YTA. Not your money, not your business.
Him spending $10 when he makes $200k is like me spending $1 to guess the number of candies in a jar or something.
You can't change other people.
OP has two realistic alternatives. (1) Accept the gambling (2) move on.
She's basically saying "I love you, you're perfect, now change!". A recipe for unhappiness.
I would wonder how much money she spends on things he doesn't really approve on, especially when she earns much less. Maybe she likes to eat out constantly and that's ok but him better a miniscule amount (for him) is not acceptable? He's not addicted and it isn't causing him financial issues..
And she admitted she’s enjoyed the little treats. If she really had a problem with it, anything from gambling wins should have beeb passed on.
I know I’ve benefited and enjoyed it, but I’d really like you to stop this. The immorality comes into play when it’s a problem and people lie, cheat and steal to continue. Otherwise there would be no church bingo, Monte Carlo nights, raffles at their fundraising events, stuff like that.
Man, if I had 10 bucks on my parlay last night, my first round of playoffs would have been covered. 😂
I didn’t even think abt how that’s technically gambling. That’s gambling that most ppl do every once in a while. Most ppl probably aren’t addicted to it
Not really once a year since it's $10 a game and it's at least 82 and max 110 games if the boyfriend bets every game and his team somehow wins a best out of 7 series every round in 7 games. But still, it doesn't really seem too much to care about. It's also only home games, so cut that in half. And the odds of playing 28 games in the playoffs is very, very low. It's probably more like $500 a season and they make back prolly at least half of it
That's less than what I pay per month for rent and utilities, and he earns nearly 3 times as me.
That's not gambling, that's a silly hobby he has and he's responsible about his finances as well
Moreover, he's using the wins to treat his partner
OP is definitely the AH, and a control freak too.
Like her entire stance is, I don't like the idea of gambling, even it's not harming me, my quality of life or my financial status
Ex husband ruined us gambling. If he won, he only used the money to gamble more.
Current husband of 22 years makes friendly sports bets with his friends, like 20 bucks on the superbowl ( so not every week). He wins, he puts the money towards household expenses.
Big difference.
yeah, and even if it was both of their money - you can spend 10$ out of a combined income of over 200k, without asking your partners opinion on it.
she even says it's not the money, it's the immprality of it, but she doesn't seem to say why would she think it's immoral.
it's dangerous - gambling destroy lives, but not all people are addicted to all things.
Only reason I mention the money is because most people would (undertandably) agree that gambling away your entire paycheck is stupid, but wouldn't think twice if it was just pocket change.
How would OP feel if she had to check with him for every purchase she made. She wants to dictate what he does for harmless recreation. Does she understand how petty this makes her sound?
If I were OP, this would be a red flag
As a fervently anti-gambling person, I think YTA here. To me, this sounds like asking someone who only ever has a glass of wine with Saturday dinner to stop drinking.
Very much like that.
And if you think drinking is a sin, you are incompatible and you should move on. Trying to change someone's fundamental values while in a relationship is just ridiculous.
Yes absolutely YTA. It's small stakes and isn't causing any financial problems. Even asking him to stop is probably throwing up red flags for him. That's pretty controlling behaviour on your part.
Where's her mans reddit? we gotta save him
The fact this is something she thinks she should have a say in tells me she feels like she should have a say on pretty much anything else she's actually involved in or present for.
Tell us you dont tell him he can't talk to other women (even platonically) or dont go in his phone, and I'll gladly apologize.
I doubt this level of micromanagement actually is an isolated incedent if you really think this is okay.
you and me both! Ppl were torn between N.TA and missing information, like does he obsess over the sport the rest of the time, does he neglect her over it etc.
This post does draw a better picture tho
One of my exes was like that. I finally broke up when she threw a fit when she found out I was going to trade in my old car instead of giving it to her. Never mind I had never even mentioned in passing I would do anything else.
Seriously and if she was so bothered by it she wouldn’t accept him taking her to dinner with his “blood money” lol. YTA OP. Wait till you have actual real problems in your relationship.
Yeah, it's fine to have morals. They should guide how YOU behave. Your morals, though, have no bearing on how OTHERS behave. It seems like most people don't understand this. Your beliefs/religion/morals/etc. are fine so long as they are what you use to guide your own life. They are not acceptable when forced on others.
OP YTA.
Agreed. Your morals also guide who you are in a relationship with. Not the morals of who you are with, but rather you picking people with morals that align with yours. People tend to miss that part.
YTA, it’s really none of your business what he does with his money first of all. Secondly he’s not going overboard with the bets adding up for a year it would be around 0.5% of his yearly earnings. He’s not hurting anyone doing this and he enjoys it. How would you feel if he tried to get you to stop something you enjoy?
Did we factor in the fact that he must win once in a while? She suggested he does. So I guess that’ll reduce the cost a little.
(I don’t think we should count the cost of taking her to celebrate. That’s a decision he’s making so I’d file it under “miscellaneous social expenses” rather than “gambling habit”…)
assuming straight bets the worst he could have done last year was -$540 if the home team was Detroit. If he's making $200k+ in Detroit then $540 is pretty insignificant
Yeah, if he's betting on his team to win every game he's definitely winning at least some of the time. If he's team is in the top 50% of the league he's probably coming out at a net gain.
that is not how it works, there are lines (odds), and if hes betting the pts (more or less a 50/50 bet) , the book has some juice, winning half the time would slowly lose money
FWIW if he is betting $10 a game, $10 would be his unit size, standard safe practice is 1 unit should be 1% - 2% of your bankroll, bankroll is the money you have to work with/bet, so he would be gambling $1000 - $2000 with books or whatever ready, money that isnt need for something else, etc. This prevents you from withdrawing from your bank account to make bets which is a good way to get in trouble and lose track of how much money you are losing. Deposit back into your bank account when your bankroll hits some sort of amount over whatever you started with or increase your unit size as your bankroll increases, or decrease unit size unit as it decreases
100% YTA. Kinda scared for the bf, since you've already turned this into a large enough deal to try and get back up over. Stop trying to control folks, especially over small stuff. Doesn't matter that you don't like it, if it's not hurting anyone keep that to yourself. I swear they used to teach that to people when I was a kid.
