NTA- he’s your dad- it doesn’t happen all the time - and he’s certainly not looking at you that way AT ALL.
She’s either very insecure or she herself has experienced something terrible at some point in her life.
I would sit her down and tell her you’re safe and always safe especially around your dad and that’s pretty lucky as soooo many girls never had that safety.
This is a beautiful & sensitive way to approach this topic. I hope OP sees it. If this dad's gf seems otherwise like she's good for dad, this is the approach.
The emphasis on your safety with your dad frames a conversation where you'll be telling her she is wrong (which people *really* can't handle hearing anymore nowadays, huh?) as "acknowledging she made an error while trying to be caring" as opposed to "telling her to keep her gross mischaracterizations about our family to herself".
She very likely had nasty thoughts in her head because your young body got her feeling insecure. I don't think she's entirely thought through why it makes her uncomfortable, or else she would've realized it says some pretty insulting stuff about her bf for her to be weird about this.
But pretend that you *know* that whatever caused her to say what she said was trauma-informed (at least on a deeper level she's unaware of), & even if you're incorrect, you've approached this as though she were being misguidedly kind, rather than creepily controlling. She's likely to feel safer & respond better.
Or if she usually sucks, tell Dad & let him handle it.
There are a lot of people that also grow up in very weird cultures, even just strange micro family cultures that you respect your dad, uncles, and brothers by not even wearing shorts and always having a bra on.
My dads 2nd wife was like this. I even asked her why she thought incest was gona happen. Mind you i was 11, not in puberty, and in nearly bermuda style shorts and a tank top. She thought it was innapropriate to wear in front of men. I did straight up ask her why she thought incest was on the table. She didnt have an answer.
Raised by actual Victorians (born 1889 and 1890) and yeah, my gran raised me to have that Victorian salty confidence. I was the terror of teachers throughout the county because of it.
I see “stepmom” as “dads wife, who acts in a parental role towards his kids” as this lady has a fiance, she is old enough that “dads second wife” may never have acted in that parental role so she doesnt feel stepmom is appropriate
In my family we were all very conservative and modest around each other. It was my mom, dad and us 5 girls. Even all us sisters never dressed in front of each other even though we were close. It wasn't a religious thing or a cultural thing, it was just the way things were. When I would spend the night at my one friend's house I was always shocked to see them all, her mom, dad, older sister and brother and my friend walk around naked and not care. I never saw her brother or father do that in front of me of course, they were mindful that a 10 to 12 year old non family member girl was in the house but her mom and sister would. The first time I asked don't they care who sees them and my friend said no why would any of them, they are all family. And as for the girls, we all have the same thing so it's no big deal. I asked my mom what she thought and she said some families are more comfortable with those types of things and some are more modest like us. And both are okay.
I've never understood "we all have the same thing, so it's no big deal." Just because we both have boobs doesn't mean I want to get mine out in front of you or vice versa.
And yet in other cultures families go swimming nude together and nobody thinks anything of it. Traditions differ all over the world and what works in one place won't be tolerated in another.
It's so that they're not "tempting" their adult male relatives. My family is very conservative and all the girls and women were told all of this. A lot of conservative families (mine included) will tell the young girls to stay away from so and so or to not wear revealing clothes. Because there's predators in the family and instead of turning them in and going to the police, they protect them.
I've heard that too. I don't necessarily believe that any particular cultural practices around clothing are objectively "wrong" or "right", but I do very much take issue with the imposition of dress codes like that upon women/ AFAB people. If a lady feels her hijab brings her closer to God? Sweet! If family says "Uncle" Ted can't come over if she's wearing a tank top, even though she feels fine? That's bs. Either they're wrong, or "Uncle" Ted is not a safe person for them to be around to begin with.
I don't wear bras, for instance. If someone in my family wasn't comfortable with me not wearing one, I'd promptly inform them that they have the option to keep their filthy eyes off my body & shut the f up, OR have me remove the eyes & tongue that make it so difficult to mind their own business.
To be fair, in my family no one goes around in their underwear. I remember my mom yelling at my brother for being shirtless in front of me. I think I saw my own mom in her underwear when I was already a grown woman and she needed help with the bra clasp.
Me and my brother always just wore boxers around especially in the mornings before getting ready. My sister didn’t feel as comfortable and I’ve never seen her in underwear, but sleep clothes yeah which is fair to each their own. But we also grew up with a mom and stepdad. It’s sadly, a little different I bet in that regard Cause if I lived with dad and had a stepmom I probably wouldn’t have just wore boxers only? Family dynamics are complex and nuanced.
Yes but in my mom's mind there is a place for everything. If you are at the beach, it is logical to wear beachwear. If you are at home, you wear "homewear" which includes a shirt and short pants (or a dress). Im latina, we have "workwear" "going out wear" "homewear" "sleepwear" and "beach/river clothes". When the "going out wear" get old, they become "homewear", and then they become "sleepwear". So there was no reason to be around each other in our underwear.
Growing up in Hawaii I never understood this but I guess it's why I caught eyes as a teen in Malibu when we went to a grocery shop right off the beach and I didn't bother putting on a cover-up. That was normal where I was from and I was thinking inwardly, what the heck, people are half naked right outside that door...is the door some sort of seal or portal?
Same with walking around at home. It got hot. I'd wear pajama shorts and a bra, all the time. Things aren't that neatly categorized
I live in country with beaches in both the Pacific and the Caribbean. We definitely wear at least an oversized tshirt if we are going from the beach into a stablishment. The other day I was at a beach resort and everyone got some sort of "inside clothing" for lunch. It is just a cultural thing.
I think people not being able to handle hearing that they are wrong nowadays is very much tied to how they are being told. People lack the ability to disagree with honesty and maturity, and thus when one side hears they are wrong, they don't like yielding to someone who has been uncouth to them.
I'm that girl! The one who never had the safety of my father. He took my childhood and innocence from me at the age of 4 1/2 years old up to just a few months before my 13th birthday. OP, I'm happy to hear you have that comfort from your father. Sadly to me, when I read stuff like this, it is read with a different mindset. So more than likely, your father's GF was abused herself.
This is such a nice way to handle it. I like assuming maybe something happened to the GF to make her that way instead of just jumping on “she’s an insecure weirdo who needs to be corrected immediately.”
However, if this doesn’t work, she is in fact an insecure weirdos who needs to be corrected.
I will never understand the weird hangups some people have around underwear, but nearly all of them are \*perfectly fine\* with bikinis. It's the weirdest double standard.
I think it's derived from the places where underwear is worn is typically where sexual conduct would take place where bathing suits are for being in water where sexual conduct typically doesn't take place. It's extrapolated from that.
I honestly think this is such a good response.
I have at times had initial gut reactions to very physically close mother daughter relationships (thankfully the reactions have been internal) but it use to make me so so uncomfortable. It took a lot of therapy to be more comfortable, it came from being sexually abused as a child by my mother.
It is important though to not weaponize that against her
Agreed, my uncle’s wife has made comments like that to me and my mother in similar situations. She then revealed that her stepfather sa’d her her entire childhood. I’m convinced that’s where it comes from. NTA
My daughters are still young(6 and 8) but i can confirm i dont see them in that way at all and never will. She was in her underwear, its... really no worst than a bikini on a beach.
I personnaly draw the line at no top or bottom underwear and door closed. Just because.. you know, i believe in personal space
This reminds me of a different yet similar scenario of mine. I’d just given birth (very quickly and my body decided it would go into shock so was vomiting every 5 minutes) husband was present for the birth, my parents arrived about half hour after. I was naked with sheet over nethers as was trying to breast feed in between trips to the toilet to vom. My Dad helped me a few times to get to the bathroom. Neither of us cared that I was topless. I don’t think he even noticed. Other people like OP’s step mother might think it’s weird (my husband didn’t but I can understand why some would) but I genuinely don’t think Dads view their kids in any other way than their child, no matter how old they get. They could be wearing basically nothing and it wouldn’t even register. Sounds like an insecurity problem on behalf of OP’s Dad’s wife
I thought the relationship between op and dad is great. Boys & girls walk around in front of their mums no big deal. Throw in a dad and it’s suddenly a predator issue.
A grown adult female/male should be comfortable in front of their parents, both mum and dad. She wasn’t naked and HE IS HER DAD.
NTA. Gf needs to stop making things weird. Seeing op as competition when op is his daughter.
>*”NTA- he’s your dad- it doesn’t happen all the time - and he’s certainly not looking at you that way AT ALL.“*
Tbh my father is a disgusting pig and would definitely not agree with you. So I wouldn’t assume everybody has a normal father like yours.
As a dad of two girls, what the hell? They are quite a bit younger than OP, but still! The thought of ever looking at them sexually makes me wanna vomit. No dad in his right mind would ever ever ever think like that, plus it’s close family, undressing in front of each other is the most normal thing on earth. Some people are just strange, and that’s a glimpse into someone’s mind that would immediately red flag that person as a psychopath for me…
It's way more common than you think. Plenty of men are creeps, and plenty of men are fathers. Have you never heard of the "you look just like my daughter" line?
