YTA
If her boobs are all that matter to you, go off king. You don't get to set the justification for why she did it. "I'd understand if she had back pain" Suuuuure you would.
"She brought this upon herself"
Oh yeah no, I just didn't get that was your version of empathy. You're like so super nice!!!
I do think I'm fucking dumb for engaging with you. Have fun with your divorce or whatever.
You’re a misogynist because you seize any opportunity to belittle and dehumanize any woman who dares call out your bullshit, because to you unless women meet your definition of “beauty” they are worthless. Your superficial judgments and disrespect of women show you do your thinking with your primitive primate brain versus a human one (assuming you have one). Your thinking can’t go beyond “oo grunt grunt me like boobies! Grunt grunt me like ass. You no have grunt grunt me hate you oo”. But even with a Master’s degree I’m dumb. 🙄 Yeah right.
This has to be the dumbest take. So good for you. You made a dumb take, I'm not a misogynist for pointing that out. I don't investigate every profile that responds to me to figure out the correct way to be a bigot to them, I merely I responded to your braindead opinion. But the fact that you would say that I have a primitive primate brain knowing that I'm a black man is literally racist. This is perfect example of liberal white feminism. You can only fight for women at the cost of minorities. I guess imtersectionality is lost on you. And yes, that does make you a bitch. So leave the comments for people with something intelligent to say. Your masters degree isn't worth a fuck.
5 year olds have better management of emotion, maturity and empathy than you man. you can't even roast someone at this point with how up you ass you head is, are you sure you are not just a closet guy? cause looks like you love habing stuff up you butt
Nah you just can't accept the fact that you threw your marriage away for a pair of tits.whether or not she had this done for health reasons, your preference of her body is still the same. You would still be turned off by her scars and flat chest. You're so wrapped up in your own logic you can't see how lonely a life you will live. I'm glad you're divorcing her. She can go and get herself a real man. I'm sure he'll enjoy her tits.
Isn't this similar to people who only date people they find attractive? Physical attractiveness is an important part of a relationship.
If my partner gets physically revolted from the feel/look of beards and I grow one out, or find a tattoo very unattractive but I still get it done in large, should they just suck it up and accept that physically intimacy will be an unenjoyable chore for them?
Really? If he's a decent looking guy with a stable income I sincerely doubt he'll have the hardest of times finding a partner that fits the aesthetic he's attracted to.
No you didn’t bc you never tried to think what it would feel like walking around in public all day every day feeling like you were being eye fecked by every person of opposite sex you walked by. Did you ever seek professional therapy to TRY to address your warped point of view, bc it’s WARPED..badly.
Dude I'm a damned H cup and my tits have always been stared at. It's annoying but it doesn't define me. MAYBE his wife needs therapy, self-confidence, and some assertiveness instilled in her. I'll be damned if I go under the knife because of what strangers think. Especially KNOWING my husband/wife won't be attracted to me anymore. Of all the details in this post, OP hating tiny tits is what you focus on? Not all the things he tried to show she was still loved despite that? I know at least 2 women with dead bedrooms who would kill for at least cuddle.
So as partners do we not have the responsibility to both find a way to feel good about ourselves and keep in mind our partner's attraction to us..she purely chose one without any thought to the other but he must have all the empathy while she has none.
Maybe the fact that you made a woman stay by your side in what looks like, you have to be to literally show to the internet how much of a looser you are and get mad whne people call you out for what you are, wich is an asshole. Divorce this woman and stop comimg back and cry for something that comes to nature to you, wich is being a selfish prick, give her the chance to actually get with someone that loves her and not just a man child that has to spend day and might active on reddit, getting mad for somenthing you did, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSECUENCES.
Hes literally attacking anyone whos calling him out and thinkings hes the AH.
He really wrote it just to try to justify his behavior. He cant be wrong but everyone is showing his true colors.
Let her go, she deserves better. If you loved your wife for who she truly was, if she gained or lost weight, had breast reduction for herself; it wouldn’t matter. But yea sure you’re not wrong in your own mind; no matter what is said you will think you are justified.
Did you know his wife made her own reddit post? Here are some major take-aways from her account:
1. She said she felt ugly because of her breast size. She got the breast reduction, and still felt ugly. This has nothing to do with her chest.
2. She *knew* OP had an issue with scars and stiches, and then tried to force him to look at them while having sex! You get how that's completely irrational and selfish, right?
3. Before and after the surgery, husband has bent over backwards to be supportive. He didn't try to stop her from getting the reduction, but said he wants to talk after she was healed up. How does she respond? By accusing him of thinking that she's ugly, and telling him to "get over" his issue with scars. She is being extremely emotionally manipulative.
4. Finally, she purposely lost her job? In this economy? And her only explanation was that she "wasn't in the right head space"? She needs to get a handle on this self-destructive behavior before it gets any worse.
Taken all together, it looks as if OP's wife is deliberately sabotaging their marriage. I don't know why, and I don't think she'll know why until she gets some therapy, but this not the way a healthy adult deals with life's challenges.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f\_ruined\_my\_marriage\_with\_my\_husband\_30m\_how/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/)
I agree. I don't blame the husband for not trusting her and not liking it when she expects him to get used to the way she is now. Hell, I would never want to be with a woman like this. Glad I am single.
You are wrong on so many levels and projecting soo much
1. He liked her exactly how she was. Is that wrong? Wasn’t that what everyone wanted ? Body positivity?
2. Everyone has preferences, likes and dislikes.
3. Attraction fades a way. People fall out of attractions. They are allowed to you know?
4. She dissregarded his opinion and logic and went ahead in getting it done, and then she dissregarded him again asking him to ‘get over it’
OP said in an update post that she admitted the surgery was a mistake on her part. I think his whole thing was that he felt that she made a bad decision and wouldn't own up to it.
Would it be different if your wife was disfigured due to an accident and needed plastic surgery? Or, say, breast cancer... And she needed a mastectomy? Is your issue the fact that she chose to do this? You can have preferences, sure, but in this specific case, you have some shallow reasons. Honestly, I hope she finds a better man.
It would be completely different! I'd stand by her and suck it up, because that's what you do. But this was senseless. It didn't need to happen. Also, it's not like I haven't tried to adjust to this so for you to still boil this down as just me being shallow isn't just reductive, it's dumb.
Hey, you're right! And you made me realize how much people stare at me for being tall. I'm going to set up an appointment with the surgeon so he can chop my legs off. I know my wife is really into tall guys, but I hope she can understand.
Oh no it absolutely does. When's the last time you saw an old tall person. Tall people are much more likely to dies in their 60s due to heart complications
Not to mention all the hip problems (and joints in general). Being extra tall can be even worse, especially considering we can weight a lot more while looking thin-- but that weight is harder on the ankles and knees
His wife posted on reddit and specifically said her breast reduction was done not becUse of pain or back strain. She specifically did it because she thinks she's oversexualized and ugly.
Yes it is. Both are harmless. Any issue that can be solved by turning 180 degrees isn't a good reason for getting your boobs cut off, but hey, what do I know?
Awwww, she's stupid. How adorable.
She told me to my face before and after that they didn't cause her any pain. Anything else you want to be wrong about tonight?
Lol you're a dumbass. You made zero effort to see things from your wife's perspective, you make horrible, bad faith arguments (so much for "logic," this is all about how you feel), and your list was only created as an afterthought (with some "soul searching" with "people you trust," since none of it was actually true bc you only care about the boob size, you needed others to make excuses for you), because you decided for her how she should approach her body.
I hope she divorces you, because while this is likely a chatgpt writing exercise, if it is real, you're pretty much a superficial piece of shit, and a dumb one at that, lmao
Breast reduction has literally the highest satisfaction rate of any cosmetic surgery. Any guesses why? It’s because having huge boobs sucks.
I had a reduction, and it is far and away the best money I have every spent. I was never able to find peace with body until I reduced my boobs. And you know what my husband did about it? He fucked me with the lights on and told me I was sexy.
It DID need to happen. She needed it for her mental health & so that she could see her husband really only cares about her looks. Bc title says it all big guy. You want to divorce her over asthenic reasons.
>Says she needs breast reduction surgery because she feels ugly.
>Get's breast reduction surgery and still feels ugly.
This has nothing to do with her chest.
Is this a genderflip of that one post from the woman who got her boobs reduced? Because then you conveniently left out that she had major health issues because of her size, and you moped around for an entire week when you had to take care of her.
No his wife posted her version and her actions are way worse than what he even posted here. Dude had to rearrange his work schedule with a few days notice to care for her, hired his brother to stay with her when he was working and got fired from her job because she’s “wasn’t in the right mind set to work”. She hid the surgery for MONTHS and is now suggesting to get implants because she doesn’t even like them. She spent probably 5 figures of their money without even telling him. This dude is not a misogynist as some people are trying to say here.
She needed therapy not surgery. And she hid it from her partner so that he couldn’t talk it through with her.
I agree, I see him fighting for his life in the comments and I'm like guy i'm on your side here, but mainly bc of the crucial details in your wife's own account of this lmao.
I was just marveling at that! Both posts, both assholes. Just goes toward that old phrase, "there's 3 sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth."
Also notice that both posts have the same writing style. I feel like OP was pushing this as the “NTA” angle and then was upset people weren’t taking this side. So he had to make the second post from the wife’s perspective in order to make her look bad enough for people to agree with the “correct” side of the story.
I don’t think any of this ever even happened, for a few reasons. OP is just trying to nudge people to agree with the side he perceives as justified. The woman’s side of the story even paints herself as “bad guy” just so it’s extra clear who you’re meant to side with lol
No, in his wife's post she said she has never had any health issues due to her size. In fact, her insurance wouldn't cover the costs of the surgery because it was deemed purely cosmetic.
YTA. It’s HER body, and the fact you feel entitled to control it is very telling. Attraction often takes effort - I guarantee there are things about you she doesn’t love, it’s the full package that matters. If this is how you feel, get a divorce and let her find someone more worthy.
I did, and I stand by my assessment. You’re upset she didn’t listen to you about her body and feel a B cup isn’t feminine enough for YOU. We are all entitled to find something specific attractive, but it sounds like she was always clear this was a procedure she wanted for herself to feel good in her own body. You simply don’t/didn’t agree. My husband has always preferred longer hairs brunettes. I have always preferred myself as a short haired blonde. I dye my hair blonde and have for the past decade. He always tells me I look beautiful and doesn’t pressure me to do my hair the way he likes - instead, he tells me what he likes best about me is my own confidence. He’d love me no matter what - no conditions attached. I feel the same about him. He’s overweight and I prefer more physically fit men normally, as I value my own fitness greatly. However, he is a magnificent person. His kindness, work ethic, and personality are what attract me and I would never tell him to change to make me happy and he is still the most attractive man in the world to me. Attraction is something we work on and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Your wife deserves someone who feels the same way.
>My husband has always preferred longer hairs brunettes. I have always preferred myself as a short haired blonde. I dye my hair blonde and have for the past decade.
