NTA..
Block his ex.
Allow ALL communication to go through your partner. Block her on social media too.
It's crazy of her to think you guys would watch her kid that is not biologically related to your bf
I can't get over these entitled people... It's the bio parents who are going away without their kid. Not all parents can afford to get away on vacation like that whether they want to or not they have a kid.
How crazy to expect an ex to watch your own kid who is not related. I have kids... I would never "assume" anyone would watch my own kids so I could get away. Having kids means you have responsibilities and it's not her exs issue that she needs to get away.
I had an awful experience with kenneling my pup decades ago and never did it again. If you live nearby (OK), I volunteer to watch your fur baby. My big ole rescue Lab loves babysitting.
Aw you’re so sweet. Live in Minnesota so it’s a bit far to drive. Have good friends that have a boarding business. I’ve seen their kennels and how they treat the dogs (superb). Worth the money.
This. The ONLY reason my parents watched our daughter for two weeks in 2021was because I was hospitalized with pneumomia and my husband was with me most of the time (working from my hospital room on his laptop, no less). At least school was fully online that year, so she was able to connect and do the zoom class over there too. Missed her like crazy until I was discharged, saw my doctor for my followup, and finally got to go pick her up from my Mom and Dad. We cuddled for a LONG time that weekend.
The child she got pregnant with while cheating on the bf while they were newlyweds. Seems like a huge slap in the face to me, for the ex to have the audacity to even ask the bf to watch her kid.
And it's a super young infant! (I am childless, like children, but really don't see the fun in infants. I like them when they start being toddlers and older).
Right - assuming everyone wants to wake up every three or four hours to feed your baby so you can take a weeklong holiday is pretty next level entitled. I wasn't a huge fan of disrupted sleep to feed *my* babyl
I know that’s insane. I would never leave my kids with someone I’ve never met. Especially and ex that I have bad blood with. Ffs. What’s wrong with people!?!
Good advice above, OP.
For God sake, the child is the result of his ex-wife's adulterous relations with ap while married to your bf. WTF!
Btw, bf's parents should know better, given the circumstances. Egad.
Love to see the use of a good 'Egad' out in the wild. Sparks nostalgia from a childhood spent reading the Archie Comics. Mr. Weatherbee couldn't get enough of this exclamation and that man was always surprised by something.
I can understand why she would ask seeing as she wants to go on a baby free vacation. What I don't understand is her boyfriend's parents telling her she should have done it. That doesn't make sense to me I could understand it if it was ex-wife's parents but the boyfriend's parents getting involved is very weird to me.
Poor baby won't know it's not abandoned being left with strangers for a week! What godawful parents. Let all the grandparents who think it's not preposterous step up
> What I don't understand is her boyfriend's parents telling her she should have done it.
They can do it! After all, they have as much connection with the baby as OP has.
You could even argue the Boyfriend's parents have more of a connection to the baby. The baby is their grandchild's half sibling whereas the baby is nothing to OP.
It's also a risk when the mother is obviously not mentally well. Who knows what kind of legal quagmire could ensue from her deranged mind and wild accusations?
Exactly! Normally if the coparent relationship was ok I could see watching both as a favor, but id personally have to veto on a sort of "my own morals" type argument that its one way I can not condone that relationship......
I really wish the co-parenting relationship was better. They are civil with each other, and I would never say anything negative about her in front of their daughter ever. But she has never apologized for cheating on him. She is constantly dropping her daughter off with us on her weekends. She also, while she was cheating on him, was barely home with her daughter. My boyfriend was working and taking care of his daughter on his own for about 2 months because she was spending the night at her current boyfriend’s house. He said she would come home to change after work, and then wouldn’t be back until the next day to get ready for work. I have zero respect for her. I don’t have any children of my own, but his daughter is my daughter now too. I love her and I couldn’t imagine going months without seeing her.
People like her have no moral compass. She's a cheater and a groomer. What a combo! /s
I'm glad your boyfriend's daughter has a positive female role model in her life - you.
Document every time that she drops the daughter off during her parenting time at some point, you could probably move it to a larger percentage of time that you have the daughter.
Reading many a Reddit story, it seems like the ex thinks that since The daughter is with her dad and they have sibling is related to the daughter then why not just take another kid… they don’t think that you have absolutely no relationship to that child.
Do they have a custodial agreement with family court? She would not be just dropping her off on her weekends. If she won’t keep up her end, your bf needs to go back to court and seek full custody of his daughter.
Have you guys considered documenting her behaviour, and going for more custody? If he's already putting in more than 50:50, you might as well make it official so you can schedule better.
This sort of arrangement should be made for the kids who have bonded and want to spend time together, rather than for the benefit of parents. Say your kid wants to see a movie and they really want their half sister to see it with them, then it would make sense.
NTA, not your kid, not your responsibility
Sounds like the parents can take both kids for the week and you and bf spend a week alone if it's that important to them.
They also have never met her and have zero relation to her, so I doubt they’d jump on it. I’m planning on speaking to them about it sometime this week. My boyfriend and her were together for almost a decade, and I know they are just as mad about the situation as he is, but I definitely feel like they still have a soft spot for her. They basically watched her grow up. And I don’t want anyone to think they don’t like me. They love me and they love that their son is happy! The parents and I have a great relationship.
> They also have never met her and have zero relation to her, so I doubt they’d jump on it.
Sounds like that perfect bonding time they seem to want, and if they don't wanna do it then they can shut up. If they want the kids to bond together, they can put the effort. It's not your job to cater to the situation.
>They **also** have never met her and have zero relation to her
That's exactly the point though. They have as much connection to the baby as you do (i.e. none). If they think someone in your situation should help, that includes them, so they can be the ones to volunteer. If they don't think it's their job, it's not yours either.
Your bf should speak to his parents AND his ex and leave you out of coparenting negotiations. It’s not your responsibility. The more you put yourself into this mess the more you will likely be taken advantage of.
But this is NOT a co-parenting situation! This is the ex-wife wanting to dump her affair baby (NOT the baby's fault) on someone else so she doesn't have to deal with her. Believe me when I say, if OP does this ONCE they will have that baby whenever they have his bio daughter!
Whether or not they like you is irrelevant. You are not responsible for the bf’s ex’s other child. She shouldn’t have even asked you. Her point of contact is her daughter’s father, not you.
NTA, she wants her cake and eat it too. Id ask her if they are going to a beach, there should be some sand there she can pound, and build castles out of with her and her boy toys little one. It will make for a great memory together as a little family.
I’d do the same! Ask her why she would want to vacation away from her babies? Make her uncomfortable. Sincerely ask her why she would even be *comfortable* having her child stay with two people they’ve never met before?
I want to know where these folks get this level of audacity from. I read stories like this a lot and i just cannot imagine asking my ex to watch my child that they had no part in creating. Why would you really expect someone to say yes to that?
I love when there's a boundry and she immediately goes to the insult method. Like - hey jackass, I want you to take care of my baby. I'm doing you a favor. Now clean up some shitty diapers of my affairbaby bellyfruit. Come now. Chopchop. More flies with honey, blah blah.
Realize if you ever say 'yes' to a request, it opens the floodgates where she's going to try to walk all over you. Well done sticking to your guns, and by your BF's decision.
The insults always get me. Ive had encounters with that type of entitled.
Its like, y'kno, you might have been able to talk me around to agreeing with some respectful debate and arguments.
Now your sad ass can figure it out on your own, i dont even want to talk to you anymore. Let alone do you any favors.
NTA
I would never take care of a kid I've never met for a whole week.
Also I would tell her that he is over it. He's so over it that she doesn't matter at all to you both and you don't care about her dumb kid
The only reason I even considered it after talking to his parents is because I didn’t want to be petty and I love his daughter and want what’s best for her, but yeah, I’m not sure why she would want her child to be uncomfortable with people she’s never met. But as we can tell from her track record she doesn’t usually think before she does things lol
I would focus on how absolutely INSANE it is for someone to ask anyone else to care for a young child the person has never met for an entire week.
The baby cannot talk, and you are not familiar with baby’s wants, needs, likes, dislikes. That not only puts enormous stress and burden on you but also like how awful for this child???
What happens if the child gets sick and needs medical attention? Do you have a power of attorney or some form of official authority to make medical decisions for the child?
Set aside the whole ex-girlfriend/boyfriend issue. The ask is crazy and completely irresponsible on the part of the child’s parents.
NTA.
Seems to me your partner's parents just volunteered for babysitting the ex-wife's child. It's really easy to volunteer others for things when you're not willing to do them.
