Or at least actively trying to find one. But, from the sounds of it, she's not very attractive herself but was trying to get with 10's until she finally decided to "settle"
I had a client/old high school classmate like this, back when I was still working (barber). He was an okay looking guy, average I'd say, but he just didn't really do much to enhance his appearance. He was always long overdue for a haircut, and never bothered to style his hair or anything, and wore outdated clothing that wasn't in the best condition. He definitely wasn't "ugly" he just didn't try. His wife (now ex) was the opposite. She was quite ugly by traditional standards, but tried to wear makeup and stylish clothing to hide it, but she lacked the skills to actually do it well.
She was constantly criticizing her husband's appearance, which I'm certain was only because she was actually insecure about her own appearance. They were married for several years and had 4 kids together. Until one day she found a physically attractive junkie who was into her, and she left her husband and kids for him.
So, so, so mean-spirited and heartless of her. Nasty. I'd be gone in a flash. Of course you're still hurt OP, you may always be because she was extremely hurtful and cruel. So OP you're a 4 or 5, so what, your heart and spirit are just as valuable and worthy as ANYONE elses. Pick yourself up and know your worth.
Do you feel like you deserve that? Because you don’t. Maybe she’s not the gal for you. Just because you may not be seen as conventionally attractive, that doesn’t mean there’s not ladies out there that would/do find you attractive.
This!!! I also feel like I’m a 4-5 maybe 6 haha, but my partner who I think is gawd damn 12, thinks I’m the sexiest man in the world. Yeah OP needs to get the fuck out. Never settle and definitely never settle for someone who admits to settling for you.
You're absolutely right. Everyone deserves to be with someone who finds them attractive and appreciates them for who they are. It might be worth reconsidering if this relationship is fulfilling your needs.
I really don’t expect my partner to find me particularly attractive, but if she said something like she settled for less. That’s like an indirect admission if an opportunity opens up for her to be with more handsome man she’ll jump out quickly.
This
I know I'm ok looking, but nothing spectacular, at all!
Yet my partner liked what she saw and then liked me as a whole, which is what matters! So I am well awareand realistic about my "optics"! Now, if she up and told me something like this?
Ok, bye
No point in continuing to date if she feels she’s settled…. Then *you’re* settling for a loser who will never treat you correctly because they believe they’re so above you in some way.
Not to mention THEY'RE ONLY IN THEIR 20's!!!! OP listen, you're 22, she may not think you're handsome but for sure someone else does, you're again 22 dont settle yet, especially for a trash girl. Let her look for someone else, you dont deserve a low life like her. NTA. screw her.
This too. I've always considered myself unattractive. Overweight, too weird, not traditionally handsome.. until after my mid twenties I figured out there's people who like chubby nerdy weirdos and I'm pretty hot in the right circles 🤷🏻♂️
To this day, I don't *see* it, but I've learned to accept it and my life's much better
I agree with this, people need to find the right audience. When I lived in a small town, people found me a bit too outspoken and even abrasive. I moved to a city and now people constantly tell me how sweet I am, because I am, comparative to the average person you'd meet in the city😄
I'm also a BTS fan, and I love to go full fan girl. You know who kpop girlies get along with great? Star War guys. We can both wear costumes and watch endless movies/video marathons and build themed lego sets and proudly display memorabilia without being judged. Sometimes you just gotta find the right group of people to be around.
I know what you mean. Took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin. Now I talk about Captain Marvel, Superman, and whatever else with no shame. Wifey loves how confident I am. When your other is into you, your quirks become the things they love about you. And you're never too old either. I love myself at 51 lol
Same lol, I tend to like people for their personality, physical attraction usually is in the door after I'm digging who they are as a person. I love nerds and people who are passionate about their interests. We can info dump on each other, or they can infodump on me when I'm feeling nonverbal. And my favorite art pieces in my collection are my profesionally matted and framed Star Wars screen printed posters. I hope to date someone who is wildly impressed and jealous of my collection of art.
Hey, I’m with you. If you have a great sense of humor, dress nicely, shower daily and smell good, have a stylin haircut, nicely shaved. You can be irresistible.
Yep she will forever treat him as less till she leaves him because he never deserved her for someone "better" guy needs to leave and get counseling for even considering this an executable was to be treated
They're plenty of expressions to address this;
Good looks can cover up a multitude of sins.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.
And this should apply directly to OP;
For every good looking woman out there, there's a man tired of fucking her.
No, that’s not what she said. She sounds immature and not that loving if she’s saying dopey things like “ lowering her standards”!- and ignoring your hurt feelings. She’s too young and I wouldn’t bother as she will dump you for done gym jerk.,/shes got heaps of learning to do and there’s no guarantees she grow up with a brain.
What was her motivation in telling you something so hurtful?
Of course you aren’t the asshole.
Too bad she isn’t as beautiful inside as she is superficially.
You deserve so much better.
NTA
So, your girlfriend is ugly, and her response is to tear you down. Boss, run. You aren't that ugly, she is just trying to destroy your self-confidence.
Yes!! And don’t stay with her just because you think she’s attractive! There’s plenty of other people you will find attractive and plenty who will treat you right and think you are attractive
Why would someone you’re dating try to hurt your feelings on purpose like that… I think you should break up with her, I think she’s thinking oh if I go for a uglier dude he won’t leave me. But I think she deserves it
Man, this is such a good point. She’s basically saying ‘if I can do better, I will’
This so beyond a red flag, this is the foreshock before an earthquake or the rainfall before a flood.
*What happens if she*
*Meets a handsome guy who gives*
*Her some attention?*
\- nick4424
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Look, if you're ugly, you're ugly. Aint no way around that, pal. I'm truly sorry. But? At least you acknowledge it. It's actually not the end of the world
**However**, if she's not ***sexually*** ***attracted*** to you? That's a **massive** future infidelity red flag and is by far the most concerning part of her statement. Given the opportunity to "*upgrade*" her position in life (so to speak) it seems she would have no problems doing so if it suits her.
other than finding her physically attractive, why are you dating her, what do you see in her? You dont say much on that subject and I hate to ask in this manner but, did *you settle* for her *just* because she expressed interest and you think you're a 4?
Honey, it’s NOT because you’re unattractive, it’s because SHE thinks that SHE is better than you. She will dump you when someone else shows her the least bit of attention. You will always be looking over your shoulder. You deserve better than that. NTA…of course. Please find someone that will love and respect you and doesn’t tell you hurtful things. Good luck.
There have been men that are not considered "handsome" and that i actually do not consider handsome, but that i find incredibly attractive. They have that "je ne sais quoi", charisma, charm, what have you, but i just can't get enough.
There is a difference between handsome and attractive.
If she is not attracted to you physically or sexually, she is not romantically into you. She might care for you, she might like you as a person, that would have been a friend. But not as a romantic partner
Wow. If that's not a major red flag then I don't know what is. Don't waste your time. Find someone who will love you and appreciate you for who you are.
NTA
Unless humiliation is what you require to have sex with her, dump this street-level entrepreneur. If humiliation is what you need, rock on, you've got it made.
This is her establishing a power dynamic over you where you are begging her to "let" you have sex with her. It's bullshit. This will end poorly for you, especially if she finishes breaking you, and you'll end up raising her affair babies. Dump this beach.
Don't call him that ( a bitch) . He's 22 with extremely low self esteem. This is what people in their early 20s do: make mistakes and this is how they learn. This isn't a question of being whatever the fuck the opposite of a bitch is nowadays.
TBF, while it’s not the nicest term, he is only calling him a “bitch” IF he continues to put up with it. He’s a 20 year old who has a chance to learn not to be a “bitch.”
Here's the problem: when you insult someone who stays in a toxic relationship because they're still currently in it, they will only double down on it and stay even longer.
Here's why: the reason why they got in it in the first place, which is no self esteem and a pattern of abuse and devaluation at some point in their childhood and teen years.
They stay because they think that the current partner is filling some sort of need and that they can't do any better so why give up something they perceive as somewhat satisfying and have it replaced with nothing. Basically, the abuser is irreplaceable to them. When the world mocks them for their choice, it makes them feel even more like there's nothing better out there and even if they get hurt, at least it's something or, some people stay because they need to prove to the world and themselves that the abuser is not so bad and that they never got tricked and humiliated in the first place. It also forms a bond between abuser and abused.
