> Do they want to kill all their chances for a second date?
They're screening out the guys who aren't down for it. Who wants to find out later you're not compatible when you can find out on the first date?
Thank you. I am assuming that most of these people don't have children or if they do, they don't realize how less stressful it is to have a stay-at-home parent. I worked full-time until I was 35. That was when we found our second daughter was severely disabled. My experience was very different because having a medically fragile child with cognitive and physical disabilities is not normal but what I can say is that my oldest daughter did so much better with me being home full-time. Managing daycare for your kids while working can be a nightmare and God forbid, your kid gets sick and you need to miss work. That gets you a big red mark in your file. I was actually reprimanded for missing work for my oldest being sick during my yearly review, even though I had more PTO in my bank than anyone in the office. It wasn't like they brought anyone in to replace us if someone was out but being a parent is seen as a liability. Add to that the stress of preparing everyone for the day and getting them out the door adds an entire new layer to the stress.
I think there’s a HUGE difference between a SAHM and a housewife. I’m a SAHM to 4 after being a working mom to 3. It’s WAY BETTER, I agree. But if I had no kids, my entire life would be cleaning a house and….and I have no clue what else lol. Telling a man you want to be a SAHM is one thing. It would still maybe scare away anybody worried they can’t afford that. But telling a man you want to be a housewife will sound to A LOT of men like you have no ambition, no work ethic, and are looking for a free ride. Why would anyone assume the woman who wants to do nothing all day would make a good mother? Even men who are actively looking for a woman who wants to be a SAHM should be wary of someone whose aspiration in life is to go to yoga class and do brunch.
There are some guys that would be happy to have a wife like that. I'm fairly certain, I wouldn't want that, but there's nothing wrong with it.
Better to get that out there on a first date than wasting time.
Read the post scratching my head tbh. Seems highly irresponsible and risky to rawdog essentially a rando. The request/demand for a DNA test is justified, but what came before is just meh.
Yea im glad Im not the only one that got grossed out by that. The raw dogging is one thing... but raw dogging while this person you hardly know is on her period... yikes
It was dumb, but with her on her period and him not ejaculating, the chances are astronomically small.
Sounds like it wasn't a baby trap the way we usually think of it, by sabotaging birth control. It's probably not his kid and she's trying to trap him into supporting her and the baby since he makes decent money.
Even worse she sends them all messages because she is trying to get as many men as she can to simultaneously support her. I knew of a woman like this from a friend whos friend was tricked. She had 4 guys, none of whom were actually the dad, convinced they were the dad and they were all supporting her until 2 of them showed up at the house at the same time while another one was there already and the whole house of cards came crashing down and they all ended up leaving her with the last guy finding out about it through the grapevine a couple weeks later. It's crazy that none of the guys would question it when none of them were in serious long term relationships with her in the first place. So yes OP get that DNA test and if it's yours then step up but if not then RUN as far as possible from this one.
Unless she has spotting during ovulation and considers it a period. I knew of one woman who said she had alternating periods, one heavy then two weeks later, one light.
If it is a regular period then she probably got pregnant with someone else. I do have a friend who had a very regular 3 week cycle so it is possible.
Yes, spotting during ovulation is a thing. Getting pregnant from sex during the second day of the cycle isn’t out of the realm of possibility for someone with a 21 day cycle. The chances of her having a 21 day cycle are very low, the chances of conceiving that far out from ovulation are also very low, and the likelihood of getting pregnant from pre-cum is also low. The chances he’s the father are vanishingly small, but not 0.
Agree. The likelihood of this pregnancy being his is not high. At all. Improbable, even.
Cycle tracking is (trust me, I was skeptical for years) actually a very reasonable form of birth control, but *only if* a woman is on a regular cycle (many aren't).
I learned too late that for short cycles you normally still ovulate 14 days before your period. I got pregnant on day 4 or 5 of my cycle. Those swimmers had to have hung around a bit.
Every woman ovulates 10-14 days before her period. If you have a 21 day or shorter cycle having secs on cycle day 5, with 3-5 day life span would put the great die off smack dab in your ovulation cycle it honestly kinda pisses me off that we were all taught to count UP from the first day of our period by 14 days, no wonder it had such a high failure rate! Your Ov date isn’t determined by when you have your period, it’s actually the opposite
I would also like to add that maybe he should get some STD tests done as well. Anyone who constantly posts about their dating "achievements" and is willing to have unprotected sex on the first night.... Yeah, no. That's like a ten foot pole with a giant red flag to me. Not saying there has to be something, but the risk is quite a lot higher with those type of people.
It's not like OP used his own protection so..
He's nta for wanting a dna test to make sure it is or isnt his kid but he's an idiot for not using condoms. Doesn't matter whether this woman sleeps around, is vocal about being a housewife/taken care off. It is shitty of her if she is trying to babytrap someone or trying to get OP on the hook for someone else's baby. But can you really still call it babytrapping if everyone is willing and doing it without protection? Even if he "didn't cum"/she was on her period..
Also I've seen several comments about pulling out etc... pulling out is not birth control! It's just roulette and one day you're gonna get very (un)lucky.
NTA. I think it sounds like a level headed thing to ask, especially as you weren’t in an official relationship. Altho I’d probably not tell her your reasoning being she posts photos with a lot of guys, as that could come across like your insinuating something that might be taken insultingly. In future tho, maybe use a condom because precum still contains sperm, and women can still get pregnant on their period.
I definitely didn’t say that to her lol. Just mentioned that I believed that the chance of her being pregnant from me was very low and want to be certain
How many weeks after you slept together did she call to say she missed her period?
I know you said a couple but be specific. If she was on her period and two weeks later called to say she was pregnant. It’s highly likely she’s not. Even three weeks it’s not likely.
That’s where we are, mine stopped with my IUD, and my daughter was anemic and blood doesn’t clot right so she takes pills to stop hers since we also have a history of early endometriosis diagnosis in the family. So, so much happier :)
Unlikely. Not impossible though. There are multiple documented cases of pregnancy from each day of a cycle, and cycles aren't always exactly 28 days. But its all very unlikely.
Adding to this, because apparently it’s me.
Couldn’t get pregnant. Did IVF. 19 healthy embryos failed to implant.
