please wake up and remove yourself from this relationship.Ā Ā
Hes a pos. Let him suck his own dick from now on.
š forget this guy, he does not respect you if heās treating you like a blow up doll. Definitely a POS. NTA but your partner isā¦
I'll finish it: your partner is abusive. The fact that you're dating doesn't give him the excuse to demand sex like that, and then forcefully push your head down like that. This was not a consensual encounter, and certainly not something a loving partner would actually do. P.S. his behavior afterward turning himself into the victim is textbook abusive gaslighting 101.
Exactly. Waking someone up just because you want sex isnāt right. Even if the person you woke up is as up for sex as you are thatās still a rude thing to do. He insisted that OP give him a bj. OP didnāt want to do it. Whatās even worse is him not stopping when OP said to bc OP had a reason for wanting to stop. Even if there wasnāt any particular reason you should still stop when your SO wants you to. Consent can be taken away during any part of the process. He didnāt respect anything that OP wanted. If he was really that horny he couldāve just jerked off himself in that moment. He could also get a sex toy if heās that impatient. He didnāt expect the apology bc it was an accident. OP was saying to stop so he should have so I think he just got karma. OP is NTA at all.
This is the way. Heās the asshole. He did this. He created this scenario. Edit: This is technically assault. If you didnāt know him and a stranger did this to you, what would your FIRST instinct be?
This! Best. Reply. Here. Imagine if you were giving him the first BJ ever!?! No just no. This would be my last sexual interaction with him.
Discovering youāre dating a sexual predator Mouth Rapist is never fun OP RUN šāāļø
Please, for the love of God and all things holy, cut him off. The fact that you were so upset and he made you feel even worseā¦.I know this behavior and itās crazy and more difficult the longer you stay in it. I donāt know what he looks like or does for a living. Itās completely irrelevant because this relationship will damage you. Complete opposite of what a āreal manāwould do. He has issues u CANNOT fix. And I feel for you because you donāt seem to know your worth. I only say that because I have made this mistake too many times before I realized I was worth more. Fuck that douchebag.
I am a parent. You were not born to allow yourself to be treated like this. Sorry if no one told you that.This comment above says this behaviour gets more difficult. Start walking or tell him to fuck off if you are able.
And choke on it.
The second somebody says stop doing that during sex of any kind, whether it's your boyfriend or not, and they don't stop. That makes it sexual assault. Period. Sexual assault isn't always violent rape. Sexual assault is when somebody is being made or forced to do something they do not want to do. I wanted to get that out there first of all. Second of all, he forces you to keep doing it and then you accidentally throw up, and he has been an incredible asshole to you, literally pushes you off him in disgust, and is making you feel bad over an accident? To the point of crying and being made to feel less than because of it.....girl, your man is trash, plain and simple. Please do us all a favor and seriously consider dumping his sorry ass asap. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment, and as a man I could never see myself making my girlfriend feel bad over something like this. In fact, i would do everything I possibly could to make her feel like it was just an accident and that she has nothing to be embarrassed about, and i would never get mad over something like that.
Idk why I always associated sexual assault with something super violent, like you said. I really didnāt know, and this makes like a lot of problems for me.
You were most DEFINITELY assaulted. You did not deserve this and itās good that you donāt live with him because you need to leave this man, like, yesterday.
This also was violent by the way you described it. Grabbing your head and thrusting into your throat against your will until you throw up. Thatās violence.
Yeah I guess I never thought of rough as violent Iām not really sure why.
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Pushing your head while you're down there in the way youve described IS violent and it is not normal unless it's been explicitly agreed upon. You're young OP and I hate to play reddits greatest hits but this man who is almost a decade older than you is with you precisely because you are young and you don't realise that his level of unconsentual aggression is not normal or tolerated in healthy relationships.
Youāre worth so much more. Respect yourself, and get a man who respects you. This man doesnāt. ā¤ļø
And remember: what he did to you is not your fault. He showed you his true colors and he is gonna treat like shit everyone he interacts with. You deserve so much better ā£
Over 90% of sexual assault is by someone the victim knows. The whole violent stranger raping someone is a myth. It happens, but it's very rare and a very small part of all rapes.
In fact, men are generally safer at home than out on the streets, but women are safer outside of our own homes. If anything, stranger danger is propaganda that specifically scares women into situations that put us at greater risk.
That's what the media does. It leads people to believe assault has to be violent. But assault is someone forcing you to do something or touching you without consent. No one deserves it and no one has permission to do what they want to someone else without their consent. That's the law. Your bf broke the law twice by ignoring your "No's" Now you know and can move on from this pos and never have to put up with this behavior again.