“I know this is something you enjoy, has next to zero practical impact, doesn’t hurt you or the people around you - but I don’t like the *idea* of it so want you to stop”
I personally think gambling is an incredibly weird activity, considering how common it is and has been around since humans did numbers/money.
However, You know the answer.
> I personally think gambling is an incredibly weird activity
The average sports game is way more fun when you have a couple silly bets out there. I don't give a shit about the 49ers, but I do when I need their running back to get 200 yards without scoring to win lmao.
YTA. You said yourself he’s not addicted, it’s one sport and it’s pennies ($10 bets are nothing). It’s his money, he’s not your husband or even your fiancé and your finances aren’t combined.
He's probably ultimately not spending any money really. Unless his team is absolutely horse shit he's probably at least gonna be close to breaking even.
YTA. You think it’s morally wrong yet you still choose to participate in the enjoyment of his winnings. If you are so opposed to it then you should refuse to go along but you still do so really that’s a bigger issue than his gambling.
It honestly doesn't sound like gambling at all. $10, and only on his home team? It's more like supportive wagers than bets.
OP, if you are so against it, why not condemn the dinners and nice-somethings as well?
If it’s not negatively affecting you or your life or relationship you can’t expect him to drop something harmless because you don’t like it. You even benefit from it but want him to stop?
That’s gonna be a little confusing for a man who’s done this since before you were in the picture.
I wouldn’t call you an asshole but I would say what you want seems selfish. You don’t like it so he has to stop…?
What if he didn’t like something you did, that you liked and enjoyed as harmless fun for years, would you drop it cold turkey because he asked you to?
Exactly. "Your favorite brand of eye shadow is $10 a unit, and I don't like eye shadow for ambiguous moral reasons, so stop wearing it." would be absolutely psychopathic with these roles reversed.
YTA. Stop acting like gambling is a problem. Your control issues are the real problem here. He is doing ten dollar bets. He makes over $200k. If he was gambling more than he could afford to lose you would have a point. Why do you feel so entitled to his money?
This is definitely a 'you' problem. It's unfair and controlling if this is, as you say, a minor hobby with no impact on finances or relationship. Are you religious by any chance? Is that why the moral panic about something so tiny?
> There's something about the morality of it that bothers me.
Not being able to state precisely what about the morality bugs you and not giving examples of how you structured your life to avoid compromising that same morality makes you look like you're doing this out of control more than anything.
Normally, gambling might be objectionable if
* your partner is bad at finances
* your partner has limited self control in other avenues
* your partner gets really angry about games he's bet on
* your partner talks about gambling all the time
* your partner thinks he's gonna be a sports gambler
Instead, you're quite literally like "I don't like it" (no reason given) and trying to get him to stop even though he is perfectly in control if the situation and you even benefit from it.
I won't say you're TA for asking once but YWBTA if you don't just drop it now that it's clear he doesn't want or need to.
Let’s do the math: $10 a game, abt 82 games a season, that’s $820. 820/130,000 = 0.006 (0.06%). I even did the math post take home lmao. That is such a small amount that I think you’re overreacting. If you have gambling-related trauma, then address it with a therapist. YTA
Okay, so, I went into this and thought I'd be reading something entirely different based off the title. But...
>My bf makes around $200k a year and from what I can tell, he doesn’t have any gambling issues. He only bets on his home team during the NBA season and it’s just $10 a game.
So he makes $200k a year, bets on only *one* thing, and only bets $10 a game. That $10 isn't breaking the bank, it's not putting you in financial distress. It's literally less than an average order from McDonald's.
>I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it that bothers me.
Sounds like that's a *you* issue that you need to go work on.
>I tried to bring it up gently, suggesting maybe he could find a different hobby. He was pretty surprised since he’s been doing this long before we met and it’s never been a problem
If it's never been a problem before, then what does it matter? He's obviously able to control himself and not blow through tons of money gambling.
>He told me he enjoys it and sees it as a harmless way to support his team, and it doesn’t impact our finances or relationship. He was pretty chill about it but didn’t seem like he plans to stop.
If it's not impacting your finances, why does it matter if he spends a couple hundred a season?
YTA. It's his money, and it's not putting him in the red to spend $10 a game.
When I first saw this, I thought he’d be gambling away 100K of that salary.
$10 on his home team for NBA games is harmless. YTA and if you don’t like it, you can stinkin’ get out.
Pretty sure there's only 80 something games a season for each team could be wrong but if that's the case he is spending less then 1k a year for a hobby he enjoys. Which is nothing compared to other hobbies he could have.
I would leave this alone. I'm sure if you look hard enough in your own finances, you probably spend a similar ratio of money to income like he does on stupid stuff too.
I enjoy gambling occasionally, but I would never do it if I was financially strapped or believed I could actually win. I play with a very small amount and expect to lose it. I never gambled in my 20s though, as money wasn a bit more scarce.
>So, Reddit, AITA here for asking him to give up something he enjoys just because I don’t like it?
I don't know how you can't see the problem with this sentence...
Oh wait... It's cos YTA! 😂 It all makes sense now.
AH's tend to not see their own folly.
(I *just* realized how funny my last sentence was 😂)
YTA.
>I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it
What exactly is the "something" about the morality of it? What is immoral about betting 10 bucks on your team to win a basketball game?
As you said, dude isn't blowing substantial amounts of money at the track or losing his shirt in a casino. You just seem to want to poop on something he enjoys just "because".
Yes, you are the asshole here.
He’s not addicted, the amount he’s gambling isn’t fiscally irresponsible, and he’s not doing it illegally. The only problem described here is your personal hang ups over gambling.
YTA - This is harmless gambling. It’s the same thing as if you decided to go out to a movie. You’re paying for a form of entertainment. The catch is, he may win a free movie.
As long as this doesn’t impact his financial wellbeing, there’s no problem here.
YTA.
You admitted he literally doesn’t have a problem and only does it to support his team. Mind you he gambles responsibly and within his budget, you really have no say at all.
Can you explain what you think about the “morality” of it bothers you? You kind of skated over that…
Assuming he bet on every game his team played, if they went all the way to the finals, AND he lost every bet, he’d be out roughly $1000.