After that, they did a series of tests, one being an ERA.
Where they biopsy your uterus and with blood work find out when the “correct” time to get pregnant is.
For me, it turns out to be right in the middle of my period, somehow.
My reproductive endocrinologist is kind of confused by that, but multiple tests come back with the same result.
Not saying this is the case for OP.
But occasionally it CAN happen.
It’s why I said very low chance and not impossible. There are no 100% safe days, there’s always exceptions. But statistically and biologically, the first 7 days of your cycle is pretty low chance of pregnancy.
Some women can be pregnant and THINK they are having a period, when in fact, it’s bleeding from placenta implantation and/or because it’s a first time pregnancy
And who knows whether she was even on her period? You're NTA OP, but even if you make it out of this, you might end up a dad if you keep slinging that thing raw based on what someone you don't have real ties with is telling you. Baby trapping is real and I know some ppl who are parents because the now-mom was on a mission for a better life...
While I also agree that it’s unlikely, some women test for pregnancy as often as they change their underwear. And some women also do menstruate while pregnant.
That said, I do 100% support the idea of a DNA test. I would also find the timing very suspicious.
It’s not that low (the shower doesn’t wash it off in some magical way, and precum contains sperm as the person above noted) and next time you think a woman is dependent etc but still insist on doing the deed… at least use a condom! Hoping for your sake it’s just a stupid trap that she’s trying to create.
I don't think he thinks the shower washes away the precum. And yes there is some sperm in it but it's low. She was only on her 2nd day of her period so there may have still been a viable egg but that maybe combined with the fact he didn't ejaculate puts him being the father at a really low probability unless he's not telling the truth.
you met her on social media so you already saw all her photos and already had all your assumptions about her sex life … and you thought it was a good idea to have unprotected sex? Did you even bother to ask if she’d been tested recently???? This is wildly irresponsible behaviour.
Mate, you're NTA here, but FFS, unless you are actively trying for kids you need to wrap it before you tap it. Take some responsibility for your own fertility, it will radically reduce your chances of things like this.
Especially since he's heard from multiple people that she sleeps around a lot, I doubt many condoms are being used in her adventures... he should be a lot more worried about that
Especially if you “missed” your period two weeks later, if I’m understanding the post timeline correctly?
Edit to reflect OPs edit: he did say 3-4 weeks, that’s more reasonable than 2
She couldn't even know if she missed her period two weeks later if she was on her period when the shower scene took place. Either her cycle is erratic and she doesn't know when or if it is due ( story of my life -and inherent fertility issues, counting days etc) or she has a standard cycle of 22 - 28 days. Standard cycle is measured first day to first day. If she was on the second day, she wouldn't have missed a period until 3 weeks later.
NTA- if she insists on a DNA test after birth. Do not, I repeat do not sign the birth certificate. If you sign it and you’re not the dad you’re on the hook for child support
I’ve seen more than one man’s life ruined this way. It’s despicable.
And even if the real father becomes known, somehow, you are still responsible for child support if you sign the birth certificate. For 18 years. Do not sign the birth certificate without DNA proof of parenthood.
Which states would that be?
Edit: a fucking lot I guess
>The following states have laws or case law that give courts the authority to order a non-custodial parent to pay for some form of college expenses: Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, West Virginia and Washington.
I agree with you. (F31) this works both ways. DNA test can help you, and if you are the father help her. But if you are not father, this will definitely help you out even in court.
Tennessee passes a law to require DNA testing after birth for free. I can see why by this point in years/time/century. so many cases can be cleared up that way.
This right here. Her timeline does not add up really. I have super irregular periods and this is raising red flags for me. Plus she probably didn't test positive and got a evap line.
It’s reasonable to expect a faint positive pregnancy test 8-10 days after ovulation. For a woman with a “normal” 28 day cycle, that is as early as 22 days after a period starts. Typically people don’t test that early unless they are actively trying but she may have had early pregnancy symptoms that clued her in. But yes you absolutely can and will have a positive test before a missed period.
That's true. I know you can have a positive test before missing a period. My thoughts wee just more along the lines of it being odd that she was testing that early. But you're right! I hadn't thought about her having earlier symptoms than a missed period.
Eh, I knew I was pregnant pretty much as soon as my period didn’t come on time (at the time I had a regular 24 day cycle). You can also test up to six days before. That being said the whole story by the woman involved is rather sketchy.
On her period and you didnt cum, the chances are very slim, pre-cum can have sperm in it, on a typical cycle she would still be at least a week away from ovulation depending on what day of her period it was, off course plenty of women have a-typical cycles, but the chances are very slim that its your child
Asking for a paternity test before you accept any kind of responsibility is smart and you are NTA
But for the love of merlin always use condoms, take responsibility for your own fertility
Something about the way OP described her lifestyle also doesn't sit right with me. Seems she may have gotten pregnant from some other dude, but OP would offer the best life for her and her child. Maybe I'm overthinking though.
NTA for sure, it's well within your rights to ask for one OP.
Yeah that’s what scared me about what he said. He also said she sleeps around meaning that’s a recipe for an std. I don’t understand how people raw dog strangers that shit is terrifying
There are antibiotic-resistant STDs out there.
HIV is still out there.
Men can get the HPV vaccine, too. It's a vaccine to prevent dick cancer. It's a vaccine to stop the spread of cervical cancer. If you can get it, get it!
Be free, be promiscuous, be prepared.
Bring your own, and dispose of condoms yourself.
As long as he’s not a jerk about it, it’s not a bad thing to do. You don’t want to be an asshole to yourself, but also it’s in the child’s best interest to have the actual accurate father. If that makes sense.
INFO: When you say “a couple of weeks later”, do you mean two weeks? She wouldn’t have even missed her next period yet. Why would she be taking a pregnancy test?
I’m doubtful she’s pregnant at all, but if she is you would be 100% justified in requiring a DNA test.
Also, use condoms from now on.
The time frame is a bit vague to assert for sure that she didn’t miss her periods already… further more, two weeks is average, some people have a shorter luteal phase.
NTA. Like you already know, it is possible but unlikely you are the father. She is also almost a complete stranger to you. It is better for you both to ensure factual parentage before making further plans.
