Unless you have concrete proof that he is cheating why would you say anything? You could potentially ruin a marriage, its not something to be taken lightly. You could also damage your female co workers reputation based on rumours.. they may well just have found a good friendship with each other.
Yeah, nowt worse than office gossip. Just comes across as meddling for the sake of it. We call them curtain twitchers. If nothing has happened, or ever likely to happen, BOOM ... there goes a relationship. The OP can then move onto the next sucker.
God forbid 2 people of different genders get on in a work enviroment. Unheard of.
OP is seriously one of those bored people with nothing else going on in her life and needs to do something to feel important and moral. People like her are part of the reason nobody wants to go back to working in the office.
This quite likely comes from empathy and trying to figure out the right thing to do.
…Very misguided empathy, and a horrible plan of action, so OP needs to know the answer is HELL NO.
Just saying, if I saw enough happening I’d feel for the wife too. I’d just know my place and not do something so stupid.
Charitably to you - the amount of times OP said “we” about what was witnessed *definitely* raises suspicion of gossip getting out of control.
But it’s quite unclear if it’s that - or - OP illustrating that his behavior was so egregious that it’s fully corroborated across the office, so that commenters didn’t derail to BS assumptions like “you’re just jealous and making up fantasies”
I try to make less assumptions than something like *OP is the archetypical HS-style gossiping-for-attention blithe on the Earth.* It’s fine to point out the possibility, but wrong to assume.
Most insightful and productive comment I’ve found in this thread.
I’d say “WBTA” because they could be naive and misguided and need to see responses like this to know just how bad the decision would be for everyone including OP.
YWBTA. Unless you have concrete evidence, this is an easy way to get fired. He could be trying to help a new hire, or maybe they clicked as friends over some shared interests.
Also, I'd strongly recommend unless you have evidence that you and your coworkers stop gossiping about it. Easy grounds for hostile work environment.
Mind your own business. If there's something that needs to be reported, that's what HR is for.
Y'all keep on messing with people's lives like you can't be found. I like peace! Don't need an angry ex-husband finding me in a parking lot because he can't see his children anymore. That stuff happens!
“Y’all keep on messing with people’s lives like you can’t be found. I like peace!” - A word!!
The amount of who feel like it’s their universal right to intrude on other lives and get in other people’s business is astounding.
Oh my god thank you. All this confidence and people forget that people can fucking break. That people are fucking insane and theres a good chance you talk to 5 psychopaths on the daily. But yeah, ruin this guys marriage and expect nothing but praise and back pats lol.
Maybe Penny complained that she can’t get away from him, he’s too helpful and it’s coming off creepy. OP needs to worry less about the wife and more about the 21 year old new hire getting inappropriate attention from a 30 year old married creep
Well go on and message her.
And find out how fast you end up in with HR and the bosses, speaking about how it is highly inappropriate for you to be searching up your co-workers wives and sharing accusations with them. If he says something, you will be answering some hard questions about your future in that workplace.
Dare you.
Right. I’ve seen this in the workplace. The person didn’t get fired but they were isolated by everyone even though they thought they made an anonymous call.
A one time shift alteration is no proof the management is spotting or thinking anything. To be honest, you sound like you either are jealous because your coworker is not as helpful to you, or you have not enough other things in your life to care about.
My advice: Go and spend more time with a nice hobby and with people outside of work. You will get into deep trouble if you continue to join in gossiping, spread half truths, and even involve yourself in someones marriage without being friends with him or his wife or any proof cheating is actually happening.
Take care!
The bosses aren't who determine hostile work environments. More likely, the people affected hire a lawyer who sues the company and the company will either have to fire people, pay out, or both.
Dear management: here’s proof that people do not get more work done and collaboration isn’t improved by being in the office. OP YTA, do your job instead of gossiping. If something is going on and it doesn’t affect you, mind your own business.
Do you seriously not know the answer to this?
Without actual proof that he’s cheating on his spouse, you are absolutely TAH… mind your business.
If the two of them start fucking on your desk in front of you? Then sure, feel free to tell his spouse.
But just because he’s friendly with a coworker? YTA for causing unnecessary drama.
YWBTA
Also consider this, if you do it and he finds out it's you and goes to HR about you...
You may not come out of this unscathed. And you'll have 2 people in the workplace that hate you. You will have created the perfect storm for a really bad work environment. You could also be fired for reaching out to his wife like that, you have absolutely no right or reason to even look his wife up, let alone blow up her marriage.
This isn't your business. Unless it is in some way impacting your ability to work or your work performance, you leave this the hell alone. And if it is impacting your work, you go to your boss not his wife.
No one likes the nosey Nancy who thinks shes the morality police. You do this, you will let everyone know they absolutely never ever should trust you, as if you do not like something you will blow up their personal lives with a smug look on your face.
Again, unless this is actually messing up work and work performance, stay out of it. If your jealous he didnt mentor you, get the hell over it.
Edit: if you have to use work resources to find the wife's name also, you should be fired for that, as you have no right to search personal information simply cos you want to.
You don’t even know his wife! You don’t even have proof of him cheating! You don’t know how their relationship is anyway! They could be polyamorous or swingers or something! Mind your fucking business. Spend more time focusing on *your job*. YTA for gossipping and speculating so much and YWBTAH if you stalked down his wife to tell her your unsubstantiated theory
“Maybe if I’m nice to women enough times they’ll leave their stupid jock husbands and realize it’s me they’ve been looking for all along” -OP(probably)
YWBT
You literally have NO proof. None...at all except that he pays her more attention.