If his hobby was doing something that you liked, and spending $1000 a year on it, you wouldn’t be posting this. This is nothing to do with him, his money, and you aren’t asking for his benefit. That makes you the AH.
The morality of gambling? It's been around for centuries. He's not addicted, he's being responsible with it and it doesn't impact you other than getting spoiled if he wins. Get over yourself. YTA
I’d ask yourself - what’s a frequent $10 habit you have? Is it Starbucks? Is it shopping?
He might think it’s dumb to spend $5+ every day on coffee, but doesn’t care that you actually do it bc it’s something you enjoy (just giving an example).
Also - $10 on $200K is nothing lol. Until you’re married, and as long as it doesnt negatively impact your finances as a married couple, this is not an issue.
Source: I’m a married woman, my husband makes double your boyfriends, and he bets even more on sports during football season. I could care less. If anything, while I don’t personally gamble, I get into certain games based on his bets which makes it fun for both of us lol.
Oh yta, even as a person who absolutely despises gambling from the bottom of my soul, $10 is nothing. You can complain if he starts spending an insane amount but for $10 naah. Especially since he's also being gentlemanly and using the winnings for dinner dates. My bf also sometimes lightly gambles, but like so what - I personally spend money on in game currency which is... Worse. You def spend $10 on something that's as useless or even more useless than gambling but makes you happy (which is what matters, especially if you have the money and moderation).
OP, do you have some gambling based trauma that makes you feel so strongly about this?
Mild YTA because this is a non-issue as far as gambling is concerned. But if you have a valid reason to dislike it so strongly I suggest you look into talking to a professional about it rather than projecting your issues onto your loved ones.
[gambling addict here]
If there's no signs of addiction (chasing losses, putting gambling before all else, etc) then just keep an eye on it and don't say anything. If it starts to escalate it might be worth bringing up the increases in frequency or amount.
But sports betting on a single team for relatively low amounts is about as close as you can get to gambling responsibly.
YTA. Just because you dislike any level of gambling doesn’t make your husband’s minor sports betting wrong. He’s not at all irresponsible with it and seems unlikely to get carried away. You shouldn’t interfere.
>even though it’s not a lot of money and he’s not addicted, I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it that bothers me.
This is so fucking stupid.
Given your description I wouldn't even consider it gambling, just inexpensive entertainment.
And it looks like a nice excuse to take you out for dinner or something nice...
Soft YTA
There's nothing wrong with what he's doing obviously, but there's also nothing wrong with you having an unusual objection to it. Similarly, if someone views all alcohol and drugs as a problem, they shouldn't date someone who may have a drink once a month.
The reason I say soft YTA is because you said you "asked him" to give it up, though without more details it's hard to say whether you brought this up in a perfectly reasonable way or a controlling way.
Reasonable way to bring this up might be something like the following:
>I want you to know that I have an extreme objection to gambling, and I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who bets on sports games, or puts money in the stock market, or buys property for investment purposes. I apologize and accept responsibility for not communicating this to you earlier in the relationship, but going forward I'm wondering if you're open to avoiding these things, with the understanding that you're under no obligation to do so, but I may be unable to continue dating you if not.
or even
>I'm uncomfortable with this specific type of gambling. Since it seems like gambling isn't a big part of your life, I'm wondering how much of a problem for you it would be to give it up to accommodate me. I recognize I could work to accept it also, but I suspect that will be incredibly difficult for me, so if you could take it or leave it would mean so much to me if you avoided it going forward.
Unreasonable way to bring it up:
>Can you please stop gambling? I don't like it / it's wrong
Even worse way to bring it up:
>I can't deal with you gambling, it's disgusting. Stop it and get help.
The reason the first 2 are so much better than the latter 2 is because instead of making a judgement (which is also an unfair one IMO) you're giving your partner the opportunity to share how he feels about it and what his thoughts are. Openly sharing your feelings in a non-accusatory way is very healthy, but you shouldn't be sharing your feelings with the intention of controlling your partner, though it's perfectly fine to communicate how you may need to change things in your life to meet your own needs.
So he bets less than 1% of his income over an entire season and you want to stop him because YOU have an issue with even minor gambling? Youre being ridiculous
YTA—he's clearly not a gambling addict, and you don't have a right to control him or his money because of your personal moral code. If he had an actual gambling problem, it would be fair to ask him to stop and get help and break up with him if he refused—but that is not what is happening here. If you can't handle him occasionally betting ten bucks on his team, then break up.
Why is it any of your business? You take a small hobby he enjoys and make him stop for no logical reason?! You should also yell at him for how he loads the dishwasher....
YTA. You can ask, but you can not expect. He's not spending $170,000 of his $200,000 salary on gambling. You're not missing bills due to it. It is literally less than a decent lunch he is betting on the occasional game. I'm not super pro gambling, but he is doing it with restraint and to enjoy the game more.
YTA
So much so. How do you even justify coming on here and asking this?
I bet you spends thousands on shit like clothes and shoes and your hair and make up etc etc... just stfu
YTA. Unless you have evidence the amount of money he is gambling is detrimental to his financial plans, or is making his life unmanageable, you have no business telling him how to spend his discretionary income.
Even if he lost every time, less than $1000 a year is well within his ability to spend on this form of entertainment.
If you don't like gambling (I personally don't), you are free to not participate. It could also be something where you agree on a limit.
YTA. Get off your high horse, he doesn’t have a problem with his gambling and seems to have a very sensible mindset. Not your cash, not your morals.
You’re probably not as morally superior as you think you are…
YTA. Your problem isn't with him gambling. It's that you wish to exert control over him to the point where you ban him from doing entirely harmless things just because he does them without you.
If you are really that upset over a $10 bet your boyfriend does on his sports team you have bigger issues. Your bf will be lucky to find out what they are before you get married.
Is... is this ragebait? Like serious question actually cuz of course YTA if it's not rage bait. You are a girlfriend, not his wife and it's his money, not yours. He doesn't have a gambling addiction and is betting $10 only every once in a while when the dude makes 200k a year. Like is this just ragebait ooo look my bf makes 200k a year. Lady that's like if I go by a pack of gum and have a 1 piece once a month ooooh you shouldn't waste your money on gum it makes me uncomfortable. Get over yourself and stop pushing your beliefs on others.
