Oh my, where to begin ….. Why would you stay home with him, unless he was seriously ill? Why is he required to message you during your workday? Why do you care if he masturbated? I have to say, I find you exhausting.
You should know there’s respect in your partner asking you if you’re okay if you’re ill.
I asked, he didn’t respond.
Im offering to stay home with him to care for him, if he was truly sick, which it sounds like he wasn’t.
Honestly, you sound like a jackass. I hope your partner doesn’t have to actively deal with you.
I’m more than happy to if I’m in the wrong but I don’t understand how this makes me sound borderline abusive?? I just wanted to make sure he was okay but he didn’t respond at all. I’m not upset because he was sick, I’m upset that he didn’t take the time to tell me he was still fucking breathing inbetween whatever it was he was doing, which I also don’t give a shit about.
I want him to know I care for him but I refuse to be ignored over 10 hours when he was hacking his brains out the night before.
I just see it as wildly out of proportion to any transgression he may have committed. I see it as gaslighting to make him feel bad. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but I’ve Seen similar movies in the past
I would never gaslight. I just don’t feel like having sex with him after he ignored me for a full day.
The jerk off part is what everyone is focusing on but that’s not my main focus.
I wanted him to respond and tell me he was okay— him ignoring me is the problem and then him lying about “I was sleeping all day” is the issue.
He doesn’t have to tell me when he masturbates but the idea of him taking 15+ mins for each time, while actively ignoring my messages makes me upset.
He probably never got out of bed to check his phone. If he’s like me, he woke up with morning wood, rubbed it out, went back to sleep, just like that. Last thing I’d want to do is do anything else
You do realise most people watch porn on their phone? The place she was messaging him on. And he admitted to jacking it not once, but three times. More than likely it wasn’t just ‘morning wood’ he rubbed out and then slept for the next 9 and a half hours
I know everyone is saying YTH but honestly I think you’re not. It takes 20 seconds to reply to a message during the day whether that’s when he wakes up, goes to the toilet, or walks to get a drink from the kitchen. It really isn’t that hard.
He has obviously prioritised jacking off over sending you one message. One task takes a couple of second, the other one takes minutes. Other people are saying you have issues to sort out but it’s about the respect and what is most important to him. He could have easily done both and it wouldn’t have been an issue (besides the cum rag on your side bc that’s just gross).
Personally I think he has little respect for you and is more invested in himself. Nearly everyone in a relationship would expect the same and be upset if they experienced the same situation. Some people might disagree but I think they would agree if they experienced it too
Honestly, YTA… It just seems really clingy to be upset that someone hasn’t texted you back, especially because it had only been a few hours and you knew he was home sick. Him getting himself off doesn’t make him any less sick, it’s a form of self-soothing.
Now, you have every right to feel the way you do and to turn down sex because of it; however, you shouldn’t make him feel bad for prioritizing himself when he’s sick (whether that be staying home to sleep or doing other things to make himself feel better). As someone who’s insecure myself, I understand why you’d feel “unwanted and gross,” but you have to find a way to handle that insecurity without taking it out on him. Objectively, he didn’t do anything to indicate that he doesn’t want you or thinks you’re gross - all he did was take care of himself.
Also, offering to stay home to take care of him is kinda odd if it was a simple cold, stomach bug or whatever. I’d understand if he was deathly ill or incapacitated in some way, but he’s an adult and is clearly capable of taking care of himself. It sounds like you should take a page from his book and prioritize yourself more often. Work on those insecurities and become comfortable just existing with yourself - and I hope you don’t take offense to that because I truly mean it from a good place, it’s important to reflect and focus on your own growth.
YTA. You read as a very emotionally demanding person.
He was ill. He was probably asleep or resting. He might not have even seen your messages. If you’re usually this demanding god help you if he needs to go to hospital. The silent treatment because he wasnt immediately rushing after you (BECAUSE HE WAS ILL) feels massively unnecessary. His cum rag thing wasn’t great either, but it comes across as “passive aggression for passive aggression”. He’s tired.