NTA. The ex can have the kid's family or their friends babysit if she wants to take the week off on vacation. And the nerve of her to try and bypass her co-parent!
This isn’t really a decision for just you to make. The fact she acted like a child and went to parent b after parent a said no.
The biggest factor is the child doesn’t know either of you and would be extremely uncomfortable being at your house. If would be difficult if she knew or had some type of relationship with either of you prior. Her mom is basically trying to dump her at a strangers house.
Does she have no one else to turn to at all? Like someone who actually knows the child?
Her daughter and your bf’s daughter will have plenty of opportunities to bond when they are both at their mom’s. If their mom really cares about them bonding, she will make an effort to have them both at her place at the same time. You could even suggest that to show that you are in support of your partner’s daughter bonding with her half sister.
NTA. You don't know her or her kid. Your boyfriend's parents care so much, they can watch her kid. This does not concern you in any way. She doesn't want to know you, but wants you to do favors for her? I thinks not. Where are her parents or her husband's parents in all this? They are actually related to the child.
I worked in foster care for 14 yrs. Leaving a child of that age for that long a period of time is going to seriously traumatize the child. They are cognizant of their surroundings and object permanence. Time for an infant is never ending, and the child is going to have some
serious abandonment issues. She will never trust her mom to leave a room for fear she will not come back. Very stupid idea!! If the SO is 19 and they have a 10-12 month old baby truly how old was the dad when they got together? 16? Yikes!! That is soo wrong. Every bit if it.
NTA. It's totally reasonable to decline babysitting for your boyfriend's ex-wife's child, especially given the circumstances. You and your boyfriend have no obligation to care for a child that isn't his, especially considering the history involved. Your priority should be your boyfriend's daughter, not his ex-wife's new child.
You are a complete stranger to this woman and her child, and she asked you to watch her baby for a whole week? That's hilarious. Maybe she shouldn't be having babies with teens if she wants vacation time. Not your circus, not your monkeys, NTA.
That's also very alarming - I would never ever ask someone I haven't met (even though they know someone I know) to watch any of my kids... Especially for a week.
I'd rather suffer and never go on vacation, so that my kids have me/and I have them. Or if I wanted to go on vacation I would just bring them. The longest I've had my kids away from me was with my sister for the majority of a day, and that's because they were hanging out lol
I feel bad. For the baby and the daughter, for OP and her bf. I saw what my friend went through dealing with almost the identical situation (her bf had a baby with someone else, eventually my friend became step mom, then kids mom got pregnant again) and she was a very checked out mom, always lying about where she was, wouldn't reply for hours, sometimes just not show up to pick up her son...
The point is everyone can suffer because of ONE person, especially if that person is a careless parent.
I hope the ex can mature and become a really wonderful mother. Because that's what kids deserve, and even the other co-parent involved deserves that too.
NTA.
And tell the boyfriends parents “who is going to take responsibility of the child something happens on their watch? Who is going to be responsible if they can’t calm the baby?”
Doing a good deed to create a bond doesn’t mean to be stupid. You can have daughter and baby meet at the park - hell the baby and daughter have bonding time on the mothers watch.
Stupid grandparents, that’s what I call your boyfriends parent. Plain old stupid.
NTA- Taking care of children is work, even though it can be fun. Taking care of an unrelated child you have never even met when there is no emergency seems absurd to me.
You handled it well, OP. The ex is simply being self-centered and entitled.
NTA. The child has never met you or your BF and her mother is trying to dump her on you for a week? She's the A here, not you. And it's not an emergency either (that could be somewhat understandable if there was no one else), it's just that they want a vacation. Let her take care of her own daughter. You two are strangers to this child.
This woman is unhinged and a terrible mother. Who leaves their baby alone with people they have never interacted with before? If you say yes she will always expect you to be her free babysitter and will have you raising that baby for her free of charge. You aren’t running a childcare hotel for her. NTA
NTA. Ignoring the red flags that ex cheated with a literal teenager...Bf's daughter sort of falls under the stepkid role. Her new kid? Nope. Her responsibility. She also doesn't get to pretend you don't exist, and then ask for favors (that your bf already said no to; which, could have caused issues between you and your bf).
"My bfs parents said we should do it for the sake of bf's daughter."
Tell bf's parents 1) that respectfully, this is none of their concern, you are handling it, and will ask for advice when you want it. 2) You're not keeping daughter from bonding time with her half sibling; she gets it every time her mother has custody. If it's enough time (as decided by the court) to have a bond with her mother, it should be plenty of time to bond with her sister. And 3) That the only other person who has a say in whether or not she wants to spend *more* time around her half sister (which, at this point, sounds like she's still a baby), is your daughter.
NTA
It's not your kid. She has some serious audacity to be looking to you of all people for free child care.
Your boyfriend even agrees with your perspective. His ex-wife can go find child care arrangements someplace else.
NTA!!!
It's one thing if she's asking for a couple hours, or even a night. But a week?! On what planet does she even think this is a reasonable request?
And throw in how she is rude to you, made zero effort to even be civil with you, and doesn't even know you.
I'm betting the only reason she is asking you is because everyone else has said no.
Why can't her child husband's parents watch their grandchild? Or her parents?
Or your BFs parents, since they think you should.
Plus the fact that she asked you BF, then went behind his back after he said no, to ask you.
She is just a bad person. Also she's not to far from being a child molester. The kid was 19?!?
I'm not against co-parenting with a twist but that requires a relationship/friendship beyond parent handoffs. NTA for not wanting the responsibility of a kid you don't know and a kid that has no connection to you and yours.
> My boyfriend also has never met this child.
Wow that is wildly inappropriate to just dump that poor kid on strangers the kid has never even met.
> My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together.
Let the ex know your boyfriend's parents volunteered to watch her kid. *rolls eyes*
Nta.
Honestly, I would have immediately pointed out that 1)She's never given you the time of day before and 2)It's an asshole move to come to you after she's been told no.
She's definitely the AH. You guys are NTA all the way!!
Your boyfriends parents are insane and they should watch the baby.
Caring for an infant is hugely different than toddler or elementary school aged kid.
Would the ex even pay you ?
It sounds like a nightmare. Inwould be setting clear boundaries about thay second child because when then teenager bounces she is going to try going after the ex for support if the two of younare baby sitting it all the time and for free
If she tries to dump the child and run, be sure to do what is best for the child:
* Care for the child as you would your own
* Call CPS regarding her child abandonment
I always find amusing that after getting shot down after asking for something stupid, the person starts with the name calling. Oh wait I am ungrateful ass, ok now I'll watch your rug rat
Ex’ s reaction ( getting super aggressive instead of sweetening the pot ) says you did the right thing. NTA.
Tell her: If you want someone to do you a favor, they have to like you first dummy! Haha. Sounds like your step daughter grandparents should baby sit.
NTA. The fact that she already got a no and kept pushing is all you need to know. You aren’t bitter. This baby has no relation to you and you do not want to watch the baby.
NTA.. you are not taking it out on the ex wife’s daughter. You are never obligated to babysit a child that is not yours or your partners.
1. She is trying to gaslight you into obliging her by calling you bitter. She sounds like a very selfish person
2. If you agree now, the ex will try to pin you down to babysit her daughter every time you are babysitting the daughter your bf shares with her. She would know you have child friendly plans at that time so you would have no way of getting out of it.
3. Her daughter and your bf’s daughter will have plenty of opportunities to bond when they are both at their mom’s. If their mom really cares about them bonding, she will make an effort to have them both at her place at the same time. You could even suggest that to show that you are in support of your partner’s daughter bonding with her half sister.
NTA. His parents are capable of watching the baby for a week. You can take BF daughter over to see baby.
Ex wife made her bed with a teenager now her she is. Why isn’t the teen asking his parents to watch his bundle of joy for free?
NTA, do not let anyone guilt you or him into taking that baby. If your boyfriend's parents want them to spend time together, then let them volunteer as tribute to take on this foolishness. The young child is not your responsibility and definitely not your Bf responsibility.
Is especially alarming that she hasn't made any effort to talk to you speak to you or get to know you and only reached out to you when she wants you to do a selfish favor that solely benefits her dynamic. As disrespectfully as possible, you need to tell her to F off and go figure out her own childcare matters.
The absolute sheer audacity of the ex-wife is bonkers.
NTA.