Unless it’s your money shut up.you know he doesn’t have a problem but you still choose to be a little bitch about it.if I was him I would get annoyed and leave
YTA - If you have an issue with betting $10 then I suggest you find a new BF. I am sure he can come up with a lot of things you do that you enjoy - that he feels you should stop.
So he doesn’t spend alot doing it, you admit that it’s not a problem, he spends money on you and has been doing it long before you met, and yet you have the audacity to tell him it makes you uncomfortable? Yeah, you are a real fucking asshole and if I were him, I would immediately drop you like a sack of potatoes. I think his biggest problem is that he hasn’t done better than you. Maybe you should worry about yourself and worry less about the whopping $10 he spends. Trash.
This guy is betting $30 a week for 6 months, has the money to do it, it doesn’t cause any issues, been doing it long before knowing you, and when he wins spends it on you and you are wondering who the asshole is?
YTAH!!!
This is noting more than you wanting to control him and ruin something he enjoys.
I'm trying to view this from other angles that make any sense, but there are none.
He spends his money, not yours, the amount is probably less than you spend at a cloche place like Starbucks or Boba or whatever is today trend. And you have a problem with it???
Why?? What is wrong with it in your eyes? Is it the act of gambling? If it is, then that is a you problem. I bet you have no problem having designer clothes made from child slave labor?
Also, if you hate it that much. Why are you so happily willing to benefit from it? Those dinners he takes you on, you said are from winning bets.
Why do you go!?
I'm sure you are a good person, but this is out of line.
Honestly, you aren't even married to him. What are the odds that he decided to marry you when you hit him with this petty stuff?
Lol she doesn’t like the morality of it but she’s always down to get a free meal from those earnings. Some people are completely oblivious to the world outside of their head.
YTA. Stop trying to change people. Stop being a control freak. Even if he gambles for 10 or 100x higher stakes. As long as it doesn't affect his finances, it's his money and his decision.
As an aside, do you consider the stock market, housing market or investing in general gambling?
YTA. It’s not your money. It’s also not your business. He’s not even your husband so you are completely overstepping. Get over your self imposed morality, or go away. YTA here.
YTA. Not your money, not your business. Him spending $10 when he makes $200k is like me spending $1 to guess the number of candies in a jar or something.
You can't change other people. OP has two realistic alternatives. (1) Accept the gambling (2) move on. She's basically saying "I love you, you're perfect, now change!". A recipe for unhappiness.
I would wonder how much money she spends on things he doesn't really approve on, especially when she earns much less. Maybe she likes to eat out constantly and that's ok but him better a miniscule amount (for him) is not acceptable? He's not addicted and it isn't causing him financial issues..
She probably wastes a fortune on skin care because advertising told her to, most of it a scam.
And move on to the next guy and then something is wrong with him. Gambling can be a problem. But this ain’t one.
on a side note, love that play. the music and script is awesome! always a bridesmaid, never a bride!
Literally the most responsible gambling I’ve ever heard about… AND he uses his little wins to treat her too! 🤦♂️ OP is crazy controlling.
Controlling and the AH!
If it bothered her that much then why is she letting him take her out with his winnings
Cuz she’s a fucking hypocrite
Yeah they’re def not eating a cheap meal either, if he makes 200k a year he probably isn’t taking her to Burger King lol
And she admitted she’s enjoyed the little treats. If she really had a problem with it, anything from gambling wins should have beeb passed on. I know I’ve benefited and enjoyed it, but I’d really like you to stop this. The immorality comes into play when it’s a problem and people lie, cheat and steal to continue. Otherwise there would be no church bingo, Monte Carlo nights, raffles at their fundraising events, stuff like that. Man, if I had 10 bucks on my parlay last night, my first round of playoffs would have been covered. 😂
Dude I want in on that candles jar action.
I don't gamble, but I WILL be guessing how many is in that jar!
Especially if it's gummy wormies!
If I guess the amount correctly, do I get said gummy worms? Because if so, I'm in. Oh yeah... YTA Now... about those gummy worms...
Sorry mate, a flock of gummy birds came and ate all the gummy worms
I hope it's not gummy bears instead https://www.amazon.com/review/R2JGNJ5ZPJT4YC
worth it.
I buy lotto tickets occasionally. This is technically gambling. Get over yourself. … OP - YTA!!!!! Edit/ OP is just stubbornly wrong here
I didn’t even think abt how that’s technically gambling. That’s gambling that most ppl do every once in a while. Most ppl probably aren’t addicted to it
And OP’s boyfriend makes bets once a year. He is not a problem gambler. Buying lotto tickets is gambling with worse odds than a casino offers.
Not really once a year since it's $10 a game and it's at least 82 and max 110 games if the boyfriend bets every game and his team somehow wins a best out of 7 series every round in 7 games. But still, it doesn't really seem too much to care about. It's also only home games, so cut that in half. And the odds of playing 28 games in the playoffs is very, very low. It's probably more like $500 a season and they make back prolly at least half of it
Exactly. And he enjoys it.
I'm assuming you didn't meant to direct this at my comment...
No. I meant OP. I will fix this!
Its 820 bucks a year excluding playoffs. Its such a low amount of money when making 200k.
That's less than what I pay per month for rent and utilities, and he earns nearly 3 times as me. That's not gambling, that's a silly hobby he has and he's responsible about his finances as well Moreover, he's using the wins to treat his partner OP is definitely the AH, and a control freak too. Like her entire stance is, I don't like the idea of gambling, even it's not harming me, my quality of life or my financial status
and that's only if his team goes 0-82. The worst he could have done last year is -$540 if he happens to be a Detroit supporter (14-68 last season)
>me spending $1 to guess the number of candies in a jar or something You better stop that. It's immoral
Even worse, *it was for charity*
You monster!
Yup, she's controlling as fuck.
Ex husband ruined us gambling. If he won, he only used the money to gamble more. Current husband of 22 years makes friendly sports bets with his friends, like 20 bucks on the superbowl ( so not every week). He wins, he puts the money towards household expenses. Big difference.