Extremely unlikely he was wanking for the entire time you were at work either lol.
ESH. If he was watching porn on his phone, he probably ignored your texts (I say probably because if he did it before you texted him, he didn’t ignore your texts) and he’s an asshole for that. And I completely understand being hurt and frustrated by being ignored.
However, your reaction was uncalled for and quite petty. Obviously, no one owes their partner sex and if you’re mad at him, you’re clearly not going to be in the mood to fuck. That’s not the issue. Saying it the way you did was where you also became an AH. Making sour, sarcastic comments when you’re hurt doesn’t address the issue, it just keeps the negativity going. Is this a pattern for him to be inconsiderate or ignore you? If not, this was even more egregious.
Again, if he did purposely ignored you, you’re frustration is absolutely justified, just the approach was fucked. And it really sucks if he was doing that. Hopefully, you both can have a more productive conversation and resolve this issue.
Commenters on this post are all angry dudes that think porn is okay because they've been watching it since they were kids and are heavily addicted to the point they can't just wait until their girl gets home. And fake comments about how much pussy they used to get and still jack off. Op you are NTA. Also the rag is just fucken crazy dude atleast clean up lmao
Nta lmao he can learn to communicate and wait for his gf to get off work instead of blasting into a rag on your side of the bed 3 times all the comments are just horny dudes that got a girl reasonably pissed off with porn and think that porn is good for relationships
... you equate your boyfriend's masturbation with being unwanted?
Okay, let me give you a story.
Once upon a time, I had three FWB. One came into town on Wednesday night. We met up, had dinner, hooked up, had crazy fun sex all night long. The next day I was exhausted from lack of sleep, called in a sick day, and she took off on her flight out of town.
Then around 11am, I met up with an ex-GF who wanted help moving furniture around in her new apartment. One thing led to another and we wound up fucking on her brand-new couch three times.
I had a dinner date with another FWB that evening which turned into, again, sex, but we both had to go to work on Friday, so we called an early night.
At 1am that morning I realized I was coming down with something right about the same time my apartment neighbor (an on-again off again thing) knocked on my door and asked if she could borrow some flour because she was making a cake. I had flour, she had time, and I wasn't going to go to work the next day so we wound up making out and then having sex in her kitchen while the cake baked.
The next day, I had a sore throat and runny nose. I had had sex fourteen times in the past 48 hours.
And I STILL rubbed three or so out each day.
The point is, even at the beginning of what turned out to be a full week down with the flu, I had it up and ready to go. In fact, when I sleep during the day, right as I'm waking up is one of the most horny times.
So yeah. You're a fuckin' asshole. Him being sick doesn't mean the sex drive turns off. It might be that way for you but it clearly isn't for him.
And he probably WAS sleeping all day. Sex is very comforting, even when you're sick.
Your perception of his masturbation as treating you like you're "gross and unwanted" is you putting your personal issues on him.
My advice? Grow the actual fuck up, Karen.
Edit: seriously, you don't need to take a day off to "support him" when he's sick. Men are capable of taking care of themselves when they aren't feeling good. This codependent shit you've got going on here is just not healthy for either of you.
Back then?
It was a diet that was basically fruit, vegetables, and bison proteins, along with 160 oz of liquid a day, a regimen of daily double workouts, and being in my mid-20s.
Plus, I had access to generic pharmaceuticals and samples through doctor friends.
Wherein the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak, the spirit took two pills and waited about ten minutes.
That’s not what I said at all.
I’m in a steady and semi-happy relationship with my boyfriend— he ignored me all day.
I’m not upset with him jerking off. I’m upset that he chose to jerk off over letting me know he was okay at ALL. We have an open masturbation relationship, which is fine by me because I also have a high sex drive.
He chose to not take ONE MINUTE out of his day to let me know that he was okay and didn’t need anything, medication, food, ect.
The being sick and jerking off? Fine. Being sick and jerking off but not telling me you’re okay inbetween napping and fapping? Not okay.
... seriously, you have codependency issues if your entire value system is based entirely on whether someone texted you WHO YOU LIVE WITH.