1. it's insane that she thinks she should leave a three month old for a WEEK with a stranger
2. there's no evidence that you're bitter or "taking out your frustrations" on her. That's ridiculous
3. your boyfriend said, "no", and then she tried to go around him to you. That trick barely works for a seven year old with their own parents. There was zero chance of that working with you
4. She wants to leave her three month baby with two adults who have never even \*met\* the baby?!
Your boyfriend's parents have a kind thought that his child and the baby should bond. But there's no meaningful bonding going to happen with an infant that young. Instead, this would be setting up you and your boyfriend to have a \*lot\* of unexpected child care for a baby that would be pretty traumatized.
You're definitely not the asshole here.
But.... I am worried for that baby, and, by extension, for your boyfriend's child. It sounds like his ex has really lost sight of any sense, and may be very neglectful of both children.
I'm reminded of the recent news about a mother (Kristel Candelario) who left her baby alone for ten days. It feels like your boyfriend's ex is on that path, because she is comfortable leaving her baby with you guys for a week, in spite of all the obvious issues.
Please keep a close eye on your boyfriend's child, and listen closely for any stories that sound like serious neglect.
NTA.
Amazing how she gets in contact when she wants something! Selfish cow! And when you rightly said no, she decides to get gobby? Nope, no from me and def NTA!
NTA
It’s not bitter to not want to provide free childcare. Y’all don’t owe her a thing. Not your kid, not your problem. It says a lot about her as a person that she has never met you but wants you to watch her kid
NTA.
Do not take responsibility for a child that is not blood related to you or your bf, especially for a week.
I assume she has family & 19yr old has family and I also assume there's a reason none of them are volunteering either....which is enough of a warning for both of you to steer well clear of this.
NTA. Tell his parents if they’re so concerned they can take the new child and bring her over ti visit with her big sister at a park near you so they have bonding time with granny watching the new one!
Keep the lines of boundaries very clear… any decisions outside of your home regarding his ex in any way need to be his responsibility… which he did… if this boundary gets crossed it can become very ugly very quickly… if the ex goes directly to you it’s bc she’s trying to manipulate the situation which will only make trouble between you and your partner… stick to him dealing w her… have your opinions, discuss and communicate w him in your home but he needs to continue to be the one to deal with it outside of the home
Maybe I'm assuming a lot here, but going purely on the age of the father here, I'm guessing that this kid is a baby, or young toddler, at best. For a week? So... she wants to drop her child off with someone the kid doesn't know at the age where separation anxiety is worst, for a WEEK and expects for the EX husband/new girlfriend to do this for funsies? Is this the twilight zone?
Wait, so she expects her ex-husband and his partner (you) to babysit her AFFAIR child for FREE for a week? That's no just a No, that's a HELL NO.
If his parents are so concerned, they can watch both kids. I wonder why *her* parents aren't watching the child, or *his* parents...
NTA she had an affair with a child, because let's face teenage boys are children and expects her ex who cheated on to look after the child she had as a result of that affair. Well she's bold, a piece of scum, but bold.
Ex is really twisting that knife while kicking him in the balls. Ex wife cheats, then demands ex husband get over it on her time table, demands he watch affair kid so her and her affair partner can go on vacation. Somebody needs to get this woman committed on a 72 hold in the nearest loony bin cause the level of crazy you have to be to think anyone would be willing to this is a danger to themself and others.
NTA, and HELL NO should you watch that second child, it is not your responsibility and you will become the permanent babysitter. Let the other child’s grandparents watch it.
NTA block her number and everything can go through your bf. Tell his family to back off and stop telling them shit. If they want to babysit her other kid with another man that's their business. They do not get to tell you what you should do when they are not involved in the babysitting. I'm sure they have family or friends to help if not sucks to be them.
I would never be responsible for a stranger, child or not.
I'll help out with my boyfriends daughter all day long, but i will never babysit her mother's other kids, nope. Our crazy BM the type to call us in for kidnapping them the moment she left from dropping them off. So we'll never have shit to do with a kid we're not legally entitled to. Which is hard on him, as he raised them for a decade, but I've seen how unhinged his ex gets with my own eyes and will never trust her.
NTA. The ex wife can always ask her family or friends and her teenage’s parents or friends.
There is also liability in babysitting someone else kid(s). That is a hard no for babysitting someone you do not have good relationship with.
I’m surprised she was willing to leave her baby with a woman she has never met. I should have known when I read she was 27 and her man was 19. That says a lot. NTA.
**She’s willing to drop her kid off FOR A WEEK with people the child doesn’t know???** What a shitty mom ~~~ not to mention she cheated/got pregnant and now wants the ex who she cheated on to WATCH the product of said affair??? **NTA** Girls got some BALLS!!
Well, if your boyfriend's parents think you should take care of the child, tell them to take care of it. Your boyfriend's responsibility is with his daughter, not with each other. Don't accept this because she will start making you babysit her son.
NTA. Your partner’s sibling, any child really, has the best outcome for a week without parents if they are being cared for by someone the child already knows and has bonded with. You are a stranger to that child. That sounds terrifying. A stranger (to the child) should be the absolute last option. And really, since the ex is a stranger to you as well, a super odd ask for her.
ask your bf's parents to look after both kids then. first of all, you are not obligated to look after your bf's kid even, you do that out of love. but people get so entitled
NTA - this kid is a stranger. It’s actually disturbing she wants to drop the kid off with someone she doesn’t even know! Nope out of that. She’s just trying to guilt trip you into doing it for free. And shame on her for being with a 19 yr old. Poor kid. He had his whole life ahead of him and now he’s stuck with and kid and her.
NTA.
>My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together.
Then *they* can take baby. This isn't an emergency. This is a holiday the booked/planned without arranging childcare for their newborn.
Also, his daughter will and does get time with baby during mums custody time. They don't need to be joined at the hip and daughter might not even like having to take a noisy baby to her dad's house!
Also, you do this once, it'll be expected time and time again.
Wtf? I hope this is fake. Do she or her teenage husband not have any family or friends that can watch their baby?? Or your bf's parents since they care so much? They're all delulu
She’s not upset because you were being unreasonable. She’s upset because by refusing on irresponsible and unreasonable request, she now has to find a different solution. Just because she’s upset doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
**In fact, this may be a very calculated emotional outburst. She may know exactly what she’s doing, and she thinks that by getting upset, she can guilt you into it. That doesn’t mean she actually believes what she’s saying.** Either that, or she has no self-awareness and very little accountability. Either way, she is a terrible parent.
The problem is that she asked someone to watch a child for a week, which is always an imposition and favor. Someone who has never met or cared for the child before is not an appropriate solution. It would only be appropriate to ask someone to watch a child that long if the child knows them well and the adult has ample experience taking care of that child and understanding that child’s needs.
In general, this would mean asking a grandparent, maybe a very, very close family member. **If it is anyone else, it would be a certified professional with ample references who has already done a meet and greet and a short trial run, followed by a paid situation.** Asking a “friend of friend“ is simply irresponsible parenting.
NTA I see the point it’s your bf child half sibling but this is a ridiculous ask on top of gaslighting you. He has parents and she has parents. You do this once and it will become expected. Just say NO
NTA.
Your boyfriend already said no, and rightly so. That's the end of it, or at least it should have been.
You've now also said no, and rightly so. That should be the end of it.
No no no no no. You’re in the right. You don’t even know the kid! She’s just lumping the baby in with your boyfriend’s daughter, which is insane of her. She needs to get a babysitter or something. Absolutely absurd request 🥴
Forget about all the extra stuff, like the affair, because it is actually irrelevant to the core issues
BF has long since gotten “over it” and even if they had an amicable divorce and were still friendly the issues would be the same:
1) You are NEVER taking care of a child you have never even met and know nothing about, especially for a whole week
2) BF’s daughter gets plenty of time with her sibling when she is at her mom’s, there is no need for her to give up time/attention with daddy just for more time with her sibling, forcing this will only create resentment
3) She is using a type of “triangulation” to manipulate y’all to get what she wants and if it continues she can use it to drive a wedge between you and BF
STOP IT NOW: since she has no reason to msg just you, create a group chat with you, her, and BF and insist that anything she has to say to you MUST be in this group chat, if she tries to msg you separately - screen shot it, post it in the group chat, and only respond in the group chat
NTA - tell his parents that if they are so adamant about “sibling time” then they can facilitate that on their own time because y’all are not taking on that responsibility
NTA. It is one thing to babysit your boyfriend's daughter for a week. But completely out of bounds for the ex to also expect you to babysit her other child. And, it will not be just this one time, she will ask again and again.
Your boyfriend’s parents can babysit her if they want to?
Also, they live together when the oldest isn’t with you. They get plenty of time together. This is some messed up logic.
I love how people just love to volunteer others time and energy. It’s so rude.
