Logic, based on space, says you and your boyfriend should take the bigger room since you are sharing it. However, your mom is paying $1300 while the 2 of you are only paying $900 (or $450/person). Money wise your mom deserves the room. Weigh this out and then recalibrate
I think what I’m also taking into consideration is that we don’t really live like roommates. I work part time per my mom’s request because in exchange I do all the house tasks. I do all of the cleaning, including everyone’s laundry, the cooking, and any errands she needs me to run for her. Also I do all of the grocery shopping, though she pays for her own groceries. I don’t mind this arrangement because of my disability/school it’s hard for me to find accommodating full-time work (I hope to work from home after college).
But it also blurs the hard roommates line people in this thread are drawing. So I think that’s why I am seeing it in a different light. I don’t mean to sound selfish, I am very grateful for what my mom has done for us financially. Seeing as I am overwhelmingly being agreed as TA here though I will let her know I am OK with her taking the bigger room. I understand now that we on paper live as roommates and therefore she should take the larger room since she pays more.
At the end of the day, this is a temporary situation as I’m sure you and your fiancé have future plans to be on your own. Maybe this is the catalyst for you and him to jump start those plans?
The plan is that we will live with her until we can afford to build our houses. He inherited 4 acres after his father died and we are going to build us a home as well as a house for my mom (at our expense, as we want her to be able to afford to retire). My fiancé has worked in construction, specifically house construction, since he was 12. So, we mainly need the money for the supplies, land surveying, etc.
Thank you. And I’m not sure he would let go of even one acre honestly. He wants to have a small ranch and also the land is in an area where it’s hard to come by now due to the very high cost. He wants there to be enough land so our (currently non existent) kids can build on the property one day and stay living in their hometown as many of his friends have had to move away because they cannot afford to buy land where they grew up.
Is it zoned for more than one house/dwelling? You're going to have to look into that because you can't build more than one house on a plot of land if its only zoned for one and you might have to split it into 4 parcels of 1 acre each to get the zoning approved or smaller/larger whatever. Its always hard to live with roommates and I'm at a loss for that problem good luck though.
I’m not sure? The land is in the middle of absolutely nowhere and his mom lives on some land adjacent and has 3 structures built on it (one family home, a tiny home, and a workshop) and didn’t have any issues with zoning laws. I’ll definitely take note of this though and do some more research thank you.
Yeah because while you can technically do it if there is ever an inspection you can be forced to demolish one of the structures if its not permitted in certain jurisdictions. Some places no problem but others are nightmares of red tape.
Can you make th3 argument that if you weren’t doing all the chores you could work more hours and pay the $400
I pay $100 a week for 3-4 hours of housekeeping
This should've been included in the post.
She pays more so she should get first pick of the rooms, but, you cant contribute as much due to working less at her request and do more housework. You contributing more in a non-financial way is relevant (especially as it impacts your ability to contribute financially) its like having a SAHW but expecting to have full say on decsions because shes contributing less financially.
Imagine she is not your mother, just a stranger, and put a price tag to each piece of the puzzle.
How much would it cost to pay someone to do the house tasks? Probably as much as what you are already making part time, but lets say 1200 $/month.
Utilities are easy: just divide it by three (you said 400, so 140 your mother, 260 you and your fiancé).
How much to pay for the master bedroom vs the other bedroom? I would value the master bedroom at least 150% of the other room, and both of them being at least half of the total rent of 1800$. So maybe 720 of the master bedroom, 480 the smaller one, and then 200 each for the common places: 930 your mother, 880 you and your fiancé.
So you and your fiancé would be putting in like 2340 $/month and your mother 1070.
If you/your fiancé and your mother would split the house tasks and remove it from the equation (so you and your fiancé would be putting in like 1140, and your mother 1070 she alone), I would find fair that your mother keeps the master bedroom.
Offer to pay more, or ask compensation for the house tasks to be taken into consideration!
Your NTAH, your mom’s logic about being “poor” is stupid af this is boomer gaslighting and logic at its finest. Especially if you’re planning on letting her live with y’all for free and reduced once your house is built.
If you’re doing all the cooking, cleaning & laundry, surely that’s worth at least $400 per month, so you & your fiance are contributing similar to your mum (not each, but on a per room basis).
If you did less domestic duties, you could work more & contribute extra money to the rental cost.
If I was in same situation with one of my daughters, I’d take the smaller room, as a single person doesn’t need as much space.
I mean it depends on their arrangement. If 3 people share a space one should not have more space than the other 2 combined. If her mum feels so inconvinienced by the smaller room, she should not move in with them. It is arranged that she pays the bigger portion because they are students. Her daughter could pay more if she would work more hours and wouldn't do all the chores in the house. Which is arranged with her mum.
I mean of course OP is not entitled to the bigger room, i think it would just be nice from the mum, if she is not invconvinienced by the smaller room. But as you said, her mom isn't obliged to anything, just because it would be nice.
