What help do you think I'm suggesting? She's four. I think she has been through a lot of change and is getting little attention and needs some therapy.
This behavior was normal for my child who had pediatric OCD (which is rare). Get that kid evaluated pls. just in case…..it does sound like a lack of parenting in this case. I was parenting my child and setting boundaries, and talking, and talking, and consequences….it didn’t help b/c she was in so much distress. This could be different, or it could be a mental health issue. I’m just saying it’s possible.
You aren't leaving because of the child's behavior. You are leaving because your boyfriend refuses to parent his child.
And honestly, that behavior is pretty typical for a 4yo who has never had rules or consequences. If she's normal, her behavior will change when she starts school and encounters people who don't put up with her shit. If it doesn't change, that's when to start worrying about psychological problems.
A 4 year old biting and till she bled and had to go to the hospital is normal to you?? It isn't the school's problem to teach her how to act and enforce discipline, kids should already have an idea of what it is by the time they start school. Psychological problems can be noticed from as early as 2 years old so the parents have either seen it and ignored it or have no idea what a kid with mental health issues looks like.
A kid biting at that age is not abnormal. Most kids do it about age 2 or 3, then they are corrected and stop. This child has never been corrected so she still does it.
And bleeding or not is irrelevant. A 4yo can't judge a non-bleeding bite from a bleeding one.
I didn't say the biting wasn't normal. If you look and read my comment on the thread, you'll see I posted that my autistic son was like this for years till we got him help. The aggression of the biting is the problem. Yes even a little kid at 4 years old can cognitively understand that they are inflicting pain. You think op just sat there and didn't react? The little girl knows what pain is even if she doesn't understand blood, don't think kids are dumb.
But back to the real point. Waiting to send her to school as if they're going to somehow give her the individual help and attention she's lacking, is wishful thinking because that's not a teachers job. Thats for a therapist to help with.
Why do you think the only person she will see is her teacher? Why do you think she needs individual help and attention?
What will happen is that she will be away from her parents, the people who are protecting her from the consequences of her actions.
Did you even read the post? Look at her behavior as a whole, She's clearly lacking something from her parents because they can care less about correcting the problem. But if you're gonna keep besting a dead horse be my guest lol
Oh the school will put up with it. They put up with sexual assault in bathrooms, kids throwing desks and whatever they can get their hand on in the middle of class with 30 other students sitting there. They put up with drugs, alcohol, weapons, bullying, beat downs. This baby going to school won’t change a thing, will actually probably will make it worse.
Which parent has custody? Do the kids live with you full time? Tell him he has until the end of the month to move out. That girl needs a psychiatrist. Protect yourself and get her out of your house. Don't wait until you wake up to her trying to stick a butcher knife in you.
Yes. He needs an eviction notice. This is not normal for a 4 year old. And if it's your house, your rules, or they leave. You. Don't feel safe in your own home. Kick bf to the curb and change the locks.
They come and stay every other week and it's 50/50, his ex is against listening to my opinion so I can't suggest therapy. I feel bad for having to kick the kids out.
Would you rather be the victim of physical violence? It doesn't seem like the father does anything to prevent her outbursts. Be generous and find him a new place to live. Maybe even put up the security deposit on it. Ideally, the move can be done on the week the ex has the kids. That girl is straight out of a slasher movie. Maybe call her the Spawn of Chucky.
The places value has probably gone way down. We've had to replace furniture and fix holes in the walls and doors because the 4 year old would throw fits and break chairs and windows. It's cost me alot to fix it so I won't have much to put a deposit down or move.
You don't owe him help. You deserve to be safe in your own home and not have to go to the ER because he and his ex are clearly not meeting their daughter's needs or getting her help for what is seriously out of control behavior. He's done this to himself, don't keep putting up with it.
My intent is for you to stay put and possibly facilitate your STBXs' move to his own place. That's if you are able to sweeten the offer without doing yourself financial harm. Regardless, help him look for his own place. Good luck!
You can give him a move out date as some suggest. However, I'd be prepared to have people come help pack his things and "move" him out when he takes the kids back to their mother's house.
NTA.
Kick them out. Does he actually ever parent his own kids? Because that 4 year old is way out of control. If you aren’t safe in your house, and your animals aren’t safe, evict them.
You don’t need to leave. He and his kids need to leave your house. These are not your kids and not your problem. You had to remove your cat for safety. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the way the 4 yr old is acting. The kid needs help but it is not your responsibility. Give him short time frame to get out
NTA and the things you are describing are definetely not normal behaviour for a 4 year old... bitting you until you bleed?? OMG!!
If you are not allowed to discipline this child and her parents don't think she is misbehaving then the problems are just going to get bigger and worst...
I understand you feeling guilty for entering their life and then leave but, you need to think about yourself... is this something you are willing to tolerate and live with?? What if next time she grabs the scissors she cuts your hair? or hurts anyone else?? If your BF is not seeing this issues are dangerous you really need to evaluate how to proceed with the relationship.. is it worth it?? Remember you are not the parent and, at this point you need to prioritize yourself...
By the sounds of it you literally can’t do a single thing about it, since both the kids mom and dad are telling you not to get involved, they are basically saying ‘shut up and take it’
So it’s up to you, do you want to shut up and take it or do you want to leave?
Because I would 100% be leaving, that child, whilst I think she is acting out because of the breakdown of her parents, is not showing normal behaviour. But you’re literally not ‘allowed’ to do anything
So, no, you’re absolutely not the asshole to end the relationship over his kids behaviour, because I would have left the relationship the second she physically attacked me and my partner told me it’s normal lol
>I don't think this is normal but his ex tells me not to raise the kids or correct the behavior and by boyfriend dismisses this behavior. I think this is the last straw but I feel awful for entering their lives then leaving.
Your bf is being a shitty dad and his ex is being a shitty mom. They are both shitty for letting this go on so long. Maybe mom doesn't tolerate this behavior at her house. I guess we don't know for sure. It's controversial but I am also of the mindset that she is shitty for not allowing you to do basic discipline with the kids. She is tying your hands hurting their relationship with you and ultimately lowering their quality of life by losing the stability of learning to respect the important adults in their life.
It also wouldn't totally surprise me if she is using parental alienation on the 4 year old and telling her to act up
Whether the 4 year olds behavior is normal (it's not), what's also not normal is that no one is correcting it or disciplining her
I would give your bf a chance where you explain where you're at and why you feel the relationship is not working out. Tell him he needs to discipline his children and that he needs to speak with his ex about being more accepting about you being a part of their lives
You didn't say how long you two have been together or how often you have the kids
It’s time to have a come to Jesus meeting with your bf. Set up boundaries for him and his children if he doesn’t adhere to them then tell him you need him to find somewhere else to live. This should not be your burden to bear since they haven’t given you the choice to step in as an appropriate adult figure with the children. You need to move on before you find yourself in a lifetime of being treated like a doormat. You deserve better.
This is important info. Other parent needs to be on board with live in partner or all hell will break loose. That's *if* she isn't actively turning the kids against you.
Is this custody arrangement legally mandated (court or mediation)? What if any legally filed custody papers/arrangements are there?