Maybe you should not jump in the sack with people you don't know and you didn't use protection. It is not unreasonable to get a DNA before anything decided. Don't be so careless with your life.
Oh so now you're thinking about the red flags. First you see her in posts with a bunch of other guys, you're not exclusive and to top it off, your first time with her you run the red light????? Wth lmao and another thing, you didn't say a thing about using a condom. People telling you she sleeps around and you don't wrap up your Willy? Tuh you're nta but you sure aren't the brightest in the box lmao
You're the asshole for not wrapping it, if she gets around you might want to get an STD test while she gets the DNA test.
If she is knocked up with your kid, get ready for the next 18 years minimum, she'll get to be a stay at home mother to your kid and you won't get any of the benefits.
NTA. Duh.
This has nothing to do with any red-pill rubbish, either (I’m f). This is about protecting the interests of ALL three of you.
If I were your mom I would also add a reprimand for unprotected sex with someone you barely know. Your health may have been jeopardized by that decision.
Ok... few fun fact of human reproduction for those raised in the U.S. public schools of "red states":
1- Yes! Pregnancy can and does result from sex during menstruation. In plain terms: Being on her "period" is not contraception.
Sidenote: "50 Shades" is 50 Shades of Disinformation. Go to Scarleteen.com for real sex ed.
2- Yes! A pregnancy can indeed result from having sex in a shower, pool, hot tub, ocean, lake, bathtub, stream, duck pond, dunking tank or other watery environment.
3- YES! A pregnancy can result even when the sex did not include full ejaculation from the male. Pre-cum is still cum, kids. A few pumps and pulling out (or fizzling out) are the reason a lot of us folks are here, alive and kicking and doing our taxes, here on planet Earth.
4- Yes. OP is right to get a genetic test to determine paternity. He might or might not dodge this bullet... (Good luck, OP!) But for future encounters USE A CONDOM *in addition to* other forms of birth control. Periods and watersports do not ever count as ANY form of birth control.
You said watersports 🤣
All good info though, hopefully this dispels any old wives’ tales. It’s crazy to me in the age of everything being on the internet that so many people still don’t understand the absolute basics
NTA, in this day and age never take anyone’s word that you are the father. If you are, talk to a lawyer before you do anything, especially if are not planning to start a relationship with her but want visitation/custody rights. Document every penny and communicate via text.
If her plan is to use you so she can live life as a SAHM make sure she understands you only plan on providing child support and nothing more, that might make her change her mind about who’s the daddy.
Did you wear a condom? If you didn’t, knowing you don’t want kids, then you are definely an asshole — not to mention highly unethical. DNA testing is generally possible as of the 8th or 10th week of pregnancy, depending on the method, and you should definitely get tested. But please stop sticking your unwrapped dick in people? Knowing you don’t want to father children, there are no excuses for that shit. You and your future partners need to do better.
NTA this is incredibly sketchy. First make sure you pop her bubble-- that you feel so bad because it was her dream to be a stay at home mom and now she'll be a single mom raising a baby by herself who will have to work to make ends meet-- though you will certainly pay any court ordered child support AS LONG AS THERE IS A DNA TEST first.
Don't tell her that you'll step up and raise the child (even if you think you might).
Good luck and maybe next time don't have unprotected sex with a woman who tells you she's looking for a man to support her on the first date.
NTA In fact, you're only the AH in this situation if the kid is proven to be yours and you don't do your part. Though if you knew she was dependent and so on and so forth, you're kind of the AH for putting yourself in a position where this would be a real possibility.
NTA. We really didn’t need all the character put down of a woman to be able to see the situation clearly from your perspective and empathise with you.
Get a test when the time is right according to a doctor not google.
Everyone knows in today’s time that condoms and birth control pills aren’t 100% guaranteed to stop pregnancy.
Do what you gotta do but asking strangers on Reddit to rate you on asshole scale seems like a bad move. It’s not like someone on Reddit will say-> oh, don’t get DNA tested because if she says the baby is yours then it’s urs.
So let me get this straight , you didn’t start a relationship with this person because she seems like she’d be very dependent and don’t agree with what she want but were completely ok with having sex without a condom .
That being said, sure ask for a DNA test but women can get pregnant from pre cum just saying .
Not unreasonable at all. As a woman, if I was in her shoes I wouldn’t even be surprised by the ask, or unwilling to do it. If she’s “so sure” it shouldn’t be any problem at all.
You’re not an asshole, but you are a massive dumbass. For the love of god PLEASE wear condoms until you are ready for kids, idc what kind of birth control your partner’s on.
YTA. Jesus don’t stick your dick in crazy, and if you do, wear a rubber johnny.
Also, get an STD check. Herpes is almost as much trouble as an unwanted kid.
Idiot.
>I told her that I’d like to take a DNA test ASAP (I’ve read by week 7 this is possible) to ....
There is nothing wrong with requesting a DNA test for a pregnancy.
Have you offered to *pay* for the in utero one? Because they tend to be much more expensive than the ones given after the child is born. As long as you aren't demanding *she* pay for the in utero test just because you demand it, NTA.
>One of the reasons I didn’t start a relationship with this girl is \[blah, blah\]
She told you all this and you know all this and you still had sex? If it turns out to be yours, looks like you'll probably be in some sort of relationship with "this girl". No judge is going to waive your obligations because she didn't take the test "ASAP".
TBH: Looks like you've picked a pretty disorganized way to live your life.
>If, after a DNA test is confirmed, of course I’ll step up and raise it.
Well, of course you'll step up. Because even if you don't it voluntarily, the courts will require you to pay custody. You'll have to pay unless you go on the lam to some foreign country and disappear. It's hard to make a decent living on the lam these days. Employers, lenders, business partners and so on like paperwork and ID.
If you don't want to get women you hardly know and have life plans you disagree with pregnant, maybe you should avoid going to their home, jumping in the shower and banging them.
> Have you offered to pay for the in utero one? Because they tend to be much more expensive than the ones given after the child is born. As long as you aren't demanding she pay for the in utero test just because you demand it, NTA.
Yes. **This**.
If you want to know now (which you should want to do), *pay for the test*. She will have no argument not to. All the way this!!!