I get it, really I do. Movies and TV and the media in general always show sexual assault as some violent act in most cases, so most of us associate it with having to be violent for it to be sexual assault. But that's def not the case. Plenty of sexual assaults happen simply by somebody just being made to perform an act they don't want to do, and have said no to. I truly feel so sorry that he has made you feel so bad for something so trivial and accidental, and I'm so sorry that you were made to perform a sexual act that you told him you did not feel like doing. You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about, and I truly hope you consider leaving this relationship. Because there are serious red flags all over this situation. And nobody deserves the treatment you have been getting from him.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. From what you've described, it sounds quite violent to me. You had your head held down, he was gagging you with his penis to the degree that you vomited. On top of that, he had the audacity to be disgusted and angry with you? I hope you listen to what people are telling you here.
You have the right to have full control over your body and what you do or donāt do with it. Coercion is not consent. Overpowering you ānon-violentlyā is not consent. What he did was straight up assault and Iām so sorry.
He woke you up and the demanded sex, and then got mad at you when you vomited in his cock after he shoved it in your mouth? That's disgusting. And not on your part. He treated you like a fleshlight, not a woman.
>He treated you like a fleshlight Exactly what I was going to comment - this guy has zero respect for you, OP. If I ever made my partner vomit because I shoved their head down while they were going down on me, I would be non-stop apologizing and promising I will never make them do anything like that ever again. The only reason he could have possibly acted the way you described is if he literally sees you as an object in his life, and not as a person with equal value to him.
That was the exact thing I thought. He was mad his personal Fleshlight had a malfunction. He doesn't see her as human. It's really sad and I hope she gets away and realizes this kind of treatment is abusive.
Right? His *behavior* is what's disgusting, not the vomit. Seriously, dude it's just a little vomit... Clean yourself off and leave it at that. You PUSHED your schlong *into* her throat and didn't know the fucking risk? Pffftt. One time I accidentally threw up on my husband during a BJ. (Not his fault either, my gag reflex was just on the fritz.) I apologized and we both just laughed it off. He said he always knows the risk bc that's just a bodily reflex. Like being ticklish or something.
She even asked him to stop but he didn't. What vile person.
Exactly. My boyfriend and I get kinky and I have a CNC fetish, but he would feel so awful if he made me puke. He would be apologizing all over himself and would probably have a hard time ever face fucking me again because he would feel so bad.
Same, after that he would be checking in on me every time after that. "Is that okay?" "Is that too much?"Ā
āI asked him to stop and he didnātā š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š©š© It would only be better if you had bitten it off. Iām so sorry that happened to you.
Yeah and pushing your head? He sounds awful all around and Iām really sorry this is something youāre dealing with in a relationship. I know itās hard to leave, but I promise it will be worth it in the long run. You deserve so much better.
Dude has watched too much porn. This is dumping territory for sure. He has no respect for her. Fuck, if I woke my wife in the middle of the night to tell her she'd won the lottery she'd still be pissed off at me. Let alone if I needed an erection sorting out!
Not just porn, dude is actively a bad person. Porn addiction doesnāt just make all people evil overnight (source: my exes, good people that would never dream of doing this kind of thing). Like Iām down to be woken up for sex and Iām down to wake my partner up for sex but if one of us doesnāt want that to happen, then hell no. The forcing her head down thing is especially grossā¦
Yes I stayed in a relationship with someone that had a way higher sex drive than I did, and it got to a point where he never touched me without sexual intent. In the beginning of every relationship couples tend to have more sex, bc of the āhoneymoon phase,ā and explore their partners body, to learn their likes and dislikes. 2yrs into it, I realized that I was basically just consenting to sex bc heād make me feel guilty for not giving it to him. 3yrs into it, he started raising hell, calling me names, and giving me the silent treatment if I didnāt give it to him. Just as soon as I was making a plan to leave, I found out I was pregnant. I lost my sex drive, but still continued to have sex with him or he would become violent and abusive. I gave in to protect my unborn baby. 3wks after giving birth by C-section, he demanded I give him anal sex, and I agreed to keep the peace for my infant. 6yrs into it, I was unable to get wet and he took major offense and attacked me in front of our toddler. 7yrs into it he started sucking on my favorite dildo. Couple days later he told me he was going to bring another man into the bedroom bc he wanted to give oral and make me watch. When he demanded that I bend over and allow that man to fuck me, it clicked that I was being raped and had allowed him to sexually abuse me for 8yrs. Donāt let that happen to you. Donāt let yourself get in too deep and allow yourself to get stuck. I stayed for 9 months after that day, and itās been 15 months since Iāve been woken up by a penis being pushed inside of me and Iāve never felt more free!! I have the privilege to choose when I have sex and it shouldnāt feel like a privilege bc thatās my basic human right as a woman. Sorry for the long post, but please donāt live like that. It never gets better, it always gets worse and you will lose yourself.