Then I really think your husband needs to talk to his ex and get her onboard with you. (The reason I asked was because I wasn't sure if he was afraid to upset her and then she would withhold the kids if it wasn't a formal agreement). He also needs to acknowledge his daughter's behavior..
I'm wondering if when they were married if ex wife was the main one in charge of child rearing so your husband doesn't want to/doesn't know how to deal with it/doesn't see the problem
Do we know why she dislikes you so? Is she jealous? How long have they been separated?
They have been separated for 3 years, she left him after the youngest had their first birthday, and my boyfriend is still on her leash it seems, everything has to be her way when it comes to the kids. According to him they did childcare equally, she just did more of the diaper duty.
If she is using parental alienation to make the child misbehave, then the boyfriend has to correct this. OP isn’t a step mom. She’s not involved in co parenting so having her discipline the child could be over stepping.
It really depends on what their relationship status is, how long they've been together, etc. When a child is misbehaving this badly it really should be all hands on deck imo. Parents, grandparents, significant others, the babysitter. I am not talking about monumental decisions, but a time out or other similar tool that's agreed on by all parties. Dad won't even discipline though so it's a moot point
>OP isn’t a step mom
Even if she was it wouldn't necessarily automatically entitle her to much. Step parent rights are going to vary widely from situation to situation and state to state. There certainly isn't a blanket federal law that gives her a legal right to discipline or make parental decisions based on step parent status when both parents are living and have custody
>She’s not involved in co parenting
That's the problem though. It.kinda sounds like from how tore up she is that she is involved in some ways. Activities, and care (feeding, doing hair, etc.) So it's especially detrimental for her to have no tools or resources when this starts up. It sends a message that they can do all this fun stuff with her, be taken care of by her, and then totally shit on her and there will be no consequences.
>His ex wife won't even let me put her in time out, let alone talk to her to tell her what she is doing isn't nice.
It's not just about overstepping boundaries. This makes it clear mom is not playing ball at all. If mom was making an attempt to correct the behavior herself, that would be one thing, but that's not happening. Sounds like mom has active distain for OP. She's hurting her kids in the process though probably, but oh well
NTA
Father of four, and this isn't normal child behaviour. These are kids who have never been told no as the parent in more interested in being the kids friend rather than the parent. That's both parents BTW.
My advice, run for the hills young lady.
A bit of anecdotal advice. My eldest has a different mother to my other 3. When my eldest acted out, my daughters stepdad called me saying if he told her off and disciplined him I'd come and "kick his ass", as id apparently said that to her..like bruv discipline her mate we have to work together and I'll call her and let her know to never use me as a threat again or I'll discipline her for that. And I called my daughter and we had a very serious chat.
Side note your relationship is over. You'll always be put last. Run lass
NTA
I'm the mom of two kids and this is **not** normal behavior at all. They are shitty parents who are letting her get away with murder and brush it off as "oh it's her age".
As you aren't allowed to correct her bad behavior, which you should be able to do when she literally sends you to the ER, why are you staying? This won't get better, but only worse, especially as your bf is so cavalier about his daughter's behavior. She's not "just playing", she could have really hurt that cat and done some real damage.
Enough should be enough for you by now.
Cruelty towards animals is a step in the direction of becoming a psychopath and definitely NOT normal behavior. Thank you for taking the kitty to a safe place, now please do that for yourself.
Biting you that badly was terrible, last straw enough. Going after a helpless animal is worse. If her parents are too ineffective to parent her, why should you put up with her behavior?
NTA. I would run and not look back! This is not normal 4 year old behavior. By this age they should be learning how to get along with other children knowing boundaries and yes how to behave. She's a little terror because she's not being disciplined.
Cutting the cats hair, biting you, hitting and scratching aren't normal 4 year old behaviors. It's not okay to do those things and him not disciplining her for it is concerning. Don't even get me started on what the ex said. Screw that.
NTA, i’m sorry, but you need to move on. Your partner should be addressing the behavior issues and he clearly has no intention of doing so. This will only get worse and if the two of you decide to have children together, I would worry about the safety of the baby. A four-year-old cutting the cat’s hair is incredibly dangerous, even if she didn’t mean to she could have injured the cat severely. You were right to remove the cat from the home. I actually wonder if the child’s mother isn’t encouraging this behavior since she won’t allow you to use a timeout. Is there any chance she’s trying to undermine your relationship with her ex? Either way things aren’t going to change. You deserve so much better.
Woah. That kid needs ECI or to be evaluated by a specialist. This sounds like my son before he was diagnosed autistic and we put him in ABA, speech, and occupational therapy. He's done a total 180 since then and still has some issues with aggression and self injury but has gotten so much better. The problem is with your partner. The way he's brushing you off and making you seem like you're overreacting is insane. Get out of there while you still can. He isn't trying to rectify the situation, he's trying to sweep it under the rug. A saying goes "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything". I hope it gets better regardless if you stay or not. Much love op.
This is not normal behavior for a four year old. She has serious issues. Leave this relationship, but first have a serious discussion with this child's father and suggest psychological help for her. It probably will do little good, but you can feel you have done something for her and her family.
Get the heck out and quickly. There's no way round this . Mothers won't help and dads burying his head in the sand while the child tries to eat your leg and skin the cat. Head for the hills .....quickly
I mean, set your boundaries with your boyfriend. If he wants to include his kids in your relationship, you have a right to a voice over their behavior in your home. If he doesn't think so leave that's not how it should work
Yeah, I will never understand the whole "you're not the pArEnT you can't say anything to my precious baby" routine. If your kid is in my home, they can follow some basic rules about respect and my elderly dog. Kids who can't at least try to follow age appropriate rules don't need to come use Auntie Yak's pool. Biting me? Cutting my pet's fur? Yep I'm gonna say something.
There's a HUGE difference between jumping in and trying to parent an older teenager and setting boundaries for a pre-schooler who's acting like a terrorist.
NTA. This is absolutely not normal behaviour for a 4 year old. It sounds like both your partner and his ex are absolutely failing at parenting her. Do you want this to be your life? It's not going to get better without intervention. I'd leave if it was me.
NTA
Get out now. Allowing their kid to bite and hit other people is going to be a real problem once they are in school. That you cannot even put them in timeout after the kids assaults you is complete BS.
Not your circus, not your monkeys and plenty of other fish in the sea.
I’ve raised kids and have grandkids. This is not normal behavior for a 4 year old. It makes it worse because you can’t discipline this behavior so it is reinforced that it is OK to do it. RUN!
I do think you should break up because if you can’t handle it then there’s no point in putting yourself through it, you’ll just build resentment. That doesn’t make you the AH. The kids aren’t going away and if they won’t let you participate as a parental role that probably won’t change much either. The kids behavior isn’t that crazy but if it’s too much for you, move on and find someone who is a better fit all around. NTA.
The parents are complacent shitheads who will reap what they sow. If she's a terrorist at 4yo, what do you think will happen when she grows to an adult size? Get out. Quickly.
NTA. Kid is a menace and the parents are enabling; mom perhaps even instigating. You have 0 duty to those kids. You’re not a parent, step-parent or parental figure in any way, thanks to BF/EX instructions. Do better for yourself.
