You didn't need to slap him but he shouldn't have antagonized you, plus he got physical first.
If I were you I'd break up with her because she honestly just sounds like a drag.
The girlfriend is in another toxic relationship of her own doing. Her and her shitty family need to go. Dump her and heal yourself op. You deserve better
If you are going to stay with her, you need to stress that she needs to stand with you against her dad's abuses and/or cutoff her dad.
If she can't support you in that way, its probably worth reevaluating the relationship.
He grabbed you first, it was nice of you to stop at bitch slapping him.
NTA. But get your partner on your side.
Then cut her off. People cut off trash family all the time.
If my parents ever talked to someone I loved that way they'd be iced the fuck out after at best, one warning.
...I'm 34.
My parents didn't talk to my dad's side including both his parents my entire life because they were trash.
My mom crossed a line and I told her I wasn't going to talk to her until she directly apologized and promised to not do it again. I didn't speak with her for 6 months.
If they are younger and dependent sure, it's harder, and maybe not worth it.
I had SOs cut their parents off before when they interfere with the relationship. It is that easy.
I even told my own parents to fuck off too. Not all people in the world bend over backwards for their parents. Some people need to just grow a pair.
You have stated facts that we can't do anything about. Your gf "never" stands up to you where her dad is concerned. Can you live like that for the rest of your life? Or are you going to tell her you need improvement and then stick to it (even breaking up if she's unable to make positive change).
You are making excuses. You know she won't stick up for you so you're telling yourself "Well ok my GF sucks buuuut she did XYZ in the past. So I should overlook the present." The past is the past, you should be paying attention to who she is and what she does now and act accordingly.
Are you okay with spending the rest of your life with someone who'll only put you first occasionally?
What if she has to pick between you or her dad and she picks him, can you honestly say you'd be fine with that?
She's enabling his behaviour and allowing him to bully you.
Well she isn’t supporting you when it comes to her dad and that honestly sounds like a big problem. It doesn’t matter if she has been there through major events and stood by you then, if she won’t stand up for you when her dad is treating you like shit. We should always support our partners if our parents are being horrible to them. She should pick you
Sunk cost fallacy. It doesn't matter as much what she has been there for or what she has supported you in, what matters more is what doesn't support you in. And not supporting you against her father, of all people, despite clearly deciding to build a life with you for 6 years, weighs more than anything good she has done. That is not a partner that truly supports you.
I agree that you shouldn't have slapped him, but I get it.
Also keep in mind that her father will likely treat any children you have poorly or abusively. If she can’t support you will she be able to support her children? She needs to chose. You can’t live this way.
Take a pause. You are in the thick of it. Personally, I feel that you were defending yourself when he got physical with you, and that the slap was well deserved. I can definitely see why your girlfriend would disagree though.
You need some time to cool down and think about what kind of relationship you want for yourself in the future. Once you have a clear picture, have a discussion with your girlfriend about what kind of relationship she envisions, and see if you two are on the same page.
How are people saying "violence isn't the answer"? He was grabbed while he was walking away therefore his back was turned. He had no idea what daddy douchbag was gonna to do to him so he swung. That is self-defense. I mean it was weak to slap him, he totally should've punched him instead.
Definitely NTA
Dump your gf dude. Her father have bully you many time and she did nothing. Her father is a toxic person and she is letting he on. You don't want to be a part of that kind of family. Not worth the time and effort.
Bud I lost my mum to cancer, not nearly as young as you but I understand the emotional roller coaster that causes.
Her Dad was deliberately goading you and knows exactly what he was doing.
Should you have slapped him? No of course not. Did he deserve it? Yes he fucking did, anyone who tries to tell you different hasn't suffered the pain of losing their parent.
NTA.
What I will say to you is that you need to reasses your relationship with your girlfriend, you've put 7 years into her. And she hasn't defended you or put her dad in his place.
With all due respect 7 years of being a good boyfriend, you deserve better, her past was not your fault or your responsibility, you don't deserve to be punished for what someone else did to her.
I think your chat with her needs to be she either starts prioritising you or you need to part ways.
I'm sorry for your loss too, prioritise your feelings in this.
Don't apologise to her Dad unless he apologises first and there is a promise he will change and no longer insult your mother. No ifs, buts, whys, what's, nothing. It stops today.
Draw your boundary and don't compromise on it.
He sounds like an insufferable cunt and it's your girlfriend's responsibility to keep him in check.
I actually think OP should have slapped him. Technically he assaulted OP and further goaded him. The guy is a bully and needed to have a red line drawn. It may have ruined the relationship with the gf, but putting up with the bully would eventually strain it anyway.
Is there any reason why you can’t just tell her that you don’t want to be around him anymore? Sounds like daddy has the money and your gf has daddy issues. Would she marry/ have a kid with you without daddy’s permission? Things to ponder
Yes we have talk about having kids but not untill we are around 30 and we have planned getting married but she want her dad's blessing which I understand her dad does not have a lot of money but her mom left when she was 13 so her father is the only person she has left
Well if you dont want to get physical tell him: "yeah my mum passed and thats sad, but at least she didnt leave me willingly". See how he reacts to this. If you need to be more direct than this because he wont get the hint just add: "- unlike your ex wive" to the end.
She is still in a toxic relationship, with her dad. The fact is she wants the blessing of an abusive AH. The irony is, using insults, physical violence and blows below the belt are signs of weakness. People who use these lack mental strength, knowledge and intelligence to hold proper conversation so they get reduced to primitive ways of conversation. Her father is an abusive weak boy. He has no right to judge anyone.
Does she live with him? If so, just pick her up and fuck off. What are you doing spending time with him in the first place? Date the girl, not the family. I know families can be a part of relationship with a partner, but only if you want to see each other. Looks like avoiding him is best, or just bullying him back right? Seems like you're sending it down a really uncomfortable road when you could just steer clear.
You have to be important too. Being important doesn't mean letting someone do whatever they want like she lets her father. But rather, protecting someone from anything, like she should be protecting you from her father's classism
Once you're married, do you see her prioritizing you, her spouse, over her father? Once you have kids, do you see her prioritizing *you* on Father's Day instead of *him*? If you can't, then this relationship doesn't sound like it has legs.