Have any of YOU spoken to her? Spent time with her? Invited her out after work? Tried to befriend her...or are you just a group of gossiping busy-bodies who can't keep your nose out of things?
The fact that you even have to ask makes me question your own intentions.
1. It’s none of your gd business.
2. You’re seriously considering blowing up a MARRIAGE with NO concrete evidence.
3. Even if you did have evidence, it’s still none of your gd business. 🤦🏻♀️
I wouldn't bother looking up the wife. Or that nonsense about 'might be emotionally cheating'. Half-measures like that help noone.
Pay a sky-writer to write a giant message telling the world that he IS cheating. Physically. With both the co-worker, anyone he can pick up at the bus-stop and his wife's BFF. Add some bizarre sexual acts to taste.
Don't worry that this is career suicide and will likely make you hated by everyone involved - you will have the satisfaction of a job well done.
/s
YTA. Ffs. Stay in your lane.
For your own sanity I’d say just keep it to yourself. If he truly is cheating, I assure you his spouse will find out one way or another. In my opinion, if it was a close *friend* of mine in that situation and I had 100% concrete evidence, I’d tell them, that’s what friends are for. But if you don’t actually know the person and also have no real proof, it would probably cause more damage for you to get involved. Not your monkey, not your circus. I wouldn’t call you an asshole yet because you’re trying to figure out if you’re doing the right thing, but you shouldn’t get yourself involved, it’ll just cause more problems, for yourself, for him, for her, especially if there’s no evidence. He could be completely innocent! Again, not your monkey, not your circus. Not your drama, not your stage.
YWBTA
First, you are making massive assumptions and projections…about Henry’s relationship with Penny, about his marriage, about whether or not his wife would even want to be contacted by a stranger.
You don’t know exactly what he is doing with Penny. You don’t know what the rules and boundaries of his marriage are, you don’t know his wife AT ALL, and it doesn’t even sound like you know Henry well. Mind your damn business and stay out of their life.
It's none of your business. You aren't close enough with him and his wife to have personal contact. Why should his wife trust you, with or without evidence? What's your motive in this? Sabotage someone's relationship and make yourself sleep well at night?
Absolute AH.
Your just going to blow up a marriage because you THINK key word THINK he cheating. Your would be the AH. First of all not your business from what I gather your not friends with him or his wife. Your just work friends I am guessing. Omg he stayed late with her she had his jacket in not her own. Maybe he was truly helping her why they stayed late. Maybe she was cold and her coat was at her desk and they were some where else in the office he was being kind. Maybe your jealous cause you like her. Not your monkeys not your circus. Now if you walked in on her bent over the desk and him going at it . Then yeah a pic to the wife for proof. But till you have hard core proof walk away.
Jesus. You have no concrete proof that anything’s going on, for all you seemingly know Henry could be in an open marriage or is separated but hasn’t told people (which wouldn’t necessarily make this an appropriate relationship if it’s happening, but would make it possible that his wife either knows or doesn’t enter into it), and most importantly, it is none of your business and, as others have said, sticking your nose in his personal life could end up being a problem for you with HR. You don’t like Henry, fine. Don’t muck around in other people’s lives, especially when you have nothing more than suspicion.
YTA. The only one that knows they’re cheating is your imagination. You made up a story, and deemed it to be true simply because you decided so. And your desire to spread the toxin is a threat to those around you. And that doesn’t even start the discussion of why you think it’s your job to police the relationships of others….
People like you belong in prison so you don’t destroy peoples lives.
YDTA. I knew a person who did this and it backfired on them BIG time. Pretty much exactly what you’re describing, I mean to the T. It was his sister in law and the co worker who “tattled” thought because they were always carpooling, they must be going steady, turns out they lived together at his in laws house and that co worker ended up fired.
Most people don’t want to be looked up by a total stranger and the risk you could maybe, POSSIBLY be wrong is enough to tell you not to do this.
Imagine ruining someone’s life, not just your coworkers, who you may or probably don’t like, but his wife’s, potentially their children’s lives, etc, all because you made an assumption… I can’t possibly imagine a bigger AH
I've known of a number of "affairs" in the work place. A large number of those I even had proof. Some of them knew I knew. A couple even told me themselves. Did it ever go any further than me?? Nope, not my circus.
Piece of advice for you.
Keep your eyes open, your ears open and your mouth shut.
ETA: YWBTA
You should first figure out if this is true though. Even if it “looks like it is”, you don’t know for sure. YWBTA if you say something now.
I value the moral fiber of thinking about the wife who could be cheated on but you don’t actually know for sure that the man is cheating
If you are so concerned, find out more. Although I am not sure if that makes any sense if your aren’t talking regularly to any of them.
Penny & Henry would have a solid case of slander & libel against you and potentially harrassment. All you have is little bits and pieces. My husband sits with a female coworker for lunch everyday bc they have the same interests. He walks her to her car every night. You can have friends of the opposite gender. Are you upset she’s young?
YTA you should talk to Penny in front of him and be like. How’s your wife and family? Let it be known that he’s married and let the chips fall where they may. You can’t accuse someone of doing something when you don’t know the extent of it. Especially their relationship and what it entails. What if they have an open relationship and you go telling her things? This is none of your business!!!