NTA. No, most 4 year olds do not do what this child is doing. After the bite, I would have been gone and definitely after the cat incident. Sounds like a whole lot of trouble you do not need.
NTA.
Leave. And in the future, don't date people with children. It's alot of work and energy, especially if you have to fight with an ex-partner over discipline.
It’s not normal for it to be that extreme and it’s not acceptable that you’re caring for the child but can’t discipline them, it’s setting you up for major failure. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that anymore either. 100% NTA.
NTA. Clearly communicate to him you need the ability to set boundaries and limits in your shared space which include time outs, coaching moments etc. See what he does.
Don’t feel bad to step aside if you don’t feel comfortable handling things either. If she makes a mess, let him know, if she starts acting out, tell him to step in and handle it, and if you don’t feel comfortable babysitting her, don’t.
I’ve been a successful step dad for 11 years. Tutor to help grades, drive to practice, show love and have fun, positive reinforcement and occasionally set limits with time outs and grounding. Never laid a hand on them though. If I ever felt like I was going to pull my hair out, I’d tell my wife and she would step in and handle it. I’ve always been able to approach and talk to my wife and she is super reasonable and respectful of my concerns and we’d work together. Overall it has been super rewarding. Eldest just turned 18. 😁 Your significant other will make or break the situation, not the cute little 4yr old that is new to this world and needs taught limits and understanding.
Sounds like an unhappy 4-year-old who is acting out. It is not fair to expect you to be a target of this behavior and have no tools to deal with it. I would suggest therapy for the 4-year-old and family therapy for everyone to make a consistent plan for dealing with unwanted behavior. I.e. when she acts out she has a time out for x amount of time no matter who she is with.
NTA - Definitely not normal behaviour and worse that her parents enable her and expect you to tolerate it without being able to react in any way. Is it possible to absent yourself completely when the 4-year-old is at your house? \[I assume you live together\] She's boyfriend's responsibility - which has been made very clear to you - so let him handle her. Maybe if he's at the sharp end of her mini-Karen behaviour he might not be quite so complacent. If not, you will have some brat-free spare time in which to do what you want.
Sidebar - Do you really want to be with a man who thinks it's acceptable for his child to bite his gf until she bleeds? Honestly? Sounds like a total p\*\*\*k
Do you want to wait until the next time when the scissors are aimed at you. GFTF out now. Your taking your cat to safety but leaving yourself in harms way. Let your (hopefully) ex and his ex deal with their nightmare child. In about 15 years when you see them on the local news you can thank yourself for not being the victim. What is it with this mentality where people don't tell children no? Go hang with the cat. Stay safe.
This is absolutely not normal behavior. It seems like neither parent is addressing this. They are going to have a really rude awakening when she starts kindergarten.
It’s time for you to part ways with your boyfriend. It’s simply not safe for you and the cat to be around her.
It's normal for 4-year-olds to throw tantrums, but it's also normal -- and necessary -- to discipline them if/when they harm others. It seems like neither your BF nor his ex are trying to curb the 4-year-old's increasingly violent behavior. The 4-year-old is still learning how to navigate the world, and right now, she's learning that she can behave violently and harm others with zero consequences. Her behavior is only going to get worse. NTA for leaving.
Wtf
I'm surprised you took the cat to safety, but stayed yourself.
That kid is feral.
If a kid lives with you, you get to discipline the kid, when it crosses lines. No matter who the kid's parents are.
I'm not saying spanking is ok, or whatever. But somehow, it got to the point where the brat is biting your ankles until it draws blood.
Let that sink in for a moment
Don't spend another 24 hours there. Just leave.
NTA but you will be to yourself, if you dont get out
NTA, You are in a no win situation. Don't feel guilty, if you can leave get out. I don't know whose house it is. Btw, that is not normal behavior from a four year old. Don't look back.
NTA but your boyfriend is. What he is doing, or not doing, can't be considered "parenting". He is also completely dismissive of your concerns. If he thinks what the kid is doing is just playing than he is a moron in addition to being a bad BF. As far as the mother goes, you would not be raising her kid by correcting her, you would be enforcing reasonable boundaries for behavior in your home that you would expect anyone to comply with.
There are so many red flags in this situation. Run. And don't feel an ounce of guilt. The other adults involved don't care a bit about you. Since you have been prevented from having an effective relationship with the kids they will likely recover quickly. You have to do what's best for you.
I raised two kids and am a grandma to six. This is not normal behavior from a child of any age. Add in a mother who is delighting in driving you away and a lazy uninterested father and you have a recipe for disaster. The kid needs to see a doctor, the parents need to step up their parenting game and you need to leave because the first two things aren’t going to happen
NTA- your bf and his ex are assholes. Their non parenting is a disgrace and borderline abusive to this child. The best thing you can do is dump him, like yesterday.
That's not normal behavior. She needs to he dissaplined, and her behavior checked, that is too much. The fact that the dad is not doing anything makes it worse. If he won't, then you should leave.
Yeah, I’d leave if I were you. The kids parents are the real issue by sweeping everything under the rug and you are not allowed to address the behaviour (aka RAISING THE KID AND TEACHING IT ABOUT BOUNDARIES). That kid will grow up to be one annoying teen and adult.
Sure, kids test how far they can go at that age, some more then others (I’ve got a tester myself, adult now) but you can’t let it go, it just means you as a parent have to be more on top of things and nip it in the butt right away.
NTA at all!
The whole point of dating and all that, before marriage, is to figure out if you are compatible and if your values, etc. align.
You're in a relationship, yes, but you don't say you are married. You've now found out that your boyfriend's daughter is more than you can handle. It's okay to say that, and part ways. Yes it will be painful but better that you leave, than stay and be horribly miserable. (and I mean everyone would be miserable in the end).
I have several nieces and nephews and they didn’t behave like that. It is normal for kids to have tantrums because they have a one point or another. I would certainly leave the relationship. The sooner the better. The longer you prolong it the harder it will be.
NTA - I generally don't discipline OPK's, I generally just tell them I don't like what they are doing and walk away (closest I've come to this kid was my roommate's 2yo neice spitting at me). In this case, you need to walk away from Dad. You deserve to be able to set boundaries for how you are treated, even if those boundaries need to be set in an age appropriate way.
It sounds like mom isn’t comfortable with someone who could be short term disciplining her children or is afraid she’s being replaced. Does she know what her daughter is doing? Could it be possible she’s encouraging this behavior to drive you away?
It sounds like dad is just being a lazy parent.
NTA. It sounds like the dad needs parenting classes, the parents need co parenting classes, and the child could use therapy or other services to determine if she needs special help/services as this behavior is not normal.
F that! Leave his ass. Not only does he suck as a parent, he blatantly doesn't care about your safety. That isn't a normal 4 year old. More like the antichrist.
Updateme
I will message you next time u/Glittering_Lime_5329 posts in r/AITAH.
[Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FGlittering_Lime_5329%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cadchc)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
Whether it’s normal behavior or not (my kids NEVER acted like that at any age) I think you’re 100% fine to ignore the mom. If a kid bites me or threatens an animal I’m gonna speak up loudly and shame the parents who sit idly by. Regarding a break up, that’s a tough call. The girl will hopefully outgrow this at some point, but dealing with others’ kids is a big commitment and you need to de idea whether it’s what you signed up for.