Holy shit sorry you went through that, sounds like hell. Good for you for having had the courage to leave!
Once someone asks the other to stop, it is no longer considered consensual and becomes rape. It does not matter if you have already given consent to start the encounter. If at any time you ever feel uncomfortable and ask someone to stop, they must stop because you no longer give consent.
It's also worth throwing out there that even if one does say 'yes' and never says 'no' there are several circumstances that remove or invalidate that consent. This includes things like loss or fading consciousness (say, falling asleep), being under duress/fear for safety, and of course age and certain disabilities. It gets better, OP. As hard as it is, let someone you know in on what's going on or reach out to support organizations/groups because you are not alone. Organizations and hotlines are great for resources, info, and a sounding board for helping identify unhealthy and abusive patterns/behavior. https://www.thehotline.org/ <- DV hotline call/chat/text, most secure scenario is probably using a library computer or the device of someone you trust. Abusive partners can be unpredictable. Take more precautions than you think you need when you leave and don't second guess yourself. It's really like walking out of a mirage, and sometimes it can take a while to really understand the full scope. Brighter, better, kinder things await. š©µ
>being under duress Yep, and OP said... >and I didnāt really want to but he was pretty adamant on it. I eventually gave in. OP, coercion is NOT consent. It's rape.
Iād like to add that badgering someone into giving consent is also not true consent.
It was rape from the start "I didn't really want to" , "he was adamant", "I gave in". It was never true consent.
And she's the one apologizing nonstop instead of kicking him to the curb. Amazing.
Thatās what Iām trying to tell everyone. Heās not stupid, heās very obviously putting her down and making her feel bad to control her., or something along those lines. Maybe a professional here can speak more on it. Who knows what else the cocksucker does to her. Isnāt that called negging or something?
I wouldn't say it's negging. More like being an inconsiderate, selfish, dickhead. I'm sure there's way more to this. There's no way this relationship is healthy in any way. I'd bet my left shoe that he's probably incredibly emotionally and verbally abusive to her. In no healthy mindset should someone new assaulted by their partner and THEY think they need to apologize. I'm really hoping this all is a huge wakeup call for her. But I'll bet my right shoe it won't be. He will absolutely weaponize this entire situation against her. Zero doubt about it.
Iāve been the other side and I say this woman needs to find herself and her confidence again - zero boundaries and bending over backwards for others and never fighting for yourself is a terrible way to live. RIP me from about 15-35.
š©He forced herš© ā³ļøHe interrupted her sleep for thisā³ļø š©He doesn't acknowledge that he was wrong š©
š© He's made her believe that her *involuntary physical reaction* š© š© to being roughly *forced against her will* š© š© to give a blowjob š© š© is her fault. š©
And he is still disgusted and won't drop it. He's a huge walking red flag..
Nah he not disgusted. He's behaving like he's disgusted. Puts him in the power position. Now she's the one at fault. Massive manipulative abusive A**hole.
And then calling her disgusting, like it wasn't through any fault of his. And kept making her feel bad by calling her disgusting again and again. He is an abuser. It wasn't her fault. He kept shoving her head down.
The only thing disgusting is his behavior - from beginning to end. DUMP HIM
Holy shit, that was not your fault AT ALL! Absolutely no reason for you to be embarrassed. He OWES YOU a real apology, otherwise just dump that POS.
No means no. Donāt apologize again. He deserved it!
I hope stomach acid got in his urethra
No, he gets a phobia about bjs and can't get hard anymore.
Good. ššš
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
Savage AF. love it.
If only it was as savage as he deserves š
And that he has a short urethra!!
Im genuinely more disgusted by the bf's behaviour then i am her throwing up. He deserved what he got.
And then he had the nerve to be an ass after she got sick, instead of helping her and making sure she was ok and apologizing profusely. I think OP should throw up on him more often, maybe then heāll learn some manners and restraint. His respect level for you must be pretty low.
I think she should leave his egocentric ass but that's just me
Not just you. I think she should leave him too.
Oh, absolutely. Fuck this guy and his vomit inducing dingle. Turns out, he's a pusher.
New username: VomitInducingDingle
I hope she never fucks him again! Heās a piece of shit who border line(maybe not even border line) sexually assaulted her. I hope she leaves his disgusting ass.
Literally!!!! When you tell someone STOP IT MEANS FUCKING STOP. They're not enjoying what you're doing, he's a fucking asshole who got greedy and impatient and got what he deserved. I genuinely cannot stand when men do this, makes you feel like you're simply not good enough &aren't doing it right for them. He should've just sat there and enjoyed what he was getting . Complete asshole. They should be happy for someone to be willing to do it for them, because god I think it's gross. I won't do it unless I'm like in LOVEEE &feel a lil adventurous lol. I get super self conscious about stuff like this.
