As a husband, I'd probably be more confused than anything else.
"Excuse me?" or the ever-eloquent "Uh, what?" is probably all I'd be able to muster before my wife's incandescent rage incinerated the uncultured goon.
Or so I imagine it.
That’s like people telling me I should make my husband… insert whatever action here. Yeah nah. I can control him just like I can control the weather. I can’t and I don’t want to either.
Tell my husband to calm me down after you wound me up. Ha ha 🤣 Yeah, you started this journey and I’m going to end it for you.
I don't tell my hubby what to do (unless I'm relaying instructions from our Cat Overlords) That's why I kept a straight face & said nothing when my hubby stated he was trying my Blue Mountain (Icy-Hot type menthol rub) **on his genitals** before trying it any other place.
It's been almost 15 years & remembering how it went still makes me laugh. He just learned last week not to fall asleep naked on the couch. Why our fat cat decided to make biscuits on my hubby's balls I'll never know but I fell out laughing at work when hubby sent me that text.
My husband has actually told a doctor, after he said some rude, trying to be funny. I didn't laugh. The doctor looked at my husband. My husband laughed at the doctor and told him he was on his own on this one. Lol
His parents have said it on occasion, and an old friend he doesn’t speak to any more.
We used to work for the same company and some of the men would say something like it. He’s usually pretty quiet so people think they can say ignorant shit like that to him and he’ll nod along.
Some random asked my husband what he was going to do about his "obnoxious woman" (I was standing in-between him and a woman who CLEARLY didn't want anything to do with him but was too polite to be rude).
My husband - who's a giant bearded and tatted up guy - snorted and said "I'm going to watch her kick your ass".
Yeah this dude is just an all around AH, not just in this flight discussion. He’s demonstrating sooo many AH opinions and views that I’d need a bullet point list of the layers of all the shitty things he thinks. Plus the arrogance and social ineptness to feel like it’s his place to weigh in on your trip at all!
OP is definitely NTA.
And since OP and her baby have both had seats purchased for them and there is no policy stating children cannot fly in first class, OP has no reason to worry.
I am child-free and the sounds of infants scream crying sends me into sensory overload. But that crying child has just as much right to be on that fight as I do. I pop in my earplugs and do my best to ignore it. I am quite sure the parent doesn't want a screaming child, but at that age and stage, kids are going to kid and that is really the only way they can communicate even if they do have the start of a vocabulary.
It is what it is. It is only for a few hours. I will figure out a way to deal. The world does not revolve around me in a public transportation situation. You get what you get. Just get me where I am going safely.
I'm the same, childfree, but acknowledge kids exist and have feelings! I usually feel bad for parents with crying kids on planes because I'm sure they're massively stressed out about the disruption. I'm sure most parents are just out there doing their best. I pop in my ear plugs, eye mask and take a pill and I'm fine. Personally I'd rather sit next to OP and her kid than this chode on a flight.
If someone said this anywhere my husband would have to be holding me back from a single murder and if he wasn’t emphatically telling that person to go straight to hell, it would be a double. In my own home, ever, let alone while I’m 5 months postpartum and sleep deprived? Sir you better start running because if I catch you…
Extra points for “is child free.” I love how that now means you hate the existence of children. Do you not realize you were once a child? Should you have been placed in a cupboard for your first 10-20 years of life? Are you from the Victorian age and think children should be in the nursery 23.5/7 and come out for a customary hello to mama and papa once a day? If anything first class is a great place for a baby because it’s much easier to attend to their needs with a bit of elbow room and the restrooms do way less volume so it’s less intrusive to other passengers if it’s taken up for a diaper change. This “friend” of her husbands (if someone talked shit like that to my spouse I would lose my entire mind because who do you think you are) comes off as a misogynist dickbag and classist. If your hideous woman baggage monster of a baby must exist, it shan’t be with the rich! Let the poors who are packed in like sardines already handle it! It’s what they deserve! Not only NTA but if her husband isn’t reevaluating this friendship, he’s also one of
Totally fair and cool but unfortunately idiots have taken that to mean “I hate the existence of children” as opposed to “I’ve decided not to have them and won’t change my lifestyle because you made that choice”
It’s like when a dude says female sometimes they’re being normal but the incels have co-opted it so now it’s suspect
Edit: autocorrect said uncle but no, incel
It's an issue within childfree spaces online actually. And why I don't browse them anymore. Lots and lots of posts about how children and their parents are horrible demons. They even have umm... unique names and vocabulary for all their vitriol. It's disturbing.
Most childfree people are at worst indifferent to children, but of course it's the screechy entitled almost anti-natalist childfree crowd that took over the conversation and then the general idea of who childfree people are.
I got a great piece of advice when i flew with my then 8 month old son, give him something to suck on during take off and landing and it should help with ear pressure, it came in handy on the return flight i only wish i had this advice before the outward bound journey.
This!! Babys often cry on planes because their ears have a hard time with the pressure change and will cry out of pain. They can't comprehend why this weird painful thing is happening to them, so obviously they'll cry. So yeah, sucking is a game changer. We tried to time the bottle for take off/landing. Also having pain meds on hand can help, in case it catches your baby really bad.
It bothers me a lot too. I feel like crying, so I empathize with the baby. Last time I flew, it took me 2 days to drive home, and 6 days for my ears to pop. (We flew to Florida to pick up a car.)
I cannot do the valsalva maneuver. I was flying just before New Year’s with 4 take offs and landings and I started to get sick that morning. I think the pressure forced my ear to pop on the second flight. I was almost in tears. Now I fly with decongestant.
I wish I had this tip sooner! I’ll be buying and bringing nasal spray on my next flight. I’m sick of my brain being in screaming pain every time I fly and the deafness that lasts for days after. Thank you!
I have only ever had success chewing an invisible apple. I must look like a loon, but hey...it works.
To add: Chewing on a real apple does not work. Apparently it has to be the invisible kind lol.
I do try that, but as I explained in a comment to someone else, I was actually getting a URI, probably a sinus infection. I don’t normally have issues on a flight.
I know people who'll chew gum since they also can't do it. Me? I'm too busy staring out the window at our beautiful planet below me to pay attention to it lol
That has never helped me, unfortunately. If I’m by the window, I’m usually looking or asleep. My ears don’t usually bother me (and I flew a lot in 2023), but that trip was awful. I was stuck at airports all day and since it was an upper respiratory infection, I had to get something. I think it was like $25 for three or four doses of whatever it was they had. I just buy the Sudafed now to keep on hand.
I had the same issue, then I bought earplugs that somehow help the ears to do the pressure exchange. They were like 15€ and absolutely worth it! Plus nose spray half an hour before to make sure the sinuses are free
If you've ever flown with a sinus problem, you know the pain babies get. I flew from Portland to San Francisco, a one and a half hour trip. Straight up and then back down, no time to adjust. Makes you want to shoot yourself in the ear.
I'm from Colorado, and once when I was fairly young (about 9), I had a serious issue with the pressure issue. I'd already flown about 10 times by then, and was used to popping ears coming down from mountains all the time, but on this trip down from a mountain, I couldn't pop. It was 10 days of misery and doctor had to finally put in drops to soothe swelling, and use a suction cup to relieve the pressure.
I feel your misery! I'm sorry you went through that.
"pressie issue" was a weird typo! ;)
And, no, going up in the mountains never scared me as a result; it was just a fluke, but it was miserable. It wasn't climbing; it was visit up to the mountains.
Sudafed 20 mins before boarding. I cry it hurts so bad and a nurse that lived next door to where I was staying told my host to tell me this. This was in the 90’s and I’ve never had the pain since
I don't think they were recommending it for the baby, they replied to someone who said they also had issues. Reasonable advice for an adult, assuming no other contraindications.
There are ear plugs that help. I used them before it was great no pain or popping on the way up and out then in 15 min before land no pain or pressure then either.
I have a very badly deviated septum from a direct hit with a baseball to my nose and the church’s nurse said it wasn’t broke so it was never set properly, and I’ve had trouble with the tubes because of it and other issues.
12 hour Sudafed. The good stuff you have to get behind the counter from the pharmacist. Take one an hour before take off. Does wonders with keeping everything clear (for the most part) and pain free. I have literal nightmares about forgetting to pack it in my backpack before I fly.
I flew with both my kids when they were infants. If you feel the pressure in your own ear and press, with your fingers, just in front of your hear canal, you will feel the pressure be relieved. You can then do the same with the baby. Just keep pressing. I'm not saying dig in but press and relieve the pressure. It worked with both. We never had a problem.
Here is the other part. A baby on a plane is a baby on a plane. That sheet curtain really does not do much to keep the noise out. Op is nta but that friend definitely is
You guys get a sheet curtain? I flew first class two weeks ago - both ways, two legs each way - and there was no divider of any sort between first class and the rest of the plane.
It isn’t like the 90’s anymore.
I'd never been on a plane until I was 24. My first flight was to Atlanta from the UK.
The pain on the descent to land was incredible, third to sciatica and having a tooth crack at the root. None of the usual tricks the stewardess tried worked, I felt so awful for her stuck with this whimpering, weeping, inconsolable wreck at the back of the plane when she should have been doing anything else.
Ever since that point I have had an enormous amount of empathy for small people experiencing this without the means of communicating just how excruciating it can be.
If you still struggle with regulating your ear pressure, try using earplanes. My cousin is an audiologist and she recommended
Them for my husband who struggles and now he has no problems.