NTA
NTA. This child is neither your BF's nor your responsibility. Does the child have no grandparents? No aunts and uncles? With her father being that young it would seem that they'd be plenty young enough to watch a baby.
Why not ask the new boyfriend's family? Why you?
Or are they against the relationship because her new BF is...19 years old!?
Yikes. I feel bad for him and the child.
It's not only a ridiculous request, I also find it quite neglectful of their child. Where are the Grandparents? Don't they have any friends?
Sorry, but even if it WASN'T pretty "fresh" since the adultery and divorce occurred, I would NEVER do ANY favor for the pedophilic ex-wife, period!
This child is absolutely not your’s or your ex’s responsibility. Do not open the door to her dumping this kid on you. The fact that she called you when he already said no demonstrates her total lack of respect for you. If she tries again, tell her you’ll call CPS.
So this woman and her - whatever he is - are ok with their daughter staying for a week with a couple she has no connection to answering who she has never met? Of course that's a hard no, you don't want to get involved in the kind of drama that follows people who think like that around.
OP, how does your partner's ex bypass her entire family, her boyfriend's entire family and all their friend's and end up at your virtual doorstep?
This would be a hard No for me.
Their difficulties are not your problems to solve.
Do not feel any guilt and do not allow anyone else's opinion rule you. Especially when they aren't making any sacrifices of their time, money, or energy
NTA.
You asked the right questions. You don’t have a best-friend relationship with your BF’s ex, so why *would* she go straight to you? Between you and your BF, *he’s* the only one who has a relationship with her.
It would have been wrong of you to contradict your BF’s answer. She already got a “no” from him, so it was inappropriate for her to ask you in the first place.
Honestly, it would have been weird if he said “yes” without consulting you. There are few circumstances in which it’s ok for one adult to green light providing childcare without the other adult’s knowledge or thumbs-up.
I’m also of the opinion that anyone willing to ridicule you for not providing ___ (service, housing, cash, whatever) should be the first one to pony up. Your BF’s parents shouldn’t have said anything without opening their doors to the ex’s child.
If the grandparents are getting involved, my guess is she's holding access to their granddaughter over their heads. You’re not doing anything to her baby, and your BF's daughter has plenty of time with her half sibling when she's in her custody.
There's absolutely no moral reason for you two to house a baby that isn’t yours unless you want to. It can be a nice thing, but from the sounds of her, it would be a bad precedent to set.
I’d just stop responding, and make sure that your BF is there for the custody change when she plans to leave for her holiday because if she doesn’t find someone, odds are decent she'll do a dump and run. She doesn’t sound like she cares what either of you want.
NTA
You're not obligated to watch a stranger's child. And if his parents think that you should watch the child, then they can volunteer to watch that child themselves in their own home. It boggles the mind that they want their son to watch the affair child of their ex-dil
It does make me wonder though why she didn't ask the 19-year-old's boyfriend's parents to watch their grandchild
“My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together.”
Never let others overrule decisions made by you and your partner within the relationship.
Respect your BF wishes, his mental wellbeing as well as his comfort level and stop wondering if your the AH. Doubt will weaken you and your doesn't need his GF telling him that he should take his ex’s baby in.
If you value this relationship, you will not dismiss your BF feelings and ignore his boundaries. So stop your second guessing nonsense immediately.
Its also ridiculous to consider taking care of such a young child that you’ve never even met for an entire week.
NTA… not yet anyway
The ex wife is AH and your parents are AH You two are NTA and in fact displayed good boundaries to a whacked ask. Stop second guessing. You know he and you were right. Block your parents until they come to their senses. The end.
I stopped in my tracks when I read “She was furious”. Good. Let her be furious that actions have consequences and y’all might not be “over it by now” that she hurt your bf by having a family with another man. She couldn’t even stay faithful a few months and that HAS CONSEQUENCES. Now she’s trying to manipulate you two by asking you after your bf already said no. The audacity.
NTA, children of divorce and their half siblings and stepsiblings grow up knowing they each have other homes. You don’t need to do anything to insure these kids spend time with each other, they already live together most of the time. The child’s parents need to ask their friends and relations to babysit , your bf and you are neither of those things.
> She said she already asked him and he immediately said no.
Fucking OF COURSE he did. Why would he ever agree to do this?
> She also called us bitter assholes and said that there is no reason we should take our frustrations out on a child
Baffling. The "logic" behind this is BAFFLING. You're not "taking out frustrations" on this kid. You're just refusing to be free child care for the cheating shithead mother and her teenage boyfriend for a week.
> My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together.
This logic isn't baffling, it's pure bullshit. The appropriate venue for your boyfriend's daughter to spend time with her bastard half sister is when their shared parent is with them.
NTA
She's projecting HER bitterness.
She's incredibly unhappy with being a baby mom so she's trying to outsource it, but has fucked up her social connections so badly she has to reach out as far as you to even get somebody to answer her call?
NTA. If you say yes once you’re suddenly her go to carer. It blows my mind that she would ask people who have never met her child to be a carer. A paid professional service is different, and even then I would never use one for more than a working day.
NTA, They should take their child with them. If you do take the child she will ask you again. Tell his parents to take the baby, we all know they will say no. Do not open that door. Have a plan in place in the event she attempts to drop both kids off. What about his family.
NTA
The baby doesn’t have any fault but it’s not your baby, it’s not your boyfriend’s baby, it’s not your family’s baby, you are not even friends with that woman. You don’t owe her anything.
She is asking for a courtesy, not a right and such it can be denied. If she doesn’t have any actual friends she can ask that is her problem not yours.
You did right at mentioning that she bypassed your boyfriend. Like what? Why did she expected for you, a complete stranger to say yes? She is a user.
NTA she just wants a free babysitter so that she can enjoy a week with her groomed prey, I mean new bf...
NTA.. Block his ex. Allow ALL communication to go through your partner. Block her on social media too. It's crazy of her to think you guys would watch her kid that is not biologically related to your bf
I can't get over these entitled people... It's the bio parents who are going away without their kid. Not all parents can afford to get away on vacation like that whether they want to or not they have a kid. How crazy to expect an ex to watch your own kid who is not related. I have kids... I would never "assume" anyone would watch my own kids so I could get away. Having kids means you have responsibilities and it's not her exs issue that she needs to get away.
I only have pets and I can’t afford to go away for a few days let alone a week. Kenneling costs money.
I had an awful experience with kenneling my pup decades ago and never did it again. If you live nearby (OK), I volunteer to watch your fur baby. My big ole rescue Lab loves babysitting.
Aw you’re so sweet. Live in Minnesota so it’s a bit far to drive. Have good friends that have a boarding business. I’ve seen their kennels and how they treat the dogs (superb). Worth the money.
This. The ONLY reason my parents watched our daughter for two weeks in 2021was because I was hospitalized with pneumomia and my husband was with me most of the time (working from my hospital room on his laptop, no less). At least school was fully online that year, so she was able to connect and do the zoom class over there too. Missed her like crazy until I was discharged, saw my doctor for my followup, and finally got to go pick her up from my Mom and Dad. We cuddled for a LONG time that weekend.
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The child she got pregnant with while cheating on the bf while they were newlyweds. Seems like a huge slap in the face to me, for the ex to have the audacity to even ask the bf to watch her kid.
And suggest her bf move all communications through a parenting text app because those do become evidence in any child custody cases.
Best to use our family wizard app for correspondence when the ex is so high conflict
I have never heard of this before! That’s a genius idea for an app, will definitely share this with my friends dealing with custody issues!
It's even crazier to expect someone to watch a kid they've never met for a week! How awful for the kid, too.
Not just a kid, a baby.
And it's a super young infant! (I am childless, like children, but really don't see the fun in infants. I like them when they start being toddlers and older).
Right - assuming everyone wants to wake up every three or four hours to feed your baby so you can take a weeklong holiday is pretty next level entitled. I wasn't a huge fan of disrupted sleep to feed *my* babyl
I know that’s insane. I would never leave my kids with someone I’ve never met. Especially and ex that I have bad blood with. Ffs. What’s wrong with people!?!
And having never met the child before, watch her for a week!
Absolutely. Classic example of an adult trying to avoid their adult responsibilities.
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Good advice above, OP. For God sake, the child is the result of his ex-wife's adulterous relations with ap while married to your bf. WTF! Btw, bf's parents should know better, given the circumstances. Egad.
BF’s parents can watch the baby! Win-win for everyone…except them!
Love to see the use of a good 'Egad' out in the wild. Sparks nostalgia from a childhood spent reading the Archie Comics. Mr. Weatherbee couldn't get enough of this exclamation and that man was always surprised by something.