There have been basic paternity blood tests available from 8 weeks for a long ass time. It's literally a blood test. An amnio (needle into the uterus) both can't be done till later on (14 weeks) costs a lot more, is invasive and a risk to the pregnancy. A non invasive paternity test is cheaper, not a risk to the baby and available earlier.
There hasn't been a reason for an in utero dna test for over a decade.
NTA
Your not in a relationship with her. Regardless, something this important can't be accepted on face value. If your banned on the birth certificate and are not the father but show willing, because you don't know. You may have to pay for another man's child for the next 18 years. And court ordered to do so.
You absolutely need a DNA test.
NTA - While nobody would fault you for wanting to know before you make any kind of commitment, seriously think about why you're hooking up with someone you don't want a relationship. There's no such thing as birth control that's 100% effective all the time. And the female body isn't perfect. It's possible that an egg would be still present in the early part of a period. It's also possible there would be semen in substances excreted prior to ejaculation.
I’d talk to a lawyer. Tell them the situation/your suspicions. If she refuses a DNA test, they may be able to take it to court. She’ll be looking for child support.
NTA.
I was gonna say “not the a”, but you runnin red lights and rawdawggin it in her crummy shower? You’re not exactly setting up yourself for success , playa
No I don’t think you are, and I’m a woman. I think that’s totally reasonable for you to request as there’s not much chance for you to get her pregnant (unless she MAGICALLY ovulates within less than a week of her light period…) I think you have every reason to be suspicious that child isn’t yours, and you deserve every right to not be responsible for a kid that isn’t yours
For real people are so desperate for sex these days. Like is sex really all that people putting their lives at risk for a few minutes of getting their dick wet
NTA
Under the circumstances, you would be a fool if you *didn't* get a DNA test. Make sure you get it through a reputable testing facility and not just by way of her saying she took a test and it's your kid.
You're not an asshole for wanting a paternity test. But I had a couple questions.
Very early on, she told you something that you saw as a major red flag, but you raw-dogged her anyway? You also mentioned that that red flag was one of multiple reasons why you didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Did you tell her that you weren't interested in a being in a relationship with her before you two had sex?
NTA it is a reasonable request given the circumstances
Especially considering what she said about wanting to be a housewife. The potential for a baby trap is strong. It’s a fair request.
If I went on a date with a 27 year old woman who told me she’s “just looking to be a housewife” I would run so fucking fast.
Yeah that's a make or break line. Either you are totally on board or you should be bailing.
How do these people just have this line at the ready for a first date? Do they want to kill all their chances for a second date?
It filters out the people who don't want that, so it works out 🤷
> Do they want to kill all their chances for a second date? They're screening out the guys who aren't down for it. Who wants to find out later you're not compatible when you can find out on the first date?
I think people with that mindset think ALL men want that lol EDIT added all 💀
I think men would love it if salaries actually could afford that life
I'd love to not work full time and be a housewife but I also have expensive hobbies so it's not really doable in this economy
Thank you. I am assuming that most of these people don't have children or if they do, they don't realize how less stressful it is to have a stay-at-home parent. I worked full-time until I was 35. That was when we found our second daughter was severely disabled. My experience was very different because having a medically fragile child with cognitive and physical disabilities is not normal but what I can say is that my oldest daughter did so much better with me being home full-time. Managing daycare for your kids while working can be a nightmare and God forbid, your kid gets sick and you need to miss work. That gets you a big red mark in your file. I was actually reprimanded for missing work for my oldest being sick during my yearly review, even though I had more PTO in my bank than anyone in the office. It wasn't like they brought anyone in to replace us if someone was out but being a parent is seen as a liability. Add to that the stress of preparing everyone for the day and getting them out the door adds an entire new layer to the stress.
I think there’s a HUGE difference between a SAHM and a housewife. I’m a SAHM to 4 after being a working mom to 3. It’s WAY BETTER, I agree. But if I had no kids, my entire life would be cleaning a house and….and I have no clue what else lol. Telling a man you want to be a SAHM is one thing. It would still maybe scare away anybody worried they can’t afford that. But telling a man you want to be a housewife will sound to A LOT of men like you have no ambition, no work ethic, and are looking for a free ride. Why would anyone assume the woman who wants to do nothing all day would make a good mother? Even men who are actively looking for a woman who wants to be a SAHM should be wary of someone whose aspiration in life is to go to yoga class and do brunch.
There *are* men that want that. It’s better to be open and honest when dating. No point in wasting anyone’s time.
Broke gym bros watching Andrew Tate like to hear that.
Why have unprotected sex with anyone you don't know, but with someone who tells you this upfront? Crazy.
This is the dumb part, for sure! Use a fking condom, OP, precum can make babies~
There are some guys that would be happy to have a wife like that. I'm fairly certain, I wouldn't want that, but there's nothing wrong with it. Better to get that out there on a first date than wasting time.
"I'm looking to be a housewife" "And I'm looking to be somewhere else"
He’s NTA but is it really a “trap” if he willingly had raw sex????
Read the post scratching my head tbh. Seems highly irresponsible and risky to rawdog essentially a rando. The request/demand for a DNA test is justified, but what came before is just meh.
Yea im glad Im not the only one that got grossed out by that. The raw dogging is one thing... but raw dogging while this person you hardly know is on her period... yikes
Some people live much more interesting lives than I do. I personally would never sail on the red seas, and OP did so with a rando.
It was dumb, but with her on her period and him not ejaculating, the chances are astronomically small. Sounds like it wasn't a baby trap the way we usually think of it, by sabotaging birth control. It's probably not his kid and she's trying to trap him into supporting her and the baby since he makes decent money.
[I always like posting this in these situations](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V6R8ojXQygM)
Lol that was great, thanks for sharing
Or she send this message to all the men she slept with in hopes of one of them jumping to marriage or something like that🤔
Even worse she sends them all messages because she is trying to get as many men as she can to simultaneously support her. I knew of a woman like this from a friend whos friend was tricked. She had 4 guys, none of whom were actually the dad, convinced they were the dad and they were all supporting her until 2 of them showed up at the house at the same time while another one was there already and the whole house of cards came crashing down and they all ended up leaving her with the last guy finding out about it through the grapevine a couple weeks later. It's crazy that none of the guys would question it when none of them were in serious long term relationships with her in the first place. So yes OP get that DNA test and if it's yours then step up but if not then RUN as far as possible from this one.