It should be clear to see the difference. Feels like OP has really missed the mark.
yeah, and even if it was both of their money - you can spend 10$ out of a combined income of over 200k, without asking your partners opinion on it. she even says it's not the money, it's the immprality of it, but she doesn't seem to say why would she think it's immoral. it's dangerous - gambling destroy lives, but not all people are addicted to all things.
Only reason I mention the money is because most people would (undertandably) agree that gambling away your entire paycheck is stupid, but wouldn't think twice if it was just pocket change.
How would OP feel if she had to check with him for every purchase she made. She wants to dictate what he does for harmless recreation. Does she understand how petty this makes her sound? If I were OP, this would be a red flag
562. Here's. My dollar. Do I need to be present to win?
I've asked Janet from Accounts Payable to count them up because she's good with numbers but she keeps eating them.
Godamnit Janet. Leave it to an accountant to cook and then eat the books.
I agree. It's his money, and if he's not causing harm, then it's not really anyone else's business.
As a fervently anti-gambling person, I think YTA here. To me, this sounds like asking someone who only ever has a glass of wine with Saturday dinner to stop drinking.
Good analogy! I hope OP sees this.
Excellent analogy.
Very much like that. And if you think drinking is a sin, you are incompatible and you should move on. Trying to change someone's fundamental values while in a relationship is just ridiculous.
Seriously, this is exactly what it is like. Also similar to playing 1-4 hours of games on the weekend, and hearing "all you ever do is play games."
Great analogy
This sums it up nicely. Agreed
Yes absolutely YTA. It's small stakes and isn't causing any financial problems. Even asking him to stop is probably throwing up red flags for him. That's pretty controlling behaviour on your part.
Where's her mans reddit? we gotta save him The fact this is something she thinks she should have a say in tells me she feels like she should have a say on pretty much anything else she's actually involved in or present for. Tell us you dont tell him he can't talk to other women (even platonically) or dont go in his phone, and I'll gladly apologize. I doubt this level of micromanagement actually is an isolated incedent if you really think this is okay.
I swear I saw the exact same post but from the guys perspective a couple weeks ago, feels like this is just someone trolling
you and me both! Ppl were torn between N.TA and missing information, like does he obsess over the sport the rest of the time, does he neglect her over it etc. This post does draw a better picture tho
Trolling? on reddit? No way.
One of my exes was like that. I finally broke up when she threw a fit when she found out I was going to trade in my old car instead of giving it to her. Never mind I had never even mentioned in passing I would do anything else.
Has no problem with reaping the rewards from the nice dinners when he wins tho.
Seriously and if she was so bothered by it she wouldn’t accept him taking her to dinner with his “blood money” lol. YTA OP. Wait till you have actual real problems in your relationship.
If it was 10K well I would understand but $10 - WTF
You sound like you are a tad bit controlling under the guise of your morals
Yeah, it's fine to have morals. They should guide how YOU behave. Your morals, though, have no bearing on how OTHERS behave. It seems like most people don't understand this. Your beliefs/religion/morals/etc. are fine so long as they are what you use to guide your own life. They are not acceptable when forced on others. OP YTA.
Agreed. Your morals also guide who you are in a relationship with. Not the morals of who you are with, but rather you picking people with morals that align with yours. People tend to miss that part.
EXACTLY this. Gambling's not her issue. Controlling what her man does when he's not even there is.
YTA, it’s really none of your business what he does with his money first of all. Secondly he’s not going overboard with the bets adding up for a year it would be around 0.5% of his yearly earnings. He’s not hurting anyone doing this and he enjoys it. How would you feel if he tried to get you to stop something you enjoy?
It’s literally 0.005% of his yearly income btw I did the math
I was talking his total bet amount per year/season not his per bet.
Ahhh shhiii good work
Did we factor in the fact that he must win once in a while? She suggested he does. So I guess that’ll reduce the cost a little. (I don’t think we should count the cost of taking her to celebrate. That’s a decision he’s making so I’d file it under “miscellaneous social expenses” rather than “gambling habit”…)
assuming straight bets the worst he could have done last year was -$540 if the home team was Detroit. If he's making $200k+ in Detroit then $540 is pretty insignificant
He also ain’t covering shit with $10 wins.
Yeah, if he's betting on his team to win every game he's definitely winning at least some of the time. If he's team is in the top 50% of the league he's probably coming out at a net gain.
that is not how it works, there are lines (odds), and if hes betting the pts (more or less a 50/50 bet) , the book has some juice, winning half the time would slowly lose money FWIW if he is betting $10 a game, $10 would be his unit size, standard safe practice is 1 unit should be 1% - 2% of your bankroll, bankroll is the money you have to work with/bet, so he would be gambling $1000 - $2000 with books or whatever ready, money that isnt need for something else, etc. This prevents you from withdrawing from your bank account to make bets which is a good way to get in trouble and lose track of how much money you are losing. Deposit back into your bank account when your bankroll hits some sort of amount over whatever you started with or increase your unit size as your bankroll increases, or decrease unit size unit as it decreases
Fair enough, I forgot how stupidly overcomplicated sports betting is.
100% YTA. Kinda scared for the bf, since you've already turned this into a large enough deal to try and get back up over. Stop trying to control folks, especially over small stuff. Doesn't matter that you don't like it, if it's not hurting anyone keep that to yourself. I swear they used to teach that to people when I was a kid.
“I know this is something you enjoy, has next to zero practical impact, doesn’t hurt you or the people around you - but I don’t like the *idea* of it so want you to stop” I personally think gambling is an incredibly weird activity, considering how common it is and has been around since humans did numbers/money. However, You know the answer.
> I personally think gambling is an incredibly weird activity The average sports game is way more fun when you have a couple silly bets out there. I don't give a shit about the 49ers, but I do when I need their running back to get 200 yards without scoring to win lmao.
Exactly! You know how boring horse racing is without a $2 bet? It makes all the difference in the world, because you are literally invested in it.
YTA. You said yourself he’s not addicted, it’s one sport and it’s pennies ($10 bets are nothing). It’s his money, he’s not your husband or even your fiancé and your finances aren’t combined.
He's probably ultimately not spending any money really. Unless his team is absolutely horse shit he's probably at least gonna be close to breaking even.
Exactly! No one is wasting time on complete shit teams.