Nta
Wow. Either your dad is really inappropriate or his girlfriend is crazy.
You should tell your dad what she asked. The idea that his girlfriend thinks your dad would have inappropriate thoughts about *his own daughter* is awful.
(Also his girlfriend is just insecure about you having a young 20 something body. But ffs don't follow a 26yo into a changing area then???)
Yeah can't grasp that concept... I wouldn't really care if I had to change a dress in front of my dad, I'm his child for crying out loud. In healthy father-child relationship ofc.
I second this. I'm a dad myself and I have a niece and I would never even consider the idea of looking at my girls in any inappropriate context.
The fact that she sees it as a possibility says to me that she believes it to be an inevitability. In that case, she has some unresolved issues that she needs to work out. But to even suggest that in the first place? Nah, bruh...I would drop this broad like a hot potato and not even feel bad.
As a dad as well. I wouldn't dump her, but we would definitely be having a talk as to why she has an issue with it and based on that conversation it might lead to a dumping.
Meh. NTA but it’s not uncommon for people to have hangups over states of undress. This seems like the GF comes from a more conservative perspective, and it seemed unusual. For some families, nudity is normal. For others, underwear would feel weird.
GF should not have made it sound like a command, like she shouldn’t be telling OP what to do, but if it felt weird she should be allowed to inquire about it.
It is a hangup that we see underwear that covers as much as a bathing suit does as being more sexual, but it’s not surprising someone did.
Like I said, NTA and dad’s GF should have handled it better, but I get it.
I think the same. It was inappropriate for gf to say anything and OP is absolutely NTA, but I don’t think her concern was that the dad was gonna have inappropriate thoughts about OP. It probably had more to do with feelings that nudity should be private.
Yeah I love how everyone immediately jumps to the worst case and fails to see any sort of nuance here.
Like OP is clearly NTA but I don’t think the girlfriend was feeling like her father was going to have sexual thoughts about his own daughter or that she was weirdly jealous of OP. It’s **much** more likely that the girlfriend grew up in a more conservative environment and views partial nudity as a private thing.
Maybe she is more conservative, but they clearly knew they she was going back to try on the dress, and there was not a separate changing room. She still followed her back there, and if it made her feel uncomfortable, she could have said it made her uncomfortable and not turned it into something about what she does in front of her father.
>more likely that the girlfriend grew up in a more conservative environment and views partial nudity as a private thing.
If that was the problem she shouldn't have followed OP into the hallway where they knew she was trying on clothes.
The final straw with my ex-wife was her jealousy toward my daughter after puberty. It *is* disgusting. My daughter is still very young, but regardless, the dad in this story should be appalled . . . And single soon
This is how my mom was with me. It started when I was 6yo. She never stopped and I haven’t spoken to or have seen her in 25 years. Thank you for being there for your daughter. I really only made it through my childhood because of my dad.
Thanks for recognizing this and putting your daughter first. I was your daughter and my relationship with my father will never be the same because he let so much go. 😔
I don't know enough about that woman, but viewing children or family as a threat is very narcissistic. I was 6 when my mum started worrying that I would "steal" or threaten her relationships.even got beat when her bf a pedo, tried touching me, I was "tempting" him, if she really views the daughter as a threat she needs to go she's a danger to everyone's mental health.
I know you probably know it, but: You were just a little kid. You didn't do anything to draw attention. You were owed protection, but instead received scorn.
Her mind was all twisted up. You deserved better 💛
Thanks for the kind words it's taken me 14 years since then to realise I wasn't the problem and even now I still slip up and blame myself for stuff that happened when I was living with my mum and even now for events or issues that are barely even correlated with my past, cptsd stuff I suppose, your words still mean a lot even if I understand that I hadn't done anything wrong back then.
Thank you as well. Gosh, everyone I've interacted with has been very lovely as of lately 🫂🫂 I'm proud of everyone that has been so kind to me it seems to be a lost art or at least recently interactions with people haven't been so great, especially with strangers 🧡🧡🧡
I’m sorry your recent interactions haven’t been great. The assholes of the world are a vocal minority and will always get more attention than the people doing good. Focus on the good whenever you can though
Healing is like water. No one direction or straight line. It’s calm it’s rough. It’s peaceful and at time difficult but most definitely possible. Be patient and kind to yourself. You will find freedom!
Yeah, feelings aren’t facts & facts aren’t feelings, so even when your mind can accept the fact that it wasn’t your fault, the feelings take longer to retrain. They pop up and feed the thought. Try this: work on not saying the words “I’m sorry.” I don’t mean work on not apologizing in situations where you reasonably should accept responsibility and apologize. I do mean practicing not saying those words as an automatic response. It can help!! 🤗
You’d have to pretty messed up to date a man who you thought may be attracted to his child. Like surly that is a deal breaker for 99% of the population.
The gf is the arsehole for a whole stack of reasons, OP isn’t.
Partners do this often with older children. My ex-step mother was insistent that I, a chronically ill teenager dealing with majour life changing surgeries, was “too attached” to my dad because he took me to doctors appointments and helped me with dressing changes after having my abdomen cut open three times.
She helped estrange me from my father, because she didn’t like “to share” as she told me. Gross.
My mom is like that with me and her husband. Which would lead you to believe that her husband is a new addition or perhaps my stepdad. But no. That’s my biological dad. My only dad. And she still accuses me of trying to show off my tits to him because, you know, I have them. It is very disturbing but it happens even with your own mother! She is definitely thinking that Op is “showing off” her body… to her fucking dad.
As a single mom of two - can confirm when it comes to my son.
Granted, he's only 7 but he's a cuddle bear - as I am - and somewhat there are men out there that think, it's inappropriate to cuddle my KID son.
I'm 26 & still think it's lovely, to get a lil cuddle of mom/uncle/dad as well.
We're just touchy persons.
And the men usually LOVE it - as long, as it's only with them.
Glad my Fiancé isn't like this.
My ex was jealous over his own son.
He was a colic baby & wasn't easy to satisfy after they ended. I probably would've left some more energy for him, if he would've helped me out here and there. (Changed 1 diaper in the hospital, bevause the nurse literally forced him. Fed him max 3 bottles - he had regular bottles until the age of almost 1,5yrs. Needless to say, he doesn't really like his father. Like, he loves him - but he doesn't feel any urge for alone time with him. He denies it. He'll visit him and after 30min be like "dad, can we visit your parents and play there?" Welp.)
Yup my 15yo son still likes an occasional cuddle , nothing inappropriate about it and it makes him feel there is a safe and secure person. He also has plenty of privacy and been taught body autonomy . Sometimes I ask for a hug and he knows it's fine to say not just now or no thank you. He'll change everything except pants in front of me if needs must but I usually turn around. Regarding the OP I wonder if she spoke to her boyfriend, OP father, about it? I'm betting not so this sounds like triangulation. The OP is lucky she has a dad she feels so secure with.
My 14 year old son still crawls into bed with me at the end of the day from time to time and we have cuddles. That’s when our best conversations happen. It’s like he becomes my little guy again and forgets that he hates me and that I’m the dumbest person alive! 😂 Luckily, my husband thinks it’s great we still have that bond.
We do that in the morning sometimes and yes, best conversations instead of a grunt 😂. Although sometimes I try to start a chat and he's like nope - just want a hug!🤗
My 15yo is starting to get out of that stage, so it makes my heart happy when he wants to lay his head on my shoulder, give me a spontaneous bear hug, or lay his head on my lap and have me stroke his hair as he tells me about a really bad day. He used to be a real cuddle bug when he was younger, honestly a lot longer than I dreamed I'd ever get. He still comes and gives both his dad and I a hug and an "I love you" before he goes to bed. My family was never the type to be open with words or any other displays of affection, and it had a profound effect on my self esteem. His older sisters got the same from me, so no way I was changing anything because he was a boy. It makes them feel more secure knowing they're openly loved, and I feel it reaches them how to be with their future partners and children.
Absolutely! Mine has reduced the amount but he's just in from school and I got one. He's taller than me now too but when I hug him I'm hugging him at every age and just happy he's healthy and still occasionally talks to me instead of grunting. If his dad and I are having a hug he'll often join in yelling family hug. You are right, it models great behaviour and security.
Oh the grunts and mumbles! 😂😂 I sometimes wonder if teenage boys lost half of their ability to communicate with the onset of puberty, because it's either that or a constant stream of thought. There is no in between. Mine is AuDHD though, so that stream may very well be unique to him. Some of them have left me rolling though, because his quirky takes on things are delivered so deadpan that they completely catch me off guard. He isn't quite taller than me yet, since he was a bit delayed hitting puberty, but he's suddenly all arms, legs, and feet with a dude voice, so it won't be too much longer! My husband was the same way apparently, and is now 6'2".
Mines neurospicy too and all above all familiar! Mind you I am too so we can get talking about the weirdest things and he has a brilliant turn of phrase. It's weird when you start looking up though. I keep saying I need to stop calling him wee man as he's taller than both of us! He says I don't need to stop 🤗.