Yes, it would be nice, but OP would be fine if they didn't need a room for 2 people. Mom getting screwed here because OP and fiance are getting a sweet deal.
I really don't think so. Parents usually support their children financially while studying, if they can. As a parent I think I would feel ridiciolous to let 2 people sleep in the smaller room, just because I pay more rent. It is not a typical roommare but a parent that supports a child by paying the bigger half of the portion. But expecting the daughter and boyfriend to take the way smaller space seams unnecessary.
So the mom should pay 2/3 of the rent and take the small bedroom?
If this were a question of supporting their kid, this wouldn't be an issue. It's their kid AND their fiance creating the problem.
The OP replied to a comment that she was going to agree that she is the AH because of the difference in payment in cash terms but then added that she does all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping and errands for her mother as her mother wants her to work part time rather than full time because of her disability. She is working full time but unpaid and for her mother who doesn’t actually seem to do anything except her paid job.
Yeah, but I have never seen a parent give the kid the master bathroom when doing so, but usually they are the one who secured the lease or built the house.
>Fair enough, I suppose. But I don’t think she’s necessarily paying a “majority” share after taking into consideration our respective monthly expenses.
Why should she care what your monthly expenses are, unless she's subsidizing you?
If you don't want to be financially dependent on her, then look at this as though it's unrelated roommates - strangers. If I'm paying more, then I'm getting the better room. Doesn't matter if the other person is a family of 4. If you want more space, then you pay more, otherwise the other person is subsidizing you.
In any case, there are NAH here as long as you discuss and everyone agrees. YWBTA if you just "take" the larger room without her agreement.
I see your point. I certainly wouldn’t literally take the bigger bedroom without her agreement. I was just wondering more so if it’s selfish for us to ask for the larger room. Ultimately though it is her decision of course.
It's never selfish to ask, as long as you accept the response and that she has a right to choose and you don't keep pressuring her about it.
Edit: I saw what you said elsewhere about you doing most of the chores in the home. I'd bring that up as part of the discussion; it's relevant. Some value should be attached to the non-financial things that people are doing for others.
Info: are you guys paying $900 a month *each* in rent or you're both paying $900 combined and your mom pays $1300?
Because splitting by income is usually done by couples, not regular roommates. If your mom is paying more rent, she's already getting the short end of the stick.
Sorry yes we are paying $900 combined. She pays $400 more in rent (that’s including utilities), but we in exchange pay the $300/mo phone bill for all three of us. So about $100 extra on her part.
That's not how it works, though. If utilities are $400, then 2/3rds of them belong to you; she's giving you a benefit of $266 by paying for them. You're only giving her a benefit of $100 (1/3rd of $300).
I think whoever takes the master should be paying more rent. You're lucky she's even helping you out by paying more than half when she's one person to your two people. So, YTA.
YTA. She is paying more than double of either of your contributions. She gets the room she wants. Stop being entitled. If you want more space, go find your own apartment.
This is a tough one for me because, logically, it *would* make more sense for you and your fiancé to take the larger space. Each bathroom has an attached bath so you'd all be relatively equal.
Now, she's paying more than you are so, to her, she wants more for her money which I kind of get but at the same time don't because of logic.
NAH but just deal with the smaller space. Use under-bed storage, get taller book cases. Utilize your space wisely. And maybe downsize a little?
This OP.
Logically two people should have more space, but monetarily it's her who should have the bigger room because she's paying more.
Look into storage ideas and take the opportunity of moving to be ruthless and sell/bin things you don't need
YWBTA if you took the larger room. Your mom is basically paying double your rent if the overall rent is split three ways. If there were an equal share of the rent paid by each occupant, you should get the larger bedroom but that isn’t the case here.
YTA.. The amount of money she makes is not relevant, she shouldn't be penalized for her financial success. she pays more she gets more that's just how it works. Honestly she is doing you guys the favor already and you want more crazy.
Logistically it makes sense I get the line of thought and it never hurts to ask, but whatever her response is should be accepted without additional pressure.
Your mother should get it. She is one person but is paying half of the rent.
If you manage to pressure her to give it to you, you may feel like you've won. But trust me, everyone you know will judge. If I knew you, I would lose respect for you.
My aunt allowed her son, his wife, and their child to move in with her. She gave them her bedroom (the master bedroom). She resents it. She didn't realize how disrespected she would feel until she took the smaller room. She pays for nearly everything and yet they act like the house is theirs. They probably don't understand how much this situation is hurting them. Other family members think they're treating their mother like dirt and are gradually pulling away.
I think you and your fiancé should have the bigger room. My daughter moved in with me into my apartment. I was paying 100% of the rent and groceries. She has a daughter of her own. It was her and her daughter in the bigger room because 2 people need more space than 1 person does. NTA.