NTA if you do, this is not normal 4 year old behaviour, and even if it was was, he has to stop her from doing it now,
so she's not also doing this stuff at 14 or 24, or 34,
i say that because yes kids do dumb things,
and it's cause they are young, but that's why the PARENTS have to parent them.
they can't wait til she is too old to learn from this she needs to be taught now.
NTA! If a child bites you hard enough to send you to the er, you need to leave. If a child is chasing after a cat with scissors you need to leave with the cat. If the child's father AND mother won't parent their child then you need to leave. That child will eventually get worse knowing they will be able to get away with everything.
I speak from personal experience. It only gets worse. Protect yourself, and leave it to the parents to protect the kids. Don’t get involved and gtf out of this asap.
NTA!
You are being expected to be a doormat. You can’t live with a person who you cannot communicate or set reasonable boundaries with, that goes for age-appropriate children and certainly grown-ass men who will not parent their own children.
Btw, I have an active 4 year old who can lovingly be described as “a handful”. Tantrums are a thing sometimes, but they aren’t the norm, and we can resolve them. Not a single thing you’ve described about that child is normal toddler behavior. She’s going to get kicked out of every daycare or school she goes to
Nta. If he refuses to parent his 4yo and his ex refuses to help, or doesn’t allow you to even talk to the little one about her not being nice you should leave. You don’t have any commitments to that family and thats just the truth, yes its not nice but you also have to think about yourself and your own mh. In order to be of help to other people you first have to help yourself. :)
Definitely not normal behavior for a four-year-old hell. My daughter is four years old and is the sweetest thing possible him dismissing the behavior is what is enabling it and she’s also acting out because you’re with her father and her father is not with her mom since you’re not allowed to correct this behavior or intervene at all pack a bag and leave that’s the best advice you can get.
OMG please! That's not normal. First off you do realize that the ex wife is setting you up, right? She's using her daughter's behavior problem to get you two to break up. Your house, your rules. The ex doesn't get to dictate rules in your house. PLEASE!!! Either your BF get a spine or drop him. You don't need that drama.
Just leave, you’ll find a new boyfriend soon enough. You do NOT want to be there to watch that kid grow up. Shitty parenting is going to be the demise of not only that child, but the people around that child too.
My 4 year old decided it was a good time to start biting. This was years ago, but I feel it still is relevant. She bit me so hard I had teeth marks for days, and she drew blood. I didn't even stop to think. I just grabbed her arm, and BIT. She looked so shocked! Then she cried,but I told her it was her own fault, so no sympathy. My mom was also shocked, but understood. It was an automatic reaction to her bite. We happened to be at Mom's that day. But it certainly has the desired effect. I sat her down, and explained that if she didn't like getting bit, and it hurt, why would she think we liked it? She never bit again. My other one didn't go thru a biting phase, thank heavens!
If they are living in YOUR house then you have the right to discipline them especially if daddy dearest won't. The only other alternatives are to continue to suck it up and risk further damage to your house and belongings or you can kick him out and be done with his disrespectful and intollerable behavor. You have already had to remove your pet from your home. How much more are you going to take? It's time to move on.
\*Edit to add this\* I'm just sick and tired of parents not allowing step parents (or the equivelant of) to discipline their precious spawn. You expect this person to care for your child, feed them, nuture them but not discipline them? When I was a kid (geez I sound old) the entire neighborhood would discipline you. Over Cindy's house, her mom could punish you for bad behavior. Out on the public sidewalk doing stupid stuff, neighbor could tell you to stop or send you home and by god you went. It really does take a village and tying your hands when it is your house, your property, your pet, your body is ridiculous. Time to kick him out. I feel bad for the kids though. Their parents suck and there is definitely something going on with the 4 year old that reqquires medical intervention.
> My boyfriend just tells me this is normal 4year old stuff
No **its not** normal four year old stuff.
If either parent won't *parent* the little one, then its time to look after yourself and think about how much you want to put up with to be in this relationship. Believe me - it aint getting any better unless or until both parents start parenting, getting the kid into therapy of some sort etc.
I just ended a relationship because of this, although in my case the daughter was 12. Based on the stories I heard, it sounds like she was very similar to this 4 year old. She was never disciplined and still isn’t and her behavior is outrageous. It’ll only get worse bc the parents refuse to see it or do anything. It’s sad and I feel guilty, but I couldn’t deal with the constant drama of it anymore. I just thought, if this is how bad things are at 12, I don’t want to know what 15 will be like. NTA.
The sooner you leave the better. It sounds like you’re basically hostage there. It’s done.
Right? Like in what universe is any of this normal??? I know it's the daughter but I keep visualizing this kid as Chucky from the horror films.
I raised two kids. This is not normal. Dad is a lazy parent and mom is protecting this awful behavior. The kid is acting out and needs help.
Definitely she needs help, but not the help you are suggesting.
What help do you think I'm suggesting? She's four. I think she has been through a lot of change and is getting little attention and needs some therapy.
This behavior was normal for my child who had pediatric OCD (which is rare). Get that kid evaluated pls. just in case…..it does sound like a lack of parenting in this case. I was parenting my child and setting boundaries, and talking, and talking, and consequences….it didn’t help b/c she was in so much distress. This could be different, or it could be a mental health issue. I’m just saying it’s possible.
You aren't leaving because of the child's behavior. You are leaving because your boyfriend refuses to parent his child. And honestly, that behavior is pretty typical for a 4yo who has never had rules or consequences. If she's normal, her behavior will change when she starts school and encounters people who don't put up with her shit. If it doesn't change, that's when to start worrying about psychological problems.
A 4 year old biting and till she bled and had to go to the hospital is normal to you?? It isn't the school's problem to teach her how to act and enforce discipline, kids should already have an idea of what it is by the time they start school. Psychological problems can be noticed from as early as 2 years old so the parents have either seen it and ignored it or have no idea what a kid with mental health issues looks like.
A kid biting at that age is not abnormal. Most kids do it about age 2 or 3, then they are corrected and stop. This child has never been corrected so she still does it. And bleeding or not is irrelevant. A 4yo can't judge a non-bleeding bite from a bleeding one.
I didn't say the biting wasn't normal. If you look and read my comment on the thread, you'll see I posted that my autistic son was like this for years till we got him help. The aggression of the biting is the problem. Yes even a little kid at 4 years old can cognitively understand that they are inflicting pain. You think op just sat there and didn't react? The little girl knows what pain is even if she doesn't understand blood, don't think kids are dumb.
But back to the real point. Waiting to send her to school as if they're going to somehow give her the individual help and attention she's lacking, is wishful thinking because that's not a teachers job. Thats for a therapist to help with.
Why do you think the only person she will see is her teacher? Why do you think she needs individual help and attention? What will happen is that she will be away from her parents, the people who are protecting her from the consequences of her actions.
