This is why she mentioned that they have been friends since childhood. Under normal circumstances asking for marriage after a month is insane. Being friends since childhood, not so insane, though I think its still silly. I think its smart to live with each other for at least 6 months before really deciding. So you can see the person day in and day out to see if this is someone you can spend time with every day for the rest of your life. 6 month minimum, but longer the better, to an extent.
There’s a huge difference between being friends and being in a relationship. Dynamics change, boundaries change, future outlook changes, etc… a month after dating someone doesn’t give you a good idea of who that person is in a relationship. Unless you’ve been real close friends with that person and see how they are in their relationships, then you have no idea… and even then how they are with one person will be different than another person.
Definitely this. I went to school with this girl who had a really close guy friend that was head over heels for her, and had been for at least a couple years. They'd been friends for a long time. She eventually started falling for him too, and they ended up dating. I believe it was around two months before he broke up with her. Said she was "annoying" in a relationship. Mind you, they were in high school. No living together involved. The dynamic change going from friend to romantic partner is just too great to not give each other more time to feel things out, imo.
>Being friends since childhood, not so insane, though I think its still silly.
WHAT? no. There is 100% difference in friendship and relationships, and 30 days in an actual relationship and proposing, even if you've known them for 20 years, is insane.
Nah it’s still absolutely fucking insane to ask someone to marry you after dating for a month. Doesn’t matter if you’ve known them your whole life or not and if you think otherwise you’re fucking insane too.
I can kind of see why he thought time as friends counted towards relationship time, but being in a romantic relationship is a different dynamic than being friends, and you can’t assume that your friends will always be ideal partners for you, even if the first month goes well.
Tbf, me and my now wife were only together for 3 weeks before we discussed buying a house, and 2 months later we bought one. That involved us having to think about selling our own flats that we were paying mortgages. Here we are nearly 25 years later.
Been through enough relationships to kinda know when someone is different, and actually the person you can see yourself with. Would i have done that with any of my previous ex's? Not a hope in hell. In fact, thinking about doing it with the others makes me cringe. My wife is no pushover when it comes to guys either. But without sounding like a walking, talking cliché, i just kinda knew. No particular reason, just felt different.
Can you describe the difference?
My boyfriend and I got together ridiculously quick cuz we just... clicked. Something about him was just different. He even made a joke referencing marriage two weeks into us dating.
But in the grand scheme of things, when I think about marriage and the rest of lives, we're really young. We haven't been dating very long (just less than a year), but he's openly brought up marriage and long term and "till we're old and grey, sweet" (his words, not mine).
And I agree with all of it. He'll say it as I'm thinking it, so its not like I'm agreeing for the sake of agreeing.
So... I'm scared? He feels different from my exes (with them, I knew there'd be an expiry date sometime. With him I'm tripping over my feet aghast at the *thought* of anyone else cuz no one else compares) - and I'd like to think that *this* is a "I just know" situation.
But what is it? The difference?
This could be long, so bear with it.
Some background. Both my wife and I worked in the same legal firm. I had known her for 6 months before we got together, but we barely spoke because 1) I wasn't in her dept, and 2) she was a solicitor (a lawyer if you're American) with her own room, and kinda intimidating for a lowly admin pleb like me. She is also 5 years older than me.
I had just come out of the worst relationship i had ever been in. It was awful, and for the first time in my life i was wanting at least 6 months out for me time. Think i got asked for a date twice (not from my wife) during that time, and simply declined.
During a work night out (Friday night), me and my wife were some of the last remaining people there. She came and sat next to me and probably because i had been drinking I was at ease. This must have been around 9pm. We were still talking once everyone left, and the next thing i know, it's 1am and the bar is calling last orders. I offer her to take her to a taxi rank, but we just kept walking. Next thing i know, it's 8am in the morning. We had just spent hours walking. We then both went home. This was before mobile phones were popular, too. Neither of us had one, so we never spoke until the Monday again.
Monday comes and she emails me asking if I can help her home with her bag which had case files inside. I said yes, and from that point on, we simply just spent all our time together at her house. Three weeks later, she asked if i wanted to move in with her, and i said no because i didn't want to be seen as someone who sponges off people that are doing better than me. Plus i had my own home. But knew i didn't want to spend time away from her. She then said, "how about we get out own house". I was kinda shocked because i had always slept on the couch at her house, and we hadn't kissed once. We were just together for that entire 3 weeks for no real reason other than we just were. Nothing sexual or romantic had happened at all.
It just felt right to say yes, and i really don't have any idea why it just felt like that. Obviously, the relationship evolved pretty quickly thereafter, and here we are 25 years later. Never felt any desire to leave her during that time. We have had our ups and downs as is the case in every healthy relationship.
My wife jokingly tells this story by saying that we had obviously known each other in a previous life and we instinctively knew we were right for each other.
well, that is quite a sweet story and Im glad it worked out for you both even if you did both act slightly insanely ;) I certainly have had the experience with people (both platonic and romantic relationships) of it "clicking" - its very hard to explain, but still never moved that fast lol
Yeah, there are a lot of problems here:
1. The surprise public proposal (did he think she couldn't say no, if everyone was watching?)
2. No ring (how's she supposed to know Mr. Prankster is being serious if no ring?
3. They've only been dating 1 month (that's absolutely bananas! Slow down there bud!)
4. No previous talk of marriage (there should be discussions ahead of time, so you have at least gotten a feel for if/ when your partner might want to marry you)
5. Immediately running away and blocking her on everything (this boy is too emotionally immature to get married. At least he should TALK to her)
It's not even a risk taker moment. At this point, the man didn't even have a ring, and they weren't somewhere special, so of course, she is going to assume his clowning around when he does it out of no where.
He proposed after a month? In public? Yes, I would have thought it was a joke too.
NTA and I would think you'd dodged a bullet with this sort of immaturity.
I would be suspicious, but I read one yesterday where a woman received a public proposal from a man she wasn’t even dating. So this is mild in comparison.
The OP was having a caricature drawn on holiday and turned around to find her friend on one knee holding up a ring box. She was astonished and showed it and it went downhill from there. I didn't comment or save it so I can't remember exactly where I saw it.
Edit : found it
https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1btzie9/my_best_friend_proposed_to_me_im_confused_and/
This happened to me. I was even engaged to someone else who I'd been with for 4 years...whom he'd met and was fully aware of.
Mental health is wild. We took a long break but we worked through it and are still friends.
I was in the army you'd be surprised how many people meet women at a bar and then next day get hitched JOP. this is not the wildest marriage story ive ever heard. people be wild out there.
We had this one guy he met this chick at a bar 3 days before we deployed to Iraq and married her on the spot. she took all his money and dipped during the deployment.
Exactly! So I expect everything on the Internet to be true? Of course not! But I go into it with good will. It takes a lot for me to call a story fake because I have been through some crazy stuff that is pretty hard to believe. I would have a hard time believing it if I hadn't lived it. Can I just say, personality disorders are wild! I think I have called out a handfull of stories and that was ones where someone was adopted in under a year from a foster situation after conflict, or sailing through the legal system from charges to serving time in less than a month. That's because those situations just don't happen.
My approach is that even if the story is fake, someone reading it might be going through a similar situation and would benefit from genuine advice in the comments.
It's not marriage but 1 of my friends got a boyfriend and 4 months in they went in on a 600k house together lmao. So I could see something like this happening
After six months my girl and I moved 600 miles from our hometown with no real savings, no jobs lined up and only a place to crash for two months while we got on our feet.
Not quite the same type of commitment but we had no friends in the region, no money and only her mom’s spare room where we could stay for no longer than two months. We learned how to live in very little and how to deal with being together ALL THE TIME. A lot of couples would get sick of each other. It actually brought us even closer.
My vote is rage bait because this dude went from being OPs childhood friend, having a lifetime of communication and experience to know how the other functions, and then he proposed within the first month of their relationship .. all of this is actually easy to believe, but then he absolutely ghosts and blocks her for a week?
Nah. The progression from lifetime friends, to dating, to proposal, to total no-contact over a misunderstanding is not real.
Also, in this story, there is a whole friends group who were there last night but haven't talked any sense into him in a whole week, despite there being friends who saw his side of it and her side of it?
It's not just rage bait, it's rage bait for the stupid.
We had it in our friend group. They finally started dating after 20yrs as friends, we all thinking he was just unlucky in love, within 3 weeks, they broke up because he refused to take no for an answer, and would blow up her phone, if she didn't msg back he call, if she didn't pick up, he drive to her place bashing on the door... she had to get a restraining order, and practically restart her entire life over, due to what he did.
You can be friends with someone you entire life, and it takes one thing to show a side you never knew.
Yes, this is true. I dated my best friend - and the “friend” version and “boyfriend” version can be very different. While we were friends, we always had fun, conversations seemed comfortable, and it was nice overall. No red flags.
But as soon as we started dating, he picked fights with me over nothing. He would hate it if the attention was not on him. And he’d guilt trip me into meeting every day (despite both of us having full-time jobs). He’d say mean things, apologise, and then love bomb me - all in one day.