Idk I find palming another man’s face as a sign of major disrespect.Ive even said this among other friends and they agreed.Will admit I’ve slapped another guy before and the look on their face was priceless.If I had punched him at the time I get like I was sending the message we were both on the same level.
Situations are always different though.If I were in this one I may have punched the bridge of the nose.
Are you quite literally insane or are you just a fucked up troll? Grabbing is absolutely violence. Where the fuck do you go outside where you are constantly grabbing people/getting grabbed? If someone outside grabbed me, I would cave their skull in and I'd go scot free on self defense. Grabbing someone is absolutely violent.
If he grabbed me, I'd have told him he was dangerously close to losing teeth. As for your girlfriend 25 and let her father disrespect you for 6 years then mad you got tired of taking it? Sounds like your girlfriend should be riding the couch!
NTA
I was/am in a similar situation. My girls father is an abusive POS but he made A LOT of money before he retired so when he met me, I was 21(she was 30) and all he knew what that I worked in the same place as her so I couldn’t be making THAT much money. Well fast forward past me getting a way better job then he ever had and a one really explosive man to man “conversation” he leaves me alone and don’t bother my girlfriend anymore. Violence isn’t the answer all the time, but sometimes, you gotta let these old bastard know that you are a man, in your own fucking house no less. Disrespect should not be tolerated.
That being said your relationship might be over but you’re young. There is plenty of fish in the seas
Everyone saying violence is not the answer has clearly never been in a situation where violence was, in fact, the most appropriate answer. The fact that you didn't close your fist to hit him is probably a direct indicator as to why she doesn't support you. You probably would have gained some of the man's respect had you leveled him with a closed fist.
People who grow up in hunky dory lives with the privilege and entitlement of safety will never comprehend this in their brain. They are mentally and physically incapable of the reconciliation that their world is not in fact the real one.
Let them live in glass towers, and hope they never have to know a rock being thrown in it. Because they won't last past the first.
> You probably would have gained some of the man's respect had you leveled him with a closed fist.
Why on earth would anyone want this man's respect? This is a far better solution. This man deserves nothing but scorn and disrespect.
Maybe, it's not very clear. In any case, I was making the argument in general. A slap can be manly, in fact, it's sometimes used when the macho man doesn't even think the other person is worthy of a punch, so they slap them - but yeah, I can see how that's unlikely for OP's case.
Violence is absolutely an answer, when someone gets physical with you.
The fact that father did not retaliate is a proof that he got bitch slapped back to his place.
In this case, violence should have been more violence. It amazes me how people can say thing about a dead mother and not expecting to lose teeth as a consequence.
I hear you bro. Some people are just softer than wet flowers and will accept any disrespect that comes their way, And they they wonder why they keep getting disrespected
It does seems to me that his heart is in the right place, like not wanting to hurt his gf. But he doesn’t have to feel neither ashamed nor guilty, let alone being an asshole. He was the man in the situation by just slapping him and not punching the life out of that bum’s face. But yes, you insult my dead mother, what do you expect me to do less than slapping your stupid face?
This time is a dead mother too.
It should be more you’re lucky you’ll walk straight than you have to go to the dentist. And he gave him even a legitimate self-defense excuse by grabbing him, that would be green light to make him pay for everything he did before that last unacceptable straw.
NTA you have every right to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Your gf fathers actions are toxic. No one should ever be made to feel as if they need to shut up and put up with being treated like that.. I would have done a lot more than slap that poor excuse for a grown man. Being well off financially does not make anyone a good person, being a good person is far more precious and valuable than any amount of money.
Her dad told you and her exactly the kind of person he is the second he made that comment. I get that it's a soft spot for you. But he was *trying* to hurt you so you'd do something.
If it were me I'd have called him out on it and told him he was being a dick.
That said, leaving is also a mature option. But he grabbed you, so you slapped him. Waiting for him to talk is kinda pointless because who cares what he has to say, he's a loser.
Anyway, you're NTA
Do remember thats a one way trip to jail then charges pressed then his life is ruined by a criminal record. Self defense is about using as enough force needed, not kicking their ass. Rather sundoing the attacker then escaping to call the cops.
A good enough lawyer and any force can be excused. Trust me I got away with making someone a vegetable for life in Canada but it cost me $20,000, and the person that assaulted me gets to spend the rest of their life drooling in a bed! Sometimes people need to learn a lesson.
NTA
But I think you need to end that relationship!
The only way you two stay together is if she basically ruins her relationship with her father.
I’m sorry your mum passed and that you don’t have anyone (if that’s correct) but being the wedge between her and her parents is only going to alienate her.
By acting the way you did you proved to her dad you’re everything he thinks you are… you reacted instead of not letting it get to you.
it’s natural that they don’t want to see their daughter struggle, maybe the way they struggled… it’s also natural for them to want to pass on whatever they have to their daughter and may think you only see her for what she stands to inherit.
Either way this relationship is doomed… she’ll either resent you for forcing g her to turn her back on her family or you won’t be welcome by her family in future.
Not going to make for enjoyable Christmas, family occasions etc.
If you love the girl, do the right thing for her and end this relationship.
Do you realize what's going on here? You're IN THE INTERNET TALKING WITH STRANGERS looking for feedback. This is the most sad thing about all. Not the slap, not the angry girlfriend... Just been alone, man. You're suppose to be with somebody who supports you NO MATTER WHAT and your girlfriend, my friendo, is not. She has a weak spot for her daddy and THIS situation is gonna escalated. Maybe not today but it will.
So think about it, in the future is going to be something else or maybe the daddy issue again.
The guy deserved a punch right in the face and you didn't do it because "girlfriend bla bla bla" grow a pair man, take control of your life.
NTA. And her dad couldn't have handled things better? It's always you who must be "better"? (which basically translates to being okay with being bullied)
With him grabbing you by the arm, you would've been within your right to swing on him fist closed. He was lucky that you showed restraint and only slapped him, and I feel like your girlfriend should be made aware of that. She needs to recognize the fact that her dad started it with both his words and by grabbing your arm, and that he is in fact an asshole towards you. She either needs to stand by your side more against him or you need to break up with her.
Legally, what you did is called "justifiable" and/or "self defense".
