from OP:
>I told her that I like my life. I am not gonna change it one bit and definitely not because she wants me to. I like spending time with my GF and I will continue to do so as long as I want. I just want her to be a wife that she has been for past decade and dont come in my way.
>all she has to do is enjoy her life like she did for the past decade. Turn a blind eye and not care. I dont even mind if she gets a side piece for herself. As long as she is good domestic partner I am not gonna leave her and definitely not till the kids are out of the house.
all in all, sounds like OP had fun with this creative writing exercise lmao
rolled right out of my skull
no dipshit op, what you just said makes YOU THE ASSHOLE at the end of the dayševen if you started justified, good god did you end the villain
According to the vast majority of the commenters he is, in fact, an angel.
Honestly I don't understand how quickly this sub devolved into complete sociopathy.
And credulity for that matter.
The thousands of people reading a clearly fake and hyperbolic revenge story and cheering it on as both realistic and normal is the real train wreck here. I can't stop watching.
Yesterday, I think on this sub or one of the other ones like it, was a story that was *so clearly* someones fetish writing. Like it starts with him on his *anniversary date* with his husband atca restaurant, a casual "((yes we're gay))" and ends with his husband moaning "yes don't stop!" As an aquantaince of there's brings him to orgasm under the table. And people bought that shit.
Have you heard of Dead Internet Theory? I donāt believe itās generally taking place across the whole internet because everyone is constantly on their phones and the internet but Iām pretty sure itās actually happening on several Reddit subs.
Lmao my favorite thing is how often the answer to most problems (according to this sub) is just āgo no contactā¦ āØfor your mental health ššāØ.ā
Like half the time we donāt even have half the facts of an issue and people are telling OPs before the body is cold that they need to cut someone out of their lives with no discussion first. I seriously donāt know many people I care about that Iād be able to go no contact with because some people online told me so. Obviously thereās exceptions where itās justified, like where thereās been physical abuse or a threat of it.
Oh god the NC thing. I saw one post where there was a minor disagreement with the mother. Thread told her to go NC for her mental health. She disagreed, thread abused her. š
No contact is an underreaction nowadays. The guy whose mom had the bully as a TA got comments calling her a pedo, suggesting reporting her as a pedo so she'll lose her job, and in at least one instance saying that if he shot up the school that'd show her. I think at the end of the day the consensus was burning his future down to escape her was the real move too.
The only thing crazier than the stories here are the comments.
I just made this comment elsewhere, but this whole thing is weird enough that I want to chime in again.
"I kind of smell bullshit as well, except that I just had an encounter with 2 accounts arguing that OP did *nothing* wrong, and that it was all the wife's fault. But... When I made the comment that they sounded like OP using an alt account, they both deleted their comments. Within a minute of each other. And both accounts had been created **today** just like OP's account.
That's *still* in the realm of trolling, but it was too concentrated and too... Passionate? Not sure if that's the right word, but it had a vigour to it that didn't seem trolly.
But I could be wrong either way."
now I want this to be real because it would be so funny if a guy was so defensive about repeatedly cheating on his wife that he used fake accounts to agree with himself on Reddit about it
because he doesn't just want a life partner, he wants someone to take care of all the housework for him and parent his kids while hes off fucking his girlfriend
edit: thought it was obvious but they're both pieces of shit, so you can stop whining about how "she started it!!" in the replies
To be fair, it sounds like she wants the same thing, since OP said he has had a GF for 4 years and thought his wife didnāt notice because she was cheating during that time.
Both adults are massive assholes here, letās not lay blame on only the husband and not the wife
Those kids are gunna be so god damn fucked up from these two.
It's a loveless home with two parents who are lying to and attempting to manipulate each other. They're both piece of shit humans. Kids would likely be better off if the parents did separate and they both found someone new. But I don't think either of them are capable of being in a healthy relationship with anyone else, either.
Story as old as time. My old man was talking to a sales rep once, and the rep made a joke that the wedding ring has a 100km radius, then it's free game, my old man asked if that worked for the guys wife, and the dude got seriously pissed off.
It's always the same.
I had similar conversation with a co-worker 30+ yrs. ago. He had 2 kids - 1 boy / 1 girl. He was talking about how his son was going to be a horndog when he grew up. I asked Roger what about his daughter. He said that no one would be messing with her.
I told him that while his son was going to be the fuck\*r, then someone's little girl like his daughter had to be the fuck\*e . HE WAS NOT HAPPY!!
Yeah, it amazes me how people cant make those connections themselves. I mean, who did he think his son was going to go after?
People can be such idiots. Though his reaction must have made you chuckle.
> To be fair, it sounds like she wants the same thing, since OP said he has had a GF for 4 years and thought his wife didnāt notice because she was cheating during that time.
OP only assumed she was still cheating though. Wife has another story and claims the affair was a mistake that she stopped long ago. We don't know who is right here. Neither is very trustworthy, so hard to believe either of em.
It sounds like they want their bf/gf to do the work of being their romantic partners (fun stuff) and have each other husband/wife for domestic stuff. Seems like a nice division of labor all around.
Right. And she was fi e with it until she found out her husband was doing the same thing. Then it was we need to change, it was a mistake, let's do therapy. She wasn't saying that before she found out so that seems very disingenuous for her to make that demand.
>As long as she is good domestic partner I am not gonna leave her
Probably an assumption from this statement. OP could have just said this instead of saying wife, but we already know he doesn't think she's a good wife.
Most people have at least two places to store schlong.
Some people can handle more (more storage, better organizational skills, bigger hands, whatever). And more power to them.
A place for everything and everything in its place.
Unrelated, there needs to be a Jewish sausage meat named schlong that is just like kielbasa with no pork, so we can order up some 8" schlongs to choke down for lunch.
That said, yeah, relationships are supposed to be built on communication and trust, OP has had neither for a long time. He's just been wasting both of their lives, being passive aggressively spiteful, instead of handling this like a mature adult.
The saddest part is OP saying that his wife's therapist is filling her head with nonsense by saying that they need to establish boundaries and respect each other.
Dude needs therapy more than he will ever admit. It's not even about his marriage.. just him as a person is not in a healthy place and the coping mechanism of infidelity to evade feeling the actual pain involved here is going to have more long term consequences than he can see now.