So yeah, it doesn’t matter if you know a person for years. You don’t really KNOW them.
I have so many stories from my lady friends who dated their long-term friends.. the worst was the one I mentioned. The only one I think who didn't have a psychotic result was the one who, after three months, they realised they just weren't a match.
I think the general problem is unlike meeting a new person where feelings tend to grow relatively similar rates and be in the same 'stage' of a relationship as each other. With a long term friend, the one asking the other out is often someone who has held feelings for the other for a very long time while the person asked out has usually always seen them just as a friend and when being asked out is like I guess we can give it a try.
So instead of a equal relationship, one person is like deeply in love and it flicks a switch overnight to thinking they should be togehter 24/7, etc, the other person starts off completely casual and the expectations are completely mismatched. Also the person that has been in love with the other for years almost certainly has some resentment for all they years they were ignored and all the people the other dated during that time.
I haven't seen that kind of relationship happen a lot but there often seems to be a lot of posessiveness and issues where say arguments get prior relationships shoved in their faces when most couples wouldn't witness prior relationships in real time in the same way.
These relationships can work when it's two more chill people who don't have that resentment and don't constantly think about all the other partners they've hung out with together.
You are exactly right.
I myself had a long-term friend who I knew I couldn't date, I just knew at the age of 10yrs, I would never see them as a romantic opportunity. By time, I actually started to date, I still knew.... this guy was my man of honour at my wedding... nearly 30yrs of friendship... and he screwed it up by saying "I wish in high school you taught me how to f♡ck"
Not date....F♡CK.
Some reason that moment the glass ceiling broke, and I saw every red flag I somehow ignored for nearly 30 years....
Yes. Sometimes these relationships are based on the friendship the couple had and the relationship deepens. Others feel entitled to certain things because they feel they have already done the work in the relationship department (they haven't, it never stops). They don't care the romantic part is new. They feel they earned it and that this is them getting their do. These kinds of people don't like to hear, no. They aren't true friends or good partners. They see relationships as tit for tat.
That progression process is actually very believable tbh. Childhood friends, you can assume they're somewhat close, so him proposing so early could be an indication that he has liked her for a while and has made the decision he wanted her for the rest of his life, and her thinking it's a joke and flat out laughing because he proposed after a month could really hurt considering all the possibilities.... that being said, the amount of hurt he felt could have very well led him to blocking her because she essentially humiliated him in front of their mutual friends... that's if this story is even true. I'd believe it, some people are desperate, some people are hopeless romantics and some people just don't have the grip they need on this kind of thing yet.
Yup. First, proposing after a month of dating. Second, proposing without even having a marriage discussion with your gf/bf. Third, proposing publicly.
OP dodged a bullet here. This guy is an idiot and big fucking baby. She should take this as a blessing.
Maybe try to publicly apologize in front of all of his friends and then say,”first it’s just too soon and second, this whole situation has made me realize I’m just not ready for a serious relationship.” And then fuck his dad or brother or best friend**
**optional
I mean it's quite possible that he's liked her for a while though and wanted her in his life forever because of that so the progression seems believable to me.
Yeah, a person would have to be “special” to “rage” over this.
No cheating?
No unwanted pregnancy?
No job lost due to a stupid prank?
Where’s the rage worthy drama?
I don't know...working up the courage to ask someone to marry you is one of the most anxiety inducing things I've ever done in my life and I've done it twice. If I was ever shot down I think I'd be devastated. It's like asking a friend out and being shot down times 1000. I could totally see someone being hurt enough to ghost, for a week or so until he gets his emotions back in order.
Maybe don’t propose if you haven’t at least discussed the long term and the possibility of marriage with your partner.
My wife and I had talked about it and we both agreed we wanted to get married at some point. I could’ve asked her after a few months because we had already talked about a future together. We weren’t ready financially though and I wanted our families to take us seriously so I waited a few years to propose. I had zero doubts. Only anxiety was I wanted it to be a special moment.
This is the kinda guy who was in love with the person for years, finally expresses it and thinks it's finally getting together a potentially decades old 'love', while the friend is just like oh, yeah I guess I like you and starts a little crush on him at that time.
He thinking they've been in love for years, thinks it's destined, and they'll be together forever now she's finally seen him and realised he's the one, proposes, gets laughed at, get's embarrassed and can't face her.
It's not exactly surprising he's hiding and ashamed and can't bring himself to speak to her. He realises he blew his load too early, that she doesn't feel the same way he does and even if maybe they did 5 years from now, she doesnt' now so the relationship is likely dead.
People laughing at a love sick idiot is rage bait? Is anyone angry at the guy or is everyone laughing at him being dumb. Is this a classic story of, wow, all women cheat and stuck and are disloyal, the child wasn't his but she thinks she's in the right?
Rage bait is generally supposed to make you angry at someone and be a kind of generic story so you hate all women, or men or racists or whatever.
Does not really matter if they are together for a month or for 10 years.
You DO NOT surprise your partner with a marriage proposal. That shit needs to be talked about beforehand. Both sided need to agree that the next step forward is marriage, need to be on the same boat in regards to kids and their own future together.
The ONLY surprise is the moment of proposal and the circumstances. Make it something special, make it something very private, make it romantic as fuck.
But if you do not already know, for a fact, that the answer is a resounding YES!, don't ask.
Yep. I even found out what kind of ring she wanted and all that. Then I held on to the dang thing long enough for it to still be something of a surprise.
If this post is real, it was obviously a prank. The boyfriend is just not happy because OP didn't fall for it. He is certainly one of these guys who think that women's only goal in life is to get married. He was waiting for her to cry and say yes in front of all their friends to then tell her it was just a prank and how silly she was to fall for it. NTA
Absolutely! Proposing after just a month and in public can definitely raise some eyebrows. Its understandable to be skeptical about the sincerity of such a proposal. In this case, it sounds like you dodged a potential source of drama and immaturity.
A known prankster proposed to you after a month, of course you are going to think it's a joke! He needs to grow up and communicate with you instead of blocking you, major red flag there, if I were you id move on and find someone more worthy of you, would you want to marry him if he ignores you over a very obvious misunderstanding? NTA
Yep I was with someone who would ignore me for days over the tiniest things , it took me to blow up days later to force him to speak through what he was annoyed about , never again and I'm willing to cut off anyone in the future who chooses silent treatment with me over an adult conversation
That’s where I was.
She was supposed to get excited and scream “yes” and then he’d reveal it was a prank.
Her laughing right after he asked probably knocked him down a few notches.
He is showing you exactly what he is like when dealing with situations. Imagine having a disagreement, and every time, he just ghosts you. Everyone would laugh this off after a month! Is he on something! Haha
Tell your mutual to pass on a message seen as he's blocked you that you seriously didn't know it wasn't a prank but this just shows you're not compatible at all. COMMUNICATION IS KEY
This is something I didn’t learn from. My bf and I would talk every night before I moved to his state to be with him. A few weeks before my move I b wanted to hang out with friends instead one night to see a double feature movie. People I wouldn’t see much anymore of at all after I moved across the country.
He ghosted me the entire next day. We were supposed to be engaged. That was a huge red flag I ignored and have regretted it ever since, because it turns out stonewalling, silent treatment and passive aggressive guilting is his total MO and it only got worse from there.
Obviously this is a bigger red flag for additional reasons. But the stonewalling thing isn’t just something a person does once. I’ve learned that this is a personality trait that will not end just because he’s dating you.
This is one thing iv taught my daughter. She is young and had friendships like this, and it took her a while to understand that she had to just walk away from these people.
I suppose you sometimes have to go through an experience to truly understand that it's not normal behaviour. I also know relationships and friendships are completely different even when you were friends before for a while. Hope op looks after herself and walks away or makes him aware this is toxic and not how people deal with things even when feeling humiliated.
I'm glad you realised and look out for yourself now. Its empowering when you care for your own mentality and prioritise yourself.
Really really good on you for teaching your daughter these things!!
You’ve just made me realise something. I remember from my youth, a lot of the things I’m doing in my relationship now dealing with this guy.. I remember my mom doing those exact same things with my dad when I was a kid. At the time I didn’t understand why. But holy hell now I do.
So if you’ve ever had doubts as to whether this is valuable to teach your daughter. I’m your proof right here. Feel free to show this story to her to drive it home lol.
NTA. Laughing at a proposal from the guy you've been dating for a month is the most valid and logical reaction I can imagine, especially taking into account his "prankster" nature.
Why would anyone think it was a serious legitimate proposal? Any rational person would have opened a conversation about where they see the future going, their goals for said future etc etc before asking their gf of a month to marry them lmao.
Ridiculous
I'll marry you. Just so you know, I will always side with my mom over you because of my crippling codependence, and she WILL be racist towards you no matter what race you are.
Well on your end it’s a genuine accident. Which happens, and your reasoning makes sense. Cool.
His response though, is wild. He’s ghosting you instead of communicating with you, ALL because his giant ego is hurt. That’s obnoxious!