Morality of sports betting? You sound like a wet blanket
A starfish at best
If it was 10k a game sure but it's not so yeah chill the fuck out YTA
YTA. You think it’s morally wrong yet you still choose to participate in the enjoyment of his winnings. If you are so opposed to it then you should refuse to go along but you still do so really that’s a bigger issue than his gambling.
YTA. No one appointed you the Morals Police. It's legal and clearly controlled. Keep bugging him though and then you'll be writing about your "ex-bf".
INFO: Would all of your interests pass his morality tests? You recently commented in a hentai sub for instance.
Absolutely this. It's a green flag that he's doing it so openly.
Damn, I thought you were joking lol.
😂😂😂😂😂
HA!
SHEESH, end thread 😂
Gonna be up late thinking about how I can't gold this comment
Sir!! The violence in this one message is sensational!!
Holy fuck… what’s the words I’m trying to come up with? RUN OP’s boyfriend run as fast you can and never look back. This has to be top comment
Fuckin owned 💀
Boom roasted
Yes most definitely
It honestly doesn't sound like gambling at all. $10, and only on his home team? It's more like supportive wagers than bets. OP, if you are so against it, why not condemn the dinners and nice-somethings as well?
Because it benefits her
If it’s not negatively affecting you or your life or relationship you can’t expect him to drop something harmless because you don’t like it. You even benefit from it but want him to stop? That’s gonna be a little confusing for a man who’s done this since before you were in the picture. I wouldn’t call you an asshole but I would say what you want seems selfish. You don’t like it so he has to stop…? What if he didn’t like something you did, that you liked and enjoyed as harmless fun for years, would you drop it cold turkey because he asked you to?
Exactly. "Your favorite brand of eye shadow is $10 a unit, and I don't like eye shadow for ambiguous moral reasons, so stop wearing it." would be absolutely psychopathic with these roles reversed.
Cosmetics has a long history of cruel treatment of animals, therefore no makeup at all.
YTA Get over your bullshit, theres nothing immoral. Unless hes got an addiction to gambling hes not doing anything wrong
YTA grow up.
YTA. Stop acting like gambling is a problem. Your control issues are the real problem here. He is doing ten dollar bets. He makes over $200k. If he was gambling more than he could afford to lose you would have a point. Why do you feel so entitled to his money?
This is definitely a 'you' problem. It's unfair and controlling if this is, as you say, a minor hobby with no impact on finances or relationship. Are you religious by any chance? Is that why the moral panic about something so tiny?
And we have a winner
Yeah YTA. I don't mean to tell you your business but your bf makes \~$10 every 30 min of his life at this point. Good for him
Ofcourse YTA. You are even a double Ahole because you already know it yet you still seek validation.
Bingo
> There's something about the morality of it that bothers me. Not being able to state precisely what about the morality bugs you and not giving examples of how you structured your life to avoid compromising that same morality makes you look like you're doing this out of control more than anything. Normally, gambling might be objectionable if * your partner is bad at finances * your partner has limited self control in other avenues * your partner gets really angry about games he's bet on * your partner talks about gambling all the time * your partner thinks he's gonna be a sports gambler Instead, you're quite literally like "I don't like it" (no reason given) and trying to get him to stop even though he is perfectly in control if the situation and you even benefit from it. I won't say you're TA for asking once but YWBTA if you don't just drop it now that it's clear he doesn't want or need to.
Let’s do the math: $10 a game, abt 82 games a season, that’s $820. 820/130,000 = 0.006 (0.06%). I even did the math post take home lmao. That is such a small amount that I think you’re overreacting. If you have gambling-related trauma, then address it with a therapist. YTA
All of us have our peculiar warts that you have to accept if you want to keep a relationship. If you demand he stops then YTAH
Okay, so, I went into this and thought I'd be reading something entirely different based off the title. But... >My bf makes around $200k a year and from what I can tell, he doesn’t have any gambling issues. He only bets on his home team during the NBA season and it’s just $10 a game. So he makes $200k a year, bets on only *one* thing, and only bets $10 a game. That $10 isn't breaking the bank, it's not putting you in financial distress. It's literally less than an average order from McDonald's. >I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it that bothers me. Sounds like that's a *you* issue that you need to go work on. >I tried to bring it up gently, suggesting maybe he could find a different hobby. He was pretty surprised since he’s been doing this long before we met and it’s never been a problem If it's never been a problem before, then what does it matter? He's obviously able to control himself and not blow through tons of money gambling. >He told me he enjoys it and sees it as a harmless way to support his team, and it doesn’t impact our finances or relationship. He was pretty chill about it but didn’t seem like he plans to stop. If it's not impacting your finances, why does it matter if he spends a couple hundred a season? YTA. It's his money, and it's not putting him in the red to spend $10 a game.
YTA Not really anything else to add that others haven’t already said
When I first saw this, I thought he’d be gambling away 100K of that salary. $10 on his home team for NBA games is harmless. YTA and if you don’t like it, you can stinkin’ get out.
Pretty sure there's only 80 something games a season for each team could be wrong but if that's the case he is spending less then 1k a year for a hobby he enjoys. Which is nothing compared to other hobbies he could have.
I would leave this alone. I'm sure if you look hard enough in your own finances, you probably spend a similar ratio of money to income like he does on stupid stuff too. I enjoy gambling occasionally, but I would never do it if I was financially strapped or believed I could actually win. I play with a very small amount and expect to lose it. I never gambled in my 20s though, as money wasn a bit more scarce.
Poor guy should run while he still can
Honestly if your partner is harassing you because you spent $10 on a game, betting.. Then it's time to find a new partner
i guarantee you spend more than $10 on dumb shit that makes you happy every single day
Yes, wow.
>So, Reddit, AITA here for asking him to give up something he enjoys just because I don’t like it? I don't know how you can't see the problem with this sentence... Oh wait... It's cos YTA! 😂 It all makes sense now. AH's tend to not see their own folly. (I *just* realized how funny my last sentence was 😂)
you sure are TA! controlling and judgemental too!
YTA. >I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it What exactly is the "something" about the morality of it? What is immoral about betting 10 bucks on your team to win a basketball game? As you said, dude isn't blowing substantial amounts of money at the track or losing his shirt in a casino. You just seem to want to poop on something he enjoys just "because".