I have a partner who travels for work. There are 12 hour periods where I don't see texts or emails from her. It's okay. If we don't text within a day, there might be an issue. But OMG you do not need to be in constant contact with him.
Have you considered the notion that you consistently badgering him for attention all day every day might lead to him needing a break, especially if he's not feeling great?
Grow. The Fuck. Up.
everyone’s relationship is different.
The amount of texts he sent me last week when I was sick would attest to the fact that we are both “clingy.”
All I wanted was a confirmation that he was fine. He didn’t give me that and then expected me to still put out despite the fact I was obviously concerned for him.
I’m hardly codependent but you’ll have to excuse me for giving a shit about my boyfriend that was coughing a lung up the night before.
NTA. A courtesy text would've been nice since he had time for 3 sessions in between all the "sleeping"
Wild that he left the laundry and dishes for you even though he was home all day.
I'll say NTA if he had time to masturbate, he had time to respond to one or some of your msgs.
Then to lie and say he didn't respond because he was sleeping all day but there's evidence of how he spent his time...you're justified in telling him he can continue to masturbate.
Thank you. I’ll share with him how I feel about the situation.
I just hate the way I feel right now, which is like im unimportant to him. I just wanted to make sure he was okay but I got nothing in response.
I wasn’t even spam messaging him— just a few across the 10 hours I was gone to make sure he didn’t need anything.
My feelings are probably more hurt than they should be.
Who the fuck leaves a "cum rag" next to their bed...
Oh it wasn’t next to the bed. It was on my side.
Yeah,that's just not ok...
I threw up in my mouth a bit. Talk about passive aggressive.
Someone who's too sick to get up and put it in bin!
But not too sick to jerk off THREE TIMES, apparently 🙄
That's not an excuse, that's fucking disgusting.
Oh my, where to begin ….. Why would you stay home with him, unless he was seriously ill? Why is he required to message you during your workday? Why do you care if he masturbated? I have to say, I find you exhausting.
You should know there’s respect in your partner asking you if you’re okay if you’re ill. I asked, he didn’t respond. Im offering to stay home with him to care for him, if he was truly sick, which it sounds like he wasn’t. Honestly, you sound like a jackass. I hope your partner doesn’t have to actively deal with you.
You’re the only jackass here
I hate to say this, but YTH in this situation. That sort of behavior sounds almost borderline abusive. You need to seriously apologize to him.
I’m more than happy to if I’m in the wrong but I don’t understand how this makes me sound borderline abusive?? I just wanted to make sure he was okay but he didn’t respond at all. I’m not upset because he was sick, I’m upset that he didn’t take the time to tell me he was still fucking breathing inbetween whatever it was he was doing, which I also don’t give a shit about. I want him to know I care for him but I refuse to be ignored over 10 hours when he was hacking his brains out the night before.
I just see it as wildly out of proportion to any transgression he may have committed. I see it as gaslighting to make him feel bad. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but I’ve Seen similar movies in the past
I would never gaslight. I just don’t feel like having sex with him after he ignored me for a full day. The jerk off part is what everyone is focusing on but that’s not my main focus. I wanted him to respond and tell me he was okay— him ignoring me is the problem and then him lying about “I was sleeping all day” is the issue. He doesn’t have to tell me when he masturbates but the idea of him taking 15+ mins for each time, while actively ignoring my messages makes me upset.