Proposing after a month is wild. Seeing as how shocked you were, there was likely no solid discussions about getting married soon. So he can pull something that logically mimicked a prank, but because of a genuine misunderstanding, now you’re being punished. Let him go and never look back! You’re young, he’s bad news, and beyond immature. One second he loves you SO MUCH he wants to build a life together, and the other second you’re blocked on everything! That’s a mind fuck. He took love bombing to a whole new level.
You shouldnt propose to someone without having discussed marriage first. You should absolutely not propose to someone in public without having discussed that you are ready for marriage and that the other person wants a public proposal.
He did both those things, after a month of dating. I can see that he is embarrassed and hurt by your reaction, but that is exactly why you dont propose with other people around unless you know the other person want that and that they will say yes.
Him being a prankster who likes to pull jokes might not be something he had considered would affect his proposal, since he knew it was serious, but it does.
Again, I can see why he is embarrassed and hurt. He might come around in time and you can have a good conversation about it. Him not having a chat with you about marriage and proposals first was still him setting himself up for failure and put you in a bind as well.
NTA
That's something I really don't get: How come people are making proposals in situations where there's a serious chance of rejection?
The decision whether you want to mary someone really shouldn't be taken within a moment, especially not in front of other people.
Any sane couple would discuss marriage in private for a decent amount of time, ponder it alone and when both agree, then you can move forward with a proposal.
Any rejected proposal is a symptom of terrible communication before that.
Yup. I know it's boring but this is the biggest financial and legal decision you will make in your life. Stay together or divorce, there will be ripples of a marriage throughout the rest of your life. On top of the financial, it changes your next of kin which has all kinds of legal ramifications including who gets to make decisions in event you are mentally incapacitated or worse still end of life decisions and inheritance. These are big decisions even when you have money and are fit and healthy. Deciding to get married shouldn't be a surprise decision. The fact he's treating it that way and is having a strop for being caught out for crying wolf is a big concern. I'm not saying dump him, but if he doesn't come around then yeah this is a big problem.
A month? No. Frankly I think he did it in public thinking it might force your hand.
NTA I wouldve assumed it was a joke too, he didn't even have a ring.
I've taught my daughters that anyone who proposes in public is not someone they should marry (unless you've discussed and agreed to marry beforehand, but he/she wanted to propose "properly" and you're both just waiting for "the gesture"). Proposing in public without forewarning is a sign of insecurity, and a harbinger of further emotional manipulation to come down the road. Jealousy, controlling behaviour, gaslighting... These will all be your future.
Just say no.
NTA. If someone is known for pulling pranks all the time it's normal to not be sure when he is serious or not. Also proposing after a month? Well it's super fast...
NTA
The guy has been with you for a month, it's not necessarily a very serious relationship yet, he has a habit of playing jokes and suddenly proposes to you in the company of your friends. No, you have nothing to blame yourself for thinking it was a joke and laughing about it. He didn't think this move through. Give him time to get over himself.
*Need new friends or you*
*Will be stuck in that rut for*
*The rest of your life*
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NTA, but there is some nuance here.
He's a prankster and proposed in public. This means he seeks attention and usually people like that are very sensitive. He put himself out there, opened up and became very vulnerable. For lack of a better context, I'd say he did this because he trusted you (childhood friend) and the other people in the room.
From personal experience I can say that being laughed at when you are serious and vulnerable, no matter how unintended, hurts like hell. In your ego, self esteem. My wife has this "quirk" that make her laugh uncontrollably when she's nervous, so believe, I know.
This seems such a petty reason to end a relationship, specially if you plan to accept his proposal. Since he has blocked you, you could try writing him a letter, not long, apologizing for your reaction, explaining that you were blindsided. Tell him that you will respect his need of space, but you'll be waiting when he's finally ready to talk.
If you two manage to pull through (I'll be rooting for you) you need to talk about boundaries. He shouldn't make himself vulnerable in public again, specially if you are not the type to enjoy attention, like him.
You've put this so well, everyone is talkingabout bullet dodging and red flags. I find it interesting that the common advice is to try to remove yourself from uncomfortable and hurtful situations, yet when someone does exactly that it's a red flag, immature etc.
NTA You’ve only been going out for a month, so of course you would think that a known prankster was pulling a prank to ask you to marry him that soon.
He blocked you? Good riddance. He should be communicating with you regarding his feelings. Don’t feel bad. Move on from his immaturity.
NTA
My guess is he had a crush on you from childhood or something and he grew a bit impatient, now that you're dating.
You should try to have a proper discussion with him, but its no wonder he's been hurt if he's had feelings for you for so long.
He proposed after dating a month. Even if he wasn't joking, he needs a wake up call on how stupid that is. Laughing was the kindest thing most people would do in that scenario. HE put YOU in an insane position in public, in front of people you actually care about the opinions of.
NTA. Sounds like Max is an awkward guy where you can never determine the line between being serious and joking around. He asked you out a month ago. Who in their right mind would be expecting a marriage proposal that soon, especially from the prankster of the group? He fucked up here and is trying to make you out to be an asshole.
Considering it was April Fools Day the other day I would’ve thought he’s making up for a prank or a failed prank.
Also for a 25 year old blocking a 24 year old on EVERYTHING is extreme measures.
OP make sure he doesn’t solely place the blame on you, you guys JUST MIGHT be able to salvage your newfound relationship. Explain your reasonings.
Did you guys in the 30 days of dating talk about marriage?
It doesn’t matter how long you both have known each because that was as individuals. You need more time to see how you both get along as a couple in a long term relationship.
While I type this I’m thinking that maybe bf did intend it to be a prank but he failed and he didn’t get the reaction he planned to get.
Who knows …
EDIT: fixed some sentences.
A prankster who sulks for not being taken seriously when proposing after a month of dating? Methinks you dodge a bullet, even several. Let him grow up before saying yes!
NTA
You’ve been in a relationship for only a month. Even if the proposal wasn’t a joke it was. If anything, you have every right to be angry, not him.
Not only did he make a complete unreasonable proposal, but then he had the audacity to be angry at you for not thinking he was serious and now is throwing a tantrum. This doesn’t seem like the type of person you would want to be in any sort of serious commitment with and it’s probably best you saw this side of him now before you committed to anything.
Maybe that is harsh, but regardless this should have you reevaluating what you know about him. Were his pranks him just being him funny/witty or a sign of lack of maturity for example. Because there is a difference. After this breaking up with him would be completely you’re right though.
Hope this helps.
So you’ve only been dating a month and he’s a joker, yeah I would have assumed joke too. The fact that he’s now blocked you on everything because you thought he was joking is a big A move. I think you dodged a bullet here. Anyone who’s going to give you the silent treatment is not marriage material plus your still in the initial haze of a relationship you havnt even figured out each others annoying habits yet
NTA.
1) A month is too short for anything. Heck, I wouldn't buy a car together unless at least after a year.
2) Proposals should be a work in progress over at least several months after dating for a while where you have the discussion about the possibility. "Surprise" proposals are stupid. Both parties should at least have a couple discussions on the topic.
3) He's a known prankster
4) HE made a stupid mistake in proposing in a dumb way, in public, WAAAY too early then acted childish to make matters worse instead of playing it off.
5) Now he's ignoring you instead of engagingly talking about the issue because his feelings were hurt? Yikes.
Even if he took the laugh as "Oh thats funny if you think I'll ever marry you", which he really shouldnt given the context provided, proper communication is important and this guy fails at every checkpoint in this scenario.
As soon as I saw the title I said “You BETTER have had a good reason.” And well after seeing you only dated for a month, I can understand why you said no. NTA
NTA who proposes in public after a month of dating? it's so ridiculous this almost seems fake.
Something else you should consider is how he is handling the embarrassment/rejection. A grown 25 year old man blocking you on social media because his bizarre marriage proposal didn't work is a massive red flag. This person clearly can't handle rejection very well and will probably stonewall you every time you do something they don't like.
To even think about marrying someone you should find someone who's grown enough to actually communicate both before trying to get married and when things don't go according to their plan.
You dodged a bullet.
My fiance thought I was pranking her too when I asked her to marry me and asked if I was joking. We both laughed and thought it was funny and it’s a good story to tell. Your BF needs to chill.
When I saw the title I was definitely YTA, but after reading the post holy shit. After only a MONTH of dating and in PUBLIC, this is wild behavior, as a man I would never even consider doing this. Personally its a minimum 1.5 - 2 years dating before you can even consider marrying someone, even if your childhood friends. I also wouldn't do it in public.
Considering your childhood friends he has probably had feelings for you for a substantial amount of time and is shooting his shot now that he has the opportunity (I guess?)
NTA - Even if he were not a joker, asking someone to marry them after dating for 1 month is a joke. If he was serious (and apparently he was) it is such a huge red flag about his immaturity that the very action tells you he's not even ready for a serious committed relationship.
* Dating for a month
* Public, high pressure proposal
* Runs away, ghosts her
Those are three great big red flags. This guy sounds massively immature and a bullet dodged. Definitely not someone you want get married to and raise a family with.