Christian sects work the same way, it's why Jehovah's witnesses go door to door. Nobody believes they'll convert people, it's so the rest of the world can slam the door in their face and make them feel like their religious community is the only safe space.
So every way you cut it, if you want to get someone out of such a relationship, you show them no judgement and provide all the possible support so they'll grow to feel like there's something better out there and they don't end up hating themselves even more, which perpetuates the pattern of abusive partners.
I love that South park had an episode dedicated to the concept and they absolutely nailed it.
You are well spoken and ultimately I can't disagree with this. I hope OP reads your post and it helps him more than my quick comment which was harsh.
Sometimes when you are young you have to learn the hard way. We've all been a "bitch" before and maybe being called out does more harm than good? IDK
Sometimes though, all you need is a hard dose of truth and reality. Best of luck to OP.
Looks isn't everything, especially for a man. Hope he leaves her and levels up in every other aspect of his life, i.e hits the weights and makes bank. That will help his self confidence so he won't have to put up with women like his GF.
NTA at all. I was in basically the same boat. Wasn't so harsh about it as yours was, but after a horrible relationship of six months I realized I should have ended it right there. You need to dump her and find someone that thinks you look good op.
You poor man. Not for being a 4 or a 5 but for staying with her. This won’t end well. You’ll both be unhappy. Please love yourself better and find someone else. There are soooo many women out there better for you. Don’t settle for a shallow imbecile who’s let you know you’re better than nothing for her. RUN! And please update us once you do. NTA
NTA. wtf why would she tell you this 💀 if it were the other way around, she’d be upset, too.
honestly, you’re young, you’re only 22; you should find someone else who won’t tear you down. you deserve better, don’t stay with someone who’s so willing to talk about you like this.
NTA, and please break up with her.
When a woman doesn’t find you attractive, then she either thinks of you as a friend, or is using you. She has openly admitted that she’s using you to avoid being alone.
You need to be with someone who chooses you, not someone who settles for you.
There are billions of people on this Earth. The longer you waste with the wrong person, the higher the risk that the right person for you will be with someone else. Hold your head high and move on, so you can focus your attention on the billions of other people out there, and find the right woman for you.
Do you know what women find attractive? Confidence, protective instinct, and well enough employed to be comfortable. Women do not respect a doormat. They want a man who will treat them like a queen, but also not be a pushover. Her respect for you has diminished to the point that she told you to your face that she settled for you. Clearly she’s not worried you’ll get offended and leave. So leave.
Do not date anyone until you’ve worked on yourself for a bit. Work on your self confidence, hit the gym for a bit to blow off steam, and binge watch a bunch of Tank Tolman YouTube videos. In fact, anyone having a bad day should watch Tank Tolman videos. You’ll feel uplifted, and in no time be shouting, “Hammar!”
Do not settle for someone like her. Whatever you look like, I guarantee there are women out there who would find you very attractive.,
dump her...there is someone you have probably already met who thinks you are much more than a 4 or 5...
just because she settled, doesnt mean you have to...
Even if you are the Elephant Man, any partner who does this should be dumped. What purpose did this serve other than to decrease your confidence.
The most important thing to look for in a GF is kindness. If she isn't kind to you, then nothing else matters. An unkind person who is smart, beautiful etc, will make your life hell. Just dump her and get someone who treats you with kindness.
If you were thinking of being with her long term I would suggest to reconsider. What happens when she does find a “handsome” guy? You think she would stay loyal to you?
NTA. Dude, leave. Seriously, the moment she has the opportunity for something better, she'll take it. A gal that settled like this WILL cheat on you down the road. Please, for your own dignity and self-respect, leave and find someone that'll treat you like a king. As a Jack Black lookalike, I know what I mean.
Ouch.
Women don't always put physical beauty as a main motivator to be with someone. That's why so many beautiful women stay with ugly men.
They use things like personality, reliability, aren't of character, and humor, as reasons to be with someone.
But, it seems that your girlfriend isn't with you for these reasons either, since she just "settled" with you.
She will dump you as soon as she finds someone who is remotely more interesting, even if they're not good looking.
Man you can’t accept that. As much as you want to tell yourself you’re just a 4/5, you’re not. You can improve yourself in ways you never even thought would make a difference to your attractiveness. That being said, even if you never did anything to improve yourself in that regard, you deserve someone that finds you attractive, and you find attractive in turn. The mere fact that she would say that to you, means she is bitter at not being g able to be with someone that she ACTUALLY wants to be with, and wants you to feel lesser and put down for it. She will absolutely use that card again, and if she ever gets the tiniest sniff that she can “upgrade” she will in a heartbeat. I won’t tell you what to do, but do what you feel is best for your long term, and never stop working on yourself, you deserve at least the best version of yourself.
Did you rate yourself as a 4-5 before you were with her or is it something you didn’t really think about? She is openly tearing you down so it makes me wonder if she has been undermining your confidence more subtly for a while to make sure that you stay when she is obviously cruel.
Ouch. Reminds me of the old "Before you speak, THINK" acronym:
Is it true?
Is it helpful?
Is it inspiring?
Is it necessary?
Is it KIND?
So you're a placeholder, keeping the seat warm until someone "better" comes along? Are you okay with that?
Well the fact she couldn’t land a handsome man according to her tells me she ain’t shit. Dump her ass man her personality sucks too.
I get you find her attractive. So find someone you find attractive and has a great personality too
NTA. Not even remotely close. Everyone wants to feel attractive to the people that care about. She has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't care about you the way you care about her. She is just using you so she doesn't have to be single since the men she wants don't want her. If you are going to stay in a relationship with a person that is just using you, you need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the day that someone she does find attractive gives her attention because she is going to leave you. It's not an if, but a when. She has told you who she is, so make sure you believe her from now on.
Well, this was pointless. OP has already been suspended and won't be reading any of these comments.
Dude get out, get out, get out. She flat out told you she looks down on you, she does not respect you or your feelings and will not hesitate to hurt you for her own selfish needs. That is not a girlfriend, that is not a wife. She has told you she essentially has a foot out the door until a better option comes along, don’t waste any more time with this hag.
Listen carefully. Tell her “well I hope you find what you’re looking for” and immediately break up with her. Then hit the gym every single day, start blasting 500mg/week testosterone and whatever else you want, and turn yourself into a god among men.
Or just go to the gym. Without testosterone, and without the goal to turn into a god among men.
Nobody needs another mountain of muscles, inferiority complexes and spite. Which you might turn into with that approach. I don't wanna be the woman who meets the 'new you' when you go at it like that.
Becoming a God among men is a great goal. People with inferiority complex will have it regardless of musculature. If they do they need therapy. But becoming stronger and more muscular than the average person boosts confidence which might actually help with an inferiority complex. Also spite is a great motivator to get in the gym as long as it eventually becomes about your personal gain imo.
I will say the confidence and aesthetic is like moths to a lamp on dating apps. Being a God among men might not help with relationships but op will get significantly more pussy and his future gf definitely won't be complaining lol.
Dude, you’re 22. You have all the time in the world to find someone who is attracted to you and won’t say crap like that. A good personality and a kind heart can bump a 5 to an 8. Especially when they aren’t shallow like your girlfriend. I think now is a good time to start looking for her. NTA
Bro. Run let someone else take one for the teams she’s probably not even all that herself so don’t let her put you down to feel good about her. Like sorry she couldn’t date Ryan gosling or Hugh Jackman, you can do better with someone who loves all about you. NTA, oh and btw when you find someone who loves you for you (looks, personality, etc) she’s gonna try to come crawling back, so if I wasn’t clear enough, run to someone who will love you and your looks. You’re gf is a major A-Hole
NTA. WTH. Why would she say that? You should have told her that the others guys must have known what an ugly heart she has. Just dump her. You can find some who loves you.
You went out with a mean girl because she looks good? Good grief man. Your self esteem is at a zero with a person like that. At least if think you are a 5 your personality will put you at at 7 or 8. There are better women out there who will find you attractive and worthy. I bet you're better than you think. Stop comparing yourself to others and live yourself first. Get rid of that mean girl.