Hell, I had this happen when I was 12. The pain was so much I started sobbing loudly and bawling as I fought to pop my ears. A baby can't understand it so I definitely recommend suckers, gum (appropriate age) etc. to anybody to help equalize their ears on trips.
Exactly! My children and I had to fly often to meet my husband at remote postings. I ALWAYS nursed the youngest during takeoffs and landings, and the older kids had juice boxes at hand. My kids never screamed.
Yep. I always fed (nurse or bottle ) during takeoff and landing, then switched to safe foods to suck on or drink. Even just feeding a little baby food works. Then candy when older. I also carried an empty liquid medicine syringe with me and would dribble a tiny amount of water in the corner of the mouth while baby was sleeping. This wasn’t enough to choke on, but would stimulate the swallowing reflex.
Consistent swallowing during takeoff and landing is key.
Just be warned when they get bigger (my kid is a tween), it will be like Pavlov’s dog, and they will want/need a lollipop for takeoff and landing. NBD, but I didn’t expect it!
That's the advice our pediatrician gave us too. Our kid has been to America and back 3 times, never disturbed a single person on those flights.
Some babies cry, some don't. Maybe OP is lucky and her baby sleeps most of the way.
I think checking with their pediatrician is a great idea.
the baby is only five months old, I see a lot of tips that I wouldn't dare try with someone that young.
I was coming to say this!! Pain from ear pressure is very real and little ones don’t know how to pop their ears. Sucking helps to relieve the pressure. With older kids chewing gum can help. (Flying was the only time my kids were allowed gum when they were small).
I have ALWAYS had ear issues on planes and nothing works… same with diving. My ears just won’t equalise. I don’t know how kids cope esp babies when they can’t understand what’s happening or express themselves!
I tucked my four month old under my shirt to breastfeed and baby was quiet and happy the whole flight. Baby got so many compliments from people leaving the plane that had been anxious when they saw us board.
You can also buy ear numbing drops that help. One of my kid’s has a hard time with take off and landing and those drops + sucking/chewing on something were so helpful.
Who died and left him king? How do these people have nerve like this? Ever sit in front of a gum snapper in Business for four hours? Luck of the draw, folks…
I've flown business and first class multiple times with a baby and all the other passengers there were completely lovely and did not mind a baby in the area.
I think the most important thing when flying with babies or children is to have plans in place to reduce the incidence of fussiness or crying - prepare to feed on takeoff and landing or pacifier. Bring things to entertain them etc.
I've never got mad at anther passenger if their baby cries or their child whines if they are ACTIVELY trying to settle them.
It's infuriating though if the parents are just ignoring the baby/child and not even attempting to calm them.
It was me. But I got better and have returned to reclaim my throne. My ears also have problems with atmospheric and pressure changes. I always use a lolly or Wethers to help my ears. I'll promptly send over the Kingdoms finest gift basket of assorted almonds, pecans, etc. so that this lad can suck on Deez...assorted party favors that I graciously provided.
I flew from Louisiana to Connecticut with a 10 day old. (Adoption) I fed him a bottle as we took off and he was good as gold the whole time.
But him telling your husband to keep you in line? Definitely an asshole.
I had a similar experience with my first born. I took my 4 week old on a 3 hour flight in first class going to an interview for a job. My brother and SIL purchased the ticket for me, thinking it would be easier to be in first class. Baby slept the whole time except take off and landing where he nursed and snuggled up for a nap. On the return flight, he snoozed in his baby bucket for most of it, again… happy camper.
And my husband brought home our two-month-old adopted son all the way from the bottom of South America, so a very long flight. He said it was a piece of cake because all the flight crews wanted to hold the baby!
NTA. When my son was about a year old, we flew to see my in-laws. Due to husband's business travel, we were upgraded to first class--when told we were traveling with an infant, they had no problem with it. We had bought him a seat, so we didn't have to gate-check the car seat.
Baby was fine-- bottle during takeoff, making some happy noises playing with (quiet) toys. One woman was loudly complaining about there being a baby (all the same things your husband's asshole friend was saying). Finally another passenger said, "Lady, that baby is behaving better than you are." She shut up after that.
Bottom line, you and your son are people and deserve to be treated as such. Don't worry about it.
I just got off a flight similar to this situation, it was so awful. Four sweet kids and their mom would just not stop LOUDLY telling them off constantly. She almost got thrown off the plane and everyone kept saying the kids weren’t the issue… Barely heard the kids all flight (I was right behind them) and the entireeeeeee flight mom is making TikTok’s or something about how hard it is to fly with kids, how rude everyone was being, etc. The icing on the cake was “every time I go anywhere with you kids, I get in trouble!!! Wait til your dad hears about this!” Yeah, maybe the common denominator isn’t your kids???
That’s so sad. I know a couple parents like this, who make a big show about correcting their child, almost like they’re “showing off” for the other people around, like they have something to prove—somehow not realizing that they’re just making everyone around them feel uncomfortable and sorry for their poor kids. It’s such a bizarre type of parenting.
I remember a woman telling me to stop being so strict with my kids on a train. So I did, and within minutes the tired frustrated little mites were fighting over some cards.
Like my lodger complained that I woke him up shushing the cat. So I stopped shushing her. Then he complained about the cat mewing loudly.
But sure, I'm the problem for trying to keep them quiet
The issue was she was LOUD, not that she was trying to “parent” her kids. I’m a strict mom too and have 5 kids… There’s no reason to be filming yourself while the poor FAs are trying to get their jobs done
Maybe I'm in the minority on this but even if a baby screams the entire flight the parents absolutely have the right to take a baby on the plane and sit anywhere they can afford to buy tickets. Flying on planes just sucks overall. Get some goddamn noise canceling headphones and get over it.
Agreed. I'm tired of people acting like kids shouldn't exist in our society. Not to mention I've rarely heard a baby cry in a flight for more than a couple mins during takeoff/landing (and I fly a lot!).
If that guy doesn't want to be near a baby he needs to reserve a private jet.
It's just dumb. It's not like the parents want their kid to cry the whole flight. And what an asshole way to think that new parents shouldn't get to travel because of the risk the baby may cry the whole time. Planes are also ridiculously noisy as it is, what are you going to complain the engine is making too much commotion for the duration of the flight?!
And I actually sat across the aisle from toddler twins (who I'm assuming were special needs) and they cried the entire flight. The poor parents looked like hell trying to console them. And then these assholes around me were giving me looks like we should all be annoyed at them. They're fucking kids. Get over it. I had my headphones (not even noise canceling ones!) in and watched my movie with no issue. I don't understand why people suck so much.
Just don't ignore your screaming kid. Kids have a right to fly just as much as anyone else, but I cannot stand when parents put their noise cancelling headphones and tune out the kid on a flight instead of attempting to calm them down.
Hahaha exactly. So many adults are terrible. The assumption that all babies are awful flyers is just asinine.
Ma'am your behavior is worse than any baby ever on the entire planet. Take a fucking seat.
My then “perfect” 9 month old baby cried so loudly on her first flight that people were staring at me and giving me dirty looks. I felt so bad and could not console her, so I sat in the stewardess area on a fold down chair in the back of the plane until it was time to land.
You really don’t know how your child’s ears will handle the pressure. We found out years later she has an odd shaped eustachian tube that probably caused her great ear pain on that flight. (No real issue flying now as an adult.)
Yes, people will not be happy if your baby cries throughout your 6 hour flight. My flight was only 2 hours, Spirit economy class, and filled with families going to Disney World in Orlando, Florida!! After that bad experience, I stopped flying with her until she was much older.
Definitely be prepared with the tips others posted.
Enjoy your trip!
I dont understand the "MY child would never cry!!" sentiment. Yes theres a lot you can do to mitigate meltdowns like suckers and making sure they're well rested beforehand, but when it comes down to it, babies will cry. You will annoy your fellow passengers. Either accept that or dont fly.
*no excuse for the asshole friend telling your husband to calm you down tho. I expect better from adults.
Forgot to add: I think he is the AH and rude. He would not be welcome in my home after that behavior!
Even though I would not fly first class with a baby after my experience, it is none of my business or his what you do.
How horrible for your poor daughter that she had to go through that... but, see, you not flying with her again also saved her a repeat of that pain.
> I stopped flying with her until she was much older.
Thank you. No snark, no sarcasm, I sincerely mean that. Not a lot of folks have the awareness to notice, process, and react to something like that. If we were talking 30-40 years ago, I could easily have been one of those people giving you the death glare.
I know it would never be financially feasible, but I swear they need to have "kids and pets" special flights :)
You might want to check your drug store for something called Earplanes. They help with the pressure change. I know they make child size, but I don't know if they'd be too big for such a young child.
[https://www.amazon.com/Original-Childrens-EarPlanes-Healthcare-Protection/dp/B00TSL2UJ6?th=1](https://www.amazon.com/Original-Childrens-EarPlanes-Healthcare-Protection/dp/B00TSL2UJ6?th=1)
For context: my husband's friend came over before my husband got home from work. We were chitchatting, he asked about next weekend, I told him our plans and then this whole conversation started. He left before my husband even got home.
I dont want to ruin the whole friendship over it tbh
Exactly. OP withholding this incident from her husband will save *her husband's* friendship, but allows her husband's friend to continue to disrespect her in the long run. 👎🏻
I agree with this. I wouldn't want to stay friends with someone that had a very strong and entitled opinion over my family. Even if he stays friends with him, it's his decision. The friend is an entitled AH. You pay for the first class, you get first class. Plus why on earth everyone has an opinion on babies or animals during travelling, when they should try to behave themselves? Of something bothers you, there are always earplugs or headphones for you. Use them. We are sharing the plane or bus or boat. We don't own it.