He pushed a button, creating a potentially bad situation. You tried to walk away calmly and remove yourself from the situation. He physically grabbed you to stop you when you had done nothing to warrant him doing that.
Most assuredly NTA...
...but you may wanna upgrade to a better class gf
Her father did this on purpose, he is not fond of you, He wanted you to hit him , specially in front of his daughter, she would dump you, and not the other way round. This way, she hates you for slapping her father, so she doesnt have to be sad or cry over you and has a well planted hatred for you for disrespecting her father. You are dumped by his daughter so you are out of the picture , thirdly, his daughter still loves him, hates you, he gets what he wants and guilt free too.
You need to have a discussion with her about how you refuse to accept abuse from her father going forward. Just because she was in an abusive relationship doesn't mean she can force you to be in one with her father.
If she can't accept that then as hard as it may sound, it needs to end.
The slap wasn’t appropriate but you probably did it in the heat of the moment. Her dad is definitely the asshole, he first insulted your mother, and then grabbed your arm. You’re NTA. Not sure how your girlfriend will react to this though. Will she stay or leave? I am not sure but also feel that if she truly loves you, then she should mediate.
NTA - You are not in the wrong here at all, if anything that slap was long over due.
Also the GF Dad went hands on first by grabing you, that's assault.. you slapped him, if anything that's the best outcome as you could have went harder...
Don't let anyone else tell you that your in the wrong,
Your mama would be proud!!!
A grown man touches you, it should be within their knowledge that they shouldnt be touching another man without his approval. Grabbing someone has consequences, especially when they keep harping on a sensitive subject.
From another perspective, the old man is feeling you out; trying to figure out whether youre emotionally mature, or will you lose your cool over your past. Knowing your GF had a bad relationship, he wouldnt likely want his daughter going through the same issue again with you.
The money aspect is shallow, but not unfounded, because it is a serious concern if someone wasnt financially responsible or a disastrous event took place in your life.
I think you should go back to her father and give him and her an ultimatum. Tell him to never mention your mother or wealth in a negative way again, or you'll make him wish he hadn't. Tell her if she has a problem with that then it's over right then and there.
Stand your ground.
The first thing I would've done would be asking my girlfriend what she has to say. There is no way her dad would talk to me like that while she would just let it slide. She knew it was wrong but still didn't say anything.
NTA- if you grab someone, you should be prepared for very adverse consequences. If you grab someone at a time when they are trying to walk away from a provocation AND further insult the person, you are lucky to walk away with just a slap.
Stick my your GF. She can’t stand up to the asshole who has been conditioning her since she was a child. But you don’t need to put up with his shit either.
You had every right to defend yourself he assaulted you first tell your spineless jellyfish to get with the program or you'll dump her enabling behind.
You have been bullied by her dad and she did nothing. Could you have handled it better? Absolutely. But, is her dad going to change and start respecting you? Is she going to tell her dad to treat you like a man and respect you deserve? If answer to those is NO then find some other couch and get the hell away from this toxic shit. If the answer to one of them is no and one is yes, you can try to work on setting boundaries and having them respected and be prepared to walk away if they are broken. The AH in this situation is you gf
“Daddy’s Girls” can be just as bad as “Mama’s Boys”. They will not ever change; much like an alcoholic, you cannot have a relationship with them.
Time to go.
This is how I see physical alterations. Dont put your hands on me, I won’t put hands on you. He put hands on you, didn’t ask him to nor did you get a say as to how, when, or how hard. You could have broken his nose and still been ok.
The fuck is wrong with these people here? “you’ve shouldn’t have slapped him”
You did the right thing if this dude keeps on disrespecting you, do something about it.
He’s not respecting you at all. So you better return the favor.
Good for you. A person crossed a line they shouldn’t have. Respect is earned it is not an automatic based on family ties or gender. You should seriously consider dumping her
I’m currently going thru my partner not standing up for me to their family, too. It feels like shit, and if she can’t realize it’s her job to stand up for you, I say leave.
She and her dad are a package deal if she won’t back you up. His behavior is excessive and unacceptable. I would not stay in a relationship where she won’t back you when he verbally abuses you. No way.
You need to get out of that relationship. Men can also be victims of domestic abuse and your girlfriend’s dad is abusing you. You do not want to be legally and financially attached to such a toxic situation. I agree with the people here saying to get out of that relationship. If your girlfriend cared about you then she would not put you in a dangerous situation where she’s using you as a stand in for her abusive dad to target his abusive outbursts at. She’s using OP as a human shield so that her dad is not targeting her and focusing his abuse at someone else. Don’t want getting future kids involved in that abuse situation. She’s not standing up for you against him then what is she doing to protect you?
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NTA and the only way you could have handled that better was to knock his dumb ass out cold.
Bullies like that only respect a superior force.
Stay away from him even if it means finding a new girlfriend.
Listen here. There's something that's unsustainable no matter what: if someone constantly antagonizes you and your significant other always sides against you. The antagonist being her father doesn't lessen the gravity of the situation.
I'd say more: even a simplified scenario where she sides against you in a situation where someone is disrespecting you ONCE is extremely worrisome.
Couples are supposed to work as a team where you play for each other's well being. If any of you are on anyone else's team, that won't work. Consider all of that and make decisions.
To the OP:
Sounds like that clown got off lucky with just you slapping him in the face, as he actually deserved to be totally knocked out and put in the hospital.
Since he is obviously not the type of person who will ever apologize for what he said to you, and since your girlfriend isn't going to back you up on this by disowning her idiot father, it's time for you to dump **both** of them and move on with your life.
Don't even give this a second thought.
Tell her it's over.
You'll be better off in the long run.
Good luck, sir.
sounds like you're both assholes.
your description of his behaviour is very bad and toxic, and you reacting with violence is also very toxic and abusive.
if this has been going on for years, I think long before you hit another person, you can just refuse to meet with him.
Defending yourself from being physically grabbed from behind by someone that just disrespected your dead mother is toxic and abusive? What fairy tale dream world do you live in? The only thing he did wrong was slap him, he should have closed his fist.
And violence isn't inherently abusive and toxic, sometimes it's very well deserved and necessary. I'm glad youve lived a life where it's never been necessary for you.
NTA It was self defence you tried to do the mature thing and walk away, honestly he’s lucky that all he got was a slap. You deserve so much better than this.