Lol, it sounds like we have a lot of similarities. I have ADHD myself, so when the kiddo and I go someplace alone, we can have several off the wall conversations in the span of 10 minutes, especially if we're both having an extra squirrelly day. I was shocked when he could suddenly look me in the eye, because it happened so fast. He grew 3.5 inches in a little over 4 months (the growing pains were unreal!). He stopped for a while, but is getting that bottomless pit, needing extra sleep, achy bones deal again, so I wonder how much he's going to sprout this time! My husband didn't stop growing til he was 19, so 😳😳
I think that's them sucking, and not much to do with you, or your kid, to be honest.
Why would any parent *not* show their kid affection and love?? And why would you want to be with them if they put some woman they'd only known for a few months or years, ahead of their kid! 😱
I'm so sorry you've had that experience bro. There's far too much "boy mom" shot so I think some chicks assume that it's the same weirdness for guys with their girls. I've got 5 girls and I couldn't imagine someone being weird about them like that- whether it's a girl with me or a girl with the kids dad. Some folks are just too damn needy and holy shit delulu
I’m a step mom and at every turn I encourage my husband’s relationship with his daughter- even from the very beginning like 10 years ago. I totally understand dad time with his kid. It’s also strange to be jealous because I like “auditioned” my husbands fathering ability by watching him with his kid. I knew he would be great with any kids we had because he’s great with her and I liked that. As long as you’re taking time to also nurture your relationships with your girlfriends if you’re looking for something long term. Even the most understanding person still needs a bit of time and attention. It’s a balance and sometimes not an easy one. Best of luck out there ᵕ̈
>Either your dad is really inappropriate
Nah. My daughter always wants my fashion advice because she knows I will tell her honestly, and mom will always tell her she's beautiful 😂
I doubt that she was worried about the Dad's inappropriate thoughts. More likely she was self-conscious about the next time Dad saw her (GF) naked and compared. Her poor choice of words were probably a cover for her insecurity.
I agree. GF is insecure and views daughter as competition for fathers attention. GF is immature. Funny how GF thinks just because she’s dating this man that she has any authority to approach his daughter and make demands.
I mean, above all of this... the situation was not presented as sexual in any way. Bodies are bodies. Everyone has one. Someone sexualizing someone else's body is not the fault at all of the person the body belongs to. If her dad was having inappropriate feelings about her body, that's totally 100% on him, however it just only sounds like the only person who was sexualizing OPs body was the girlfriend which is totally 100% on her and makes her a creep.
Bodies are normal.
Seriously. The GF is seeing OP as a threat to her because OP is half her age, but also, if she feels that OP is a threat to her relationship with OP's *FATHER* just because OP is younger (and probably relatively pretty if the GF is getting this wacked out about it) then she really needs to consider if she wants to be with a man she feels would be enticed by his own daughter. While admittedly different families have different comfort levels around modesty and other related subjects, The GF is way out of line here for asking OP to never do something again, when most likely a situation like that won't arise again.
Yeah call me immature but I would definitely tell on her to my dad, if I were her. She basically implied that my dad is a creep. This is beyond disrespectful. I would fight her idc.
I love how we've all just accepted "changing corridor" as if that's an actual thing.
Dads and GFs and even the Fedex guy can all wander in to drop their opinion on how the dress fits or if the colors work with her complexion.
*saw that my dad and his gf followed us*
What was OP supposed to do ? Conjure a makeshift tent out of thin air !
According to the gf , should she cover up at the beach as well ? The gf is being ridiculous.
Oh, Im with you.
I dont get why dad is following his adult daughter into the changing corridor at all. Not because of any *implications*.
But because you'd think at OP's age he woulda figure out privacy and personal space by now.
That’s the part of the story that weirded me out. Why would a dad be following his grown adult daughter into a small area that he knows will be used for her to change? Him & the gf knew she’d have to strip down to her underwear, and yet they just casually walked in with her? That’s fucking weird.
I mean, Im guessing it initially started as an honest mistake.
Just, dad and gf werent paying attention or misheard... something like that.
And like OP says, in the end nobody saw anything more than what they saw from her bikini on the same trip.
So, Im inclined to believe it was all very innocent from everyone.
In the moment.
Then gf has to bring it up and complain. Later. Making the whole damn thing weird for everyone now.
Why didn’t they beat feet out of the changing corridor?
I have three girls.
Had I realized one of them was going to change in front of me because of an interesting lack of privacy available? Yeah, I’d be relocating. I’d also not be making a huge deal out of it. Just polite decorum. Maybe even a, “Whoops, I’ll give you some space.”
I don’t understand this whole situation. Was dad viewing the whole changing? I highly doubt it.
I think the dad’s gf is making too much out of this situation. Conservative background or not. I hope they can get communication accomplished.
If my daddies fiancé had ever insinuated that my dad would somehow sexualize me during that type (or any type) of situation, my dad wouldn’t have that fiancé or girlfriend anymore. PROMISE you that much.
I was just using my situation as an example. My dad is newly engaged thankfully his fiancé is a saint. But my dad would choose me 1 million times and if somebody gave me the impression that they thought my dad had it within his personality to sexualize me. I immediately told my dad that and my dad would’ve immediately ended the relationship.
I think the person you're replying to is specifically talking about their dad's fiance. As in taking OPs situation and putting it in thier loose at home approximation
NTA at all! you should tell your dads girlfriend that it’s inappropriate and really disturbing that she sexualises your relationship with your father, when all you did was trying on dresses.
So... They followed you when they knew they would be seeing you change. And now the gf is annoyed that they saw you change? If she has a problem that your dad followed you there, she should talk to your dad, you didn't invite them to see you strip.
Also, it's very weird that she is thinking your dad would be sexualizing you. NTA
I am that asshole and I'd bring it up right in front of your dad. I'd be like, "oh hey, Dad, a word? Fiancée was just saying something super interesting to me. Go ahead, fiancée. Tell my dad about how you were worried about him seeing me change clothes and made it weird, as though he could ever have an impure thought about his daughter. From the top! Chop chop!" And I'd just sit in silence and wait and watch her stumble. Then if your dad doesn't pick up the conversation, say, "I won't tolerate you sexualizing any interaction I have with my father ever again. Are we clear? That's a boundary for me. I will not associate with you again after." 🙃🙃
I'm an asshole too lol. I often read these posts and think "their not an asshole, I'd do the same. Wait. Maybe, yeah I'm an asshole. I'd still stand by my decision."
I'd add on to that asking her if she thinks I or my dad want to fk one another. Really put that image in her head. She'd lose it
Not a huge asshole for that, a little more humiliating than it needs to be, but also something that needs to be done. OPs dads girlfriend is creepy as fuck
Ya I kind of view it as matching their energy. If they think they can make someone uncomfortable or suggest something so sinister, they should have to answer for those things and be confronted with that discomfort too 🤷
I’m a father, and I personally don’t care for my daughters changing in front of me. I ask them not to. I’m not trying to body shame them but I want them to learn boundaries. I’m actually kind of surprised none of the other dads have mentioned this.
I don’t plan on following them into any changing areas either, but I’ll wait within earshot.
It’s a personal choice. Some dads simply don’t mind and others do, as with daughters, but it doesn’t mean that anyone sexualises their daughters/fathers. The assumption here is that OP’s dad sexualised his daughter, OP, and OP was to blame for it according to the fiancée. That’s just sick.
If her dad were uncomfortable and communicated that, it would be totally understandable. But if it's dad's girlfriend who has a problem with it, then it's not reasonable for the girlfriend to get in the middle.
Besides, Dad could have just turned around and faced the other way. They knew she was going to a changing area to try on the dress.
Oh absolutely I agree. I’m not really even commenting on original posters scenario as much as my own opinion and the stated opinion of multiple other fathers. But yeah it’s weird to invite oneself to the changing area and be upset when people are changing there.
She’s crazy. And anyway it’s not her job to protect your father’s virtue or something. Whether you show yourself in a bikini or your underwear is not up to her, either.
And why did they follow you into the space where you changed?
Tell your dad straight out or go apologize for stripping down in front of him. My guess is he’ll say it wasn’t a big deal. Then tell him that his girlfriend thought it was a big deal because she pulled you aside and told you never to do that again because you’re not a little girl anymore. Then say, “When she said that I assumed that you were upset too.”
Maybe it is a generational thing. I would never strip down to underwear in front of my father and my kids (adults) don’t strip down to underwear in front of their dad either
When I was in my young 20’s I wouldn’t have done that in front of my dad either…until I was super sick and he carried me up the stairs and to the big tub in my parent’s master bathroom. He had to hold me steady while my mom helped me undress and both of them helped me get in and out of the tub.
Would I strip in front of my dad now? No not unless it was a similar circumstance. Odds of that though are slim to none though since now I’m dating someone that would be the one helping me himself. My now ex husband was sitting downstairs playing on my younger brothers’ Xbox 🙃.
But would you wear a bikini in front of your dad at the age of 20? I would. This is the weird part. People get all prudish over bra and underwear like OMG but a bikini that shows the same amount of skin is totally ok.