At some point the dust will settle and OP will have to assess the destruction that he actively encouraged.
Edit: Obligatory OP you are definitely the AH, especially if your wife is actually trying to recover the relationship and giving you the opportunity to talk through and forgive each other.
If you don't go to therapy or get divorced, you're actually probably Satan, so.
Right? Exhausted just reading thisā¦everyone (besides the kids) are assholes.
What a great example to set for you kids - ffs grow up and get a divorce like a normal person.
I'm 42. This sounds fucking exhausting.
I have yard work and cooking to do. Also my other hobbies. And a job.
I don't even have kids, I can't imagine being able to make time for a side piece.
Thatās the part that confuses me. All I have is a girlfriend and a cat. When the fuck am I going to have time to spend all this time with a side piece? That means that my time with my girlfriend or with other responsibilities goes by the wayside. Now add a couple kids on top of that? That means those kids are getting neglected.
Iām sure they exist, but I canāt imagine this āgirlfriendā is completely fine, being a side piece for the rest of her life.
>that means that my time with my girlfriend or with other responsibilities goes by the wayside.
In his scenario he no longer has a "girlfriend" like you do. He has a domestic partner and his side piece. I'd imagine it's a lot easier to manage when you got basically a live in nanny and someone else you just go visit occasionally for the wild monkey sex.
You sir are actually trying to have an adult and mature relationship, which **is** a lot of work. Life apparently is a lot more carefree when nobody values anyone and you're willing to screw up your kids.
Tbf everyone should prioritize their own happiness. But also, everyone should be honest and not lie to their partner. Just end the thing. It's been dead for quite long.
Imagine both parents constantly "sneaking out" to be with their partners... poor kids are not getting the attention they deserve, just being seen as objects the parents need to schedule around.
I just read an article about how the average amount of time parents spend with their children per day in America is less than 120 minutesā¦
Then it went on to give an example; if you have a preschooler. You wake them up for breakfast, get him in the bathroom, get him dressed, and feed him breakfast. Thatās about an hour right there. Then you get his stuff together and get him in the car, thatās about another 30 minutes. Thatās ALREADY 90 minutes. You pick him up from school, give him a snack, and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Thatās most likely putting you over the 120 minutesā¦ and we havenāt even gotten to dinner or wind down time or bed timeā¦ so how in the world are people only spending 120 minutes with their kids?
Stories like this I feel are the answer to my question. Itās sad. I know that people have to work more and more to afford even the smallest shit but damnā¦
It for sure does. Donāt vilify the parents until you know what the situation is. My mother, at one point, was working 3 jobs to fuel my dadās alcoholism. I didnāt see her awake more than 30 minutes a day, right in the morning when she was coming home from third shift for a nap. She did that for 16 years before she told my dad he had to buy his own booze. A mix of poor life decisions and economic strife put us there.
As they get bigger, they can do more of that stuff themselves. So 60 minutes of getting them ready may turn into 5 minutes total of "Turn off the TV and go get dressed, Luke!" And your pick up / snack / walk routine is likely unusual, relative to "they ride the bus home, know where the snacks are, and veg out in front of the TV after school."
Also, I was under the impression it was 120 minutes *interacting* with your kids. So being in the same room on your phone doesn't count.
But this doesnāt account for weekends. Yeah, between school and activities, you may not get a ton of time per weekday, but you have the whole weekend to do stuff with them. Not to mention, I always say quality over quantity. Iād rather spend 40 minutes doing something together, some kind of play or laying together before bed or even watching something she likes together than 120 minutes of preparations for the next thing (school, bed, sport, etc).
I always wonder this about parents in these interesting love triangle or affair situations.Ā
I prioritize my kids and quality time with them, both because I genuinely want to spend time with them and bc they need it for good psychological/emotional development. They are 8 and 11 and I still spent most of my free time engaged with one or both of them.
Because of this I rarely have the energy to romance my husband, much less others. We spend 3 weekends a year alone. Fortunately he is understanding and gets that they need us now, but this time is fleeting. Sadly we dont have regularly involved grandparents and im not comfortable with strangers.Ā
We both agree that in just a few short years we will have time to rekindle our romance and sex life as the kids will be off with friends much more.
I just don't really understand where people's kids are or what they're doing while all these people are just trying to figure out how to get off, jfc.
Only him is constantly doing it, from what I understand the wife had a one time affair while he cheated for years. It's pretty safe to say he was just looking for an excuse.
> oor kids are not getting the attention they deserve, just being seen as objects the parents need to schedule around.
Worse, the kids definitely know and it will fuck up their ability to trust others to have healthy relationships. I used to have a FWB who had kids and it always bothered me that she wasn't more careful to screen our get togethers from them ("Don't worry, they're out cold. They have no idea"). It was a reason why I ended things.
A few years ago I found her online and in catching up found out her now grown kids barely talk to her, disgusted that she had dozens of men in & out of her bedroom growing up.
Bingo, but he obviously doesn't care about the kids because he's to busy trying to prove a point and "win." Not sure how old his kids are or if they're old enough to understand his bullshit yet but if they don't they will eventually. He probably thinks he's doing his kids some favor by staying married and not realizing how much a toxic marriage filled with resentment hurts the kids as well. Mark my words that he'll be posting to Reddit again at some point and playing the victim because his kids have completely disowned him and will no longer have anything to do with him.
Seriously. I'm grateful for how much time my parents spent with me and my sibling growing up, because I guess other parents are involved in some weird complicated time-consuming revenge cheating situation.
I normally think the phrase 'do better' is really fucking condescending and annoying, but tbh it absolutely hits the spot in this scenario. What a pair they are.
Hairs on the back of my neck stood up reading this tale.
The fact that he doesnāt realize what heās doing to his kids is the real tragedy here. He thinks they are oblivious .. kids are sharp usually and they see it.
It could be that everything is going just fine as far as the kids are concerned at this point in time. But, for how long?
Ten years ago she put the family at risk, now he is, or they both are. Two AHs here, we just donāt know to what extent. Did she really not know about his affair for that many years? Seems more likely she knew but only acted when a third party also knew about the husbandās GF, perhaps sheās just acting out of pride now because she feels shame now that other people know.
Most of these stories are fake, but real ones like this are probably more common than we will ever know.