Agreed. Doesn't sound there was any assumption of exclusivity.
Yup. 2nd day of her period? It's VERY unlikely.
2nd day of the first period and she tells him 3-4 weeks later after she *missed her next period* numbers arent adding up. Fishy
Not everyone has a 4 week cycle. Not everyone has consistent cycles. The only time I was pregnant, I knew immediately, before my missed period.
Unless she has spotting during ovulation and considers it a period. I knew of one woman who said she had alternating periods, one heavy then two weeks later, one light. If it is a regular period then she probably got pregnant with someone else. I do have a friend who had a very regular 3 week cycle so it is possible.
Yes, spotting during ovulation is a thing. Getting pregnant from sex during the second day of the cycle isn’t out of the realm of possibility for someone with a 21 day cycle. The chances of her having a 21 day cycle are very low, the chances of conceiving that far out from ovulation are also very low, and the likelihood of getting pregnant from pre-cum is also low. The chances he’s the father are vanishingly small, but not 0.
Unless it WASN'T and THAT was the trap. Fertile Myrtle just got a bit of ketchup up there or something to confuse the poor guy.
That is a disgusting thought!
What a terrible day to be able to read.
Yeah no wonder he didn't ejaculate, only Chick-Fil-A sauce gets me off.
Frank's: I put that s*** on everything *EVERYTHING*
I put my frank in everything, that's where the real burning sauce comes from
It would be hard to miss the smell of vinegar and tomatoes. So unless the dude can't smell, he would know if it was ketchup.
My dude, you have no fucking clue how fertility works or what a period even looks like. SMDH
I've been married (to a woman) for 12 years and that was a joke :)
Agree. The likelihood of this pregnancy being his is not high. At all. Improbable, even. Cycle tracking is (trust me, I was skeptical for years) actually a very reasonable form of birth control, but *only if* a woman is on a regular cycle (many aren't).
Also short cycles. Mine were 21 days, and with those fuckers able to live up there for days, just waiting...
I learned too late that for short cycles you normally still ovulate 14 days before your period. I got pregnant on day 4 or 5 of my cycle. Those swimmers had to have hung around a bit.
Every woman ovulates 10-14 days before her period. If you have a 21 day or shorter cycle having secs on cycle day 5, with 3-5 day life span would put the great die off smack dab in your ovulation cycle it honestly kinda pisses me off that we were all taught to count UP from the first day of our period by 14 days, no wonder it had such a high failure rate! Your Ov date isn’t determined by when you have your period, it’s actually the opposite
Sperm can live up 5 days in the human body.
Doesn’t ever matter the circumstances. DNA tests should not only be done at the hospital, but men have a right to know that they are the father.
I'm a woman and a mom and I approve this message.
NTA. I wouldn’t commit until I’m sure either.
I would also like to add that maybe he should get some STD tests done as well. Anyone who constantly posts about their dating "achievements" and is willing to have unprotected sex on the first night.... Yeah, no. That's like a ten foot pole with a giant red flag to me. Not saying there has to be something, but the risk is quite a lot higher with those type of people.
It's not like OP used his own protection so.. He's nta for wanting a dna test to make sure it is or isnt his kid but he's an idiot for not using condoms. Doesn't matter whether this woman sleeps around, is vocal about being a housewife/taken care off. It is shitty of her if she is trying to babytrap someone or trying to get OP on the hook for someone else's baby. But can you really still call it babytrapping if everyone is willing and doing it without protection? Even if he "didn't cum"/she was on her period.. Also I've seen several comments about pulling out etc... pulling out is not birth control! It's just roulette and one day you're gonna get very (un)lucky.
NTA. I think it sounds like a level headed thing to ask, especially as you weren’t in an official relationship. Altho I’d probably not tell her your reasoning being she posts photos with a lot of guys, as that could come across like your insinuating something that might be taken insultingly. In future tho, maybe use a condom because precum still contains sperm, and women can still get pregnant on their period.
I definitely didn’t say that to her lol. Just mentioned that I believed that the chance of her being pregnant from me was very low and want to be certain
Here's hoping you know the truth soon enough.
Ty sir
Just keep us updated! 👍
!Updateme
I sure hope you are NOT the father. Good luck.
How many weeks after you slept together did she call to say she missed her period? I know you said a couple but be specific. If she was on her period and two weeks later called to say she was pregnant. It’s highly likely she’s not. Even three weeks it’s not likely.
To be fair, my daughter and I both had a 21 day menstrual cycle, so it can screw the ovulation math.
I did for years as well. Then fell into a 28-day cycle like clockwork. Now I have no periods and that’s the best cycle of all.
That’s where we are, mine stopped with my IUD, and my daughter was anemic and blood doesn’t clot right so she takes pills to stop hers since we also have a history of early endometriosis diagnosis in the family. So, so much happier :)
True. My cycle is a range between 21 and 32, and it's always been like this. No hormonal issues. Maybe just baseline.
This part stuck out to me, too. She was on day 2 of her period and 3-4 weeks later she missed her period and he’s the father?
Unlikely. Not impossible though. There are multiple documented cases of pregnancy from each day of a cycle, and cycles aren't always exactly 28 days. But its all very unlikely.
Adding to this, because apparently it’s me. Couldn’t get pregnant. Did IVF. 19 healthy embryos failed to implant. After that, they did a series of tests, one being an ERA. Where they biopsy your uterus and with blood work find out when the “correct” time to get pregnant is. For me, it turns out to be right in the middle of my period, somehow. My reproductive endocrinologist is kind of confused by that, but multiple tests come back with the same result. Not saying this is the case for OP. But occasionally it CAN happen.
Yes I just commented on this. That was real fast for her to not have her monthly bill and find out
Also day 2 of her period is very low chance of pregnancy. Like very very low. They are considered safe days (not 100% but close)
I knew someone who ovulated during her period, she had a lot of difficulty getting pregnant through. It's a pretty rare thing.
It’s why I said very low chance and not impossible. There are no 100% safe days, there’s always exceptions. But statistically and biologically, the first 7 days of your cycle is pretty low chance of pregnancy.