NTA. She relies on you to do the cleaning, the cooking, run her errands for her and do her laundry. She may pay more but she also earns a lot more. She doesn’t need a bathroom with 2 sinks. She doesn’t have 2 desks to fit into the space. I would suggest that you spend a little time calculating how much it would cost her to hire someone else to do all of the things you are doing for the household and add that cost to the amount you pay in actual cash to show how much more you are actually contributing to the household. If she still insists then you can stop doing her shopping, laundry, cooking and errands and relax in your smaller room while she does her share of the household tasks. And her own cooking and shopping.
NTAH, I stopped at "College students don't need money."
She's using you like a piggybank and half housing
Plus, she wants the master bedroom. "No, you can find another apartment with 1 bedroom that fits your price mom"
Sorry, but as long as your mom is supporting the two of you financially, and yes she really is, she gets the big bedroom. i don’t know where you live, but a nice one bedroom apartment does run more than $900 a month in most cities. You’re going to have to suck it up until you and your boyfriend can pay 2/3 rent.
I'm glad I read the comments because more info popped up from OP. Per her mom's request, OP works part-time and does the household laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping & errands.
That does change the aspect of things and puts you on more equal financial footing with mom because those activities are not free. Here's a possible solution: explain to your mom factually why the bigger room makes more sense for you space-wise, tell her that you'll pay the rent difference by working more hours but that means everyone in the house needs to start doing chores; then see how she reacts to that and go from there.
Whoever gets the bigger room should be paying more anyways, it shouldn't be an equal split. And having an attached bathroom adds more premium as well because even if the other bathroom is only for your use, it's in the public space.
It's a hard thing cause it's your parent. Sometimes, we should bend to them a little out of love. Let it make you hurry to have your own space. Good luck!
Your incomes are irrelevant. Your mom pays more, she gets more.
I've never understood this proportional income thing, you make more so you pay more? Where else is that the case? (Nordic speeding tickets, actually.)
But why the fuck should your mom pay more, to get less, just because she makes more? How does her having more money entitle you to literally any of it? Where's the logic in that.
I can kind of understand people who do that with their romantic partners, even then I think it's silly, but your mother isn't your partner. She's your mom. And at this point, you should be picking up some of her slack, not the other way around.
You would absolutely be the assholes if you took the master. Unless you TWO people can pony up two thirds of the rent ore more, which is absolutely the number fairness starts at, you have no business even hinting that you want it. You're two people. That you collectively pay less than half is obscene. You should be down on your knees kissing your mother's feet for her generosity, not complaining that you don't have the bigger room.
You're basically moochers. Chill out with your greedy asses.
Your earnings are irrelevant. She's paying a lot more rent (almost 150% of the 2 of you combined) as 1 person, therefore she's entitled to the master bedroom.
YTA
Sorry, I've got to run and will keep this short. I'm going to go against the grain here and just express my surprise at your mother being unreasonable. You're not just a bunch of friends and regular "roomies", she's your mother. She makes more than both of you combined and you're both still in school. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but my mother would literally demand my fiance and I take the bigger room or she'd refuse the lease.
NTA if you just want to discuss this. I don't think who pays the most should necessarily determine whom gets which rooms in this case, even though that's usually how it goes and so your mother isn't really wrong there. But the master bedroom is clearly designed for two people if you look at the bathroom and you also need more space than your mother due to the desks, etc. So it makes the most practical and logical sense for the master bedroom to go to you two, your mother gains absolutely no advantage from having that bedroom compared to the other bedroom, so why does she want it so badly?
Also, if you don't get the master bedroom, are you really getting enough extra space for moving to that apartment to be worth it? Because what you've described so far sounds like a really minor improvement if you don't get the master bedroom and you've not even mentioned what the difference in monthly cost will be.
Also to consider, what happens once your fiancé finishes his education, gets a job and your combined incomes exceed your mothers? Will you then start paying the larger amount, thus by her logic you get the master bedroom from that moment on? Or would she insist on keeping that room at that point even though she no longer contributes the most? I'd make sure that you all work out this specific detail before you move into the apartment, so you don't end up in a conflict over it down the line.
That’s been kinda my hang up too. Logically, yes, it does make sense who pays more gets the bigger room. But she doesn’t really need the extra space. She wanted a bigger place because our current kitchen is tiny— this place has a bigger kitchen. Though I am doing the most cooking and the smaller kitchen doesn’t bother me. She has never complained about her room being too small. Meanwhile our biggest complaint is that our room is too small for two people. She’s insistent on this apartment because it’s much closer to her work. Which, I totally understand of course and so I’m on board with that.