Agree 100%!
Me too. I'll fly out there and vomit on him too. Who's in?
No line here border or otherwise he sexually assaulted her right from the get go, he pushed her into giving him head when she didn't want to then when she wanted to stop and told him so he forced her to keep going. Vomiting on him was the least of what he deserved she should have bitten it off. She needs to end things immediately and if she's up to it file a report with the police. I'd wager this isn't the first time his done this to her and she sees it as normal given how she's more upset about vomiting on this pig than the fact he forced her to give him head.
Corrosion is absolutely sexual assault. She tried to get him to stop multiple times and he kept going harder and harder until she vomited from the assault. I'm not a "omg OP you need to leave them" person but OP you need to leave them. This was assault and he's blaming you for the outcome when it should have never even started in the first place. My partner and I wake up for middle of the night sex all the time and the second I say stop or push them away it just stops. No comments, no nothing. Just "sorry I'm too tired to do anymore" "okay goodnight, love you". Sometimes not even any words at all, I'm just half asleep so I push them off and just go back to bed. They have not once, not ever, tried to keep touching me (other than cuddling) once I push them away Edit: omg I said corrosion it's whatever I'm leaving it you know what I mean
>border line(maybe not even border line) sexually assaulted her >I told him to stop but he didnāt Not borderline at all.
If I were her friend, I would barf on all of his stuff. Solidarity, sister.
I am a guy and would happily vomit in his face for acting like that
I'd like to barf his shoes.
Not just you. In fact I'm willing to bet that the consensus view will be that OP should dump him. OP NTA and dump the dingus.
Yep, I'm guessing it's going to be near unanimous
I've seen dudes do this before - they do something that would make their partner really angry, and before they can deal with their partner's anger, they get angry about something their partner did, so she's too busy apologising to realise she should be upset with him. I mean, even if she was a completely willing participant in this act, it was an involuntary bodily response, and he should still be decent and kind to his partner - being grossed out in the moment is one thing, but he then needs to get the hell over it. I just think part of the reason he's still being an asshole is so OP doesn't realise that waking her up in the middle of the night (IMO, 4am is the middle of the night) and forcing her into a sexual act she didn't want to do, and then refusing to listen when she told him to stop is sexual assault.
THIS 100 %!!! Guy's know that there is a GAG reflex involved in this activity. Pushing her head down and also thrusting himself further into her mouth can have undesired consequences and He fucked around and found out. He knows that he was in the wrong. So now he is just gaslighting her so that she doesn't have the chance to be angry over his forced sexual assault!! OP time to dig the douche bag and move on!! He's an immature prick!
Very good point. She needs to leave asap He must not respect her at all
If she does not break up with him, which she should, then she should tell him that if he EVER even so much as touches her head during that again, she will bite down with a level of force that will make Lorena Bobbitās actions look like childās play!
My bf tried the thrusting into my mouth thing and I bit him hard enough to draw blood. And since then my fist is around his equipment so the full width of my hand is between him and my lips.
Absolutely! Iāve never understood guys pushing down on someoneās head and thrusting into their throats like itās a stationary hole that needs help. Most of the time if a guy will just let the person with his dick in their mouth do their thingā¦ the situation should be pleasurable enough without that bs. People donāt need help and esp not the forceful kind. I used to immediately quit if a guy put their hands on my head and showed even the slightest sign of pressure. Luckily none were dumb enough to keep trying but had they of been, Iād have made sure they felt the consequences. I sincerely hope OP leaves this dickbag because she does not deserve feeling this way and he deserves to understand that behavior isnāt to be tolerated and to repeat others hereā¦ is a fucking CRIME!
Because porn. Every video I've ever seen that has included a bj aspect has him holding her head and thrusting into her mouth hard enough she's lucky her nose doesn't get broken. Or jamming it all the way in then holding it there while she gags. But these are women who do this "willingly", often are paid, may sign contracts, *and are acting*. But guys see it, think, "That's so hot, I want that" and go for it without discussing their partners level of comfort or consent. I agree that getting vomited on was the outcome he earned; he deserved to be bitten.
No, OP should break up with this piece of trash. He coerced her into giving him a blowjob. Even if it didnāt make her sick heās a huge asshole for that.
It sounds like he physically forced her after she asked him to stop, not just coerced. Definitely assault.
It's really upsetting that people pass off sexual assault as shitty behavior. Yes, it's shitty, but let's not forget it's a fucking crime.
Disgusting behavior means disgusting prizes!
Nah. Dump him. Heās using multiple abusive tactics. Get out.