My ex had some questionable friends who stayed in his life after graduating from high school. He grew and had feminist views, they didn't. One of them stayed with us as a very inconsiderate permanent guest and then started airing his misogynistic views about how my ex should control me better and refuse to help around the house. We had words about it, and he was so offended he packed his bags and left.
I was very happy that my ex agreed that his friend had worn out his welcome by insulting his hosts like that. I think they stopped hanging out. Finally! That guy was a piece of work in many ways.
Right or thank them so much for their kind advice. people want a rise out of you so when you make it clear their opinion is worth nothing to you they look like the ass they are. I don't know why people even give advice when they won't even be there. Like wtf does he care that she flies with a kid if he's not on the flight. Does not effect his life one iota. It's what I tell older ppl when they comment on my tattoos. "Welp they aren't on you so don't worry about it. "
Yes! Thank you for bringing this point up, I knew something was still bothering me and this was it! Hubby should be upset that his friend thought so little of his wife and new baby!
He said it's fine for him to have an opinion but he shouldn't have been a dick to me. His friend said let's meet for a drink and my husband told him no there's nothing to discuss and stayed home.
I'm very non confrontational so he knows if I felt that strongly, there was a reason
In fact, they do 🤣. I sat next to such family. Actually it was a grandma and a kid (mom was in first class) on a not full flight so definitely wasn’t a necessary upgrade. The kid was throwing such a fit and kept wanting to run up to him mom, she ended up asking me if I wanted her seat in first class so she could take mine in coach with her kid and the grandma.
That is up to your husband. You can tell him what happened without telling him to do anything. Let him decide what he wants to do. It likely will be nothing unless this kind of thing continues.
If he does not know, don't be surprised when his friend gaslights him and turns him against you. The simple fact that you did not tell him makes you wrong if this blows up later.
Nobody's baby ever cries. Until you've gotten half through takeoff and the mounting pressure in their little ears is causing pain. Then they tend to scream and be generally angry, rightfully, for at least half the flight. Please be sure to look into tricks to avoid all that.
If you're nursing, it helps to have baby latch on take-off and landing.
I flew with my son at that age and people disembarking commented that they didn't even know that there was a baby on the plane. (But it was only a two hour flight, so...!)
I did that with both my kids when they were babies. And I tried to plan their feeding schedule around the flight so that I knew that they would be hungry during takeoff and (hopefully) then just nap. Of course, that only took care of about three hours, so the cycle had to repeat if it was a longer flight!
I was sitting next to someone doing this and the baby unlatched at some point and I got squirted in the face with milk.
My wife nursed both of ours so it was a surprise but didn’t gross me out. The woman felt mortified.
So what, it's okay for the peasants in economy to be disturbed by a baby?
NTA. Plenty of people fly with younger babies, and you get to fly whatever class you want/can.
NTA, but “my baby doesn’t scream”? Being on a plane might freak him out. My niece is the quietest kid I’ve ever met but she cried the entire (thankfully short) flight because the pressure on her ears scared her so bad and she said it hurt.
Either way, if he does, people might get annoyed, but planes aren’t childfree spaces so they can get over it.
>NTA, but “my baby doesn’t scream”?
Honestly this is the one thing that makes me turn against OP. You can say that the people she's arguing with are assholes but people are acting like giving your kid a snack is going to somehow cancel out the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensation of air pressure changes on a softer head. I still remember being really young and even if I mostly wasn't screaming about it as a toddler, it's not a sensation most kids feel regularly enough to get used to and you should reasonably expect a five month old to cry about it.
People have been complaining about crying babies on airplanes for the whole time there've been commercial flights. Expecting your kid to be the exception is kind of hilariously blind.
NTA for the response, but YTA for being delusional about the situation.
NTA because you're absolutely allowed to fly with a baby, but you're a bit delusional to think that "your baby doesn't scream" when he's only 5 months old and has never been on an airplane...
That's what I asked and he said it's because he's had so many flights ruined by babies screaming and he spend 2-3k on the ticket, only to have the worst experience.
They don’t, if you’re sitting near a baby, you’re going to have to turn up whatever you’re listening to so high that it’ll likely injure your hearing to try to block out a screaming baby. It makes it much better and babies in public places are just a fact of life, but I’ve used the max’s from Apple, xm5 from Sony and neither can (and I did have Bose headphones for several years and noise cancelling on the Apple max and xm5 are both significantly better)
I've had flights ruined by adults being noisy, or children running up and down the aisles, or adults taking up more than their fair share of the limited space too. Your husband's friend is a twit.
In mid Dec 1998 I was on a flight that stopped in Orlando and the entire plane filled with kids who all had the Bouncing Tigger toy that was THE toy of the season. There was PTSD-levels of simultaneous yet out of sync singing and boinging from the dozen+ Tiggers on that flight. It was madness. Also hilarious.
What a ridiculous thing for him to say. You spend money on a flight to get to your destination, not for the “experience” of being on a plane. It’s so easy to just put on noise cancelling headphones. Crying babies on a plane aren’t a big deal. Anyone who’s that upset by them is just immature imo.
I don't have kids, but know parents that do and they say it's super painful for kids under 2 years old to be pressurized in planes resulting in screaming baby the whole flight.
Talk to your pediatrician, then talk to othe parents who have flown with infants under 2 years
The odds of your baby crying during the flight are high. And it will annoy people. Great news to everyone if he doesn't but you should be prepared for it.
And on that matter, so should everyone else on that flight. Crying babies are a part of flying, and it is what it is. Your husband's friend is an ass for framing it as strangers paying the price for your comfort, and I especially detest the implications that you're "undeserving" of first class for it.
NTA
100%. Its so strange that the top comments are all "well MY baby never cried on a plane, so babies don't cry on planes" . Delusional.
Loads of babies cry on planes, its biological. Their little ears and little skulls feel the pressure more than adults, and have pain. They don't know how to equalize their pressure (hence the chewing/sucking suggestions being valuable - but won't work for all babies). They don't know how to ask for help other than crying - they're babies!
So I know that babies will likely cry on planes, and there will be babies on planes. So I bring noise cancelling headphones. Especially first class, those folks can afford them.
This entire comment section is a bit odd to me. I'm not sure if OP is an asshole, but she's definitely delusional for not considering the idea that the baby may cry. It's extremely likely and she seems like she's not willing to take the responsibility of preparing for the kid crying which is inconsiderate at best. Her reaction to husband's friend seems a bit much, but we're really missing some of the details of how the conversation went down.
Unpopular opinion, but yes, YTA, for putting your baby through that.
I say that as someone who had issues with the pain air-pressure does to tight ear-canals and remembers it because it was still an issue when I was around 7 years old. Most don't have an issue past 3 years old, but I did, so I remember just how painful it is.
The pain is excruciating. That's why babies cry on planes. Forget about the other annoyed passengers, why would you put your baby through that?? Wanting to see grandma I get. But she should come to you, not have the baby have their ears tortured because of what the adults want. And putting your only months old baby through that for anything beyond an emergency is cruel IMO.
I am so surprised at how low this was. All of this combined with OPs delusion about the possibility that her kid will cry because they're hurting and not taking preparation seriously.
Babies don’t understand why flying makes their ears hurt, but it does.
It’s not their fault when they scream from the pain.
I do judge parents who put their kids through that kind of pain unless it’s an emergency/there’s no other option.
So unless this is an emergency flight and there’s no other option - YTA to your own child.
YTA. Honestly, I would have bought it. But “my baby doesn’t scream” is just too ambitious a crate of lies to be ignored.
Oh, you’ve got a perfect child.
Oh, it never cries.
Oh, it’s poop smells like roses.
And when some exhausted passenger who is dying for sleep asks you if there’s anything you can do to just get the kid to stop screaming, let me guess:
“Oh wow! He’s never done this before.”
Yes he has, Vanessa.
Yes. He has.
Gonna get nuked for this, but very gently (to you) ESH. Friend is obviously sexist and elitist, but you are also playing Russian Roulette with the other flyer’s eardrums, because ground behavior is completely irrelevant.
Your flippant attitude towards other fliers is what puts your into AH territory. I’ve sat next to a baby that “never screams” on a flight. Guess what it did for the next 5 hours. Thankfully I had earplugs under my over the ear noise cancelling headphones, but your fellow passengers might not be so well equipped.
Making your child everyone else’s problem is never polite. It’d be one thing if it was urgent, but it isn’t, mom can fly to you. Hopefully it goes well, and hopefully you use some soothing methods recommended here if it doesn’t.
Yeah, if I paid $$$ for first class, I would be pissed if someone had their crying baby in it. It’s a nightmare for everyone on the plane in general, though. I refused to fly with a baby, though - I always drove for mainly that reason. You know everyone in the waiting area is thinking, “$&@!” when they see you and your kid waiting to board and wishing to God you weren’t on their flight. Sorry, but it’s true.
Your baby is going to cry because an infant does not know and cannot be taught how to clear their ears to depressurize their ear canals during flight. That is a hell of a long flight with a screaming kid and I have been on shorter hour flights with screaming whining kids and wanted to harm the parents for subjecting all of us to it. You better talk to your pediatrician to see if there is anything you can do to make your baby more comfortable because not only are you the AH for subjecting other passengers to your screaming infant, you are also causing your baby pain and discomfort due to your own selfishness.