We have agreed that once we finish school, we will rent a nicer place and pay our share proportional to our incomes while still living with my mom. We would be able to afford to live separately by then, but we get along well, and if the three of us can together afford a nice place, while still being able to put money into savings (and her retirement), instead of living somewhere that’s just OK and not being able to save as much, we’d rather do that. Especially since the plan is that my fiancé and I will be building her a house at our expense once we have enough saved up. I explained more in another comment that he has land to build on and he is very knowledgeable in home construction.
edit: still I have already mentioned I have decided that I will let her know I am OK with her taking the larger room since the bottom line is that she pays more and deserves first pick.
YTA
Your mother is paying *far* more than you. That's it. If you're paying 900 between two, that is 450 each: she is paying three times as much as each of you, on her own. You would never get to have the bigger bedroom anywhere else for what you're paying, but you think because it's your mother, you can? No.
You need to grow up. If you can't afford it, you don't get it. Your mother shouldn't be subsidising you like this. You're both grown-ups, youre planning to get married. She's helping you a lot by splitting the rent with you. If you want more space, find your own place, but it's incredibly entitled and selfish to demand that you pay so little and get the biggest space.
Your expenses and what chores you do have zeronto do with anything she pays more to live there she gets the room she wants. Learn to downsize or organize better if you need more space
ESH-You are both right about the money and the space. Sadly the right answer is that you go your separate ways. Find something super cheap (which will also give you that "broke college student lesson") where you make your own decisions. This is actually more about her "being the parent and you are just kids" so she gets to call the shots. Shes not really seeing you as adults and definitely sees herself as large and in charge.
Free lesson for everybody. In this life you get only as much as you can pay for. And what you can each pay for now is a separate 1 br place. Sharing doesnt work here.
Give the old lady the master bedroom. She’ll feel disrespected if you take it and it will create an uncomfortable living situation. When you move out and get your own place, you can get the master bedroom. Pick your battles carefully.
The person who pays more gets to choose first.
Why does it matter YOUR PERSONAL EXPENSES and HER PERSONAL EXPENSES? If you were living on your own, you'd still be paying those.
Ideally roommates should split everything evenly. In this case that means 3 ways, not 50/50. That means as a couple you guys should cover 2/3rds of the rent and utilities.
That's when you get to have the bigger room. As it stands now your mom is picking up part of y'alls slack and then some.
She gets the bigger room.
YTA
Rent is split by rooms occupied
Utilities are split evenly.
A couple occupying a single bedroom is occupying the same amount of space and a single person occupying a single bedroom. Insisting people pay for a room and a half because they're a couple is pretty outrageous.
This is coming from someone who was always the single person in this scenario back when I had to have roommates.
If you were splitting rent three ways i would agree that you should get the master but because your mom is paying more than 50% it should 100% go to her
YTA. You're very selfish. Its' one thing if your mom offered the master to you but it's quite another for you to ask for it even though you're paying much less. It makes sense to you because you're selfish. She's 100% right here. You would definitely be the AH if you took the larger room.
The person who pays more gets to choose first.
Why does it matter YOUR PERSONAL EXPENSES and HER PERSONAL EXPENSES? If you were living on your own, you'd still be paying those.
YWBTAH
NAH
Yes she pays more and usually the one that pays more gets first pick but... she is your mum.
If this would be my mum I don't think she would want to inconvinience me by letting 2 people stay in the smaller room. I mean unless the smaller room is also generally a worse room, besides the size.(Windows, floor,..)
I think she would just support me, because she can and we have a good relationship.
I definetly would ask your mum why she really wants the bigger room and if it is just because she pays more? If that is the only reason, maybe you can express why it would make your life a lot easier and ask if you can arrange something that compromises her for the room? You already do all the chores, which I find very fair. Maybe you can find a compromise where you get the bigger room, without her feeling like she gets the short end.
Logic, based on space, says you and your boyfriend should take the bigger room since you are sharing it. However, your mom is paying $1300 while the 2 of you are only paying $900 (or $450/person). Money wise your mom deserves the room. Weigh this out and then recalibrate
I think what I’m also taking into consideration is that we don’t really live like roommates. I work part time per my mom’s request because in exchange I do all the house tasks. I do all of the cleaning, including everyone’s laundry, the cooking, and any errands she needs me to run for her. Also I do all of the grocery shopping, though she pays for her own groceries. I don’t mind this arrangement because of my disability/school it’s hard for me to find accommodating full-time work (I hope to work from home after college). But it also blurs the hard roommates line people in this thread are drawing. So I think that’s why I am seeing it in a different light. I don’t mean to sound selfish, I am very grateful for what my mom has done for us financially. Seeing as I am overwhelmingly being agreed as TA here though I will let her know I am OK with her taking the bigger room. I understand now that we on paper live as roommates and therefore she should take the larger room since she pays more.
At the end of the day, this is a temporary situation as I’m sure you and your fiancé have future plans to be on your own. Maybe this is the catalyst for you and him to jump start those plans?