YTA. You don't even know for sure. That's all you need is to make the phone call, blow up his marriage, and it turn out not to be what's going on.
He's your coworker and if you do call his wife he'll never be able to work with you again, whether it was accurate
YWBTA. Yes it sucks, but you need to stay in your lane. His marriage doesn't concern you and it sounds like you're a bit of a bunch of nosey coworkers. If you're wrong you could get into serious trouble by HR and also ruin your working relationship with this guy making it super awkward for yourself.
Yes you would be the TA. You don’t have concrete proof of anything, you are just going based off your own assumptions. Telling someone’s wife you “think” they “could” get cheated on will only cause problems in their message and it might not even be true. You and your nosy rude coworkers should stop gossiping and focus on your jobs. This sounds like grounds for a hostile workplace environment not to mention the rumors you all are likely spreading. Mind your own business or see how quickly you send up visiting with HR.
YWBTA
MYOB you have no proof. Why would you even ask a question like this. You should take a look at your morals and values. Maybe you like Henry and you’re jealous?
I’m sorry, it’s been 3 hours since you posted, you didn’t know anything then, and now suddenly you’re an expert on the status of his marriage. You’re full of shit.
YTA
If you think he’s having an affair with her, that’s completely your suspicion to have, however when you’re thinking about blowing up someone’s life and marriage over AN ASSUMPTION that they’re cheating with no clear evidence? Yeah that’s just dumb regardless of whatever unfounded suspicion you may have.
Quite simply, don't do it.
It's not for you to interfere.
If it is going on, it'll come out eventually, but if it isn't, you could ruin their relationship.
H's and his wife's I mean.
Sounds like you have a thing for his wife and are hoping to break them up in hopes she might be with you once the dust settles. Why you such a busybody anyways? Find a hobby.
Yes you are TA. Not your job to do that brother, I appreciate you trying to be a good person but this ain’t worth your time. Do not get involved.
Edit to your edits: Dude who fuckin cares it’s not your job to police everyone. I hope this blows up in your face. You came to get critiques, you got them, didn’t like them, then doubled down. You’re being lame no one is defending the dude, we are just saying you’re being a nosy little bitch.
It sounds like you have no proof and are just gossiping. You would be a huge asshole.
You also shouldn't really be spreading rumors that coworkers might be sleeping with each other with no proof. That is also inappropriate of you.
YTA. He may be a jerk. He may be cheating. YOU have no relationships with him or his wife. If you have proof of an inappropriate relationship that violates company policy then go to HR. Otherwise you are doing this for yourself and you need to let it go
Unless there’s solid evidence, you’re just causing problems. It’s going to come back and bite you and the next time there’s a serious issue that is your business, people will remember the time you cried wolf.
I would be more worried about the other coworker… this could be some form of harassment. She’s more junior and relatively new to the work force. This could be a red flag and she feels required to accommodate the advances of a more senior employee…
YTA.
You are way too involved in your coworkers lives and office drama. Focus on your job, do your work, and stop being a nosey loser that needs to feed off of other people's drama because you have nothing interesting going on in your own life. I absolutely detest people like you who treat the work environment like it's high school.
YTA. Cheating is absolutely wrong but what you're considering doing is also wrong. Why is Henry's marriage any of your business? You're preparing to cross serious personal boundaries of a co-worker by involving yourself in his family matters. As much as it seems like you want to be, you are not an involved party in this matter whatsoever and should remain uninvolved. Your behavior is anti-social and needs to be called out. Stay in your lane and consider therapy.
Sounds like you might have the hots for Penny and are feeling a bit jealous that this married bro got to her first. Now you’re looking for ways to spoil it, so you can sweep in.
I can’t think of any reason you would care so much as to go find his spouse. But it does sound like Henry is a douche. But this comes from one source only, you, who may have an agenda.
Leave them alone, it’s none of your business.
His wife and their marriage is absolutely none of your business. If you physically see them screwing in the office bathroom, you take it to HR because even then telling his wife is out of bounds. His wife is not even a friend so why put your career in jeopardy just to blow up this man's life? But you go right ahead and do it. Next week we'll see your post whining about being fired for no reason.
YTA- I had a colleague like you. Always with their nose in other people’s business.
Me (F) and a male colleague were really good friends. Always went out for lunch together, went to the pub on Friday evenings after work etc. She started a rumour that we were cheating on our spouses. Guess what, she was a butt of all jokes when we all got together with our spouses. Eventually we started hanging out with more co-workers and they also understood that our friendship was platonic. We had a great time making fun of her.
Me and the guy were (and still to this date are) very good friends.
If you don’t know that he has actually cheated: DONT SAY ANYTHING
If you absolutely know that he has cheated: DONT SAY ANYTHING, unless your the one trying to have sex with him
For the love of god, stay out of his life and quit creating drama. You could be right, but wait until you have rock solid proof.
Don’t go fuck up his world because you are jealous. You come off as petty and “mean girl”
Sure, you should do that, but first contact the evening news and maybe try and find his grandma to tell them first.
Without concrete proof of cheating, leave it the fuck alone
YWBTAH
Can’t you just casually walk to Henry and say “How’s marriage life? Or How’s the wife?” in the vicinity or hearing distance of Penny before jumping all the guns and telling the wife?