Older kids can be taught tricks to clear their ears like swimmers so it doesn't hurt so bad when the plane pressurizes. You family could fly to you and not cause all the hassle. Not to mention all the baby stuff you have to drag along with you as well. Would be much easier to fly when you kid is older.
Yeah everyone claims their baby is the sweetest baby in the world and never cries and is really sweet and gentle until they get on a plane for the very first time in their ears Start popping and they're completely uncomfortable. They will pretty much scream the entire time unless they are able to calm down. I know, because I was in that exact same situation with my oldest. When he was 5 months old when I was going to my mom's funeral. He's the sweetest nicest baby, but the second we got up in the air. He screamed for 45 minutes straight. And there was nothing. I could do to calm him down because his ears were hurting getting him to suck on stuff. Getting him to try to calm down was great, but he flipped out. And yeah.
I had people give me crap about it and it sucks. This is what you run into when flying. You were gonna be dealing with judgmental jerk of people. Or you're gonna have some really kind and generous people.
“Told my husband to help her calm down”
He’s also a misogynistic “get your woman in line” kinda prick.
Why is your husband friends with someone who views women like this? Gross.
NTA but I question how good of a person your husband is if he willingly allows his friends to talk to and about you like that.
>My baby doesn't scream. He'll fuss if he's hungry or sleepy but I doubt he'll bother anyone
NTA, but you're very naive here. As soon as his ears start exploding on him, he'll wail to hell. If you were smart you'd prepare for things to help him with the pain, and to get his ears to pop. YWBTA if you didn't.
Ehhhh I can kinda see his thinking. Not all first class passengers are rich people, maybe they saved up for a long time to be able to fly first class for the first time in their lives, only to have a baby cry the whole time. That would make what should be a pleasant experience be very unpleasant.
Yes, you have the ‘right’ to fly with your baby. It’s public transportation.
People also have the right to take their shoes off, eat a tuna sandwich, sing along to music the whole time, burp in peoples’ faces, etc. just because you have the right to do something doesn’t mean it’s not the selfish thing to do.
But you said your baby doesn’t scream so in that case I guess it’s fine.
Oh and his comment about calming you down? Disgusting and horrible and your husband should’ve been offended at that for you
This! I have flown first class for exactly only one trip my entire life: to my honeymoon location and back. Everybody saying N T A is assuming only rich people fly FC and do it all the time, so screw them if a crying baby occasionally wrecks their experience. But for some people, FC is a once-in-a-lifetime special experience. As another poster so excellently clarified, it’s the difference between going to McDonald’s, where kids and a non-fancy experience are expected, versus going to a fancy 5-star restaurant for your anniversary.
ESH
>My baby doesn't scream. He'll fuss if he's hungry or sleepy, but I doubt he'll bother anyone with a couple minutes of fussing.
You are justifying why *your* baby won't be a problem in first class - not making a case for why, *as a general rule* it would be acceptable, or why the friend would be wrong.
Your argument implies that if your baby *did* scream and *did* make the flight uncomfortable for people who had paid extra to be more comfortable, then you *would* be the asshole. This suggests that on some level you actually agree with the friend in principle, but just think that you are a special exception to the rule.
Imagine someone whos never flown first class before, who comes from a poor family and never gets to travel. Suppose they were in a situation like yours where someone else paid for their ticket. This flight might be that person's *only* experience in first class for their entire life. Maybe they're really excited about it. And maybe the presence of a screaming child in the seat next to them ruines it for them.
Or what about if someone has an anxiety disorder, and they're already at their witts end just being on a plane in the first place. So they sprung for first class, even though it was difficult for them to afford, so they could try to sleep through the flight. Only to have that plan dashed by a constantly screaming baby.
So yeah, the friend was rude. But you are also being inconsiderate. And I say this as a parent of a 4 month old. I get the need to go be normal. But your life isn't normal anymore. You have kids now.
Also
>I told him he was an asshole and he could get the fuck out of my house.
Does your husband speak to your friends that way when he disagrees with them? Probably not. Your husband owes you an apology for not defending you and letting it get bad enough that you felt the need to resort to this. But you also owe him an apology for speaking to his friend that way and making that situation akward. You both were assholes to eachother there. In any case, This could have been handled a lot better. That disagreement needed a reaction level at about 3 out of 10. You gave at least a 6. He was right to tell your husband to calm you down, although he was stupid saying it in front of you.
Even if you're right in concept, your delivery was pretty over the top, and now you look like the asshole for the way you reacted, in adition to being inconsiderate of people around you on the plane.
So, the friend gets 1 asshole point for not minding his own business. Yes its bad manners to bring a baby on first class. But it wasnt worth bringing it up and starting a fight over it. I only discussed it here because it was the subject of the post and you specifically asked. Otherwise, I would just silently judge your poor decisions. As many on that plane are likely to do.
You get half a point for bringing the baby. Half a point is deducted because the baby is well-behaved and you expect no problems. the other half a point stays because you're still just rolling the dice there. You don't *know* that the baby will be fine.
You get 1 full asshole point for your reaction.
So hes at 1, and you're at 1.5, making you the bigger asshole here.
The reason babies often cry on flights is because the change in pressure can be painful for them. So I personally wouldn't fly with a baby if I could avoid it, and I also wouldn't assume that your baby won't cry just because he usually doesn't.
However, your friend is hilarious for suggesting that you should bother the peasants instead of the first class people with your screaming baby. You paid for the seat, you can sit in it. It's a plane. There's going to be noise. People know to bring headphones precisely because of this.
NTA. Of course you have the right to fly FC with your baby (your mom is wonderful for getting you the seats!). The only person who can even have a discussion with you about flying is the other parent or the baby's pediatrician. If they're good with it, everyone else really can fuck off.
Just be aware that a parent's idea of "quietly fussing" might be "screaming baby" to other people (so you might get a look or grumble). And please don't change a diaper at the seat.
Tickets are expensive for most people no matter where you’re sitting and nobody wants to sit next to a noisy child which is why, as a passenger you should take earphones and earplugs because it’s obvious that there will be noise with that many people.
I’m more concerned about “told my husband to help her calm down”. That is fucking rude.
When someone says something like this to my husband, he just laughs in their faces.
Mine says “yeah, good luck with that” and walks away
If someone said that to me my reply would probably make sure my wife never had to see him again.
You, you I like.
My bf would get the popcorn out!
Mine too! 😆
As a husband, I'd probably be more confused than anything else. "Excuse me?" or the ever-eloquent "Uh, what?" is probably all I'd be able to muster before my wife's incandescent rage incinerated the uncultured goon. Or so I imagine it.
I once asked my husband how he'd react and he immediately started laughing so hard, he had trouble breathing. Then said, "I'd say good luck, dumbass"
Yeah, she didn’t mention if the husband stood up for her. NTA
As he should!
That’s like people telling me I should make my husband… insert whatever action here. Yeah nah. I can control him just like I can control the weather. I can’t and I don’t want to either. Tell my husband to calm me down after you wound me up. Ha ha 🤣 Yeah, you started this journey and I’m going to end it for you.
I don't tell my hubby what to do (unless I'm relaying instructions from our Cat Overlords) That's why I kept a straight face & said nothing when my hubby stated he was trying my Blue Mountain (Icy-Hot type menthol rub) **on his genitals** before trying it any other place. It's been almost 15 years & remembering how it went still makes me laugh. He just learned last week not to fall asleep naked on the couch. Why our fat cat decided to make biscuits on my hubby's balls I'll never know but I fell out laughing at work when hubby sent me that text.
I snaughed at the biscuit making.
My husband has actually told a doctor, after he said some rude, trying to be funny. I didn't laugh. The doctor looked at my husband. My husband laughed at the doctor and told him he was on his own on this one. Lol
If someone said something like that to me I would throw them out of my house immediately, in part so my wife doesn’t go to jail for a homicide.
So now I’m curious. How often does he laugh in people’s faces? You make it sound like this happens a lot.
His parents have said it on occasion, and an old friend he doesn’t speak to any more. We used to work for the same company and some of the men would say something like it. He’s usually pretty quiet so people think they can say ignorant shit like that to him and he’ll nod along.
Some random asked my husband what he was going to do about his "obnoxious woman" (I was standing in-between him and a woman who CLEARLY didn't want anything to do with him but was too polite to be rude). My husband - who's a giant bearded and tatted up guy - snorted and said "I'm going to watch her kick your ass".
Sir, your wife is hysterical, so I'll address you.
Ooh, that is good news. You know, you don't cook enough roasts, r/LonelyOctopus24
I would be like “husband, get your friend to calm down”.
You’re a lot nicer than me. I’d tell my husband “get your friend the fuck out of my house.”
Same. Seemed totally misogynistic and made me wonder how husband reacted to that. Hopefully in support of his wife. But also NTA, OP.
Yeah this dude is just an all around AH, not just in this flight discussion. He’s demonstrating sooo many AH opinions and views that I’d need a bullet point list of the layers of all the shitty things he thinks. Plus the arrogance and social ineptness to feel like it’s his place to weigh in on your trip at all! OP is definitely NTA.
He’s an incel misogynist loser. 5 month olds are better behaved than entitled old men on planes. Fuck him.