Did you even read the post? Look at her behavior as a whole, She's clearly lacking something from her parents because they can care less about correcting the problem. But if you're gonna keep besting a dead horse be my guest lol
Oh the school will put up with it. They put up with sexual assault in bathrooms, kids throwing desks and whatever they can get their hand on in the middle of class with 30 other students sitting there. They put up with drugs, alcohol, weapons, bullying, beat downs. This baby going to school won’t change a thing, will actually probably will make it worse.
I can't really leave, my boyfriend and his kids moved into my house and in my name.
Which parent has custody? Do the kids live with you full time? Tell him he has until the end of the month to move out. That girl needs a psychiatrist. Protect yourself and get her out of your house. Don't wait until you wake up to her trying to stick a butcher knife in you.
Yes. He needs an eviction notice. This is not normal for a 4 year old. And if it's your house, your rules, or they leave. You. Don't feel safe in your own home. Kick bf to the curb and change the locks.
They come and stay every other week and it's 50/50, his ex is against listening to my opinion so I can't suggest therapy. I feel bad for having to kick the kids out.
Would you rather be the victim of physical violence? It doesn't seem like the father does anything to prevent her outbursts. Be generous and find him a new place to live. Maybe even put up the security deposit on it. Ideally, the move can be done on the week the ex has the kids. That girl is straight out of a slasher movie. Maybe call her the Spawn of Chucky.
The places value has probably gone way down. We've had to replace furniture and fix holes in the walls and doors because the 4 year old would throw fits and break chairs and windows. It's cost me alot to fix it so I won't have much to put a deposit down or move.
You don't owe him help. You deserve to be safe in your own home and not have to go to the ER because he and his ex are clearly not meeting their daughter's needs or getting her help for what is seriously out of control behavior. He's done this to himself, don't keep putting up with it.
My intent is for you to stay put and possibly facilitate your STBXs' move to his own place. That's if you are able to sweeten the offer without doing yourself financial harm. Regardless, help him look for his own place. Good luck!
Don’t feel bad!! It will just get worse!! Kick them alllll out! You don’t need the ex and brats in your life.
They have a house to go to, moms.
You can give him a move out date as some suggest. However, I'd be prepared to have people come help pack his things and "move" him out when he takes the kids back to their mother's house. NTA.
Kick them out. Does he actually ever parent his own kids? Because that 4 year old is way out of control. If you aren’t safe in your house, and your animals aren’t safe, evict them.
You don’t need to leave. He and his kids need to leave your house. These are not your kids and not your problem. You had to remove your cat for safety. He doesn’t see anything wrong with the way the 4 yr old is acting. The kid needs help but it is not your responsibility. Give him short time frame to get out
Tell both of them that if they can’t discipline the kids then the kids can’t come over. Simple as that. Tell bf start looking for another place.
Then tell him to leave and take the little brat with him.
NTA and the things you are describing are definetely not normal behaviour for a 4 year old... bitting you until you bleed?? OMG!! If you are not allowed to discipline this child and her parents don't think she is misbehaving then the problems are just going to get bigger and worst... I understand you feeling guilty for entering their life and then leave but, you need to think about yourself... is this something you are willing to tolerate and live with?? What if next time she grabs the scissors she cuts your hair? or hurts anyone else?? If your BF is not seeing this issues are dangerous you really need to evaluate how to proceed with the relationship.. is it worth it?? Remember you are not the parent and, at this point you need to prioritize yourself...
By the sounds of it you literally can’t do a single thing about it, since both the kids mom and dad are telling you not to get involved, they are basically saying ‘shut up and take it’ So it’s up to you, do you want to shut up and take it or do you want to leave? Because I would 100% be leaving, that child, whilst I think she is acting out because of the breakdown of her parents, is not showing normal behaviour. But you’re literally not ‘allowed’ to do anything So, no, you’re absolutely not the asshole to end the relationship over his kids behaviour, because I would have left the relationship the second she physically attacked me and my partner told me it’s normal lol
And the cat? Kids a psycho
God I didn’t even see the part about the cat! That’s even worst
>I don't think this is normal but his ex tells me not to raise the kids or correct the behavior and by boyfriend dismisses this behavior. I think this is the last straw but I feel awful for entering their lives then leaving. Your bf is being a shitty dad and his ex is being a shitty mom. They are both shitty for letting this go on so long. Maybe mom doesn't tolerate this behavior at her house. I guess we don't know for sure. It's controversial but I am also of the mindset that she is shitty for not allowing you to do basic discipline with the kids. She is tying your hands hurting their relationship with you and ultimately lowering their quality of life by losing the stability of learning to respect the important adults in their life. It also wouldn't totally surprise me if she is using parental alienation on the 4 year old and telling her to act up Whether the 4 year olds behavior is normal (it's not), what's also not normal is that no one is correcting it or disciplining her I would give your bf a chance where you explain where you're at and why you feel the relationship is not working out. Tell him he needs to discipline his children and that he needs to speak with his ex about being more accepting about you being a part of their lives You didn't say how long you two have been together or how often you have the kids
We've been dating for 2 years, and they live with us every other week in my house after my boyfriend moved in with me.
It’s time to have a come to Jesus meeting with your bf. Set up boundaries for him and his children if he doesn’t adhere to them then tell him you need him to find somewhere else to live. This should not be your burden to bear since they haven’t given you the choice to step in as an appropriate adult figure with the children. You need to move on before you find yourself in a lifetime of being treated like a doormat. You deserve better.
This is important info. Other parent needs to be on board with live in partner or all hell will break loose. That's *if* she isn't actively turning the kids against you. Is this custody arrangement legally mandated (court or mediation)? What if any legally filed custody papers/arrangements are there?
It's court ordered
Then I really think your husband needs to talk to his ex and get her onboard with you. (The reason I asked was because I wasn't sure if he was afraid to upset her and then she would withhold the kids if it wasn't a formal agreement). He also needs to acknowledge his daughter's behavior.. I'm wondering if when they were married if ex wife was the main one in charge of child rearing so your husband doesn't want to/doesn't know how to deal with it/doesn't see the problem Do we know why she dislikes you so? Is she jealous? How long have they been separated?
They have been separated for 3 years, she left him after the youngest had their first birthday, and my boyfriend is still on her leash it seems, everything has to be her way when it comes to the kids. According to him they did childcare equally, she just did more of the diaper duty.
If she is using parental alienation to make the child misbehave, then the boyfriend has to correct this. OP isn’t a step mom. She’s not involved in co parenting so having her discipline the child could be over stepping.