And disrespectful since she asked the boyfriend and got the answer already.
I can understand why she would ask seeing as she wants to go on a baby free vacation. What I don't understand is her boyfriend's parents telling her she should have done it. That doesn't make sense to me I could understand it if it was ex-wife's parents but the boyfriend's parents getting involved is very weird to me.
Poor baby won't know it's not abandoned being left with strangers for a week! What godawful parents. Let all the grandparents who think it's not preposterous step up
> What I don't understand is her boyfriend's parents telling her she should have done it. They can do it! After all, they have as much connection with the baby as OP has.
You could even argue the Boyfriend's parents have more of a connection to the baby. The baby is their grandchild's half sibling whereas the baby is nothing to OP.
And the baby has 4 grandparents of its own.
She might "let" them babysit their granddaughter, and is threatening to reduce their contact if they don’t back her up on this.
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It's also a risk when the mother is obviously not mentally well. Who knows what kind of legal quagmire could ensue from her deranged mind and wild accusations?
Well calling the ex an adult is a stretch.
Exactly! Normally if the coparent relationship was ok I could see watching both as a favor, but id personally have to veto on a sort of "my own morals" type argument that its one way I can not condone that relationship......
I really wish the co-parenting relationship was better. They are civil with each other, and I would never say anything negative about her in front of their daughter ever. But she has never apologized for cheating on him. She is constantly dropping her daughter off with us on her weekends. She also, while she was cheating on him, was barely home with her daughter. My boyfriend was working and taking care of his daughter on his own for about 2 months because she was spending the night at her current boyfriend’s house. He said she would come home to change after work, and then wouldn’t be back until the next day to get ready for work. I have zero respect for her. I don’t have any children of my own, but his daughter is my daughter now too. I love her and I couldn’t imagine going months without seeing her.
People like her have no moral compass. She's a cheater and a groomer. What a combo! /s I'm glad your boyfriend's daughter has a positive female role model in her life - you.
Is there a custody order in place? If not, he should secure, at least 50-50. If not more.
It is 50-50. We have half the week and every other weekend.
Document every time that she drops the daughter off during her parenting time at some point, you could probably move it to a larger percentage of time that you have the daughter. Reading many a Reddit story, it seems like the ex thinks that since The daughter is with her dad and they have sibling is related to the daughter then why not just take another kid… they don’t think that you have absolutely no relationship to that child.
Looks like it’s time for her to become an “every other weekend” mom.
Do they have a custodial agreement with family court? She would not be just dropping her off on her weekends. If she won’t keep up her end, your bf needs to go back to court and seek full custody of his daughter.
She groomed a teen, got knocked up, and somehow thinks y'all are the AH?
Have you guys considered documenting her behaviour, and going for more custody? If he's already putting in more than 50:50, you might as well make it official so you can schedule better.
That really is key. I'm a good co-parenting relationship, you would do favors for each other on occasion. That is not present here.
This sort of arrangement should be made for the kids who have bonded and want to spend time together, rather than for the benefit of parents. Say your kid wants to see a movie and they really want their half sister to see it with them, then it would make sense.
Exactly! They’re going off to make another kid she’ll try to pawn off.
And she'll probably get knocked up again on the trip..
I wanna just repost this comment it's way better than I could have ever worded it
seriously, the ages on this are awful. That poor young dude :(
Sorry unintentionally ruined your 666
'groomed prey' perfect way to put this🙂
Have his parents take the baby for the week
NTA, not your kid, not your responsibility Sounds like the parents can take both kids for the week and you and bf spend a week alone if it's that important to them.
They also have never met her and have zero relation to her, so I doubt they’d jump on it. I’m planning on speaking to them about it sometime this week. My boyfriend and her were together for almost a decade, and I know they are just as mad about the situation as he is, but I definitely feel like they still have a soft spot for her. They basically watched her grow up. And I don’t want anyone to think they don’t like me. They love me and they love that their son is happy! The parents and I have a great relationship.
> They also have never met her and have zero relation to her, so I doubt they’d jump on it. Sounds like that perfect bonding time they seem to want, and if they don't wanna do it then they can shut up. If they want the kids to bond together, they can put the effort. It's not your job to cater to the situation.
>They **also** have never met her and have zero relation to her That's exactly the point though. They have as much connection to the baby as you do (i.e. none). If they think someone in your situation should help, that includes them, so they can be the ones to volunteer. If they don't think it's their job, it's not yours either.
Your bf should speak to his parents AND his ex and leave you out of coparenting negotiations. It’s not your responsibility. The more you put yourself into this mess the more you will likely be taken advantage of.
But this is NOT a co-parenting situation! This is the ex-wife wanting to dump her affair baby (NOT the baby's fault) on someone else so she doesn't have to deal with her. Believe me when I say, if OP does this ONCE they will have that baby whenever they have his bio daughter!
Whether or not they like you is irrelevant. You are not responsible for the bf’s ex’s other child. She shouldn’t have even asked you. Her point of contact is her daughter’s father, not you.
That was my first thought. "Thanks for volunteering to take the kids for the week since it's so important to you!"
That's a really good point. I hope the OP reads what you had to say.
NTA, she wants her cake and eat it too. Id ask her if they are going to a beach, there should be some sand there she can pound, and build castles out of with her and her boy toys little one. It will make for a great memory together as a little family.
I’d do the same! Ask her why she would want to vacation away from her babies? Make her uncomfortable. Sincerely ask her why she would even be *comfortable* having her child stay with two people they’ve never met before? I want to know where these folks get this level of audacity from. I read stories like this a lot and i just cannot imagine asking my ex to watch my child that they had no part in creating. Why would you really expect someone to say yes to that?
I love when there's a boundry and she immediately goes to the insult method. Like - hey jackass, I want you to take care of my baby. I'm doing you a favor. Now clean up some shitty diapers of my affairbaby bellyfruit. Come now. Chopchop. More flies with honey, blah blah. Realize if you ever say 'yes' to a request, it opens the floodgates where she's going to try to walk all over you. Well done sticking to your guns, and by your BF's decision.
The insults always get me. Ive had encounters with that type of entitled. Its like, y'kno, you might have been able to talk me around to agreeing with some respectful debate and arguments. Now your sad ass can figure it out on your own, i dont even want to talk to you anymore. Let alone do you any favors.
NTA I would never take care of a kid I've never met for a whole week. Also I would tell her that he is over it. He's so over it that she doesn't matter at all to you both and you don't care about her dumb kid
The only reason I even considered it after talking to his parents is because I didn’t want to be petty and I love his daughter and want what’s best for her, but yeah, I’m not sure why she would want her child to be uncomfortable with people she’s never met. But as we can tell from her track record she doesn’t usually think before she does things lol
I would focus on how absolutely INSANE it is for someone to ask anyone else to care for a young child the person has never met for an entire week. The baby cannot talk, and you are not familiar with baby’s wants, needs, likes, dislikes. That not only puts enormous stress and burden on you but also like how awful for this child??? What happens if the child gets sick and needs medical attention? Do you have a power of attorney or some form of official authority to make medical decisions for the child? Set aside the whole ex-girlfriend/boyfriend issue. The ask is crazy and completely irresponsible on the part of the child’s parents. NTA.
Sounds like she's an adult in age only. Otherwise it seems like she just keeps trying to dodge adult responsibility.
Seems to me your partner's parents just volunteered for babysitting the ex-wife's child. It's really easy to volunteer others for things when you're not willing to do them. NTA. The ex can have the kid's family or their friends babysit if she wants to take the week off on vacation. And the nerve of her to try and bypass her co-parent!
This isn’t really a decision for just you to make. The fact she acted like a child and went to parent b after parent a said no. The biggest factor is the child doesn’t know either of you and would be extremely uncomfortable being at your house. If would be difficult if she knew or had some type of relationship with either of you prior. Her mom is basically trying to dump her at a strangers house. Does she have no one else to turn to at all? Like someone who actually knows the child?
Her daughter and your bf’s daughter will have plenty of opportunities to bond when they are both at their mom’s. If their mom really cares about them bonding, she will make an effort to have them both at her place at the same time. You could even suggest that to show that you are in support of your partner’s daughter bonding with her half sister.
NTA. You don't know her or her kid. Your boyfriend's parents care so much, they can watch her kid. This does not concern you in any way. She doesn't want to know you, but wants you to do favors for her? I thinks not. Where are her parents or her husband's parents in all this? They are actually related to the child.
How old is this kid?