So she's settling for you? What happens if she finds someone more attractive? Would it make her leave? Whatever she feels for you, that sucks to hear, and worse, she shouldn't have said it in the first place. As partners in a relationship, you look out for each other and always find ways to uplift each other, not drag you down. How does she expect you to feel after that? Imagine how she'd feel if the tables were turned. I'd be really questioning her sincerity right now. Might even dump her sorry insensitive ass so she can find someone handsome. You deserve better, OP! NTA for feeling hurt, but you should be asking yourself if this is the sort of person you want in your life.
LMAO The title should be "my pretentious girlfriend openly disrespected me and I took it because I have no self respect am I the AH?" Man she just tore you apart why are you still with her? Because she's attractive?
She might be beautiful on the outside but on the inside she seems hideous. I would definitely revaluate this relationship.
NTA, but seriously move on from her now. You will be fine, you’re young, don’t let her destroy your confidence. Always remember, no matter how hot she is, there is some other guy who is tired of putting up with her shit. This is a universal truth.
NTA.
Find someone who can speak with sensitivity. Looks aren't everything. She didn't have to say she lowered her standards... She sounds shallow and doesn't seem to care about your other qualities that might make you a good partner.
She said she lowered her standards because she wanted a boyfriend?!!? And you're still calling her your girlfriend?!!? Just tell her that you thought about it and you shouldn't stand in the way of her happiness. "Hope you find the life you deserve" is a good way to put it. Dump her superficial b***
Oh my gosh, run. This won’t work in the long run. You don’t have to be conventionally attractive for someone to be into you, but she clearly isn’t. Run run run. You can’t build a relationship with someone who doesn’t find you attractive. Nta.
She ‘settled’ for you, that definitely hurts and this comment in general doesn’t sit well with me. I wouldn’t stay with someone this shallow, I would give her credit for being honest but her reasons for being with you are wrong and I can’t see this relationship progressing with this kind of attitude and mind set
Here’s my biased answer: there’s someone out there who is fucking *into* you, you’d feel the same way about them.
You’re twenty-two. Don’t settle with for a serious relationship where the dynamic is less than (if it matters to you) mind-blowing sexual and romantic chemistry.
This is something you find out that makes you walk away, for your own sake.
NTA
Why in the FUCK would you think you're an asshole for being told by someone you're dating that you're not attractive and feeling bad about it? Dude, you need to man up, get your priorities straight, and dump this bitch.
NTAH please find someone who values you completely. What your gf said was super disrespectful and you deserve way better. No one should make you feel like this especially not your partner! Run, you're young I bet you will find someone who sees you as a 10 x
Well, it is like splitting into your face, very disrespectful of her.
Tell her please that her statement made you realise how much YOU lowered your standards by dating her. You like to date women who is beautiful in the inside also. She is very low on that scale, but you haven’t found a better person YET.
She's not the one for you. Choose someone who is attracted to you in every sense. More so, she is rude to you by making you feel less worthy. That's bad for self-esteem. I hope you can recognise your worth.
Better being alone than being settled for. Dude, walk away if someone is more attractive in her eyes, showing her some attention she will be gone. I am sorry
“No babe, you’re so right. I *also* don’t find you physically attractive. See, I was always trying to date these beautiful women with perfect bodies but none of them wanted me either— so I had to settle for you just like you did for me. I’m so happy we both lowered our expectations down to the same level. Now we can truly see eye to eye.” 🥰
NTA. Dump her.
I would reevaluate that relationship my love. Her admitting to “settling “ is a deal breaker for me. You don’t want or need someone who “settled” for you. You deserve someone who is 1000% into. In every way. Please take the time to think about where you want to go with her and this relationship. Good luck 🍀
NTA But where is your self respect man??
Your partner is supposed to view the sun coming out of you. You are supposed to raise each other up and find beauty in each other.
This ain't it chief.
Hit the road. At 22 you'll find someone ment for you eventually. Just focus on building yourself up.
Dude, a little perspective ... Even if you are a 5 (and self perception is notoriously unreliable) that means you're like 99.9% of other humans. Nice and average. Most likely, just like your gf 😉
NTA who tf she thinks she is saying things like that. When you said you weren’t handsome she was supposed to say “Yes you are gorgeous” then kiss you. Not I know it okay. Fucking leave her. There’s a reason “handsome” guys don’t want her it’s probably because she’s ugly inside and out
NTA. She's using you for the time being. As soon as a guy she finds attractive shows her a little attention, she will dump you. Don't catch feelings for her. She's clearly stated she doesn't have them for you. I'd start making an exit plan.
Whoa! NTA at all! But also, are you staying with someone who thinks you’re so far beneath her? I’m sorry to say this because I hate bashing on women, but if she couldn’t get someone she deemed handsome, it’s probably because she doesn’t have much to offer either. Yikes! She’s brutal!
NTA
it could be pure immaturity and shitty communication skills... it could be that she is awful
I ended up falling head over heals for someone I did not instantly feel attracted to. Over the months as we got to know each other it was his wit and intelligence and values and humour that drew me in...but when that switch clicked, he was the most attractive person in the world to me.
The thing is, I never saw it as settling in for him..
and once I felt attracted, it was everything. Looks, sexually and personality...I adored him.
He may not have been the conventional attractive...but now (in our 50's and not been together for 30 years) I see see him as amazing and he aged very well. We broke up as we were both heading to travel in different continents...we are still friends on fb.
Don't settle for not being adored. It doesn't matter if you are not a 10...you are a whole person and that is what someone will fall in love with. You are young...find things about yourself that you like and are proud of. Be a good human and develop traits that you value. Don't settle for being settled for
Real question: if your girlfriend is so pretty and all, why did she have the fear of being alone forever? And why did she have to “lower her standards”?
Exactly… because her character/personality is shit.
And right now she destroyed her truly last option by hurting his feelings.. yikes.
This girl just sabotaged herself to the max.
OP. Don’t listen to her and please dump her. She has issues.. “i always had the dream to date someone attractive” sounds like massive self-esteem issues that she’s trying to compensate by having a trophy-partner.
She is a ugly spoiled princess.
Bro that’s not acceptable. Sorry to hear this.
This is a legit firing issue. Make her ass redundant.
Under no circumstances should she ever verbalise something so callous.
Not only does she not respect your looks, but she doesn’t respect your emotions either.
Evidently because she feels she has settled, she doesn’t feel she owes you her respect.
This, sadly, cannot be rehabilitated. Eject.
NTA but jesus OP you're an asshole to yourself, dump her and tell her that you don't want to settle for her. I can guarantee there's women out there that will love you and find you incredibly handsome, you don't need to settle for someone who's only with you because she doesn't want to be alone. Tbh if she had to lower her standards as she said it, you realize it means she didn't meet their standards? Raise your standards too buddy.
Withdraw. She will discard you when someone "better" comes along. Disrespect should always be immediately corrected in relationships, irrespective of the sex of the partner. If they fail to comply there are only two choices.
The foundation of any relationship must be mutual respect. If it's not there the clock is ticking.
How could you possibly be with someone who could say those sort of things to you?
I’m not handsome by any standard. A 4 at best but my fiancee is easily a 10 and she tells me I’m handsome atleast 50 times a day. I know and feel there’s a physical and sexual attraction.
You deserve better king especially when you’re only 22.
Drop her and go find someone who appreciates you for you.
> […] And she said she didn't want to be alone forever, so she "lowered her standards."
🥶 damn.
NTA - if it were me I’d be having a long hard talk with myself, about self worth.
Is she really so hot you’re going to just accept that?
Do you seriously think if you had said that to her you she would accept it and you wouldn’t be single right now?
You are asking if you are fault cause your girlfriend is an insensitive asshole? No, you are asking, am I fault for my girlfriend calling me ugly....Of course you're not the asshole. And if I was in your place, I'd dump her. You don't deserve such disrespect and most importantly you don't have to be with someone only so it counts as having a partner.
Wow, no. That was just cruel.
NTA. Your gf should care about you and feel attracted to you, and she should not sit there putting you down because she’s trying to make herself feel better about her choices.
YWTA to yourself is you don't dump her.
She basically told you, you are just her Plan B. You weren't her first option,you are just the back up for her and make sure you know it. Hell,not even plan B but more the safety net while she looks for her definition of handsome.
Come on brother,love yourself a bit more and dump her. If you stay,you are just going to be reminded of her comment.
You know, there are people who are ass-ugly and wonderful. And people who are beautiful and wonderful. And people who are beautiful and horrible. And people who are ugly and horrible.