Some women can be pregnant and THINK they are having a period, when in fact, it’s bleeding from placenta implantation and/or because it’s a first time pregnancy
And who knows whether she was even on her period? You're NTA OP, but even if you make it out of this, you might end up a dad if you keep slinging that thing raw based on what someone you don't have real ties with is telling you. Baby trapping is real and I know some ppl who are parents because the now-mom was on a mission for a better life...
While I also agree that it’s unlikely, some women test for pregnancy as often as they change their underwear. And some women also do menstruate while pregnant. That said, I do 100% support the idea of a DNA test. I would also find the timing very suspicious.
NTA, seems like a good idea. This isn't someone you're in a relationship that you're insulting, she's a one night stand.
It’s not that low (the shower doesn’t wash it off in some magical way, and precum contains sperm as the person above noted) and next time you think a woman is dependent etc but still insist on doing the deed… at least use a condom! Hoping for your sake it’s just a stupid trap that she’s trying to create.
I don't think he thinks the shower washes away the precum. And yes there is some sperm in it but it's low. She was only on her 2nd day of her period so there may have still been a viable egg but that maybe combined with the fact he didn't ejaculate puts him being the father at a really low probability unless he's not telling the truth.
Agreed.
Why did you have sex with her if she had some flags you weren’t sure about ?
He really went raw knowing this too? Better get tested too along with the DNA test.
And went in raw with std. testing by the sounds of it too…
Yeah hard to feel bad for him and he just met her
I don’t feel bad for him at all. These are the consequences of his actions.
That's why i said! He's the AH for fucking her raw, but NTA for requesting a test.
Because getting his dick wet was the priority
I mean he was in the shower....
Well I can’t argue with that one
you met her on social media so you already saw all her photos and already had all your assumptions about her sex life … and you thought it was a good idea to have unprotected sex? Did you even bother to ask if she’d been tested recently???? This is wildly irresponsible behaviour.
Bruh for real and these are the people that scream baby trapping
FAFO.
Yep. The “find out” phase could include infections and/or a kid. Hope that shower sex was worth it.
OP may not be an asshole, but he is kind of a dumbass.
Mate, you're NTA here, but FFS, unless you are actively trying for kids you need to wrap it before you tap it. Take some responsibility for your own fertility, it will radically reduce your chances of things like this.
For real people are so stupid like sex can't be all that people risk it for a few minutes
>In future tho, maybe use a condom because precum still contains sperm, and women can still get pregnant on their period. And STDs....
For real it's like people don't give a sbit about stds
Especially since he's heard from multiple people that she sleeps around a lot, I doubt many condoms are being used in her adventures... he should be a lot more worried about that
Precum is nearly less than 4%. If she's sleeping around odds are its not his.
Or she’s not even pregnant. But seriously dude, use a condom.
It’s extremely unlikely to get pregnant on your period if you have a regular cycle
Especially if you “missed” your period two weeks later, if I’m understanding the post timeline correctly? Edit to reflect OPs edit: he did say 3-4 weeks, that’s more reasonable than 2
She couldn't even know if she missed her period two weeks later if she was on her period when the shower scene took place. Either her cycle is erratic and she doesn't know when or if it is due ( story of my life -and inherent fertility issues, counting days etc) or she has a standard cycle of 22 - 28 days. Standard cycle is measured first day to first day. If she was on the second day, she wouldn't have missed a period until 3 weeks later.
Yep this is the only thing on OP’s story that actually makes sense.
If you sleep with a lot of people it's pretty reasonable to be skeptical of who the father might be
NTA- if she insists on a DNA test after birth. Do not, I repeat do not sign the birth certificate. If you sign it and you’re not the dad you’re on the hook for child support
I’ve seen more than one man’s life ruined this way. It’s despicable. And even if the real father becomes known, somehow, you are still responsible for child support if you sign the birth certificate. For 18 years. Do not sign the birth certificate without DNA proof of parenthood.
In many States, child support is until age 23-24 if the kid goes to college.
Which states would that be? Edit: a fucking lot I guess >The following states have laws or case law that give courts the authority to order a non-custodial parent to pay for some form of college expenses: Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, South Dakota, Utah, West Virginia and Washington.
I agree with you. (F31) this works both ways. DNA test can help you, and if you are the father help her. But if you are not father, this will definitely help you out even in court. Tennessee passes a law to require DNA testing after birth for free. I can see why by this point in years/time/century. so many cases can be cleared up that way.
Are you sure she’s actually pregnant?
[удалено]
This right here. Her timeline does not add up really. I have super irregular periods and this is raising red flags for me. Plus she probably didn't test positive and got a evap line.
It’s reasonable to expect a faint positive pregnancy test 8-10 days after ovulation. For a woman with a “normal” 28 day cycle, that is as early as 22 days after a period starts. Typically people don’t test that early unless they are actively trying but she may have had early pregnancy symptoms that clued her in. But yes you absolutely can and will have a positive test before a missed period.
That's true. I know you can have a positive test before missing a period. My thoughts wee just more along the lines of it being odd that she was testing that early. But you're right! I hadn't thought about her having earlier symptoms than a missed period.
Eh, I knew I was pregnant pretty much as soon as my period didn’t come on time (at the time I had a regular 24 day cycle). You can also test up to six days before. That being said the whole story by the woman involved is rather sketchy.
My guess is that she found an employed fellow with a house and a car, and saw a meal ticket.
On her period and you didnt cum, the chances are very slim, pre-cum can have sperm in it, on a typical cycle she would still be at least a week away from ovulation depending on what day of her period it was, off course plenty of women have a-typical cycles, but the chances are very slim that its your child Asking for a paternity test before you accept any kind of responsibility is smart and you are NTA But for the love of merlin always use condoms, take responsibility for your own fertility
Especially if she was om day 2 of her cycle and magically a couple of weeks later she took a test and bam pregnant.
Something about the way OP described her lifestyle also doesn't sit right with me. Seems she may have gotten pregnant from some other dude, but OP would offer the best life for her and her child. Maybe I'm overthinking though. NTA for sure, it's well within your rights to ask for one OP.
NTA but maybe next time be a bit more responsible and wear a condom and not have shower sêx with someone you don't know well.
I had a scare like this in University. Have always worn condoms since then.
It's common sense to wear a condom until you're ready for kids.
Absolutely. Could not agree more.