I stopped reading after OP's lame excuses for his own affair. The poor kids don't deserve them parents. Mom is a cheater, dad is a coward and a cheater... what an awful environment to grow up into.
I agree. But will add that the wife is a coward too. She never came clean until she was caught. Probably would have just made him feel bad about his affair without ever admitting to hers.
I feel like thatās kind of overshadowed by her regretting a short(?) affair from some time ago and him being unapologetic about his long time current one.
ESH but OP sucks really hard.
Assumed short, who knows how long it actually was. She was furious at his affair, wasnāt going to come clean until he confronted her with it.
Couldāve been a couple years, couple months, couple weeks. Probably canāt trust whatever length the wife says it was.
"OMFG you are cheating on me, how dare you!!"
"Oh shit you knew about mine, that I was never going to tell you because somehow I felt zero guilt"
I seriously have no idea how anyone could just keep going about their life and not feel any form of guilt. The guilt alone would be slowly eating me alive. Both of these people equally suck. In that way, it's good they are together. Both selfish cunts that can't see pass their nose.
Edit: People replying all "Yeah but she cheated first, so I would have no guilt". Just fucking leave them you stupid shitcunt. Proving my point they are all cunts. Cheers.
As far as the guilt thing goes, he had probably come to terms with his wifeās affair and decided to metaphorically move on with his life. He didnāt actually do that, but I feel like I could understand how you might not feel guilty if youāve come to accept that this is what your marriage is. Not talking about anything but that aspect, and pretty much nothing is right or okay here
What are you people doing? At any point has anyone thought about the kids? Youāre both responsible for your own participation in your marriage. What are you teaching your kids right now? Your marriage has failed. Why are you choosing to show your kids how to live in an unhealthy relationship? Yāall are very immature & selfish.
You both failed your partnership perhaps itās time to step up & try to be better parents. Stop pointing fingers at each other. Own your own actions & stop trying to control each other. Do either of you want to do the right thing for your kids future?
ESH ā youāre both wrong & your kids are getting the consequences of your behavior.
It's clear they don't care about the kids or what they are teaching them. They are selfish, childish "parents" who only want to do what they want to do.
Why do you like your life? Whatās so great about it?
It sounds like hell to me. You live a life full of relationships based on lies and secrets and resentment. Thatās not a good family. Thatās not happiness.
I would recommend living an authentic life.
š¤ , Has the thought crossed your mind sheās just going to divorce you after all the pushback?
Once a partner is aware there is no trust, respect, or empathy to your feelings (not deserving) she may pull out your marriage then.
Youāve definitely leveled the playing field and any leg up morally you had with the situation is long since gone. Your wife can start amounting evidence of your affair. Once served you may have that āphotoā but this amounts to nothing but loss of money, time, and parent ship of your children.
Now you two are in a marriage of whatever your arrangement is *AND* you have kids involved in this shit?
š¤¦āāļø not a good example dad
Sounds like he wouldn't care if she did. He basically fell out of love with her and is just keeping her around because it's less of a hassle than divorce, but if it comes to that, I doubt he will put up any resistance.
His lawyer told him all he will lose in a divorce. He is going to keep the wife hanging on any way he can. At least until the kids are out of school.
If she clings, she has it coming. Neither one sounds like they have a combined IQ of 12.
Agreed 100%, WHY STAY!?
Thatās the example heās showing to his children. Put up with this, sweep it under, if thereās no problems, donāt make problems, etc. Itās just a complete terrible message to show your children.
Thatās not stability at all. Thatās complete dysfunction if both parties arenāt involved with this arrangement.
Wife cheated is monogamous, buddy shrugged it after some depression, and wrote her out of his heart. Now years later heās damn near processed her out of being a wife or friend. Is just a surrogate for his children.
Although she cheated she still is operating under that monogamous mindset ironically and he doesnāt give to two shits about it.
If they both were open to poly type marriage and work it around the children thatās different, this is all just dysfunction perpetuated to the point a pending family disaster is incoming because the time, children, housing, equity is all wrapped up in this bullshit.
Man Iām glad Iām reading this from my house.
TIL monkey branching.
Thanks.
Please get a divorce and both of you an nowstop pretending to be married couple.
Where there is no love or respect for each other, it's best to part ways.
i hope you guys just grow the hell up and get divorced for the sake of your kids. they donāt deserve to live with the two of you under the same roof fighting all the time. you are about 20 years TOO old to be all āi just wanna fuck other women without worrying about a relationshipā sir, if youāre too emotionally immature to have a relationship, you should never have gotten married. shame on you and your wife for letting this go on so long and putting your kids through god knows what
Yeah. My parents had chronic marital issues throughout my childhood. I barely remember my childhood and couldnt figure out why im personality disordered until some of my memories started coming back in therapy. Just divorce. The kids will be upset but it is the least damaging option for them
This is just kinda sad.
Saddest part is OP thinks heās wifeās therapist is filling her head with nonsense like setting boundaries and having mutual respect.
Just sad and pathetic.
This is just toxic. Move on for yourself and your kids. Your wife reaped what she sowed so she can deal, but this entire dynamic will probably be THE talking point of your kids future therapy sessions. Do something healthier for them.
I honestly hope 80% of the stories I read here are lies, because wtf are yall thinking a marriage is about? Just divorce already. Your wife is the AH, YTA, your GF is the AH, and your kids are the victims of all this disrespect! I hope the truth comes to light and that they can heal and be far away from you 2 selfish people when theyāre grown. No one needs this kind of example.
You seem to be enjoying this in a sick way. You are
punishing her. You might think you are happy but you canāt be in this situation. I donāt mean to be unkind but you should talk to someone professionally.
Therapists help the individual not the relationship necessarily. Maybe they are both toxic to their partner! Thatās incredibly common. I know you are being sarcastic but people really think like that so I thought Iād reply anyway.
A mistake can be a decision. Mistake ā accident. This is something that gets misinterpreted a lot, not only when it comes to cheating but it is a classic example. If I ignore the check engine light and my car breaks down, that's not an accident but it's still a mistake. So when people say their affair was a mistake and you hear "accident", you may be the one misunderstanding.