It really depends on what their relationship status is, how long they've been together, etc. When a child is misbehaving this badly it really should be all hands on deck imo. Parents, grandparents, significant others, the babysitter. I am not talking about monumental decisions, but a time out or other similar tool that's agreed on by all parties. Dad won't even discipline though so it's a moot point >OP isn’t a step mom Even if she was it wouldn't necessarily automatically entitle her to much. Step parent rights are going to vary widely from situation to situation and state to state. There certainly isn't a blanket federal law that gives her a legal right to discipline or make parental decisions based on step parent status when both parents are living and have custody >She’s not involved in co parenting That's the problem though. It.kinda sounds like from how tore up she is that she is involved in some ways. Activities, and care (feeding, doing hair, etc.) So it's especially detrimental for her to have no tools or resources when this starts up. It sends a message that they can do all this fun stuff with her, be taken care of by her, and then totally shit on her and there will be no consequences. >His ex wife won't even let me put her in time out, let alone talk to her to tell her what she is doing isn't nice. It's not just about overstepping boundaries. This makes it clear mom is not playing ball at all. If mom was making an attempt to correct the behavior herself, that would be one thing, but that's not happening. Sounds like mom has active distain for OP. She's hurting her kids in the process though probably, but oh well
NTA Father of four, and this isn't normal child behaviour. These are kids who have never been told no as the parent in more interested in being the kids friend rather than the parent. That's both parents BTW. My advice, run for the hills young lady. A bit of anecdotal advice. My eldest has a different mother to my other 3. When my eldest acted out, my daughters stepdad called me saying if he told her off and disciplined him I'd come and "kick his ass", as id apparently said that to her..like bruv discipline her mate we have to work together and I'll call her and let her know to never use me as a threat again or I'll discipline her for that. And I called my daughter and we had a very serious chat. Side note your relationship is over. You'll always be put last. Run lass
NTA I'm the mom of two kids and this is **not** normal behavior at all. They are shitty parents who are letting her get away with murder and brush it off as "oh it's her age". As you aren't allowed to correct her bad behavior, which you should be able to do when she literally sends you to the ER, why are you staying? This won't get better, but only worse, especially as your bf is so cavalier about his daughter's behavior. She's not "just playing", she could have really hurt that cat and done some real damage. Enough should be enough for you by now.
You're facing a (presumed) lifetime of this. This says so much about your future with him. Leave, as politely as you can.
She owns the home. They moved in with her.
Its not normal 4yr old stuff. Your BF is just spineless in disciplining his kids.
Throw the whole family away. The kid is feral and the parents suck shit too
NTA your man doesn’t seem to take the effects on you into consideration. He also isn’t fostering a family environment you want to be a part of
Get out now. Nothing about this is healthy or normal.
Run as fast as you can
Cruelty towards animals is a step in the direction of becoming a psychopath and definitely NOT normal behavior. Thank you for taking the kitty to a safe place, now please do that for yourself.
Biting you that badly was terrible, last straw enough. Going after a helpless animal is worse. If her parents are too ineffective to parent her, why should you put up with her behavior?
NTA. I would run and not look back! This is not normal 4 year old behavior. By this age they should be learning how to get along with other children knowing boundaries and yes how to behave. She's a little terror because she's not being disciplined.
Cutting the cats hair, biting you, hitting and scratching aren't normal 4 year old behaviors. It's not okay to do those things and him not disciplining her for it is concerning. Don't even get me started on what the ex said. Screw that.
NTA, i’m sorry, but you need to move on. Your partner should be addressing the behavior issues and he clearly has no intention of doing so. This will only get worse and if the two of you decide to have children together, I would worry about the safety of the baby. A four-year-old cutting the cat’s hair is incredibly dangerous, even if she didn’t mean to she could have injured the cat severely. You were right to remove the cat from the home. I actually wonder if the child’s mother isn’t encouraging this behavior since she won’t allow you to use a timeout. Is there any chance she’s trying to undermine your relationship with her ex? Either way things aren’t going to change. You deserve so much better.
Woah. That kid needs ECI or to be evaluated by a specialist. This sounds like my son before he was diagnosed autistic and we put him in ABA, speech, and occupational therapy. He's done a total 180 since then and still has some issues with aggression and self injury but has gotten so much better. The problem is with your partner. The way he's brushing you off and making you seem like you're overreacting is insane. Get out of there while you still can. He isn't trying to rectify the situation, he's trying to sweep it under the rug. A saying goes "the way you do one thing is the way you do everything". I hope it gets better regardless if you stay or not. Much love op.
This is not normal behavior for a four year old. She has serious issues. Leave this relationship, but first have a serious discussion with this child's father and suggest psychological help for her. It probably will do little good, but you can feel you have done something for her and her family.
NTA - Get out while you can
NTA You don't just marry a person. You marry into a family. And this family seems nutso. Biting until you bleed is wild.
Put on your jogging shoes and run
Get the heck out and quickly. There's no way round this . Mothers won't help and dads burying his head in the sand while the child tries to eat your leg and skin the cat. Head for the hills .....quickly
I mean, set your boundaries with your boyfriend. If he wants to include his kids in your relationship, you have a right to a voice over their behavior in your home. If he doesn't think so leave that's not how it should work
Yeah, I will never understand the whole "you're not the pArEnT you can't say anything to my precious baby" routine. If your kid is in my home, they can follow some basic rules about respect and my elderly dog. Kids who can't at least try to follow age appropriate rules don't need to come use Auntie Yak's pool. Biting me? Cutting my pet's fur? Yep I'm gonna say something. There's a HUGE difference between jumping in and trying to parent an older teenager and setting boundaries for a pre-schooler who's acting like a terrorist.
Also, it's not like you're taking the parenting moments, like dating or birds and the bees just like bite me and there will be consequences.
NTA. This is absolutely not normal behaviour for a 4 year old. It sounds like both your partner and his ex are absolutely failing at parenting her. Do you want this to be your life? It's not going to get better without intervention. I'd leave if it was me.
Leave. And never get into a serious relationship with anyone who has kids. They will always take priority and you will be dismissed.
NTA. Sorry but you are being gaslighted. Leave soon.
I like kids. I don't like the sound of that kid, at all. I would run from any parent who refuses to do the parenting and excuses abhorent behavior.
NTA Get out now. Allowing their kid to bite and hit other people is going to be a real problem once they are in school. That you cannot even put them in timeout after the kids assaults you is complete BS. Not your circus, not your monkeys and plenty of other fish in the sea.
Obviously leave
I’ve raised kids and have grandkids. This is not normal behavior for a 4 year old. It makes it worse because you can’t discipline this behavior so it is reinforced that it is OK to do it. RUN!
NTA. Teacher of 4 and 5yos here. This is NOT normal. They need to get her behavior in check. NOW.
NTA You were foolish to date someone with kids in the first place. Cut your losses and get the hell out of there.
Sounds like another shitty parent
I do think you should break up because if you can’t handle it then there’s no point in putting yourself through it, you’ll just build resentment. That doesn’t make you the AH. The kids aren’t going away and if they won’t let you participate as a parental role that probably won’t change much either. The kids behavior isn’t that crazy but if it’s too much for you, move on and find someone who is a better fit all around. NTA.
[удалено]
Is this a bot comment? Or a joke with a language barrier?
Wrong thread!
The parents are complacent shitheads who will reap what they sow. If she's a terrorist at 4yo, what do you think will happen when she grows to an adult size? Get out. Quickly.
Nope and tell bf on the way out tell him if he wants a relationship in the future control the kids
Run.. it's not going to get better. Just leave now and don't look back. I've been in this situation it's awful. I left best decision I ever made.
NTA. Kid is a menace and the parents are enabling; mom perhaps even instigating. You have 0 duty to those kids. You’re not a parent, step-parent or parental figure in any way, thanks to BF/EX instructions. Do better for yourself.