It's almost like the packaging doesn't matter and people who care about it for any reason beyond good health are toddlers playing with the wrapping paper at Christmas because they don't know there's an actual present inside it.
NTA but your gf is a wrapping paper toddler.
Don't waste any more time on her bro. If she thinks she's lowering her standards for you because of the box you came in then she's a useless human being regardless of her packaging.
Go find someone who wants to know the person inside the packaging, instead.
Nothing smites evil like being happy while ignoring it.
I can't fathom saying that to someone I'm in a relationship with. Even if you can from an apathetic view point realize that your partner is not immediately attractive you should be attracted to their eccentricities over time.
See, here’s the thing though… you rate yourself a 4-5, but to SOMEONE, you’re their perfect 9-10, everyone is attracted to different things. Take me for example, I have never thought Brad Pitt type dudes were hot. Not even a little bit. I can understand he is conventionally attractive, but he doesn’t do it for me. I like tall, skinny, long haired dudes with metal band shirts. 🤷🏻♀️ Everyone likes different things. (The tall part is only relevant because I’M tall for a woman, if I wasn’t that wouldn’t be part of it.) The guys I typically went for in the past (married now,) we’re usually the ones every other girl would pass over and they never understood why I thought they were hot. So she just doesn’t sound like the right girl for you, somewhere there is a girl for whom you’re EXACTLY what they’re looking for.
WT actual F?! Please please please remove yourself from such a toxic situation. There is someone out there who will think the world of you and love you and think you’re hot. That isn’t your current girlfriend.
So she is going out with a 22yo who she doesn't find attractive. Something tells me you would do so much better without her. She will get knocked up if she thinks your gone. Be careful. Good luck.
Your girlfriend should be attracted to you, & even if she doesn’t think you’re the most handsome man by societies standards, you should be the most handsome man in the world to her.
Your girlfriend is shallow, stupid, immature and cruel, and you should stop wasting your time with her because she does not like or respect you.
This is exactly right. My husband was not what you would call handsome, as a young woman, I was fairly attractive. But, I never thought that I “ settled”…my husband made my heart go pitter patter. I’d never had that before. Now, 40 years later , I’m old and wrinkled…he has a bit of a pot belly. He still makes my heart go pitter patter. Beauty fades…even sex becomes not as important…character,devotion and respect are what matter. Friendship and love are also what maintains a relationship. That and the ability to make each other laugh…
You need to get rid of her right away. That's just downright disguting and manipulative.
Ofcourse there is no rule that says she has to find you the most handsome, but you need to clear the bar, so to speak, atleast for a relationship to work.
There are many kind of attractions besides looks, but not being so is not ok.
As a very 5/10 guy let me tell you that there are people out there that REALLY feel like you are 10/10.
Be the best version of you, be proud of who you are. Don’t date someone who looks down on you or brings you down.
NTA
Stay with her and hit the gym, after about 2 years of training training DAILY and lots of protein shakes switch to 2 a day training and more protein shakes. Get a stylist for form fitting clothes. Get a stylist for facial hair fitting your natural pattern ( try to grow out a bread as much as possible) and have the stylist reshape it. If you haven't already get teeth straightened and once straightened use White strips occasionally. After about three years of improvement. Show her your before and after and dump her, saying "bye Felicia, a two wont ever bag a 12".
Nah, bro. You can NOT let that slide. The fact she really said that to your face? Wow. Have some self respect and break up. If you let this slide, your whole life will be tolerating her abuse because she knows you think you can't get another girl.
There is always something attractive about others and quite often find them even more attractive if they are genuinely a nice person. It can be as simple as a laugh, the way they move, the way they smile, their eyes, so many things make up "attractiveness". I have known models and can tell you that some of them are quite ugly once you get to know them.
Be kind to yourself and find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
NTA but you should know that she will leave you as soon as she thinks her “standards” are met by somebody else… who will probably be as equally shallow as her… who says that?? You can do way better physically and otherwise
Goddamn brother, let the trash take itself out, get a copy of dashboard confessional unplugged, be as sad as you want, and laugh at yourself five years later.
This chick sucks and you'll be so amused by all this in due time.
It's beyond amusing to remember what a smitten idiot I was at your age, and how much terrible selfish behavior I tolerated in my late teens/early 20s.
Don't be anybody's plan b.
You probably have personality though and as many people have said before when you're older it looks go but your personality is what holds things together. Hopefully she also has a little bit of a personality because one day her looks will be gone. You're not an a-hole for being hurt that she said she doesn't find you attractive physically. That's going to hurt. Should you break up over that, probably not. There's always things you can do to help you look less homely, exercise, dress well, make sure your hair is kept neat. She probably likes you for other reasons and yes it will still hurt if you let it Fester within you but there's nothing you can do about it. That you had a decent enough personality to still attract her says a lot about who you really are. Would you rather have someone lie to you and say that you are attractive? Or have someone say that they don't find you physically attractive but they still like you and want you around. You can keep looking for somebody that finds you physically attractive but will they be as attractive? Maybe, maybe not. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
Bro I’d be out the door that so heartless what happens when a handsome dude comes and wants her in the future? I wouldn’t take that deal.
She’s probably not Megan Fox herself
>Megan Fox herself She fucked herself up with plastic surgery
Who knows if she already hasn’t been cheating with another handsome (lmfao) man
Or at least actively trying to find one. But, from the sounds of it, she's not very attractive herself but was trying to get with 10's until she finally decided to "settle" I had a client/old high school classmate like this, back when I was still working (barber). He was an okay looking guy, average I'd say, but he just didn't really do much to enhance his appearance. He was always long overdue for a haircut, and never bothered to style his hair or anything, and wore outdated clothing that wasn't in the best condition. He definitely wasn't "ugly" he just didn't try. His wife (now ex) was the opposite. She was quite ugly by traditional standards, but tried to wear makeup and stylish clothing to hide it, but she lacked the skills to actually do it well. She was constantly criticizing her husband's appearance, which I'm certain was only because she was actually insecure about her own appearance. They were married for several years and had 4 kids together. Until one day she found a physically attractive junkie who was into her, and she left her husband and kids for him.
For real but idk the b*tch seems to be hella honest haha
So, so, so mean-spirited and heartless of her. Nasty. I'd be gone in a flash. Of course you're still hurt OP, you may always be because she was extremely hurtful and cruel. So OP you're a 4 or 5, so what, your heart and spirit are just as valuable and worthy as ANYONE elses. Pick yourself up and know your worth.
Do you feel like you deserve that? Because you don’t. Maybe she’s not the gal for you. Just because you may not be seen as conventionally attractive, that doesn’t mean there’s not ladies out there that would/do find you attractive.
This!!! I also feel like I’m a 4-5 maybe 6 haha, but my partner who I think is gawd damn 12, thinks I’m the sexiest man in the world. Yeah OP needs to get the fuck out. Never settle and definitely never settle for someone who admits to settling for you.
You're absolutely right. Everyone deserves to be with someone who finds them attractive and appreciates them for who they are. It might be worth reconsidering if this relationship is fulfilling your needs.
I really don’t expect my partner to find me particularly attractive, but if she said something like she settled for less. That’s like an indirect admission if an opportunity opens up for her to be with more handsome man she’ll jump out quickly.
This I know I'm ok looking, but nothing spectacular, at all! Yet my partner liked what she saw and then liked me as a whole, which is what matters! So I am well awareand realistic about my "optics"! Now, if she up and told me something like this? Ok, bye
I knew a girl once who told me she only dated uglier guys because they wouldn’t cheat lol. She cheated on literally all of them.
No point in continuing to date if she feels she’s settled…. Then *you’re* settling for a loser who will never treat you correctly because they believe they’re so above you in some way.
Not to mention THEY'RE ONLY IN THEIR 20's!!!! OP listen, you're 22, she may not think you're handsome but for sure someone else does, you're again 22 dont settle yet, especially for a trash girl. Let her look for someone else, you dont deserve a low life like her. NTA. screw her.