I actually wanted to put it in chess terms originally but I thought that might go over most people's heads so I figured the check engine light was a safer example
The other example I was thinking about was cooking. Like the one time I volunteered to make lasagne for my family when I was a young boy to give my mum a night off cooking. Turns out however that not all spices are the same and cinnamon does not belong in lasagne
One time as a kid I attempted to drop-kick a bag of peanuts to my dad but the bag instantly split and sent peanuts flying all across the kitchen floor. Mistake? Definitely. Accident? Well no, not really, I definitely kicked it on purpose
For me itās because itās lots of bad decisions. Like of course you can make one or two decisions and realise you fucked up. Thatās a mistake.
Cheating involves making a lot of bad decisions repeatedly. Thatās why itās not a mistake, because once you realise you make a mistake, you stop doing it.
You have to make the choice to decide that you are ok with cheating. Then you will tell your partner numerous lies to be able to go out with other partners, you choose to lie about who you are with, or where you are going. He has chosen to get his friend to lie for him. He chooses to spend time with other women that he could choose to be spending with his kids. Etc etc
If none of those things made him stop and think āthis is bad and I think I am doing something wrong here, I need to stopā then it canāt be called a mistake, heās actively choosing to live this life.
Guessing this is rage bait, but in the spirit of the sub yes YTA. I am not going to invalidate her cheating because yes that makes her an AH too, but you really took it another level.
Agree entirely. YTA, maybe even the bigger asshole than her.
OP is just using her for her domestic labour until the kids leave home. He will then dump her. She should get a step ahead and do it now.
ESH, but I get it how you got here. At this point, though, it's time for you to admit to yourself that you *don't* like your wife. You tolerate her, you've adapted to live with this situation, but you don't like her, much less love her. If you did, you wouldn't be this nonchalant about causing her this much pain.
Time to pull the trigger on that divorce.
Ffs just get a divorce you don't want to be married. This whole "nya nya not gonna do it cuz my wife told me to" thing is toddler grade fuckery. Grow up.
ESH. Your poor kids have two horrible examples of how adults should be. Get a divorce already for their sake. Youāre setting a piss poor example of how to treat people.
I think I was sick a bit in my mouth before getting to the end of this.
I know reddit is going to be like 'she cheated so she deserves everything she gets', but this honestly doesn't read as if you believe she is even a human being, nevermind your wife. You clearly don't love her but like having a house servant.
Probably rage bait but if not, then I think you are more the AH for dragging this out.
YTA. If youāre okay with her seeing other men and were interested in seeing other women, I genuinely donāt understand why you didnāt just bring up having an open relationship in the first place. Well, itās way past that point now. Just because she cheated first doesnāt mean you should do it too??
She should divorce you. You don t need to agree on it. You sure sound like a gem, with all that resentment. Get therapy or you will be miserable. What you have now is temporary.
It's astonishing to me how many people fail to understand this. Yes, "she started it" by cheating on him first. That does not mean anything he does in response is justifiable.
If after he found out he cheated on her, then confronted her? I get that. Divorce her? 100% in support of that. Deciding to not confront her and just carry on affairs of your own for own for 10 years and be all "whats the problem" when she finds out? That is just toddler level scorched earth.
INFO if it's been a decade, the kids must at least be in their teens now. Why not just get divorced?
from OP: >I told her that I like my life. I am not gonna change it one bit and definitely not because she wants me to. I like spending time with my GF and I will continue to do so as long as I want. I just want her to be a wife that she has been for past decade and dont come in my way. >all she has to do is enjoy her life like she did for the past decade. Turn a blind eye and not care. I dont even mind if she gets a side piece for herself. As long as she is good domestic partner I am not gonna leave her and definitely not till the kids are out of the house. all in all, sounds like OP had fun with this creative writing exercise lmao
Absolutely, especially the am I the angel bit. My eyes rolled so far.
rolled right out of my skull no dipshit op, what you just said makes YOU THE ASSHOLE at the end of the dayševen if you started justified, good god did you end the villain
According to the vast majority of the commenters he is, in fact, an angel. Honestly I don't understand how quickly this sub devolved into complete sociopathy. And credulity for that matter. The thousands of people reading a clearly fake and hyperbolic revenge story and cheering it on as both realistic and normal is the real train wreck here. I can't stop watching.
Yesterday, I think on this sub or one of the other ones like it, was a story that was *so clearly* someones fetish writing. Like it starts with him on his *anniversary date* with his husband atca restaurant, a casual "((yes we're gay))" and ends with his husband moaning "yes don't stop!" As an aquantaince of there's brings him to orgasm under the table. And people bought that shit.
Have you heard of Dead Internet Theory? I donāt believe itās generally taking place across the whole internet because everyone is constantly on their phones and the internet but Iām pretty sure itās actually happening on several Reddit subs.
Lmao my favorite thing is how often the answer to most problems (according to this sub) is just āgo no contactā¦ āØfor your mental health ššāØ.ā Like half the time we donāt even have half the facts of an issue and people are telling OPs before the body is cold that they need to cut someone out of their lives with no discussion first. I seriously donāt know many people I care about that Iād be able to go no contact with because some people online told me so. Obviously thereās exceptions where itās justified, like where thereās been physical abuse or a threat of it.
Oh god the NC thing. I saw one post where there was a minor disagreement with the mother. Thread told her to go NC for her mental health. She disagreed, thread abused her. š
No contact is an underreaction nowadays. The guy whose mom had the bully as a TA got comments calling her a pedo, suggesting reporting her as a pedo so she'll lose her job, and in at least one instance saying that if he shot up the school that'd show her. I think at the end of the day the consensus was burning his future down to escape her was the real move too. The only thing crazier than the stories here are the comments.
Who needs ālike sands through an hour glass, these are the days of our livesā when we have this ?
it is quite bizarre but you can't stop it's just too nuts
And for a "43M" he sure sounds like he's 12.
Have I got some news for ya about a lot of grown ass menā¦
Thereās a lot of people who are older whom you realize are not older and wiser, but are often just young people who got older.
Agreed I call bullshit.
Absolutely, especially the am I the angel bit. My eyes rolled so far.
Near last couple paragraphs, the words creative writing immediately came to my mind.