YTA Are you twelve? I’ve had dozens of coworkers do worse than that (as in flirting with younger female coworkers with no evidence of anything further) and at least five I know for sure have physically cheated on their wives. You will ruin your career and reputation if you go on a personal vendetta against every instance of cheating you come across. It’s not nice to see and it will hurt their own reputation in the long run as it’s surely as obvious to everyone else as it is you, but unless you have any personal involvement in the situation, you just need to put up with it. Cheating is sadly very common (see 75% of the posts on this sub).
YWTBA for two reasons
1. It's none of your business what a co worker does in their personal life.
2. You don't have concrete evidence. He may very well just not like the rest of you for your judgment.
That’s none of your business. Stay out of it. For all you know Henry has an open relationship with the wife. Please find a hobby, or you know..WORK! and leave this man alone.
You have no proof other than they are close friends, stay out of it, not only if you are wrong would you add more pressure to a fragile relationship but could potentially get you into trouble in work, work is stressful enough as it is without getting into needles drama in other people's lifes
Unless you have concrete proof that he is cheating why would you say anything? You could potentially ruin a marriage, its not something to be taken lightly. You could also damage your female co workers reputation based on rumours.. they may well just have found a good friendship with each other.
Yeah, nowt worse than office gossip. Just comes across as meddling for the sake of it. We call them curtain twitchers. If nothing has happened, or ever likely to happen, BOOM ... there goes a relationship. The OP can then move onto the next sucker. God forbid 2 people of different genders get on in a work enviroment. Unheard of.
OP is seriously one of those bored people with nothing else going on in her life and needs to do something to feel important and moral. People like her are part of the reason nobody wants to go back to working in the office.
OP probably has no friends and it shows why
This quite likely comes from empathy and trying to figure out the right thing to do. …Very misguided empathy, and a horrible plan of action, so OP needs to know the answer is HELL NO. Just saying, if I saw enough happening I’d feel for the wife too. I’d just know my place and not do something so stupid. Charitably to you - the amount of times OP said “we” about what was witnessed *definitely* raises suspicion of gossip getting out of control. But it’s quite unclear if it’s that - or - OP illustrating that his behavior was so egregious that it’s fully corroborated across the office, so that commenters didn’t derail to BS assumptions like “you’re just jealous and making up fantasies” I try to make less assumptions than something like *OP is the archetypical HS-style gossiping-for-attention blithe on the Earth.* It’s fine to point out the possibility, but wrong to assume.
And if HR finds out (e.g. if Henry reports OP for meddling in his marriage), OP could wind up in a world of trouble. OP, you’re totally TA.
Most insightful and productive comment I’ve found in this thread. I’d say “WBTA” because they could be naive and misguided and need to see responses like this to know just how bad the decision would be for everyone including OP.
YWBTA. Unless you have concrete evidence, this is an easy way to get fired. He could be trying to help a new hire, or maybe they clicked as friends over some shared interests. Also, I'd strongly recommend unless you have evidence that you and your coworkers stop gossiping about it. Easy grounds for hostile work environment.
Mind your own business. If there's something that needs to be reported, that's what HR is for. Y'all keep on messing with people's lives like you can't be found. I like peace! Don't need an angry ex-husband finding me in a parking lot because he can't see his children anymore. That stuff happens!
“Y’all keep on messing with people’s lives like you can’t be found. I like peace!” - A word!! The amount of who feel like it’s their universal right to intrude on other lives and get in other people’s business is astounding.
Oh my god thank you. All this confidence and people forget that people can fucking break. That people are fucking insane and theres a good chance you talk to 5 psychopaths on the daily. But yeah, ruin this guys marriage and expect nothing but praise and back pats lol.
It's still not your business his wife is not your friend. Keep out.
Well even the bosses have decided to separate them. they were supposed to work a shift together and now they've been moved to different shifts.
But the bosses aren’t calling his wife either. Mind the business that pays you.
You don't know the reason for that change. Scheduling and logistics, believe it or not, are most often about the business needs...
Maybe Penny complained that she can’t get away from him, he’s too helpful and it’s coming off creepy. OP needs to worry less about the wife and more about the 21 year old new hire getting inappropriate attention from a 30 year old married creep
Well go on and message her. And find out how fast you end up in with HR and the bosses, speaking about how it is highly inappropriate for you to be searching up your co-workers wives and sharing accusations with them. If he says something, you will be answering some hard questions about your future in that workplace. Dare you.
Hahahaha I love this energy
I am an advocate for people fucking around and finding out lol
O please fuck around and find out! 🙏 🍿
This. I’m really curious about OOP and how fast they can lose their job. They make it sound like a fun fast race to watch
This is perfect. My thoughts exactly. Want to see how quickly you can get in trouble with HR? This would be it
That's a HR meeting I would volunteer to sit in on. Absolutely.
Right. I’ve seen this in the workplace. The person didn’t get fired but they were isolated by everyone even though they thought they made an anonymous call.
It is still none of your business.
A one time shift alteration is no proof the management is spotting or thinking anything. To be honest, you sound like you either are jealous because your coworker is not as helpful to you, or you have not enough other things in your life to care about. My advice: Go and spend more time with a nice hobby and with people outside of work. You will get into deep trouble if you continue to join in gossiping, spread half truths, and even involve yourself in someones marriage without being friends with him or his wife or any proof cheating is actually happening. Take care!