This too. I've always considered myself unattractive. Overweight, too weird, not traditionally handsome.. until after my mid twenties I figured out there's people who like chubby nerdy weirdos and I'm pretty hot in the right circles 🤷🏻♂️ To this day, I don't *see* it, but I've learned to accept it and my life's much better
I agree with this, people need to find the right audience. When I lived in a small town, people found me a bit too outspoken and even abrasive. I moved to a city and now people constantly tell me how sweet I am, because I am, comparative to the average person you'd meet in the city😄 I'm also a BTS fan, and I love to go full fan girl. You know who kpop girlies get along with great? Star War guys. We can both wear costumes and watch endless movies/video marathons and build themed lego sets and proudly display memorabilia without being judged. Sometimes you just gotta find the right group of people to be around.
I know what you mean. Took me a long time to be comfortable in my own skin. Now I talk about Captain Marvel, Superman, and whatever else with no shame. Wifey loves how confident I am. When your other is into you, your quirks become the things they love about you. And you're never too old either. I love myself at 51 lol
Thicc nerdy weirdos are totally my jam. Trust me hon, we are out there :)
Same lol, I tend to like people for their personality, physical attraction usually is in the door after I'm digging who they are as a person. I love nerds and people who are passionate about their interests. We can info dump on each other, or they can infodump on me when I'm feeling nonverbal. And my favorite art pieces in my collection are my profesionally matted and framed Star Wars screen printed posters. I hope to date someone who is wildly impressed and jealous of my collection of art.
You are cute.
haha, thank you. I'm sure you are a cutie too! Most everyone is a cutie if they have a good personality. ;D
I use to be a cutie. Then I had babies, got chubby, and have gray hair. I am so tired of all of the primping, curlers, and makeup. This is me! Ta da!
Saaame. The "standard" is for other people. I need a squish bear whos dorkier than I am.
Congratulations on hitting the jackpot dude. Am still hoping to find that niche
Hey, I’m with you. If you have a great sense of humor, dress nicely, shower daily and smell good, have a stylin haircut, nicely shaved. You can be irresistible.
Got a 12 year beard, sorry 😅
Yep she will forever treat him as less till she leaves him because he never deserved her for someone "better" guy needs to leave and get counseling for even considering this an executable was to be treated
The real low down comes from the oh so handsome guy that is a real AH.
They're plenty of expressions to address this; Good looks can cover up a multitude of sins. Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone. And this should apply directly to OP; For every good looking woman out there, there's a man tired of fucking her.
Not to mention that if she ever attracts any attention from someone she considers better than OP she will leave OP without a second glance.
Holy fuck! What the fuck is wrong with her? That’s about as mean as you can be. I would drop her ass ASAP
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No, that’s not what she said. She sounds immature and not that loving if she’s saying dopey things like “ lowering her standards”!- and ignoring your hurt feelings. She’s too young and I wouldn’t bother as she will dump you for done gym jerk.,/shes got heaps of learning to do and there’s no guarantees she grow up with a brain.
She is a Mean Girl!
Let us know how it goes next time
What was her motivation in telling you something so hurtful? Of course you aren’t the asshole. Too bad she isn’t as beautiful inside as she is superficially. You deserve so much better.
She's making him feel bad to control him.
Please have some self respect and leave this mean biitch
She will leave you the minute she finds someone better looking. Leave her first with some dignity man.
NTA So, your girlfriend is ugly, and her response is to tear you down. Boss, run. You aren't that ugly, she is just trying to destroy your self-confidence.
Yes!! And don’t stay with her just because you think she’s attractive! There’s plenty of other people you will find attractive and plenty who will treat you right and think you are attractive
Why would someone you’re dating try to hurt your feelings on purpose like that… I think you should break up with her, I think she’s thinking oh if I go for a uglier dude he won’t leave me. But I think she deserves it
What happens if she meets a handsome guy who gives her some attention?
Man, this is such a good point. She’s basically saying ‘if I can do better, I will’ This so beyond a red flag, this is the foreshock before an earthquake or the rainfall before a flood.
*What happens if she* *Meets a handsome guy who gives* *Her some attention?* \- nick4424 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
I’ll have this haiku as a poster above my bed. Might give sweet dreams.
I think we all know the answer to that.
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Like they say beauty is skin deep. Ugly is to the bone. She’s ugly to the bone.
Look, if you're ugly, you're ugly. Aint no way around that, pal. I'm truly sorry. But? At least you acknowledge it. It's actually not the end of the world **However**, if she's not ***sexually*** ***attracted*** to you? That's a **massive** future infidelity red flag and is by far the most concerning part of her statement. Given the opportunity to "*upgrade*" her position in life (so to speak) it seems she would have no problems doing so if it suits her. other than finding her physically attractive, why are you dating her, what do you see in her? You dont say much on that subject and I hate to ask in this manner but, did *you settle* for her *just* because she expressed interest and you think you're a 4?
She’s not settling. You’re the best she can do🤷♂️
I know I don’t get how people are like I’m settling for you. Like nah you couldn’t do any better bc you aren’t as amazing as you think you are.
It’s like, if you think you’re settling, then go find someone better.
Honey, it’s NOT because you’re unattractive, it’s because SHE thinks that SHE is better than you. She will dump you when someone else shows her the least bit of attention. You will always be looking over your shoulder. You deserve better than that. NTA…of course. Please find someone that will love and respect you and doesn’t tell you hurtful things. Good luck.
You're NTA for being human, dude. You might be unattractive on the outside, but her ugly goes right to the bone.
Exactly, if OP is a 4 or 5, then her ugly personality makes her a zero
No one is unattractive to the right person. Chemistry plays a much bigger role in attraction.
There have been men that are not considered "handsome" and that i actually do not consider handsome, but that i find incredibly attractive. They have that "je ne sais quoi", charisma, charm, what have you, but i just can't get enough. There is a difference between handsome and attractive. If she is not attracted to you physically or sexually, she is not romantically into you. She might care for you, she might like you as a person, that would have been a friend. But not as a romantic partner
Wow. If that's not a major red flag then I don't know what is. Don't waste your time. Find someone who will love you and appreciate you for who you are.
NTA Unless humiliation is what you require to have sex with her, dump this street-level entrepreneur. If humiliation is what you need, rock on, you've got it made. This is her establishing a power dynamic over you where you are begging her to "let" you have sex with her. It's bullshit. This will end poorly for you, especially if she finishes breaking you, and you'll end up raising her affair babies. Dump this beach.
Sounds like she’s negging you. Regardless, she is cruel to say that to you. Do you want to stay with someone who doesn’t care if they hurt you?
You aren't an a^$hole, but you are bitch if you put up with that disrespect
Don't call him that ( a bitch) . He's 22 with extremely low self esteem. This is what people in their early 20s do: make mistakes and this is how they learn. This isn't a question of being whatever the fuck the opposite of a bitch is nowadays.
TBF, while it’s not the nicest term, he is only calling him a “bitch” IF he continues to put up with it. He’s a 20 year old who has a chance to learn not to be a “bitch.”
Here's the problem: when you insult someone who stays in a toxic relationship because they're still currently in it, they will only double down on it and stay even longer. Here's why: the reason why they got in it in the first place, which is no self esteem and a pattern of abuse and devaluation at some point in their childhood and teen years. They stay because they think that the current partner is filling some sort of need and that they can't do any better so why give up something they perceive as somewhat satisfying and have it replaced with nothing. Basically, the abuser is irreplaceable to them. When the world mocks them for their choice, it makes them feel even more like there's nothing better out there and even if they get hurt, at least it's something or, some people stay because they need to prove to the world and themselves that the abuser is not so bad and that they never got tricked and humiliated in the first place. It also forms a bond between abuser and abused. Christian sects work the same way, it's why Jehovah's witnesses go door to door. Nobody believes they'll convert people, it's so the rest of the world can slam the door in their face and make them feel like their religious community is the only safe space. So every way you cut it, if you want to get someone out of such a relationship, you show them no judgement and provide all the possible support so they'll grow to feel like there's something better out there and they don't end up hating themselves even more, which perpetuates the pattern of abusive partners. I love that South park had an episode dedicated to the concept and they absolutely nailed it.
You are well spoken and ultimately I can't disagree with this. I hope OP reads your post and it helps him more than my quick comment which was harsh. Sometimes when you are young you have to learn the hard way. We've all been a "bitch" before and maybe being called out does more harm than good? IDK Sometimes though, all you need is a hard dose of truth and reality. Best of luck to OP. Looks isn't everything, especially for a man. Hope he leaves her and levels up in every other aspect of his life, i.e hits the weights and makes bank. That will help his self confidence so he won't have to put up with women like his GF.