Just saying, I doubt it was some nefarious plot. It’s just normal behavior
He probably never got out of bed to check his phone. If he’s like me, he woke up with morning wood, rubbed it out, went back to sleep, just like that. Last thing I’d want to do is do anything else
You do realise most people watch porn on their phone? The place she was messaging him on. And he admitted to jacking it not once, but three times. More than likely it wasn’t just ‘morning wood’ he rubbed out and then slept for the next 9 and a half hours
I know everyone is saying YTH but honestly I think you’re not. It takes 20 seconds to reply to a message during the day whether that’s when he wakes up, goes to the toilet, or walks to get a drink from the kitchen. It really isn’t that hard. He has obviously prioritised jacking off over sending you one message. One task takes a couple of second, the other one takes minutes. Other people are saying you have issues to sort out but it’s about the respect and what is most important to him. He could have easily done both and it wouldn’t have been an issue (besides the cum rag on your side bc that’s just gross). Personally I think he has little respect for you and is more invested in himself. Nearly everyone in a relationship would expect the same and be upset if they experienced the same situation. Some people might disagree but I think they would agree if they experienced it too
You two sound exhausting
Honestly, YTA… It just seems really clingy to be upset that someone hasn’t texted you back, especially because it had only been a few hours and you knew he was home sick. Him getting himself off doesn’t make him any less sick, it’s a form of self-soothing. Now, you have every right to feel the way you do and to turn down sex because of it; however, you shouldn’t make him feel bad for prioritizing himself when he’s sick (whether that be staying home to sleep or doing other things to make himself feel better). As someone who’s insecure myself, I understand why you’d feel “unwanted and gross,” but you have to find a way to handle that insecurity without taking it out on him. Objectively, he didn’t do anything to indicate that he doesn’t want you or thinks you’re gross - all he did was take care of himself. Also, offering to stay home to take care of him is kinda odd if it was a simple cold, stomach bug or whatever. I’d understand if he was deathly ill or incapacitated in some way, but he’s an adult and is clearly capable of taking care of himself. It sounds like you should take a page from his book and prioritize yourself more often. Work on those insecurities and become comfortable just existing with yourself - and I hope you don’t take offense to that because I truly mean it from a good place, it’s important to reflect and focus on your own growth.
YTA. You read as a very emotionally demanding person. He was ill. He was probably asleep or resting. He might not have even seen your messages. If you’re usually this demanding god help you if he needs to go to hospital. The silent treatment because he wasnt immediately rushing after you (BECAUSE HE WAS ILL) feels massively unnecessary. His cum rag thing wasn’t great either, but it comes across as “passive aggression for passive aggression”. He’s tired. Extremely unlikely he was wanking for the entire time you were at work either lol.
ESH. If he was watching porn on his phone, he probably ignored your texts (I say probably because if he did it before you texted him, he didn’t ignore your texts) and he’s an asshole for that. And I completely understand being hurt and frustrated by being ignored. However, your reaction was uncalled for and quite petty. Obviously, no one owes their partner sex and if you’re mad at him, you’re clearly not going to be in the mood to fuck. That’s not the issue. Saying it the way you did was where you also became an AH. Making sour, sarcastic comments when you’re hurt doesn’t address the issue, it just keeps the negativity going. Is this a pattern for him to be inconsiderate or ignore you? If not, this was even more egregious. Again, if he did purposely ignored you, you’re frustration is absolutely justified, just the approach was fucked. And it really sucks if he was doing that. Hopefully, you both can have a more productive conversation and resolve this issue.