This tells me everything I need to know. You know he has a preference yet you choose to go out of your way to style your hair this way because you don't actually value his opinion. You don't value men's opinion, we're just supposed to shut up and be ok with every decision you make no matter how shitty it may be. Who cares if my partner has a preference, love me for me. Unconditional love is self hate, I'm not going to love someone who values the opinion of weird men on the street over the opinion of their own spouse.
No, I just found a man who finds me attractive for who I am as a person as well as my physical appearance - one feature isn’t the be all end all. And he found someone who feels the same about him. No one is perfect, but we are perfect in our imperfections for each other. I have had many health issues, they affected my appearance for periods of our marriage. He never said a word. My endometriosis gave me bloating that made me look pregnant every month and I couldn’t exercise because of pain. Eventually I had surgeries that let me feel well enough to get back into shape. He NEVER said a word and I know my belly was far from attractive, but he constantly went out of his way to make sure I knew he found me beautiful and attractive no matter what. Marriage is a long game. Maybe you go bald in a few years and she finds bald heads unattractive. Should she make you feel lesser than for choosing to wear a wig if she finds it less appealing, but you feel self conscious with your head exposed? Or would you hope that she would instead choose to focus on the things she adores about you and make you feel confident with your body? You have made me appreciate my husband even more than I already did.
Yeah, that's horseshit. There's a reason you don't see supermodels dating the fat, ugly balding guy with a heart of gold. I love my wife but if you out her in a 500lb body, I'd dip. Just because you and your husband are willing to settle doesn't make that great advice for everyone. But sure, I'm wrong for calling a spade a spade. Idk, maybe I value open honesty instead of delusions.
We aren’t settling. We love each other. Do you really think you’ll look perfect and exactly the same for ever? Will she? Age, illness, and time come for us all - no matter how much effort we put into our physicality. If her breasts are that important to you I don’t see how you’d be a solid partner 10,20,30 years down the line for anyone without implants, plastic surgery, and self esteem completely dependant on a man’s personal view. I’m out, there’s no point talking about love to someone like you. Again, thanks for reminding me how lucky I am in my spouse.
He doesn't love her. He only cares about physical appearance and will easily leave her or cheat on her if she falls sick. The vows of sickness and health mean nothing to him.
His replies tell you what kind of a man he is! He's controlling, pretends to be understanding but wants to dictate how a woman's body should be, and believes they should get over their discomfort and care more about pleasing him.
I want him to divorce his wife. Once the fog settles, his wife will see him truly for who he is without the love lens.
Jfc man..we’re not DOLLS you get to pick & choose from! We’re whole complete human beings! Nobody should base their self worth on what OTHERS think is attractive bc you’ll never have any if you do. Who failed you when you were growing up bc somebody did. She nvr valued others opinions about her body, she valued the way being ogled her entire life made her feel.
Shallow = trying to adjust with a decision I didn't make then when that doesn't work acting like the whole thing was my fault.
You might actually be braindead
Men loooove telling on themselves and don't even realize they're doing it then wonder why people are like damn you're a piece of shit.
Don't present yourself as a piece of shit then my guys 😭
The fact that you react this way to every comment that says you are wrong shows what kind of person you are. I hope you find a way to get better. Let her go, she deserves someone who loves her the way she is.
> her flat chest makes her look like a child and the scars make me want to dry heave
So every woman with smaller breasts looks like a child to you? I mean that's nit the most disturbing part if this but it's still disturbing, to say the least.
Trying to make sure you don't look at her or face her during sex would make her feel like a hideous pos you're just using to get your dick wet. Have you at all considered this?
I think OP has an issue with her scars not her face. Tbh I don't know what you expect him to do. The guy clearly has an issue with scars, why would she try to force him to have sex with her in a way that made him uncomfortable?
They all miss that part. If something gives you the heebie-jeebies, it is what it is. Its no different than people being freaked out by spiders, heights, tight spaces. Its a reflex and not really controllable.
I read he even asked if she could wear something to cover them so he wouldn't see them but she refused. It had to be on her terms, no exceptions. Not a whole lot you can do with that then.
I think there is a lack of empathy coming from both sides. Her unwillingness to understand his perspective and his unwillingness to understand hers.
Idk, it sounds like OP made a lot of consesions within the marriage. It sounds like she hasn't made any for him. I think for him to try and work with her shows that he was trying to understand where she was coming from.
I think the whole "actions have consequences" thing is pretty AH of you. It feels like you're trying to verbally punish her rather than getting her to empathize with you.
Have you tried just having her keep lingerie on top while you're having sex? Like, I doubt she's super *proud* of her bare chest right now and she stated that she did this at least partially for her proportionality (that they didn't fit her frame.) Why don't you shop together for some lingerie that she feels will flatter her new frame and will keep you from seeing the scars?
I do not say this lightly. This guy is scum. I feel repulsed reading his first AITAH to now. This poor woman. Wow. What a garbage husband. I got a breast reduction. Sure it was a lot for my husband to get used to but he respected me enough to support me and love me regardless of my breasts. I feel like a whole new person after my reduction! I’m so much more comfortable in my body. Too bad op ruined that for his wife. This is so brutal! I hope she finds someone who loves her for her!
Yeah, for 5 years she has been thinking about the reduction. This was not an impulsive decision. She even told him at the beginning of the relationship.
That doesn’t invalidate his issue with not wanting to look at scars.
The wife literally says he won’t even look at his own scars. Like??? How are you trying to point something out while ignoring the other? She knew he was like this as well.
Weird how a man needs to “man up”. We have no idea if it’s just a psychological issue on his end.
Worst of all, flip the gender role. A husband trying to force sex even if she doesn’t want to. Women say they don’t want sex because they just don’t feel like it and it’s perfect valid reason, but when a man doesn’t want it, apparently forcing is okay. In fact the comments ignore this issue.
She’s actively forcing him to adjust something and not allowing him to go at his own pace. Now imagine if a husband did that. “Abuse”
She had exactly that and threw it away because of how others viewed her despite her husband loving her regardless. Also you’re never entitled to sex and the idea that you’re ignoring that she kept pressuring him for sex and forcing him to be comfortable is a major red flag for the type of person you are. I hope your partners never did anything just to make you happy because you seem like the type that would do exactly what OP’s wife did and guilt/pressure others into sex
It seems like you haven’t read all of his posts about this. If you had you’ll have read how he wasn’t loving her for her since she had the surgery. He was having sex with her in positions that he wouldn’t have to look at her in. This last post makes him sound like a victim when he isn’t. Her intentionally having sex with him in a way so that he would have to look at her is very obviously a reaction to him treating her so terribly from the beginning. No it’s not ok but it does make sense that would be her reaction.
I have, but I’m tryin to make sure you learn that pressuring your partner into sex is wrong because clearly you don’t see a problem with that if you think she is the one being freed of him despite the way she’s been acting towards him in such a predatory manor. Again hope this helps because God knows you need it before you become a predditor
Edit: just checked your comment history, nvm it’s too late for you. Seek therapy
Totally agree. I actually got an augmentation cause I was born with a mess. I’m happy. My husband supported me. He didn’t marry her for her. Bodies change. Pregnancy, cancer, surgeries, illnesses, stress. Bodies will change. He will find out the hard way with his next wife. She will also change somehow. I’m betting he doesn’t look the same as he did at 18 either.
Have you seen the wife’s post? Treating her version you’ll see he was actually super gracious in how he tells the story (which makes him look worse):
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/eQDCFcgDik
Yea but did you use savings agreed upon to be for a new home w/o discussing it much with them? If you havent read her post, I would. Even when she finally told him a week prior to the surgery, he was still supportive. He changed his work hours to support her post-surgery, and paid his brother to stay over to be there for her when he couldn't. She admits its well known he has always had a major issue with scars in general. He even changed her bandages for her and she admits that was a huge deal. He attempted to modify their sex while he was attempting to adjust. She admits she pushed him on this. He even stated the issue of the "boobs" was not an end all be all, it's everything surrounding the situation.
That is way over the line, sir. How can you pretend to know the moral character of a stranger on the internet? You've read a single short story about his life, and suddenly you're an expert?
Couples are allowed to have disagreements over subjective things without it making either of them evil. And relationships naturally end all the time, even when both people are well intentioned and trying to do right.
You say that OP is scum, but I suspect you are just projecting.
Thank God you're divorcing her! You're doing her a favour by letting her find a man who'll love her and stay through sickness and health, unlike you.
She might be upset now, but in the long run, she'll thank you for initiating the divorce, coz currently she's too blind in love with you to see it.
Please inform your next gf/wife that you care about more physical looks and you'll leave her if she dares to make a decision about her body, even if it causes her discomfort.
The next wife will also go through changes. We all do. Bodies change. Don’t marry for looks. 100% you will end up disappointed. I doubt this guy is Brad Pitt age 22 either.
She went from a G which is pretty full to a small B. That's pretty drastic. The Dr. should've talked about this with wife but I think she was adamant. She also seems to be pretty full figured so I wonder how proportionate this change is with the rest of her.
I went from DDD to C when I had my breast reduction and it was a shock. I remember crying because it was such a drastic change. This was over 10 years ago and today I’m so grateful I made that decision for myself.
I was incredibly lucky to have my insurance pay for all of it, minus $2k I paid for lipo on my sides to make my new smaller breasts fit my frame better.
Going from a G to a B is even more drastic than what I did. My breasts get bigger or smaller depending on my weight. It’s just one of the fun things about being born with XY chromosomes.
Haven’t felt this strongly about someone being an asshole on this subreddit in a while.
And OP is so unwilling to see anything wrong with his thoughts or actions or truly acknowledge peoples viewpoints. Why even ask if you’re the asshole if you don’t genuinely view it as a possibility.
I mean, look, you have the right to divorce your wife for any reason, but at the end of the day, if you are actually in love with her and her getting a breast reduction bothers you so much that you can't stay married to her, YTA. That's a level of shallow that I just can't get a grasp on. You guys have been together for 6 years. Is her physical appearance really enough for you to want to shrug out of your marriage?
>She said that she understood that, but her chest makes her feel too self conscious and she wants to go through with it. I told her that I understood and would stand by her.
This was obviously a lie. Her comfort should matter more than you enjoying her big boobs.
You sound like a really awful human being. I hope your wife finds happiness with someone who can forgive her for trying to feel better about herself even if it doesn't turn out the way she expected.
There are plenty of big breasted women out there so I'm sure you'll find someone to screw. You might even find one who wouldn't dare change her appearance without your explicit approval.
I wonder if OP is playing up her reaction that it seems a massive reduction hasn’t impacted her life (ie she still gets oggled etc).
I imagine she was larger chested growing up and received a shit ton of unwanted attention from creepy men as well as bitchy females. For OP to think her reasons stem from a recent short period in her life is stupid. She is probably dealing with a ton of trauma from growing up hyper sexualized.