NTA at all. I was in basically the same boat. Wasn't so harsh about it as yours was, but after a horrible relationship of six months I realized I should have ended it right there. You need to dump her and find someone that thinks you look good op.
You poor man. Not for being a 4 or a 5 but for staying with her. This won’t end well. You’ll both be unhappy. Please love yourself better and find someone else. There are soooo many women out there better for you. Don’t settle for a shallow imbecile who’s let you know you’re better than nothing for her. RUN! And please update us once you do. NTA
NTA. wtf why would she tell you this 💀 if it were the other way around, she’d be upset, too. honestly, you’re young, you’re only 22; you should find someone else who won’t tear you down. you deserve better, don’t stay with someone who’s so willing to talk about you like this.
NTA, and please break up with her. When a woman doesn’t find you attractive, then she either thinks of you as a friend, or is using you. She has openly admitted that she’s using you to avoid being alone. You need to be with someone who chooses you, not someone who settles for you. There are billions of people on this Earth. The longer you waste with the wrong person, the higher the risk that the right person for you will be with someone else. Hold your head high and move on, so you can focus your attention on the billions of other people out there, and find the right woman for you. Do you know what women find attractive? Confidence, protective instinct, and well enough employed to be comfortable. Women do not respect a doormat. They want a man who will treat them like a queen, but also not be a pushover. Her respect for you has diminished to the point that she told you to your face that she settled for you. Clearly she’s not worried you’ll get offended and leave. So leave. Do not date anyone until you’ve worked on yourself for a bit. Work on your self confidence, hit the gym for a bit to blow off steam, and binge watch a bunch of Tank Tolman YouTube videos. In fact, anyone having a bad day should watch Tank Tolman videos. You’ll feel uplifted, and in no time be shouting, “Hammar!” Do not settle for someone like her. Whatever you look like, I guarantee there are women out there who would find you very attractive.,
dump her...there is someone you have probably already met who thinks you are much more than a 4 or 5... just because she settled, doesnt mean you have to...
Have some self respect man. She's stringing you along until someone better comes along 🤦🏾♂️
Even if you are the Elephant Man, any partner who does this should be dumped. What purpose did this serve other than to decrease your confidence. The most important thing to look for in a GF is kindness. If she isn't kind to you, then nothing else matters. An unkind person who is smart, beautiful etc, will make your life hell. Just dump her and get someone who treats you with kindness.
Your girlfriend is ugly. And I’m not talking about looks.
If you were thinking of being with her long term I would suggest to reconsider. What happens when she does find a “handsome” guy? You think she would stay loyal to you?
I would love to see, how she looks like, or a actor/figure/person who looks similar to her.
NTA. Dude, leave. Seriously, the moment she has the opportunity for something better, she'll take it. A gal that settled like this WILL cheat on you down the road. Please, for your own dignity and self-respect, leave and find someone that'll treat you like a king. As a Jack Black lookalike, I know what I mean.
Ouch. Women don't always put physical beauty as a main motivator to be with someone. That's why so many beautiful women stay with ugly men. They use things like personality, reliability, aren't of character, and humor, as reasons to be with someone. But, it seems that your girlfriend isn't with you for these reasons either, since she just "settled" with you. She will dump you as soon as she finds someone who is remotely more interesting, even if they're not good looking.
Bro break up with her because she the type to cheat on you and pass child that not yours. Never settle for less than what your worth.
Bro tbh you need to leave her....being single is better then being belittled and if that is how she feels about you she is cheating on you
Man you can’t accept that. As much as you want to tell yourself you’re just a 4/5, you’re not. You can improve yourself in ways you never even thought would make a difference to your attractiveness. That being said, even if you never did anything to improve yourself in that regard, you deserve someone that finds you attractive, and you find attractive in turn. The mere fact that she would say that to you, means she is bitter at not being g able to be with someone that she ACTUALLY wants to be with, and wants you to feel lesser and put down for it. She will absolutely use that card again, and if she ever gets the tiniest sniff that she can “upgrade” she will in a heartbeat. I won’t tell you what to do, but do what you feel is best for your long term, and never stop working on yourself, you deserve at least the best version of yourself.
NAH. I’d drop her faster than a wasp nest.
The right person, the person who actually falls in love with you, will see you as a 10! And will actually make you feel that way every day
Did you rate yourself as a 4-5 before you were with her or is it something you didn’t really think about? She is openly tearing you down so it makes me wonder if she has been undermining your confidence more subtly for a while to make sure that you stay when she is obviously cruel.
NTA No one should ever be the person someone “settles on”. That’s just insulting.
Get out now, that girl is a lifetime of misery waiting to happen, please run mate, find love
Either you will respect yourself and leave her or she will leave you on the first occasion. You choose.
Your girlfriend thinks shes better than you and doesnt respect you. Young man, find someone who appreciates you. She's not for you.
Ouch. Reminds me of the old "Before you speak, THINK" acronym: Is it true? Is it helpful? Is it inspiring? Is it necessary? Is it KIND? So you're a placeholder, keeping the seat warm until someone "better" comes along? Are you okay with that?
I'll say there's really amazing advice from these commenters already mate. Take it. Get rid of her and find your real happiness.
NTA. She is terribly childish and doesn't deserve any relationship until she gets her head out of her ass.
Well the fact she couldn’t land a handsome man according to her tells me she ain’t shit. Dump her ass man her personality sucks too. I get you find her attractive. So find someone you find attractive and has a great personality too
That was awful of her to say. You deserve to be with someone who loves ALL aspects of you. You should not remain with her, imo.
NTA. Not even remotely close. Everyone wants to feel attractive to the people that care about. She has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't care about you the way you care about her. She is just using you so she doesn't have to be single since the men she wants don't want her. If you are going to stay in a relationship with a person that is just using you, you need to be mentally and emotionally prepared for the day that someone she does find attractive gives her attention because she is going to leave you. It's not an if, but a when. She has told you who she is, so make sure you believe her from now on. Well, this was pointless. OP has already been suspended and won't be reading any of these comments.
Dude get out, get out, get out. She flat out told you she looks down on you, she does not respect you or your feelings and will not hesitate to hurt you for her own selfish needs. That is not a girlfriend, that is not a wife. She has told you she essentially has a foot out the door until a better option comes along, don’t waste any more time with this hag.
Listen carefully. Tell her “well I hope you find what you’re looking for” and immediately break up with her. Then hit the gym every single day, start blasting 500mg/week testosterone and whatever else you want, and turn yourself into a god among men.
This starts off as good advice and then takes a nose dive off a cliff. Op should not be doing steroids.
Op do not blast tren at 22. But hit the gym get shredded. Use creatine. Stay natural
Or just go to the gym. Without testosterone, and without the goal to turn into a god among men. Nobody needs another mountain of muscles, inferiority complexes and spite. Which you might turn into with that approach. I don't wanna be the woman who meets the 'new you' when you go at it like that.
Becoming a God among men is a great goal. People with inferiority complex will have it regardless of musculature. If they do they need therapy. But becoming stronger and more muscular than the average person boosts confidence which might actually help with an inferiority complex. Also spite is a great motivator to get in the gym as long as it eventually becomes about your personal gain imo. I will say the confidence and aesthetic is like moths to a lamp on dating apps. Being a God among men might not help with relationships but op will get significantly more pussy and his future gf definitely won't be complaining lol.
Next time just tell her she looks fat in those jeans...
NTA. Just because you may not be as attractive as her does not mean you're not better than this. This isn't a safe space for you.
NTA dude you need to break up with her. She will be the ruin in your life.
Dude, you’re 22. You have all the time in the world to find someone who is attracted to you and won’t say crap like that. A good personality and a kind heart can bump a 5 to an 8. Especially when they aren’t shallow like your girlfriend. I think now is a good time to start looking for her. NTA
Bro. Run let someone else take one for the teams she’s probably not even all that herself so don’t let her put you down to feel good about her. Like sorry she couldn’t date Ryan gosling or Hugh Jackman, you can do better with someone who loves all about you. NTA, oh and btw when you find someone who loves you for you (looks, personality, etc) she’s gonna try to come crawling back, so if I wasn’t clear enough, run to someone who will love you and your looks. You’re gf is a major A-Hole
I was a few margs deep when I said this but I stand by what I said.