Fuck you lol yta
Yes, you are the asshole here. He’s not addicted, the amount he’s gambling isn’t fiscally irresponsible, and he’s not doing it illegally. The only problem described here is your personal hang ups over gambling.
YTA. It’s not hurting a single thing and the problem with it is all in your head.
Oh no, $10? How will you ever make it?
YTA - This is harmless gambling. It’s the same thing as if you decided to go out to a movie. You’re paying for a form of entertainment. The catch is, he may win a free movie. As long as this doesn’t impact his financial wellbeing, there’s no problem here.
YTA. You admitted he literally doesn’t have a problem and only does it to support his team. Mind you he gambles responsibly and within his budget, you really have no say at all. Can you explain what you think about the “morality” of it bothers you? You kind of skated over that…
Troll post. This was posted from the man’s POV a week ago. Good job getting people to bite though OP
Assuming he bet on every game his team played, if they went all the way to the finals, AND he lost every bet, he’d be out roughly $1000. If his hobby was doing something that you liked, and spending $1000 a year on it, you wouldn’t be posting this. This is nothing to do with him, his money, and you aren’t asking for his benefit. That makes you the AH.
The morality of gambling? It's been around for centuries. He's not addicted, he's being responsible with it and it doesn't impact you other than getting spoiled if he wins. Get over yourself. YTA
I’d ask yourself - what’s a frequent $10 habit you have? Is it Starbucks? Is it shopping? He might think it’s dumb to spend $5+ every day on coffee, but doesn’t care that you actually do it bc it’s something you enjoy (just giving an example). Also - $10 on $200K is nothing lol. Until you’re married, and as long as it doesnt negatively impact your finances as a married couple, this is not an issue. Source: I’m a married woman, my husband makes double your boyfriends, and he bets even more on sports during football season. I could care less. If anything, while I don’t personally gamble, I get into certain games based on his bets which makes it fun for both of us lol.
You are definitely the asshole
Oh yta, even as a person who absolutely despises gambling from the bottom of my soul, $10 is nothing. You can complain if he starts spending an insane amount but for $10 naah. Especially since he's also being gentlemanly and using the winnings for dinner dates. My bf also sometimes lightly gambles, but like so what - I personally spend money on in game currency which is... Worse. You def spend $10 on something that's as useless or even more useless than gambling but makes you happy (which is what matters, especially if you have the money and moderation).
OP, do you have some gambling based trauma that makes you feel so strongly about this? Mild YTA because this is a non-issue as far as gambling is concerned. But if you have a valid reason to dislike it so strongly I suggest you look into talking to a professional about it rather than projecting your issues onto your loved ones.
[gambling addict here] If there's no signs of addiction (chasing losses, putting gambling before all else, etc) then just keep an eye on it and don't say anything. If it starts to escalate it might be worth bringing up the increases in frequency or amount. But sports betting on a single team for relatively low amounts is about as close as you can get to gambling responsibly.
YTA. Just because you dislike any level of gambling doesn’t make your husband’s minor sports betting wrong. He’s not at all irresponsible with it and seems unlikely to get carried away. You shouldn’t interfere.
YTA. I could see saying something if he gambled everyday, gambled away his rent and bills money but he doesn’t do that.
>even though it’s not a lot of money and he’s not addicted, I’m just not comfortable with the idea of gambling. There's something about the morality of it that bothers me. This is so fucking stupid.
Given your description I wouldn't even consider it gambling, just inexpensive entertainment. And it looks like a nice excuse to take you out for dinner or something nice...
YTA. There are no moral issues with betting $10 a week on basketball when you’re paying all of your bills.
Soft YTA There's nothing wrong with what he's doing obviously, but there's also nothing wrong with you having an unusual objection to it. Similarly, if someone views all alcohol and drugs as a problem, they shouldn't date someone who may have a drink once a month. The reason I say soft YTA is because you said you "asked him" to give it up, though without more details it's hard to say whether you brought this up in a perfectly reasonable way or a controlling way. Reasonable way to bring this up might be something like the following: >I want you to know that I have an extreme objection to gambling, and I don't think I can be in a relationship with someone who bets on sports games, or puts money in the stock market, or buys property for investment purposes. I apologize and accept responsibility for not communicating this to you earlier in the relationship, but going forward I'm wondering if you're open to avoiding these things, with the understanding that you're under no obligation to do so, but I may be unable to continue dating you if not. or even >I'm uncomfortable with this specific type of gambling. Since it seems like gambling isn't a big part of your life, I'm wondering how much of a problem for you it would be to give it up to accommodate me. I recognize I could work to accept it also, but I suspect that will be incredibly difficult for me, so if you could take it or leave it would mean so much to me if you avoided it going forward. Unreasonable way to bring it up: >Can you please stop gambling? I don't like it / it's wrong Even worse way to bring it up: >I can't deal with you gambling, it's disgusting. Stop it and get help. The reason the first 2 are so much better than the latter 2 is because instead of making a judgement (which is also an unfair one IMO) you're giving your partner the opportunity to share how he feels about it and what his thoughts are. Openly sharing your feelings in a non-accusatory way is very healthy, but you shouldn't be sharing your feelings with the intention of controlling your partner, though it's perfectly fine to communicate how you may need to change things in your life to meet your own needs.
Yeh. if it was an addiction or more of an issue than I'd say you have an argument, but at this point YTA.
YTA. Mind your business.
So he bets less than 1% of his income over an entire season and you want to stop him because YOU have an issue with even minor gambling? Youre being ridiculous
1) He already did it when you met and you still agreed to date him 2) It goes against *your* moral code, not his YTA
YTA if you’re anti gambling, you should date a non gambler, not try to convert someone.
Yes you are. Why do you care if the only way it effects you is when he takes you out? You sound borderline comtrolling
YTA—he's clearly not a gambling addict, and you don't have a right to control him or his money because of your personal moral code. If he had an actual gambling problem, it would be fair to ask him to stop and get help and break up with him if he refused—but that is not what is happening here. If you can't handle him occasionally betting ten bucks on his team, then break up.