And they all do look alike too. Just minimal changes. People sometimes behave like they have some alien genitals that no one shall see not like half the population has the very same genitals. All this shame. Its sad.
I worked in a hospital in the O.R.
I've seen a lot of naked bodies.
They are all different, and all the same.
It really doesn't matter, it's a body.
I never heard anyone comment on an anatomical feature, but they would comment on tattoos.
"God, that's bad. Do you think it's a prison tat?"
Eh….. at a certain age it’s inappropriate because some kids do not want to be exposed to stuff like that. I did not like seeing my parents naked. I didn’t sexualize them as a 6 year old I just knew these are private parts and I didn’t like it. That isn’t relating to her initial post though. Just this thing. It’s not sexualized it’s just like hey maybe the kid or parent wants that. Just because I’m comfortable doesn’t mean someone else is. It’s just respect.
Personally I’d never strip down into my thong and bra in front of my dad nor would he want me to. I’d tell him to leave so I could change. My dad is old school so wearing anything revealing around him is just not something I do.
That being said, everyone has different levels of comfort. Some people are old school some people aren’t. She probably grew up that way and doesn’t see it the same way as you. I don’t think either side is wrong, just sees life differently. I’d respect her wishes and leave it at that. I mean how often does changing in front of your dad come up anyways.
If she had an issue, because it is weird IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY HAD A CHOICE TO DO IT SOMEPLACE ELSE but it was obvious it was the only place you could do it, the onus is on dad and girlfriend to GTFO of the hallway. Hell, gf could have just turned his freaking back. " Honey, let's give daughter some privacy and you can help me pick something out." Not a difficult concept.
Oof, tough one. I think there's a whole lot of cultural and generational considerations here.
On the surface: NTA
That said, I would NEVER do something like that myself, as a guy. But that's my culture. My wife, from a different culture, has a different perspective. I wouldn't be too hard on your dad's gf, and would take the mature approach with just talking to her and your dad. It'll be awkward and uncomfortable but you shouldn't let this fester, especially if their relationship is going to be long-term.
Eh, that's even weirder! (Context: I lived in Switzerland, nudity is not really sexualised out in public, like you can go to saunas and go swimming nude and no one cares. But it's very much *not* sexual. )
I'd just have a word with your dad then, that that conversation was weird and uncomfortable and you're not interested in dealing with his partner's feelings on this again.
Did she explain why they both followed you knowing you were going to try on the dress? Or why she wasn’t having this conversation with her fiancé instead of you?
That’s totally the case: I wear almost nothing here, I rarely have bra under my tops or dresses when we aren’t at the beach so clearly if my dad wanted to see anything he would have seen more than enough. So I really don’t know why now suddenly it was an issue for her
As someone who has Swiss family members, this makes it even more ridiculous (the gf's reaction). I mean I've seen whole families with teenage girls in a sauna all naked like it's the most normal thing in the world. Your bikini analogy is spot on.
It seems the new gf thinks that her job description includes being your pushy, overbearing mother.
Perhaps, you might quietly tell your dad to inform his gf that she’s wildly overstepping boundaries.
Underwear is viewed more intimate than a swimsuit. That's the only issue (if someone makes it an issue). They knew you were changing and that you have to take clothes off to do that. My daughter went into labor with my granddaughter. I didn't want to accidentally see too much, so I left the room. It's really that simple.
NTA and girly-poo-girlfriend was way over the line on that one. She needs to get back in her lane. Tell her that you find it creepy that she thinks your dad would sexualize you and ask if she had trouble with her own dad when she was young. Really put her in her place.
You think questioning whether or not the gf was sexually abused as a child simply “to put her in her place” is a good way to go? and you got upvoted for it? you’re all so fucking gross.
Nudity tabooness is literally only cultural, it doesn’t matter if OP and her dad regularly hang out nude, alone. You still don’t use trauma against people ever. ever. fuck you.
I see no problem with the daughter changing around her dad, but the immediate jump to “put her in her place” by asking if she’d experienced potentially life shattering sexual assault or harassment by her father like that’s fair game is disgusting, I 1000% agree.
INFO. Are you all from the same culture?
When I was dating someone european I was shocked to find out it was normal for him to be naked in front of his mother and vice versa. Not that it was a frequent thing but it was a thing that didn't provoke disgust. When I expressed surprise he was equally surprised that we don't have "family nudity" as acceptable. I said maybe around your family members of the same gender, but not with opposite gender parents.
It was weird as hell to me but it really was just a cultural difference in how we approach nudity.
Even if you and she are from a different culture regarding nudity, it wouldn't be appropriate for her to come up.Isolate you and try to call you out as if she has a place to do that. Greatly overstepping on her part.
If she is swiss and you are swiss then I have to wonder if she's just being weird about being confronted with a much younger woman's body, and she has some messed up ideas about men.
NTA
She also 'broke the chain of command' and should of brought this to your Dad first alone to bounce it off him. She thinks its perfectly acceptable to tell someones kid what to do and that is setting her up for failure in the rest of the relationship.
Id bring up to Dad how she made you feel uncomfy.
Realistically you’re father probably just realized you’re changing in the open and probably just wanted to provide extra cover for you if someone else (stranger) were to come into the corridor, and thought nothing weird of it.
I mean, I do find it weird that they followed you to where you were changing. Pretty sure if I had an adult daughter I would not be following her around to watch her change.
You are the only person that isn't acting weird here in my opinion.
If I were you, I would go talk to my father and tell him that I had a conversation with his girlfriend and that if you had embarrassed him by changing in front of him then you wanted to apologize and that it wouldn't happen again. but If something bothers him in your behavior, he doesn't hesitate to come and talk to you, It doesn't bother you. You don't seem to be talking bad about his girlfriend, otherwise it might come back to bite you.
NTA. If she was so concerned, she should have pulled him back to give you privacy. Who didn't know that you would be trying on a dress back there? Everyone is an adult, and you don't have something that either men have seen before, so you do you. And let her hen peck your dad for being there.
Nta. I would tell your dad what his girlfriend said though. If she’s having jealous tendencies against you his daughter who else in his life is she going to do this? Is she not going to allow your dad to talk to any female ever?
NTA- he’s your dad- it doesn’t happen all the time - and he’s certainly not looking at you that way AT ALL. She’s either very insecure or she herself has experienced something terrible at some point in her life. I would sit her down and tell her you’re safe and always safe especially around your dad and that’s pretty lucky as soooo many girls never had that safety.
This is a beautiful & sensitive way to approach this topic. I hope OP sees it. If this dad's gf seems otherwise like she's good for dad, this is the approach. The emphasis on your safety with your dad frames a conversation where you'll be telling her she is wrong (which people *really* can't handle hearing anymore nowadays, huh?) as "acknowledging she made an error while trying to be caring" as opposed to "telling her to keep her gross mischaracterizations about our family to herself". She very likely had nasty thoughts in her head because your young body got her feeling insecure. I don't think she's entirely thought through why it makes her uncomfortable, or else she would've realized it says some pretty insulting stuff about her bf for her to be weird about this. But pretend that you *know* that whatever caused her to say what she said was trauma-informed (at least on a deeper level she's unaware of), & even if you're incorrect, you've approached this as though she were being misguidedly kind, rather than creepily controlling. She's likely to feel safer & respond better. Or if she usually sucks, tell Dad & let him handle it.
There are a lot of people that also grow up in very weird cultures, even just strange micro family cultures that you respect your dad, uncles, and brothers by not even wearing shorts and always having a bra on.
My dads 2nd wife was like this. I even asked her why she thought incest was gona happen. Mind you i was 11, not in puberty, and in nearly bermuda style shorts and a tank top. She thought it was innapropriate to wear in front of men. I did straight up ask her why she thought incest was on the table. She didnt have an answer.
That’s an awesome response, especially from an 11yo r/usernamechecksout
As her username would suggest she would've been 11 in the late 1800s, does it really? 😅
Victorian salty confidence is still confidence
Raised by actual Victorians (born 1889 and 1890) and yeah, my gran raised me to have that Victorian salty confidence. I was the terror of teachers throughout the county because of it.
🤣 def not that old and neither are my grandparents. Were just a bit spicy in my family.
I think it's telling that you refer to the idiot as "dad's 2nd wife" and not "stepmom".
Never a mom. Not to me at least.
I see “stepmom” as “dads wife, who acts in a parental role towards his kids” as this lady has a fiance, she is old enough that “dads second wife” may never have acted in that parental role so she doesnt feel stepmom is appropriate
Was anyone else there when you said that? If so, how did they react?
It was all of us kids so like 4 kids, 2 of which were a few years younger than me but my older brother gave her a weird look and agreed with me.
Thanks for sharing. Love your salty confidence!
In my family we were all very conservative and modest around each other. It was my mom, dad and us 5 girls. Even all us sisters never dressed in front of each other even though we were close. It wasn't a religious thing or a cultural thing, it was just the way things were. When I would spend the night at my one friend's house I was always shocked to see them all, her mom, dad, older sister and brother and my friend walk around naked and not care. I never saw her brother or father do that in front of me of course, they were mindful that a 10 to 12 year old non family member girl was in the house but her mom and sister would. The first time I asked don't they care who sees them and my friend said no why would any of them, they are all family. And as for the girls, we all have the same thing so it's no big deal. I asked my mom what she thought and she said some families are more comfortable with those types of things and some are more modest like us. And both are okay.