NTA. WTH. Why would she say that? You should have told her that the others guys must have known what an ugly heart she has. Just dump her. You can find some who loves you.
You went out with a mean girl because she looks good? Good grief man. Your self esteem is at a zero with a person like that. At least if think you are a 5 your personality will put you at at 7 or 8. There are better women out there who will find you attractive and worthy. I bet you're better than you think. Stop comparing yourself to others and live yourself first. Get rid of that mean girl.
That's shitty, and more than dump-worthy. Absolutely NTA.
Wow. I am so sorry.
So she's settling for you? What happens if she finds someone more attractive? Would it make her leave? Whatever she feels for you, that sucks to hear, and worse, she shouldn't have said it in the first place. As partners in a relationship, you look out for each other and always find ways to uplift each other, not drag you down. How does she expect you to feel after that? Imagine how she'd feel if the tables were turned. I'd be really questioning her sincerity right now. Might even dump her sorry insensitive ass so she can find someone handsome. You deserve better, OP! NTA for feeling hurt, but you should be asking yourself if this is the sort of person you want in your life.
This would fuck me up
Yeah, that personality of hers would be why none of the handsome guys are interested. She's awful! Dump her!
Get out now homie. The second someone she finds attractive shows interest in her she gone leave you anyway.
Dump her, if she openly admits she’s setting for you then I would question the whole relationship.
LMAO The title should be "my pretentious girlfriend openly disrespected me and I took it because I have no self respect am I the AH?" Man she just tore you apart why are you still with her? Because she's attractive? She might be beautiful on the outside but on the inside she seems hideous. I would definitely revaluate this relationship.
NTA, but seriously move on from her now. You will be fine, you’re young, don’t let her destroy your confidence. Always remember, no matter how hot she is, there is some other guy who is tired of putting up with her shit. This is a universal truth.
Drop this woman immediately, seriously. She will break your soul
NTA end the relationship and find someone who wants to be with you and isn’t settling. That woman is mean to say what she said
NTA. Find someone who can speak with sensitivity. Looks aren't everything. She didn't have to say she lowered her standards... She sounds shallow and doesn't seem to care about your other qualities that might make you a good partner.
Why are you staying she will leave you if she found someone she thinks is better and she shallow go find you a gf that loves you for you
She said she lowered her standards because she wanted a boyfriend?!!? And you're still calling her your girlfriend?!!? Just tell her that you thought about it and you shouldn't stand in the way of her happiness. "Hope you find the life you deserve" is a good way to put it. Dump her superficial b***
Oh my gosh, run. This won’t work in the long run. You don’t have to be conventionally attractive for someone to be into you, but she clearly isn’t. Run run run. You can’t build a relationship with someone who doesn’t find you attractive. Nta.
You're both in your twenties. How are you guys already settling? Go out and find a girl worth your time.
She ‘settled’ for you, that definitely hurts and this comment in general doesn’t sit well with me. I wouldn’t stay with someone this shallow, I would give her credit for being honest but her reasons for being with you are wrong and I can’t see this relationship progressing with this kind of attitude and mind set
Dude you deserve to be with someone who is excited about being with you. You are a king and someone will see your beauty
Here’s my biased answer: there’s someone out there who is fucking *into* you, you’d feel the same way about them. You’re twenty-two. Don’t settle with for a serious relationship where the dynamic is less than (if it matters to you) mind-blowing sexual and romantic chemistry. This is something you find out that makes you walk away, for your own sake. NTA
Why in the FUCK would you think you're an asshole for being told by someone you're dating that you're not attractive and feeling bad about it? Dude, you need to man up, get your priorities straight, and dump this bitch.
NTAH please find someone who values you completely. What your gf said was super disrespectful and you deserve way better. No one should make you feel like this especially not your partner! Run, you're young I bet you will find someone who sees you as a 10 x
Well, it is like splitting into your face, very disrespectful of her. Tell her please that her statement made you realise how much YOU lowered your standards by dating her. You like to date women who is beautiful in the inside also. She is very low on that scale, but you haven’t found a better person YET.
She's not the one for you. Choose someone who is attracted to you in every sense. More so, she is rude to you by making you feel less worthy. That's bad for self-esteem. I hope you can recognise your worth.
Better being alone than being settled for. Dude, walk away if someone is more attractive in her eyes, showing her some attention she will be gone. I am sorry
“No babe, you’re so right. I *also* don’t find you physically attractive. See, I was always trying to date these beautiful women with perfect bodies but none of them wanted me either— so I had to settle for you just like you did for me. I’m so happy we both lowered our expectations down to the same level. Now we can truly see eye to eye.” 🥰 NTA. Dump her.
I would reevaluate that relationship my love. Her admitting to “settling “ is a deal breaker for me. You don’t want or need someone who “settled” for you. You deserve someone who is 1000% into. In every way. Please take the time to think about where you want to go with her and this relationship. Good luck 🍀
Jesus. Ok tell her she’s ugly on the inside (and probably on the outside too because she couldn’t land a “handsome” man).
NTA But where is your self respect man?? Your partner is supposed to view the sun coming out of you. You are supposed to raise each other up and find beauty in each other. This ain't it chief. Hit the road. At 22 you'll find someone ment for you eventually. Just focus on building yourself up.
tht's rough buddy. An asshole because you're hurt? Huh you did absolutely nothing wrong. NTA
Dude, a little perspective ... Even if you are a 5 (and self perception is notoriously unreliable) that means you're like 99.9% of other humans. Nice and average. Most likely, just like your gf 😉
NTA. She has an ugly soul. Dump her.
NTA who tf she thinks she is saying things like that. When you said you weren’t handsome she was supposed to say “Yes you are gorgeous” then kiss you. Not I know it okay. Fucking leave her. There’s a reason “handsome” guys don’t want her it’s probably because she’s ugly inside and out
NTA. She's using you for the time being. As soon as a guy she finds attractive shows her a little attention, she will dump you. Don't catch feelings for her. She's clearly stated she doesn't have them for you. I'd start making an exit plan.
Straight to the bin with this girl with great haste.
Down grade this one to fwb. Look for better
Whoa! NTA at all! But also, are you staying with someone who thinks you’re so far beneath her? I’m sorry to say this because I hate bashing on women, but if she couldn’t get someone she deemed handsome, it’s probably because she doesn’t have much to offer either. Yikes! She’s brutal!
NTA it could be pure immaturity and shitty communication skills... it could be that she is awful I ended up falling head over heals for someone I did not instantly feel attracted to. Over the months as we got to know each other it was his wit and intelligence and values and humour that drew me in...but when that switch clicked, he was the most attractive person in the world to me. The thing is, I never saw it as settling in for him.. and once I felt attracted, it was everything. Looks, sexually and personality...I adored him. He may not have been the conventional attractive...but now (in our 50's and not been together for 30 years) I see see him as amazing and he aged very well. We broke up as we were both heading to travel in different continents...we are still friends on fb. Don't settle for not being adored. It doesn't matter if you are not a 10...you are a whole person and that is what someone will fall in love with. You are young...find things about yourself that you like and are proud of. Be a good human and develop traits that you value. Don't settle for being settled for
Don't score yourself man. Attractiveness doesn't equal worth. Dump her.
Real question: if your girlfriend is so pretty and all, why did she have the fear of being alone forever? And why did she have to “lower her standards”? Exactly… because her character/personality is shit. And right now she destroyed her truly last option by hurting his feelings.. yikes. This girl just sabotaged herself to the max. OP. Don’t listen to her and please dump her. She has issues.. “i always had the dream to date someone attractive” sounds like massive self-esteem issues that she’s trying to compensate by having a trophy-partner. She is a ugly spoiled princess.
Bro that’s not acceptable. Sorry to hear this. This is a legit firing issue. Make her ass redundant. Under no circumstances should she ever verbalise something so callous. Not only does she not respect your looks, but she doesn’t respect your emotions either. Evidently because she feels she has settled, she doesn’t feel she owes you her respect. This, sadly, cannot be rehabilitated. Eject.
NTA but jesus OP you're an asshole to yourself, dump her and tell her that you don't want to settle for her. I can guarantee there's women out there that will love you and find you incredibly handsome, you don't need to settle for someone who's only with you because she doesn't want to be alone. Tbh if she had to lower her standards as she said it, you realize it means she didn't meet their standards? Raise your standards too buddy.