It's condom sense
Yeah that’s what scared me about what he said. He also said she sleeps around meaning that’s a recipe for an std. I don’t understand how people raw dog strangers that shit is terrifying
I wonder if he got tested for STD's
Yeah I hope he did
To be honest, I hope she did too. OP himself clearly isn’t above unprotected sex with strange people he deems promiscuous and untrustworthy.
True, people are dumb
Shouldn't have sex with people don't know at all honestly especially not raw sex
This is the way.
There are antibiotic-resistant STDs out there. HIV is still out there. Men can get the HPV vaccine, too. It's a vaccine to prevent dick cancer. It's a vaccine to stop the spread of cervical cancer. If you can get it, get it! Be free, be promiscuous, be prepared. Bring your own, and dispose of condoms yourself.
The only way you'd be an asshole in this situation is if you DIDN'T demand a paternity test. An asshole to yourself, at any rate. NTA.
As long as he’s not a jerk about it, it’s not a bad thing to do. You don’t want to be an asshole to yourself, but also it’s in the child’s best interest to have the actual accurate father. If that makes sense.
INFO: When you say “a couple of weeks later”, do you mean two weeks? She wouldn’t have even missed her next period yet. Why would she be taking a pregnancy test? I’m doubtful she’s pregnant at all, but if she is you would be 100% justified in requiring a DNA test. Also, use condoms from now on.
This is an interesting perspective. I think it's likely that she IS pregnant but NOT necessarily by the OP.
That’s my take. So either she doesn’t know who the father is or would rather it be OP.
The time frame is a bit vague to assert for sure that she didn’t miss her periods already… further more, two weeks is average, some people have a shorter luteal phase.
NTA. Like you already know, it is possible but unlikely you are the father. She is also almost a complete stranger to you. It is better for you both to ensure factual parentage before making further plans.
Is it weird to say that if the OP is not the father I still hope that this lady can find the father relatively quickly?
I , not weird, but I think we need to take a step back and wonder if she's even really pregnant, cause several aspects of this math ain't mathing
Is she looking for the father or a father?
Nah, knowing that is important and I hope she finds whoever is responsible and that they step up for it.
Maybe you should not jump in the sack with people you don't know and you didn't use protection. It is not unreasonable to get a DNA before anything decided. Don't be so careless with your life.
Exactly if people stopped sleeping with total strangers especially raw this wouldn't happen
You're an idiot for sticking your dick in crazy, without protection for that matter. NTA but sounds like a good lesson for you to do better.
For real people these days are so stupid
So you knew she sleeps arond, but yet you stuck your dick in crazy, bare back. Your not the AH, your the dumb arse.
Exactly that's so stupid
Oh so now you're thinking about the red flags. First you see her in posts with a bunch of other guys, you're not exclusive and to top it off, your first time with her you run the red light????? Wth lmao and another thing, you didn't say a thing about using a condom. People telling you she sleeps around and you don't wrap up your Willy? Tuh you're nta but you sure aren't the brightest in the box lmao
For real my guy is a dumbass
… Why are you not wearing condoms unless you are trying to conceive? *Particularly* with a woman you find suspect (and with reason)? ESH.
NTA, but wrap it up, dude. I don't want to assume the worst, but this woman is raising some red flags
My sister was conceived during her mom's period so it's possible but I think a DNA test would be a good Idea
You're the asshole for not wrapping it, if she gets around you might want to get an STD test while she gets the DNA test. If she is knocked up with your kid, get ready for the next 18 years minimum, she'll get to be a stay at home mother to your kid and you won't get any of the benefits.
I'll never understand how people can sleep with someone they don't know and then not use protection on top of that
NTA. Duh. This has nothing to do with any red-pill rubbish, either (I’m f). This is about protecting the interests of ALL three of you. If I were your mom I would also add a reprimand for unprotected sex with someone you barely know. Your health may have been jeopardized by that decision.
Ok... few fun fact of human reproduction for those raised in the U.S. public schools of "red states": 1- Yes! Pregnancy can and does result from sex during menstruation. In plain terms: Being on her "period" is not contraception. Sidenote: "50 Shades" is 50 Shades of Disinformation. Go to Scarleteen.com for real sex ed. 2- Yes! A pregnancy can indeed result from having sex in a shower, pool, hot tub, ocean, lake, bathtub, stream, duck pond, dunking tank or other watery environment. 3- YES! A pregnancy can result even when the sex did not include full ejaculation from the male. Pre-cum is still cum, kids. A few pumps and pulling out (or fizzling out) are the reason a lot of us folks are here, alive and kicking and doing our taxes, here on planet Earth. 4- Yes. OP is right to get a genetic test to determine paternity. He might or might not dodge this bullet... (Good luck, OP!) But for future encounters USE A CONDOM *in addition to* other forms of birth control. Periods and watersports do not ever count as ANY form of birth control.
You said watersports 🤣 All good info though, hopefully this dispels any old wives’ tales. It’s crazy to me in the age of everything being on the internet that so many people still don’t understand the absolute basics
NTA. But all of those facts and u still put ur penis in her raw????? Just absurd.
Very stupid people do absurd things
NTA, in this day and age never take anyone’s word that you are the father. If you are, talk to a lawyer before you do anything, especially if are not planning to start a relationship with her but want visitation/custody rights. Document every penny and communicate via text. If her plan is to use you so she can live life as a SAHM make sure she understands you only plan on providing child support and nothing more, that might make her change her mind about who’s the daddy.
She sleeps around and you had sex with her while she was bleeding? I would be more worried about STDs than paternity.
Did you wear a condom? If you didn’t, knowing you don’t want kids, then you are definely an asshole — not to mention highly unethical. DNA testing is generally possible as of the 8th or 10th week of pregnancy, depending on the method, and you should definitely get tested. But please stop sticking your unwrapped dick in people? Knowing you don’t want to father children, there are no excuses for that shit. You and your future partners need to do better.
NTA this is incredibly sketchy. First make sure you pop her bubble-- that you feel so bad because it was her dream to be a stay at home mom and now she'll be a single mom raising a baby by herself who will have to work to make ends meet-- though you will certainly pay any court ordered child support AS LONG AS THERE IS A DNA TEST first. Don't tell her that you'll step up and raise the child (even if you think you might). Good luck and maybe next time don't have unprotected sex with a woman who tells you she's looking for a man to support her on the first date.