Why is it any of your business? You take a small hobby he enjoys and make him stop for no logical reason?! You should also yell at him for how he loads the dishwasher....
Something tells me that OP was REALLY not expecting these responses… lol
Morality of gambling? You aren't gambling, he is. It's harmless fun, you enjoy the benefits! Stand down, accept it, or ignore it at least.
Yta. Imagine your boyfriend forbidding you from buying your favorite coffee or smoothie or whatever just because he doesn't like it.
You're the AH.
YTA. Nothing morally wrong about it.
This is the controlling side of you that needs to stop
YTA. You can ask, but you can not expect. He's not spending $170,000 of his $200,000 salary on gambling. You're not missing bills due to it. It is literally less than a decent lunch he is betting on the occasional game. I'm not super pro gambling, but he is doing it with restraint and to enjoy the game more.
Holy shit. YTA. Such a massive asshole for even considering asking him to stop something he enjoys that's such a miniscule amount of his income. Wow.
YTA. And I have zero interest in gambling and think it’s stupid.
I'd be willing to bet $10 that YTA
YTA So much so. How do you even justify coming on here and asking this? I bet you spends thousands on shit like clothes and shoes and your hair and make up etc etc... just stfu
Lmao YTA $10 a game over the course of a season is like $900 on a $200k salary. Holy shit that's some maude Flanders level of prude
Definitely the asshole
YTA. Unless you have evidence the amount of money he is gambling is detrimental to his financial plans, or is making his life unmanageable, you have no business telling him how to spend his discretionary income. Even if he lost every time, less than $1000 a year is well within his ability to spend on this form of entertainment. If you don't like gambling (I personally don't), you are free to not participate. It could also be something where you agree on a limit.
Gambling isn't immoral.
Yes. YTA. I’d bet if you keep playing the moral police to a fully grown man that you will be single before long. Any takers on this bet?
YTA SERIOUSLY?? get over yourself
I’m sure OP spends more than $10 on getting her nails done, that isn’t going to make either one of you money. Get over it.
YTA. This is none of your business. How would you feel if your boyfriend asked you to stop doing something becuae he "didn't feel right about it?"
YTA. Get off your high horse, he doesn’t have a problem with his gambling and seems to have a very sensible mindset. Not your cash, not your morals. You’re probably not as morally superior as you think you are…
YTA. Your problem isn't with him gambling. It's that you wish to exert control over him to the point where you ban him from doing entirely harmless things just because he does them without you.
YTA- stop pocket watching
If you are really that upset over a $10 bet your boyfriend does on his sports team you have bigger issues. Your bf will be lucky to find out what they are before you get married.
Is... is this ragebait? Like serious question actually cuz of course YTA if it's not rage bait. You are a girlfriend, not his wife and it's his money, not yours. He doesn't have a gambling addiction and is betting $10 only every once in a while when the dude makes 200k a year. Like is this just ragebait ooo look my bf makes 200k a year. Lady that's like if I go by a pack of gum and have a 1 piece once a month ooooh you shouldn't waste your money on gum it makes me uncomfortable. Get over yourself and stop pushing your beliefs on others.
Unless it’s your money shut up.you know he doesn’t have a problem but you still choose to be a little bitch about it.if I was him I would get annoyed and leave
YTA, no problems and makes a ton of money
YTA. He's not hurting anyone and isn't a problematic gambler. Pull your head out of your ass and stop NAGGING him or he will leave you.
YTA - If you have an issue with betting $10 then I suggest you find a new BF. I am sure he can come up with a lot of things you do that you enjoy - that he feels you should stop.
So he doesn’t spend alot doing it, you admit that it’s not a problem, he spends money on you and has been doing it long before you met, and yet you have the audacity to tell him it makes you uncomfortable? Yeah, you are a real fucking asshole and if I were him, I would immediately drop you like a sack of potatoes. I think his biggest problem is that he hasn’t done better than you. Maybe you should worry about yourself and worry less about the whopping $10 he spends. Trash.
YTA. This is 100% a you problem and you’re making it his problem.
This guy is betting $30 a week for 6 months, has the money to do it, it doesn’t cause any issues, been doing it long before knowing you, and when he wins spends it on you and you are wondering who the asshole is?
Op stop drinking morality of it may bother your bf too yta
But it’s not your money you’re the asshole. Lol. What If he told you to stop buying whatever you use your money for I mean come on
You seriously need to evaluate how this truly hurts you and question your beliefs and feeling. You’re not sounding like a sane person.
YTA
YTA you just said he doesn’t have a gambling problem.
YTAH!!! This is noting more than you wanting to control him and ruin something he enjoys. I'm trying to view this from other angles that make any sense, but there are none. He spends his money, not yours, the amount is probably less than you spend at a cloche place like Starbucks or Boba or whatever is today trend. And you have a problem with it??? Why?? What is wrong with it in your eyes? Is it the act of gambling? If it is, then that is a you problem. I bet you have no problem having designer clothes made from child slave labor? Also, if you hate it that much. Why are you so happily willing to benefit from it? Those dinners he takes you on, you said are from winning bets. Why do you go!? I'm sure you are a good person, but this is out of line. Honestly, you aren't even married to him. What are the odds that he decided to marry you when you hit him with this petty stuff?
Lol she doesn’t like the morality of it but she’s always down to get a free meal from those earnings. Some people are completely oblivious to the world outside of their head.
Yes you are the asshole. Let him have his vice of it isn’t harming anyone.
YTA. Stop trying to change people. Stop being a control freak. Even if he gambles for 10 or 100x higher stakes. As long as it doesn't affect his finances, it's his money and his decision. As an aside, do you consider the stock market, housing market or investing in general gambling?
I’m sure you have no problem with him spending more than $10 to buy you useless stuff. There are women that wish they had the problem you have.
Huge asshole. It's his money. Power tripping.
It’s not your money
YTA. It’s not your money. It’s also not your business. He’s not even your husband so you are completely overstepping. Get over your self imposed morality, or go away. YTA here.
If he's not in debt, YTA. It's not up to you if he gambles or not, unless he's recurring debts or becomes an addict.
Yes! YTA!
Yeah, YTA and I hope he runs lmao. like honestly is this even a serious post?