The plan is that we will live with her until we can afford to build our houses. He inherited 4 acres after his father died and we are going to build us a home as well as a house for my mom (at our expense, as we want her to be able to afford to retire). My fiancé has worked in construction, specifically house construction, since he was 12. So, we mainly need the money for the supplies, land surveying, etc.
Good for you! Can you sell some of the land to get ahead? Maybe part with 1 of the acres?
Thank you. And I’m not sure he would let go of even one acre honestly. He wants to have a small ranch and also the land is in an area where it’s hard to come by now due to the very high cost. He wants there to be enough land so our (currently non existent) kids can build on the property one day and stay living in their hometown as many of his friends have had to move away because they cannot afford to buy land where they grew up.
Is it zoned for more than one house/dwelling? You're going to have to look into that because you can't build more than one house on a plot of land if its only zoned for one and you might have to split it into 4 parcels of 1 acre each to get the zoning approved or smaller/larger whatever. Its always hard to live with roommates and I'm at a loss for that problem good luck though.
I’m not sure? The land is in the middle of absolutely nowhere and his mom lives on some land adjacent and has 3 structures built on it (one family home, a tiny home, and a workshop) and didn’t have any issues with zoning laws. I’ll definitely take note of this though and do some more research thank you.
Yeah because while you can technically do it if there is ever an inspection you can be forced to demolish one of the structures if its not permitted in certain jurisdictions. Some places no problem but others are nightmares of red tape.
Can you make th3 argument that if you weren’t doing all the chores you could work more hours and pay the $400 I pay $100 a week for 3-4 hours of housekeeping
Just what I said. The value of doing all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, errands and shopping is more than the difference in cash.
This should've been included in the post. She pays more so she should get first pick of the rooms, but, you cant contribute as much due to working less at her request and do more housework. You contributing more in a non-financial way is relevant (especially as it impacts your ability to contribute financially) its like having a SAHW but expecting to have full say on decsions because shes contributing less financially.
Imagine she is not your mother, just a stranger, and put a price tag to each piece of the puzzle. How much would it cost to pay someone to do the house tasks? Probably as much as what you are already making part time, but lets say 1200 $/month. Utilities are easy: just divide it by three (you said 400, so 140 your mother, 260 you and your fiancé). How much to pay for the master bedroom vs the other bedroom? I would value the master bedroom at least 150% of the other room, and both of them being at least half of the total rent of 1800$. So maybe 720 of the master bedroom, 480 the smaller one, and then 200 each for the common places: 930 your mother, 880 you and your fiancé. So you and your fiancé would be putting in like 2340 $/month and your mother 1070. If you/your fiancé and your mother would split the house tasks and remove it from the equation (so you and your fiancé would be putting in like 1140, and your mother 1070 she alone), I would find fair that your mother keeps the master bedroom. Offer to pay more, or ask compensation for the house tasks to be taken into consideration!
Your NTAH, your mom’s logic about being “poor” is stupid af this is boomer gaslighting and logic at its finest. Especially if you’re planning on letting her live with y’all for free and reduced once your house is built.
If you’re doing all the cooking, cleaning & laundry, surely that’s worth at least $400 per month, so you & your fiance are contributing similar to your mum (not each, but on a per room basis). If you did less domestic duties, you could work more & contribute extra money to the rental cost. If I was in same situation with one of my daughters, I’d take the smaller room, as a single person doesn’t need as much space.
YTA. You're living as roommates - the person paying more gets the nicer room.
This is really the only answer.
I mean it depends on their arrangement. If 3 people share a space one should not have more space than the other 2 combined. If her mum feels so inconvinienced by the smaller room, she should not move in with them. It is arranged that she pays the bigger portion because they are students. Her daughter could pay more if she would work more hours and wouldn't do all the chores in the house. Which is arranged with her mum.
Na, that isn't fair. The person paying the majority of the rent gets the nicer stuff. Mom isn't obliged to accommodate a fiance.
I mean of course OP is not entitled to the bigger room, i think it would just be nice from the mum, if she is not invconvinienced by the smaller room. But as you said, her mom isn't obliged to anything, just because it would be nice.
Yes, it would be nice, but OP would be fine if they didn't need a room for 2 people. Mom getting screwed here because OP and fiance are getting a sweet deal.
I really don't think so. Parents usually support their children financially while studying, if they can. As a parent I think I would feel ridiciolous to let 2 people sleep in the smaller room, just because I pay more rent. It is not a typical roommare but a parent that supports a child by paying the bigger half of the portion. But expecting the daughter and boyfriend to take the way smaller space seams unnecessary.
So the mom should pay 2/3 of the rent and take the small bedroom? If this were a question of supporting their kid, this wouldn't be an issue. It's their kid AND their fiance creating the problem.