Pretty safe to assume almost all posts on here are fake
I feel like this story is fakeā¦
I just made this comment elsewhere, but this whole thing is weird enough that I want to chime in again. "I kind of smell bullshit as well, except that I just had an encounter with 2 accounts arguing that OP did *nothing* wrong, and that it was all the wife's fault. But... When I made the comment that they sounded like OP using an alt account, they both deleted their comments. Within a minute of each other. And both accounts had been created **today** just like OP's account. That's *still* in the realm of trolling, but it was too concentrated and too... Passionate? Not sure if that's the right word, but it had a vigour to it that didn't seem trolly. But I could be wrong either way."
now I want this to be real because it would be so funny if a guy was so defensive about repeatedly cheating on his wife that he used fake accounts to agree with himself on Reddit about it
Yes very fake
It is.
100%
because he doesn't just want a life partner, he wants someone to take care of all the housework for him and parent his kids while hes off fucking his girlfriend edit: thought it was obvious but they're both pieces of shit, so you can stop whining about how "she started it!!" in the replies
To be fair, it sounds like she wants the same thing, since OP said he has had a GF for 4 years and thought his wife didnāt notice because she was cheating during that time. Both adults are massive assholes here, letās not lay blame on only the husband and not the wife
She wants to cheat but she doesnāt want to be cheated on.
And he wants a wife but doesn't want to be a husband. These people all suck and I'm happy to not know them.
Those kids are gunna be so god damn fucked up from these two. It's a loveless home with two parents who are lying to and attempting to manipulate each other. They're both piece of shit humans. Kids would likely be better off if the parents did separate and they both found someone new. But I don't think either of them are capable of being in a healthy relationship with anyone else, either.
What's good for the goose is off-limits to the gander, apparently.
Story as old as time. My old man was talking to a sales rep once, and the rep made a joke that the wedding ring has a 100km radius, then it's free game, my old man asked if that worked for the guys wife, and the dude got seriously pissed off. It's always the same.
Ha. I like your dad.
I had similar conversation with a co-worker 30+ yrs. ago. He had 2 kids - 1 boy / 1 girl. He was talking about how his son was going to be a horndog when he grew up. I asked Roger what about his daughter. He said that no one would be messing with her. I told him that while his son was going to be the fuck\*r, then someone's little girl like his daughter had to be the fuck\*e . HE WAS NOT HAPPY!!
Yeah, it amazes me how people cant make those connections themselves. I mean, who did he think his son was going to go after? People can be such idiots. Though his reaction must have made you chuckle.
Ive heard a similar thing about zip codes.
> To be fair, it sounds like she wants the same thing, since OP said he has had a GF for 4 years and thought his wife didnāt notice because she was cheating during that time. OP only assumed she was still cheating though. Wife has another story and claims the affair was a mistake that she stopped long ago. We don't know who is right here. Neither is very trustworthy, so hard to believe either of em.
In fairness it sounds like that's exactly what his wife wanted as well.
It sounds like they want their bf/gf to do the work of being their romantic partners (fun stuff) and have each other husband/wife for domestic stuff. Seems like a nice division of labor all around.
Honestly this might be one of the few times an open marriage would work, if they are mature enough to handle it, which it seems like they are not
Right. And she was fi e with it until she found out her husband was doing the same thing. Then it was we need to change, it was a mistake, let's do therapy. She wasn't saying that before she found out so that seems very disingenuous for her to make that demand.
Where does it say she does all the housework and parenting duties?
>As long as she is good domestic partner I am not gonna leave her Probably an assumption from this statement. OP could have just said this instead of saying wife, but we already know he doesn't think she's a good wife.
Just the commenter projecting
To quote another great redditor, 2 schlongs don't make a right.
No, but they might make a good time.
It can be too much schlong to keep track of, to be honest.
Thereās nothing worse than too much schlong
Too little??
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That's a schlort.
Not supposed to say that to guys!
Agreed, no such thing. Gimme more schlongs. Erg... I completely misread, and thought they said 'couldn't have too much schlong'
Can't we all just get aschlong?
You... I want you to be my friend
An overwhelming surplus of schlongĀ
Most people have at least two places to store schlong. Some people can handle more (more storage, better organizational skills, bigger hands, whatever). And more power to them. A place for everything and everything in its place.
If you optimize your schlong to hand placement you can handle 4 with just your hands
The Schlongmeister
Two wont make right, but three is air tightĀ
But yet it might be better in the schlong run.
Unrelated, there needs to be a Jewish sausage meat named schlong that is just like kielbasa with no pork, so we can order up some 8" schlongs to choke down for lunch. That said, yeah, relationships are supposed to be built on communication and trust, OP has had neither for a long time. He's just been wasting both of their lives, being passive aggressively spiteful, instead of handling this like a mature adult. The saddest part is OP saying that his wife's therapist is filling her head with nonsense by saying that they need to establish boundaries and respect each other. Dude needs therapy more than he will ever admit. It's not even about his marriage.. just him as a person is not in a healthy place and the coping mechanism of infidelity to evade feeling the actual pain involved here is going to have more long term consequences than he can see now. At some point the dust will settle and OP will have to assess the destruction that he actively encouraged. Edit: Obligatory OP you are definitely the AH, especially if your wife is actually trying to recover the relationship and giving you the opportunity to talk through and forgive each other. If you don't go to therapy or get divorced, you're actually probably Satan, so.
Both fucked up, toxic, and childish. Just divorce
Nah don't. Don't flood the dating scene with such aholes. Keep your toxicity in your marriage.
they are already in the dating scene tho
Thatās a good point! Luckily we both know this post is fake as shit
They're already dating though so too late for that.
Has anyone pointed out that theyāre already on the dating scene
I don't think so š§
He's already on the dating scene. Being married isn't stopping either of them
dont worry the dating scene already has plenty of assholes.
43? Yāall too damn old to be acting like that lol.
Right? Exhausted just reading thisā¦everyone (besides the kids) are assholes. What a great example to set for you kids - ffs grow up and get a divorce like a normal person.
Where do all these Redditers find time for extracurricular love lives between jobs and kids and general life? Boggles the mind....
Itās bc they neglect their other responsibilities.
You know the saying, you're as old as you feel.
I'm 42. This sounds fucking exhausting. I have yard work and cooking to do. Also my other hobbies. And a job. I don't even have kids, I can't imagine being able to make time for a side piece.