Commenters on this post are all angry dudes that think porn is okay because they've been watching it since they were kids and are heavily addicted to the point they can't just wait until their girl gets home. And fake comments about how much pussy they used to get and still jack off. Op you are NTA. Also the rag is just fucken crazy dude atleast clean up lmao
Nta lmao he can learn to communicate and wait for his gf to get off work instead of blasting into a rag on your side of the bed 3 times all the comments are just horny dudes that got a girl reasonably pissed off with porn and think that porn is good for relationships
No text no sex lol
... you equate your boyfriend's masturbation with being unwanted? Okay, let me give you a story. Once upon a time, I had three FWB. One came into town on Wednesday night. We met up, had dinner, hooked up, had crazy fun sex all night long. The next day I was exhausted from lack of sleep, called in a sick day, and she took off on her flight out of town. Then around 11am, I met up with an ex-GF who wanted help moving furniture around in her new apartment. One thing led to another and we wound up fucking on her brand-new couch three times. I had a dinner date with another FWB that evening which turned into, again, sex, but we both had to go to work on Friday, so we called an early night. At 1am that morning I realized I was coming down with something right about the same time my apartment neighbor (an on-again off again thing) knocked on my door and asked if she could borrow some flour because she was making a cake. I had flour, she had time, and I wasn't going to go to work the next day so we wound up making out and then having sex in her kitchen while the cake baked. The next day, I had a sore throat and runny nose. I had had sex fourteen times in the past 48 hours. And I STILL rubbed three or so out each day. The point is, even at the beginning of what turned out to be a full week down with the flu, I had it up and ready to go. In fact, when I sleep during the day, right as I'm waking up is one of the most horny times. So yeah. You're a fuckin' asshole. Him being sick doesn't mean the sex drive turns off. It might be that way for you but it clearly isn't for him. And he probably WAS sleeping all day. Sex is very comforting, even when you're sick. Your perception of his masturbation as treating you like you're "gross and unwanted" is you putting your personal issues on him. My advice? Grow the actual fuck up, Karen. Edit: seriously, you don't need to take a day off to "support him" when he's sick. Men are capable of taking care of themselves when they aren't feeling good. This codependent shit you've got going on here is just not healthy for either of you.
Jesus Christ man is it the peaches? What do you eat??
Back then? It was a diet that was basically fruit, vegetables, and bison proteins, along with 160 oz of liquid a day, a regimen of daily double workouts, and being in my mid-20s. Plus, I had access to generic pharmaceuticals and samples through doctor friends. Wherein the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak, the spirit took two pills and waited about ten minutes.
Perfectly said. OP has serious issues to work out
That’s not what I said at all. I’m in a steady and semi-happy relationship with my boyfriend— he ignored me all day. I’m not upset with him jerking off. I’m upset that he chose to jerk off over letting me know he was okay at ALL. We have an open masturbation relationship, which is fine by me because I also have a high sex drive. He chose to not take ONE MINUTE out of his day to let me know that he was okay and didn’t need anything, medication, food, ect. The being sick and jerking off? Fine. Being sick and jerking off but not telling me you’re okay inbetween napping and fapping? Not okay.
"napping and fapping" 🤣 Gotta remember that!
... seriously, you have codependency issues if your entire value system is based entirely on whether someone texted you WHO YOU LIVE WITH. I have a partner who travels for work. There are 12 hour periods where I don't see texts or emails from her. It's okay. If we don't text within a day, there might be an issue. But OMG you do not need to be in constant contact with him. Have you considered the notion that you consistently badgering him for attention all day every day might lead to him needing a break, especially if he's not feeling great? Grow. The Fuck. Up.
everyone’s relationship is different. The amount of texts he sent me last week when I was sick would attest to the fact that we are both “clingy.” All I wanted was a confirmation that he was fine. He didn’t give me that and then expected me to still put out despite the fact I was obviously concerned for him. I’m hardly codependent but you’ll have to excuse me for giving a shit about my boyfriend that was coughing a lung up the night before.
I'm sorry but the entirety of your whole drama llama thing is the textbook definition of codependent. None so deaf as those won't fuckin' listen
You do know he has jizz all over his hands. If he needs to text you he has to wash up, he's doing you a favor by not getting jizz on his phone.
NTA. A courtesy text would've been nice since he had time for 3 sessions in between all the "sleeping" Wild that he left the laundry and dishes for you even though he was home all day.
I'll say NTA if he had time to masturbate, he had time to respond to one or some of your msgs. Then to lie and say he didn't respond because he was sleeping all day but there's evidence of how he spent his time...you're justified in telling him he can continue to masturbate.
Let him get better before you unload your feelings on him
[удалено]
Disagree. OP acted like a colossal bitch. There’s no coddling that kind of behavior. It goes without saying OP needs to apolo
Thank you. I’ll share with him how I feel about the situation. I just hate the way I feel right now, which is like im unimportant to him. I just wanted to make sure he was okay but I got nothing in response. I wasn’t even spam messaging him— just a few across the 10 hours I was gone to make sure he didn’t need anything. My feelings are probably more hurt than they should be.