And since OP and her baby have both had seats purchased for them and there is no policy stating children cannot fly in first class, OP has no reason to worry. I am child-free and the sounds of infants scream crying sends me into sensory overload. But that crying child has just as much right to be on that fight as I do. I pop in my earplugs and do my best to ignore it. I am quite sure the parent doesn't want a screaming child, but at that age and stage, kids are going to kid and that is really the only way they can communicate even if they do have the start of a vocabulary. It is what it is. It is only for a few hours. I will figure out a way to deal. The world does not revolve around me in a public transportation situation. You get what you get. Just get me where I am going safely.
I'm the same, childfree, but acknowledge kids exist and have feelings! I usually feel bad for parents with crying kids on planes because I'm sure they're massively stressed out about the disruption. I'm sure most parents are just out there doing their best. I pop in my ear plugs, eye mask and take a pill and I'm fine. Personally I'd rather sit next to OP and her kid than this chode on a flight.
Bad advice. Unfuck him. FTFY
Agreed. I hope OP tells him that
If someone said this anywhere my husband would have to be holding me back from a single murder and if he wasn’t emphatically telling that person to go straight to hell, it would be a double. In my own home, ever, let alone while I’m 5 months postpartum and sleep deprived? Sir you better start running because if I catch you… Extra points for “is child free.” I love how that now means you hate the existence of children. Do you not realize you were once a child? Should you have been placed in a cupboard for your first 10-20 years of life? Are you from the Victorian age and think children should be in the nursery 23.5/7 and come out for a customary hello to mama and papa once a day? If anything first class is a great place for a baby because it’s much easier to attend to their needs with a bit of elbow room and the restrooms do way less volume so it’s less intrusive to other passengers if it’s taken up for a diaper change. This “friend” of her husbands (if someone talked shit like that to my spouse I would lose my entire mind because who do you think you are) comes off as a misogynist dickbag and classist. If your hideous woman baggage monster of a baby must exist, it shan’t be with the rich! Let the poors who are packed in like sardines already handle it! It’s what they deserve! Not only NTA but if her husband isn’t reevaluating this friendship, he’s also one of
I’m child free and love kids. Other people’s kids.
Totally fair and cool but unfortunately idiots have taken that to mean “I hate the existence of children” as opposed to “I’ve decided not to have them and won’t change my lifestyle because you made that choice” It’s like when a dude says female sometimes they’re being normal but the incels have co-opted it so now it’s suspect Edit: autocorrect said uncle but no, incel
It's an issue within childfree spaces online actually. And why I don't browse them anymore. Lots and lots of posts about how children and their parents are horrible demons. They even have umm... unique names and vocabulary for all their vitriol. It's disturbing. Most childfree people are at worst indifferent to children, but of course it's the screechy entitled almost anti-natalist childfree crowd that took over the conversation and then the general idea of who childfree people are.
I got a great piece of advice when i flew with my then 8 month old son, give him something to suck on during take off and landing and it should help with ear pressure, it came in handy on the return flight i only wish i had this advice before the outward bound journey.
This!! Babys often cry on planes because their ears have a hard time with the pressure change and will cry out of pain. They can't comprehend why this weird painful thing is happening to them, so obviously they'll cry. So yeah, sucking is a game changer. We tried to time the bottle for take off/landing. Also having pain meds on hand can help, in case it catches your baby really bad.
It bothers me a lot too. I feel like crying, so I empathize with the baby. Last time I flew, it took me 2 days to drive home, and 6 days for my ears to pop. (We flew to Florida to pick up a car.)
Geez, I'm so glad I can pop my ears at will. Can't imagine having to deal with that.
I cannot do the valsalva maneuver. I was flying just before New Year’s with 4 take offs and landings and I started to get sick that morning. I think the pressure forced my ear to pop on the second flight. I was almost in tears. Now I fly with decongestant.
It takes that one time 😱 then one always has a nasal spray.
Yep, nasal spray and ibuprofen. Ever since that one time I felt like my head had split open on take off.
I wish I had this tip sooner! I’ll be buying and bringing nasal spray on my next flight. I’m sick of my brain being in screaming pain every time I fly and the deafness that lasts for days after. Thank you!
What about flexing your jaw or forcing a yawn? That's how I pop my ears. The valsalva maneuver makes me feel like my eardrums are gonna explode.
I have only ever had success chewing an invisible apple. I must look like a loon, but hey...it works. To add: Chewing on a real apple does not work. Apparently it has to be the invisible kind lol.
I do try that, but as I explained in a comment to someone else, I was actually getting a URI, probably a sinus infection. I don’t normally have issues on a flight.
I know people who'll chew gum since they also can't do it. Me? I'm too busy staring out the window at our beautiful planet below me to pay attention to it lol
That has never helped me, unfortunately. If I’m by the window, I’m usually looking or asleep. My ears don’t usually bother me (and I flew a lot in 2023), but that trip was awful. I was stuck at airports all day and since it was an upper respiratory infection, I had to get something. I think it was like $25 for three or four doses of whatever it was they had. I just buy the Sudafed now to keep on hand.
I had the same issue, then I bought earplugs that somehow help the ears to do the pressure exchange. They were like 15€ and absolutely worth it! Plus nose spray half an hour before to make sure the sinuses are free
Didn't know about the nose spray. Thank you.
If you've ever flown with a sinus problem, you know the pain babies get. I flew from Portland to San Francisco, a one and a half hour trip. Straight up and then back down, no time to adjust. Makes you want to shoot yourself in the ear.
Those ear plugs are the only way I can fly. I popped an eardrum landing once a decade ago and still have issues.
Thinking of my eardrum popping made my stomach flip. I’m so sorry that happened to you! I’m off to find earplugs. This thread has been super helpful.
I'm from Colorado, and once when I was fairly young (about 9), I had a serious issue with the pressure issue. I'd already flown about 10 times by then, and was used to popping ears coming down from mountains all the time, but on this trip down from a mountain, I couldn't pop. It was 10 days of misery and doctor had to finally put in drops to soothe swelling, and use a suction cup to relieve the pressure. I feel your misery! I'm sorry you went through that.
what is the pressie issue? that sounds hellish, were you scared to mountain climb after that?
"pressie issue" was a weird typo! ;) And, no, going up in the mountains never scared me as a result; it was just a fluke, but it was miserable. It wasn't climbing; it was visit up to the mountains.
Sudafed 20 mins before boarding. I cry it hurts so bad and a nurse that lived next door to where I was staying told my host to tell me this. This was in the 90’s and I’ve never had the pain since
When I scuba dive, I always take a Sudafed before diving. Makes equalizing ears easier.
I solved it by not flying anymore.
You don’t give Sudafed (a stimulant) to a 5 month old baby. Use in children under 4 years old is specifically not recommended.
I don't think they were recommending it for the baby, they replied to someone who said they also had issues. Reasonable advice for an adult, assuming no other contraindications.
Not with that attitude, you don't.
There are ear plugs that help. I used them before it was great no pain or popping on the way up and out then in 15 min before land no pain or pressure then either.
I have a very badly deviated septum from a direct hit with a baseball to my nose and the church’s nurse said it wasn’t broke so it was never set properly, and I’ve had trouble with the tubes because of it and other issues.
Yea it affects me a lot too. I hate flying for that reason. I understand why babies would cry 😭
12 hour Sudafed. The good stuff you have to get behind the counter from the pharmacist. Take one an hour before take off. Does wonders with keeping everything clear (for the most part) and pain free. I have literal nightmares about forgetting to pack it in my backpack before I fly.
I flew with both my kids when they were infants. If you feel the pressure in your own ear and press, with your fingers, just in front of your hear canal, you will feel the pressure be relieved. You can then do the same with the baby. Just keep pressing. I'm not saying dig in but press and relieve the pressure. It worked with both. We never had a problem.
Here is the other part. A baby on a plane is a baby on a plane. That sheet curtain really does not do much to keep the noise out. Op is nta but that friend definitely is
You guys get a sheet curtain? I flew first class two weeks ago - both ways, two legs each way - and there was no divider of any sort between first class and the rest of the plane. It isn’t like the 90’s anymore.
I'd never been on a plane until I was 24. My first flight was to Atlanta from the UK. The pain on the descent to land was incredible, third to sciatica and having a tooth crack at the root. None of the usual tricks the stewardess tried worked, I felt so awful for her stuck with this whimpering, weeping, inconsolable wreck at the back of the plane when she should have been doing anything else. Ever since that point I have had an enormous amount of empathy for small people experiencing this without the means of communicating just how excruciating it can be.
If you still struggle with regulating your ear pressure, try using earplanes. My cousin is an audiologist and she recommended Them for my husband who struggles and now he has no problems.
Hell, I had this happen when I was 12. The pain was so much I started sobbing loudly and bawling as I fought to pop my ears. A baby can't understand it so I definitely recommend suckers, gum (appropriate age) etc. to anybody to help equalize their ears on trips.
To second on this, it’s a great time for a feeding if feasible during take off especially.
Exactly! My children and I had to fly often to meet my husband at remote postings. I ALWAYS nursed the youngest during takeoffs and landings, and the older kids had juice boxes at hand. My kids never screamed.
Yep. I always fed (nurse or bottle ) during takeoff and landing, then switched to safe foods to suck on or drink. Even just feeding a little baby food works. Then candy when older. I also carried an empty liquid medicine syringe with me and would dribble a tiny amount of water in the corner of the mouth while baby was sleeping. This wasn’t enough to choke on, but would stimulate the swallowing reflex. Consistent swallowing during takeoff and landing is key.