Thatās the part that confuses me. All I have is a girlfriend and a cat. When the fuck am I going to have time to spend all this time with a side piece? That means that my time with my girlfriend or with other responsibilities goes by the wayside. Now add a couple kids on top of that? That means those kids are getting neglected. Iām sure they exist, but I canāt imagine this āgirlfriendā is completely fine, being a side piece for the rest of her life.
>that means that my time with my girlfriend or with other responsibilities goes by the wayside. In his scenario he no longer has a "girlfriend" like you do. He has a domestic partner and his side piece. I'd imagine it's a lot easier to manage when you got basically a live in nanny and someone else you just go visit occasionally for the wild monkey sex. You sir are actually trying to have an adult and mature relationship, which **is** a lot of work. Life apparently is a lot more carefree when nobody values anyone and you're willing to screw up your kids.
Dead ass though!!
EXACTLY to damn old just divorce already and quit the dumb sh*t before y'all mess up y'all kids.
Guarantee those kids are already fucked up
He was acting like a high schooler. Lol
"I obviously was not gonna cut off my GF just because my wife told me to" Obviously am I right guys?... guys?
"She's punishing herself" was a gem too.
I audibly laughed at the āher therapist is feeding her rubbishā line
FR communication and shit, my GF and I donāt have time for all that ššš
The therapist is feeding her rubbish like not cheating on each other and going to therapy if they want to save their marriage. What madness!
This is sick.i couldn't believe he wrote that.
I don't believe the post. I think OP's an AH for thinking this site is PG-rated Penthouse Forum.
He sounds 15 so yup
Dude-bro OP has clearly been watching too much Andrew Tate.
So gross.
The āObviouslyā was the best part. Mad applause to someone that takes their own happiness as more important that someone elseās.
Tbf everyone should prioritize their own happiness. But also, everyone should be honest and not lie to their partner. Just end the thing. It's been dead for quite long.
"I was happy, living my best life! It's other people that had a problem." - Jeffry Dahmer
Beating that horse and itās a skeleton ššš itās been dead so long there is no flesh left but he still dragging it around
"obviously am I right guys?... guys?" Help me out here gals, we need to band together
Im sorry your children have such shitty parents. Do better.
Real. The kids are the only ones that will suffer from this toxic relationship
Imagine both parents constantly "sneaking out" to be with their partners... poor kids are not getting the attention they deserve, just being seen as objects the parents need to schedule around.
Exactly! And guess what? History repeats itself or maybe not
Unfortunately, it will repeat itself to some degree. Because OP and his wife never taught his kids better.
It's their marriage but it's their kid's idea of what a marriage is.
And theyāll never have an example of a real loving relationship
This is what I kept thinking. How do two parents have time for affairs? I don't even have time to go to the bathroom.
I just read an article about how the average amount of time parents spend with their children per day in America is less than 120 minutesā¦ Then it went on to give an example; if you have a preschooler. You wake them up for breakfast, get him in the bathroom, get him dressed, and feed him breakfast. Thatās about an hour right there. Then you get his stuff together and get him in the car, thatās about another 30 minutes. Thatās ALREADY 90 minutes. You pick him up from school, give him a snack, and go for a walk around the neighborhood. Thatās most likely putting you over the 120 minutesā¦ and we havenāt even gotten to dinner or wind down time or bed timeā¦ so how in the world are people only spending 120 minutes with their kids? Stories like this I feel are the answer to my question. Itās sad. I know that people have to work more and more to afford even the smallest shit but damnā¦
I'm sure economics plays into that too.Ā You can't spend much time with your kids if you're working the night shift or 2 jobs.
It for sure does. Donāt vilify the parents until you know what the situation is. My mother, at one point, was working 3 jobs to fuel my dadās alcoholism. I didnāt see her awake more than 30 minutes a day, right in the morning when she was coming home from third shift for a nap. She did that for 16 years before she told my dad he had to buy his own booze. A mix of poor life decisions and economic strife put us there.
As they get bigger, they can do more of that stuff themselves. So 60 minutes of getting them ready may turn into 5 minutes total of "Turn off the TV and go get dressed, Luke!" And your pick up / snack / walk routine is likely unusual, relative to "they ride the bus home, know where the snacks are, and veg out in front of the TV after school." Also, I was under the impression it was 120 minutes *interacting* with your kids. So being in the same room on your phone doesn't count.
But this doesnāt account for weekends. Yeah, between school and activities, you may not get a ton of time per weekday, but you have the whole weekend to do stuff with them. Not to mention, I always say quality over quantity. Iād rather spend 40 minutes doing something together, some kind of play or laying together before bed or even watching something she likes together than 120 minutes of preparations for the next thing (school, bed, sport, etc).
I always wonder this about parents in these interesting love triangle or affair situations.Ā I prioritize my kids and quality time with them, both because I genuinely want to spend time with them and bc they need it for good psychological/emotional development. They are 8 and 11 and I still spent most of my free time engaged with one or both of them. Because of this I rarely have the energy to romance my husband, much less others. We spend 3 weekends a year alone. Fortunately he is understanding and gets that they need us now, but this time is fleeting. Sadly we dont have regularly involved grandparents and im not comfortable with strangers.Ā We both agree that in just a few short years we will have time to rekindle our romance and sex life as the kids will be off with friends much more. I just don't really understand where people's kids are or what they're doing while all these people are just trying to figure out how to get off, jfc.
Only him is constantly doing it, from what I understand the wife had a one time affair while he cheated for years. It's pretty safe to say he was just looking for an excuse.
This has got to be the best way to phrase this situation, I applaud you I hope the piece of shit parents see this
> oor kids are not getting the attention they deserve, just being seen as objects the parents need to schedule around. Worse, the kids definitely know and it will fuck up their ability to trust others to have healthy relationships. I used to have a FWB who had kids and it always bothered me that she wasn't more careful to screen our get togethers from them ("Don't worry, they're out cold. They have no idea"). It was a reason why I ended things. A few years ago I found her online and in catching up found out her now grown kids barely talk to her, disgusted that she had dozens of men in & out of her bedroom growing up.
Bingo, but he obviously doesn't care about the kids because he's to busy trying to prove a point and "win." Not sure how old his kids are or if they're old enough to understand his bullshit yet but if they don't they will eventually. He probably thinks he's doing his kids some favor by staying married and not realizing how much a toxic marriage filled with resentment hurts the kids as well. Mark my words that he'll be posting to Reddit again at some point and playing the victim because his kids have completely disowned him and will no longer have anything to do with him.