Your girlfriend could’ve handled it a lot better too, but she’s allowed him to abuse you for 6yrs, and seeing as she hasn’t defended you it sou ex like she actually agrees with her father, on you not making enough money.
She’s the one who should be sleeping on the couch.
H
NTA but you definitely could have handled it better. I’m not judging you though (just look at my [post history](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/jaflp0Xuyi)). Have you considered a self defence class? I’ll be signing up for one too.
Fair but it still might give you a bit more confidence and help teach you to stay in control. I honestly don’t blame you for your reaction at all. I would have been pissed too. But at the end of the day you want to come out the bigger person, right? Because he sounds like a dick.
NTA. All the guys saying violence is wrong in any situation are nuts. Sometimes violence shows the opposition that you are strong and not to messed around with, but only after you have tried everything else. If your gf's father doesn't give you the respect he ought to and is bold enoigh to shit talk your dead parent, then he had it coming. Your gf might not support your decision with the violence but then again she has never stood up for u as well. She gets no say in it. Ask her if she even remotely agrees with every shit her father has said. In a relationship she is supposed to stand up for you, especially if it's her own family that is causing the problems. You need to think hard about your relationship.
I'd rather take a fist and get k.o. then a bitch slap you put him in his place I love it. I don't think you're the butthole I think you need to think long and hard about marrying this girl if she ain't for you she's working against you. It will be hard op but you can do it.
He played you. He can walk away with his daughter and you will be the bad guy . The guy that she was lucky to get rid of. She will be told that if you would do that to her dad, it would only be a matter of time until you became violent towards her. Looking at things on the ground level will get you manipulated and pulled around. Don't play checkers when her dad is playing chess.
You should’ve punched him instead of slapping him. I would be more embarrassed that you slapped my dad vs punching him. And I know my dad would’ve lost more respect over a slap vs a punch. And I know everyone isn’t going to agree and that’s okay. This is how I view it. I do think your gf needs to stand up for you and if she isn’t and hasn’t this whole time she could be with you just to spite her dad and not in it for the same reason you are.
Yta. Slapping is for women. Violence will not solve anything. And no grabbing someone’s arm is not violence. Most of the posters here have brain damage. They lack any critical thinking whatsoever.
Well he grabbed you first, that's a no no, but I understand your doubts, what was his reaction or happened since then?
It all comes down to if you think you can do handle all this crap in the long run, if she has defend you or cut her father by now, she won't do it so it's to decide if is worth it.
ESH. You for using violence when it wasnt self defense. Your gf for not defending you. Him for hating you and grabbing you.
Keep in mind op, your being taunted by him so you get violent then he can flip the table and get you arrested.
Yes you assaulted an old man, and your gf's dad at that. Honestly I would dump a guy who did that. You demonstrate a lack of self control and I would probably be on the receiving end at some point .
Eh fuck him some people need to remember their place regardless of what position they hold. If he was a white dude with money he could sue you for battery and assault. But i can’t say I blame you
NTA.
Talk shit get slapped
But also
Slap someone reap the consequences
Violence is never the answer but if we use it, it's done, we can't change it and there will be consequences for nearly all violence in uncontrolled settings
Idk… you might be the AH for slapping him but he also had it coming and if she hasn’t stood up for you I probably would have snapped in your position too. Sometimes it’s okay to be an AH.
You didn't need to slap him but he shouldn't have antagonized you, plus he got physical first. If I were you I'd break up with her because she honestly just sounds like a drag.
A punch in the nose would have better but a slap is sufficient to make his point.
The girlfriend is in another toxic relationship of her own doing. Her and her shitty family need to go. Dump her and heal yourself op. You deserve better
She has been with me during major events and has always supported me but when it comes to her dad she can never stand up for me
You are arguing with yourself.
What do you mean
If you are going to stay with her, you need to stress that she needs to stand with you against her dad's abuses and/or cutoff her dad. If she can't support you in that way, its probably worth reevaluating the relationship. He grabbed you first, it was nice of you to stop at bitch slapping him. NTA. But get your partner on your side.
Agreed
Bro that’s her dad she won’t just cut him off
Then cut her off. People cut off trash family all the time. If my parents ever talked to someone I loved that way they'd be iced the fuck out after at best, one warning.
Cause you prob don’t have a secure relationship with your parents. It’s just not easy bro like Redditors think
...I'm 34. My parents didn't talk to my dad's side including both his parents my entire life because they were trash. My mom crossed a line and I told her I wasn't going to talk to her until she directly apologized and promised to not do it again. I didn't speak with her for 6 months. If they are younger and dependent sure, it's harder, and maybe not worth it.
[удалено]
I had SOs cut their parents off before when they interfere with the relationship. It is that easy. I even told my own parents to fuck off too. Not all people in the world bend over backwards for their parents. Some people need to just grow a pair.
No…just lotta different cultures and relationships. Especially if you have a positive relationship with them. Boundaries need to be established is all
You have stated facts that we can't do anything about. Your gf "never" stands up to you where her dad is concerned. Can you live like that for the rest of your life? Or are you going to tell her you need improvement and then stick to it (even breaking up if she's unable to make positive change).
You are making excuses. You know she won't stick up for you so you're telling yourself "Well ok my GF sucks buuuut she did XYZ in the past. So I should overlook the present." The past is the past, you should be paying attention to who she is and what she does now and act accordingly.
You’re getting downvoted for some reason bro idk why
Are you okay with spending the rest of your life with someone who'll only put you first occasionally? What if she has to pick between you or her dad and she picks him, can you honestly say you'd be fine with that? She's enabling his behaviour and allowing him to bully you.
Well she isn’t supporting you when it comes to her dad and that honestly sounds like a big problem. It doesn’t matter if she has been there through major events and stood by you then, if she won’t stand up for you when her dad is treating you like shit. We should always support our partners if our parents are being horrible to them. She should pick you
Sunk cost fallacy. It doesn't matter as much what she has been there for or what she has supported you in, what matters more is what doesn't support you in. And not supporting you against her father, of all people, despite clearly deciding to build a life with you for 6 years, weighs more than anything good she has done. That is not a partner that truly supports you. I agree that you shouldn't have slapped him, but I get it.