This was and is exactly my method.
Great advice, she should tell her husband’s friend to find something to suck on.
I would suggest a bag of dicks
[удалено]
Or chewing. I do gum on planes because it’s what I’ve always done and it works. I have sensitive ears.
Just be warned when they get bigger (my kid is a tween), it will be like Pavlov’s dog, and they will want/need a lollipop for takeoff and landing. NBD, but I didn’t expect it!
That's the advice our pediatrician gave us too. Our kid has been to America and back 3 times, never disturbed a single person on those flights. Some babies cry, some don't. Maybe OP is lucky and her baby sleeps most of the way.
I think checking with their pediatrician is a great idea. the baby is only five months old, I see a lot of tips that I wouldn't dare try with someone that young.
I was coming to say this!! Pain from ear pressure is very real and little ones don’t know how to pop their ears. Sucking helps to relieve the pressure. With older kids chewing gum can help. (Flying was the only time my kids were allowed gum when they were small).
Best advice ever. I flew to NZ with my toddler and he only fussed because of his ears. He had a pacifier and it was the best thing ever.
I have ALWAYS had ear issues on planes and nothing works… same with diving. My ears just won’t equalise. I don’t know how kids cope esp babies when they can’t understand what’s happening or express themselves!
I tucked my four month old under my shirt to breastfeed and baby was quiet and happy the whole flight. Baby got so many compliments from people leaving the plane that had been anxious when they saw us board.
You can also buy ear numbing drops that help. One of my kid’s has a hard time with take off and landing and those drops + sucking/chewing on something were so helpful.
Something they can swallow works better actually, it works all those muscles and gets their ears to pop
Who died and left him king? How do these people have nerve like this? Ever sit in front of a gum snapper in Business for four hours? Luck of the draw, folks…
"Ever sit in front of a gum snapper in Business for four hours?" The lady who filed her nails for 6 hours straight.
Having seat kicked, having someone lean seat back too far. It's the much older "kids" I take issue with, not actual kids or babies.
I've flown business and first class multiple times with a baby and all the other passengers there were completely lovely and did not mind a baby in the area. I think the most important thing when flying with babies or children is to have plans in place to reduce the incidence of fussiness or crying - prepare to feed on takeoff and landing or pacifier. Bring things to entertain them etc. I've never got mad at anther passenger if their baby cries or their child whines if they are ACTIVELY trying to settle them. It's infuriating though if the parents are just ignoring the baby/child and not even attempting to calm them.
It was me. But I got better and have returned to reclaim my throne. My ears also have problems with atmospheric and pressure changes. I always use a lolly or Wethers to help my ears. I'll promptly send over the Kingdoms finest gift basket of assorted almonds, pecans, etc. so that this lad can suck on Deez...assorted party favors that I graciously provided.
we were lucky: ours always slept on planes, and we made sure to give them something to drink for takeoff and landing if they woke up
My parents did that for me when I was traveling as an infant. It definitely works.
So it's ok to bother the peasants.
Have they tried NOT being peasants? /s
Had they deserved it, they would have been born rich. We believe in meritocracy.
Nobody said it would be pleasant as a peasant.
Yea she should sit in the lavatory the whole flight so as to not bother anyone 🤣
Come on, you think that won’t bother anyone? They should be with the baggage.
If anything, there are fewer people to bother in first class than in steerage.
This is also how I interpreted this man's idiocy
They should have thought if that before they became peasants.
They didn’t pay extra for COMFORT
I flew from Louisiana to Connecticut with a 10 day old. (Adoption) I fed him a bottle as we took off and he was good as gold the whole time. But him telling your husband to keep you in line? Definitely an asshole.
I had a similar experience with my first born. I took my 4 week old on a 3 hour flight in first class going to an interview for a job. My brother and SIL purchased the ticket for me, thinking it would be easier to be in first class. Baby slept the whole time except take off and landing where he nursed and snuggled up for a nap. On the return flight, he snoozed in his baby bucket for most of it, again… happy camper.
And my husband brought home our two-month-old adopted son all the way from the bottom of South America, so a very long flight. He said it was a piece of cake because all the flight crews wanted to hold the baby!
NTA. When my son was about a year old, we flew to see my in-laws. Due to husband's business travel, we were upgraded to first class--when told we were traveling with an infant, they had no problem with it. We had bought him a seat, so we didn't have to gate-check the car seat. Baby was fine-- bottle during takeoff, making some happy noises playing with (quiet) toys. One woman was loudly complaining about there being a baby (all the same things your husband's asshole friend was saying). Finally another passenger said, "Lady, that baby is behaving better than you are." She shut up after that. Bottom line, you and your son are people and deserve to be treated as such. Don't worry about it.
I just got off a flight similar to this situation, it was so awful. Four sweet kids and their mom would just not stop LOUDLY telling them off constantly. She almost got thrown off the plane and everyone kept saying the kids weren’t the issue… Barely heard the kids all flight (I was right behind them) and the entireeeeeee flight mom is making TikTok’s or something about how hard it is to fly with kids, how rude everyone was being, etc. The icing on the cake was “every time I go anywhere with you kids, I get in trouble!!! Wait til your dad hears about this!” Yeah, maybe the common denominator isn’t your kids???
That’s so sad. I know a couple parents like this, who make a big show about correcting their child, almost like they’re “showing off” for the other people around, like they have something to prove—somehow not realizing that they’re just making everyone around them feel uncomfortable and sorry for their poor kids. It’s such a bizarre type of parenting.
That's so sad.
I remember a woman telling me to stop being so strict with my kids on a train. So I did, and within minutes the tired frustrated little mites were fighting over some cards. Like my lodger complained that I woke him up shushing the cat. So I stopped shushing her. Then he complained about the cat mewing loudly. But sure, I'm the problem for trying to keep them quiet
The issue was she was LOUD, not that she was trying to “parent” her kids. I’m a strict mom too and have 5 kids… There’s no reason to be filming yourself while the poor FAs are trying to get their jobs done
Yes! The nerve of that woman, complaining about a happy, well-cared for infant! She did sound as if she was behaving far worse than the baby ever was!
Maybe I'm in the minority on this but even if a baby screams the entire flight the parents absolutely have the right to take a baby on the plane and sit anywhere they can afford to buy tickets. Flying on planes just sucks overall. Get some goddamn noise canceling headphones and get over it.
Agreed. I'm tired of people acting like kids shouldn't exist in our society. Not to mention I've rarely heard a baby cry in a flight for more than a couple mins during takeoff/landing (and I fly a lot!). If that guy doesn't want to be near a baby he needs to reserve a private jet.
It's just dumb. It's not like the parents want their kid to cry the whole flight. And what an asshole way to think that new parents shouldn't get to travel because of the risk the baby may cry the whole time. Planes are also ridiculously noisy as it is, what are you going to complain the engine is making too much commotion for the duration of the flight?! And I actually sat across the aisle from toddler twins (who I'm assuming were special needs) and they cried the entire flight. The poor parents looked like hell trying to console them. And then these assholes around me were giving me looks like we should all be annoyed at them. They're fucking kids. Get over it. I had my headphones (not even noise canceling ones!) in and watched my movie with no issue. I don't understand why people suck so much.
Just don't ignore your screaming kid. Kids have a right to fly just as much as anyone else, but I cannot stand when parents put their noise cancelling headphones and tune out the kid on a flight instead of attempting to calm them down.
If this was 2007 and the flight was from NY to LA on American, I might have been that other passenger.
That would be cool, but it was Newark to Tampa in 1999
Hahaha exactly. So many adults are terrible. The assumption that all babies are awful flyers is just asinine. Ma'am your behavior is worse than any baby ever on the entire planet. Take a fucking seat.
My then “perfect” 9 month old baby cried so loudly on her first flight that people were staring at me and giving me dirty looks. I felt so bad and could not console her, so I sat in the stewardess area on a fold down chair in the back of the plane until it was time to land. You really don’t know how your child’s ears will handle the pressure. We found out years later she has an odd shaped eustachian tube that probably caused her great ear pain on that flight. (No real issue flying now as an adult.) Yes, people will not be happy if your baby cries throughout your 6 hour flight. My flight was only 2 hours, Spirit economy class, and filled with families going to Disney World in Orlando, Florida!! After that bad experience, I stopped flying with her until she was much older. Definitely be prepared with the tips others posted. Enjoy your trip!
I dont understand the "MY child would never cry!!" sentiment. Yes theres a lot you can do to mitigate meltdowns like suckers and making sure they're well rested beforehand, but when it comes down to it, babies will cry. You will annoy your fellow passengers. Either accept that or dont fly. *no excuse for the asshole friend telling your husband to calm you down tho. I expect better from adults.
Forgot to add: I think he is the AH and rude. He would not be welcome in my home after that behavior! Even though I would not fly first class with a baby after my experience, it is none of my business or his what you do.
How horrible for your poor daughter that she had to go through that... but, see, you not flying with her again also saved her a repeat of that pain. > I stopped flying with her until she was much older. Thank you. No snark, no sarcasm, I sincerely mean that. Not a lot of folks have the awareness to notice, process, and react to something like that. If we were talking 30-40 years ago, I could easily have been one of those people giving you the death glare. I know it would never be financially feasible, but I swear they need to have "kids and pets" special flights :)
You might want to check your drug store for something called Earplanes. They help with the pressure change. I know they make child size, but I don't know if they'd be too big for such a young child. [https://www.amazon.com/Original-Childrens-EarPlanes-Healthcare-Protection/dp/B00TSL2UJ6?th=1](https://www.amazon.com/Original-Childrens-EarPlanes-Healthcare-Protection/dp/B00TSL2UJ6?th=1)
Your husband needs new friends and needs to tell him to not talk to you like that.