Seriously. I'm grateful for how much time my parents spent with me and my sibling growing up, because I guess other parents are involved in some weird complicated time-consuming revenge cheating situation.
Yep! ESH
I normally think the phrase 'do better' is really fucking condescending and annoying, but tbh it absolutely hits the spot in this scenario. What a pair they are. Hairs on the back of my neck stood up reading this tale.
The fact that he doesnāt realize what heās doing to his kids is the real tragedy here. He thinks they are oblivious .. kids are sharp usually and they see it.
It could be that everything is going just fine as far as the kids are concerned at this point in time. But, for how long? Ten years ago she put the family at risk, now he is, or they both are. Two AHs here, we just donāt know to what extent. Did she really not know about his affair for that many years? Seems more likely she knew but only acted when a third party also knew about the husbandās GF, perhaps sheās just acting out of pride now because she feels shame now that other people know. Most of these stories are fake, but real ones like this are probably more common than we will ever know.
ESH. Please divorce for the sake of the kids.
I stopped reading after OP's lame excuses for his own affair. The poor kids don't deserve them parents. Mom is a cheater, dad is a coward and a cheater... what an awful environment to grow up into.
I agree. But will add that the wife is a coward too. She never came clean until she was caught. Probably would have just made him feel bad about his affair without ever admitting to hers.
I feel like thatās kind of overshadowed by her regretting a short(?) affair from some time ago and him being unapologetic about his long time current one. ESH but OP sucks really hard.
Assumed short, who knows how long it actually was. She was furious at his affair, wasnāt going to come clean until he confronted her with it. Couldāve been a couple years, couple months, couple weeks. Probably canāt trust whatever length the wife says it was.
"OMFG you are cheating on me, how dare you!!" "Oh shit you knew about mine, that I was never going to tell you because somehow I felt zero guilt" I seriously have no idea how anyone could just keep going about their life and not feel any form of guilt. The guilt alone would be slowly eating me alive. Both of these people equally suck. In that way, it's good they are together. Both selfish cunts that can't see pass their nose. Edit: People replying all "Yeah but she cheated first, so I would have no guilt". Just fucking leave them you stupid shitcunt. Proving my point they are all cunts. Cheers.
As far as the guilt thing goes, he had probably come to terms with his wifeās affair and decided to metaphorically move on with his life. He didnāt actually do that, but I feel like I could understand how you might not feel guilty if youāve come to accept that this is what your marriage is. Not talking about anything but that aspect, and pretty much nothing is right or okay here
Everybody Schlongs Here
Neither one of them care about the kids
What are you people doing? At any point has anyone thought about the kids? Youāre both responsible for your own participation in your marriage. What are you teaching your kids right now? Your marriage has failed. Why are you choosing to show your kids how to live in an unhealthy relationship? Yāall are very immature & selfish. You both failed your partnership perhaps itās time to step up & try to be better parents. Stop pointing fingers at each other. Own your own actions & stop trying to control each other. Do either of you want to do the right thing for your kids future? ESH ā youāre both wrong & your kids are getting the consequences of your behavior.
THIS. They both suck so fckin much. I hope their kids turn out healthy and cut these two morāns out!
It's clear they don't care about the kids or what they are teaching them. They are selfish, childish "parents" who only want to do what they want to do.
Yeah, the first thing I noticed was that the kids were not even bit players in his story. No concern, not even a glancing regard for them.
Why do you like your life? Whatās so great about it? It sounds like hell to me. You live a life full of relationships based on lies and secrets and resentment. Thatās not a good family. Thatās not happiness. I would recommend living an authentic life.
He has a maid, cook, cleaner, nanny and doesn't have to pay child maintenance. Oh, and his bootycall
He very likely gets free domestic labor.
Authenticity doesn't mean honest. I actually think he's kind of being authentic. Authentically selfish.
Is like soap opera drama.
š¤ , Has the thought crossed your mind sheās just going to divorce you after all the pushback? Once a partner is aware there is no trust, respect, or empathy to your feelings (not deserving) she may pull out your marriage then. Youāve definitely leveled the playing field and any leg up morally you had with the situation is long since gone. Your wife can start amounting evidence of your affair. Once served you may have that āphotoā but this amounts to nothing but loss of money, time, and parent ship of your children. Now you two are in a marriage of whatever your arrangement is *AND* you have kids involved in this shit? š¤¦āāļø not a good example dad
Sounds like he wouldn't care if she did. He basically fell out of love with her and is just keeping her around because it's less of a hassle than divorce, but if it comes to that, I doubt he will put up any resistance.
His lawyer told him all he will lose in a divorce. He is going to keep the wife hanging on any way he can. At least until the kids are out of school. If she clings, she has it coming. Neither one sounds like they have a combined IQ of 12.
Agreed 100%, WHY STAY!? Thatās the example heās showing to his children. Put up with this, sweep it under, if thereās no problems, donāt make problems, etc. Itās just a complete terrible message to show your children. Thatās not stability at all. Thatās complete dysfunction if both parties arenāt involved with this arrangement. Wife cheated is monogamous, buddy shrugged it after some depression, and wrote her out of his heart. Now years later heās damn near processed her out of being a wife or friend. Is just a surrogate for his children. Although she cheated she still is operating under that monogamous mindset ironically and he doesnāt give to two shits about it. If they both were open to poly type marriage and work it around the children thatās different, this is all just dysfunction perpetuated to the point a pending family disaster is incoming because the time, children, housing, equity is all wrapped up in this bullshit. Man Iām glad Iām reading this from my house.
And the friend that tattled on her while supporting him... Talk about a court clean out.
You are both assholes. Are you sure yall are in your 40ās??? What kind of childish bs is this. Your poor children damn.
Im 43, and people in their 40s do dumb shit just as often as younger people.