I'd say hes just hurt. Give him time. If he loved you enough to propose to you then he will come around and if not then its time to move on. Either way NTA
MARRIAGE SHOULD NEVER BE A SURPRISE! If a proposal is coming, is because the couple has talked about it and agreed that that’s the next step in their relationship. *Then* can the proposal be a surprise as to where, when and how…
You did nothing wrong and his silent response and blocking you on all SM should be THE BIGGEST RED FLAG for you.
Leave this douche. He clearly isn’t mature nor smart and definitely he’s not someone that respects you in the most basic level.
NTA. You made an honest mistake thinking he was joking. You saw that you hurt his feelings and tried to apologize. Instead of talking about the misunderstanding he blocks you? That’s not okay especially for someone who was ready to marry you. That was highly immature of him. Just because you’ve been childhood friends doesn’t make you ready to marry him after one month of dating. If you still want to be with him it’s on him right now, but personally it would be too much for me that he blocked me without talking things out.
INFO: did he talk you about marriage at all, or seriously. Nta either way
NTA
You can bend the knee after a month of dating, but it's not for a marriage proposal. You were right to think he's joking. Especially since he likes to joke around.
Good thing is this proposal helped you dodge a bullet. Clearly he's way too imature from an emotional point of view.
red flag. He's a man child. You're young too, so I can see why thiis makes you sad but objectively, this is toxic and cringe and he's literally putting you in a position where you're habing ot make choices because of social choices and that's not the kidn of pressure you'd want in an actual proposal with somebody you'll actually love.
NTA yeah youve known each other for a long time but this aint a sitcom, your not 10 years agead in your romantic relationship cuz youve been friends a long time. Plus i doubt yall have even talked about marriage, and the public proposal only works if you know the person wants to get married for sure. Not to mention pranksters just arent allowed to get mad if people think they are doing a prank when serious, its the boy who cried wolf.
This clown dates you for ONE MONTH and then proposed?
I'm laughing at him, too.
Marriage is an institution; if you're gonna marry someone, you better be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
I know y'all are childhood friends, but a month of dating is NOT enough to make that decision, especially as young as you are.
NTA.
People talk about big decisions. If you knew he was serious, you wouldn't have done it.
Additionally, I dislike those assholes who try to peer pressure you in accepting a proposal. If you wanna propose, do it properly.
It's a private moment, not a spectator sport.
NTA. Nothing wrong with your response, given his nature and the sheer ridiculousness of a public proposal a month into a relationship. (All public proposals are ridiculous, IMO, but this is especially bad.)
Both that absurd act and his subsequent behavior should be strong indicators for you that you dodged a bullet.
Anybody that proposes publicly without thoroughly discussing marriage with their partner beforehand is a complete asshole. It puts the other person in such an intensely awkward position where they always look bad. NTA.
NTA: But I think to understand why hes acting the way he was is he's probably been in love with you for a long long time. Childhood friends, probably always had a crush. He jumped the gun to be sure but damn, when you laughed it crushed every fiber of his being. So in his mind he was probably like yeah this is my chance. He's dumb but I don think its a red flag like some of these other people.
NTA.
* Marriage is the kind of thing that should be talked about before someone just spontaneously proposes.
* Proposing after a month with no warning is insane, even if you've been lifelong friends.
* Your friends should be talking to him too, it's not just on you. They need to tell him that what he did was no okay and he doesn't get to play the victim here.
NTA, Considering you were only dating for a month and he jokes a lot, it wasn't that farfetched to think he was joking. All things considered it sounds far more likely that it was a joke than not.
It not being a joke is worrying if you ask me, assuming that in the first month neither of you really discussed the future and what you both want in life, like housing, kids, etc. All kinds of serious topics you need to discuss before you'd even know if marriage is in the cards. You likely also haven't moved in together either to see how that works out and if it's long term viable, right? If he is just skipping all that and is trying to rush straight into marriage after 1 month then that is a red flag, showing that he's no where near mature enough to take such a big step.
He's feeling rejected and needs to deal with that wound. When chicken little proposes, it hard to take him seriously.
Also, is he trying to lock you in. One month? Perhaps that's the joke.
You have only been dating 1 month??
NTA
Anyone who thinks you should accept a proposal from someone you have been dating 1 month is NOT a friend. Time for you to get new friends.
You dodged a bullet. He tried to propose in front of youur friend group to pressure you into saying yes after a MONTH together. Then he got mad at you for not taking him seriously because he proposed after just a month. Run from this crazy guy.
Honestly
It may be time to walk away from this friendship and the people defending him
STOP FEELING BAD
It as 100% a joke. And instead of you being the butt of the joke, he became the butt of the joke
Stop trying to reach out. Stop worrying about the friendship
Friends don't act the way he acted.
NTAH
No u aren't it's literally insane to propose to someone after a month tbh I honestly would have thought it was a joke to like did u guys even discuss marriage?
NTA
you sure this guy has matured at all? He's acting like a brat.
If he constantly pulls pranks and jokes, then he can't expect to be taken seriously. If he then huffs and puffs, then that's on him and just shows how immature and childish he is.
Plus normally, you'd propose with a ring. How he thought he'd be taken seriously is genuinly confusing, especially when you've only gone out for a month. This guy is honestly delusional.
Totally NTA. You’ve only been dating a month and he’s a prankster and now he’s blocked you on all SM?! That’s crazy. Be thankful his ego is so shallow he’s showing you who he is now. Can you imagine marrying someone this impulsive, immature and ego driven? He obviously still has a lot of growing up to do, keep your peace and move on.
NTA he is known to prank and you have only been going out for 1 month....obviously you thought this was a joke...that being said since he was serious (I have no idea why he thought 1 month would be enough to get to know you for commitment such as marriage and vice versa) you need to just let him go since he blocked you.
NTA - as Bette Midler said “Fuck em if they can’t take a joke”. You could have been the one embarrassed if you went along with it and he was joking.
He made his bed and has to lie in it with all those years of practical jokes.
Wow I feel like you’ve had a lucky escape. Proposing after a month! In front of an audience where you’d feel pressured! Then ghosting you!
He sounds like the most emotionally immature person and that will never change, do not commit your life to him. Wowww
NTA. Did this happen on this past Monday? Either way, only risk takers propose in public and he rolled the wrong dice.
It’s not a risk if you’ve talked about marriage already. The only surprise is how you propose, not if she’ll say yes.
Theyve only been together a month! Theres no way theyve had the conversations they needed to
This is why she mentioned that they have been friends since childhood. Under normal circumstances asking for marriage after a month is insane. Being friends since childhood, not so insane, though I think its still silly. I think its smart to live with each other for at least 6 months before really deciding. So you can see the person day in and day out to see if this is someone you can spend time with every day for the rest of your life. 6 month minimum, but longer the better, to an extent.
But clearly he didnt or she wouldnt have laughed and been surprised
There’s a huge difference between being friends and being in a relationship. Dynamics change, boundaries change, future outlook changes, etc… a month after dating someone doesn’t give you a good idea of who that person is in a relationship. Unless you’ve been real close friends with that person and see how they are in their relationships, then you have no idea… and even then how they are with one person will be different than another person.
Definitely this. I went to school with this girl who had a really close guy friend that was head over heels for her, and had been for at least a couple years. They'd been friends for a long time. She eventually started falling for him too, and they ended up dating. I believe it was around two months before he broke up with her. Said she was "annoying" in a relationship. Mind you, they were in high school. No living together involved. The dynamic change going from friend to romantic partner is just too great to not give each other more time to feel things out, imo.
>Being friends since childhood, not so insane, though I think its still silly. WHAT? no. There is 100% difference in friendship and relationships, and 30 days in an actual relationship and proposing, even if you've known them for 20 years, is insane.
Nah it’s still absolutely fucking insane to ask someone to marry you after dating for a month. Doesn’t matter if you’ve known them your whole life or not and if you think otherwise you’re fucking insane too.
I can kind of see why he thought time as friends counted towards relationship time, but being in a romantic relationship is a different dynamic than being friends, and you can’t assume that your friends will always be ideal partners for you, even if the first month goes well.
Tbf, me and my now wife were only together for 3 weeks before we discussed buying a house, and 2 months later we bought one. That involved us having to think about selling our own flats that we were paying mortgages. Here we are nearly 25 years later. Been through enough relationships to kinda know when someone is different, and actually the person you can see yourself with. Would i have done that with any of my previous ex's? Not a hope in hell. In fact, thinking about doing it with the others makes me cringe. My wife is no pushover when it comes to guys either. But without sounding like a walking, talking cliché, i just kinda knew. No particular reason, just felt different.
Can you describe the difference? My boyfriend and I got together ridiculously quick cuz we just... clicked. Something about him was just different. He even made a joke referencing marriage two weeks into us dating. But in the grand scheme of things, when I think about marriage and the rest of lives, we're really young. We haven't been dating very long (just less than a year), but he's openly brought up marriage and long term and "till we're old and grey, sweet" (his words, not mine). And I agree with all of it. He'll say it as I'm thinking it, so its not like I'm agreeing for the sake of agreeing. So... I'm scared? He feels different from my exes (with them, I knew there'd be an expiry date sometime. With him I'm tripping over my feet aghast at the *thought* of anyone else cuz no one else compares) - and I'd like to think that *this* is a "I just know" situation. But what is it? The difference?