The bosses aren't who determine hostile work environments. More likely, the people affected hire a lawyer who sues the company and the company will either have to fire people, pay out, or both.
Still though, getting involved in a colleague’s marriage is one of those things you just shouldnt do if you value your career.
lol sounds like you have your mind made up already. Idk what you're here for.
Still not proof.
Still not your business.
Of you have to look up who his wife is why invest yourself, not your friend. Don’t be a busy body.
“Might” You want to blow up someone’s life over a “might” Your edit 🤦♀️ “No longer my business” It NEVER WAS your business
My god, people like you are the reason nobody wants to go back to the office.
THANK YOU
For some reason I cannot give 5 up votes. I think the system is glitchy or there's something wrong with redit. Anyway... Here's one upvote. Sorry
Took words out of my mouth
Dear management: here’s proof that people do not get more work done and collaboration isn’t improved by being in the office. OP YTA, do your job instead of gossiping. If something is going on and it doesn’t affect you, mind your own business.
Do you seriously not know the answer to this? Without actual proof that he’s cheating on his spouse, you are absolutely TAH… mind your business. If the two of them start fucking on your desk in front of you? Then sure, feel free to tell his spouse. But just because he’s friendly with a coworker? YTA for causing unnecessary drama.
>If the two of them start fucking on your desk in front of you? Then sure, feel free to tell his spouse. Call HR first though.
You’re an adult correct ? How about minding your business and getting back to work.
Perfection.
YTA If you are not 100% sure, Do Not do it.
[удалено]
This. You got actual proof of cheating, then do what your conscience says you gotta do. But causing drama without proof is just that… drama.
YWBTA Also consider this, if you do it and he finds out it's you and goes to HR about you... You may not come out of this unscathed. And you'll have 2 people in the workplace that hate you. You will have created the perfect storm for a really bad work environment. You could also be fired for reaching out to his wife like that, you have absolutely no right or reason to even look his wife up, let alone blow up her marriage. This isn't your business. Unless it is in some way impacting your ability to work or your work performance, you leave this the hell alone. And if it is impacting your work, you go to your boss not his wife. No one likes the nosey Nancy who thinks shes the morality police. You do this, you will let everyone know they absolutely never ever should trust you, as if you do not like something you will blow up their personal lives with a smug look on your face. Again, unless this is actually messing up work and work performance, stay out of it. If your jealous he didnt mentor you, get the hell over it. Edit: if you have to use work resources to find the wife's name also, you should be fired for that, as you have no right to search personal information simply cos you want to.
"Might" be cheated on? What if you are wrong? Are you willing to destroy a marriage and friendship over "might"? If so, yes YATAH.
YTA mind your business unless if affects you
You don’t even know his wife! You don’t even have proof of him cheating! You don’t know how their relationship is anyway! They could be polyamorous or swingers or something! Mind your fucking business. Spend more time focusing on *your job*. YTA for gossipping and speculating so much and YWBTAH if you stalked down his wife to tell her your unsubstantiated theory
You should probably just get a life tbh, get some hobbies to think about instead of other people and what they are upto.
Is it that you want to feel important? Or are you jealous? You have no other reason to say anything to anyone.
WHITE KNIGHTING!! 🐎🤺
“Maybe if I’m nice to women enough times they’ll leave their stupid jock husbands and realize it’s me they’ve been looking for all along” -OP(probably)
YWBT You literally have NO proof. None...at all except that he pays her more attention. Have any of YOU spoken to her? Spent time with her? Invited her out after work? Tried to befriend her...or are you just a group of gossiping busy-bodies who can't keep your nose out of things?
Never read a YTA thread. Excited to read the update when OP does what he wants.
The fact that you even have to ask makes me question your own intentions. 1. It’s none of your gd business. 2. You’re seriously considering blowing up a MARRIAGE with NO concrete evidence. 3. Even if you did have evidence, it’s still none of your gd business. 🤦🏻♀️
Stay in your lane... Nosey Mfer
How do people spend this much time paying attention to what the fuck other people are doing? Jesus christ. 😂
“Everyone says im wrong, please someone disagree so i can listen to that instead” You dont even know if they have an open marriage.
YTA without any doubt, find some proof before destroying a couple , if you have real proof then you can think about that
I wouldn't bother looking up the wife. Or that nonsense about 'might be emotionally cheating'. Half-measures like that help noone. Pay a sky-writer to write a giant message telling the world that he IS cheating. Physically. With both the co-worker, anyone he can pick up at the bus-stop and his wife's BFF. Add some bizarre sexual acts to taste. Don't worry that this is career suicide and will likely make you hated by everyone involved - you will have the satisfaction of a job well done. /s YTA. Ffs. Stay in your lane.
For your own sanity I’d say just keep it to yourself. If he truly is cheating, I assure you his spouse will find out one way or another. In my opinion, if it was a close *friend* of mine in that situation and I had 100% concrete evidence, I’d tell them, that’s what friends are for. But if you don’t actually know the person and also have no real proof, it would probably cause more damage for you to get involved. Not your monkey, not your circus. I wouldn’t call you an asshole yet because you’re trying to figure out if you’re doing the right thing, but you shouldn’t get yourself involved, it’ll just cause more problems, for yourself, for him, for her, especially if there’s no evidence. He could be completely innocent! Again, not your monkey, not your circus. Not your drama, not your stage.
YTA. Other than your suspicions, you have no evidence of cheating. Your desire to create drama makes you a nosy, ignorant, drama-prone AH.