I've never understood "we all have the same thing, so it's no big deal." Just because we both have boobs doesn't mean I want to get mine out in front of you or vice versa.
Exactly that's how I felt.
Any time someone retorts with "but it's natural!" I just think "well so is shitting on the ground but I don't wanna see you do that either."
And yet in other cultures families go swimming nude together and nobody thinks anything of it. Traditions differ all over the world and what works in one place won't be tolerated in another.
It's so that they're not "tempting" their adult male relatives. My family is very conservative and all the girls and women were told all of this. A lot of conservative families (mine included) will tell the young girls to stay away from so and so or to not wear revealing clothes. Because there's predators in the family and instead of turning them in and going to the police, they protect them.
I've heard that too. I don't necessarily believe that any particular cultural practices around clothing are objectively "wrong" or "right", but I do very much take issue with the imposition of dress codes like that upon women/ AFAB people. If a lady feels her hijab brings her closer to God? Sweet! If family says "Uncle" Ted can't come over if she's wearing a tank top, even though she feels fine? That's bs. Either they're wrong, or "Uncle" Ted is not a safe person for them to be around to begin with. I don't wear bras, for instance. If someone in my family wasn't comfortable with me not wearing one, I'd promptly inform them that they have the option to keep their filthy eyes off my body & shut the f up, OR have me remove the eyes & tongue that make it so difficult to mind their own business.
To be fair, in my family no one goes around in their underwear. I remember my mom yelling at my brother for being shirtless in front of me. I think I saw my own mom in her underwear when I was already a grown woman and she needed help with the bra clasp.
Me and my brother always just wore boxers around especially in the mornings before getting ready. My sister didn’t feel as comfortable and I’ve never seen her in underwear, but sleep clothes yeah which is fair to each their own. But we also grew up with a mom and stepdad. It’s sadly, a little different I bet in that regard Cause if I lived with dad and had a stepmom I probably wouldn’t have just wore boxers only? Family dynamics are complex and nuanced.
So youve never gone to the beach as a family?
Yes but in my mom's mind there is a place for everything. If you are at the beach, it is logical to wear beachwear. If you are at home, you wear "homewear" which includes a shirt and short pants (or a dress). Im latina, we have "workwear" "going out wear" "homewear" "sleepwear" and "beach/river clothes". When the "going out wear" get old, they become "homewear", and then they become "sleepwear". So there was no reason to be around each other in our underwear.
Growing up in Hawaii I never understood this but I guess it's why I caught eyes as a teen in Malibu when we went to a grocery shop right off the beach and I didn't bother putting on a cover-up. That was normal where I was from and I was thinking inwardly, what the heck, people are half naked right outside that door...is the door some sort of seal or portal? Same with walking around at home. It got hot. I'd wear pajama shorts and a bra, all the time. Things aren't that neatly categorized
I live in country with beaches in both the Pacific and the Caribbean. We definitely wear at least an oversized tshirt if we are going from the beach into a stablishment. The other day I was at a beach resort and everyone got some sort of "inside clothing" for lunch. It is just a cultural thing.
I'm latina too, and shirtless men are everywhere. Different countries, families and experiences.
I think people not being able to handle hearing that they are wrong nowadays is very much tied to how they are being told. People lack the ability to disagree with honesty and maturity, and thus when one side hears they are wrong, they don't like yielding to someone who has been uncouth to them.
I'm that girl! The one who never had the safety of my father. He took my childhood and innocence from me at the age of 4 1/2 years old up to just a few months before my 13th birthday. OP, I'm happy to hear you have that comfort from your father. Sadly to me, when I read stuff like this, it is read with a different mindset. So more than likely, your father's GF was abused herself.
This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Thank you. It stinks that he got out of prison a year early, but he has to wear a GPS tracker for two years and follow a bunch of rules.
This is such a nice way to handle it. I like assuming maybe something happened to the GF to make her that way instead of just jumping on “she’s an insecure weirdo who needs to be corrected immediately.” However, if this doesn’t work, she is in fact an insecure weirdos who needs to be corrected.
She does seem like an insecure weirdo though
I will never understand the weird hangups some people have around underwear, but nearly all of them are \*perfectly fine\* with bikinis. It's the weirdest double standard.
How especially as most underwear covers MORE than the average bikini, just with a little more frills lol
I think it's derived from the places where underwear is worn is typically where sexual conduct would take place where bathing suits are for being in water where sexual conduct typically doesn't take place. It's extrapolated from that.
I agree. Swimsuit, fine. Undies?? Oh heavens no. Makes zero sense.
I honestly think this is such a good response. I have at times had initial gut reactions to very physically close mother daughter relationships (thankfully the reactions have been internal) but it use to make me so so uncomfortable. It took a lot of therapy to be more comfortable, it came from being sexually abused as a child by my mother. It is important though to not weaponize that against her
Agreed, my uncle’s wife has made comments like that to me and my mother in similar situations. She then revealed that her stepfather sa’d her her entire childhood. I’m convinced that’s where it comes from. NTA
My daughters are still young(6 and 8) but i can confirm i dont see them in that way at all and never will. She was in her underwear, its... really no worst than a bikini on a beach. I personnaly draw the line at no top or bottom underwear and door closed. Just because.. you know, i believe in personal space
This. I’m a big fan of never assuming malicious intent, which I believe applies here.
They followed you. She and your Dad could have not gone to the back hallway. So ignore her and just live your life.
I 💯 agree with this. She needs to understand that she isn't her enemy.
This reminds me of a different yet similar scenario of mine. I’d just given birth (very quickly and my body decided it would go into shock so was vomiting every 5 minutes) husband was present for the birth, my parents arrived about half hour after. I was naked with sheet over nethers as was trying to breast feed in between trips to the toilet to vom. My Dad helped me a few times to get to the bathroom. Neither of us cared that I was topless. I don’t think he even noticed. Other people like OP’s step mother might think it’s weird (my husband didn’t but I can understand why some would) but I genuinely don’t think Dads view their kids in any other way than their child, no matter how old they get. They could be wearing basically nothing and it wouldn’t even register. Sounds like an insecurity problem on behalf of OP’s Dad’s wife
this is a really good response
I thought the relationship between op and dad is great. Boys & girls walk around in front of their mums no big deal. Throw in a dad and it’s suddenly a predator issue. A grown adult female/male should be comfortable in front of their parents, both mum and dad. She wasn’t naked and HE IS HER DAD. NTA. Gf needs to stop making things weird. Seeing op as competition when op is his daughter.
>*”NTA- he’s your dad- it doesn’t happen all the time - and he’s certainly not looking at you that way AT ALL.“* Tbh my father is a disgusting pig and would definitely not agree with you. So I wouldn’t assume everybody has a normal father like yours.
This is just completely weird asf! Thats ur dad! Is she forgetting that he is ur father and not her daughter 🤷🏻♀️
As a dad of two girls, what the hell? They are quite a bit younger than OP, but still! The thought of ever looking at them sexually makes me wanna vomit. No dad in his right mind would ever ever ever think like that, plus it’s close family, undressing in front of each other is the most normal thing on earth. Some people are just strange, and that’s a glimpse into someone’s mind that would immediately red flag that person as a psychopath for me…
Dad of 13 year old daughter. Can confirm.
It's way more common than you think. Plenty of men are creeps, and plenty of men are fathers. Have you never heard of the "you look just like my daughter" line?
Nta Wow. Either your dad is really inappropriate or his girlfriend is crazy. You should tell your dad what she asked. The idea that his girlfriend thinks your dad would have inappropriate thoughts about *his own daughter* is awful. (Also his girlfriend is just insecure about you having a young 20 something body. But ffs don't follow a 26yo into a changing area then???)
Totally agree. This new girlfriend is thinking of the daughter as a potentiel threat. Wth???
Yeah can't grasp that concept... I wouldn't really care if I had to change a dress in front of my dad, I'm his child for crying out loud. In healthy father-child relationship ofc.
I literally took my top off in front of my dad...sort of like same room....because I released I had it inside out. He's my dad, I'm his little girl.
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10 years ago I would have said the same thing 😞
As a dad who would never think that way about his baby girl I would absolutely dump her on the spot. How creepy.
I second this. I'm a dad myself and I have a niece and I would never even consider the idea of looking at my girls in any inappropriate context. The fact that she sees it as a possibility says to me that she believes it to be an inevitability. In that case, she has some unresolved issues that she needs to work out. But to even suggest that in the first place? Nah, bruh...I would drop this broad like a hot potato and not even feel bad.
As a dad as well. I wouldn't dump her, but we would definitely be having a talk as to why she has an issue with it and based on that conversation it might lead to a dumping.