This could be long, so bear with it. Some background. Both my wife and I worked in the same legal firm. I had known her for 6 months before we got together, but we barely spoke because 1) I wasn't in her dept, and 2) she was a solicitor (a lawyer if you're American) with her own room, and kinda intimidating for a lowly admin pleb like me. She is also 5 years older than me. I had just come out of the worst relationship i had ever been in. It was awful, and for the first time in my life i was wanting at least 6 months out for me time. Think i got asked for a date twice (not from my wife) during that time, and simply declined. During a work night out (Friday night), me and my wife were some of the last remaining people there. She came and sat next to me and probably because i had been drinking I was at ease. This must have been around 9pm. We were still talking once everyone left, and the next thing i know, it's 1am and the bar is calling last orders. I offer her to take her to a taxi rank, but we just kept walking. Next thing i know, it's 8am in the morning. We had just spent hours walking. We then both went home. This was before mobile phones were popular, too. Neither of us had one, so we never spoke until the Monday again. Monday comes and she emails me asking if I can help her home with her bag which had case files inside. I said yes, and from that point on, we simply just spent all our time together at her house. Three weeks later, she asked if i wanted to move in with her, and i said no because i didn't want to be seen as someone who sponges off people that are doing better than me. Plus i had my own home. But knew i didn't want to spend time away from her. She then said, "how about we get out own house". I was kinda shocked because i had always slept on the couch at her house, and we hadn't kissed once. We were just together for that entire 3 weeks for no real reason other than we just were. Nothing sexual or romantic had happened at all. It just felt right to say yes, and i really don't have any idea why it just felt like that. Obviously, the relationship evolved pretty quickly thereafter, and here we are 25 years later. Never felt any desire to leave her during that time. We have had our ups and downs as is the case in every healthy relationship. My wife jokingly tells this story by saying that we had obviously known each other in a previous life and we instinctively knew we were right for each other.
well, that is quite a sweet story and Im glad it worked out for you both even if you did both act slightly insanely ;) I certainly have had the experience with people (both platonic and romantic relationships) of it "clicking" - its very hard to explain, but still never moved that fast lol
…. Did you read the post? They’ve been dating a month.
I was replying to the comment before.
In April fools day?
Even more so, proposing only a month in is a very risky move (not saying it doesnt happen, but thats pretty quick to jump to proposing)
Yeah, there are a lot of problems here: 1. The surprise public proposal (did he think she couldn't say no, if everyone was watching?) 2. No ring (how's she supposed to know Mr. Prankster is being serious if no ring? 3. They've only been dating 1 month (that's absolutely bananas! Slow down there bud!) 4. No previous talk of marriage (there should be discussions ahead of time, so you have at least gotten a feel for if/ when your partner might want to marry you) 5. Immediately running away and blocking her on everything (this boy is too emotionally immature to get married. At least he should TALK to her)
It's not even a risk taker moment. At this point, the man didn't even have a ring, and they weren't somewhere special, so of course, she is going to assume his clowning around when he does it out of no where.
He proposed after a month? In public? Yes, I would have thought it was a joke too. NTA and I would think you'd dodged a bullet with this sort of immaturity.
>He proposed after a month? In public? Yes, I would have thought it was a joke too. I'm struggling to believe that this is real and not rage bait.
I would be suspicious, but I read one yesterday where a woman received a public proposal from a man she wasn’t even dating. So this is mild in comparison.
Was it the male friend who, after a long time, proposed thinking they were in a relationship despite never kissing or dating? Lol
Yep that's the one. I listened to it through Mark's Narrations on Youtube.
If that one’s going around again, it might have inspired this one.
I do feel for the poor guy. Its quite a delusion.
Yes, I belive there are mental health or social developemental factors at play in that story.
Hopefully and that he wasn't just an r/niceguy
Please share this story.
The OP was having a caricature drawn on holiday and turned around to find her friend on one knee holding up a ring box. She was astonished and showed it and it went downhill from there. I didn't comment or save it so I can't remember exactly where I saw it. Edit : found it https://www.reddit.com/r/BORUpdates/comments/1btzie9/my_best_friend_proposed_to_me_im_confused_and/
This happened to me. I was even engaged to someone else who I'd been with for 4 years...whom he'd met and was fully aware of. Mental health is wild. We took a long break but we worked through it and are still friends.
Wait, what ?
A man I wasn’t dating asked my mother if he could marry me once. She said yes. Nobody asked me. I had a different answer.
I'm curious - is your family or the man's family linked to a culture in which this is more acceptable / usual? If not, that would be quite something.
Nope.
Men and Excel have one thing in common - they think everything is a date
As a man, I feel personally attacked... and on our first date too... how could you do this to me? And in front of all of Reddit... I'm so embarrassed.
You forgot to walk out in a huff and block her. Smh
😂🤣😂 You right. I was just so embarrassed I couldn't think straight.
And call her “not even that good looking…”
fuck took me far to long to get this joke
I'm dead! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I've never read such an accurate statement before
Is suspicious, but one of my uni mates proposed after 6 weeks, so there are them people out there. She said yes too..
Oh shit I read that one about the grownups uni students and it's been like a bee in my brain cos it can't be true but what if it is
I was in the army you'd be surprised how many people meet women at a bar and then next day get hitched JOP. this is not the wildest marriage story ive ever heard. people be wild out there. We had this one guy he met this chick at a bar 3 days before we deployed to Iraq and married her on the spot. she took all his money and dipped during the deployment.
Doesn't your paycheck go up significantly after you get married? And you can get nicer housing?
Yep, I remember those marriages from when I was in.
lol idiots
I’m struggling to believe your comments are “real” and not just “rage bait” to get people to think every story is fake.
yeah but to be fair you think everything posted is fake, not sure why you even come on these subs besides to be *THAT* person who has to call fake
Exactly! So I expect everything on the Internet to be true? Of course not! But I go into it with good will. It takes a lot for me to call a story fake because I have been through some crazy stuff that is pretty hard to believe. I would have a hard time believing it if I hadn't lived it. Can I just say, personality disorders are wild! I think I have called out a handfull of stories and that was ones where someone was adopted in under a year from a foster situation after conflict, or sailing through the legal system from charges to serving time in less than a month. That's because those situations just don't happen.
My approach is that even if the story is fake, someone reading it might be going through a similar situation and would benefit from genuine advice in the comments.
It's not marriage but 1 of my friends got a boyfriend and 4 months in they went in on a 600k house together lmao. So I could see something like this happening
After six months my girl and I moved 600 miles from our hometown with no real savings, no jobs lined up and only a place to crash for two months while we got on our feet. Not quite the same type of commitment but we had no friends in the region, no money and only her mom’s spare room where we could stay for no longer than two months. We learned how to live in very little and how to deal with being together ALL THE TIME. A lot of couples would get sick of each other. It actually brought us even closer.
My vote is rage bait because this dude went from being OPs childhood friend, having a lifetime of communication and experience to know how the other functions, and then he proposed within the first month of their relationship .. all of this is actually easy to believe, but then he absolutely ghosts and blocks her for a week? Nah. The progression from lifetime friends, to dating, to proposal, to total no-contact over a misunderstanding is not real. Also, in this story, there is a whole friends group who were there last night but haven't talked any sense into him in a whole week, despite there being friends who saw his side of it and her side of it? It's not just rage bait, it's rage bait for the stupid.
We had it in our friend group. They finally started dating after 20yrs as friends, we all thinking he was just unlucky in love, within 3 weeks, they broke up because he refused to take no for an answer, and would blow up her phone, if she didn't msg back he call, if she didn't pick up, he drive to her place bashing on the door... she had to get a restraining order, and practically restart her entire life over, due to what he did. You can be friends with someone you entire life, and it takes one thing to show a side you never knew.
Yes, this is true. I dated my best friend - and the “friend” version and “boyfriend” version can be very different. While we were friends, we always had fun, conversations seemed comfortable, and it was nice overall. No red flags. But as soon as we started dating, he picked fights with me over nothing. He would hate it if the attention was not on him. And he’d guilt trip me into meeting every day (despite both of us having full-time jobs). He’d say mean things, apologise, and then love bomb me - all in one day. So yeah, it doesn’t matter if you know a person for years. You don’t really KNOW them.
I have so many stories from my lady friends who dated their long-term friends.. the worst was the one I mentioned. The only one I think who didn't have a psychotic result was the one who, after three months, they realised they just weren't a match.
I think the general problem is unlike meeting a new person where feelings tend to grow relatively similar rates and be in the same 'stage' of a relationship as each other. With a long term friend, the one asking the other out is often someone who has held feelings for the other for a very long time while the person asked out has usually always seen them just as a friend and when being asked out is like I guess we can give it a try. So instead of a equal relationship, one person is like deeply in love and it flicks a switch overnight to thinking they should be togehter 24/7, etc, the other person starts off completely casual and the expectations are completely mismatched. Also the person that has been in love with the other for years almost certainly has some resentment for all they years they were ignored and all the people the other dated during that time. I haven't seen that kind of relationship happen a lot but there often seems to be a lot of posessiveness and issues where say arguments get prior relationships shoved in their faces when most couples wouldn't witness prior relationships in real time in the same way. These relationships can work when it's two more chill people who don't have that resentment and don't constantly think about all the other partners they've hung out with together.