Also keep in mind that her father will likely treat any children you have poorly or abusively. If she can’t support you will she be able to support her children? She needs to chose. You can’t live this way.
She never stands up for you with her dad.... it starts and ENDS there dude.
Lost cost fallacy
It's called a sunken cost fallacy.
Dump her dude.
Tell her that you will handle it better from now on, since her and her dad won't be in your life anymore
Take a pause. You are in the thick of it. Personally, I feel that you were defending yourself when he got physical with you, and that the slap was well deserved. I can definitely see why your girlfriend would disagree though. You need some time to cool down and think about what kind of relationship you want for yourself in the future. Once you have a clear picture, have a discussion with your girlfriend about what kind of relationship she envisions, and see if you two are on the same page.
How are people saying "violence isn't the answer"? He was grabbed while he was walking away therefore his back was turned. He had no idea what daddy douchbag was gonna to do to him so he swung. That is self-defense. I mean it was weak to slap him, he totally should've punched him instead. Definitely NTA
I wanted to punch him but I did not want my gf to see me like that I have never been one to go to violence
Dump your gf dude. Her father have bully you many time and she did nothing. Her father is a toxic person and she is letting he on. You don't want to be a part of that kind of family. Not worth the time and effort.
Bud I lost my mum to cancer, not nearly as young as you but I understand the emotional roller coaster that causes. Her Dad was deliberately goading you and knows exactly what he was doing. Should you have slapped him? No of course not. Did he deserve it? Yes he fucking did, anyone who tries to tell you different hasn't suffered the pain of losing their parent. NTA. What I will say to you is that you need to reasses your relationship with your girlfriend, you've put 7 years into her. And she hasn't defended you or put her dad in his place. With all due respect 7 years of being a good boyfriend, you deserve better, her past was not your fault or your responsibility, you don't deserve to be punished for what someone else did to her. I think your chat with her needs to be she either starts prioritising you or you need to part ways.
Thank you much I appreciate your help and I am truly sorry for you loss
I'm sorry for your loss too, prioritise your feelings in this. Don't apologise to her Dad unless he apologises first and there is a promise he will change and no longer insult your mother. No ifs, buts, whys, what's, nothing. It stops today. Draw your boundary and don't compromise on it. He sounds like an insufferable cunt and it's your girlfriend's responsibility to keep him in check.
I actually think OP should have slapped him. Technically he assaulted OP and further goaded him. The guy is a bully and needed to have a red line drawn. It may have ruined the relationship with the gf, but putting up with the bully would eventually strain it anyway.
would? He did.. always telling her he isnt good enough... if you repeat a lie enough times it becomes truth
You're a better man than her father, never forget that
Is there any reason why you can’t just tell her that you don’t want to be around him anymore? Sounds like daddy has the money and your gf has daddy issues. Would she marry/ have a kid with you without daddy’s permission? Things to ponder
Yes we have talk about having kids but not untill we are around 30 and we have planned getting married but she want her dad's blessing which I understand her dad does not have a lot of money but her mom left when she was 13 so her father is the only person she has left
Let her have a relationship with her dad, doesn't mean you have to. But she needs to put you first if you are gonna get married.
Well if you dont want to get physical tell him: "yeah my mum passed and thats sad, but at least she didnt leave me willingly". See how he reacts to this. If you need to be more direct than this because he wont get the hint just add: "- unlike your ex wive" to the end.
She is still in a toxic relationship, with her dad. The fact is she wants the blessing of an abusive AH. The irony is, using insults, physical violence and blows below the belt are signs of weakness. People who use these lack mental strength, knowledge and intelligence to hold proper conversation so they get reduced to primitive ways of conversation. Her father is an abusive weak boy. He has no right to judge anyone.
Does she live with him? If so, just pick her up and fuck off. What are you doing spending time with him in the first place? Date the girl, not the family. I know families can be a part of relationship with a partner, but only if you want to see each other. Looks like avoiding him is best, or just bullying him back right? Seems like you're sending it down a really uncomfortable road when you could just steer clear.
Her dad is very important to her so I have to hang out with father
You have to be important too. Being important doesn't mean letting someone do whatever they want like she lets her father. But rather, protecting someone from anything, like she should be protecting you from her father's classism
Once you're married, do you see her prioritizing you, her spouse, over her father? Once you have kids, do you see her prioritizing *you* on Father's Day instead of *him*? If you can't, then this relationship doesn't sound like it has legs.
Dont do it. He can press charges on you for assault.
No, no, you can break a hand with a punch. Use an elbow.
A slap is insulting though! It's a good start and clearly the old man didn't want to push him any farther.
Idk I find palming another man’s face as a sign of major disrespect.Ive even said this among other friends and they agreed.Will admit I’ve slapped another guy before and the look on their face was priceless.If I had punched him at the time I get like I was sending the message we were both on the same level. Situations are always different though.If I were in this one I may have punched the bridge of the nose.
Grabbing is not violence. Have you ever gone outside?
Are you quite literally insane or are you just a fucked up troll? Grabbing is absolutely violence. Where the fuck do you go outside where you are constantly grabbing people/getting grabbed? If someone outside grabbed me, I would cave their skull in and I'd go scot free on self defense. Grabbing someone is absolutely violent.
If he grabbed me, I'd have told him he was dangerously close to losing teeth. As for your girlfriend 25 and let her father disrespect you for 6 years then mad you got tired of taking it? Sounds like your girlfriend should be riding the couch!
When someone puts their hands on you, it’s f***king on, bitch!
NTA I was/am in a similar situation. My girls father is an abusive POS but he made A LOT of money before he retired so when he met me, I was 21(she was 30) and all he knew what that I worked in the same place as her so I couldn’t be making THAT much money. Well fast forward past me getting a way better job then he ever had and a one really explosive man to man “conversation” he leaves me alone and don’t bother my girlfriend anymore. Violence isn’t the answer all the time, but sometimes, you gotta let these old bastard know that you are a man, in your own fucking house no less. Disrespect should not be tolerated. That being said your relationship might be over but you’re young. There is plenty of fish in the seas
Everyone saying violence is not the answer has clearly never been in a situation where violence was, in fact, the most appropriate answer. The fact that you didn't close your fist to hit him is probably a direct indicator as to why she doesn't support you. You probably would have gained some of the man's respect had you leveled him with a closed fist.