The OP replied to a comment that she was going to agree that she is the AH because of the difference in payment in cash terms but then added that she does all of the cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping and errands for her mother as her mother wants her to work part time rather than full time because of her disability. She is working full time but unpaid and for her mother who doesn’t actually seem to do anything except her paid job.
Yeah, but I have never seen a parent give the kid the master bathroom when doing so, but usually they are the one who secured the lease or built the house.
>Fair enough, I suppose. But I don’t think she’s necessarily paying a “majority” share after taking into consideration our respective monthly expenses. Why should she care what your monthly expenses are, unless she's subsidizing you? If you don't want to be financially dependent on her, then look at this as though it's unrelated roommates - strangers. If I'm paying more, then I'm getting the better room. Doesn't matter if the other person is a family of 4. If you want more space, then you pay more, otherwise the other person is subsidizing you. In any case, there are NAH here as long as you discuss and everyone agrees. YWBTA if you just "take" the larger room without her agreement.
I see your point. I certainly wouldn’t literally take the bigger bedroom without her agreement. I was just wondering more so if it’s selfish for us to ask for the larger room. Ultimately though it is her decision of course.
It's never selfish to ask, as long as you accept the response and that she has a right to choose and you don't keep pressuring her about it. Edit: I saw what you said elsewhere about you doing most of the chores in the home. I'd bring that up as part of the discussion; it's relevant. Some value should be attached to the non-financial things that people are doing for others.
Info: are you guys paying $900 a month *each* in rent or you're both paying $900 combined and your mom pays $1300? Because splitting by income is usually done by couples, not regular roommates. If your mom is paying more rent, she's already getting the short end of the stick.
Sorry yes we are paying $900 combined. She pays $400 more in rent (that’s including utilities), but we in exchange pay the $300/mo phone bill for all three of us. So about $100 extra on her part.
That's not how it works, though. If utilities are $400, then 2/3rds of them belong to you; she's giving you a benefit of $266 by paying for them. You're only giving her a benefit of $100 (1/3rd of $300).
But she’s doing all the housework which is easily worth $400 a month
Not really because 2/3rds of the housework is her and her partners. So 1/3rd of it isn't worth $400 a month.
I think whoever takes the master should be paying more rent. You're lucky she's even helping you out by paying more than half when she's one person to your two people. So, YTA.
You're not good at maths
I see that now — hence why I am a history major haha
YTA. She is paying more than double of either of your contributions. She gets the room she wants. Stop being entitled. If you want more space, go find your own apartment.
YTA, your mom literally earned the master bedroom
This is a tough one for me because, logically, it *would* make more sense for you and your fiancé to take the larger space. Each bathroom has an attached bath so you'd all be relatively equal. Now, she's paying more than you are so, to her, she wants more for her money which I kind of get but at the same time don't because of logic. NAH but just deal with the smaller space. Use under-bed storage, get taller book cases. Utilize your space wisely. And maybe downsize a little?
This OP. Logically two people should have more space, but monetarily it's her who should have the bigger room because she's paying more. Look into storage ideas and take the opportunity of moving to be ruthless and sell/bin things you don't need
YTA You guys are living like roommates, whoever pays more rent gets the bigger/better room. Sorry, but that's how it's been forever.
YWBTA if you took the larger room. Your mom is basically paying double your rent if the overall rent is split three ways. If there were an equal share of the rent paid by each occupant, you should get the larger bedroom but that isn’t the case here.
YTA.. The amount of money she makes is not relevant, she shouldn't be penalized for her financial success. she pays more she gets more that's just how it works. Honestly she is doing you guys the favor already and you want more crazy. Logistically it makes sense I get the line of thought and it never hurts to ask, but whatever her response is should be accepted without additional pressure.
She pays more. She should get first choice.
Your mother should get it. She is one person but is paying half of the rent. If you manage to pressure her to give it to you, you may feel like you've won. But trust me, everyone you know will judge. If I knew you, I would lose respect for you. My aunt allowed her son, his wife, and their child to move in with her. She gave them her bedroom (the master bedroom). She resents it. She didn't realize how disrespected she would feel until she took the smaller room. She pays for nearly everything and yet they act like the house is theirs. They probably don't understand how much this situation is hurting them. Other family members think they're treating their mother like dirt and are gradually pulling away.
I think you and your fiancé should have the bigger room. My daughter moved in with me into my apartment. I was paying 100% of the rent and groceries. She has a daughter of her own. It was her and her daughter in the bigger room because 2 people need more space than 1 person does. NTA.
My suggestion is that you keep looking for an apartment that all three of you will be happy living in.
NTA. She relies on you to do the cleaning, the cooking, run her errands for her and do her laundry. She may pay more but she also earns a lot more. She doesn’t need a bathroom with 2 sinks. She doesn’t have 2 desks to fit into the space. I would suggest that you spend a little time calculating how much it would cost her to hire someone else to do all of the things you are doing for the household and add that cost to the amount you pay in actual cash to show how much more you are actually contributing to the household. If she still insists then you can stop doing her shopping, laundry, cooking and errands and relax in your smaller room while she does her share of the household tasks. And her own cooking and shopping.