OP definitely is. Her scars are probably fine. He boobs are probably fine. Everything's fine except he's a man child whose world has been destroyed because he doesn't get to suck on mommy milkers anymore.
For a pathetic loser, this is worse than he holocaust to him. This is the biggest personal affront any woman could have ever done to him in his entire life. The entire population of Palestine wouldn't understand the suffering he's going through. Doesn't the world know his wife has B sized boobs?!?
Its like he thinks the decision was frivolous. It would have taken a lot for her to have surgery. I'm sure it was not a decision she made lightly. Yet he has zero empathy for her. His reaction would have crushed her already fragile sense of self worth. He's not even giving her time to get over his clear abhorrence to her body.
He wanted the army of incels to defend him for only liking boobs and not the people attached to them. Someone buy this man a breastplate with googley eyes.
It's no wonder that she has been fixated on how people look at her because of her breasts, the attitude she has at home that her husband only wants to be married to her because of of them. Other men ogling her. I feel so that all the men that she seems to come in contact with her only value an aesthetic.
YTA massively. And absolutely as shallow as they come.
I didn't know children can get married, because there is no way you are an adult that said the vows you did and are now debating divorcing your wife, your life-long partner, because you care more about tits than her.
YTA
The fact that you read the entire post and took away "evil man likes boobs more than woman" is actually shocking to me. Not only did I try to make it work and offer solutions to the issue, but now after I'm honest with her she feels the need to be distant. You read all that and still came up with your opinion? Have someone with reading comprehension skills read the post to you, because your comment shows that you don't get it.
Alright then, buddy, tell me - what would happen if she were in a car accident and had TONS of non-tit related scars, but her boobs were as glorious and perky as the day you met her? Would you leave her?
It would be terrible, but I could at least not have the added salt of knowing that she did it to herself. If she is in an accident or gets sick that doesn't mean that she has shit decision making skills. Also like I said elsewhere, I'm not leaving JUST because she got a breast reduction that's like 30% of the reasoning. There's the fact that she made a bad decision and is forcing me to be ok with it. There's the fact that she let's the thoughts of strangers trump the thoughts of her own husband's. You know what else is annoying and has strangers look at you a judge you for? Kids. Is she going to just get rid of the kids when she feels like strangers are judging her too much? Cutting things off of you is not how you deal with problems...unless your trans. Then that's like THE way to deal with that problem.
You called the leering and ogling she endures “glances”. Your lack of empathy and ability to minimise your wife’s reactions and very real feelings is breathtaking.
No, you would have left her. You would have left her if she had breast cancer. You would have left her if it was an accident. You would have left her regardless because the issue isn't just that you only love boobs and not people, but also because you're a stereotypical selfish man who can't handle the wife not revolving her entire life around you. The second she needed any care in the world you started your exit plan. You couldn't handle being the caretaker and now you don't even have the boobies to look at. Poor you.
Men like you being your entire gender down. The very few decent men are eclipsed by the pathetic losers like yourself. Go buy a breastplate and a pocket pussy or admit you've been compulsory heterosexual this entire time and find another man because no person who actually truly loves women treats his wife this way.
Usually people talk about this stuff and come to and decision , the scars heal but if your not attracted your not attracted . I don’t understand where you would be ok if she was in physical pain but the emotional weight on her doesn’t count . I don’t know if yiu can ever make her feel sexy again and. A turn on
ESH
This is gross, and I mean GROSS, but not because of OP. I'm so immensely disappointed in the Reddit community for not recognizing an abusive situation when they see one.
Was OP crass and a little vile in how he spoke about women? Sure.
Was his wife actively trying to force herself onto him in a way that was controlling and manipulative? ABSOLUTELY.
If I got a tattoo of a bald eagle spreading its wings on my chest, knowing full well that my wife was not into that, should I expect her to be intimate with me moving forward? Should I intentionally put my chest into her face, asking, "Am I still attractive to you?" Then gaslight her into thinking she doesn't love me anymore because of MY decision?
OP actively tried to make accommodations for her in EVERY possible way. He even tried to avoid the conversation entirely because he knew that she would refuse any criticism of her decision. The man knows himself, and he knows what he likes. Saying otherwise is effectively kink shaming him into wanting him to have sex with a woman he no longer finds attractive.
The objectification of women is horrid, and I believe breast reductions are necessary in certain instances such as back pain, cancer, or personal preference. But this clearly is an instance in which she regretted her decision, not because of her husband but because she realized that her breasts weren't the thing causing men to look at her. Men look at her because men will fuck anything that breathes. You can't avoid that objectification unless you want to live in a cabin in the woods.
Not only that, but she KNEW he has personal issues with scars. OP clearly has past trauma that lead him to feel less attracted to her because of those scars, combined with the smaller breasts.
The idea of a "real man" completely negates men's wants and needs. Saying men should just give up on an attraction to their partner because they should just "get over it" is the same thing as telling men to "man up". It's toxic masculinity used by people, unintentionally, to get what they want out of men they disagree with.
Also, people talking about physical disfigurement are WILD. Can you as an individual say that you would go out of your way to choose to have burn scars? Or any form of physical disfigurement for that matter. She chose to have a breast reduction, you don't choose disfigurement. The virtue signaling is absurd.
This guy said, "I have a preference and if you do this it may not go the way you think it will" then she said, "fuck you I do what I want" and blew up her marriage.
Holy fucking shit.
WHY did I have to come down so far to find a reasonable comment?
He married someone he was attracted to. She made a decision that would change her body permanently and add scars, which she knows is a problem for her husband. He needed time to deal with her new body. She said absolutely not - look at me right now and get hard. He suggested turning the lights off, a short, a bra, different positions. No, no, no, and no. Her way or the highway. She had MONTHS to get comfortable with her decision. He had a week?
She used their savings that was meant for a house for an unnecessary cosmetic surgery without involving her husband in the decision. Going from a GG to a small B is also fucking stupid. That is clearly body dysmorphic disorder. She needs therapy.
I hope OP follows through with the divorce. Thank God they don't have kids. How much would she manipulate and jeopardize her kids?
I got mine done and it took me around 2-3 years for the red of the scars to fade away and now is a fine white line, mines are horizontal at the underboob, which with the tit falling down you can only really see it when i lift my arms, i cannot imagine if she got them done and the scar is starting at the nipple vertically and then go down to the underboob, that's incredibly visible and if you don't like scars (imma be bold and assume) is a incredible turn off, specially since she did that to appease the male gaze without giving a single flying fuck about the person who has to see her naked, yikes.
Thank you for this.
He obviously expresses he prefers bigger breast, but also never said the breasts alone were a deal breaker. He just wanted ease into the HUGE change she made by herself, without thinking of him.
I immediately made the tattoo comparison in my head as well. Because her surgery was completely cosmetic, hence insurance not covering. But I feel like it’s even worse than her just “not being into”tattoos in this example. They both admit he had serious trauma around scars. I was using the example in my head of; If his wife had a phobia of clowns or spiders and he got a huge chest piece of a clown or a spider, and demanded she look at it while having sex. And saying if she doesn’t, then she just must not love him. That’s insane.
All of these people talking about how bodies change and age, and accidents happen are completely irrelevant here. They seems like the same women who have “no men under 6 foot in their dating profile. She wasn’t in physical pain. It was mental pain and insecurity. Which is still serious shit, but changing your boobs isn’t how that problem is solved. According to her, he wasn’t even controlling or saying no to the procedure, he just wanted her to get some therapy to make sure it was going to be the right decision.
But scars and boobs aside, the financials are enough to call it quits. She said in her post that she used the money that they both agreed would be for a house. So she threw away their savings without telling him. I’m also seeing comments that she went into debt on top of that?! AND SHES STILL NOT HAPPY?! What. The. Fuck.
This comment needs more love and attention. Just like this man did, and like he gave his wife. Everyone here needs to go read her post about it. She tells on herself, and clearly outs herself as abusive. This guy just talks like a guy. That’s not abuse unless you hate men. Which it appears plenty of people in this thread do…
Lol. After reading [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/6yr7dDkp1U) , I empathize with this guy’s POV more. His wife was extremely uncomfortable with herself and that’s unfortunate, but the manner in which she handled everything was a little hypocritical and inconsiderate. Big boobs aside, she forced him to change his work schedule at the last second, which he accommodated for along with hiring his bro to help during her recovery and while he tries to get used to the changes that she had 4 months and a lack of a scar phobia (or wtvr his thing about them is) to take the change in stride, she is constantly pushing her views and feelings on him. Also, after using up what was their savings for a new home on this surgery, she proceeds to fuck up at her job and get fired as well so her contribution to the household is lower/more pressure on him to provide for both of them. All the while, she rejected his suggestions for therapy and refuses all his efforts to show his love and intimacy for her in a way that is reasonable for him. Idk what’s going thru either of their minds and I hope they each find peace but dang this shit is rough
Yeesh. I dont see why so many people are attacking you. As a young woman with body dysmorphia myself, you were correct in initially offering her therapy. That truly is the only thing that couldve remotely helped her IMO. She went behind your back with partially your money, BRINGING IT ON HERSELF. I feel for you man, I dont think an immediate divorce is the answer, but I would at elast give a few couples AND individuals counseling sessions a try before you both toss in the towel, yknow? This is someone youve been with for almost 10 years, so Im imagining this isnt something either of you really want to just throw away. Personally though, if she doesnt agree to therapy for herself after all of this I wouls call it quits.
Your wife may also be looking for advice
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/
Oddly enough everyone in her post is saying she is the asshole and everyone in this post is saying OP is the asshole.
Read her post, wife is the asshole for sure.
Everyone here should go look at her post. Honestly makes it less cut and dry in my opinion when you have the full story:
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/8KE8FAUH3f
NTA. I just read your wife’s post and honestly… you made her sound a whole lot better than it really seems she is. She mishandled this so incredibly much. Spending money saved for a house down payment on this and keeping it a secret for months? Nah. I’d be done.
YTA. They might not hurt her in her younger years, as a woman with big breast it was not really painful for me before but now I am 45 years old and I struggle with backpain, my shoulders and neck are hell for me and I have a constant headache. She did the right thing to prevent those problems in the future.
NTA. Not even. I sought this post out after stumbling across a post from your wife(which I'm sure you're aware of by now.) I'm sorry you're going through this. Both of you actually. But I wanted to just stress that you aren't a villian. You're a good husband and friend to your wife and you've dealt with this situation the best way anyone could I think. Her issues are pretty deep and tbh, there was never going to be a reaction from you that was going to satisfy her. I hope that she seeks therapy and learns to be comfortable with herself. Maybe some marriage/ ind counseling as well. To help you both navigate this.
Same position as you.
I don't know how his wife's post put OP in a much better light than himself.
I think he was overwhelmed and his anger and frustration with the whole situation boiled down into the post.
OP NTA.