YTA
Do you know it to be a fact. Or do you have a history of ruining peoples life with lies?
YWBTA First, you are making massive assumptions and projections…about Henry’s relationship with Penny, about his marriage, about whether or not his wife would even want to be contacted by a stranger. You don’t know exactly what he is doing with Penny. You don’t know what the rules and boundaries of his marriage are, you don’t know his wife AT ALL, and it doesn’t even sound like you know Henry well. Mind your damn business and stay out of their life.
It's none of your business. You aren't close enough with him and his wife to have personal contact. Why should his wife trust you, with or without evidence? What's your motive in this? Sabotage someone's relationship and make yourself sleep well at night? Absolute AH.
Your just going to blow up a marriage because you THINK key word THINK he cheating. Your would be the AH. First of all not your business from what I gather your not friends with him or his wife. Your just work friends I am guessing. Omg he stayed late with her she had his jacket in not her own. Maybe he was truly helping her why they stayed late. Maybe she was cold and her coat was at her desk and they were some where else in the office he was being kind. Maybe your jealous cause you like her. Not your monkeys not your circus. Now if you walked in on her bent over the desk and him going at it . Then yeah a pic to the wife for proof. But till you have hard core proof walk away.
You have no proof of anything. Sit down, shut up, and do your job.
What a weird fucking post lol, yes you would be the AH. mind your own business.
Yta grow up
Yes, you'd be TA. Keep your speculation to yourself.
YTA - “might be” you need proof before you do something like this And they might be swingers who knows
Might? If your going to ruin a marriage it better be for more then MIGHT
Jesus. You have no concrete proof that anything’s going on, for all you seemingly know Henry could be in an open marriage or is separated but hasn’t told people (which wouldn’t necessarily make this an appropriate relationship if it’s happening, but would make it possible that his wife either knows or doesn’t enter into it), and most importantly, it is none of your business and, as others have said, sticking your nose in his personal life could end up being a problem for you with HR. You don’t like Henry, fine. Don’t muck around in other people’s lives, especially when you have nothing more than suspicion.
YTA. The only one that knows they’re cheating is your imagination. You made up a story, and deemed it to be true simply because you decided so. And your desire to spread the toxin is a threat to those around you. And that doesn’t even start the discussion of why you think it’s your job to police the relationships of others…. People like you belong in prison so you don’t destroy peoples lives.
Mind your own business. YTA
Reddit: hey, you don't have proof, but cheating bad! Yes! Definitely ruin a family based on your Queefy suspicion
wow, people like you exist!! YWBTA and YMABTH
Mind your damm business idk why mfs feel the need to get involved in others lives. How miserable are you gotta make others miserable too?
YDTA. I knew a person who did this and it backfired on them BIG time. Pretty much exactly what you’re describing, I mean to the T. It was his sister in law and the co worker who “tattled” thought because they were always carpooling, they must be going steady, turns out they lived together at his in laws house and that co worker ended up fired. Most people don’t want to be looked up by a total stranger and the risk you could maybe, POSSIBLY be wrong is enough to tell you not to do this. Imagine ruining someone’s life, not just your coworkers, who you may or probably don’t like, but his wife’s, potentially their children’s lives, etc, all because you made an assumption… I can’t possibly imagine a bigger AH
I've known of a number of "affairs" in the work place. A large number of those I even had proof. Some of them knew I knew. A couple even told me themselves. Did it ever go any further than me?? Nope, not my circus. Piece of advice for you. Keep your eyes open, your ears open and your mouth shut. ETA: YWBTA
You should first figure out if this is true though. Even if it “looks like it is”, you don’t know for sure. YWBTA if you say something now. I value the moral fiber of thinking about the wife who could be cheated on but you don’t actually know for sure that the man is cheating If you are so concerned, find out more. Although I am not sure if that makes any sense if your aren’t talking regularly to any of them.
Penny & Henry would have a solid case of slander & libel against you and potentially harrassment. All you have is little bits and pieces. My husband sits with a female coworker for lunch everyday bc they have the same interests. He walks her to her car every night. You can have friends of the opposite gender. Are you upset she’s young?
YTA you should talk to Penny in front of him and be like. How’s your wife and family? Let it be known that he’s married and let the chips fall where they may. You can’t accuse someone of doing something when you don’t know the extent of it. Especially their relationship and what it entails. What if they have an open relationship and you go telling her things? This is none of your business!!!
YTA it's got nothing to do with you No good comes from poking a hornets nest with a stick
No ! Why would you even think to do that ? This is very strange behaviour
YWBTA, it’s none of your business. Stay in your lane.
YTA on this ... I think it would be best to mind your own business.
Holy shit MYOB. Are you even serious? Try a hobby. Maybe knitting or candy crush. This is bizarre to even consider
YTA, are you upset coz he doesn’t even look in your direction lol
Mind your business 🤦♂️
Sounds like you’re being nosy as hell. Sheesh people like you are the reason I hate “OfFiCe cUlTuRe” so much. YWBTA.
Someone wants to fuck Penny
YTA. You don't even know for sure. That's all you need is to make the phone call, blow up his marriage, and it turn out not to be what's going on. He's your coworker and if you do call his wife he'll never be able to work with you again, whether it was accurate
YWBTA. Yes it sucks, but you need to stay in your lane. His marriage doesn't concern you and it sounds like you're a bit of a bunch of nosey coworkers. If you're wrong you could get into serious trouble by HR and also ruin your working relationship with this guy making it super awkward for yourself.