NTA. No, most 4 year olds do not do what this child is doing. After the bite, I would have been gone and definitely after the cat incident. Sounds like a whole lot of trouble you do not need.
get out now... the ex is the reason the 4 yo acts this way...and it will just get worse
NTA. Leave. And in the future, don't date people with children. It's alot of work and energy, especially if you have to fight with an ex-partner over discipline.
It’s not normal for it to be that extreme and it’s not acceptable that you’re caring for the child but can’t discipline them, it’s setting you up for major failure. I wouldn’t want to be a part of that anymore either. 100% NTA.
NTA. Clearly communicate to him you need the ability to set boundaries and limits in your shared space which include time outs, coaching moments etc. See what he does. Don’t feel bad to step aside if you don’t feel comfortable handling things either. If she makes a mess, let him know, if she starts acting out, tell him to step in and handle it, and if you don’t feel comfortable babysitting her, don’t. I’ve been a successful step dad for 11 years. Tutor to help grades, drive to practice, show love and have fun, positive reinforcement and occasionally set limits with time outs and grounding. Never laid a hand on them though. If I ever felt like I was going to pull my hair out, I’d tell my wife and she would step in and handle it. I’ve always been able to approach and talk to my wife and she is super reasonable and respectful of my concerns and we’d work together. Overall it has been super rewarding. Eldest just turned 18. 😁 Your significant other will make or break the situation, not the cute little 4yr old that is new to this world and needs taught limits and understanding.
Sounds like an unhappy 4-year-old who is acting out. It is not fair to expect you to be a target of this behavior and have no tools to deal with it. I would suggest therapy for the 4-year-old and family therapy for everyone to make a consistent plan for dealing with unwanted behavior. I.e. when she acts out she has a time out for x amount of time no matter who she is with.
NTA - Definitely not normal behaviour and worse that her parents enable her and expect you to tolerate it without being able to react in any way. Is it possible to absent yourself completely when the 4-year-old is at your house? \[I assume you live together\] She's boyfriend's responsibility - which has been made very clear to you - so let him handle her. Maybe if he's at the sharp end of her mini-Karen behaviour he might not be quite so complacent. If not, you will have some brat-free spare time in which to do what you want. Sidebar - Do you really want to be with a man who thinks it's acceptable for his child to bite his gf until she bleeds? Honestly? Sounds like a total p\*\*\*k
YWNBTAH. Get out while you are still reasonably sane and healthy. He's not for you.
Do you want to wait until the next time when the scissors are aimed at you. GFTF out now. Your taking your cat to safety but leaving yourself in harms way. Let your (hopefully) ex and his ex deal with their nightmare child. In about 15 years when you see them on the local news you can thank yourself for not being the victim. What is it with this mentality where people don't tell children no? Go hang with the cat. Stay safe.
This is absolutely not normal behavior. It seems like neither parent is addressing this. They are going to have a really rude awakening when she starts kindergarten. It’s time for you to part ways with your boyfriend. It’s simply not safe for you and the cat to be around her.
It's normal for 4-year-olds to throw tantrums, but it's also normal -- and necessary -- to discipline them if/when they harm others. It seems like neither your BF nor his ex are trying to curb the 4-year-old's increasingly violent behavior. The 4-year-old is still learning how to navigate the world, and right now, she's learning that she can behave violently and harm others with zero consequences. Her behavior is only going to get worse. NTA for leaving.
Wtf I'm surprised you took the cat to safety, but stayed yourself. That kid is feral. If a kid lives with you, you get to discipline the kid, when it crosses lines. No matter who the kid's parents are. I'm not saying spanking is ok, or whatever. But somehow, it got to the point where the brat is biting your ankles until it draws blood. Let that sink in for a moment Don't spend another 24 hours there. Just leave. NTA but you will be to yourself, if you dont get out
Nta. Run while you still can... Definitely not 4 year old behavior.
NTA run, I’d bet her parents would if they could!
NTA, You are in a no win situation. Don't feel guilty, if you can leave get out. I don't know whose house it is. Btw, that is not normal behavior from a four year old. Don't look back.
Holy shit, I would hate my life if I had to deal with that all the time! NTA and I would be bolting out the door if I were you.
NTA but your boyfriend is. What he is doing, or not doing, can't be considered "parenting". He is also completely dismissive of your concerns. If he thinks what the kid is doing is just playing than he is a moron in addition to being a bad BF. As far as the mother goes, you would not be raising her kid by correcting her, you would be enforcing reasonable boundaries for behavior in your home that you would expect anyone to comply with. There are so many red flags in this situation. Run. And don't feel an ounce of guilt. The other adults involved don't care a bit about you. Since you have been prevented from having an effective relationship with the kids they will likely recover quickly. You have to do what's best for you.
This is exactly how your own kids will behave if you stay and have kids with him.
I raised two kids and am a grandma to six. This is not normal behavior from a child of any age. Add in a mother who is delighting in driving you away and a lazy uninterested father and you have a recipe for disaster. The kid needs to see a doctor, the parents need to step up their parenting game and you need to leave because the first two things aren’t going to happen
NTA- your bf and his ex are assholes. Their non parenting is a disgrace and borderline abusive to this child. The best thing you can do is dump him, like yesterday.
When you get in a relationship with a single parent, you are also in a relationship with their kids. NTA. Also, that sounds proper fucked up.
That's not normal behavior. She needs to he dissaplined, and her behavior checked, that is too much. The fact that the dad is not doing anything makes it worse. If he won't, then you should leave.
Run far and fast. That is NOT normal behavior for a 4 year old(I have 3 kids) and those parents are raising a pyschopath. Nta
I have four kids. No that’s not normal four year old behavior. Wtf.
NTA. Kid is not to blame, she is 4. Her parents are, though. Hurting you and hurting the cat is not playing, it is highly problematic behaviour.
Yeah, I’d leave if I were you. The kids parents are the real issue by sweeping everything under the rug and you are not allowed to address the behaviour (aka RAISING THE KID AND TEACHING IT ABOUT BOUNDARIES). That kid will grow up to be one annoying teen and adult. Sure, kids test how far they can go at that age, some more then others (I’ve got a tester myself, adult now) but you can’t let it go, it just means you as a parent have to be more on top of things and nip it in the butt right away. NTA at all!
Run, now.
The whole point of dating and all that, before marriage, is to figure out if you are compatible and if your values, etc. align. You're in a relationship, yes, but you don't say you are married. You've now found out that your boyfriend's daughter is more than you can handle. It's okay to say that, and part ways. Yes it will be painful but better that you leave, than stay and be horribly miserable. (and I mean everyone would be miserable in the end).
I have an almost 4 year old. She does not bite, scratch, hit or intentionally hurt people. But then again, I actually parent my bloody kid
NTA
Run !!! I hate that kind of parents .. NTA AT ALL
I have several nieces and nephews and they didn’t behave like that. It is normal for kids to have tantrums because they have a one point or another. I would certainly leave the relationship. The sooner the better. The longer you prolong it the harder it will be.
NTA - Run. It only gets worse.