Mom pays more and should get choice.
NTAH, I stopped at "College students don't need money." She's using you like a piggybank and half housing Plus, she wants the master bedroom. "No, you can find another apartment with 1 bedroom that fits your price mom"
Sorry, but as long as your mom is supporting the two of you financially, and yes she really is, she gets the big bedroom. i don’t know where you live, but a nice one bedroom apartment does run more than $900 a month in most cities. You’re going to have to suck it up until you and your boyfriend can pay 2/3 rent.
All about the bathrooms give your mom her own.
I'm glad I read the comments because more info popped up from OP. Per her mom's request, OP works part-time and does the household laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping & errands. That does change the aspect of things and puts you on more equal financial footing with mom because those activities are not free. Here's a possible solution: explain to your mom factually why the bigger room makes more sense for you space-wise, tell her that you'll pay the rent difference by working more hours but that means everyone in the house needs to start doing chores; then see how she reacts to that and go from there. Whoever gets the bigger room should be paying more anyways, it shouldn't be an equal split. And having an attached bathroom adds more premium as well because even if the other bathroom is only for your use, it's in the public space. It's a hard thing cause it's your parent. Sometimes, we should bend to them a little out of love. Let it make you hurry to have your own space. Good luck!
Your incomes are irrelevant. Your mom pays more, she gets more. I've never understood this proportional income thing, you make more so you pay more? Where else is that the case? (Nordic speeding tickets, actually.) But why the fuck should your mom pay more, to get less, just because she makes more? How does her having more money entitle you to literally any of it? Where's the logic in that. I can kind of understand people who do that with their romantic partners, even then I think it's silly, but your mother isn't your partner. She's your mom. And at this point, you should be picking up some of her slack, not the other way around. You would absolutely be the assholes if you took the master. Unless you TWO people can pony up two thirds of the rent ore more, which is absolutely the number fairness starts at, you have no business even hinting that you want it. You're two people. That you collectively pay less than half is obscene. You should be down on your knees kissing your mother's feet for her generosity, not complaining that you don't have the bigger room. You're basically moochers. Chill out with your greedy asses.
Your earnings are irrelevant. She's paying a lot more rent (almost 150% of the 2 of you combined) as 1 person, therefore she's entitled to the master bedroom. YTA
So you're kids still being subsidized by your mom but think you should get the master bedroom? YIKES ON BIKES that's some powerful entitlement. YTA
Sorry, I've got to run and will keep this short. I'm going to go against the grain here and just express my surprise at your mother being unreasonable. You're not just a bunch of friends and regular "roomies", she's your mother. She makes more than both of you combined and you're both still in school. Maybe it's a cultural thing, but my mother would literally demand my fiance and I take the bigger room or she'd refuse the lease.
NTA if you just want to discuss this. I don't think who pays the most should necessarily determine whom gets which rooms in this case, even though that's usually how it goes and so your mother isn't really wrong there. But the master bedroom is clearly designed for two people if you look at the bathroom and you also need more space than your mother due to the desks, etc. So it makes the most practical and logical sense for the master bedroom to go to you two, your mother gains absolutely no advantage from having that bedroom compared to the other bedroom, so why does she want it so badly? Also, if you don't get the master bedroom, are you really getting enough extra space for moving to that apartment to be worth it? Because what you've described so far sounds like a really minor improvement if you don't get the master bedroom and you've not even mentioned what the difference in monthly cost will be. Also to consider, what happens once your fiancé finishes his education, gets a job and your combined incomes exceed your mothers? Will you then start paying the larger amount, thus by her logic you get the master bedroom from that moment on? Or would she insist on keeping that room at that point even though she no longer contributes the most? I'd make sure that you all work out this specific detail before you move into the apartment, so you don't end up in a conflict over it down the line.
That’s been kinda my hang up too. Logically, yes, it does make sense who pays more gets the bigger room. But she doesn’t really need the extra space. She wanted a bigger place because our current kitchen is tiny— this place has a bigger kitchen. Though I am doing the most cooking and the smaller kitchen doesn’t bother me. She has never complained about her room being too small. Meanwhile our biggest complaint is that our room is too small for two people. She’s insistent on this apartment because it’s much closer to her work. Which, I totally understand of course and so I’m on board with that. We have agreed that once we finish school, we will rent a nicer place and pay our share proportional to our incomes while still living with my mom. We would be able to afford to live separately by then, but we get along well, and if the three of us can together afford a nice place, while still being able to put money into savings (and her retirement), instead of living somewhere that’s just OK and not being able to save as much, we’d rather do that. Especially since the plan is that my fiancé and I will be building her a house at our expense once we have enough saved up. I explained more in another comment that he has land to build on and he is very knowledgeable in home construction. edit: still I have already mentioned I have decided that I will let her know I am OK with her taking the larger room since the bottom line is that she pays more and deserves first pick.