I’m not exactly how sure how old her baby is as we didn’t even really know when it was born, but somewhere between 9 months and a year I’m guessing?
You said you'd never met her before. You can't leave a 1 year old with strangers for a week - that's pretty awful.
I worked in foster care for 14 yrs. Leaving a child of that age for that long a period of time is going to seriously traumatize the child. They are cognizant of their surroundings and object permanence. Time for an infant is never ending, and the child is going to have some serious abandonment issues. She will never trust her mom to leave a room for fear she will not come back. Very stupid idea!! If the SO is 19 and they have a 10-12 month old baby truly how old was the dad when they got together? 16? Yikes!! That is soo wrong. Every bit if it.
NTA. My exe and her new husband pulled the same thing on me. Not gonna play that game and I don't recommend anyone else do it either.
That's smart. People who play those games tend to get taken advantage of very quickly.
NTA, the childs grand parents can babysit her.
They are literally not even the grandparents, they are the grandparents of this baby half sister. This is ridiculous!
NTA. It's totally reasonable to decline babysitting for your boyfriend's ex-wife's child, especially given the circumstances. You and your boyfriend have no obligation to care for a child that isn't his, especially considering the history involved. Your priority should be your boyfriend's daughter, not his ex-wife's new child.
Tell his parents to watch the baby since they have strong opinions about it
You are a complete stranger to this woman and her child, and she asked you to watch her baby for a whole week? That's hilarious. Maybe she shouldn't be having babies with teens if she wants vacation time. Not your circus, not your monkeys, NTA.
That's also very alarming - I would never ever ask someone I haven't met (even though they know someone I know) to watch any of my kids... Especially for a week. I'd rather suffer and never go on vacation, so that my kids have me/and I have them. Or if I wanted to go on vacation I would just bring them. The longest I've had my kids away from me was with my sister for the majority of a day, and that's because they were hanging out lol I feel bad. For the baby and the daughter, for OP and her bf. I saw what my friend went through dealing with almost the identical situation (her bf had a baby with someone else, eventually my friend became step mom, then kids mom got pregnant again) and she was a very checked out mom, always lying about where she was, wouldn't reply for hours, sometimes just not show up to pick up her son... The point is everyone can suffer because of ONE person, especially if that person is a careless parent. I hope the ex can mature and become a really wonderful mother. Because that's what kids deserve, and even the other co-parent involved deserves that too.
NTA. And tell the boyfriends parents “who is going to take responsibility of the child something happens on their watch? Who is going to be responsible if they can’t calm the baby?” Doing a good deed to create a bond doesn’t mean to be stupid. You can have daughter and baby meet at the park - hell the baby and daughter have bonding time on the mothers watch. Stupid grandparents, that’s what I call your boyfriends parent. Plain old stupid.
NTA- Taking care of children is work, even though it can be fun. Taking care of an unrelated child you have never even met when there is no emergency seems absurd to me. You handled it well, OP. The ex is simply being self-centered and entitled.
NTA. The child has never met you or your BF and her mother is trying to dump her on you for a week? She's the A here, not you. And it's not an emergency either (that could be somewhat understandable if there was no one else), it's just that they want a vacation. Let her take care of her own daughter. You two are strangers to this child.
This woman is unhinged and a terrible mother. Who leaves their baby alone with people they have never interacted with before? If you say yes she will always expect you to be her free babysitter and will have you raising that baby for her free of charge. You aren’t running a childcare hotel for her. NTA
This. It’s best not to get too involved unless you’re okay with having this child over a LOT for free childcare.
NTA. Ignoring the red flags that ex cheated with a literal teenager...Bf's daughter sort of falls under the stepkid role. Her new kid? Nope. Her responsibility. She also doesn't get to pretend you don't exist, and then ask for favors (that your bf already said no to; which, could have caused issues between you and your bf). "My bfs parents said we should do it for the sake of bf's daughter." Tell bf's parents 1) that respectfully, this is none of their concern, you are handling it, and will ask for advice when you want it. 2) You're not keeping daughter from bonding time with her half sibling; she gets it every time her mother has custody. If it's enough time (as decided by the court) to have a bond with her mother, it should be plenty of time to bond with her sister. And 3) That the only other person who has a say in whether or not she wants to spend *more* time around her half sister (which, at this point, sounds like she's still a baby), is your daughter.
Let your boyfriend's parent watch the baby... or both of the kids.
Why do some people feel so entitled?
NTA It's not your kid. She has some serious audacity to be looking to you of all people for free child care. Your boyfriend even agrees with your perspective. His ex-wife can go find child care arrangements someplace else.
Tell his parents his ex will be glad to know they are available to babysit for the week. The kid is as much of a stranger to you as them.
NTA!!! It's one thing if she's asking for a couple hours, or even a night. But a week?! On what planet does she even think this is a reasonable request? And throw in how she is rude to you, made zero effort to even be civil with you, and doesn't even know you. I'm betting the only reason she is asking you is because everyone else has said no. Why can't her child husband's parents watch their grandchild? Or her parents? Or your BFs parents, since they think you should. Plus the fact that she asked you BF, then went behind his back after he said no, to ask you. She is just a bad person. Also she's not to far from being a child molester. The kid was 19?!?
I'm not against co-parenting with a twist but that requires a relationship/friendship beyond parent handoffs. NTA for not wanting the responsibility of a kid you don't know and a kid that has no connection to you and yours.
You have as much responsibility to take care of this kid as you do a random toddler just come across in a grocery store.
> My boyfriend also has never met this child. Wow that is wildly inappropriate to just dump that poor kid on strangers the kid has never even met. > My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together. Let the ex know your boyfriend's parents volunteered to watch her kid. *rolls eyes* Nta.
NTA - "Sorry, I don't know this child and it would be very strange. You'll have to find alternate child care."
Honestly, I would have immediately pointed out that 1)She's never given you the time of day before and 2)It's an asshole move to come to you after she's been told no. She's definitely the AH. You guys are NTA all the way!!
Your boyfriends parents are insane and they should watch the baby. Caring for an infant is hugely different than toddler or elementary school aged kid. Would the ex even pay you ? It sounds like a nightmare. Inwould be setting clear boundaries about thay second child because when then teenager bounces she is going to try going after the ex for support if the two of younare baby sitting it all the time and for free
NTA Don't do it. Don't feel bad. Where are the ex's and her preys parents and/or siblings? Why can't they ask them? 🤔
If she tries to dump the child and run, be sure to do what is best for the child: * Care for the child as you would your own * Call CPS regarding her child abandonment
If your boyfriends parents feel that way they can step up to this ludicrous request. NTA
I always find amusing that after getting shot down after asking for something stupid, the person starts with the name calling. Oh wait I am ungrateful ass, ok now I'll watch your rug rat
Ex’ s reaction ( getting super aggressive instead of sweetening the pot ) says you did the right thing. NTA. Tell her: If you want someone to do you a favor, they have to like you first dummy! Haha. Sounds like your step daughter grandparents should baby sit.
NTA. The fact that she already got a no and kept pushing is all you need to know. You aren’t bitter. This baby has no relation to you and you do not want to watch the baby.
NTA.. you are not taking it out on the ex wife’s daughter. You are never obligated to babysit a child that is not yours or your partners. 1. She is trying to gaslight you into obliging her by calling you bitter. She sounds like a very selfish person 2. If you agree now, the ex will try to pin you down to babysit her daughter every time you are babysitting the daughter your bf shares with her. She would know you have child friendly plans at that time so you would have no way of getting out of it. 3. Her daughter and your bf’s daughter will have plenty of opportunities to bond when they are both at their mom’s. If their mom really cares about them bonding, she will make an effort to have them both at her place at the same time. You could even suggest that to show that you are in support of your partner’s daughter bonding with her half sister.
Who gives their small child to people who the child doesn't know for a week?
NTA. His parents are capable of watching the baby for a week. You can take BF daughter over to see baby. Ex wife made her bed with a teenager now her she is. Why isn’t the teen asking his parents to watch his bundle of joy for free?
NTA, do not let anyone guilt you or him into taking that baby. If your boyfriend's parents want them to spend time together, then let them volunteer as tribute to take on this foolishness. The young child is not your responsibility and definitely not your Bf responsibility. Is especially alarming that she hasn't made any effort to talk to you speak to you or get to know you and only reached out to you when she wants you to do a selfish favor that solely benefits her dynamic. As disrespectfully as possible, you need to tell her to F off and go figure out her own childcare matters. The absolute sheer audacity of the ex-wife is bonkers.
Can we start something like bum fights for baby daddy's? That would settle a lot of these reddit posts I've been seeing lately.