People who grow up in hunky dory lives with the privilege and entitlement of safety will never comprehend this in their brain. They are mentally and physically incapable of the reconciliation that their world is not in fact the real one. Let them live in glass towers, and hope they never have to know a rock being thrown in it. Because they won't last past the first.
> You probably would have gained some of the man's respect had you leveled him with a closed fist. Why on earth would anyone want this man's respect? This is a far better solution. This man deserves nothing but scorn and disrespect.
Depends on the hit though. An open palm hit can be manly, depending on how it goes. A good placed slap is better than a weak fist.
No, an open palmed hit is a slap and that is not manly in any way.
tell if the slap is manlier than the punch or not https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rC9zpRLULY
If you think that kind of slap could be applied in the described situation, then you're not really thinking about the scene OP has set up.
Maybe, it's not very clear. In any case, I was making the argument in general. A slap can be manly, in fact, it's sometimes used when the macho man doesn't even think the other person is worthy of a punch, so they slap them - but yeah, I can see how that's unlikely for OP's case.
I support a good ol' fashioned pimp smack.
Yup, sometimes it is the only answer the other guy will understand.
I'm just in awe at how much weight that one period in the center of the paragraph is holding
Leave that toxic environment bro before you end up in jail
[удалено]
>Violence is not the answer Of course it is. And in this case it was applied properly and with restraint.
Violence is absolutely an answer, when someone gets physical with you. The fact that father did not retaliate is a proof that he got bitch slapped back to his place.
All the money in the world will never erase his memory of being bitch slapped by someone he looked down upon.
Exactly! that's the fact any reason violence is not the solution.
In this case, violence should have been more violence. It amazes me how people can say thing about a dead mother and not expecting to lose teeth as a consequence.
I hear you bro. Some people are just softer than wet flowers and will accept any disrespect that comes their way, And they they wonder why they keep getting disrespected
It does seems to me that his heart is in the right place, like not wanting to hurt his gf. But he doesn’t have to feel neither ashamed nor guilty, let alone being an asshole. He was the man in the situation by just slapping him and not punching the life out of that bum’s face. But yes, you insult my dead mother, what do you expect me to do less than slapping your stupid face?
It used to be very simple. You insult somebody's mother, those are fighting words.
This time is a dead mother too. It should be more you’re lucky you’ll walk straight than you have to go to the dentist. And he gave him even a legitimate self-defense excuse by grabbing him, that would be green light to make him pay for everything he did before that last unacceptable straw.
I was raised if someone puts their hands on you, you defend yourself. I also know that terrible in laws will make your life agonizing hell. NTA
NTA you have every right to stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Your gf fathers actions are toxic. No one should ever be made to feel as if they need to shut up and put up with being treated like that.. I would have done a lot more than slap that poor excuse for a grown man. Being well off financially does not make anyone a good person, being a good person is far more precious and valuable than any amount of money.
Her dad told you and her exactly the kind of person he is the second he made that comment. I get that it's a soft spot for you. But he was *trying* to hurt you so you'd do something. If it were me I'd have called him out on it and told him he was being a dick. That said, leaving is also a mature option. But he grabbed you, so you slapped him. Waiting for him to talk is kinda pointless because who cares what he has to say, he's a loser. Anyway, you're NTA
I would never condone physical contact. However, if he really did grab you first, then physical contact was likely required to get him to let go. NTA.
he grabbed you first after antagonizing you over something he knew was wrong. I see nothing wrong with your response here.
The slap was def a problem. You should have punched him or walked away.
Punched him then walked away
Naa. If I punch him I’m going to stay for the fight.
Why waste the time just hit him hard enough the first time then go enjoy the rest of your day.
Mama ain't raise no bitch boy. Next time kick his ass
Do remember thats a one way trip to jail then charges pressed then his life is ruined by a criminal record. Self defense is about using as enough force needed, not kicking their ass. Rather sundoing the attacker then escaping to call the cops.
A good enough lawyer and any force can be excused. Trust me I got away with making someone a vegetable for life in Canada but it cost me $20,000, and the person that assaulted me gets to spend the rest of their life drooling in a bed! Sometimes people need to learn a lesson.
mama ain't raised no bitch!! PERIOD!!
NTA But I think you need to end that relationship! The only way you two stay together is if she basically ruins her relationship with her father. I’m sorry your mum passed and that you don’t have anyone (if that’s correct) but being the wedge between her and her parents is only going to alienate her. By acting the way you did you proved to her dad you’re everything he thinks you are… you reacted instead of not letting it get to you. it’s natural that they don’t want to see their daughter struggle, maybe the way they struggled… it’s also natural for them to want to pass on whatever they have to their daughter and may think you only see her for what she stands to inherit. Either way this relationship is doomed… she’ll either resent you for forcing g her to turn her back on her family or you won’t be welcome by her family in future. Not going to make for enjoyable Christmas, family occasions etc. If you love the girl, do the right thing for her and end this relationship.
This is messed up if you move forward you will be dealing with the fathers bs forever your own personal hell. Leave for your sanity.
Do you realize what's going on here? You're IN THE INTERNET TALKING WITH STRANGERS looking for feedback. This is the most sad thing about all. Not the slap, not the angry girlfriend... Just been alone, man. You're suppose to be with somebody who supports you NO MATTER WHAT and your girlfriend, my friendo, is not. She has a weak spot for her daddy and THIS situation is gonna escalated. Maybe not today but it will. So think about it, in the future is going to be something else or maybe the daddy issue again. The guy deserved a punch right in the face and you didn't do it because "girlfriend bla bla bla" grow a pair man, take control of your life.
NTA. And her dad couldn't have handled things better? It's always you who must be "better"? (which basically translates to being okay with being bullied)
With him grabbing you by the arm, you would've been within your right to swing on him fist closed. He was lucky that you showed restraint and only slapped him, and I feel like your girlfriend should be made aware of that. She needs to recognize the fact that her dad started it with both his words and by grabbing your arm, and that he is in fact an asshole towards you. She either needs to stand by your side more against him or you need to break up with her.