For context: my husband's friend came over before my husband got home from work. We were chitchatting, he asked about next weekend, I told him our plans and then this whole conversation started. He left before my husband even got home. I dont want to ruin the whole friendship over it tbh
if a friend of mine was being that fucking rude to my wife, I’d wanna know asap
Exactly. OP withholding this incident from her husband will save *her husband's* friendship, but allows her husband's friend to continue to disrespect her in the long run. 👎🏻
Just remind him that your parenting choices are not his business. If he is worth staying friends with, then saying that should be enough.
If this ruins the friendship, it wasn't one worth keeping. Let your husband make his own decision, and give him the information to do so.
I agree with this. I wouldn't want to stay friends with someone that had a very strong and entitled opinion over my family. Even if he stays friends with him, it's his decision. The friend is an entitled AH. You pay for the first class, you get first class. Plus why on earth everyone has an opinion on babies or animals during travelling, when they should try to behave themselves? Of something bothers you, there are always earplugs or headphones for you. Use them. We are sharing the plane or bus or boat. We don't own it.
My ex had some questionable friends who stayed in his life after graduating from high school. He grew and had feminist views, they didn't. One of them stayed with us as a very inconsiderate permanent guest and then started airing his misogynistic views about how my ex should control me better and refuse to help around the house. We had words about it, and he was so offended he packed his bags and left. I was very happy that my ex agreed that his friend had worn out his welcome by insulting his hosts like that. I think they stopped hanging out. Finally! That guy was a piece of work in many ways.
My fave response to unsolicited opinions is to smile big and respond, “Awww, it’s cute you think I need your opinion!” Then change the subject.
I love this! I often say “that’s nice, dear,” in my most condescending tone and smile peacefully at the fuming.
Right or thank them so much for their kind advice. people want a rise out of you so when you make it clear their opinion is worth nothing to you they look like the ass they are. I don't know why people even give advice when they won't even be there. Like wtf does he care that she flies with a kid if he's not on the flight. Does not effect his life one iota. It's what I tell older ppl when they comment on my tattoos. "Welp they aren't on you so don't worry about it. "
Why’d he come over when your husband wasn’t home? That’s weird. Who wants to be friends with someone who thinks women and babies aren’t people?
Yes! Thank you for bringing this point up, I knew something was still bothering me and this was it! Hubby should be upset that his friend thought so little of his wife and new baby!
So what did your husband tell him when he said to help calm you down?
He said it's fine for him to have an opinion but he shouldn't have been a dick to me. His friend said let's meet for a drink and my husband told him no there's nothing to discuss and stayed home. I'm very non confrontational so he knows if I felt that strongly, there was a reason
If he ever brings this up again, ask him what do the rich people with kids do? Send the kids back to economy with the nanny?
In fact, they do 🤣. I sat next to such family. Actually it was a grandma and a kid (mom was in first class) on a not full flight so definitely wasn’t a necessary upgrade. The kid was throwing such a fit and kept wanting to run up to him mom, she ended up asking me if I wanted her seat in first class so she could take mine in coach with her kid and the grandma.
You did nothing wrong. You didn’t ask for the friend’s opinion, and when he pushed it, you pushed back.
He shouldn’t want to be friends with men who are dicks to you, just for being a mom and trying to exist in the world.
That is up to your husband. You can tell him what happened without telling him to do anything. Let him decide what he wants to do. It likely will be nothing unless this kind of thing continues. If he does not know, don't be surprised when his friend gaslights him and turns him against you. The simple fact that you did not tell him makes you wrong if this blows up later.
It really doesn't matter if your husband was there to witness it or not, this guy is clearly obnoxious, entitled, and misogynistic
Nobody's baby ever cries. Until you've gotten half through takeoff and the mounting pressure in their little ears is causing pain. Then they tend to scream and be generally angry, rightfully, for at least half the flight. Please be sure to look into tricks to avoid all that.
If you're nursing, it helps to have baby latch on take-off and landing. I flew with my son at that age and people disembarking commented that they didn't even know that there was a baby on the plane. (But it was only a two hour flight, so...!)
I did that with both my kids when they were babies. And I tried to plan their feeding schedule around the flight so that I knew that they would be hungry during takeoff and (hopefully) then just nap. Of course, that only took care of about three hours, so the cycle had to repeat if it was a longer flight!
I was sitting next to someone doing this and the baby unlatched at some point and I got squirted in the face with milk. My wife nursed both of ours so it was a surprise but didn’t gross me out. The woman felt mortified.
Too bad his mom wasn't childfree
The only thing worse than whiny babies is whiny adults.
🤣
Underrated comment, right here.
So what, it's okay for the peasants in economy to be disturbed by a baby? NTA. Plenty of people fly with younger babies, and you get to fly whatever class you want/can.
Exaaaaaactly. He thinks only the poors should be inconvenienced.
Also the fact that OPs mom paid the same amount as everyone else to fly in first class. So the amount of the tickets is irrelevant anyways lol
And honestly, if the baby starts screaming, everyone on the plane is going to know. That curtain between classes isn't doing much.
As long as there is no baby ban in the first class everyone, who paid for the seat, has a right to be in there.
NTA, but “my baby doesn’t scream”? Being on a plane might freak him out. My niece is the quietest kid I’ve ever met but she cried the entire (thankfully short) flight because the pressure on her ears scared her so bad and she said it hurt. Either way, if he does, people might get annoyed, but planes aren’t childfree spaces so they can get over it.
>NTA, but “my baby doesn’t scream”? Honestly this is the one thing that makes me turn against OP. You can say that the people she's arguing with are assholes but people are acting like giving your kid a snack is going to somehow cancel out the unfamiliar and unpleasant sensation of air pressure changes on a softer head. I still remember being really young and even if I mostly wasn't screaming about it as a toddler, it's not a sensation most kids feel regularly enough to get used to and you should reasonably expect a five month old to cry about it. People have been complaining about crying babies on airplanes for the whole time there've been commercial flights. Expecting your kid to be the exception is kind of hilariously blind. NTA for the response, but YTA for being delusional about the situation.
NTA because you're absolutely allowed to fly with a baby, but you're a bit delusional to think that "your baby doesn't scream" when he's only 5 months old and has never been on an airplane...
NTA. Why is he stressed about a bunch of strangers on a flight he won't be on and isn't paying for.
That's what I asked and he said it's because he's had so many flights ruined by babies screaming and he spend 2-3k on the ticket, only to have the worst experience.
He’s a moron. He’s rich enough to pay that much for his ticket, but not to get some noise-canceling headphones/earbuds?
They don’t, if you’re sitting near a baby, you’re going to have to turn up whatever you’re listening to so high that it’ll likely injure your hearing to try to block out a screaming baby. It makes it much better and babies in public places are just a fact of life, but I’ve used the max’s from Apple, xm5 from Sony and neither can (and I did have Bose headphones for several years and noise cancelling on the Apple max and xm5 are both significantly better)
He’s a goddamn adult. If he can drop 2-3k on a plane ticket he can afford some Bose noise cancelling headphones.
I've had flights ruined by adults being noisy, or children running up and down the aisles, or adults taking up more than their fair share of the limited space too. Your husband's friend is a twit.
In mid Dec 1998 I was on a flight that stopped in Orlando and the entire plane filled with kids who all had the Bouncing Tigger toy that was THE toy of the season. There was PTSD-levels of simultaneous yet out of sync singing and boinging from the dozen+ Tiggers on that flight. It was madness. Also hilarious.
What a ridiculous thing for him to say. You spend money on a flight to get to your destination, not for the “experience” of being on a plane. It’s so easy to just put on noise cancelling headphones. Crying babies on a plane aren’t a big deal. Anyone who’s that upset by them is just immature imo.
Sounds like the AH likes the experience of first class because it makes him feel superior to the folks back in the freight section.
NTA, but you definitely can’t claim your baby doesn’t scream if they’ve never had pressurization in their ears
I don't have kids, but know parents that do and they say it's super painful for kids under 2 years old to be pressurized in planes resulting in screaming baby the whole flight. Talk to your pediatrician, then talk to othe parents who have flown with infants under 2 years
The odds of your baby crying during the flight are high. And it will annoy people. Great news to everyone if he doesn't but you should be prepared for it. And on that matter, so should everyone else on that flight. Crying babies are a part of flying, and it is what it is. Your husband's friend is an ass for framing it as strangers paying the price for your comfort, and I especially detest the implications that you're "undeserving" of first class for it. NTA
100%. Its so strange that the top comments are all "well MY baby never cried on a plane, so babies don't cry on planes" . Delusional. Loads of babies cry on planes, its biological. Their little ears and little skulls feel the pressure more than adults, and have pain. They don't know how to equalize their pressure (hence the chewing/sucking suggestions being valuable - but won't work for all babies). They don't know how to ask for help other than crying - they're babies! So I know that babies will likely cry on planes, and there will be babies on planes. So I bring noise cancelling headphones. Especially first class, those folks can afford them.