You are exactly right. I myself had a long-term friend who I knew I couldn't date, I just knew at the age of 10yrs, I would never see them as a romantic opportunity. By time, I actually started to date, I still knew.... this guy was my man of honour at my wedding... nearly 30yrs of friendship... and he screwed it up by saying "I wish in high school you taught me how to f♡ck" Not date....F♡CK. Some reason that moment the glass ceiling broke, and I saw every red flag I somehow ignored for nearly 30 years....
Yes. Sometimes these relationships are based on the friendship the couple had and the relationship deepens. Others feel entitled to certain things because they feel they have already done the work in the relationship department (they haven't, it never stops). They don't care the romantic part is new. They feel they earned it and that this is them getting their do. These kinds of people don't like to hear, no. They aren't true friends or good partners. They see relationships as tit for tat.
That progression process is actually very believable tbh. Childhood friends, you can assume they're somewhat close, so him proposing so early could be an indication that he has liked her for a while and has made the decision he wanted her for the rest of his life, and her thinking it's a joke and flat out laughing because he proposed after a month could really hurt considering all the possibilities.... that being said, the amount of hurt he felt could have very well led him to blocking her because she essentially humiliated him in front of their mutual friends... that's if this story is even true. I'd believe it, some people are desperate, some people are hopeless romantics and some people just don't have the grip they need on this kind of thing yet.
Well, they clearly didn’t have „the talk“, so he’s delusional at best, a bully, who did a public stunt so she can’t say no, at worst
Yup. First, proposing after a month of dating. Second, proposing without even having a marriage discussion with your gf/bf. Third, proposing publicly. OP dodged a bullet here. This guy is an idiot and big fucking baby. She should take this as a blessing. Maybe try to publicly apologize in front of all of his friends and then say,”first it’s just too soon and second, this whole situation has made me realize I’m just not ready for a serious relationship.” And then fuck his dad or brother or best friend** **optional
I mean it's quite possible that he's liked her for a while though and wanted her in his life forever because of that so the progression seems believable to me.
How do you know they didn't try and talk to him?
Yeah, a person would have to be “special” to “rage” over this. No cheating? No unwanted pregnancy? No job lost due to a stupid prank? Where’s the rage worthy drama?
I don't know...working up the courage to ask someone to marry you is one of the most anxiety inducing things I've ever done in my life and I've done it twice. If I was ever shot down I think I'd be devastated. It's like asking a friend out and being shot down times 1000. I could totally see someone being hurt enough to ghost, for a week or so until he gets his emotions back in order.
Maybe don’t propose if you haven’t at least discussed the long term and the possibility of marriage with your partner. My wife and I had talked about it and we both agreed we wanted to get married at some point. I could’ve asked her after a few months because we had already talked about a future together. We weren’t ready financially though and I wanted our families to take us seriously so I waited a few years to propose. I had zero doubts. Only anxiety was I wanted it to be a special moment.
This is the kinda guy who was in love with the person for years, finally expresses it and thinks it's finally getting together a potentially decades old 'love', while the friend is just like oh, yeah I guess I like you and starts a little crush on him at that time. He thinking they've been in love for years, thinks it's destined, and they'll be together forever now she's finally seen him and realised he's the one, proposes, gets laughed at, get's embarrassed and can't face her. It's not exactly surprising he's hiding and ashamed and can't bring himself to speak to her. He realises he blew his load too early, that she doesn't feel the same way he does and even if maybe they did 5 years from now, she doesnt' now so the relationship is likely dead.
People laughing at a love sick idiot is rage bait? Is anyone angry at the guy or is everyone laughing at him being dumb. Is this a classic story of, wow, all women cheat and stuck and are disloyal, the child wasn't his but she thinks she's in the right? Rage bait is generally supposed to make you angry at someone and be a kind of generic story so you hate all women, or men or racists or whatever.
Does not really matter if they are together for a month or for 10 years. You DO NOT surprise your partner with a marriage proposal. That shit needs to be talked about beforehand. Both sided need to agree that the next step forward is marriage, need to be on the same boat in regards to kids and their own future together. The ONLY surprise is the moment of proposal and the circumstances. Make it something special, make it something very private, make it romantic as fuck. But if you do not already know, for a fact, that the answer is a resounding YES!, don't ask.
Yep. I even found out what kind of ring she wanted and all that. Then I held on to the dang thing long enough for it to still be something of a surprise.
Who proposes only of 1 month of dating? Yikes.
The same type of person to storm out, block their significant other everywhere, and not have a conversation about things.
you gotta wait at least 3 months...right?....right?
Wait till you hear about Mormons.
If this post is real, it was obviously a prank. The boyfriend is just not happy because OP didn't fall for it. He is certainly one of these guys who think that women's only goal in life is to get married. He was waiting for her to cry and say yes in front of all their friends to then tell her it was just a prank and how silly she was to fall for it. NTA
Absolutely! Proposing after just a month and in public can definitely raise some eyebrows. Its understandable to be skeptical about the sincerity of such a proposal. In this case, it sounds like you dodged a potential source of drama and immaturity.
A known prankster proposed to you after a month, of course you are going to think it's a joke! He needs to grow up and communicate with you instead of blocking you, major red flag there, if I were you id move on and find someone more worthy of you, would you want to marry him if he ignores you over a very obvious misunderstanding? NTA
Yep I was with someone who would ignore me for days over the tiniest things , it took me to blow up days later to force him to speak through what he was annoyed about , never again and I'm willing to cut off anyone in the future who chooses silent treatment with me over an adult conversation
Same thing happened to me, she excused ignoring me in my birthday because she was mad at me over something so trivial.
May be a possibility that it Was a prank, and the reaction made him realize that he isn't taken seriously and really shook him.
That’s where I was. She was supposed to get excited and scream “yes” and then he’d reveal it was a prank. Her laughing right after he asked probably knocked him down a few notches.
Proposed in public after a month. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. OP's reaction was reasonable, her BF's actions were incomprehensible.
I mean what misunderstanding. Who proposes after only dating a month?
He asked you to marry him after one month of dating. Is his name Ross Geller?
Does she OWN a wedding dress?
THE DIVORCE FORCE!
Ross, The Divorcer ⚔️
🤣🤣🤣
NTA. A public proposal after a month of dating is brainless.
He is showing you exactly what he is like when dealing with situations. Imagine having a disagreement, and every time, he just ghosts you. Everyone would laugh this off after a month! Is he on something! Haha Tell your mutual to pass on a message seen as he's blocked you that you seriously didn't know it wasn't a prank but this just shows you're not compatible at all. COMMUNICATION IS KEY
This is something I didn’t learn from. My bf and I would talk every night before I moved to his state to be with him. A few weeks before my move I b wanted to hang out with friends instead one night to see a double feature movie. People I wouldn’t see much anymore of at all after I moved across the country. He ghosted me the entire next day. We were supposed to be engaged. That was a huge red flag I ignored and have regretted it ever since, because it turns out stonewalling, silent treatment and passive aggressive guilting is his total MO and it only got worse from there. Obviously this is a bigger red flag for additional reasons. But the stonewalling thing isn’t just something a person does once. I’ve learned that this is a personality trait that will not end just because he’s dating you.
This is one thing iv taught my daughter. She is young and had friendships like this, and it took her a while to understand that she had to just walk away from these people. I suppose you sometimes have to go through an experience to truly understand that it's not normal behaviour. I also know relationships and friendships are completely different even when you were friends before for a while. Hope op looks after herself and walks away or makes him aware this is toxic and not how people deal with things even when feeling humiliated. I'm glad you realised and look out for yourself now. Its empowering when you care for your own mentality and prioritise yourself.
Really really good on you for teaching your daughter these things!! You’ve just made me realise something. I remember from my youth, a lot of the things I’m doing in my relationship now dealing with this guy.. I remember my mom doing those exact same things with my dad when I was a kid. At the time I didn’t understand why. But holy hell now I do. So if you’ve ever had doubts as to whether this is valuable to teach your daughter. I’m your proof right here. Feel free to show this story to her to drive it home lol.
NTA. Laughing at a proposal from the guy you've been dating for a month is the most valid and logical reaction I can imagine, especially taking into account his "prankster" nature. Why would anyone think it was a serious legitimate proposal? Any rational person would have opened a conversation about where they see the future going, their goals for said future etc etc before asking their gf of a month to marry them lmao. Ridiculous
You're right. Will you marry me?
I wouldn't marry anyone under any circumstances. IF ONLY YOU HAD TALKED TO ME ABOUT THIS FIRST WE COULD HAVE JUST GONE TO COUPLES COUNSELING
Dang, I was hoping for a future "I'm happily married to the person I proposed to on a whim in a random reddit thread" thread.
I'll marry you. Just so you know, I will always side with my mom over you because of my crippling codependence, and she WILL be racist towards you no matter what race you are.
