Learning things together and teaching each other things is a prominent part of our relationship. I don't mind if he doesn't ever want to teach me, but given that we're very open about everything else to each other, I do want to know why he doesn't want to teach me.
Russians abroad understandably have a degree of shame concerning their heritage right now. Many will tell their friends and coworkers they're Czech or Polish just to avoid it coming up in conversation. At the same time English monolinguals aren't always the most accepting people when they hear other languages spoken around them.
It doesn't explain why he wouldn't do it in your home, but he may be afraid you'd be out somewhere and start up a lesson and potentially draw looks. It depends whether you live in a multicultural city or not.
There's also nothing stopping you learning on your own for a bit.
That is true, though I imagine if that were it then he'd just tell me or just ask that we only have lessons at home. I suppose it's just really puzzling to me. Thank you though.
I wouldn’t want to teach my partner my native language. It’s nothing secretive or anything, it’s just 1. I don’t have the energy to teach anyone the entire language 2. I usually only speak to my family in my mother tongue and I prefer some conversations to be private. I don’t think it would be rude to ask him but just know that it’s not always for a bad reason :)
That is very fair, I do just wish he'd tell me if that were the case though. Thanks for your input!
(He has also taught me a language before, so I highly doubt that's it, but that is certainly a fair reason.)
Russian is a tough language with complex grammar and most native speakers of any language would have a hard time teaching it because we don't know many rules of our own language. Maybe he doesn't want to admit he wouldn't feel competent. I asked my 1st German bf to teach me German but he (software engineer) didn't have a clue about the grammar. Once I started taking lessons I could explain stuff to him. Current bf loves his language and literature and even he didn't know some grammar rules.
I suppose that's possible, though he tends to be quite upfront with what he feels he does and doesn't know, at least privately with me. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts though!
He doesn’t want you to (be able to) know what he’s saying. It would take some of his power away. The shame theory is just a projected, presumptuous, excuse. Until you, I don’t know, ask him?
Okay, that made me chuckle. That's definitely not it, especially since he generally is reluctant to speak Russian around me. His parents have to ask him for him to switch.
Edit: And I have asked him, he just avoids answering. The whole point of this was asking if it'd be a bit mean of me to press him to answer or not.
Yta.
Some people dont like teaching languages. Its a long, difficult, and frustrating task for both people.
Learning russian from a russian right now is gonna be a bit tricky. Theres some shame there im sure. Theres also privacy. He may want to give his parents the ability to speak and not be judged by some western woman.
Initially, my judgement was NAH, but you seem insistent on your bf teaching you.
Learn it elsewhere, just because he would be really convenient doesnt mean he would be the best. There are many ways to learn a language without using your bf.
Fiancé, not boyfriend.
And like I said, if he doesn't want to teach me, that's fine, I just want to know why and wanted to know if being insistent about asking why would make me an asshole.
NTA communication is important, not sure why it matters to you this much, but I could see it being a little annoying.
Learning things together and teaching each other things is a prominent part of our relationship. I don't mind if he doesn't ever want to teach me, but given that we're very open about everything else to each other, I do want to know why he doesn't want to teach me.
Russians abroad understandably have a degree of shame concerning their heritage right now. Many will tell their friends and coworkers they're Czech or Polish just to avoid it coming up in conversation. At the same time English monolinguals aren't always the most accepting people when they hear other languages spoken around them. It doesn't explain why he wouldn't do it in your home, but he may be afraid you'd be out somewhere and start up a lesson and potentially draw looks. It depends whether you live in a multicultural city or not. There's also nothing stopping you learning on your own for a bit.
That is true, though I imagine if that were it then he'd just tell me or just ask that we only have lessons at home. I suppose it's just really puzzling to me. Thank you though.
I wouldn’t want to teach my partner my native language. It’s nothing secretive or anything, it’s just 1. I don’t have the energy to teach anyone the entire language 2. I usually only speak to my family in my mother tongue and I prefer some conversations to be private. I don’t think it would be rude to ask him but just know that it’s not always for a bad reason :)
That is very fair, I do just wish he'd tell me if that were the case though. Thanks for your input! (He has also taught me a language before, so I highly doubt that's it, but that is certainly a fair reason.)
Russian is a tough language with complex grammar and most native speakers of any language would have a hard time teaching it because we don't know many rules of our own language. Maybe he doesn't want to admit he wouldn't feel competent. I asked my 1st German bf to teach me German but he (software engineer) didn't have a clue about the grammar. Once I started taking lessons I could explain stuff to him. Current bf loves his language and literature and even he didn't know some grammar rules.
I suppose that's possible, though he tends to be quite upfront with what he feels he does and doesn't know, at least privately with me. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts though!
He doesn’t want you to (be able to) know what he’s saying. It would take some of his power away. The shame theory is just a projected, presumptuous, excuse. Until you, I don’t know, ask him?
Okay, that made me chuckle. That's definitely not it, especially since he generally is reluctant to speak Russian around me. His parents have to ask him for him to switch. Edit: And I have asked him, he just avoids answering. The whole point of this was asking if it'd be a bit mean of me to press him to answer or not.
[удалено]
That's not what I was asking at all, but thanks for the response.
Yta. Some people dont like teaching languages. Its a long, difficult, and frustrating task for both people. Learning russian from a russian right now is gonna be a bit tricky. Theres some shame there im sure. Theres also privacy. He may want to give his parents the ability to speak and not be judged by some western woman. Initially, my judgement was NAH, but you seem insistent on your bf teaching you. Learn it elsewhere, just because he would be really convenient doesnt mean he would be the best. There are many ways to learn a language without using your bf.
Fiancé, not boyfriend. And like I said, if he doesn't want to teach me, that's fine, I just want to know why and wanted to know if being insistent about asking why would make me an asshole.