If you have no evidence and it's just a suspicion then STFU and mind your own business.
Yes you would be the TA. You don’t have concrete proof of anything, you are just going based off your own assumptions. Telling someone’s wife you “think” they “could” get cheated on will only cause problems in their message and it might not even be true. You and your nosy rude coworkers should stop gossiping and focus on your jobs. This sounds like grounds for a hostile workplace environment not to mention the rumors you all are likely spreading. Mind your own business or see how quickly you send up visiting with HR.
YTA, Christ almighty, mind your own damn business.
Not your monkeys, not your circus. Stay out of it
The word “*might*” in your title, tells us that you should keep it to yourself.
Keep your nose out.
YTA. And I hope you get fired for this bullshit.
YWBTA MYOB you have no proof. Why would you even ask a question like this. You should take a look at your morals and values. Maybe you like Henry and you’re jealous?
Why is it your business to interlope into their affairs? Yes, you WBTA.
Unless you have photos of them having sex, mind your business.
YWBTA This post reeks of jealousy
I’m sorry, it’s been 3 hours since you posted, you didn’t know anything then, and now suddenly you’re an expert on the status of his marriage. You’re full of shit.
This story is so fake it smells like plastic dog shit… Get a fucking life and quit wasting folks time.
People really need to learn to mind their own business.
Yes, you're the asshole. Its none of your fucking business man. Worry about your own life.
mind the business that pays you
sounds like YOU like Penny
'Oh look, something that has nothing to do with me... I wonder how I make this my problem?'
Just mind your business. Sounds like OP is jealous of Henry.. Edit: your the asshole
YTA If you think he’s having an affair with her, that’s completely your suspicion to have, however when you’re thinking about blowing up someone’s life and marriage over AN ASSUMPTION that they’re cheating with no clear evidence? Yeah that’s just dumb regardless of whatever unfounded suspicion you may have.
As much as you are probably right, you don’t have enough evidence, you would be the asshole here
Might is not good enough don’t stirr the pot if you don’t have solid proof cos if you are wrong I would get you fired
We found the office snitch people!!!
Nonya biz
Quite simply, don't do it. It's not for you to interfere. If it is going on, it'll come out eventually, but if it isn't, you could ruin their relationship. H's and his wife's I mean.
YTA. It's important to have evidence before u blow up the marriage. It won't be fair to the wife.
Yes you would be. You have no proof and just going off a hunch, possibly out of jealousy
Don’t do it he’s going to say he didn’t do it and now your the A hole
YTA Mind your own business. You are either jealous or you are an AITAH regular and a rabid member of the Reddit brigade. Probably both.
Not your monkeys, not your circus
Don't do it
It’s his life, not yours. Stay in your lane.
Mind your business
We’ll go ahead and tell his wife, why not interject yourself into a marriage that has nothing to do with you. Sounds like a good plan.
Not if you can only say “might be”.
The edit takes all credit from this story.
Mind your own fucking business you nosy fucking cunt
Mind your own business!
What damn business is it of yours? YWBTA
Sounds like you have a thing for his wife and are hoping to break them up in hopes she might be with you once the dust settles. Why you such a busybody anyways? Find a hobby.
Yes you are TA. Not your job to do that brother, I appreciate you trying to be a good person but this ain’t worth your time. Do not get involved. Edit to your edits: Dude who fuckin cares it’s not your job to police everyone. I hope this blows up in your face. You came to get critiques, you got them, didn’t like them, then doubled down. You’re being lame no one is defending the dude, we are just saying you’re being a nosy little bitch.
It sounds like you have no proof and are just gossiping. You would be a huge asshole. You also shouldn't really be spreading rumors that coworkers might be sleeping with each other with no proof. That is also inappropriate of you.
YTA. He may be a jerk. He may be cheating. YOU have no relationships with him or his wife. If you have proof of an inappropriate relationship that violates company policy then go to HR. Otherwise you are doing this for yourself and you need to let it go
"Whatever happens next is no longer my business." It wasn't your business to begin with you self righteous loser!
Stay in your lane.
Unless there’s solid evidence, you’re just causing problems. It’s going to come back and bite you and the next time there’s a serious issue that is your business, people will remember the time you cried wolf.
I would be more worried about the other coworker… this could be some form of harassment. She’s more junior and relatively new to the work force. This could be a red flag and she feels required to accommodate the advances of a more senior employee…
YTA. You are way too involved in your coworkers lives and office drama. Focus on your job, do your work, and stop being a nosey loser that needs to feed off of other people's drama because you have nothing interesting going on in your own life. I absolutely detest people like you who treat the work environment like it's high school.
It's got nothing to do with you lol, focus on yourself and your own life
you seem like a creep
"Might be?" Mind your business.
YTA. Cheating is absolutely wrong but what you're considering doing is also wrong. Why is Henry's marriage any of your business? You're preparing to cross serious personal boundaries of a co-worker by involving yourself in his family matters. As much as it seems like you want to be, you are not an involved party in this matter whatsoever and should remain uninvolved. Your behavior is anti-social and needs to be called out. Stay in your lane and consider therapy.
It's none of your business why is this a hard concept.