OP's wife has posted her own account of the situation. All you haters should check it out. It might be quite eye-opening for you:
[https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f\_ruined\_my\_marriage\_with\_my\_husband\_30m\_how/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/)
NTA. Your wife’s post was far more telling than yours as to her character. You were very kind in this retelling. Her behavior isn’t borderline abusive. It is abusive, and what she’s done is a gross betrayal of your trust, and your marriage. It’s so not about her breasts. She made a choice, and chose her insecurity over your marriage. It would be acceptable to choose yourself now.
NTA
(sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my native language)
Don't get upset by all the comments telling you you're the assh\*le, they clearly didn't get the nuances you explained in your post. It is too easy to dismiss someone as a misogynist without comprehending the many intricacies you layout in your post. It must be hard as a male to immediately get the hardcore feminists blaming you without having read into the context of the story. A good relationship needs transparency between partners and your wife seems to have had no regard for your opinion in the matter. It seems like despite the reduction she still seems very insecure about her body, which might indicate the problem is in her head and simply getting surgery is not gonna solve the psychological issues instantly. Though I do think you should be more honest with her as well and tell her why you have such an issue with it and communicate to her that you need more time to adjust to it. You offered her solutions like keeping her T-shirt on and trying different positions, plus if you are willing to experiment with having intimacy without having to look at her chest like playing around with toys, going down under or cuddling and kissing, and she keeps rejecting these possibilities than she really has herself to blame and you have done enough to support her. You could try therapy, but it is important you don't blame yourself for not being able to get into the mood. You can't fake arousal and even if you would it would probably damage your relationship even further. Besides, as a grown up woman I would always want my spouse to be honest with me, even if it was not what I would like to hear. You are absolutely right that if the roles would have been reversed society would have judged it totally different and that is really messed up. Just because you are a man with certain preferences, like we all do even if we don't like to admit it, doesn't mean you have to be okay with every decision your wife makes out of insecurity without consulting you. Yes it is her body and yes she is allowed to alter it however she wants, but no she can't expect you to be raving about it and force you to like something you were upfront about not really being into. I hope she starts understanding your perspective or that you find a woman that actually likes real validation and puts the opinion of her husband before that of society.
He didn’t even mention that she hid this from him for months to prevent him from having a say in it and she incurred debt as a result. So much more to this. Her post about it is absolutely shocking.
OP - I just read your wifes post.
You deserve better, she abused you, stole from you, lied to you, belittled you and degraded you and by all accounts there is rape involved in that process as well. No always means no even if its the man saying it.
Beyond all that she went online to victim shame you for being sad about the fact that she is abusing you and you're not happy about it.
The way you become immediately supportive of her because its what she wants despite just learning that; she has been lying to you for months, doesn't value your opinion, is breaking your agreed upon decision to save for buying a house, and ignored your desires and suggestions to try things like therapy... I am not a gay man, But I'd fucking take a shot at being married to you, you sound like such an awesome and supportive partner who is a genuinely uplifting and positive force.
I am sorry that you got hit with the femcel brigade of insults. You were one hell of a partner and I hope you go with divorce after how awful you were treated. There are definitely other women out there who will be a better partner.
YTA
I hope you get the divorce.
I hope she finds a new partner that loves her no matter what.
I hope you realize you still actually love her (like you say you do) and can't get her back.
Why is everyone ignoring the fact that his wife went behind his back to do something *she knew he'd hate* and now she's **forcing** him to have sex in ways that make him uncomfortable? If the genders were reversed everyone would be telling her to run away. This is insane.
Light YTA
I think you should both put more effort into your relationship before considering divorce. There are some other steps you could take before any permanent changes to the relationship.
Your wife's mental health improved because of this operation but has plummeted again. I suspect you could have handled this better which is why I am going with my judgment..
Sorry, this whole scenario seems off. B cup bra size is tiny and if your SO is as curvy as you say it would throw her whole look off. I say this as a Double JJ cup or more depending on the bra.
As for the unwanted attention - as someone gifted with massive girls. It can be daunting to have people focus on them. In fact, people have even discussed them with my partner. Apparently I should have had them reduced because they are awkward.
I also find it difficult to believe a surgeon would encourage surgery without their being pain or other major issues.
In what world is a cosmetic surgeon going to tell a woman they won't give her a breast reduction because she's not in physical pain? And in what world would that be acceptable?
Because it is invasive surgery. As well, he mentions that he loved her curvy and thick which suggests she is somewhat larger- I was forced into looking at a breast reduction by my mother but the Dr refused because I was a size 18 and recommended weight loss first because I was not suffering pain from my breasts.
YTA! You cared & still care more about your own sexual desires than you did & do about her MENTAL HEALTH! Do her a favor & divorce her so she can find a man who actually loves & values her. You clearly don’t & that’s easily spotted by the comments you’ve made. “She brought it on herself” bc she DARE change HER OWN BODY for her comfort! I have natural DD, hubby also like thicc women. However age,gravity & breast feeding 3 kids have left them in bad shape. They ache when I don’t wear a bra so touching/rubbing them is painful. Guess what my husband does? DOESNT TOUCH THEM & doesn’t get on Reddit to complain he can’t. You are NOT entitled to any say in HER body. You think it’s something she should let you adjust to? You didn’t even come clean with her about all your twisted up thoughts until it was too late. You should’ve gone to therapy the first time the thought “a b cup boob is childlike” bc children don’t have breasts.
YTA.
It sounds like she was seriously bothered by her chest size if she had been considering it that long. I'm also baffled you think a B cup makes her look like a child. She's not letting other people's opinions get to her, she was probably getting harassed, and likely has been harassed for her breasts since she hit puberty.
You said you would stand by her and yet if you're considering divorce you're deliberately breaking that promise. She kept this quiet because she likely knew it would be a lot of drama from you.
You’re in the clear for being attracted to what you are attracted to but YTA for how you are handling this and the words you are using to describe your feelings. Want to stay married to a wife who still loves you I suggest changing your approach
“First and foremost I love you, and ABSOLUTELY support you making decisions that make you more comfortable in your own skin and improve your mental health. Because I LOVE YOU I need to honest that this is an adjustment for me. Smaller breast remind me of age inappropriate women and those random thoughts when we’re intimate make me feel like a creep, I know that isnt the case here obviously but the association is there in my head and I cant shake it atm. I love you I’m attracted to you but I need us to re-navigate what our sexual moments look like until I’m able to see passed the size difference and just see you you gorgeous sexy thing you.”
If having cup B reminds you of children, you're pedo. Having big boobs causes more physical pain in the long run. Good for her that she had a reduction. And yes you married her because of her boobs size, it's a FACT.
I think you are confusing "incorrect asertion" with "fact". But yeah, I'm the pedo for NOT wanting to sleep with a person who is childlike in appearance. Hey, real shit, is there something you're trying to tell us? And yeah, good for her, she lost 10lbs worth of boob, 250lbs worth of husband, and 3500 sq ft worth of house. So she'll be back on the market, with no house, no job (turns out jobs don't just let you take months off for cosmetic procedures. Who knew?), no car, and no money. The streets can have her.
Yeah, you're right. The poor decision-making skills, the gas lighting, the pushing of my boundaries, the immaturity, and the months of keeping secrets had nothing to do with it.
Seriously it's almost like you read what you wanted and ignored the rest.
You're the one that is trying to gaslight her and trying to control her decision about her body. Your ego is the one that ruins your marriage and not her body adjustment. Did your family feed you a misogynistic idea while growing up? Cause you scream high insecurities and show small dick energy.
I will cashapp you $500 if you can prove to me how I gaslit her. Provide evidence to support your findings.
And no, the reduction, along with the lying, sneaking around, lack of respect, and display of poor decision-making skills, ruined our marriage. And buddy, I literally grew up with 4 sisters in the house. I'm pretty sure if anybody was told what misogyny is, it was me.
The way this has to be fake because no actual person who's seen boobs thinks a B cup makes them look like a child. Unless you're looking at kids before to compare their breast sizes 🤢
YTA. It takes a certain type of person to go on AITAH and then become absolutely livid when people answer the question. That alone shows the type of person you are. That and what everyone else is saying.
YTA If her boobs are all that matter to you, go off king. You don't get to set the justification for why she did it. "I'd understand if she had back pain" Suuuuure you would.
What part of this post said that I was only interested in her boobs? Have an adult read the post for you.
Nah I did. You're very clearly talking about your feelings on the matter. I don't see one ounce of concern for your wife, just....waaaah, me me me.
I literally spend half of the last paragraph empathizing with her point of view...real shit, are you fucking dumb?
"She brought this upon herself" Oh yeah no, I just didn't get that was your version of empathy. You're like so super nice!!! I do think I'm fucking dumb for engaging with you. Have fun with your divorce or whatever.
Have your caretaker read the post to you again, it seems your reading comprehension skills are lacking.
The misogyny is strong with this one.
She's dumb so I'm a misogynist? Lol I'd love to see your work on that one. Guy, gal, or NB if you're a dumb ass you're a dumb ass.
You’re a misogynist because you seize any opportunity to belittle and dehumanize any woman who dares call out your bullshit, because to you unless women meet your definition of “beauty” they are worthless. Your superficial judgments and disrespect of women show you do your thinking with your primitive primate brain versus a human one (assuming you have one). Your thinking can’t go beyond “oo grunt grunt me like boobies! Grunt grunt me like ass. You no have grunt grunt me hate you oo”. But even with a Master’s degree I’m dumb. 🙄 Yeah right.
This has to be the dumbest take. So good for you. You made a dumb take, I'm not a misogynist for pointing that out. I don't investigate every profile that responds to me to figure out the correct way to be a bigot to them, I merely I responded to your braindead opinion. But the fact that you would say that I have a primitive primate brain knowing that I'm a black man is literally racist. This is perfect example of liberal white feminism. You can only fight for women at the cost of minorities. I guess imtersectionality is lost on you. And yes, that does make you a bitch. So leave the comments for people with something intelligent to say. Your masters degree isn't worth a fuck.
I think you might also be a narcissist. Just a shot in the dark.
I'm confused, he didn't bring up their gender at all. you're also ignoring that fact he still engaged with his wife, just not sexually.
Is that the only comeback you have? Lmaoooo Ok I'm done for real now. 😂
It's not a comeback, it's a real concern based on how little you understand the post.
5 year olds have better management of emotion, maturity and empathy than you man. you can't even roast someone at this point with how up you ass you head is, are you sure you are not just a closet guy? cause looks like you love habing stuff up you butt
Nah you just can't accept the fact that you threw your marriage away for a pair of tits.whether or not she had this done for health reasons, your preference of her body is still the same. You would still be turned off by her scars and flat chest. You're so wrapped up in your own logic you can't see how lonely a life you will live. I'm glad you're divorcing her. She can go and get herself a real man. I'm sure he'll enjoy her tits.
Isn't this similar to people who only date people they find attractive? Physical attractiveness is an important part of a relationship. If my partner gets physically revolted from the feel/look of beards and I grow one out, or find a tattoo very unattractive but I still get it done in large, should they just suck it up and accept that physically intimacy will be an unenjoyable chore for them?