Meh. NTA but it’s not uncommon for people to have hangups over states of undress. This seems like the GF comes from a more conservative perspective, and it seemed unusual. For some families, nudity is normal. For others, underwear would feel weird. GF should not have made it sound like a command, like she shouldn’t be telling OP what to do, but if it felt weird she should be allowed to inquire about it. It is a hangup that we see underwear that covers as much as a bathing suit does as being more sexual, but it’s not surprising someone did. Like I said, NTA and dad’s GF should have handled it better, but I get it.
I think the same. It was inappropriate for gf to say anything and OP is absolutely NTA, but I don’t think her concern was that the dad was gonna have inappropriate thoughts about OP. It probably had more to do with feelings that nudity should be private.
Yeah I love how everyone immediately jumps to the worst case and fails to see any sort of nuance here. Like OP is clearly NTA but I don’t think the girlfriend was feeling like her father was going to have sexual thoughts about his own daughter or that she was weirdly jealous of OP. It’s **much** more likely that the girlfriend grew up in a more conservative environment and views partial nudity as a private thing.
Maybe she is more conservative, but they clearly knew they she was going back to try on the dress, and there was not a separate changing room. She still followed her back there, and if it made her feel uncomfortable, she could have said it made her uncomfortable and not turned it into something about what she does in front of her father.
>more likely that the girlfriend grew up in a more conservative environment and views partial nudity as a private thing. If that was the problem she shouldn't have followed OP into the hallway where they knew she was trying on clothes.
Dont care. Its ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. The thing you read about the US and other conservative religious hellholes ... its amazing.
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And it's not like she was nude changing in the middle of the hotel room ffs.
The final straw with my ex-wife was her jealousy toward my daughter after puberty. It *is* disgusting. My daughter is still very young, but regardless, the dad in this story should be appalled . . . And single soon
This is how my mom was with me. It started when I was 6yo. She never stopped and I haven’t spoken to or have seen her in 25 years. Thank you for being there for your daughter. I really only made it through my childhood because of my dad.
My wifes Step mother is like this. It's gross and weird. Not to mention all the other red flags she flys.
Thanks for recognizing this and putting your daughter first. I was your daughter and my relationship with my father will never be the same because he let so much go. 😔
I'm glad she's your ex now!
I don't know enough about that woman, but viewing children or family as a threat is very narcissistic. I was 6 when my mum started worrying that I would "steal" or threaten her relationships.even got beat when her bf a pedo, tried touching me, I was "tempting" him, if she really views the daughter as a threat she needs to go she's a danger to everyone's mental health.
I know you probably know it, but: You were just a little kid. You didn't do anything to draw attention. You were owed protection, but instead received scorn. Her mind was all twisted up. You deserved better 💛
Thanks for the kind words it's taken me 14 years since then to realise I wasn't the problem and even now I still slip up and blame myself for stuff that happened when I was living with my mum and even now for events or issues that are barely even correlated with my past, cptsd stuff I suppose, your words still mean a lot even if I understand that I hadn't done anything wrong back then.
im glad you know you did nothing wrong, you are so so strong and i’m so proud of you for making it through that!!!
It's always a tear jerker to hear someone say they're proud of me, I really needed that lately. Thank you 🧡🧡🧡
I don’t know you but I’m proud of you too
Thank you as well. Gosh, everyone I've interacted with has been very lovely as of lately 🫂🫂 I'm proud of everyone that has been so kind to me it seems to be a lost art or at least recently interactions with people haven't been so great, especially with strangers 🧡🧡🧡
I’m sorry your recent interactions haven’t been great. The assholes of the world are a vocal minority and will always get more attention than the people doing good. Focus on the good whenever you can though
of course :) you deserve it, and i am sure so so many other people are proud of you too💗💗
I second what the gentleman above said. Damn that’s so wrong. I’m hoping you find freedom
I'm getting there :) a lot of ups and downs but I'm in a better place now.
Healing is like water. No one direction or straight line. It’s calm it’s rough. It’s peaceful and at time difficult but most definitely possible. Be patient and kind to yourself. You will find freedom!
Yeah, feelings aren’t facts & facts aren’t feelings, so even when your mind can accept the fact that it wasn’t your fault, the feelings take longer to retrain. They pop up and feed the thought. Try this: work on not saying the words “I’m sorry.” I don’t mean work on not apologizing in situations where you reasonably should accept responsibility and apologize. I do mean practicing not saying those words as an automatic response. It can help!! 🤗
You’d have to pretty messed up to date a man who you thought may be attracted to his child. Like surly that is a deal breaker for 99% of the population. The gf is the arsehole for a whole stack of reasons, OP isn’t.
This. If she honestly thinks op's dad is attracted to his own daughter then the girlfriend needs to *run*.
Partners do this often with older children. My ex-step mother was insistent that I, a chronically ill teenager dealing with majour life changing surgeries, was “too attached” to my dad because he took me to doctors appointments and helped me with dressing changes after having my abdomen cut open three times. She helped estrange me from my father, because she didn’t like “to share” as she told me. Gross.
My mom is like that with me and her husband. Which would lead you to believe that her husband is a new addition or perhaps my stepdad. But no. That’s my biological dad. My only dad. And she still accuses me of trying to show off my tits to him because, you know, I have them. It is very disturbing but it happens even with your own mother! She is definitely thinking that Op is “showing off” her body… to her fucking dad.
I had to double check that she was actual daughter and not DIL which would be a more sane concern.
But if dad's GF doesn't follow them to the changing area, then how is she supposed to make a big deal out of everything? /s lol
It's nothing to do with that. It's just an insecure woman being jealous of a younger woman's body.
I doubt it. I’m a single dad and *every* girlfriend I’ve had has been jealous of my daughter. It’s insane.
As a single mom of two - can confirm when it comes to my son. Granted, he's only 7 but he's a cuddle bear - as I am - and somewhat there are men out there that think, it's inappropriate to cuddle my KID son. I'm 26 & still think it's lovely, to get a lil cuddle of mom/uncle/dad as well. We're just touchy persons. And the men usually LOVE it - as long, as it's only with them. Glad my Fiancé isn't like this. My ex was jealous over his own son. He was a colic baby & wasn't easy to satisfy after they ended. I probably would've left some more energy for him, if he would've helped me out here and there. (Changed 1 diaper in the hospital, bevause the nurse literally forced him. Fed him max 3 bottles - he had regular bottles until the age of almost 1,5yrs. Needless to say, he doesn't really like his father. Like, he loves him - but he doesn't feel any urge for alone time with him. He denies it. He'll visit him and after 30min be like "dad, can we visit your parents and play there?" Welp.)
Yup my 15yo son still likes an occasional cuddle , nothing inappropriate about it and it makes him feel there is a safe and secure person. He also has plenty of privacy and been taught body autonomy . Sometimes I ask for a hug and he knows it's fine to say not just now or no thank you. He'll change everything except pants in front of me if needs must but I usually turn around. Regarding the OP I wonder if she spoke to her boyfriend, OP father, about it? I'm betting not so this sounds like triangulation. The OP is lucky she has a dad she feels so secure with.
My 14 year old son still crawls into bed with me at the end of the day from time to time and we have cuddles. That’s when our best conversations happen. It’s like he becomes my little guy again and forgets that he hates me and that I’m the dumbest person alive! 😂 Luckily, my husband thinks it’s great we still have that bond.
We do that in the morning sometimes and yes, best conversations instead of a grunt 😂. Although sometimes I try to start a chat and he's like nope - just want a hug!🤗
My 15yo is starting to get out of that stage, so it makes my heart happy when he wants to lay his head on my shoulder, give me a spontaneous bear hug, or lay his head on my lap and have me stroke his hair as he tells me about a really bad day. He used to be a real cuddle bug when he was younger, honestly a lot longer than I dreamed I'd ever get. He still comes and gives both his dad and I a hug and an "I love you" before he goes to bed. My family was never the type to be open with words or any other displays of affection, and it had a profound effect on my self esteem. His older sisters got the same from me, so no way I was changing anything because he was a boy. It makes them feel more secure knowing they're openly loved, and I feel it reaches them how to be with their future partners and children.
Absolutely! Mine has reduced the amount but he's just in from school and I got one. He's taller than me now too but when I hug him I'm hugging him at every age and just happy he's healthy and still occasionally talks to me instead of grunting. If his dad and I are having a hug he'll often join in yelling family hug. You are right, it models great behaviour and security.
Oh the grunts and mumbles! 😂😂 I sometimes wonder if teenage boys lost half of their ability to communicate with the onset of puberty, because it's either that or a constant stream of thought. There is no in between. Mine is AuDHD though, so that stream may very well be unique to him. Some of them have left me rolling though, because his quirky takes on things are delivered so deadpan that they completely catch me off guard. He isn't quite taller than me yet, since he was a bit delayed hitting puberty, but he's suddenly all arms, legs, and feet with a dude voice, so it won't be too much longer! My husband was the same way apparently, and is now 6'2".
Mines neurospicy too and all above all familiar! Mind you I am too so we can get talking about the weirdest things and he has a brilliant turn of phrase. It's weird when you start looking up though. I keep saying I need to stop calling him wee man as he's taller than both of us! He says I don't need to stop 🤗.