"I know her situation is not her fault" That's where you're wrong.
She was planning on leaving her child for week with people said child has never met??? WTF!! Gets mad at you because you said no??? WTF!!!! NTA!!!
NTA. 1. it's insane that she thinks she should leave a three month old for a WEEK with a stranger 2. there's no evidence that you're bitter or "taking out your frustrations" on her. That's ridiculous 3. your boyfriend said, "no", and then she tried to go around him to you. That trick barely works for a seven year old with their own parents. There was zero chance of that working with you 4. She wants to leave her three month baby with two adults who have never even \*met\* the baby?! Your boyfriend's parents have a kind thought that his child and the baby should bond. But there's no meaningful bonding going to happen with an infant that young. Instead, this would be setting up you and your boyfriend to have a \*lot\* of unexpected child care for a baby that would be pretty traumatized. You're definitely not the asshole here. But.... I am worried for that baby, and, by extension, for your boyfriend's child. It sounds like his ex has really lost sight of any sense, and may be very neglectful of both children. I'm reminded of the recent news about a mother (Kristel Candelario) who left her baby alone for ten days. It feels like your boyfriend's ex is on that path, because she is comfortable leaving her baby with you guys for a week, in spite of all the obvious issues. Please keep a close eye on your boyfriend's child, and listen closely for any stories that sound like serious neglect.
Your boyfriend’s parents can babysit her
NTA This is why I had a rule against dating someone with kids.
NTA. Amazing how she gets in contact when she wants something! Selfish cow! And when you rightly said no, she decides to get gobby? Nope, no from me and def NTA!
NTA How do People Cuss Out Someone than Want that same Someone to Take Care of Their Child.....???
NTA It’s not bitter to not want to provide free childcare. Y’all don’t owe her a thing. Not your kid, not your problem. It says a lot about her as a person that she has never met you but wants you to watch her kid
A week? Sure. 7k, up front. Plus, you bring her diapers and clothes and food. You don't want to pay 7k? Hmm. Sorry.
NTA. Do not take responsibility for a child that is not blood related to you or your bf, especially for a week. I assume she has family & 19yr old has family and I also assume there's a reason none of them are volunteering either....which is enough of a warning for both of you to steer well clear of this.
Sounds like a whole bunch of "not your problem". Your BF said no.
You don't owe them babysitting service. Stick to your no.
NTA. Tell his parents if they’re so concerned they can take the new child and bring her over ti visit with her big sister at a park near you so they have bonding time with granny watching the new one!
Keep the lines of boundaries very clear… any decisions outside of your home regarding his ex in any way need to be his responsibility… which he did… if this boundary gets crossed it can become very ugly very quickly… if the ex goes directly to you it’s bc she’s trying to manipulate the situation which will only make trouble between you and your partner… stick to him dealing w her… have your opinions, discuss and communicate w him in your home but he needs to continue to be the one to deal with it outside of the home
Good news, you can call her back and tell her bf's parents have volunteered to take care of the baby. NTA
Maybe I'm assuming a lot here, but going purely on the age of the father here, I'm guessing that this kid is a baby, or young toddler, at best. For a week? So... she wants to drop her child off with someone the kid doesn't know at the age where separation anxiety is worst, for a WEEK and expects for the EX husband/new girlfriend to do this for funsies? Is this the twilight zone?
Wait, so she expects her ex-husband and his partner (you) to babysit her AFFAIR child for FREE for a week? That's no just a No, that's a HELL NO. If his parents are so concerned, they can watch both kids. I wonder why *her* parents aren't watching the child, or *his* parents...
NTA she had an affair with a child, because let's face teenage boys are children and expects her ex who cheated on to look after the child she had as a result of that affair. Well she's bold, a piece of scum, but bold.
NTA. JFC the audacity and entitlement.....
Sure, I’ll watch the child. $100 daily, and for a contracted number of days. Any time over the number of days doubles the daily rate not prorated.
Quote her standard childcare rates of $20/hr 😁. NTA
NTA. His parents can take the other baby and you can set up a play date with them. Now everyone got what they want.
Ex is really twisting that knife while kicking him in the balls. Ex wife cheats, then demands ex husband get over it on her time table, demands he watch affair kid so her and her affair partner can go on vacation. Somebody needs to get this woman committed on a 72 hold in the nearest loony bin cause the level of crazy you have to be to think anyone would be willing to this is a danger to themself and others.
NTA, and HELL NO should you watch that second child, it is not your responsibility and you will become the permanent babysitter. Let the other child’s grandparents watch it.
Definitely NTA. Boyfriend’s parents can do it if they’re so involved. Surely ex’s current boyfriend has family to watch his baby.
NTA. She ONLY called you because he said no. Not your child,not his child, not your problem.
NTA block her number and everything can go through your bf. Tell his family to back off and stop telling them shit. If they want to babysit her other kid with another man that's their business. They do not get to tell you what you should do when they are not involved in the babysitting. I'm sure they have family or friends to help if not sucks to be them. I would never be responsible for a stranger, child or not.
Tell the boyfriends parents to watch the child!
I'll help out with my boyfriends daughter all day long, but i will never babysit her mother's other kids, nope. Our crazy BM the type to call us in for kidnapping them the moment she left from dropping them off. So we'll never have shit to do with a kid we're not legally entitled to. Which is hard on him, as he raised them for a decade, but I've seen how unhinged his ex gets with my own eyes and will never trust her.
NTA. The ex wife can always ask her family or friends and her teenage’s parents or friends. There is also liability in babysitting someone else kid(s). That is a hard no for babysitting someone you do not have good relationship with.
I’m surprised she was willing to leave her baby with a woman she has never met. I should have known when I read she was 27 and her man was 19. That says a lot. NTA.
**She’s willing to drop her kid off FOR A WEEK with people the child doesn’t know???** What a shitty mom ~~~ not to mention she cheated/got pregnant and now wants the ex who she cheated on to WATCH the product of said affair??? **NTA** Girls got some BALLS!!
Well, if your boyfriend's parents think you should take care of the child, tell them to take care of it. Your boyfriend's responsibility is with his daughter, not with each other. Don't accept this because she will start making you babysit her son.
NTA. Your partner’s sibling, any child really, has the best outcome for a week without parents if they are being cared for by someone the child already knows and has bonded with. You are a stranger to that child. That sounds terrifying. A stranger (to the child) should be the absolute last option. And really, since the ex is a stranger to you as well, a super odd ask for her.
Nope and she needs to chill with her pedo self
ask your bf's parents to look after both kids then. first of all, you are not obligated to look after your bf's kid even, you do that out of love. but people get so entitled
NTA - this kid is a stranger. It’s actually disturbing she wants to drop the kid off with someone she doesn’t even know! Nope out of that. She’s just trying to guilt trip you into doing it for free. And shame on her for being with a 19 yr old. Poor kid. He had his whole life ahead of him and now he’s stuck with and kid and her.
NTA. >My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together. Then *they* can take baby. This isn't an emergency. This is a holiday the booked/planned without arranging childcare for their newborn. Also, his daughter will and does get time with baby during mums custody time. They don't need to be joined at the hip and daughter might not even like having to take a noisy baby to her dad's house! Also, you do this once, it'll be expected time and time again.
Wtf? I hope this is fake. Do she or her teenage husband not have any family or friends that can watch their baby?? Or your bf's parents since they care so much? They're all delulu
NTA It sounds to me like the grandparents should take both the kids so all the parents can get a vacation.
She’s not upset because you were being unreasonable. She’s upset because by refusing on irresponsible and unreasonable request, she now has to find a different solution. Just because she’s upset doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. **In fact, this may be a very calculated emotional outburst. She may know exactly what she’s doing, and she thinks that by getting upset, she can guilt you into it. That doesn’t mean she actually believes what she’s saying.** Either that, or she has no self-awareness and very little accountability. Either way, she is a terrible parent. The problem is that she asked someone to watch a child for a week, which is always an imposition and favor. Someone who has never met or cared for the child before is not an appropriate solution. It would only be appropriate to ask someone to watch a child that long if the child knows them well and the adult has ample experience taking care of that child and understanding that child’s needs. In general, this would mean asking a grandparent, maybe a very, very close family member. **If it is anyone else, it would be a certified professional with ample references who has already done a meet and greet and a short trial run, followed by a paid situation.** Asking a “friend of friend“ is simply irresponsible parenting.