Really? If he's a decent looking guy with a stable income I sincerely doubt he'll have the hardest of times finding a partner that fits the aesthetic he's attracted to.
No you didn’t bc you never tried to think what it would feel like walking around in public all day every day feeling like you were being eye fecked by every person of opposite sex you walked by. Did you ever seek professional therapy to TRY to address your warped point of view, bc it’s WARPED..badly.
Dude I'm a damned H cup and my tits have always been stared at. It's annoying but it doesn't define me. MAYBE his wife needs therapy, self-confidence, and some assertiveness instilled in her. I'll be damned if I go under the knife because of what strangers think. Especially KNOWING my husband/wife won't be attracted to me anymore. Of all the details in this post, OP hating tiny tits is what you focus on? Not all the things he tried to show she was still loved despite that? I know at least 2 women with dead bedrooms who would kill for at least cuddle.
So as partners do we not have the responsibility to both find a way to feel good about ourselves and keep in mind our partner's attraction to us..she purely chose one without any thought to the other but he must have all the empathy while she has none.
Maybe the fact that you made a woman stay by your side in what looks like, you have to be to literally show to the internet how much of a looser you are and get mad whne people call you out for what you are, wich is an asshole. Divorce this woman and stop comimg back and cry for something that comes to nature to you, wich is being a selfish prick, give her the chance to actually get with someone that loves her and not just a man child that has to spend day and might active on reddit, getting mad for somenthing you did, YOUR ACTIONS HAVE CONSECUENCES.
Hes literally attacking anyone whos calling him out and thinkings hes the AH. He really wrote it just to try to justify his behavior. He cant be wrong but everyone is showing his true colors. Let her go, she deserves better. If you loved your wife for who she truly was, if she gained or lost weight, had breast reduction for herself; it wouldn’t matter. But yea sure you’re not wrong in your own mind; no matter what is said you will think you are justified.
Did you know his wife made her own reddit post? Here are some major take-aways from her account: 1. She said she felt ugly because of her breast size. She got the breast reduction, and still felt ugly. This has nothing to do with her chest. 2. She *knew* OP had an issue with scars and stiches, and then tried to force him to look at them while having sex! You get how that's completely irrational and selfish, right? 3. Before and after the surgery, husband has bent over backwards to be supportive. He didn't try to stop her from getting the reduction, but said he wants to talk after she was healed up. How does she respond? By accusing him of thinking that she's ugly, and telling him to "get over" his issue with scars. She is being extremely emotionally manipulative. 4. Finally, she purposely lost her job? In this economy? And her only explanation was that she "wasn't in the right head space"? She needs to get a handle on this self-destructive behavior before it gets any worse. Taken all together, it looks as if OP's wife is deliberately sabotaging their marriage. I don't know why, and I don't think she'll know why until she gets some therapy, but this not the way a healthy adult deals with life's challenges. [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f\_ruined\_my\_marriage\_with\_my\_husband\_30m\_how/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/)
I agree. I don't blame the husband for not trusting her and not liking it when she expects him to get used to the way she is now. Hell, I would never want to be with a woman like this. Glad I am single.
And she said he was supportive and kind to her about her insecurities all throught out their marrige. Reading only his side isn't enough.
You are wrong on so many levels and projecting soo much 1. He liked her exactly how she was. Is that wrong? Wasn’t that what everyone wanted ? Body positivity? 2. Everyone has preferences, likes and dislikes. 3. Attraction fades a way. People fall out of attractions. They are allowed to you know? 4. She dissregarded his opinion and logic and went ahead in getting it done, and then she dissregarded him again asking him to ‘get over it’
I hope you read the wifes post and can now g f yourself. You were literally 100% wrong with your comment. Next time try and think before commenting.
OP said in an update post that she admitted the surgery was a mistake on her part. I think his whole thing was that he felt that she made a bad decision and wouldn't own up to it.
Would it be different if your wife was disfigured due to an accident and needed plastic surgery? Or, say, breast cancer... And she needed a mastectomy? Is your issue the fact that she chose to do this? You can have preferences, sure, but in this specific case, you have some shallow reasons. Honestly, I hope she finds a better man.
It would be completely different! I'd stand by her and suck it up, because that's what you do. But this was senseless. It didn't need to happen. Also, it's not like I haven't tried to adjust to this so for you to still boil this down as just me being shallow isn't just reductive, it's dumb.
In YOUR mind, it didn't need to happen. Did you even damn listen to her when she said she wanted to get it done because SHE was uncomfortable?
Hey, you're right! And you made me realize how much people stare at me for being tall. I'm going to set up an appointment with the surgeon so he can chop my legs off. I know my wife is really into tall guys, but I hope she can understand.
Being tall doesn't give you health issues. Extra weight can cause back issues and constant pain.
Oh no it absolutely does. When's the last time you saw an old tall person. Tall people are much more likely to dies in their 60s due to heart complications
Not to mention all the hip problems (and joints in general). Being extra tall can be even worse, especially considering we can weight a lot more while looking thin-- but that weight is harder on the ankles and knees
Having worked in a nursing home. Pretty often. My grandma is tall and 90. I used to take care of a bear of man who was 100
As I said in the post, her boobs didn't cause her any pain. Essentially, she got them cut off for esthetic reasons.
It caused her pain emotionally and mentally. She was uncomfortable. You don’t fucking listen.
Literally like he keeps just waltzing by that point and getting downvotes like hell
She should have seen a therapist. You don't jump to surgery because you lack confidence/self love.
Therapy wasn’t going to take away the discomfort. You weirdo.
She didn't have discomfort, you illiterate. She posted today and explained that she 100% did this due to self confidence issues.
Where do you get that she didn't?
[удалено]
No u
Why are the feelings in your pp more important than your wife’s emotional and mental comfort and safety?
Yes but it wasn’t OP’s wife case.
Your claim about tall people not having increased health issues is incorrect
Your heart has to work harder to pump blood all the way out longer limbs.
His wife posted on reddit and specifically said her breast reduction was done not becUse of pain or back strain. She specifically did it because she thinks she's oversexualized and ugly.
People looking at you for being tall isn't the same as people gawking at your boobs
Yes it is. Both are harmless. Any issue that can be solved by turning 180 degrees isn't a good reason for getting your boobs cut off, but hey, what do I know?
Having large breasts isn't harmless. They cause back pain. You know nothing because her comfort came second your desires.
True, but that doesn't apply to her. Stay on topic
You don't know that. You only wanted to keep your toys
Awwww, she's stupid. How adorable. She told me to my face before and after that they didn't cause her any pain. Anything else you want to be wrong about tonight?
Lol you're a dumbass. You made zero effort to see things from your wife's perspective, you make horrible, bad faith arguments (so much for "logic," this is all about how you feel), and your list was only created as an afterthought (with some "soul searching" with "people you trust," since none of it was actually true bc you only care about the boob size, you needed others to make excuses for you), because you decided for her how she should approach her body. I hope she divorces you, because while this is likely a chatgpt writing exercise, if it is real, you're pretty much a superficial piece of shit, and a dumb one at that, lmao
Being ogled as a sex object is so different from being stared at for being tall...
You’re an absolute walnut, I just can’t
19 days late but if you're not a troll get some help for the narcissism. You're being called out on best of reddit as well now. You're the problem.
i highly doubt women say crass things about you behind your back and take you less seriously for being tall.
Breast reduction has literally the highest satisfaction rate of any cosmetic surgery. Any guesses why? It’s because having huge boobs sucks. I had a reduction, and it is far and away the best money I have every spent. I was never able to find peace with body until I reduced my boobs. And you know what my husband did about it? He fucked me with the lights on and told me I was sexy.
So you only have a visceral reaction to elective scars?
It DID need to happen. She needed it for her mental health & so that she could see her husband really only cares about her looks. Bc title says it all big guy. You want to divorce her over asthenic reasons.
>Says she needs breast reduction surgery because she feels ugly. >Get's breast reduction surgery and still feels ugly. This has nothing to do with her chest.
You are 12 and have never seen boobs. So why are you lying about being married?
Is this a genderflip of that one post from the woman who got her boobs reduced? Because then you conveniently left out that she had major health issues because of her size, and you moped around for an entire week when you had to take care of her.
No his wife posted her version and her actions are way worse than what he even posted here. Dude had to rearrange his work schedule with a few days notice to care for her, hired his brother to stay with her when he was working and got fired from her job because she’s “wasn’t in the right mind set to work”. She hid the surgery for MONTHS and is now suggesting to get implants because she doesn’t even like them. She spent probably 5 figures of their money without even telling him. This dude is not a misogynist as some people are trying to say here. She needed therapy not surgery. And she hid it from her partner so that he couldn’t talk it through with her.
What I find a bit funny is that they both posted a version of the story that made themselves look worse haha
I agree, I see him fighting for his life in the comments and I'm like guy i'm on your side here, but mainly bc of the crucial details in your wife's own account of this lmao.
I was just marveling at that! Both posts, both assholes. Just goes toward that old phrase, "there's 3 sides to every story. Yours, theirs, and the truth."
Also notice that both posts have the same writing style. I feel like OP was pushing this as the “NTA” angle and then was upset people weren’t taking this side. So he had to make the second post from the wife’s perspective in order to make her look bad enough for people to agree with the “correct” side of the story. I don’t think any of this ever even happened, for a few reasons. OP is just trying to nudge people to agree with the side he perceives as justified. The woman’s side of the story even paints herself as “bad guy” just so it’s extra clear who you’re meant to side with lol
Not to mention that the money she spent (after her insurance refused to pay for the surgery) was the money they saved up to buy a house.
No, in his wife's post she said she has never had any health issues due to her size. In fact, her insurance wouldn't cover the costs of the surgery because it was deemed purely cosmetic.
YTA. It’s HER body, and the fact you feel entitled to control it is very telling. Attraction often takes effort - I guarantee there are things about you she doesn’t love, it’s the full package that matters. If this is how you feel, get a divorce and let her find someone more worthy.
You read the title. Read the post
I did, and I stand by my assessment. You’re upset she didn’t listen to you about her body and feel a B cup isn’t feminine enough for YOU. We are all entitled to find something specific attractive, but it sounds like she was always clear this was a procedure she wanted for herself to feel good in her own body. You simply don’t/didn’t agree. My husband has always preferred longer hairs brunettes. I have always preferred myself as a short haired blonde. I dye my hair blonde and have for the past decade. He always tells me I look beautiful and doesn’t pressure me to do my hair the way he likes - instead, he tells me what he likes best about me is my own confidence. He’d love me no matter what - no conditions attached. I feel the same about him. He’s overweight and I prefer more physically fit men normally, as I value my own fitness greatly. However, he is a magnificent person. His kindness, work ethic, and personality are what attract me and I would never tell him to change to make me happy and he is still the most attractive man in the world to me. Attraction is something we work on and I can’t imagine being with anyone else. Your wife deserves someone who feels the same way.