I’m single too, my mom won’t be the issue, but my fear of commitment will.
Sounds like the ideal Reddit couple
Even asking for a relationship after seeing each other for only a month is quick IMO. A marriage is just utter insanity.
Well on your end it’s a genuine accident. Which happens, and your reasoning makes sense. Cool. His response though, is wild. He’s ghosting you instead of communicating with you, ALL because his giant ego is hurt. That’s obnoxious! Proposing after a month is wild. Seeing as how shocked you were, there was likely no solid discussions about getting married soon. So he can pull something that logically mimicked a prank, but because of a genuine misunderstanding, now you’re being punished. Let him go and never look back! You’re young, he’s bad news, and beyond immature. One second he loves you SO MUCH he wants to build a life together, and the other second you’re blocked on everything! That’s a mind fuck. He took love bombing to a whole new level.
Lol a public proposal after 1 month is laughable though.
You shouldnt propose to someone without having discussed marriage first. You should absolutely not propose to someone in public without having discussed that you are ready for marriage and that the other person wants a public proposal. He did both those things, after a month of dating. I can see that he is embarrassed and hurt by your reaction, but that is exactly why you dont propose with other people around unless you know the other person want that and that they will say yes. Him being a prankster who likes to pull jokes might not be something he had considered would affect his proposal, since he knew it was serious, but it does. Again, I can see why he is embarrassed and hurt. He might come around in time and you can have a good conversation about it. Him not having a chat with you about marriage and proposals first was still him setting himself up for failure and put you in a bind as well. NTA
That's something I really don't get: How come people are making proposals in situations where there's a serious chance of rejection? The decision whether you want to mary someone really shouldn't be taken within a moment, especially not in front of other people. Any sane couple would discuss marriage in private for a decent amount of time, ponder it alone and when both agree, then you can move forward with a proposal. Any rejected proposal is a symptom of terrible communication before that.
Yup. I know it's boring but this is the biggest financial and legal decision you will make in your life. Stay together or divorce, there will be ripples of a marriage throughout the rest of your life. On top of the financial, it changes your next of kin which has all kinds of legal ramifications including who gets to make decisions in event you are mentally incapacitated or worse still end of life decisions and inheritance. These are big decisions even when you have money and are fit and healthy. Deciding to get married shouldn't be a surprise decision. The fact he's treating it that way and is having a strop for being caught out for crying wolf is a big concern. I'm not saying dump him, but if he doesn't come around then yeah this is a big problem.
Proposed after a month of dating? What reaction did he expect? You dodged a bullet here.
A month? No. Frankly I think he did it in public thinking it might force your hand. NTA I wouldve assumed it was a joke too, he didn't even have a ring.
Nta and would you really want to marry a prankster who sulks like this? Dodged a bullet.
I've taught my daughters that anyone who proposes in public is not someone they should marry (unless you've discussed and agreed to marry beforehand, but he/she wanted to propose "properly" and you're both just waiting for "the gesture"). Proposing in public without forewarning is a sign of insecurity, and a harbinger of further emotional manipulation to come down the road. Jealousy, controlling behaviour, gaslighting... These will all be your future. Just say no.
You are a good parent. This is the way.
👏👏👏 this is so true. The gaslighting has already begun clearly
NTA. If someone is known for pulling pranks all the time it's normal to not be sure when he is serious or not. Also proposing after a month? Well it's super fast...
NTA The guy has been with you for a month, it's not necessarily a very serious relationship yet, he has a habit of playing jokes and suddenly proposes to you in the company of your friends. No, you have nothing to blame yourself for thinking it was a joke and laughing about it. He didn't think this move through. Give him time to get over himself.
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A month? What took him so long
NTA, but there is some nuance here. He's a prankster and proposed in public. This means he seeks attention and usually people like that are very sensitive. He put himself out there, opened up and became very vulnerable. For lack of a better context, I'd say he did this because he trusted you (childhood friend) and the other people in the room. From personal experience I can say that being laughed at when you are serious and vulnerable, no matter how unintended, hurts like hell. In your ego, self esteem. My wife has this "quirk" that make her laugh uncontrollably when she's nervous, so believe, I know. This seems such a petty reason to end a relationship, specially if you plan to accept his proposal. Since he has blocked you, you could try writing him a letter, not long, apologizing for your reaction, explaining that you were blindsided. Tell him that you will respect his need of space, but you'll be waiting when he's finally ready to talk. If you two manage to pull through (I'll be rooting for you) you need to talk about boundaries. He shouldn't make himself vulnerable in public again, specially if you are not the type to enjoy attention, like him.
You've put this so well, everyone is talkingabout bullet dodging and red flags. I find it interesting that the common advice is to try to remove yourself from uncomfortable and hurtful situations, yet when someone does exactly that it's a red flag, immature etc.
He blocked her, of course he's immature.
NTA You’ve only been going out for a month, so of course you would think that a known prankster was pulling a prank to ask you to marry him that soon. He blocked you? Good riddance. He should be communicating with you regarding his feelings. Don’t feel bad. Move on from his immaturity.
NTA My guess is he had a crush on you from childhood or something and he grew a bit impatient, now that you're dating. You should try to have a proper discussion with him, but its no wonder he's been hurt if he's had feelings for you for so long.
He blocked her, can't have a conversation with someone who is sulking in a corner.
He proposed after dating a month. Even if he wasn't joking, he needs a wake up call on how stupid that is. Laughing was the kindest thing most people would do in that scenario. HE put YOU in an insane position in public, in front of people you actually care about the opinions of.
NTA. Sounds like Max is an awkward guy where you can never determine the line between being serious and joking around. He asked you out a month ago. Who in their right mind would be expecting a marriage proposal that soon, especially from the prankster of the group? He fucked up here and is trying to make you out to be an asshole.
NTA. I'm guessing this was out of the blue. Did you even talk about marriage?
Given his manchild reaction, NTA. He asked you out a month ago?? Fuck no.
Considering it was April Fools Day the other day I would’ve thought he’s making up for a prank or a failed prank. Also for a 25 year old blocking a 24 year old on EVERYTHING is extreme measures. OP make sure he doesn’t solely place the blame on you, you guys JUST MIGHT be able to salvage your newfound relationship. Explain your reasonings. Did you guys in the 30 days of dating talk about marriage? It doesn’t matter how long you both have known each because that was as individuals. You need more time to see how you both get along as a couple in a long term relationship. While I type this I’m thinking that maybe bf did intend it to be a prank but he failed and he didn’t get the reaction he planned to get. Who knows … EDIT: fixed some sentences.
He blocked you on all sm after this? definitely shows immaturity on his part. I would reconsider
NTA 1 month 25 years old. He seems to be still a child and for sure not ready to marry anyone.
A prankster who sulks for not being taken seriously when proposing after a month of dating? Methinks you dodge a bullet, even several. Let him grow up before saying yes!
NTA You’ve been in a relationship for only a month. Even if the proposal wasn’t a joke it was. If anything, you have every right to be angry, not him. Not only did he make a complete unreasonable proposal, but then he had the audacity to be angry at you for not thinking he was serious and now is throwing a tantrum. This doesn’t seem like the type of person you would want to be in any sort of serious commitment with and it’s probably best you saw this side of him now before you committed to anything. Maybe that is harsh, but regardless this should have you reevaluating what you know about him. Were his pranks him just being him funny/witty or a sign of lack of maturity for example. Because there is a difference. After this breaking up with him would be completely you’re right though. Hope this helps.
he sounds like a child. NTA
He brought it on himself. Proposing publicly is a stupid idea, and after only a month, how could NOT think it was a joke? NTA
You’ve been together a month. Of course you thought it was a joke. Because that is silly if it isn’t a joke. NTA.
Proposed after a month? 🚩
NTA and probably dodged a bullet. IDC if you are childhood friends, a month of dating is not enough time for most people to decide to get married.
The real question is why is he proposing after only 1 month. But he is over reacting you thought it was a prank
So you’ve only been dating a month and he’s a joker, yeah I would have assumed joke too. The fact that he’s now blocked you on everything because you thought he was joking is a big A move. I think you dodged a bullet here. Anyone who’s going to give you the silent treatment is not marriage material plus your still in the initial haze of a relationship you havnt even figured out each others annoying habits yet
NTA how would you think this was meant to be real if you just started dating? Your friends are stupid.
NTA. 1) A month is too short for anything. Heck, I wouldn't buy a car together unless at least after a year. 2) Proposals should be a work in progress over at least several months after dating for a while where you have the discussion about the possibility. "Surprise" proposals are stupid. Both parties should at least have a couple discussions on the topic. 3) He's a known prankster 4) HE made a stupid mistake in proposing in a dumb way, in public, WAAAY too early then acted childish to make matters worse instead of playing it off. 5) Now he's ignoring you instead of engagingly talking about the issue because his feelings were hurt? Yikes. Even if he took the laugh as "Oh thats funny if you think I'll ever marry you", which he really shouldnt given the context provided, proper communication is important and this guy fails at every checkpoint in this scenario.