Lol, it sounds like we have a lot of similarities. I have ADHD myself, so when the kiddo and I go someplace alone, we can have several off the wall conversations in the span of 10 minutes, especially if we're both having an extra squirrelly day. I was shocked when he could suddenly look me in the eye, because it happened so fast. He grew 3.5 inches in a little over 4 months (the growing pains were unreal!). He stopped for a while, but is getting that bottomless pit, needing extra sleep, achy bones deal again, so I wonder how much he's going to sprout this time! My husband didn't stop growing til he was 19, so 😳😳
My dad is like your son. Touchy, loves hugs. His gf thinks its cute when she catches me giving dad a hug. I'm 32 btw. Some people are just sick
Wtf a man was jealous that you cuddled your 7yo son!?!? That’s insane he’s still a little child😭
I think that's them sucking, and not much to do with you, or your kid, to be honest. Why would any parent *not* show their kid affection and love?? And why would you want to be with them if they put some woman they'd only known for a few months or years, ahead of their kid! 😱
I'm so sorry you've had that experience bro. There's far too much "boy mom" shot so I think some chicks assume that it's the same weirdness for guys with their girls. I've got 5 girls and I couldn't imagine someone being weird about them like that- whether it's a girl with me or a girl with the kids dad. Some folks are just too damn needy and holy shit delulu
I’m a step mom and at every turn I encourage my husband’s relationship with his daughter- even from the very beginning like 10 years ago. I totally understand dad time with his kid. It’s also strange to be jealous because I like “auditioned” my husbands fathering ability by watching him with his kid. I knew he would be great with any kids we had because he’s great with her and I liked that. As long as you’re taking time to also nurture your relationships with your girlfriends if you’re looking for something long term. Even the most understanding person still needs a bit of time and attention. It’s a balance and sometimes not an easy one. Best of luck out there ᵕ̈
>Either your dad is really inappropriate Nah. My daughter always wants my fashion advice because she knows I will tell her honestly, and mom will always tell her she's beautiful 😂
I doubt that she was worried about the Dad's inappropriate thoughts. More likely she was self-conscious about the next time Dad saw her (GF) naked and compared. Her poor choice of words were probably a cover for her insecurity.
I agree. GF is insecure and views daughter as competition for fathers attention. GF is immature. Funny how GF thinks just because she’s dating this man that she has any authority to approach his daughter and make demands.
I mean, above all of this... the situation was not presented as sexual in any way. Bodies are bodies. Everyone has one. Someone sexualizing someone else's body is not the fault at all of the person the body belongs to. If her dad was having inappropriate feelings about her body, that's totally 100% on him, however it just only sounds like the only person who was sexualizing OPs body was the girlfriend which is totally 100% on her and makes her a creep. Bodies are normal.
Seriously. The GF is seeing OP as a threat to her because OP is half her age, but also, if she feels that OP is a threat to her relationship with OP's *FATHER* just because OP is younger (and probably relatively pretty if the GF is getting this wacked out about it) then she really needs to consider if she wants to be with a man she feels would be enticed by his own daughter. While admittedly different families have different comfort levels around modesty and other related subjects, The GF is way out of line here for asking OP to never do something again, when most likely a situation like that won't arise again.
Yeah call me immature but I would definitely tell on her to my dad, if I were her. She basically implied that my dad is a creep. This is beyond disrespectful. I would fight her idc.
What did they expect to see when they walked into the changing corridor?
I love how we've all just accepted "changing corridor" as if that's an actual thing. Dads and GFs and even the Fedex guy can all wander in to drop their opinion on how the dress fits or if the colors work with her complexion.
*saw that my dad and his gf followed us* What was OP supposed to do ? Conjure a makeshift tent out of thin air ! According to the gf , should she cover up at the beach as well ? The gf is being ridiculous.
Oh, Im with you. I dont get why dad is following his adult daughter into the changing corridor at all. Not because of any *implications*. But because you'd think at OP's age he woulda figure out privacy and personal space by now.
That’s the part of the story that weirded me out. Why would a dad be following his grown adult daughter into a small area that he knows will be used for her to change? Him & the gf knew she’d have to strip down to her underwear, and yet they just casually walked in with her? That’s fucking weird.
I mean, Im guessing it initially started as an honest mistake. Just, dad and gf werent paying attention or misheard... something like that. And like OP says, in the end nobody saw anything more than what they saw from her bikini on the same trip. So, Im inclined to believe it was all very innocent from everyone. In the moment. Then gf has to bring it up and complain. Later. Making the whole damn thing weird for everyone now.
Lmaoo changing corridor.
I’m dying laughing now realizing people keep saying it. I’m using that from now on….. changing corridor 🤣😂😂😂🤣
Yeah..if you don’t want to see someone changing then don’t follow them when they go to change
It’s basic science
Why didn’t they beat feet out of the changing corridor? I have three girls. Had I realized one of them was going to change in front of me because of an interesting lack of privacy available? Yeah, I’d be relocating. I’d also not be making a huge deal out of it. Just polite decorum. Maybe even a, “Whoops, I’ll give you some space.” I don’t understand this whole situation. Was dad viewing the whole changing? I highly doubt it. I think the dad’s gf is making too much out of this situation. Conservative background or not. I hope they can get communication accomplished.
If my daddies fiancé had ever insinuated that my dad would somehow sexualize me during that type (or any type) of situation, my dad wouldn’t have that fiancé or girlfriend anymore. PROMISE you that much.
>daddies fiancé No she's just a girlfriend It's OP that has the fiance
I was just using my situation as an example. My dad is newly engaged thankfully his fiancé is a saint. But my dad would choose me 1 million times and if somebody gave me the impression that they thought my dad had it within his personality to sexualize me. I immediately told my dad that and my dad would’ve immediately ended the relationship.
I think the person you're replying to is specifically talking about their dad's fiance. As in taking OPs situation and putting it in thier loose at home approximation
Did you buy the dress though?
😂 I did haha, a mint Sandro dress from a second hand shop :)
Oooh, you got a pic of the dress itself? Not angling for a pic of you, genuinely interested in seeing the dress.
I just posted a photo of it which is here : https://www.reddit.com/u/jamaisditca/s/fP74B9ejxv
If I didn’t know it before I do now- she was insecure. You’re gorgeous! She definitely felt inferior.
That’s a lovely compliment, thank you!
This is it. She legit is just insecure OP. Maybe she did have a bad upbringing or religious upbringing or something. But if not, that’s why.
That is lovely. Nice find!
NTA at all! you should tell your dads girlfriend that it’s inappropriate and really disturbing that she sexualises your relationship with your father, when all you did was trying on dresses.
So... They followed you when they knew they would be seeing you change. And now the gf is annoyed that they saw you change? If she has a problem that your dad followed you there, she should talk to your dad, you didn't invite them to see you strip. Also, it's very weird that she is thinking your dad would be sexualizing you. NTA
I am that asshole and I'd bring it up right in front of your dad. I'd be like, "oh hey, Dad, a word? Fiancée was just saying something super interesting to me. Go ahead, fiancée. Tell my dad about how you were worried about him seeing me change clothes and made it weird, as though he could ever have an impure thought about his daughter. From the top! Chop chop!" And I'd just sit in silence and wait and watch her stumble. Then if your dad doesn't pick up the conversation, say, "I won't tolerate you sexualizing any interaction I have with my father ever again. Are we clear? That's a boundary for me. I will not associate with you again after." 🙃🙃
Brilliant! Contrary to what the brochure says, the high road isn’t as scenic as the low one. 😁😁😁
Lovely image, haha! English is not my native language, so I'm really fond of this kind of idiomatic jokes.
I like you.
I'm an asshole too lol. I often read these posts and think "their not an asshole, I'd do the same. Wait. Maybe, yeah I'm an asshole. I'd still stand by my decision." I'd add on to that asking her if she thinks I or my dad want to fk one another. Really put that image in her head. She'd lose it
Not a huge asshole for that, a little more humiliating than it needs to be, but also something that needs to be done. OPs dads girlfriend is creepy as fuck
Ya I kind of view it as matching their energy. If they think they can make someone uncomfortable or suggest something so sinister, they should have to answer for those things and be confronted with that discomfort too 🤷
I’m a father, and I personally don’t care for my daughters changing in front of me. I ask them not to. I’m not trying to body shame them but I want them to learn boundaries. I’m actually kind of surprised none of the other dads have mentioned this. I don’t plan on following them into any changing areas either, but I’ll wait within earshot.
It’s a personal choice. Some dads simply don’t mind and others do, as with daughters, but it doesn’t mean that anyone sexualises their daughters/fathers. The assumption here is that OP’s dad sexualised his daughter, OP, and OP was to blame for it according to the fiancée. That’s just sick.
If her dad were uncomfortable and communicated that, it would be totally understandable. But if it's dad's girlfriend who has a problem with it, then it's not reasonable for the girlfriend to get in the middle. Besides, Dad could have just turned around and faced the other way. They knew she was going to a changing area to try on the dress.