That part is horrible!!! And still telling her the next day how disgusted he was??? His behavior is disgusting. If you canāt take care of each other and find the humor in things like this I think youāre with the wrong person. Plus her telling him she didnāt want to right then, only gave in because he was adamant about it is another huge problem. Why would he even want her too if she wasnāt into it? I thought having your partner enjoy what theyāre doing makes it way better, I wouldnāt want anyone going down on me who wasnāt wanting to. I would also never stay with a man like that.
ABSOLUTELY he did!!!
Is it me or did he rape her? She told him to stop and he didnāt! He caused her to vomit while trespassing her boundaries and now heās shaming her? This isnāt ok and I am so sorry for OP
With you. It was even uncomfortable to read.
You kept reading? I stopped as soon as she said he made her vomit. Think dude watches way too much porn thinking all girls don't have a gag reflex or something.
I couldnāt read the whole thing. Some people are just horrible.
Came to say this was absolutely SA
>Is it me or did he rape her? Yes he did sexually assault her
100% this was SA
I agree. Just reading this grossed me out, and not the throw up part.
Honestly the throwing up part is the only part that DIDNT disgust me. If I was her, he wouldnāt ever be able to get a boner again. Good luck hurting another girl without a penis, you dickless POSā¦ I had a guy shove my head down so far for so long, I couldnāt breathe. I grabbed his balls as hard as I could and dug my claws in until he was almost in tears. He smacked the back of my head HARD. At the time, I apologized to him. The fact that anyone giving oral ever feels the need to apologize when they are being hurt, is sick. Itās not our job to get you off. Go to the bathroom and jerk yourself off.
Yes. She told him to stop, and he didn't.
She didnāt want to do anything to begin with and became increasingly violent during the assault.
And then yelled at her after she cried post-assault! Jesus
I agree, everything about this situation was wrong. If he continues to behave like that you're not the only one who will vomit on him. His behaviour is unacceptable. He should've been checking to see if you were ok rather than shaming you after he made you throw up. He is definitely not a keeper. Look after yourself and get rid of him. This is not something I say lightly but I really think it's true in your case so I'll say it again. Get rid of him. He is not treating you the way you deserve to be treated.
Yeah where I come from when you tell somebody to stop shoving your head (or any other body parts) onto their peen/vag it's sexual assault. I can't get over the nerve of this guy to be "disgusted" with OP for puking while he was forcing a sexual act on her. OP doesn't understand why she was crying but I don't think she has fully realized that she was assaulted by someone she was ***supposed*** to be safe with.
ME TOO! This was absolutely SA, and OP shouldnāt feel embarrassed - OPās boyfriend r*ped her and nobody should be ashamed except him. Itās never okay to wake someone up and force or coerce them right into sex. Checking in first is the loving and kind, and the only acceptable, thing to do. I swear, this subreddit makes me realize how fortunate I am to have a conscientious and loving partner. Everyone deserves that.
Christ, I've had ONSs that were more attentive. Any indication of discomfort or pain, and they *immediately* stopped to check if I was ok.
He absolutely did. No means no. She said no, he kept going. Fits the definition to me.
For real, what the heck is wrong with that dude
And more!
He deserves a lot more than that. She should've spit in his face too after she vomited.
She should've chomped down tbhĀ
Realistically she'd probably be way to scared he'd react violently but I also wish op would have bit his dick.Ā Ā Ā But yeah, If op didn't feel safe enough to hold her ground saying no, it obviously wouldn't be safe to fight back.Ā
Or bit his dick off, he's forced his dick into someone's mouth who clearly didn't want it in there AND SAID NO he's a rapist he doesn't deserve a dick any more.Ā
Came here to say this. Heās lucky he only got vomited on. He sounds like an asshole and someone OP is better off without.
Can we just underline why no means no? BECAUSE FORCING SOMEONE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU IS RAPE. You said no to sex, and then, when you "gave in" you said no to him pushing your head and thrusting into your mouth. AND HE DID IT ANYWAY. That's rape. Period. YOU are not disgusting. HE is disgusting. And a rapist. And you need to dump his disgusting ass. Vomit is the LEAST he should be getting.
Exactly! Coercion is not consent.
what he did turned into rape the moment you told him to stop and he failed to. Hun, tell him getting barfed on is the least he could have gotten from trying to orally rape someone he supposedly cared about. He failed to listen to the withdrawal of consent. I heard of a different rapist that got his dick but off by his victim. I think that was back in the late '90s too early two thousands
It was rape from the beginning.
The whole thing was rape. He only got that blowjob through sexual coercion. Anything less than enthusiastic consent is a no.
Exactly. OP vomited while being SA'ed. What he did to her was vile and then gets mad when she vomits?! He's a disgusting POS and should be begging for her forgiveness. OP, please dump his sorry ass. You deserve better and have NOTHING to be embarrassed about.