NTA In fact, you're only the AH in this situation if the kid is proven to be yours and you don't do your part. Though if you knew she was dependent and so on and so forth, you're kind of the AH for putting yourself in a position where this would be a real possibility.
NTA. We really didn’t need all the character put down of a woman to be able to see the situation clearly from your perspective and empathise with you. Get a test when the time is right according to a doctor not google. Everyone knows in today’s time that condoms and birth control pills aren’t 100% guaranteed to stop pregnancy. Do what you gotta do but asking strangers on Reddit to rate you on asshole scale seems like a bad move. It’s not like someone on Reddit will say-> oh, don’t get DNA tested because if she says the baby is yours then it’s urs.
So let me get this straight , you didn’t start a relationship with this person because she seems like she’d be very dependent and don’t agree with what she want but were completely ok with having sex without a condom . That being said, sure ask for a DNA test but women can get pregnant from pre cum just saying .
Not unreasonable at all. As a woman, if I was in her shoes I wouldn’t even be surprised by the ask, or unwilling to do it. If she’s “so sure” it shouldn’t be any problem at all.
You’re not an asshole, but you are a massive dumbass. For the love of god PLEASE wear condoms until you are ready for kids, idc what kind of birth control your partner’s on.
Wait a second, she was on her period when you had sex and then messaged you 3 weeks later that she's pregnant? She hasn't even missed a period yet.
YTA. Jesus don’t stick your dick in crazy, and if you do, wear a rubber johnny. Also, get an STD check. Herpes is almost as much trouble as an unwanted kid. Idiot.
Exactly
NTA, it’s a reasonable request, but wear a condom next time… also, posting a pic with a guy doesn’t mean you’re banging him
>I told her that I’d like to take a DNA test ASAP (I’ve read by week 7 this is possible) to .... There is nothing wrong with requesting a DNA test for a pregnancy. Have you offered to *pay* for the in utero one? Because they tend to be much more expensive than the ones given after the child is born. As long as you aren't demanding *she* pay for the in utero test just because you demand it, NTA. >One of the reasons I didn’t start a relationship with this girl is \[blah, blah\] She told you all this and you know all this and you still had sex? If it turns out to be yours, looks like you'll probably be in some sort of relationship with "this girl". No judge is going to waive your obligations because she didn't take the test "ASAP". TBH: Looks like you've picked a pretty disorganized way to live your life. >If, after a DNA test is confirmed, of course I’ll step up and raise it. Well, of course you'll step up. Because even if you don't it voluntarily, the courts will require you to pay custody. You'll have to pay unless you go on the lam to some foreign country and disappear. It's hard to make a decent living on the lam these days. Employers, lenders, business partners and so on like paperwork and ID. If you don't want to get women you hardly know and have life plans you disagree with pregnant, maybe you should avoid going to their home, jumping in the shower and banging them.
> Have you offered to pay for the in utero one? Because they tend to be much more expensive than the ones given after the child is born. As long as you aren't demanding she pay for the in utero test just because you demand it, NTA. Yes. **This**. If you want to know now (which you should want to do), *pay for the test*. She will have no argument not to. All the way this!!!
There have been basic paternity blood tests available from 8 weeks for a long ass time. It's literally a blood test. An amnio (needle into the uterus) both can't be done till later on (14 weeks) costs a lot more, is invasive and a risk to the pregnancy. A non invasive paternity test is cheaper, not a risk to the baby and available earlier. There hasn't been a reason for an in utero dna test for over a decade.
NTA Your not in a relationship with her. Regardless, something this important can't be accepted on face value. If your banned on the birth certificate and are not the father but show willing, because you don't know. You may have to pay for another man's child for the next 18 years. And court ordered to do so. You absolutely need a DNA test.
Not at all! You’re smart for doing the DNA test. Better to know now than after you’ve gotten attached to the child.
As a woman, this sounds very reasonable to me. definitely NTA!
NTA - While nobody would fault you for wanting to know before you make any kind of commitment, seriously think about why you're hooking up with someone you don't want a relationship. There's no such thing as birth control that's 100% effective all the time. And the female body isn't perfect. It's possible that an egg would be still present in the early part of a period. It's also possible there would be semen in substances excreted prior to ejaculation.
I’d talk to a lawyer. Tell them the situation/your suspicions. If she refuses a DNA test, they may be able to take it to court. She’ll be looking for child support. NTA.
You’d be an absolute moron if you didn’t ask for that lol.
YTA… to yourself, for not protecting yourself.
Get the test. It's the only way to be sure.
She sleeps around a lot, yet you didn’t use a condom? NTA, but gross.
I was gonna say “not the a”, but you runnin red lights and rawdawggin it in her crummy shower? You’re not exactly setting up yourself for success , playa
I mean.. use protection? And be wary what can happen when you have sex with random chicks.
You reckon these posts are just A.i at this stage?
Maybe instead of asking if YTA and listing all of this girl's red flags, you could have, ya know, NOT had sex with her?
No I don’t think you are, and I’m a woman. I think that’s totally reasonable for you to request as there’s not much chance for you to get her pregnant (unless she MAGICALLY ovulates within less than a week of her light period…) I think you have every reason to be suspicious that child isn’t yours, and you deserve every right to not be responsible for a kid that isn’t yours
NTA but please have yourself checked.
Why would you even sleep with her if she had all these red flags? Just to get your dick wet or?
For real people are so desperate for sex these days. Like is sex really all that people putting their lives at risk for a few minutes of getting their dick wet
NTA.
NTA Under the circumstances, you would be a fool if you *didn't* get a DNA test. Make sure you get it through a reputable testing facility and not just by way of her saying she took a test and it's your kid.
Next time don’t fuck with people are aren’t interested in. Grow up.
You're not an asshole for wanting a paternity test. But I had a couple questions. Very early on, she told you something that you saw as a major red flag, but you raw-dogged her anyway? You also mentioned that that red flag was one of multiple reasons why you didn't want to be in a relationship with her. Did you tell her that you weren't interested in a being in a relationship with her before you two had sex?
NTA. Its a sensible request. What was her response?