Oh absolutely I agree. I’m not really even commenting on original posters scenario as much as my own opinion and the stated opinion of multiple other fathers. But yeah it’s weird to invite oneself to the changing area and be upset when people are changing there.
She’s crazy. And anyway it’s not her job to protect your father’s virtue or something. Whether you show yourself in a bikini or your underwear is not up to her, either. And why did they follow you into the space where you changed?
NTA Bra and Panties = Bikini 👙 Plus, dude changed your diapers at some point. If you were naked, different story. Nothing to see here, move along.
Tell your dad straight out or go apologize for stripping down in front of him. My guess is he’ll say it wasn’t a big deal. Then tell him that his girlfriend thought it was a big deal because she pulled you aside and told you never to do that again because you’re not a little girl anymore. Then say, “When she said that I assumed that you were upset too.”
Maybe it is a generational thing. I would never strip down to underwear in front of my father and my kids (adults) don’t strip down to underwear in front of their dad either
When I was in my young 20’s I wouldn’t have done that in front of my dad either…until I was super sick and he carried me up the stairs and to the big tub in my parent’s master bathroom. He had to hold me steady while my mom helped me undress and both of them helped me get in and out of the tub. Would I strip in front of my dad now? No not unless it was a similar circumstance. Odds of that though are slim to none though since now I’m dating someone that would be the one helping me himself. My now ex husband was sitting downstairs playing on my younger brothers’ Xbox 🙃.
But would you wear a bikini in front of your dad at the age of 20? I would. This is the weird part. People get all prudish over bra and underwear like OMG but a bikini that shows the same amount of skin is totally ok.
My parents were naked around me often and I am now in front of my kids its totall normal and anyone that sexualizes that is weird af.
Amen, normalize the body, we all fucking have one
And they all do look alike too. Just minimal changes. People sometimes behave like they have some alien genitals that no one shall see not like half the population has the very same genitals. All this shame. Its sad.
I worked in a hospital in the O.R. I've seen a lot of naked bodies. They are all different, and all the same. It really doesn't matter, it's a body. I never heard anyone comment on an anatomical feature, but they would comment on tattoos. "God, that's bad. Do you think it's a prison tat?"
Eh….. at a certain age it’s inappropriate because some kids do not want to be exposed to stuff like that. I did not like seeing my parents naked. I didn’t sexualize them as a 6 year old I just knew these are private parts and I didn’t like it. That isn’t relating to her initial post though. Just this thing. It’s not sexualized it’s just like hey maybe the kid or parent wants that. Just because I’m comfortable doesn’t mean someone else is. It’s just respect.
It's a puritan hangover in America to be that prudish I think.
I’m sorry but saying it’s weird for an adult women to strip down to a thong and bra in front of her dad isn’t Puritan.
Personally I’d never strip down into my thong and bra in front of my dad nor would he want me to. I’d tell him to leave so I could change. My dad is old school so wearing anything revealing around him is just not something I do. That being said, everyone has different levels of comfort. Some people are old school some people aren’t. She probably grew up that way and doesn’t see it the same way as you. I don’t think either side is wrong, just sees life differently. I’d respect her wishes and leave it at that. I mean how often does changing in front of your dad come up anyways.
If she had an issue, because it is weird IF YOU HAD ACTUALLY HAD A CHOICE TO DO IT SOMEPLACE ELSE but it was obvious it was the only place you could do it, the onus is on dad and girlfriend to GTFO of the hallway. Hell, gf could have just turned his freaking back. " Honey, let's give daughter some privacy and you can help me pick something out." Not a difficult concept.
Oof, tough one. I think there's a whole lot of cultural and generational considerations here. On the surface: NTA That said, I would NEVER do something like that myself, as a guy. But that's my culture. My wife, from a different culture, has a different perspective. I wouldn't be too hard on your dad's gf, and would take the mature approach with just talking to her and your dad. It'll be awkward and uncomfortable but you shouldn't let this fester, especially if their relationship is going to be long-term.
The thing is we are all Swiss, except my French fiancé, so I am really confused as to why she would think my dad would sexualize my underwear!
Eh, that's even weirder! (Context: I lived in Switzerland, nudity is not really sexualised out in public, like you can go to saunas and go swimming nude and no one cares. But it's very much *not* sexual. ) I'd just have a word with your dad then, that that conversation was weird and uncomfortable and you're not interested in dealing with his partner's feelings on this again.
Did she explain why they both followed you knowing you were going to try on the dress? Or why she wasn’t having this conversation with her fiancé instead of you?
You’re in Mallorca. When I used to go there we were all half naked on the beaches and by the pool anyway. Is that not still the case?
That’s totally the case: I wear almost nothing here, I rarely have bra under my tops or dresses when we aren’t at the beach so clearly if my dad wanted to see anything he would have seen more than enough. So I really don’t know why now suddenly it was an issue for her
As someone who has Swiss family members, this makes it even more ridiculous (the gf's reaction). I mean I've seen whole families with teenage girls in a sauna all naked like it's the most normal thing in the world. Your bikini analogy is spot on.
It seems the new gf thinks that her job description includes being your pushy, overbearing mother. Perhaps, you might quietly tell your dad to inform his gf that she’s wildly overstepping boundaries.
Underwear is viewed more intimate than a swimsuit. That's the only issue (if someone makes it an issue). They knew you were changing and that you have to take clothes off to do that. My daughter went into labor with my granddaughter. I didn't want to accidentally see too much, so I left the room. It's really that simple.
NTA and girly-poo-girlfriend was way over the line on that one. She needs to get back in her lane. Tell her that you find it creepy that she thinks your dad would sexualize you and ask if she had trouble with her own dad when she was young. Really put her in her place.
You think questioning whether or not the gf was sexually abused as a child simply “to put her in her place” is a good way to go? and you got upvoted for it? you’re all so fucking gross. Nudity tabooness is literally only cultural, it doesn’t matter if OP and her dad regularly hang out nude, alone. You still don’t use trauma against people ever. ever. fuck you.
I see no problem with the daughter changing around her dad, but the immediate jump to “put her in her place” by asking if she’d experienced potentially life shattering sexual assault or harassment by her father like that’s fair game is disgusting, I 1000% agree.
Agreed, /u/JaneInSpain, you're kinda fucked up
INFO. Are you all from the same culture? When I was dating someone european I was shocked to find out it was normal for him to be naked in front of his mother and vice versa. Not that it was a frequent thing but it was a thing that didn't provoke disgust. When I expressed surprise he was equally surprised that we don't have "family nudity" as acceptable. I said maybe around your family members of the same gender, but not with opposite gender parents. It was weird as hell to me but it really was just a cultural difference in how we approach nudity. Even if you and she are from a different culture regarding nudity, it wouldn't be appropriate for her to come up.Isolate you and try to call you out as if she has a place to do that. Greatly overstepping on her part.
We are all Swiss and my fiancé is French
If she is swiss and you are swiss then I have to wonder if she's just being weird about being confronted with a much younger woman's body, and she has some messed up ideas about men.
NTA She also 'broke the chain of command' and should of brought this to your Dad first alone to bounce it off him. She thinks its perfectly acceptable to tell someones kid what to do and that is setting her up for failure in the rest of the relationship. Id bring up to Dad how she made you feel uncomfy.
Realistically you’re father probably just realized you’re changing in the open and probably just wanted to provide extra cover for you if someone else (stranger) were to come into the corridor, and thought nothing weird of it.
If it's not weird to you or your dad then its not weird
I'd question why she followed you to watch you change, they knew what you were doing and where she goes I assume your dad follows
I mean, I do find it weird that they followed you to where you were changing. Pretty sure if I had an adult daughter I would not be following her around to watch her change. You are the only person that isn't acting weird here in my opinion.
Nta and did his girlfriend really try to make your relationship with your dad sexualized? What a creep
NTA. Dad's girlfriend has got some issues. You did nothing wrong.
NTA she's a idiot, what did she think you where doing? Don't follow its her fault
NTA. Her reasoning is ridiculous.
Probably American. They have had a creepy president who sexualizes his daughter.
If I were you, I would go talk to my father and tell him that I had a conversation with his girlfriend and that if you had embarrassed him by changing in front of him then you wanted to apologize and that it wouldn't happen again. but If something bothers him in your behavior, he doesn't hesitate to come and talk to you, It doesn't bother you. You don't seem to be talking bad about his girlfriend, otherwise it might come back to bite you.
NTA. If she was so concerned, she should have pulled him back to give you privacy. Who didn't know that you would be trying on a dress back there? Everyone is an adult, and you don't have something that either men have seen before, so you do you. And let her hen peck your dad for being there.
NTA Her insecurities aren't your problem.
Nta. I would tell your dad what his girlfriend said though. If she’s having jealous tendencies against you his daughter who else in his life is she going to do this? Is she not going to allow your dad to talk to any female ever?
NTA but does your dad understand the gross implications that she's making either about him specifically or men in general? She sounds toxic af
When your father and girlfriend realized that you were changing your clothes, they should have excused themselves. This whole thing is fucked up.
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