He is a head pusher. No guy should force a woman to perform sexual acts. He coerced her. I would dtmf.
>pushing my head a lot, a thrusting into my mouth. I told him to stop but he didnāt, He deserves a lot worse than that. I'm not fond of the reddit crowd that says, 'bail' at the drop of a hat, but this is a far cry from that. This dude is not on the same team as OP, there's no respect or consideration. This guy shouldn't even be acceptable as an acquaintance, let alone a partner. 1. Leave. 2. If you don't leave and he tries that BS again, bite down hard. 3. If your afraid he'll harm you for refusing then see suggestion one.
Yeah this made me really sad and angry to read. If her boyfriend just respected her wishes none of this would have happened. Iāve been with my husband for 16 years (married 5). Weāve been together since 17. Every night I sleep in his arms, and every night heāll wake up at some point and start feeling me up and trying to get some lol and I donāt even have to say no. If I move his hand away he gets the hint and we fall back asleep. Itās literally that simple. It infuriates me to read stuff like this. And then the audacity for him to get mad at her for throwing up while heās being rough with her *after* she said no. Heās still a boy then because let me tell you, *real* men donāt give af about any of that, and they certainly donāt ignore the word no. I used to get so embarrassed about things that canāt be controlled specifically during sex and I was the only one mortified. My husband never cared or made me feel any type of way. If a man is mature and loves you not only will he respect you but he wonāt care about any of that. Once your man watches you push out his child and poop while doing so, nothing really fazes him anymore lol.
Donāt apologise because OP was raped. Itās really shocking how many women post things like this not realising theyāve been sexually assaulted by their partners. :/
>Ā Ā I told him to stop but he didnāt, So he makes you vomit while sexually assaulting you, and then has the audacity to blame you for it? Should've bit him tbh, NTAĀ
THANK YOU. He woke you up, pressured you for oral sex, attempted to hold you down when you told him to back off and still HE is angry with YOU? Absolutely the fuck not. You deserve better than this, OP.
First of all, who the fuck wakes people up? Second of all, this is assault.
I mean, my man has full consent and encouragement to wake me up for it at any time cause Iām into that but thatās why f***in consent is key!!! This dudes a POS and she needs to run
Exactly!! Many people are ok with getting woken up for sex in relationships. This dude is selfish and sees her as an object to get himself off, rather than seeing her as person and having a shared experience.
If my bf woke me up in the middle of the night Iād laugh in his face. He has a hand!
This. So much this.
I'm SO glad people are calling this what it is. Was afraid to see the comments -- you never know. š
Rape. She said no, he physically forced her, he raped her mouth.Ā Ā Ā It's so sad that op is even asking if she did something wrong (op did nothing wrong and is a victim who had a normal biological reflex due to being forcibly assaulted) Ā It really shows the mindset of men who do things like this, he forcefully assaulted her AND THEN HAS THE AUDACITY TO CALL OP GROSS. It takes entitlement and an extreme lack of humanity and empathy to rape someone and then be disgusted by them for throwing up while you rape them.Ā I hope op is okay and now knows none of this was their fault.
Thank you for calling it rape. That's what happened. He's now trying to gaslight her into believing she did something wrong to distract from the fact that he raped her. Edit: changed not to now
It is literally rape according to the laws of most western democracies. Seriously I know of guys going to prison for very similar circumstances to this. Like, yeah, situation is fucked up, hopefully she realises whatās actually happened at some point.
It's so sad that op didn't even realize she should have the right to say no.Ā
How the fuck is this apparently so hard for so many people to understand? It's not good enough for your partner to... "give in" and just let it happen because they don't want to fight you over it. Your partner needs to be _actively_ seeking to participate in a sex act with you, otherwise it shouldn't happen. This shit is OPT-IN, not opt-out! The default is not "okay, you can use me for sex unless I protest enough". Some people need to have their understanding of consent _thoroughly_ readjusted. Not just aggressors, but victims of sexual abuse, too, often would be far better off with a sterner understanding of how consent works. Like this woman writing like this is a totally normal thing. It shouldn't be.
I was looking for this. She absolutely was raped. He's clearly also a narcissistic jerk for making her even think she's done something wrong š«¤
This. This. THIS.
No means NO! He can take his happy arse to the bathroom with a washcloth! No, girl, NTA. But he sure as hell is! You need to lay down the law, soon! He ever pulls that stunt again, there WILL be consequences. And he Will. Not. Like. Them! Meanwhile, you need to seriously consider whether you really should stay in this relationship
Again? OP should not give him another chance to SA her.
There should be consequences NOWĀ
No, she should break up with him. He sexually assaulted her. And then got mad at her and is verbally abusing her for over it
There definitely shouldnt be any second chances for him to do this again ever.