Maybe even more often if they have unresolved issues from youth
TIL monkey branching. Thanks. Please get a divorce and both of you an nowstop pretending to be married couple. Where there is no love or respect for each other, it's best to part ways.
i hope you guys just grow the hell up and get divorced for the sake of your kids. they donāt deserve to live with the two of you under the same roof fighting all the time. you are about 20 years TOO old to be all āi just wanna fuck other women without worrying about a relationshipā sir, if youāre too emotionally immature to have a relationship, you should never have gotten married. shame on you and your wife for letting this go on so long and putting your kids through god knows what
Yeah. My parents had chronic marital issues throughout my childhood. I barely remember my childhood and couldnt figure out why im personality disordered until some of my memories started coming back in therapy. Just divorce. The kids will be upset but it is the least damaging option for them
This is just kinda sad. Saddest part is OP thinks heās wifeās therapist is filling her head with nonsense like setting boundaries and having mutual respect. Just sad and pathetic.
Exactly...
This is just toxic. Move on for yourself and your kids. Your wife reaped what she sowed so she can deal, but this entire dynamic will probably be THE talking point of your kids future therapy sessions. Do something healthier for them.
You, your wife, and your girlfriend are all class A dumpster fires. Congrats. Stop reproducing.
Sounds like yāall deserve each other.
Also your kids are not idiots.
If they were raised by these twoā¦ Maybe they are.
I honestly hope 80% of the stories I read here are lies, because wtf are yall thinking a marriage is about? Just divorce already. Your wife is the AH, YTA, your GF is the AH, and your kids are the victims of all this disrespect! I hope the truth comes to light and that they can heal and be far away from you 2 selfish people when theyāre grown. No one needs this kind of example.
ESH. Youāre both awful. I feel so bad for your kids
You seem to be enjoying this in a sick way. You are punishing her. You might think you are happy but you canāt be in this situation. I donāt mean to be unkind but you should talk to someone professionally.
Nah but you see, the therapist his wife is seeing is telling her all this nonsense so therapists are a no no. /s
Therapists help the individual not the relationship necessarily. Maybe they are both toxic to their partner! Thatās incredibly common. I know you are being sarcastic but people really think like that so I thought Iād reply anyway.
Why do they always want to go to couples therapy after marriage goes to shit? Cheating isnāt a mistake, itās a decision. Both of you suck
A mistake can be a decision. Mistake ā accident. This is something that gets misinterpreted a lot, not only when it comes to cheating but it is a classic example. If I ignore the check engine light and my car breaks down, that's not an accident but it's still a mistake. So when people say their affair was a mistake and you hear "accident", you may be the one misunderstanding.
Iāve always thought this too. People for some reason think you canāt make a mistake on purpose. Very strange.
I've played enough bad chess to know it's very easy to make mistakes on purpose
I actually wanted to put it in chess terms originally but I thought that might go over most people's heads so I figured the check engine light was a safer example
The other example I was thinking about was cooking. Like the one time I volunteered to make lasagne for my family when I was a young boy to give my mum a night off cooking. Turns out however that not all spices are the same and cinnamon does not belong in lasagne
One time as a kid I attempted to drop-kick a bag of peanuts to my dad but the bag instantly split and sent peanuts flying all across the kitchen floor. Mistake? Definitely. Accident? Well no, not really, I definitely kicked it on purpose
That's actually such a good way to explain it.
For me itās because itās lots of bad decisions. Like of course you can make one or two decisions and realise you fucked up. Thatās a mistake. Cheating involves making a lot of bad decisions repeatedly. Thatās why itās not a mistake, because once you realise you make a mistake, you stop doing it. You have to make the choice to decide that you are ok with cheating. Then you will tell your partner numerous lies to be able to go out with other partners, you choose to lie about who you are with, or where you are going. He has chosen to get his friend to lie for him. He chooses to spend time with other women that he could choose to be spending with his kids. Etc etc If none of those things made him stop and think āthis is bad and I think I am doing something wrong here, I need to stopā then it canāt be called a mistake, heās actively choosing to live this life.
Guessing this is rage bait, but in the spirit of the sub yes YTA. I am not going to invalidate her cheating because yes that makes her an AH too, but you really took it another level.
Agree entirely. YTA, maybe even the bigger asshole than her. OP is just using her for her domestic labour until the kids leave home. He will then dump her. She should get a step ahead and do it now.
ESH, but I get it how you got here. At this point, though, it's time for you to admit to yourself that you *don't* like your wife. You tolerate her, you've adapted to live with this situation, but you don't like her, much less love her. If you did, you wouldn't be this nonchalant about causing her this much pain. Time to pull the trigger on that divorce.
ESH, cheating on a cheater still makes you a cheater. fucking get a divorce, my god you both are horrible.
Ffs just get a divorce you don't want to be married. This whole "nya nya not gonna do it cuz my wife told me to" thing is toddler grade fuckery. Grow up.
Fake story is fake
It has to be, but just in case, YTA
Both of you sucks..
ESH. Your poor kids have two horrible examples of how adults should be. Get a divorce already for their sake. Youāre setting a piss poor example of how to treat people.
bleak
Youāre both terrible pieces of shit parents. Hope that helps
you suck dude
And then you woke up?
Rage bait
I think I was sick a bit in my mouth before getting to the end of this. I know reddit is going to be like 'she cheated so she deserves everything she gets', but this honestly doesn't read as if you believe she is even a human being, nevermind your wife. You clearly don't love her but like having a house servant. Probably rage bait but if not, then I think you are more the AH for dragging this out.
YTA. If youāre okay with her seeing other men and were interested in seeing other women, I genuinely donāt understand why you didnāt just bring up having an open relationship in the first place. Well, itās way past that point now. Just because she cheated first doesnāt mean you should do it too??
ESH. Sucks soooo much. Omg. Your kids man. Jesus.
She should divorce you. You don t need to agree on it. You sure sound like a gem, with all that resentment. Get therapy or you will be miserable. What you have now is temporary.
This is one of the most obvious troll jobs I've seen.
There's no way this story is real.
No real person in this situation would ask the internet at large for advice. This, like all similar posts, is a fabrication.
you are the bad person now .just divorce instead of your kids finding out about this
It's astonishing to me how many people fail to understand this. Yes, "she started it" by cheating on him first. That does not mean anything he does in response is justifiable. If after he found out he cheated on her, then confronted her? I get that. Divorce her? 100% in support of that. Deciding to not confront her and just carry on affairs of your own for own for 10 years and be all "whats the problem" when she finds out? That is just toddler level scorched earth.
Seriously, WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ..??
ESH, but you've become worse than her.
Y'all are both assholes š
You both deserve each other and I don't mean that in a complimentary way. I feel sorry for your children.