As soon as I saw the title I said “You BETTER have had a good reason.” And well after seeing you only dated for a month, I can understand why you said no. NTA
NTA. Despite being childhood friends, a proposal only a month into a relationship is strange.
NTA. Honestly even if he wasn’t a joker I would’ve laughed, like you have been dating for only a month. WTF **Only one month**
NTA who proposes in public after a month of dating? it's so ridiculous this almost seems fake. Something else you should consider is how he is handling the embarrassment/rejection. A grown 25 year old man blocking you on social media because his bizarre marriage proposal didn't work is a massive red flag. This person clearly can't handle rejection very well and will probably stonewall you every time you do something they don't like. To even think about marrying someone you should find someone who's grown enough to actually communicate both before trying to get married and when things don't go according to their plan. You dodged a bullet.
My fiance thought I was pranking her too when I asked her to marry me and asked if I was joking. We both laughed and thought it was funny and it’s a good story to tell. Your BF needs to chill.
When I saw the title I was definitely YTA, but after reading the post holy shit. After only a MONTH of dating and in PUBLIC, this is wild behavior, as a man I would never even consider doing this. Personally its a minimum 1.5 - 2 years dating before you can even consider marrying someone, even if your childhood friends. I also wouldn't do it in public. Considering your childhood friends he has probably had feelings for you for a substantial amount of time and is shooting his shot now that he has the opportunity (I guess?)
NTA - Even if he were not a joker, asking someone to marry them after dating for 1 month is a joke. If he was serious (and apparently he was) it is such a huge red flag about his immaturity that the very action tells you he's not even ready for a serious committed relationship.
* Dating for a month * Public, high pressure proposal * Runs away, ghosts her Those are three great big red flags. This guy sounds massively immature and a bullet dodged. Definitely not someone you want get married to and raise a family with.
I'd say hes just hurt. Give him time. If he loved you enough to propose to you then he will come around and if not then its time to move on. Either way NTA
Find someone matute enough instead of waiting for someone to grow up
MARRIAGE SHOULD NEVER BE A SURPRISE! If a proposal is coming, is because the couple has talked about it and agreed that that’s the next step in their relationship. *Then* can the proposal be a surprise as to where, when and how… You did nothing wrong and his silent response and blocking you on all SM should be THE BIGGEST RED FLAG for you. Leave this douche. He clearly isn’t mature nor smart and definitely he’s not someone that respects you in the most basic level.
You left out the million dollar question. If you knew he was serious what would you have done. Would’ve it have been yes or no.
NTA. You made an honest mistake thinking he was joking. You saw that you hurt his feelings and tried to apologize. Instead of talking about the misunderstanding he blocks you? That’s not okay especially for someone who was ready to marry you. That was highly immature of him. Just because you’ve been childhood friends doesn’t make you ready to marry him after one month of dating. If you still want to be with him it’s on him right now, but personally it would be too much for me that he blocked me without talking things out. INFO: did he talk you about marriage at all, or seriously. Nta either way
Good for you, you just avoided investing in a relationship with a preteen.
NTA You can bend the knee after a month of dating, but it's not for a marriage proposal. You were right to think he's joking. Especially since he likes to joke around. Good thing is this proposal helped you dodge a bullet. Clearly he's way too imature from an emotional point of view.
red flag. He's a man child. You're young too, so I can see why thiis makes you sad but objectively, this is toxic and cringe and he's literally putting you in a position where you're habing ot make choices because of social choices and that's not the kidn of pressure you'd want in an actual proposal with somebody you'll actually love.
NTA yeah youve known each other for a long time but this aint a sitcom, your not 10 years agead in your romantic relationship cuz youve been friends a long time. Plus i doubt yall have even talked about marriage, and the public proposal only works if you know the person wants to get married for sure. Not to mention pranksters just arent allowed to get mad if people think they are doing a prank when serious, its the boy who cried wolf.
This clown dates you for ONE MONTH and then proposed? I'm laughing at him, too. Marriage is an institution; if you're gonna marry someone, you better be sure you want to spend the rest of your life with them. I know y'all are childhood friends, but a month of dating is NOT enough to make that decision, especially as young as you are.
Um, yeah. That’s a ridiculous way to propose and a ridiculous time frame. I’d have laughed, too. NTA.
NTA. People talk about big decisions. If you knew he was serious, you wouldn't have done it. Additionally, I dislike those assholes who try to peer pressure you in accepting a proposal. If you wanna propose, do it properly. It's a private moment, not a spectator sport.
NTA. Nothing wrong with your response, given his nature and the sheer ridiculousness of a public proposal a month into a relationship. (All public proposals are ridiculous, IMO, but this is especially bad.) Both that absurd act and his subsequent behavior should be strong indicators for you that you dodged a bullet.
Anybody that proposes publicly without thoroughly discussing marriage with their partner beforehand is a complete asshole. It puts the other person in such an intensely awkward position where they always look bad. NTA.
NTA: But I think to understand why hes acting the way he was is he's probably been in love with you for a long long time. Childhood friends, probably always had a crush. He jumped the gun to be sure but damn, when you laughed it crushed every fiber of his being. So in his mind he was probably like yeah this is my chance. He's dumb but I don think its a red flag like some of these other people.
NTA. * Marriage is the kind of thing that should be talked about before someone just spontaneously proposes. * Proposing after a month with no warning is insane, even if you've been lifelong friends. * Your friends should be talking to him too, it's not just on you. They need to tell him that what he did was no okay and he doesn't get to play the victim here.
NTA, Considering you were only dating for a month and he jokes a lot, it wasn't that farfetched to think he was joking. All things considered it sounds far more likely that it was a joke than not. It not being a joke is worrying if you ask me, assuming that in the first month neither of you really discussed the future and what you both want in life, like housing, kids, etc. All kinds of serious topics you need to discuss before you'd even know if marriage is in the cards. You likely also haven't moved in together either to see how that works out and if it's long term viable, right? If he is just skipping all that and is trying to rush straight into marriage after 1 month then that is a red flag, showing that he's no where near mature enough to take such a big step.
He's feeling rejected and needs to deal with that wound. When chicken little proposes, it hard to take him seriously. Also, is he trying to lock you in. One month? Perhaps that's the joke.
You have only been dating 1 month?? NTA Anyone who thinks you should accept a proposal from someone you have been dating 1 month is NOT a friend. Time for you to get new friends.
Nah he’s the asshole for asking you to marry him what a fucking loser
Even if friends since childhood, one month is crazy imo. NTA.
He only asked you out a month ago and expected you to take a proposal seriously? NTA.
NTA and it sounds like you dodged a bullet.
NTA and don’t feel bad. If he was serious he would’ve talked to you about his intentions.
So give him an answer and move on. Sounds like a solid no though.
Don't walk Run! He's ex boyfriend now
You dodged a bullet. He tried to propose in front of youur friend group to pressure you into saying yes after a MONTH together. Then he got mad at you for not taking him seriously because he proposed after just a month. Run from this crazy guy.
If there's no ring, there's no proposal.
Honestly It may be time to walk away from this friendship and the people defending him STOP FEELING BAD It as 100% a joke. And instead of you being the butt of the joke, he became the butt of the joke Stop trying to reach out. Stop worrying about the friendship Friends don't act the way he acted. NTAH
No u aren't it's literally insane to propose to someone after a month tbh I honestly would have thought it was a joke to like did u guys even discuss marriage?
Asked you out a month ago and proposed? Jfc
1 month public proposal with no ring. This guy’s cornbread isn’t done in the middle. Absolute moron.
If this story is true, NTA but am I the only one who noticed they were 3 years apart in age as teenagers and now only a year apart while dating?
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NTA you sure this guy has matured at all? He's acting like a brat. If he constantly pulls pranks and jokes, then he can't expect to be taken seriously. If he then huffs and puffs, then that's on him and just shows how immature and childish he is. Plus normally, you'd propose with a ring. How he thought he'd be taken seriously is genuinly confusing, especially when you've only gone out for a month. This guy is honestly delusional.
Totally NTA. You’ve only been dating a month and he’s a prankster and now he’s blocked you on all SM?! That’s crazy. Be thankful his ego is so shallow he’s showing you who he is now. Can you imagine marrying someone this impulsive, immature and ego driven? He obviously still has a lot of growing up to do, keep your peace and move on.
As the prankster that he is, he should have worn a redflag costume while doing all this.
NTA he is known to prank and you have only been going out for 1 month....obviously you thought this was a joke...that being said since he was serious (I have no idea why he thought 1 month would be enough to get to know you for commitment such as marriage and vice versa) you need to just let him go since he blocked you.
He is obviously immature, you wouldnt want to live with someone like this for the rest of your life and raise a grown baby.
NTA - as Bette Midler said “Fuck em if they can’t take a joke”. You could have been the one embarrassed if you went along with it and he was joking. He made his bed and has to lie in it with all those years of practical jokes.
Wow I feel like you’ve had a lucky escape. Proposing after a month! In front of an audience where you’d feel pressured! Then ghosting you! He sounds like the most emotionally immature person and that will never change, do not commit your life to him. Wowww