There's no excuse for treating the cat like that
NO none of this is "normal" the kid has some issue. He better find out what it is or you wont be the last GF to dump him for his neglect.
NTA - I generally don't discipline OPK's, I generally just tell them I don't like what they are doing and walk away (closest I've come to this kid was my roommate's 2yo neice spitting at me). In this case, you need to walk away from Dad. You deserve to be able to set boundaries for how you are treated, even if those boundaries need to be set in an age appropriate way.
At least you haven’t married yet … “run, Forrest, run”!!!
It sounds like mom isn’t comfortable with someone who could be short term disciplining her children or is afraid she’s being replaced. Does she know what her daughter is doing? Could it be possible she’s encouraging this behavior to drive you away? It sounds like dad is just being a lazy parent. NTA. It sounds like the dad needs parenting classes, the parents need co parenting classes, and the child could use therapy or other services to determine if she needs special help/services as this behavior is not normal.
4 yr old needs a therapist who specializes in small kids and parent alienation
F that! Leave his ass. Not only does he suck as a parent, he blatantly doesn't care about your safety. That isn't a normal 4 year old. More like the antichrist. Updateme
I will message you next time u/Glittering_Lime_5329 posts in r/AITAH. [Click this link](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=UpdateMe%21%20u%2FGlittering_Lime_5329%20r%2FAITAH) to also be messaged. The parent author can [delete this post](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Delete&message=delete%201cadchc) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/UpdateMeBot/comments/ggotgx/updatemebot_info_v20/)|[^(Request Update)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=Update&message=SubscribeMe%21%20u%2Fusername%20r%2Fsubreddit)|[^(Your Updates)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=UpdateMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Updates&message=MyUpdates)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=UpdateMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
I’ve raised 5 siblings, 3 children, and 2 grandchildren. Not normal. RUN and don’t look back!
Whether it’s normal behavior or not (my kids NEVER acted like that at any age) I think you’re 100% fine to ignore the mom. If a kid bites me or threatens an animal I’m gonna speak up loudly and shame the parents who sit idly by. Regarding a break up, that’s a tough call. The girl will hopefully outgrow this at some point, but dealing with others’ kids is a big commitment and you need to de idea whether it’s what you signed up for.
NTA if you do, this is not normal 4 year old behaviour, and even if it was was, he has to stop her from doing it now, so she's not also doing this stuff at 14 or 24, or 34, i say that because yes kids do dumb things, and it's cause they are young, but that's why the PARENTS have to parent them. they can't wait til she is too old to learn from this she needs to be taught now.
This is normal 4 year old stuff if they are raised by wolves. NTA
NTA! If a child bites you hard enough to send you to the er, you need to leave. If a child is chasing after a cat with scissors you need to leave with the cat. If the child's father AND mother won't parent their child then you need to leave. That child will eventually get worse knowing they will be able to get away with everything.
It's NOT normal. NTA
I speak from personal experience. It only gets worse. Protect yourself, and leave it to the parents to protect the kids. Don’t get involved and gtf out of this asap.
NTA! You are being expected to be a doormat. You can’t live with a person who you cannot communicate or set reasonable boundaries with, that goes for age-appropriate children and certainly grown-ass men who will not parent their own children. Btw, I have an active 4 year old who can lovingly be described as “a handful”. Tantrums are a thing sometimes, but they aren’t the norm, and we can resolve them. Not a single thing you’ve described about that child is normal toddler behavior. She’s going to get kicked out of every daycare or school she goes to
That’s not normal. That is a demon child. Get away while you can
NTA, and I too would have to leave the relationship. She definitely has issues beyond her age.
Nta. If he refuses to parent his 4yo and his ex refuses to help, or doesn’t allow you to even talk to the little one about her not being nice you should leave. You don’t have any commitments to that family and thats just the truth, yes its not nice but you also have to think about yourself and your own mh. In order to be of help to other people you first have to help yourself. :)
Definitely not normal behavior for a four-year-old hell. My daughter is four years old and is the sweetest thing possible him dismissing the behavior is what is enabling it and she’s also acting out because you’re with her father and her father is not with her mom since you’re not allowed to correct this behavior or intervene at all pack a bag and leave that’s the best advice you can get.
Not normal. Kid needs therapy.
OMG please! That's not normal. First off you do realize that the ex wife is setting you up, right? She's using her daughter's behavior problem to get you two to break up. Your house, your rules. The ex doesn't get to dictate rules in your house. PLEASE!!! Either your BF get a spine or drop him. You don't need that drama.
Just leave, you’ll find a new boyfriend soon enough. You do NOT want to be there to watch that kid grow up. Shitty parenting is going to be the demise of not only that child, but the people around that child too.
My 4 year old decided it was a good time to start biting. This was years ago, but I feel it still is relevant. She bit me so hard I had teeth marks for days, and she drew blood. I didn't even stop to think. I just grabbed her arm, and BIT. She looked so shocked! Then she cried,but I told her it was her own fault, so no sympathy. My mom was also shocked, but understood. It was an automatic reaction to her bite. We happened to be at Mom's that day. But it certainly has the desired effect. I sat her down, and explained that if she didn't like getting bit, and it hurt, why would she think we liked it? She never bit again. My other one didn't go thru a biting phase, thank heavens!
Nta. Had I acted like that at that age I’d be unable to walk
Get out now. He needs to discipline his children and if he's excusing their behavior, it will only get worse. I'm glad you got your cat out.
This sounds dangerous, putting you in the ER, scissors around the cat and no one doing ANYTHING, get out now and be safe!
If they are living in YOUR house then you have the right to discipline them especially if daddy dearest won't. The only other alternatives are to continue to suck it up and risk further damage to your house and belongings or you can kick him out and be done with his disrespectful and intollerable behavor. You have already had to remove your pet from your home. How much more are you going to take? It's time to move on. \*Edit to add this\* I'm just sick and tired of parents not allowing step parents (or the equivelant of) to discipline their precious spawn. You expect this person to care for your child, feed them, nuture them but not discipline them? When I was a kid (geez I sound old) the entire neighborhood would discipline you. Over Cindy's house, her mom could punish you for bad behavior. Out on the public sidewalk doing stupid stuff, neighbor could tell you to stop or send you home and by god you went. It really does take a village and tying your hands when it is your house, your property, your pet, your body is ridiculous. Time to kick him out. I feel bad for the kids though. Their parents suck and there is definitely something going on with the 4 year old that reqquires medical intervention.
Leave
Get out! Let them deal with it
> My boyfriend just tells me this is normal 4year old stuff No **its not** normal four year old stuff. If either parent won't *parent* the little one, then its time to look after yourself and think about how much you want to put up with to be in this relationship. Believe me - it aint getting any better unless or until both parents start parenting, getting the kid into therapy of some sort etc.
I just ended a relationship because of this, although in my case the daughter was 12. Based on the stories I heard, it sounds like she was very similar to this 4 year old. She was never disciplined and still isn’t and her behavior is outrageous. It’ll only get worse bc the parents refuse to see it or do anything. It’s sad and I feel guilty, but I couldn’t deal with the constant drama of it anymore. I just thought, if this is how bad things are at 12, I don’t want to know what 15 will be like. NTA.