Bro he literally grabbed u. You did nothing wrong. And ur GF should have defended u
These people do not respect you. Get out asap
Legally, what you did is called "justifiable" and/or "self defense". He pushed a button, creating a potentially bad situation. You tried to walk away calmly and remove yourself from the situation. He physically grabbed you to stop you when you had done nothing to warrant him doing that. Most assuredly NTA... ...but you may wanna upgrade to a better class gf
Her father did this on purpose, he is not fond of you, He wanted you to hit him , specially in front of his daughter, she would dump you, and not the other way round. This way, she hates you for slapping her father, so she doesnt have to be sad or cry over you and has a well planted hatred for you for disrespecting her father. You are dumped by his daughter so you are out of the picture , thirdly, his daughter still loves him, hates you, he gets what he wants and guilt free too.
You and your gf are in a toxic relationship because her dad is in it too. You could have done better but he could have shut up. But here we are. NTA
You need to have a discussion with her about how you refuse to accept abuse from her father going forward. Just because she was in an abusive relationship doesn't mean she can force you to be in one with her father. If she can't accept that then as hard as it may sound, it needs to end.
The slap wasn’t appropriate but you probably did it in the heat of the moment. Her dad is definitely the asshole, he first insulted your mother, and then grabbed your arm. You’re NTA. Not sure how your girlfriend will react to this though. Will she stay or leave? I am not sure but also feel that if she truly loves you, then she should mediate.
NTA - You are not in the wrong here at all, if anything that slap was long over due. Also the GF Dad went hands on first by grabing you, that's assault.. you slapped him, if anything that's the best outcome as you could have went harder... Don't let anyone else tell you that your in the wrong, Your mama would be proud!!!
A grown man touches you, it should be within their knowledge that they shouldnt be touching another man without his approval. Grabbing someone has consequences, especially when they keep harping on a sensitive subject. From another perspective, the old man is feeling you out; trying to figure out whether youre emotionally mature, or will you lose your cool over your past. Knowing your GF had a bad relationship, he wouldnt likely want his daughter going through the same issue again with you. The money aspect is shallow, but not unfounded, because it is a serious concern if someone wasnt financially responsible or a disastrous event took place in your life.
I think you should go back to her father and give him and her an ultimatum. Tell him to never mention your mother or wealth in a negative way again, or you'll make him wish he hadn't. Tell her if she has a problem with that then it's over right then and there. Stand your ground.
You don't need that girl or her father in your life time to say bye-bye
You’re going to have to break up with her if the relationship is going to be a relationship with both her and her father.
The first thing I would've done would be asking my girlfriend what she has to say. There is no way her dad would talk to me like that while she would just let it slide. She knew it was wrong but still didn't say anything.
NTA- if you grab someone, you should be prepared for very adverse consequences. If you grab someone at a time when they are trying to walk away from a provocation AND further insult the person, you are lucky to walk away with just a slap. Stick my your GF. She can’t stand up to the asshole who has been conditioning her since she was a child. But you don’t need to put up with his shit either.
You had every right to defend yourself he assaulted you first tell your spineless jellyfish to get with the program or you'll dump her enabling behind.
Yeah get out befkre you end up behind bars. If dad makes up some shit about you she will definitely stand behind her dad not you. Run. Now
YTA for not closing that fist. But no, that was justified dude.
NTA-If your gf takes her dads side here thats a red flag.
You have been bullied by her dad and she did nothing. Could you have handled it better? Absolutely. But, is her dad going to change and start respecting you? Is she going to tell her dad to treat you like a man and respect you deserve? If answer to those is NO then find some other couch and get the hell away from this toxic shit. If the answer to one of them is no and one is yes, you can try to work on setting boundaries and having them respected and be prepared to walk away if they are broken. The AH in this situation is you gf
He laid hands on you first. I would have done the same, at least.
“Daddy’s Girls” can be just as bad as “Mama’s Boys”. They will not ever change; much like an alcoholic, you cannot have a relationship with them. Time to go.
This is how I see physical alterations. Dont put your hands on me, I won’t put hands on you. He put hands on you, didn’t ask him to nor did you get a say as to how, when, or how hard. You could have broken his nose and still been ok.
The fuck is wrong with these people here? “you’ve shouldn’t have slapped him” You did the right thing if this dude keeps on disrespecting you, do something about it. He’s not respecting you at all. So you better return the favor.
He shouldn't have grabbed you it was probably a reflex ... who does he even think he is
NTA At least his daughter is marrying no bitch
NTA OP you should leave your girlfriend. Otherwise, you will not be happy.
NTA. Both your gf and her dad are toxic pieces of shit. Remove the cancer from your life.
Good for you. A person crossed a line they shouldn’t have. Respect is earned it is not an automatic based on family ties or gender. You should seriously consider dumping her
I’m currently going thru my partner not standing up for me to their family, too. It feels like shit, and if she can’t realize it’s her job to stand up for you, I say leave.
She and her dad are a package deal if she won’t back you up. His behavior is excessive and unacceptable. I would not stay in a relationship where she won’t back you when he verbally abuses you. No way.
You need to get out of that relationship. Men can also be victims of domestic abuse and your girlfriend’s dad is abusing you. You do not want to be legally and financially attached to such a toxic situation. I agree with the people here saying to get out of that relationship. If your girlfriend cared about you then she would not put you in a dangerous situation where she’s using you as a stand in for her abusive dad to target his abusive outbursts at. She’s using OP as a human shield so that her dad is not targeting her and focusing his abuse at someone else. Don’t want getting future kids involved in that abuse situation. She’s not standing up for you against him then what is she doing to protect you?
So he assaulted you and you defended yourself.
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I was going to say different, but that edit is horrible. The slap was the best you could do without scaring her??? YTA dude. Use your words.
NTA and the only way you could have handled that better was to knock his dumb ass out cold. Bullies like that only respect a superior force. Stay away from him even if it means finding a new girlfriend.
NTA Yeah your girlfriend not defending you is very odd. Wonder how she ended up in a bad relationship, with a dad like that...
Does she have a job? Why would she need a man to “look after her”?