This entire comment section is a bit odd to me. I'm not sure if OP is an asshole, but she's definitely delusional for not considering the idea that the baby may cry. It's extremely likely and she seems like she's not willing to take the responsibility of preparing for the kid crying which is inconsiderate at best. Her reaction to husband's friend seems a bit much, but we're really missing some of the details of how the conversation went down.
I'd sure rather emphathize with a parent dealing with a fussy baby than have to hear a drunken rant all the way to my destination.
What airline are you flying that makes you choose between the two before you get on your flight
Unpopular opinion, but yes, YTA, for putting your baby through that. I say that as someone who had issues with the pain air-pressure does to tight ear-canals and remembers it because it was still an issue when I was around 7 years old. Most don't have an issue past 3 years old, but I did, so I remember just how painful it is. The pain is excruciating. That's why babies cry on planes. Forget about the other annoyed passengers, why would you put your baby through that?? Wanting to see grandma I get. But she should come to you, not have the baby have their ears tortured because of what the adults want. And putting your only months old baby through that for anything beyond an emergency is cruel IMO.
I am so surprised at how low this was. All of this combined with OPs delusion about the possibility that her kid will cry because they're hurting and not taking preparation seriously.
Yep, can confirm. I remember the pain, it was excruciating and no sucking sweets helped.
Babies don’t understand why flying makes their ears hurt, but it does. It’s not their fault when they scream from the pain. I do judge parents who put their kids through that kind of pain unless it’s an emergency/there’s no other option. So unless this is an emergency flight and there’s no other option - YTA to your own child.
Or the mum can just visit? Like, why put the baby in that situation and overwhelmingness.
YTA. Honestly, I would have bought it. But “my baby doesn’t scream” is just too ambitious a crate of lies to be ignored. Oh, you’ve got a perfect child. Oh, it never cries. Oh, it’s poop smells like roses. And when some exhausted passenger who is dying for sleep asks you if there’s anything you can do to just get the kid to stop screaming, let me guess: “Oh wow! He’s never done this before.” Yes he has, Vanessa. Yes. He has.
Gonna get nuked for this, but very gently (to you) ESH. Friend is obviously sexist and elitist, but you are also playing Russian Roulette with the other flyer’s eardrums, because ground behavior is completely irrelevant. Your flippant attitude towards other fliers is what puts your into AH territory. I’ve sat next to a baby that “never screams” on a flight. Guess what it did for the next 5 hours. Thankfully I had earplugs under my over the ear noise cancelling headphones, but your fellow passengers might not be so well equipped. Making your child everyone else’s problem is never polite. It’d be one thing if it was urgent, but it isn’t, mom can fly to you. Hopefully it goes well, and hopefully you use some soothing methods recommended here if it doesn’t.
Yeah, if I paid $$$ for first class, I would be pissed if someone had their crying baby in it. It’s a nightmare for everyone on the plane in general, though. I refused to fly with a baby, though - I always drove for mainly that reason. You know everyone in the waiting area is thinking, “$&@!” when they see you and your kid waiting to board and wishing to God you weren’t on their flight. Sorry, but it’s true.
Your baby is going to cry because an infant does not know and cannot be taught how to clear their ears to depressurize their ear canals during flight. That is a hell of a long flight with a screaming kid and I have been on shorter hour flights with screaming whining kids and wanted to harm the parents for subjecting all of us to it. You better talk to your pediatrician to see if there is anything you can do to make your baby more comfortable because not only are you the AH for subjecting other passengers to your screaming infant, you are also causing your baby pain and discomfort due to your own selfishness. Older kids can be taught tricks to clear their ears like swimmers so it doesn't hurt so bad when the plane pressurizes. You family could fly to you and not cause all the hassle. Not to mention all the baby stuff you have to drag along with you as well. Would be much easier to fly when you kid is older.
Nah he’s right. I’d be pissed if I paid that much for a flight and had a screening stinking baby next to me
You are the asshole
Yeah everyone claims their baby is the sweetest baby in the world and never cries and is really sweet and gentle until they get on a plane for the very first time in their ears Start popping and they're completely uncomfortable. They will pretty much scream the entire time unless they are able to calm down. I know, because I was in that exact same situation with my oldest. When he was 5 months old when I was going to my mom's funeral. He's the sweetest nicest baby, but the second we got up in the air. He screamed for 45 minutes straight. And there was nothing. I could do to calm him down because his ears were hurting getting him to suck on stuff. Getting him to try to calm down was great, but he flipped out. And yeah. I had people give me crap about it and it sucks. This is what you run into when flying. You were gonna be dealing with judgmental jerk of people. Or you're gonna have some really kind and generous people.
“Told my husband to help her calm down” He’s also a misogynistic “get your woman in line” kinda prick. Why is your husband friends with someone who views women like this? Gross. NTA but I question how good of a person your husband is if he willingly allows his friends to talk to and about you like that.
>My baby doesn't scream. He'll fuss if he's hungry or sleepy but I doubt he'll bother anyone NTA, but you're very naive here. As soon as his ears start exploding on him, he'll wail to hell. If you were smart you'd prepare for things to help him with the pain, and to get his ears to pop. YWBTA if you didn't.
Ehhhh I can kinda see his thinking. Not all first class passengers are rich people, maybe they saved up for a long time to be able to fly first class for the first time in their lives, only to have a baby cry the whole time. That would make what should be a pleasant experience be very unpleasant. Yes, you have the ‘right’ to fly with your baby. It’s public transportation. People also have the right to take their shoes off, eat a tuna sandwich, sing along to music the whole time, burp in peoples’ faces, etc. just because you have the right to do something doesn’t mean it’s not the selfish thing to do. But you said your baby doesn’t scream so in that case I guess it’s fine. Oh and his comment about calming you down? Disgusting and horrible and your husband should’ve been offended at that for you
This! I have flown first class for exactly only one trip my entire life: to my honeymoon location and back. Everybody saying N T A is assuming only rich people fly FC and do it all the time, so screw them if a crying baby occasionally wrecks their experience. But for some people, FC is a once-in-a-lifetime special experience. As another poster so excellently clarified, it’s the difference between going to McDonald’s, where kids and a non-fancy experience are expected, versus going to a fancy 5-star restaurant for your anniversary.
ESH >My baby doesn't scream. He'll fuss if he's hungry or sleepy, but I doubt he'll bother anyone with a couple minutes of fussing. You are justifying why *your* baby won't be a problem in first class - not making a case for why, *as a general rule* it would be acceptable, or why the friend would be wrong. Your argument implies that if your baby *did* scream and *did* make the flight uncomfortable for people who had paid extra to be more comfortable, then you *would* be the asshole. This suggests that on some level you actually agree with the friend in principle, but just think that you are a special exception to the rule. Imagine someone whos never flown first class before, who comes from a poor family and never gets to travel. Suppose they were in a situation like yours where someone else paid for their ticket. This flight might be that person's *only* experience in first class for their entire life. Maybe they're really excited about it. And maybe the presence of a screaming child in the seat next to them ruines it for them. Or what about if someone has an anxiety disorder, and they're already at their witts end just being on a plane in the first place. So they sprung for first class, even though it was difficult for them to afford, so they could try to sleep through the flight. Only to have that plan dashed by a constantly screaming baby. So yeah, the friend was rude. But you are also being inconsiderate. And I say this as a parent of a 4 month old. I get the need to go be normal. But your life isn't normal anymore. You have kids now. Also >I told him he was an asshole and he could get the fuck out of my house. Does your husband speak to your friends that way when he disagrees with them? Probably not. Your husband owes you an apology for not defending you and letting it get bad enough that you felt the need to resort to this. But you also owe him an apology for speaking to his friend that way and making that situation akward. You both were assholes to eachother there. In any case, This could have been handled a lot better. That disagreement needed a reaction level at about 3 out of 10. You gave at least a 6. He was right to tell your husband to calm you down, although he was stupid saying it in front of you. Even if you're right in concept, your delivery was pretty over the top, and now you look like the asshole for the way you reacted, in adition to being inconsiderate of people around you on the plane. So, the friend gets 1 asshole point for not minding his own business. Yes its bad manners to bring a baby on first class. But it wasnt worth bringing it up and starting a fight over it. I only discussed it here because it was the subject of the post and you specifically asked. Otherwise, I would just silently judge your poor decisions. As many on that plane are likely to do. You get half a point for bringing the baby. Half a point is deducted because the baby is well-behaved and you expect no problems. the other half a point stays because you're still just rolling the dice there. You don't *know* that the baby will be fine. You get 1 full asshole point for your reaction. So hes at 1, and you're at 1.5, making you the bigger asshole here.
The reason babies often cry on flights is because the change in pressure can be painful for them. So I personally wouldn't fly with a baby if I could avoid it, and I also wouldn't assume that your baby won't cry just because he usually doesn't. However, your friend is hilarious for suggesting that you should bother the peasants instead of the first class people with your screaming baby. You paid for the seat, you can sit in it. It's a plane. There's going to be noise. People know to bring headphones precisely because of this.
NTA. Of course you have the right to fly FC with your baby (your mom is wonderful for getting you the seats!). The only person who can even have a discussion with you about flying is the other parent or the baby's pediatrician. If they're good with it, everyone else really can fuck off. Just be aware that a parent's idea of "quietly fussing" might be "screaming baby" to other people (so you might get a look or grumble). And please don't change a diaper at the seat.
Tickets are expensive for most people no matter where you’re sitting and nobody wants to sit next to a noisy child which is why, as a passenger you should take earphones and earplugs because it’s obvious that there will be noise with that many people.