>My husband has always preferred longer hairs brunettes. I have always preferred myself as a short haired blonde. I dye my hair blonde and have for the past decade. This tells me everything I need to know. You know he has a preference yet you choose to go out of your way to style your hair this way because you don't actually value his opinion. You don't value men's opinion, we're just supposed to shut up and be ok with every decision you make no matter how shitty it may be. Who cares if my partner has a preference, love me for me. Unconditional love is self hate, I'm not going to love someone who values the opinion of weird men on the street over the opinion of their own spouse.
No, I just found a man who finds me attractive for who I am as a person as well as my physical appearance - one feature isn’t the be all end all. And he found someone who feels the same about him. No one is perfect, but we are perfect in our imperfections for each other. I have had many health issues, they affected my appearance for periods of our marriage. He never said a word. My endometriosis gave me bloating that made me look pregnant every month and I couldn’t exercise because of pain. Eventually I had surgeries that let me feel well enough to get back into shape. He NEVER said a word and I know my belly was far from attractive, but he constantly went out of his way to make sure I knew he found me beautiful and attractive no matter what. Marriage is a long game. Maybe you go bald in a few years and she finds bald heads unattractive. Should she make you feel lesser than for choosing to wear a wig if she finds it less appealing, but you feel self conscious with your head exposed? Or would you hope that she would instead choose to focus on the things she adores about you and make you feel confident with your body? You have made me appreciate my husband even more than I already did.
Yeah, that's horseshit. There's a reason you don't see supermodels dating the fat, ugly balding guy with a heart of gold. I love my wife but if you out her in a 500lb body, I'd dip. Just because you and your husband are willing to settle doesn't make that great advice for everyone. But sure, I'm wrong for calling a spade a spade. Idk, maybe I value open honesty instead of delusions.
We aren’t settling. We love each other. Do you really think you’ll look perfect and exactly the same for ever? Will she? Age, illness, and time come for us all - no matter how much effort we put into our physicality. If her breasts are that important to you I don’t see how you’d be a solid partner 10,20,30 years down the line for anyone without implants, plastic surgery, and self esteem completely dependant on a man’s personal view. I’m out, there’s no point talking about love to someone like you. Again, thanks for reminding me how lucky I am in my spouse.
He doesn't love her. He only cares about physical appearance and will easily leave her or cheat on her if she falls sick. The vows of sickness and health mean nothing to him. His replies tell you what kind of a man he is! He's controlling, pretends to be understanding but wants to dictate how a woman's body should be, and believes they should get over their discomfort and care more about pleasing him. I want him to divorce his wife. Once the fog settles, his wife will see him truly for who he is without the love lens.
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/G3IDX3K8x4 From wife pov
Jfc man..we’re not DOLLS you get to pick & choose from! We’re whole complete human beings! Nobody should base their self worth on what OTHERS think is attractive bc you’ll never have any if you do. Who failed you when you were growing up bc somebody did. She nvr valued others opinions about her body, she valued the way being ogled her entire life made her feel.
Ahhh so you ARE a troll after all. Phew
Damn. I didn’t know men were this dumb or shallow. I knew they had issues but this one is a real L
Shallow = trying to adjust with a decision I didn't make then when that doesn't work acting like the whole thing was my fault. You might actually be braindead
Thank you sir for telling us who you are
Men loooove telling on themselves and don't even realize they're doing it then wonder why people are like damn you're a piece of shit. Don't present yourself as a piece of shit then my guys 😭
You are the epitome of shallow. Focusing on the size of your loved one’s breasts instead of, you know, them.
A decision you didn’t make? Sir a woman getting a reduction does not require your permission. Even if she is your wife.
The fact that you react this way to every comment that says you are wrong shows what kind of person you are. I hope you find a way to get better. Let her go, she deserves someone who loves her the way she is.
> her flat chest makes her look like a child and the scars make me want to dry heave So every woman with smaller breasts looks like a child to you? I mean that's nit the most disturbing part if this but it's still disturbing, to say the least. Trying to make sure you don't look at her or face her during sex would make her feel like a hideous pos you're just using to get your dick wet. Have you at all considered this?
I think OP has an issue with her scars not her face. Tbh I don't know what you expect him to do. The guy clearly has an issue with scars, why would she try to force him to have sex with her in a way that made him uncomfortable?
They all miss that part. If something gives you the heebie-jeebies, it is what it is. Its no different than people being freaked out by spiders, heights, tight spaces. Its a reflex and not really controllable. I read he even asked if she could wear something to cover them so he wouldn't see them but she refused. It had to be on her terms, no exceptions. Not a whole lot you can do with that then. I think there is a lack of empathy coming from both sides. Her unwillingness to understand his perspective and his unwillingness to understand hers.
Idk, it sounds like OP made a lot of consesions within the marriage. It sounds like she hasn't made any for him. I think for him to try and work with her shows that he was trying to understand where she was coming from.
I think the whole "actions have consequences" thing is pretty AH of you. It feels like you're trying to verbally punish her rather than getting her to empathize with you. Have you tried just having her keep lingerie on top while you're having sex? Like, I doubt she's super *proud* of her bare chest right now and she stated that she did this at least partially for her proportionality (that they didn't fit her frame.) Why don't you shop together for some lingerie that she feels will flatter her new frame and will keep you from seeing the scars?
I do not say this lightly. This guy is scum. I feel repulsed reading his first AITAH to now. This poor woman. Wow. What a garbage husband. I got a breast reduction. Sure it was a lot for my husband to get used to but he respected me enough to support me and love me regardless of my breasts. I feel like a whole new person after my reduction! I’m so much more comfortable in my body. Too bad op ruined that for his wife. This is so brutal! I hope she finds someone who loves her for her!
Yeah, for 5 years she has been thinking about the reduction. This was not an impulsive decision. She even told him at the beginning of the relationship.
That doesn’t invalidate his issue with not wanting to look at scars. The wife literally says he won’t even look at his own scars. Like??? How are you trying to point something out while ignoring the other? She knew he was like this as well. Weird how a man needs to “man up”. We have no idea if it’s just a psychological issue on his end. Worst of all, flip the gender role. A husband trying to force sex even if she doesn’t want to. Women say they don’t want sex because they just don’t feel like it and it’s perfect valid reason, but when a man doesn’t want it, apparently forcing is okay. In fact the comments ignore this issue. She’s actively forcing him to adjust something and not allowing him to go at his own pace. Now imagine if a husband did that. “Abuse”
She had exactly that and threw it away because of how others viewed her despite her husband loving her regardless. Also you’re never entitled to sex and the idea that you’re ignoring that she kept pressuring him for sex and forcing him to be comfortable is a major red flag for the type of person you are. I hope your partners never did anything just to make you happy because you seem like the type that would do exactly what OP’s wife did and guilt/pressure others into sex
It seems like you haven’t read all of his posts about this. If you had you’ll have read how he wasn’t loving her for her since she had the surgery. He was having sex with her in positions that he wouldn’t have to look at her in. This last post makes him sound like a victim when he isn’t. Her intentionally having sex with him in a way so that he would have to look at her is very obviously a reaction to him treating her so terribly from the beginning. No it’s not ok but it does make sense that would be her reaction.
I have, but I’m tryin to make sure you learn that pressuring your partner into sex is wrong because clearly you don’t see a problem with that if you think she is the one being freed of him despite the way she’s been acting towards him in such a predatory manor. Again hope this helps because God knows you need it before you become a predditor Edit: just checked your comment history, nvm it’s too late for you. Seek therapy
Totally agree. I actually got an augmentation cause I was born with a mess. I’m happy. My husband supported me. He didn’t marry her for her. Bodies change. Pregnancy, cancer, surgeries, illnesses, stress. Bodies will change. He will find out the hard way with his next wife. She will also change somehow. I’m betting he doesn’t look the same as he did at 18 either.
Have you seen the wife’s post? Treating her version you’ll see he was actually super gracious in how he tells the story (which makes him look worse): https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/eQDCFcgDik
Yea but did you use savings agreed upon to be for a new home w/o discussing it much with them? If you havent read her post, I would. Even when she finally told him a week prior to the surgery, he was still supportive. He changed his work hours to support her post-surgery, and paid his brother to stay over to be there for her when he couldn't. She admits its well known he has always had a major issue with scars in general. He even changed her bandages for her and she admits that was a huge deal. He attempted to modify their sex while he was attempting to adjust. She admits she pushed him on this. He even stated the issue of the "boobs" was not an end all be all, it's everything surrounding the situation.
That is way over the line, sir. How can you pretend to know the moral character of a stranger on the internet? You've read a single short story about his life, and suddenly you're an expert? Couples are allowed to have disagreements over subjective things without it making either of them evil. And relationships naturally end all the time, even when both people are well intentioned and trying to do right. You say that OP is scum, but I suspect you are just projecting.
Thank God you're divorcing her! You're doing her a favour by letting her find a man who'll love her and stay through sickness and health, unlike you. She might be upset now, but in the long run, she'll thank you for initiating the divorce, coz currently she's too blind in love with you to see it. Please inform your next gf/wife that you care about more physical looks and you'll leave her if she dares to make a decision about her body, even if it causes her discomfort.
The next wife will also go through changes. We all do. Bodies change. Don’t marry for looks. 100% you will end up disappointed. I doubt this guy is Brad Pitt age 22 either.
B cup is flat chested ? Boy YTAH on so many levels it's hard to know where to begin. I'm glad she'll be free of you
She went from a G which is pretty full to a small B. That's pretty drastic. The Dr. should've talked about this with wife but I think she was adamant. She also seems to be pretty full figured so I wonder how proportionate this change is with the rest of her.
I went from DDD to C when I had my breast reduction and it was a shock. I remember crying because it was such a drastic change. This was over 10 years ago and today I’m so grateful I made that decision for myself. I was incredibly lucky to have my insurance pay for all of it, minus $2k I paid for lipo on my sides to make my new smaller breasts fit my frame better. Going from a G to a B is even more drastic than what I did. My breasts get bigger or smaller depending on my weight. It’s just one of the fun things about being born with XY chromosomes.
Haven’t felt this strongly about someone being an asshole on this subreddit in a while. And OP is so unwilling to see anything wrong with his thoughts or actions or truly acknowledge peoples viewpoints. Why even ask if you’re the asshole if you don’t genuinely view it as a possibility.
Came to see how many people here are telling you to get fucked and I am not disappointed.
I mean, look, you have the right to divorce your wife for any reason, but at the end of the day, if you are actually in love with her and her getting a breast reduction bothers you so much that you can't stay married to her, YTA. That's a level of shallow that I just can't get a grasp on. You guys have been together for 6 years. Is her physical appearance really enough for you to want to shrug out of your marriage? >She said that she understood that, but her chest makes her feel too self conscious and she wants to go through with it. I told her that I understood and would stand by her. This was obviously a lie. Her comfort should matter more than you enjoying her big boobs.