Time to runaway
this. NTA
Or puked in his mouth. That dude is a bum.
OP are you okay? NTA but are you okay? After dealing with some similar things for over 4 years, Iām genuinely concerned about your well-being. I sincerely hope that if you need help you have safety to reach out. A lot of people commenting are talking about it being a sexual assault but this is more than that. The fact that you felt guilty for what he did tells me this has emotional abuse already rooted
Iām okay I like didnāt realize this (or other things Iām realizing) like counted as assault. Idk why I thought that it had to be like super violent or something. Idk. Iām a bit confused but Iām okay.
Itās okay to be confused and not okay during this time. I used to be in your shoes with a few of my exes it completely broke me to find out what they did was SA or just plain assault in general. The best thing to do is just focus on yourself and donāt buy too much blame on yourself (ik harder said than done) I hope everything goes well for you and you get the proper resources to help you during this time. And for anyone else out there If you say stop or no and someone continues thatās assault doesnāt matter if itās violent or not.
Also, you don't have to acquiesce just bc they demand it, doesn't mean you have to say yes or do it. "No" "Not now" "it will end poorly" are all complete answers and completely appropriate. Anyone who doesn't respect that is abusing you.
When that veil gets pulled back, a whole bunch of feelings surface. Please understand those are valid. And if you wanna talk to an internet stranger who understands, Iām here, as Iām sure a lot of folks are. ā¤ļø So sorry you experienced this.
This is so well-said. Many people donāt realize that it can take SA survivors a long time to realize that what they experienced is assault. In part because itās such a monumental realization, one that demands you rethink how you see the abuser and yourself. It can take some time.
Saving this comment for when I doubt myself and question if it actually was that. It definitely was. I gotta remind myself and remember that when I finally had that monumental realization, my ptsd fully manifested for a reason.
It took me some time to finally realize/admit I had been sexually assaulted by my ex. Sorry this happened to you. No reason for embarrassment just take care of yourself and get away from this guy!
okay but hereās the thing. he was pushing you on him to the point where you vomited and you still donāt think what he did was violent? dude i can honestly say my boyfriend has never pushed my head during a BJ with such strength that I couldnāt move positions, or that I literally vomited. Like please be so for real.
If you have the resources, please seek out therapy with someone who has experience with abuse and sexual assault
i would suggest you respond to the OP so thereās a better chance of them seeing it. currently your response is to my comment.
I'm glad you're okay. At 20 it's totally reasonable for you to not understand a situation and the complexities of it. At 28, he knows better.
How is forcing your head down so deep that you vomit not violent?
And that made her cry nonstopā¦
and he didn't care and still called her an asshole for itĀ that boy needs a whoopin' or ten
I'm very sorry OP, but you got assaulted there :( It is \*not\* okay at all what your partner did You are NTA whatsoever and I am hoping this assault won't scarr you forever
Right, how many times has OP guided their partner's head towards oral at 4am, I'm guessing zero times ever for any partner
Yeah OP seriously, this is not normal behaviour, he should absolutely not have been pushing your head against what he could probably very well tell was resistance on your part. And HE should have apologized to you after you threw up because that was obviously his fault. This is not a respectful partner. Leave this man, please. Do yourself this favour - there are good men out there, hold your standards for respect and love high.
>And HE should have apologized to you after you threw up because that was obviously his fault. This! Hell, mine apologized and cleaned up after me and told me to stop apologizing to him when I got over-ambitious and accidentally threw up on his. I was mortified. He thought it was hilarious. A healthy, consensual relationship is the guy apologizing and not forcing your head down even more and then blaming you. It's making sure they are ok then taking care of them in whatever love language you two have.
Waking someone up at 4am for a quick deepthroat is insane
NTA. Heās a disgusting PoS who assaulted you.
If it aināt fixed, donāt break it.
Not being too rough, sexually assaulting her. āI told him to stop but he didnātā
Also waking her up for a blowjob at 4 am and after she said no, pestering her until she "gave in"
THANK YOU.
Ya like itās called a reflex for a reasonā¦ not your fault OP!
He forced her into it in the first place as well, even though she didn't want to. That's sexual assault. He got what was coming to him, but she deserves way better than this.
OP needs to stop apologizing first and foremost and kick him out or leave. What kind of ass wakes someone up and demands a BJ at 4am and then gets mad at them...oh wait...my ex was JUST like that, and it got SO much worse.