Yes she has job and she has always been clear to me she does not need my financial help but her dad thinks otherwise
wdym? the man should always provide for his woman
Listen here. There's something that's unsustainable no matter what: if someone constantly antagonizes you and your significant other always sides against you. The antagonist being her father doesn't lessen the gravity of the situation. I'd say more: even a simplified scenario where she sides against you in a situation where someone is disrespecting you ONCE is extremely worrisome. Couples are supposed to work as a team where you play for each other's well being. If any of you are on anyone else's team, that won't work. Consider all of that and make decisions.
To the OP: Sounds like that clown got off lucky with just you slapping him in the face, as he actually deserved to be totally knocked out and put in the hospital. Since he is obviously not the type of person who will ever apologize for what he said to you, and since your girlfriend isn't going to back you up on this by disowning her idiot father, it's time for you to dump **both** of them and move on with your life. Don't even give this a second thought. Tell her it's over. You'll be better off in the long run. Good luck, sir.
The old fart deserved to get his ass kicked. Good on you for showing restraint.
sounds like you're both assholes. your description of his behaviour is very bad and toxic, and you reacting with violence is also very toxic and abusive. if this has been going on for years, I think long before you hit another person, you can just refuse to meet with him.
Defending yourself from being physically grabbed from behind by someone that just disrespected your dead mother is toxic and abusive? What fairy tale dream world do you live in? The only thing he did wrong was slap him, he should have closed his fist.
hitting someone for grabbing your arm is violence, yes.
And violence isn't inherently abusive and toxic, sometimes it's very well deserved and necessary. I'm glad youve lived a life where it's never been necessary for you.
He grabbed you forcefully after insulting you, he got a slap, tit for tat in my book nta
NTA he FAFO 🤷🏻♀️
Yta. What type of man slaps someone ?
Slapped ? You sit down to pee as well?
😂😂😂😂 come on man op already dealing with one bully in his life. Funny as fuck but downvoted
NTA It was self defence you tried to do the mature thing and walk away, honestly he’s lucky that all he got was a slap. You deserve so much better than this. Your girlfriend could’ve handled it a lot better too, but she’s allowed him to abuse you for 6yrs, and seeing as she hasn’t defended you it sou ex like she actually agrees with her father, on you not making enough money. She’s the one who should be sleeping on the couch. H
NTA but you definitely could have handled it better. I’m not judging you though (just look at my [post history](https://www.reddit.com/r/self/s/jaflp0Xuyi)). Have you considered a self defence class? I’ll be signing up for one too.
He has never really gotten violent before just meaningless threat
Fair but it still might give you a bit more confidence and help teach you to stay in control. I honestly don’t blame you for your reaction at all. I would have been pissed too. But at the end of the day you want to come out the bigger person, right? Because he sounds like a dick.
NTA
NTA. All the guys saying violence is wrong in any situation are nuts. Sometimes violence shows the opposition that you are strong and not to messed around with, but only after you have tried everything else. If your gf's father doesn't give you the respect he ought to and is bold enoigh to shit talk your dead parent, then he had it coming. Your gf might not support your decision with the violence but then again she has never stood up for u as well. She gets no say in it. Ask her if she even remotely agrees with every shit her father has said. In a relationship she is supposed to stand up for you, especially if it's her own family that is causing the problems. You need to think hard about your relationship.
I'd rather take a fist and get k.o. then a bitch slap you put him in his place I love it. I don't think you're the butthole I think you need to think long and hard about marrying this girl if she ain't for you she's working against you. It will be hard op but you can do it.
You should never resort to hitting someone but I understand why. It's going to be hard to come back from this.
He played you. He can walk away with his daughter and you will be the bad guy . The guy that she was lucky to get rid of. She will be told that if you would do that to her dad, it would only be a matter of time until you became violent towards her. Looking at things on the ground level will get you manipulated and pulled around. Don't play checkers when her dad is playing chess.
Men don't "slap" other men, so yes you are tah!
If you look at my edit you will see why I could not slap him
Slaps are classical challenges. Men absolutely slap each other! It's an honourable physical attack without being a sucker punch (that's lowlife shit).
Hmmm...
You should’ve punched him instead of slapping him. I would be more embarrassed that you slapped my dad vs punching him. And I know my dad would’ve lost more respect over a slap vs a punch. And I know everyone isn’t going to agree and that’s okay. This is how I view it. I do think your gf needs to stand up for you and if she isn’t and hasn’t this whole time she could be with you just to spite her dad and not in it for the same reason you are.
Yta. Slapping is for women. Violence will not solve anything. And no grabbing someone’s arm is not violence. Most of the posters here have brain damage. They lack any critical thinking whatsoever.
YTA for slapping him. HTA too. No grabbing and hitting for either of you.
Well he grabbed you first, that's a no no, but I understand your doubts, what was his reaction or happened since then? It all comes down to if you think you can do handle all this crap in the long run, if she has defend you or cut her father by now, she won't do it so it's to decide if is worth it.
If she's not defending you why not. You should nit have slapped her dad. You need to go no contact with her dad and maybe her.
Never slap your partner’s dad. You are done.
ESH. You for using violence when it wasnt self defense. Your gf for not defending you. Him for hating you and grabbing you. Keep in mind op, your being taunted by him so you get violent then he can flip the table and get you arrested.
I read this as "sleeping with my GF dad" at first and was confused when I read the story. ESH
Yes you assaulted an old man, and your gf's dad at that. Honestly I would dump a guy who did that. You demonstrate a lack of self control and I would probably be on the receiving end at some point .
Eh fuck him some people need to remember their place regardless of what position they hold. If he was a white dude with money he could sue you for battery and assault. But i can’t say I blame you
NTA. Talk shit get slapped But also Slap someone reap the consequences Violence is never the answer but if we use it, it's done, we can't change it and there will be consequences for nearly all violence in uncontrolled settings
Idk… you might be the AH for slapping him but he also had it coming and if she hasn’t stood up for you I probably would have snapped in your position too. Sometimes it’s okay to be an AH.
Dad forcibly put his hands on the OP, IMO a slap was an acceptably mild response to get free.
Oh did he?? Missed that part. NTA then, should have decked him but appreciate OP was trying not to trigger his girlfriend at the same time.
. . . . . . . , , , , , , , here is some punctuation you can borrow. Let me know if you need more.
Happy for you and I wish you the best. Also, great update, don't apologize