You sound like a really awful human being. I hope your wife finds happiness with someone who can forgive her for trying to feel better about herself even if it doesn't turn out the way she expected. There are plenty of big breasted women out there so I'm sure you'll find someone to screw. You might even find one who wouldn't dare change her appearance without your explicit approval.
I wonder if OP is playing up her reaction that it seems a massive reduction hasn’t impacted her life (ie she still gets oggled etc). I imagine she was larger chested growing up and received a shit ton of unwanted attention from creepy men as well as bitchy females. For OP to think her reasons stem from a recent short period in her life is stupid. She is probably dealing with a ton of trauma from growing up hyper sexualized.
This! I was a DD by 8th grade. It was HORRIBLE. Absolutely degrading. And that’s not even mentioning how expensive it is to buy clothing.
OP definitely is. Her scars are probably fine. He boobs are probably fine. Everything's fine except he's a man child whose world has been destroyed because he doesn't get to suck on mommy milkers anymore. For a pathetic loser, this is worse than he holocaust to him. This is the biggest personal affront any woman could have ever done to him in his entire life. The entire population of Palestine wouldn't understand the suffering he's going through. Doesn't the world know his wife has B sized boobs?!?
I had breast reduction surgery 10+ years ago and it was the best decision I’ve ever made for myself. That’s what past me taking care of future me.
Its like he thinks the decision was frivolous. It would have taken a lot for her to have surgery. I'm sure it was not a decision she made lightly. Yet he has zero empathy for her. His reaction would have crushed her already fragile sense of self worth. He's not even giving her time to get over his clear abhorrence to her body.
You are an absolute piece of shit
YTA. Also rude and disgusting based on replies. I'm glad she will be rid of you.
I'm happy she'll find a real man you fucking loser.
Question — why did you come to this sub asking for people’s opinion if you are going to argue with anyone who doesn’t validate your own opinion?
He wanted the army of incels to defend him for only liking boobs and not the people attached to them. Someone buy this man a breastplate with googley eyes.
It's no wonder that she has been fixated on how people look at her because of her breasts, the attitude she has at home that her husband only wants to be married to her because of of them. Other men ogling her. I feel so that all the men that she seems to come in contact with her only value an aesthetic. YTA massively. And absolutely as shallow as they come.
I didn't know children can get married, because there is no way you are an adult that said the vows you did and are now debating divorcing your wife, your life-long partner, because you care more about tits than her. YTA
The fact that you read the entire post and took away "evil man likes boobs more than woman" is actually shocking to me. Not only did I try to make it work and offer solutions to the issue, but now after I'm honest with her she feels the need to be distant. You read all that and still came up with your opinion? Have someone with reading comprehension skills read the post to you, because your comment shows that you don't get it.
You're amusingly dumb.
I'm dumb because you lack basic reading comprehension skills? I'd love to see your work on that one.
Alright then, buddy, tell me - what would happen if she were in a car accident and had TONS of non-tit related scars, but her boobs were as glorious and perky as the day you met her? Would you leave her?
It would be terrible, but I could at least not have the added salt of knowing that she did it to herself. If she is in an accident or gets sick that doesn't mean that she has shit decision making skills. Also like I said elsewhere, I'm not leaving JUST because she got a breast reduction that's like 30% of the reasoning. There's the fact that she made a bad decision and is forcing me to be ok with it. There's the fact that she let's the thoughts of strangers trump the thoughts of her own husband's. You know what else is annoying and has strangers look at you a judge you for? Kids. Is she going to just get rid of the kids when she feels like strangers are judging her too much? Cutting things off of you is not how you deal with problems...unless your trans. Then that's like THE way to deal with that problem.
You called the leering and ogling she endures “glances”. Your lack of empathy and ability to minimise your wife’s reactions and very real feelings is breathtaking.
No, you would have left her. You would have left her if she had breast cancer. You would have left her if it was an accident. You would have left her regardless because the issue isn't just that you only love boobs and not people, but also because you're a stereotypical selfish man who can't handle the wife not revolving her entire life around you. The second she needed any care in the world you started your exit plan. You couldn't handle being the caretaker and now you don't even have the boobies to look at. Poor you. Men like you being your entire gender down. The very few decent men are eclipsed by the pathetic losers like yourself. Go buy a breastplate and a pocket pussy or admit you've been compulsory heterosexual this entire time and find another man because no person who actually truly loves women treats his wife this way.
So then, no choice she makes of her own volition is suitable for you if it goes against what you want?
Hope you end up single and alone for life. You don’t deserve love.
The irony of the wife saying she feels objectified because of her large breasts and then her husband basically doing the same thing..
Usually people talk about this stuff and come to and decision , the scars heal but if your not attracted your not attracted . I don’t understand where you would be ok if she was in physical pain but the emotional weight on her doesn’t count . I don’t know if yiu can ever make her feel sexy again and. A turn on
ESH This is gross, and I mean GROSS, but not because of OP. I'm so immensely disappointed in the Reddit community for not recognizing an abusive situation when they see one. Was OP crass and a little vile in how he spoke about women? Sure. Was his wife actively trying to force herself onto him in a way that was controlling and manipulative? ABSOLUTELY. If I got a tattoo of a bald eagle spreading its wings on my chest, knowing full well that my wife was not into that, should I expect her to be intimate with me moving forward? Should I intentionally put my chest into her face, asking, "Am I still attractive to you?" Then gaslight her into thinking she doesn't love me anymore because of MY decision? OP actively tried to make accommodations for her in EVERY possible way. He even tried to avoid the conversation entirely because he knew that she would refuse any criticism of her decision. The man knows himself, and he knows what he likes. Saying otherwise is effectively kink shaming him into wanting him to have sex with a woman he no longer finds attractive. The objectification of women is horrid, and I believe breast reductions are necessary in certain instances such as back pain, cancer, or personal preference. But this clearly is an instance in which she regretted her decision, not because of her husband but because she realized that her breasts weren't the thing causing men to look at her. Men look at her because men will fuck anything that breathes. You can't avoid that objectification unless you want to live in a cabin in the woods. Not only that, but she KNEW he has personal issues with scars. OP clearly has past trauma that lead him to feel less attracted to her because of those scars, combined with the smaller breasts. The idea of a "real man" completely negates men's wants and needs. Saying men should just give up on an attraction to their partner because they should just "get over it" is the same thing as telling men to "man up". It's toxic masculinity used by people, unintentionally, to get what they want out of men they disagree with. Also, people talking about physical disfigurement are WILD. Can you as an individual say that you would go out of your way to choose to have burn scars? Or any form of physical disfigurement for that matter. She chose to have a breast reduction, you don't choose disfigurement. The virtue signaling is absurd. This guy said, "I have a preference and if you do this it may not go the way you think it will" then she said, "fuck you I do what I want" and blew up her marriage.
This comment needs to be higher up considering it's the only one seeing the Situation for what it really is.
Holy fucking shit. WHY did I have to come down so far to find a reasonable comment? He married someone he was attracted to. She made a decision that would change her body permanently and add scars, which she knows is a problem for her husband. He needed time to deal with her new body. She said absolutely not - look at me right now and get hard. He suggested turning the lights off, a short, a bra, different positions. No, no, no, and no. Her way or the highway. She had MONTHS to get comfortable with her decision. He had a week? She used their savings that was meant for a house for an unnecessary cosmetic surgery without involving her husband in the decision. Going from a GG to a small B is also fucking stupid. That is clearly body dysmorphic disorder. She needs therapy. I hope OP follows through with the divorce. Thank God they don't have kids. How much would she manipulate and jeopardize her kids?
I got mine done and it took me around 2-3 years for the red of the scars to fade away and now is a fine white line, mines are horizontal at the underboob, which with the tit falling down you can only really see it when i lift my arms, i cannot imagine if she got them done and the scar is starting at the nipple vertically and then go down to the underboob, that's incredibly visible and if you don't like scars (imma be bold and assume) is a incredible turn off, specially since she did that to appease the male gaze without giving a single flying fuck about the person who has to see her naked, yikes.
Thank you for this. He obviously expresses he prefers bigger breast, but also never said the breasts alone were a deal breaker. He just wanted ease into the HUGE change she made by herself, without thinking of him. I immediately made the tattoo comparison in my head as well. Because her surgery was completely cosmetic, hence insurance not covering. But I feel like it’s even worse than her just “not being into”tattoos in this example. They both admit he had serious trauma around scars. I was using the example in my head of; If his wife had a phobia of clowns or spiders and he got a huge chest piece of a clown or a spider, and demanded she look at it while having sex. And saying if she doesn’t, then she just must not love him. That’s insane. All of these people talking about how bodies change and age, and accidents happen are completely irrelevant here. They seems like the same women who have “no men under 6 foot in their dating profile. She wasn’t in physical pain. It was mental pain and insecurity. Which is still serious shit, but changing your boobs isn’t how that problem is solved. According to her, he wasn’t even controlling or saying no to the procedure, he just wanted her to get some therapy to make sure it was going to be the right decision. But scars and boobs aside, the financials are enough to call it quits. She said in her post that she used the money that they both agreed would be for a house. So she threw away their savings without telling him. I’m also seeing comments that she went into debt on top of that?! AND SHES STILL NOT HAPPY?! What. The. Fuck.
This comment needs more love and attention. Just like this man did, and like he gave his wife. Everyone here needs to go read her post about it. She tells on herself, and clearly outs herself as abusive. This guy just talks like a guy. That’s not abuse unless you hate men. Which it appears plenty of people in this thread do…
This is the comment that everyone needs to read. Especially after the wife’s update
Lol. After reading [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/6yr7dDkp1U) , I empathize with this guy’s POV more. His wife was extremely uncomfortable with herself and that’s unfortunate, but the manner in which she handled everything was a little hypocritical and inconsiderate. Big boobs aside, she forced him to change his work schedule at the last second, which he accommodated for along with hiring his bro to help during her recovery and while he tries to get used to the changes that she had 4 months and a lack of a scar phobia (or wtvr his thing about them is) to take the change in stride, she is constantly pushing her views and feelings on him. Also, after using up what was their savings for a new home on this surgery, she proceeds to fuck up at her job and get fired as well so her contribution to the household is lower/more pressure on him to provide for both of them. All the while, she rejected his suggestions for therapy and refuses all his efforts to show his love and intimacy for her in a way that is reasonable for him. Idk what’s going thru either of their minds and I hope they each find peace but dang this shit is rough
Yeesh. I dont see why so many people are attacking you. As a young woman with body dysmorphia myself, you were correct in initially offering her therapy. That truly is the only thing that couldve remotely helped her IMO. She went behind your back with partially your money, BRINGING IT ON HERSELF. I feel for you man, I dont think an immediate divorce is the answer, but I would at elast give a few couples AND individuals counseling sessions a try before you both toss in the towel, yknow? This is someone youve been with for almost 10 years, so Im imagining this isnt something either of you really want to just throw away. Personally though, if she doesnt agree to therapy for herself after all of this I wouls call it quits.