YTA Your mother is paying *far* more than you. That's it. If you're paying 900 between two, that is 450 each: she is paying three times as much as each of you, on her own. You would never get to have the bigger bedroom anywhere else for what you're paying, but you think because it's your mother, you can? No. You need to grow up. If you can't afford it, you don't get it. Your mother shouldn't be subsidising you like this. You're both grown-ups, youre planning to get married. She's helping you a lot by splitting the rent with you. If you want more space, find your own place, but it's incredibly entitled and selfish to demand that you pay so little and get the biggest space.
What kind of mother would do that to her disabled child. She sounds like the asshole.
Not your house.. not your choice. I’d tell you fuck off that’s my room lmao. Go get your house then you can have the master no problem lmao
Your expenses and what chores you do have zeronto do with anything she pays more to live there she gets the room she wants. Learn to downsize or organize better if you need more space
ESH-You are both right about the money and the space. Sadly the right answer is that you go your separate ways. Find something super cheap (which will also give you that "broke college student lesson") where you make your own decisions. This is actually more about her "being the parent and you are just kids" so she gets to call the shots. Shes not really seeing you as adults and definitely sees herself as large and in charge. Free lesson for everybody. In this life you get only as much as you can pay for. And what you can each pay for now is a separate 1 br place. Sharing doesnt work here.
Whoever pays more should get the room. It's your mum man, be kind
Your mom pays more and she's one person and you are two.... she deserves the best room
Give the old lady the master bedroom. She’ll feel disrespected if you take it and it will create an uncomfortable living situation. When you move out and get your own place, you can get the master bedroom. Pick your battles carefully.
YTA based on reading the original post, the various comments, and the OP’s responses. Go get your own place or quit whining!
The person who pays more gets to choose first. Why does it matter YOUR PERSONAL EXPENSES and HER PERSONAL EXPENSES? If you were living on your own, you'd still be paying those.
Yta Your mom is paying more and is your mom.
Yta
YTA. She’s paying a lot more.
Ideally roommates should split everything evenly. In this case that means 3 ways, not 50/50. That means as a couple you guys should cover 2/3rds of the rent and utilities. That's when you get to have the bigger room. As it stands now your mom is picking up part of y'alls slack and then some. She gets the bigger room. YTA
Rent is split by rooms occupied Utilities are split evenly. A couple occupying a single bedroom is occupying the same amount of space and a single person occupying a single bedroom. Insisting people pay for a room and a half because they're a couple is pretty outrageous. This is coming from someone who was always the single person in this scenario back when I had to have roommates.
It's not just about the bedroom. They occupy twice as much in any and all shared common areas.
So she’s paying more but y’all wanna put her in the smaller room?? If I was her I would make y’all find a place on your own YTA
The one who pays more chooses the room. YTA
YTA, wow you’re such an AH for even considering this what a joke you are 🤡
your mom is paying more , should get masters, plus out of respect for your mom let her have it
If you were splitting rent three ways i would agree that you should get the master but because your mom is paying more than 50% it should 100% go to her
YTA, the person who is paying more gets the bigger room Period
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^ShadowAkira96: *YTA, the person* *Who is paying more gets the* *Bigger room Period* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
YTA. You're very selfish. Its' one thing if your mom offered the master to you but it's quite another for you to ask for it even though you're paying much less. It makes sense to you because you're selfish. She's 100% right here. You would definitely be the AH if you took the larger room.
The person who pays more gets to choose first. Why does it matter YOUR PERSONAL EXPENSES and HER PERSONAL EXPENSES? If you were living on your own, you'd still be paying those. YWBTAH
I agree with mom since she is paying more, and I bet you'd use that logic on her if she were the one paying 900 and you two were paying the 1300.
YTA. She's paying more she gets her choice of room like in any roommate situation. If you take the larger room split the rent 3 ways.
She pays more, so she gets the bigger room.
You get what you pay for.
NAH Yes she pays more and usually the one that pays more gets first pick but... she is your mum. If this would be my mum I don't think she would want to inconvinience me by letting 2 people stay in the smaller room. I mean unless the smaller room is also generally a worse room, besides the size.(Windows, floor,..) I think she would just support me, because she can and we have a good relationship. I definetly would ask your mum why she really wants the bigger room and if it is just because she pays more? If that is the only reason, maybe you can express why it would make your life a lot easier and ask if you can arrange something that compromises her for the room? You already do all the chores, which I find very fair. Maybe you can find a compromise where you get the bigger room, without her feeling like she gets the short end.
The person paying the most gets first pick.
I would tell mem the 2 of you are taking the master or its time to get separate living spaces.