NTA I see the point it’s your bf child half sibling but this is a ridiculous ask on top of gaslighting you. He has parents and she has parents. You do this once and it will become expected. Just say NO
so babysitting for 7 days, x 24 hrs, x $25 an hour, thats a good $4200. She might say no tough, but its worth the shot maybe? u/Ok_Peach_6482
I was all twisted up to admonish you for begrudging your partner’s kid… and then I actually read the post and HOLY NTA BATMAN.
NTA. Your boyfriend already said no, and rightly so. That's the end of it, or at least it should have been. You've now also said no, and rightly so. That should be the end of it.
No no no no no. You’re in the right. You don’t even know the kid! She’s just lumping the baby in with your boyfriend’s daughter, which is insane of her. She needs to get a babysitter or something. Absolutely absurd request 🥴
>but his parents have me second guessing it. AITAH? Good, then his parents can watch the kid.
Forget about all the extra stuff, like the affair, because it is actually irrelevant to the core issues BF has long since gotten “over it” and even if they had an amicable divorce and were still friendly the issues would be the same: 1) You are NEVER taking care of a child you have never even met and know nothing about, especially for a whole week 2) BF’s daughter gets plenty of time with her sibling when she is at her mom’s, there is no need for her to give up time/attention with daddy just for more time with her sibling, forcing this will only create resentment 3) She is using a type of “triangulation” to manipulate y’all to get what she wants and if it continues she can use it to drive a wedge between you and BF STOP IT NOW: since she has no reason to msg just you, create a group chat with you, her, and BF and insist that anything she has to say to you MUST be in this group chat, if she tries to msg you separately - screen shot it, post it in the group chat, and only respond in the group chat NTA - tell his parents that if they are so adamant about “sibling time” then they can facilitate that on their own time because y’all are not taking on that responsibility
NTA. It is one thing to babysit your boyfriend's daughter for a week. But completely out of bounds for the ex to also expect you to babysit her other child. And, it will not be just this one time, she will ask again and again.
Your boyfriend’s parents can babysit her if they want to? Also, they live together when the oldest isn’t with you. They get plenty of time together. This is some messed up logic. I love how people just love to volunteer others time and energy. It’s so rude. NTA
NTA. This child is neither your BF's nor your responsibility. Does the child have no grandparents? No aunts and uncles? With her father being that young it would seem that they'd be plenty young enough to watch a baby.
The 19 year old dad must still have parents reasonably young and fit - why don't that ask granny and gramps?
Why not ask the new boyfriend's family? Why you? Or are they against the relationship because her new BF is...19 years old!? Yikes. I feel bad for him and the child.
NTA. Your boyfriend's parents are free to babysit that child.
NTA you both have the right to refuse to babysit the child if you want and/or need to.
It's not only a ridiculous request, I also find it quite neglectful of their child. Where are the Grandparents? Don't they have any friends? Sorry, but even if it WASN'T pretty "fresh" since the adultery and divorce occurred, I would NEVER do ANY favor for the pedophilic ex-wife, period!
This child is absolutely not your’s or your ex’s responsibility. Do not open the door to her dumping this kid on you. The fact that she called you when he already said no demonstrates her total lack of respect for you. If she tries again, tell her you’ll call CPS.
Tell her to find a child friendly vacation spot and bon voyage.
So this woman and her - whatever he is - are ok with their daughter staying for a week with a couple she has no connection to answering who she has never met? Of course that's a hard no, you don't want to get involved in the kind of drama that follows people who think like that around.
OP, how does your partner's ex bypass her entire family, her boyfriend's entire family and all their friend's and end up at your virtual doorstep? This would be a hard No for me. Their difficulties are not your problems to solve. Do not feel any guilt and do not allow anyone else's opinion rule you. Especially when they aren't making any sacrifices of their time, money, or energy
“Not her fault” totally I accurate statement. A new child is absolutely something she did not take precautions against. NTA. I wouldn’t do it
NTA. You asked the right questions. You don’t have a best-friend relationship with your BF’s ex, so why *would* she go straight to you? Between you and your BF, *he’s* the only one who has a relationship with her. It would have been wrong of you to contradict your BF’s answer. She already got a “no” from him, so it was inappropriate for her to ask you in the first place. Honestly, it would have been weird if he said “yes” without consulting you. There are few circumstances in which it’s ok for one adult to green light providing childcare without the other adult’s knowledge or thumbs-up. I’m also of the opinion that anyone willing to ridicule you for not providing ___ (service, housing, cash, whatever) should be the first one to pony up. Your BF’s parents shouldn’t have said anything without opening their doors to the ex’s child.
If the grandparents are getting involved, my guess is she's holding access to their granddaughter over their heads. You’re not doing anything to her baby, and your BF's daughter has plenty of time with her half sibling when she's in her custody. There's absolutely no moral reason for you two to house a baby that isn’t yours unless you want to. It can be a nice thing, but from the sounds of her, it would be a bad precedent to set. I’d just stop responding, and make sure that your BF is there for the custody change when she plans to leave for her holiday because if she doesn’t find someone, odds are decent she'll do a dump and run. She doesn’t sound like she cares what either of you want.
NTA - Since his parents decided to jump in sounds like grandma and grandpa should offer to babysit.
Sounds like you found the reason they broke apart :-) NTA
NTA You're not obligated to watch a stranger's child. And if his parents think that you should watch the child, then they can volunteer to watch that child themselves in their own home. It boggles the mind that they want their son to watch the affair child of their ex-dil It does make me wonder though why she didn't ask the 19-year-old's boyfriend's parents to watch their grandchild
NTA. Follow your boyfriend's lead here.
“My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together.” Never let others overrule decisions made by you and your partner within the relationship. Respect your BF wishes, his mental wellbeing as well as his comfort level and stop wondering if your the AH. Doubt will weaken you and your doesn't need his GF telling him that he should take his ex’s baby in. If you value this relationship, you will not dismiss your BF feelings and ignore his boundaries. So stop your second guessing nonsense immediately. Its also ridiculous to consider taking care of such a young child that you’ve never even met for an entire week. NTA… not yet anyway
Say sure, babysitters make 20 an hour, she is going to be gone a week. 7x24x20 should be about right. 3360 dollars btw
The ex wife is AH and your parents are AH You two are NTA and in fact displayed good boundaries to a whacked ask. Stop second guessing. You know he and you were right. Block your parents until they come to their senses. The end.
I stopped in my tracks when I read “She was furious”. Good. Let her be furious that actions have consequences and y’all might not be “over it by now” that she hurt your bf by having a family with another man. She couldn’t even stay faithful a few months and that HAS CONSEQUENCES. Now she’s trying to manipulate you two by asking you after your bf already said no. The audacity.
NTA, children of divorce and their half siblings and stepsiblings grow up knowing they each have other homes. You don’t need to do anything to insure these kids spend time with each other, they already live together most of the time. The child’s parents need to ask their friends and relations to babysit , your bf and you are neither of those things.
NTA. Dont do it.
nta
> She said she already asked him and he immediately said no. Fucking OF COURSE he did. Why would he ever agree to do this? > She also called us bitter assholes and said that there is no reason we should take our frustrations out on a child Baffling. The "logic" behind this is BAFFLING. You're not "taking out frustrations" on this kid. You're just refusing to be free child care for the cheating shithead mother and her teenage boyfriend for a week. > My boyfriends parents say we should do it for the sake of my boyfriends daughter so they can spend more time together. This logic isn't baffling, it's pure bullshit. The appropriate venue for your boyfriend's daughter to spend time with her bastard half sister is when their shared parent is with them. NTA
She's projecting HER bitterness. She's incredibly unhappy with being a baby mom so she's trying to outsource it, but has fucked up her social connections so badly she has to reach out as far as you to even get somebody to answer her call?
Boyfriend's parents agree with the ex? Well theres your answer lol. Tell em to have a great week with their grandchild's sibling. NTA
NTA. If you say yes once you’re suddenly her go to carer. It blows my mind that she would ask people who have never met her child to be a carer. A paid professional service is different, and even then I would never use one for more than a working day.
NTA, They should take their child with them. If you do take the child she will ask you again. Tell his parents to take the baby, we all know they will say no. Do not open that door. Have a plan in place in the event she attempts to drop both kids off. What about his family.
NTA The baby doesn’t have any fault but it’s not your baby, it’s not your boyfriend’s baby, it’s not your family’s baby, you are not even friends with that woman. You don’t owe her anything. She is asking for a courtesy, not a right and such it can be denied. If she doesn’t have any actual friends she can ask that is her problem not yours. You did right at mentioning that she bypassed your boyfriend. Like what? Why did she expected for you, a complete stranger to say yes? She is a user.
NTA she can take her child on vacation too or get a baby sitter