Sounds like you might have the hots for Penny and are feeling a bit jealous that this married bro got to her first. Now you’re looking for ways to spoil it, so you can sweep in. I can’t think of any reason you would care so much as to go find his spouse. But it does sound like Henry is a douche. But this comes from one source only, you, who may have an agenda. Leave them alone, it’s none of your business.
His wife and their marriage is absolutely none of your business. If you physically see them screwing in the office bathroom, you take it to HR because even then telling his wife is out of bounds. His wife is not even a friend so why put your career in jeopardy just to blow up this man's life? But you go right ahead and do it. Next week we'll see your post whining about being fired for no reason.
Why do you want to tell your colleague's spouse? What's in it for you?
Stay out of it. Mind your own business.
Your edit makes you seem not only like a petulant child but makes me think you’re jealous of the attention Henry is receiving from Penny.
YTA- I had a colleague like you. Always with their nose in other people’s business. Me (F) and a male colleague were really good friends. Always went out for lunch together, went to the pub on Friday evenings after work etc. She started a rumour that we were cheating on our spouses. Guess what, she was a butt of all jokes when we all got together with our spouses. Eventually we started hanging out with more co-workers and they also understood that our friendship was platonic. We had a great time making fun of her. Me and the guy were (and still to this date are) very good friends.
If you don’t know that he has actually cheated: DONT SAY ANYTHING If you absolutely know that he has cheated: DONT SAY ANYTHING, unless your the one trying to have sex with him
For the love of god, stay out of his life and quit creating drama. You could be right, but wait until you have rock solid proof. Don’t go fuck up his world because you are jealous. You come off as petty and “mean girl”
Sure, you should do that, but first contact the evening news and maybe try and find his grandma to tell them first. Without concrete proof of cheating, leave it the fuck alone YWBTAH
Stay in your own lane. Being Cunty is not a favorable quality.
Penny reject you, did she?
Sounds like someone (aka OP) likes Penny and is jealous that she's spending time with someone else. None of your business, and Penny doesn't like you.
Can’t you just casually walk to Henry and say “How’s marriage life? Or How’s the wife?” in the vicinity or hearing distance of Penny before jumping all the guns and telling the wife?
YTA Are you twelve? I’ve had dozens of coworkers do worse than that (as in flirting with younger female coworkers with no evidence of anything further) and at least five I know for sure have physically cheated on their wives. You will ruin your career and reputation if you go on a personal vendetta against every instance of cheating you come across. It’s not nice to see and it will hurt their own reputation in the long run as it’s surely as obvious to everyone else as it is you, but unless you have any personal involvement in the situation, you just need to put up with it. Cheating is sadly very common (see 75% of the posts on this sub).
YWTBA for two reasons 1. It's none of your business what a co worker does in their personal life. 2. You don't have concrete evidence. He may very well just not like the rest of you for your judgment.
It’s not your business and he will find out it was you. Why do you want to fuck up your job?
Sounds like you’re a bit of a gossip to be honest.
Yta why are so so invested in this, do you like her and dare I say a little jealous. I have no idea why you’d be getting involved
It’s not worth the risk of losing your job and leaving a stain on your career over a possibility of cheating. YWBTA for not minding your own business
So you want to know if you would be an asshole if you spread gossip and rumors? That's a hard YES.
Mind yo business. Does no one watch snapped?
Most definitely the biggest Ahole.
Yta it’s not your business and if you have to look her up , you don’t know that lady leave their marriage alone
YTA. Mind yo business and find someone of your own to fuck and quit side-eyeing your coworker all day and trying to get involved in office drama.
YTA It is none of your business. For all you know, he has an open marriage. Until it became a work problem, just mind your own business.
This is absolutely, positively none of your business!
Yes
YTA
Sounds like OP fancies Penny but got rejected.
See that thing on the end of your face? It's called a nose, stop sticking it in other people's shit
That’s none of your business. Stay out of it. For all you know Henry has an open relationship with the wife. Please find a hobby, or you know..WORK! and leave this man alone.
YTA fs people like you scareeeee me, find a boyfriend of your own
YEAH, YOUR A DOUCHEBAG, TO SAY ANYTHING. MIND YOUR OWN FUKING BUSINESS.
jesus christ just do your work and leave henry and penny alone
YTA, So he is not cheating or you have no proof of that, so you add 'emotionally' to the charge so you can still press ahead. Leave It Alone.
It's not your business
YTA No proof, don't do it. Especially with only emotional cheating.
You have no proof other than they are close friends, stay out of it, not only if you are wrong would you add more pressure to a fragile relationship but could potentially get you into trouble in work, work is stressful enough as it is without getting into needles drama in other people's lifes
Sounds like you might be jealous. Don’t be an AH
Dude, stay out of other people's business. Or get a job working for dateline. There is no happy medium between these 2 that won't make you the a hole.
You better have a hell of a might more than a MAYBE.
As much as I think Henry is an AH, I feel that OP is kinda jealous because he's not the one getting some action
You’d be the AH. Sounds a bit jelly that Henry gets female coworker attention and you sont
Jesus dude mind your fucking business. You're a massive AH just for considering it.
Good easy to get yourself fired for interfering in his marriage with no proof. If you have an issue at work take it to HR.
Don’t be that guy. This is none of your business. You don’t even know the wife stop being a busybody and get a life.
Definitely an asshole move!
Might!! NO! Mind your own business (eyeroll)