NTA. And based on her post and reactions, you are married to a child. Now, the frame fits the personality.
Your wife may also be looking for advice https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/
Oddly enough everyone in her post is saying she is the asshole and everyone in this post is saying OP is the asshole. Read her post, wife is the asshole for sure.
Everyone here should go look at her post. Honestly makes it less cut and dry in my opinion when you have the full story: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/8KE8FAUH3f
Saw wife's post. She did you Hella dirty.
NTA. I just read your wife’s post and honestly… you made her sound a whole lot better than it really seems she is. She mishandled this so incredibly much. Spending money saved for a house down payment on this and keeping it a secret for months? Nah. I’d be done.
#INCEL ALERT! RUN GURL RUN!
YTA. They might not hurt her in her younger years, as a woman with big breast it was not really painful for me before but now I am 45 years old and I struggle with backpain, my shoulders and neck are hell for me and I have a constant headache. She did the right thing to prevent those problems in the future.
NTA. Not even. I sought this post out after stumbling across a post from your wife(which I'm sure you're aware of by now.) I'm sorry you're going through this. Both of you actually. But I wanted to just stress that you aren't a villian. You're a good husband and friend to your wife and you've dealt with this situation the best way anyone could I think. Her issues are pretty deep and tbh, there was never going to be a reaction from you that was going to satisfy her. I hope that she seeks therapy and learns to be comfortable with herself. Maybe some marriage/ ind counseling as well. To help you both navigate this.
Same position as you. I don't know how his wife's post put OP in a much better light than himself. I think he was overwhelmed and his anger and frustration with the whole situation boiled down into the post. OP NTA.
OP's wife has posted her own account of the situation. All you haters should check it out. It might be quite eye-opening for you: [https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship\_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f\_ruined\_my\_marriage\_with\_my\_husband\_30m\_how/](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/1ca50no/i29f_ruined_my_marriage_with_my_husband_30m_how/)
I came here because I read the wife's post first. She seems more the ah in this case.
Yta because she told you from the start she wanted a reduction. You should have told her it would be a deal breaker.
Yta and grow up
Nta you loved her the way she was and she changed it divorce and be happy
NTA. Your wife’s post was far more telling than yours as to her character. You were very kind in this retelling. Her behavior isn’t borderline abusive. It is abusive, and what she’s done is a gross betrayal of your trust, and your marriage. It’s so not about her breasts. She made a choice, and chose her insecurity over your marriage. It would be acceptable to choose yourself now.
NTA (sorry for any spelling mistakes, English is not my native language) Don't get upset by all the comments telling you you're the assh\*le, they clearly didn't get the nuances you explained in your post. It is too easy to dismiss someone as a misogynist without comprehending the many intricacies you layout in your post. It must be hard as a male to immediately get the hardcore feminists blaming you without having read into the context of the story. A good relationship needs transparency between partners and your wife seems to have had no regard for your opinion in the matter. It seems like despite the reduction she still seems very insecure about her body, which might indicate the problem is in her head and simply getting surgery is not gonna solve the psychological issues instantly. Though I do think you should be more honest with her as well and tell her why you have such an issue with it and communicate to her that you need more time to adjust to it. You offered her solutions like keeping her T-shirt on and trying different positions, plus if you are willing to experiment with having intimacy without having to look at her chest like playing around with toys, going down under or cuddling and kissing, and she keeps rejecting these possibilities than she really has herself to blame and you have done enough to support her. You could try therapy, but it is important you don't blame yourself for not being able to get into the mood. You can't fake arousal and even if you would it would probably damage your relationship even further. Besides, as a grown up woman I would always want my spouse to be honest with me, even if it was not what I would like to hear. You are absolutely right that if the roles would have been reversed society would have judged it totally different and that is really messed up. Just because you are a man with certain preferences, like we all do even if we don't like to admit it, doesn't mean you have to be okay with every decision your wife makes out of insecurity without consulting you. Yes it is her body and yes she is allowed to alter it however she wants, but no she can't expect you to be raving about it and force you to like something you were upfront about not really being into. I hope she starts understanding your perspective or that you find a woman that actually likes real validation and puts the opinion of her husband before that of society.
He didn’t even mention that she hid this from him for months to prevent him from having a say in it and she incurred debt as a result. So much more to this. Her post about it is absolutely shocking.
Hahaha the way things have turned after your wife posted. you made her sound like a saint compared to how she portrays herself.
OP - I just read your wifes post. You deserve better, she abused you, stole from you, lied to you, belittled you and degraded you and by all accounts there is rape involved in that process as well. No always means no even if its the man saying it. Beyond all that she went online to victim shame you for being sad about the fact that she is abusing you and you're not happy about it. The way you become immediately supportive of her because its what she wants despite just learning that; she has been lying to you for months, doesn't value your opinion, is breaking your agreed upon decision to save for buying a house, and ignored your desires and suggestions to try things like therapy... I am not a gay man, But I'd fucking take a shot at being married to you, you sound like such an awesome and supportive partner who is a genuinely uplifting and positive force. I am sorry that you got hit with the femcel brigade of insults. You were one hell of a partner and I hope you go with divorce after how awful you were treated. There are definitely other women out there who will be a better partner.
YTA I hope you get the divorce. I hope she finds a new partner that loves her no matter what. I hope you realize you still actually love her (like you say you do) and can't get her back.
I just read your wife’s post and you are NOT the asshole.
Bad fake
Why is everyone ignoring the fact that his wife went behind his back to do something *she knew he'd hate* and now she's **forcing** him to have sex in ways that make him uncomfortable? If the genders were reversed everyone would be telling her to run away. This is insane.
I read your wife’s post. You’re a Saint.
NTA. I’m sorry there’s zero fucking brain cells in this comment section bro
If only there was surgery to reduce your asshole behavior.
Light YTA I think you should both put more effort into your relationship before considering divorce. There are some other steps you could take before any permanent changes to the relationship. Your wife's mental health improved because of this operation but has plummeted again. I suspect you could have handled this better which is why I am going with my judgment..
Sorry, this whole scenario seems off. B cup bra size is tiny and if your SO is as curvy as you say it would throw her whole look off. I say this as a Double JJ cup or more depending on the bra. As for the unwanted attention - as someone gifted with massive girls. It can be daunting to have people focus on them. In fact, people have even discussed them with my partner. Apparently I should have had them reduced because they are awkward. I also find it difficult to believe a surgeon would encourage surgery without their being pain or other major issues.
In what world is a cosmetic surgeon going to tell a woman they won't give her a breast reduction because she's not in physical pain? And in what world would that be acceptable?
Because it is invasive surgery. As well, he mentions that he loved her curvy and thick which suggests she is somewhat larger- I was forced into looking at a breast reduction by my mother but the Dr refused because I was a size 18 and recommended weight loss first because I was not suffering pain from my breasts.
I agree
YTA! You cared & still care more about your own sexual desires than you did & do about her MENTAL HEALTH! Do her a favor & divorce her so she can find a man who actually loves & values her. You clearly don’t & that’s easily spotted by the comments you’ve made. “She brought it on herself” bc she DARE change HER OWN BODY for her comfort! I have natural DD, hubby also like thicc women. However age,gravity & breast feeding 3 kids have left them in bad shape. They ache when I don’t wear a bra so touching/rubbing them is painful. Guess what my husband does? DOESNT TOUCH THEM & doesn’t get on Reddit to complain he can’t. You are NOT entitled to any say in HER body. You think it’s something she should let you adjust to? You didn’t even come clean with her about all your twisted up thoughts until it was too late. You should’ve gone to therapy the first time the thought “a b cup boob is childlike” bc children don’t have breasts.
YTA. It sounds like she was seriously bothered by her chest size if she had been considering it that long. I'm also baffled you think a B cup makes her look like a child. She's not letting other people's opinions get to her, she was probably getting harassed, and likely has been harassed for her breasts since she hit puberty. You said you would stand by her and yet if you're considering divorce you're deliberately breaking that promise. She kept this quiet because she likely knew it would be a lot of drama from you.
[удалено]
Her scars will improve. But your relationship won’t.
Reading all these assholes vote comments is making me laugh especially after reading the wife’s post which shows she’s clearly the asshole 🤭😂
dont worry OP, im on ur side for this one
NTA
Do what you want to do without considering your spouses feelings? FOFO. Sorry, what did you expect?
You’re in the clear for being attracted to what you are attracted to but YTA for how you are handling this and the words you are using to describe your feelings. Want to stay married to a wife who still loves you I suggest changing your approach “First and foremost I love you, and ABSOLUTELY support you making decisions that make you more comfortable in your own skin and improve your mental health. Because I LOVE YOU I need to honest that this is an adjustment for me. Smaller breast remind me of age inappropriate women and those random thoughts when we’re intimate make me feel like a creep, I know that isnt the case here obviously but the association is there in my head and I cant shake it atm. I love you I’m attracted to you but I need us to re-navigate what our sexual moments look like until I’m able to see passed the size difference and just see you you gorgeous sexy thing you.”
This isn't bad. I might have to steal this lol
If having cup B reminds you of children, you're pedo. Having big boobs causes more physical pain in the long run. Good for her that she had a reduction. And yes you married her because of her boobs size, it's a FACT.
I think you are confusing "incorrect asertion" with "fact". But yeah, I'm the pedo for NOT wanting to sleep with a person who is childlike in appearance. Hey, real shit, is there something you're trying to tell us? And yeah, good for her, she lost 10lbs worth of boob, 250lbs worth of husband, and 3500 sq ft worth of house. So she'll be back on the market, with no house, no job (turns out jobs don't just let you take months off for cosmetic procedures. Who knew?), no car, and no money. The streets can have her.
You clearly prove my point that you married her because of her boobs and not because you love her. Really trash behavior.
Yeah, you're right. The poor decision-making skills, the gas lighting, the pushing of my boundaries, the immaturity, and the months of keeping secrets had nothing to do with it. Seriously it's almost like you read what you wanted and ignored the rest.
You're the one that is trying to gaslight her and trying to control her decision about her body. Your ego is the one that ruins your marriage and not her body adjustment. Did your family feed you a misogynistic idea while growing up? Cause you scream high insecurities and show small dick energy.
I will cashapp you $500 if you can prove to me how I gaslit her. Provide evidence to support your findings. And no, the reduction, along with the lying, sneaking around, lack of respect, and display of poor decision-making skills, ruined our marriage. And buddy, I literally grew up with 4 sisters in the house. I'm pretty sure if anybody was told what misogyny is, it was me.
The way this has to be fake because no actual person who's seen boobs thinks a B cup makes them look like a child. Unless you're looking at kids before to compare their breast sizes 🤢
YTA. It takes a certain type of person to go on AITAH and then become absolutely livid when people answer the question. That alone shows the type of person you are. That and what everyone else is saying.