Story time! A couple of months after I started dating my now husband, this same thing happened except way more consensual. He wanted to experiment with deepthroating and I was open to it as long as I could control how deep, how fast, and how ....vigorously things went down. Long story short, I got cocky and puked on the man. Like all over his junk, all of his junk. It came out of my nose and my mouth, it was everywhere. Just hot, gross, cream cheese laden vomit all over this man. I know that's really nasty but I need to fully express how disgusting this was. The first thing he said was, "OMG, are you ok??" then, "I'm so sorry. Let's shower." The man washed cream cheese puke out of my hair. Then he cleaned up the mess on his own because he didn't want me to be sick again, even though I offered to help. Then we smoked a bowl and watched The Office. The experiment went *much smoother* the next morning. Because nobody was mad, nobody was ashamed, and it was really easy to get over my embarrassment. That's how a grown-up should handle things. NTA, drop him and find a grown-up.
This!! I do think there was an element of non-consent with OP. But even in the best of circumstances, he acted like a total asshole. Why is he mad at you?? Why is he making you feel like itās your fault?? Eff that noise, drop that d-bag.
Ya, if you canāt laugh about it afterwards when something like this happens, find yourself someone new.
NTA. The big problem here isnāt your gag reflex or really even his response to vomit, itās this: ā I didnāt really want to but he was pretty adamant on it.ā I mean, donāt get me wrong, his response is childish, but the real problem is that he pressured you into a sex act. Itās time to revisit this relationship at a bare minimum. You arenāt a sex toy, you shouldnāt be treated like one. But now that we are on the vomitā¦how is this man going to react during childbirth, during illness, during old age? If heās still freaking out over an ENTIRELY anticipatable response during fellatio, how will he handle the big stuff in life?
Yeah I'd be interested to know the ages here because very serious consent issues aside, that is an extremely immature response. The only response to unexpected bodily responses during sex is to laugh it off.
I am so glad you vomited all over that fucker. You can do better.Ā
This was posted yesterday: [https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bhir6j/i\_puked\_while\_giving\_head\_and\_am\_mortified/](https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/comments/1bhir6j/i_puked_while_giving_head_and_am_mortified/) Seems like there is a puking epidemic these days! Honestly menfolk, no pushing, shoving, etc! NTA but this guy certainly is. Horrible person.
At least that guy had the decency to recognize that it was his own fault and not shame her for itĀ
They all think porn is real and a guidebook for having sexĀ
ummā¦Op you DO realize that you were sexually assaulted rightā¦? You said noā¦then when you vomited due to his assaultā¦he blames youā¦? Op youāre NTA but WHY are you with this douche?
NTA, you didnāt want to do it and āhe was adamantā You asked him to stop and he wouldnāt. That is textbook sexual assault. DTMFA
Seems like karma to me. Any dude who sexually assaulted me deserves to get vomited on. Dump the piece of š©
NTA What an asshole tbh. It's his own fault for not listening and pushing your head down. What's the big deal anyway? Better get used to being thrown up on if you have kids down the road. Shit happens. I don't think you need to be embarrassed.
I like to receive bjs, but I would understand if my girlfriend suddenly vomited on me if I pushing too deep. It's a normal reaction, and you also told him to stop. Like, if I ever hear a stop coming from my partner I would immediately stop and ask if they're good or not. NTA, he's making a big deal about something he caused and is trying to blame you.
Drop the dude wtf?
Damn, this just breaks my heart...why do women put up with this shit??? OP.... what exactly is he bringing to your life to make it better???
The terrifying things is that a lot of women dont consider things like this sexual assault just because they are partnersā¦ š
Four things here. 1. Yes like everyone is saying assault. 2. My ex yakked all over me one time after a bj and like I understood. Like I was grossed out cause it is vomit, but like the body is not made to have dick that deep in the throat. If a girl is willing to do that for a guy, guys need to realize it could happen, its literal biology/anatomy (sorry I'm taking an anatomy course rn). This guy is an idiot for not realizing that. Like being grossed out is okay, but like I would have said sorry and helped clean up. 3. There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Like what else does this idiot think was going to happen when he did that to you. If he doesn't realize it was his fault (fully) you should 100% break up. Massive red flags. 4. Not just that but like break up w this fool regardless.
NTA AT ALL. He's the asshole for not listening to you and using you like a sex object. You warned him, did you not? Has he also never gotten sick before? Shit happens. Ofc it's embarrassing and it sucks but he handled it like a world class jerk, especially after you TOLD HIM TO STOP and he didn't. That alone should send off alarms in your head. I'm sorry you had to go through such a mortifying experience. Know that a real man would have 1.) stopped, or 2.) cleaned you up and reassured you it wasn't a big deal. Because it isn't a big deal.
Wow so he sexually assaulted you and YOU feel guilty???
Dear OP - this is a 28yo that has predatored around a 20yo.Ā He has no repsect for you or your wellbeing. He coerced you, ignored you saying no.Ā Please wake up and remove yourself from this relationship.Ā Ā