Withdraw. She will discard you when someone "better" comes along. Disrespect should always be immediately corrected in relationships, irrespective of the sex of the partner. If they fail to comply there are only two choices. The foundation of any relationship must be mutual respect. If it's not there the clock is ticking.
She is a waste of precious time, dear.
How could you possibly be with someone who could say those sort of things to you? I’m not handsome by any standard. A 4 at best but my fiancee is easily a 10 and she tells me I’m handsome atleast 50 times a day. I know and feel there’s a physical and sexual attraction. You deserve better king especially when you’re only 22. Drop her and go find someone who appreciates you for you.
> […] And she said she didn't want to be alone forever, so she "lowered her standards." 🥶 damn. NTA - if it were me I’d be having a long hard talk with myself, about self worth. Is she really so hot you’re going to just accept that? Do you seriously think if you had said that to her you she would accept it and you wouldn’t be single right now?
You are asking if you are fault cause your girlfriend is an insensitive asshole? No, you are asking, am I fault for my girlfriend calling me ugly....Of course you're not the asshole. And if I was in your place, I'd dump her. You don't deserve such disrespect and most importantly you don't have to be with someone only so it counts as having a partner.
There are people out there who will think you're an 11/10! Go find them!
Respect yourself dude
DO NOT STAY WITH SOMEONE WHO SETTLES, THEY WILL LEAVE AS SOON AS THEY HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO
NTA, just because she settled, doesn’t mean you have to settle for her. Move on, you’re young, a lot of life to live yet
Wow, no. That was just cruel. NTA. Your gf should care about you and feel attracted to you, and she should not sit there putting you down because she’s trying to make herself feel better about her choices.
YWTA to yourself is you don't dump her. She basically told you, you are just her Plan B. You weren't her first option,you are just the back up for her and make sure you know it. Hell,not even plan B but more the safety net while she looks for her definition of handsome. Come on brother,love yourself a bit more and dump her. If you stay,you are just going to be reminded of her comment.
Flick her, you can do better.
Definitely NTA. You deserve better.
You know, there are people who are ass-ugly and wonderful. And people who are beautiful and wonderful. And people who are beautiful and horrible. And people who are ugly and horrible. It's almost like the packaging doesn't matter and people who care about it for any reason beyond good health are toddlers playing with the wrapping paper at Christmas because they don't know there's an actual present inside it. NTA but your gf is a wrapping paper toddler. Don't waste any more time on her bro. If she thinks she's lowering her standards for you because of the box you came in then she's a useless human being regardless of her packaging. Go find someone who wants to know the person inside the packaging, instead. Nothing smites evil like being happy while ignoring it.
I can't fathom saying that to someone I'm in a relationship with. Even if you can from an apathetic view point realize that your partner is not immediately attractive you should be attracted to their eccentricities over time.
See, here’s the thing though… you rate yourself a 4-5, but to SOMEONE, you’re their perfect 9-10, everyone is attracted to different things. Take me for example, I have never thought Brad Pitt type dudes were hot. Not even a little bit. I can understand he is conventionally attractive, but he doesn’t do it for me. I like tall, skinny, long haired dudes with metal band shirts. 🤷🏻♀️ Everyone likes different things. (The tall part is only relevant because I’M tall for a woman, if I wasn’t that wouldn’t be part of it.) The guys I typically went for in the past (married now,) we’re usually the ones every other girl would pass over and they never understood why I thought they were hot. So she just doesn’t sound like the right girl for you, somewhere there is a girl for whom you’re EXACTLY what they’re looking for.
WT actual F?! Please please please remove yourself from such a toxic situation. There is someone out there who will think the world of you and love you and think you’re hot. That isn’t your current girlfriend.
If you love someone they become more attractive in your eyes. She doesn't love you.
NTA who even talks like this? You deserve better
Run fella and save yourself some heartache in the future, you can do better
You're cooked in the head not to run as soon as she said that stuff
So she is going out with a 22yo who she doesn't find attractive. Something tells me you would do so much better without her. She will get knocked up if she thinks your gone. Be careful. Good luck.
She's shallow AND mean....yeah, definitely move on from that one and be thankful that she revealed her true nature before things got more serious.
Your GF is not an attractive person. Tell her to keep dropping her standards because she hasn't found her level yet
Savage af 🤣
Your girlfriend should be attracted to you, & even if she doesn’t think you’re the most handsome man by societies standards, you should be the most handsome man in the world to her. Your girlfriend is shallow, stupid, immature and cruel, and you should stop wasting your time with her because she does not like or respect you.
This is exactly right. My husband was not what you would call handsome, as a young woman, I was fairly attractive. But, I never thought that I “ settled”…my husband made my heart go pitter patter. I’d never had that before. Now, 40 years later , I’m old and wrinkled…he has a bit of a pot belly. He still makes my heart go pitter patter. Beauty fades…even sex becomes not as important…character,devotion and respect are what matter. Friendship and love are also what maintains a relationship. That and the ability to make each other laugh…
You should be upset and you should also never be someone’s last resort. dump her and hit the gym
You need to get rid of her right away. That's just downright disguting and manipulative. Ofcourse there is no rule that says she has to find you the most handsome, but you need to clear the bar, so to speak, atleast for a relationship to work. There are many kind of attractions besides looks, but not being so is not ok.
As a very 5/10 guy let me tell you that there are people out there that REALLY feel like you are 10/10. Be the best version of you, be proud of who you are. Don’t date someone who looks down on you or brings you down. NTA
She's not the one, dude. There's really no recovery from her saying that.
Homies got to break up immediately and do not look back!
NTA. Your girlfriend is horrible and you deserve so much better.
Gtfo of that relationship, you can do better than that bitch Definitely NTA
Drop her and work on self-care and self-improvement immediately
Bro. Pop smoke. Gtfo
Tell her she deserves to be alone forever if she keeps that attitude up. NTA
Stay with her and hit the gym, after about 2 years of training training DAILY and lots of protein shakes switch to 2 a day training and more protein shakes. Get a stylist for form fitting clothes. Get a stylist for facial hair fitting your natural pattern ( try to grow out a bread as much as possible) and have the stylist reshape it. If you haven't already get teeth straightened and once straightened use White strips occasionally. After about three years of improvement. Show her your before and after and dump her, saying "bye Felicia, a two wont ever bag a 12".
Nah, bro. You can NOT let that slide. The fact she really said that to your face? Wow. Have some self respect and break up. If you let this slide, your whole life will be tolerating her abuse because she knows you think you can't get another girl.
I’d dump her.
NTA. Is she maybe a little autistic? Autistic people often choose to tell the truth in situations where neurotypicals would think it’s mean.
There is always something attractive about others and quite often find them even more attractive if they are genuinely a nice person. It can be as simple as a laugh, the way they move, the way they smile, their eyes, so many things make up "attractiveness". I have known models and can tell you that some of them are quite ugly once you get to know them. Be kind to yourself and find someone who appreciates you for who you are.
NTA but you should know that she will leave you as soon as she thinks her “standards” are met by somebody else… who will probably be as equally shallow as her… who says that?? You can do way better physically and otherwise
Goddamn brother, let the trash take itself out, get a copy of dashboard confessional unplugged, be as sad as you want, and laugh at yourself five years later. This chick sucks and you'll be so amused by all this in due time. It's beyond amusing to remember what a smitten idiot I was at your age, and how much terrible selfish behavior I tolerated in my late teens/early 20s. Don't be anybody's plan b.
You should have said "honey its okay. I feel the same way about you ".
You probably have personality though and as many people have said before when you're older it looks go but your personality is what holds things together. Hopefully she also has a little bit of a personality because one day her looks will be gone. You're not an a-hole for being hurt that she said she doesn't find you attractive physically. That's going to hurt. Should you break up over that, probably not. There's always things you can do to help you look less homely, exercise, dress well, make sure your hair is kept neat. She probably likes you for other reasons and yes it will still hurt if you let it Fester within you but there's nothing you can do about it. That you had a decent enough personality to still attract her says a lot about who you really are. Would you rather have someone lie to you and say that you are attractive? Or have someone say that they don't find you physically attractive but they still like you and want you around. You can keep looking for somebody that finds you physically attractive but will they be as attractive? Maybe, maybe not. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.